#im not apologizing for any of this i do not care

[r4fe-cam3ron]

Hello again! I have an idea for part two, if you like it.

What if y/n doesn’t take care of the wound (they’ve got a lot going on after all) and they start to get sick from it. Maybe they collapse/get really sick somewhere public. The Pogues don’t know what’s happening but Rafe does so he runs over and tries to help. Then all the Pogues are like ‘what the hell, how does he know?!’

If you like it, if not it’s totally fine! ❤️

an; oh my goodness, lovie (hopefully you see this plus the ones who requested a second part to my maybank!reader oneshot which you can find here!) i’m so so sorry that i had not replied to this sooner than i should’ve. there had been a lot going on along with a major writers block. i’m using this request to be sure i answer you and to thank you for being THIS patient. i will probably kind of change this request up a bit, but ill try to keep some of it in the writing! — just wanna also note im still only on season two of OBX !! so if anything is ooc, that is definitely why and i apologize! w; this honestly is longer than i wanted it to be but hey, what can you do? mentions of an injury, for this im still imagining s1 rafe (ignore s2 gif </333 thats the only one i could vibe with for this at the moment), mentions of drug and drug usage, abuse though i never directly speak of how anything happens, follows the show only slightly but not completely, a little something, something with john b though not quite disclosed (i added a scene just for this — hopefully that’s okay with everyone!)

the boneyard is somewhere nice to come when you need to think and pull away from reality for a bit. you were right — you would apologize to jj and help him with whatever john b and he needed help with.

you’d also told jj about what had happened after he had saw the bloody gauze in the bathroom trash.

you left out the part where rafe cameron had helped clean it up a bit better.

that was only three days ago. somewhere in between those short days, jj had landed himself in jail for sinking toppers boat.

to say luke was angry was a complete understatement.

the hundred dollar bill had floated down to your feet when he had called you out of hiding. you bent down to pick it up.

“you know what i want.”

getting the thing you know he wanted meant seeing rafe cameron storming out of the house and down the rickety old porch that squeaks under any weight.

he’s reaching for his helmet when he finally sees you, pausing when he notices the look on your face. you don’t looked surprised, or happy, to see him.

just disappointment.

pinching his brows together, he slips the helmet over his head without saying a word and giving you another glance. the dirt picks up behind him, leaving you in dust. he doesn’t want to dissect what that look you had given him made him feel.

the exchange is quick, with some banter barry throws your way. something about how good you look today and you know you don’t have to pay.

slipping the hundred dollar bill into your pocket this time, you pat his cheek and grab the baggie from his hand. with a quick ‘thanks, barry’, you’re gone.

apparently you’d taken too long this time for luke’s liking. after the screaming match and, quite frankly, your side bleeding again, you’d found yourself sitting on the course sand.

the back of your hand wipes angrily at your tears that continue to fall. your head is pounding and your side is throbbing from being practically ripped open once again over the already healing wound.

the back of your thighs itch and you feel queasy. the heels of your palms dig into your eye sockets, a strained yell leaving behind clenched teeth.

“we’ve been looking everywhere for you!” jj’s voice startles you and has your head quickly whipping around to watch as the small group heads your way. pope is saying something you can’t quite understand, kiara is trying to get him to slow down and speak normally for a second.

john b has a slight look on your face. your not quite sure if it’s a smitten look or a disgusted look. he’s carrying a six pack under his left arm and his backpack is slung over his right shoulder.

jj’s hands come and clamp onto your shoulder, jostling you slightly. you hope none of them notice the far off look on your face and how pale you suddenly feel.

you know, soon, everyone is about to join at the boneyard. it’s inevitable and happens on almost friday, strangely enough. you were hoping to beat the crowd before it actually started.

he sits next to you while pope, kie, and john b starts up a fire. “what’s going on?”

you look over at him. “hm? what do you mean?”

a frown tugs at his mouth and he sits up straighter. “what’s wrong? did something happen at—”

“j. i’m fine,” you nod. it’s a lie and jj knows it’s a lie. but you don’t want him to worry about you. “seriously. i’m okay. it’s nothing we haven’t been through before.”

jj stares at you sadly. you’re right, though, you shouldn’t be right. this shouldn’t be something you both are used to and something that’s come to be the ‘norm’ at home. if you could even call it a home.

he’s protective over you, the way you are of him. he remembers taking up for you and taking the fall for things just so you could catch a break every so often from the lashings of luke.

yet, you’d do the exact same for jj.

