#im more tired than i can describe

[meme-loving-stuck]

"Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of-"

Actually, that kinda just sounds like existing and trying to communicate to other people.

Sometimes you have to ask someone multiple times to try to break their bad habit that also hurts you. Or, your family might be the kind to constantly harp on you over something that actually seriously eroded your self-image over time, and it will take more than one emotional breakdown for them to understand it's serious and they need to stop. Maybe your best friend looks at their phone more than they look at you whenever you hang out, and it's not a big deal to them until the third or fourth or tenth time you point it out to them.

And yeah, if you're in a seriously unhealthy relationship or you are unfortunate enough to be surrounded by people who dont care about your needs, you might HAVE to repeat yourself a lot. You might have to initiate that hard conversation about boundaries bi-monthly if your partner doesn't think it's a big deal. You might have to do it every week (again, this is not healthy)

So, yeah! If you are constantly having to repeat yourself, always the one to have to ask twice or three times, and you literally have to beg for your needs to be met, it CAN kinda feel like you're going insane!

But that's just how other people are sometimes. People are selfish. People forget about important things. Maybe, in the end, if you stay consistent, they'll listen.

[ink-the-artist]

forgive me if you've been asked this before or if its annoying, but how did you learn to use colored pencils like that? your art is so special to me.

ty :) I took an art class for a few years where our teacher had us buy prismacolor pencils as one of the art supplies and had us use them kinda like paints, pressing down hard right away and blending the colors together. its not how youre supposed to use them she was just trying to teach us to use color and ig this was more to the point. I picked them up again years after i stopped going to that class just bc they were there and i wanted to play around w them a bit and ended up actually enjoying it when doing it on my own terms lol

[mabaris]

no youre completely right - im a gay (trans)man and i legit wanna see so much more about the women bc There Is So Little. I wanna make a lesbian oc who gets bent in half by taash. im very normal.

i’m just tired man!!!! it feels so obvious how disproportionate it is when you’ve got. a cast of characters that we know almost equally little about. and a few of them explode in popularity and it’s like spongebob sticking his hand out the curtain. literally all a character needs to do numbers is to be a light-skinned man

[chiimeramanticore]

what up gamer !!!! whats ur next big art project gonna be?

short answer:

long answer: i have a lot of things i want to do all of which ive been putting off to some degree but i can try to tell you about all of them rn lol! most immediately is getting the charm orders shipped out, which has had just about everything that could possibly go wrong go wrong with it but like we ball i guess. and simultaneously the @showroomcertifiedzine that im trying my DAMNDEST to get to ppl before the year ends but also i will never let myself go "how hard could it be" ever again lmao.

after that i wanna try to pick up some writing stuff again, i have a couple of scripts that i actually Want to work on this time but havent had the time, and i wanna go back to potb REAL bad but im on the fence about if i should continue where i left off or start rewriting it because oh my god i want to rewrite so much of this fic now. during the accidental hiatus i reevaluated how i see a lot of the characters and now i feel like ive written a fic ooc enough yet widely-read enough that it'll become That One Fic that so many fandoms have and i would simply never be able to live with myself /j i cant decide if i wanna try to course correct and have a potentially messy ending or restart entirely and deprive everyone of beachdook confession and/or first kiss scene for another 3 years lmfao. vote now on your phones i guess

after that im less sure? i have videos about stuff other than animatronics i wanna make but i kinda have all the time in the world to make those. after getting so obsessed with yes man ukagaka i've wanted to make my own and have it be an oc thing. i still wanna make the rae dating sim lol. but all this is effectively on hold (except the zine and charms since those have ppl waiting on me) until i get whatever hell my brain is in out of there lol so . idk wish me luck on finding The Vitamin i guess

[ozymoron]

reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)

[autisticlee]

me: i'd like to have more friends so I have more people to share things with and someone to talk to every day since I spend 98% of my time completely alone

me, trying really hard to make friends: feeling very lonely like I can't fit in and don't belong no matter what I do until i get kicked out/pushed away. or immediately fucks up, without realizing or knowing why

me after that, in tears: actually I lied, I don't want/need friends. it's better to be alone 🥲

me for a long time after that: avoids people and spends all my time alone wishing to share things with others but too tired to try again

but eventually repeats the same nonsense cycle again and again because I never learn from it 🤦‍♂️

[cyeayt]

Back on my bullshit answer my questions

while doing some rudimentary research for this poll it has come to my attention that pins and needles are a feeling felt while the limb is asleep, not the period of intense sensation/tingling/sensitivity experienced while it comes back online. or maybe it's both? the stuff i read referred to it as tingling that happens while the limb is pinned/under pressure/numb. i cannot find anything that references what i have come to think of as "the agony" but ive referred to it as the pins and needles in the options for this poll anyway.

