#im so close to letting myself go | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

filthylibrabitch · 2 years ago

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i hate having quality time as a love language

#nah bc everyone assumes its physical affection. its not. stop assuming my needs for me😀#god its so exhausting #im so close to letting myself go #fuck my weight fuck my health fuck my diabetes #im gonna graduate and thats all i care abt #fuck my family for pressuring me into an ivy league school #fuck ppl who expect me to take care of them #fuck you for making me cry so many times fuck you for makin lg me feel taken care of #it was never meant to be if it keeps leaving right?

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sashthesloth · 17 days ago

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I'm going to rotate them in my mind.. the angst potential for my poor poor Rook . .... .

#dragon age #datv #dragon age veilguard #datv spoilers #veilguard spoilers #Alios Ingellvar #they are going to go through so much post game and post Davrin.. they were gonna build a future together #god #if i do keep dav dead then i feel like Rook is gonna get closer to Bellara after everything #they were already pretty close #but i also want to have Dav alive like what i say and what Rook says that theyre almost hopeful Dav and Assan are okay because no body #so im like NO BODY NO DEATH and maybe things happened post Ghilain'ain fight that they survive #or i keep them dead oh my rook is going to spend so much time with uncle and the griffons at arlathan forest #please it was so criminal to have their last convo being about the future #I thouGHT THEY WERE GONNA MAKE IT it makes sense letting a leader lead the other team . i was going with Mass Effect 2 logic #Dragon Age Davrin #ive gotten so much brain worms #the way i drew yhese sketches yesterday before the final and i was SO HOPEFUL #girl im reloading to see the romance scenes at the end i am putting myself through that all over again just for that my god i will #4 hours of hell for this man

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crescentfool · 8 months ago

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having the hc that minato is ace is incredibly funny sometimes when you think about how ryoji is oh so very bi because it's like. "ah. death stole my ability to be attracted to people," in the same way that ryoji stole minato's eye color and energy level. like wow, thanks ryoji, you just keep finding things to steal from minato!

#persona 3 spoilers #minato arisato #hc and au nonsense #lizzy speaks #happy international asexuality day to my fellow aces out there i hope you know that you are loved!!! 🎊🎉🥳#i like viewing minato with the lens of him being gay / ace. esp bc it stems from my own experiences so it's fun to look at-#him from that perspective even if that's not what was intended by atlus y'know?#and im sure others have other hcs from me that are informed by their own life experiences and i think that's great ^_^#something that i found interesting while playing FES was how. stilted? minato's animations felt when hugging the girls #you could definitely go with the perspective that it's a graphical limitation or they didn't have time to polish the animations #and that's def true!! but sometimes i see the hug @ yakushima beach + the other hugs and then i compare it to the sou/yo hug in p4 #and there's like... a noticeable difference to me with how intimate and close together the hugs are...#that said i do know that the animations for reload are updated and the hugs are much more natural (good on them tbh!)#the other thing is (pensive sigh). the way you couldn't reject any of the girls when doing their social links in FES #objectively speaking i'm glad that they did away with that and i like how the rejections were handled in reload. it feels naturally written #but also a part of me enjoyed looking at the “hey atlus what the FUCK” moment and thought of how to interpret it differently #specifically with the idea of minato having like.. little to no autonomy and kind of going along with the relationship #it kind of reminded me of myself tbh with like going along with the rship without considering what you want bc #it's what others want or expect out of you... LOL. i dont think atlus intended for someone to interpret it this way but #eh i think that's the fun part of hcs and looking at characters with certain lenses!#regardless of how you perceive minato i do think there's something to be said about him being the kind of guy who molds himself-#into someone that is needed. not wanted. but needed. important distinction here.#the one caveat my brain runs into when im like “minato is ace!” is when i remember thanatos exists and i go #“you know what these ideas can exist simultaneously” GKLHFHDFHD when in doubt schrodinger's headcanons #anyway that's all i've had this thought in my brain in awhile and haven't sat down to share it properly until now 👍#have an excellent weekend everyone !!! lizzy loves you all lets all nurture our inner yippee!!! 🥺💙

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merverelli · 2 years ago

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just a couple of dirty bean boys!

