#im not blaming them it just
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Having an extremely bad one tonight folks 👍
#like idek what to do at this point#idk what i need or want from anything#but it sure as hell isnt this#idk how to fix it#idk if i even can#i need help but i refuse the rare offers I get#i need more help than a lot of people and I feel i don't deserve any of it#and i freak out when people try so i think the people who care enough have stopped and that also feels bad#im not blaming them it just#im a mess#im a fucking mess and i have to livw with myself and i hate it#fuck!!!!!!!#lmao i need to knock myself out my brain will not let me sleep man
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im feeling especially unwell today about the fact that ford was canonically the one who was the most committed to helping stan get his memory back after weirdmaggedon. i’ve been thinking about it nonstop. that he’d fall asleep next to stan watching old videos of them as kids, that he’d recount as many memories he could think of, that he spent all that time apologizing too?
like as much as they were both in the wrong for everything that happened to drive a rift between them, i feel like this is when ford would finally be able to come back down to earth and realize how much he’s failed stan. because there’s a sizeable chunk of stan’s life, aside from the 30 years he was in the multiverse, that ford knows nothing about. and how does he explain that? how is he supposed to admit to a completely unknowing stan that the reason they were apart for so many years is because stan broke his science fair project? ruined his chances to go to that college, of course, but he made it alright regardless, didn’t he? and what did stan have to go through as a result? all ford knows is that hes been to prison in three different countries. that he once had to chew his way out of a trunk of a car. his life must’ve been so difficult, he was kicked out as a teenager after all, and ford had done nothing to reach out. held this pointless grudge for over a decade.
i just can’t imagine the sheer amount of guilt ford must be feeling. to be the one to recount these memories to stan, it would give him this kind of perspective that he never had before. ford runs from self-reflection. he doesn’t think about the ways he’s wronged the people he cares about because it scares him to come face-to-face with his failures. but now he’s forced to come to terms with the reality of their situation, and the reality is that stan didn’t deserve the harsh consequences of his mistake. the reality is that, no matter how responsible stan was for selfishly ruining ford’s dream, it was ford who so stubbornly kept the distance between them. he was right to be angry. but in turning his back on his brother, his best friend, the person most important to him in the world, ford has fundamentally failed him.
ugh. i need to write a fic about this
#to be clear im not fully blaming either of them#they both fucked up#its just that ford has never truly self-reflected#when stan spent like literally 40 years reflecting on his bullshit#ITS YOUR TURN FORD!!!!#gravity falls#stanley pines#stan pines#stanford pines#ford pines#stan and ford#stangst#i love that tag
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mask expressions :O
#u can see i make jokers mask emote a lot and tbh atsv is mostly to blame for this#im too agitated to draw anything proper so i just doodles some guys....i miss them#persona 5#persona#yusuke kitagawa#goro akechi#ren amamiya#my art#fanart
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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is this the adventure you were looking for
#d20 spoilers#fantasy high junior year#cw blood#dimension 20#the rat grinders#lucy frostblade#kipperlilly copperkettle#mary ann skuttle#ruben hopclap#ivy umbra#oisin hakinvar#okay im done for the night#id in alt#i just think when the choice is rage or death i dont blame 5/6 of them for choosing rage
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you dream of devouring your friends whole
#the 'it' and 'that' sif is referring to is the act 3 loop hangout but i enjoy being vague in dialogue it feels natural. tee hee.#serious time means everyone gets noses btw. sorry about the slow metamorphasis back into my usual style from my mimicry#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat loop#isat act 5 spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#isat siffrin#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#sifloop#YES IM TAGGING THE SHIP. THUMBS UP. READ INTO THAT HOW YOU WILL BECAUSE IT WAS ON MY MIND WHEN DRAWING IT AT THE LEAST#aaaaaanyway. my personal reading of loop is. how do you say... flowey-esque. to invoke a fellow antagonistic timelooper. since imo#they do seem even fuuurther gone than sasasap sif was when we saw them. and BOY DOES LATEGAME ISAT SIF HAVE SOME INTRUSTIVE THOUGHTS#so uh. who's to say what happened in there. since we know start again isnt quite congruent as loop never beat the king.#i wouldn't blame them for going maybe a little mad. just a lil#it is important to me that loop is. perhaps a bit haunted. AND THAT THEY GET THROUGH IT!!! but they are haunted#lucabyteart#anyway uhhh. probably should put a cw for implied cannibalism??#cannibalism mention
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too many social media/content creator aus make jayce a gamer, which like. yeah he is a gamer, duh, but yknow what else he is?
jayce is personally running buzzfeed unsolved. just him, no odd couple back and forth debates, just one wolf inside of jayce that DESPERATELY wants to believe magic and ghosts are real, and the other wolf inside of him that follows the scientific method and always manages to disprove the supernatural cases he investigates, much to his own sadness and disappointment, every single time.