Mild: limb has muted sensation but can be moved and used carefully, pins and needles begin almost immediately after limb is moved from whatever position caused it to fall asleep. Pins and needles not painful and do not appear painful, and last a few seconds, person affected is capable of speech and moving other parts of their body during pins and needles, which last a few seconds.

Middle intensity: limb is numb or partially numb and can twitch but not be moved precisely. Pins and needles begin a few seconds after limb is unpinned or when it is moved. Pins and needles not painful but intense and appear uncomfortable, taking a lot of the affected person's attention/capacity. they last between 5 and 7 seconds.

Intense: limb is numb and cannot move/be used, pins and needles begin 5-7 seconds after the limb is unpinned. pins and needles are intense and may be painful or not painful but 'unbearable', causing the affected person to cry out, grimace, or otherwise appear to be in pain. Person cannot speak or move their other limbs during pins and needles, which last 10 or more seconds (without shaking) and have residual tingling for a few seconds after limb regains movement/becomes bearable to move

obviously this all depends on how long the limb was pinned but just answer whichever is the most common for you, and if you want you can put in the tags what positions make your limbs go numb/how you deal.

[3dsangel]

happy pride i am here

[iztopher]

on that note. a week or two ago i swapped out some info in my about to list my gender as genderqueer as a super low stakes way of feeling it out lol

ive spent pretty much my whole life w/ my gender on a sliding scale from "agender" to "gnc cis girl" and while i definitely still feel more connected to the former than the latter rn i like. really appreciate genderqueer as a term that captures every stage of that

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[myownprivatcidaho]

whats tough about like. Having Chemistry and spending time with someone at the start of the spring semester is that valentines day is coming up and its like a make or break point with what you may or may not Be and you have to question what direction things are headed in and its a pressure just Not present in the fall semester idk. idk

[nnugatoryextravagance]

You do not understand the abject horror and whiplash i got seeing the names 4lung and glitchedpuppet mentioned in a post on my dash out of nowhere last night good lord get me the fuck out of here IM NOT GOING BACK TO 2018 IM NOT GOING BACK TO 2018 RAAAGH GET AWAYY GET AWAAY

[trannykong]

Man. It is rough being the only queer person in my family. I would like a relationship with these people, but they’re a bunch of cishets and getting close to one of them reminds me of why i distanced myself in the first place.

[invisibleoctopus]

starting to think im a bard of void instead of being a knowledge class. i have the whole bardic crisis thing (oct 13 2013. sunday) the whole opposite aspect thing before that (Gifted Kid TM where part of my personality was bring smart. is very lightcore) and just how i seem to destroy everything i touch.

my aversion to lying and how terrible i am at it because its on a physical level in my body and i have to script it in advance (yes this is mostly autism) and not liking to keep secrets and being a blabbermouth. destroying void.

destroyed by void. getting FADED with weed. self isolation and most of my time being spent gaming or on the computer/phone. my awful terrible recurring dreams (dreams are void) that i have a fucking tag for. but the horrors have become almost mundane with how repetitive they are in my dreams and thats why i dont call them nightmares

[swamp-world]

"Why are we exclusivising behaviours everyone experiences" because something like RSD for example is not, in fact, something everyone experiences. It is a symptom and has a name for a goddamn reason. The literal point of it being dysphoria is that it is disproportionate and difficult to manage. Dyphoria is not just "I felt bad", it is often anxiety. Like. @goodguydotmp3 is 100% right and I am so fucking tired of this rhetoric repackaged as being "humanizing" and "the emotionally mature thing to do".

A disability is a disability for a reason and you need to fucking get comfortable with that fact.

The idea of "pathologizing vs humanizing" and "using it as an excuse or cop-out" and "it's not relatable" is so transparently uninterested in actual mental health, wellness, and any acknowledgement of what mental illness and disability actually are, and while here the example is directed at ADHD and RSD, which are the Hot New Brain Worms Of The Month, the logic is a million times more insidious and often seems, if you haven't been on the receiving end of it, to be good and sound. But like.