#jacksepticeye #just like art #this was SO CLOSE to never being finished #art machine (me) broke halfway through but we did it #uni is............. going #even though im only doing 2 subjects im losing it man #i think its just ALL OF THE GROUP PROJECTS IM DOING #like my groups are fine theyre all sweet and nice but i just.#just let me do it by myself let me take 100% control without guilt let me only depend on myself doing it #im such a damn follower with group projects please itd be quicker if it was just me making my own shots instead of a second party coming in #and asking for my opinion when my opinion is always ''do whatever you want :)'' because i either dont mind OR i dont have the social energy #to say otherwise like theyd be fine with it but i just cant do it man i got anxiety of the social kind i cant keep going man i cant #i dont like feeling like im letting down other people or that theyre depending on me im bad under pressure #JUST LET ME DO IT ALONE AND ONLY DISAPPOINT MYSELF BRO CMON #the group projects are wrapping up soon so i cant complain but im screaming #besides that ive been good thanks for asking!

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microwavetoaster-selfships · 6 days ago

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I love the original Cars 2006 game so much. The one that got released on like GameCube and Xbox. I mean, I love all the Cars games(Cars 3 Switch game they did you dirty), but that's an entire story for another time giving my individual appriciation for all of them later. What I'm going to say here applies pretty well to the other games that are centered around the first movie as well like Race-O-Rama and Maternationals, but I'm specifcally rewatching the original one's cutscenes again because I don't want to restart my data every time I wanna go through the cutscenes again(even though I enjoy playing it so, so much), and I just love the atmosphere in it so much. Some of my favorite movie scenes are the ones where they don't have any music playing because I love to close my eyes and turn up the volume and just.. pretend I am right there with the characters and right next to them and stuff or that they're talking to me or such, and that is extra immersible when there isn't an entire orchestra going on(not that I am knocking at having music at all, I regularly go back and listen to the soundtracks from movies if they have them posted).

And the game doesn't really have any music at all during any of the cutscenes and the whole thing is like super..soft to me? Not soft as in like fluffy pillows and pink aesthetic soft, but soft as in like it's getting late out and so you're trying to be kinda hushed with your voice and there's not really anywhere you have to be so you slow down your pace and kick a couple of pinecones or rocks. If that makes any sense at all. Cause normally movies or shows(whether the whole series or each individual episode) have a certain plot or arc that is happening that everyone is focused on and consumes the whole thing, give or take a few moments. And while this game does have a particular thing so it can have a start and end to the story of the game, everything is framed in like a "Yeah, this is what they get up to in their freetime." And I don't know if you know but I love my slice of life stuff so sooooooo so so infinitely much. So getting to get that sort of content is really fun and perfect for me. It's like you're just actively hanging around them and getting caught up in whatever typical nonsense they end up in(assuming we are ignoring the whole monster truck bit), and the "OH THINGS ARE. HITITNG THE FAN." Or bigger development moments are saved for like the movies or something or whatever comes up in my head.

I'm not really entirely headed anywhere with this, I just wanted to put out some appriciation for the game and how nice the atmosphere is. I think it's also cause I really love getting to just sit and here them talk and there is a lot of casual conversation that happens and just plain dialog. Like it's not even filler dialog it's just talking and chatting. And I spend a stupid silly amount of time listening to voiceline compilations on YouTube so this is just the bees knees for me.

Thank you for the read though, may I offer you with a clip because APPERENRLY there's a limit to one clip per post that I am just now finding out about. I think I've already talked about the Litnig one anyway. Maybe I'll post it again later.

