#im not used to seeing it in fandom spaces and assumed someone had made the effort to paint it .. .

[getvalentined]

I love when folks ask me Fandom Old questions and I get to be like "Yeah, uh, that's from my old online RP group, no it's not canon at all, yes we just made it up, no we did not claim it was canon but the mid to late aughts were a strange time."

It's honestly a shock to realize how often this has happened. I mentioned earlier that Reno's fanon surname came from this same group, but that's not even the half of it. I once made a bunch of screenshot manips based on the most ridiculous ships anyone could think of—someone slapped a random line of text onto one of them and to this day it's used as a "cringe FF7 fandom" meme. I saw it on the twits a bit back and almost fell out of my goddamn chair.

If you've ever heard Scarlet referred to with the surname "West," read about Tseng fighting with metal fans, seen Elena's older sister being called Anna instead of Emma, come across Vincent portrayed as having a PhD in spite of being a Turk, or caught references somewhere to Grimoire experimenting on Vincent as a child, that started with this group. That was us.

One of the funniest examples of this, for me specifically, is that we don't actually know which arm Veld is missing? The fandom generally goes with his left because that's how I drew him in the first picture of the guy ever posted on devart way back in 2005, but it may very well be his right. I've seen people offer "proof" that it's his right based on a scene in the opening cutscene, but you can't tell there either, and with BC's graphics there's literally no way to tell on his sprite.

Hell, this year we found out everyone's assumed timeline of the Kalm fire is wrong, and that's our fault too because we made some assumptions about Felicia's age for an LJ RP that were entirely wrong. She's around Zack's age, not Sephiroth's! She's old enough to run with a terrorist group in BC, but she was a child when Kalm burned, and that happened in 1997—we know this because NPCs in Rebirth literally refer to the fire in Kalm having happened "just ten years ago." Veld has only had his prosthetic for three years when BC starts. (This also implies that, contrary to popular belief, Veld may actually be younger than Vincent. Vincent may have been the senior partner, and that's why he was sent to Nibelheim alone while Veld was left at headquarters.)

We were really wrong on this! But we were working with what we had. There's no canon evidence for the vast majority of these things (the most notable exclusion here is Vincent being educated) but we weren't claiming there was. We were filling gaps, and canon was so sparse that we had a lot of gaps to fill. So if it turns out that Veld lost his right arm, then I'll just have to start drawing him that way—because losing his left was never canon.

Tragically, there's nothing any of us can do to make people stop assuming these things are canon at this point; there aren't a lot of us still in the fandom, and it's not like any of us have those old chatlogs anymore. People from this RP group have DIED since those days. It's been over 20 years since most of us met, and around 15 since most of us were in a public fannish space together.

"Prove it," people say, and I literally can't. Do you know how many computers I've been through since then? 75% of the platforms we used no longer exist. This all started on a BBCode forum! There is no proof!

But...there's no evidence any of these things are canon, either, so maybe think about that? The Kalm fire, Tseng's weapon of choice, Veld's arm, character surnames—none of these are retcons because there was no lore there to retcon. We made it up for our specific purposes, and it escaped containment in an era when there was really no way to do online contact tracing.

It's just one of the weirdest feelings in the world to see younger folk arguing about A or B point in canon, about X or Y retcon—referencing something my friends and I thought up at like 10 o'clock at night on a now-defunct IM client in August of 2005, because we needed something to refer back to for a specific scene in an RP and the source material had nothing to offer.

Absolutely fucking bonkers.

[eleu22]

i saw ur tt about barracks bunny ocs and i felt super weird replying to ur story about it so i ran to tumblr to put it in ur ask box.. sorry if it’s super freaking long

literally like. barrack bunny ocs (every time ive seen them) have always had super deep themes to them ON PURPOSE. like it’s such a cool concept especially for special forces i think where rules are already a bit stretched. like obv i understand that women can be treated negatively in fandom spaces anyway (oversexualized etc) and i think maybe that’s why people don’t like them?? esp in fandom as it’s started moving into more purity culture themes (😟) and maybe it’s considered eugh to make a female oc that’s sexual / femme fatale-esque. yk?

like that used to be a status quo thing, esp in superhero comics and the like. where women were either civilian wives or sexy villains etc etc. so i assume it’s to kind of get away from that.

BUT BARRACKS BUNNY OCS HAVE POTENTIAL. obviously ocs of any kind are super cool and i love them, and ocs don’t have to be deep. but there’s so much raw potential there that people are ignoring because they see characters on a surface level. head in hands.

anyway if u ever decide to cash in on that idea urself, im vibrating with excitement. also as a side note i love pear i love her dynamic with nikolai i have her lore tattooed on the inside of my eyelids. live laugh love pear 5ever. pls post more pear forever. i love her <3

I’m gonna start this out with that one thing i saw i forgot who said it

it was a thread that was like “im so tired of the beauty as a weapon trope” and someone else replied “it is, against women”

that literally altered my brain chemistry.

I think with cod especially writing a barracks bunny oc has to at some level be tactful. Beauty is not a weapon women can use and I think it needs to be framed that way. I think in general ‘whore’ characters are incredibly interesting. I think it’s firstly, really interesting to challenge the madonna-whore complex, especially in video games and secondly, view these situations as what they are. Whether it be a response to trauma or trying to assimilate to a culture in which your worth is based off of your fuckability. I think the debate is just as to whether you depict them as a victim or as empowered.

Imo this is SUCH a rich topic for some amazing characterisation here, because this culture is SO pervasive it even permeates fandom spaces, where we are usually better about these things. Again and again I see male ‘whore’ characters be praised, it’s always framed as some cute character trait. Whereas, I rarely see female ho characters and when I do people have such an intense hatred for them.

We’ve created an entire genre of meme (like the whole yn thing) to make fun of this (which i highkey think the yn videos are funny but still u see what im saying).

anyways im just always here for the bitches everyone hates, sluts out there i love you.

I just generally (not that people aren’t) want people to kind of think outside the box with characterisation!! there are no rules, just do your research and write a character genuinely.

and OMYGOSH TYSM :DDDDDD it alwats makes me so happy when people say they like pear and her lore it means to much to me!!!! I make a lot of content for cod stuff, so it’s really nice to see people engage with something IVE made myself and enjoy it so thank you sosososososso much!!!!!!! :))))))))))

[putschki1969]

Hi there,

you mentioned earlier that Keiko have luxurious live and her family are well off. im curious whe is this information come from? did she ever mentioned this in an interview ? or are any of her family member also someone famous ? eg; business man / celebrities / etc ?

Hello there!

Keiko never explicitly talks about any specifics regarding her family or their financial status and there's a good reason for it. In the very early stages of Keiko's career (around two decades ago), some fans have discovered that members of her family are quite active in regional politics (an activity that can typically only be taken up if you have some substantial funds available). Naturally, it is in everyone's best interest to keep Keiko's work in the entertainment industry strictly separated from any political activities which is why you'll never get any official statements from Keiko in that regard. That's also why the fandom as a whole is pretty hush-hush about it and why I will not be going into further details here. ❗It is important to be respectful and to keep those things private.❗ But you can imagine that this sort of background affords Keiko certain privileges.

From circumstantial evidence alone, everyone with eyes can guess that Keiko has always led the lifestyle of someone who is financially well-off.

She is constantly decked out in extremely expensive designer clothes/bags/accessories. If you follow my Twitter account where I post my Kalafina fashion finds, you'll know that most of her stuff costs several thousand dollars.

Whenever she has a new hobby, she goes all-in and tends to buy some of the most expensive products on the market (see for example her road-bike era or more recently, her acoustic guitar era).

I'm not going to delve into all of her regular beauty treatments because that's something most self-respecting Japanese women would choose to invest in regardless of their financial status but suffice it to say, an average office worker with a decent salary would not be going to all those fancy places that Keiko frequents (there are much cheaper options out there!).

Then we have Keiko's living arrangements. Presumably, she lives alone in her own place somewhere in the city center which would already make it very expensive. She is able to sing and play the guitar in the middle of the night which is rarely possible unless the apartment is super modern and high-end.

Generally, she doesn't seem to struggle a lot when it comes to connections within the industry. From what we can tell, she has had no issues signing up with a reputable label and agency (something Hikaru struggled with a lot and Wakana might have too if she hadn't decided to stay with Space Craft). Usually, that's a sign that sizable amounts of money are involved but who knows...

The fact that she felt confident enough to apply for the registered trademark of "Kalafina" back in the day could also be an indicator for Keiko being well-off. The legal representation alone must have been quite expensive.

Additionally, Keiko has made some vague references here and there which would suggest a wealthy background (please note that these are just some examples).

She has mentioned small things like playing tennis and golf with her parents on a regular basis. In case you didn't know, those are rich people sports, especially if you use your own equipment (which Keiko does).