A condition is often a condition for a reason, and those conditions can be Fucking Debilitating. This applies even if you experience the same condition as the person you are speaking to. If someone says to you "I'm sorry about this thing, I am severely depressed" it's actually pretty fucking gross to say "So what, I'm depressed too" (a thing which I and many others have experienced, and which has been gleefully shared in the notes of this post).

Frankly, it actually strikes me as worse in a lot of ways to act like a condition is universal, and that us both being depressed cancels out like a math equation, or that you are depressed in an identical way to me, or to the same degree, or in the same circumstances, than it does to say "I'm sorry I did XYZ thing, situations like this have been difficult for me or volatile because I have depression".

Like. Has the whole point of mental health activism not been the literal Invisibility Of Mental Illness???

The second response demonstrated by OP demands obscuration of the disability or condition or situation. To claim that it's pathologizing and therefore bad to use the phrases which are formally recognized, have been given to you to describe your circumstances and situations, and are literally designed to give phrasing to experiences so that you can identify and work with them more easily, is fucking insane.

Frankly the idea of "humanize your mental illness instead of pathologizing it" is just a reworded version of "don't use the scary medical words that might indicate that you have an actual medical condition because then people have to acknowledge the reality of your situation instead of just getting to believe that you are a bad and/or lazy person". It is functionally just "It's just easier for everyone else if you don't actually say that you're disabled and frame things as a personal failing instead of a contextualized struggle, so you should just not say it".

Because vital to note is that this wasn't "make sure you aren't ending at using clinical terms to explain your response to a situation", it was "use Normal People Words instead".

God this feels like such a fucking nuclear comparison but if court systems can have a fucking Not Criminally Responsible clause—where a person is literally understood to be mentally ill in a way that they literally, in fact, cannot take responsibility for their actions (which apparently is the "emotionally mature thing to do")—then you should be able to fucking integrate that idea into your day-to-day life, and at much less severe levels.

The other implication of this post (intentional or not), specifically the reblog with the tags on it, is that mental illnesses are not in fact as severe as people are making them out to be. RSD does not mean "You said something to me and it hurt my feelings", it is a clinical lack of ability to regulate emotions and responses, and to acknowledge that is not to pathologize, or to excuse, but to understand that this is a core symptom of the medical condition that a person has been diagnosed with.

The issue is not in most cases that I think that my experiences are unique and need to be explained in clinical language to The Other People Who Couldn't Possibly Understand My Feelings, it's that there is some modifier to those shared feelings, and that modifier is not shared, and is likely not self-evident. To refuse to acknowledge the difference between that and the idea that a person is "self-alienating" through using clinical language is transparently uninterested in the actual matter at hand, or at any attempt to get a ground level understanding of disability, mental illnessness, and what it actually means.

And as the above poster mentioned, jesus christ, extend this logic to anything beyond the more publicized conditions like anxiety, depression, ADHD, etc. to anything such as bipolar disorders, schizophrenia and related conditions, psychosis, personality disorders, etc. and it becomes much more obvious how this rhetoric is used as a cudgel.

Other people are more qualified and better-spoken on the matter of the fact that The Core Issue With Hallucinations And Delusions Is That You Are Unable To Distinguish Them From Material Reality, but like. That feels worth mentioning here.

Not to mention things like (hypo-)mania, where you may not have control over your actions, or do things you otherwise would not do. I know of at least three people in my life who, sometimes in efforts to treat other disabilities (mental and physical alike), have experienced workplace issues because of mania, and in at least two of those cases they were given compassionate medical leave because they Had A Medical Condition, not discipline because they refused to take responsibility for their actions which apparently is "the emotionally responsible thing to do".

Because the core of it is: mental illness and disability are things that happen to people, not things that other people are doing. And when things happen to you, things that you do become difficult for you and everyone else. And the idea that acknowledging and explaining that fact to other people is not humanizing or is alienating or is avoiding the problem or not taking responsibility or pathologizing instead of...experiencing often invisible situations which often are not just out of your control but actively remove your control over yourself?? The idea that explaining or acknowledging that doesn't actually lend anything to the situation, even when it is a part of reality and ought to be recognized as such, and that even when there are literally medically-recognized conditions that contribute to an action or response, the person should still take responsibility for their actions that medically they are often unable or significantly more challenged to control??? Responsibility not as in, I must respond to this matter and attempt to correct it, but responsibility as in ownership of the action or blame on an immediate level???

That feels pretty gross.

Sick list of symptoms bro. Now try humanizing your behavior instead of pathologizing it.

[phagodyke]

zzzzzz