#im not blaming them it just
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Having an extremely bad one tonight folks 👍
#like idek what to do at this point#idk what i need or want from anything#but it sure as hell isnt this#idk how to fix it#idk if i even can#i need help but i refuse the rare offers I get#i need more help than a lot of people and I feel i don't deserve any of it#and i freak out when people try so i think the people who care enough have stopped and that also feels bad#im not blaming them it just#im a mess#im a fucking mess and i have to livw with myself and i hate it#fuck!!!!!!!#lmao i need to knock myself out my brain will not let me sleep man
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the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.
capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.
now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.
and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.
and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.
and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".
it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"
#this was much longer i had to cut it down for legibility#but i do want to say i am aware this post doesnt touch on human rights violations as a result of fast fashion#that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone#i am an environmental educator#so that's what i know the most about. it wouldn't be appropriate of me to mention off-hand the real and legitimate suffering#that people are going through#without doing my research and providing real ways to help#this is a vent post about a thing i'm watching happen; not a call to action. it would be INCREDIBLY demeaning#to all those affected by the fast fashion industry to pretend that a post like this could speak to their suffering#unfortunately one of the horrible things about latestage capitalism as an activist is that SO many things are linked to this#and i WANT to talk about all of them but it would be a book in its own right. in fact there ARE books about each level of this#and i encourage you to seek them out and read them!!! i am not an expert on that i am just a person on tumblr doing my favorite activity#(complaining)#and it's like - this is the individual versus the industry problem again right because im blaming myself#for being an expert on environmental disaster (which is fucking important) but not knowing EVERYTHING about fast fashion#i'm blaming myself for not covering the many layers of this incredibly complicated problem im pointing out#rather than being like. yeah so actually the fault here lies with the billion dollar industries actually.#my failure to be able to condense an incredibly immense problem that is BOOK-LENGTH into a single text post that i post for free#is not in ANY fucking way the same amount of harm as. you know. the ACTUAL COMPANIES doing this ACTUAL THING for ACTUAL MONEY.#anyway im gonna go donate money while i'm thinking about it. maybe you can too. we can both just agree - well i fuckin tried didn't i#which is more than their CEOs can say
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mask expressions :O
#u can see i make jokers mask emote a lot and tbh atsv is mostly to blame for this#im too agitated to draw anything proper so i just doodles some guys....i miss them#persona 5#persona#yusuke kitagawa#goro akechi#ren amamiya#my art#fanart
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im feeling especially unwell today about the fact that ford was canonically the one who was the most committed to helping stan get his memory back after weirdmaggedon. i’ve been thinking about it nonstop. that he’d fall asleep next to stan watching old videos of them as kids, that he’d recount as many memories he could think of, that he spent all that time apologizing too?
like as much as they were both in the wrong for everything that happened to drive a rift between them, i feel like this is when ford would finally be able to come back down to earth and realize how much he’s failed stan. because there’s a sizeable chunk of stan’s life, aside from the 30 years he was in the multiverse, that ford knows nothing about. and how does he explain that? how is he supposed to admit to a completely unknowing stan that the reason they were apart for so many years is because stan broke his science fair project? ruined his chances to go to that college, of course, but he made it alright regardless, didn’t he? and what did stan have to go through as a result? all ford knows is that hes been to prison in three different countries. that he once had to chew his way out of a trunk of a car. his life must’ve been so difficult, he was kicked out as a teenager after all, and ford had done nothing to reach out. held this pointless grudge for over a decade.
i just can’t imagine the sheer amount of guilt ford must be feeling. to be the one to recount these memories to stan, it would give him this kind of perspective that he never had before. ford runs from self-reflection. he doesn’t think about the ways he’s wronged the people he cares about because it scares him to come face-to-face with his failures. but now he’s forced to come to terms with the reality of their situation, and the reality is that stan didn’t deserve the harsh consequences of his mistake. the reality is that, no matter how responsible stan was for selfishly ruining ford’s dream, it was ford who so stubbornly kept the distance between them. he was right to be angry. but in turning his back on his brother, his best friend, the person most important to him in the world, ford has fundamentally failed him.