I uuuuguguhhh also perfectly reached the tag limit. If anyone needs anything to do in their freetime while bored or as a filler may I suggest reading this post and it's tags, you will be occupied for a while IFNFJCJFNS. I was half joking about reaching the tag limit as well. Well, we all saw it coming, it was going to have to happen one day. And go figure after a long absence that I was going to have it in me to do some running of my mouth...

I do want to say I am probably back now yall! Knock on wood- but I think the reign of my absence is over! Which I am especially hoping so for several reasons but also because I am so SO not done milking F/Ovember to its full extent. I spent too many months looking forward to that to not invest and rot my blog with it.

#honorable mention to Lightning encountering the tuners and they have some beef with each other and so Lightning goes to Wingo-#-and says “What? Are you going to slice and dice me with your spoiler?” AND IM. I LOVE THEM DONT GET ME WRONG BUT.#Lightning just obliterated them with that comment. Shot were fired and RETURNED TO SENDER.#I knowwww the movies are centered around Lightning going through character development but I hope they don't ever-#-completely take away his case of not being able to completely keep his mouth shut in certain moments.#Dare I say. He has a bit of sass to him. Which I mean I completely get why it's practically gone in the second and third movies-#-cause he's no longer an arrogant rookie. But I like to think if he really gets pushed then some of it will show. That it still lingers.#I mean. The second movie doesnt open up with him going “Cmon Mater. Im Lightning McQueen I can do anything!”#because he's entirely dropped any of his arrogance. because he hasn't.#Opening of Cars 3 and he's PLAYING PRAMKS WITH BOBBY AND CAL. And it is a RUNNING thing they have going on.#Let him be silly. He's silly guys.#I actually had other things that I wanted to mention here and then I got caught up in talking about Lightning whoops.#The entire game is centered around him okay what am I supposed to do.#Do I even dare go on my tangent about Chick now. Cause I will probably get close to the tag limits.#Okay I'm going to speedrun my thing of Chick.#Obligatory mention of his voice. uhm. I love the 180° attitude change that happens to him over this clip.#The entire game he is in like the racing official's camera's face about everything and now that I think about it at least-#-Cars 3 was right about giving him his own talk show. but. Chick shutting his mouth for a second and actually showing-#-proper concern over something that isn't tragically derived from something that is therapy worthy is such a sight to see.#Yea okay Kane you always talk about how the movies would be different if you were in it. Now how about the GAMES.#The games that have proper story and plot to them. I am not counting the Cars 2 games as plot.#1. becuase the DS one is just a rip of what extra stuff the movie WAS going to contain before it got cut down cause it was like 2 hours at-#-first. and 2. because the other Xbox game literally has 5 minutes of “This is a thing that is happening!”#Cars 3 Switch game is on the world's thinnest ice for having such a poorly slapped together thing to call a story or plot line.#THE PIXAR XBOX RUSH GAME AND DISNEY INFINITY ARE DIFFERENT.#I'm not going to say what those games have done to me because it will make me have to write a second novel and-#-I will be crying and frothing at the mouth. I should not have reminded myself of the Pixar Rush game.#If I make a post about Finn very soon do not be surprised. I mean. Dont be surprised in general. But extra dont be surrpsied here.#lightning❤️🧡💛#finn🩶💙

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puppyeared · 7 months ago

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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it

#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it #idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character #someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it #and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly #its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked #because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately #like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means #it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by #a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time #i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid #so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or #smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them #become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words #but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened #especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that #need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta #once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it #circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it #actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt #i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me #that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly #mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them #have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP #IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL #yapping

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solivagantingrebel · 6 days ago

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hey guys who wants another round of tmi

