#im so nervous I'm physically sick

[nacaozumbi]

tomorrow i start teaching 9th graders I'm scareddddd

[icewindandboringhorror]

"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"

I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming

[cripplecryptid]

Looking back to last year and seeing the progress I've made is almost surreal. I feel like i keep saying it but I'm proud of myself, in a way that I don't even know I can communicate to others just how much I've grown. I feel like it might not be obvious from the outside but I feel SO much more stable and calm and capable of regulating my emotions and my nervous system (whereas before I wasn't even AWARE of the state of my nervous system, let alone able to manage it. I just knew I felt terrible.)

Last year feels like an eternity ago. I hate the saying that you need to go through hard times to grow but... That's what happened

[drdemonprince]

doctor demon prince im in my 5th year of undergrad suffering from functional freeze and Cant Write Papers disease (subtype where i eventually write it 7 months later and its really good for how rushed it is). ive also been doing unmasking work and trying to make progress w my nervous system and my relationships, i still have a long way to go . im going to graduate eventually (who fucking knows when) but with a pretty shit gpa.

Anyway my question is why the fuck do i keep wanting to get a masters degree when i know this setting sucks real bad for me. i love 2 learn but either dont have a handle on my adhd/autistic workflow yet or simply dont have the combination of traits it takes to succeed in academia. and i have student loans. i probably wont be accepted to any masters programs anyway but i dont know what else to do !!!!!!!!!!! 🙃 seeing as this is the transgender autistic grad student website maybe u or some of ur followers have advice for me..... 🫶 ok thank u byeee

I'm sorry to have to say this, but why do you want to go to graduate school? It will drive you deeply into debt, cause you a huge amount of stress, subject you to a wildly inaccessible environment where student neurodivergences are often unfairly cast as signs of laziness and lack of academic potential, and, in a majority of fields, it doesn't lead to improved career prospects (typically, the equivalent amount of time spent working in your chosen profession will get you just as far, if not farther, than a graduate degree).

I don't recommend graduate school to almost anyone. Graduate school was a stigmatizing, exhausting, abusive, exploitative, traumatizing experience for me that left me profoundly socially isolated and physically sick, and trained me in an increasingly irrelevant and scientifically unsound field that basically does nothing but regurgitate neoliberal truisms back to the elites that already believe in them.

Some of the faults I've just listed don't apply to *every* academic field in the world -- but it does apply to most of them!

I think it's important for people to know that Master's degree programs are, by and large, created as a revenue source for universities. Undergraduate enrollment has hit a wall -- there's only so many more people who can go to college, in a world where college has become increasingly obligatory, college pays off professionally far less than it used to, and in times of low unemployment there's very little reason to go to school -- and so the possibility of growing undergraduate enrollment has become more and more thin. This means universities have been unable to turn growing profits for years. And that's what matters to them -- profits.

Left without the revenue source of more college students' tuitions, universities have turned toward courting repeat customers -- duping college graduates who are unhappy with their post-graduate career prospects by investing in even more school. In most Master's degree programs, there are very high fees, very limited financial aid, and very very limited mentorship (compared to, say PhD programs, where shepherding you through the program is at least an advisor's duty).

I've worked in higher ed administration for years now and I've seen how disposable Master's degree students are taken to be -- they're paying for a pricey credential and they get very little out of it, in the end -- in most programs, and most contexts. When we need to fill a budget gap, we create a new Master's program -- without regard for whether it is necessary, and without ever being able to prove it will aid our graduates in getting jobs, or even that the degree will fill a necessary niche.

You can feel free to write back to me if yours is a field where a master's degree is necessary or yields positive career outcomes for a great many people (social work and athletic training come to mind). But even still, I don't think you should subject yourself to a completely inaccessible environment that you are already struggling in and taking on more debt to do so. You deserve better than that. And 99% of graduate programs will not do right by you.

If you'd like to read more about just how exploitative graduate programs generally are, and why, I recommend Karen Kelsky's book The Professor is In, or her blog of the same name:

[ludotpng]

quick fix headcanons for the soul pretty pretty please with all the cherries i can muster on top (i say holding out a tattered and torn bag and im covered in soot and dirt like a poor medieval boy)

Thank you for your ask ! my headcanons …. hmm… I'm very specific with how I perceive them personally but I love seeing art and writings that depict them in all sorts of ways ( 〃▽〃) !!

TW for sensitive content ↴ ⤳ RED medic x scout , Something I dubbed the ' cat mauled the rabbit ' dynamic -- a personal favourite , it's exactly what it sounds like ! Their relationship ( situationship ??? ) in short , relies on manipulation from Medic and denial from Scout . It's a sort of sick loop . I'd like to imagine their relationship began fairly innocently , like any other sort of budding friendship . Maybe they're a tad unconventional , you'd assume Scout's ego and endless chatter would be enough to make someone lose their mind , but that's not really the case here .. Medic tolerates his attitude and deep down appreciates someone as outspoken and amusing as him .

However , this appreciation slowly turns into fascination and due to his nature , he can't help but grow curious of Scout . This curiosity manifests in the form of a weird persistence when it comes to checking in on his health , because the more Scout spends inside of the lab or office , the more they spend time together . Medic fully uses this to his advantage and the visits gradually grow longer and longer under the guise that Medic cares for him . ( And maybe he does . but not as much as he lets on )

Their relationship evolves over time and as they grow closer , commence the endless surgeries and incisions . The doctor's curiosity is insatiable . He hides behind the facade of someone who cares for him when in reality , he wishes to pick him apart ruthlessly in an attempt to truly see what is inside . He wants to see what makes Scout ' Scout ' . And of course , Scout complies , because he revels in the endless care and attention given to him . But he just feels .. a little off . Maybe it's the needles , the scalpels ? I wonder what .. Even though Medic's emotion towards Scout isn't much more than a farce to get what he wants, He can't help but admire him . Whether it be his resolve or his physical body , he looks to the runner with a sort of twisted adoration . He aches to tear him apart , to see him bloodied and exposed . Only then , perhaps , will he be satisfied . - Apologies for my messy writing , I'm little nervous replying to this ask as I never really upload any of my ship thoughts online ,, but I hope this is alright .. ! They are very dear to me .. I love weird toxic mediscout / quick fix so much OTL

