#im patient with them and I do everything they want
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WORKS IN PROGRESS & QUOTES !
im trying to get back into writing, so heres a list of all the series wips shoved away in my mind and some of my favorite scenes/quotes from them<3
Cicada Song - Azriel x Reader
The cicadas always came back, no matter how long they’d been silent. Azriel thought it was funny, in a way—how they waited, patient and buried, until it was time to scream.
Anatomy of Dependence - Azriel x Reader
Your hands were shaking when you reached for him. He wanted to tell you to stop—that you didn’t have to touch the ruin of him. But he let you. Because Azriel had never been good at turning you away, and maybe, just maybe, a part of him wanted to see if you’d flinch. If you’d finally see the darkness for what it was and walk away. But you didn’t. Your hands shook and you held on anyway.
An Education in Malice - Azriel x Reader
The words curled in your chest, bitter and sweet at the same time. A part of you, the child who had never stopped wanting his approval, allowed herself to feel something like warmth, like the satisfaction of a long-held desire finally being fulfilled. It made you want to turn your face away, ashamed.
House of Hunger - Eris x Reader
You hated him sometimes—his silence, his indifference, the way he managed to make you feel like you were reaching for something that would never be yours. But then there were moments like this, rare and fleeting, where you saw beyond the arrogance and the fire to the male underneath. And that male terrified you. Because he wasn’t cruel or cold. He was kind, and broken, and so impossibly alone that it made you ache in ways you didn’t want to admit.
One Summer - Azriel x Reader
“Tell me about it,” he said, his eyes half-lidded as he leaned in just enough for your noses to brush. His hand slid to cup your jaw, thumb caressing the curve of your cheek. “I’m over here popping a boner every time you smile at me like some hormonal teenager.” You couldn’t help it—you burst out laughing, your body shaking against his as you playfully smacked his chest. “Oh my god, Az,” you groaned, half-embarrassed, half-amused. “I better stop smiling at you then.”
Lights, Camera, Action! - Rhysand x Reader
Lucien crossed his arms. “I’m not scared. I was startled, okay? Because you don’t have a dog.” He gestured wildly to Hero, as if needing proof that this isn’t just a strange hallucination. “You never mentioned a dog.” You grinned, giving Hero a little nudge forward as if presenting him formally. “Well, I do now.” “Since when?” “Since about twelve hours ago,” you said casually, as though adopting a dog on impulse is a perfectly reasonable, everyday thing. "Keep up."
In The Wake of Spring - Azriel x Reader x Eris (Azris x Reader)
Azriel had been ready to tear Lucien apart for even a taste of Elain. That was jealousy. That was claiming. But this was different. When he watched Eris lean toward you, your eyes locking in a way that had nothing to do with the others in the room, Azriel didn't feel the fire that once ignited within him. Instead, he felt a space open up inside him, a soft place where you both fit. Warm. Strange.
When Ghosts Call Us Home - Cassian x Reader
Centuries. That’s how long it had been since he'd last seen you—centuries—and yet, when he looked at you now, it was as if the years hadn’t existed at all. You looked different, sure—older, softer, but still undeniably you. There was a quiet strength in you that had only grown, a kind of peace he hadn't imagined possible after everything. He had expected time to change you in ways he couldn’t recognize, but you'd only expanded into yourself, like you were now something both older and more familiar all at once. It made his heart ache. Oh gods, how he wished he could've watched you grow into the female he watched now. He felt robbed.
Hidden Things - Lucien x Reader
Lucien's chuckles faded into something quieter. You caught your breath, wiping a tear from your eye as your laughter died down. And then you realized he was staring at you, his eyes distant, like he wasn't fully there anymore. “What?” you asked, “Do I have something on my face?” “No, nothing," he said as he cleared his throat. Lucien looked away for a second, but his eyes inevitably found yours again. “It’s just… you remind me of someone.” The air around you shifted slightly. You didn't miss the way his voice dipped, or the flicker of something deeper in his expression. Your smile softened as you turned fully toward him, leaning just a bit closer. “Do... do you love this someone?” Lucian stilled. For a moment, he looked almost startled. But then he took a breath, glanced down at his hands, and then back up at you. And smiled. “Yeah,” he said finally, his voice tender. “I really loved them.”
