#im so god damn tired
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This week has been trying to kill me
#puffer talks#seizure in shower and concussion scare? check#seizure cluster that almost sent me to the ER and basically knocked me out for two days? check#projectile vomitting today? check#im so god damn tired#y'know things are rough when i actually take a nap because i hate naps
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You know what? I would love to be a damsel in distress. I would love for literally anyone to try and save me from anything for once in my life. I have taken care of everyone else for my entire life and had to rescue everyone else and when can it be my fucking turn. If I am suddenly perceived as helpless will someone finally treat me as though I weren't bullet proof? I have proven time and time again that nothing will destroy me and I would like someone for once to not take that as a challenge to find a bigger fucking wrecking ball. I want to be treated gently. I want someone to not try and find my breaking point. Why is everyone always trying to find a bigger gun to shoot me with to see if this is finally the one that kills me.
So yeah it would be great to be a damsel in distress. I am in distress and I would love to be saved. I can eventually save myself but I want someone, ANYONE to try for once. Is it too much to ask that I be treated as the human creature I am instead of the indestructible monstrosity I have been forced to become? I was never given the option of being soft. I was tossed into the sea with nothing but my grit and determination to survive and told to sink or swim and then left there.
So yes I know that to everyone I look like the terrifying dragon guarding the tower but they don't know the maiden I'm guarding is myself. If someone could just look past my battle scars and armor they would see the exhausted woman who just wants someone to offer me help. A soft touch instead of an attack. A gentle word. Feathers instead of stones. I'm so tired of being my own knight in shining armor. I would accept the witch's apple at this point just for some relief but she never thinks to offer it to the wreck I have been forced to become. What do I have to do for someone to see me? I don't know how to shed my scales or take off my armor. I have never known a life without them. Will I be forever stuck in the same loop of adversaries when all I want is a partner, a helping hand, a small gesture of kindness.
I am the scarred, scaled, battered creature that everyone is told you must fight to reach the damsel but what I wouldn't give to be literally anyone else.
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above all else a trans woman is a person. above all else a trans women is a woman who goes to the same grocery store as you and buys fruits in the same grocery cart as you and goes home and eats her dinner the same as you. above all else a trans woman is a woman who dresses like you do and talks the same way you do. above all else a trans woman is a woman who wants to be cared about the same way you want to be cared about and a trans woman is a woman who makes friends the same way you make friends. above all else you should care about trans women because they are people. treat her as such.
#pig originals#im so fucking tired. right now. let me know if something here doesnt make sense or whatever but god damn#its always the fucking singling out of transfem people i just. want everyone to have a normal life#i want everyone to have the chance to worry over their clothes or whatnot not whether. they're going to be respected as Actual Human Beings#i want us all to have the opportunity to live quiet happy lives forever#can we fucking do it!!!!! ahh!! ahh im going to explode
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Not to be that person but if your vision insurance give you a free pair of glasses and you plan on buying a different pair anyways...even if you don't like any of the frames the insurance offers. TAKE THE GOD DAMN FREE PAIR OF GLASSES!!!!!!
Like for fucks sakes I'd kill to get free glasses. My parents spent a fortune on me and my glasses and you would turn down free ones because they are not your aesthetic?!?!?!
#god im so fucking mad#like i was trying to be fucking helpful and you fucking lie about me#like don't blame me for the fact your insurance has a lot of restrictions#im so god damn tired
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evee see cc thats been in early access for like three months and think "man, this is not worth the money youre trying to charge me for it"
#sims 4#bapho rambles#im so god damn tired#your shitty cc that only works in cas is not worth 10 buck#especially if its a conversion with no uniqur dwatches you made yourself#like please step outside.
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I want to disappear]
#;ooc#there is no point in existing#my job is killing me#im not sleeping#im not *okay*#but i have all these bills to pay and its*bullshit*#im so tired#im so god damn tired
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So: further bad news, gang
Laptop I bought shit a brick and would no longer boot (had several blue screens even during before and after attempting to factory reset it and multiple windows recovery errors) so no more writing for a bit.
Instead of buying a new laptop, I'm going to take my original borked desktop to Best Buy to see if Geeksquad can't fix her because god almighty if I trust another local shop and they forget her again, I will actually commit murder.
So if you would like to assist me in paying for repairs as I attempt to save every last penny I have for rent, food, and travel, you can do so here:
I don't know how much it will be but I fully anticipate having to get another new motherboard or a brand new psu since it won't boot up at all since the local shop incident— so any amount helps.
