#im not saying im a good person thats why im calling out my behaviour.

[lostinatrainofthoughts]

i have this severe problem where once a friend always consistently texts me all the time nonstop, i would match their energy and feel admiration and adoration for them despite their morals being diff than mine so i'll overlook it. but the longer it keeps going and theres no space for me to breathe and theyre constantly in my space do i get so annoyed and distant and i start seeing the redflags i tried so hard to ignore and now im stuck

[pizzapizzadickz]

I feel a lil bit better today after getting some rest in. I always feel better when I can spend a day at home. I think tomorrow I'll wear my noise cancelling headphones or something so I can chill even more.

...funny how my way to chill is just trying to eliminate all external stimuli

(Pt 1 for description rant)

[imperfection-in-one-human]

The odd one.

Tav x Everyone

Warnings: depressions ; self harming behaviour ; bad english ; bad written lol ; im not good at writing endings ngl ; self doubts ; thoughts about suicide and even mentions ; descriptions of wounds ; teeny tiny bit of fluff ; drama ; angst ; idk poly relationship?

Note: hello everyone who thinks this is gonna be good lol. Its just a little drabble i really wanted to write but thats like my first fic/drabble ever so please be kind :') still i hope you enjoy that small thingy. Also i used they/them as tavs pronouns and theres no specific description to their look. Also there might be typos etc. English is not my native language!

If someone has to describe tav than they would probably take the word "odd". Odd because they were so clumsy that it was nothing new when they tripped over their own feet or stumble right into a trap, indicators where most started to think that they're absolutely not capable of fighting or at least not being good at it. Most would think that they're just gonna stumble into sword, or spells, and call it a day. But, much to everyones suprises, it wasnt like that. Tav was rather good at slaying things, beheading goblins or punch someone so hard that they're loosing foot - they were even good at taking hits until their nose run bloody and their lips were chapped, even bruised. The description of "odd' was perfect for them and still, it seems that there were even more things about them that made them so weird. Not only had they a habit of not treating their wounds probably, no, they also tried to downplay them and saying that they are not as bad as you think it is. Even when shadowheart tried to heal a claffing wound on their arm they just tried to get away from her healing spell - something about "dont waste it in me shadowheart, keep it until someone really needs it. Wyll got wounded too". It was weird but no one really questioned it, they shoved it onto the fact that tav was indeed a very selfless person. Always trying to do something good or even trying to give most of their being to people so that they didnt have to suffer - may it be a healing potion, a weapon or even the safe space behind a wall. Tav would always give up things like that, taking hits for every companion they got ans smile at them afterwards with reassuring words because "it doesnt hurt that much! Dont you worry!"

It was only time later when they found out the truth and its all because of that artist. Someone who they thought they're never gonna see ever again but here he was with a ghost in front of him and said ghost was just so mad at him that everyone was ready again to fight but instead they got to hear the whole story and when the ghost said why she was dead tavs eyes got dull for a second.

A second where it felt as if the ocean crashed right onto them, waves of unspoken sadness and a hidden longing no one wanted a admit, tidal waves who threaten to consume every last single bit of them, swallowing them whole and keeping them right into their embrace. It was as if someone spoke the right words for a curse to be lifted, a lingering curse everyone knew that it existed but no one wanted to admit. It was only then where everyone kind of knew why tav did things the way they did, why they never quite let their wounds heal or reopening them again in a battle. Why they never quite cared enough about themself to even try to heal anything about them. Why they never really took onto the pretty words everyone said to them in and out of camp, why they shied away from any ounce of love even though every single one loved them with such a burning passion that it would burn them and they would happily accept it. They would love to crumble under that heat and still they never really got it, of course they exchanged small little affecrionate gestures like hugs, cuddles or kisses on the cheek but it never seemed to go further than that. They knew that their tav was in shatters and pieces, still they tried to but them back together.. it just seemed that they never quite made it. As if it they were million miles away even though tav was right infront of them. Still that didnt stopped any of them to express their love for their leader, there was still hope that one day they would get into that broken little heart. Maybe they just needed time? Maybe love wouldnt heal them completely?

Maybe everything came into a full picture right here and then even though it was just a small second. After that incident everyone went back to camp where the inevitable came - all of them wanted to know what was going on but no one really dared to ask. It was such a delicate topic, they were scared that their beloved leader would built up even more walls, what they didnt know was the fact how much tavs heart ached - how much they yearned for the love they could have and even the relationship what was right infront of them. The only thing holding them back was fear. Fear that every single of them would see them as they see themself. That they would leave them with their heart in their hands and crush it like fallen leaves from a tree. They were so love and touched starved sometimes it felt like they were going crazy! They wanted all of this to be real and still there was a small voice in their heads telling them that they deserved none of this, that they are not important enough that someone would even care when they were gone. Just died in a battle or got swept away from the absolute. That all of them just love them because they were travelling together and as soon as the journey ends they going seperate ways. Astarion would live the life he wanted, karlach would get her own small home again, laezel fullfilling her wish of ascending, wyll roaming the coast, gale going back to tara and his tower, shadowheart living with her parents and halsin going back into the shadowlands so he can be with his old and beloved friend. That sounded real. That sounded like it would happen and not their little dream of living with them until death itselfs collects them. Still.. they dreamed about that little fantasy everyday, selfishly wanting that and nothing more. Just living in peace with every person they love.. then why does their heart hurt so much as soon as they're showing love for them? Is it too good to be true? Were they scared? Probably everything of the above.

So they really needed to talk to them all of them. And they're gonna do that, letting all of them into that broken heart of theirs and allowing themself to be happy?

... maybe if they let a little bit of sunshine into their pierced heart they may allow themself to dream a little longer with the. To accept the love they wanted to give. Maybe it wasnt such a bad wish after all?