The way she spent her hiatus after the breakup is also quite telling. Inspired by one of her relatives, she randomly decided to go to Kimono school to get a diploma. Sufficient funds are required for a school like that and I would assume that most people who attend will probably come from a more "sophisticated" background.

When talking about her super early days in the music industry, Keiko has made no secret about the fact that it has never really been about passion or necessity. She didn't start out as a singer because she felt she had to, it was more of a spontaneous whim. Again, a luxury usually only afforded to privileged people. Back then, singing was something she moderately enjoyed and could casually pursue, something that separated her from her older sister and something that more or less served as the spoiled/rich-kid version of a rebellion against overbearing parents. We get a bit of "rebel"-Keiko in this interview here. I would say that this is the behaviour of someone who doesn't have many worries in life, at least not when it comes to financial matters.

[sheepispink]

Yeah so you absolutely did not respect the "MDNI" on the original author's account, you just decided to steal the idea. You ABSOLUTELY crossed their boundaries. Not cool.

Hi, i really do not want to hurt anyone in the community and/or discourage anyone in any sort of way. First of all, i’ve seen loads of hybrid bots on c.ai before, which is sometimes where i garner some inspiration from because they always have cool ideas!

I always try to credit where possible and if someone asks im glad to take it down. However with this situation i was confused, all i saw was the summary of their story in which ghost was assigned a hybrid and not happy about it. It made me think about how i could go full angst on the situation especially because i also saw an emotional support ptsd pet reader by twixlocation (cai bot) that i used months ago, and assessana on tiktok and cai also did hybrid bots where there was a handler. Plus i figured mine would be totally different anyway, and probably go off the rails from the op’s eventual idea which i think had tags like eventual love and stuff.

I’m young and still learning how to interact in fandom spaces and i understand that the creator may not want to interact with me given that i’m a minor. In my mind, ‘minors do not interact’ meant that minors werent allowed to interact with their page, likes, follows, reblogs etc. Also loads of mdni accounts do actually follow me so i assumed it was ok if they message me as long as i dont interact with their posts?

I didnt think the idea was something so specific but now i have looked at my own fic (that i wrote on a whim late at night and so the editing wasnt the best) and had another person confirm for me, i see that i used the puppy hybrid, and the fact that they were a rescue and a few other similar details. I will make amendments to the premise so it’s not as similar anymore.

I know the creator cannot see this but if you could relay the message that i am incredibly sorry for any harm i may have done to them and i will do my best to not make the same mistake in the future. I wish the best for them and their account and i’d be happy if anyone could educate me or send me posts relating to fandom etiquette. Someone had also sent me an ask saying i followed it properly so again i really didnt know and thought i did the right thing.

At the end of the day, i’ve made a mistake and i just hope you can see through my thought process that it was a stupid mistake, and im not trying to excuse anything here. Thank you for addressing me about this, i hope we can all have a good time in this fandom and nothing happens again like this. ❤️

Edit: when i meant cai bot, i meant the intros, made by REAL people. I dont use ai to create my works in anyway. I’ve only ever used grammar checkers eg the google chrome extension.

[kissmetwicekissmedeadly]

i have a question, do you miss sui? you're also her friend as well.

do you even know how she got deactivated one month ago? :')

im one of the anon's who interacted with her before-

- 🐷 (:'))

It shouldn't be my responsibility to let Sui's friends know what happened to her blog if she herself chose not to leave any kind of goodbye message.

I do not know the reason, that's a decision she made on her own, thus I can't tell you "what happened" even if I wanted to. I can, however, tell you about something that happened publicly right before she deleted her blog since I was a part of it as much as she was. If anything, it would explain why you felt the need to ask me if I miss her, and why I don't talk about her absence. We used to interact a lot and I really liked her as a friend, but she hurt me deeply.

At the peak of the US elections, just when it became official who had won, I expressed my sympathy for my mutuals who are going to be directly harmed by what was happening. Sui decided to publicly oppose my political views, in the replies of the post, which really surprised me. She basically insulted my intelligence in understanding the political situation. At one point what I wanted to say greatly exceeded the maximum amount of text you can type in the reply box, and I wanted to add a picture too, so I just reblogged it instead to continue the conversation this way. She felt like this was me putting her on blast so she moved the conversations on DMs instead, despite me saying that I don't want to talk about it anymore. We simply have different political views. I won't be changing hers and she won't be changing mine. The conversation is something I'm not going to talk about due to its private nature but I can just say that at the end of it, I ended up blocking her. Shortly after, she deleted her blog.

I'm well aware that there are a lot of people who see it as extremely stupid to break off friendships for political reasons. I'm not going to argue with them, I'm just going to ask, what difference would it have been if this was about any trivial matter? Are we not allowed to choose who we want to interact with? What happens when a person has a passionate opinion about something that completely contrasts yours? What about curating your safe space and limiting conversation with such people? I offered Sui to just call it off and we can go on without blocking each other, just existing out there in the fandom, it wouldn't have bothered me. But she overstepped my boundaries, so I had to block her. It didn't need to be about politics. I would have done it if it was about ikevamp, about a ship, about fanfiction, anything.

The only difference between fandom matters and politics is that fandom matters are far less hurtful in the grand scheme of things, while politics is at the center of our very lives. You decide what is a big enough reason to block someone.

I'm not made out of stone, of course I miss her. This is just a bitter reminder that you can perfectly get along with someone and yet be unknowingly so different from them. I don't want to change her mind or to "open her eyes to the truth" or whatever, she's an adult, she chooses what ideology to follow. This is not a matter of us possibly apologizing to each other someday, I don't want that. I want to exist alongside like-minded people, if she's not one, then so be it.

Was our dispute the reason why she ended up deleting her blog? I am not Sui, i can't possibly know. She'd mentioned wishing to delete it much prior to our conversation, I have personally comforted her when she felt like she wasn't contributing to the fandom (in her own words), the thought has been there long before, it seems. If this ended up being her last straw, that's still something she decided on her own to do. If you, as her friend, want to accuse me of her leaving, then you're free to do so, but I won't be able to feel guilty about it. It was never my goal, I don't assume that the person I argue with will disappear without notice after our conversation.

I'll close this by saying, if the person reading this has any kind of views that are drastically contrasting the ones I've shown here on my blog, political or otherwise, do yourself a favor and keep your distance, via blocking or whatever works for you. Otherwise, you'll either silently rage or end up confronting me at some point. There's no need for arguments that can only end up hurting both sides. Those views are something that we build upon our whole lives, there's no way one little conversation will change anyone's opinion. If it's something tiny and it doesn't bug you as much, then that's fine, we all have such people in our lives, this is inevitable - but if it actually pains you to exist in the same space as me to the point where you feel like you need to confront me about it, just solve it all by blocking instead. We're not coworkers, we're not classmates, we're not roommates, we're not forced to coexist, this is the beauty of the internet.

[6ftkyle]

not really sp related but what got you into crocheting? is there any other types of crafts that you do or would like to do? :3

ive always been interested in it, esp amigurumi in particular, but i had a very hard time self-teaching. i had also at some point when i was younger tried to teach myself to knit and i could NOT figure it out, so for years i just assumed yarn crafts and i were not meant to be. i could figure out how to chain but i really couldn't get any further than that.

but in late 2019, i started having dinner with my grandma once a week, and to give us something to do after i cooked for us, i asked if she'd teach me to crochet. she's taught other family members and friends, and i thought maybe i'd learn better with a live demo and someone to tell me what i was doing wrong. she taught me the basics, i got really into making simple blankets when the pandemmy hit in 2020, and then i fell out of it pretty quick.

then earlier this year, i decided to get back into it on kind of a whim. i had a lot more free time and i bought a kit for making a crocheted flamingo, figuring it could help me learn now that i knew the basics. it did NOT! it was more confusing that guides i had seen online.

but i realized i had never bothered trying to watch a youtube tutorial for it, which is like, almost embarrassing, because i am learning shit from youtube all the time. i watched and crocheted along with this video

and was able to make a successful ball and from there i just went nuts. i was able to finish the flamingo (a gift for my mom, flamingos are her ~mom animal~) and found the aradiyatoys south park patterns and decided to give them a go as something to keep me busy while mal was at work when i was visiting them. i'd kind of like to redo them now that i'm better at crochet, but the last thing mal needs is duplicates of stuff ive already made orz

as for other crafts i do, i was doing figure painting on 3d printed guys for a while, as well as bedazzling them (where my icon comes from, actually), but i haven't touched that in a while. i also have a button press ive been getting a lot of use out of lately and i like to make keychains with shrink plastic (be kind, my art is 4 years old here). for a short while i was doing shaker keychains with resin as well. i also took a studio art class where i learned how to make paper, do embossing/debossing and how to carve plaster. i would LOVE to do another plaster carving but i don't have the materials at home.

