#im so tired might just sleep now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

k9effect · 3 months ago

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Bradley "Boyfriend" Bradshaw

Messy hair, hickies and soft clothes <3

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sluckythewizard · 6 months ago

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[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.

#cw gore #WEEEE WHIPPING OUT ALL MY BELOVED PIXEL HORROR GAME SOUNDTRACKS FOR THIS ONE #STILL A WIP #SORTA. FORKSFORKSFORKS INSPIRED ME TO START WORKIN AT IT AGAIN. AND NOW IT LIVES. IT LIIIVEESS!!!#MOSLT.Y ATLEAST. I MIGHT MESS W IT MORE LATER. WE SHALL SEE. ANYWAY GABRIEL MONTEZ HUH. WOW POOR GUY #THERES A FASCINATING FEELING THAT COMES WITH BEING ON A OPERATING TABLE.AND BEING IN IMMENSE PAIN #ONE OF MY FONDEST MEMORIES IS LAYING ON A DENTIST CHAIR. SHAKING AND INVOLUNTARILY CRYING AFTER MANY MANY #NEEDLES TO MY THE MOUTH. I METABOLIZE THE NUMBING STUFF QUICKLY APPARENTLY. THEY NEEDED ALOT OF NUMBING SHOTS #BUT I WASNT AFRAID OR DISTRESSED. THE DENTIST WAS VERYVERY NICE AND ALSO UH. PRETTY. BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT #THE POINT IS. THAT IT WAS FASCINATING TO REALIZE MY PHYSICAL RESPONSE TO PAIN UNDER A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT #I DIDNT KNOW HOW EASY IT WAS TO SHAKE AND TO CRY PRYVIOUS TO THAT EXPERIENCE.MY DENTAL ADVENTURES CONTINUE #THEY CONTINUE TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE FOR PAIN TO BOIL AWAY THE TIME. TO DISTORT THE PASSING HOURS AND CONSUME EVERY THOUGHT #DO YOU REMEMBER PAIN? THE MOST SEVERE PAIN IN YOUR LIFE? NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE RED LIGHTS? RED LIGHTS AND SHIFTING FIGURES #NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE PAIN UNRELENTING.PAIN WORLD SHATTERING.PAIN IMMORTAL.CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING PULLED APART #THE HUMAN MIND CAN ONLY WITHSTAND SO MUCH PAIN BEFORE IT SHUTS DOWN AND HIDES.IT NEEDS TO PROTECT ITSELF AFTERALL. PAIN CAN ALTER #PAIN SHIFTS THE CHEMISTY OF THE MIND OF THE FLESH OF THE SOUL. FOR HUMANS ATLEAST. BUT YOU ARE NO LONGER HUMAN #YOU CHOSE OTHERWISE DIDNT YOU BOY.BECAUSE YOU WANTED MORE.STATUS.POWER.APPROVAL.SECURITY.SAFET.Y.#OHHH YOU CAN WITHSTAND THE PAIN FOR THAT. FOR ALL THAT. YOU WERENT TOLD THERE WOULD BE PAIN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE PROMISED.#ITS ALL WORTH IT IN THE END. NOW LETS JUST HOPE SOME BLONDE TWERP DOESNT PROVE TO BE STRONGER THAN THE STRONGEST PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE #LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. I LOST MY TRAIN O THOUGHT #anyway dawww poorr gabeee that shit probably huuurrrrtttss but so much time has passed that your body got tired of screaming and squirming #why havnt you passed out yet? maybe you might as well have at this point. like sleeping with your eyes open and your nerves awake #OH HEY FUNFACT ABT THE ART. I FOUGHT W IT ALOT. TOOK A LONG WHILE FOR ME TO BE REMOTELY HAPPY W THIS.#i was thinking abt pixel horror video games when i made it.just as i do with all great things ofc ofc #i love you pixel horror game i love yooouuuuu.i struggled so much w the colors for so LONNGG UHGHGHGH but im finally happy...im finally fre

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2deadboys · 4 months ago

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i decided i needed a proper icon for this blog so i slapped this together while sleep deprived And waiting for sleep meds to kick in lol ✌️

