#im not apologizing for any of this i do not care
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oh my god this whole fucking thread is images, get ready for it
[ID:
First image: a tweet from @/autismlor that says "Sorry for being so inactive on this account, the Taylor hyperfixation kinda died a little once I started getting laid Imao" underneath in the replies they say "People bookmarking this are you gonna come back after you get laid and report if it happens to you too or"
Second image: a tweet from @/meanlore that says "honestly ever since i got on the right meds it's been really hard for me to care about taylor swift being gay" then in the replies they say "(lamotrigine for anyone wondering !!)"
Third image: an instagram post from @/btsarmy222777 the photo is a pink and purple gradient with the text "SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN POSTING ON HERE A LOT GUYS I STARTED TAKING A MOOD STABILIZER AND NOW I'M NOT OBSESSED WITH BTS ANYMORE" in white. The caption reads "Still love them though 💜" (purple heart emoji.)
Fourth image: a tweet from @/larryslittlefrk that says "sorry for being so inactive lately, just wanted to give you all total transparency 💕" (double pink heart emoji) with a screenshot of a notes app entry attached. The note is titled 🚨 (siren emoji) life update 🚨 (siren emoji). The text below it reads "hey guys! Life update!!! So they found a bunch of mold in my dorm vent and since l've been home and on antibiotics I noticed how much better I am really feeling and also feel like I can think more clearly now, and with a heavy heart I have to admit I think being a no stunt Larry was probably the mold talking. Not really sure why any part of that makes sense, especially Louis's fake kid and them both hiring beards for 10 years when they pick their own managers now... guess black mold can really affect your brain hahaha! anyways i'm so grateful for the friends i've made through this community and i hope all of you reach the same clarity as i have ❤️ (red heart emoji) get your vents checked everyone!"
Fifth image: an instagram post from @/jamesmcavoyupdates. The image is a photo of James Mcavoy standing on what looks to be a gate. The caption reads "im done with this account. Thank you for all the laughs but i have no motivation to keep updating on James. this account was initially to help me let my feelings out and sometimes rant but my antidepressants have started working and they helped me realize i actually do not like James mcavoy as much as i thought i did. If you were looking forward to my updates i apologize you will have to find another account to follow as i am no longer suffering from mental illness. Xx ❤️ (red heart emoji)"
/end ID]
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if requests are open would you mind writing fem gojo, fem sukuna, maki, and nobara with a male!s/o who doesnt take anything seriously- like, hes the type to laugh during a serious situation
idk if youll do this or not lol i thought it was a good idea im a big supporter of ur work btw MALE/GN!READER SUPREMACY
Nobara,maki,fem!gojo, and fem!sukuna with a s/o who doesn't take anything seriously
A/n:Thanks, I appreciate the support, gn/male reader supremacy indeed
Nobara kugisaki
She treats you very similarly to how she treats yuji:sometimes she's mad and yells at you, and other times she's giggling and having fun with you
It really depends on the situation. If you're during a mission and the situation is serious, then she'll tell you to stop and take it seriously, but if you're laughing at something stupid, yuji did then she'll just join you
If she gets very mad at you for your lack of seriousness she won't talk to you for a while and wait for you to come and apologize
"Hey y/n, what the heck are you laughing about over here?"
"Sorry, it's just yuji slipped and fell down it was wo funny"
"Really? You have to show me"
"Yeah I filmed it"
"C-cmon guys"
Maki zenin
Sometimes, she wonders why she loves you. Genuinely, you two are just opposites and you annoy her so much most of the time
Unless it's an actually funny situation she'll scold you for being so unserious. Gojo already annoys her a lot and she doesn't need someone else like that giving her even more headaches
She gets mad at you a lot and will need a lot of time to get used to your demeanor, but when your relationship goes on for long enough, she'll get softer and be more understanding.....she still hits you when you're annoying though
"You idiot! We're fighting a curse and you're out here laughing? Be serious for once!"
"I think it's you who needs to relax more maki"
".........."
