#im rambling but i had to try very hard to be normal about it in front of people and this is the blog where i dont have to be normal about it

[incoming-wormhole]

Gosh I was at a writers meet up today and we were talking about TV shows when someone brought up Stargate SG1 (BC my friend has just started watching it with her daughter) and I had to sit on my hands and gently correct all the things they got wrong, pretending like I'm very normal about the show

[miya-rin]

“what the fuck do you two think youre doing?”

shit, you think, you didnt notice the balcony door had been slid open until you heard the voice of one of your brothers. you start to pull away from suna’s lips which earns you a small whine from his end, his grip tightens around you and honestly it its quite cute the way he is trying so hard to savour the moment. “come back later, we’re kinda busy.” the boy mutters before trying to move your face away from the distraction so that he can kiss you once more.

“suna you get your hands off of her right now, i dont give a fuck that its your birthday.” osamu pipes up, he looks furious and a little bit disgusted, if it hadnt been for the situation youre in right now you would think its kind of funny.

“samu lay off him, it was a mutual agreement, im just as guilty as he is ok?” that does not seem to help the boys understand, if anything they seem even more angry with you both.

“what the fuck do you mean it was a mutual agreement? are you two hooking up or something? yn he just turned 18 a few hours ago are you forgetting that?” atsumu says, he is rambling on with every excuse he can think of as to why this is “so wrong”, from the corner of your eye you can see suna trying so very hard to hide the grin that is creeping its way onto his face, his hands still all over you despite the fact that you arent alone anymore.

“listen, it was his birthday wish ok? i swear it didn’t mean anything,” sunas grip begins to loosen ever so slightly, “i just though it would get him off my back and get him over his little crush on me.” suna’s facial expression shifts but you choose to ignore it, you have bigger problems to deal with at the moment.

“no this is not ok, how would you feel if me or samu kissed one of your friends because it was their birthday wish?”

“that’s different, why would my friends want to kiss either of you?”

“excuse me? ill have you know that many women want to kiss me! and dont think youre getting off the hook either suna, ill make sure you never-“ you dont even want to hear the threat that is about to come out of his mouth, you just want to get out of this shitty situation.

“boys please, just give us five minutes to talk and then we will be back inside ok? i promise.” your efforts to plead with your brothers finally work.

“…fine,” atsumu mumbles, “but this better be a one time thing. im not gonna deal with you two being all lovey dovey around me.” and with that he lightly tugs on osamu’s sleeve, signalling him to walk back inside and continue the party. he closes the balcony door but not before bringing two fingers up to his eyes and then pointing them at the two of you. its a warning.

you turn back to suna and notice the sad look on his face - he looks kinda cute like this, “so, what do-“.

“did you really mean what you just said to them?” the poor boy looks heartbroken, after waiting three years to finally have a chance with the girl he loves wants the moment is ruined like that? “did you actually just do that so i would leave you alone?” his hands fully leave your body now and he takes a step back to put some distance between you two.

“well i mean sort of yeah… ive never looked at you in any way other than my brothers best friend if im going to be honest, i dont know if thats because of the age difference or what but ive never thought we could be anything.” the look of hurt is prominent on his face no matter how hard he tries to hide it, normally playful banter would have been thrown back and forth between the two of you but rintarou just stays silent, an indication that youve fucked up.

“listen suna i dont know what you want me to say, i wasnt really thinking when i said that to atsumu it just came out. i am 4 years older than you and many people would not approve of us if i decided to give you a chance.”

“who cares? i could treat you so right if you would just let me. i have waited entirely too long for this moment, all im asking for is one date.”

“you said that about the kiss too, one thing is never enough with you is it? you always need more.” a playful smile creeps onto your face which is outshined by the one on sunas, he knows that your smile means that you agree to go on a date with him.

“i really hope you arent fucking with me right now, that would be so cruel, especially on my birthday.”

“oh give the birthday excuse a rest now will you? you dont need to keep on at me you have already got what you want.”

“mhm i absolutely have,” he walks closer and once again wraps his arms around you, placing a hand under your jawbone to make you look up at him, “and i couldnt be happier.” he states as he pulls you in for a passionate kiss once more <3

[eclipseberrycake]

Poly! MoonBerryCake x Reader Pt. 5

AN: I cannot believe my silly lil MBC ramblings have turned into this. This is a combination of that one request mentioning the "I may be an idiot, but I'm your idiot" and another requesting Witch! Reader! I kind of took some creative liberties because this idea just like...hit me and I was like. If i dont write this rn im gonna crash out. Again, don't look too hard into the logic of this, it's a toon world :)

-> Part one

-> Part Two

-> Part Three

-> Part Four

�� Sprout knew, intimately so, at this point that you, his loving, darling, amazing partner, could be so, so dumb it was alarming you've lasted this long.

☁ He loves you. He does. So much it hurts. But you literally are the embodiment of every chaotic impulsive thought he's sure they've all had. The only difference is that you do it.

☁ Which. Come on. Like, there has to be a learning moment. Where you turn over a new stone or rock or however that saying goes and you don't toe the line of twisted RnD's boundary, keeping them awake just to tease the twisted since they couldn't reach you. There had to be.

☁ He should've known it was too good to be true, at the beginning of the relationship, when things went too smoothly for him. Too good to be true.

☁ Truthfully, you're all little demons. He knew you were all hiding it, but to see it in person? He's getting gray leaves.

☁ Astro likes to play this game where he follows whoever's distracting, most times you, to see how close he can get to the twisted without them noticing. It drives Sprout, and even Cosmo, nuts watching it even if they know he's practically invisible to the twisteds.

☁ That does not stop him from being seen every once in a while when he gets too cocky, but he's quick to evacuate the area while you get the twisteds attention once more.

☁ Every lecture seems to go in one ear and out the other though as the very next run, unless it's a blackout, he's doing it again. (So maybe I play like this what of it-).

☁ Cosmo is normally pretty clever about how he does runs and is often the least of his worries. Unless there's a call for a bandage.

☁ From there it's like a race between him and Cosmo. Cosmo immediately drops whatever he's doing and takes off towards the source of the call. Sprout as well has to take off because sure enough, Cosmo doesn't take into account it's in the area you're distracting in, and Sprout can only watch as you realize he's in the area, panic to figure out an alternative route, get smacked by a twisted Teagan as Cosmo nearly gets bit by the Twisted Boxten.

☁ All of that for a bandage. For Cosmo who was at full health.

☁ Sprout has to step in, calling the Twisted's attention with a spare airhorn he found, giving you the chance to recover as Cosmo passes you a treat and a frantic apology, quickly leaving the area as he slaps said bandage on.

☁ The twisteds are returned to you as Sprout ducks behind a wall, trying to ease the rapid pounding of his heart. He cannot keep having the same conversations.

☁ Cosmo is unlike Astro as he shows actual remorse, immediately apologizing and saying that he wasn't thinking he just didn't want anyone else to take it, turning on the waterworks as he burrows into Sprout's scarf.

☁ You're already saying they're crocodile tears (They are) with Astro snickering at the action, but Sprout is a weak man. He falls for it every time, immediately breaking and cooing that it was just an accident and these things happen, Cosmo just needs to be more careful.

☁ And then there's a call for a med-kit the next floor and it happens ALL OVER AGAIN.

☁ So, yeah, you're all demonic gremlins and Sprout is the unfortunate victim of it. He's just as bad outside of runs though, don't worry.

☁ But you. Oh you. Are by far. The worst for his heart.

☁ He already doesn't like the fact that as a distractor, you're constantly in danger, but you know what he doesn't like more? The fact that you don't seem to take it as serious as you should.

☁ He's lost count of how many times you've run past him, shouting some sort of argument with Goob who was also distracting. How you've paused to emphasize a point and Goob's had to snatch you to save you from getting hit.

☁ Or how many times you've climbed onto a table, out of the twisted's reach but close enough to keep their attention, hands on your hips as you go on about some theory you heard about.

☁ He won't admit it, but his favorite thus far is that Dandy's actually bald and the petals are all fakes.

☁ Or the one where you claim Twisted Toodles has rabies, while Twisted Toodles snaps and snarls at your feet, clawing at the table.

☁ And when you're back in the elevator, and he's got you corner, going on and on about how idiotic of a move that was and why would you even think of doing that? You give him a grin and a cheeky smile.

☁ "I may be an idiot, but remember. I'm your idiot. FOREVER." You'd preen, cackling as he debates between throttling you or kissing you enough you're too dazed to think about running and he has to drag you behind him the next floor.

☁ Little did Sprout know that a turning point would come.

☁ He knew Dandy and you had your differences, as you were managing to get the research needed and reclaiming the other toons back to the good side while spending the minimal amount of tapes. (Not that it helped when a certain survivalist toon was on the run, but he digresses.)

☁ This time however, you were adamantly refusing to hand over any tapes and Dandy was close to crashing out. His eye was twitching as he glowered at you, you're own sneer rivaling his. "Why should I give you the tapes if I can give them to Sprout?" You'd snarl, making Dandy slam his hands on the desk.

☁ "Fine! Be that way then!" He snapped, yanking on the lever to bring him back down.

☁ "Was that really our best move?" Vee raised a brow at the closed hatch, nudging it with her foot.

☁ "Maybe we could've spared some for a stopwatch or something." Gigi added, reaching into her head to pull out a can of pop. "I don't know if his twisted form is something I'm all too excited to deal with."

☁ While Sprout agreed, he also didn't want Dandy to win. But still, Dandy's twisted form was lethal and he didn't fancy seeing your twisted form. Not after Astro had told him how even you, yourself, had feared it and what it was capable of.

☁(Guys not to spoil anything, but you'll never guess what else is in the works from that line alone lol)

☁ They hadn't seen any clones of your twisted form yet, but weren't eager to.

☁ You gave a wave of your hand dismissively. "Nah, it looks big but it really isn't that bad."

☁ None of them looked convinced.

☁ You groaned, rolling your eyes. "Fine! if he shows up. I'll make sure to stick to an area Astro and a healer can remain nearby." You pout, though between him and the other two, Sprout can tell you're a little hurt.

☁ No matter what you do, or how you distract, you're number one priority is their safety. If there's a serious twisted, you're immediately doing a one-eighty, distracting like a pro. You only goof off when their twisteds you know inside and out. To have them doubt for even a second you wouldn't give up your own sanity for them, probably stings.

☁ Frowning, he sets a hand on your shoulder, tilting your chin up with his other hand. "You got this, bud. We know you do. We just wanna be a little cautious when it comes to Dandy."

☁ And he knows you know that, making you frown a bit more before huffing. "I know."

☁ Cosmo is quick to wrap his arms around you, giving you a bright smile. "Besides, you know how much we love watching you distract anyway."

☁ Which too a degree was true. They loved seeing you in your element, thriving and shining like a shooting star.

☁ By the time Sprout is looking back, you're smothered between Astro and Cosmo, pushing away their murmurs of praise with bundles of laughter bursting from you. It makes him grin.

☁ But then the elevator stills and opens, only there's no footsteps. There's no signs of any twisteds at all actually. No commons, no passives, no mains. Just...empty. It's unsettling.

☁ With a look to each other, you and Goob are the first to step out, remaining cautious of the room around you. When you both make it into the center area, the rest slowly step out.

☁ "Is this a free floor?" Finn asks, nervously fiddling with his fingers.

