#im not upset and honestly i dont feel negative at all

[technicolorxsn]

goth is such good music for being sleepy and slightly melancholic

[woennix]

im sorry to be so negative like this but i really hope teams use the translator more, the way i saw some teams not even try to speak other languages and just went to english without checking in some members and idk overall helping was very upsetting.

im not gonna name names bc i don't wanna send hate + i only watched part of the vods and maybe they improved overtime, besides i'm hearing this is a general thing on most teams so naming names is overall useless

i'll just say that even as someone who fluently understands english, and could perfectly watch the content, it was so upsetting to see i had to close stream.

i'll just search and skip on some vods tomorrow to avoid having to watch non-english ccs pushed aside, but tbh this shouldn't happen and kind of is against what qsmp is about, i hoped the ccs added would keep that in mind as much as possible while playing, but i see for some teams the excitement overcomes it and they just forgot ab it or smth idk. i get i may be more sensitive than others, but still.

[silverselfshippingchaos]

ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..

[mare-the-silly-scroingle]

i think i'm falling apart entirely which is really stupid But i can't get myself to submit this stupid fucking form. and i cant look my best friend in the eyes. and i still am trying to plan this trip with the person i used to have a crush on but dont feel much of anything for anymore. and therapy is a week from now and i just want to do something fun but i havent done anything fun in a while. So i guess im losing my mind and fracturing. its so fucking cold in my room

[shark--apologist]

Funny how I've been in so many friends groups where its all abt love and acceptance and inclucivity, but they shit on you and dump you to the side of the road the moment you show any negative/weird symptoms of mental illnesses

But it's the most racist/homophobic sounding MFers that are the ones who actually stick by you

Note: key word: Sounding. They're all PoC (I'm literally the only white person), varying degrees of mentally ill, autistic/adhd, and LGBT+ but they call each other all fucking slurs under the sun and tell each other to off themselves

But they're the most tight knit group of ppl I've seen.

[the-kipsabian]

.

[ultra-raging-ghost]

OKKKKK i took a little bit i organized my thoughts i picked through my feelings, i will say i have complicated feelings on q leaving his administrative position in the project (Hopeful it relieves a lot of his stress, empathetic because i know it mustve been hard for him to step down for the reason he did) but theres not much to say about it that i can say. I will say, that while Lea's original statement may have been well intentioned, it was ultimately a net negative for the whole situation, and the statements and leaks she spread afterwards only make it worse. I understand her upset and trauma, but it wasnt an excuse for really anything and she shouldve had someone advising her or at least a second thought before posting everything. I think she misused her platform, especially when doxxing Q. Public doesnt always mean public, and while everyone could have gotten his full name not everyone knew they couldve and not only posting it but also justifying it on such a large platform on twitter of all places was so irresponsible and frankly shows her forethought. My personal thoughts on her intentions in making all of this public are irrelevant, and as an ex-admin i support her but as a person i honestly dont. I kinda knew as soon as the doxxing occured that q would step down, which is why im not super surprised he did, but i am surprised she didnt think the same thing.

That being said, i havent seen it myself but ive been told some people on here have wished lea to literally kill herself which is kinda wild?? Im not happy with her but thats kinda crazyyyyyy

All in all i hope she never has to experience what Q is experiencing right now, and from now on im honestly not gonna be posting or rbing updates about her or info from her specifically - i just cant get behind it now.

on the plus side!! The project is continuing, as well as other projects Q is gonna do!! im very happy about that, im excited to see future changes, and im sticking with the qsmp and my little kingdom (all of the seven cucuhalo shippers on here lmao) :D excited to continue this with you all, hopefully the rest of april is quiet (knock on wood)

[unknownteapot]

I didn’t like Tommy’s story either. I’m currently listening to the episode and so far I love it. You can tell they put a lot of time and effort into it, specially the background sounds. But fans can be disappointed that the format of a series was changed after months of not hearing from it. I don’t think people are ungrateful, they’re upset with how Smosh dealt with this. I think it’s unfair to completely disregard people’s concerns

hiii anon <3

i agree with you, completely honestly, i really don't want to seem ungrateful or like i'm being too negative about this whole thing, i'm going to try my best to listen to the sword af 2 episodes when i can and obviously i understand there's immense hard work and dedication that goes into making something like this, from what i've seen here on tumblr it's great so far- im not intending to disregard that!!

similar to you, though, i'm not too happy the way this was dealt with & announced - my major gripes are that their considerations for people who are deaf/hard of hearing/have auditory processing issues were only made after the backlash of the first announcement? like wdym you're making it into a whole podcast but didn't even think about people who can't listen to it? like not once in the entire process of shifting mediums? as far as i know (please correct me i'd love to be corrected, i hope i'm wrong) there haven't been any steps taken so far about that- i haven't seen any captions/transcripts posted by smosh games or any statements after the 2nd community post on yt where they addressed the backlash on what their further steps are to make this more accessible

it also feels strange to me that they were so silent about it for so long- maybe if they'd made the announcement earlier/gave at least a little info we'd already have had this conversation about inclusivity and captions would be available along with the 1st Ep so everyone can keep following the story they absolutely love as it releases

lastly (and i'm sorry this is an essay anon and anyone reading but i really need to say all this) the community of sword af fans are one of the most dedicated & talented communities i've seen tbh, they have to know the support is there right? i'm so surprised they're not posting any parts of the podcast on youtube (the literal home of smosh), it's so strange to me, it really feels like it's being pushed to the side slightly- but hey what do i know, i'm a silly gal on tumblr pls dont come for me

