#i wish i could accept that im either meant to be alone or better off alone???? because even tho its hard sometimes | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

asthmark · 4 years ago

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❝ 10 things i know about you ❞ l.jn

synopsis → there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.

request → “if you're still accepting requests, can u make a domestic roommate!jeno? 🥺🥺 thank you and have a nice dayyy”

word count → 7.1k (bruhhh)

sharing an apartment with lee jeno isn’t ideal.

it’s not that he’s a lousy roommate or that you disliked him in any way; you just didn’t know him. you had first met through a mutual friend. they knew jeno was looking for someone to split rent with and that you happened to need a place to stay. they promised you he would give you privacy and assured jeno you were excellent roommate material. with that, arrangements were made and soon enough you moved in together. of course, it was a bit awkward at first but you two eventually got used to each other’s presence. although you were never in the same room for too long and oftentimes went days without speaking, you coexisted.

for a long time, you only knew a couple things about your roommate. for example, you were aware of his strong love for cats, especially his pet calico, seol. you also knew he kept the freezer stocked with pizza rolls that he would use as energy when he stayed up all night playing video games.

what you didn’t know, however, was that you would be spending the next couple months locked in your apartment with him. on top of that, you would begin to learn more things about him—his life, his personality, his feelings.

there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.

1. he’s a heavy sleeper.

at 10:28 in the morning you find yourself seated at the dining table in the kitchen, spooning froot loops into your mouth. as you stuff your face, you scroll through your phone for entertainment. you decide to open instagram first but you quickly find that to be a mistake. as soon as you open the app a picture of lucas and who you thought was his ex-girlfriend greets you. if that was bad, the caption hits you like a ton of bricks.

@lucas_xx444: should have never left you

in only five words, lucas has completely erased the months you spent dating. it meant nothing to him. sure, things hadn’t ended things the best way but going right back to his toxic ex and even admitting to missing her—now that was a new low. was this his way of getting back at you? his way of making you hurt just like he had throughout your entire relationship? the thought alone leaves you feeling sick.

you decide you’ve already had enough social media for one morning so you decide to check your messages instead. your friends usually left a couple of them overnight. to your surprise, you find that your main group chat has accumulated 241 messages.

[10:48 am] you: good morning i see u guys have been vry chatty

[10:49 am] yeji: ur finally awake!

[10:50 am] yuna: we thought u died lol

[10:50 am] lia: YUNA

[10:50 am] lia: NO

[10:51 am] ryujin: the timing for that joke could not be worse

[10:52 am] yuna: humor is my coping mechanism leave me alone

[10:52 am] you: ??? what happened

[10:53 am] chaeryeong: we left msgs for a reason dummy read them!!

[10:53 am] you: umm there’s over 200 and im not abouta read all that

[10:54 am] yuna: well then lemme break it down

[10:54 am] yuna: the world is ending :)

[10:55 am] you: welp it was about time

[10:55 am] lia: why r u guys like this

[10:56 am] yeji: there’s been a covid-19 outbreak and it’s spreading like wildfire so the government issued a stay at home order :/

[10:57 am] you: omg WHAT

[10:57 am] ryujin: ikr it’s crazy we literally can’t go anywhere

[10:57 am] chaeryeong: and we can’t get boba today either ;( i was so looking forward to that

[10:58 am] ryujin: let’s pls take a moment of silence for all the current and future boba dates that will have to be cancelled

[10:59 am] yuna: no way am i gonna let some wannabe flu make me go boba-less i’m still going out >:(

[10:59 am] lia: ...ur joking right

[10:59 am] yeji: what color casket do u want yuna?

before the groupchat can distract you any further, you place your phone down on the table. you sit back in your chair and let the newly revealed information sink in.

you were stuck inside.

you sigh before standing to clean your dishes. as you’re scrubbing away at your bowl, you feel something brush against your leg. you smile, not even having to look down to know it was seol. the cat would often wander into your room or sleep next to you when you watched tv on the couch. in fact, you were pretty sure you spent more time with seol than his owner.

you gaze at jeno’s room. as always, the door is shut. you wonder if you should let him know what was happening. you two usually kept your distance but you figured that the circumstance you found yourself in was an exception. you quickly dry your hand and shuffle towards his room.

you knock once, quite softly. you assume he’s asleep so you try again, this time a little harder. still, no avail. the third time you put even more force into it. by this time, seol has found his way beside you and claws at the door.

“jeno?” you knock a fourth time. “jeno! lee jeno!”

after more shouting accompanied by incessant meowing, you hear some muffled movement. moments later the door knob twists open and there stands your roommate with disheveled hair and a robe that had obviously just been thrown on his body. seol has taken the open crack in the door as an invitation inside the bedroom.

jeno blinks a couple times as he watches the feline get himself comfortable on his bed. he turns back to you, looking slightly disoriented. you’re not sure if he’s half asleep or your sudden presence has thrown him for a loop. his voice comes out raspy when he asks, “was he, um, bothering you or something?”

you shake your head, vigorously. “that’s not why i came. it’s just that my friends told me that there’s been some kind of virus outbreak and we’re supposed to stay home. so, i thought i’d let you know.”

his face softens. “oh, cool.” suddenly, the look changes. “not the virus thing! that’s totally not cool. i meant, it’s cool that you let me know and stuff. you just saved me a huge freak out so, uh, thank you.”

you smile and nod. “no problem.”

jeno’s eyes linger as you retreat back into your room down the hall. the sound of his door shutting is heard only once you’re out of his eyesight.