i do this thing where i fall in love with a craft, get deeply obsessed with it for a few weeks, then see a youtube tutorial for something else and move on to a new craft. the fact that ive stuck with crochet this long, is a bit of a surprise to me, but im just very deeply in love with it right now and i think its here to stay for a while.

im also adept at sewing plushes! and i'd like to get back to that, i haven't sewn anything in a long time (i dont even have any examples of my plush work to show, it's been that long 😭) but first i need to reorganize my work space so i have room to lay out fabrics and cut them. i have a couple projects i'd really like to sew, but i need to figure out the pattern for them first.

im also upping the level of detail i can get on my crochet dolls, by incorporating needle felting! my friend sent me this video and while i'm not felting over entire dolls like this, it's been a godsend for adding small details. i'm working on a commission with tiger striping right now and needle felting has completely changed how i decided to approach that project and it looks much better for it.

i've always deeply respected crafting, and i LOVE to see people doing fandom related crafts. like don't get me wrong, i also deeply respect illustrators and authors, but there's something really uniquely special to me about seeing someone channel their love of a piece of media into crafts that are written off as like 'granny activities'.

for crafts i'd like to learn, i am so so so into the idea of customizing dolls. it's basically an amalgamation of a lot of crafts and skills i've already done, and at the end of it i'd have a dolly of my special little guys (i am constantly rotating the idea of making a doll of my next gen oc CC. shes so special to me). i did 3d print a doll and string it. i got as far as making & inserting the eyes and making a wig cap, but i never finished the wig because i lost my straightener so i can't make wefts for it.

as of right now, i'm really only focused on crochet though! it's my income at the moment, so i can't afford (literally haha) to get distracted from it

a huge thank you and a lot of love to anyone who actually sat there and read thru this whole thing lmao. i love crafting so so so much and i am always willing to talk about it with anyone who will listen. esp other crafters! please show me your crafts, show me your wips, tell me about your processes, i cannot emphasize how much i love hearing about it all.

[witchofthevale]

You don't know why people send hate? Because they want to make others mad. On Twitter, if 1 year ago you said you were team green, you'd have 20+ people calling you slurs just because of it. For your preference, opinion, taste that DOESN'T HURT anyone. It happened on Tumblr too. Ask greenies and they'll tekk you. So why people can't mind their own business and stop willingly search for certain tags to see people expressing their opinion only for them to go full rampage mode because soemone expressed different preference? hotd fandom is the most toxic fandom I've ever been so whole idea of fandom being escapism, safe space to enjoy something is wishful thinking at this point. Why is that? 2 teams on the narrative of the show which would make people pick one side over another + polarising portrayal of team Black and team Green which speaks to black and white us against them way of thinking + general audience's age + immaturity of majority of people in this fandom. Sorry but this fandom was doomed from the start. What I mean is better for peace of mind to have smaller group of people to interact with when you know no one will attack you because your opinions are the same than try to make friends with people who might insult you whenever they want because your tastes are sometimes different. The truth is if someone wants to send hate their excuse could be anything you said. Now people are throwing slurs or rape/murder/anything apologist without understanding what it means. Our past in this fandom is different. Doing things for my mental health is my top priority. I don't know why you assume I've blocked 90% of fandom when it's maybe 50% but I guess after getting death threats I don't care about being liked by everyone. What I won't accept is behaving like a 3 years old just because I don't like Rhae Rhae and throwing a tantrum rectifying all kinds of slurs. It's good no one attacked you before. You're lucky because it's rare in this fandom on here or Twitter. I hope you won't deal with immature people sending you death threats and insults because you don't like x character. You still are enthusiastic about this fandom and I hope you won't have people attacking you when season 2 airs. I wish I was as enthusiastic though.

Damn ok, I'm sorry if I come off as flouncy or as if I didn't care about all the toxicity in the fandom. I'm usually not so careless, but I guess replying at 3am with melatonin pills already kicking in had been my fault.

First off, I do know why people send hate. I went off on it as more the energy you have to bring up to purposefully be an asshole and not have the guts to even put on a face or a name to. Out of all the mindful things you do in your day to day, sending someone a nasty, fucked up message as if nobody taught you any manners, is the most mind boggling. To me at least.

Im also sorry that your experience has been horrible since the start, I guess since this has been my fourth fandom I've actively joined in— written for, made an account for — I've learned which energy I devote to as out of all the fandoms I've been, this definitely takes the cake as the most toxic. I've been aware of how toxic this fandom is since last year, my best friend having been a devoted ASOIAF fan who read F&B like the bible (lol), she's exposed the gory bits of the team green vs team black discourse to me. Neither of us have engaged and I almost didn't watch the show because of that (and how much she ranted about the many changes, foremost, the mess of the ages).

Blocking is one hundred percent better for your mental health if you've had this much of a horrible experience, especially if you're keen to stay. It's truly the only way you'll survive through it. I don't block others based on not sharing the same opinions as I do , but I have blocked some who not only don't share my opinions, but say it in an aggressively ugly way.

Dunno if I've missed anymore points, I can tell this is important for you to explain to me so I wanted to reply as fast as I can. I'll be too busy the rest of the day otherwise. If I've missed anymore, please feel free to tell me.

I guess I didn't realize this was such a heavy topic for you as I felt the earlier one was sent pretty out of the blue as I didn't know where the reply initially came from, and I replied too lackadaisy.

[teeto-peteto]

Okay, so basic rundown: Arcane is now canon. I think Riot is moving away from short stories to explore other mediums. Don’t quote me on this, I just know the broad strokes and I’m sure someone can explain better.

mkay im dumb i always thought that Arcane was canon? like it was nonsensical once you put it together with the league of legends lines but HAHA im ringing my 'im stupid' bell. see this is why you shouldnt listen to anything i say i have no motives-

they are moving away from the short stories??? woah thats... a pity, actually. Im not the type of person that reads a lot of them but i normally do of characters i like and care about. I know Milio is not that recent anymore, but his short story felt heartwarming and very nice to read. It also had some illustrations.

I dont understand why would they do that. I assume that by other mediums they probably mean audiovisuals like teasers or something like that, maybe audio stories like Legends of Bilgewater or whatever the name was, i cant remember correctly. Wich it isnt bad its just... dissapointing they would say that they want to move away. If there's going to be comics like then i would be uttterly dissapointed but hey, at least i would be happy they're giving a job to writers and artists, they very much deserve and need it.

its saddening i just dont undertsand why they would take down a feature most people like about the characters they are interested on...? bruh

dont worry i wont quote you on this one but i will say that if all of this turns out to be just like that, i wouldnt be not even a bit surprised. Its no secret Riot has been ruining and pissing over their own characters re writting them and fixing shit that never needed to be repaired by starters and making the whole lore more confusing and nonsensical with a bunch of plot holes, wich i assume is going to happen if they make Arcane canon. This has been like this for almost 5 or more years, the lore keeps getting worse and worse and the only things that mattered to fandom will dissapear if all this turns true.

the whole 'guys but look we got a new CEO and we SWEAR he's amazing!' its getting hard to read at this point because a macro company is trying to sell us that this guy is going to improve everything with just a finger, like if thats going to stop or even reconsider the oversexualization of female characters, objetification and the plainest of characters coming out of their hands getting worse and worse as the lore is tearing apart and the community is a fire pit with the worst incel playerbase i have ever seen.

The way they phrased one of the tweets about this new CEO in the past being the backbone of the Pride events made me wheeze cause the way it was written made me imagine the guy entering the meeting like 'hey guys you know homosexuals exists? we should do something about it' as if it was a medal to have a pride event when its the leastest shit you can do for a game at this point. At least make good lgtbq+ stories instead of selling the exact same icons for years and sweeping trans taliyah under the rug. God i hate this company and its writing.

see? things where better when institute of war was there. they are just a bunch of guys hanging out in empty space. fuck it that rocks

[nightswithkookmin]

chile i'm so glad i came across your blog, the amount of "i'm not going to assume they're dating" or "we can only draw certain conclusions but i can't say for sure" "we don't know their sexuality, BUT" type blogs i follow is getting kinda wack lmao. while i appreciate their perspective and nuanced takes i need to strike a balance. like let's get a lil delulu every once in a while. 💀

lol the im-not-a-shipper-but-call-jikook-boyfriends-every-other-post blogs are the funniest to me. the shipping hierarchy, so to speak is so weird. maybe just because im not a "shipping real people is bad" person i don't see the big deal. gonna get called delulu anyway, might as well go full out. they is gay/queer and they're fucking. i'm so sorry.

*also can we touch on the fact that shipping in this type of fandom (kpop) is kind of inevitable and unavoidable??! these boys are the other people we see them with day in and day out, interacting with each other and no one else. i feel like it's natural to ship when there's no other people around to break up everything, idk maybe someone can articulate this better than me. and people who are made to feel stupid for thinking that 2 members could actually be dating is so dumb. like is it really out of the realm of possibility that two people (jikook, cause all them other ships are....😬) who spent almost every waking minute together for like 8 years could fall in love. really?