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hello everyone, today I'll do something never before seen on the flames and darkness liveblog which is read TWO chapters!! Idk man, i havent been able to read more than one chapter at a time recently because this book suddenly turned into such a slog to get through, although granted that might also just be my mental illness making it more difficult. whatever, i'll be in treatment for that next week

Anyway, today I'll be reading chapter 44 which is the star fall chapter, and chapter 45 which is. a chapter. Knowing this book series nothing of note is gonna happen in that one but that wont stop me from reading it

Chapter 44

Okay, theyre mentioning Feyre not looking so emancipated amymore and it made me remember all the weird weight shit from the start of this book. Like, she was losing weight because she was throwing up all the time and then not eating a lot and everyone was constantly remarking on that and it was unbelievably uncomfortable, but then when Feyre officially joined the night court and everyone immediately stopped talking about it, it almost feels a little manipulative, if that makes sense. Like, this book is ostensibly about Feyres healing journey but the Night Court cannot, under any circumstances, have anything negative associated with it so her trauma basically just disappears so we dont have to see the unpleasant parts of her recovery, she has one (1) nightmare after she starts living there permanently, one (1) moment where she feels too depressed to leave the bed and a few moment where she acts out but then immediately feels bad for it every time

Ughhhhh Feyre is wearing a dress for this which is really frustrating but you guys already know how I feel about that so shant go into that much more detail on this

I swear Im not just saying this to be a hater, Feyres dress sounds so tacky too

yoooooooo is Cassian implying he'd like to wear a tacky ass dress too??

and yet hes just wearing a BLACK TUNIC bro Feyre is literally covered in diamonds from head to toe so she can look like a shooting star or whatever and Cassian doesnt even have the decency to wear a black tunic that glitters or something?? Or hell, maybe even a red tunic to match his siphons, idk, give me SOMETHING im gonna tear my fucking hair out

Feyre is wondering about the IC being her friends and its like, girlie theyre barely even each others friends and youve known each other for maybe half a year to their 500 years

Feyre is describing Azriel hungrily staring at Mor's ass and it reminded me of that one bonus chapter Ive seen discussions about where he's really horny about Elain in a way thats pretty uncomfortable, and a lot of ex-Elriels say that it made them stop liking the idea of the ship because thats when they realized that SJM was just gonna mutilate both of their characters for the sake of smut, but honestly I dont think she would even need to mutilate Az that much

I could not give less of a shit about the Mor/Cassian/Azriel drama but I have to admit its kinda funny reading about Feyre speculating so much about Mor's relationships knowing shes gonna turn out to be interested in women

Mor says that Rhysand was very upset after she had sex with Cassian and beat him up as hard as he could (#incest) but she says he wasnt upset because of her virginity but because of the danger she put herself in by losing it, which is like, first of all that seems like splitting hairs, he was still upset that she lost her virginity even though that was none of his business. And second of all, I think it would actually make sense for him to have the kind of archaic sexist beliefs that would make Mor losing her virginity upsetting to him, considering he was also 17 when that happened just like Mor and Im guessing there wasnt anyone around to teach him feminism. or maybe hes so feminist he came out of the womb believing in womens rights and didnt need to be taught anything

god, the inner circle dynamics are so comically fucked up I have no idea how they can stand being around each other

Again, Im not much of a Feylin girlie but "Your hair looks... clean." >>>>>>>>>>>>>> "You look like a women again." (???? whats thag even supposed to mean)

So Rhysand is not wearing a black tunic, but he is wearing wearing a black jacket which is equally disappointing. atleast he has his tits out i guess

Rhysand was gone for 50 years and yet his best friends are not spending any time with him at their first party together since theyve been seperated, thats what i call friendship goals

Yeah, I guess its kinda sad that Rhys missed out on important holiday that meant a lot to him while undr the mountain but you know who else had to do that? Literally everyone that wasnt from the spring court

So he doesnt wanna tell his friends, who are by all accounts doing alright because theyve spent the past few decades trapped in a beautiful idyllic city, about his trauma but hes perfectly fine traumadumping on a twenty year old woman who just started to recover from her own trauma

Maybe Im just in a bad mood but this bullshit where theyre getting covered in star spirits or whatever feels so joyless to me, like its not whimsical or fun to me

Okay so, Ive heard about Rhysand calling Feyre exquisite and it made me cringe just thinking about it, but it looks like theyve translated that to him calling her 'herrlich' which means the exact same thing but it sounds a lot less weird and bad. once again, thank you, Alexandra

Feyre really just said "You regret sexually assaulting me? But why?" huh

Chapter 45:

Okay, thats the end of the chapter but theres two more things that kinda annoyed me that I didnt feel the need to mention as I was reading. 1) Feyre kept going on and on aboht Rhysand being her friend, it felt so insincere, its like sjm say a post online right before she started writing this chapter that was like "in the best relationships, your partner isnt just your partner but also your best friend" and decided to put that sentiment in her book, and 2) I felt like there were so many moments towards the end of that chapter where Feyre is like "oh, ive never felt this way with anyone" and its very obviously alluding to how she didnt love Tamlin as much as she does Rhysand now, and it was just very strange to read, like Tamlin was haunting the narrative even though hes not even dead yet

Uhm. so i got really tired all of a sudden so I took a nap at this point and read some gay vampire fanfic to rejunivate myself and now Im ready for whatever happens in the next chapter

"I was a traitor. [...] Even though I oficially left Tamlin - it was only two months ago, after all. By Fae standards that was probably barely more than a day." Oh yeah, i havent been keeping track of the time thanks for reminding me that this story about immortals is moving at a breakneck pace for no goddamn reason. But also, as an author trying to write a grand long-lasting romance, why would you write this. I know Feysand are gonna get married at the end of book and now when I get to that point Im not gonna be thinking "wowwww such romance" Im gonna be thinking "damn these bozos did the fae equivalent of getting eloped in vegas after knowing each other for barely a week"

Oh, men of all ages are training at this camp? would you say some of them are. child-aged

Feyre is being all "its so cold here, im freezing in my illyrian leathers I cant imagine a child with no clothes surviving here for a single day, much less eight years" (referring to Cassian) and yet she doesnt spare a single thought to all the children who have to be at this camp as well because this is the camp that the batboys grew up in, its not like this is a different kind of camp where they dont train children

God I hate Feyre thinking about how fuckin powerful the batboys are especially because its like, Rhysand is literally their high lord, he already holds so much power over the guys running this camp we dont need a reminder that he could easily crush their minds or that his goons need more syphons to contain the totality of their power or whatever

I get that these guys are like, shitty misogynists or whatever, but I dont think Rhys throwing them out of the house they live in is some #boyboss move hes just being an asshole

Rhysand would never want to lock Feyre in a house for protection, but he does want to decapitate anyone who lays a hand on her which is soooooo much better

Rhysand keeps calling the.... "females" of this camp "girls" which implies one of two things: 1) hes talking about adult women, hes just calling them girls, which is not very feminist of our feminist king, or 2) hes talking about actual girls aka children which. thank god for our feminist king having equal-opportunity child soldiers

Its actually kind of surreal how theyre at the camp where the batboys spent their CHILDhoods and Feyre keeps talking about what it mustve been like for Cassian while the narrative is actively avoiding talking about children being at the camp at this present moment while also not outright stating "there are no kids here at this present moment"

"'[The clipping of the wings is] to ensure the safety of their women, they said.'" this reminds me of something @/kateprincessofbluewhales said in regards to Rhysand forcing illyrian women to train but not doing anything else to advance their rights, which is that the wing clipping mightve started as a way for men to help women dodge the 'draft' that seems to be mandatory for all healthy illyrians. I dont really have anything else to say about that, it just popped into my head and i thought it was interesting

Rhysand is talking about how at some of the camps, women are declared anti-marriage material if they train and how he cant do anything about that and its like, even if these women are not officially declared unmarriable or whatever, the misogynistic men that make up these camps are probably not gonna wanna marry a women who trains, so what difference does that really make

Also, he says the only thing he could do about 'laws' like that is to murder the warlords and take their children/trainees? under his wing and I guess he thinks he would have to do that for every camp that does that but honestly, I think just doing it once or twice would send a powerful enough message to discourage other warlords from being misogynistic. And he wouldnt have to raise all these children all by himself either, Im sure he could get the help of a few non-sexist men or even, gasp, some women. Like those priestesses living in that library Im sure some of the ones that have already recovered from their trauma somewhat wouldnt mind teaching some boys about the harm that misogyny does

Okay so the blood rite is called a Blutritual [blood ritual] in german which is a little confusing because a ritual is a pretty specific thing and I dont think the blood rite is that specific thing but whatever, it sounds cool enough

Ive said this before, I am not a Tamlin girlie, at best I prefer him to Rhysand, and I dont like or trust Rhysand at all, but imagine hearing that tragic story about how their families killed each other, leaving them as the only survivors and being like "I cant believe Tamlin killed Rhysands family!!" especially when its like, the only person Feyre actually knows Tamlin killed is Rhysands dad who sucked ass, its not exactly a great loss

I feel like i had a lot of thoughts about a lot of things in this chapter that I couldnt write down because theyre these abstract half-thoughts, so I think I'll let those marinate until theyre full thoughts and share them with you at some later date

[sillysaurus]

wanted to answer some of these

What's your big age: 18

What ages do you regress to: mainly around 0-5?

Baby, toddler, or big kid: mainly toddler/preschool and baby, rarely older than those

Do you pet regress: no, i do identify with bunnies though (maybe bunnykin??)

Are you also a caregiver: no, and i don't want to be in that position

How long have you been regressing: since i was about 12? so like 6 years?