"O-ok sorry babe"
Fem!gojo
You two are just the same, always being silly and not taking anything seriously. You have so many inside jokes that no one else can understand, but that make you burst into laughter at any moment
You could be on a mission, hunting a very powerful curse, and gojo will just be showing you memes while firing off a red to take care of it, followed by both of you laughing about how weak it was
Everyone else is so annoyed by you two, especially satori's students who just sigh whenever her boyfriend walks into class, knowing you'll just start joking around and they won't get anything done
"Man, that curse was seriously a special grade? Man what a disappointment"
"I know, I'm sure even a sneeze would have killed it"
"Hehe, you're right about that"
Fem!sukuna
She's like nobara in the sense that her reaction to your personality depends on her mood
There are moments where she's feeling grumpy or unsatisfied, so she'll demand you stop being like this around her but also moments where she can be very unserious and laugh too, especially when she's fighting a weak enemy
She would be lying if she said she didn't find your silliness cute, especially when you're this happy because of something she did, but she'll never say it to your face
"Great job, ryomi, you annihilated that sorcerer like it was nothing, it was so much fun"
"I'm glad you found it enjoyable, but did you expect anything else"
"Of course not my queen, I love watching you fight"
"Eh, thank you, and I.....appreciate seeing your reaction"
#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#jjk#nobara kugisaki x male reader#nobara kugisaki#maki zenin x male reader#maki zenin x reader#maki zenin#satoru gojo x reader#gojo x reader#female gojo x reader#female gojo#gojo#female sukuna#sukuna x reader#sukuna#female sukuna x reader#x male reader#male reader
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Okay so there’s this ww artist on ig called like tooth lilys or something and he’s always causing drama in the ww fandom and he mouthed off about your art and now heaps of insta ww fans are like talking about you :| free publicity?
ahhhh so thats whats happening .. lmao thats crazy
i checked out their story, and i sure doooo love how they leave some things out when talking about both situations that they mentioned to make me look worse ..
ok so
warning, yap session incoming
the "will wood in a (miku) binder" thing happened back in fall 2023 when i was still semi new to the fandom and didnt know a lot of things. so tho i to this day i dont think it was that big of a deal, i wouldnt do it today
it was an artwork made for shits and giggles, the context of which i have explained here before. i never meant to imply that will wood is trans and i certainly dont "headcanon" him as that. my curse is that even when joking around i tend to try and make my art look good, so i get why people thought it was unironic. and i know that it sounds like a lame ass excuse, but it legit didnt cross my mind that people would think i drew will wood as a trans guy or smth. legit my only thought process was "funny haha internet thing" + "my favorite thing" = "good idea"
now the usage of his real name is something i am genuinely sorry for, but it was an accident and a genuine mistake on my part. i remember seeing someone mention it casually in some comment section, and assuming that it was ok, since i didnt know he was in any way against it. (i also thought that it was the same name that he used in "the real will wood" in that one section cus it sounded a bit similar).
when i was informed about the fact that he doesnt want it spread around i deleted the post right away and apologized, so bringing it up like something i did on purpose and out of malicious intent is a tad bit .. misfitting, if you can use that word
now the hot topic of the day: my waywood art
i have said this before and i will say this again, how i feel about rpf is solely based off how the people involved feel about it
to clarify: i never drew anything inappropriate or even suggestive with them, the "worst" thing is 2 simple sketches of them smoochin. or. this.
