#im soo fucking sick of it
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ohhhh desperately need to leave this house before i kill myself I fear it’s coming 🤣🤣
#had kind of a huge fight w my mom over like mental#illness and like I ended up letting out all the anger I feel at the fact that she didn’t take me to the hospital to get diagnosed when I was#15 despite me begging her to. so I had to wait til I went to university to get diagnosed. which is 90% of the reason I’m struggling to live#so much nowadays. and obviously she was like. uh I don’t remember that! and the more detail I told her the quieter and less defensive she#got. bc she knows I’m right.#this all started bc one of her friends’ older son just got diagnosed w schizophrenia and she was like if that was me I wouldn’t have stuck#by him so long I would’ve kicked him out long ago . and I snorted and I was like yeah I know you wouldn’t have just like you didn’t for me#nd I told her to just stop talking about shit she doesn’t know fucking anything about. bc obviously she doesn’t think her friend’s son is#actually sick. im talking SICK sick like meds won’t work and he keeps getting in serious trouble w the law. and my mom is an asshole she#thinks all sick ppl use it as an excuse bc she thinks only her life experiences are valid#im soo fucking sick of it#I’ve wasted my entire life trying to educate her about shit and it just doesn’t stick she just goes and babies herself and im miserable#for my entire existence#I can’t do it anymore like any of it I want to get out of here and live my stupid life#without somebody who reminds me every day that they think I’m a waste of existence lmao#mrow.org
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i think it'd be rlly funny if ravage and minimus hated each other btw. the only reason they get along is bc of their mutual connection to megatron. and even that isn't enough sometimes lmao
#transformers#maccadam#maccadams#transformers art#tf art#transformers fanart#tf fanart#transformers idw#tf idw#idw tf#idw transformers#idw1#tf idw1#ravage#tf ravage#idw ravage#mtmte ravage#minimus ambus#minimus#ultra magnus#technically?? eh#i actually have a lot of thoughts about these two and WHY exactly they dont get along. and its both because they are way too different and#way too similar to each other.#and its not even outright “hate” on minimus' end tho its definitely more spiteful from ravage's#they are soo interesting. to me. i need them to fight#and im not a a mini/megs shipper but it gets even funnier under the context of them being together. ravage is SICK of all of his con friend#hooking up with autobots.#stares into the distance. two people who are constantly in the shadow of the people around them and have only recently started being seen as#their own individual people. mims being seperared from the magnus title and dominus both and ravage being seperated from soundwave and the#rest of the decepticons.... theyd have so much to talk about if only they could fucking tolerate each other
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..
#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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Ninjago fans actually have no concept of "this will be elaborated on/given more attention to in later seasons" and to be fair yeah no one expects that from FUCKING NINJAGO because of how disconnected all of 11-min era Ninjago feels from every other season but... come on this isn't a new idea exclusive to Ninjago other shows do this shit alllll the time do you people not watch other shows???n
#you guys wouldnt last a fucking DAY with monkie kid thats all i know !!!#acting like they had the time to give us soo much jay or cole focus#in the 1st season#where they are establishing the status quo for this show and establishing the world and making sure u#care abt the most important characters here...#idk im sick of seeing suit jay stuff acting like 'WE WERE SO ROBBED OF HIM' ...#ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#raine's rambles
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btw in case you havent seen my twitter this is my "this user still thinks julian casablancas is a shithead" note appended to every post about him in spirit. hes right in some ways and really stupid in others and is either way very annoying