ugh. i need to write a fic about this
#to be clear im not fully blaming either of them#they both fucked up#its just that ford has never truly self-reflected#when stan spent like literally 40 years reflecting on his bullshit#ITS YOUR TURN FORD!!!!#gravity falls#stanley pines#stan pines#stanford pines#ford pines#stan and ford#stangst#i love that tag
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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is this the adventure you were looking for
#d20 spoilers#fantasy high junior year#cw blood#dimension 20#the rat grinders#lucy frostblade#kipperlilly copperkettle#mary ann skuttle#ruben hopclap#ivy umbra#oisin hakinvar#okay im done for the night#id in alt#i just think when the choice is rage or death i dont blame 5/6 of them for choosing rage
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you dream of devouring your friends whole
#the 'it' and 'that' sif is referring to is the act 3 loop hangout but i enjoy being vague in dialogue it feels natural. tee hee.#serious time means everyone gets noses btw. sorry about the slow metamorphasis back into my usual style from my mimicry#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat loop#isat act 5 spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#isat siffrin#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#sifloop#YES IM TAGGING THE SHIP. THUMBS UP. READ INTO THAT HOW YOU WILL BECAUSE IT WAS ON MY MIND WHEN DRAWING IT AT THE LEAST#aaaaaanyway. my personal reading of loop is. how do you say... flowey-esque. to invoke a fellow antagonistic timelooper. since imo#they do seem even fuuurther gone than sasasap sif was when we saw them. and BOY DOES LATEGAME ISAT SIF HAVE SOME INTRUSTIVE THOUGHTS#so uh. who's to say what happened in there. since we know start again isnt quite congruent as loop never beat the king.#i wouldn't blame them for going maybe a little mad. just a lil#it is important to me that loop is. perhaps a bit haunted. AND THAT THEY GET THROUGH IT!!! but they are haunted#lucabyteart#anyway uhhh. probably should put a cw for implied cannibalism??#cannibalism mention
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"Tell me again."
Max hums, moving his hand in slow circles along Daniel's back, feeling his chest move against his side, his face hidden in the folds of Max's t-shirt.
He bows his head, pressing a kiss against Daniel's hair, shifting against the hotel's pillows until he's comfortable again.
"It's going to be sunny," he says, voice low, letting Daniel's curls tickle his lips and nose. "It's going to be sunset, orange, the trees all golden in the way you like."
Daniel's back shifts under his hand, his fingers twisting in Max's shirt.
"We'll be sitting in chairs, because you have old man knees, and would complain about sitting on the floor."
He twists away from the halfhearted poke in his side, then settles back.
"They will be those garden ones, the ones with the straw?"
"Wicker," Daniel corrects him softly, voice scratchy.
"Yes, wicker." He tugs Daniel even closer, not knowing how it is even possible. "With pillows, so you can curl in them like a little cat."
He smooths his hand down Daniel's back, like he does with Sassy, when she stretches out beside him on the bed, similar to how Daniel is now. Does it again when he feels Daniel's shoulders uncurl slightly.
"We will be drinking your weird beers, the expensive ones that taste worse than all the others."
"Craft beer isn't weird," Daniel argues, just like Max was expecting him to. He sounds like there's something stuck in the back of his throat, and Max kisses his hair again.
"It is weird, Daniel. Beer does not need to be that expensive."
He gives him space to reply once more, but Daniel doesn't.
"We will drink your weird beer, and we will talk about that time we ate pasta in your hotel room."
It wasn't just one time, but Max knows he doesn't need to specify. They're both thinking about the same one, illegal spaghetti ordered from room service, hidden from their trainers, sauce on the corner of Max's mouth, cleaned by Daniel's thumb first, Daniel's mouth later. And even if they aren't thinking about the same, it doesn't matter. Every plate of pasta shared, in every hotel room, would matter just as much, stepping stones in their story, just as important as that first kiss.
"And it will be rainy," Max continues, voice even lower. His t-shirt is damp, stretched by Daniel's tense fingers. Daniel's back is shuddering, even when he holds him closer and closer and closer.
"It will rain, and you will have a blanket, because you always get cold, even more when it is humid."
The thing that was in Daniel's throat is in his too now.
"We will talk about how stupid everyone was. We will say it was all unfair. But we will not be angry anymore, because it will not matter anymore."
Daniel's hair smell like Max's shampoo, even if he usually doesn't use it, because he hates how dry it makes it feel. Max can taste salt on the back of his throat as he shifts his head slightly, trying to at least keep his ears dry, now that his cheeks are a lost cause.
Daniel's breathing is a stuttered rhythm against his ribs.
"We will cook eggs," Max pushes on, pressing every word against Daniel's skin, hoping every one feels like the i love you that it is. "Because we will have chickens on your farm, like a real farm, so we will be good at cooking eggs. And you will drink your wine, and sing your songs."
His voice breaks, sudden betrayal, just as Daniel trembles in a sob, but Max pushes through. They've both always known how to push through.
"And I will ask are you happy and you will say yes," he says, making it sound like a promise, because it is a promise. "And we will not regret any of it."
He knows they won't. Not the angry moments, not the painful moments, not the annoying little moments they will never even remember. They will take all of them and throw them into the jar of their lives, little pebbles, and colorful marbles, and shards of glass smoothed out with time and love and distance, all mixed together.
