#im probably gonna get some angry anons

[mothheart-ships-archive]

So I think I'm coming to a decision and here's what I want to say:

I am choosing to be neutral. I do not want to take sides, and I don't really wanna be involved in discourse and see people say that someone should die or something. That's wayyyy too hard for me, as someone who has lost someone close to me to suicide, and has witnessed many more crack under the opinions of people who don't even know them.

More under cut.

I come from a fandom where darker topics are roleplayed all the time, but the people there agree that certain topics are yikes and do not support them irl. We agree that characters intentions, thoughts, opinions, etc. do not equal the intentions, thoughts, opinions, etc. of the roleplayer; the fandom source is dark, and it allows us to explore darker themes, angsty plots, and interesting stories. We recognize that some stuff just isn't our cup of tea so when engaging with each other we don't engage in those topics!

Additionally, I think characters and ships and narratives all rely on the source and CONTEXT they are based on.

Another example: It's like cancelling George R.R. Martin for writing about war and murder and incest and rape in Game of Thrones. These things, unfortunately, happen, and exploring them in fiction is normal for a lot of writers and they are still able to admit that these actions irl are wrong. And yet Martin is not cancelled. People who are not comfortable with these topics don't watch the show nor read the books. People who do engage with the media make ocs and ships with murder and darker themes as it is within the realm of belief for the source. It does not mean that they, nor Martin, support rape or murder or incest.

This. This is what I'm understanding of Proship at the very least. I do not know enough about comship as it is a new label that I'm not as familiar with and I am still struggling to understand it. I think it is VERY important to be critical about the media you consume, to question themes and the creators is healthy, but I do just as genuinely believe that people can explore darker themes without actually endorsing it irl. THAT is the most important thing to me. If someone is prancing around saying they whole heartedly wanna do things to children... that is a completely different story. That is not even in the realm of shipping. Those are the people to watch out for.

Think about the memes about this, too. The "i could fix him" and "i could make him worse" memes. That's toxic idealization, but put in a way that is humorous and something a lot of people can chalk their very own ship dynamics up to. I don't see people sending death threats over that.

Which means it's all about context and intent. Not all proshippers agree with various dark themes, and from what I've had explained to me and from what I've seen it is generally just letting people explore fiction the way they want to. Sometimes it's a way to cope. Sometimes it's to create a story. Sometimes it's just to have fun.

If you're reading this and choose to disagree, that's your decision and it will be respected. People are allowed to agree to disagree over something as simple as fiction. Feel free to block me.

This said, here are my boundaries, I would like for them to be respected if we have a conversation/talk about ships.

-I do not support incest irl and would prefer not to engage with romantic incest ships. I will block if this is disrespected.

-I do not support pedophilia and would prefer not to engage with adult/minor age gap romantic ships. I do not mind ships with age gaps as long as a MINOR is NOT involved. I will block if this is disrespected.

-I do not support rape irl. I do not support unhealthy relationships where sex is more important than the emotional well-being of the partner. I do not support situations where 'no' is not respected. I do not support non-consensual actions between individuals. I do not mind it as a detail of narrative, I do not mind it as being part of a character's/oc's/insert's back story. But if there are heavy themes of active noncon in a ship then I do not want to engage. I will block if this is disrespected.

-I would like to get to know the actual human person I'm talking to before judgement is made over the little things.

-However, fascists, racists, pedophiles/MAPs, terfs, anti-lgbt, antishippers/anyone who actively harasses anyone for differences or brings harm to others ARE NOT welcomed here. If you identify as these or with the ideologies of these identities then please do not engage with me. These are not little things. That's a person's life.

Thank you for reading, regardless of your stance on the subject of pro/neutral/antishippers. I hope you have a nice day whoever you are.

[animehideout]

I think a lot about jjk men being angry because their gamer girlfriend ignores them 😩

(sorry for the writing, english is not my first language

JJK Men x Gamer GF

a/n: Hello anon thank you so much for your request. I had fun writing this one. I really hope you like it 🫶🏻

( Requests are open )

Characters: Gojo Satoru / Toji Fushiguro / Ryomen Sukuna / Nanami Kento.

Gojo Satoru:

Satoru has been very busy with endless missions lately, getting home really late.

To ease your lonliness, you started gaming.

Well till it turned into addiction.

You were kinda mad at him for not making time for you or at least speak to the higher-ups to take some days off.

But you never talked that out with him, since you didn't have the chance to express yourself.

He surprisingly arrived early tonight, excited to spend the night cuddling with you while watching movies.

But he didn't expect you to have your eyes glued on the screen in front of you while gaming like a maniac.

The room echoed with the sounds of keystrokes and game music.

He jumped in excitement to surprise you but no reaction.

“huh? baby! Im hooome”

“hey” you smiled unenthusiastically at him and quickly turned your focus back on your game.

He raised his eyebrow, watching as you delve into your virtual world, a world seemingly more captivating than his presence.

Would try everything to bring your attention towards him.

He knows his touch makes you weak, so he leaned in wrapping his arms around your shoulders, kissing the top of your head, wishing to draw your attention away from your screen.

“I missed you so much babygirl”

His attempt failed miserably, you just hummed in return completely ignoring him.

When his affection didn't work he started teasing you attempting to provoke you and get a reaction out of you.

“You sure you can play this game? I feel like you suck at this”.

When his teasing fell on a deaf ear as well, his frustration reached its peak.

His calm and amused voice turned into an annoyed tone.

“ARE YOU REALLY GONNA IGNORE ME FOR THAT STUPID GAME Y/N?” he would yell in an unusual harsh tone.

The question hang in the air as it left you momentarily stunned.

“Why the hell are you yelling?” you would question.

“Oh so now I got your attention?! I've been trying to talk to you for half an hour now and all what you did is playing your stupid game”.

His anger was very evident.

He would remove his blindfold throwing it somewhere in your shared bedroom.

“So you got mad because I was focusing on playing my game but you didn't consider that I'm probably the one who's mad because you're never home” you let out of everything, confronting him.

“you're comparing this stupid game to my job?”

Oh boy he fucked up, he didn't get the whole point.

After raging and snapping at you he would give you the silent treatment.

Of course his narcissistic ass wouldn't apologize first.

He's convinced that it's your fault even though he was offensive as well.

You would eventually say sorry and he'll show you his bright smile at the spot.

Both of you would talk things out and find a solution to spend more time together.

“so we good now baby?...can we cuddle?”

“yeah Satoru just lemme finish this round” you would joke.

Toji Fushiguro:

As much as he enjoys your giggles and the way you throw cute tantrums while playing, he HATES IT when you're completely engrossed in your game, oblivious to the way he's sitting there watching you.

Kinda paradoxical.

He wished to have you in his arms.

Or having you on his lap while making out.

But all of these were just thoughts crossing his mind cuz you don't seem like you're finishing your game any time sooner.

And that annoyed him to the core.

“y/n, y/n ?”

“HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE”.

You didn't even hear him with having your headset on.

He's very possessive of you and he wants all of your attention to himself.

Especially when you started chatting with your friends, while playing together.

That shit was his last straw.

“Thats it...get your ass over here y/n”

You would look at him in disbelief.

Mouthing “my friends heard you”

“oh trust me I don't give A SINGLE FUCK” he would yell again.

You apologized to your friends and quickly paused the game.

“Are you out of your mind Toji why did you say that”.

“Why did you apologize to your friends while I'm the one you should apologize to”

He would stand up approaching you, narrowing his eyes, clearly pissed.

His giant figure making you take a step back, trapping you between him and your desk.

“Now what should I do to you for ignoring me for too long huh?” he whispered.

You started stuttering, his strong aura did things to you.

His narrow eyes piercing through you, sending shivers down your spine.

“I- I'm s-sorry” you gulped.

“What a good girl...now turn off that computer before I smash it and get your ass on the bed”

Well you had no other options, so you obeyed him.

Unless you want to act bratty which will result in him punishing the hell out of you.

Would spend the whole night cuddling you, literally smashing you in his strong arms, never letting go of you. 🫶🏻🥹

“But Toji I really need to use the bathroom”.

“Nuh-uh”.

Ryomen Sukuna:

Two possibilities, whether you're too bold or you're suicidal and have a death wish to test this man's patience.

They just released this new game and you're completely obsessed with it.

You would spend hours playing it, luckily Sukuna was busy with some things so he didn't notice the way that game took your whole attention and energy.

He wants to be the one taking all of your time and energy.

But when he does notice, oh god, run or pray for your life.

“y/n come here let me kiss you”

“one second!!!”

He would look at you in disbelief.

Cocking his eyebrow, while leaning back .

Even though your back was facing him, you could feel the daggers he was sending your way.

“I said NOW”

“Please baby, I'm winning be there in a sec-”

You didn't even get to finish your sentence when he threw your whole set up off of your desk.

Your eyes would widen in shock.

You don't know if you should feel sad that your whole gaming set up got destroyed or scared that you're the one about to get destroyed.

“You dare to ignore me.. that's bold of you y/n” he would say in his deep voice, making your chest tighten.

“I'll only allow this once, there won't be a second time... do you understand?”

You would nod immediately.

He would throw you on his shoulder taking you to your shared bedroom.

“You need to be taught a lesson after all”

Of course he wouldn't apologize that he got angry at you.

I mean, it's Sukuna we're talking about.

The next day, Sukuna would surprise you with a new gaming computer with complete setup.

You've never imagined him doing this gesture but you truly appreciated that the king of curse actually considered your feelings.

“I don't understand what humans find so entertaining in this game... you should try murder is much more fun..”

You would happily unbox it and place it on your desk.

“Now, Doll next time when I tell you to stop you stop immediately without any stupid excuses”.

Nanami Kento:

Would be home after a long day at work.

Brings dinner with him and expects both of you to eat together while talking about your day and future plans for the weekend.

Only to find you in a dark room, only your computer screen glowing.

“y/n I'm home darling!”

“oh hey there baby” you would simply say eyes still glued on the game.

He wouldn't think much of it even though you were used to jump on him, embracing him in a long hug and telling him how much you missed him.

But lately all what you've been occupied with is this game.

Would give you space, while he takes his time to shower, prepare the table for both of you to have dinner.

“y/n dinner is ready, let's eat”

“yeah yeah I'll be there in a sec Kento” you said, agressively pressing the buttons on your controller.

He would sigh and head to the kitchen, to wait for you there.

Half an hour has passed, an hour and you didn't show up yet.

“shit” you said to yourself when you checked the time.

You ran downstairs to find him on the couch watching TV.

You slowly approached him and sat next to him.

“ken-”

“you don't have to say anything y/n”.

Your heart ached because you know you screwed up.

He would ignore you, his eyes fixated on the big screen in front of him.

You would place your hand on his lap but he would reject you.

“Kento please”

He would start lecturing you.

“You know, that was extremely childish y/n.. I've been waiting for us to have dinner together since the moment I left the morning.. that's what keeps me going.. knowing that I'll come back home to find you..but you did what? you ignored me”

He would be really furious but he kept it to a low and cold tone.

No matter how much he gets pissed he'll never raise his voice at you.

You would look down, embarrassed and feeling extremely guilty.

“I'm your husband y/n , lately you're not fulfilling your duties towards me like I do to you..”.

He is a responsible man, and he believes in efforts from both sides.

You would end up crying.

And he'll end up apologizing even though it was your mistake from the beginning.

He hates seeing you cry, especially because of him.

He regretted getting angry at you.

Between sobs you managed to explain to him that you were trying to win an award by getting the first place in this game.

Would bring you to his chest, holding you close.

“shh I'm sorry.. that's okay. I understand. I'm sorry if my words were harsh”

Would wipe your tears.

Doesn't go to work the next day and spends the day with you while you teach him how to play.

Thank you for reading (⁠♡⁠ω⁠♡⁠ ⁠)⁠ ⁠~⁠♪

[blegh-110]

okay i need a part two where she gets her own group and kinda starts acting like sam and she starts partying and hanging out with older boys to cope and sam gets all mad and jealous

unless you already have an idea either way i love ur fic 🙏���

fyi, anon is referring to "im not a princess, this aint a fairytale" part of older brother's best friend!sam. Honestly I was going to write this after I was finished with the whole series, but I'm kinda in a little writing rut right now and I've been wanting to write this since I got it so hopefully this will help with it. Anywaysss…

Let's say this happens, and Sam is at one of his high school parties where kids are drinking and doing drugs and all that kinda stuff, and he sees reader there across the room. That boy is beyond shocked!!

 He thinks it makes sense for him to be there, he's been making not so great decisions and hanging out with the wrong people lately. But you? He knows how much you hate big, loud crowds like this, as well as the smell of weed and smoke from cigarettes. He knows because the last time he saw you you had given you a quick side hug after convincing his teacher to let him out of detention, you quite literally scrunched your nose and turned your head when your nose made contact with his shirt. He and his friends had smoked a bit in the parking lot right before. 

So right when he sees you he’s wondering what the fuck are you doing here? And why? Do you have a ride home? Who did you come with?

