#im so sorry this is so dumb but WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY
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⋆˚࿔ the way 𝜗𝜚 ˚⋆ — jj maybank and pogue!princess!reader
“ you a princess to the public, but a freak when it’s time, “
cw ; making out, reader tries to go further, ‘mama’ and ‘princess’ nickname, drunk!reader.
jj had bought the hot tub a year ago, during a moment of rage and upset, and he thought the pogues would instantly return his reckless decision and get the restitution money back — news flash, he was wrong.
there have been many parties in the fun hot tub, getting drunk and splashing around with the pogues, tonight was no different. it started out normal and fun, sipping drinks and giggling and talking about stuff that would make no sense to a sober person. then kie and pope left to have some ‘alone time.’
“oh my god, jj, you know what that means right?” you giggling, sipping your vodka pink lemonade.
“what, mama?” he knows what, he’s just entertaining you because you’re cute when you’re drunk — not like he’d ever admit to thinking that.
“means theyre gonna go do it,” john b even laughs at that, which makes you laugh more. “thought you liked her, jayj,” you say after the giggles stop.
“who? kie?” he asks, faking obliviosness.
“mhm,”
he shakes his head. “nah. no, she’s all pope’s. plus, shes like, a bop, always going after another guy,”
“ew, jj, don’t say bop,” john b cringes.
“then who do you like?” you ask, too drunk to care that you’re prying.
“can’t tell you that, ‘s a secret,”
“jayj, thats no fun!” you pout, gently pushing his bicep which makes him laugh. “just tell me, probably won’t even remember tomorrow,”
“yeah yeah. maybe later,”
sarah whispers something to john b and he makes up some shitty excuse and leaves.
“dunno why everyone is hooking up,” you say. “‘s dumb, don’t like being the only single one,”
he rolls his eyes. “i’m single too, mama, y’not the only one, i feel you,”
“yeah, but you like someone. you always get who you like, it’s how you work,”
“what, and you don’t? huh? remember in sophomore year when you kissed topper thornton because you had that kook phase?”
“it was a peck, we didn’t even make out,” you argue. “never made out with anyone before,” you murmur under your breath.
his eyebrows furrow. sorry, did he hear you right? “what?” he asks, implying that you repeat yourself louder.
“i’ve never made out with anyone before.” you admit a bit louder.
“c’mooon,” he takes a sip of his beer. “that’s not true. you’re drunk, stop lying,”
“m’not lying!”
the water moves as he gets a bit closer to you. “y/n, im 100% sure you’re lying. i mean come on, you’re the prettiest girl on the island, you’ve even got kooks, like — rafe cameron type shit — going after you. and you’ve never made out with someone?”
you splash him with the hot water. “stop rubbing it in,”
“hey hey, not trying to be mean, mama,”
“just because you’re always making out with girls doesnt mean that everyone does. you’re a player,” the insult is obviously not said seriously.
“hey, i ain’t a player, i just..” you roll your eyes. “you’re gross,” you say, but you’re back to smiling.
“i could always help you out. i mean cmon, it would be fun, having someone you’re close to being your first. not some random kook,”
“what do you mean?”
“i’m just saying that if you need it, i got it. i got it everyday.”
so you’re not exactly sure when you ended up on your best friend’s lap, but you really like it. being on top of jj maybank, the cutest surfer and pogue in town, a literal light in the OBX. you’re having fun, giggling between kisses when he says something silly or gets dramatic when you nip his lower lip. it’s like he’s putting on a show to make you more comfortable. your hand is tracing his abs underneath the water, feeling him up, your other hand on his shoulder. his hands are everywhere — like, literally everywhere your pink bikini doesn’t cover. it’s clear he’s been wanting to do this for a while.
you two take breaks to have a sip of your drinks and get more drunk and have more fun. he tries a sip of your vodka lemonade and cringes at the sweetness, and you giggling and kiss him again. your lipgloss is making his lips and neck and jaw all sticky. he wonders where you got so good at this.
you go to feel him through his swim trunks, and he stops you, grabbing your poorly polished hand. “what?” you ask, smiling dropping.
“hey, c’mon, don’t wanna steal all your firsts in one night,” he squeezes your waist.
“when did you become responsible?”
“since now.”
you groan. “but i love the way you make me feel. do you not like me like that?”
“hey, princess, i got some feelings for you i’m not gonna get bored of. but let’s take it slow for me too, mkay mama? so it’ll be a first for me too.”
with that, you nod and go back to kiss him.
#౨ৎ isa writes#౨ৎ pogue!princess!reader#ughhh im so sorry this is so lame#wayyyyayayayyy too much dialogue#making me cringe reading it but i need smth out#on the bright side first post w my bby pogue princess!!!!#hope u like her#pogue princess x jj#jj maybank prompt#jj maybank obx#jj mayback imagine#jj obx#jj maybank#jj outer banks#rudy pankow
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haiii question,,,, sorry for being kinda dumb here but what would be the point of sending emails to hapiele? the story is written already and akatsuki redebuted (???) so what Will they do then? would they just take back the things that happened in the event? sorry again for the bother! i dont go to twt or social media that much so im lost,,,
Thank you for asking, and this isn't a dumb question at all. Of course, contacting HappyElements has been quite the undertaking, so it's only natural to want to know what we should expect. This is a bit lengthy since I wanted to put as much perspective as possible, and as always, I do not mind if others wish to add to this.
The most important thing to acknowledge is that this is an unprecedented scenario, so we're making estimates about how HappyElements will respond. At best, we hope that HappyElements complies with the requests made in the emails and nothing less, with these requests being a) the removal of Ibuki from AKATSUKI since this plays into the existing discrimination and Japanization of Ryukyuans and b) the careful consideration of how Indigenous characters are written going forward. Other additional goals may be added at individual discretion, but in relation to AKATSUKI and Ibuki, this is our main focus.