Thank you for your time and hhhhhhhhh I am so tired man
#kb rambles#financial aid#computer update#important#signal boost#im so fucking tired of technology breaking on me every five seconds man#so god damn tired
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why is it always my splatoon art being stolen bruhh, just had to deal with an ig account who was getting 5 times the attention off of my stuff
hell even before the game released a random game news site used my first ever deep cut drawing as if it was a game asset, atleast it just took 1 email to make them take it down
#pada speak#yeah i wanna ramble idk man its tiring#im not even a big account and i have to deal with all this#for the love of god asking exists#you can ask#theres so many people who are more than happy to let you share their work#but you need to ASK#not just assume#cause if they dont allow it they have a damn legal case against you
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Late night Sinclair doodles (please god it's 3 am as I am typing this)
#ever since that one line in the book where he said he was outright longing for Demian I had to make something#also it was an excuse to have him say something in german lol#am i projecting that onto him because of where im from? hell yeah#hes my comfort character and i get to choose what ill draw him doing#its 3 am i am so god damn tired#limbus company#limbus#limbus posting#lcb#sinclair lcb#sinclair limbus#emil sinclair#fanart#project moon#sinclair
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Shameless - season 2 episode 11: Just like the pilgrims intended
#shameless#my gifs#favorite episodes of shameless#frank gallagher#monica gallagher#fiona gallagher#lip gallagher#ian gallagher#debbie gallagher#carl gallagher#jimmy steve#karen jackson#what a miserable episode for everyone involved god damn#i only remembered it as the monica tries to kill herself episode#so much bullshit happened#im killing ned with my bare hands#thinking about karen a lot today#fighting for my life trying to color the one with lip im so tired i dont sleep much it's too hot#2x11
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i dont want to say this in a whiney way i mean this in a "trying to find comedy in a bummer situation" way but its kind of funny that from a social media perspective, objectively my sculpts/OOAKs, illustrative art, and plush work is strongly disliked. i have not been able to post any non-cosplay work without losing a good number of followers and they preform very poorly compared to cosplay stuff, like 900 vs 180K poorly. and again i dont want to be caught in social media games and the whole "performance as merit" thing (even though this does kind of bum me out ngl) but.....just from a comedy perspective the thought of someone being like "ug, you made a little guy? disgusting. I hate you. unfollowed." is....kind of bonkers ngl
#i appreciate the interactions they do get and i really REALLY dont want to come off as unappreciative#but this phenomenon is INSANE to witness and have to sit with#and also its like the holes audio of 'im tired of this grandpa' 'thats too damn bad' about people reacting to getting non-cosplay work#like bb girl cosplay is SO so horribly expensive compared to these other crafts#and please dear god in heaven let me do something that is uncoupled to my appearance and still have percived value and worth i beg of thee#so even if people dont want to see my non cosplay work#you gotta
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I actually cannot believe I even need to say this but
Please go take a long walk off a short cliff if you fetishise, fantasise or romanticise Jimmy getting fucking lobotomised OR "vegetablised"
I have seen, far, far, far too much of this shit in the past week or so and I cannot stress this enough, please stay a million fucking miles away from me. Jesus Christ.
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing jimmy#mouthwashing anya#im tired im so god damn tired man#ableism
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Christians will unironically be like: "We have moral standards 😌💅." Yeah, so does literally everyone else you stupid twats, you're not special.
#christians are so damn stupid sometimes istg#ex catholic#ex christian#deconversion#apostate#excatholic#all cultures and religions have a set of moral standards you morons#yes even non Christians have morals oh my fucking god im tired of having this conservation with jesus freaks#non christians are not immoral monsters with no compass to guide them
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it's so damn sad that i have 500+ of you and no one gives a shit that i am curled up on the floor crying holding my old stuffed cat because it's the only thing that hasn't left me and trying not to have a full on break down and jump out a window, but you will just at the chances to correct my shitty behaviors the moment i even momentarily fuck up. suck my dick/not a threat. jesus christ
i am tired. take what i say tonight with a grain of salt. i can't type due to the fact every ounce of liquid in my body is pouring out through my eyes while i try to convince myself life is worth living.
#kairying in here#im so tired#im so exhausted#i feel like im gonna pass out but my body keeps shaking#i feel like everything i do gets criticized and im so sick of it#let me be a person. let me say shit and regret it on my own god damn terms#do not point it out yes i know what i said what fucked up but i do not care#i am angry. i am tired. i am hurt. and if i hurt you well then maybe you deserve it#because you probably hurt me#you people hurt me so damn much#not all of you#but the ones who know who they are know who they are#of course they're all pussys and have me blocked#dumb fucks#deciding to ghost me and leave me for dead after multiple exhausted work nights telling them how much they matter#bullshit. absolute bullshit. you can't care about anyone without them giving you the finger and leaving you#why do i always need to be left behind?#why am i so undesirable that everyone fucking leaves me?#fuck you. fuck all of this shit#fuck this fuck you tumblr#i give up#im done#i quit. i give up. you win. i am a bad person#i am egotistical and rude and i do not take accountability for my actions#are for you fucking happy?#are you glad that ill be dead by tomorrow? that you'll never need to see my fucking face again?#you win. congrats. you get the honor of seeing me bitch for no one to hear#im sick of this. of all of it#my friends are gone. im “too negative”. fuck that#fuck that and fuck you. go eat shit
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youre so real for this take me with you i dont wanna BE HEREEE
well good knowing yall
#i said this earlier when talking to friends but like. i wanted to go to college in state#bc its cheaper and i dont exactly want huge college debts#but brother? i dont even want to go to college in *country* rn if i can get an excuse to get outta here ill fuckin take it#im terrified for my rights my friends are terrified for their rights everythings judt awful#were all making jokes abt it to cope and i dont think its fully hit me yet but man do i feel it#theres a part of me going “what youre gonna cry about this like a pussy?? man up!!” just like always#but yknow i think crying is very appropriate in this situation#if i could id get myself my family and my friends out of this shitty country bc i cannot guarantee that theyll be safe here#some of them already arent and its just gonna get worse#rebog#im so god damn tired
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