☁ "Even free floors have twisteds." Vee answers, bringing her mic in front of her and tapping it. "Is this thing working?"

☁ Nothing is highlighted save for a small, wrapped up bundle near the broken elevator.

☁ Since you're faster than Goob, you slowly step forward, you're entire body tense as you spot said bundle.

☁ Astro and Sprout remain close enough they can target you if needed with Goob on standby in case the worst happens. None of them have ever seen anything like this before and have no idea what it even is.

☁ Vee, Finn and Gigi move on to finish three of the machines with the fourth primed right next to elevator, all giving the signal to go.

☁ So you do. You walk up to it and begin by kicking it slightly. It doesn't move and you move to poking it. When nothing happens, you pick it up, examining it before slowly moving to open it. By the time the beige paper wrapped around it is pulled away, you're left with a small glass bottle. It looks like a smoke bomb.

☁ Rolling your eyes, you're already whining about how a smoke bomb got you all so riled up, dropping it front of you and watching it erupt into purple smoke around your figure.

☁ In hindsight, that should've been a sign. The final machine is finished and the elevator re appears, a few scattered giggles ringing out at the fluke floor.

☁ But you aren't laughing like normal.

☁ Sprout notices immediately, glancing at Astro and Cosmo, who are already looking at him. They've noticed it too.

☁ Just as they're about to say something, the cards plop down, and you immediately vote on the Penny pincher one, turning to them with a soft, almost strained smile.

☁ "Are you...feeling okay, bud?" Sprout asks, watching as Astro rests the back of his hand on your forehead. His grimace does little reassure them.

☁ "Do you need a heal?" Cosmo pipes up next, placing a hand on Sprout's shoulder as he does. "Or a pop? Maybe you have low blood sugar."

☁ You shake your head, which seems like a bad move as you sway, Astro having to catch you as you stumbled.

☁ "Okay, I'm calling it-" Sprout's declaring as he steps towards the lever to return to the lobby before you're stopping him with a call of his name.

☁ "Sprout! No, I'm fine, just a little dizzy! It'll pass. We need the shelly research!" You had been positively adamant on getting shelly back since getting Vee, knowing she was the last main. They were sure it's because you knew Shelly and Astro were good friends and that was probably influencing your need to get it done as fast as possible.

☁ "Starlight, I'm sure it can wait." Astro adds, holding you much closer as you continue to sway. "You can barely stand upright and you have a fever. How long have you been feeling unwell?"

☁ "I was fine!" Your face scrunches as you fight for balance. "I promise. I don't know what happened!"

☁ The voting ends and everyone is immediately rewarded with the tapes. Most are handed right over to Sprout, who pockets them in case of an emergency, but there's a disturbance. He can't feel the energy of the tapes as well as Dandy, or even Pebble for that matter, but he can tell the magic within them is wavering somewhere. Looking over, he can tell where.

☁ "Bud?" He prods once more, and your head shakes again, this time taking our your legs as punishment for the movement. Astro once more catches you as Sprout demands the run be finished, Vee already at the lever, while Cosmo leaves his side to check you over.

☁ By all accounts, on the surface, you're fine. But Sprout can tell. He can feel it in the wave the magic of the tapes seems to cling to you. Looking at Astro, he can tell too.

☁ Maybe bringing you away from the tapes until...whatever this is passes is for the best, despite your refusals.

☁ The elevator is brought up and Astro scoops your form into his arms and against his chest, carrying you out and in the direction of your room.

☁ "You guys are as stubborn as mules!" You scoff out, struggling against the hold your in. "I'm fine. It was a dizzy spell! It-" You pause as you groan, curling into yourself and making Astro freeze. Sprout and Cosmo are right there, hands already buzzing with energy, yet, it's not needed.

☁ With the close proximity, he can feel the magic in the tapes get yanked, pulled into a physical manifestation. Then there's a scream. Looking over, they watch Finn scramble to get away as a donkey manifests itself in front of him. It's made out of tree bark and sticks with leaves for a mane, standing there and giving a bored bleat.

☁ You look over at it from Astro's shoulder, blinking at it and everyone's gaping face before wilting. "Okay, maybe it wasn't just a smoke bomb."

☁ There's a flurry of motion as Toodles runs towards her newly proclaimed pony, naming it Oakley of all things. Rodger is rushing, trying to pry her away while the others are trying to figure out just where Oakley came from.

☁ None of you stick around, the boys quickly bringing you to the bedroom and setting you on the bed. You look marginally better, leaning against Astro, who strokes your fur back, even as he watches Sprout pace in front of the bed. Cosmo is fiddling with his hands, standing to the side and bouncing in place as he opens his mouth over and over again, trying to find the words.

☁ Finally, the cake roll settles on, "What was that?"

☁ This stalls Sprout as he pauses, whirling on his heel to face you. "You used tape magic. How'd you do it?"

☁ You raise a brow at this, silently asking him to continue. He does so. "The only non-main who can use tape magic is Teagan. But she can't extend that to anyone or anything but herself. That's exclusive to mains. So how-" He pauses, brows furrowing. "The thing- the thing on the floor on that last floor!"

☁ It's like an epiphany. " But that-" He stalls, swallowing before shaking his head. He'd look into it further. "What are you feeling now? Better at all?"

☁ You hum for second, rolling your head as you take inventory. "A little better. Sore, but...better." You answer. "I didn't know I could do that."

☁ "Could it really be a side effect from...whatever that was?" Cosmo asks.

☁ "Hard to say. Like Sprout said, using Tape magic to influence anything but yourself is exclusive to mains." Astro frowns, taking in the information. "Which brings up an assortment of questions about your history and that object. Perhaps it's turned you into a momentary main."

☁ "I don't feel different though!" You exclaim, Sprout catching one of the hands you flung up. He pokes at your palms and fingers, finding soft pads of flesh. You yank it back. "I've always had those!" You defend.

☁ "Easy, bud, I was making sure they weren't injured." He soothes and you reluctantly let him look at them again.

☁ "Can you do it again?" Cosmo asks. "Like... It happened because you were thinking of an animal right? And that animal showed up? Can you do it again?"

☁ "I don't know if we should be testing this. We're unaware of what it needs or what it entails-" Astro quickly cuts in, but it's too late as you immediately shout out "Cat!" and like magic, a cat plops into Astro's lap.

☁ All of you stare at the thing, which is made up of whipped cream and cake, strawberries making up it's flickering ears and a blueberry for a nose. When it mews, Sprout stumbles back, tripping over himself as Cosmo screeches, poor Astro caught between being trapped by the thing and staying with you.

☁ You immediately coo at it, picking it up, and snuggling into it as it gives you a happy purr, licking your face. When you pull it away, you give your best puppy dog eyes, staring at your gaping boyfriends. "Can we keep them?"

☁ "Where did that come from?!" Sprout exclaims, hands coming up to yank at his leaves while Astro's mouth hands open, hands hovering as if unsure what to do at this point. If this was the stress he brought to Sprout's life, he owed the berry so many apologies because what.

☁ Cosmo was the first to recover before slowly crawling onto the bed, making you turn to face him with the creature. It continued purring happily, sniffing at the offered hand before nuzzling into it, prompting Cosmo to pet it. "I mean...It doesn't look dangerous."

☁ "It literally came out of nowhere." Astro gaped, watching as you transferred the cat from your arms to Cosmo's, who let it lick at his face. "That's a cat. There's a cat."

☁ Digging through his wallet, Sprout's eyes nearly bulge out of his head. "The tapes. You used my tapes-" He's not upset, not at all, but that kind of reach was really unheard of.

☁ "There's a cat." Astro repeats once more, standing as he runs two of hands through his fur. "Oh my stars, there's a cat. In our room."

☁ "Do you not like cats?" Cosmo asks, tilting his head as the...creature crawls onto his shoulder if only to jump to his head, giving soft licks to the icing on top. It makes the cake roll laugh, which you're echoing before turning to Astro. "I'm sorry. If I had known I would've chosen a different animal. We don't have to keep it I promise."

☁ Astro blinks, as if stunned by that's what you two were hung up on. "What? No. No, I don't mind cats, but starlight. My star, my sun, my galaxy," Astro takes a breath as his hands fall, save for one that rubs between his eyes. "You made a cat appear out of literal thin air. That's a...That's impossible in actuality."

☁ "Super impossible." Sprout agrees, watching the thing strut from Cosmo's head to jump onto yours. You go cross-eyed trying to look up at it, grinning as it meows at you with one paw landing on your cheek so it can lick at your head. You giggle at it before grabbing it, holding it against you as it seems to burrow into your chest. He's man enough to admit that he's jealous of the cat, sneering at it.

☁ "Well, evidently not." Cosmo snickers, using his fingers to poke at the cat's paws. Their paw pads are made of jelly beans and Sprout has to admit it's a little cute. Running a hand down his face, he groans, only to glare at Astro as he gentle runs a hand down the cat's head, getting a thankful lick in return. "Astro!"

☁ The celestial looks startled at being caught, looking at Sprout before shrugging. "You gotta admit. It's a cute little thing."

☁ "It's a she!" You add, almost unhelpfully. "You know, if you think about it, it's kind of like our child!"

☁ You make it an Olympic sport to see how fast you can get all three of them varying degrees of flustered, Sprout swears on it. He's left stammering, looking for help from Astro-who's blue screened, blinking blankly at the cat who paws at his still hand- and Cosmo- who's too busy hiding his face in a pillow.

☁ cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. This was fine. Taking a breath, Sprout urges himself to push whatever feelings that were bubbling in him at the action down, taking a soothing breath. "Bud, that's a cat." And because he couldn't help himself, he added, "Plus, we know our kid would look much cuter."

☁ You flush, just as he expected you too, hiding your face in the cat. The only thing you can come up with is, "Dandy got a dog. Why can't I have a cat?"

☁ "Because it won't stop at a cat." Sprout has to explain, thinking back to Oakley in the living room. "What if the next time it's- I don't know- a dinosaur?!"

☁ "It won't be a dinosaur." You argue back. "Maybe a friend for Custard."

☁ "We are not naming her Custard!" Sprout hisses only to groan as he realized you caught him in your trap, hearing your "a-hah!' proclaiming victory.

☁ "So we can keep her!" You cheer, even if Sprout is debating suffocating you in your sleep later. "No! We can't! Because then it's one, then two! Then we're crazy cat people!"

☁ "We would not-"

☁ "If that were the case, wouldn't we already have a dog, dinosaur and like at least two more cats?" Cosmo suddenly pops up, his cheeks still very rosy.

☁ "True, we got...her, simply by Y/N mentioning a cat and Oakley by them saying the word Mule. It hasn't happened again and I still have all of my tapes." Astro adds on, smoothing out his fur and hair, readjusting his cap. "Maybe it's worn off."

☁ "Quick, before it's too late try for a cat again!" Cosmo eagerly demands, despite both Sprout and Astro shouting 'No!' at the prospect.

☁ You ignore them, shouting out cat once more. The only reaction you get is the cat in your arms pawing at you. You slump, frowning at losing the aspect. "Dang." You sigh. "Well, at least we got you out of it."

☁ "We can't get rid of her!" Cosmo pleads, handing off your shoulder to look up at Astro and Sprout, who cast a glance at each other. "I promise I'll be more careful on runs if we keep her!" He adds quickly.

