#im not awake i swear im sleeping
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peace-bringer.
#she.....#userimogen#usermercymaker#usermoss#oc: neri#*edit#this lighting was so good for her#im not awake i swear im sleeping
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happy mother's day lmfao
bonus (the girls are fightiiing):
#and thus eddie caused a category 5 neighborhood disaster bc he tried to flirt via sandwich questions#which is a totally valid way to flirt. Totally.#what's more romantic than being able to bring people their favorite sandwiches without having to ask#idk im not a romantic. almost wrote tomantic. i dont like tomatoes either#welcome home#scribble salad#welcome home fanart#welcome home puppet show#in all honesty during last night's festive breakdown i had the doodled Thought above#and scribbled it in my phone notes#it feels good to not only have an Idea but to also Get It Out#yaknow? i dont get that often#brain usually has half a thought then fizzles out and decides to go lay down for a full week#also here's a niche concept that is incredibly funny to me:#a neighbor swearing and wally immediately being like NO!!! THE RATINGS!!!!#he has to snipe them before they can get the full word out. how sad :'{#alsoX2 special thanks to these doodles for keeping me awake#i had decided not to sleep when i drew this and i can't fall asleep before ten otherwise ill wake up 4 hours later wide awake#with no hope of getting back to sleep#and another s/o to barnaby for being incredibly pleasant to draw. he does not fight me like the others do
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it reeeeeally sucks that the depression comes for my light sensitivity and energy levels first because there is nothing fucking more that i love than to stay up at night looking at brightly lit screens
#i went to sleep at MIDNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the other day and at 2 am were like 500 messages in a#group chat like... i hate that...#i could have been AWAKE#AND ENJOYING MYSELF#BUT I WAS ASLEEP BECAUSE I WAS TOO TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!#also as an aside its really bad when im driving car lights are so fucking bright it hurts i cant see#anyway#fighting the sleep off#i got 2 more hours in me i swear i swear i swear
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huhhh
#idk what it was but#i just had a dream so vivid that i swear i was#in this inbetween state of half asleep half awake the whole time#feels like i didnt sleep at all im exhausted from iy#because the scenario was really intense and gruelling#it was all about saying goodbye..#climbing a mountain and saying goodbye
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Omg fam ur so not alone about the sleeping thing, my partner has both some health issues and also just a completely different sleep schedule from me that makes us sleeping together difficult, and a small apartment that makes it difficult to separate ourselves. And like. It's not his fault but its FRUSTRATING so I feel u ❤❤
😔😔😔Its frustrating bc its not her fault but also it kinda is bc i keep asking for basic communication
Im like hey are you coming to sleep in the next hour
And shes like in twenty mins
Which turns into two hours and im not going to dog her or ask again so i have to roll with the concept shes showing up whenever
I also sleep light so without fail if she comes in three hours later i wake up and it takes a while for me to return to sleeping
Its just a combination of stuff that makes this scenario like she doesnt say anything like dawg all i want is for u to poke your head in or msg me like im not gonna sleep yet but she gets mad abt it like its not super late!! FOR YOU ITS NOT you also work from home :/
Thats it and ill just bury myself under the covers n hope i dont wake up when she does come in
#ahh nothing like tumblr morning venting w the lads#i dont care that we have different sleep schedules#at the end of the day#i just want COMMUNICATION 😭😭😭😭😭#i know im ass at it in other ways but im always initiating convos like this and i keep telling her im not nagging u i dont want you to feel#like thats what this is but my god it will be if she keeps this up#i think im just annoyed that she uses the not late excuse but its like yeah i know but some of us have to go to an office to work and need#to mentally be on their A game. like constantly which is what Sleep assists with#not all of us have the luxury of working from home post covid#like dont give me a fakeass time that we both knkw you arent keeping#and shes always like WAIT FOR ME!!!#SO I DO????#AND THEN U PIKACHU FACE WHEN IM CRANKY AND SLEEPY AND AWAKE WHEB I COULDA BEEN ASLEPE?????#😭😭😭 im PRAYING FOR NO BS TODAY AT WOEK I SWEAR#also not to be slightly petty but i do all the goddamn housework
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#fnaf jeff#he is my favorite thing ever#i stay awake NOT sleeping#my ass is NOT sleeping#im normal i swear#jeff fnaf
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BE SO SAD ON MAIN BE SUPER DUPER SAD ON MAIN BC YOU DESERVE TO LET YOUR FEELINGS OUT!
