#im so fucking tired of allistics

[heavy-buddy]

im gonna ban allistic people from writing autistic characters

[koa-z]

Uh Oh! You ignored an invisible, unspoken social cue that you were supposed to psychically detect without being asked, and now the allistics are cursing you out!: The Movie: The Sequel: The Series: The-

[dream-sans-mogai]

Im so fucking tired of allistic people man...

They always present like 2 choices for you and go on for days about how they understand either choice, they won't judge you no matter what you pick and how they'll be fine regardless then act all disappointed and whiney when you make that choice and they didn't get the answer they wanted.

I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong choice™️. If you wanted me to do something why didn't you say it. I don't care about all your little social shit, be honest with me. I didn't choose based on your wants when I don't know what you want. I made the "selfish" choice despite everyone around me saying they supported my decision and totally understood. Then I'm the bad guy. For making a choice. That I was assured over and over again that I wasn't going to be judged for.... I'm so tired of this... I'm so tired of allistic people setting these fucking landmines for me. Like they enjoy my suffering. I always get fucking burned in these situations. I can either just do what I think they want with varying response or I can be honest and unmask and do what I think is best for me then they all collectively sigh and look away like Im the disappointment...

If it's not truly safe, don't fucking tell me I'm safe. If I truely won't be judged, don't judge me. If I can't safely unmask, don't tell me to be myself and make my own choices. Even allistic people who had no fucking skin in this game judged me. I chose the option that was best for me and now I'm the villain. Again. Fuck allistic people man, fuck those wishy-washy judgey ass people.

[friendlifyre]

one thing i am starting to realize is that if someone ever asks you if something is wrong because you're doing [x behavior that they interpret as a sign of something being wrong], even if you explain that it is an unrelated behavior that doesnt mean anything is wrong on your end, when they are the ones exhibiting that behavior they 100% expect you to just recognize it as an indicator that something is wrong

[autism-corner]

sometimes i think my life is hard but then i talk to any allistic person and. how are they surviving so casually

[wisteriaiswriting]

Hello hello!! im here to (gently) bother u for matchup for tf2 :D

name ~ dmtyro

prns ~ he / she

im an auadhd ambiguously gendered little creature who draws niche nsfw art for a living :D

in general im??? Just kinda a little guy, i like reading and drawing, and im really low energy 99% of the time (that 1% of the time im not tired though i have chronic can’t-shut-the-fuck-up disease)

I’m a hell of a shut in but that’s only because I live in a city and really hate crowds. If I lived out in the middle of nowhere id spend all my time outside. In no small part bc im incompetent socially (also apparently my face is uncanny to allistic folks, bc my expressions range from non existent to visibly forced)

I also have a super limited social battery. I keep a tiny social circle (4 people, 2 of them are my roommates) and there are no real exceptions to that,,, so dates tend to be few and far between, and short when they do happen (unless u count sitting on opposite sides of a room not interacting at all as a date. Bc I can do that all the time /hj)

Otherwise, im a huge science nerd, former full honour student, reads chemistry textbooks for fun type of person.

Aaaaaand I can’t think of anything else to include, except for the fact that my roommate described me as the living embodiment of a khaotic monster; mild, fruity, and established in 2003.

I lied here’s a picture of my cat. He’s covered in leaf bits bc he rolled in leaf bits. he spends his spare time screaming and smelling bad

I match you with...

Medic!!

I’m just gonna state the obvious here, he loves that you read chemistry books. He may be a ‘surgeon’ but he can appreciate some chemistry.

He also loves when you read parts of the book out for him, or anything really, he just likes your voice. <3

He definitely appreciates the fact that you’re quiet most of the time, a huge difference to the others.

When it comes the “1% of the time i'm not tired though i have chronic can’t-shut-the-fuck-up disease” though, he really feels his age come through. So unless he’s in the middle of something really important, you can yap all you want.

With dates, I don't think he is a fan of really short or really long ones. But with your compatibility that won't be a problem.

Your points are:

Medic - 7

Pyro - 5

Scout - 4

Sniper - 4

Demo - 3

Heavy - 3

Spy - 3

Administrator - 3

Soldier - 2

Engi - 2

Miss Pauling - 2

Saxton - 2

[theholidayslingerlikebadperfume]

psa and im really fucking tired of having to explain this but a "trauma bond" is a very, very, very specific phrase that refers to the bond you feel to your abuser. it is talking about how the abuse (trauma) your abuser puts you through creates a strong connection (bond) between the two of you because of the positive reinforcement that comes afterwards. the actual physical going through the abuse/being abused makes you grow closer to your abuser. it is also known as "stockholm syndrome" amongst the public but i am fucking tired of seeing people use the word incorrectly. you cannot "trauma bond" as a way to get closer to people. you cannot "trauma bond" with another but your actual literal abuser, if you have one. you do so much real life harm when you use words you don't comprehend correctly.

in other news, allistics stop looking at words and just assume you fucking know what they mean and google the definitions of new words or phrases before you use them.