Is your regression voluntary or involuntary: mostly involuntary, but i will induce it voluntarily in almost all of my free time

What is your personality like when regressed: fussy/sensitive, whiney crybaby im ngl, quiet/not talkative, but giggly, clingy, shy/sheepish, curious, despite being sensitive and difficult i am always well behaved

How often do you regress: im almost always kind of regressed, but usually i am masking and able to act my age, but if something triggers me more i wont be able to act my age anymore

What puts you into headspace: praise, petnames, baby talk/cooing, gentle/soft tones of voice, people doing things for me, being tired/scared/in pain/sick

What pulls you out of headspace: nsfw, violence, romance, sometimes people cursing (i do a lot and cant stop myself unfortunately), being in public (usually)

Do you have a baby voice in headspace: maybe? kind of? idk but i do talk a bit differently, honestly i talk a lot less but when i do its short words/broken sentences, whiny/softer in tone, etc.

Why do you regress: its mostly involuntary (because of trauma, i believe) but i do it voluntarily as well because its the only time i really feel safe and happy (even though a lot of my regression is negative/vent)

Neon, pastel, neutral, or dark colors: either pastel or dark. odd combo, but i wear black most of the time due to being alternate but my favorite color is blue! i love light/baby blues

Favorite regression clothes: i still wear my alternative clothing style while regressed but i like big hoodies and fuzzy socks as well. i also really want overalls and bloomers!

Do you have a caregiver: no (i would like one, some day)

Do you have any sibbies: no (unsure about having them, open to it i guess?)

Favorite petnames: sweetheart, sweet boy, (anything with 'sweet'), little boy, hun/honey, bud/buddy, goober

Favorite snack: applesauce, fruits, yogurt

Favorite movie(s): the nightmare before christmas, the BFG, sharkboy and lavagirl, rugrats go to paris

Favorite cartoon(s): craig of the creek, rugrats, curious george, summercamp island, alvin and the chipmunks, kindergarten the musical, tmnt

Favorite game(s): animal crossing, stardew valley, twisted wonderland, slime rancher, cookie run

Do you have a comfort character: könig, eyeless jack, laughing jack, moondrop, idia shroud, sundrop, nanami (jjk),

Are you easily scared: yes, scared of thunder, heights, the dark, yelling, etc. and just very nervous and sensitive in general

Independent or dependent: i dont want to be independent but im forced to at the moment, my dream is to be very dependent one day

Do you use a pacifier: yes, usually when im sleepy, upset, or grinding my teeth. i only have one but i want more

Do you use diapers: i wish…

Gear wishlist: everything! a crib, kid/soft books, indoor tent, bottles, sippy cups, plates, silverware, etc, diapers, idk if they make ones big enough but hopefully a high chair, car seat, baby bouncer, and ball pit as well

Favorite regression item: i only have one pacifier and some dinosaur sippy cups but i love them <3

Do you have a bedtime: no (i stay up late) but i would like one, not gonna happen until i get a caregiver though

Do you have rules: no, but one day when i have a caregiver i would like them, unsure about what though besides a bedtime. hopefully they can get me to stop cursing as well

Favorite animal(s): bunnies, marine animals, pigs, monkeys

Favorite holiday: halloween!

Favorite season: autumn/fall

Are your agere interests more fem or masc: definitely masc. dinosaurs, trains, construction vehicles, monster trucks, cartoons/movies/books about boys, tmnt

Do you stim more when regressed: im almost always regressed but yes, mainly vocal stims when im really feeling small

Favorite site/app for regression community: here!! tumblr! i was on reddit and instagram back in the day… (i still use instagram but not much)

What's your favorite thing to learn about in headspace: im learning spanish and german! but i just like learning in general, i like when people tell/teach me about things!

[tauforged]

anon, i won’t publish those - i respect your desire to curate your online experience and naturally you can do whatever you like. i think it’s rather unfair that you assign some calculated malicious intent to my actions thus far, as if i wanted any of this to happen the way that it did. to be frank, ive been in a panic trying to backpedal for damage control after i posted a bunch of shit w/o thinking clearly while in a really delicate and volatile mental state, something im not very good at reining in and have been trying to get better about because i recognize that i tend to panic and lash out when im triggered. it became obvious in hindsight that my going on and on about what upset me was starting to negatively affect those around me, so i stopped and deleted everything because i didn’t want to further trigger anyone, not to try and avoid accountability or whatever the fuck you think was happening. i genuinely dont remember most of what i posted because i was in such a state, but if it hadn’t been a sensitive topic i would have left it intact because i stand by my feelings on the matter. you have been reading intent into my actions that simply is not there, and it’s clear that my behavior struck a nerve and reminded you of something or someone else, and i really am sorry for that, truly. i don’t want to be the person you’re describing, and ive never outwardly tried to be.

i do also find it a bit frustrating that you accuse ME of trying to create a ‘surveillance state’ and yet you have been the one to continually come back and checked my blog time and time again to see what i’ve been up to after i have made absolutely no effort to directly engage with you further. i ahve no ill will towards you, im mostly just bummed out that things happened the way that they did, but as someone who really struggles with paranoia and Has been cyberstalked before, i cannot deny that Your behavior has been equally upsetting to Me, to a point where i feel that i can’t even vent about my mental state on my personal blog without having to worry that my words will be taken out of context and misconstrued to be about something or someone they aren’t.

i respect your decisions to want to avoid me, and i honestly feel the same at this point — all i ask is that we genuinely leave this alone and stop coming back to it. i have made no further effort to contact or check up on you once since that first interaction, and yet you keep coming back and backreading thru my blog to react to it as if everything has been directed towards you. it’s not. i quite frankly have a lot more shit going on in my life outside of losing a mutual over a misunderstanding, shit that i have no intention of going into detail about because it is so insanely wildly personal, but to put into perspective, i did not have time to respond to that first ask you sent and explain myself before you blocked me because i had just gotten home from scattering my great aunts fucking ashes. i’m sure this is evidence of me guilt tripping or whatever, since im some sinister manipulative mastermind and not a human being with my own life and bullshit going on at the other end of the screen.