im such a deep lover of series y'all. i just love writing the process of falling in love, but i also have soo many one-shots, so i might make one of these for those, too <3
#ngl half of these WILL be scrapped#but just for funsies#for yall#my wips#rae rambles#azriel x reader#rhysand x reader#eris x reader#eris vanserra x reader#lucien x reader#lucien vanserra x reader#cassian x reader
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★ baby do you want me? megumi fushiguro x reader, birthday boy special ⟢ contents. hurt/comfort, spoilers, wc: 0.6k, div ( cafekitsune )
note. my writer era is back
“not celebrating your special day?” you sit down next to megumi on the bench right outside the dorms, arm casually slung around his shoulders which cause him to push his headphones down in an annoyed exhale.
“it’s not that special.” megumi turns his gaze towards you, a hesitant hand creeping up your waist as you lean into his shoulders to see what song he’s listening to. “here to wish me happy birthday?”
it’s been a couple of months since, well, everything. the strongest sorcerer of this generation defeated, sukuna’s defeat—the end of the curse era, but most importantly, courting you.
“maybe.” you stare at his phone intently. “we should hangout some time later.” your hand around his shoulder retreats just as quick as it was there. love is a difficult topic for sorcerers—people that rarely feel an ounce of love in their daily life. even now, given the chance to finally go and live a normal life, it feels.. strange. strange to not have to fear death at your door everyday.
“as in?” megumi tilts his head to the side, a little disappointed to see you pull away.
“my dorm, maybe. you know, just the two of us.” you hear your voice crack at the end, cursing to yourself.
“oh.” right—just the two of you, nothing more than a friendly sleepover to celebrate his birthday, that’s how you always tried to keep it. to say megumi’s getting tired of it.. is an understatement. he’s a patient man, and yet he still craves to move past this point of friendship that you seem just so deathly afraid of.
“so, are you not gonna wish me?” the words come out a little more pettier than he’d like them to, it’s not as if he’s been waiting all day for you to approach him with a cake.. and a big smile on your face, which you didn’t.
“well, happy birthday.” you stifle a chuckle at his words, trying to hide the sense of panic that washes over you when his expression still doesn’t soften.. maybe you do know you’ve been getting on his nerves these past few days.
“now you’re only saying it because i told you to.” megumi shakes his head, not even trying to hide his desperation at this point. he has all right to be mad, doesn’t he? “you really care that much?”
you turn away just the slightest amount, knowing exactly how wrong that came off. “do i care?” megumi’s eyes narrow at you. “are you serious?” his voice snaps, okay.. now you know you’ve fucked up.
“im just so lost with you.” megumi sighs, lowering his tone. maybe he was harsh. “just- tell me if im wasting my time, if you even want this.” megumi gazes at you with a hopeful gleam in his eyes, hoping to hear something reassuring—anything.
the disappointment is evident on his face when he’s only met with silence—“hey-“
there’s not much heard other than the sound of your lips crashing with his messily, your grip on his chin a little too tight for comfort. the pain is quickly drowned by the savoury taste on your lips, probably from the chips he saw you munching on earlier. the flavour of potato chips on your mouth ruins the experience just a little bit, but the discreet sweetness of your lips and your soothing touch on his scars still make up for it.
“don’t you dare doubt me.” you pull away, huffing breathlessly as you release his chin. “.. sorry, okay? don’t be mad at me on your birthday.” you shoot him a smile, to which he only glares at you with pinkish cheeks.
“…a yes would’ve been enough.” his blush only deepens at your teasing smirk. “but i like to do things me way.” you flip your hair back proudly. “so what is it birthday boy, you coming or not?”
“yeah yeah, im coming.”