There is a chance that Enstars can edit or change the story. For example, in Izumi's event, "One Drop * A Specially Chosen Mad Party in UNDERLAND", fans raised concerns about how Izumi and Leo's backstory was mischaracterized in the story, and the line was later changed. However, when it comes to AKATSUKI and Ibuki, we should acknowledge that our concern is with the story as a whole, not a few lines, and so this is not likely. Should HappyElements decide to edit the story, they would likely be attempts to soften the blows that they dealt - but especially for a subject matter like this, it most certainly does not change the fact that the blow is still being dealt.
Another hope is that, even if it does not change AKATSUKI's event, it will push HappyElements to be more considerate in the future with regards to discrimination and characterization. We know that Enstars has been able to change its trajectory with how it approaches topics. For instance, Arashi's earliest stories contained both homophobic and transphobic stereotypes (specifically, she had many stereotypes associated with gay men, which is why the earliest translations of !-era stories tend to use he/him pronouns exclusively. At the time, her gender was not explained.) However, as years passed, the quality of her stories has noticeably improved, with a greater emphasis on her relationship with her gender. Hopefully, pressure from fans will encourage HappyElements to consider the racist, anti-Indigenous message that its pushing, and reevaluate how to approach Ibuki and other marginalized characters.
Some fans are also taking the angle of focusing on mischaracterization as a sort of "foot-in-the-door" technique. Again, as was the case with Izumi, if we can argue that certain things are out-of-character and that the continuous mischaracterization will be a threat to HappyElements' profits, then we might be able to use that momentum to target the racism in the story, since for AKATSUKI, the mischaracterization has been done to facilitate the discrimination that we see, and thus is not wholly separate from the issue. (Though on that note, fans have been asked to emphasize the treatment of Ibuki, since we must not treat occassional mischaracterization as comparable to active discrimination rooted in prejudices that continue to affect Ryukyuans in the present.)
At the same time, we must acknowledge that HappyElements has not made any efforts of note regarding other concerns raised by fans. Most relevantly, the event "Answer * Matrix of Stars Drawn Towards One Another" contains racist, anti-Indigenous sentiments in its depiction of the Amagi village. Instead of taking inspiration from Ainu culture as has been the case with the Amagis thus far, they made the Ainu village a sci-fi setting. Japanese imperialism has worked tirelessly to erase the culture of the Ainu in order to assimilate them. By making the Amagi village less culturally rooted and more fantastical, Enstars erases the presence of Ainu culture from their world - likely because it wasn't deemed interesting enough, since Enstars does value its shock factor - which is insensitive to the plight that the Ainu face to this day.
With all this in mind, we have to remind ourselves that this situation is still developing. The reaction to fans' emails has been mixed in the past, and the response to concerns of discrimination especially has been disappointing. Though, we also need to acknowledge that this is arguably the strongest, most concentrated reaction of the fans towards HappyElements, and we cannot allow them to intimidate us, nor can we allow them to forget that they are enabling dangerous anti-Ryukyuan sentiments that are not without real-life consequence.
Lastly, as I personally see it... even if "nothing" happens, I still ask that fans continue to pressure HappyElements. If HappyElements cannot treat marginalized people with respect, then at the minimum we should do the opposite and show marginalized fans that we stand with them. As I've mentioned time and time again, what we have seen in Enstars is reflective of real-life prejudices that are actively harming people. Even if HappyElements' mind does not change, other people observing the situation may reevaluate their own biases, and we can counteract whatever harms could occur as a result of HappyElements' lack of care.
#asks#enstars boycott#enstars#ensemble stars#akatsuki#ibuki taki#I understand that this isn't very conclusive. however both realism and hope are essential to deciding how we move on from here
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so i’m cleaning out my room, right?? apparently i have not 1 not 2 not 3 but four (4) toolboxes (only one of which actually has tools in it). how many toolboxes is too many?? (i’m a lesbian btw if that helps)
#not good omens#im so sorry this is so dumb but WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY#shitpost#sapphics need to have at least one toolbox or else we burst into flames
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i'm so extremely irrationally annoyed by people not knowing what various terms mean and using them incorrectly like i feel like that's such an asshole thing to care about but oh my god stop
#the saddest part is this post was inspired by the term hard launch. again#many other things also though it's not just that#and yes i knowwwww the hard launch debate is tired#and it's not even an important term it's a fucking meme#well it is a term but yknow. it's hardly academic#but i just saw someone say that if you just know how to infer things you'll understand dnp have already hard launched#girl 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#world's most unserious and unimportant topic I'm Aware#i don't even mean it in a way of like 'they haven't hard launched yet i hope they do soon' like what the fuck ever#but oh my god why do you think the term soft launch exists.#why would you have two terms if they're the same am i losing my mind here#does no one have the ability to think at all#oh my god???????#this is so stupid 😭😭😭 i need to worry about real issues i know i know im aware#but can everyone stop being DUMB#fucks sake#sorry.
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Asking because I’m extremely curious about this, how did MonProm’s writing get different over time? I remember you saying that the lore and characters feel different, and that it's missing sincere character interactions, too. I know almost nothing about the lore and I’ve only seen a few people mention the characters, so I’d be interested in a rundown of what aspects you think got worse in the series
I wouldn’t mind a very long response since I’m not that active in the fandom, I need to catch up on what happened
sorry for taking so long to answer this! i kinda waffled on it for a long bit, mainly because i started doubting myself again, and whether or not this was me simply overreacting or being tinted by nostalgia or simply being extremely picky and choosy in what i like (the last of which is true, i seldom get into fandoms at all for this reason and stay away from most popular media, but i wasn't sure if it applied here). i've posted about it already, but i'm in the middle of a psychotic episode where i can't feel a lot of pleasure to begin with + most things i do experience ending up solidly in the "very bad" category, so as you can imagine, i really didn't want to mislead and check that i was actually in objective reality.