…that was a bit mean, but i’m leaving it in because i’m not really in the mood to hide my frustration with you anymore. i want. to be left. alone. you told me you wanted no further contact with me — i respect that! i get it! i’ve been doing my absolute fucking best to swallow my feelings and move on, i haven’t once even attempted to see what you’ve been up to, i truly don’t care. so why do YOU keep coming back?

i’m not changing your mind with any of this, and i’m okay with that. frankly, i don’t want anything more to do with you. i just want you to consider that your actions are more than capable of hurting people in the future, before someone else touches the same nerve and gets dragged into the same pointless slap fight with you. it’s very clear that you think i’m in the wrong here - again, that’s fine, i don’t blame you - and have been looking for further proof that i’m the villain here to make yourself feel better about reacting harshly. frankly, i don’t want to be responsible for your feelings. if i was the one who kept coming back to you and starting it up again, you would (rightfully) think i was a fucking lunatic. i don’t think you’re TRYING to hurt me, i truly do understand where you’re coming from here, but you have hurt me nonetheless and i need you to stop.

all i ask at this point is that nobody talk about me behind my back or make bizarre claims about my mental health. if that isn’t you, then i truly have no quarrel with you. i’m respecting your desire to be left alone - please respect mine. it’s done. please just stop. this whole thing has taken a tremendous toll on my mental health, and i have more important things to be working on than constantly being retriggered by tumblr drama on top of it all. i am begging you at this point to drop it so that i can move on the way i’ve been so desperately trying to.

i hope you can move on and have a great rest of your day, and i truly honestly do mean that. i have no ill will towards you, though ive been told by friends that i am being far too lenient here. i did not want it to happen the way it did, but it’s done now. please just leave it alone.

[goldencuffs]

I was wondering about how you feel about amw. From some of the posts when you came back, and some of the tags, I get the impression that it's not a fic you vibe with. Maybe bc your tastes/mindset has changed since you started it, that's definitely happened to me in what fic I prefer to read.

So I was wondering whether you dislike writing it bc the theme isn't something you find enjoyable to write anymore or bc you just don't like the story point blank, but we love it so you continue for us so it's finished and there's resolution for the amw readers. Or if it's bc you dislike having a fic in limbo that's partially posted for your own sake. Like, it's something that hangs over you, but if you finish it, it's finally done and it won't lurk in your thoughts any longer.

I know when I have a task to do, it hovers over me and if I don't do the thing, I start to get anxious about it. And the anxiety grows every time it pops into my thoughts, but once I cross it off my list, I feel *free* and able to breathe again.

I only ask bc sometimes it seems like you don't want to write it or that it's become an arduous task for you.

I'm genuinely grateful that you've chosen to finish writing it, and I don't mean anything negative about this ask. It's just something I noticed and wanted to understand better. I adore your writing and reading your interactions/reactions with everyone. You're the only reason I still use Tumblr. I hope my question(s) don't upset you, if that is the impact, then I am truly sorry. I hope you have a beautiful weekend 💖💖💖 - all the love from another Aaron Dessner girlie 🤍

this is literally the sweetest most thoughtful ask oh my god 😭🥺

for me, all my words was honestly just supposed to be a one shot. and then it grew longer and longer and i was writing it alongside in the absence of a king which is my baby and (in my opinion) the best thing i've ever written so it was exhausting continuing the two together. especially because i dont think amw is good writing/my best writing. you can especially see that in the first few chapters, which are pretty directionless.

when i left on my hiatus i was dealing with a very tough situation with my family (which is still ongoing unfortunately) but i never truly planned on ever abandoning ITAOAK. i ALWAYS knew i was going to finish it, which is why i tried working on it as much as possible over the last two years. i wanted to especially finish it for me, bc like i said i loved it and i wrote it for myself and i was the ideal target audience lmaoooo

so in comparison - while i still definitely vibe with amw's concept/storyline - it just truly paled in comparison for ITAOAK. also i've always been worried about amw's ending. i know people have certain expectations for this kind of au and i..... have not written it the way people would want. like i said, it's unrealistic and not... great. so. that is still making me very nervous too.

ALSO i have new stories im excited for and just wanted to put those up right away and i was feeling trapped by amw being incomplete.

that being said - i am so unbelievably grateful for everyone's support and the fact that people still want to read it. it definitely played a huge part in me continuing the story and now i can move on in peace with zero unfinished works!!! 😍🤗💖

[watsername]

What are your thoughts about?