[quantum1mmortality]

Jamil Jamil, hes our man! (🍋Jamil x gn!reader🍋)

Okay so this is a belated birthday gift for my beloved boyfriend <<333

I mainly based the things reader says and does over things he'd personally do but I did want to post this on here so he could read it anytime

♧CW: reader is referred to with they/them but is fem bodied, smut and comfort, probably ooc jamil bc we love it when he's soft, first time sex, reader is dealing with a lot of shit fuck and jamil Is so sweet such husband, unsafe sex, its premarital too, jamil has big pp energy so he absolutely has a big pp here, he doesn't know how to use it tho pls help this man, bath sex and cockwarming near the end btw, smut smut smut oh so smutty we love him!!!!!! Also jamil cums inside?? Idk I might do that ig we'll see LMAO, oh also pet names, oh so many pet names bc me and my boyfriend use them on eachother all the time

♤!!ALL CHARACTERS IN THIS FIC ARE 18+!!♤

♤NOT PROOFREAD yall ever proofread a smut??? Its embarrassing. Im not doing that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

♧ it had been one hell of a week.

Everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong. Grim was sick beyond belief, no amount of tuna could help him stomach anything. You TRIED to buy more paper towels and better probiotics for him from Sam's shop, but you couldn't afford them because Crowley wasn't paying you enough.

Speaking of Crowley, he had to cut back on your paychecks because the school was putting out too much money for the overblots.

Ace and Deuce were over at ramshackle to help get things fixed up, but the ghosts decided that wasn't a good idea. They started throwing everything around, and one of them hit deuce in the head with a spare candlestick on accident. He wasn't okay, to say the least.

Not only that, but in Crewels class, you weren't paired up with your beloved boyfriend, Jamil! Crewel decided to pair you up with Sebek, and his loud yelling made you lose focus and fuck up the potion, earning a really bad scold from both Sebek, AND Crewel.

But luckily, it was Friday. After school. And you wanted some comfort. And what better way to get that from Jamil himself? Going to the mirror chamber, you get teleported to Scarabia.

Knocking on the door, you're greeted with the ball of sunshine of NRC, the Scarabia housewarden himself. "Hey you! I've been hoping you'd swing by, Jamil seems a little down, think you can cheer him up?" Seems like he's in the same position. No worries, you guys are always help eachother through bad times. Having kalim escort you throughout the halls, you're infront of his door, Jamils door.

Knocking on the door, Kalim yells out to him, "hey Jamil! Your s/o is here! They wanna hang out with you!" He leans on the door, ear pressed against it as you do the same. You can hear jamil yawn from the other side, seems as though he just woke up.

"Come in." He says. Kalim bids his farewell as you open the door to see your beloved. "Ah, my love, I've been hoping you'd come by." He said with a smile as he stood up from his desk. "Jamil! I'm so glad you're here, I heard from Kalim that you were upset.. are you okay?" "I'm more worried about you, dear. You've had quite the week. I've been worrying about you, thats all."

He walks over to his closet and pulls out a stick of incense. Lighting it up and putting it in a holder, he begins to walk over to you. "How are you doing? Are you okay?" He asks as he takes your hands and leads you to sit on his bed, sitting next to you after. You start to twiddle your thumbs, something he picked up that you did when you were nervous.

"I'm just.. I'm so tired... mentally, physically, everything hurts.." you say as you begin to shed tears. Jamil lightly cups your face with one hand and takes your hands in his empty one. He leaves Featherlite kisses on you cheeks as your tears start to spill, he places a soft kiss on your lips before speaking. "Honey, I know this is hard, okay? But im here whenever you need me. I'll always be here, no matter what. You're such an amazing person, everything about you entices me. You're so beautiful, and smart- and I just can't stand seeing you upset. You're so amazing, you don't deserve to feel like this, but im here for you. Always."

Looking into his eyes show nothing but love. He slowly leans in to kiss your lips. Its soft, and sweet. Perfect for him, his lips are so soft against yours. After a few seconds, he pulls away, letting a string of saliva connect the two of you as he places his forehead against yours. "I love you, never forget that." He says, placing another soft kiss on your lips.

"I love you too." You say, deepening the kiss. You begin to nibble on his lower lip, asking for permission and when he gives you it, you slip your tongue in. His mouth is sweet, warm, comforting. You just couldn't help but want more.

You can tell he was getting excited. He usually does when the two of you make out, but he doesn't say anything most of the time. He just excuses himself and takes care of it, coming back like nothing happened. But, what if you just, took it further this time? I mean, Jamil was such an amazing boyfriend, who else would you want to take your first? You knew he was a virgin too, though you have talked about sex in the past with him you couldn't help but notice how shy he'd get when you got too close.

Taking the initiative, you place your palm on his growing bulge, just to earn a surprised grunt from Jamil, followed with him pulling away from the kiss and halting your movements by holding your wrist. "(Y/n).. what are you doing? I mean, I know what you're doing, but are you sure nows a good time? I mean, like, I want to do this, I do, but, you're upset.. you're vulnerable.. I dont want to take advantage of that. I want you to be in the right mindset for this.. thats all." He looks at you with genuine concern in his eyes, but deep down you can see a hint of lost aswell.

"Jamil.. please, I need you. I've wanted this for so long and I just need a stress reliever.. please, you're the only one who can make me feel better.." tears start to form in your eyes out of sexual frustration. Cant someone just want to be dicked down by their boyfriend in peace? Apparently not in this economy.

Jamil takes a second to think, hand still cupping your face as he avoids looking you in the eye. Looking back at you, he begins to speak. "I just don't want you to think im taking advantage of your vulnerability. So, tell me you want this, and I'll give you everything I have. Promise." He says as he places a soft kiss on your forehead.