idk if this is what they were referring to when talking about me drawing will wood and gerard way "making out" (specifically. because i think "making out" implies to be more sexual stuff than small kisses). and if so, then it once again feels like blowing things out of proportion
and now the point i want you to get: will wood wouldnt give a flying fuck
like i said earlier, i never drew anything inappropriate, because that would actually cross will's existent and real boundaries. you know, the ones that he stated
im not making some conspiracy theories about him being gay, like some people seem to imply in their inbox messages to me
im not sending a whole ass smut fanfiction to litwtc gmail or something, i dont bother him in instagram dms asking if he wants to fuck gerard way, im not shipping him with people who he actually knows personally and has to look in the eyes of from time to time
im not doing anything that he would actually care about
him and chris have joked about him being attracted to gerard before, and though im not saying that you can joke about everything theyve ever joked about, i feel like in our case its clear that will clearly doesnt care about the implications ? (i generally believe that ww fans would get their panties twisted about less things if more of them listened to what these 2 talk about so calmly on litwtc but i digress)
if he saw that some random teenager on tumblr is drawing him and gerard way (gasp of horror) holding hands, he'd laugh at it max and then move on with his day
people are treating the whole situation like i posted pictures of him from when he was a kid or leaked patreon content or drew him fully naked or anything else that, you know, would actually affect him in one way or another
what im doing is innocent fun which isnt even likely to reach either of them. will wood very rarely checks tumblr and, once again, i genuinely dont believe he would care. and gerard way aint got no internet + he doesnt care x 2
it is weird but rn this is what brings me the most joy, even if its silly to say. both will wood and gerard way mean a lot to me and putting them in situations together makes me happy. i am but a child full of fun whimsy
i wont be posting any more explicitly romantic art to avoid more drama, and i also wont be responding to all the anon messages i received because there are like .. too many of them. an overwhelming amount i'd say. sorry about that
i really didnt mean to cause such a fuss, and i understand why some people might be uncomfortable with what i do
i fully understand why you would dislike my waywood hyperfixation shenanigans, and i dont have a problem w you over that, but treating me like pure evil because of a thing so insignificant is just.. overdoing it
once again, i will be toning it down, but it really isnt the end of the world if i dare to draw will wood and gerard way being a tad bit gay (which is, i apparently need to mention, not me actually saying that will wood the alternative musician is a homosexual gay who is in a genuine for real actual real gay homosexual relationship with gerard fucking way the lead singer of my chemical romance. i think speculating on other people's sexuality and gender identity is boooo tomato tomato tomato)
sorry for the rant and sorry to all who were disappointed by my lack of remorse. come back in a couple years when i turn 18 and stop having fun and artistic freedom
thank you for your attention and i hope i at least cleared some things up to those who werent w me throughout every event where i get involved in fandom drama
bye bye
#asmo goes blahblahblah#my chemical overreaction#idk should i tag this with the will wood tag#on one hand i probably should so more people understand my perspective but i also dont want this to be a better drama than it already is#bleh whatever#fun fact the will wood in a miku binder situation caused me to be anxious about every artwork i post#cus im afraid i didnt consider that people would see the obvious implications that arent actually there#im gonna close my inbox cus#once again#stressful#but yeah. i guess thats it
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The TBT got me thinking about the movie's writing again, so here's some thoughts. Clay being the only one to get an on-screen apologize doesn't make any sense narrative wise.
When you look exclusively at what's implicitly canon (so no 'he was at the tree that whole time' headcanons, even if they make some sense), Clay is the least in need of apologizing compared to the other three. Bruce is slightly more in need of apologizing than him because he was the second eldest and second to leave, but this point is not about him, it's about how it should have been either JD or Floyd (ideally it would be all of them apologizing actually, but again, not about that rn)
John Dory is practically the main force behind the movie's plot and emotional conflict, so we're talking about him first. John Dory in the movies, well, he kinda sucks a lot of ass. During the Brozone days, he was very bossy, overbearing, lowkey emotional/verbally abusive and the first to leave them all while being the oldest and implied to be their only caretaker outside of their elderly grandma. And even though some people give Clay and Bruce shit for how they behaved towards JD during the Rhonda fight scene, they were RIGHT, he was being bossy and a dick during that scene, and while all the bros were at fault about how they treated Branch during it, he was also the worst of them (like he was the only one who not only denied they would stay together after saving Floyd, but also actually made fun of Branch for even thinking so). And that is without mentioning how he got the the three of them trapped later in the film in the stupidest way possible.
This is NOT to say that he is some kinda of unredeemable abusive monster, no, even if its not said out loud in the movie, its left pretty implicit that he had his reasons for acting the way he did and that he was under a lot of stress himself running the band and caring for his 4 younger brothers while likely being a kid himself during the Brozone days. BUT, after all that, it feels so strange to have the time for one singular apologize apparently and to not give it to HIM of all people. He giving Branch the lead during the Family Harmony is the only thing he does that implies he changed his way after ALL of that, even Venner gets more redeemable qualities than that!
It just makes his storyline feel incomplete honestly, like the movie only bothers to drop slight hints that this man doesn't completely suck and then turns around and both doesn't build up further on those hints AND doesn't make him do anything to redeem himself with Branch and any of his other brothers.