/rant

It's the delulu hat for me

Lmho.

I guess for me being queer, I feel it's gaslighting for these people to be saying things like that. As silly as it is, it inadvertently deny and invalidate the existence and queerness of gay individuals and so I struggle with it.

This is the consequences of straight people in gay people business. They like defining gay parameters for us and it's like who asked you?? I feel people who say things like that are just plain ignorant or tone deaf or willfully homophobic.

I don't think everyone in BTS is gay but it makes me feel safe to see half the community assume them to be and celebrate them in that way. They are not cussing at them and threatening to leave the fandom or cancel them for this assumption and that is huge inspiration to me.

Those parts of the fandom are a safe space to be in as a queer army.

When people assume a person's queer sexuality they are simply admitting to themselves at the very least that LGBTQ EXISTS. This is important to me because I grew up in a community where LGBTQ didn't even exist in the collective consciousness of the people and EVERYONE IS AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMED TO BE STRAIGHT AND EXPECTED TO BE.

People read people's sexuality all the time and have done so since time immemorial and a lot of the time when they have had a sexuality read it's in the lines of straight, cis, rich, poor, superior or inferior. And that is a problem for some of us too because that discrepancy in the assumptions is as a result of homophobia and heteronormativity.

That whole don't assume a person's queer sexuality debacle sounds to me like a boujee way of denormalizing and preventing the normalization of queerness disguised under care, disguised under intelligence and disguised under wokeness. Especially when straightness is the default setting in this giant blue bulb.

We need to radicalize that. We need to change the cis straight default setting and if you are perpetuating this narrative you really aren't helping the situation. SIT DOWN.

I'm rarely assumed to be queer in certain circles and while that makes me feel comfortable within those circles it often times make it hard for me to admit my queerness openly in those circles too because I fear I will lose that comfort and respect and love and privileges that comes with being percieved straight in those spaces.

When I started my blog, I noticed some people assumed I was white and would use certain black descriptors as slurs when describing other people to me. I quickly had to switch the formal way in which I wrote to a much casual tone so my blackness would show through. Don't get it twisted. She black. She blackidy black black.

Then on the other hand, I was hesitant to let my queerness be known too because being black, I was marginalized as it is- you is black, or sound black💀 you know how it is- it's that intersectionality of oppression at play. Double double homicide.

When certain people realized I was black POC minority, their attitude towards me changed. I had those who didn't so much understand what black language is or perhaps wasn't used to being in black spaces and were uncomfortable with my blackness- these would take offense at me saying certain things in certain ways. Like chilee relax Karen, all I said was these motherfukkers gay as shit and they gay. Why you acting like I called them twinks or sommin. Right there, I'm cancelled for calling Jikook motherfuckers. They get sirens and everything😭😭😭😭😭😭

Same vein, I struggle destraightening myself or correcting people who assume I'm straight because I fear they will treat me differently if they knew I wasn't.

Straight privilege exists in the same way as white or even pretty privilege may exist and because these exist there's that automatic conception of queer, poc, ugly, fat disemfranschismet to run along side it.

People treat you differently based on how they perceive you. That's a fact. And for queer people, perceiving us as straight is the only way we get to be treated as human by the masses. And a lot of us embrace that- straight until proven gay am I right 🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's the duper's delight for me. Untill you catch me with a 5'8 melanin skinned silk pressed auntie on my left nipple good luck proving I'm gay.

It can be fun, I akekeke when some people around me are totally oblivious to the fact and even sometimes defend my straightness with their dying breath when nasty friends throw them shades or try to out me unprovoked.

A lot of us don't want to admit we are gay because we don't want to be disenfranchised.

I speak for myself when I say this.

But 'Don't assume someone's sexuality' is a double edged censorship used for and against queer people. It seemly offers protection on the surface of it for queer people but underneath it promotes heteronormativity and standardizes straightness and it is also used to promote closet culture, under the disguise of care and concern for the autonomy of queer people but that is a fallacy because our autonomy has never mattered to anyone since the dawn of homophobia.

And I don't know where this interpretation comes from. Why do people not want to assume queer people's sexuality but it's ok to assume straight people's???

It feels like a hijacked movement to me.

THIS IS THE ACCURATE MOVEMENT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

Don't assume all people are straight. It's ok to assume some people are queer because queer people exists too.

It is wrong however to assume queerness based on how a person talks, walks, dresses or even on their body type. That is stereotyping. And stereotyping is wrong.

When it comes to Jikook, Jimin is often stereotyped as gay more so than Jungkook because they have different body structures. Jungkook is stereotyped too solely because of the way his wrists hang, or based on moments he's femininity shines through.

But I don't think shippers stereotype Jikook in that way at all. I dont think shippers believe Jikook are dating eachother simply because Jungkook applied setting powder to his face that one time. They assume they are gay only because they believe those two to be dating eachother. That is not stereotyping. If those two were heterosexuals I don't think people will accuse their shippers of stereotyping.

It's one thing to assume Kai is gay because he looks skinny and dances well. It's another to assume he is gay because in a relationship with Gdragon. And if people can't tell the difference between the two, they should get some education and stop talking about things they know nothing about or only know because they stumbled across user69 on Twitter. They are not helping.

Untill people get offended when people assume others are straight, that rhetoric doesn't matter in its inequality. If you ask me, everyone is gay until proven straight.

Yet how many people will take offense at that?

Assuming people can be gay is not delulu.

It's ok to assume people can be gay. It's wrong to stereotype them as gay. If you can't assume they are gay, don't assume they are straight and don't assume at all. Run with this sis.

Wait, they don't ship Jikook but they call Jikook boyfriends???????👀👀👀👀👀

The fake woke syndrome will kill people in this fandom with these mentally confused thought crisis bunch💀💀💀💀

Jikook themselves are shippers💀

Smh

GOLDY

[cupidlakes]

i completely agree with you, gnf deliberately using voice changer i /assume/ so that even if people clipped it, they dont have the /actual/ gnf saying all those things.

also, dream said that while theyre okay with shipping/fanfic/fanart made of them, that doesnt necessarily means they want to see them. i reckon that is gnfs approach as well towards it. wait idk where im going with it im just rambling lol

i haven’t watched the vod yet i’ve just seen people talking about it and the one clip but i get what you mean and that holds some merit i think, when george finds doing/saying stuff embarrassing he tends to avoid it or does it in an obviously silly way like the way he “sings” or how he’ll do accents etc.

george seems to have this thing abt not wanting embarrassing stuff sticking around forever like when someone asked him abt wearing a maid dress and he respectfully said no because he doesn’t want something like that existing online and that’s just what i mean, the boyfriend thing could’ve definitely been something he didn’t want to deal with for whatever reason (not up for speculation)

and to kinda answer the 2nd half of your ask, here’s the thing, dnf becoming this big was genuinely unprecedented we live in a post-heat waves era where the shipping of dnf (especially on main) has become really normalised, also in part due to how dream and george haven’t said anything against it and their boundaries to what we know since the serious stream have remained the same i.e they “don’t care” that’s all fine and good!! i’m happy w that i’m happy they’re happy and comfortable :)

i remember when you’d be crucified and torn apart on twitter, ratioed to hell and back and cancelled for even joking about dnf not too long ago and i’m not saying that was ever okay and dream + i’m assuming george absolutely hate people speaking on their behalf but the inverse, where people are comfortable consistently making jokes about georges sexuality (specifically george) on main and letting those tweets get big enough to where there’s the potential for him to see it, even spamming his replies? personally i don’t see that as a good thing

dream and george have given us explicit permission to talk about dnf but that doesn’t extend to discussion about their sexualities, george says it takes a lot to make him uncomfortable but i don’t understand why you’d want to push it remember when george made that serious tweet about not editing pictures to make it look like he’s saying slurs (a homophobic one in question)? did he ever explicitly make it clear he didn’t want people to do that? no, because it’s kind of common sense and we still made him uncomfortable, that’s what i meant saying not everything has to be explicitly stated by a cc for it to be a boundary or something you shouldn’t do and i think it’s incorrect that as a fandom we’ve been operating like this (although upholding their stated boundaries is important)

i really don’t know if people want another moment where they cross the line with him and he has to address it and you shouldn’t always have to wait for a cc to address something for it to no longer be okay just use common sense i’m iterating once again that there is a difference between harmless dnf jokes that fall within their stated boundaries and truthing their sexualities on main near constantly + reading into things like the boyfriend thing on twitter again, openly

i don’t personally know how george feels currently about dnf whether he ever meant for his permission to mean that people should talk about it in the privacy of fandom spaces (although i get why you’d think that), i can’t ask him what he’s specifically okay with

but i can be normal, enjoy him + his content and dnf casually in tandem on my blog, support him and just encourage others to think about the way they talk about him it doesn’t hurt to not send that tweet or to tweet constantly about george being gay because xyz (insert stereotypes)

at the end of the day george is george his lax boundaries and how chill he is about everything is nice i’m glad there hasn’t been many instances at all where he’s had to speak to us directly about feeling uncomfortable however if he does even subtly make it clear he doesn’t want smth clipped/talked about it’s not hard to respect that and to respect him

hope this all made sense!