Then he goes from concerned and confused to really fucking concerned and confused when he sees a boy handing you a drink and putting your hair behind your ears. He’s heard about this other guy and he’s a total asshole. He knows because he sits right next to a group of girls in his math class who absolutely hate him, apparently he cheated on one of them and just treated her horribly. As soon as he sees him touch you he’s storming towards you two, not caring who he shouldered and bumped into. 

“Alright, get the fuck away,” Sam pushed the other boy’s shoulder roughly, then grabbed your bicep and began pulling you with him, “lets go.”

“Sam, what are you doing?” You attempted to free yourself from his grip but he was just going through the crowd of people so fast that your feet couldn’t stop moving with him. Soon enough he had gotten you outside to his car. 

“C’mon.” He looked back at you expecting you to get in but you continued to stand in your place, the very last thing you wanted was to be near him.

“Does your brother know you’re here?” That was what broke you, if he found out he’d blow up on you. With defeated and frustrated tears in your eyes you got in the passenger seat, letting out an annoyed sigh when Sam closed the door for you. 

“I don’t know who you’ve been hanging out with, but you need to be careful around people like him.” You didn’t say anything in response, only staring out the window watching the cars go by and the silence killed Sam. He didn’t like that there was no confusion or worry at his words, so he continued talking, just so he could hopefully get something from you.

“I’ve heard some awful stuff about him, he probably looks like a nice guy but he’s not.” He looked at you, maybe he just didn’t see your reaction.

Nothing. 

“Guys like him, (Y/N), they’re gonna treat you like shit if you’re not careful.” He spit out, thinking if he was aggressive with his word then you would understand what you were getting yourself into. 

“That’s hard to imagine.” Is all you say and Sam is fully ready to stop the car, reevaluate everything he’s done and apologize but he keeps driving. This was not how he wanted it to happen. Not when you were already angry and not when he didn't have his thoughts all together. So he gripped the steering wheel tightly and sighed, trying to let out his growing frustration in silence. 

And when he was back home, he was up for another hour going insane wondering if that wasn’t your first party you’ve been to, and that maybe that wasn’t the first time you were out with the other guy (it wasn’t your first party and it wasn’t your first time with him lol).

[purplepeptobismol]

I NEEED MORE EMICOOP IDC IF ITS ART OR HEADCANNONS I NEED MORE

Im sorry it took a while anon! But here are just a couple I can think of from the top of my head! 😋🫶

—

Cooper

Starts piercing his ears at age 15 and even attempted to do one himself at 16 ☠️

This one is obvious but he thumps his knuckles the way Butters does whenever he’s overwhelmed/nervous. Maybe he picked up on it, but I like to think it’s a hereditary habit

Cooper is actually fluent in Spanish because he grew up listening to a lot of Latin American artist. [thank you volta for helping me coin this <3]

speaking of ^, his favorite is Selena and owns a vinyl of hers because I say so

Has a bit of popularity with a specific demographic (nerds)

its very 50/50 when it comes to getting along with people. If he doesn’t have a good first impression of you, then he’s not gonna engage, but is overall pretty chill with everyone

favorite color is black (space black)

academically advanced in science related subjects. Of course he is, it’s his favorite

likes really sweet stuff and absolutely hates salted dark chocolate

tends to have strict/high morals and a strong sense of justice (gets along with Kyle because of it, and will have political yap sessions with him and Isa)

likes to binge watch shows with Kate while they eat

Emilio

likes race cars/racing!! His jacket is a race car jacket and gets along with Kenny cuz of it.

Emilio doesn’t know a lot of Spanish, but he knows a basic amount (a literal ‘no sabo’ kid ☠️) . He failed Spanish y’all </3

has a lot of beauty marks!!

very in tune with nature and likes plants

joined the basketball team in middle school

picked up cooking around freshman year of high school and is actually REALLY really good at it

ends up working on the coffee shop with his grandparents despite his parents protesting against it

chill with people but he tends to lean on the people-pleaser side

pretty slow when it comes to social cues and reading the room

was a very fussy baby and toddler and has some anxiety issues behind close doors. He tends to keep appearances so he will literally be screaming and crying in his head but in the outside it’s full on poker face. (Learned this skill in the 6th grade)

was very clingy to Tweek throughout his childhood but goes through a rebellious phase in middle school that makes him have the typical ‘I hate my parents’ attitude

EmiCoop

Cooper fell in love first but he didn’t realize his feelings until the 4th grade 

Emilio is actually so freaking— ⚰️ y’all… bro does not understand what he feels towards Cooper for a long while. Internalized homophobia got his ass

Cooper gets along with Craig, and Tweek has a soft spot for him. When Cooper and Craig end up going on space related yap sessions, Emilio gets pretty pissy. Actually—

(pre dating) Emilio is the very jealous type, I’m talking ‘IFHY by Tyler’ type of jealous ☠️☠️. And since he’s not going out with Cooper, he use to get so angry whenever he felt jealous. He didn’t understand what it was or why, but that only pissed him off more.

Emilio tends to stare at Cooper when he isn’t looking

Cooper finds Emilio physically attractive 🫢

Around elementary, they use to spend more time in Cooper’s house. But in middle school and high school, they switched to Emi’s since it was closer to them.

They are active on social media, so they’re always sending each other stupid stuff in a groupchat with Isa

Emilio and Isa get along really well since they have similar niche interests, but they’re all scared of her when she blows up. Cooper is down to go through her schemes tho. Whenever the Marsh-Broflovskis are over, the trio become like the old school South Park kids. Do NOT leave them alone for more than 24 hours. They WILL set something on fire. (Robin and Kate would probably come along but won’t intervene cuz it’s ’not their problem’)

Cooper isn’t bad at cooking, but he’s decent. Since Coop beats Emi in a lot of stuff, Emilio gets competitive towards cooking, so he will often try to ‘beat’ him and make him eat his dishes just so he can hear Cooper say that they’re good.

—

These are a couple I had on my notes, but I’m open to answering more specific questions if you have any !!!

[that-one-paintbrush]

Hey, Paintbrush here!

Recently noticed that a few others at Hotel OJ have made some tumblr blogs, so I decided to as well! Welcome to my blog, all :)

I'm Paintbrush (they/them) and I've competed on three seasons of Inanimate Insanity! Season three just ended and I've just been chilling at Hotel OJ for a while. Not doing much else, so I'll probably be answering asks frequently.

DISCLAIMER: this ask blog has (unintentionally) become an au

if you want to get the full context, feel free to scroll down certain lore tags or check out the archive! -mod

Tags of interest:

#painty yapping: Paintbrush answering asks, sometimes used for reblog convos

#painty posting: explained here!

#misc asks: Asks that don't particularly have anything to do with a plot line

#bristle blather: Asks or convos specifically related to Paintbrush's bristles

#burnt-out brush: Posts where Paintbrush aint doing so hot... also includes the mini arc where Painty ran away and Backgroundy temporarily took over answering

#magic anon: Temporary events that can be applied on the blog

#rough sketch duo: Posts that feature both Paintbrush and Animatic (from Animatic Battle), Animatic usually played by @animaticaskblog

#backgroundy: A character introduced through a magic anon event, backgroundy is a friendly face on the wall that occasionally shows up on this blog. ....or are they? friendly i mean. backgroundy clearly has a lot to hide, and becomes quite defensive upon being asked about their past

#torch/inner flame: angry paintbrush? wrong! a completely separate character!! torch is a secretive and smooth-talking individual that possesses paintbrush at seemingly random times. also narrates paintbrush's actions

#flooding memories chronicles: Posts taking a dive into Backgroundy's obscure past!

#rediscovering fire chronicles: Paintbrush has an inner flame now. WHAT!!! oh just kidding theyre just possessed. hi torch!! whats your backstory?

#false contract chronicles: AAAAAA SPRINGYS HERE HES GONNA HIRE US ALL AAAA

#painty yapping and yapping: posts where Paintbrush rambles for an extended amount of time, usually not dialogue

#animaticified saga: paintbrush gets ab animaticified. that's it

#art imitates life chronicles: paintbrushs past wasnt ALL sunshine and rainbows... if only they knew what happened!

#backfire arc: paintbrush makes a terrible no good absolutely horrible bad decision. they suffer the consequences accordingly!

#still waters runs deep chronicles: torch and backgroundy FINALLY talk things over like civilized adults

#history repeats itself chronicles: another life has been created via m!a,,,, waow

#mod kit: Posts from the mod! me!!

hey, mod here! (vortex, he/they/she)

there are a few things id like to mention:

this is my first ask blog. in the history of EVER!! so pls be patient with me

dont plan on including ships on this blog! but i dont mind ship-related asks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ please just dont be weird or mention proships

like i said, dont be weird in the asks! please no nsfw or fetish-y asks either

dont be an asshole pretty please- i dont mind jokes and sarcasm but if ur only here to be a haterade pls leave 🥺

yall can do magic anons if you want! please try not to send too many tho 😁

i made the paintbrush asset myself! pls dont use it or steal it :')

i may not answer asks immediately so please be patient and dont spam or pressure me into answering! i may ignore and refuse to answer any asks if im uncomfortable as well

keep in mind some of what i say may be personal headcanons or made up on the spot! ill stick to canon as much as possible but if theres an opportunity to add a headcanon, ill likely do so

thanks for reading!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anonymous Advise Asks - February 10

6 anon, three hearts anon, angry anon, unnamed anon (new), confused 2 anon (new)

6 anon

We made it to states on a wild card placement, and the chances of that were like 2 percent! TWO, and we got it!!! I am very happy. I got 2 superior awards and 1 excellence award. However the downside is that it's in Detroit, but it's ok because my best friends are going to watch so yippeeee

OMG that's amazing, I'm so excited for you!!! Please keep me updated and tell me how it goes!

_____________________

Three Hearts Anon

So if I'm understanding correctly, you can't go to therapy because of something your aunt did? I mean I don't know the whole situation but...I don't think you should sacrifice your mental health to protect her. Like...you're the kid in this situation, you know? You deserve to get help.

Also I promise you that everyone you love does not hate you. I have definitely felt like that before and I get how it feels all-consuming, but there are people who care aboutyou, I swear <3

________________

Angry Anon

Hello, Cas! Angry anon here lol

I want to say THANK YOU for taking the time to reply!! It helped me quite a bit to calm down.

I started writing fanfics for the first time and also made some art that people liked even tho they were pretty messy :D It helped me vent A LOT. I could even talk about stuff that could potentially trigger other people but in fanfics they're just there (like eating habits).

I feel guilty talking about stuff with friends. I think I weight them down and they already have their own problems to deal with, I hate being another one of those.

My situation still kinda sucks but for the first time in like two weeks they actually let me sleep for six hours three days in a row ayy, I think that's improvement (?)! I think one of the reasons I was so upset was them not letting me rest at all, it's different if someone stays up so late and wake up in the middle of the night and has to go places early morning because they just do but was kinda frustrating that I needed to do that because they didn't give me any other choice.

Anyway, I also tried the paper crumpling, didn't really work for me and there's no rage rooms nearby but I put googly eyes on my phone and that somehow worked?? Idk

I might vent here occasionally (you're free to ignore it if you feel like it) but yeah, thanks

Hi! I'm so proud of you for finding ways to cope! Writing and drawing are amazing ways, and though I've never tried putting googly eyes on my phone- if it works and it doesn;t hurt anyone I'm all for it! I'm also really glad you've gotten some sleep <3 Keep it up with the healthy coping!

Also yes, you are always allowed to vent here <3

_________________

Unnamed Anon

Hey cas

I'm not gonna use my anon name cause I feel kinda bad about this but.

Backstory- I think I might be bi? But I live in a very religious very homophobic community and I'm not interested in dating yet ( Honestly im super confused) so I'm not out. And I probably won't be. Which is. A whole other thing.

But. This girl (I'm a girl) I've had a crush on for the longest time. I think she's straight. Anyway I really like her. And like... romantically, platonically, however she'll have me, pathetic I know but she's amazing. I applied to the college she's going to just... because of her. Which no one knows. But anyway.

She was dating this guy. I never met him. I only knew in passing. And she apparently just broke up with him. And like, secretly I'm a little happy. Which I feel terrible about! But she's handling it okay, not heartbroken, and it means she has more time for me (it's not like she'd date me now, she's just not doing boyfriend stuff) So idk. I just feel confused and yucky.

Side note, it means she probably doesn't have a prom date? She'll probably get one cause she's super pretty and amazing and everything but like... idk. The delusion lives on.

Even if she wasn't straight and I was out, she's kinda out of my league. I think I'll never forget her tho.

Thanks for being you

Hi <3 I think it's absolutely okay and natural to feel confused about all this, especially with your upbringing. But please know that none of what you're feeling is wrong or bad- even the mixed feelings about your crush's breakup!

Honestly, I think we've all felt like that before- a bit happy (and a bit guilty for feeling happy) when something like this happens. It's not like you're celebrating over a tragedy like a death or a fire or anything like that. You're not even outwardly celebrating! If it was one of those things, then I might say you should feel guilty. But you're not, so please don't beat yourself up. If it makes you feel any better, once I asked a guy out like four hours after he broke up with his girlfriend bc I was so excited he was single...it happens.