"We will sit on your chairs, and they will have nothing, and we will have us."
He holds Daniel closecloseclose, because he's never learned how to let go of the things he cares about, has always clung to things with his teeth and desire bared, and he has no intention of starting now. He has no intention of starting ever.
Even if this is not the way he wanted things to happen, he doesn't believe in letting go, especially when it comes to Daniel.
He swallows, clears his throat to try and dislodge the tight knot of feelings there, raises a hand to swipe his thumb along Daniel's wet jaw.
"We will have chickens, and a garage full of dirt bikes, and I will ask Grace to teach me how to make the pasta sauce you spilled all over the carpet when you were five."
Daniel nods against his chest, fingers relaxing. His breathing is still uneven, Max's t-shirt is still damp, but he can feel him going lax against him, relaxing bit by bit.
"We will," Daniel murmurs, voice shaky enough it sounds closer to a question.
"We will," Max tells him, firm. Would be happy to tell him again and again, until Daniel's voice doesn't shake on it anymore. "We will eat so much food, and we will become fat, and we will be happy. We will."
Daniel nods again, then shifts, wiggling in Max's hold until he can properly climb on top of him, pointy elbows planted on the bed, above Max's shoulders, trembling fingers tracing the wet lines on his cheeks, red-rimmed eyes soft.
When Daniel kisses him, they both taste like salt, exhaustion and the future.
#i made myself cry and i don't even know if most of this makes sense#but yesterday i was crying because (among other things) i was scared i would not have been able to write again#and today i am writing again even if it's just a little thing#so hey one step at a time#maxiel#my writing#if there are typos blame the tears not me#i only wrote a single i love you in this but i hope you could read it in every line and i hope you know every i love you is for you too#and i hope you know we all will be happy too and we will not regret it and we will sit in the metaphorical tumblr porch#and the higher ups and media will have nothing but we will have them and we will have us#im gonna go be emotional somewhere else now
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"what's the matter? too scared to shoot straight?"
#genshin impact#genshinedit#genshinimpactedit#genshinet#wriothesley#genshin spoilers#4.1 spoilers#story quest spoilers#mine*#wriothesley*#tw flashing#HE- WHEN HE- AND HE- AND IM-#i swear every cutscene of wrio is just hyv telling us that they're down horrendous for him LIKESJFKSHD#i don't blame them but like damn Relax (keep going)#i wanted to gif the scene after this but i'll probably leave that for tmr#it's getting late and i have a long day ahead hhhhhhh
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robin cross and kevin day parallels actually go so crazy. they both spent their formative years in a basement underground with exy-obsessed captors. they both saw exy as freedom. they both were isolated even within the foxes’ group of outcasts. they were both under andrew’s protection. it cost kevin jean to leave the nest and it cost robin another girl’s life to escape her kidnapper. robin carried her racquet with her to self-soothe and kevin restrings the net of his when he’s anxious. they’re even bird coded
#to those unfamiliar the word robin is also a kind of little bird 🕊️#i dont ship them but i dont blame the people who do if im honest#BUT ITS JUST CRAZY TO MEEE#its so fucked that canonically kevin never gets to meet her#but i will say that the echoes of his presence are still there#she joins the foxes the year after kevins graduation and there andrew is taking robin to night practice#there he is coaching her because he knows exy is the tool she needs to believe in herself#there he is doing what kevin day told him only years late 🫠#sorry they make me insane#robin when she’s the weird kandreil amalgamation no one asked for#will expand on this if i have more thoughts later but please talk to me about robin. thank you#txt#aftg#kevin day#robin cross#kevin#robin#fav#kevin&robin
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since i'm talking about bull today, i think its a bit of a mistep to say bull turning against the inquisitor in trespasser is an act of revenge for the death of the chargers. this isn't a result of the inquisitor betraying bull or hurting him. it is a result of the inquisitor reaffirming iron bull's place within the qun. it isn't something that the inquisitor "deserves" for killing a group of beloved soldiers. it is simply the consequence of choosing a political allegiance- the qun- and enforcing the idea that a small part can and should be sacraficed for the greater whole. the chargers can be sacrificed for the inquisiton, the inquisitor (and dorian, and vivienne, and sera, and anyone else bull befriended) can be sacrificed for the qun.