as it is, this is also when a lot more screenshots started to be posted in the monster prom tag, and that helped me bridge the gap back into returning to the games themselves and feel like i was making a more accurate judgement. if you're one of those people who have been posting screenshots, i sincerely thank you, and i appreciated seeing you in the tag greatly.
for those not in the know — i've been in the monster prom fandom since it first released, prior to even the first additional ending to be added (the "Punch the sun" ending, and i recall the minor fandom drama that happened at that time due to it). my impression of monster prom is very much influenced by this, as what got me into the first game was the fact that the characters genuinely seemed to care for each other and were friends with each other (not merely tolerating each other's presences nor dressing it up, they sincerely thought of each other as friends and were open about that fact), on top of the wide variety of small details and statements that, if taken at face value, could create compounding complexity in the lives of each and every character and had wider implications for their lives.
no, they were not necessarily explored nor even necessarily "real", with so many conflicting events and statements, but i liked this too, because it meant a wider flexibility in what you could imagine, helping to create a more tailored experience for everyone who thought about these characters. this was what i liked about the early fandom too. what was baseline "canon" was so vague and minimal that you could have wildly different interpretations of the same characters' histories and relationships with each other. you would have radically different perspectives on what the world itself looked like, what it was like, that there wasn't really any wrong answers so long as their personalities remained the same. this is where you got the old headcanon of polly and liam being childhood friends who knew each other as humans, or that the world of monster prom was post-apocalypse where humanity itself had gone extinct or only existed in tiny pockets, or my personal headcanon that both monster and human society existed right next to each other and had minimal crossover for petty cultural reasons. this was also prior zoe-as-ro, and there were wildly different interpretations of zoe's personality, with most going for a far more disquieting creepy-cute than the deep nerd we got.
this is why you get stuff like the timeloop theory, where everyone is repeating the same weeks leading up to prom over and over, and are perhaps vaguely aware of it but broadly unconcerned. this is also why it felt like the joke that, the characters were still in high school but were all fully legal adults with most in their 20's, best landed, because it was absurd and strange and didn't quite make sense, but the world itself was inherently absurd and semi-malleable to begin with. realistically, i felt like everyone understood it was making fun of the trope of having adults play teenagers in american sitcoms and wildly casting outside the age range, but for more in-universe explanations it wasn't any different from the way that you would have a large, dramatic ending in which everything changed, but then you'd restart and everyone would be right back at the beginning with nothing different, or even having conflicting events in the same run. it was a dream-logic that fit with the tropes and, thus, diagetically made sense.
to be clear, i don't mind canon having a set, well, canon on which it refers back to itself. i don't mind expanding that or including more things which are set in stone. but there was a perceivable shift in how the games handled this over time, becoming a lot more... bitter, it felt, towards all of these different branching ideas and concepts that, yeah, the people making them knew wouldn't necessarily be "canon" because "canon" already liked to contradict itself so much. most people weren't even sold on any one idea, and there was a much greater sense of enjoying and appreciating all the varying ideas people would come up with even if you personally didn't share them. making the characters be out of character was the real crime, because then it didn't diagetically make sense in the same way, didn't wholly fit.
(again, this is not to say fanon didn't happen and characters weren't smoothed down into a simplified personality that fit these varying fan-interpretations instead of the game itself. certainly damien love/lust was just as bad as it had ever been, and everyone loved to mangle his character into a more stereotypical "bad boy with a heart of hold" all the time. but it certainly felt less set-in-stone about it than it does now, with any deviation from the norm being considered strange and odd and even broadly shunned from the wider fandom.)
all of this is setup for establishing what the writing, lore, and characters felt like in the earlier days. the characters were the strongest part, with their relationships to each other being equally as important. the lore played it fast and loose and was far less interested in setting anything in concrete because that wasn't the important part. the lore wasn't the important part, which was what made it all the more intoxicating to think about, all the more fun to play with.
montrip is easily the biggest offender when it comes to setting everything in all-or-nothing terms and demanding absolutism from the world. broadly i blame the hitchhiker conversations for the worst of it, but i think ultimately the way they handled the entire premise of the game is where this problem stems from. it's not really an exploration in the same sense that you might explore the first game, discovering different perspectives and different people with different relationships to each other. it's an exploration in the sense of a sequel that over-explains the monster, that takes the most boring option out of all those that were possible and floating around and settles on something that was blatant, obvious, typically rejected not because of how novel it is but how trite and par for the course it is in the rest of the genre.
yeah, okay. humans know nothing about monsters and there's a "monster dimension" that exists separately from the human dimension. there's no crossover between the two of them. of course there's a big grand-scale fight between the eldritch powers that zoe used to be a part of, from which not only are slayers the main organization against them, but also the merkingdom has some horse in this race too. it's an urge to make things so universal in explaining them, in revealing connecting threads which unite everything that's ever happened in here, that makes the worldbuilding and lore immediately much more boring than it ever was before.
and it didn't have to be this way! nothing in the first game contradicts any of this too explicitly (see the above, the first game loves to contradict itself), and i would even be happy if this was basically canon but never stated or confirmed to be the big overarching everything going on underneath it all. i believe you should probably know these things about any world that you create and have them in the back of your mind. the difference is that you can know these things and keep them in mind, even focusing on things where its very relevant, and still not reveal them. this is why you have lore bibles, after all. every horror writer knows exactly how their monster works and the full underlying reason for everything that happens, but that doesn't mean the audience will see it or possess this same information too, and leaving it intentionally obscure will make far better stories.
which, this is bad enough, but it wouldn't be the breaking point for me if this was all there was.
but the worst thing of all has to be the slow decay of the very same characters that sold me on this world, this lore, this game in the first place. monster prom is nothing without the characters in it. it's a dating sim, it has nothing but characters to get you to play, and liking these characters are the entire reason anyone would pick up monster prom in the first place.