#ive been #this entire day has been a lot and i have no idea how to feel about it #i've never cried this much in an entire day and i can't stop myself from tearing up but it's not because of something sad or traumatic i'm #not used to being loved. or appreciated. or meant to feel like i belong anywhere. i've struggled with being excluded and ostracized and it #has been an uphill battle for a long time and deep down despite my many attempts to heal and get better i've always felt like something was #fundamentally wrong with me. it has been wrong with me from the start and whatever evidence to the contrary ive gotten was rationalised awa #by fluke or maybe people like me because of what i can provide and what i can do for them and not because of who i am and who i am will #always be tolerated or ignored at best and i genuinely was not expecting anyone but a few close friends to care about this and just. andjus #i think something in me is healing and it's still hard to accept but i can conceptualize it and any negative thought in my brain is being #countered by “hey why would you think that when people care about you” and i know it is obvious right. its something i should know but it #has always been so hard to believe that anyone would and the fact that it's hitting right now? i cant fucking stop crying #its almost fucking embarrassing im like this. im a grown ass adult. why the fuck am i still crying like this. i fucking hate trauma man #keeps making me feel like im that kid who was never loved in the ways that mattered. sorry im just #thankful. grateful. i feel like some parts of that gaping wound is stitching itself together and i cant stop crying and for once im not #crying because i'm being hurt. i'm just grateful to be here. genuinely fucking grateful that i'm alive #funny isnt it. how much love can save you if you let it #tmi #rant #embarrassed myself enough i think #sorry about that we'll go to our regularly scheduled ghoap program soon enough #i'll be okay

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clits-and-clips · 7 months ago

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Since writing the affirmations and starting manifestation again, I've actually been in a much better headspace. It's crazy how things align, and you end up where you need to be, especially through pain

#txt #have been reading the affirmations every day twice a day sometimes #doing my intentions and manifesting what i wsnt #which is mainly independence #also a good relationship with my ex from here #mainly stuff for me tho #and the full moon on Wednesday which is in scorpio which is his sun sign #will be a big release and maybe i can let go a bit or a lot lol #i need to move on and focus on myself and what i want in life and doing it all on my own #with support obviously but ive never been fully independent and im so ready for the blessings and the open doors #i dont know if ill truly ever be over him but i have to try for my own sanity at this point #i dont want to manifest anything selfish like him coming back to me because it probably wont happen anyway lmao #i hope i dont sound crazy lmao but coming back into my spiritual journey is definitely what i need #connecting with myself and my purpose feels like the only thing i can do rn #have a driving lesson tomorrow but in all honesty i could just go do the test and pass cause ive been driving forever and im good at it #just need to practice certain things but im nearly there! so close i can feel it and see it #anyway i hope i can keep this energy up and continue to head in a positive direction because it feels really good #if i need to cry about him and the loss then i will but im not going to dwell on it too much #i just need to take it as a lesson and let it go :)#cause at the end of the day i really did lead myself here whether it was his choice to end it or not #blah

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napping-sapphic · 1 year ago

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God i’m thinking about how easily and unknowingly strangers can grant you salvation like i found it in how my old classmate told me once that i was a kind person and it was the first time i’d ever believed it

in how a coworker once said that i always seem so happy and have a nice smile and i cried about it when i got home since i’d always been told i seem too serious or mean

in how someone once told me i was good at comforting them when i’d always thought i was bad at it

Just god they’re out there somewhere and i barely remember what they looked like and we’ll never cross paths again but they changed me so deeply, they’re out there but they’ll never know how often i revisit those memories and think of myself even just a little more kindly they’re out there and i don’t know them but they’re the most important people in the world to me somehow

#me?? having a Night™️?? more likely than you’d think #im missing the people i never really knew #and im stuck echoing their words to myself #it’s honestly so important to hear things from people who don’t have an agenda to hurt you #who didn’t form a perspective of you at 14 and never let it go #i dont know #it’s just insane how badly ive always felt about myself #how inherently true i thought it was that i was mean or cold or unlikeable #only to have so many people tell me differently the past few years #and i still feel so mean and cold and unlikeable so often because of the people close to me!!#and i probably will forever to some extent!!#and it’s such an awful feeling #but just knowing even one person saw me as kind or happy is such a balm to that pain #that even if every person i meet from here on out found me flawed #there was at least one that saw kindness and joy in me?? that’s healing #idk #idk im emotional and tired and just want to believe i can be a good person sometimes #and sometimes i feel like that one ‘you’re so nice’ i received three years ago is the only thing holding me together sometimes #god just ignore me