And if for whatever reason it wasn't going to be John, why not Floyd??? I don't even care that much that we don't get a reason for why Floyd never went back, its kinda even implied that he never intended to come back and was just trying to comfort Branch by lying, but again, if you're going to set aside time for one-on-one apologizes after everything is set and done, why not use it for tying up one of the main story points set in the begging of the movie.
Is like they even forgot that they set up Floyd promising to come back and never doing so, because as far as I remember (could be wrong tho), after the introduction, Branch only refers to Floyd as "the only one who said goodbye". With for Branch's character makes sense really, but for the narrative feels plain unsatisfactory. It sets time aside to set up out loud that something was supposed to happen and it never did (crucially affecting the trajectory of the main character's life) and it just... never brought up again. No excuse, no Im sorry for that actually, no anything. Instead we get Clay, which in the movie, has no special relationship or plotline with Branch compared to the rest whatsoever, being the one that gets to have on-screen closure. Why?????
In conclusion, the movie could have an 100% better script and tighter emotional conclusion if they had just let the writers have two even ONE extra rewrites. But not, instead we get two plotlines that likely will never get resolved because got forbid this franchise actually has a proper continuity between films yippeeeeee
(Im truly sorry for this ramble, I just have too many thoughts and too little friends that even know what Trolls are, and by too little I do mean actual zero. Hope you enjoyed it at least, if not, Im sorry again)
I agree that Clay was the one Troll who had a good reason he never got to go back and visit or anything. It was definitely weird that he was the only one who apologized for never getting to see Branch grow up, but I think it says a lot about his character that he did.
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i do not anticipate being on here much in november but just know i miss you all and i love you 🤍
#please take care of yourselves <3 and be kind to yourself and those around you !!!#im deleting all socials including discord so#if i don’t respond to you for a while i apologize pls know i’m not ignoring u :(#i think i’ve been spending too much time saying i’m gonna do this and do that and then i don’t do anything . so#i’m going to attempt to do some good for myself the last couple months of the year 🤍#and if im being honest i don’t think i’ll do any writing … but if i do i’ll post on ao3 just so u know#also ik i have a lot of unread asks but i just don’t have the energy to go through them like i planned :( so i’m very sorry#anyway that’s all i got. i’ll see u when i see u <3
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hey guys sorry if posting my art takes a little while I've been too busy thinking about visual kei fashion and gnawing on my enclosure abt it xoxo 💋💕🫶
rant in tags beware ⚠️🤓
#rant#it's taking too much brainspace I have so many clothes diys I wanna finish/do#and outfit ideas#and art ideas#and art wips#but executive dysfunction is the FUCKING DEVIL OHHHHHGGJJJ MY GODDDD#SAVE ME FROM THE BRAIN DEMONS PLEEEEAAASE😭😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏🙏💔💔💔💔#so if any of you guys have cared to read this at all + have seen some of my past posts#I wanna give a formal apology for announcing my epic ideas and then seemingly abandoning them 🫡😓💔🫶#i think it might be a curse atp because WHY DOES EVERYTIME I SHOW YOU GUYS SOMETHING IM WORKING ON MY MOTIVATION COMPLETELY DISAPPEARS 😭#I actually feel bad bc I'm just leaving you guys in the dust 😓#I feel like I'm just ping ponging from idea to idea- mini project to mini project- and I end up doing nothing about any of it 😭#does this also happen to you guys??? is my brain melting????#tfw when you physically can't keep working on a project anymore even though your heart yearns for its completion 😍😛✌️#so many funny ideas..... yet so little willpower 💔......#<- someone who's probably gonna post another animation later#this has been floating around in my noggin for a while#but for the meager amount of only 200+ people who have followed me so far (if you ever read this) thank you so much. like genuinely 🫶#I might post a lil something about it lol#I'm also really glad for all of my awesome mutuals!!!! whether or not we've ever interacted❤️#please excuse me 🙏I must now go stare at clothes from vkei and kote kei fashion brands whilst mentally watching paint dry#lest I be sent to shadow realm for daring to try to focus on other tasks 🙏 godspeed soldiers 🫡#ok rant over 😎⚠️
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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me and a beloved mewtual going LITERALLY and EXACTLYY to each other as we reaffirm a core part of the story being wwx's overall journey in his social dynamics to stability and security as he goes, not without tragedy and loss, but from a contentious and unsupportive main relationship in a hostile social setting that degenerates quickly into dysfunction and instability and violence to end up with a supportive and healthy and happy life partnership with someone whose main life goals involve taking care of him