NO I ( DID ) NOT ALMOST FORGET ABOUT MY BABY BOYS BIRTHDAY happy birthday megumi fushiguro you will always be famous
#🍰 : ( 𝐟𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐯𝐫𝐬 ) ✧₊⁺#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen drabble#jujutsu kaisen angst#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jjk#jjk x reader#jjk drabble#jjk angst#jjk fluff#megumi fushiguro#megumi fushiguro x reader#megumi fushiguro x you#megumi fushiguro x y/n#megumi fushiguro drabble#megumi fushiguro angst#megumi fushiguro fluff
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I want to live to be really old just so I can shit on whatever replaces skibidi toilet in the future I want kids to dislike me
#I don't Like Kids#im patient with them and I do everything they want#WHY DO KIDS LIKE ME#HATE ME PLEASE#CHILDREN EUGHSNHGIJGNV
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on my anti dr. jacob agenda sooo hard you don't even know. like the level of just how unprofessional, unethical, and fucking infuriating his choices are is putting me into so much of a rage i can no longer maintain my danny rojas level of live laugh love in this economy. bastard. bastard man. my worst enemy. im calling the kansas college of registered psychotherapy and regulatory board of ethics on him don't test me
#i have so much beef with him you don't fucking get it#everything about the situation should have his licence for practice instantly revoked#full stop#getting with a patient after treating both her and her husband in couples counselling and then seeing her individually#to coach her through her DIVORCE and then starting to date her???#its like he fucking wants to lose his liscence#its such a stupid fucking thing to do thats so morally reprehensible for him as a professional i just-#aksjhfkjJHKHKJKJKHLJKHFHDJSHKLHJKDSFHJRRRRRRRRR#like TECHNICALLY you can have relations with patients#TECHNICALLY#but theres a nearly decade long time minimum that has to elapse before thats like legal for the regulatory board???#its something like 7 years (at least where i live)#and thats not 7 years since you've met them#that's 7 years AFTER you stopped seeing them as a patient#just. fucking baffling#because thats a massively inappropriate relationship!!! its not allowed for a fucking reason!!!#you are not meant to be your therapist's friend and you are CERTAINLY not meant to fucking DATE THEM lijlasfhKJEKKKEE????#i'm fine. im good#everything is fine and i didnt just start the episode and break into a massive rant in the tags. we're fine :)#ted lasso#ted lasso spoilers#ted lasso season 3#andis thought geyser
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volition and empathy childhood best friend propaganda RAUGH!!
#chemi chats#i need you all to understand that my obsession with volition & empathy friendship is ON PAR with volition/electrochemistry lovers#MAYBE MORE. IM SO VERY VERY FOND OF THEM. they have NO CANON BACKING BUT IF PEOPLE CAN CRACKSHIP ROMANTICALLY I CAN DO IT PLATONICALLY!!!#YELLS. LOUDLY. okay im normal.#to the now three people who have asked about my fics I AM ANSWERING THESE TODAY I SWEAR. I PROMISE. I LOVE YOU!!! <333#i have a lot of asks i want to answer i love you all thank you for being patient i'll get to everything eventually i promise hgkjg
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shanks' need/desire to protect his friends and family from anything and everything vs buggy's gigantic inferiority complex that makes him take any act of protection/love as someone looking down on him, FIGHT
#buggy could trip and shanks could catch him bc god forbid buggy hurts his knees#and instead of saying thank you buggy just goes: what? you think i can't handle hitting my knees? you think im too weak?#what this man needs is the world's most patient therapist#and on the other end i think shanks' desire to protect his friends and family does come off as condescending smtimes#and like all of his emotions are dialed up to a 100 when it comes to buggy#and so at a certain point it does come off as possessive and off-putting and i think that's why buggy chafes at it so much#bc buggy barely belongs to himself as is and i don't think he could handle all of shanks' desire#like buggy already thinks he's weak and cowardly. less than in every sense and then on top of that to have shanks protect him??#it would ruin him i think#and like of course shanks doesn't understand!!! what is there to understand when you've always been good at everything?#he loves his people and he loves buggy especially so and he wants to take care of them!! all the power he has is just a tool he uses to kee#them safe. and i do think there is a voice in shanks' head that says 'just take buggy. he can't resist anyway. you could keep him safe by#your side. he'd never be in danger at your side. just take him' but shanks knows that's one step too far and so he never does it.#anyway the occupy way too much of my brain space these days#one piece#buggy the clown#op buggy#buggy one piece#akagami no shanks#op shanks#shanks one piece#shuggy#shanks x buggy
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There's something I need to get out before going to sleep:
I don't like people who always take their stress out on others.