"I want this, I want you Jamil." You say with a nod. A smile shows on his face as he stands up and walks to his bathroom. Coming back after a few moments, he has some things in his hands. "I have condoms and stuff, but if you want to we can do it raw and have you take plan b in the morning? Whatever you want dear, im fine with whatever." Taking a minute to scan everything over, you answer. "Raw. Raw is better. Cum inside me too. Please." Blunt. Jamil got so red from you saying that, he starts tripping over his words, which puts a smile on your face.

"Are you sure? Like, SERIOUSLY, are you sure?? I'm just, I-I'm flattered, really, but we don't have to do this, im okay with wearing condoms, or not doing anything at all!" Jamil says as he avoids looking you in the eyes again. Instead of answering with words, you just answer by kissing him, interlocking your fingers with his, giving them a tight yet gentle squeeze. He seems to take the hint and goes back to the bathroom with everything in hand, putting it away.

He comes back looking as red as a tomato as he walks to the bed and sits next to you. Turning to you, you're able to finally be able to catch his lips into a sweet kiss again. This one getting heated quickly with your tongues dancing in a matter of seconds. You begin to take his jacket off as he slowly unbuttons your dress shirt, leaving enough open so he can begin touching your exposed skin. Slipping of his shirt, you begin to touch his chest, reveling in how toned his stomach is.

He begins to slip off your panties with one hand while the other touches the plush of your thighs. Taking the undergarments off and throwing them somewhere in the room, the takes his middle and ring finger and begins to grab slick while unintentionally brushing up against your clit, earning a loud, unexpected moan from you. He begins to push his fingers into your entrance while kissing you, swallowing and hushing your moans.

As he begins to pump his two fingers in and out of you, he takes his thumb and begins to stimulate your clit, which makes you scream his name whilst breaking your kiss. "Shhh honey, I know you like it, but we must be quiet, we don't want anyone intruding, do we?" He says with a tease in his voice as he begins sucking hickeys on your neck in private places. You still have school after all, he wouldn't want you to get in trouble.

With all of the stimulation, you can quite quickly. How couldn't you? Jamil had two fingers inside you, scissoring and curling while his thumb was rubbing circles on you clit. Coming down from your high, you take steady breaths as Jamil begins to unbuckle his belt, taking his pants and boxers off in one go.

Placing one hand on your hip as his other aligns his long, stiff member with your entrance, he looks into your eyes with nothing bit pure love. "If you ever feel uncomfortable, or want to switch positions, or stop or anything during this, just bite my ear okay? And im not saying nibble, im saying full on bite. I dont give a shit if you draw blood i just want you to be comfortable and happy, okay?" Nodding your head in anticipation, he kisses you as he slowly sinks his member into you.

It hurts. The pain is indescribable, but it quickly morphs into pleasure as he sinks in more. Jamil begins to groan, softly saying under his breath how tight you are, how you're taking him so well, how beautiful you look. Spoonfeeding you praise after praise as he reaches you deepest ends of you.

Finally bottoming out, he hugs your waist, kissing your neck softly. "Tell me when I can move, love." Waiting a minute or two to be adjusted to his size, you speak up. "You can move now." And with that, he begins to thrust in and out of you. Choked moans fill the room from you both as he tries to find a steady pace.

Jamil begins to lean down to your ear, praising how good you feel, telling you how amazing you are and telling you how lucky he is to have you. As he begins to thrust harder and deeper, he begins to kiss you. Its more teeth and tongue than anything, you're both acting like starved beasts who haven't eaten in days.

As Jamil experimentally pulls out and slams his cock back into you, the both of you groan loudly, realizing that he hit your g-spot. As he continues to go in and out of you at a rapid, yet somehow soft pace, you begin to feel his cock twitch inside of you.

Leaning to your ear, he praises you more. "My love, you're making me feel so good. I know you already said I could, but will you please give me permission to cum inside you? You make me feel so amazing, I need you so bad." He says as you moan his name again, not caring who'll hear anymore. Nodding as permission, he releases he load into you, making a few deep thrusts so you cum aswell.

Laying together to catch your breaths, Jamil slowly pulls out, watching as your body twitches from being empty. Going into his bathroom again, he grabs two waters and some sweets for you. "Eat up. You lost a lot of energy just now. I'll go and run a bath for us."

Once you're finished with your snacks and water, Jamil carries you bridal style to the bathroom. Placing you in the bath first, he climbs in after you. He then snakes his arms around your waist and pulls you into his lap. As he begins to wash you up, shampooing your hair and putting bodywash on you, your hands find their way back to his semi hardened member. Jamil practically chokes on his moan as you begin to stroke him, running your finger up and down his shaft.

He looks at you with confusion, earning a small chuckle from you. "One more round? Please?" You say, looking up at him with pleading eyes. He let's out a sigh, picking you up by the waist and slowly sinking you down on his now hardened cock. Getting into a position where your face is buried in his chest, you're content with not moving and just staying as is.

As he begins to wash you more, barely moving his hips as his one hand grips your waist, he starts to kiss more marks into your neck again. "My love, you've sparked something in me. Now im not sure if I can stop after 'one more round'," he practically growls in your ear. This may have been one long week, but this was going to be an even longer night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[theorahsart]

Hi!! So, firstly, I’m absolutely obsessed with your Robespierre comic, when I first learned about him I thought he was autistic, so I’m really glad to see I’m not the only one who has this theory!! Kinda leading on from that, Robespierre obviously had pretty bad health, and towards the end of his life especially, he took a lot of time off of work due to illness- do you think this was an actual physical illness, or a nervous breakdown, or burnout, or some kind of combination of all three?

Aaaah thank you 😭 That's so kind, and I love that I keep finding more and more people that agree with this theory. It's especially cool that some experienced historians also have considered this (such as Saintjustitude here on Tumblr!)