#like YES wwx lost so much and he was truly happy in some aspects of LP and it was so unfair what he lost#but starting the story being so close to jc and then ending it being so close to lej was unquestionably a net benefit for him#and im someone who does support reconciliation but it's a happy ending that wwx is with someone#who can and will prioritize him and care for him and support him and prove himself trustworthy and a moral equal#in the way that wwx needs#not that it doesn't hurt. it probably hurts jc more tho#and um how do I say this. I don't rly care? after all he's done to wwx he doesn't even have the right to be in the same room as him#let alone demand shit from him. any reconciliation HAS to come with sincere and heartfelt apology#and if wwx rides off into the sunset w lwj and jc is left alone and miserable well. that's tragic but that's also due to his own actions#like dude you treated him like that what did you expect...#like at the end of the day. actions have consequences and shit#'well he didn't know about xyz' the shit he was doing to wwx both before and after he lost his gc was insane sorry#jc acts on emotion amd doesn't stop to think he might not have all the info...#also like. I get him being angry abt jyl even a decade abd a half after the fact#but attacking someone ill and unarmed multiple times as they're trying to flee#and intentionally using their phobia to terrorize them. is just deeply cruel and malicious and ignoble. he's a shitty person#idk how much he cries. 40 year old minor....#like personally I don't consider him abusove as a brother but he's clearly ready and willing to abuse his power as a sect leader#when he gets mad enough#but yeah sect leader and uncle and brother of the year 🙄#cql txp
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#abc shut it#if you talked with me today i apologize if i was werid as fuck#but i had a lot of fun convos today with lots of different ppl it was a good day#my loneliness fucking STATED -bashing it with a broom bc i remember ppl DO care abt me and im just being crazy*"#*realized my period is suppose to arrive any day now
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also tangentially related but i was made aware that an old and incorrect "callout" of a previous association of mine is circulating again. ill gladly reblog my apology and elaboration, but let the record show that 1) i cut all contact with lee lifegod after realizing that she was not interested in changing or getting help (and in fact doubling down, getting worse, and essentially taking back any apologies) and my good faith was misplaced and taken advantage of, and 2) the MAIN reason i was close friends with her is because we had shared experience involving someone who hurt both of us, and i was entirely isolated at that time from anyone who could share that. not that thats an EXCUSE for my poor judgement, but i do want to give context. it helped to share that with someone, given i was still living with said person.
tldr: again, i am happy to apologize to anyone who was hurt by/uncomfortable with this, because it was a poor judgement call on my part, and i am truly sorry for that. i am also happy to elaborate further and provide screenshots of the accountability and change i asked lee to take.
#im sighing at this. it truly sucks but also i am not involved and dont care to seek out any of this.#but sincerely do want to offer apologies to anyone and everyone who would like a direct and personal one.#all i ask is that people practice good faith.
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Ok I have beef with Harding now, too.
#spoilers in the tags#my only friends here are emmerich; taash; darvin: and ironically Solas.#no fucking way am i saving her from her blind hatred of ALL ELVES right now#when will this infuriating bs end#how dare she blames the elves for this#oh we built our world on the end of yours did we?#YOU MEAN THE WORLD WHERE WE'RE ALMOST EXTINCT AS A RACE AND WHATS LEFT OF US ARE NOMADIC/ENSLAVED/POOR?#THAT WORLD? THE WORLD FOR THE ELVES?#you people are OUTTA YER GOTTDAMN MINDS.#ik this is like Dark! Corrupted! Harding but it doesnt draw from anything that she doesnt genuinely feel on some level.#this is like finding out your cishet ally friend has a secret reddit that theyre homophobic on#This is like if a gay man killed your father so you hate all gay people on principle#im relating this to lgbt+ bc its the most salient marginalized group i identify with#like i get some people ruined your entire race and society forever#but the same people youre blaming for it NOW also lost their entire race/culture from those people#i will NEVER shut up about this.#i already apologized to harding once#twice actually. after it was first revealed what evanuris did. and now i regret both apologies. i take them back.#i do not apologize. and if im given the option to again after this quest i absolutely refuse#@modern elves they could never make me blame you for anything.#is anyone gonna speak up for the elves here or do i have to just do everything myself?#Bellara is on this guilt train and Darvin seems like he couldnt really care less about his Elven identity anyway.#and naturally not like any other race is gonna jump to the Elves' defense#im assuming anyway. that'd be a shockingly nice surprise. but when have they ever?#i am bitter lol
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"Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of-"
Actually, that kinda just sounds like existing and trying to communicate to other people.