[thedeafprophet]

I’m reading the thread your meme was used in, and…why so much hatred for Revolutionaries and Liberationists? I’d assume it was personal taste or silly responses, were it not for how genuinely vitriolic it can get. They make it sound like evil star gods who eat humanity are preferable to people making the world a bit darker and a bit freer. Is. Is there something I’m not getting here?

*deep sigh* frankly, i dont get it all either

If I am to give others the benefit of the doubt, I would hope to presume some folks simply get too far into their roleplaying of their characters. since their characters absolutely despise anything to do with the revs and being a decent person, that spirs onto into vitriolic behaviour and far too into constantly hating on and shit talking the revs.

to a certain extent i think, especially in the echo chamber it can become, they dont really get how this comes across to other people, especially those who like the revs. (I had a particular convo with a guy on reddit who i blocked for posting anti liberation conent... and then proceeded to dm me, when i have never talked to them before, questioning me on why. seemed geniuenly baffled that i would have found the anti-revs post unwanted and said they thought the back and forth was 'all in good humour'. of which it is certainly not to me, having had violent 'jokes' directed towards me in past conversations)

If I am. to be a little less charitable. I think this is sometimes shining a less then ideal light on the moral insights of these folks.

Look - im not saying people cant like villains or play evil characters, i mean, im literarly mr fires' pr manager and post about the captivating princess all the time lmao.

But when you're constantly talking about 'how dare workers ever ask for rights' and constantly making out the revs to be horrid immoral monsters (even going as far as to call it 'kind of sick' when the writing has changed its LoN writing to be less in bad faith) it kind of paints a bit of a picture in my mind. At a certain point there really is no other explanation then people being needless edgelords with 'centrists' views promoting the concept that revolutionaries are evil.

perhaps its a bit of a balance of the two - theres many different people around in the fandom, and i of course dont want to make assumptions. but man is it hard as a revs fan when you cant even make a pro rev joke without someone suggesting you should be decapitated. shits rough

tldr: there's nothing you're missing, thats just what these people do

[miiilowo]

hey man. i heard from someone that you dont like she/her v2 headcanons because they feel misogynistic to you, and i just want to say in the most respectful way possible (i genuinely mean no ill will or hate i promise. also i should clarify this ask is coming from A Woman) that your behaviour about that feels a little like, idk, making a mountain out of a molehill. except the molehill is just a she/her headcanon.

i do understand the genuine concern behind people heacanoning a "less violent, more peaceful" character with the she/her pronouns; but as far as ive seen no one headcanons v2 as a girl for those reasons, or even characterizes v2 like that at all. and v2 is canonically portrayed just as violently as v1 ? just because v2 is a security bot doesnt mean its more peaceful, its like calling the turrets from portal 2 harmless.

im not saying you have to accept a she/her v2 headcanon, im just saying i think you may need to reevaluate *why* you find a she/her headcanon to be so offensive. because i dont think misogyny is the reason.

I understand the concern and where you're coming from with this, but in the original post where I talk about being irritated by it, it's specifically referring to people who use she/her for v2 while using he/him for v1 at the same time. I tried to get that across but I guess I failed lmao. this is because i personally HAVE seen people woobify and soften v2 for the reason that it's a security bot, and the version of them that they make up in their heads, and while it's definitely not how the fandom views v2 at large, it Does happen, and just because you havent seen it doesnt mean that people aren't doing it, you know? im not trying to be a dick here but like. i dunno man. its a contextual discomfort, not a general hatred, and overall, im fine with she/her pronouns for v2 . i generally dont care if people think v2 is a girl or use she/her for it, but in some contexts it feels weird and i dont like it. thats literally all my problem with it is lmao

I did acknowledge in my head that maybe it irked me for a different reason [you know. potential internalized misogyny considering im a trans guy. acknowledge that you can be an asshole sometimes so you can improve etc etc whatever you know the drill], and came to the same conclusion: that I don't like it because it feels off to me, and not because I dislike the idea of v2 being a girl or using she/her pronouns. you asked me to reevaluate why it makes me uncomfortable, but i already did that before i even talked about it publicly

as for the making a mountain out of a molehill thing, i can also definitely see that, but it . wasnt supposed to be a mountain. i generally use my blog as like. a thinking out loud thing more than a um. Fighting The Good Fight Against Those Disgusting Morally Corrupt Tumblr Users and it wasn't supposed to be a big deal. which is why i turned off reblogs. on thepost where i talk about it !

i may not be a girl anymore, but i used to be one and most people still perceive me as one in real life. i have experienced, and continue to experience misogyny, so my occasional discomfort with those headcanons is actually coming from somewhere and isn't just me trying to find something to get pissed off about

believe me or dont, its up to you, but i can promise the reason isnt because i hate women

[etherealspacejelly]

I fear that i would be sad and becoming a hateful bigot that calls anything that’s different to the norm ‘bad’.How do i become not like this?

well i think the first thing to do is to throw out the idea that you have any clue what 'normal' even is! because none of us do!

normal is a very subjective term. it is affected by the country you grew up in, the culture and religion of your family, the media you consume regularly, the people you spend time with most often, the list goes on

you will never truly understand the vast extent of The Human Experience because there will always be experiences you cannot relate to or empathise with no matter how hard you try. so you need to get into the mindset that Every Single Human Being deserves basic human rights no matter what. they deserve healthcare, housing, food and water, bodily autonomy, etc. because in a society where your rights can be taken away because you did something Bad, the people in charge will find a way to make the people they dont like into Bad People, so that they can get away with taking their rights away. see: homosexuals are paedophiles, trans women are predators, Muslims are terrorists, etc. etc. etc.