#sophaerostxt#like fucking obviously the two party system is a nightmare but what makes you think you can vote for literally anyone without blood#on your hands#hes so frustrating and somehow naive#also frustrating are the people arguing their case extremely badly and the fact that he only ever replies to those people and not#comments with actual well reasoned arguments#god whydo i want to put this man under a microscope#his fucking high horse about independent media and parties. ur beloved independents arent free from corruption and shitty policies either#but in any case i also want to make it clear here that third party voters arent the biggest problem. the dems clearly cucked themselves#massively to say nothing of the actual literal neo nazis who voted red#sorry to the mutuals who have seen this on twt already several times over i just needed to make it clear here too#im soo sick of thinking about this. and of the twt users dickriding him#some twt users have been fine. others much less so
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Reminding you of your place
🖕🖕🖕🖕
you asskopl
#spacie splains#IM SO FUCKIN#PISSED YOU USED STARBS GUY#YK THE GUY THAT MADE ME START SIMPING FOR SPRINGTRAP AGAIN#THAT GUY#NOT CANON!!!!#HE WOULD NEVER DO THIS!!! AND LOOK AT ME SO FONDLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT DRAWING HIM DUDE.#HES SO. SQUISHY#aouuughg im gonna be sick#im gonna be soo fucking sck#im not going 2 admit the thing i just thought in my head nonono im not doing it
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IM SO SICK OF MYSELF, RATHER BE RATHER BE ANYONE ANYONE ANYONE ELSE, JEALOUSY JEALOUSY STARTED FOLLOWING ME
#feeling soo crazy jealous rn#ppl getting girlfriends and going on trips#and having people that are unequivocally theirs#like i actually feel sick i hate my fucking life#i feel like im always wasting my potential#like i could be doing so much more with my time#but i feel like no one likes me so like#does it even matter#.txt#.mp3#olivia rodrigo#sour#jealousy jealousy
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so i heard br*mblestar fuckin retired?? it's about time??? (no i will not ever draw the same cat the same way more than once)
#art.trey#squirrelstar#squirrelflight#squirrelflight art#warriors art#warrior cats art#asc spoilers#shadow spoilers#i apologize for not posting or keeping up with this blog at all#my energy for warrior cats was at a high when i was reading (the beginning of) tbc#but the series keeps just making everyone soo fucking petty and heterosexual it's so incredibly uninteresting to me#idk im just sick of how petty these cats are for no reason
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my life after leaving the scream fandom
#im sorry#i still love the movie#but god damn im so sorry the fandom was soo toxic half of the time#so much ship discourse#and stuff like that#sorry guys#i dont care#i really really dont care if someone ships stu and sid#genuinely i dont#who the fuck does it hurt#like i DID ship stuilly#but annoying ass people turned me away from it#and now i just scroll away from anything even mentioning a scream ship#sorry guys ik im a terrible homophoe for not shipping these two (not real) people who aren’t in a (not real) canon (not real) relationship#and for acknowledging that shipping them (who are not real did j mention that) with a woman isn’t homophobic#because they don’t have canon sexualities#DID I FUCKING MENTION THE SRENT REAL#NONE OF THIS SHIT MATTERS GUYS#NONE OF IT#i also dont care if some write billy x female reader#wow guys! ewww stinky women in the scream fandom 🤢🤢 everyone knows WOMEN cant have crushes on billy loomis!!!#nooo thats sick and evil#you’re terrible#literally womp womp scroll away#he’s a fictional character it will not kill you for people to ship themselves with him fucking hell??
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2024 is not my year, can we restart? can we just skip to 2025? please i am dying
#yeah so sorry i haven't been doing much here despite my goal being to get caught up on oc posts and start writing (which i did start#doing)#but uh. yeah so im still sick. yknow from December 24th. yeah.#it's developed into uh respiratory issues brought on by allergies and/or asthma. not 100% sure yet getting tested next week#but yeah it's so fun i have to take meds (one of which has Spontaneous Depression as a side effect#as if i needed more of that) and i CAN'T FUCKING BREATH MOST THE TIME WITHOUT HACKING A LUNG UP#needless to say. hate it here!#anyways hopefully will have some more stuff soo#n.