Sometimes you have to ask someone multiple times to try to break their bad habit that also hurts you. Or, your family might be the kind to constantly harp on you over something that actually seriously eroded your self-image over time, and it will take more than one emotional breakdown for them to understand it's serious and they need to stop. Maybe your best friend looks at their phone more than they look at you whenever you hang out, and it's not a big deal to them until the third or fourth or tenth time you point it out to them.
And yeah, if you're in a seriously unhealthy relationship or you are unfortunate enough to be surrounded by people who dont care about your needs, you might HAVE to repeat yourself a lot. You might have to initiate that hard conversation about boundaries bi-monthly if your partner doesn't think it's a big deal. You might have to do it every week (again, this is not healthy)
So, yeah! If you are constantly having to repeat yourself, always the one to have to ask twice or three times, and you literally have to beg for your needs to be met, it CAN kinda feel like you're going insane!
But that's just how other people are sometimes. People are selfish. People forget about important things. Maybe, in the end, if you stay consistent, they'll listen.
#BLOGGING LOUDLY#im more tired than i can describe#also these are not examples of my relationships at least not these things in that order#actually these are things that occurred with all of my partners lol. but to varying degrees#but being in any relationship long term you start to notice. how often do i have to repeat myself about important stuff like this#do they care enough to remember or to apologize or to try to solve the issue#or do they just acknowledge in the moment and then forget#do they apologize because they care about your feelings or because they dont like the confrontation of being held accountable#etc#not just partners but friends family members. even workplace dynamics. if you are with someone for long enough. you start to notice.
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maybe i am being a huge bitch and terrible and unfair ????? perhaps that’s the problem ???? and that is likely. however the council (my two best friends and my mom) have concurred that i should actually be angrier and meaner so i think im doing my best atm
#kinda joke but actually i don’t know what to do and i am sooooo angry it i don’t think it’s justified but also isn’t it ? isn’t it ?#like i may have fucked up the very serious convo that we had earlier but also i’m so mad. and i said that. and she heard me I THOUGHT#so i thought it was going to get taken care of but apparently not#like ok. don’t pay rent just stay here 5/7 nights a week and stop by anytime and don’t make any moves to change or fix the position you’re#in like whatever atp. maybe i’d be a better friend if i was more understanding and ive been telling myself that for weeks but also wtf#i know things are terrible for her so i should be nicer and more understanding but i’ve been as nice and understanding as i can be for three#months now and nothings changed she not even interested in changing things so at what point is it real life consequences#of im mad and you have to pay rent ffs#idk. i should apologize for even asking that of her ig. i know things are super hard for her rn. but things are also hard for me rn#in different less extreme ways but still. idk
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sorry to everyone who's been missing me/waiting for something from me, i've been slipping in and out of depressive fog for a week or two (and in general have experienced significantly worse depression than normal for a couple years, but that’s another story)
i long to get back, too; a lot of things to read and ideas to write and people to talk to. love y'all, take care
#signed: vika's ghost#also i've caught a cold so there's that too#terribly sorry for being overdramatic i'm just... tired of being tired and i wanted to talk about it a little bit#it's very important for me to talk about everything that's wrong with me. i tend to avoid that but now i'm trying to learn and to make peace#creative drive and ability to hold thought-out conversations keep slipping out of my graps and it kinda hurts more#— in a good cathartic sort of way but painful nonetheless — to remember what they felt like at all#i miss wanting to work on my wip and i miss having the attention span to write out headcanon and i miss having headcanons#and i miss talking to my fandom friends#(i did it just last week but i already miss it. it's one of the things i'd like to be able to do every day)#and i miss the ability to connect with art and i miss the ability to focus on written word and i miss commenting#and i miss discussing ideas and i miss interacting and i miss having fun. god i just miss having fun.#kp my apologies for not making much progress on bb&b; myself my apologies for not writing any of my other wips or outlines or posts;#da gc gang my apologies for not following up on any of the things; every fic writer whose work ended up in my to-read pile IM SORRY#jack & kp specifically i love your stuff#also jack my apologies for taking a While; & the rd gc apologies for never writing out any of the cool au thoughts i'd had after some point#really,i've been meaning to. everything requires way too much effort. everyone is so fun and i miss having fun#take care,remember me fondly,i'll be back,please stand by#if tomorrow morning i find this embarrassing i'll chalk it up to a fever or something.#idc i'm allowed to have it. world won't blow up if i'm embarrassing on the internet once or twice or honestly even forever#vikarambles#vent