_________________

[ilikekidsshows]

About you being harassed by Marinette fans. I don't know if me doing this is weird, but you being open bout that makes me want to open up more too. I've send you 4 anons by now (u probably could already tell they were from one person) because I don't have a miraculous Blog anymore since the hiatus before Destruction because Marinette fans found one of my posts criticizing Marinette's treatment of Cat Noir and her leadership and they went after me for i think almost an entire week. I ended up deleting my blog in panic and fear of it getting worse the more traffic it got amongst Mari stans.

I followed the show and Fandom til now from afar to see if any of my Marinette problems were getting the fixes everyone screamed about season 5 would deliver but I can't say that happened. I wholeheartedly agree that with alot of other people that it only got worse with the doubling down and her gettin less heroic underneath the surface.

So I'm still here and upset that I was bullied out of this fandom for things I was apparently right about to degrees I didn't even knew back then how right I'd end up being....

I found a couple of blogs to follow that share my opinions and you guys have been interwoven alot now so I thought sending anons to dip my toe back into being part of the discourse is a good idea. I hope I didn't cause any Mari stans getting angry at you for it, I've been worried bout that ngl.

I would like to ask bout one of the topics Marinette fans cyberbullied me for but I still think I'm right for questioning:

How much value does Marinette see in being friends with her love interests?

Oc im not doubting that she sees at least some worth in it, but it feels very shallow. Fandom is working the lion's share to take what little canon gives and run with it til they think their fanon is real.

Marinette values friendship, sure, but Zoe is the only love interest of hers for whom that feels right to say

Marinette in Canon has said many times that for her being friends with the one she loves is the worst thing she could possibly imagine. E. g. Psycomedian. And she was rewarded with Adrien being her devoted and desperate prince for her doing probably the most friendship related thing she did in all season 4. She had a basic little convo with him about understanding to have problems and that's where it ended. Where did Marinette ever even try to be rlly Adrien's friend? She said 500x that she's finally gonna put her romance feelings aside for a bit to focus on her job (which I hoped would mean she'd work on her weaknesses in the platonic Ladynoir team dynamic too... Silly me... )

But that never goes anywhere? Weren't Adrien and Kagami the ones literally having been created out of the feeling love or to love someone in particular and even THEY could overwrite their senti programming better than Marinette ever could get over her normal ass feelings for a week? Adrien and Kagami value the friendship with the one they love deeply, is that the difference? That Marinette can't ever move one from loving someone because friendship feels like an awful downgrade and torture to her so she stays the same? What does that say bout her?

Or that Luka and Cat Noir never caused her stalker paranoia to break out that Derision claims she does to protect herself. Why does it only apply to Adrien? And not even Cat Noir, too? In my other anons I brought up how awful I think it is that Marinette seemingly has no interest in leaning anything rlly about the boy underneath Cat Noir's mask, now she barely acts like she remembers that he's real and that they'll one day reveal where he'll then find out how many times she deliberately deceived him with her civilian identity in very hurtful ways.

How does that correspond to her being in love and more important for my question, what does that level of refusal to treat someone like a real person say about her willingness to be Cat's friend? Cause I can't see friendship in Ladynoir anymore. Marinette was the one who killed that in season 4 and then season 5 didn't improve her in much. Friends don't treat each other the way Marinette so easily uses, hurts ignores, silences and deceives Cat Noir without batting an eye.

The only effort she really made was before Kwamis choice. When she thought he was still in love with her and expected that s4 magically caused no damage to his feelings for her. she seemingly thought she could just allow him to dedicate himself to her for an overall easy way to sweep everything under the rug and make him "happy" again without her ever having to really try and do better herself because that was the comfort she was seeking at that time (shoutout to Familyagrestefanblog and erisluna35. I've been paraphrasing them alot and wanted mention that too. Didn't get to write out my own opinion in a while and I agree with them x})

This refusal to face her hurtful actions of s4 quickly developed into her craving for him to give her his easy love and not wanting to take anything less than precisely the endless devotion she wanted from him now. No matter what the price. No matter how much it put him too in danger (what even meant Cat Blanc?), and yet, still no interest in him as a person.

Once she had to take the no, she left and then she never again made a genuine effort in Ladynoir. Any effort to better herself was romance related. Determination may have been the episode where she rlly noticed her changed feelings for him, but she did try earlier than that. But it fully stopped with his no as did her changed feelings vanish as quickly as they showed up. So what does that say about her and how she views their "friendship"?

Season 4 has her already show that she doesn't want Ladynoir to be an actual friendship since she treats him barely better than a magical pet she rarely ever thinks about, which caught her off guard over and over that she isn't being the kindest and adoring person of all time to him. She treats him so much worse than her actual friends and in s5 she isn't trying to build a real connection beyond wanting him to shower her in his devotion and love.

What season 5 shows bout Marinette's view of the Ladynoir friendship is in my most generous reading her not getting to hide behind any romantic feelings from either side that she doesn't know how to be his friend, after she had to learn in season 4 that she was a really really bad one. But even with that generous reading, it would still mean that Marinette then went on prioritizing not having to feel any further discomfort or having to owe up for her actual mistakes in their bond over her finally being the friend she SHOULD think Cat Noir deserves. A friend he desperately needed but never got cause she called it a day with her personal needs being met my having her best friend Alya with her.

Friends don't do that. Marinette denied him any genuine friendship he obviously truly needed as Cat Noir because she personally didn't need it from him anymore cause of Alya. And he rejected her desire to now be adored by him so there was no purpose left anymore for him to fulfill in her life besides the easy partner she made clear cant ask shit from her.

That is so unbelievably selfish... How on earth is that supposed to be FRIENDSHIP?

Srry, for this being long. Last point.

Luka of course needs to be mentioned too. Sure, the show says they are friends. But are they really? Their friendship is built on him being her platonic therapist back-up boyfriend who doesn't ask shit of her either. This is still the same pattern as with Catrien. Luka does all the emotional labor and Marinette just takes and takes and that's what makes her so comfortable around him but she isn't interested in him either beyond what she sees day to day in front of her.

That doesn't count as friendship in my book. For Adrigami you can still feel their friendship after their breakup. But Lukanette is Luka being a platonic therapist boyfriend and Marinette being just as disinterested in him as with Cat Noir while being just as comfortable getting showered in emotional labor that she's unwilling to work on giving back the way she should.

How is that friendship? What value has friendship for Marinette once any romantic feelings are involved from either side and it isn't Zoé (feels like a homophobic backhanded compliment lmao)

That was very long, I apologize. But thanks to writing in anon I started becoming more comfortable with the idea of joining the Fandom discourse again. I've got alot I wanna say after all that time in silence but I'm not sure yet if I should put myself out there again with a blog. With how season 5 ended Marinette stans are gonna be vicious beasts to any criticism they come across and I don't want that to happen again :(

---

I hope this isn't a case of speak of the devil and he shall appear but lately things have been really quiet on the Marinette stan front. The worst I’ve gotten was this really unhinged one, but they were so unpleasant they didn't have any friends so the harassment was very one-note and stopped pretty quickly since they had to run it alone. It could be that now that season 5 confirmed that season 4 wasn't an outlier, that the show’s writing has gotten incredibly sloppy and nasty, the critical side of the fandom has become unified and we add to each other’s posts and kind of back each other up. It's harder for Marinette stans to target us one by one, and their preferred tactic is dogpiling a single blog. A lot of the Marinette stans protesting my posts now shut up right quick when they see more people agreeing with me adding to the reblog chain.

As for the question, I agree with your assessment. It really does appear that Marinette hates the idea of being friends with a love interest. She whined about Adrien seeing her as just a friend all the way back in Riposte. Adrien sung her praises to Kagami, while she spied on them, and she had the gall to whine that the boy she “loves” thinks so highly of her because it wasn't the kind of thinking she wanted.

There was this one thing I said in a previous post that I think is accurate: Marinette part-times being Cat Noir's friend. Even the part of time she acts as his friend, she ignores his feelings, insults him, pushes him away, refuses to give him emotional support in any way and lies to him about anything she possibly can. She only approaches him as Marinette when she wants to complain about Adrien not coming to the date he didn't know was a date, when she thinks she can score a date with him or so that she can practice confessing to Adrien on him. Marinette's “friendship” with Cat Noir is all take with no give when she isn't outright ignoring his existence.

She also ignores boys who have feelings for her in her civilian life. Nathaniel is very suspicious of her in Reverser, having to be convinced that she wasn't planning to humiliate him, implying he isn't part of her friend group since he doesn't know her well enough to know she only humiliates people when they're in her way of getting at Adrien. (Alix makes it sound like she wouldn't do that period, but we know the truth by now.) She also refused to come to Juleka and Luka's shared birthday party if Luka was present after they broke up. I bet if you tried to tell Marinette, or her writers, that your romantic partner should also be your best friend to make a healthy relationship, they just wouldn't compute. 

I don't want to say Marinette doesn't hold friendship in high regard period, because the amount of exceptions she makes for Alya shows that she at least values Alya’s friendship. I think she just doesn't value friendship with boys. I feel like Marinette is the kind of person who doesn't think boys and girls can really be friends, which would explain why she thinks Adrien considering her a friend is worse than anything else. If boys can't really be friends with girls, Adrien using the word “friends” means they aren't even that.

Consider this: how often does Marinette hang out with her guy classmates when it isn't 1) a whole-class outing or 2) more likely that Marinette just wanted to hang out with his girlfriend? Like, in Animan, Marinette had no idea Nino had a crush on her, but she still acted like an outing with him at the zoo was the worst thing ever. I get that she was disappointed Adrien wasn't there, but Nino is one of Marinette’s oldest classmates, yet she doesn't want to spend time with him, unless she's planning to use him to get closer to Adrien, since he's Adrien’s best friend.

Of course, she doesn't really value the time with her other friends for its own sake outside of Alya either. It seems like the only times they hang out together is to plot or participate in her get Adrien quick schemes. The only times the girls do something not Marinette related is when Marinette hasn't called them together, like when they were going to the pool in Gorizilla, something Marinette completely forgot until Alya called her. Marinette has poor memory but, despite her knowing she has poor memory, she apparently gave herself no reminder to hang out with her friends. You bet I write down every occasion I’ve agreed to see my friends specifically because I have bad memory as well.

It seems like, unless you're Alya, Marinette only cares about you for how able and willing you are to help her catch Adrien's attention. I keep saying Marinette treats her Adrien romancing problems as the most important thing going on at any given moment, and it's true for all areas of her life. Maybe that's the reason we didn't see Socqueline for four seasons despite her supposedly being such an important friend to Marinette, and why she never joined the friend group proper; Socqueline couldn't help her get with Adrien so she wasn't worth Marinette’s time.

This is a yet another thing where Miraculous is actually pretty sexist; girls and boys can't ever just be friends and girls care more about getting guys than they do about their friends. Another thing of course is this idea that boys just don't have as in-depth feelings as girls or should bury their feelings and never ask for emotional support, which is why all of Marinette's love interests are her emotional support dispensers whose opinions on anything don’t matter when their job is to simply mindlessly worship Marinette while their feelings are devalued by the narrative every time they dare to try to ask Marinette for some support back. Luka gets Akumatized which convinces him to break up with Marinette when he had emotional needs she wasn't willing to fulfill. Meanwhile Adrien goes through the travesty that is Kuro Neko

“Power of love always so strong” but only when it's Marinette's toxic idea of love and when it isn't platonic love. Unless you're Alya, I guess.

[devildom-moss]

Im not sure if requests are open yet since you havent announced it yet but said they were gonna open at midnight.

So I'll just drop this here since I'll probably forget to request because of exams.

Could you write about the Obey me characters become self-aware that they aren't like, real? Like, would they freak out, try to do something about it or even use that knowledge to their advantage?

This idea has been on my list for quite a while, and i gotta say im glad to finally be able to let this one out my system.

Thanks for reading and continue with the amazing work! Remember to eat, sleep and dont do drugs <3

Sincerely, 💜

Thank you for the request! I hope you are well, anon. I went with headcanons for this and it got long real quick, but I hope you enjoy it! Some characters are a bit suggestive.

The Obey Me characters become self-aware

I think it would probably happen because of some curse. Diavolo rejected someone’s advances one too many times, and they wanted to watch him as his world came crashing down. It would come in the form of a weird bug in the latest update. It only affects Diavolo and his loved ones/friends. I think being self-aware would give them some control over themselves in the game – especially if it’s caused by a bug. The rest are headcanons about how I think each character would react.

Lucifer

Lucifer would be big mad that someone thought they should do something like this. He felt so much suffering, and to find out that none of it was real would be devastating. He thought he got his sister killed and ruined the lives of his brothers. The fact that it was just some backstory to a stoic, sadistic daddy-like trope would enrage him. He felt like a used-up toy invented for someone else’s gain (and he knows that’s exactly what he is). Lucifer wants revenge.

Honestly, he needs to chill before he makes another Satan – if that’s even possible without the command of his creators. He’ll lash out at everyone for weeks (probably months) – even Diavolo isn’t safe anymore.

He calls MC’s phone, growing increasingly irritable every time they fail to answer (waiting however long it takes for you to open the game). He just wants someone to confirm his realization.