[drdemonprince]

could you tell us about your experience with mushrooms? I've tried it many times, and I feel like it hasn't changed anything for me (though i had no expectations), but maybe i was "doing it wrong"

I posted about it a couple weeks back, so you can scroll thru for that, but it didn't do much for me. I felt high like I was on weed, I danced in a warehouse for a while, which was as pleasant as it always is substances or no, I went outside and the grass and leaves were shimmering, my friend drove me in their car and we listened to Bjork and it was very pretty and moving to watch the sunlight glisten on the skyscrapers and the lake, I felt a sense of peace and certainty in living here being an immense gift that I should cement by establishing more permanent roots here, housing wise, and then we went to the beach to watch a drag show and i drank a bubble tea and felt relaxed and good. later in the evening, mostly sober watching children's dog movies of the 90s like All Dogs Go to Heaven, I got kind of emotional. but nothing beyond my normal range of possible feeling. i was depressed the next day, sad like a forlorn child in a manageable way. i was irritable and pissy the next few days, desperately craving my own space and quiet, which used to happen a few years ago when i was in a worse living situation and place in my life. it felt like backsliding. i was annoyed that i felt that way. it stayed like that for a few days. now a couple weeks later im basically the same, but a little more resolute about some changes that i want to make. i feel like a serious adult man. if anything it just got me to where i was mentally heading a little bit faster.

sometimes the shrooms have something to teach you, my friend blair says, and sometimes they don't. while i was high in the car listening to bjork, i turned inward and asked the mushrooms, "hey guys, whats going on? what do i need to know, if anything?" and they said to me (im speaking metaphorically here) "you already know exactly what is going on in your life. you know what you're good at and what you want, and you know what has been persistently making you upset. youve made certain decisions about how to navigate the difficult things in your life, and you have an accurate gauge of what the costs of that are. not much else to say. you know what's going on." and i was like "bet." i didn't hallucinate, i had no big revelations, and i probably wouldnt do it again for a very long time because the come down sucked for me.

people overhype what substances can do for you, a lot of the time. it's just a tool. it can be fun. it can give you diarrhea. it can make you cry, and maybe that's good. it's not a solution to your problems it's just another problem but some problems are worth it in your own risk cost calculus etc.

and i find that many autistic people just aren't all that impacted by substances like allistics are. we're so reflexive at masking that our impulse may be to maintain composure and level headedness at all times. i was pretty sober after anesthesia too. i often wish that substances would give me some grand feeling of release, but once the drug hits my system all i want is to remain in control, as i always do. there's an infamous story about a guy who the CIA tested acid tabs on, who didn't hallucinate or act funny after like 30 consecutive doses. he just seemed normal. it turned out he was at baseline absolutely consumed with debilitating anxiety. so being super fucking high just gave him something to direct his hyperanalytical system's attention to. i hope someone reading this will remember this account and provide a link, im not being super precise. but. there's something about that experience that i relate to. ive never been out of control on any substance. i always seem pretty lucid, maybe a little sillier or more tired but even those things feel like a choice.

[dormircoeur]

im so tired... of people being ableist... no... i cant control my tone of voice... no... im not trying to be aggressive... or disrespectful... im just autistic... allistic people will... wear the color blue... for autism awareness... day... which... is its incredibly ironic... because autism speaks... is a fucking hate group... and then the very next day... police the tone... of an autistic person... silence their emotions... and valid frustrations... as being... too aggressive... and rude... and then try to take away their autonomy... by demanding... that either detailed work... happens faster... or refuses... to let them do the task at all... im not a child... im a full ass grown adult... and i am capable... of doing the same work... as everyone else... in this building... but yes... it does take me longer... adhd and autism... are comorbid... austim... and ocd... are also... comorbid... when you tell me... it needs to be detailed... when you imply... that the choice i made... wont be supported... by the company... otherwise... when you lecture me... on and on... about how important... it is... for this to be an incredibly detailed... report... and then chastise me... when it takes me... an autistic person with comorbid adhd... and ocd... longer... to get it done... just the way you need it done... suddenly... im no longer... capable... of doing the work...

but yeah... keep wearing blue on autism awareness day...