[diamondcamefromhell]

Cane

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

A/N: play “guess whos back” on me because ayee, i am back, this time not with jaskier fic [sorry bby] but with... kaz brekker? whaa? so i am super late to the fandom but i read six of crows a couple of weeks ago and wanted to write an imagine with kaz x reader so.... vuioula?

oh and also HAVENT read crooked kingdom yet so no spoilers plz <333

Summary: y/n is part of the dregs, on good terms with kaz but when kaz gets a bit hurt things take a turn 

Warnings: swearing and leg injury [not grpahic at all]

word count:

FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED AND REQUESTS ARE OPEN BUT I MIGHT TAKE AWHILE TO GET TO THEM [open for all witcher and six of crows characters btw]

Kaz slipped on his gloves looking at me like I was a disgrace, but I began to wonder if that was is resting face. He seemed to look like that at nearly everyone. I flashed him my teeth in return.

“No need to glare, pretty boy.” He clicked his tongue at my nickname, which I knew for a fact he hated. Or pretended to hate.

“Get off my fucking wardrobe, Y/N.” I lift by brows in question, laying back down, or trying to do so as much as I could in the small space.

“I like it here.” I shoot a glance at Kaz, who just rolls his eyes, but I see a small curl forming on his lips. “I may be no Inej, but I like small spaces.”

“I know.” Kaz says almost softly, before he picks up his cane and pokes me in the legs. “But terrorize someone else, please.”

“Oh did our great Kaz Brekker just said please?” I tease, but however jump off his wardrobe. Kaz towers over me slightly, looking down now, leaning on his cane.

“Next time I will beat you with my cane.” I narrow my eyes, grinning.

“Ooh, scary.” I pat him on the shoulder, moving away before he actually beats me with his cane. His expression grows cold at the touch, but I ignore it. “Where are we headed?”

“I am going to see some friends.” Kaz says through his teeth, making it pretty clear I am not welcome.

“You don’t have friends, but alright, pretty boy.” I wink, heading for the door, but I stop for a moment before leaving. I shoot a glance at him and he raises his eyebrows. “Be careful, please.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.” He says nonchalantly.

“You know I always will.” I whisper, leaving the room and slamming the door.

I decide to make my way to Jasper, jumping down the stairs to catch him gambling at the table. I glance at the group, already guessing he will lose. He sees me approaching and flashes me a smile. I wink in turn, looking around the room for more familiar faces.

I wish Nina were here. We got along great, even if she was relentless and insisted I have a crush on Kaz.

She may be right. But it wasn’t about that. It was about respect. Gratitude. It was about family.

Kaz makes his way downstairs, limping more than usual. Inej appears from nowhere and they exchange a few whispers before he leaves and the Suli girl looks at me.

“He’ll be fine, you know.” She says, approaching me. I believe her, but still feel uneasy.

“Do you think he would kill me if I followed him?” Inej laughs because the answer is blaringly obvious. I flush red.

“He would one thousand percent catch you. And be angry.” Inej takes my hand in hers. “And he will be fine. You don’t have to worry. It’s Kaz.”

“Bastard of the Barrel.” I mutter, pulling away. Inej’s face shadows but she forces a smile. I don’t respond. “I’m going to sleep.”

“It’s early.” I glance at Inej, already walking away.

“I’m tired.” I respond, stepping two steps at a time, rushing into a room they got let me stay in, falling face down on my bed.

Moments later I roll down off it, in the small tight space between the bed and the wall. Tight places make me feel safe. Not exposed. Hidden.

I had to hide too much as a child. It’s now forever in me.

You only wont get hurt if they don’t find you. If they don’t see you. If you make yourself so small, you disappear.

I slip into sleep, not sure for how long, until my door flies open. I instinctively lower myself underneath my bed, until I recognize that the voice.

“Y/N!” Jasper. I roll from under the bed, meeting his gaze as he gets startled. Our eyes lock and he opens his mouth to speak. “It’s Kaz…”

I don’t wait for him to finish. I am on my feet, practically flying out of my room, my heart a few steps behind, lungs on fire, I go to his room, but he is not there. I slam the door behind me, sending myself flying down the stairs.

I lose my footing, falling ungracefully on my knees. My ankle seemingly catches fire but I don’t care, jumping on my feet, looking around, white noise ringing in my ears.

Kaz. Where is he?

I see Inej rush from the furthest corner of the room. Our eyes meet.

“Here.” She points, but as I try to rush past her into the other room, she catches me. “You need to calm down first.”

“Let me go.” I practically growl, but she holds me. I feel Jasper approach too.

“Breathe, for fucks sake.” Jasper says, shaking my shoulders from behind, and I let out a breathe that I didn’t even realize I was holding in.

“Kaz is fine.” Inej says, forcing me to look at her. “Just his leg got busted a little bit more. He will be fine. Nina is on her way.”

“Let me in.” I hiss, freeing myself from her grip, but she stands in front of the door.

“He said-“ I slam my hand next to her face. She doesn’t flinch and doesn’t move. We lock eyes.

“I don’t care.” I know she understands. I know she knows why I have to see him. She moves out of the way.

“Knock yourself out.” She says coldly. I give her a nod, before I twist the handle, pushing the door.

The room is lit up and I see Kaz in a chair, his leg lifted on another one. He has his eyes closed, holding his cane over his midriff. He doesn’t look at me when I close the door.

“I thought I made it clear I don’t want you hear.” Ouch. I cross my arms, glaring at him, even if he cant see.

“I thought you said you will be fine.” I respond and he looks at me, cold faced.

“I am fine.” I shake my head, approaching him. I sit on the ground, pulling knees to my chest. A comfortable distance away, so he doesn’t kick me if I piss him off.

“That scared the shit out of me.” I whisper, closing my eyes. “When Jasper came in my room and just said your name and when Inej stopped me. I thought you died.”

“Why should it matter if I died? It doesn’t change your debt. Your life.” I snicker at his words.

“Yeah. My life would totally be the same if you died, Kaz.” I hate that I cant hide the shaking. I hate that he probably sees me as a weak woman. As a weak person. Someone childish and immature. But I cant stop acting like that. Even now, when he is hurt.

“People would still take care of you.” I glance up at him just as he looks down to me. “If that’s what you worried about. The Dregs have your back.”

“There are no Dregs without you.” I say, but he scoffs.

“Whatever.” I sigh, standing up. My ankle kills me suddenly, and I grab his chair to steady myself. “Are you alright?”

“Whatever.” I say, looking at him. “Why should it matter if I am hurt? Your life is the same.”

“Not if you don’t pay your debt.” He says and I am taken back. I stare at him, stone faced, sitting there without a care of the world. Only kruge. All he needs is kruge.

“Fuck you, Kaz.” I breathe out, stepping back, limping.

“You too, Y/N.” Doors behind my back open and I can only assume it’s Nina.

I don’t say a word. I turn around, not even saying hi, I leave the room. I limp past Inej and Jasper. They don’t try to stop me. I limp out of the building into the dark streets of Ketterdam.

I breathe in the air, not sure where to go. I needed to air out my emotions. To be away from everyone.

I wanted to be alone. To hide. Make myself feel small. Invisible.

Seemed that is what I will always be. Only seen for what people need of me, not who I am.

But then again, who am I?

I go to the Fifth Harbour. I know its not safe. I know its dumb. But I don’t care.

Luckily, I get there without any trouble. I go behind some crates and fishing nets stacked against one of the buildings. I squeeze myself in, make myself invisible between two crates. I throw the net over the top.

Sky looks like its made from puzzle pieces now. Nothing is connected. All scattered, all a mess.

I close my eyes.

“Im such a fucking child.” I say to myself, quietly. “I cant handle rejection like an adult.”

I lean back breathing in the salty air. I can barely move. It makes me feel safe. I focus on that. How I am squeezed in. How I feel.

How it proves I am alive. I am real. I matter.

I don’t realize how I fall asleep, softly crying, but when I wake, the sun is already high in the sky. My entire body is stiff from being squeezed in one position all night. Everything hurts and I can barely open my eyes.

I try to stand, but the pain in the ankle stabs me and send me back to the ground, with the net tangling around me. A wave of panic rushes over me as I try to get it off, only making matters worse.

I stop and breathe, trying to calm down, until I hear someone knocking on a crate nearby. Something towers over me, blocking the sun.

I open my eyes to see Kaz looking down to me. A smallest hint of relief runs past his face for a moment, but then he is back to being cold.