I was gonna try and collect my thoughts coherently before I started talking bu ti cant be bothered doing that so like. about the dream and that one circle of mcyt that just fucking hate them .

actually this is about how I have felt observing the dream space recently.

im uncomfortable?? not with the dream team, I still really love them and I enjoy their content and I do still watch sap naps streams if im awake for them but honestly taking time just to spend time on my f1 blog has been like a weight lifted from my shoulders.

just talking about dtblr, ive seen people trying to make the best of the situation by live-blogging sapnaps streams making jokes spreading positivity for all 3 of them but it doesn't really of much to take away from the pressure of the situation. Every day it seems like some cc somewhere has something to say about dream or George or sapnap and every day we rush over here to discuss it. it almost feels like theres this pressure to perform and to respond to what is being said, we need to discuss everything as a controversy no matter how stupid or insignificant the situation is and we contribute to the snowballing of tiny things that honestly dont need the attention the theyre getting and its tiring to watch. like im at the point where im scrolling past 'did you see what x said' because honestly I dont give a shit I dont give a shit about a cc who spoke to the dteam on discord maybe twice talking about their 'truth' I really dont care .

im genuinely just fed up with the way the creator space and fan spaces behave. Dream posts 'pls talk to me' and creators say 'but that won't get me clout' back to him.

who gives a shit if dreams stole punz girlfriend. who cares if dream sent a dm that might have been considered rude to Sara Simons a fully grown ducking middle aged woman with better things to do than start twitter drama. who gives a shit about sniff having one insignificant negative interaction with dream over a year. none f this is your fucking turret its just airing out high school level petty drama that could easily be fixed with a fucking dm . its pathetic. the way so many creators are going 'I too am a victim' and its 'he sent me a private message I didnt like' who fucking cares. and all of this 'ill stream explaining my story' what story. that he made a joke in bad taste. its performative. they want views they want twitters support they want to seem like theyre on the RIGHT side so theyre just pulling any old story out of their ass to add to the mentality of the mob and make it seem like yes I too hate dream because he is so awful when in reality he was probably just a bit of a twat like a lot of guys in their early 20s are . the only way hes gonna know that he did something that made u annoyed or upset or even mildly fucking miffed in the case of Sara fucking Simons is if you tell him. and we saw that bc 5 mins later shes saying oh its all fine he messaged me . see how fucking easy it is to actually fix these tiny ass issues if you actually have a conversation before launching a hate campaign on twitter dot com . and people going off to run with it and add it to the pile of 'poof' they have. hell ive seen someone saying they appreciate dream saying they want to talk about situations and saying they want to chat with him about an experience they had with one of his friends like what does that have to do with dream actually why not just take the initiative and talk to the actual person involved instead of making dream do it for u. its all just drama mongering

on a more serious note I really dont know how to feel with the whole situation with caiti. George didi fuck up and im not moving from that stance- whatever happened he made her feel uncomfortable and went on the defence instead of prioritising apologising to her for the way she felt about the situation.

what I cat fucking stand is how weirdly this situation has evolved. the initial statement was that he had touched her waist and tickled her and cat didnt like that. THAT CONTACT the touching of her waist was spread across twitter as a sexual assault. which its fucking not and it pisses me off as a victim to see how loosely terms of sex crime are being thrown around bc no matter how uncomfy you are touching your waist is not a sex crime. there was no mention of inappropriate touching actually, just that he had crossed a physical boundary with her and ive already talked about why I can empathise with that delayed reaction in feeling deeply uncomfortable with the situation . so it confused me as to why people on tiktok were spreading misinformation that his hands were down her pants and cat coming out of left field with he was grabbing my tits. because none of that was ever discussed in any of her prior statement and that seems like pertinent information when were discussing sexual assault. and from what ive seen her friends timeline of events dont match up with hers. her timeline of events onset even match up that well with her other comments on the situation and all of it just feels so fucking odd. why do the details change depending on who you ask and when you ask them

but I wasn't there. I dont know what actually happened. having experienced it you automatically hold that understanding towards her despite all the backlash because people blamed me too, they didnt believe me either and you never want to completely dismiss it no matter how weird the story seems because what if. keeping myself in the situation is stretching myself in two different directions where one is dismissing the claims of assault because nothing adds up and the other is she might be like me .

the reaction to caitis initial statement has snowballed extremely out of proportion if u ask me. nobody needs to know everyones personal grievances with dream or George or sapnap and to say that youre sharing these to support victims is a straight lie bc it has nothing to do with victims they receive nothing from your story that he made a bad joke 3 years ago or whatever and everything to do with the fact that you are utilising an opportunity to gain relevancy again and I dont want to partake in their relevancy.

I dont want to partake in any of this fucking drama actually. it's non stop. it's constant. its all over my dash all day every day but maybe its just the ppl im following idc. but I dont want to come back into a community where im going to find myself fighting to justify why I still enjoy the content of some creators while there are other creators receiving less vitriol for breaking the literal fucking law . its exhausting . its been years of it for me .

im not mentally well. I have a lot going on in my family life and I didnt realise how bad things were until I told my work friend I hadn't seen in a while my 'family drama' and she and the assistant manager pulled me aside and said 'im so sorry youre going through that right now are you dealing with everything alright?'. I have my final exams within the next month. I need to pass these to graduate. I have so much that is already causing me stress in my life and so much of the misinformation around the situation is so triggering and untagged and I dont want to log on and see another bout of 'x responds to x' 'x talks about dream' 'x shares thoughts on George situation' . I cant fucking do that right now.

people have called it the cowards way out, bailing at the burden of controversy but im not switching sides. im not deactivating. im not becoming a dranti. I still talk about the dteam i still like the dteam but I cannot force myself to endure other peoples stresses at the time being . thats all ive been thinking about rlly .