TLDR: I personally think it's a combination of all three- but when it comes to the physical illness thing, I personally think any physical symptoms were born from the other two factors. More detailed thoughts below :3

Autism affects you in such a physical way (or, it always has with me). I'm so over-sensitive to stimuli, that a normal amount of stress that most people get makes me feel physically sick (once when I had a stomach bug I didnt realise until everyone else caught it, cos the symptoms were the same as when I'm getting sensory overload 😅) When its really, really bad, I find it hard to regulate my adrenaline- I get ulcers in mouth, my tummy is out of whack for days. I definately have to isolate myself from others just to try and re-regulate my body, any conversation or noise just sets off my adrenaline again. I speculate on whether a similar impact may have been had with Robespierre.

We do know he had 'sores' on his legs during his last bout of illness. I've gone with the assumption that these sores were hives of some kind- since the only other kind of sores people get are either from an extremely rare immune disorder or from very poor circulation in the legs. I'll assume Robespierre at least didn't have poor leg circulation since he was supposedly walking Brount every afternoon and was known to stick very rigidly to his routines. Hives/welts also suggests extreme stress- or well, this is again the case in my personal experience.

Regards burnout- I think it's safe to say all CPS members present at the same time were probably dealing with burnout, its not normal in any time period to work for so long and only sleep 4 hours tops. They were human after all!! 😭

With Robespierre's inner-feelings, we have some accounts from ppl he knew and Robespierre himself saying he was deeply unhappy and stressed at the time. He became 'unwell' quite a few times after various emotional conflicts over the years in politics, and for situations much less stressful than what he dealt with in 1794. And Im pretty sure I could pull up numerous examples where he 'fixates' on something and will not let it go. So imagine being someone who obsesses over things to the point of acute anxiety, who is then dealing with all the impossible problems of 1794. This combination of factors suggests to me someone who could easily have been prone to a nervous breakdown during that time.

I'm thinking about all this from an autism perspective, but this is probably true of anyone under high stress, so I think you can easily consider this without speculating on Robespierre being autistic. Although he didn't seem to handle situations as well as the other CPS members. You could say this was due to health, I say it was due to autism. But as I said at the beginning, in my experience physical health and autism are connected closely.

I hope that's a satisfying answer!

[icumpinkglitterxo]

Who is he?

part 3 (a)

a/n: kinda spoiler but this is just a build up for the next two chapters. the calm before the storm 😈

warnings: im not really sure there are any

part 2

enjoy ★

Slash stares at them. He's not entirely sure how to feel. Axl was sitting on the wall with a black haired, pale, scrawny looking boy. All they were doing was sharing a joint. That's not what bothered him. People share joints all the time. What bothered him was how quickly he seemingly moved on.

Nat looks up at him, "are you okay? She carefully asks. He opens his mouth to answer, but Axl spots him, "shit," he says, a little too calm.

Axl comes over to them, the black haired boy following curiously. "Hey..." Axl says, looking down at the ground. Nat backs away a little. Slash stays quiet. "Uh... haven't seen you around in a while," Axl says, looking at Slash but not making eye contact.

"Been sick," Slash says, shrugging. Axl notices his bandaged wrist, and he immediately grabs it, "shit, what happened?" Slash feels his eyes welling up. He didn't realise how much he actually missed the ginger prick until now. The way he was gently holding his wrist and the concern on his face just like when they were dating.

They finally make eye contact.

They stare at each other silently. It wasn't hate. It wasn't love, it wasn't remorse, it wasn't guilt. It wasn't anything. But it was overwhelmingly all of those things at the same time. Slash breaks the silence after a long while, "who is he?"

Axl drops his wrist and clears his throat, "uh, t-this is Izzy... he moved here last week," Izzy smiles slightly. It was clear he didn't know about Slash and Axl. He was angry. "New friend of yours?" Axl at him with the same amount of rage. The way Slash had put an emphasis on 'friend' meant he knew there was something between the two of them. Both of them were angry with eachother.

Axl smiles angrily, "yep. New... friend."

"Uh, Slash?" Nat chimes in. He looks at her, "what?" She grabs his hand, "my dad... he's waiting for us... come on, you need to eat" Slash sighs and nods, "yeah, yeah, I'm coming," he says, then looks back up at Axl.

Nat has to physically drag him away.

Another few weeks pass. Slash and Axl had done a great job avoiding eachother. Nat was doing everything she could to distract him, and the thing that worked best was talking about her own love life.

It was a Saturday night, Slash was at her place helping her get ready for her date with Michelle.

"How many dates have you been on with this girl?" He asks. "Four" Nat replies, trying to fix her makeup. "Do I get to meet her?" She pauses. "Not yet..." He scoffs, "why not?" She looks at him and frowns, "because I'm not ready to introduce her yet!"

Slash sighs, "yeah, alright. You ready to go?" Nat smiles excitedly, "I think so... I'm really nervous. I might puke." Slash drops Nat off for her date and then he drives back home. On his way, he spots Axl and Izzy sitting in the park.

He grips the steering weel tighter, staring at them angrily. They were simply chatting. Until Axl looked over and saw Slash staring at them.

Suddenly Axl couldn't keep his hands off Izzy, grabbing him, kissing him, holding him. Slash drove off, pretending like he didn't care. Like it wasn't the most painful thing he'd ever experienced.

He drove off into the night, driving around aimlessly.

[n0n-sen-se]

bats my pretty eyelashes at you

Sen I have a request!!

Im still sick could I mayhaps have some agnsty comfort headcannons with my fave boys Sanemi and Rengoku?

Thank you Sen!! 🫶🏾

-🍷

mayhaps you absolutely can anon! i present to you:

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐒/𝐎 𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐒𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬!

includes ;; sanemi, rengoku, gn!reader content ;; angst, hurt/comfort a/n ;; i flatlined writing this so- anyway, considering i had no idea how to start these for a good minute; i think they're pretty good (!?) also sorry for writing so much (wanted to get it just right)so i can hope?