‘go hide in our spot, jj! cover your ears and hum a song, okay?’ he remembers watching with wide eyes as luke had dragged you by your arm into the other room. once the door slammed and he heard your crying, he’d crawl out from under the dinning room table and run outside towards the woods.

he would hum ‘piano man’ by billy joel. it was a strange song to hum, but you both would always sing it together when it came on the radio, dancing around on the small blanket that would lay on the grass with three half eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. john b included — of course.

“but i always worry. im supposed to be there for you.” jj shakes his head.

“you take on to much, j,” your hand lands on his back, patting softly. “i could take this one.” the corner of your mouth quirks slightly upwards as you shrug, the tears beginning to well in your eyes again.

jj notices, but says nothing. he only nods slightly before looking out towards the waves. you hear the trucks and rowdy teens begin to pile in, sighing as you pull your arm away from jj and stand to dust your pants off.

—

you’re still feeling queasy, the crowd — separated, but yet still crowded — makes you feel even more uncomfortable and uneasy.

you stand near kiara and pope, listening to him talk about the interview he has for the scholarship, though you don’t truly know what he’s saying.

sweat beads around your hairline, a panicked feeling settling into your chest when you hear someone shout from behind you. you quickly turn your head, only to hear it quickly dissolve into laughter no longer than a second later.

you still search for some type of danger.

kiara’s eyes look at you, a worried expression etched onto her face. pope’s words slowly stall when he notices the look on her face, his own eyes moving to stare at you this time.

“are you okay?” her hand lands on your arm and you jump from the sudden touch.

you look over at her when she drops her hand, the worry on her face only grows. “i…yeah,” you look over to pope this time and nod. “i’m fine…i just…” you motion towards the ocean, your feet moving before you could even finish your sentence.

your mouth fills with saliva suddenly and the thought of vomiting in front of a bunch of people has you dizzy and even more panicked than before.

you can hear someone say something from behind you, but you’re too busy focusing on your breathing. a hand lands on your back and you glance over to the side.

the figure looks familiar. blinking a couple of times, you make out who it is.

“rafe?”

your voice is small, quivering and it looks like you’d been stuck in a hot trailer with the windows boarded down from how much you’re sweating.

“jesus.” he mutters. he watches as you try to stand straight, stumbling over your own feet. he’s quick to grab you before you could hit the ground, cradling your head and gripping your side as he lowers you more slowly.

“hey!” his jaw clenches when he notices who’s yelling at him. john b was the closest to where you two were standing. he knew you could stand your own ground, but he stayed close just in case.

and it looks like now would be a good time to intervene. “what did you do?!” he’s gaining attention from the others. topper being the second one to make his way over.

“nothing,” rafe snaps back. “she just passed out.”

“you expect me to really believe that she passed out as soon as you walked over?” john b kneels next to your other side, tilting your head over, cradling your jaw.

rafe watches the way his thumb drags across your cheek bone, gently shaking your head. his jaw clenches. “you expect me to really believe you care that she passed out when you could’ve came over here as soon as you seen me walking over?” his eyes quickly leave your face and stare at john b who says nothing.

“make yourself useful and go get a water bottle.” rafe grabs the hem of your hoodie, silently thankful that you had a tank top underneath. john b stands and watches quietly before running off towards the cooler.

“what happened?” topper finally speaks up when rafe slips the hoodie off. “rafe?”

“nothing happened, topper! i didn’t do anything!” rafe looks over at him with anger.

“rafe! get away from her!” jj stumbles across the sand as he makes his way over. he’s drunk, but he’s trying to collect himself the best he could. “i mean it!” he yells when he notices rafe sticking in the same spot.

jj yanks the water bottle from john b’s hand, kneeling next to him. he pushes rafe away and topper grabs rafe’s arm’s before he could successfully throw the punch he wanted too.

sarah stands to the side next to john b, and suddenly, he notices the crowd. his chest heaves and lands on you once again.

“is her side bleeding again?”

jj pauses and looks down at your side before slowly turning his head to stare at rafe. “how did you know about her side?”

rafe’s mouth parts, yet no words seem to come to mind. jj’s jaw clenches as he stares at him.

“i swear, cameron, i will—” he’s cut off by a deep inhale of breath, quickly looking over as you sit up the best you could, coughing. john b is quick to kneel down by you, a hand cradling the back of your neck to push you up.

your hands dig into the sand as your eyes look around frantically, chest heaving with heavy breaths, landing on rafe.

his body slowly grows less tense when he notices. jj sticks out the water bottle. “drink this,” he stands when you grab it. “how do you know about the cut on her side, rafe?”

before rafe could even come up with a snarky reply, you answer for him. “he helped.”

jj looks at you. “what?”

“he helped me during midsummers clean it up.”

jj stares at you for a moment longer before looking back at rafe. clenching his jaw, he shakes his head. “don’t come near her again, got it?” his brows lift slightly.