[fapper]

Dont ever get an on-campus job.. storytime of what happened at my cursed work today

Okay let me give the full story of what happened today 😭 the eavesdropping was only a part of it

So today i went to my work bc they were holding a christmas themed event w cookies so i hit up my coworker-turned-best friend Lovely Girl to go with me and she was alr getting off her shift there so she was alr there waiting for me

So boom i meet her and there was my number one OPP working her shift at the student worker desk (theres 2 desks: one for student workers and one for full timers) lets nickname her Weird Bitter Cunt (WBC)

So boom we had to pass those fuck ass negative energy desks to go enter the event and Lovely Girl instantly tells me some gossip she heard from the other full time worker and how this one guy who hogs all the hours “ratted me out”/“complained about me” to the full time worker abt how i skip my shifts (i honestly skip my shifts because im lazy and nobody wants to cover for me cuz its always at 8 in the FAWKING morning and nobody wants a ONE HOUR 8AM SHIFT 😍🙏) lets nickname this guy Dog Bitch bc he kisses up to the higher ups and rats ppl out for the smallest shit despite being 30+mins late to his shifts EVERY TIME.

So boom while shes telling me this, that stranger BITCH ASS GUY eavesdropped on us LITERALLY HE LOOKED FUCKING STUPID BECAUSE IT WAS SO OBVIOUS FKAHSOSHC LIKE KILL YOURSELF and so we had to wrap it up then and there

So i decided to go up to the guy who was working at the full timers desk (hes the “fine shyt” i mentioned from work but hes not actually fine shyt.. hes ugly shyt) and i asked him like. Hey is it true Dog Bitch talked shit about me / circled my name on the timesheet bc i was absent from work and ugly shit is always acting clueless so he said idk and was of NOOO HELP which was not surprising 😍. Then the fucking guy who eavesdropped on us came to talk to him ? (Its canon that theyre close friends) so immediately i thought okay ugly shit is not to be trusted because he had his fatass friend eavesdrop on me and Lovely Girls convo. So hes an opp adjacent to me now (he went from fine shyt -> work crush (lasted 2 hours) -> ugly shyt who apparently talks shit about everyone including yours truly)

Soooo WHILE WE WERE TALKING ABOUT DOG BITCH…… GUESS WHO CAME THRU THE DOORS? DOG BITCH FUCKING COMES INSIDE THE BUILDING AND IMMEDIATELY I TRY TO stop lovely girl and ugly shyts convo because SPEAKING OF THE DEVIL THE DEVIL COMES IN SKDJSKDHSJ

And so Dog Bitch comes up to me ALL GIGGLY AND HAPPY talking abt some “oh how are those cookies? Are they good?” And he goes “why are you here?” LIKE ? I TOLD HIS BITCH ASS I CAME FOR THIS EVENT so i was like why are YOU here and he said “just because 😃” and in this moment he couldnt stop smiling / giggling like it was so uncomfortable for me bc it was as if he was trying to intimidate me cuz he knew we were talking about him .

So after Dog Bitch came in i told Lovely Girl we need to leave so we started packing up and before leaving the building i made sure to have empty convo with the literal DEMONS at the student desk and DOG BITCH TELLS ME “you look so warm but its not even that cold outside” or smt along those lines idr he made some ignorant ass small remark on how warm i looked and i was like ? Yall hating on me for being warm now ? Like its comical he was trying to make me feel bad soooo bad like lmfao hes like 5’4 bitch youre not intimidating nobody Mods Please Slice His Throat

And so we LEFT!!!! WE LEFT FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE AS FUCK… because what the FUCK was all that mess!!!!! I HATE THAT FUCKING PLACE!!! IM SO GLAD IM NOT WORKING THERE ANYMORE AND THIS IS MY LAST WEEK!!! Shittt im NOT EVEN GONNA COME IN MY FOR MY LAST SHIFT.. ALL OF YALL CAN ROT CUZ NONE OF YALL ARE SEEING ME AGAIN!!! Help bc this was rlly weird and it made me rlly upset. LIKE WHAT IS THIS 1984? BIG BROTHER??? FUCKS GOING ON IN THAT PLACE!! THEY NEED TO nuke it… just nuke it. Anyways what do yall think of the trials and tribulations of my day 💔💔

[6kuros]

As a fellow creator who is also disturbed and upset by the revelation of pizza tower being a product of 4chan type people, I'm wondering how you handle it? I still want to draw fan art but Im struggling to not get uncomfortable. Basically, I have both love and hate for the game now, and you seem like a cool person so Im wondering how you deal with that. Love your pizza tower fan art sm btw!

im really glad that you enjoy my art, and also am flattered you think im cool!!!