☆☆☆ # sanemi shinazugawa !

gets nervous. extremely nervous- and angry, to the point that he's shaking with anxiety.

at first, the sight of you bedridden makes him frown. and he'll do it often too.

he's lost a ton of people he cares about, your not going to be next.

although he tries to act angry, or short with you sometimes. . . its just to cover up the fact that he's terrified of losing you. (or the prospect of it)

he'd like to be next to you at any given moment, grabbing you warm food and tucking you in to the point you can't squirm out. anything. but he just- he can't

hell, he'd take the pain from you if he could, without an ounce of hesitation. . . but he can only watch and wait. . . until you get better.

but most times he physically can't be there.

the nights he has to be away from you, he's carrying out missions for the corps and cutting/beating down anyone that gets in his way.

everyone feels his uncertainty and rage:

in the way he overkills those poor lesser demons, the way he shoves the kakushi out of his way, and going as far as fighting another hashira over it

like his violent outbursts- it's literally out of his control, on top of the fact that he can barely care for you himself when you need him most.

what was the point of getting so strong? those years of training. what was the point if he was so helpless?

when he gets the chance too (after a long night of work that has his muscles seizing) he'll climb into bed with you and just hold you.

listening to your unsteady breathing, and when he's sure your in a deep sleep, he'll cry.

soundlessly, but his body is shuddering with silent pain. . . and he's trying not to let his tears fall on you but. . . he's really:

❛sorry. i'm so sorry❜

eventually, he feels he owes it to you to explain all of his frustrations, and worries.

he waits until you wake up, waiting the whole night without budging or even thinking about falling asleep.

and when you wake up, he whispers it to you, hugging you tightly so you can't see his eyes watering up or his teeth grinding against each other. he feels like an entire idiot explaining it to you.

afterwards, takes a deep (shaky) breath and kisses you tiredly. who cares if he gets sick too, he's too tired to care.

☆☆☆ # kyojuro rengoku !

he's been around sickness.

he knows the signs. and he knows how to treat most things; come fevers, chills, aches, he can handle it.

what he can't handle, is how it makes him so uneasy.

when you get sick, its one of the few times you ever see him so serious and solemn.

feeding you, helping you bathe, cuddling up to you for body heat and comfort. anything you need, he'll try to be a whim away.

kyojuro knows a bad morale won't do any good for you, so, like always, he'll try to be the ray of sunshine you need. . .

but it breaks his heart every time.

when your sore throat breaks, when you groan from the aches, wince at the pain in your head. . . the fact you can never be comfortable despite everything he tries.

you'll see it too. in his face. the slight knot in his brows, the way his lips are pressed tightly together.

he's just so helpless, forced to watch and wait while your health is on the line.

kyojuro goes in and out of your room, fetching water for you, or soup- whatever helpful excuse he can make up- to go somewhere quiet and cry his heart out.

like the snap of his fingers, he's a little kid all over again. it reminds him so much of his mother.

its hard to pull himself together. he's rarely cried so hard before, so he sucks at covering it up. (his eyes would be puffy and his nose a little runny) at that point you'd think he was sick too

he always tries to hold you hand, squeezing you palm tightly in his. and he hopes its as reassuring to you as it is to him.

because he needs it to.

falls asleep next to you from exhaustion. (he's sitting next to you, head resting on the mattress) and somehow wakes up at the slightest noise you make-- despite his ear being partially deaf.

he always goes the extra mile to get your medicine, dedicated to you and your health.

tries to remind himself that it will be okay (and he tells you that often to) but it can hardly shake the worry and dread off his heart.

[wildflowerteas]

we finally got elli booksandpaperss to start tsp and it took them literally 4 hours to read chapter 1 (cause we went off on a multitude of unrelated tangents frequently) BUT HERE ARE THEIR REACTIONS

ELLI BOOKSANDPAPERSS HI HELLO IM SOOOO SORRY FOR WHAT THEY'VE BEEN PUTTING YOU THROUGH

ooohhhhh the nostalgia. i was talking 2 a friend the other day about this, but reading the first chapter of TSP in my google doc makes me soo so nostalgic. things were just so much simpler then 😭 Mark calling Atsushi 'Tiger,' Akutagawa being, well . . . Akutagawa. On that note, I always get so nervous about sskk's dynamic here, because they don't have the whole 'rival organizations' thing going on, and once that's taken away they're actually quite compatible, friendly, and in-tune with one another ( see: BEAST ) but it's just a leap away from Canon that i feel sick every time i think about how it'll be received.

POOR ELLI 😭 I forgot just how much happens in the pilot chapter. It's almost 13k words, but that fact never seems to stick in my brain.

WHO IS HANA. MORE PEOPLE?

OOhhhghhghhhh dazai's absence being physical. Only to Fukuzawa, though ( I actually haven't shown much of how Kunikida and Sasaki and Tanizaki are dealing with him being gone in the present ), but that's because Fukuzawa saw Dazai less as a subordinate and more as a ward. The empty physical space ( his desk ) is also filled by Akutagawa, who doesn't even know he's sitting where Dazai did twenty years ago.

THE CONSES ARE QUENCING. Stealing that!!!!!!

This is why the atsushi art was getting rb'd . . . man i don't even blame you guys. i don't have access to Clip Studio paint right now ( because I'm abroad without a subscription on my tablet nad away from my wacom u_u ). but when i get back, and when I'm settled in Australia for next semester, there WILL be more of him!!!! provided the burn out of finishing the fic by then doesn't absolutely kill me.

oh GOD i have to update that reference post. It's not up to date at all.

Nyxi . . . (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )<3

phew this was wild. I'm so glad Elli is enjoying it so far ( also I'm having a very visceral reaction to all of your messages back--if i could reach through the screen and cover your mouths to silence you i would. no spoilers!!!!!!!!! spare Elli please!!!!!!! )

[nobodyimportant41]

The Jack Stauber's legacy challenge

Jack Stauber is my favorite solo artist, and i been wanted to write another legacy challenge for a while now. So i checked if someone wrote it already and it looks like no!

Before starting...:

I'm only doing micropops ONLY because they usually larger and have more of a story

Im from Argentina, so i may spell some things wrong

As always, i may change some lyrics or interpret them on my own way

The generations will not follow their launch order, the order will be only for storytelling

Non-heir sims don't have to have names related to others songs, but i would recommend for having more fun!

Enjoy!