☁ "Oh! Me too!" You add, joining Cosmo in giving them the puppy dog eyes.

☁ With a heavy groan, Sprout looks at Astro, who's smiling softly at the two of you. When the celestial looks over, Sprout knows he's lost him. "...It's just one cat."

☁ Sprout groans again, looking up to the roof as if there's some being up there seeing the same bullshit he's seeing. They're probably laughing at him.

☁ "Fine! But we're not naming it Custard! And I expect you to keep your promises or I swear I'm going for that favorite Uncle award and giving Toodles a new pet." He finally relents, extending a finger to the cat, who licks it before jumping into his arms as you and Cosmo cheer. For what it was worth, that cat was pretty cute.

☁ The cat ends up being names Blueberry cake (get it get it-), Blu for short. She's a happy-go-lucky kitty who purrs and licks everyone when one of you is in the room, only to throw an absolute hissy fit when you leave. If Blue is left alone with anyone without having you, Cosmo, Sprout or Astro in sight, she refuses to let anyone touch her, hissing and swatting at anyone brave enough. The second one of you return though, she's all purrs and happy mews.

☁ She sleeps on pebble who sleeps on your bed, sorry I don't make the rules.

☁ Oakley is still around too, but stays outside where he prefers it. You obviously earned worlds greatest aunt/uncle/nibling for that, even if Rodger curses your name for it. Toodles loves it and thats the most important part.

☁ Blu also comes on runs sometimes! The first time it happens, it was an accident, but one that Sprout begrudgingly appreciates as she has an uncanny ability to sniff out tapes no matter how hidden they are.

☁ And before you ask, yes. Sprout absolutely is the dad that said he didn't want a pet and would now literally kill a man for Blu.

☁ As you said after all, she's pretty much your child :)

[theothots]

faceless soulmates au but it’s also a faceless driver au. landoscar style

OP81 was a fucking mystery to lando. faceless drivers were more and more common, especially after max and lewis had had such impressive careers before their face reveals, so it wasn’t like he was thrown off by not knowing what his teammate looked like. it’s just. it had been a year since daniel left, the reassuring older brother bond frayed and tired as he departed, but still very much there, and the arrival of this faceless, monotone, machine of a rookie did fuck all to fill the void danny left. even a year on, despite the pr videos they had filmed together, lando just couldn’t get a read on OP.

he saw him sometimes chatting to logan and alex over at the williams garage, and OP was normal with them. he was normal with all the other drivers, in fact, laughing at their jokes, making quips when the moment needed them, giving a pat on the back after a hard race.

he wasn’t normal with lando.

sometimes lando would look across the garage and see OPs helmet staring right back at him, like his gaze had been fixed on him for hours, but then he would go over to chat and get the typical one word pr responses. lando was at the point where he thought it made the most sense that OP just didn’t fucking like him. which sucked, because having a teammate his own age should’ve been fun, even with the whole faceless thing, but lando could live with it.

it was just after the qatar sprint, everyone swearing buckets and thanking a higher power (their team principals) that media had been cut short due to the state of the drivers. lando had already been in his ice bath and was wandering back to his drivers room to go and pass out on the bed until someone started worrying about where he was and came and got him, passing by a cupboard when he heard a bump from inside and a crash.

intrigued and slightly concerned, he opened the door carefully to see a very wet OP with his helmet haphazardly on and his breathing halfway to hyperventilating.

what the fuck.

“oh fuck. oh fuck im so sorry you- shit sorry lando just pretend you didn’t see me- god this is fucking embarrassing-” OP rambled as he scrambled for the door handle, ignoring landos frozen body in the corridor.

his brain caught up to him and he clocked into the distressed tone of OPs voice. “wait, mate are you ok? stupid question, clearly not considering mr sprint winner is in a cleaning cupboard panicking. what the fuck happened?” he grabbed OPs arm from where it had been grabbing at the door handle and stopped it, making his way into the small cupboard at the same time.

OP stopped his rapid scrambling, seeming to accept landos presence in the cramped space, both boys sinking to the floor.

“i- have you not seen the photos? god they’re already all over the internet people probably know my fucking name- i just forgot there was reporters right next to the motorhome on the way back from the ice baths- i didn’t think they would see anything, i thought my face was covered-”

and oh. lando understood. OPs face had been leaked. oh fuck.

“oh fuck.”

smooth.

“yeah that’s-” a wet laugh escaped OP “that’s one way to put it. god this is so fucked.” his breathing was calming down, the situation no less terrible but the company in his moment of need bringing his heart rate down.

OP looked over at lando, who been subconsciously gently stroking his arm from his close spot next to him. he coughed lightly, trying to shake the broken tone from his throat, before speaking.

“have you seen what twitters saying? kim found me before i could look and grabbed my phone on his way to speak to zak and andrea. i was supposed to join them but i needed to just… take a minute.”

lando looked at him with sympathy, but got out his phone. considering the amount of bad press he’d gotten over the years, he knew checking social media right now probably wasn’t the best choice, but he also knew it was like an itch that needed to be scratched, and at least OP could look at it whilst he was with him for support.

he clicked on twitter, hesitating momentarily, but committing anyway, and went to the trending tab. OP81 was trending, along with a few other tags about the race and the name oscar. he clicked on the OP81 tag, and scrolled until he found a photo, the guilt of looking welling up in him but the curiosity winning out. but when he looked at the photo that had been posted he was confused.

“well mate it’s not that bad, it’s blurred anyway.”

OP81 looked at him, and lando imagined him slowly blinking underneath the helmet.

“what.”

“yeah look mate the photo that’s been posted has blocked out your face anyway. maybe that’s just edited.” lando focused back on the phone, eyebrows scrunching as he looked through the photos. “no look, they’re all like this see?”

OP81 did not see. OP81 was in fact having a crisis now for an entirely different reason.

what the fuck.

“lando… the photos aren’t blurred.”

lando looked at him like he was an idiot.

“yes mate they clearly are. look-” but before he could finish, OP lifted off his helmet. a completely blank canvas stared back at lando. it was as if someone had forgotten to tell landos brain what eyes and a mouth and a nose and a hairline looked like. it was all fuzzy, like he was looking at OP without glasses.

oh. oh.

“the photos aren’t blurred.”

OP81 sighs and tilts his head back against the wall, facing away from lando.

“i can’t see your face either. or. i guess now we know that, it’ll change.”

it took a few moments, the darkness of the cupboard now that the door had drifted shut again not helping, but when they looked back at each other, they could see. OPs swoop of brown hair, his moles, his brown eyes. holy shit. fuck being faceless, his teammate was pretty.

holy shit. his soulmate was pretty.

“wow. OP-”

“oscar. it’s- my names oscar piastri. i guess you should know now. that a good wow?” a hopeful gleam shone in OPs- in oscars eyes.

“god yeah it’s a good wow. you’re pretty.”

that got a laugh out of oscar, echoing around the cupboard and reminding the pair of the predicament they were in.

“we should probably-”

“yeah. zak and the team will be waiting.”

neither boy made to move.

“you know i didn’t- i’m really sorry if i was weird around you. before. i think i forgot i didn’t show my face? and so the soulmate rules of them having seen your face and clarity being restored to each of you wouldn’t apply. so when i kept not being able to see your face even after we’d been teammates for half a year, i just assumed what i had been landed with was a good old unrequited scenario. which sucked im gonna be honest cause you are you, and i obviously had a massive crush on you and-”

landos brain short circuited. “obviously? oscar i thought you were ignoring me because you didn’t like me. not because you thought that we weren’t soulmates. god i wish this happened earlier. well obviously i wish you hadn’t had your face leaked but-”

“oh shut up,” oscar said, and pulled lando in to kiss him. lando melted into him and he felt oscar relax as well. a moment went by and then lando pulled back, mourning the closeness but remembering why they were here in the first place.

“ok. as much as im loving the new teammate dynamic we have developed in the space of ten minutes, a panic attack, and a face reveal, we do need to go and talk to zak about that last one.”

they sighed and begrudgingly stood up, stretching slightly and nudging the door open. together they wandered back down to the main room in the mclaren motorhome, meeting the team and looking slightly sheepish.

they sat down as some of the social media team ran through their plan of action, condemning the posting of oscars face and name to the public, but encouraging oscar to embrace it. he nodded along, a distracted look in his eyes as he flicked over the faces of all the mclaren workers looking his way with curiosity. feeling a bit like a bug under a microscope, he grabbed landos hand for support, a look of understanding coming from the elder driver.

“um, one more thing,” lando said, speaking up for the first time in this meeting. all eyes fell on him and he looked at oscar guiltily. “me and osc are soulmates.”

“WHAT?”

[manisimp]

You need a Cup of Tea?

Hello.Im on my Period right now and did a Drabble.Have fun.

WC: ~1,230.

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Fem! Reader

CW: Period Pain,Insecure Reader.Fluff.Really fluffy.

(Whish i Had someone to Take Care of me Like that)

You we're writhing on your bed, attempting to find a compfortable Position to Rest in despite the cramps in your lower abdomen,but it seems Impossible.You already took pain meds AND cramp-loosening Meds,But to No avail.The endless cramps that dig into your flesh Like hot Cuts seem to only  worsen.You groan in dissatisacftion.Why does Life have to be Like this?

Knock-Knock.

Someones at your door.You frown.Anything but company right now.You Hope they go away when you ignore it,But then you hear him.His voice.

"Y/N,i know youre in there.Let me in."

That voice alone,even with the slight harshness to it,makes you feel a bit better.But only a bit.

You groan as you sit up,crawling over your bed to Stretch to your doorhandle and Open it.You have No strength to sit up.

What you See when the door Swings open is excatly what you expected.Tsukishima Kei,your Boyfriend.He Looks Like always.Beige sweater,Headphones around His neck,And the Sports bag thrown over the shoulder.He probably came Here straight from practice.

But his face is focused,zeroed in on you.You can See the slight furrow of his brow,His hard,almost Distant eyes skimming over your slightly trembling Form,with your own arm over your Belly.And then his eyes find yours,grow less Distant,but still questioning.

"I missed you today.You werent waiting for me after practice."

You feel a pang of guilt.Its Tuesday,and normally,you Pick him Up after Practice on Tuesday.You rarely miss it.And you even forgot to Text him.

You Dip your head in shame.

"im sorry,Tsukki,i forgot-"

You Stop when He tilts your face up with one Finger.

"Tell me whats wrong,Y/N."

His words are Level,flat.Almost.Anyone who didnt know Tsukki would think He was concealing Anger,with how his eyes narrow and and He now Cups your entire Jaw.

You know better.You know thats him careing.Hes trying to figure it out before you tell him.

"M' on my Period.I forgot to Tell you,Kei.Im sorry."

"You NEVER forget."

That hits.Because yeah,you never forget him.Never,Ever.You Always let him know if Something Happens,if you cant come.Always, unless...

"Its bad,isnt it?"

His voice now carries a softer undertone,His understanding of you getting that at that when you even forget to Text him,it must be Bad.

Which it is.

And the sudden Hit of a cramp that makes you fold Forward and let Out a silent groan dosent Help.

You cant do anything but nod.

"Tsukki,I-"

You were intending to say youre fine,that you can handle yourself,but IT falls on dead ears.Your Boyfriend already has taken Control,carefully but firmly pushing you down on the mattress again.