[miseria-fortes-viros]

I didn’t say it means they aren’t autistic I said the score doesn’t make you autistic as in there has to be other factors not just a score that’s lower than what average allistics get anyways! And my sibling is autistic, just because I don’t have autism doesn’t mean I don’t get any opinion on anything, I look after him, I’m so tired of people saying that family of autistic people don’t matter and don’t get any opinion. Did you see how many people were self diagnosing themselves based on a score LOWER than the average allistic person?? Autistic people should be mad about that too! People like my brother are ignored so that allistic people can pretend to be autistic. Obviously not everybody who self diagnoses does it badly, but like half of the people replying to that stupid poll were just so ignorant it actually hurts. Only a few people replying to the poll were saying anything about it, out of literally THOUSANDS of people. As a community we need to stop letting people do this.

“we” you are not part of the autistic community because your sibling is autistic. that’s not how it works. also in the vein of things do not work the way you seem to think they do: allistics are not tripping over themselves to obtain an autism diagnosis. people taking the raads-r and stating their scores with the caption “huh. neat” or “probably should look into this” are not self diagnosing. self diagnosis is often a more rigorous process than an actual fucking diagnosis and people who are saying those things do not mean “oh im definitely autistic now based on this one thing. nice” they mean “this might be a possibility”. if you read my reply at all you’ll notice that i said several times that the raads-r score alone does not determine autism. you’re tired of people not including you, an allistic person, in discussions of autism? i’m tired of allistic people thinking they have a right to be in autistic spaces because they’re close with someone who belongs there. any chance i can talk to your brother or do you decide what his opinions are too?

[saltedskullz]

cw // tw // child abuse , vent , trauma

i cant speak to new people .

i don’t know what kind of symptoms this is , but it makes me incredibly lonely . the fact that i was so goddamn isolated as a kid (literally locked in a room for a majority of my childhood haha!) cemented my inability to talk to people and the autism specific “social anxiety” .

(side rant !! the autism specific social anxiety , that i put into quotes cause i feel that it’s inaccurate to my experience , is the anxiety that surrounds real social rejection. social anxiety for allistics is usually chronic anxiety about interactions with other people , but the way that it started for me was experiencing real social rejection . i was isolated from my only possible option for talking to people who wasn’t my abuser BECAUSE of my autistic traits .)

i’m going to college soon , which means that there will be MUCH more people around me . which means , that i might get talked to more . this makes me want to scratch my eyes out !!!!!!!!!!!

when i try to think about meeting new people , my brain sits on the ground and refuses to move despite me tugging on the leash . it’s hard to explain , but it makes me feel tired thinking about it . the act of getting to know people is so fucking taxing . trying to mask my constant flood of paranoid thoughts , having to stay aware of my body , facial expressions and voice to make sure that i don’t do anything that’ll freak anyone out !!! having to keep in mind what they’re doing and saying and trying to map it out on my current reality despite the fact that it doesn’t mesh with my reality so i’m slowly slipping off the edge !!!!! i’m a wet slab of meat on a rooftop sliding down to crocodile infested waters !!!!!!!!!!

i like my friends !!!! i like the people that i can talk to !!!! they know me and i know them !!!!!!!!!!!!

but they’re also my only options . when my 4 friends r busy , what am i going to do ? i don’t have anyone else to turn to so i’m consumed by guilt for subjecting my poor sweet friends to so much of me . i feel like im a parasitic mound that only my friends have . the guilt gets so strong sometimes that i’ll fully be unable to speak when im with my friends .

social spoons r the most taxing so even when i NEED to be around someone i won’t be able to manage it because of how twisted up i get about my disorganized thoughts .

every night i’m sent to spiral about the cage that i keep myself in but don’t have the key to , i’ll never be able to live out or in the cage

[hyenashark]

im so fucking tired of allistic people

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

god im so tired i feel like im. yea. but like genuinely FUCK trans people who try 2 be fuckin trans police likeeee FUCK U when ur tryna reinvent gender roles I DONT NEED TO BE COMPLIMENTED ON HOW WELL I PASS I PASS PERFECTLY WELL AS MYSELF BC I AM ME MOTHERFUCKER I DONT NEED TO BE A CIS PERSONS IDEA OF A MAN BC IM A TRANS PERSONS IDEA OF A MAN U FUCKINGGGG cop,. stop fucking cringing at me wearing a skirt go stick ur head in a toilet u fuckingggggg. bitchasss motherfucker. there is NO way i wanna wear fuckinn trackies n a hoodie all day bc that works just fine 4 other ppl but it gives me fuckin MORE dysphoria stop projecting ur dysphoria onto me youuuuu fuckingggggg. pussy. u can enjoy ur dysphoria hoodie without putting me into it as well its not a get along shirt u fucking idiottttt. wed get along better if u didnt shove our heads into the same hole. yeah. im justtt. pissed. attttttttttt. cops. for existing. and ppl who act like cops. kill the cop in ur head bla bla bla.