WARNING:

This challenge contains sensible topics such as domestic abuse, low self love and others. Don't read if your sensible

General rules:

Sims don't have to represent their songs phisically, but you can do it if you want to

You choose if the heirs will have the names of their songs or they not (you don't have to put the whole song, for example, for gen2 you can just call they Hamantha)

You can choose the lifespan or edited with MCCC, but i recommend using "normal"

Heir sims can look whatever you want and have any gender/sexuality, but they MUST reflect their personality with their looks

You may use cheats for storytelling

OPTIONAL: each generation must have a different type of teeth

Of course, if you don't have certain DLC, you can change/skip certain goals

Packs:

Ep: Seasons (gen 1 and 2), Be famous (gen 2 and 10), Get to work (gen 3) , Snowy Escape (gen 4), cats and dogs (gen 1) and lovestruck (gen 5)

Gp: Parenthood (gen 8)

Sp: Vintage glamour (Gen 9)

Gen 1; Bumblebees are out:

Story: Your mother died when you were very young and your father started drinking WAY too much nectar and he started to physically abuse you... luckily, one time when he passed out decided to escape to never go back. You were only yourself and your will to become someone better than your parents...

Traits:

Paranoid

Childish

Loves the outdoors

Goals:

Complete the freelance botanic aspiration

Max the gardening and fishing skills

Max the gardener career (any branch)

Start this challenge running away from your home

Have a bee box

Rescue a stray cat or dog

Gen 2; The ballad of Hamantha:

Story: You grew up with people telling you how pretty you were but it doesn't matter how much thry told it to you, you still felt ugly.. you only dreamed of becoming the best film star in the world! Will you finally achieved it with what you call your "fat like ham face"?

Traits:

Gloomy

Ambicious

Loner

Goals:

Complete the world famous celebrity aspiration

Max the acting and singing skills

Max the acting career

Get struck by lighting at least once

Die before/during being an elder

Gen 3; Doctor:

Story: You were always a serious person which all that matter to them was becoming an succesful doctor, you only cared about studying medicines and sickness, until you met that coworker, it was love at first sight, even if that person only wanted to have fun and become a jokestar AND after being hurt by your teen love?

Traits:

Bookworm

Genius

Loner

Goals:

Complete the soulmate aspiration

Max the logic and wellness skills

Max the doctor career

As a teen, be into a toxic relationship and break with them as a young adult

Marry a coworker with an opposite personality

Gen 4; Fighter:

(This is the best Jack's song and i will not elaborate)

Story: Since you were a kid, you always loved your bestfriend; MORE than just like a friend. You wanted to show them how "strong" and brave you were! But each time you tried to impress them, you became nervous by their presence and end up ruining EVERYTHING. You were pretty ashamed of yourself but they found it adorable! No matter what, you said to yourself that you will show them that you were a strong fighter!

Traits:

Active

Self centred

Clumsy

Goals:

Complete the body builder aspiration

Max the fitness and rock climbing skills

Max the athletic career (bodybuilder branch)

Marry your childhood best friend

Win as few fights as you can

Gen 5; Baby hotline:

Story: Romance has always been your favorite topic besides technology. You could spend days thinking about how cute couples were!.. but there was a problem with you, you didn't wanted to have a partner, you wanted to have lots of them! Maybe you could create a hotline for singles...

Traits:

Geek

Romantic

Non-commital

Goals:

Complete the serial romantic aspiration

Max the romance and programming skills

Work as an freelance programmer

All your apps you create must be romance related

Watch the romance channel at least once a week

Gen 6; Dinner is not over:

Story: Your parent had MANY partners at the same time while you..well..the fact that they bring a new sim EACH NIGHT made you dislike the idea of romance. Whats the idea of having a relationship if it doesn't matter? You could use that time on cooking!

Traits:

Un-flirty

Foodie

Snob

Goals:

Complete the master chef aspiration

Max the gourmet cooking and mixology skills

Max the culinary career (any branch)

Revive after becoming a ghost

Never got into a serious relationship before passing to the next gen

Story: you were always a cruel secret agent with a stone heart, if you had to get to that secret file, you WILL get that secret file, nothing did matter! Until you met THAT sim, you thought you had found your soulmate! But later than sooner you discovered that they were only using for information...Why did cupid had to be this cruel?

Gen 7; Cupid:

Traits:

Materialist

Unflirty

Paranoid

Goals:

Complete the mansion baron aspiration

Max the charisma and mischief skills

Max the secret agent career (villain branch)

After divorcing, never get into a relationship again

Have twins

Gen 8; Cheeseburger family:

Story: you grew up in a not so happy household because your parent was mostly crying. So your sibling and you tried cheer them up! Sadly, that never happended... you just wanted to have a BIG happy family and cook for them each day...

Traits:

Glutton

Slob

Family oriented

Goals:

Complete the big happy family and cheese sandwich aspirations

Max the cooking and parenting skills

Be a stay at home parent

Have at least 5 kids

Adopt at least one pet

Gen 9; Keyman:

Story: You grew up in..not the whealtiest household but in a really happy one! Of course, having many siblings, its hard to stand out, but for you, it was pretty easy! You could write the first thing that come at your mind and your parents will celebrate it! Your sibling weren't very happy...but you didn't cared!

When you moved out, you started falling in love with your neighboor! But when they moved with you and decided to hire a butler, you notice that you ALSO found the butler quite cute...

Traits:

Romantic

Self centred

Creative

Goals:

Complete the best seller author aspiration

Max the piano and writing skills

Max the writer career (journalist branch)

Marry one of your neighboors

When married, cheat with the butler and have a kid with them (this kid MUST be the next heir)

Gen 10; There's something happening:

Story: Your family situation was never great since your step parent didn't really like you and your other parent (gen 9's butler) didn't wanted to aknowledge you... but luckily, your classmates really liked you and your extravagant fashion sense! You always told the world that they were looking at the next best fashion designer of the WHOLE simworld!