And only a few Minutes later,youre curled around him,His finger drawing Lazy circles in your side as you feel the warmth of the bed bottle seep into your abdomen and a nice bottle of Woman's-Coat Tea in your Hand,both courtesy of him.

"you didnt have to do that all, Tsukki" you say,but Silently very grateful that He did do that all.The warmth of the bed bottle and the Tea actually spread throughout you,making you feel warm and lengths better than what you did Just Minutes ago.

But First and foremost,what helps is him,His Love,His Care.Even if Hes Just sitting There,caressing your Side like Second Nature while Reading His Book -something about Dinosaurs,If you can guess from the cover- even if Hes not cocooning you in Care and touches,you feel cared for.

Because His eyes Dart to yours every so often,checking silently if youre still okey.

Because His Hand Just cant keep Off of you,Sometimes inching to your Abdomen to Check how tense it is,massaging IT gently with one Hand Till he thinks its good.

Because you know,with one ear,He listens to your rambles about anything and everything,even If Hes reading.

Because He dosent leave your Side.

"you seem to really Like that i did that though, judging by how much youre cradling that bed bottle."

He responds,finally, looking at you over the rim of His glasses.

"also,your cheeks have much more colour now.Im doing Something right."

"i mean,yeah,im Not complaining -"

"You are."

"i mean,im not Mad that you did it!Im Just,yk,i wouldve Survived without you doing-that."

He Rolls His eyes and groans silently at that.

He hates that.When you think you arent worthy of His affection or whatever.

He Puts His Book aside,Completly focused on you now.He Turns to face you fully,His now free Hand cupping your cheek,Feeling how warm and flush it is.He let His thumb caress the smooth skin.

"you gotta Stop doing that,Y/N.Its Not attractive"

"Uhm, Tsukki,what?" You furrow your brow.You've Always been reluctant to admit that you are worthy of His Attention and care,and today is No diffrent.If anything,the cramps make IT worse.

"You need to Stop thinking youre not deserving or whatever.Can you do that,Y/N?Just let me Care for you because i want to."

He cocks His head,and smirks.And you already know whats coming next from that smug Expression.

"at least thats what you Always say to me,Sweetheart.'

Tóuche.You do.

Whenever you Care for Kei,and He pushes you away for whatever reason,you insist that he 'let you Love him because you want to.'

Too Bad your weapon now got used against you.You Hiss weakly, suddenly Feeling Exposed.But not in a Bad way.

You desperately Scramble at words,trying to find a retort,but the pain,the painful twist and tug in your abdomen,the suddeness of his words and His cocky grin dont make IT easy.

Before you can even think of a retort,He Laughs.He Laughs,cocky yet sweet,so full of Care,yet absolutely teasing you.

He Looks Back at you,the corners of His eyes crinkled when he Brings his Other Hand to your cheek to,cupping your face.Hus golden eyes sparkle with barely veiled affection.

He lightly squeezes your cheeks in a teasing manner,before he gives your lips a quick peck.

"a realtionship IS a two way road,you know ,Princess?"

He says,His words nothing but true affection that hit you right in the Heart and make you feel all fuzzy inside.You know him,and Moments Like These are to be cherished.They arent often.

"Despite,you Look awful when you're in pain.Much cuter when youre curled around me and ramble Like the usual annoying nerd you are."

And Hes Back to His teasing.You Fake a frown , playfully Hurt by His words.You pout.

"Tsukki,that wasnt nice."

"Well,you arent Dating me because im nice."

You attempt to Roll your eyes,but before you can complete the Roll, your eyes are forced shut by another felt kiss to your lips,Slow and affectionate this time.One Hand of his moves to the Back of your head,tilting it a bit,and your hands let go of the bed bottle to instead cradle him,falling around His neck.

When you let go,you cant Help but Smile happily.

Tsukishima Kei might be teasing,sarcastic and to some, emotionless,but to you,Hes everything you ever needed and wanted.

Youd wouldnt give him Up for the world.

"You need another Cup of tea?"

Note: In Case anyone wondering,Womans Coat is a herbal Tea that helps with Period cramps and various other Things.I Always take it and OT helps a Lot.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

im a trans boy who has grown up with very oppressive religious parents so ive never gotten the chance to experiment sexually or romantically with peers irl, im about to move to the city for college in the fall

(i will be living on campus with two roommates who i haven't met yet and i know basically nothing about, one of them i will be sharing a bunk bed with)

im really nervous about how im gonna do socially.. ive had a really hard time making and maintaining irl friends for like my entire life, which has been really upsetting for me obviously.

being able to experiment sexually is something im really wanting to do and im really really nervous about it, i know that the most straightforward advice is just "talk about it to people you wanna do sex stuff with" but like everything is new to me i havent had the chance to really socialize irl up until this point and now im being shoved into a group of other young adults who all have the prior experience of being well socialized and having complex interpersonal relationships with peers

i also feel extremely insecure about my lack of experience, like is it actually normal for someone my age to have never had a romantic or sexual encounter? are the things ive discovered and assumptions ive made about myself sexually through masturbating wrong?? i can't watch porn bc looking at strangers having sex grosses me out!! im pretty sure my front hole is like unnaturally tight?? anything wider than two of my fingers is uncomfortable and no matter how much prep and easing myself into it i do, it stays that way.. and i think my cervix is also lower than most, about 3-4 inches is the maximum that i can insert before i can feel it bump my cervix (which hurts REALLY BAD)

im just so nervous and scared about my own body and personality and all that andi don't know where to look for resources or reassurance. ive never been to the doctor for any kind of reproductive care and im really scared to!!! i live in a state that has completely outlawed abortion rights and im really scared that if i go to planned parenthood or something to get like a checkup that they will be mean and not gentle with me

i don't know, i guess im just looking to be heard and hopefully pointed towards some resources if anyone has any, thank you for the work you do and thank you for taking the time to read my panicked ramblings

hi anon,

there's a lot happening here so I'm just doing a numbered list

1.) man, how did the third guy luck out and avoid the bunk bed? you don't have to answer that, I'm just curious how you guys have already worked out that two of you are stuck with the bunk beds. unless you're into bunk beds (I was), in which case mazel tov.

2.) in the nicest way possible, I think you may be vastly overestimating how "well socialized" other students are going to be. reading between the lines a bit, it sounds like you were maybe home schooled, or at least don't have very much experience mingling with other people your age without adult supervision. I guarantee you every public school in the world is also full of introverted freak losers who rock up to college with no idea of what they're doing; I was one of them. the majority of first year college students are also running around panicking and trying to figure out how to be away from their parents for the first time; everyone is a loser and no one is cool.

would it comfort you at all to know that my day job is organizing events at my office's LGBT student resource center? I spend a lot of time hanging out with queer first year students, and I love them dearly, and they're all cringefail losers. it's unavoidable. every 18 year old is a cringefail loser. every single person on Earth looks back at their 18 year old self and goes "goddamn, what a cringefail loser." and it's fine! it's so normal! that's the entire point of your first year of college! you try things and you're socially awkward and you meet some of the most important people you will ever meet and you meet people whose opinions about you won't matter literally at all and you'll completely change how you think about everything for the rest of your life and you'll think you're going to die and everything will be fine!!!!

anyway moving on

3.) it's normal for anyone at any age to have never had a romantic or sexual encounter. I'm assuming you value my insight at least a little, since you sent this, so would it help you to know that I arrived at college as virginal as could be (wildly insecure about it, btw) and didn't have sex for the first time until I was almost 21? would it comfort you to hear from my housemate, also transmasculine, who gave me permission to share that they've never had sex and that none of their life problems really have anything to do with being a virgin?

4.) "are the things ive discovered and assumptions ive made about myself sexually through masturbating wrong??" hard to say, since I don't know what those things are, but probably not. it's extremely hard to get masturbating wrong, no one knows what feels good to you better than you. you're sort of an authority here. masturbating isn't exactly like partnered sex, of course, but it's a really good place to start learning about things that you like and make you feel good.

5.) everything you're describing about your front hole sounds very typical. two fingers is the max number of comfortable fingers for a lot of people, regardless of experience; often, taking something larger doesn't become easier until after having penetrative sex with a partner. average vaginal depth is about 3.6 inches, and while that can increase significantly with arousal, it's something that doesn't generally happen if you're not relaxed during sex. if I can be a bit presumptuous, it sounds like sex and masturbation are maybe a bit anxiety-inducing for you, in a way that is pretty much perfectly contradictory to comfortable penetration. if I can offer you some advice I wish I could give my younger self: calm the fuck down, buy some lube, stop worrying so much about making your body react the way you think it should and learn to appreciate what it's actually doing, and maybe see if your campus has some free therapy options available. anxiety meds probably wouldn't hurt this situation. also stop hitting your cervix if that hurts oh my god.

6.) Planned Parenthood is generally one of the best places to go if you're nervous; they're aggressively queer friendly and tend to be extremely accommodating of patients' needs. I personally do not care for penetration at all and have a difficult time with Pap smears, and every examiner I've ever had at PP has been an angel about letting me take breaks and swear my way through it. it ain't fun, but if you want to have an adventurous sex life you need to take care of the health of yourself and your prospective partners by getting STI tests and Pap smears.

you're so normal, calm down, I love you

[bogor-o]

Please share the rambles about how Lana eventually kills Ovidia? Pretty please?

ORGEHRTGRT i love that pretty please oerghag u got it lemme gather my garbled thoughts,,,

im super wishy-washy on whether i want that to commit to that being the end, but it certain is an end. Because theres a build up that leads into lana being ovidias end that i feel needs to be mentioned first

as i think more on ovidia as a person and their history, a lot of it shapes their perception on a perfect life including a "perfect" family and i think they end up subconsciously projecting a lot of it onto Lana and she does try to mold herself into this image of a perfect child for her Baba

but because ovidia isnt being truthful about even to themself about why they do what they "have to" whether its leading their followers the way they with a lot of manipulation and making them believe in this image of a perfect Mother and family that they've carefully curated, or even how they specifically talk to and treat their children and why there is almost a clear sense of favoritism that is kind of always there

this denial is also the reason their ascension is slow and unpleasant, because a process that would not normally take more than maybe a century or two to even begin is being stretched out because theyre actively fighting the crown against it. it isnt apart of their plan, of ovidias plan. so any changes that come from ascending are painful and slow and its entirely because ovidia is so deep in denial of their true self

they dont want to think theyre playing favorites, and its not obvious to anyone but Narinder at first that they view the kids very differently from each other and while hes tries to talk about it ovidia just has a way of icing him out because they just flat out will not admit it.

and this is the point i realized that there are two diverging paths for them, and if they accept and realize where it comes from and why theyre doing this they have the capacity to at least start to mend the damage theyve made which at that point wouldnt be until Lana is already an older child (like 10-12)

or they never address it and never change, they stagnate in their ability to ascend and unbeknownst to them, the crown had always taken a liking to Lana and her innate interest in death and murder, and naturally has been putting thoughts into that childs head for longer than ovidia would have guessed

(wip of something i might finish eventually but u kno, just 2 emphasize that lana adores the crown)

and it wouldnt be until lana is older, and is acknowledged by her baba to be a grown and capable person that its basically the final nail in the coffin. Lanas mental check list is finished for the developmental part of her own life, now all thats left is to become an usurper, just like their idol!

because shes always wanted to be just like Mother.