and the first game pulls this off extremely well. it's all in the tagline: be your worst self. they are, indeed, all terrible people. yes, even that character that you just thought of right now. they all have points in the game where they commit atrocities, where they kill or hurt people, where they do inexcusable things that could not be ignored in a more serious setting.
but that's the point. i think there's something very powerful in creating a character who not only do you love and love their personality and the way they interact with the world, but who also are inapologetically terrible, and to have the humor and the charisma be so good that you don't get bogged down in the "this is awful". likewise, it never feels the urge to really go out of its way to justify what's going on. this is not to say theres no discussion of if someone "deserved it", but usually there's still the sense that the joke is on them, that this is still an extreme reaction specifically for comedy and not necessarily something that can be justified. you can have damien set leonard on fire and have it feel earned, without prompting the needed reaction of what it's actually like to watch someone burn to death.
this is what sets the prank masterz ending apart from the rest of the game, and really establishes it as the first real "bad ending". because nothing that you do or happens in the prank masterz ending is any different from anything else that happens in any other run. you summon evil beings from other dimensions as a throwaway gag on how visiting one location raises your stats. you kill other people and damn them to terrible fates. you watch as body horror happens. the only difference is that, in the prank masterz ending, the laugh track doesn't play.
the rest of the game and the writing echoes this philosophy, this careful interplay of tropes that keeps everything tongue in cheek and yet sincere enough to make sure emotional beats still land when they're needed. the characters feel true to themselves and their own emotions, even when the world is extreme and excessive, when everything else runs on comedy logic.
this is also what i noticed failing first as time went on.
like i said, fanon has always existed and there's always been very specific ideas as to what characters are like in the same way fanon always flattens down characters into the same tropes over and over. scott is stupid and innocent and doesn't know what sex is. damien is violent and hot and too cool for anyone else. miranda is the idiot girl character. repeat over and over and over until you get sick of it.
but it's been an issue as time has crept on that canon has started to approach fanon and began to merge with it. now, scott is so innocent that he can't even curse. polly starts being mean to her friends and saying things that would be very hurtful to hear. the merkingdom isn't really super evil and fucked up, it's just miranda that's like that. they become simpler, easier to digest, streamlined for social media posts and mass-sharing. they become less and less subversions of existing tropes and moreso just another example of them, something else to add to the collection, not their own individual stories.
even further from this, what more complex traits they had are now stated and not shown. polly is stated to be smart and clever in a way that her party girl persona doesn't imply and to be sincerely rather down to earth with the people she cares about, but we seldom ever see this anymore unless its the game specifically trying to make a point about it, in which case it won't let her do anything that implies cleverness and moreso will just outline it in the narration. vera is stated to care for people in a very genuine and heartfelt way, but seldom will get a chance to do so, and every opportunity for her to do so to their faces is missed while she will just outright state it later. it does not feel consistent, it does not feel like any of these are intended reads of their actions. it feels like the devs have something they want to do but no idea on how to actually do so. and forget it if you want these traits to manifest in small ways that show up in unrelated moments and scenes.
the dialogue becomes harder and harder to tell between each speaker, if you are just looking at what's said and not at the pictures attached to it. the characters' distinct voices have been eroded away, so that they speak more and more like each other, relaying the same terms and ideas in the same words. perspective becomes a suggestion, instead of a must.
this is something that started back in monster camp too, as all of the endings in that game felt ultimately the same as every other ending. it's very hard to place or define the full reason why, why there feels like there's no emotional stakes nor investment, why everything feels moreso like selecting different coats of paint and trying to find all the different ending pictures rather than being interested in exploring the characters as characters.
stranger yet, the series that started with the tagline of "be your worst self" has experienced a kind of... softening, for lack of a better word? what i mentioned about being able to handle the balance between terrible people who do terrible things and the light tone of the game starts to change, as abruptly the same characters who were down with violent murder in the first game start to lose their nerve, acting more and more on more typical morality. it's one of those things that feels like it's starting to damage the tone, as abruptly it's not as absurd as it used to be, demands less suspension of disbelief which could buffer and support the rest of the setting on it. there's even a part in one of the endings in montrip which involves current-polly and current-scott looking back on their monprom selves and reacting in horror at how violent and careless their pranks are, in a way that fundamentally felt like it was undercutting and disparaging all the things that felt fun and made monprom what it was.
which is odd, really, because more and more i feel like the characters in these games like each other less and less. the friendships and genuine enjoyment of each others company that brought me to this game in the first place has gone. now they don't mention each other as much, don't care for each other's feelings and reactions as much, aren't as willing to support each other. they are more and more found on their own, relied on their own, seem to seek out contact and interaction with their own friends less and less. it feels like they're all separating out into their own worlds, but also feels like they wouldn't willingly want to interact with each other if they weren't already forced together by some other outside contrivance.
if anything, i'd compare it to every other dating sim out there, where you, the player, are the most important person in these characters' lives, and they only feel ambivalent or antagonistic towards every other character. which, again, is not why i picked up monster prom or why i liked it so much in the first place.
and it's because of this that it feels like the current state of the series has to focus on its increasingly weak worldbuilding and lore, trying to form a more serious foundation without character relationships being so tightly bound together, without the characters themselves being more developed and rich, without an aspect of absurd humor to rely on.
more and more i've noticed monprom has to rely on referencing other series to make itself funny and create humor, which, again, it's always done. it was just easier to ignore back then, if you didn't know what was being referenced, because there was always more going on in the exact same scene to bolster it and give context clues as to the setup and punchline at play. it feels like the current games are much more dependent on you knowing pop culture references in order to have any fun with it, and i'm someone who, again, is very picky in what i like or what i'll seek out. i'm not interested in a stream of references about other things that i would much rather be doing than playing through a game that feels like it hates that i like it at all, when i could, again, just be engaging with the thing that takes itself seriously and knows what it wants.