the only way to ensure your rights never be taken away is to make sure No Ones Rights Can Be Taken Away Ever, yes even Those people. yes, them too. when i say no one, i mean no one.

keeping an open mind and listening to other peoples experiences is also highly important. if something makes you uncomfortable, sit with that. think about Why it makes you uncomfortable, and whether that is a rational thing to feel about it or if it is a knee jerk reaction that was taught to you by your family or the society you grew up in.

you will have to accept that you Are going to be wrong about some things. you are not always the good guy in every story. you will say bigoted things or be ignorant about something or offend someone, even if you never intended to. and your response to that should not be "omg i didnt mean it im not a bigot i would never do anything bigoted my mums brothers dogs cousin is [insert minority group]!!", it should be "ok, i messed up here. i clearly have much more to learn on this subject. im so sorry for [thing you did/said] and for any harm it caused, i will educate myself so that this doesnt happen again."

and its important to remember that having some internalised bigoted beliefs doesnt make you an Evil Person, you were just raised in a bigoted society. of course you're going to pick these things up thats what humans do! we learn from and copy the behaviours of those we grow up with as children. but you do have to do the work to challenge those beliefs and educate yourself. i believe that people should always be given the opportunity to grow and change, and that often times bigoted behaviour comes from a place of ignorance and fear. these people will never change their beliefs if we treat them like irredeemable monsters, it will just push them further away.

anyway thats my take on it i suppose. other people will have different opinions. i hope this helped you in some way :)

[nahalism]

What’s the update on cnscious? You had said you’re reaching out and I’m curious as to what happened.

i did reach out and share my concerns. normally if a conversation is private, i keep it that way, but i get why ur asking so ill share the gist, which is : i brought my grievance to the table. she heard me out, took accountability, & apologised with sincerity. — as uncomfortable as it was for me to read what she wrote, after listening to her, and taking what i know of her character from over the time ive known her into account, i don't believe she intended any malice. personally, i'm good with an apology and accountability taken (especially if future actions show effort to act & speak with consideration, and educate herself on the matter). however, the truth is, how i feel about a matter is how i feel. i cant and shouldn't influence another persons stance or opinion on the situation. gauge all things for yourself and see how you feel and where you stand.

one thing though. — i do believe the anon who first sent her those questions really did give her multiple chances to correct her stance, and reflect/apologise. i also believe it isn't anyone's responsibility to try to educate or take up for people who are being discriminatory in their behaviour or language. — however, we often say our intent is to 'call people in' and educate them, rather than 'call them out'. if thats truly the case, we need to take account of the fact that we all have the ability to reach out to one another one on one. its not about doing the person you wish to correct any favours, or about pandering to them. its literally that people are human and if they don't believe what they're doing is wrong, or cant see the harm they're causing because they never intended it/dont under the opposing perspective, they're likely to get defensive, or feel like their being goaded rather than corrected when someone calls them out both publicly & anonymously. its human nature to get 'cagey' when your embarrassed or feel misunderstood. i think anonymous messages heighten that feeling and can actually make someone who would normally respond apologetically, pissed off and super defensive. i think private messages or at the very least sending public messages but with ur @ attached, goes a long way to letting the person on the other side know they can bring their guard down because they're being addressed by a human who genuinely wants to make them aware, rather than someone lurking on them from the shadows, waiting to 'twist what they meant', or fuck with them. — for the record, im not saying thats what anon was trying to do. i just wanna bring to light a more effective way or creating understanding or peace where theres friction. i respect that there are many reasons someone might want to remain anonymous, all of which are valid. some people dont even want peace in which case, move according to your prerogative. just consider, if you want someone to receive what you have to say with an open heart, it helps if they can see who you are, and feel your intent.

[rayasland]

I'm sorry but your post about Aging Up characters delegitimises hundreds upon thousands of fanfictions across all fandoms and is a ridiculous ask. You're basically asking all fans to only write about the adult characters in NSFW situations - even if the teen character is now an adult in the fic??? So we can't explore how the teen now struggles with life as an adult, including new adventures or settings, because its somehow problematic??? I can assure you authors aren't picturing kids when writing Aged Up fics, the point and the intent is to explore how they'd function in different/challenging situations, not if their homework needs to be in on time. I understand your intent- you're coming at this topic from a place of worry- but bullying fanfic writers is just going to silence all forms of fandom. We're cannibalising each other enough as it is, and your words are doing more harm than good

uve completely got it all wrong. ur saying u understand but ur sending this long ass paragraph and that says otherwise. im actually getting pissed.

how is bringing attention to smth thats been happening for a while now gonna be labelled as “bullying..?” a bit confusing. im not forcing no one to stop writing abt minors, if u wanna live ur life writing about kids despite knowing its pedophilic, do as u wish. like i said im 1. bringing to light how wrong it is 2. seeing how many ppl will agree. im not bullying anyone either so idk wtf ur on abt. all i can say abt that is that u must be real fucking sensitive if u think that was bullying bro. cannot wait to see how u react to real life bullying!

i cant even lie how u gon write a paragraph of pure yap😭😭

its okay to write kid characters experiencing real life things that could happen to literally anyone(non-sexual), i never said u couldnt. whats not okay and what i completely disagree on is blatantly writing porn about them. "i understand your intent!" mm sure, and i understand what you’re saying is that its okay to write them having sex?? bc it's something that they can "explore as an adult"? you’re okay with a child experiencing that? regardless of whether they're real or not??? honestly you’re js trying to justify ur weird ass behaviour and its as clear as day. also… tbh, why r u acting as if sexual activities are the only ways a minor aged up as an adult can explore or wtf that means??? pretty sure theres a million other ways so maybe get ur mind out of the gutter.

tf was the point of that message? that why you asked anonymously? bc YOU YOURSELF know posting that is pedophilic behavior disguised behind ur so called moral ambiguity by bringing in other shit that only justifies writing porn about A CHILD??