“Need a hand?” He asks, tapping the cane on the crate again. I glare at him, tears burning my eyes. I shake my head. “Alright.”

He moves away, the sun blinding me again. I don’t hear him walk away, so I know he is still standing there. Probably mocking me. Great.

I get the net off myself this time. Lift myself despite my body screaming at me. Just a moment later I am standing in front of him and our eyes meet again.

I limp past him, he silently walks behind.

“Told you I am fine.” He speaks, and I hear him double tap his cane. “As good as I was before.”

“Good.” I say, not slowing down. “Glad to hear that.”

“Nina is back at Crow Club to help you.” Kaz says again and this time I glance back. He isn’t looking at me, but more at the people passing us.

“Okay.” I slow down as my ankle is killing me now, limping even more. I don’t want Kaz to see me like this. Everything hurt. “I know the way.”

“Just keeping you safe.” He says calmly, and I know he expected me to protest.

“I don’t need you to keep me safe.” I say quietly and the man just sighs.

I stop for a moment, next to some other crates, leaning against them. Kaz catches up to me, blocking the sun again. I look at him.

“Am I really just walking kruge for you?” I ask, breathing heavily. “Not a walking, breathing and feeling human being?”

“You are barely walking.” He says, glancing at my ankle.

“Don’t ignore my question.” I say harshly.

“Don’t ask stupid questions.” We glare at each other, and I push myself up and walk again, though visibly way more slowly than before. This time Kaz stays by my side.

“At least I wont bother you anymore. I wont be able to climb that fucking wardrobe anytime soon.”

“Nina will patch you up and you will be there in no time, Y/N.” Kaz doesn’t sound fazed yet again, as if he thought all of this out already.

“I’m clearly not welcome.” I whisper, looking ahead. Tears prick my eyes but I will break another ankle before I let Kaz see me cry over him. “And I need to work harder to pay my debt off.”

“Not being welcome never stopped you before.” I glare at him.

“Thanks.”

We walk in silence. Or move at a snails speed. I try to fasten myself, but it seems like I will eat dirt before that happens. Kaz doesn’t seem fazed.

He also doesn’t seem to be limping as much.

We make it away from the docks, and he stops, and I follow suit. I sit down on the ground, breathing heavily. He stares seemingly into the abyss.

“Why do you care about me?” He asks and I scoff.

“Not here to boost your ego, pretty boy.” I say, rolling my eyes.

“It’s not about that.” He responds with sadness in his voice.

“Because you are the first person who cared about me. Even if it was out of kruge. You are the first person who made me feel not small.” I say in one breath as he looks at me, his expression unreadable. “I want you to do that for yourself too. You wont allow anyone else to help you, I want you to help yourself. I want to be here when that happens. I want to make sure you are here to see that happen.”

“Thank you.” He says so quietly I almost don’t catch that.

I smile to the ground until his gloved hand reaches out to me. I take it, standing up. Then the unexpected happens.

Kaz gives me his cane. I stare at it as if it’s a bomb.

“You need it.” I say, but Kaz shakes his head.

“You need it more, Y/N.” When I don’t move, he shoves it in my hand anyway. “I insist.”

I use his cane, wondering if this is the closest I will ever get to him. His cane feels like an extension of him. And he lend it to me.

We make the rest of the way without stopping or talking, once we enter the building a few pairs of eyes shoot to the cane in my hands and to the empty handed Kaz next to me.

Everyone is smarter than to say something, though.

Nina rushes to me, getting me to sit. Then she proceeds to scold me for walking on my hurt ankle. I sit there, apologising and nodding and thanking her as everyone watches us.

I glance at Kaz who is grinning at the sight.

He leaves though, going back to his room. Nina finishes and only then I realize I am still clutching his cane. I excuse myself from her and go up the stairs while grisha stares at me.

My ankle is way better but I’m still limping and she told me to rest.

I don’t bother knocking, I just limp in and he lifts his head from the table, looking at me.

“Your cane.” I say, putting it on the table.

“Oh right.” He says, looking at it. “How’s your leg?”

“Better now. Thank you.” I say, smiling. “And sorry for being a child.”

“I am glad you are like that. Means you are more than just kruge.” I flush. “You are a person.”

“Does that mean when I get better I can climb your wardrobe?” He rolls his eyes, though smiling.

“Fuck off.” I laugh.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

[noforkingclue]

The Physicist and The Psychopath Chapter 18 (Dhawan!Master x reader)

Doctor Who tag list: @v4n1r, @queerconfusionthings,  @yourneighbourhoodclown, @love-of-fandoms, @emilythezeldafan, @fabulous-jj-style, @theseeker945, @pleadingeyes, @kjaneway1, @truthbehindthemysteries, @im-a-muggleborn, @startrekkingaroundasgard, @huntheimpossible, @geocookie21

Everything tag list: @greenrevolutionary

The rest of your trip back to the TARDIS was uneventful and you and the Master made it back safely. As soon as you were inside the Doctor ran up to you but you just pushed passed her. The Master’s words echoed around your head and you couldn’t help but feel slightly betrayed that she had hid the truth even though you should be used to it by now.

You noticed that the rest of her companions weren’t in the console room but you didn’t pay it much mind. You just wanted to get home and put this behind you. You wanted to forget about this journey and finish your studies. You entered you room and swiftly kicked the door shut behind you. Just as you flopped down on your bed there was a soft knock at the door.

“Who is it?”

You voice was muffled by your pillow but you heard someone call,

“Graham. You alright?”

You rolled onto your back and stared up at the ceiling.

“Y/n?”

“You can come in.”

The door opened and Graham stuck his head in. You gave him half a smile and he relaxed as he fully entered your room.

“What’s the matter?” you asked

“I should be the one asking you that.” He said

“Why?” you sat up, “What’s happened?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re lying.”

“Just heard the Doc and Master arguing,” he admitted, “Wanted to know if everything was alright with you.”

You sighed and lay back down. Graham, now concerned, walked over to you bed and say down next to you. Eventually you said,

“After this I’m going back to earth. Back to UNIT, back to my studies, my friends and family. I have a good life but it feels like something’s missing. I could do so much and yet I’m going back to earth. I feel like I’m wasting my life going back.”

“So you want to stay.”

“I want to travel. To see the universe. To help people not just on earth but from all over.”

“Then why don’t you stay? There’s plenty of space on board.”

You exhaled deeply and sat up, swinging your legs so you were sitting next to Graham. You looked at your hands and picked at your nails.

“That isn’t the problem.”

“Then what is.”

You looked away as realisation dawned on Graham. He gave you a sympathetic look and put a hand on your shoulder and said,

“It’s who you should travel with that’s the problem.”

“Yeah.”

“That is an issue.”

“Right?” you let out a bitter laugh, “I want to see everything but the only people who can take me is someone who constantly lies or the person who has little regard for life. What makes it worse is I can’t tell who is who.”

You put your head in your hands and groaned deeply. Graham gave your shoulder a tight squeeze and you looked over at him and smiled.

“You still love him don’t you?” he asked

You grimaced and nodded.

“I can imagine what everyone is thinking if they knew,” you said, “How mistrustful they’ll be. They’ll think I’m an idiot or that he’s hypnotised me again even if he hasn’t. I don’t know what to do.”

“For what it’s worth,” said Graham, “I think he genuinely cares about you, even if he did try and kill you. I think that he regrets it and you might be good for him. Whether or not he’s any good for you,” he shrugged, “I don’t know. But the thing is you’ve got to make up your mind for yourself and not let anyone else change it. If you’re happy being with him then go for it. Travel with him and be happy and don’t let anyone change that. Do what makes you happy.”

You stared at Graham for a while, his words slowly sinking in. Then you smiled and rested your head against his shoulder.

“Thanks,” you said, “I know that if I told the Doctor she’d just assume the worst.”

“That has happened.”

“Now then,” you hopped of the bed and started heading towards the door, “I need to head back. I have a decision to make although I think I know what it’s going to be. I just hope he’s not going to be too upset at it.”

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books

[nice-kill-tanaka]

May I have a my hero and ohshc matchup plz

I'm a short girl around 5'2 with long brown hair and eyes and a leo. I like anime,dragons,reptiles,drawing but I'm not good,tarantulas,sweets,video games, memes,dark humor. I am very kind but I care more about others than I do myself. I have bad anxiety. I tend to overthink about everything. I love to sing especially country music but I am tone deaf. I have trouble standing up for myself because I was bullied alot. I can be very blunt. I also love to swear. I can be very loud. I love a good mystery and cop shows. I love dad jokes and puns.I am terrified of bees and heights. I am very lazy but I can be good at doing stuff if motivated. I have a very kind heart and sad stories or ones with very happy endings make my heart happy or hurt like crazy. But even though I'm kind that doesn't mean i am nice all the time. I am extremely grumpy and have a short temper especially on no sleep or if I just woke up. I also do have adhd and some anxiety I dont like being touched randomly unless I know it will happen or if I touch someone. As for dreams I'm not sure I wanna be a voice actor but not too sure if its right for me as I don't know how to edit or even have the equipment. I want someone who can just listen to me as I ramble on about things I love. I want someone to understand that I think differently then normal people. I also want someone to be able to understand im not the most affectionate person but I can be if given time but I will help someone if they are touch starved like I am.