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#monster prom#asks#vanillabeenflower#this is. so long i am so sorry.#and its still not my entire thoughts because i have so many thoughts#this is an unedited ramble tbh and im very sorry for that#i have more complaints like#how fucking snide and condescending the narration is to its own characters#which it already had but gets even worse in the later games#which is why despite loving aaravi i dont want to play moncamp at all#where a character says they like something or feel something and the narration has to be so. sarcastic about it?#like how i mentioned about how it feels like how its looking down on them as people#instead of whats probably the intended read which is#more jokingly calling them dumb in an affectionate way like how you might do with friends#and ofc theres the whole miranda rant#i hate what theyve done with the merkingdom and i HATE adrien as a concept i wont lie#just. cool. this female character is too stupid to count as a lore character. we obviously need a MALE character to fill in instead#we cant just have miranda talk about this or center any of the other female characters#and how they feel about this and whats going on for them#no we need to make up a new man to talk to instead#im. im still really bitter about it i wont lie.#like i said i could go on and get way more specific about it#i just feel like any and all emotional weight to this has died and the characters are more and more obviously actors on a stage#for your own self gratification rather than their own people living their own lives#this is so bitter and i really shouldnt put this in the main tag#i am so sorry everyone who will see my rant. but my peace must be made.#dont worry im already asking myself if im just making all this shit up myself#what if some of us liked that the characters were so mean to the player and had no qualms about aggressively rejecting us#because it gave some illusion of them being able to make their own choices and decisions in what they wanted
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helia is obv meant to be androgynous and bishounen but I get why people would think he was designed to be a woman initially because his name is a woman's name actually. helia is a girls name. also, compared to avalon or other long haired characters, he's also somewhat more different.
I don't think it's too far fetched. some language groups like greek fans could have other pov. in latin american spanish his name was changed to helio for this very reason.
i know his name is feminine. that still means nothing tbh
sky is a popular girl's name in the west. does that mean he's automatically a girl? like no of course not. no one is arguing that sky is a woman just because of his name. griffin is a masculine latin name. don't see anyone questioning her. if his name is the Only proof people have that helia was meant to be a girl, that's weak when other characters also have feminine/masculine names that don't align with their canon gender.
also, you need to ask yourself, what is different about helia? like actually answer that question. what exactly makes helia different from characters like palladium, valtor, or avalon. it's not his body - helia has the same muscular body the other specialists have and he's one of the few male characters we see shirtless on screen. it can't be pacifism - he's not a pacifist and pacifism is not a feminine trait. it can't be art or poetry - neither of those things are feminine traits/hobbies. it can't be his fashion - he's just wearing a shirt and jeans. if anything his wardrobe would be considered more masculine compared to the crop tops the other specialists are wearing (even for the time). it can't be his personality - nabu is also wiser and gentler, timmy is also a simp, brandon is also caring.
so what exactly makes helia different from other long haired male characters?
nothing. that's your answer.
the only thing that makes helia So different is that other long haired male characters are often coded as white Or specifically have darker skin, so fans don't feel the need to question their masculinity (which is a Whole other discussion). helia is not coded as white. even fans who don't consciously realize it are still picking up on that coding. these white fans then feel comfortable questioning his masculinity because they've done that to men of color for decades. it's not just asian men either. white people love to question the masculinity of all men of color, regardless of race or skin color. that's how they demean them. how they separate them from white men. they uphold certain racial and gender stereotypes and then demean any man who "doesn't fit that". which in their eyes, is all men of color.
it's like this: man of color doesn't adhere to western/white/european cultural standards > white people realize, don't like, insult them, and try to make them feel like they need to adhere > white men prioritize the patriarchy and feel the need to glorify it > in order to insult men of color, they specifically call out and question their masculinity > white people around the world think this is genuinely innocent because it focuses on gender instead of race > white racists get away with it
listen, i know at first this seems like a really harmless and maybe even amusing topic. "oh helia is so pretty people think he's a girl ahahah". and for some fans it is genuinely harmless. they just think he's too pretty to be a man. and then they realize, laugh it off, and don't question it again.
unfortunately, that's not the case for a lot of other fans. it's not innocent. it's not harmless. it's white people picking up on racial coding and questioning his identity because of it. you guys don't do this to other characters. you don't do it to sky, who also has a "feminine" name. you don't do it to palladium, who is slimmer and has a gentler, nicer personality. you don't do it to saladin. or nabu. or ogron. or gantlos. or anagan. or tritannus. or nereus. or king neptune. or king teredor.
all of those names are male characters with long hair.
i know it's nice to assume that this is innocent and genuine. but unfortunately, that's not the case. this is an example of something that isn't innocent for a majority of adult, white fans. even if they're not doing it On Purpose. subconscious bias is called that for a reason.