you may be wondering, where does viktor come into this equation?
viktor is jayce's manager, researcher, roommate and totally definitely is not dating him. jayce is a great boy friend, and he supports viktor through his struggles with chronic illness and schizophrenia
but viktor is not schizophrenic. he's actually fr fr haunted and neither of them realize because they chalked up all the ghostly stuff to hallucinations, because surely two seasoned ghost hunters would notice if one of them was possessed, right?
anyway so they only realize he's haunted when viktor wakes up with a BAD headache on the embalming table of a very scared mortician
lore followup here
#listen the ghost is very polite and never tampers with the physical world#you really cant blame them for thinking it was just hallucinations#hexcore? more like hexGHOST#jayvik au#jayvik#arcane jayvik#jayvik arcane#jayce x viktor#viktor x jayce#jayce talis#arcane jayce#jayce arcane#jayce lol#viktor#viktor arcane#arcane viktor#arcane modern au#arcane content creator au#jayvik ghost hunters#YES this post was inspired by lucinfernos ccau. obviously. who else#for the record this is NOT shade to literally anyone making a gamer jayce au. he is a gamer. i love you all and i need you to make more#im just tired and ineloquent
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since i'm talking about bull today, i think its a bit of a mistep to say bull turning against the inquisitor in trespasser is an act of revenge for the death of the chargers. this isn't a result of the inquisitor betraying bull or hurting him. it is a result of the inquisitor reaffirming iron bull's place within the qun. it isn't something that the inquisitor "deserves" for killing a group of beloved soldiers. it is simply the consequence of choosing a political allegiance- the qun- and enforcing the idea that a small part can and should be sacraficed for the greater whole. the chargers can be sacrificed for the inquisiton, the inquisitor (and dorian, and vivienne, and sera, and anyone else bull befriended) can be sacrificed for the qun.
#dai#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#iron bull#the iron bull#bull is not angry at the inquisitor for the death of his men. he does not blame them. if anything he blames himself.#idk im yapping#can you tell bull rots my brain#i cant talk about the qun without tearing my hair out though. my twin is the qun enjoyer im the qun critiquer#but yeah. its not an act of revenge. cole even says that there is “no hurt” during trespasser tied to bull and the chargers#and none of bull's dialogue hints at kt#edit: it*#HOWEVER. however. that doesnt mean i like it.#also as much as i absolutely despite solas' and bull's banter it hints that bull made the choice to safe/sacrafice the chargers which is.#wrong. the inquisitor did.#idk why im mentioning that its just weird#edit: despise* lordd i type too quick
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rawdogged the whole isat in three days and then went on a drawing spree
#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isat siffrin#isat loop#sorry others but theres only a glimpse of you in this#isat fanart#my art#the first 3 images are song lyrics. болливуд by краснознамённая дивизия имени моей бабушки#'the filming shift doesn't know when to end'#'i am to blame'#'if you want a reason - i can hold my tongue'#translated the text on the images respectively#the sif with the fangs is not really a vampire i just wanted to give him fangs because i have them#for fun#there are also some loop gijinkas for the aftermath of the game#i think they'd like to change it up a bit and resemble sif a bit less if they can help it#grow the hair out a bit and keep it white#alright im done ramblin#hi guys#also the last image is from today and the others are all a couple days old
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Oh. Oh.
Siffrin isn't just missing the trap switch or keys because they suck at their assigned job. He doesn't. Or at least- didn't.
They miss them because they only have one eye now. Siffrin has bad depth perception. He can't tell if a space in a drawer or book is a bit bigger than it's supposed to be. They can't tell if something is sitting oddly-
He keeps hitting that one table, because he clearly hasn't adjusted to the new depth perception. It's not their fault.
It was never their fault.
#they really tricked all of us when they thought “wow im really blinding bad at this” didnt they#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin#siffrin isat#in stars and time siffrin#siffrin in stars and time#this is my new hc at least#i dont know that its been confirmed anywhere but#it just makes sm sense#ofc its them adjusting to their eye#and ofc hed blame himself for it#of course#i might go cry for a bit#and i needed to put this somewhere so i can remember it for later#ty for listening void#isat hc#isat headcanon#yellow's meta
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Chat have we discussed drunk chess with cherik cause i just think. That would be the darnedest silliest thing they could do
#xmen#xmen first class#xmen dofp#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#snap chats#sorry still thinking about dofp and i reminded myself of the plane scene#the idea of drunk chess sounds so stupid fun i wish i could play drunk chess#‘snap how do you play drunk chess’ simple !!!! every piece you lose you take a shot#anyway i think itd be silly …….#id like to do something with that idea but i still have to decide on execution#omg xmen fandom hasnt seen my twelve million ‘i wanna draw this so bad’ tags yet#but yeah i sy tht a lot </3 so many things i wanna draw all the time#either that or write …. but i draw more#i love comic makin. and i blame these damned comics for gettin me into it what tha hell !!!#ok im done rambling i wish i had more to say but i dont#i lied i do. this doesnt have to be after erik apologizes on the plane this could be lit any damn time they play#i just live for the progression of them Trying to play semi seriously for a solid twenty minutes before they lose it#and now they wont stop giggling and being stupid asses#theyre still trying to play but ‘trying’ is doing a lot of heavy lifting#imagine it with me chat … itd be so beautiful i could cry frankly#ok my classes are done for today im gonna sit in my room and think of cherik#maybe ill TRY to draw this … if not then def somethin at least
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it's like burning...