the method of murder would involve the years of honing in all the inherited abilities that come with being the kid of a god, but them still being a god it'd be hard wouldnt it? not if the crown is so willing to betray its master, and when its got a guaranteed new head to sit on its not that hard to imagine itd turn coat and reveal the secret to killing a god huh

[dykekarkat]

hey I’ve seated myself on your couch PLEASE tell me more of your ghost andreil au it is beautiful and Oscar worthy to me

omg hi yes pls be seated im sorry this got slightly long and also took a bit!! also unsure if this even makes sense or is smth u will like but alas, i just kinda went wild. anyway thank you so much for the ask :)

i love getting a chance to talk about any and all of my aus. ghost andreil came about bcus im not a huge fan of the ghost x human relationship trope thing so i thought what if instead they were both ghosts...love beyond living is just so perfect for andreil...anyway long ramble ahead so ill put it under the cut <3

basic world building in my head is that ghosts are basically humans who are living on the Wrong Layer of the universe because they refuse to let go of their lives or have some unfinished business (normal ghost things). the supernatural isn't widely known about or believed in but there are ppl aware (like renee for instance). ghosts can touch other ghosts but not humans (duh) bcus i want andreil to fist fight and also to eventually have a physical relationship bcus it is important to me. too much interaction w physical objects depletes their energy, but the more will a ghost has the more energy they have (and by god are andreil willful little assholes).

renee and jean are both mediums! renee's been involved w the spiritual realm forever (gang related) while jean just thinks he's losing his mind slowly ^-^ renee is on a quest to help andrew move on (he hates this) but theyre still besties. meanwhile neil is desperately trying to prove that no he's not a hallucination (lol) and no jean should Not kill himself to join him. tbh idk if i want the moriyamas to be in the know or not, heavily debating over whether neil should be able to escape them through death or if he's forever cursed to be in debt to the mafia (depending on how angsty i want this to get).

NOW ON TO THE RELATIONSHIPS AKA THE FUN PART

- aaron is NOT having a good time in the beginning of this au. actively going through hell after losing a brother he just found and his mother. he's getting high most of the time, barely going to school, fully given up on himself, and Super Fucking Angry at Andrew. To Be Clear andrew didn't commit suicide but his normal canon i dont care about what happens to me attitude led to him dying while killing tilda. aaron DOES NOT KNOW that andrew killed her on purpose, but he's suspicious and angry as fuck anyway because andrew broke the deal (of staying together for high school). nicky still takes aaron in but nicky hadnt met andrew before his death so the tragedy for him is that andrew never rlly got a chance. andrew himself doesnt mind being dead (in his opinion its the same monotonous apathetic existence as he had living. which changes once he meets neil) but he's Pissed bcus he thinks aaron is throwing away his life. which in Andrew's opinion he did the hard part by getting rid of tilda (the problem). so andrew takes to haunting him by hiding his drugs and being a general nuisance to try and get him to school. i have not quite figured out how to get aaron to kick the drugs and get on palmetto w/o andrew ngl ^-^

- neil dies at the same time kevin broke his hand. riko snapped and neil pushed his buttons and refused to agree that riko was the best, so riko basically beats him to death and kevin gets his hand broken trying to stop it. a very tragic skiing accident indeed :(. kevin feels Extremely guilty over neil's death and jean practically forces him out of the nest, jean himself is basically resigned to joining his partner in death (smth neil is Not About). at this point andrew's been dead for two years? ish? and aaron is on the foxes as a freshman. neil splits his death time between trying to make things easier for jean and keep him from dying, and thwart kevin's attempts to go back to the nest in increasingly comical ways. meanwhile andrew is pissed about kevin bringing danger to aaron, so andreil are Fighting, i mean full on ghost fights where shit is levitating and lights are flickering and ppl are screaming because andrew wants kevon gone. eventually they do that line drawn across the center of the room to try and stay civil.

- eventually kevaaron start bonding and processing their grief over the loss of their brothers and fall in love at the same time, while andreil are also falling in love through asshole ghost mating rituals. major plot point would be renee using her séance powers to make kevaaron aware of their ghost protectors and a lot of drama unfolds from there (andrew reveals the murder stuff, aaron gets more pissed he died, aaron wants to banish him exorcise him in anger etc etc). the catalyst to andreils romantic relationship occurs bcus riko brings drake into the picture to hurt aaron(similar to canon), and neil basically almost ghost kills himself stopping him (expends too much energy in a short period of time) --> their relationship still doesnt start until a few months after this but it is the turning point for andrew being able to trust neil.

other small things:

lola is a contracted demon to nathan (unsure if moriyamas are aware).

nathan kills riko for killing neil (its a pride thing) and basically starts a war within the moriyamas. that neil Really does not know how to feel about, still terrified his father will be able to hurt him due to his knowledge of the occult (which may or may not be reasonable)

mary died trying to escape w neil so he went to the nest at 10 as planned. when he died and realized he was a ghost he looked for her immediately but she had moved on. it was probably more crushing to see that she could've stayed and watched over him and didnt than to witness her actual death.

tilda and mary moved on immediately after death (does heaven exist in this world??? hell?? dont ask me idk either)

pre andreil reveal nicky starts a channel to document their haunted college dorm. its one of the first things andreil bond over bcus they love starting shit nicky is so reactive. post andreil reveal nicky stops posting on it bcus it feels too weird to him, until neil is like hey i wanted to spell dick with the ouija board again :( and then nicky brings it back with gusto

[angelpuns]

I think looking through my art over then years is really interesting because in middle school I drew a lot of ( terrible ) fanart, drew a LOT of comics and generally just drew whatever I wanted even though it was pretty terrible.

In highschool I drew a LOT of really serious, really grungey and really naked-heavy art ( Like...I drew naked women very very often because I was a closeted trans man :/) and I also drew a lot of ocs. I was mentally not the worse but I was masking super hard and wanted to understand the kind of struggles other people went through ( I was one of those kids that liked reading really sad stories and 'longed for trauma so that my being the way I am would make sense and be justified' anyway I did have trauma just could not recognize it as such because my life was ' too normal'. Not trying to like trauma dump or whatever I've just thought about it a lot )

Then in college/after college ( during a really difficult time in my life ) I drew a LOT of men. Especially sexy/sexualized men. But my art was less serious and more story driven. Still not comics but a lot of behind the scenes lore was happening. Also drew a lot of OCS. My college art was p weak cause I just wanted to make oc art at the time and all my instructors wanted me to make symbolic pieces that 'meant something' and I was very against that. ( I also was out at this time and was unmasking a lot more - but I also was living through some mildly traumatic stuff. I don't like to call it traumatic but it might have been that. I worry the stuff I think is traumatic isn't and I'm totally blowing it out of proportion. Anyway this isn't venting just observations )

And NOW I make a LOT OF FANART AND A LOT OF COMICS AND A LOT OF WHATEVER I WANT Which is hilarious cause we've come full circle. I don't draw sexual/sexy stuff at all anymore cause I don't enjoy it and I never enjoyed it ( I drew a lot of it in college/after college cause the people around me thought I was asexual and I wanted to prove I wasn't, because I really am not. Might be aromantic tho. Anyway drawing sexy stuff vs not drawing it means nothing in relation to my sexuality ) I also am working on drawing stuff that actually does mean something even tho I hated it in college. But I'm doing it the way I want to. ( this was all because of a comment I got on a fanfic. Wherever you are commented I hope you're doing well. You made me want to create art and fics that have a deeper meaning )

I think currently I am happiest with my art I just wish I had more time for it. Like yeah skill wise I'll probably never be where I want to be - as is the nature of being an artist - but I'm having fun and enjoy sharing my art and that's what matters.

Anyway I'm gonna make a year of art summary but I am also gonna make a 25 years of art summary for my birthday cause I think the comparisons are just funny year to year. Like I'll have gaps and stuff obviously but the circle of art I've been going through is so wild

Also side note none OF THIS IS MEANT TO BE A VENT ANY MENTAL HEALTH/TRAUMA THINGS ARE JUST OBSERVATIONS I'VE MADE/SPENT TIME THINKING ABOUT OKAY SO PLEASE DONT WORRY ABOUT REASSURING ME I DO PLAN ON TALKING ABOUT ALL THIS IN THERAPY OBVIOUSLY IM MENTALLY ACTUALLY P DECENT RN THIS WAS JUST ME RAMBLING ABOUT THE VERY SILLY ART CIRCLE JOURNEY IVE BEEN ON AND ALSO SOME OF THE THINGS THAT INFLUENVED THAT JOURNEY AH

[strangestofthings12]

This is going to be a very rambling and venty post cause im tired and annoyed and honestly am just using this to vent my anger/hurt. there is going to be stuff that can maybe be seen as anti tommy/bucktommy (please dont tell me a ship name to put i dont care about if they do have an agreed upon ship name right now) so if you dont want that please just move on. i dont want to fight i just want to yell into the void on a stupid throw away account so i dont bring my negativity stew and come out on my main blog where i just want to enjoy my stuff and just keep happy energy. I dont normally post and try and just find someone who explains it better because im not great and getting what im saying across or understood the way i want, so please bear with me. With that said i will move on to what i want to say

Okay so i have been watching 9-1-1 for years and i love and adore it. Its characters and dynamics and i have always loved found family. Now i will admit that i started watching it thinking that Buck and Eddie were a couple and had a son so i was kinda watching for it. Do i think if i didn't start watching thinking that i would ship them still yes 100%. I have always loved their relationship and i have loved watching both Buck and Eddie grow and start to be happy while also having each others back even at the worst times. Sometimes if i think to hard about Eddie and start crying cause I'm very normal about this show and it characters. Now Eddie is my favorite character in the show and at least in my top five overall favorite characters. I love him and his development and i adore seeing how much he does to just do right by Chris even when he messes up you can tell how much he adores that boy and how badly he wants to give Chris the best life possible. I could write essays about Eddie Diaz trying to explain how much i love him and why and i think words would run out before i could finish making people understand. Buddie is my favorite ship (sometimes second depending on my mood. i would say sorry but Henren and Madney will always be amazing ships and sometimes i just cant stop think about them)(Sorry Bathena i love you too i swear i just cant decide if i wanna kiss athena or be adopted by bobby and athena:( Its confusing) and has been for quite awhile and is one of my overall favorites and its one of my comfort ships.

With that context when bi Buck happened i was so insanely happy and i wouldnt shut up about it. it made me sick. i was so happy for Buck and while i think a part of me will always be a little sad Eddie wasnt his first kiss with a guy i dont think either of them are ready for that. i also understand that it wouldnt make sense for how the story is going right now. Now i have nothing against bucktommy in the show. I have watched the kiss scene and sobbed to much to pretend like i hate them or even dislike them. However I genuinely dont care about Tommy. Hes kinda bland and i forget about him half the time and before they brought him back i completely forgot his name. in my mind he was the one that wasnt as much of an asshole to chim and hen as the other two assholes which wasnt saying a lot. Now I dont dislike tommy nor am i going to act like hes irredeemable because neither Chim nor Hen seem to think hes still that guy and while they dont seem super close they seem to get along so clearly, he's not like that anymore. I have nothing that makes me dislike him nor do I like him. He's just there. He's just the guy buck kissed. Thats all he means to me. I would give up his screen time for Ravi or May or Karen in a heartbeat. because i love them cause they mean something to me. I don't think i thought about the fact that people might actually like him especially not more than EDDIE.