Well if you insist 💖
I wanna go to sleep but I can already tell ima have a spooky dream if I do so I’m just like :((( sad.
#i usually sleep around 3-4 hours a night#coz I’d rather make stuff and do things#and then I sleep a lot on the weekends#but so every time I get to Friday I’m exhausted#and I’m so eepy and tryna go to sleep#but I keep having fcked up half dreams and hearing things when I’m starting to drift off#and then I force myself back awake#but now I’ve given myself a headache and I’m like :///#did you guys know that trauma work therapy is lowkey a lot sometimes?#idk#ugh#im just#sleep#I’m wanna sleep#so eepy plz plz may I sleep I swear o will be so good pllzzzz may I eep :)#personal#vent#asks#Ty you tho btw this is very sweet and I appreciate it and ur cool and I appreciate you g much#and I’m so sleepy Al’s#so#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#sorry at all mu new followers who I’m not embarrassing myself in front of#I prommy I’m not always like this
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broskis im gonna be honest with you, i do not see a point.
this is not a suicidal post, this is not a cry for help and i am not a danger to myself, and i am in communication with my therapist.
but like. i genuinely do not see a way out. i tried for months. my life was falling apart and i stayed positive! i didnt break down, i handled it, i survived it, i believed in a future that existed.
but its come to a point where i cant do that anymore. i cant pretend that theres hope for some sort of magic solution to come from heaven and fix everything. because i tried EVERYTHING. i worked SO HARD. and im still here. in the same place. im still sitting here with my life falling apart around me and i have tried every single thing i could possibly think of and there is nothing left to do.
the only things im really good at right now are sleeping and scrolling tbh. i am going to spend my entire life rotting in my childhood bedroom while everyone around me experiences all the things i've ever wanted but am apparently not allowed to have.
how am i expected to keep going if there's nowhere to go?
#babes i swear i am not suicidal#for better or worse if i was i would have checked myself into the hospital again#im just. i dont know man.#im gonna go to sleep#im gonna sleep all day tomorrow#which is normal for a saturday#but then sunday i have a con and like. might just sleep through that too#depression def affects my sleep disorder bc i havent been able to stay awake for more than a few hours at a time lately#this is my life now ig#jaytp
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me, 12 AM: okay gotta sleep for school now
brain: yeah okay.
brain, 3 AM: hey good morning. that was enough sleep right?
#no it wasnt. im gonna be tired at school but i cant go back to sleep because im too awake now#wahughhhhh!! i guess im nervous? but only like. a little bit. ive been doing college for years so this is a bit old hat now#its mostly that i can never sleep well on the night before school. alas!!#i know the thing about ''if you lay there and close your eyes it counts as a little bit of rest'' and im trying i swear#but then my bodys just like ''i am SO BORED YOU MUST MOVE NOW#didnt mean to hit enter there but yeah ok. anyway gang. im all packed up for college basically.#gonna wear my pretty bluebird polo shirt and my comfy pants and maybe tie my hair up for the full experience. depends on how masc i feel#its gonna be in the 90° out today and thats so unpleasant. why. would they do that.#gotta wear sunscreen and maybe steal a cap who knows.#ugh can't sleep. maybe i'll find something to eat. :/#love you!! see you later!!#periodical life updates
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My brain feels like soup, and my skin feels like bees.
#obsidian rambles#I’ve slept like 3 hours#I’m pretty sure im sick#I swear to god if my manager gave me the flu I’m fighting a bitch#I have to be awake in 8 hours so I can most likely call out of work#which sucks ass bcs I’m only scheduled 10 hours this week as is and I need the money#capitalism is a bitch and needs to die#vent post#<- I guess? like I said my brain is soup#I’ve been awake for like 2 hours trying to go back to sleep and I’ve just given up#hence why we’re on tumblr at 2 am
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I am yet again asking if any of my followers/mutuals have chronic, debilitating, horrible insomnia and if you do pls share your tips
#jasper rambles#i swear to god if one more person tells me to just wait until im tired to sleep i wil lose my mind!#it does not matter! unless i am bone dead cannot physicaally stay awake tired. my insomnia will occur! if i waited til i was sleepy to slee#id sleep once every couple days!!! that is bad!!!!! do not tell me to just wait til im sleepy bc i will never be sleepy enough to still get#a reasonable ampunt of sleep!#i have Chronic. Debilitating. Insomnia. a GOOD night is that once ive completed my routine it only takes 30 min to fall asleep#a NORMAL night it only takes 45 min to an hour. a BAD night it takes 2+ hrs and multiple attempts at tricking my brain into sleep
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I'm awake... And let it be known that while I was in a manic state of getting that post bout Mel up, I was confused frozen by the "Wanted to work as a full-time fashion designer one day" cuz I didn't realize that (i was like possessed by his ghost i swear to god it was the realization of a lifetime) until I typed it out and I was like "wai why haven't he worked as one now? what... have i been doing..."