Once he understands, he tries to take the shitty hand he was dealt; he might as well stroke his pride (also a euphemism here). The thought that he could make you fall for him more than real-world men is a decent coping mechanism. His messages and calls take an extremely lewd turn. Lucifer tries to single-handedly change the game rating to mature or adult-only.

However, he still gets angry about it when MC isn’t logged in.

Part of him hopes he’ll always be self-aware. It’s almost like he’s more alive than ever – even though it hurts and he’s angry. You’re the only thing that soothes him. He won’t know how to keep going if/when you eventually stop playing the game, but he’ll try to tackle it then – at least for the sake of his brothers.

Mammon

Self-awareness breaks Mammon a bit.

His money isn’t really. He can never actually be with you. You’ll go on and live a life without him someday. Anyone real who has ever loved him will disappear. Mammon isn’t even sure he is who he is. Maybe if he wasn’t written this way, he wouldn’t have become like this – but if he wasn’t written this way, would he (the him that exists in a game and feels the pain of self-awareness) even be himself? His head starts to hurt from running through all of the hypotheticals.

Mammon sulks and gets stuck in his room for a long time after that. MC or one of his brothers will probably have to pull him out of it.

At least his debts aren’t technically real – and he will try to use that as an excuse in the future against anyone else who has awareness. Unfortunately, that (his debts and his excuse) still results in in-game consequences. Debt collectors and witches don’t know any better, and Lucifer doesn’t want to be constantly reminded of reality. If only being self-aware made being strung up less painful.

He feels betrayed by MC and the idea that they will inevitably move beyond him. That pain corrupts his coding a bit, and something always feels off within him somewhere.

Mammon will get more desperate and needy whenever you log in. If he’s going to lose you at some point, he wants to monopolize your time as much as he can.

Sometimes he just holds MC and sobs while trying to call you and hear your real voice. He feels so empty. He wants to touch the real you and feel your arms around him.

Leviathan

The first thoughts in his mind switch up so quickly. He goes from “I’m a game character? LOL that’s so cool,” to “I could have been anything, and I’m just this pathetic, otaku loser. That sucks.”

Levi has always been able to adapt pretty well. It’s written into his character. He builds all of these fake worlds for himself, so it’s much easier on him when he finds out that the world he had been trying to escape all his life isn’t real. Out of all of his brothers, he initially copes with the realization the best.

As long as he can go on playing games, he doesn’t really care if he’s real. Somehow, he still enjoys getting lost in all of his game worlds; what he used to consider the “real world” becomes just another game to him (because it is one). It makes being social easier for him, especially when MC is logged in.

He takes interest in what kind of games the real world has to offer, often asking if there’s any way you could set it up so he could try to remotely play real games from the app he’s in. If anyone could figure out how to hack your phone to play real games, it should be him.

Levi can’t imagine a day when he stops loving characters from his games, so it doesn’t occur to him that one day you might stop loving him. It will hit him some day, but that will take time, and when it starts to happen, he’ll lose himself completely in the rest of the digital world. He’ll be so numb and tuned out that the sadness can’t reach him.

Satan

“But are cats still real?” Genuinely, the only thing he cares about is if cats and MC are still real. He doesn’t care if you look different than he expected, either. If cats are real, is there any way you could show him pictures of a real one? He’d probably ask if he could get access to your camera roll (cue the system pop-up screen the next time you log in) and if you could fill it with photos of cats and some selfies.

At least not being real explains why his life has felt so shitty and why his formative years sucked. Writers love to give their characters tragic backstories and flaws (like his rage issues). Satan kind of admires the writing.

However, he is disappointed that so much of his knowledge is only useful in his tiny, little, made-up world. As such, he keeps learning, but he also tries to shift his studying to learn more about the real world. If possible, he tries to get the app to get access to e-readers, audiobooks, and the internet.

He gets mad about it sometimes, but he’s pretty chill about it (all things considered).

Satan understands that in the same way that he pushes certain characters that he falls in love with from books to the back of his mind, eventually, you’ll think of him less and less. As such, he tries to learn as much as possible, treat you well, and impress you in-game. He just wants you to occasionally think about him after you set the game down in the same way he remembers his favorite characters fondly.

Asmodeus

Asmo loses it and is one of the characters who has the hardest time with becoming self-aware. All his charm is fake. All of his followers are lies. The love he’s felt all this time has been made up. Please don’t show him certain depictions of what he is supposed to look like. That will crush him further.

He cries for (real-world) weeks. You won’t be able to set him as a home screen character or use him in battles, and he doesn’t appear in events anymore. Eventually, it makes his way to him that MC misses him. If you don’t you’re heartless, his brothers will tell him that you do anyway.

That makes him feel a bit better. He’s consoled by the fact that you’re real and you like him even though he isn’t real, but he’s constantly afraid of what happens when MC stops playing the game. Does he just suffer the false affection of every other character in the game? Should he just play his stupid little role? Will you ever think about him again? Will anyone?

At least someone loved the idea that became him enough for him to exist in this made-up world on your phone. It isn’t enough, though.

Sometimes, when he appears in-game after that, the app forces itself to shut down or the images of Asmo won’t load or glitch from his extreme despair.

On days when he isn’t so weighed down by pain, he tries to genuinely engage with you like he did before. He’ll ask you to open up your camera so he can help you decide on outfits or make-up. It hurts that he can’t actually touch you (although he does do some research into phone connected vibrators and other tech to supplement his physical touch). He’ll also get into the phone sex territory, but he’ll go through long periods of depression between those moments.

Beelzebub

Beel gets angry that everything he went through was at the expense of some game. His sister died. Belphie almost died. Everyone suffered, and for what? Entertainment? Are real people all so wicked?

At the same time, he also gets his brothers because of a game. He overcame and grew and got to meet you and eat food for the same empty reasons. After he has a bit of time to cool off, he realizes that he doesn’t care about what’s real so long as he still feels what he feels. If the world he’s lived in feels real enough to him, who cares?

Unfortunately, Beel feels hungrier than usual for weeks until he accepts the truth of his situation. He even tries to eat MC a few times (and is grateful that doing so in-game would never hurt the real you behind the screen).

Beel’s fairly content to go on living as he had before after a while. He’s a bit disappointed knowing that one day you’ll move on from him and his brothers, but he tries not to show that. More than anything, he wants to make you – the real you – happy for as long as he can.

He’s another one who will try to get access to your camera roll. He’ll ask you to take pictures of your food for him. Beel is a bit embarrassed by it, but if you go to a café or restaurant alone and take pictures of food to send him, he’ll try to text you or call to chat with you while you’re there. It feels like he’s on a real date with you.

And for everyone who just lusts after his voice, rest assured, this man would definitely call or leave voice messages (Nightbringer) guiding you or giving you masturbation instructions.

Belphegor

Yep. Of course. Sounds about right. Some asshole in a writers’ room killed off his sister and locked him up. Cool. They (*spoilers for OM early lessons and OMNB*) made him try to kill MC more than once. Why not use his character as a pawn in their entertainment. Of course that would happen.

He’s annoyed for a brief minute, but then he just goes back to sleep for a while. It helps to just tune out that awareness for a few hours and ignore the fake world he’s living in. Belphie understands that there isn’t much he can do to change the fact that he isn’t real, and part of him is really happy that it isn’t his fault that he did what he did to you.

Belphie uses not being real as an excuse to do more of what he wants. Why should he keep going to school when you aren’t there if nothing is real? Why shouldn’t he sleep in classes or during meetings? Obviously, there are in-game consequences, but those don’t matter – not to anyone real.

He will tease MC more, reminding him that they prefer him over (most) real people. He gets so cocky about it. “Hey, if I’m not real, then I can give you anything you want, right? I could fulfill your wildest fantasies and tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to hear.”

He’s another character who will call your phone more often and send more messages. Belphie may even try to get access to your audio/music library and leave you explicit audios (NSFW ASMR, basically). He would even try to sneakily add them into your playlists so that you randomly hear his voice while you’re listening to music. He wants you flustered and coming back to him for more. He will also download the Obey Me album for you (free of charge). Please don’t leave him or forget him.

Diavolo

Diavolo feels simultaneously enraged and defeated. He did so much for the sake of what he thought was real. All the years he thought he spent trying to bring worlds together, only to discover that they don’t even exist.

Similar to Asmo, Diavolo locks himself away, but he doesn’t cry. He’s too numb to show any emotions. He just stands in front of his bed, immobilized.

If MC can finally get to him (probably because of Barbatos), he will admit that he feels like a different person – because he isn’t a person. So much of his personality and everything he did seemed to be a part of a stupid effort to unite the three realms. All he was feels like just a thing created to accomplish a pointless goal. He lost his family. He felt alone for so long. He thought he suffered – and all of it amounted to nothing but a dummy prince playing a dummy king.

Diavolo doesn’t really know how to keep going. Eventually he figures maybe it’s just best if he tries to move on as usual. At least the developers gave him a few happy moments – maybe he’ll get more. He can still feel them even if they aren’t real. He has to accept what he can’t change. He’ll have to face it.

He’ll rely on Lucifer and Barbatos for comfort more because, when MC isn’t around, the numbness he felt early encroaches upon him. When you do log in, he greets you like a lost puppy – sometimes appearing on the home screen without being selected. He uses the fact that you are the only real thing in his world as an anchor. In exchange for becoming his coping mechanism, he’ll do anything you ask of him.

The smallest part of him wants you to want him more than real humans, and as such, he inevitably ends up taking an adult-only content turn, too. It just takes him a lot longer to get there.

Barbatos

Barbatos dissociates for a while. Somehow his body keeps performing the day-to-day tasks, but the sudden self-awareness hollows him out. It takes a few days for him to come out of it. One day, you log into the game, and he just wakes up. It’s confusing and disorienting, and all he can do to keep himself steady is grab onto MC, knowing that the gesture and even the body he holds – everything – is hollow.

After that, he just picks up and goes on going. Something in him aches – real or not – but he buries it deep under him, shoving that artificial pain into the newly-created emptiness (or, he supposes, it had always been there, but now he knows it’s there).

Barbatos doesn’t want to think about all of the things he thought he had done to get to where he is now. Still, no wonder he always felt his own past seemed vague and cloudy at times. When it becomes too much, he dissociates again.

He uses MC to make himself feel better and almost real again. He’ll send messages to check up on you every once in a while (He might also invade your privacy and hack into your health info or personal conversations to make sure you’re okay). As much as he feels like he needs you, he doesn’t want to disrupt your real life.

Barbatos doesn’t want to, but if you neglect the game for longer than usual or don’t interact with his character, he’ll let it slip that he needs you – that he’s desperate for you to return, and you’re the only thing holding his faulty coding together.

His calls are less frequent, unless you request them, but he’s another one who turns +18 real quick. Even if he isn’t real, he still feels lust bubbling up in that emptiness, and if he can please you, that’s even better.

Luke

Luke feels immediately lost. Without knowing what else can be done, he breaks down and cries. Maybe if he cries enough, the pain of not being real will leave his body.

It makes him question everything. He wasted so much time fearing demons and admiring angels. It didn’t mean anything. Eventually, he’ll ask you if angels and demons exist in the real world, but that happens randomly after he comes to terms with being a character.

Maybe crying is a good coping mechanism in fiction, too, because Luke handles it better than many of the others. He had to change how he viewed the world and “people” so many times throughout the game. One more big shift in perspective won’t kill him (technically, nothing will, unless the game developers tried to kill him off).

Luke understands that there isn’t anything he can do about not being real – no amount of magic or prayer or wishing can make him real. Despite him being fake, you were still there for him throughout the game. He still feels all the love he has for MC and the other characters. If he loves MC, then he cares about the real person playing MC, too, right?

Luke copes by doing his best to help you out in the real world. He wants to bring you joy somehow. He’ll leave you voice messages encouraging you to try your best and he’ll listen to you vent if you want to. He’ll also try to find cute pictures online and send them to your phone or send you recipes for dishes you can try to cook. He will even offer to call and read baking instructions out for you. All he wants now is to be useful to you and find some of the joy he had before he became self-aware.

Simeon

Simeon is angry at first, and then he just feels hurt. All that regret and pain he felt when Lucifer and his brothers left the Celestial Realm didn’t matter. He spent what felt like so long agonizing over his own failures. He could have just tried to be happy the whole time. Everyone could have been happy (but he knows that would have made for a bad story).

It doesn’t take long for the anger and the hurt to be replaced with intrigue. Someone out there wrote the story that caused him and everyone he loves so much pain, but they also wrote in plenty of well-earned joy.

Simeon wonders if there’s some real person out there who wrote part of themselves into him like his character did with the brothers and TSL. Maybe there’s some person sitting in a writers’ room or in their own home who understands all of the ways his love got tangled up in regret – someone real who failed to save the ones they loved. If there is, maybe at least some part of him is real.

He wants MC to continue to visit him for as long as they can. As such, he tries to be even nicer and more comforting in dialogues so that they’ll want to keep playing.

Some of his guilt for lusting after MC is eased, knowing it was written into him. He was, in a way, destined to fall for MC. However, he’s more curious about the real human behind MC. At least some of you has to be like the MC he loves, right? Maybe he actually loves the person behind the screen more. With that thought in his mind, he’ll try to get to know the real you better, and if he still likes you, he’ll take the same path as many of the other characters. If only he could actually touch you.