#my art#the bad guys#the bad guys 2#THERE we go#as i was saying#if this looks rly awful just blame it on the fact that im still incredibly rusty#anyway im already intrigued by them#more themes of complex betrayal >:^)#diane foxington#tbg kitty#kattington
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"what's the matter? too scared to shoot straight?"
#genshin impact#genshinedit#genshinimpactedit#genshinet#wriothesley#genshin spoilers#4.1 spoilers#story quest spoilers#mine*#wriothesley*#tw flashing#HE- WHEN HE- AND HE- AND IM-#i swear every cutscene of wrio is just hyv telling us that they're down horrendous for him LIKESJFKSHD#i don't blame them but like damn Relax (keep going)#i wanted to gif the scene after this but i'll probably leave that for tmr#it's getting late and i have a long day ahead hhhhhhh
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robin cross and kevin day parallels actually go so crazy. they both spent their formative years in a basement underground with exy-obsessed captors. they both saw exy as freedom. they both were isolated even within the foxes’ group of outcasts. they were both under andrew’s protection. it cost kevin jean to leave the nest and it cost robin another girl’s life to escape her kidnapper. robin carried her racquet with her to self-soothe and kevin restrings the net of his when he’s anxious. they’re even bird coded
#to those unfamiliar the word robin is also a kind of little bird 🕊️#i dont ship them but i dont blame the people who do if im honest#BUT ITS JUST CRAZY TO MEEE#its so fucked that canonically kevin never gets to meet her#but i will say that the echoes of his presence are still there#she joins the foxes the year after kevins graduation and there andrew is taking robin to night practice#there he is coaching her because he knows exy is the tool she needs to believe in herself#there he is doing what kevin day told him only years late 🫠#sorry they make me insane#robin when she’s the weird kandreil amalgamation no one asked for#will expand on this if i have more thoughts later but please talk to me about robin. thank you#txt#aftg#kevin day#robin cross#kevin#robin#fav#kevin&robin
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A belief in Nominative Determinsim
#mira & isa sitting at the other side of the room: oh that cannot be a healthy rationalisation. someone should deconstruct that QUICKLY...#change's strongest soldiers VERSUS one guy echo chambering themselves about a susperstition-based retributive model of the world. GO!!!#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#sloops#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#hey look now. this is softer than usual isnt it? ignore the. ignore the subtle damnation of blame unto the self. its fine. theyre fine#this is in fact a slight adaptation of that headcanon of mine i linked! yep! turns out the way to comic-ise it was to. make it like#90% speech bubble and get kinda weird with the formatting. it's clunky and experimental but hey. im experimenting.#the next ones gonna have even more fucking speech bubbles if it goes how im planning. christ#then its gonna get followed up with something wordless so. all things in perfect balance.#DISCLAIMER: i like to write loop and siffrin displaying the maybe not so great logic-holes their seeming fear of 'retribution for not#sticking to (the script) what the universe intends for them' entails. i do not agree with their weird philosophising.#i in fact think this is . bad for them. and am exploring how fucking unhealthy their mindset seems to be even when 'mundane'#OCD siffrin real as hell whats with the doing arbitrary actions in specific ways lest Something Nebulously Bad Happen little dude?#anyway if you caught the extremely blunt symbolism of kissing a hand with a knife in it you win a prize! it's called self-satisfaction 🎉🎉#hmm. do people realise i kept calling this type of back and forth between siffrin and loop a socratic dialogue bc socrates was also just#arguing with himself? like he was just making up the other guys. complete thought experiment. i also call them that because theyre WORDY!!!
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these sillies...
#ITS NOT VIANCAS FFAULT HER FOCUSING FFACE LOOKS LIKE THAT#making content of them bbefore step 2 comes out#sso if it happens to be ooc#BLAME THE FFACT THAT I HAVEN'T PLLAYED IT#i ffeel like serenity is very aware of the dilemma.. bbut unfortunately thheres not much she could ddo#what do u want her to say#“tamarack im ssure she isn't planning yyour murder.. i think she just wants tto hang out”#“i mmean the way she's glaring daggers at the back of yyour head mmay seem.. off putting but--”#olnf#our life now and forever#tamarack baumann#ol2#our life#vianca olnf#my art
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