[🌄 @cutelittleriot requested one (1) regular My Hero Academia matchup. I have just the ingredients for that! Sit tight while I get to work.🌌]

YAYYY!! First bnha matchup!! I gotchu bud 👍 I’m thinking about trying something new for the bnha fandom in particular. So, I’ll try it out and see what you think! Also, I got a little carried away with this one, so if it doesn’t seem characteristically accurate to you, please tell me!! 😖

And, the lucky person is:

⛰Eijiro Kirishima⛰

Quirk: Dragon

Dragon is a mutation quirk. It manifests slowly over time, until the user becomes about 60% dragon-esque at around 15/16 years old.

Scales and tough skin appear on the arms, legs, and face. Sharp teeth and claws grow in. Horns protrude from the forehead. A tail grows from the spine. Finally, wings grow from the back.

Flesh becomes twice as tough in places where scales are.

Depending on the user’s body type, wing usage is limited. (Since you’re generally shorter than average, “flying” and gliding comes easier to you.)

When the user consumes pressurized carbon dioxide, their stomach converts it into flammable gasses. Which allows the user to breathe- er...burp...fire.

Fire must be carefully used however. The smoke produced can accidentally be breathed in, causing lung damage.

🌱Humble Beginnings🌱

I’ll start by saying this: Being bullied is never fun. Being bullied over something you can’t easily control or change? Rub salt in it, why don’tcha?

You weren’t sure what the select few kids in your grade thought was so hilarious about your quirk. But, they managed to find enough wrong with it to do their damage for most of your time in school

First, the patches of scales that showed up on your skin were “too weak”. Then, your awkward transition stage with growing horns, wings, and tail was suddenly “ugly”

By the time your quirk fully manifested, the jeers finally devolved to “freak-ish”

Like a river carving out the Grand Canyon, the work was slow and wore you down over time. But, the impact was a lot bigger than even you’d initially thought

While you managed to somewhat heal and learned to guard your emotions against such hurtful things, that’s all you learned to do: Guard yourself. You were a shield with no spear, since you never fought back

With the help of supportive parents and teachers, your self-esteem wasn’t so low, but you did often downplay or underestimate your abilities

Like, Bitch??? You can burp fire??? Know your power???

The people you were on good terms with seemed to see a potential that you either disregarded, or didn't know about all together

They saw the way you treated others with consideration and forethought. How, despite (or because of) your anxiety, you remained hyper-aware of the problems of others and how to accommodate. And while your anger did have its vices, people knew how hot your righteous rage could burn

It actually took a lot of convincing for you to even apply to U.A. 

Outside of your other aspirations for the future, you didn’t particularly feel worthy for the job. Of anything you could be, you weren’t a fearless, upstanding, unshakable individual, not even giving a second thought to throwing yourself into danger for the good of others. You weren’t your alleged definition of a hero, and that was enough to deter you

But, whenever you recited your polite (well-rehearsed) decline, most gave you the same weirdly optimistic retort:

“Just try, maybe you’ll do better than you’re giving yourself credit for.”

So, here you were at an entrance exam full of people you hardly knew, wondering how you even rationalized to yourself that this would go just fine

The written exam went okay. As well as you could for literally guessing what to study to pass

All you had to do was do your best on the physical exam, and you’d be done for the day

But, your issue was in the people around you, not the exam itself

You were aware of the high amount of attention the moment you walked onto campus. The way other kids measured you up from a distance, studying everything about your not-so-human body. Watching your every move, especially the way your movements were strained from soreness (A short period of intense training tends to do that to you). You assumed they also wanted to see if your disposition was as powerful as your quirk suggested

((You specifically noticed a coltish, green-haired kid muttering to himself, questioning if your wings could actually support your body weight))

Even now, as the prospective heroes-in-training warmed up, you felt the stares burning into you

Half of you wanted to lift your eyes and rhetorically ask what the hell they were looking at, only feeling more annoyed as you snorted and returned to what you were doing. The other half wanted to fold into yourself until you disappeared (If only it were that easy)

But, you had enough (Roughly, one billion) worries on your mind to put confrontation on the list. Shaking off your anxious shivers as you lowered your head and continued with your “stretches” seemed so much easier

(A.k.a. Staring off into space as you held your limbs in awkward positions)

The time to begin the physical test was drawing near, and your self-doubt hadn’t eased up. Maybe this was a mistake. You didn’t belong here. Not when so many other students could fill the space you’re wasting so much better. Maybe if you slipped through the back now, you’d save yourself the disappointment of not living up to your own standards

“Hey, brown-haired girl! With the horns!”

You heard a gruff whisper from not to far behind you, from the left. You tensed for a moment, wondering what the voice could possibly want from you. But, the sight you saw was rather unexpected

The voice definitely matched the body, bulky and slightly rough looking, a little taller than you. Matched with a sweet face, sharp teeth, and bright, spiky, red hair. The smile he showed you instantly calmed your thoughts

“…Hm?”

You gave a short response, not wanting to jump to conclusions yet

“I saw you looking kinda psyched out over here, so I thought talking to you would make you less nervous!”

You felt a warm and fuzzy sensation in the pit of your stomach. As much encouragement as you got to achieve things, you didn’t see much of it to consider how you felt. How you could feel better. You liked it, which was surprising, considering the encouragement came from a perfect stranger

“Oh, uhh…thanks then. But, I’m fine, I promise! I’m no more nervous than you are.”

“Well, that’s also why I came to talk…I’m kinda freaking out too…”

This boy’s transparency was almost scary, but on the other hand, very comforting. You didn’t catch him trying to stare at your mutated parts once as you talked. Your eyes were the thing he seemed the most focused on, and while it made you embarrassed, it was the good kind (if that makes sense)

But, soon enough, the announcement for the beginning of the exam came over the loudspeaker, and you and your acquaintance had to look out for yourselves. But, before you parted ways, the redhead turned to you

“I’m Eijiro Kirishima, by the way! See you when I see you, Shortie!”

🌳Flourishing Love🌳

The beginning of Kirishima seeing you as a romantic option happened not too long after parting ways at the physical exam

He was almost completely cornered by one of the machines students could disarm for points. And just as that was happening, you had just turned the corner after shaking off another one

You saw Kirishima, but he definitely didn’t see you, trying hard to look tough, but struggling to stand his ground

It quickly dawned on you that Kirishima didn’t have a quirk that could easily deal with the hostile device. And if he did, he was too scared to use it

You vetoed the idea of charging in head on first. You didn’t feel like getting yourself or Kirishima hurt. Especially without a plan. You needed to be smart about getting your only acquaintance out of this situation

Your heart raced and your execution was all but clean, but you ended up using your fire breath to weld the robot’s wheels to the concrete

Before you let your inhibitions get the better of you, you climbed the machine and punched out the camera on the front. From atop the beast, you hung your tail over the edge low enough for Kirishima to grab. You didn’t dare look down at the ground

“Dammit Eijiro, grab on!!”

Once you felt a weight on your tail, you used your wings to propel you both forward. Obviously, away from the robot

You were too high on adrenaline and fear to notice, but Kirishima stared at you like you were the embodiment of Heaven on Earth. The stars in his eyes almost seemed inappropriate for the situation 😅

You looked just as—if not more—afraid than he was. But, you seemed so okay with the fact that you weren’t fearless, and acted like a true hero anyway. He admired, dare I say loved that about you

And he didn’t even know your name

As soon as you found out that you and Kirishima were in the same class, you felt instant relief. At least you were familiar with someone at U.A.

You guys’ friendship developed rather fast, like and extrovert adopting an introvert

Kirishima quickly noticed how fast you opened up once you got comfortable around him, and loved you all the more for how bright and vibrant the unfiltered you was

He found himself picking up on your sense of humor, telling dad jokes you whisper under your breath to the Bakusquad (Much to Bakugou’s dismay 😅)

Don’t worry, he always gives you the credit 😉

As time went on, Kirishima learned to appreciate how blunt you were. He realized that he needed someone to tell it like it is (“It isn’t manly to sugarcoat things! 😤” he says)

And while Kirishima prefers physical activities over video games, he loves to hype you up while you play before classes

It was only natural a mutual crush would form :D

Kirishima finally worked up the guts to ask you out after the U.S.J. Incident

You and him had gotten separated (You had gotten trapped with the cold son of Endeavor. And you both took out the villains with an awe-inspiring display of fire and ice)

Kirishima was faced with the reality that either of you could lose each other at any moment. And while both of you came out alright, he realized he couldn’t be wishy-washy about his feelings for you

He told you on your way to school the next morning:

“Look. What happened yesterday really scared me. Normally, I wouldn’t say that, but I think you deserve to know. Because…you mean a lot to me!! More than I can put into words. I love when we have fun together, and I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I never got to tell you how I felt…”

“Basically…I like you!! Like…in the romantic way…”

Your early morning grumpiness dissipated almost instantly, replaced by momentary confusion and disbelief, then embarrassment and joy. Was this really happening…? The boy that took a chance on you since the beginning, confessed that he had feelings for you…? Even though you didn’t question your relationship, you always assumed the nice things Kirishima said, the way he looked at you, was all part of the pleasantries. You questioned if you were even worth all of that

‘But you are.’ The little voice Kirishima helped you develop said. ‘And he would say more if he didn’t look so embarrassed.’