I don't like people who always criticize and don't even try to understand other's choices and differences
I don't like people who only see the bad around them, especially in other people, completely ignoring everything that's positive and just harshly criticizing others
I don't like people who feel entitled to give you their opinion when it has not been asked
And don't like being yelled at because I don't agree or understand a stupid and irrational social rule
#People are stupid sometimes and when its long term it can quickly wear the person out and seriously affect them#i hate social norms#especially the ones that stop me from doing what I want to without a valid reason#i hate people who yell and cant control their emotions#and i hate being hurt and having to endure everything#its not because i dont show it that it doesnt bother me#i may act like one but i am not a robot#feels like people always exploit me yet still complain about everthing i do#sorry that was just a rant#now i feel better#i never complained like that#but it does help me heal a bit#im very patient and always try to be positive to protect my mind but sometimes i just run out of patience
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conversations on love #3 (gojo x reader) lil snippet sneakpeak!
Print photos aren’t as important anymore when cloud storage spaces are just as–if not more–accessible, but Gojo is admittedly sentimental despite every front he puts up to hide it.
He’s kept every single gift you’ve given him and camouflaged it as decoration in his office, and the family drawing 10-year-old Tsumiki made is still folded between the pages of a self-help book Yaga gave him when he first decided to teach.
When every moment is experienced so vividly, seen through a muddle of infinite energies, there are those he wishes could stay still—ones that take up space to remind him: ‘this is real, it happened, and because of it your life is irrevocably changed’.
For the longest time, Gojo has kept a photo hidden, locked away in the drawer by his bedside as if keeping it there means the memory will stay guarded forever—untouched, unspoiled, unruined.
It becomes clearer to him then, by the look in your eyes and remembrance soft-spoken, that what good is a photo unseen?
What good is a love unwitnessed?
#my lil gift for those waiting patiently for col 3 !#i am sorry this will take a while ! but i am trying to write it with utmost care :')#<- this only means im being rlly choosy with everyth abt it HAHAH#this is also a mishmash of lines ! so there are stuff in between them that r in the full fic#but just didnt want to include here bc i didnt wanna spoil too much !#so if it sounds a bit disjointed ?? thats probs why#🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣#ok that is all now im SHY !#this fic will be dedicated to niku and dilly who are so supportive ! cheering me on !!#and to sera for slight teen-dad gojo and cruel summer influences :'----)#also there is a kind of jump from 'tell me about love' to col 3#so gojo goes thru a bit of development HABSHF#so he can feel really different in this one compared to 'do you believe in love?' and 'tell me about love'#but that's d whole POINT ! i think#my intention for the entire conversations of love coll. is to see varying reflections/perspectives of love as gojo experiences it over time#im bLABBERING TOO MUCH !#shotorus.process#col tag#u can also try to guess what the photo is#but writing it broke my heart#HAHHAHAHAHAH
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.
#vent post#suicide tw#my go to response to everything can not be “i want to die.” like great#its not like I actually want to or will follow through on it but fuck.#years worth of character growth and here I am back in fucking a middle school mindset.#like what even is the fucking point.#why am i trying to hard for people wuo do not care.#i feel so stupid.#and like I dont know what to do.#i tried to fix things and it just made them worse.#and i'm still in so much pain!!!!!!!!#just the funky little cherry on goddamned top.#its almost worse than highschool because at least then I didnt know what i was missing yet. and i didnt hurt all the time.#i could sleep for a day straight.#what is the point of getting up each day#being in more pain#and not able to find anything fun.#and being just a massive wet blanket to all my friends. for zero reason.#and then it just isolates me further.#and how stupid and petty and self fucking pitying it all is. like either get over it#have a massive spiral and get ACTUALLY in a dangerous situation#or just continue to sit and feel miserable for no reason and with no resolution.#like im not good at my job right now#im barely keeping my head above water.#like im so fucking done.#i dont know what to do or where to turn.#and im terrified that im going to fully dislocate my spine and be paralyzed.#it should not be floppy!!! it should not look like a patient with whiplash!#there is nothing to prevent it from moving out of place#so i just go about my life and hope that looking over my shoulder doesnt send me to the hospital.