This is where the context matters cause i am to my core a one ship per person girly. I might see a ship and people who like it and even think thats not a terrible ship but i will still only look at content for my ship for that person (ie. i ship Destiel (dont say anything bad about them ill cry<3) but i can see the way someone would also ship Dean and Benny or crowley or Cas and Crowley or Mick but i will ignore the ship and move on and look at more Dean and Cas). normally i will just ignore the ship and move on because im not who its for. If it gets annoying in my tag or anything like that ill block it or whoever is annoying me cause its not a them problem that i dont want to see it. When i start to have a problem is when multiple people arent tagging right for whatever reason or people who are being rude about the ship i like because of their ship. When I started seeing Bucktommy stuff more and more in the 9-1-1 tag i went to the buddie tag cause i dont want to see them. my problem is that when im reading on AO3 and click on a fic tagged Buddie where bucktommy get married. it was literally just hurting Eddie. There was stuff before like id be scrolling though the buddie tag here and see someone saying that Tommy is a better character then Eddie and saying that they hope bucktommy is endgame. Whatever block and move on. Just like always but then people who have shipped buddie for years who ive seen talk about them are suddenly saying that they like bucktommy better. People who started watching because of bucktommy saying they dont like Eddie. People are going to have different opinions but it still bugged me. and then i read that and i was just hurt because it was tagged happy ending and i cannot fathom ever thinking Eddie hurting and pining is a happy ending. So i started to get more annoyed and i hate when that happens especially with a show i love and a character i dont dislike so i tried to just move on but more and more people are taking about it then i saw someone saying that they wanted eddie to die so buck and tommy can have Chris.

I just hate that so many people are jumping on the bucktommy train and saying that they like it better than buddie something that is so good and sweet or saying that they like Tommy more than Eddie. I just dont get it cause Tommy is boring. like yeah we now some about him and he flies a helicopter but hes forgettable he could be a completely different person and next to nothing would have to change. We have seen Eddie at his worst and claw his way back up and hes finally letting himself be open and honest and soft. Eddie couldnt be replaced. Now im not saying Tommy can't be an interesting character but as he is right now?? He just isnt. Hes just as bland as every women (minus Taylor and Shannon) Buck and Eddie have dated and been hated on for no reason!!! Like i get that Tommy is a guy and we got canon Bi Buck and people are happy but those same people turn around and shit on Marisol from what ive seen(I could be wrong cause again i have done my best to avoid). Buddie fans arent safe from that either, cause we all know that Buddie fans do that but so many of those people who hated on them and said they didnt want them with anyone else suddenly decided that they were okay if Buck ended up with any guy. I dont know its just weird and i hate how many people are acting like Eddie isnt always going to be better then Tommy. Part of me wanted Tommy to stick around and help Buck and Eddie figure it all out but now?? i honestly just cant wait for him to be gone cause I want to have fun and read fics for my comfort ship and just chill where i can see all of my ships in the show without buck and tommy being everywhere or people saying crap about Eddie.

I have more to say but most of its about how gratifying waiting and seeing where this whole thing goes(Buddie season 8 PLEASE!!) and this is already why to long and i think im just going in circles and none of this makes sense so ima shut up for now and hopefully this will help it not fester and drive me insane and become a tommy hater

Edit: but i also hate that Tommy calls Buck Evan so he already had some stuff against him rip

[szilverer]

been away from my computer this weekend so. heres An Attempt to colour with a random app on my phone

baby's first kill! neither me nor cinthe expected that lady to actually die, so i can only interpret it as cinthe losing control in the middle of the scuffle.

uncoloured pic + Very early nemesis rambling under the cut

i find it incredibly funny that Reisz – the blank slate, empty, with no background and therefore no memories of being brought up with any values whatsoever, who 99% of the time felt no difference between doing good or causing harm, who enjoys causing harm even – took a good while to actually kill anyone, their first kill was a permakill yeah but this isn't relevant

& Cinthe. normal young victorian lady, sheltered disabled child from a good catholic family, by all means An Average Person. gets to send someone to the boatman on her first week.

i did Not expect that option to lead to a death lmfao but im a fresh account!! i didn't have the hard earned lessons for the other one. i had no choice.

hyacinthe had no choice. she lost it, for a moment. she sacrificed a lot to come to the Neath, to attempt patching up this one big gaping wound that ultimately made her unable to move on with life. she can't let herself falter. she can't fail and she promised herself no one would get in her way but.

...but.

that doesn't mean she's not going to feel horrible about it.

and then, a little later. red. fucking. honey.

am personally stoked to learn about other corners of FL's setting thru the other ambitions, and im trying my best not to look at guides (paying the price infuriatingly at times. yes i missed the free fate yes im still bitter about it.), so learning what has been going on in the Shuttered Palace this entire time.???? wdym everytime Reisz was dancing the devil's tango in parties or trying to invent heavy metal concerts by composing symphonies using the correspondence there was that LITERAL HELL going on nearby. bro.

...Hyacinthe couldn't believe her eyes. That ↑ was what was going through her mind the entire time: This is hell. I am in hell. I descended to hell.

She had the funny equivalent of Paris Syndrome up until that point but seeing those cages? Knowing she tortured some poor soul when she lingered a little too long in a memory that reminded her of her own past? All that might have broken something in her already. So much pain and cruelty in this place. Everywhere she looked, pain and cruelty.

She figures she'll have to get used to it.

[themachineshepherd]

AHHH I just found your blog and oml I'm blessed- your writing's incredible!! 😭💕💕💕

If you're still taking Fiddauthor rq's, I'm thinking of like..ANYTHING involving those two getting high (Fidd 100% got high in college and I don't see enough fics about it!!)

Maybe both of them 🍃 and yknow how sometimes you zone out and just do a repetitive movement? (For example I run my fingers along my arm just for the sensation, and I forget I do it half the time, it's just subconscious)

So imagine Ford just like...dry humping Fidds like that- He's rambling on about whatever, and just absentmindedly rubs himself against Fidds. I dunno, just a thought that came to mind 🤭

Anywayssss love your writing, thank you for feeding all of us ~☆

this won’t be written super put together .. it’ll be a tad messy since i myself am high!!! >0<

————-

“Hahahaha! Ohhhhh my god, Fidds. You’re crazy!” Stanford burst into laughter. His college roommate; and crush, Fiddleford, was hitting 3 joints at the same.

“MMMMM!!!” Fidds’ mouth was filled with smoke; he breathed it in quickly and blew it back out. A huge mushroom cloud hit Ford’s face.

“WOW! Fiddleford, you’re so good at this! How’d you take in so much?” Stanford was impressed by Fiddleford’s ability to intake so much weed, his eyes were incredibly red afterwords.

“I just..do it! It’s taken some practice, but yer gonna be a natural if ya stay with me!” Fidds laughed; passing one of the joints to the handsome brunette across from him.

“God.. you’re going to kill me, Fidds” Ford took the joint from the man he so desired. He took a big hit - sort of trying to impress Fiddleford. The smoke he blew out was thick.

“Look at ya go, Stanford! You did amazin’..” Fidds’ was genuinely impressed , then, Ford started coughing hard.

“OHMYGOD. part of me thought i was going to die, is that normal?” Fiddleford laughed at Ford’s inquiry, he thought it was cute.

“Yes, yes! Very. You’ve got virgin lungs!!” Ford rolled his eyes and took another quick puff, making it a point to not cough this time.

“God.. im definitely.. starting to feel something.” Immediately Fidds knew Stanford was high; you could see it in his puffy red eyes! Could this man get any cuter?

Ford began inching closer to Fiddleford’s face, causing him to blush and look away.

“What’re you doin’, silly..” Fiddleford felt extremely vulnerable , he was high as a kite. Ford was on his way there as well.

“Did you know, I find you extremely attractive? I also find your wit to be very enticing. I’m surprised you don’t have a girlfriend, Fidds.”Stanford kept inching closer to Fidds’ face, eyeing him down as if he were the last human on earth.

“What? Stanford…I don’t want a girlfriend. It’s just.. not my thing?” The young mechanic’s face was tomato red, and he was fidgeting with a button on his shirt.

“Then.. what is your thing?” Ford was intrigued, he wanted to know every single thing Fidds desired. Stanford wanted to be one of those things.

“You.” Is all Fidds could get out, his mouth moving faster than his mind. God, he felt crazy even admitting this to Ford. What if he got rejected, or worse?

All his worries melted away when Stanford grabbed his face, and kissed him. It was a passionate kiss; one filled with love and warmth. A genuine kiss.

“Mm..” Fiddleford kissed back, absorbing every bit of the man in front of him. He felt like he was on cloud nine. Suddenly, Ford pulled away for air.

“Do.. Do you want to be my boyfriend? I know that sounds childish, but I truly-“ Fidds pulled him back into the kiss, a nonverbal way of saying; “Of course, idiot.”

Their kiss became more passionate, Ford was going mad. He crawled onto Fiddleford and began slowly grinding on him. Rubbing their clothed dicks together.

“God.. I remember when I first saw you, you were crying.. ready to go home.” He began grinding harder - almost as if he didn’t realize.

“You’re so pretty, Fidds.. I knew when I saw you, you had to be mine. You’re just so smart.. you figured out the universe is a hologram? Come on, you’ve got such an amazing mind.” Fiddleford’s eyes fluttered - this felt so fucking good.. and the praising? He could cum right now.

“Ford..you’re so.. ah..so, so, sweet. Thank you for believin’ in me, I’ve always - fuck - felt so alone..” the friction in their pants was making them both so close.

“Ha.. Fiddleford, never, ever, let anyone treat you like you’re nothing. You’re everything, everything to me.” Ford thrusted harder, chasing his release.

“Fuck! Ford.. ford.. im- im going to.” Fiddleford felt himself release into his pants, the weed making it all the more easy to cum.

“Metoometoofuck.. Mmmm!” Cum began dripping down Ford’s legs, his shorts not holding much.

The two sighed, Ford wrapped Fidds up in a tight hug, both of their legs shaking in pleasure.

——-

i got so tired I couldn’t write a good ending .. so here’s that!! they definitely cuddled and ate snacks though! and yes they stay boyfriends hehehehwagahahah

YYSM FOR THE REQUEST

[wishmaker-astra]

Name: Astra Tsiolkovsky

Pronouns

• Default Preference: she/her

• Friends Can Use: it/its

• Though honestly as long as you're not a dick about it whatever works

Species: "Jirachi" (?)

Occupation: Astrophysics Doctoral Student

Other: Mute, psychic, former human

[Credit: Amber Aria: https://www.sunset-aria.com/]

Hey internet, I'm Astra Tsiolkovsky. I'm a doctoral student studying astrophysics in Unova. Ask me about science, engineering, and Space Stuff™ if you want rambles.

See my full about page

My Website

I use the "cw: topic" format for tagging that kind of thing.

I would ask you do not use the phrase "I wish" with when talking with me unless I give you permission as a courtesy. Text may not set off anything or do anything, but it has associations with physical impacts IRL.