#and i do want to clarify that i dont see an issue with kids doing this#like its specifically Adult fans i have an issue with#because they should know better by now#also like has it ever occurred to anyone that helia having a feminine name was them adding to the shojo androgynous vibe#like.#givelian from the comics.. gregory.. holly dark.. king nobody..#literally a dude's name is HOLLY dark and no one is questioning him alkdlga#please im begging you guys give it up#nothing about helia implies that he was meant to be a girl#the name excuse has always been flimsy#also when people say this argument makes no sense because helia is white because his name is greek#like do you guys think musa is an asian name#stop.. just stop.... for two decades fans have discussed this and no one has gotten closer to proving that he was meant to be a girl#and im sorry but when other characters have the exact same attributes that helia has that people Insist must mean he was#it just makes it more obvious when you never talk about them too#like griffin is a masculine name! why not question her femininity?#sky is a popular girl's name! why not question his masculinity?#you never do this to other (white) characters so why do the same qualities mean anything for helia?#also anon to be clear when i say you im using that in a general way i dont mean You specifically#answered#also i know this is long and i want to clarify that im not mad at you or anything#i dont know if any of this sounds mad but#im just soooo tired of this rumor its so dumb aljdghaljg#and when people make an innocent mistake its Fine#but after this long most people doing it are not making an innocent mistake#its on purpose#after this many years.. after so many other long haired male characters.. its not innocent unfortunately#certain (ie white) fans tend to target characters of color like aisha musa nabu etc and helia isnt an exception#even with his racial coding being somewhat ambiguous (at least more than others) people can still tell he's not white#and they treat him accordingly
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blinks tiredly. i decide "hm maybe i should try to expand my circle and step outside of it a little, lets go look at the main community tags" and im just greeted with a bunch of edgelords who think saying "fiction doesn't affect reality, don't like don't read" is peak activism and "fighting censorship". head in my hands. this is partially why i do not ever go into the community tags, my nervous system cannot handle blocking fifty weirdos every single day just so i can have a normal experience in the community tags hfdsjkl
#I HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE BLOCKED ALREADY. i am TRYING to curate my experience 😭😭😭#and i have so many tags blacklisted fjdsjkl like. so many. every single variation of tag to do with those chuckleheads#which helps avoid them a lot of the time tbh bc it'll flag posts that ppl rb if the original post was tagged w any of those#so i can avoid rbing posts that have chuckleheads as the op most of the time#i also usually double check OP's blog before i rb stuff now bc man this place is rife with these weirdos#ANYWAYS. yes i want to try to engage w the community but i do not think i can handle it if theres gonna be so many edgelords jkdslfl#the only way i follow new ppl now is when yall do promo hour and i sometimes see a new face pop up fdsjkl#every now and then i have energy to try to engage with new ppl but its so difficult when so many ppl are such insufferable edgelords !!!!#''im the nasty pr-sh-pper your parents warned you about 😎'' cool man you sound like the most insufferably obnoxious person ever. :/#''if you like CENSORSHIP-'' i am hitting block immediately bc u have a fundamental misunderstanding of what censorship actually is 👍#I'M TIREDDDD WHY ARE PEOPLE SO DUMB ABOUT THIS STUFF. ''fiction doesn't affect reality'' I GUESS PROPAGANDA DOESNT EXIST THEN ????#what a strange world they live in honestly. they dont understand how stories have served humans since the dawn of time. sighing loudly.#vent //#SORRY FOR THIS ONE IM JUST. ARGH. ppl talk abt encouraging community but i think maybe im not cut out for community#i want desperately to partake but i cannot handle it if it means dealing w all these bozos#it frustrates me to no end fdhsjkl and it upsets me so much and i wish i could deal w it better but. my nervous system is broken fdsjkl#i will try to expand my circle every now and then but i cannot do it often bc of this 😭 im not going to give up entirely though fdsjkl#(also this is partially why i dont tag my posts w community tags anymore bc i am just. so scared of these freaks getting their hands on it)#(the most i'll do is s.afeship or variations every now n then bc supposedly they're not in those tags fdsjkl)#delete later#dandyshucks
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So the book club that I've been in since 2022 has 9 regular members now including me, and we have collectively read a total of 28 books together now. This month we put all of our book choices and the members' ratings of the books on an Excel spreadsheet, and have been having fun figuring out various trends and statistics and so on – what decades we have mostly read from, what countries, what genres, what our most and least highly rated picks were for each year, etc. I also thought it would be fun to use the spreadsheet on my own to figure out who rates things most and least similarly to each other in the club. What shocked me was that I found out that I scored the number one most similar/compatible rater to every single other person in the club except two (I was 2nd most similar rater for somebody and 4th most similar rater for the other). Also, apparently me and the guy who I scored least compatible with based on our ratings/taste have the top rated book selections on average in the club so far. I'm not at all sure what this means except that I just know from now on I'm going to have this secret semi-subconscious goal in my mind of inching my way higher in this one outlier book club member's taste compatibility scoring for 2025 hahaha
#not like in a 'im going to change my ratings or book selections intentionally to do so' way#just like in a 'im going to be paying closer attention to this from now on and watching it with interest' sort of way#because there's nothing i love more than setting myself dumb secret challenges and experiments#this book club member also scored as the member with the most unpredictable ratings i think?#you just never know what he's gonna think of something which makes it interesting i suppose#like for example when i was being really harsh on study for obedience he ended up rating it 4 stars#also there are SO many questions in my mind about why i am most compatible with 6 out of 8 of the members there rn#like is it mostly because of me or them or just a mix of both#i plotted our ratings out on a line for each book and saw that very often i tend to be in the middling upper portion of the ratings we give#like im almost never the one giving it the highest rating of all but im also usually more generous with the stars i give than the others#and ive never given the lowest rating in the group of all on any book either#so is it just like not being too extreme but also slightly more positive with your ratings leads to being most likely to match others?#i think it must also depend on how other people are rating them. like are they using other people's ratings to decide their own or not#i tend to try to just rate the books based purely on my own taste and regardless of what the others thought#but idk about everybody else#also im glad that i think most of us are also trying to be fair like we will rate our own books low if we genuinely didn't enjoy them too#ALSO AT THE END OF THE DAY book club is definitely about more than just slapping a star rating on a book#and the star rating sometimes has little to do with how great a book club discussion you'll get out of it#but i still think we're having a friendly competition over trying to get the highest ratings from the others#idk sorry this is how i actually have fun hahaha like this is my team sports#another weird stat i found interesting was that i have given out an average of 3.15 stars to the books#and my selections for the club have been rated an average of 3.14 stars by the group#i was the only member to have these numbers be so close together as well#p