first of all, id like to mention that the art i posted just now was art that i had finished last night, before everything about mcpig came to light and i just wanted to post it since i already had it done…still unsure if im going to draw consistent pizza tower in the future honestly, id like to because its a lot of fun and i really do love a lot about the game. ideally, the current situation would change somehow so i can do that without any discomfort for myself or others, but the only way i foresee that happening is if the devs actually remove the racist shit from the game

what makes me feel (kind of) okay about producing fanart for the game despite what emerged is mostly the fact that as long as i am not reproducing the harmful contents of the game, nor directly supporting the people behind it, im not putting any harm into the world or perpetuating the 4chan stuff i guess? the only thing im really worried about is possibly getting people to want to buy the game by putting my fanart out there, but considering the games popularity from streaming and youtube videos i dont see my own art as contributing to that much. that makes it easier for me not to feel unsettled when i draw fanart for it, but i think that depends on how you view the relationship between fanart and source material, especially in an interactive space like the internet. if you think your art risks sending the message that you approve of negative aspects of a piece of media then its probably better not to share that art

theres also the fact that from the messages that were revealed i get the impression that at some point mcpig had a sort of disdain for "cringe leftists" being fans of the game i guess, and i would consider myself someone who he would/would have found cringe at one point lol. so by being into the game its kind of a fuck you idc that you hate me, this thing you made is being enjoyed by cringe leftists. considering the tone of some of the messages was "if people get mad at me im just going to be edgy in response" i dont even think disengaging with the game would even bother him at all. but all of that is really just speculation and i dont want to insinuate that engaging with bigoted media is proactive just because you are a marginalized person or have progressive politics. its important to actually weigh the harm of your actions and what effect you have with your consumption of said media i dont really know if thats a good answer though, and if it holds up to any sort of moral judgement. i do think its possible to enjoy problematic media, but considering how new the game is its not the kind of thing i can look at and be like "this piece of media is from x years ago and doesnt do real harm now". my worst fear is that there are pizza tower fans who are going to see the awful shit in the game and replicate it, bc the game somehow makes them thinks theres nothing wrong with it or that they can do so without consequence. just from a scope of the fandom there seem to be a lot of young teenagers so Yeah. im concerned in that regard and id like to beam a message into kids' brains thats just like Hey this character design/behavior fucking sucks Dont do this

so, by posting my art anyway i hope i can contribute to a portion of the fanbase that is outwardly against the bigoted content in the game, as an alternative to mcpig dick riders/defenders. and if there are any fans out there involved in the community who dont know better, hopefully they can learn, and avoid perpetuating bigotry

all that being said, your feelings on the matter may be very different, and you dont have to abide to any of this thinking. if a piece of media is upsetting you, its okay to step away from it as long as you need. maybe see how you feel when you come back to it and if the hateful feelings are still there, there is no obligation to engage further

(and as a bottom line if anybody reading this is considering playing pizza tower i suggest you pirate it instead of paying for it)

[emmkitt]

Hi it's me the shimmer4 oscc anon . I wasnt calling animationepic ableist or anything like that i was just saying it vaguely reminded me of that so it made me slightly uncomfortable. I dont hate anyone who likes shimmer4 or animationepic or anything. Also i wrote that in the middle of the night so i wasnt very good judgement wise . Your reblog was very insightful thank you for opening my eyes

hi! no worries at all. i honestly feared i mightve been too mean in that response cause i was upset with some other things at the time 😭, and i truly didnt really think you were trying to call AE ableist yourself or whatever, i more so wanted to put it out there cause.,,, ive seen the stuff ii neg people post sometimes. they take something supperrrr insignificant and RUN WITH IT. (no im not saying youre part of the ii neg group, just that… if anyone ii neg saw your post I wouldn’t put it past them to add it to their huge list of why ii sucks.) I worried they would see that and try using it as fuel to say ‘ae anti autism’ so it was more me trying to post it before that happened. as like a ‘hey im autistic and my input is that this doesnt bother me.’ kinda thing.

I don’t think thats me being too mean about the ii neg people either, i mean these are the same people who literallly call Brian a zionist cause he works for nickelodeon (and that time he made an AMV using an AJR song), and they called Adam a zionist cause he had the Israel flag in his bio at one point (hes Jewish?????) amongst a slew of other things. i dont want you to think im like. Upset with you or anything, cause youre allowed to feel uncomfortable by things. I think the main reason i posted it was because i wanted to make sure people dont take that narrative and try to call AE horrible things over a coincidence, ya know? Like…. it was more of a note to everyone rather than me trying to direct anger or something at you. Cause I worried people would see that and think they should find the whole.. alien egg autistic phone thing to be conspiratory.

It was also partly cause I had a lot of those thoughts in regards to many other things people have been posting about II recently (stares in fear at the ‘knife wifebeater, suitcase mentally ill helpless woman’ take) and just felt the need to spill it all in one post.

But yeah tl;dr youre allowed to be uncomfortable by things even if they weren’t necessarily the authors intent, i dont want my response to seem like I’m telling you youre not allowed to feel a certain way about something. my response was more for anyone neutral about it or who thinks that they should be uncomfortable about it.

idk if that makes sense lmao.