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i can't stop thinking about curly mouthwashing
#i get him. i GET HIM SO BAD#i used to be so patient. i used to give chances over and over again to people who didn't deserve them. i still do#i don't know if it's something i'll ever grow out of. i don't want to lose my kindness#i've become more firm with people and i'm quicker to put up boundaries but i still don't seem to learn#i forgive everything. i shouldn't but i do. even if i say that i won't#because i really do believe everyone deserves a chance to grow even if time and time again they pass the opportunity#the best thing that ever happened to me was realizing that sometimes for people to grow. i can't be in their lives#so i see curly and i see the way he handles his crew and jimmy ohmy god#ive never known someone that's a jimmy full disclosure but i get why curly treats him with too much patience is all im saying#he shouldn't have. but he did. and he regrets it but he still empathizes with him!#just#fuck#standing at the edge of a bridge with your feet in cement.#i know that feeling
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ITS BEEN A FUCKING WEEK. PASS THE DETRITUS
#howling#had a lvl 1 trauma at abt 720#which sucks but we were managing fine#call er back at 750 as protocol to ask if theyve transfused and if theyll need more and to make sure they have a t&s ordered#secretary confirms that both units were transfused + they wont be needing more (lol) + a type and screen WAS drawn just not ordered yet#ok cool. all i have to do is wait for the specimen so i can crossmatch the units#im chilling in bloodbank doing bloodbank things#meanwhile. er calls the front desk (blood bank has a separate phone line. they specifically called the lab line instead)#lab assistant takes the call (like normal). theyre not sure what er said exactly but theyre planning to transfer the patient somewhere#and mentioned 'something like mpp???'#midnight tech was upfront and overheard. immediately asked if they meant MTP#lab assistant wasnt sure but said she had asked if er wanted to talk to blood bank (aka me) and they said no#both the assistant and the tech assumed that they DIDNT actually mean mtp because that would be fucking bonkers#if they casually mention it to a lab assistant and NOT FUCKING BLOOD BANK#and i didnt hear about this phone call until like maybe an hour or two later btw#anyways. yeah no they called an MTP#thats always fucking awful but they DID bring down the t&s partway thru#patient had no history and the only other specimens on file were drawn at the same time#so i order a confirmatory type to make things easier later on. it needs to be drawn by either the nursing team or by a lab assistant#screen is negative so at least we only need to do an immediate spin crossmatch on everything#we get all the units emergency issued + the platelets are ordered and issued normally after the t&s is done since it doesnt need a xmatch#er cancels the mtp. theyve transfused 6 out of the 8 units we sent them. two remaining units being sent to or#or is told directly that the mtp was canceled and that theyd need to call a new one if things escalate again#ok. things are calming down. its fine. i got all the xmatches done and theyre all compatible which is great#we get in a delivery from arc of platelets bringing us back up to 6 on the shelf (we need 5 on hand tomorrow morning for an open heart)#(at this point i find out about the phone call i mentioned earlier)#i get a call from or. my heart sinks immediately#or nurse says they need 2 rbcs and 2 platelets and theyre sending someone down RIGHT NOW to pick it up#we still hadnt gotten that confirmatory btw#im too stunned to say anything else so i just go ok. and hang up
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when gerard way said “when i grow up i want to be nothing at all” i felt those words in my gdamn soul bro
#cried alone in my car parked in my driveway for like 17 minutes#i feel so hopeless and useless and stupid so so so stupid i’ll never be smart enough like the other nurses#i can’t fucking think im too slow i don’t know anything#it’s the emergency room and god for fucking bid i have an emergent patient i don’t know wtf to do ever#i don’t know how to initiate protocols or contact interdisciplinary or put in complex orders i don’t know anything i’m so useless#everyone thinks i’m stupid i’ve been on orientation for like 2 months know and i’m still the same useless stupid novice airhead new grad#i just get so frazzled i feel like everyone expects so much out of me and i have to be perfect to meet their standards#but im stupid im subpar im not good enough like them like#ever if they’ve been nurses for years and i’ve only been working as one for legit 2 months it’s just i still don’t know how to do anything#it’s like i can’t think i don’t do things how they want me to do them and then i look stupid im the attending doctor thinks i’m so dumb but#she wouldn’t even hear me out like i know you want both fluids running i know it’s important but he only has.1 IV and they aren’t compatible#we’re trying to start a second IV and he had difficult veins like why are you trying to tell me i’m stupid i know why you ordered it thatway#it’s like nobody gets my dumbass brain but that’s not their fault bc they can think clearly and convey their thoughts to people without#sounding like a fucking dumbass i have no critical thinking skills im just useless i hate this so much i don’t want to be here it sucks#i never wanted to be a nurse i never wanted to be anything i was 12 years old hoping i’d be dead by 18#and now i’m 23 and i’m still fucking here but it’s clear i shouldn’t be i don’t fit in im not fit for society#i should be euthanized like an unwanted dog that’s been at the shelter for too long that’s exactly what i am#20min later still crying