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it's not going too well
#cw vent#but#:[ i feel so baaad about it idk#one of the only things im known for in school is self harm and i dont wanna go back tomorrow#and now it feels like sh is basically my only recognisable thing#so everytime i look down at my arms and see scars fading away i just feel so terrible about it#what am i doing? why am i not cutting myself tahts what im meant to do thats what ive always done!! thats all anubody wants from me#i kinda really don't like how#basically everykne in my school really doesn't like me much cuz all i really have going is that i cut myself#have autism#and may or may not be a tranny#even though all of those things are things that are true qnd i dont even think they're bad things#i just. i dunno. i feel bad. like genuinely they have one thing they want me to do#and thats hurting myself!! but im not even doinf that right now#this is so dumb. all my problems are dumb as fuck huh#im so scared of school now#its not even just how the people act#when i go into the corridors there are so many people#so when im finally alone it always feels like theres someone behjdn me. its scaring meee i dunno. i hate school#please dont make me go back tgere. wait no what do you mean this is gonna be another three or so years#and even after those threes years i still have to go to university.. and get a job#this is the rest of my life i think and that makes me sad#i really tried to like school i tried so so hard to like school#but its so difficult. too many people too many noises#too many rumours and too many ableists#there are also too many tags on this post#but rlly the bad part of school has never been the work for me. im a dumbass but i do like learning#weh. dont make me go back. can i sleep for 72 hours instead of going to school#i hate walking into that stupid building everyday and being able to feel everybodys eyes go onto me#its all so scary. i should stop venting on here but i probably won't im sorry
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also speaking of die drei ???, heres an obligatory ask so you can spend us some more details on the shadow game (opens hands)
aaaahhh so the thing with tsg is. i think about them a lot and i have so many unfinished sketches, but i never really post about my ocs cause 1) there is no actual coherent story and there probably never will be, and 2) i kinda forget that sometimes people are actually interested in oc stuff :')
heres two things from a while ago, which actually you mightve seen those already cause i think i posted them on my priv twitter? but yeah. and if you want a completely random and contextless snippet then theres this horse here. Maurice starts collecting a bunch of trash and scrap metal that people leave lying around local yards and gardening plots (allotments? is that the right word here? kleingärtenanlagen is what i mean) and out of boredom he starts building new things out of that, starts out with small random structures until he gets to building these life-sized horse statues. and then SOMETHING happens i just dont know what. i assume they become sentient at some point. also Louis is somewhat haunted by a horse but i think thats mostly unrelated. its just if i come up with any story then a horse is gonna show up at some point
#tsg#the 'building stuff out of scrap metal' thing is very inspired by a childhood memory btw#one of my friends was living close to an area of gardening plots and the people there would dump ALL their trash in this little valley-#in the nearby forest. and cause we were all dumb kids we started carrying all the trash up the hill and building huts out of like-#half-empty containers of pesticide yknow. great things. we stopped after my brother got a really nasty cut on his leg from a rusty pipe#(he was fine btw. no tetanus. but it was still scary)#also SORRY that i cant give anything that makes any sense theres just. so many versions of these ocs in my head atp#the gist is 'they live in a town that becomes somewhat sentient' but thats kinda it i dont know much else#im not great at coming up with coherent things of my own thats why im mostly a fanartist lol#but i do have a lot of sketches that i wanna finish at some point! one day i will!#anyways thank you thank you for the ask <3#the shadow game#asks
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Urgh
#i feel stupid . i have so many questions . i hate feeling like im back there when im not#i feel sick dude.i have a weird sense of deja vu rn as if itll happen again#idont wanna be looked at. i feel like a zoo animal . i#urhghhh#iwant. to. ghh. ggnhn. ijust feel weak and stupid ans alone ans dumb and i feel . humiliated and violated and . gh.#why would anyone do that to another person how is that something that people find acceptable#nobody else got that treatment . nobody else was treated special like i was . Why was it ok to do to me#sorry. My bad . i guess
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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So with the hangout.. do you think that settles the issue of mistranslation or not of Kaeya and Diluc being brothers?
is it even possible to settle it? i feel like there must be some insane cultural difference between me as a western person and chinese people when it comes to adoptive siblings because, i honestly don't see how the biological son of the guy you consider your adoptive father isn't, by extension, your adoptive brother; how would that relationship not be familial? even when you bring in the "sworn brothers" trope as a means of queercoding, which is a concept ive had explained to me more than once – like, okay? i agree that it's true you can't properly translate/localize that, but. how else did you want them to translate it? even if the word brother was never used once in the eng translation, how do you make it so that kaeya and diluc calling the same guy "father" doesn't imply some uncomfortable things if he and diluc are romantically involved..? but then, who knows, maybe i just don't have enough knowledge about how censorship works in china, how they do queercoding over there, how they deal with adopted relationships, whatever. it's fine. different cultural upbringings, no? it's funny when it's the western side of the fandom discussing this, though. because you'll have these extremely white people arguing with you about the intricacies of chinese BL media. as if either of us knows what the hell we're talking about. anyway, none of this matters in the end because most klc shippers just... like the incest. and the day we stop arguing about mistranslations and simply accept that people either 1) see this relationship in a different light due to their cultural background or 2) are a little bit of a freak online is the day i will finally know peace as a kaeya fan