u wanna be dramatic about "bullying fanfic writers," "cannibalizing each other," and my words doing more harm than good? how about you get a fucking life you self righteous pedophile. like okay, sure fine we'll let it slide. and then we should let real-person fictional literature porn about a child slide. and then we should let porn videos and drawings of little kids slide. and then we should normalize minor + adult relationships so that everyone can have a chance regardless of their age because experiencing something is better because it makes both parties understand!

in all forms!! incest, pedophilic, power imbalances, rape from randoms on the street, in our schools, in the transports, out in public, in private, in our homes, when we're young! when we're old! when we don't know what's between anyone else's legs! they a boy? they a girl? they both? they none? even better! honestly if ur reading that kinda shit and r actually getting off to it, please seek help. and if u STILL after reading all this have no idea why its not okay, use google or read the comments and reblogs on the actual post and go talk nonsense at them bc im not going to be responding to whatever bs u have to say in response.

[padfootastic]

H E L L O jfp-eyes pen (thats your new name btw)

i know its a little late but my mind keep going back to it and i also talked about a similar issue w several other people on here since and i was wondering if you can/want elaborate on what you said about this:

"like, u want potters to be desi? it’s not just the cute clothes and good food and linguistic differences u need to keep in mind. there’s so much more where it comes from, including several practices that will be considered highly objectionable by this rigidly judgemental crowd."

((i am v v interested but no pressure to answer this, i totally get if you dont want to get into this discourse))

dani—you’re gonna pull me into the desi potters discourse one way or the other, eh?

so. i’m not sure how much sense this’ll make because it’s like…half-baked thoughts but my problem with this scenario actually stems from a more macro, general trend i’m noticing in fandom behaviour. for some reason, puritan culture & veiled conservatism is coming back in the guise of progressiveness? and that’s leading to a lack of critical thinking in these spaces & randomly attributing buzzwords to things out of context bc u don’t have more than a shallow understanding of it.

which means that that comment was directed at a very specific subset of fandom that decided that idk ignoring the Bad Things & Flaws would somehow make them cease to exist. let’s only take the most ‘exotic’, fun aspects even if it’s a completely one dimensional reading & run with it. they wouldn’t be able to tell u what desi is beyond the barebones.

so, you’ll have people vehemently arguing that the potters can’t be anything but desi and white james is gross and i’m just like—why. why are u, as a non-desi person, so attached to this headcanon that you’ll ridicule real people for it? and then their attitudes as well. the incest thing, for example. there are communities in india that marry their first cousins—if i write a story tomorrow where james marries his mother’s imaginary brother’s daughter, then depending on how i HC him, that’s perfectly culturally acceptable (and desirable). if i write a story where euphemia and fleamont use corporal punishment for him, and he takes it super lightly and jokes about it, that’s also fine. (which is a direct contrast to how the western black family & sirius’ abuse is treated). there’ a community in india where the man ‘drinks’ from his mother’s breast, publicly, at his wedding to symbolise the last time he’d be her son before he becomes someone’s husband. another where a new mother can’t feed her son until her sister-in-law washes her breast thoroughly. caste is something that’s not even touched upon. it’s so complicated. but how do u think it’ll be received by most of the desi potter crowd if i actually do write any of this? will i be praised for my ~representation or called out on twitter for being a freak?

and that’s really where i get annoyed. the attitudes most of this crowd hold does not have any space for cultural subjectivity, what is ok to them has to be universally ethical. there’s no way other cultures do things their way and if they do, it’s barbaric/backward/problematic etc etc. pseudo-colonial, like i said.

(disclaimer: i want it to be made very clear i’m not demanding people nclude this stuff in their fics. i’m well aware of how escapism works, being the premier advocate for it. im just saying it won’t hurt to be mindful of these facts, that this is a whole culture that’s ridiculously diverse that doesn’t just exist for the sake of people’s headcanons)

and this isn’t even going into the cultural nuances of how desi families work. you can’t bring in american/european individualism & have james move out at 18 & write everything transactionally & do everything the way u would for a white character but only pay lip service when saying they’re brown ykno? when u say they’re a certain identity, there’s so much that comes with that. and if u don’t include any of that, then it really just makes me wonder why u want a brown james—feels like ego appeasement and falling to peer pressure half the time tbh.

another important thing for me is that so much of this crowd intersects with the ‘fandom is activism’ crowd and i just. fundamentally disagree with those people. and find their words/actions incredibly performative. by which i mean, the way they treat real people—people from the communities they’re adopting as HCs for their beloved characters. there’s this…hypocrisy, yeah? what i mentioned above, about how if i wrote some culturally different practice, i’d probably be attacked. they don’t want desi potter, they want white-lite potters that is palatable to & tailored for their own constitution but in a form that they can pass of as ‘oh look, my characters r diverse which makes me Morally Good and i can use that to shit on others’.

i think my problem is just that i don’t like it when people use the identity headcanons to portray themselves as being inherently better because they have ~equal representation. fandom is not a government institution—lateral visibility & membership is not a prerequisite to wanting to write about x and y fucking or going on a date or hugging or having a conversation. making a marauder group where each character—functionally an OC—is from a different community (often w/o considering how intersectionality works) for the sake of saying ‘oh i have a x in my HCs’ does not make u some radical leftist, yeah? and i strongly dislike people who pretend it does.