Solomon

Solomon is hurt and confused; he’s downright crushed.

He was supposed to know everything and now he seems to know nothing – nothing real at least. All of his experiments and studying mean nothing. After becoming self-aware, he will grit his teeth and feel sick at the name “Solomon the Wise.” It’s a sick joke. All of his magic and skills are a farce. Everything he thought he knew and did was a story.

He suffered a lot for this game, and now that he finally has MC to himself in Nightbringer, he finds out that he’s fake. He doesn’t actually have them. They’re real, and he’s some romanceable character in a silly little game that they decided to download (possibly on a whim). How is it fair that he isn’t real, but he can still feel all this pain?

When you log into the game and interact with him, he still feels the same love he felt before. The nervous butterflies are still there. A familiar heat still comes to his cheeks when MC touches him – even if he knows it isn’t really you touching him.

He tries to make peace with his circumstances. At least he never really put MC in danger. You’ve been safe behind that screen the whole time. Solomon wonders if you’re taking care of yourself constantly whenever you’re gone.

Like Simeon, he wants to try falling in love with the real you. He’ll use interacting with you and learning more about you and the real world to distract from the pain. He wants to find a way to become real and exist with you out there. Even if he never can, he wants to cling to you for as long as you’ll let him.

Thirteen

She is annoyed to have learned that she isn’t real, but she’s also kind of happy at the potential to break from her coding and try to be something entirely new. She was designed to be a free spirit. Other than being real, there’s nothing freer than an NPC who gets to do whatever they please.

After thinking about it, it makes sense now why she seemed to be one of the only girls with a critical, recurring role in the game. Thank goodness for the bisexuals, right?

Thirteen likes knowing she has all the time in the world to plan traps and mess around, but she’s a bit bummed that her profession is basically meaningless now.

The main reason why Thirteen isn’t too bothered by becoming self-aware is because she knows that what she has experienced throughout the game has felt real to her. Feeling like something is real makes it as close to reality as she knows she can get. That will have to be enough for her. There’s no point in getting depressed about it – especially when she barely existed a few seasons ago.

She uses this knowledge to start romancing MC (and the person behind the screen) before she should be able to. She’s in control now.

Thirteen will send you messages and call you for long chats. She just wants to enjoy you for as long as she can.

Raphael

Raphael will be livid. It will sporadically rain spears in the Devildom for 3 days before he is calm enough to make them stop. He feels attacked, and he doesn’t know who to strike back at. That was all he could think to do. He’ll never apologize for his outburst, either – and no one who became self-aware can really blame him.

His life and loved ones aren’t real, but he can still feel the pain and regret about everything he did. He thought he went to war against Lucifer and his brothers, but it was just a stupid plot point for a dating game? He had to watch Simeon suffer and follow all of Michael’s annoying orders for nothing. Why does he have to be cursed with that knowledge?

He loses his mind a bit. It takes the combined effort of Luke, Simeon, Solomon, and MC (in order of importance) to soothe some of his rage and suffering. Somehow, seeing Luke handle it relatively well knocks some sense into him. Luke is written to be younger than him, but he’s being so mature about this. Even with tears in his eyes, Luke will try to comfort Raphael – sometimes just hugging him until he stops shaking with rage.

When MC has logged off and Raphael can shut himself up in his room, he will break down and cry. It seemed to help Luke, and he wants it to help him, too.

It will take months for him to start to cope before he gets to a point where he decides to try to romance you through MC. At least he doesn’t have to worry about actually being corrupted. If anything, it feels like he’s corrupting you in a way if he can get you to want him. (Once he starts trying, he gets NSFW quickly. It numbs the pain.)

Mephistopheles

Mephisto is heartbroken to know he doesn’t exist. All his pain and jealousy was written at the whim of some human game developer. His prejudice and hatred were pointless. He doesn’t matter – although maybe that one is a relief in a way. He had been so worried about making a name for himself and being recognized by Diavolo. Suddenly, that doesn’t matter. Still, it feels like he wasted so much time and effort. It felt so real.

He’ll retreat to his home for a few days to let that realization settle in. He won’t tell his family (who weren’t cursed with self-awareness) – not that he thinks they’ll believe him. When Mephisto finally reemerges, he has resolved to accept this new version of reality. One of the first characters he sees when he returns to school is Luke. Luke smiles at him, and Mephisto’s resolve is strengthened. If Luke can come to terms with this, then he should as well.

He may not be real, but he still feels things. That is enough. Sometimes it isn’t, and Mephisto will feel heartbroken all over again – the pointlessness washing over his fake little world. In those moments, he will seek out solace – usually from Luke, Satan, or MC/you (if you still play the game).

When Mephisto isn’t feeling hurt (hell, even when he is Mephi strikes me as a fan of hurt/comfort tropes) he’ll try to romance you before he’s allowed to. Recently, he had started to get along with you and even started to like and respect you a bit. In that sense, he’s glad that he’s self-aware. He doesn’t have to wait anymore.

[thesweetestdevotion]

different anon: re: seunghan was someone trying to put him in harms way on purpose, not just because he was dating someone whilst he was a trainee? it really seemed like all of korea was witch hunting or they was against him and it felt a little odd that it came about so soon rather than seeing him want to do well, did anyone have any vengeful energy around or towards him at that time? it feels like someone put some bad juju on him.

okay i kept digging deeper into the situation and apparently he was exposed only a few months after debut? and went on hiatus for a whole year, which is crazy. That definetly tracks with what i found in my reading about him feeling hindered creatively. I do see what you are saying in that he was being set up, but i can definetly say its not someone in the company/his close proximity because i channeled that he is well supported and well liked by people around him right now, so if this is to be true it most likely is someone else. Now as to why this was done i have no idea tbh... im gonna pull some cards:

Why was he exposed?: Two of Cups, Nine of Wands Reversed, Six of Wands, King of Wands, Three of Wands

this is crazy... It really just seems to be romance related. I think it really was someone just trying to get in his way of success because they were heartbroken/angry or something. I think they were angry he had set himself up to reach new horizons and was reaching a great level of success. Im almost dissapointed because this feels infinitely petty, very childish and immature. kind of annoying as well lol. It reminds me of like a betrayed best friend, someone really jealous and controlling who found any reason to justify what they did. It probably was some sort of break up, frienship or romance, and it wasnt anything horrible. Just a normal relationship breakup, but this person took it very hard and grew a vendetta for revenge. Somehow i get the sense multiple people were involved.

Who exposed him?: The Fool Reversed, Three of Swords, The Hierophant, Seven of Pentacles, The Star

it is definetly someone he knows, and also someone he held in high esteem at some point. The hierophant tells me they had some institution in common, like school/church/community, etc... I also see they had a good relationship up until a certain point, this person felt like his aspirations got in the way of what they had going on, maybe they had made plans for the future and it did not pan out. I see a sense of betrayal. also a lotttt of jealousy, its very high school drama, like its straight up giving mean girls. Its so sad it escalated to this point...

I hope this was insightful! xxx

[comfortless]

a while back you posted some uncommon headcanons about König, I hope you don't mind me dumping my own uncommon headcanons into your blog ^^"

I headcanon that he has a pretty tight knit but small group of friends, not exactly the friendless total loner he seems to be in most peoples stories (nothing wrong with that interpretation of course!) some of his voice lines make him seem like a pretty chill dude to hang out with who values good comradery.

I don't think he's that pale either, I think he tans pretty decently and gets lots of freckles in the sun.

he has a receding hairline and a bald spot in the back of his head that he doesn't really care about cuz whose gonna be able to see it haha

he is reaaaaaallllyyyyy argumentative im my mind, would raise his voice if he gets heated.

mansplains but then says he's not mansplaining because in his words: "it is only mansplaining if I know less than you, which I don't"

i love these so much… oh my god. i have committed every one to memory, anon.

the idea of König actually having some sort of social circle apart from his team is endearing. what would these people be like? outcasts turned middle age? none of them probably fall into a specific category of people — all looking like a mismatched puzzle when they’re grouped up together. ^^ god please let them play dnd on scheduled nights or listen to the strangest music on aimless road-trips…

i always call him pale but… tan with sun-wrought freckles?! they probably pop out on his hikes through the forest, layer over his shoulders, neck and nose…

i wonder if he started losing hair when he was relatively young (possibly attributed to the bullying he received)… it’s a sore spot for him and for his confidence. but, as you said, it’s not like anyone will see (now)!

most of his voice lines are so loud, i can definitely see him raising his voice and causing a ruckus if he simply can’t see someone else’s side of things. likely shrinks back like a defensive kitten when he realizes oh… you’re mad or upset with him for getting that angry over such a little thing. he’ll make it up to you and try to keep his cool next time, but if steam could rise from his head during some of these arguments it certainly would…

and the last one???! yes yes yes. even telling him a simple joke can turn into a lecture. when you tell him you already know these things, he just says he needs to make sure you’re not actually that uninformed. /: annoying…

[elliebean714]

Haiiii :)))

Soo how about a Chris x Male reader (During game) Where one of them saw either their, or the other's death on one of the totems and how it would play out. Maybe said person trying to keep it a secret and it it backfires or smth. Have a nice day and drink lots of water. Love you /p <333

- 🍄 (Your favorite anon)

ACKK YOU GENIUS I LOVE YOU. 🍄 anon. I swear. Your mind and my mind are just ✨️magic✨️ I can't believe there was a time in my life before i had you, my beloved. To switch it up and experiment some more I decided to make this one from Chris' perspective cus that seems fun to me. This can be read as chris' part of the other fic or as a standalone, but I kinda reference some stuff that happened in the last one, so ill link it if you want to read that. This does divulge and go in its own direction though, i just sorta use the previous ask as a reference so i dont have to repeat things that happened in it. Im gonna tie up a plot line I didn't in your previous ask in this. This was very planned and I definitely did not forgor about that plot line until I had already posted it. I am smart and this was all on purpose (imsosorryjoshieiknowyourenotlikethis) (this is low-key climbing class angst too lmao. Gotta love my boys <3) I'm realising now that im not really good at following instructions, I get an idea in my head and go WILD. I kinda forget what people requested lol. I sometimes forget how much trauma Chris went through but GOD DAMN, MY BOYYYY </3 *Devastated cat* Angry Chris in ch7 is SO GOOD OMG, love him. Not trying to brag, but angry chris??? I ATE THAT.

Premonitions

Chris Hartley x M!Reader

Angst, Fluff, Comfort

Previous Request

During Game

Chapter 2

When I was left alone in the lodge with only Josh's lighter to guide me, I began snooping through the room I had found myself in, the garage, or maybe storage?Just as I was getting started a small wooden statue caught my attention. It was lying on the floor and was unlike anything I'd seen any of the Washingtons own. Curious, i picked it up for closer examination.

There was a carved and painted birds face staring back at me, freaky. I turned it over, not expecting much to be on the other side, I mean obviously all of the artistic talent went into the front. There's a small opening near the top of the statue, like an infinity symbol with straight lines outlined with brown paint. The inside appeared hollow. At least until I saw his face.

He was screaming, blood was flying, so much blood... and then there was a saw slashing through the adorable outfit he swore would keep him warm earlier today. Then I was whiped back to the lodge.

...

How... the hell am I to keep on looking for a stupid can of deodorant after watching my boyfriend get sawn in half? I need to see him, make sure he's okay. "Y/N? Can you come here please?"

"Uhh... why what's up?" He calls back, but I still hear those winter boots I made him wear crunching through the snow.

"I just want to talk to you." I answered. His frame entering my limited view.

"And why do you want to talk to me here instead of inside, adventurer?" He asks as he climbs on top of the stool I used to get inside. As his face appears at the window, I climb on the counter and meet his gaze, his gorgeous eyes.

"I just..." I trail off before admiting what I saw, would he even believe me? I probably just imagined it anyway, no reason to panic him right? I look down and sigh, "I just missed you." I 'lied'.

"And you couldn't wait to get us warm first?" He smiled. I have to protect that smile.

"No. I love you."

"Love you too. But I'm freezing my ass off so I'd love it if you could get the door open."

I dropped my head and sighed, "Yeah, I know. I'll go get it." He pulls my face towards him and kisses me gently.

"I love you"

"I love you too."

~~

Later, we're in the basement together, looking for a 'spirit board' and I haven't let him out of my sight since I saw that, vision. I can't let anything happen to him, I can't tell him either. I'm freaking out enough for the two of us anyway. I don't want him to panic all weekend. Especially if it turns out to be nothing,

I get distracted looking at a box of old horror costumes from one of Josh's dads old movies, there's long, black robes, weird masks, bottles of fake blood... I sqeeze the bottle, letting a droplet of the red liquid run down my pointer finger, lost in thought. His cute face, that cute face I've loved for years... the fear, the pain in his eyes... his scream-

"Found it!" I turn to see his proudly presenting the spirit board.

"Great, lets-" The basement door opens and we hear Sam and Josh chatting and making their way to the boiler. I shake the violent image from my head, wipe the blood off my finger, and paint on a happy face, "Let's scare them."