It was like a moment where I realized that I was like an absent mom to him where I know so much bout his past but nothing bout his present so now I gotta write bout him more else I'd explode.
#aria rants#i think i slept at 5 am i swear i was like just laying in my bed#eyes closed and tryna sleep but sleep wont come to me and hours passed and now im awake#i woke up at like 9:30 am and i refuse to go back to sleep cuz thats the earliest ive woken up in a while#also like mel has the resources to work as a full-time fashion designer bro like bro... im sorry dear mama is a bit of a failure#how am i gonna put ''friends with alec and ray'' and not him getting to work his dream job#yes alec and ray are part of the resources those two are walking networking webs#they can introduce mel to ppl that can help with his dream job bro#and even support him with it fully like theyre very supportive ppl#WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING BRO OMHYGOD
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Me sitting here, feeling vaguely less shit: Time do things??? !!!
My body as soon as i get up and actually try to do things: How about more feeling so hot you'll die and dizziness? What abt that, motherfucker?
Me: ...or not, fucking SORRY for WANTING TO BE PRODUCTIVE. How dare I, apparently
#text post#i know i need to be patient with my body and work with it and i swear i am trying#i just have days like today where im just !!!!!#I've always had Issues with my body working right or well and i should be used to it#but goddamn it. i want a night of sleep to actually do something. i want to feel better after i rest#...i am aware I've only been awake and resting for part of the day BUT STILL!!!!
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not too fuckin bad for 6.5 hours of bad sleep and a "readiness score" of 1
(I love the readiness score bc when you get a low number it basically tells you "hey take it easy today maybe. permission to chill granted." unfortunately that does not negate the Chores and nearly all of those points are just from chores, cooking, and grocery shopping)
#the sleep monitor is making me Aware of how much i dream that im awake??#like i swear i was awake much more than it said i was but i think i just. fuckin. dreamed i was awake and lying in bed???#anyway fuck yeah 7k steps. 121 Good Fast Heartbeat Points
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reading old conversations continues to give me terroble terrible psychic damage, it turns out.
#was trying to see if discord had any of my older urls and stumbled upon some of the things i've said in echo chamber. god!#why was i like that...#i would like to applaud mutuals who stuck with me even after all of that.#i was way too casual with swearing and also quite disrespectful!#theres also a lot of ''i have to make this conversation about me'' in there.#thank god im better now (<-he is not better)#no i'll probably look back at past-me and cringe every other year of my life. maybe even a few months#and i cant call myself anything near good enough when it comes to coming off right when speaking#that is why i try to match the energy of the person i speak to i think. less possibility of making a mistake#mistake being i say something accidentally rude and they hate me forever! thank you#oh god its near 2AM. i should sleep probably#hm no. i can stay awake its ok#🌙rambling
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god damn these homosexuals and their stupidly nuanced and complicated relationships
#🐚: shell speaks#i wrote this post in honor of my recently ignited blackice fixation#the content in their ao3 is so fucking immaculate and it’s making me [feel] things#like yes i want them to cuddle and shit - but also pls just kiss and make up at this point#i dont like it when they argue like this#but i also want them to keep going cuz this shit’s interesting as hell#they are boyfriends and husbands and soulmates ur honor#i feel that i should mention it’s 2:30am as im typing this#ive dedicated a significant portion of this day to these god damn homosexuals and the tension between them#like how can so many different authors take the same building blocks and arrange them in different but nonetheless appealing and attractive#-ways#i swear - i havent felt this strongly about a homosexual pairing since my hamilton phase#even now - i still lie awake at nigjt reminiscing about all thr sleep i lost to those jamilton and hamburr fics#and here i lie yet again 2 years later for a different pair of homosexuals#god damn#fr tho i hope they make up soon#enough feelings talk! i wanna see more kisses!
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