[istherewifiinhell]

back on the grief train woo woo (day recap) (most serious skip warning yet)

i have a predilectiction to not wanting to record or remember when (like the specific when in time) bad things happen. but in the last couple years of blogging, and i guess the year and change of drawing ive found a lot more appeal of recall. so i wonder if its not so bad to. record the bad. at any rate i dont think. not recording it makes it less real. which i think is the fear. and. my head is doing it anyway.

im doing this coping method questionable activity here instead of a journal becauseeee??? natural format my brains prefers i suppose.

to recap. the bad horrible no good very bad day

- i went to sleep late, as usual. i wake late. same. i prelong getting out of bed. also same. scrolling idly (or 'pre scrolling' the dash. i dont know why i do it)

- screams. screams and distress and misery and comforting a screaming distressed person. various talking down of hysterical lines of thought. (thats not an insult. 1. circumstances 2. understood behavioural trends) the joint and mouth gear i sleep in dont even come off until the screaming is done. have u every pet someones head in a wrist brace?

- lots and lots of crying. more comforting. the gear comes off. i brush my teeth. exhausted sitting and hovering around the. scene of the incident.

- migration to kitchen as food needs win out. all doors shut and all living beings collect. toast is eaten. water drank. etc.

- backup arrives. infomation is gathered. places are looked up and called. plans are formed. actions are taken. i mentally catalogue setimental, soothing, but give upable fabrics.

- i rip up threadbare torn bed sheets. i have to figure out how to get my dead cat into a box.

-he was around 12-15 pounds. we called him toddler sized and shaped. he had a mean punch and strong grasp. i taught him to sit on my shoulders, sometimes.

- realise how much heavier he is now. i cry. i cover him with the sheet. i somehow get it under him. hes stiff. even the tail. i cry. i pet his fur. i sob getting him into the box.

- backup apologizes. im on my knees. wailing. i think. definetly louder than anything ive done yet. backup gestures the dog at me. knowing my situation. distressee entered at some point. gets a hug from back up. i think i am gestured into the hug. i gesture down. im on the floor.

- i wail and am hugged.

- i am invited on the trip to the place. i gestures to my face. my sleep clothes. i dont see it happening. im told i dont need to be strong all the time. i reiterate. i really just wouldnt be able to get my glasses and a mask on.

- i dont see the box. i dont see much. at i dont remember if i have tea now or earlier. i soon as i hear the car go. im crying again. the sister cat meowing didnt help. i dont actually know or belief if that. i have no idea what she experiences. shes a cat. but. yeah.

- blogging happens? sometime happens? people return.

- im told. four years ago he developed a heart murmer. apparently thats a thing. 4 years. bengin to. serious.

- blogging happens. as well as algorithmic irony. i am asked if i want to watch something. i say. shower first. i forget ever song ive ever heard. for a moment. i settle on the album pocket.

- eventually i come down. i get food. we watch a movie. its a good movie. i have a nice exchange with a friend during too.

- i watch some dishes and realise. bizarrely. my old manager might find out about this. the vet was near to my job. the guy was friends with the techs. this was the kind of infomation he would share with me at times.

- youtube videos until the group disbands.

- i start recounting this my head

- i am wearing pjs i dont like. whatever the level for snotty sleeves where u chuck a set in the hamper has surely been met.

- typing this. using a spare pillow case as a hanky

- im gonna go and try and find the horse traqulizer of pleasant youtube videos.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

anon who doesnt have aspd and taught myself empathy here yet again! i am Now Thinking and remembering that a huge part of why i've never tried to go to therapy or anything is coz like i Know i'd use what i learn to like, manipule ppl better and shit. i enjoy playing w ppl Too much and coz Fun Childhood i've been good at it all my life, but cognitively i recognise its bad so it would be bad and not fair for me to go to therapy and get even better at it and manipulate ppl i love for my own fun. and like even i dont do illegal shit or even like drink alcohol or smoke coz then i can keep the moral high ground in arguments w ppl and i can say whatever i want and call em out on shit and create a fuss for them and stir the pot and they cant call me a hypocrite. like so much of what i do is about making sure i have a level of ability to manipulate and control ppl and situations. so many behaviours which arent explained by autism, idk why i've just brushed all of them aside except that i've gotten bored by overthinking abt them, and ive mostly gotten to a point where they're under control and im content w life

but back to remorse and empathy i honestly just think they're not really necessarily useful things and ppl place so much importance on "oh im such a good person i have so much empathy" but will also use their empathy/remorse to control ppl? like i know ppl w bpd who use their genuine guilt and worries and stuff to get ppl to feel sorry for them and indulge them instead of confronting and working on it. like even ppl w/o mental illness will sometimes try to use the fact they feel bad abt smth to erase their culpability instead of actually fixing their mistakes. it can be confronting for them that some ppl can be like "oh shit i made a mistake. fuck. oh well" (and sometimes fix their mistake/take responsibility) w/o remorse or other emotions to it coz i think it makes them realise their emotion doesnt absolve them

thanks to listening to me ramble!

man i feel that, im also obsessed with having the moral high ground, except i think my view of morality is the best one and everyone else is stupid. also i'm a hypocrite. i also hate hypocrites! yes this in of itself is hypocritical i am aware. do something morally reprehensible? shame on you! doesn't matter that i do the same thing with no intent to stop. its over anakin i have the moral high ground!! i have Standards and Morals and also i'm correct all the time. if i had the death note there would be no story and everything would be okay. i simply would not go mad with power and i'd only kill people who are deserving of it

also yeah i hate the empathy = morality thing i hate it so so so so much. i do think cognitive empathy is a useful tool and remorse can be useful as like, the emotions equivalent of getting spritzed with a water bottle and also you are a cat. do something shitty? feel remorse? my cuck ass is NEVER doing that again!! because remorse felt so bad the first time, why would i risk doing it Again and feeling remorse Again? its just not worth it. but then again if you get more and more used to its presence it wouldnt work all that great and also would suck balls

and i've known a dude w bpd who was like that, and ive known people with good ol fashioned Anxiety Disorder that were like that- worse, even! they thought that bc they had anxiety, they were these cutesy little waifs and anything they did could be rebutted with "but i have anxietttyyyyyy" and everyone was just expected to pity them because of it- no matter what they did! people put too high of an emphasis on emotion as the standard of morality- if you're a scared abuse victim, thats Moral and you are Pitiable, which is Good. however if you fought back, you are Immoral and you are Secretly Probably The Aggressor, which is Bad. (consequently, if you're too scared, that's Moral, however you Didn't Fight Back, which means you were acting Illogically, and Had It Coming, therefore you are Bad) which is hypocritical as fuck! ive taken responsibility w/o remorse and i've takne responsibility with remorse and remorse is Not the important part of this argument, it's emotional intelligence.