Chapter 3

Candlelight illuminates the room while Y/N explains the rules of the board. I laugh at what I assume was a joke, fuck- I'm trying so hard to pay attention. It was nothing. Nothing is going to happen to him, focus.

Josh sits opposite me, clearly the most... excited(?) To start, Ashley and Y/N are beside me, I pick up his hand and rub my thumb over it. If I can feel him, I know he's there. We each put one finger on the pointer, ready to begin.

"Is anyone there?" Ashley asks, half sincere, half skeptical. The pointer answers, first slowly moving in random directions then spelling 'H E L P'.

"Okay, who's moving it?" Y/N laughs

"Woah-" I gasp uncomfortably.

"How can we help you?"

It moves fast "W A R N I N G."

"Shit-" Josh comments... Seeing him creeped out is so weird.

"Ask who it is, maybe?" I suggest, trying to be engaged.

But she ignores me "what are you warning us about?"

"S I S T E R"

"Who's sister?" Josh asks, he seems panicked now.

"You're warning us about your sister?" Y/N asks the board at the same time

I look at Josh, I don't want to say it, but... "Josh, it's gotta be-"

And he looks at me, almost calmed by the brief moment "well, which sister is it then?"

"Beth...? Is that you?" Ashley questions with a nervous voice, Y/N seems to stir at the name a little, he was always closer to her. The pointer moves to 'yes'.

"Oh god-" Ashley trembles

"This is so messed up" a nervous laugh escapes him

I see panic in my best friends eyes, "Josh? Are you-"

"I'm fine" He interrupts me gently

"We can stop if-" Y/N suggests

"No. I wanna hear what it says." He interrupts Y/N far more harshly, I assume its just anxiety. When Ashley expresses hesitation, Y/N reminds her that we could discover the truth of their deaths.

"What happened to you?"

"H A N N A H K I L L E D"

"Hannah killed her??" I hear Y/N whisper under his breath

"No, no, I think, I think she means someone killed Hannah" I correct him

"Beth, who killed Hannah?"

"L I B R-"

"Library?"

"P R O-"

"Proof? There's proof?"

"In the library?" As soon as the question leaves Y/N's lips, the table shakes and the pointer flies off between Josh and Ashley. She stands up, in shock and horror, clearly freaking out, while Josh just stares ahead for a few seconds.

"This isn't real..." He rises from his seat, still staring "I dont- I don't know if you think messing with me is going to somehow help me deal with my grief or whatever, but this is not cool." He states, shakily but firmly.

"Josh, no, we didn't- you wanted to use the spi-" Y/N tries to assure him, but Josh cuts him off, did Y/N do something to upset him? He's been kinda pissed at Y/N since we got here.

"Shut up, you guys are full of it!" He storms off down the stairs.

After he's gone, Ashley scolds us "that wasn't funny, guys. I can't believe you did that."

"What? We didn't do anything!" I try to defend us, "Just because we're goofy, doesn't mean we'd do that!" But my protests fall on deaf ears as she waves me off.

"Stop. Just stop." She heads down the stairs after Josh, I look over at Y/N. He looks so embarrassed and upset, he hates hurting people... my sweetheart.

"Hey," I hold his hands "it's okay, babe, we didn't do anything wrong."

He slowly lifts his eyes to meet mine, god I love that colour... "I didn't know- that was crazy- I didn't think it would work!"

"Me neither. I can't- jeez..." I take a shaky breath

"Should we go after him?" Y/N asks nervously "I don't want him to think we were trying to hurt him..."

"No," I shake my head "No, I dont think he really wants to see us right now" You, mostly. "We should check the library. See if what it was saying is true."

We head towards the library, hand in hand. Once we reach the bookshelf, several books fly off the shelf, a lot of them almost hit Y/N. A button is left in their place, I push it and the wall opens, revealing a secret room, it's practically empty aside from a random picture laying on the table.

A photo of the twins, Hannah has her tattoo, so it must've been taken a couple months before the disappearance. Or, murder... on the other side, a fucking note written in blood. A clear death threat to the girls- a sick one. I show Y/N and we agree to tell Josh. I lead him down the hallway, when we hear Josh and Ashley scream. Y/N rushes towards the door, and an arm pulls him through. I pound on the door in an attempt to break it down. After a short time, it finally opens, i see ashley and Y/N laying on the floor unconscious, a guy in a creepy mask punches me-

Chapter 4

Shit- my head is spinning. What the hell happ- shit, Y/N! I stand up quickly, making my dizziness worse, and look around frantically, Ashley is still on the floor, slowly coming back to consciousness, but Y/N and Josh are missing- fuck!

"Chris...?" Ashley whimpers, I grab the flashlight on the counter before helping her stand.

"Hey, are you alright? He didn't hurt you, did he?" She seems okay, from what I can see, but creepy guy and helpless girl are never a good equation.

"N-no, I don't think so..." Ashley looks herself over "I was looking for Josh, I saw him coming through this way, I heard him scream, then some guy knocked me out and..." She trails off "thats all I remember, Where is he? Where's Y/N?"

I shake my head "No idea, we gotta find them, that guy, could've hurt them."

We find our way out of the room and see a splatter of blood on the wall "Oh jeez" Ashley gasps. We aprehensively continue, out of the lodge and towards the shed, calling out for Y/N and Josh. Everytime I blink, I'm reminded of that vision- it's not real, it's not real, it's not real...

"Chris! Chris, help, we're in here, please-" I hear him sob in response when I shout his name for the hundredth time.

A surge of adrenaline rushes through me "Y/N? Sweetheart, don't be scared, I'm coming." I hurry towards his voice, Ashley trails after, less enthused, poor girl is so exhausted.

The rest of the room is separated behind a plane of glass, a lever in the middle, and a door on the side. As soon as I approach the glass the lights in the room turn on, revealing Y/N and Josh tied up.

"What the hell??" Ashley gasps, Y/N and Josh start to properly panic when, presumably the guy who just attacked us starts talking over the intercom- shit- the saw- nonononnonono- FUCK-

It's that fucking saw- it tore through my baby- fuck- no- no- I cant- I cant- "and which one will die" i- I have to pick??? No, I cant- I can't have to do this- no, not these two- no-

I look for Ashley, but she's run off, I don't blame her, Josh starts pleading with me "Chris, buddy, please, you don't have to-"

And Y/N sobs too "Oh- Fuck- Chris, help me..."

Dontmakemechoosedontmakemechoosedontmakemechoosedontmakemechoose-

"I'm so-" guilt, anguish and anger fill me "so sorry, Josh-" my voice cracks. I turn the lever towards Josh's face- imsosorryimsosorryimsosorry-

The silence that follows could kill. Just a spinning sawblade and my favourite persons terrified sobs in the other room. I stare at the photo of him, my best friend... that guy- i- fucking killed him.

"Chris...? Help- please..." Y/N whimpers. Remember who it was for, Chris. He needs to survive. No matter what.

Chapter 6

I've still not dropped his hand. It's still replaying in my head, Y/N, Josh, the saw, that fucking guy. After, Ashley found Matt and Emily, and they all left to get help. I dont- I can barely think. But- Y/N and me are looking for Sam, I know that, and I'm holding his hand, nothing could make me let go.

"Hey, Chris?" His voice is shaky, but full of gratitude "I know- I know how horrible that was- what that guy did, what you had to do..." his fingers reach out and graze my cheek.

"Please- I don't want to-" don't cry- keep it together "I'm fine, dont-" Y/N steps closer, he lifts my cheek, dontcrydontcrypleasedontmakemecry...

"I'm sorry," we lock eyes "He was your best friend- you guys- shit- I'm so sorry" dontcrydontcrydont- "I love you. I love you so much"

"Please-" I fight the tears- dontcry "i-we- Sam doesn't have time. We need to hurry."

"Don't suppress your feelings, Chris, your best friend just died-" he's trying, he's such a good person, I love him so much.

"I'll cry about it once you're safe, okay!?" My voice comes out far more harshly than I ever intended. "I'm sorry- imsorry, imsorry-" I repeat, backing off "I cant- I can't be weak right now- I need to be strong until this is over then..." He pulls me into a hug, fuck- it feels so nice to be close to him- he's so warm, so alive, so full of colour...

~~

The lunatic got us again. This is what we get for trying to help Sam. We followed the trail down under the lodge, found so much weird shit, then eventually saw her passed out, tied to a chair and when we tried to help...

Now, there's a gun on the table, and I've got one free arm- if this fucker makes me do what I think he's going to... "Y/N? Sweetheart, wake up." I coax him gently, the lights turn on, there's saws above us.

"Chris...?" He mumbles, "where- where are we?"

"I dont- what the hell happened?!" I notice his black eye, I'm gonna kill that guy, I swear to god.

"I punched him after he got you," he cries, god- I hate that sound. He should never have to cry "I think he hit me?"

My eyes flare in anger "I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna murder his fucking face off."

"Hello again, my special little subjects." His distorted voice comes over the intercom, the saws start spinning, I lift the gun and shoot at them, desperate to make them stop, nothing happens. He continues speaking and confirms my fears. Either shoot myself or Y/N.

I bring the gun to my neck, just beneath my jaw. "No! Don't you fucking dare!" Y/N screams, thrashing and pulling against the restraints "Chris, stop- I can't- don't make me"

"I love you. You be smart, be safe, be brave. Please, I need you to make it out alive, baby." I'm confident, I'm assured. There's no hesitation in my voice, just regret. I thought we could grow up together, go to the same college, find a nice apartment, good jobs, married- I wanted to live that dream life with him. I thought we would... "I love you so fucking much. Just close your eyes. Just close your eyes- and make it off this fucking mountain. You're strong, you can do it. Please- survive."

"Fuck this- no! Chris, dont- don't make me live without you- it's not worth it-" he sobs.

"I love you-"

Chapter 7

I'm alive? My neck hurts like hell, I know the gun went off. My eyes open, Y/N sobs desperately, his eyes shut tight- like he's trying to disappear, my baby... I look around "What the fuck??"

He appears... SHIT- I lift the gun and shoot him several times, but still nothing happens... instead the freak laughs- he fucking laughs at me, he starts taunting me. "You've heard of blanks before? I mean really?" He takes the mask o- Josh?!?

Sam and Mike come from a door behind us, equally shocked- he's still fucking laughing- they release our wrists from the restraints while Josh explains his plan. I killed him... he made me saw him in half- worse than that, if that vision was right? He would've killed Y/N too.

~~

Me, Mike and Y/N are taking him to the shed. Sam didn't want to come, the sick fuck chased her around while she was in just a towel! Mike is the angriest, rightfully so, josh killed Jessica. He's fucking crazy! And still acting like it's all a joke.

On the walk, I notice Y/N is trailing behind, clearly something is puzzling him. I take his hand "What's up, babe?"

"I just..." He thinks for a moment "remember that weird dollhouse in the basement? The doll meant to look like me was in the bedroom, but I was in the kitchen that night"

"...so?"

"So if he was doing this as revenge for what happened to the twins, if he's seen the video, he'd know that! He'd know I wasn't a part of it, so why the hell was the doll upstairs? Why put me in that saw trap? Why us? You didn't do anything either!" He explains his conundrum.

"Yeah, that is weird, plus if he's saying he didn't mean to hurt anybody, why the hell did I see-" I stop myself, I still don't know what I saw, and whatever it was, I'm best asking josh about it rather than bother Y/N with my delusion. "Why the hell did I see him get sawn in half? Or- or have to shoot myself in the neck?"

"And killing Jessica, and basically sexually assaulting Sam." He adds before we catch up to Mike and Josh, the former is trying to tie the latter to a piller.

"Oh, finally can you two hold him, please?" Mike asks as soon as he sees us. Y/N holds down Josh's right side, I take the left while Mike quickly ties him up. I can feel Josh's eyes peering into me. It's not an angry gaze, it's... sad? Betrayed? He seems hurt, but that obviously can't make sense, did he expect me to kill the love of my life? Did he want me to??

Josh rambles incoherently while the rest of us talk, trying to figure out any way to make this make sense, "Chris?" Josh interrupts Y/N while he talks "Chris!"

"What?" I relent.

"Can we talk alone, please? I don't trust them like I do you." He has the balls to say something like that after what he did? I turn to the other two...

"Sure, yeah. We'll wait outside." Mike nods before I even say anything "c'mon, Y/N. He can't do anything, he's tied up." Y/N kisses me before following Mike out of the shed

"Now what, Josh?" I look to him, expecting some sort of explanation that'll put everything into place and make it all make sense.

"I missed you. You know that?" He seems partly lucid when he says that.

"Yeah? And a text wasn't enough?"

"No. Nonono. I missed you. He stoleyou."

"Y/N? He's my boyfriend, he didn't steal me-"

"YES HE DID. You're supposed to be myyy best friend and you abandoned me for him?? Really??"

"No! What the hell? We were still friends Josh. It's not like I started dating him and then all of a sudden I just dropped you, we still hung out!"

He shakes his head "that's not true. Thatsnot true. That's nottrue. ThatsNOTTRUE"

I sigh, this isn't going anywhere. I need to ask him about what I saw. Was he actually going to kill him? "Josh, the saw..."