Traits:

Self-assured

Outgoing

Childish

Goals:

Complete the fabulously wealthy aspiration

Max the Photography and knitting skills

Max the fashion influencer career (stylish branch)

Become at least a 3 starts celebrity

Marry someone who shares at least one of your traits

[bearcubblues]

im a little nervous to share these because it's kind of an odd fandom to have agere hcs for but im being brave. trevor phillips regressor hcs because i can do whatever i want :3

⚠️ some of these are sad, warning for past child abuse

- typically 9-12 years old, he's a big kid. he can drop to like 4-7 though that's rare

- has tantrums and is angry and cusses michael out and is a brat

- needs things done for him, his motor skills are really bad when regressed

- gets really pouty about how tall he is he wishes he was smaller

- constantly asking michael for snacks he just wants goldfish and fruit snacks constantly

- still tugs on the hem of michael's shirt to get his attention even though michael is 3/4" taller and trevor is fully capable of talking

- michael is patient with him but he doesn't get it at all. he can't bring it up to friedlander without him thinking that he's doing it and he doesn't want that

- incredibly secretive about it michael is the only one that knows. it's borderline involuntary but he's able to keep it stifled until he's alone or just with michael. lamar has almost found out about it but he doesn't want that to happen because he doesn't think lamar would get it at all

- he doesn't really get it himself it's just a function of his brain that he doesn't have a ton of control over. he's read like two articles about it

- his parental issues make it a really weird thing for him. he was never able to really be a kid when he was a kid but he doesn't get any sort of catharsis from it now. he feels kind of sick when he's done and itchy and guilty. it really doesn't help him at all but he likes making michael do things for him

- rarely cuddly but sometimes he just sits there and pouts and huffs and crosses his arms until michael sits down beside him and he'll lay in his lap and cry because he feels yucky

- he is ONLY t or trev or trevvy. he hates getting called trevor when he's regressed. trevvy is his favorite

- very much "i'm boooooredddd" and he turns down anything michael suggests. he usually just watches impotent rage/plays with impotent rage figures

- sometimes gets scared and thinks that michael is going to hit him because of memories of his dad and he tries to either hide or hit michael first and he has to be physically restrained and it's very stressful for everyone involved

- when he gets too little he just cries and lashes out and doesn't understand why he feels so helpless and guilty and bad. it's incredibly unpleasant for him but he can't help it

- didn't start doing it until michael raised from the dead. he doesn't know why

- exclusively calls michael "mikey" (which he already does a lot. but when regressed it's ONLY mikey)

- he bites

- scribbles pictures of michael getting hurt in various ways when he's mad at him

- sleeps a lot. if jimmy or tracey or amanda come home and see trevor passed out on their couch it's a guarantee he was regressed when he went to sleep

[sammyluvr]

nooo sweetness im sorry ur not feeling good! im so so scared of shots too i get u 😭😭

can i like lowkey ask u for advice abt this boy?? 😔 i literally just need to talk to someone about the situation im in aaah

-💐

ahhh thank you love <33 luckily i'm not feeling too physically unwell like sick or anything!! i was just nervous i would get sick. right now i'm just sore and tired lol but yeah... shots are my worst enemy. blood work scares me even more ajhfkjalkd bleh

but absolutely yes you may!! ask away, i will do my best, you can tell me and ask me as much as you like/need. the mind of boys are a mystery to me but i'll try my hardest to help lol

[spongeofaces]

hi!! if possible i'd love to get a romantic matchup >< (sorry for being anon, i know its not preferred for you but i feel a bit more comfy this way if thats okay!!) ALSO WARNING i'm going to yap a ton here.

first things first, you can call me yun if you must !! i'm an enfj in terms of mbti BUT i find myself to be somewhat of an ambivert! my friends describe me as super quiet at first but the more i get to know someone the louder i become, and i get a lot more open! i personally really love hanging out with my friends but sometimes i just get drained so .. but otherwise hm i feel like with people who i'm closer with i'll probably be more blunt n banter with them more but again i walk on eggshells more with people im not familiar with. i love reading, art, nd trying new hobbies, right now i lovee crochet and crafts!

in terms of what i want in a partner, maybe someone who i can be truly comfortable around. someone who doesn't care about the way i act with them, and also someone who i'd be able to treat as a friend too, like being able to banter with them and not having to show them my best self and knowing they'll still love me for that! but through that also the small romantic things that scream "you're my partner" — also a bit like leona i've something with wanting to be someone's first choice and while thats not a trait persay do with that info what you will! i'd love someone who wouldn't mind me being clingy even if i'll do my own thing at times! and someone who wouldn't mind me being vulnerable, even if they can't give good advice they can just listen.

for traits — as long as they treat me well i guess, and honesty too. i don't need someone whose live revolves around me but also not someone who's distant from me 24/7.. a nice balance in between you know! like i said, small acts are cute to me too. i think bantering is cute in relationships but ofc not too much just! also i find possessiveness cute to some extent.. something i just don't like at all is dishonesty but oh well. someone who is the personification of the lyric "i know he did you wrong but we're not all bad" im a sucker for that (this isnt needed im just yapping)

my love languages are quality time, physical touch and gift giving! i'm not one to initiate physical touch but i do really like it. i am shamelessly touch starved and so i require someone who would enjoy things like cuddles (im a shameless little spoon too btw) but ofc we can work our way up to it im bad with words so gifts are the way to go.. defs related to my hobbies like annotated books if they like reading or just crochet stuff bc..

ofc spending time with them is super super important to me but as i said not 24/7 BUT also there are exceptions it depends i just like someone who can stay by my side and make me feel loved

i think i'm yapping too much so lastly maybe none of the first years because i see them all as platonic bffs ☆ and no teachers just in case

SOOOOO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG!! I hope the end result is okay 🙇‍♀️

---

I match Yun with...

🐙 Azul Ashengrotto 🐙

-:-:-:-

He may attempt to suggest otherwise, but this man is a hopeless romantic. Azul can be both confident and completely awkward in a relationship, not prepared to open up immediately, but not planning to lie either. It may take some coaxing, but the more time he spends with you, the more willing he becomes, even feeling safe enough to admit his insecurities and doubts. Azul is very, very nervous admitting it, but he doesn't want to keep things from you. As much as he wishes he wasn't, Azul is afraid that if you see anything but his best, you'll think less of him. But, you don't, which only makes him love you all the more.