can’t stop being a fucking crybaby pitypartying myself i’m the worst oh my god grow the fuck up already#why is everything so difficult for me why can’t i just fit in literally everyone knows i don’t belong#i’m the dumbest most useless new grad orientee and EVERYONE knows it even management it’s so embarrassing#i’m so embarrassed to be alive and take up space that could be filled by someone so much better smarter prepared someone meant to be there#i don’t want this i don’t want any of this i never wanted to grow up im just a kid in my head i’m so pathetic#i wish i was smart and good at something i wish people looked at me and thought o wow i respect her bc she’s also a good nurse#nobody likes me i’m such a burden to everyone the doctors my preceptors other nurses who deserve to be there#i’m leaking snot everywhere today wasn’t even that bad but i think it’s all just hitting me now how helpless i am#i’m so tired of myself and waking up and making a fool of myself every shift fucking stupid loser i hate myself i try so hard and it’s not#it’s not enough it’s never enough im not enough im an imposter i’ll never be as good as the other nurses even tho i’m really really trying#i seriously don’t want to do this anymore i don’t want to be here i can’t do it everyone knows i’m not cut out for this they all talk shit#ramblings
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uninstalled all the dating apps which ws like 8nof them . in the morning ill tell the guys i was talking to that i overestimared how ready i was and hopefully theyll understand andnjust drop it
#i dont feel stable enough for like . any relationship platonic or romantic andnit fucking..rly sucks bc i want to have friends but like#with what happened with daj the other day im like. i dont think i can be like . idk. ik daj said it was ok and she understood but im so#upset that i lashed iut abt that and i keep trying to get into therapy but i fucking..cant find one. at all#im trying to be more reasonable witj mymoney and i know like. i need therapy bc i Need to work this out and i am not able to work it out#with myself. i need to see a professional abt this . so ik it wouldnt be frivolous to spend money on a therapist if i cant find one in#network. bc the in network thrapists dont accept/dont specialize in working with patients with bpd which i like. thats..my issue. im almost#posiitive. ive done a lot of research and it matches up with like . all of my experiences#ik everybody feels unstable after a breakup buti genuinely like. i dont feel whole. and im looking back on how i treated myself and thiught#abt the relationship and its like. i stopped talking to all my friends i stopped talking to my family i literally dropped out of school i#moved across the country i dropped any interest that we didnt share i literally like. i gave up fucking everything and thats not. healthy.#and he never aksed me for that and its not fair of me to resent him for me doing that bc he nevrr asked me to#but i feel like. everytime i think abt him it feels like im being torn in half like . i put him on so incredibly high of a pedestal i#literally thought of him as perfect that was..recurring. and when i was upset with him i took it out on myself horrifically and thats not#normal . and jow thinking abt him literally physucally hurts bc theres still that part of me that thinks hes perfect and that im a mistake#and a failure and i didnt Be connor right. and then theres a part of me that . doesnt think of him that way#and its just like. aughhf. even outside that relationship im looking back on past friendships and how like..obsessive i get with them#and then when they 'betray' me i just. immediately turn on them and like. thats not normal..#and my sense of identity is um. Well you guys have seen. you know.#ive looked into it a lot and i rly think i have it and im not like. 100% positive but i feel like even if i dont itd be good to work with a#therapist who Has experience with that. since the experience is so similar. yk. idk#i just feel insane and i feel like bod would make like. so much of my life and the way i act and the way i react to things like..it makes#sense when i look at it as if i have bpd. and if i dont it literally seems completely irrational and erratic like. IDK. so basically i need#a therapist who can work with that but none of the ones in network specialize in that and then i was researching and found out a lot of#therapists specifically Dont work with bpd patients and like. judge their peers who do for woriing with bod#which is 1. Actually disgusting 2. Straight up stupid 3. Terrifying. so i only want to work with a therapist whi explicitely says I#specialize and work with patients with bpd 👍 but i literally could only find 1 and theyre out of network and its 15p for visit and id#prefer to do weekly visits if possible but thats . 300 per paycheck for therapy . biweekly itd be better but thats still 150. and i have to#save up for the trip home and then the new apartment immediately after#and i have to get credit card .#and in an ideal world id hold off on the therapist until i get my new apartment so that i can fully focus on coping with myself and learnin
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Been very worried about being annoying/unintentionally mean lately bc I'm in a new job and feel a bit bad for asking so many questions even though. That's literally what you're supposed to do as a human being who is learning things and is alive
#ya girl#shocker! guy who is nervous about everything feels nervous about change#i just want them to like meeeeeeeee#i think they do im just worried#and things will def get more hectic in the coming weeks when school starts but for now i think im ok#and theyre all very patient with me
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I think I might actually like someone.