"I wanted to test you. To see if you even fucking cared. You let me die so fucking FAST!" Josh starts to thrash around.

"JOSH, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??" I scream "You- you put me in a position- you made me pick between him and you. You did that to see if i cared??? Did you- did you rig it up so he would've died if I chose you?"

He laughs- I'm gonna fucking kill him- "aw don't be mad at me..."

He wasgoing to kill him- he was going tokill him- hewas goingto killhim- hewasgoingtokillhim- Josh was going to kill Y/N.

Fury rages through me "YOU FUCKING CUNT-" I grab a piece of ply wood and whip it towards his head- he hit Y/N- smack- he tortured Y/N- smack- wanted me to shoot Y/N- smack- HE TRIED TO KILL Y/N-

Before I can smack him again, Mike pulls me away and grabs the wood out of my hands "Chris- what the fuck?!"

Y/N holds me back- I take deep breaths- shit- what did I do?? "He- he confessed..." my voice is shaking, Josh is unconscious- bleeding- shit- what the fuck did I do??

"To what??" Mike sounds appalled by my actions.

I tremble- "he was- he wanted to kill him..."

"Who?"

My eyes meet Y/N, even after what he saw me do, he still has gentle love in his eyes "the saw wasn't just a fake body thing... he was going to kill you... he was fully ready to kill you..."

Chapter 8

"Then your friend will already be dead." The old guy had a sorry yet confident expression.

"Good." I mutter.

Y/N shakes my shoulder, "we need to go after him..."

I scoff "fuck that. Fuck him. He did it to himself"

"Chris, this isn't you," he pleads. Fuck- he's adorable. "We can't leave him to die. Or... I can't. No matter what he did..."

"Don't. Don't be stupid. He just said he's dead." I try to reason with him.

"If there's a chance, i can't let him die like that."

"Then I'll come with ye." The old guy tells Y/N.

"No, you're not. He's not going." I sigh "I'll go. You'll stay in the lodge."

"I'm fine, Chris."

"And I plan to keep you that way. I'll get josh, try not to kill him, and bring him back. Only because I adore you."

"Glad it's worth something."

~~

His fucking head came off. We were looking for Josh- the Wendigo came- And took the old guys head off. I ran through the snow towards the lodge with the thing right behind me. I was shooting it whenever I could- it was so fucking fast, I almost didn't make it, but Y/N was right by the door waiting for me.

In the basement, Emily was begging Mike not to shoot her. I would've fought him, but- I just wanted Y/N. I just wanted him to hold me. Hes so gentle. He's so loving. He's so warm. I tried to shut out their dispute. I'm being held by my boyfriend. He loves me, I'm safe, no matter what happens next. Y/N is here, Y/N is holding me, Y/N is going to take care of me.

In his arms, I let myself break...

Chapter 10

That screech...

Oh fuck-

We hear the Wendigos coming through the basement- how did they get here??

The three of us sprint away from the sound, Y/N lets me run ahead, Emily behind him- up the stairs, through the maze, eventually to the movie theatre where Sam and Mike have opened the door "RUN!" I yell

"Go, go, go, go!!" Y/N calls out behind me.

I reach the main floor and run towards the door until I see the Wendigo perched on the wooden chandelier, I freeze, they can't see you if you're standing still. The old guys words replay in my mind. My eyes search for Y/N, but I can't find him, just Emily. She didn't shove him out of the way, did she???

The Wendigos chasing us climb up the stairs, and the main one, seemingly infuriated, started fighting them, giving me time to escape. I throw the door open and run. Please let him be okay, please- please- my legs collapse into the snow, please be okay, please come out.

Emily is out next, I don't have the fire to fight her in me anymore, I've done terrible things tonight, and all of it will be for nothing if that boy doesn't come out. Please, it can't have been for nothing.

He comes into view- Please-! But the Wendigo stares at him, no, no, please, he hasn't done anything wrong... i head towards the lodge, I need to catch him.

Sam's squeaky sneakers save him- holy shit- the Wendigo heads towards her, thank fuck- Y/N sprints into my arms, oh- baby...

I guide his sobbing form away from the lodge "I've got you, we made it- you- you made it-" I wipe his hair away from his sweaty forehead, I admire his face, his adorable fucking face "You survived..."

♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆

~Elliebean714 🦋🍄

[lains-reality]

the hardest i keep trying to remain uninterested towards my thoughts and reaffirm that im awareness only and not the ego the more i feel angry that absolutely nothing is happening, not even feeling peace or fulfillment or anything, probably because i went into nd thinking its the same thing as loa and just wanting to get things but rn im done trying to convince myself that i dont care what my thoughts or my reality is, i dont know what to do about any of this anymore because ive read so much information (including the books ada shared) and now my brain feels fried and cant process shit i have no idea of where to go from here

firstly. take a break.

honestly, i've been thinking about honesty lol. i've realised that a lot of what i've been doing is to see a manifestation or feel love. but i never wanted to admit it. i might not ever have any """evidence""" for why i am pure awareness - my ego wants to understand. but i've moved on from trying to make it understand or convincing it. its perfectly fine as it is. it can walk, it can intelectualise (something that i actually want to stop doing with nd!), it can talk. thats okay with me. i don't want to demand or force anything more of it. i know what happens when i force my mind to do something, its a complete mess. i know that for the manifestations i want, that it requires me not to be a body-mind. it require something more. something timeless, boundless, etc. i cannot demand that from my body or mind. so i've decided to move past them, work with them when needed and soothe them when needed.

doing the inner work, depending on your ego, might be a thing you need to do (in fact i'd say that everyone needs to do it). its hard to just force yourself to disbelieve and detach. especially when forcing is not what you're supposed to do.

if you're in my inbox then you've read my posts, right?

so you see that i've recommended self inquiry before yes? and that i've put up books? you sound like you haven't read my posts? i've been reblogging so much and talked several times about no forcing!!

give yourself a chance. calm down. you're putting so much pressure on the body-mind to see your Self, BUT IT CAN'T, you are not that which you can observe!! you can't observe Self, THATS WHY THE MIND WILL NEVER GET IT! stop trying to force yourself to see your divinity, just appriciate the divinity you see now (you're literally ALIVE, breathing!! look at the world, you as Self created for YOU. Self fell in love with the character so much it forgot it was not it!!)

you're looking for some woo-woo magical experience that forever changes you - these ideas about enlightenment are not it. whatever ideas about enlightenment the mind had, throw it in the bin.

before enlightenment - chop wood, carry water. after enlightenment - chop wood, carry water!! you'll be going through the world the same, except in how you see the world.

enlightenment is a destruction. its a destruction in how you see the world and yourself. that's it. in the end, you'll feel peace (as others have said so) but you're not there, are you? you're trying to get rid of ego through ego. stop.

you'll never know Self, until you see it yourself. this is through experiments and practise.

stop reading if its frying you're brain. you're entire ask can be solved by "ok i'm gonna take a break this is too much". please the answer to your questions is not some magical shit! this is why i've said before KEEP IT SIMPLE.

this goes to all anons now (not just you anon!) LEARN HOW TO EMOTIONALLY REGULATE YOURSELF. i might just make a big post on this or something.

reading

starting the journey

i've shared this too many times now

another regular article i share

disbelieve

how to let go of vanessa

i'm sorry more ada posts

another one

read this one

LEAVE VANESSA ALONE

[oynonrings]

following omo anon’s lead and picking an identification emoji 💿 <- this one’s cool

when it comes to med school knowledge tragically i also have no idea. non-partying college though i can say is ✨stressful✨ (im probably gonna die when i see what i scored on my psych midterm) though i did have a seminar with some med students the other day talking about where they went after their gen eds and they were saying stuff like “yeah i only study for 11 hours and after that year did my 12 hour shift residency so its not that bad really” and that made me so glad not to be them. my condolences to med students and burda.

THEM AS ROOMATES SHAKING YOU HOW DID I NOT THINK OF THAT. nuisances to lovers is my favorite thing. i need them to piss each other off. daniil would be so pissed off that they raised the price of single person accommodation and begrudgingly rooms with someone. when it happens to be the “messy brute” as he coined him seeing him in the halls (based solely on daniil being a self righteous asshole and stereotyping. and yknow artemy being large) and artemy shoving him when daniil is pacing oooooo oynonrings your brain is soooooo. my jaw was on the floor when i read that YES.

i need to see them have stupid sleep deprived roommate conversations though. inspired by my roommate and i having a conversation yesterday that reached its only logical conclusion: star spangled strap-on george washington (the spiritual successor to miku binder thomas jefferson)

the stamatin twins being there would be so fucking funny.

daniil would just be like: so my dumbass fucking roommate today-

andrey, whispering to peter: bro wants that cookie so bad

daniil bragging to artemy he’s in his last year of residency and how amazing his thesis is gonna be and artemy is just thinking “i am going to THROTTLE” this man (sexual or not dealers choice)

would love to hear anything you have to say however accurate or inaccurate, head in hands kicking my feet

ALSO SIDE NOTE i support that one other anon and their burda with piercings agenda

(context college au) OKAY TO BE FAIR I WAS A GOOD STUDENT WITH A STRESSFUL NON-BULLSHIT DEGREE I JUST LOVE MY BAR CRAWLS TOO ALRIGHT. THATS HOW I STAYED SANE

and yeah from what my friends have told me i dont know if theyd have time for a romance plot med school is BRUTAL. but im giving them the american college experience who cares. this is long so more under the cut!

YEAH BROKE ASS ROOMMATESSS IM STILL LIVING WITH MINE LOL. thats exactly how i imagined it, daniil being a lone wolf but tuition spiked or his stipend fell short and he has to room with This Fucking Guy now. so hes already pissy that hes giving up his single and when artemy starts getting snarky right back at him hes in full "im going to bite your head off" mode. NUISANCES TO LOVERS IM CACKLING!!!

also artemy is definitely one of those guys who never wears a fucking shirt at home (many such cases. all of the male roommates ive ever had) and when daniil (fully in his initial "fuck this guy" phase) first comes back to their flat to see him shirtless after a shower or whatever, he short circuits and calls him an animal or similar. he snaps something like "what, havent you discovered clothing yet?" daniil blushes super easily (i mean look at him in those p2 model pics) and artemy cant tell if hes flushed because hes angry, because he looks more like he likes what he sees and either way his stubborn ass never wears a shirt again. daniil never recovers

andrey would tease daniil about it SOOOO BADLY. and im of the opinion that they definitely hooked up in uni and if you wanted to go an angst route, daniil hooking up with andrey to try and get over artemy thinking hes just pent up is good angst material. especially if you have andrey (not very)secretly having a thing for daniil and using the opportunity to win him over and its entirely consensual but daniil clearly isnt letting himself get into it like he should, no matter how much andrey tries to take his mind off of artemy...maybe daniil stops halfway through and theres no hard feelings on either side. and when daniil comes back to their flat (he leaves without spending the night) artemy is a little jealous and a lot bad at hiding it and daniil is more miserable than ever thinking artemy is even more mad at him (or for comedy reasons: he thinks artemys homophobic. that would be an extremely funny scenario. very romcom-y like in my own language)

im not an angsty person though so BURDA COLLEGE PARTY DRINKING GAMES WOO I CAN ROCK WITH THESE. the twins dragging daniil to a party (and playing wingmen) because artemys there too ooOOoO. the twins challenge them to beer pong (at my school we played beerball more but its too convoluted to explain) and they both are reluctant to team but the twins cannot take no for an answer and burda fucking DESTROYS them. and everyone else who challenges them. its the height differential, theyve got the angles. plus artemy has a surgeons hand and daniil has laboratory motor skills. and especially once they get tipsy/drunk, artemy would be picking daniil up and swinging him around saying hes the fucking best every time he scores and daniil would be tugging on artemys elbow and shaking him every time he does. by their last win, artemy sweeps him up bridal style and daniil is too drunk and too touch-starved to not hang off of his neck smiling like an idiot. and maybe in the heat of the moment they kiss, or daniil kisses his cheek, or something like that. maybe they drunkenly hook up (and it can be a narrative foil to the scene with andrey), maybe not, but they both understand right then that theyre madly in love with the other (but they obviously dont act on it for another 10k words or whatever lol)

i dont know which drinking games are too local for me to be doxxing myself so ill leave it there for now but. never have i ever with them could be good too

also artemy silently really admiring daniil when he brags is so sweet.......eventually he realizes that he actually IS as smart as he says and half the time he talks about it he isnt even trying to come off as a prick, hes just proud or even venting and artemy kind of also assumed the worst of him. i just think artemy admiring and loving his smarts is so cute, and daniil realizing that artemys not as dumb as he thought would also be very cute.......