anyways

. im gonnago to sleep. tmrw is gonna b better bc god. today was a whole lotta anxiety. not the bad kind. bc i realised today. i finally have problems that dont feel like theyre making me feel so fucking empty. like im soooo anxious and worried abt these problems but these r normal people problems now likeeee. i can cope w this kinda stuff. wowies. so tired. gonnna fall asleep at my desk. this music is loud iand it feels like itss. a big ocean. ive almost drowned so many times yknow. crazy. i wanna swim in a river w my friends. only river close to me is dirty as fuck tho n will give me diseases. or probably has a body in it somewhere. wanna find a good river i wanna. yeah. ok my head feels like. a carousel or whatevr. or like. oh my god i havet listened to hsi song in so long this is so 2021 core. wow. did  i just type core with my own two hands. god. ok. gonna text my friend. and be like. i love u . and then im gonna sleep. and think abt my friends and my more than friends and my less than friends. forgot hwo good this song was. mmm yea. ok. tmrw got english period3 . reminder 2msyelf incaase i get scared i get the period wrong. lemme check acrually

yep. english period3. 11.15-12.15. right there. and also. reminder 2 myself to. get to Maples house at 3.50ish and then. we go to my place. and if it rains thats good. if it doesnt rain we cry forevers. we could maybe like. chill in the garden. or watch movies. movies r good. could even kick my sister out of the livin room so we could watch movies there. n like. give her a distraction. or like. let her watch as well but idk if wed want her. bc like. yea thatd be awkward. idk. we could just watch movies in my room. or we could watch heartstopper like we said that one time bc its feelgood and i love feelgood shows and its aalso smth ik is good and is familiar 2 me and my autistic ass is scared of watching new films. id that an autism thing. well my ass is still autistic. so fuck u. and ur allistic ass. unless its not then i apologise to ur ass. ok.nighty nighty. oscar if u see this . um. Hi . ur coolllllllll as fuck ok yeah fuck u im gonna embarrass u in a publiccc postttt by sayingh howwww cool u rrrrr okie yea byebye. and also byebye everyone whios not oscar. ur also cool but not as cool.

[goodhealthyshiningcara]

Ok I'm going to weigh in on this (always a bad idea) because I think it's strawmanning allistic eye rolling (new sentence never before said).

The up and down flick (↕️), the complete roll(🔄), and, unmentioned, the DIAGONAL flick (henceforth ↗️), are all DISTINCT MOVES, with DISTINCT PURPOSES.

Preface: Im not going to say something like "nice try autists, but you've fallen for my biggest trick yet: unwritten social cues!" To justify why the phenomena I'm describing are distinct, so please also do me the courtesy of acknowledging that even allistics are not always 100% masters of social cues (and I am certainly not 100% of either!) so maybe the people ↕️ing around you are mere babes, children not yet grown, who do truly mean to 🔄, but whose unsteady motions betray them. But I think not.

Preface the second: ↕️ and 🔄 exist on a spectrum, and up then to the side, i.e a mix of the two, tends to be be the accepted implementation, since ↕️ actually has non-🔄 uses. 🔄 Is a subset of ↕️ in other words.

Also, one more nitpick: an up and down motion is still rolling back and forwards, and thus is still Technically an eye roll. It rolls backwards (up) then it rolls forwards (down), like, you know, a rolling pin? (Checkmate, autists) You didn't interpret things more literally, you just interpreted them less flexibly. Also, I don't want anyone to say the words pitch or yaw in the notes, those are not words that people know or use.

Ok. Eye rolling.

🔄 is a highly exclusive maneuver, in particular because it's very exaggerated, too much so for everyday use. It is used for emphasis, when a "normal" eye roll (↕️ or ↗️) would be insufficient. In a normal eye roll, there is an implication that you are looking for something (like a 4th wall break, or a higher power, or inner strength etc). With 🔄, that implication is exaggerated to make a point (I'm looking ANYWHERE for a possible reason to respect what I just heard), but it's all for show because actually, rolling your eyes like that doesn't let you see anything; it's purely for drama. It's also a bit combative, imo, because a less exaggerated version exists (↕️) for when faux-annoyance is called for.