And so, you accepted Kirishima’s confession. And he saw the sweetest smile you had ever given him since the first time he complimented your puns 😊❤️

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

[🌌 There you go bud! That’s one matchup for the road. Hopefully it lasts for a while, but if it doesn’t, feel free to come back! I’d be thrilled to see you again.🌄] —Reagan

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?

ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH

uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)

so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too

another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)

as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.

then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD

i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)

in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.

i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)

anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)

uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha

ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow

BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks

[aprito]

hello <3 since i got these asks at the same time i decided to combine my thoughts on them in this post. yet another annoying sjw essay from yours truly on this blog 

before i get into these i think i need to preface why im like. i guess overly hyperfocused on a certain unproblematic base (same age au / platonic canon) for them and avoid the ped0philic content like the plague lol

tw for pedophilia ment, rape ment if that makes you squicky. ALSO THIS IS LONG AND RAMBLY

as i’ve mentioned a couple times already, ive been into the ship since i was 12, back when it was very very common to not only post untagged (nsfw) canonverse content of the two in writing and in drawing but also non con and the like, so you can imagine how bad my first impression online was. thinking back on it ...as a child i found it disturbing but didnt really register how problematic it really was?? (i know, but i also lived in the middle of nowhere and had no one explain this to me) 

skip to 2014 aka me coming back to naruto at 17ish and i had kinda become hyper aware of the fact that there was an increasing amount of people online who had come forward with explaining how fictional problematic content, mostly pedophilia, had been used to groom them into starting relationships with adullts. it was also a time where a lot of people didnt believe these victims, not registering how common it was for minors to be online friends with adults who had no boundaries and no qualms exposing them such content. not gonna get into my personal life here but i was lucky to not having gone through this myself. like... it kinda was my first time truly realising how fiction can EASILY be used to manipulate others irl (and yes i will not argue this, if you dont think fictional media can form and manipulate people’s opinions on attitudes, countries, cultures and virtues, pick up a book about the effects of propaganda media at least once please) 

i, being young, still liking the dynamic but not really the romance, would point this out here and there in the fandom and get into fights with grown adults in their mid 20s who assumed i automatically hated the ship(s) and tried to restrict their freedom of speech or whatever, heard everything from the “age of consent doesnt exist in naruto” to the “sasori looks like a child what does it matter” despite people clearly playing on him being older and experienced. it made me so upset that people were just consuming all this content uncritically and exposing children to it tbh?? not really just sos but a lot of minor/adult ships in naruto in general. and thats where i sat down and thought, i do not want to be a grown adult talking down to children that point out how unsafe the fandom is. theyre absolutely right in drawing these boundaries and calling out adults who defend the uncritical consumption and creation of this content. i do not want to consume or create content that predators could use to groom minors, and i absolutely do want to let younger people in fandom know that i am respecting their comfort zones and want them to have a safe and fun experience. after all, naruto is not an adult show and i think a lot of people forget that!!!! i am not perfect in that regard but its something that i, at the age of 23, am very passionate about and strive towards to.

and i guess thats where same age au was born for me and i have been sticking to it ever since. 

so finally we can move to the first question 

aside from the fact that we both dont like canon sos, i dont think it would work out even if i wasnt prejudiced to it anyways. in all honesty, 35 year old canon sasori is not a redeemable character to me, given the fact that he’s easily amongst the cruelest villains in naruto (torturing and killing and taxiderming people for his own fun personal gain, never for a goal that served anyone but himself. how do you redeem having over 300 corpses in your backpack that you felt absolutely no remorse for killing). sasori was legit one of the only cruel villains that didnt had someone else pull the strings, which sends a clear message on kishi’s part, who absolutely loves to redeem villains LOL.

being that old, he obviously had already been very manifested in what he believed in, even if it was shakey, to the point where the first crack in that world view (sakura and chiyo protecting each other) immediately had him give up on his life all together. that, in my opinion, is not a man who’s going to know what healthy relationships would look like, regardless of it being romantic or not. 35 year old sasori to me has the same appeal as an expired can of tuna and he’s probably very happy 6 feet under. he’s supposed to be a failed gaara in that sense that he had no one to look out for him and therefore was never going to experience anything but a bad ending in life. its fine that hes dead honestly, it wraps up his short character development the best IMO.

adding to that, seriously, sakura was obviously interested in knowing why he was that way, and called him out for being seriously fucked in the head, but it’s weird to me that people assume she had any interest in actively rehabilitating him, let alone starting a serious romantic relationship with him. sakura who’s not only very, uhm, immature and straight forward when it comes to her romantic viewpoints also, as a big bootlicker, wouldnt soil her standing in the village by starting anything with a disgraced and far too gone criminal like sasori. shipping that version of sasori with sakura intimately is still going to set her up for a huge power imbalance that would be difficult to handle imo, even if she was the one in the fight ultimately exerting her power over him. i would still look at it and think damn she deserves better than having to play therapist for man like that lol.

additionally, even if you ignored all of this, you cant really ignore that sasori had already known her as a child, and that had been his first and most impactful impression of her. i dont think that sasori would look at 35 year old sakura and see her as a grown woman and not the little green girl she was in the fight. plus, you easily fall into predatory comparison territory between the “childish” and “womanly” and i have seen way too often in fic just being boiled down to her now being fuckable. a lot of of ships do this and i would just like to remind yall thats it not normal for adults to want to start relationships with children they have seen grown up or known as a child when they themselves were fully grown adults. therefore, maybe if sakura hadnt met sasori before it would be less of a problem? but that also obviously defeats the point of the dynamic and the reason he died in the first place. so yeah, it sounds kind of doomed especially if you were to make it romantic. 

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND QUESTION

let me preface this that im not fundamentally against age gaps, even if im not super interested in it. after all, colorblind had a 5 yr age gap (with sakura being 21), even if, say, i wrote similar fics today i probably would make it smaller lol. i think it can be handled well if both parties have enough life experience to deal with it, and the author is cautious of where the age gap starts, i think a 10+ year age gap would be fine in a scenario where the younger party (i guess sakura) was at least 25-27ish, meaning she has completed most of her most formative life stages and probably had been in relationships before, meaning she would be able to handle it without having to fear a huge power imbalance. the older the younger party is the less the age gap is going to matter tbh .TsukiHoshino and AngelOfDeath10 both handle age gaps in their fics really well imo, so i do not mind reading about them.

unfortunately, a lot of people in this fandom think making sakura barely "”””legal””””” (18, not even 20 which is hilarious to me because the source material is obviously japanese) because they both cannot stand her being past her “prime years” of being young fertile and fuckable to much older men as well as thinking a 20 year old is automatically old enough to handle that type of relationship. ive seen a lot of unironic takes that believe it will absolve them of callout posts if they throw around age of consent and “shes 18 now suckers!!!” enough lmfao. absolutely hilarious. aging a minor up without aging the adult down seriously reeks of predatory “cant wait until youre 18″ narratives and thats why i find it similarly disturbing as straight up pedo shipping.

ultimately, sasosaku is and will always be a inherently problematic ship in canon, which is why i think it should always be handled a little more responsibly in fandom spaces, ignoring or outright excusing the main problem factor, which is sasori, isnt going to convince anyone that the dynamic in itself is well written and interesting enough to explore in aus, like giving sasori the redemption most of us wanted him to have by aging him down to a point in time where he was still realistically going to allow being positively influenced, similar to gaara. 

so really, what i think is well handled age gap and how most people handle age gap in the naruto fandom are two different worlds at times lol 

tl;dr

canon shippers have never been anything but gross when i was younger and i didnt wanna be like that, even if youre “smart”enough to differenate, actual creeps dont really care and might use your content to blur the lines, sasori isnt rly redeemable so romantic canonverse realistically wouldnt make much sense and is still iffy, age gaps are fine if they are handled well, but given that the dynamic doesnt really need the age gap to still work im not that invested on making that an essential part of my shipping experience.  

thank you for reading and hope this makes sense!