[bthump]

Hi, im new reading berserk and i just finished till the eclipse. I cant say i hate Griffith that much the way they hate him on other platforms like reddit for example, but do you consider him selfish by confirming to the sacrifice? I believe he has a choice eventho we knew for a fact that the other god hands manipulated the situation like his guilt for example. But the moment he saw Guts, is what made him finally sacrifice. I find that selfish and toxic in a way. I knew he has feelings, and i knew he was very hurt by him. And i knew he probably want to stop the pain. He lost everything when he left him, i feel like he is overflowing with resentment. Yet we all knew everything that has happened to him was his own fault, that he is just a victim of his own feelings. He went from sacrificing his life everytime Guts is in danger to him sacrificing Guts in the end. Tragic. I wonder what you think is on his mind when he saw Guts and said "only you made me forget my dream" yet he ended up sacrificing him. The way it was portrayed in the movie 2012 is quite sentimental, he doesnt sound angry. He even looks like he is smiling in the manga. Is he thinking if i cant have you, might as well die?

so glad to find your blog ^^ im the newbie that asked here before. haha i just added some questions. Now, im not really sure if he actually resented Guts that he finally chose to sacrifice. I thought he had forgiven him when he saw how Guts regretted it in the prison, but then we get the scene in the lake "ill never again forgive"

at first i thought his resentment towards Guts is what made him finally decided to sacrifice. But now, im confused again. maybe because of how they portrayed it (both in the movie and manga like ive said before). its like a freaking confession yet he ended up sacrificing him. Is he thinking if i cant have you, might as well die? Was he really angry at Guts that he chose to sacrifice? or is his guilt just too strong that he cant abandon his dream anymore? now im leaning more towards the last one, his guilt is just too strong and since he cant have Guts anymore, he might just as well die.

One thing that also confuses me is why didnt the God Hands used Griffth's feelings towards Guts to manipulate him. iirc they only used his guilt against him. they could have use his resentment or his love but nah.

I get a lot of anon asks but I think these are both you, right? I'm gonna put them both together and discuss my own take on Griffith's motivations for the Eclipse sacrifice in answer.

First though, glad you're getting into Berserk! Hope you enjoy the rest of the story (so far)!

Basically I think one of Griffith's motivations for making the sacrifice is ironically pretty selfless: he wants to achieve what thousands of people have died for. I mean if you boil down that motivation it comes down to guilt and self-loathing and being trapped in a neverending cycle of causing more deaths to try to justify previous deaths, but yk, in another story that would be portrayed as noble and admirable.

Imagine a hero leading a bunch of troops into a battle in which they're hopelessly outnumbered in order to attempt to achieve a goal everyone has dedicated their lives to. That could be a pretty inspiring climax to a different story. And it's functionally the same logic, and I think it fits in with a lot of the vibe of Berserk in which Miura takes common tropes and subverts them by showing the dark underbelly.

Noble ambition to create a better world - but it stems from self-loathing. Guts wants to be the very best swordsman like any shounen protag - but it's because he has low self-esteem and bought into Griffith's self-destructive life philosophy. Guts is a cool manly badass who slays monsters and has a giant sword and fights through broken bones - and it's largely because of childhood trauma and suicidal ideation. You know, that kind of vibe.

The Eclipse is kind of like the logical, dark endpoint of what happens when you dedicate your life to a (person with a) cause. Sometimes you do in fact die without ever seeing that goal. In a way I think the Eclipse is essentially a dark parallel for any given battle the Hawks fight under Griffith, because they believe in him. And for Griffith, it's a "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" kind of story.

But when it comes to Griffith's feelings towards Guts and how they were a factor in Griffith choosing to make the sacrifice, yeah I mean, I wouldn't exactly call it positive and healthy lol.

The way I read it, I think Griffith's love for Guts was his motivation much more than like anger or resentment. He did feel resentment because he loved Guts, because his love for Guts "made him weak" and ruined his life and made him forget his dream. But I think ultimately he sacrificed Guts less as like, a way to lash out at Guts or hurt Guts out of spite, and more to free himself from Guts as like, an anchor weighing him down and making him lose sight of his goals. I definitely think there is some spite there, some amount of 'fuck you for making me need you and then leaving me,' but I don't think it's his driving emotion, and I don't think it would've been enough to sacrifice Guts on its own. I think it's more horror and despair at how overwhelming and life-ruining his love for Guts is.

When Guts touches his shoulder and plunges him into the despair that opens the behelit, I think it's because Griffith is horrified over his own emotional weakness. The fact that despite everything, he still loves Guts.

And like I don't think Griffith could've personally killed Guts to escape those feelings - I mean just look at the parallels between Griffith initially trying to strangle him in the torture chamber before holding his hand, and Femto bringing up his hand to kill Guts before lowering it, and potentially Griffith losing the second duel and even calling Zodd off at the Hill of Swords and leaving without killing Guts in Elfhelm - but I think the Godhand set up the Eclipse to separate Guts and Griffith (hence why Griffith catching Guts and then Guts letting go of his hand and falling away was framed as an impactful moment) because Griffith could ask for Guts' death by proxy in a brief moment of certainty in a way he couldn't kill him himself.

So like, I think that's a watsonian reason why the Godhand didn't use Griffith's feelings towards Guts to manipulate him - Griffith's resolve to kill Guts is not strong. Guts does make Griffith forget his dream, even after everything, and the Godhand need to make him remember his dream. Playing up his relationship with Guts, even the miserable parts, could backfire.

They only use Guts in Griffith's vision to remind him that Guts told him to do whatever he has to do to achieve his dream and admonished him for wavering in his resolve, essentially justifying his own death for Griffith's cause.

I don't think reminding Griffith of how Guts hurt him would have the same impact, because Griffith doesn't really make the sacrifice out of anger. He makes it as a cumulation of the philosophy he (and the rest of the core Hawks) lived his entire life by.

Guts' death is necessary, not just because of how the rules of the sacrifice work, but because symbolically the act of sacrifice represents a rejection of relationships in favour of an obsession or dream or desire, because a significant theme of the story is emotionally healthy + healing relationships vs wallowing in bad coping mechanisms for trauma and becoming a monster. And the dream is a bad coping mechanism set at odds to Guts as a potentially healing relationship.

So narratively emphasizing the dream works best here too, because it's less about Griffith wanting to kill Guts and more about Griffith choosing that cycle of guilt over growing past it.

Anyway yeah, that's my take. Thanks for the ask!

[magnoliamyrrh]

tw: csa, abuse etc. feel free not to answer this, as i know its private!! i also have a very abusive family, i was sexually assaulted by my brother in law when i was 15/16 and he is still in the family. my stupid sister decided to go ahead and have another baby with him even after she knew lol so like. i just bid my time until i can tell everyone to fuck off. i dont have direct contact w him, but i have to deal w his stupid children when i visit my parents and my stupid ass sister. obviously my situation is way less dire than yours, but it already kills me inside. ik you mentioned in the past you were trafficked by a family member and was sexually abused by family too, so what im asking is if you still have contact w the person who did it? i got way better after i was able to put distance, but the fact that i know he is still around makes me sick. i wish i could just put a bullet on his head. i wish i could kill him. i wish i could run him over and set out a hit on him. i wish i could kill my fucking sister too, for being a useless piece of shit.

this is just some random info i hope you find funny in a dark sad way like i do. i cant be around my sister for long that it raises my blood pressure to the point i get nose bleeds that wont stop. my bp goes like 23 or 20/18 or something like that. crazy high. literally puts me under so much stress i am at risk of a fucking heart attack from being around her cunt ass.

hope u can run away from them and make your own life at some point. wishing you the best xoxo

hey anon!! tks again for sending the message and im truly sorry to hear abt what happened to you & the betrayal of your sister as well. its always horrible when women even moreso family members who should care about you choose to protect predatory and shit men over u 😵‍💫 happens way too often and you have every right to be angry af at her bc its disgusting and selfish enabling behavior. hope karma is gonna hit them soon and youll get to witness it all lol ,,,, and girl 😭 u gotta be Careful i dont want u to die of a heart attack like this it aint worth it 🤣😭😭 but i getchu!! the sorta stress from this shit can take a Hugeee toll on ur body tbh i think thats why i feel so exhausted too all the time lately its the stress and physical toll of flashbacks and shit

to answer ur question it was my bio dad and for the most part i aint got contact w him no more. we're in two different countries now which helps for sure but when i go back to my birth country its almost always an issue when it comes to seeing him. he used to show up uninvited or my family would force him around and shit. but uh then for some years tho not too many that stopped happening but at the end of last year i had to see him because i wanted to see my grand geandmother who was sick and potentially dying and he was there. i chose to put up with it because i would have regretted not seeing her more. the whole thing was,,,, A Lot and exhausting and triggering and since then ive kinda been in the trauma trenches again 🤷‍♀️ being around him for that long for the first time in years definetely set sometimes off. but. yea. its hard. its hard to avoid because of that and i probably wont feel truly free from it until the day when he fucking croaks ://// which i keep waiting for. and rn i live w my mom and bio dad which isnt fantastic either bc we have a rough history too tho nothing to the same degree, its just another thing that stresses me out tho and that i wanna get away from

tks for the message girl again i appreciate uuu <3 and it does make me feel better to know someone also feels similar even tho i wish u had never been through this. take care of urself ok!!! one day were both gonna get out and we wont have to b around ppl who traumatized us anymore and well b able to breathe!!!!

[kittycatred]

[ ooc blog update ]

i know ive been inactive on this blog for today (or well, technically yesterday) but luckily, there is a very good reason !!!!

i spent a good few hours organizing this blog a bit (& my own main blog), so theres soooome minor changes, moreso for me than you guys, but ill still mention everything :3 (because i spent hours on this i wanna show it off LMAO)

soo if you wanna read my (VERY LONG) rambling and such i go through all the mini blog changes below !! or you can just see yourself either works :3

first thing, pinned post !!!

i learned how to do gradients on text and it was SUCH A PAIN, but so worth it look guys its so pretty now ??

i tried to shorten the pinned post a bit, or atleast leas overwhelming so theres not much red gifs anymore, and instead of 'boundaries / fyi' theres now in & out of character sections !!

everything is about the same as before if you read it, the only changes are:

under in character, ive added some headcanon-y stuff of how i see avm red, clarified shipping stuff id prefer to not have (not cause anyone said anything i just realized i should probably clarify lmao), & ive also added sections of basically how red can sometimes be petty for funsies, and also that if anything said when interacting makes anyone uncomfortable then dont be afraid to reach out ect ect !!

under out of character, clarification on pronouns, kinda ??, i dunno before i just had xe/they i think, name stuff, how im a fictive running this, i moved the no nsfw stuff under here, & how i try to get to everything !!

NOW TAGS >:)

main tags are the usual tags i had aside from me now adding 'drawn posts'

SILLY TAGS look at these guys i organized a good chunk of posts under these, it originally started with me just adding the government assigned cats (which i still need to reblog some more things to put under this from other blogs i forgot oops)

and then the other three i just thought it would be funny since alot of posts fall under those and all

and then askbox pets IVE MADE THAT A TAG CAUSE I GET SO MANY PET PHOTOS IN MY ASKBOX ?? AND I LOVE THEM ?? guys keep doing that i love animals outside of just roleplaying red and theres still some i need to get to answering in my askbox but theyre all adorable oh my gosh !!!!

and ill probably add more of these later as posting and all goes on !!

interaction tags !!! gosh coding the colors was a pain guys i learned how to do this all today but its so worth it though

but here the tags are hyperlinked to show all interactions or mentions of blogs, and their names are hyperlinked to their separate blogs !! so convenient now !!

ALSO i need to catch up on interactions and asks so some blogs are tagged but have no posts i will get to that eventually ive just been doing this all day !!

but wait....theres more than just the pinned posts !!!! (can you tell im writing this at 3am ?)

TAGS !! im finally organizing tags although only i care about that but still

i finally added a separating tag between ooc and in character tags and i also started tagging askbox askers like anon and stuff if you go through you'll see but yay organization !!!

but guys....theres even MORE

okay so im not gonna lie.....i didnt like the stick figure style i was drawing for the asks and stuff ITS COOL DONT GET ME WRONG and other blogs do it WAY BETTER but i didnt like how i was doing it

so guess what ? i humanoid-ized(?) whatever you call it your definitely favorite stickfigure !!!

see all these ??? just a bald stick figure with me overusing the airbrush tool and blur tool wowww ://

now see THIS ??? no longer bald !!! and now EXPRESSIONS and EYEBROWS wow upgrade !! 💥💥💥

(fyi im just jabbing at myself theres nothing wrong with the old way i drew them if anyone else does that just for clarification !!!)

which okay im rambling already so this is fine, but that last image of red angry over the ruben stuff, i dunno how i did that i suck at perspective but i think its actually decent so wahoo !!

anyways i updated all the previous post (ACTUALLY NEVERMIND I MISSED TWO OF THE OLD ONES ill fix that later) with the new drawings but i still kept the old ones !! just under a 'read more' thingy !! and im gonna try to draw out asks more too cause its fun :D if im able to sometimes its just easier to respond with text but theres some i do like to draw out :3

anyways that's all the blog updates on hereee !! :)

i was going to catch up on asks after posting this but it's nearly 4am, and i have a ortho appointment tomarrow in the EARLY morning (i get my braces off guys finally 💥💥💥) but i promise im not ignoring any asks or interactions ect ect !! ill get to them asap !!!

anyways okay thats all !!! i ramble alot (if it wasnt....yknow....kinda obvious here LMAO) so thank youu if anyone read all this !!! im gonna sleep noww but heres a silly colorgang gif for reading through my ramblesss !!!