[artamos]

yea im rly sry abt all this im not like a huge fan of ur group n usully agree w puellas takes bt this is mental. abused kids r not serial killers not animal abusers they r fucking HURT KIDS. puella coulda jst said they int w rarted but they saw a traumatized persons messy issues n added it 4 combo points on the callout tbh. i want puella 2 know their muts also see jst wtf they r saying rn like

i hope you know that puella is usually very deceptive in the way they word things or even just, purposefully cropping posts and including some tags but not all (that give context) or will post a singular screenshot of a post that is out of context if you just scrolled you could see originally it wasn't anything bad just an unfortunately worded vent that clearly condemns whatever puella condemns too.

puella didn't listen about children killing animals, despite it being actually proven fucking wrong (google it if you fucking have to) but i knew that'll happen, puella only ever doubles down on what they state. it was extremely fucking upsetting though to see them double down on calling abused children future serial killers but.. alas i knew they wouldn't change stance from past interactions.

i don't think i'm personally some saint but i also don't see the benefit in calling these types of people out, which is where puella and i clash. also puella has lied about me being a year older and my boyfriend being a year younger, which i don't believe was a mistake, i have no proof it was intentional to slander me, but all my accounts either said 20 (i was 20 at the time) or just 'adult', so i have no idea why they lied. especially concerning that i was called weird (alluded to me being a pedophile) but no one actually cared for the person they were calling my victim? it makes me feel really sick they twisted my relationship into something sinister and at the same time was mad at my boyfriend still after labelling him my victim.

i'm not saying puella is intentonally doing this but it's an alarming pattern and i make habit of blocking them and all they're mutuals to avoid them. puella has been doing this shit for years i don't see them changing. before they post another callout i'd love to see them address them lying, their antisemitism towards me and ableism in regards to introjects and child abuse victims. them going through abuse doesn't negate them being ableist. it's unfair puella believes they don't need to ever rethink what they believe because they went through trauma too but then hold others to the standard of not being allowed to want to retraumatise themselves after being abused and somehow thats callout worthy rather than alarming behaviour that this person need support rather than vilification that further pushes them towards unhealthy coping mechanisms.

i don't think wanting to retraumatise yourself is good, but it's not a fucking moral failure. no one is going to be hurt from that other than the person themselves.

sorry for ranty style response i have honestly too much to say about this.

[notafunkiller]

https://x.com/not_a_funkiller/status/1837065105869079040?t=TR5Bdpg6sOpDOR3NkbmjlQ&s=19

if u saw someone reblog twice but not there in twitter its me (IM SO SORRY) bcs i planned on quoting serious number of paragraphs but then thought abt how its a waste of time to actually explain because they wouldn’t read it anyways and im not active in twitter and not planning to bcs twitter is a corrupted media.

first of all what hate? in definition hate would be an extreme feeling of dislike (highlight extreme) where one would be very emotional (anger/fear/shame) of the issue. is that what this page is? a hate page? nope, we are sharing opinions (which where opinions meant view or judgement regarding of something that is not necessarily based on fact or knowledge — in another word what u belief in). when you said ‘post hate’ in my mind comes disgustingly hatred comment/ edits of that person but did she do any of it? no, she simply share how she thinks. for example, their relay is pr, sebastian weirdly hypocritical behaviour, her acting performances are not that good, her ‘questionable’ behaviour such as baiting fans and stalking. theres more but these are the examples and some may agree some may not or some maybe neutral but in the end the opinions are just assumptions. gossips. where is the hate in that? i dont get it. again as i said before u lot r pussies for opinion.

besides if one did ask with questionable names, she would say to mind their language or not to call her that (b4 people come after me saying then why would she post it if the asks use bad names, its because the ask contain an info that she agrees on for example, shes baiting again but replace she with a bad name) also i think she doesn’t post asks with serious curse/extreme names because never once have i read it. (and puhleas, i spend my free time here scrolling to THOUSANDS of asks repeatedly that i think i might remember some already)

(crying bcs i can’t do it — reading asks— when im in uni later)

next exaggerating his old rs, i don’t think she is ‘exaggerating’. If she is ‘exaggerating’ she would be posting abt his old relay 24/7 (highlight 24/7) and besides, how could you expect people not to when there are difference?? (also if u wanna blame her, then blame sebastian too for mentioning it😂) people will always keep comparing because mind you the time of his old rs are different than his current ones (ex: him being inactive in sm now). ps, if there is something shocking/fucking sweet abt him with aw now, people would start comparing to how he/she is so happy vs to their time w their exes. ofc it cant be denied that he matures and might have different opinions in life (such as wanting it to be private) it could be the reasons to it but you cannot stop people from thinking abt other factors and starts to compare. also, she is not ‘obsessed’ she is questioning as to why isn’t he as affectionate as before. what changes? thats why she keeps on bringing up the past bcs what the hell… ITS CUTE, its in the past but ITS CUTE (also i have a feeling she did this on purpose bcs a lot will end her for smacking the sweet pics of his old rs😂 — i mean look! you’re the one who’s hating it rn) but one thing for sure, if you don’t like people to ‘exaggerate’, then block, but oh well, you keep on stalking bcs u cant handle the curiosity dont you? you just have to make it as if she’s the one who is problematic 👀👀 but you are the so-called-hero for calling out the ‘hate’