It'll take a lot of time for Azul to gain enough confidence to ask for contact, but if you ever accept, he's going to be the hugger of huggers. He'll start small. Oh, you're sitting on the couch? Well, maybe he'll put an arm around your shoulder. Feeling sick so you've got to lie down? He could subtly shuffle over to crouch beside you and hold your hand. Only to keep you company, not because he wants to... is what he tries to tell himself. Eventually, Azul will get more bold and less ashamed with his actions, just popping over whenever he feels the need for the comfort of your touch. He'll back off if you tell him he's being too much, so just be honest with your boundaries.

Very willing to banter. He'll go back and forth with you for hours if you let him. He finds it incredibly entertaining. Sometimes you might catch Jade listening in from across the room; hopefully not for blackmail purposes.

As soon as he finishes classes and his work at the Mostro Lounge, he seeks you out; whether to take you out on a date, to help you with schoolwork, or just to be by your side. Azul wants to spend as much time with you as he can, while you'll have him.

If you give him a lil crochet octopus, he may just die on the spot. It'll be sitting on his desk 24/7 - along with any other gifts you make for or give to him.

You'll find yourself being treated to delicious dishes constantly. He won't admit he's doing it for your sake, he'll just lie and say that he's trying to test whether the dish is good enough to be added to the lounge's menu by watching your facial expressions as you eat it. Any positive feedback will be met with a flush and him trying to subtly hide his face behind his sleeve.

He'll always make time for you, even on his busiest days. He's ready to listen fully to whatever you have to say, or rant about. Azul doesn't care if you stumbling around the words, or can't quite get the right meaning across, he'll patiently wait until you've said your piece.

Extra tidbits:

MBTI Compatibility - Snippet taken from www.crystalknows.com:

ENTJs are likely to trust ENFJs who express themselves directly; ENTJs appreciate it when ENFJs participate in discussion or share ideas with them. ENFJs tend to trust ENTJs who try to build meaningful, personal connections with them; ENFJs will feel connected to ENTJs who are considerate and compassionate.

When did he start liking you? After his overblot, when the two of you were talking in the museum. He found the way you smiled endearing, although it wasn't until much later (and numerous occasions of teasing from the tweels) that he figured out why.

How'd you two get together? It was abrupt. Floyd was in a bad mood one day and he got sick of watching Azul pine after you. Like, just grow a spine and confess already? Jeez... So, as Floyd's unpredictable self does, he grabbed Azul by the collar, dragged him across the courtyard to your side, confessed for him, and walked off grumbling, leaving behind a very, very, flustered and indignant Azul. This was not how he planned to ask you out!! His heart is absolutely pounding. Oh, by the seven, how embarrassing... Floyd is definitely gonna pay for that later. (Floyd, in fact, did not pay for that later, because you accepted. Azul almost fainted, ngl)

A song for the relationship:

I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend by Hot Freaks.

Other options: Lilia and Cater.

[starswallowingsea]

on one hand i feel full of myself on the other hand i've never gotten a bad grade on a presentation and i dont have stage fright

to edit this cover letter or submit it as is

[emo-trash101]

hi! i’d love to request a matchup for hazbin hotel :))

i have short wavy hair and an asymmetrical haircut, my hair is currently dyed red, i have brown hair and brown eyes and i wear glasses. i have a baby face, im short and kind of chubby, and a little insecure about my appearance.

my zodiac is cancer sun, taurus moon, leo rising if that helps you at all!

i’m pretty sensitive but i hate showing it (and usually don’t, im a pretty good actor). i can be pretty clingy and insecure, but i try not to let it show too much.

i can get pretty lonely and i love to share all my obsessions with people, but i also get drained from social interactions pretty quickly.

i love having people who can make me laugh, and especially people who laugh at my jokes. i really enjoy having people to banter with.

my main love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation, but i really like quality time and acts of service as well.

i hate being condescended, or feeling dismissed or like im not being listened to. if i feel like my opinion or presence is unwanted in a situation i’ll shut down very quickly, but if someone i love makes me feel that way i tend to lash out. i try my best to communicate how im feeling but i can get really emotional sometimes.

i wear some variation of the same outfit everyday, i love music, movies, watching tv, reading, and writing. i love animals but im kinda scared of going outside (bugs and allergies). i’m very awkward and i talk a lot when im nervous (which is like all the time). i’ve been a theater kid since i was 4 years old and i love disney movies (my fav is princess and the frog). i’m the kind of person who doesn’t really like to talk to new people unless i have to so im terrible at making friends. i can be quite rude but i don’t try to be i just can’t read social cues. i really really love rocks, im vegetarian (or at least trying to be), deficient in like a million vitamins, have a bad stomach, auditory processing issues, and mental illness. i have very dry humor and i say things without thinking about them, so i make really weird jokes that usually only i understand. i get sick pretty often, i get lightheaded easily and have bad joints. i love sweet things and would eat nothing but chocolate all the time if i could. i can’t keep eye contact well, i stare at random areas on peoples faces when in conversation. i need time to recharge alone after pretty much any social situation. im a bit of a perfectionist and i can become obsessive over trying to fix everything that’s bothering my friends or those i love. i can be quite irritable and get frustrated easily especially when im anxious but it’s pretty easy to calm me down with a hug or verbal affirmations. i’m kind of like a cat in the way that i can be extremely clingy but sometimes i hate to be touched. i take a lot of naps and i might have narcolepsy and/or chronic fatigue.

i’m trans-masc and bi (but i prefer boys).

Okay okay, so I think you match up best with

LUCIFER

(No it's not just because you're a theatre kid and he's voiced by Jermey Jordan)

I feel that based off of how you described being really sensitive and emotional, this man would be (relatively) well equipped to handle it. I also think that he would be really good for making you feel comfortable (Sorry I'm shit at explaining my reasoning for things sometimes 😭)