SINCE THIS POS SITE HAS IMPLEMENTED AN ASK LIMIT, HERE'S THE POST IM USING AS THE ASK BOX IF YOU HIT YOUR 10 PER HOUR LIMIT: [X]

//Mail: [off]•Mystery Gift: [off]•Magic Anon: [off]•Union Circle: [off]

//[OOC Notes Below Cut]

EXTREMELY IMPORTANT

Check with me OOCly before sending anything ICly transphobic to her. After a couple instances of this, and one OOC Totally Normal ask, you guys have lost privilege of me accepting and rejecting on the fly with the hope you'd know when to stop.

If you fuck this up more, I'm going to mandate all asks about IC transphobic stuff get approval OFF ANON first and will start blocking anons over not asking OOCly. That said, I know some of these are hard to recognize for those of you who've never had to think about it in depth. Just think twice on if need to ask please?

EDIT 10/10/24: Congratulations on first OOC block about this. I am less likely to start off with warnings from now on.

Similar applies to her jirachi status. I'm a bit more lenient and open to this one, but, like, please use your brains.

EDIT 1/24: Mail and mystery gift has been turned off due to repeated attempts to send pokemon and money to Astra while ignoring that anything sent to her should be via normal parcel post. If you have my discord, or history of tumblr DM chat, I might be open to in advance arrangements.

Will Not Interact:

Magic Anon

Fae deals/name stealing

Meta Horror

4th Wall Schenanigans

Very dark topics

• This includes post-apocalyptic stuff to be clear

Mental Alteration/Mind Control related subjects

• I WILL just ignore things, have Astra behave utterly OOC, blanket refuse to interact with characters, and/or just suddenly drop interaction as if never happened if required for this

Other Notes:

I try to treat her experiencing rotomblr as *just a website* as much as possible. Granted, one with weird multiversal connection that she will assume is due to ultrahole shenanigans she doesn't understand yet

Lose combination of games and anime setting, leaning more towards the games

Pelipper mail will be interpreted as regular parcel mail being sent to her via student services.

Please keep mystery gift to minor items at most. She's a grad student as part of her character, part of that is putting up with tight money situation.

Astra's got the full abilities of a jirachi potentially, but is completely unable to use them yet. Think of it as getting a new limb suddenly.

Assumes sentient pokemon are rare, and mostly limited to:

• Ones with decent canon support (rotom inhabiting devices with a CPU, mewtwo, one off instances such as Meowth, latias, etc)

• Certain humanoid and/or psychic types raised in human society in a way that  "bootstraps" them during critical development periods (e.g. Gardevoir line treated as effectively human from birth)

Feel free to treat her as a kid screwing around on the net with a character if you want or similar if it makes sense for your character's setup or personality

She's an adult lesbian, please block the tags "suggestive", "cw: boob joke", "cw: dick joke", "cw: sex joke", and "cw: sex mention" if you are not comfortable with those topics. Please let me know if you need something tagged.

[butchlesbianmike]

Tower Tarot System Headcanons (Mike & his system)

Under the cut are my detailed headcanons for mike, his backstory, and details about his alters. Note that i've changed some 'canon' stuff and added a few new alters.

TW: There will be mentions of Parental Abuse such as neglect and implied physical and emotional violence. There will be mentions of Sexual Abuse relating to Mike & Vito.

Keeper

• System Aware • One of the main Gatekeepers. More of a state of consciousness than an alter. Not sure how to explain it even as a system myself but basically more of a concept and a fragment? It is not really an alter that another alter could just come up to or interact with. • Was created by the horrid neglect and abuse endured at the end of the system's mother which from a young age made clear they would not be able to function without amnesic barriers separating states of consciousness/ego states.

Lucia:

• 5 - she/her - System Unaware, became dormant until Mike went to therapy. She then became system aware. • Alter i created for their system. Sarah is a child alter and technically the first host the system had but quickly became a rarely fronting part due to varying traumatic events between the ages of 3 and 5. Her age got frozen around 5 years old. She also stopped being host at that age after a harshly traumatic event. • System is unsure if there are other parts younger than her, she is the youngest identifiable host.

Chester:

• 56 - He/Him - System Aware - One of the gatekeepers • Split off around 4. • Introject of their grandpa on their mom side. Very important to Sarah and was very kind and took good care of the system.Their mom was incredibly neglectful and their grandpa is basically who raised them. Their mom cut contact with their grandpa after a fight between them. • Losing their grandpa alongside the constant abuse now worsening from being around their mother more did lead to a split. • Chester appears very grumpy because they found it funny whenever he would go on rambles and complain about silly things to them but also because they were hardly ever allowed to express negative emotions or frustration around their mother and so Chester became a part that held a lot of those negative emotions they didnt feel safe expressing.

Svetlana (Went by Lucia) :

• She/They - Ages with body - not quite system aware, notices things but very much normalizes them. Becomes system aware once Mike gets a girlfriend and also starts exploring gender. • Split off around 7 when their mom started signing them up for competitive gymnastics. (They were already doing gymnastics before, but competitive only started at 7). • Main cohost for a long time. Helped Sarah and Lola with learning gymnastics and handled competitions due to their mother being incredibly abusive during tournaments and competitions. • She wasnt really aware she was cohost, she felt like this was her life but she kinda saw it as like.. "oh i just feel more like myself in my element! Gymnastics is just really important to me and its where i thrive everybody say they have masks depending on if theyre at school or at home or with friends!! I guess my mask just comes off when im doing gymnastics :D". • She thought that the Russian accent was just a bit she was very dedicated to and what helped her 'get in character' for competitions. That it was just her trying hard to be like those russian gymnasts they really like on TV to feel more confident. • She always felt uncomfortable with being infantilized and felt much older, but everyone around them would say they have an old soul so she assumed that must by why. • She discovers she's a lesbian around when the body's age is 14. • She is one of the alters alongside Vito who causes Mike to realize something isn't adding up and reach out to try and get therapy. • Did not like Mike's girlfriend and actually really disliked being referred to as a guy. This was actually a main source of conflict between her and Mike and another reason Mike started feeling something was wrong because he realized that the dysphoria he got seeming more masculine or being perceived as more masculine didn't feel like it was Actually Him. • She often would be very distant and even cold to their girlfriend because she realized that they were a system and that she wasn't Mike and that actually his girlfriend was hurting them. • After therapy and system work and being acknowledged as her own alter, her relationship with Mike got a lot better and they agreed on keeping some feminine stuff for her to wear whenever she's front. • Actually really likes Zoey and tries really hard to hint that she also likes her. She and Zoey actually start dating too.

Lola (Went by Lucia):

• She/her - 10 - system unaware until she stopped being host. She became system aware when the body was 12 and that she got yonked and became more of an internal alter and very very rarely ever fronted again. She was under the care of Manitoba and Chester in the headspace. • Another system kid and previous host, she handled life from 6 to 12. • She and Svetlana were really fronting together almost all the time and switching between eachother frequently, although rarely experiencing blackouts more than greyouts. • While she was a host from ages 6 to 12, she stopped aging in the headspace at 10. • A huge part of this was due to how rocky elementary school was. They were changing schools left and right and it was really hard to keep up with all the constant changes. Around 10 she lost one of the only friends she had managed to make and due to their already fragile state, this was distressing enough to halt her development as an alter in itself. Svetlana mostly started being the main host from 10 to 12 although Lola was still there and at least cofront a majority of the time. • Starts fronting a bit more after Mike starts doing system work (Body age around 17).

Mike:

• He/They - Ages with body - First Host to become system aware. • Split off around 12 due to stress bcuz the system moved in with their dad because their mom no longer wanted to be responsible for them nor pay for their highschool necessities. • He became host because he didnt carry much of the traumatic memories related to their mom, didn't have system awareness, and was fairly functional with school and with their dad. • At first he had it a lot better than previous hosts and was one of the most stable host for a short while which made it that switching didn't frequently occur except here and there or when triggered due to x y z. • That changed about 8 months after him being host. A month before turning 13 he started figuring out that he had a crush on a girl and might be a lesbian. • Not only that but also started getting a lot of gender dysphoria, even feeling uncomfortable with a lot of his clothes and even pictures of him in his gymnastic outfits and competitions. • Nothing much came out of the crush except heartbreak which did kind of shake things up for the system. Mike felt things very profoundly and the heartbreaks of feeling like he would never find love because he likes girls destabilized the system a bit which led to more frequent switches- especially at school to continue functioning with the classmate mike had a crush on. • Around 14 Mike finds out more about things identity wise and starts thinking he might be a transmasculine butch lesbian, but isn't sure of himself because he feels his identity is very shaky and constantly changing so he settles on being genderfluid. (This confusion is mostly caused by Svetlana who also is discovering she's a lesbian btw). • At 15 is when the big bad happens for Mike. He gets his first girlfriend who happens to be older and more experienced than him. She sees him as a trans guy, even though he tries to explain he isn't. She is very forward and sexual to him, which freaks him out. She is constantly trying to see his chest and fetishize him especially when he's binding. • At 17 after a long time seeing a therapist due to the previous events, he found out he was a system and has been doing system work with his therapist for a year now. This is the same year he signs up for total drama.

Manitoba 'Jones':

• He/Him - 21 - System Aware • Split off around 13. • Introject of Henry 'Indiana' Jones from specifically 'The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles'. • Chose the name Manitoba to distance himself from his source, although he finds high comfort in it. • System Historian / Internal Helper. He also frequently takes care of the syskids and takes them on adventures in the headspace. • Very rare for him to fully front but he likes to come sit around front whenever anyone watches action movies. • Is actually the one that handled breaking up with Mike & Vito's girlfriend because neither of them felt like they could and when he figured out what was going on he got very protective.

Vito:

• He/Him but later on uses any - 18 - System Aware • Split off around 15 because of Mike's girlfriend of the time. • Split off as a sexual protector and hypersexuality symptoms holder. • Sexualizes himself a lot because it makes him feel in control and desired. Feels like because 'hes a guy' it means he has to like and enjoy it bcuz thats what a real man would feel. • Gets triggered front everytime anyone in the system loses their shirt because of it creating dysphoria and PTSD. • Was actually the most heartbroken when they broke up with their shitty ex girlfriend. He loved her a lot and saw himself as her boyfriend more than Mike did, even if he knew deep down she wasn't good to them. • Is the alter that, alongside Svetlana, made Mike realize something wasn't adding up and start talking to a psychologist and getting therapy. • Started unpacking a lot of his relationship but still holds a lot of the system's hypersexuality symptoms and has a weird relationship to gender as he feels like his 'gender' as a 'guy' is affirmed through having withstood their ex' abuse and 'enjoying' it. • He is actually nonbinary but it takes him a while to figure that out and only really figures it out AFTER total drama.