#dai#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#iron bull#the iron bull#bull is not angry at the inquisitor for the death of his men. he does not blame them. if anything he blames himself.#idk im yapping#can you tell bull rots my brain#i cant talk about the qun without tearing my hair out though. my twin is the qun enjoyer im the qun critiquer#but yeah. its not an act of revenge. cole even says that there is “no hurt” during trespasser tied to bull and the chargers#and none of bull's dialogue hints at kt#edit: it*#HOWEVER. however. that doesnt mean i like it.#also as much as i absolutely despite solas' and bull's banter it hints that bull made the choice to safe/sacrafice the chargers which is.#wrong. the inquisitor did.#idk why im mentioning that its just weird#edit: despise* lordd i type too quick
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do you ever think of me and my two hands, and wonder why they never soothed your fevers? and wonder why they never tied your shoes? and wonder why they never held you gently?
in other news i'm still in hell with these two
#🐉#blame sacha @unbloodiedmartyr for enabling me. but i mostly did this to myself. as usual.#anyway im going to talk about the little design detail decisions i made in the tags because what else are they for#shrues scars are from the radio station assassination (attempt. since this is an au where they lived. somewhat.)#VALs ear is torn from where she ripped out the earpiece they bolted to it like a tag#('they' being the people who hallowed her not shrue khdgskjh)#and shrue is wrapping compression bandages around her prayer marks to prevent them from irritating her and encouraging self harm#also dont @ me for making them disembodied as hell i referenced as best as i could but the leg posing just wasnt playing ball no matter how#many times i tried to redraw it#VALshrue#verses unwritten#jart
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Oh. Oh.
Siffrin isn't just missing the trap switch or keys because they suck at their assigned job. He doesn't. Or at least- didn't.
They miss them because they only have one eye now. Siffrin has bad depth perception. He can't tell if a space in a drawer or book is a bit bigger than it's supposed to be. They can't tell if something is sitting oddly-
He keeps hitting that one table, because he clearly hasn't adjusted to the new depth perception. It's not their fault.
It was never their fault.
#they really tricked all of us when they thought “wow im really blinding bad at this” didnt they#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin#siffrin isat#in stars and time siffrin#siffrin in stars and time#this is my new hc at least#i dont know that its been confirmed anywhere but#it just makes sm sense#ofc its them adjusting to their eye#and ofc hed blame himself for it#of course#i might go cry for a bit#and i needed to put this somewhere so i can remember it for later#ty for listening void#isat hc#isat headcanon#yellow's meta
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(Like or reblog if you wanna use)
#also read the “shit on her for no reason” as misogyny#it might come as a surprise but in order to write interesting female characters you gotta give them negative traits#ngl there are times when even writes do them dirty#but a)you can always write headcanons and “fix-it” fics.that’s what fandom is known for#and b)considering how some ignore the aspect of bad writing and continue blaming the woman characters-#-even though they aren’t real#-makes it seem like they just enjoy projecting their shit with no consequences#shower thoughts#meme#arcane#mel medarda#<= im not mildly interested but rather obsessed with her actually#but she still applies#gf mabel#tfp miko#avatar korra#atsv gwen#gwen stacy#spider gwen#ghost spider#idk i probably forgot some but oh well#mia winters
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Chat have we discussed drunk chess with cherik cause i just think. That would be the darnedest silliest thing they could do
#xmen#xmen first class#xmen dofp#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#snap chats#sorry still thinking about dofp and i reminded myself of the plane scene#the idea of drunk chess sounds so stupid fun i wish i could play drunk chess#‘snap how do you play drunk chess’ simple !!!! every piece you lose you take a shot#anyway i think itd be silly …….#id like to do something with that idea but i still have to decide on execution#omg xmen fandom hasnt seen my twelve million ‘i wanna draw this so bad’ tags yet#but yeah i sy tht a lot </3 so many things i wanna draw all the time#either that or write …. but i draw more#i love comic makin. and i blame these damned comics for gettin me into it what tha hell !!!#ok im done rambling i wish i had more to say but i dont#i lied i do. this doesnt have to be after erik apologizes on the plane this could be lit any damn time they play#i just live for the progression of them Trying to play semi seriously for a solid twenty minutes before they lose it#and now they wont stop giggling and being stupid asses#theyre still trying to play but ‘trying’ is doing a lot of heavy lifting#imagine it with me chat … itd be so beautiful i could cry frankly#ok my classes are done for today im gonna sit in my room and think of cherik#maybe ill TRY to draw this … if not then def somethin at least
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reblog this w the entity/entities you most align yourself with & why
#im curious to know whats most common#and the reasons behind certain ones#can't imagine people willingly aligning themselves with the flesh for example#so if you do#.. im interested in how your mind works#tma#tmagp#the magnus archives#the magnus protocol#smirke's fourteen#smirkes 14#tma entities#helix speaks#for me personally its obviously the spiral#mainly cuz i got a lot of Brain problems#that mess w my perception#also a history of hallucinations#and its nice to blame them on me being just a little spooky 🤪#cuz attributing them to their actual cause#is a Bummer
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