#im also trying out a new art app so edwins face is wonky and i cant fix ittttttt #2deadboys #payneland #dbda #i might do a better version later. or if i do fanart i like better for an icon #but also its an icon so its tiny so detail doesnt matter???#DAMMIT I JUST REALISED I FLIPPED THE IMAGE AT SOME.POINT WHILE DRAWING AND NOW THEYRE ON THE WRONG SIDES #this is why you dont draw tired and on sleep meds. you forget charles was meant to be on the right so his earring is on the proper sideeeee #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #there i flipped it.... but now my brain is convinced it looks wrong. OTL

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selamat-linting · 10 days ago

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resignation letter is the most potent painkiller. i love you resignation letter i love you one month notice <3

#tmi but im regular again and literally the only change is because i've been eating enough to shit daily #i was in such a bad headspace these past few months that i could barely bring myself to eat #i'd go to sleep with my work uniform still on and wake up willing myself to get up for 30 mins and then brushing my teeth and going to work #with the same clothes i slept in #i stopped hanging out with my friends. i had nightmares abt my job.#i can only take care of myself on my days' off and i cant grok anything other than shallow entertainment like wrestling #everything else is too much for my brain to handle. i'd simply forget everything i read or play or even listen to #those three months are miserable lmao #its not just my job... its also the family issues i've been dealing with #yknow remember when i said i could have died? yeah that shit was real. fuckin love it when my mom admit my dad have the capacity to be a #family annihilator. but... since my dad have a job to keep him busy and we moved to a house where me and my sister and #my mom and dad get to have our own rooms... and my dad get to live near his old friends and family...#things have been getting better. usually we had a physical fight every two months but it hasnt happened yet and i seem to get on with him #better now. so... i guess im gonna be okay. i've been so tired and trapped #stuck between two places that are both physically and emotionally draining with no reprieve #things are changing. and i find that to be comforting despite how up in the air the future might be. i might be screwed but also? what if #i'll be fine? im at a point where im accepting any drastic changes even if its for the worse #funny how i used to like my job a lot. i guess im not to be comfortable with anything long term #posts about my life

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 8 months ago

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due to things lining up Horribly, no stream this weekend! and maybe not the next, either!

#i got too much shit happening this weekend </3 #and then i might not have the next off... i still havent gotten my schedule!#i got a sticky note for two days and thats It so far!#oh man im sorry about the lack of Update posts too #im. so tired.#i have No spoons like... at all....#i want to curl up in bed and sleep for a decade but! cant!#i have a 9 hour shift to do again! and again! and again! and again. and again. and again. and again. and agai-#absolutely unprompted #yk i thought having Limited free time would give me motivation to do things i want to #nahhhh its just making me Sad lmao #my brain before: we have all the time in the world so we can do it later #my brain now: we have no time at all so why bother #man. i dont want to get into a groove and then have to either cut it off or be prematurely Exhausted at work.#by the end of the day i already feel dead... cant feel dead at the start or i wont make it...#wow look at me complaining. its been Two Days.#gonna bring a sketchbook so that i can at least doodle during my breaks + lunch #brush up on my traditional skills....

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genekies · 4 months ago

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tag vent

#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas #and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when #we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates #just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night #ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me #ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but #she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening #he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by #people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again #i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends #and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer #than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they #helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that #they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient #im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk #tag vent #vent in tags

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jinxed-sinner · 4 months ago

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Saying it again, you can just not like things. You don't need to make posts and Twitter threads about why you don't like a specific ship. I don't like Lucilith because I've ruined Lilith for myself but you don't see me complaining about it. I don't like Charlastor either but you don't see me complaining about it.

This goes for everything, by the way, not just ships. I don't like how some people characterize Lucifer and Alastor (especially Alastor in regards to his asexuality, because I myself project how I experience being aroace onto him) but the only reason I'd complain about it is if someone either got their characterizations objectively wrong, or if someone was doing ragebait, and even then I only start complaining publicly if I'm having an impulsive day.