#i dont think this will be settled until we stop asking if it's settled. what if we just don't speak about it anymore#me: no i dont do discourse. sorry. *five minutes later*#first and last time i will spend this many words on this topic#and i hate the ''it's just fiction'' argument because yes. it is just fiction.#im not gonna come here and say this has an effect on real life. of course it doesnt this is gacha game yaoi#and i wont say that people aren't well within their right to engage with this sort of content either#i dont think it necessarily means anything about the moral values you apply to reality#i myself am into things in fiction that i find horrible in real life. why wouldn't i extend this same logic to proshipping?#doesn't change the fact that it's something i find weird and uncomfortable.#and that it's something that a Lot of people are going to find weird and uncomfortable#and that acting like this is just a regular pairing between two random guys is.. frankly really dumb#if you're gonna be weird about it at least own it! admit you're just into things society perceives as very gross#and tag your thing correctly so i can filter it out and block me so i never ever have to interact with you in my life#Okay. that's out of my system now. i apologize for posting discourse#complaining tag#askpilled#discourse
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ignore me lol
#having one of those nights where i'm very very miserable#like the constant guilt of just being me in my situation here at home barely getting to leave the house#not being able to work because i have no transportation#having to rely on bits of online work i can find online just to like have lunch with a friend#can't even drive we have one car my dad won't help me get my license#can barely do my online work because we haven't had wifi in weeks and a lot of it i need my laptop for :(#like writing is all i have now this is the only thing keeping me from losing my mind and doing some dumb shit#and im like .. is this going to be my life forever cause this shit has been going on for many many years now#and i just don't want people thinking i /want/ to be living this way i literally don't#like it's crazy i have to wonder like why am i existing if im just locking myself in my room all day everyday#all of this combined w my trying to control my ** it just does not help at all#idk i just want to be normal i want to have a life i wanna enjoy my life#but knowing it's going to be awhile before i do just makes me dread waking up every morning#im just so sad and lonely and miserable and this is all i have going for me#idk#sorry for the long vent#but it is true everyone i am in fact a loser#alright lemme shut up lol
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the starstruck odyssey adventuring parties r slightly painful to watch tbh bc of every time ppl, mostly specifically brennan, talks about how 'omg heres how this universe is diff from standard fantasy d&d and more like the real world' not bc of the actual content of what he's saying but more as a personal thing it does really irk me to see it keep being talked about as some kind of revelation
idk just as someone who does understand and appreciate traditional story structure but Ultimately finds a more quote, 'realistic' storytelling style more interesting on a lot of levels it's just like aaaaaaaghhh!!!! yea it's cool doing stuff like that!!! ur also making it sound super crazy out there as youre explaining ur personal discovery of it!!!! this isnt news to me this is my personal bread and butter and u are kind of making it sound weird and borderline other-ing from ur perspective!!!! grrrrrrr
#is that a liveblog i see?#salt#and like ik theoretically i Should b like. happy that other ppl find it interesting and exciting and new to explore!#and sowwy but im just bein a bitch abt it. i dontlike the vibes so sorry#this is so super Just A Me Personally thing#and absolutely the reason why i should never write a (fiction) book and why i think i'd be bad at ttrpgs/d&d even though i do wanna play#it's a combination of many things (unsurprisingly) but yea idk i'm just like super duper into super boring stuff#i love it when people are boring and settings are boring bc i like silly little people doing their dumb little routines idk sue me#anyways i could go on for ages but i wont bc i'm so loquacious and also i know that my taste is objectively bad. i'm fine w this#(someone pls enable me (jkjk (unless....)))#(((ok but if anyone Actually does have any interest in what i like in storytelling..... i mean my ask box is open... ok i'll stfu now)))
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they should invent a me that's good at everything i want to be good at. [thing from the addams family pokes out of a nearby box and hands me a piece of paper] thank you, thing. what's this...oh! why, it's a paper that says i have to be the one to do that for my future self! huh.
#bluebird.txt#post brought to you by IM FRUSTRATED AND ANNOYED BUT GRITTING MY TEETH AND KNOWING THAT I WILL NOT LET MYSELF FAIL IN THE LONG TERM#EVEN IF FUCK UP NOW YOU GOTTA FUCK UP A LOT BEFORE YOU GET ANYWHERE NEAR WHERE YOU WANNA BE#AND I'M DOING GREAT#AND ALSO I HAVE GENUINELY BEEN GOING THROUGH SO MUCH HEALTH SHIT RECENTLY THAT I LEGITIMATELY WAS COMPLETELY UNABLE TO THINK OF#ALMOST ANYTHING SCHOOL RELATED AT ALL CAUSING ME TO FORGET MULTIPLE ASSIGNMENTS AND BE LATE TO A MIDTERM#AND IT SUCKS BUT SOMETIMES THERE REALLY IS A GOOD REASON FOR WHY YOU COULD NOT DO AS MYCH AS YOU WANTED#AND MAYBE YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO DO AS MUCH AS YOU WANT AT ONCE#BUT TAKE IT SLOWLY AND ONE DAY AT A TIME AND SOME DAYS YOU WILL FEEL LACKING BUT JUST THINK OF ALL#THE GOOD WORK YOU'VE ALREADY DONE#MORE WILL COME YOU WILL BE FINE#I AM FRUSTRATED NOW AND THAT IS FINE AND I AM NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE IN MANY WAYS BUT I HAD A HEALTH SETBACK#THAT FORCED ME TO BE UNABLE TO DO SHIT I NEEDED TO DO AND NOW YOU SIMPLY JUST GOTTA GET BACK INTO IT#EVEN IF ITS SLOW AND EVEN IF YOU 'SHOULD' BE BETTER#SHOULD IS A BULLSHIT FUCKING WORD IN THIS CASE#YOU ARE. I AM. AND I WILL CONTINUE BEING. I WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS YEAR AND ACTUALLY IT WILL NOT KILL ME.#I'M JUST GONNA MAKE IT THROUGH THIS YEAR. AND THIS ORCHESTRA CYCLE. AND THEN I CAN GO ON VACATION. AND DO MENTAL PRACTICE.#AND MY BEST. AND YOUR BEST DOESN'T MEAN PERFECT OR EVEN THAT FOOD SOMETIMES IT JUST MEANS DO WHAT YOU CAN.#me when im taking it easy but taking it#sorry i gotta hype myself up cuz if i let myself feel bad about myself that's stupid and dumb and im better than that#if im not aggressively positive ill explode and my life will fall apart around me and i will NOT let myself be miserable again#last month was out of my control mostly. i will however not take 19 credits next semester!#girls when. RAAAGGGGGGHHHH RIPS OFF MY SHIRT I AM ALIVE AT LEAST AND THATS PRETTY COOL#me when i paused like seven times typing this to cough hard
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