“that’s not up to you.” rafe shakes his head.

john b helps you from the ground. you thank him silently before making your way over. your hand lands on jj’s shoulder.

“let’s go, j.”

jj stays silent, but his threatening stare remains on rafe for a moment longer before he turns and makes his way up to where they had parked.

rafe watches him silently, but quickly glances down when your hand brushes against his. his eyes quickly jump up to your face.

“thank you.” you mouth.

he’s still for a moment but he eventually nods.

you give him a small, weak smile as you turn and walk away from him.

[cheriecoke]

i do not anticipate being on here much in november but just know i miss you all and i love you 🤍

[girlivealwaysbean]

honestly I totally understand now how men grow up to be total trashbags

[jrueships]

guess whos not going in at all this week, actually

[professionaljester]

[meme-loving-stuck]

"Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of-"

Actually, that kinda just sounds like existing and trying to communicate to other people.

Sometimes you have to ask someone multiple times to try to break their bad habit that also hurts you. Or, your family might be the kind to constantly harp on you over something that actually seriously eroded your self-image over time, and it will take more than one emotional breakdown for them to understand it's serious and they need to stop. Maybe your best friend looks at their phone more than they look at you whenever you hang out, and it's not a big deal to them until the third or fourth or tenth time you point it out to them.

And yeah, if you're in a seriously unhealthy relationship or you are unfortunate enough to be surrounded by people who dont care about your needs, you might HAVE to repeat yourself a lot. You might have to initiate that hard conversation about boundaries bi-monthly if your partner doesn't think it's a big deal. You might have to do it every week (again, this is not healthy)

So, yeah! If you are constantly having to repeat yourself, always the one to have to ask twice or three times, and you literally have to beg for your needs to be met, it CAN kinda feel like you're going insane!

But that's just how other people are sometimes. People are selfish. People forget about important things. Maybe, in the end, if you stay consistent, they'll listen.

[wingdingle]

ok i figured it out finally. the secret to becoming friends with somebody is to keep doing smalltalk and asking how peoples days are and listen to them and share your own experiences and be genuinely curious about theirs, until you find people who also want to be friends with you enough to talk to you outside of the setting you regularly meet in, and then just initiate communication on a regular basis (at least 5 times a week or some shit idk.) also assess their comfort zone before talking about like social taboos . like ask them if they are ok hearing smth youre unsure about before you say it. also you dont necessarily succeed every time but dont get discouraged theres always more ppl and more room to grow =]

sidenote: try to make sure that when you make conversation it isnt exclusively about things you feel negatively about and keep an open mind about peoples interests, even if you dont necessarily agree with them - some people dont know some tjings are offensive bc theyre just too busy living their lives to stay on top of everything, but you can always explain that thought about it being offensive, just dont shut them down right away... imagine how youd feel if someone shut you down when you were talking about something you liked

[okidenshi]

Sometimes i thinks bout how my gen x parents took doctors telling them that that the anti-depressants worked by heling 'balance chemicals' in my brain so that it helped me be more happy or whatever as like... these meds will ALTER MY ENTIRE PERSONALITY AND THEY DAUGHTER THEY LOVE MAY BE GOOONEEEE OOOO~~~"

Not that they're horribly anti-med really, but as a young teen they would always be like "but... what if the meds are changing you :((" like. girl. isn't that the goal here almost-

[fappellmoan]

famously i never say violent things on the hyperbolic bitching and moaning website but i seriously do think my broadcasting professor should kill herself violently in front of me so sorry girl. the only reason id retract that a little bit is to be like well u r a woman at a shitty university and she has been nice to me at points and been cool a couple times but idrc

[patchesjam]

i am not going to continue arguing with you all nap time zzz zzz

[tamaharu]

why is talking to parents about mental health stuff so nerve wracking like im just informing them that im planning to get an adhd assessment so they could help with insurance and im like oh man i should be shot for this

[lupismaris]

.

[vilereign]

outfits i drew for a fanfic i write, if by chance you're from ao3 and see this, thank you for the love on Le Baiser de la Gloire <//33

[gregoftom]

TOMMMMMMMMTOMAFOMAFO TOM SWEEEEEEP TOM SWEEP!!!!! TOM SWEEP GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOLAZOOOOOOO GOL GOL GOL

[lurkiestvoid]

I just realized DST happened apparently?? And also my birthday is this month (fuck). I will not be announcing the date and hopefully will not be mentioning it again other than this One (1) Time bc it fills me with conflicting feelings of Dread and Longing so instead I prefer to just forget the whole concept. one day a year