conclusion when does this becomes an issue? this as in having different opinions? me and notafunkiller have different opinions, for example, i like aw acting esp in malignant, i’ve seen the mummy one too (w tom cruise) and i love it (idk the girl was aw at the time), also i said this b4 abt my stand regarding on the relay are unknown bcs i feel like both of them are playing with my feelings (both = sebastian and aw) one day i feel like its pr and another i feel like its not but in the end idc anymore as long as i have sebastian content bcs its why im here, for sebastian. thinking too much abt it is, well, too much for my brain and i have no time for it except for gossips. and look! i have no problem with notafunkiller and she too doesn’t have problem with me.

so please BACK OFF FROM HER I SWEAR TO GOD bcs no matter what u say and how much u make as if she is the ‘bad’ one in this fandom, i will defend her just as how i will defend sebastian.

do not let their words get to u. take care of yourself

te iubesc, noapte bună (its the easiest word that i learned and confident in😭😂 i wanna try others but im scared of the gramma/pronouns bcs WHAT AM I STUDYING BRO)

anyways here is dancing pisică

First of all, you are so sweet for this message and fir defending me. I also want to say that I am gonna miss you while you are gone, but I hope studying will go great amd I can't wait for your updates.

Second of all, you are doing great with your Romanian lessons.

Thrid of all, that's the thing... we do not have to agree with everything to be able to have conversations and be decent and respectful. I love to have chats with people with different opinions. You never know where and when you can learn more about different topics.

Hugs to you and congrats for your maturity.

[bittyfromquotev]

"imagine telling a minor to shut up" I dont see what you being a minor has to do with it? Being a minor doesnt excuse stuff, it just means that adults shouldnt be inappropriate with you and you should avoid adult spaces because they arent suitable for your age group. being a minor doesnt mean someone cant tell me to stfu and check my behaviour, like parents and teachers do it all the time and being a minor doesnt stop that. Like I dont agree at all with how that anon went about it because that was rude and uncalled for, but that tag confused me cause its irrelevant to being told to shut up and stop stirring the pot. They should have said it not at all like that, but yeah.

and that other post where you said they were assuming your intentions? Im not sure I understand that either. Like im glad you see how the things you say makes it sound like you wanted them to try and harrass you and how that takes away from victims, but all i read from that was that they were just calling your behaviour attention seeking which isnt assuming anything about you as a person? you dont have to know someone to see what they do and perceive it in certain ways. i think it might also be a good idea to take down posts you recognise as being said impulsively in anger once youve calmed down, cause it keeps bringing you back into drama and stuff you dont wanna be a part of and if you remove them then theres less chance of people seeing it and potentially mentioning you again, which would also be safer for you.

also i dont think its great that just because someone disagreed you immeaditdly assumed they were a gore a non or supported them, cause thats also minimising what the victims go through. if you make everything "oh must be the gore anons" then it makes the actual gore anon problem meaningless cause its thrown around so much where there isnt an actual gore anon. if everyone is a gore anon then theres no gore anons bascailly. its not nice to accuse people like that willy nilly even if you dont like them. its a serious acusation that shouldnt be taken lightly and its unfair to place blame on everyone when the victims need actual answers not wild accusations

*siiigghhhhhhh* Okay. One more time, everybody!

I honestly have no idea why I said that. Thank you for pointing out how confusing that is. I think I just said that because they were being rude as fuck and I didn’t know what to say.

I say they are assuming my intentions because with the way they worded it, they think I was doing it on purpose or really DO just want attention. While I enjoy being interacted with, I don’t want to be popular in any sense. I don’t want a bunch of random people who I haven’t talked to more than once to flood my blog honestly.

While that is a reasonable idea, I don’t feel like taking down the posts I made when I was impulsive. I think people have the right to know what I can be like when I’m emotional or under pressure. I feel like me taking down those posts would be the same as me trying to hide my ugly side. If my IRL friends and family can see that ugly side, people online can too, at least to some extent.

I didn’t say that they were probably affiliated with the Gore Anons simply because they disagreed with me. I said that because they were rude and typed in a similarly aggressive way to said Gore Anons. Not many people IN this fandom other than them are rude when disagreeing with someone. Keep in mind I also said “probably” in that post. Not “definitely”.

This has been ANOTHER “clearing things up” post.

[scentedchildnacho]

Interview with Davi Kopenawa Yanomami on Climate Change

How did they find out that if they extend a project out of its sustainable idea that it would war on people and siege people to situations who want to believe in a different life in this one life

Practices like scare crow or the white wedding I've looked into how relevant it could really be as more then a population and it isn't

I don't want a man to put a gold ring on my finger and if you tell me all the time I have no gender valuability outside of marriage then

Sure it's important for white people......bipolar people want to suicide why they believe in reincarnation

You can't have any other fantasy nothing else to do you have to see so and so in the cold forever more that high school pedophile he still lives right over there

They call a sustainable good a horror on others....would you like your dagguerotype done beautiful

Would you like to trade with northern peoples though so we can go there and you can be a wife here though

The Irish Catholic told me I could read about it....so that's true of mentals....it has indigenous story metaphors and as recovered doesn't require medical intervention always

I was white so money doesn't make me crazy....but I don't spend my money on notoriety

To me money is as sustainable as anything else....and if you believe in human sanitation give your money to who encourages a toilet used....the more water goes to people for sanitation that's money sometimes