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why is every audiobook reader after rupert degas fucking allergic to scapegrace. guys cmon
#skulduggery pleasant#its soo fucking irritating how theyll be perfectl;y good at everyone else#but as soon as its time for a scapegrace line they just forget how to do a voice that doesnt hurt to hear#and i know what theyre going for. they think he needs to have that cartoonish undead villain voice#but he doesnt#in the dark days audiobook he sounded basically the same after he died#as he should#hes just a guy!! not that hard#literally just deepen your voice a little and maybe slow down your annunciation#im soo sick of being screeched at .he would noooot fucking SOUND LIKE THAT#scapegrace#vaurien scapegrace
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I always forget how people back in the olde days used to just die so easily from the flu, until I get the flu myself dhhdhdhf because on one hand I know our medicine is just soo much better now a days but on the other hand I have the immune system of a dead man and once I get sick I'm like the ye olde victorian child on a death bed dhdhdhhd it's been 4 days and I just NOW can get on my phone to watch videos and text, and eat and drink water, and coherently string words together and do more than just lay in bed and moan in pain, and sweat and cough in sick delirium 😭
#im being so deadass#i only slept once between just staring at whatever i was hallucinating on the ceiling and that was last night#and i dreamt that i was eating glass#i know its because ive hurt my stomach and ribs from so much coughing because i can barely talk#at least in my dream i was picky about the glass i was eating LMAOOO i was like NO I WANT THE BUBBLE AMBER DRINKING GLASS NOM NOM#and raided a flea market just to find it and eat it#i dont fucking know#i finally ate some chicken noodle soup and apple sauce too and ive finally had some wonderful and amazing water#i swear i never enjoyed it more in my LIFE#i hate being sick because i get so sick so easily and soo soo so bad#fucking rough man#i had no idea it was Saturday until i just checked#fucking was Tuesday last I remembered god damnit#also its really scary looking in the mirror because I dont look well or look like myself right now#body image warning#but my face looks so hallow and dark and scratched up because apparently I either was scratching in my sleep or something happened#and I'm soo much thinner than the last time I looked in a mirror and got out of bed like 4 days ago#my beard is big and shaggy and i need to shave but i really really don't look good and its hard to do any self care#when you go from looking healthy and glowy to pale and dark and thin in just a couple days#like fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that#im caught in a state of#this isn't reality#which i know isnt safe or good but ill be okay because i know im just in shock and that i cant push myself through it#especially in this weakened state#i just need to take it slow and steady#drink my water stay in my blanket and eat what i can and take my meds and thank FUCK I came through the fog and rest
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FINISHED BG3 WITH YABIS
#ask to tag. for the joke img#SPOILERS IN TAGS#WYLL YABIS KARLACH IN THE HELLS TIGETHER IM GOING TO SOB#THEYRE EVERYTHING. THEYRE EVERYTHING#yabis and karlach IN LOVE FOREVER.#that final fight was such a bitch BUT SOO SATISFYING TO BEAT#i love this fucking game. i feel sick#im gonna make a yabislach edit.#bg3 posting
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I'm sad today but I can't cry for some reason so
Imma just link songs that make my brain go djis8ekeeikeke9sks so I hope imma feel better and hope you feel good too
everyone thank Imai for music that makes me feel like I am a washing machine
I love it jdiskemeokekwksmsoowowkekejejwn I love BT :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((<(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍💜💜💜❤️❤️💜❤️❤️🤍❤️🤍❤️🤍👁️👁️🤍👁️❤️🤍❤️🤍❤️🤍❤️❤️🤍❤️🤍❤️❤️🤍❤️🤍❤️🤍❤️🤍❤️🤍❤️❤️☹️❤️❤️🥹🤍💙🥹💙💙🤍💙💙🤍
some other stuff that make me go nrenejnenene actually idk what that last song is i found it in spotify and it kind of kills ms for some reason but like in a what the hell way. like its kinda good but its not idk its good
uwuwhejwjejwjwjei3iej3jj2jwjejjejejejejejejejeijekke like seriously what do you do when you feel frustrated but cant seem to let it out. imsmsmsmksmekskekejejekejejejejejejejejejjeieieiejjeoeiejejiwiwjwheje i feel so helpless omg.
usually j private these posts but idk maybe it will help me fele better if i post thid but also what tje fuck am i doing and what the fuxk is wrong with me
Sorry please dont care about this
i just idk who to talk to and i cant even explain anything i feel even if somebody listens so imma just scream into the void today
but please dont feel sorry and dont care jm just gonna have my period or some shit but i feel sad andd d notjing takeeess it awas todayysyyyyyyyyyyyy
dmdkdkdkkeororo4o4p4p3oo3o3keo4o4oo3o3o3o3o3oo3o3o3o3oo3o4o4o4orkkrorororkrkrkkrororo4kroro4k3ii3oroeo4oeoeori94949499494o394o4o39299393oei3i3ieiei3i
i want to boop a snooott :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
please boop my snoot :((((((((
im not drunk im just clinically insane
i just want to feel reckless once and act on impulse so imma just Post this
#sorry im just lonely and wanna let it out i#miss my mom and#i miss sushi#and i miss a lot of ppl actually and#i miss being happy but i cant even#remember#how that feels#i feel like im getting there#but some days i feel so paralyzed like#theres nothing for me here left#but i will continue but im#sad today#thats all#i wannango home#but idk where that is#i feel soo suffocated whs the fuck cant i cry#I#want to have friends#iam tired of being so lonels#i want someone to hug me im so#so#so lonels#i want to hug my mom#huabaha actually now im kinda crying this is working#AhshshsjjsjJa i want to scereeeam but its 1 am#I wish i wouldnt have to muffle all ms sorrow into my pillow i#i want to be a person i#am sick of just lurking around and#making everyone forget me#and i want someone to remember me and thats 30 tags so thats all i want today i guess
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#no bc this ws FUCKED UPPP:sob::sob:#im trying 2 start reading again but any time i restart this chapter im like I CANT!!!!!!!!!!!AHDHAAJHAHADGA#livio eating the spaghetti w him...... u will never understand what they had#N THEN HIM CARRYING THE PUNISHER??USING IT AS NICHOLAS' GRAVESTONE.sick. SICK#tbh i had seen some 98 spoilers a loong time ago like. actually the clip that got me to start reading the manga fr#and it was of vash using his punisher in (what i assume was) the final confrontation against knives#so at some point i knew tht like. ww was gnna u know. but i didnt think hed leave it right next 2 his casket.T__T#i like livio though. i think hes gna nicely fill the vacuum ww left behind. its fitting#but i stg if they pull rngker call backs throughout the next 30 some odd chapters i will be miserable#his death was so good though.tbh. i dont know if i mentioned that before but i think it was so fitting and like. it tied his story up#soo nicely. like i love when it feels complete like that. it hurts soo bad but its soo good and meaningful#vash#livio#trigun#trigun spoilers#trigun manga#trigun maximum
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hii i made beignets heres a picture
would you like the recipe?