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i am the poisoned blood running through my tired veins
#personal#ITS SO MOT FUCKINH FAIR.#since he hates me now i dont care if he sees this and im pretty sure i fucking blocked the reat of them so idontfucking care#i hate all kf them so much and i dont fucking care how bad they hurt. i hurt too#for some INSANE REASON i was the only oke that had to apologize. why did they never apologize .#they know they hurt me. He knkws he hurt me.#when j say this they think im selfish. they can think what they want.#byt jts fucking crazy to act like im the only one tjat did anything wronh#i fucking admitted i was wrong. but it wasnt enough. notjing is ever enough for them!#if He ever tries to text me again im not responding. it was stupid of me to respons.#i wonder what he would say if he knew that i chose ro respond by chance of a coin flip#if it had landed on tails i wouldnt be making this post.#he cares more than i do. i dont have the luxury of caring.#he says “i led him on” but if he wanted skme speicodx kind of love fucking say skmething#i didnt knkw i was supposed to be differenr. if he had said that from the dtart i never would have agreed.#i didnt want to change for him.#he shouldve been different and he shouldve been better#i shouldve been too. but atleast i can admit ghat#what the fuck do you mean when you say you understand why j do what you do and uou get it so deeply#but then you still leave. does rhat mean you understand how much you hurt me that first time#it barely hurts anymore. but i cried four times last nigjt#now i dont feel it and now i dont care. youll never knkw little i can let myself care#ill distract myself until i forget all about you because i csnt let myself feel any of this#i dont care if im not changjng the way you begged me to. thats not an option rigjtnmow#im still fighting to stay alive. i dont know that you understand what thats like#you say you get it. i tjink you just say that#you loved me and i dont like that. i warned you and you dwatted my warning away#how is that all my fault.#how is all of this my fault.#💭
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ok i figured it out finally. the secret to becoming friends with somebody is to keep doing smalltalk and asking how peoples days are and listen to them and share your own experiences and be genuinely curious about theirs, until you find people who also want to be friends with you enough to talk to you outside of the setting you regularly meet in, and then just initiate communication on a regular basis (at least 5 times a week or some shit idk.) also assess their comfort zone before talking about like social taboos . like ask them if they are ok hearing smth youre unsure about before you say it. also you dont necessarily succeed every time but dont get discouraged theres always more ppl and more room to grow =]
sidenote: try to make sure that when you make conversation it isnt exclusively about things you feel negatively about and keep an open mind about peoples interests, even if you dont necessarily agree with them - some people dont know some tjings are offensive bc theyre just too busy living their lives to stay on top of everything, but you can always explain that thought about it being offensive, just dont shut them down right away... imagine how youd feel if someone shut you down when you were talking about something you liked
#idk if this helps anybody but ive been trying to figure it out for years#also be confident in urself.#for the uninitiated#being confident in yourself meams#catch yourself when you start talking about negative things about yourself#when you start apologizing for little things#when you start making jokes about not wanting to live#and when you feel like a fuckup of course#just start catching yourself#note it down#note down how other people actually respond#and how things change after and on what scale#and then start opposing it when you envounter it. after u know how to catch it#tell it “no actually i dont have any reason to apologize. no actually im doing my best. no actually people do care about me. no.”#even if you feel like its a lie!#and if you keep doing this over time. and sometimes it takes a loooong long time. you will eventually see a decrease in anxiety attakcs#decrease in panic attacks and you might even begin to love yourself#or at least not put yourself down instinctively
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