(Just for clarity's sake, at worst my Alastor analyses are me clarifying Alastor’s character to people who act like he's a black and white villain, which he isn't. I don't analyze Alastor to complain about mischaracterization, I analyze Alastor because media literacy is dead so I take it upon myself to clarify the nuances of Alastor as a character. Also hes just a really fun character to analyze)

Anyway my point is you're allowed to just not like something. You don't have to shit on people because you don't like something. This goes for everything, the block button exists for a reason. You can mute and blacklist tags and phrasea for a reason. Please use the block button and post filtering systems thank you

#hazbin hotel #thats one of the reasons i hate twitter so much. tagging etiquette SUCKS over there #this is born from someone on twitter complaining that charalastor is bad because alastor is manipulating charlie btw #on that subject if you really need to complain about something DONT PUT IT IN THE MAIN TAGS #basically if you dont like the content someone creates just block them #not that hard #anyway i might add to this tomorrow but for now. i am tired as fuck and need to get some sleep #like im genuinely struggling to stay awake so. off to bed i go

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palms-upturned · 6 months ago

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#meg talks #feeling really down and frustrated #ever since i caught covid over the new year ive just been doing so badly #it’s now halfway through may and not only am i having all sorts of weird new pain problems #to the point where i dragged myself to the er yesterday bc my usual meds didn’t do shit for me and i spent seven hours writhing in pain #but also mentally im just. constantly tapped out #before covid i was able to keep up w news and work on research projects and write multiple image descriptions every day and read books #and keep up w friends all while working full time #like even if i was in bed p much whenever i wasn’t at work i could still read and write and carry conversations #now it’s like i can only handle all of these things in small doses before my brain just shuts off #im still keeping up w news and describing what i can and working on my research projects and trying to make connections #but i feel so slow abt everything i do #it’s driving me up the wall #ive been trying for days to get through this one academic paper that’s rlly not even that long #and i just can’t do it. not for long anyway i have to read in small bursts #and then having to take muscle relaxants for these fucking spasms that make me really drowsy and sleep the whole day away…#idk. it might not even be abt covid i might be reading too much into it but it’s just pissing me off. thinking abt how nobody masks anymore #and how every time there’s a covid outbreak i won’t be able to properly protect myself or my brothers from it #bc of this fuckass job #idk im just tired and upset

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orcelito · 22 days ago

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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.

SO......

I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.

#speculation nation #IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha #this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test #an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc #very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA #but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep #(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months ago

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...

#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan #i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch #shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else #even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress #but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside #academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project #i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send #myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it #but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or #maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something #just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there #it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so #tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing #ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position #and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle #sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux #i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices #even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it #unrelated

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shadykingsalad · 1 month ago

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There are so many spiders in my bathroom i hate it here i think one either murdered and cannibalized another spider or its protecting the other spider's dead body on the wall a little ways up. I tried to get em off the bath walls but i dont have the energy to do anything besides lay in some water so why the fuck would i actually move them

I think we've had spiders in here as long as we've lived at this house because the house has a lot of cracks n holes and also because our mom likes em so she doesnt kill or move this specific type

Anyways i think there's gotten more spiders in here recently though, theres at least six spiders in this one room

#tis a yap #im so fed up #they wont hurt me but if i have to rescue a drowning spider i might just get so bad my mood swings will start swinging again #im at a comfortable miserable point right now #its actually not very comfortable #but whatever #so tired #but cant sleep #hell on earth /hj

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whatimdoing-here · 1 month ago

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Me to M on Wednesday, Friday, yesterday: 'you'll be back on Sunday to take A to his game right? I need to be at T's to coach and I'd need to find a way for A to get to his."

M: 'yes, I'll be back.'

-10 min ago, less than an hour until I need to leave-

M: 'you might have to take A to T's game and I'll get him from you there.'