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jils-things · 1 month ago

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2024 is probably not my best year now that i think about it

#i mean - let's go over the good ones. i have my own laptop now - i'm doing okay in uni. and I haven't gotten any bad issues with irl stuff #in terms of living i'm doing okay and im pretty content #but emotionally and mentally ? horrendous. I don't think i'm really actually doing okay mentally #im struggling to find myself to be the same person i was awhile back. it just doesn't fit like a puzzle anymore even if it's supposed to fit #whats genuinely saving me from feeling miserable is my current interest which is why i'm really so quick to get excited or happy w it #it's so hard to look at past interests now and not think about the “bad” highlight - even if the good highlights are bigger than the bad #i feel like i'm keeping a facade when i'm talking to people. i feel like im being fake when im talking to people. i just cant find myself to #feel like myself when talking to others. that's why i havent been so active talking unless its close people #i'm scared of not being able to “keep up” with them. feel boring with them. not feeling like “the jil” they know #i'm tired. and upset. maybe i am bothered after all #being told that i sounded so fake when i talked really opened my eyes. maybe i am fake because i'm tired. but i wouldn't know #Losing a friend really does something to you huh.

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tangledstarlight · 2 months ago

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its been like 4 years i promise i am soooo normal about julie and the phantoms now

#its like im fine for months at a time and then all of a sudden i am hit with the knowledge that those boys DIED and spent 25 YEARS in limbo #not knowing what was happening while their FRIEND STOLE their legacy and didn't even have the decency to tell his daughter about them and #that julie a girl who had known them for all of 5 mins was like yeah sure i'll try and help you solve your unfinished business its the righ #thing to do even though i love you all so much and it's going to kill me a little bit inside to let you go because you guys are the reason #can even play music again after loosing my mum and closing myself off to the world and the people around him but yeah i will help you anywa #i can because i am the purest of souls and music is me #anyway yeah see i'm soooo normal about julie and the phantoms now 🫣#julie and the phantoms

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sophiethewitch1 · 4 months ago

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me and what we want are going through a lovers spat rn because i desperately want to write more for it but i constantly feel like shit so its really getting in the way of our relationship. also if youve sent me any asks that i havent responded to i am geniunely so sorry about it i am in the trenches right now

#sophie speaks #the disability is disabling me and its PISSING ME OFF #just let me write bro its not that hard #aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh #like im always thinking about it #drunk www!reader dancing to hot to go with the boys and every single one of them thinking about how bad they want to plow you as you-#jokingly flirt and wink and tease. and the entire time you have no idea theyre totally down 100% ready to go #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #if it gives fun dumb party vibes it is for www.#www is about the hot girl mascara running end of the night heels in hand look #hundredth thing i said www is about but like. something something the beauty of life and kindness and love and hope vs hate and loneliness #anything even close to that ballpark is what we want #gonna cry i geniunely want to write for it so bad i know im just complaining over and over but being chronically ill sucks so much #chronic pain sucks so much like whyyyyyyyyy cant i even go out to a cafe to buy takeaway in the car whyyyyyyyyy is the sun painful #its not supposed to be like that man :(#god i want another few months of my fibro going into remission pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee january february i loved you more than anything ever ahhh #nnnnnnnnnnghhhhhhhhhhh #ill. ill get there one day #so says most people #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #maybe ill just put in like the next hundred words or something #chugging along #so fucking slowly but yknow. literally have to spend basically all of the day inside my room because it hurts too much to be outside it #so. maybe i can give myself just a little slack. the tinniest bit

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palms-upturned · 5 months ago

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Sorry for being late today coming online, a lot has happened and I am trying to think about the best way to organize this blog going forward. For now though I will try to get the list updated quickly and read through my messages/@'s