Even the bad pickup lines work.
#i just#kinda keep imagining a future witth this person#but im so bad a saying something about it#and ive heard from other friends that they loke someone else#im just very patient and dont want to rush which is like the opposite of them#in like everything#im being jumbled but ive not really felt like this before#we've basically set up that we'd call every day#we go to the same fricken college why are we doing that? its nice but we could just hang out in person?#and i dont know how to accept flirting well#i feel like im beinf blunt and abrasive but im just teasing or not taking it seriously bc i dk if my heart cpuld take that#like my face would get hella red so its easier to just not#epically if they just want to be friends that flirt sometimes and then the tension bro what is up with the tension#could cuth this mf with a knife are you flirting for practice or? why do u wanna know if u have a chance? we've lowkey talked about having#a kid together bro plz#i dont want to mess up freind groups tho#àhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#send help#im probably not going to do much about it tho
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was brave and talked to my doctor abt my period bs + she said it might be endometriosis without me even having to bring it up... 💀
#shes prescribed me naproxen & tranexamic acid for now bc theyre basically the only 2 painkiller options i havent tried yet#but shes said she'll text me some resources on endometriosis and asked me to book an appt in january to update her#and then she can either issue a repeat script or we can go down the route of trying to diagnose a condition#which would likely take a long time so id probably have to try hormonal meds again in the meantime but she was rly understanding abt#the fact id had negative experiences w them before so was apprehensive abt it. so nice to have a dr who actually cares instead of trying#to fob me off w over the counter meds which is what happened last time lol#she was like wow im surprised they told you to take codeine for cramps thats not smth id recommend due to the side effects 💀#like damn. well ive been doing it for the last few years and yeah its not great#augh.... its ok tho i feel better now im actively doing smth abt it and looking for a diagnosis is an option thats available#bc ik how rare it is for gps to take patients seriously. the average diagnosis time for endometriosis is 12 years in wales 💀💀#my mums had such a struggle with gynaecology in her part of the country too shes been waiting for an operation for almost a year#and they booked her in for it and everything and then when she showed up the doctor was like im so so sorry i dont have access to a clinic#and i wanted to cancel your appt bc obvs i cant carry out the surgery without a clinic but the practice refused to let me cancel it#she showed my mum emails shed sent to management begging them to let her cancel patients she wasnt able to treat bc its such a waste of#everyones time and resources and rly shitty to do but they told her to 'watch herself and think about meeting her targets' 💀#bc cancellations look bad on their records so they were forcing her to hold appts without treatment anyway lmfao#insane country how is the nhs still functioning.#anyway thats todays medical report ik how eagerly u guys have been waiting on my pussy update#didnt ask abt antidepressants bc didnt have time and anyway im handling it better now its just taken a while to adjust to the shorter days#and the cramp stuff is way more pressing bc i get them for a week or two before my period AND when i ovulate now#so im probably spending equal amts of time in pain than not in pain every month now 👍#actually makes me feel fucking insane when i start thinking about it. its fine tho. okay im gonna piss and then go out again to sort out#everything ive gotta do today and then i can just chill this afternoon#how is it only 10am.....#.diaries
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