Mal:

• He/She/It - Ages With Body - System Aware • Persecutor/Misguided Protector. Split off during total drama all stars. • Mal split off with the belief that to win the game you have to be selfish and self preserving and manipulative. • He feels that Mike is "Too soft" and "Too kind" to survive let alone win the game. So he decides to play it by 'their rules'. A rule that Mal perceives to be the only way to make it through. • Due to splitting off with the belief of needing to replace Mike, she actually looks very similar to him in the headspace and while she doesn't like it she finds it very easy to imitate him and sees it as a way to protect the system by imitating Mike to win the show and get everyone away. • She thinks Mike is too 'naive' and 'trusting' and Mal sees that as a weakness others in the show will exploit and abuse so he decides to distrust everyone including the people who the rest of the system feel are safe like Zoey and Cameron. • It doesn't come from a serious place of malice more than a maladaptive coping strategy where Mal is in constant survival mode and unwilling to let his guard down in case the system gets hurt and he KNOWS that its bound to happen being part of total drama. • This is reinforced by the fact that Mal split off with memories concerning their ex girlfriend and knows how deceiving people can be, especially seeing how some of the people on the show have tons of red flags that reminds her of Mike & Vito's ex. • He tries to protect the system by constantly trying to force herself front and by betraying people and playing 'the villain' so that no one will hurt them and that they have more chances to win if they're the one to strike first and he lashes out and gets angry when the system calls him out for it because he doesn't understand why they dont see what he sees. • After a lot of therapy and help from the system and Zoey and Cameron, Mal unpacks and unlearns a lot of the harmful ideas she split off with and also starts exploring herself outside of 'Total Drama'. A lot of her identity is tied as 'Mike's only hope to survive total drama' and its a lot for her to work through. • She gets on much better terms with Zoey later on, but it does take a very long time to build up that trust between them even if Zoey understands where Mal was coming from.

[trauma-bot]

ouuuu i need the lore... i love selfships so much.... nuze lore please.... if you want..........

YAY YAY YAY. im gonna try so hard to keep this somewhat brief to leave room for any more questions but we'll see how that goes <3

so to preface this E does have a toyhouse bio that you can look at if you're curious! it has a more in-depth look at his personality and whole deal. you can also look at his gallery if you'd like; thats where his references and other artwork for him are stored!

ALRIGHT. RAMBLING UNDER THE CUT

a lot of it is very much to fulfill my weird convoluted fantasy of "what if i lost all hope for a future that i exist in and was convinced that i was going to succumb to the claws of my trauma and rot there forever (basically dooming myself in my own narrative) thus becoming the absolute worst version of myself in what i believe to be my final moments only for someone (two someones in this case) to love and believe in me so much that, despite it all and despite everything that was done to me and that ive done myself, gives me enough hope to undoom myself". i'm normal i swear.

also just generally im a big big sucker for stories about survivors of trauma being there for each other, and in that way i get a lot of comfort from nuze.

SO. NUZE LORE... (once again shout outs to my bestie night for coining their ship name lol)

i guess ill break it down like this, starting with N/E. (alt. ship name being pupE love (coined by another bestie of mine charlie)) E knew N back at the manor and they were close friends then, N was the first person E came out as trans to (by that i mean. N helped E work through his tumultuous robo gender feelings in real time) and N was the only one E really felt comfortable around. (other than tessa! E was also friendly with V back then as well<3)

however, E was also badly traumatized by his time in the manor, and of course Canon Events happen. E, as a disassembly drone, is now much more muted, detached, numbed, and devoted completely to their directive. he's very very very repressed and his specific brand of memory issues as well as the fucked up memory dreams causes him to dissociate and spiral a lot. he also distanced himself a lot from N for reasons even he isn't entirely privy to. something in his hardwiring just told him that N would be safer the less E stayed with him. and N is!!! really saddened by that!!! its normal! E has to learn to not be an emotionless object and actually let himself feel and need and yearn, and N is a big help with that (uzi is as well ofc!!)

i have to skip past a lot of things for the sake of not making this post so many words long but regardless; N/E is really special to me because they are two people who are in a very similar and scary situation and have had to see each other get hurt or even killed in many clone instances in many reset memory files. and its the just. the willingness to love despite knowing what happened to you and even witnessing it at times, to say "this is not all we are" and break free from those iron chains despite knowing how much it'll hurt and how dire everything is. E is so convinced that its all worthless and he couldn't be anything more than what he's used for, while N desperately wants a better life for himself and those he loves, and he's gonna drag E kicking and screaming to hope and healing. <3

NOW. UZIE :3 (alt. ship name is angelfangz)

E is MIA from the squad until like right after episode 3 canonically happens and is found by uzi and N. uzi does not trust E at first not one bit LMFAO. she doesn't hate him but like. her only frame of reference for murder drones besides N is V and J. and also E is like. he's weird and says weird cryptic things and is not exactly the easiest to talk to due to how off-putting and repressed he is. at first E is like "why is there a worker drone. in the spire. and we're all okay with this" but after actually getting more context behind Everything he's curious about her more than anything. he has to be swayed into betraying his initial directive (kill all worker drones. yknow) only because thats like all he knows how to do and would feel aimless without it, but once he is he's loyal to his new directive (help uzi figure out what the hell is going on with this solver business). yeah he treats himself like an object that can only find worth in being ordered around but we dont have time to unpack all of that right now. he unlearns it later i prommy.

uzi is like. spitefully resistant to getting to know E on a deeper lever, but this is uzi "no bonding thing" doorman and she cannot help but care about E and be concerned about his behavior. she will notttt admit that however and stubbornly holds her ground. it isnt until post-episode 4 when E and uzi are fully vulnerable around each other.

uziE is. so so very important to me. uzi has been outcasted and isolated for so much of her life, she's been treated as a weirdo freak monster by her classmates and becomes outwardly prickly and aggressive to cope with how little affection and reassurance she's been given. i know she's internalized it to mean there is something wrong with her that everyone else can see, and its only a matter of time before those who actually care for her see it too and leave her. and i know that the events of episode 4 confirmed it in her mind, that she is a freak monster and everyone was right to avoid and hate her, even though she never asked for any of this. thats a very familar feeling to me- and by extension E. E recognizes the feeling of being made into a monster against your will, of fearing and being unable to trust yourself, and of feeling like its best for everyone's safety to hide away. E and uzi find solace and comfort in each other for that. they dont see each other as broken irredeemable monsters, so maybe they aren't.

im stopping here because holy shit this got long but THERES A LOT MORE LOLL. tldr nuze altogether is very very important to me and i could talk about them forever and ever. they love each other all so much and they grow and heal and forgive and aaaaughhhgh<3 im normal.

[stars-mischief-archive]

hey

what does it feel like, knowing you're neurodivergent? i keep looking into different habits i have and it's something i think about a lot, but i always just feel more broken the more i look

so what is it like? and how do you know for sure?

;; angst beneath the cut

[ he goes silent for a moment, debating how to best approach this scenario ]

...

[ he looks up at the anon and speaks ]

well, it's different for everyone, i suppose.

for me, especially in the early stages of my life, it was really isolating.

as a child, i never really "fit in" with the people around me. i mean, void, i didn't have many friends until i was 18 years old.

though most have grown distant.. since i moved to the valley..

i couldn't understand why i didn't fit in. moreover, other people seemed to notice things about me and were very abrasive.

they.. they didn't like how i was different, i suppose.

i felt different, too.

no matter how hard i tried, no matter how much i wanted them to like me, they.. they never did.

oftentimes i'd watch someone else say something and i'd notice how their jokes always seemed to land. so, i'd try to strike up a conversation. only to be met with strange looks and sideways glances, as if i somehow said the wrong thing without realizing it.

it.. it was really disheartening.

there were times in my life when i found myself thinking: "why am i not like anyone else? why don't i fit in?" and, eventually, i convinced myself that there must be something wrong with me..

so, i decided that i would "fix it".

i carefully watched other people's behaviors and mimicked them as if they were my own, all because i thought that if i was more like them and less like.. me.. that they'd actually want to be my friend.

i found myself following the trends just so i could have the slightest thing in common with them, even though it didn't make me happy or i didn't enjoy the trends that much..

eventually, i began to morph into a dull, "normal" version of myself. or, that's what i was telling myself, anyway. in truth, there are points in my life where i look back and.. i don't recognize the man i see.

but it didn't matter. i convinced myself that, if people didn't like me for being different, then i wouldn't be different ever again. i would like what they liked, i would crush any undesirable behavior, i would become normal, even if it caused me to lose myself.

...and, it did. for a long time.

it didn't help that, while i was going through this, another crisis occurred (transgenderism beam). i never felt more confused in my life. and, no matter where i looked, no one seemed to be able to relate to my experiences. i felt completely and totally alone.

i hate that feeling.

...

so, a few years pass and im still masking almost constantly.

its exhausting, to say the least. but i kept it up.

i have never truly found a place where i felt like i belonged. i was always the "weird" kid, i was always "different", i was always "too much". but, i wanted to find that place so, so badly..

so i forced myself to hide any interest that was deemed "weird" by other people, i forced myself to hide how happy and passionate these interests made me. all because i wanted people to like me.

and, they did, i suppose.. i had what i always wanted; people liked me and didn't think of me as weird or a freak.. so why wasn't i happy?

i could never figure that part out and i was too exhausted from the constant masking to try.

...

anyway, i manage to make a few friends during this period of time (mainly by sticking to their interests and only mentioning things i knew they liked)..

and, i began developing an interest that was different from theirs.

it was something that i was super passionate about and it brought me immense happiness every time it was mentioned.. plus, my brain was craving some dopamine. all those years of wearing the exhaustive mask were.. well, talking a toll.

i didn't think much about it at the time and began happily rambling about this new interest.. but, this person, whom i considered a really good friend, absolutely hated it. and they hated me, too, i would later realize.

i guess i got a little too carried away while talking and, without realizing, the mask slipped away. i was just so excited - i had to share this interest with one of my favorite people, you know?

but.. it didn't exactly end up that way, huh.

this person.. ah.. they blatantly insulted one of my passions and then proceeded to call me annoying (among other things) for talking about it, or even enjoying it.

i took it to heart, i suppose..

void, it even still affects me - nearly five years later.

i.. that interaction.. it made me feel incredibly self conscious.

now, whenever i find something i'm passionate about, i tend to enjoy it silently.. by myself.

i feel that, whenever i say more than three words about something that interests me.. whoever i'm talking to will be put off. that they'll find it annoying and tell me to shut up. and i'll be nothing more than i was all those years ago: a scared little kid, all alone, dealing with this confusing world.

i never want to feel like that again.

i don't want anyone else to feel like that, either.. which is why i make a conscious effort to remember everyone's favorite things and ask them about their interests..

it's absolutely awful having someone you care about be so rude and dismissive about something you enjoy...

...

but, to answer your question, i don't think there is a defined way to "know for sure" - at least one that i've found..

you know, it's crazy, but people who aren't neurodivergent seem to have a "second sense" for finding those who are and, subsequently, they choose to be complete and utter assholes.

just because someone is "different".

but you don't deserve that, no one deserves that.

despite what everyone may think, being neurodivergent is not a bad thing.

it's amazing. it allows you to understand things differently than traditional methods, it allows you to enter periods of hyperfocus and do things that (typically) take a week in one afternoon.

you are not broken. you will never be broken - not to me, anyway.

you are amazing and perfectly capable and so, so worthy of love and should be able to express yourself without feeling like you're doing something wrong.

oftentimes, being neurodivergent can feel like, no matter how hard you try, the world seems to reject you and your efforts. it wants to squish you down and remove the individuality out of you. it wants you to become what they see as "normal".

please, from the bottom of my heart, don't give in. don't let them make you into what they want to see or what you think will please them..

it's so, so exhausting and it takes years to remove that mask and unlearn the behaviors. sometimes you can't unlearn them, though.. and they haunt your mind and fill it with self doubt.

yeah, it's scary.. and isolating.. and overwhelming sometimes.. but when you're in your element? when you're surrounded by supportive and like minded people? when you find the place you truly belong? it's amazing.

um.. anyway..

...

i hope this was insightful.. but, like i said, everyone's experiences are different.