↕️: This is the most common eye roll, and it is meant to communicate exasperation, with the implications described above, but also "I am containing my rage/annoyance by not looking at your dumb face for one second, for even such a brief reprieve will save me relative aeons of torment". Similarly "If I look up here, I can pretend I didn't see what you just said". It's also a way of saying "sigh, this shit again." This is what people tend to use because it's easier and less dramatic, and conveys everything 🔄 does. It is still some amount of dramatic however, and not something to be used with a stranger/within a professional relationship unless you want to seem hostile/rude. Importantly, you can roll your eyes in agreement with someone, and that's fine to do, and actually very sympathetic if you pull it off.

↗️: now I posit that this exists as actually a more thoughtful version of ↕️, almost like 🤔. It's like, hm, I have to mentally track and analyze what you just said because it's somewhat confusing or complicated. In this case, you're looking away not because you are fucking tired of someone's clown -looking mug, but because you need to think and are trying to NOT receive more information from them. You are saying "timeout, wtf are the implications of that". Your eyes are leaving the spatial plane occupied by your co-conversator to linger in the middle distance so your brain can catch up. ↘️ Works for this too. You may instead be putting important information in your memory palace for later, in a diagonal location. Like ok, I am remembering what was just told to me. Typically this is something you just "pepper in" to a conversation so as not to interrupt your conversation partner, and it may require you to say "ok, noted, got it" etc afterwards. Can be used to tease by doing it ironically of course.

In summary:

They are all eye rolls, they occupy specific body-language niches, your art has failed you, and you were insufficiently literal.

[wahhbajack]

Since my tumblr is a void, I feel comfy venting.

I finally went to therapy. Didn't feel that heard, actually, as she defended the perspective of my last therapist after i said the last therapist fucked up digging that rabbit hole. New therapist had to defend it because she would try to explore that too. Maybe, like, fucking don't. The both of you have damn near shattered the safety I felt in my religion/spirituality (paganism), which was the ONE SAFETY NET I FUCKING HAD.

My supervisor (for counseling. Im a supervisee seeking licensure), who I should be able to go to with concerns has constantly been "too stressed" so i needed to "talk fast". If I have to rush what I need to say, I simply will not inconvenience you. Clearly you have things that need to be priority. So, today, how dare you say, "If you needed help with anything, you know you could ask right?" No. You've made it pretty clear it needs to be a good day for that.

My friends are just grown ass edgelords. Having a serious conversation with them is impossible. Great for a laugh. I don't... Feel like laughing. I don't have it in me to laugh.

My dad tries but he doesn't get it. "That's just how the world is."

My mom's a fucking narcissist. So no.

My BEST friend of 18 years - i talk to her about it. About the burn out (thats been going on for 13 years), the returning passive ideations, being tired of constantly having to explain over and over because allistic people can't seem to understand SHIT when it's said plainly, trying to force the mask back on and it not fitting anymore, being tired of the side glances, the annoyed sighs - just constantly inconveniencing everyone. That I'm just... Tired. I'm tired. I am so, so *tired*. And being told shit like "I totally get you. It's like when I-" "Yeah work has been killing me too. Maybe you should take a day off". I dont reply for 5 minutes and she talks about a show. Clearly, she has things that take priority.

At this point, the only thing that gives me any joy IS counseling others. I am still an excellent fucking counselor. Letting my problems go for an hour at a time to listen to their problems and work with them to find solutions. For that hour, they are my priority. Then they leave. And I just stare listlessly at a computer screen.

The world doesn't revolve around me. I know that. I've been told that since I was 5. But it would be nice. Just once. To be somebody's gods damn priority. To just speak and be fucking heard. Alas.

[thefanatic-10]

I am on my fucking knees begging for any advice to help me deal with my autism i feel like im drowning, google only tells allistic parents how to be somewhat less shitty, here and reddit have all advice drowned out by memes that i cant find the actual advice, and YouTube talks down to me and tells me the bare bones basic coping mechanics that dont work for me, i cant afford therapy even if i had insurance and trying to find a therapist that would actually help will be so exhausting whenever i get to that point, and none of my friends have similar enough experiences with there autism or they are still desperately masking to appeal to allistics

I don't know where to go or who to ask for help and im so tired of crying and being severely depressed for weeks because someone moved the salt shaker to a different counter