😐

#if I get to T's venue he'd have to be getting there at the same time to get A to his on time #like. LIKE #and t can't even play because he's still sick. STILL. it's been over a week of fevers and now the cough #antibiotics for 36 hours now #so i told him he could sit on the bench as long as his fever stays away without meds and its been over 8 hours I'll check him soon #but told my assistant she might have to warm up the team. 🥴#anyway tbd im just so frustrated #and it's not like he couldn't have been on time hes been awake?#(also i very much enjoyed sleeping by myself these two days)#I'm just so tired

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bluesidedown · 9 months ago

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I just want to fly to Tibet and not think about character growth or the future or navigating relationships

#im so tired. and like I'll survive it but then i have to continue on and survive the next thing too.#right now im thinking about my next year and just. the rest of february and march sound just barely manageable #april and the start of may will be pretty good probably #the summer idk probably fine #but then. finishing my second degree. working. paying off loans. looking for a job i actually might sustainably want.#i cant. imagine having to do all of that.#i feel like i do so much complaining on here lately im so sorry #irl i feel like i cant complain to anyone cuz objectively im getting to do one of the coolest things imaginable #and like. im really thankful and whatever and thats what i have to project to my irl people. its just also incrediblyy hard and exhausting.#whatever its after midnight and while i feel like this a little bit most of the time sleep will help. it will all feel slightly better #in the morning

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bunnihearted · 8 months ago

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🧸🧃⛈️

#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset #bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard #nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc #nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time #in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders....#it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me #(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them)#the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply #also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T #i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!!#my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol #i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot #why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days #many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk #but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie #yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it #hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours #then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do

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risingsunresistance · 18 days ago

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wanted to work on my sketch today but i felt sooooo bad today. for a number of reasons, im sick (nothing contagious) and also i have worked TOO MANY DAMN DAYS IN A ROW !!! i work tomorrow too someone save me

i'd like to actually "finish" this drawing, idk if that means lineart or just cleaning it up a bit, so i dont wanna share it yet even tho it's nothing too special. i'll share this instead

#if i share it then it ruins the fun of the finished piece bc the only cool thing about it is the concept itself #so there really isnt a difference in sketch vs final other than presentation :V #anyways i might call in tbh. i cant sleep bc i've just worked too much #i get home and it's like im starved for relaxation. so much that i cant fall asleep bc my brain is like ''PLEEEEEEEEASE DO SOMETHING FUN''#i do like work dont get me wrong but jesus christ this last week was so busy #inspection and high work load and [other random stuff that says too much about my job] augh..#and CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY FOR PASSING MY TEST #IT'S BEEN A MONTH NOW PAY ME BACK BITCH #can you tell im talkative today #dash is active and i havent been Actually Online in a while hiiiii #and bye :( i need to lay down. 2am and i get up at 10am #i will probably be up till like 4 tbh #friday night i slept for like 3 hours bc i just. never got tired #really gotta talk to my doctor about getting new sleep meds.......#chat

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pleasedontcareaboutme · 26 days ago

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i posted that stupid shit on my instagram i might just kill myself fr

now im afraid i wont sleep for another 24 hours damn 😭😭

#took me like 50 hours but we did it 🔫😼#i might still delete jt #the anxiety is no joke #like no joke #ahahs7bsudbdus #im so tired man #so like fuck me.but i cant justify killing myseld before trying. after that i can. somehow. Im tired and i want nothing more than that but #maybe i just want to stop the pain. nevertheless #i hope someone anyone who sees. that even if im being too open or too vulnerable online i hope it inspires someone a little bit to do the #same. i hope the reactions wont be too harsh. just dont ask me abt it irl cuz ill cry.#fuck mental illness and traumas man. acchan i hope it wasnt so suffocating for u. at least hopefully the people who loved u could make it #better.#tbh now my anxiety ia better cuz nobody is awake xddd #whatever its not that serious. only for me ig #sorry ppl the mental illness really said emphasis on the illness these past 2 days. i didnt think id live it so badly but here we are. well #i hope with this i managed to get something heavy off my chest. i hope i can continue for just a little longer #to see if it's worth it. i dont even wanna think abt tge fact imma have prom on sunday. why is that im always most suicidal when i have to #graduate? i skipped elementary graduation cuz of it. im not skipping this one but im not participating in the dance cuz i knew id somehow b #at a bad place and i wouldnt have a partner also. hmm whatever. i should sleep now maybe. i feel good now a bit. really have to sigh get my #shit together now.#not sunday friday the 50 hours no sleep getting to me

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