originally from binging with babish, check out his yt video and recipe here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnuHzHHwqAw https://www.bingingwithbabish.com/recipes/beignetsfromchef
but i have edited the recipe due to nondairy and nongivingafuck constraints, so here is my version i think this made about? 2 dozen for me? will depend on the size you go for. also this is very basic, add vanilla, extra spices, toppings, etc. at your own discretion and risk INGREDIENTS -4 cups soymilk (or whatever you wanna use <3) -2 packets (more precisely, 4tsp) active dry yeast -2 1/2 tbsp sugar -22oz (bit under 5 cups?) bread flour -1/2 tsp baking soda -1/2 tsp kosher salt -at least 2 quarts vegetable oil (you can filter/save this for another day!) -just a lot of extra flour. at least a cup. you will want that. -absolute metric fuck ton of powdered sugar. RECIPE!! -heat soymilk to approx 110°F for ideal yeastage; add yeast and sugar, stir to combine, allow to ~fester~ for 10 mins -meantime, dump into a stand mixer bowl your bread flour, baking soda, and kosher salt, mix or whisk to combine -add yeaststuff to dry ingredients, use dough hook attachment to mix for 3-4 mins. it will be VERY VERY STICKY, this is NORMAL, just ensure it's homogeneous. -cover with a hot damp cloth, set aside at room temperature (you can carefully use your oven if your room temperature is currently "too fucking cold") for an hour until doubled in size. trust me, it will go crazy. at this point the dough is ready, you may roll out and fry immediately if you so desire. otherwise, transfer to a lightly oiled bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and fridge for up to 2 days until you're ready. once you are: -pour vegetable oil into a large pot (you want a few inches of room both above and below oil surface!), preheat it to 370°F ideally checking with a digital thermometer (you can do this once dough is ready or have someone else do it while you work, if you're worried abt starting fires) -LIBERALLY flour your (very clean!!) counter and hands, plop out the dough, and just Cake That Thing in flour. no- no, you need more flour. correct. -roll dough out to ~1/4 inch thickness, maintaining as rectangular a shape as you can. using a pizza cutter, trim into rectangle (save the scraps and re-roll/cut them too!), and then cut a bunch of smaller rectangles out of it. -when your dough and oil are ready, gently (and without crowding) plop 3-5 pieces of dough in the pot. they will sink, bubble a lot, then rise to the surface and puff up as they cook. if it don't bubble, the oil's not hot enough. -give them like a minute on both sides, pull each beignet out once deeply golden brown and let it drain on a rack or parchment paper sheet. -dust H E A V I L Y with powdered sugar and get the next batch going; serve them HOT AND FRESH! (they're best like that, but they keep for as long as you'll take to eat em, guaranteed /silly) now if you'll excuse me, i'm going to go eat enough of these to get sick.
#recipe#beignets#i fucking love frying bread and covering it in sugar#this should? be cheaper than buying them especially since i usually have baking stuff on hand#also im not joking about getting sick i am#on like my fifth one tonight#sorry this is probably like Clinically american in soo many places. i marked that im using fahrenheit so hopefully its ok#if you have questions i can answer them probably. not a professional but i know a lot and have a google.
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