Helter skelters they take the money and start encouraging weird practices....so give me money back and people will be with water again not Charles Manson

The things naturists have told me in San Diego they use money for tattoos....cigarettes malfunctioning cars

Do l use money for that or if I have money is your side walk free from poop

The sheriff by the sal army thrift store told me I can't put my cart on the grass behind the Japanese restaurant or he would arrest me.....I didn't bother saying anything because kicking me out all the time had already caused me to go deaf and if he continued to batter me after the fact lots of people see this happening to me

Its my guess it's a good sign now people realize that I have a batterer

And thats that's enough soon officer......a police car was behind him so i think he has been asked to resign many times

Its a sal army he has probably murdered many some crack head

Ronnie Estes like man so

I couldnt hear what he was saying.....so I just left and their personal battle needed to keep going on

No I don't blame the sheriff.....I think it's the above mafia cop that wants to use surgery places to dramatically alter his appearance and other sheriff's are hired to slaughter him for being a serial killer

They were told they cannot use the medical facilities or they will keep warring on it....song nuclear was here so I don't know what the sheriff would do to him but like the cell on cows

Does he want to go to the slicer for calling crackheads it

Just cuts up sections of the brain neatly

Well I didn't know why they were obsessed with the surgery center and now I do that man killed crackheads here and it was explained that faith people don't like bad people treated unjustly

He is the sheriff's friends so now it's go tell her your more abnormal then a bad man so she doesn't feel bad for you

There are a lot of motorcyclists.....around so....gangs maybe did do something

Im going to keep the cart maybe get a dog with it left in a cage that can't put their feet in the grass sometimes

I was really frightened though after it and was about to ask others if they get really frightened today but decided that's manic behaviour to talk emotionally

The intake for food and shelter wanted to know about my family so I said my whole family was attacked and asking them for things is unreasonable

My brother in law has like eight siblings and life out here is really really rough and scary and they tell us all no and I would pile in there with them all and they explain once cops 🆔 you they would do frightening things to me there also

My sister to live there had to go to diabetic treatments to live there I think so she has to be cliniced and angeled and if my political beliefs went there I would get really battered if I wouldn't sign my body over to a doctor

There is a school a clinic and a jail and if you won't take detainment battery in clinic or school they will jail batter you

I don't want to bother my family with jail batteries I found out I do like them as people and do wish the best for them

People did personality experimentation on me as a youth and I found out nicotine could dramatically alter my persona so after a lot of self and soul searching I found out I do like those people

I told her homelessness didn't use to be so rough....it use to actually be a good way to live though I don't recommend it the police would really batter me and like ghandi survivors something non violent in me died and I now have something in me truly you can be forgiven but i dont care what it takes for you bullies to just leave me alone

I use to truly have a truly innocent spirit that couldn't harm anything into my youth years and now I was wronged and have learned to turn away from wrong in return

I use to have hope ideals and such but I have become very misinformed so

I got to travel meet interesting people who lived artistically and as they preferred but now it's so loud and brutal and I truly am just like I have to go to shelter or people could die of heart attacks on sight if that road noise won't stop

I can't stand jobs for continuing to rush people back out onto the road it's just so awful here it's so fast paced idiocy all the time it's just fast paced idiocy all the time

Its really fatigued people like the idiot joke on road adrenaline it's sick mean and meaningless

They keep rushing people it's annoying I go to get coffee and the table is always available it's annoying

Then I've had to see them start playing around in the car line at intersections it's just frightening

Its so loud my head feels battered and I start hating it hear

And just a few days ago I had positive feelings for the area...so

[trolagygirl2022]

i think people are so quick to disagree with a song when it changes too much from the groups usual sound. theres still songs or groups i dont dislike but i dont love ie: gidle wife wasnt to my liking and i have some icks about some of their lyrics or the overall songs itself. however that shouldnt be a reason to trash the shit out of these groups online. why cant people just say they dislike something and move on with their life?

social media is ruining kpop and fan bases imparticular are so toxic nowadays that i just have to admire the groups from afar cause i dont want to be shitted on for having differing opinions or views about things i like or dont like. i also think online people have become so used to overreacting for no real reason esp when its something they do not like nor agree with. ur telling me that idols who do so much personal content for their fans arent going to at least hate it if they get cancelled for uttering something the fans didnt like or agree with?

i often wonder if these groups would have had success if they didnt have to use social media cause i think that hinders so much of the members feelings towards certain aspects of their lives. like the fan calls which can both be good and bad depending on the circumstances. either way im indifferent if kpop is trying different sounds then good for it, its not going to be everyones taste imho. but abain the internet seems to go into a meltdown at about just anything relating to kpop or general celebs.

i also feel that kpop is less about having varied age ranges thus the ypunger the groups the younger the audiences are going to be and therefore the audiences arent really going to be genuinely mature, when young audiences see their faves doing s disservice theyll cancel tnem one day then worship them the next so its like idols cant win. i think its okay to critique comebacks too but from a musical aspect not a ahhh theyre using someone elses culture aspect cause thats shit for the groups who work hard for their success and culture is to be shared and that includes music. its like would they gatekeep kpop bc its too foreign sounding? no theyd overreact.

i also think it has a lot to do with double standards in kpop as a whole, girl groups get shitted on, boy groups get worshipped on for doing next to nothing different than what they usually do. but jeez kpops has got worse due to its ever growing fan bases and the overall high expectations fans place on these groups and idols. every comeback isnt going to wow everyone and thats okay to admit.

i wanted to add as well that people seem to look for anything online to do with kpop and make a scene about it all for no good reason. but idols to encourage unhinged or even delusional behaviour (ahem bangchan) out of their fans soooo its both parties doing really as neither are better than the other side.

sorry for my essay but yeah so many things just been so annoying to witness.

very very VERY true!