2. he can cook better than you.

most of the time, you would go out to eat dinner with your friends in the evenings or at least stop by a drive thru. obviously, this was no longer possible in the midst of a pandemic. you found that to be incredibly frustrating as you sat on your bed, stomach empty. no matter how badly you wished to fix it, your laziness had gotten the best of you. apart from that, you already knew how unlucky you were when it came to cooking—the memory of burning noodles at lia’s house one night had been permanently seared into your brain.

you almost believe your mind is playing tricks on you when you catch a whiff of pasta in the air. for a moment you think it’s your next door neighbor, taeyong, cooking again. you knew he was quite the chef. but, the smell is getting stronger by the second and you decide it must be in your apartment.

you wander into the kitchen, only to find jeno standing over the stove. he’s stirring red sauce in a pot when he notices you watching him.

“oh, hey,” he greets with a polite wave.

you can only stare at the rest of the kitchen—pots, pans, and ingredients all over the place—in utter awe.

he chuckles, awkwardly. “yeah, sorry about the mess. i’ve been told i’m a decent cook but i can never seem to get the tidiness down.”

“no, it’s not that. this just all seems so... professional.” you sniff the air once more. “smells amazing, too.”

he smiles, sheepishly. “thanks. are you a fan of spaghetti?”

you nod.

“good. i wanted to make something you’d like.”

“you really didn’t have to,” you say, leaning against the fridge. “i mean, i’ve never done anything for you.”

he uncovers a pot to check on the pasta. you watch as hot steam rises out of it. “what about this morning?”

you can’t help but laugh. “that most certainly does not count. you’re making an entire meal. that takes a lot of effort.”

he waves a hand, dismissively. “i used to cook a lot with my old roommate, doyoung. the guy was an asian gordon ramsey, i swear. so, yeah, this is nothing too crazy. and i really do enjoy it.”

“well, i’m still gonna repay you.” you fold your arms.

he looks away from his dish to raise a brow. “is that so?”

you nod in confirmation. “definitely.”

“tell you what, if you wash the mountain of dishes that are gonna be left over, we’ll be even.”

you stare at the sink that’s already overflowing with dirty kitchen tools. that wasn’t even half of it. “uh, sure, sounds good.”

he laughs at hearing the uncertainty in your voice. “that’s the spirit.”

3. he’s allergic to cats.

the familiar sound of soft purring is what pulls you attention away from the movie playing on your laptop. already knowing exactly who it is, you launch yourself off your bed to allow your furry guest inside.

“hey seol. what’ve you been up to?”

the calico meows, almost as if he were responding to your question. you close your door and go back to your original position. you notice seol sitting directly in front of your bed, looking up at you with wide eyes.

“come on up.” you pat your sheets, invitingly.

he obeys and stretches before laying down beside you.

“have you ever watched ‘avengers’?” you ask, eyes going back to the explosive fight scene on the screen.

this time, seol doesn’t even bother humoring you with a meow. he stays silent with his head tucked into his paws.

you scratch his head and his tail wiggles. “i’ve gotta stop asking you questions.”

both you and seol’s heads snap towards the door when you hear a knock.

“come in!” you call out.

jeno swings open the door. his eyes briefly scan the room before landing on the furball on your bed. the unmistakable look of adoration shines in his eyes when he sees how lovingly you caress him.

“seol! what are you doing in here? bothering y/n?” the cat jumps off your bed and towards his owner standing in your doorway. jeno scoops him into his arms and faces you. “i’m so sorry. he saw me running a bath for him and bolted.”

“it’s all good. he’s a great movie buddy. besides, i could always use the company.”

jeno curiously glances at your computer screen. “is that ‘avengers’?”

“yep. i’ve seen it like a dozen times.”

“same here.“ he pauses. “hey, if you ever need a movie buddy—like you know, one that talks—just let me know.”

your face lights up. “i’m gonna hold you to that.”

”i hope so. well, if you’ll excuse me, i’ve gotta give this guy a bath.”

seol yowls as if he understands the meaning behind the words and attempts to escape jeno’s grip.

“here we go again,” he mumbles under his breath.

you snicker at the sight. “looks like you could use some help.”

“oh, no. it’s fine. he can just be a little bratty someti—seol!”

in the blink of an eye, the feline has successfully hopped out of his arms and made a run for it.

jeno gives you an exasperated look before rushing off to catch his runway pet. you find yourself caught up in the excitement so you follow him, the two of you now in pursuit of the calico. you’re sure the image of you both chasing the fluffy animal around the apartment looks like something straight out of a comedy. even you and jeno can’t contain your laughter when he finally catches seol only for him to slip out of his hold a second later. this exact situation repeats itself a couple times before you finally get lucky.

“i got him!” you screech. “jeno! oh my god! what do i do?”

“bathroom, bathroom, bathroom!” he chants in response.

you head in that direction with jeno trailing behind you, ready to catch seol if he somehow manages to get out of your death grip. you bend over the bathtub, slowly lowering the cat into the water. it’s clear he doesn’t have a problem with making a fuss as he wails and flails his limbs around.

after a while, he finally calms down enough that you can lather him in shampoo. jeno insists on scrubbing him, arguing that you had already done way too much. you sit back on your heels, observing the way the seol leans into his delicate touches.

“looks like he likes it now.”

“he likes to make a big deal but he ends up enjoying it every—“ jeno cuts himself off with a sneeze.

“tissue?” you offer.

he shakes his head. “that’s okay, thanks. i’m used to it. i’m just surprised my allergies haven’t acted up ‘til now.”

“allergies?” you echo.

“yeah, i’m allergic to—“ another sneeze. “cats.”

your eyes widen. “really? and you still have seol?”

“i could never get rid of him. he’s too good of a boy. isn’t—“ sneeze. “that right?” he tickles seol under his chin.

“wow. you must really love him.”

“so much.”

“he’s lucky to have you.”

“what about you? you get both of us. doesn’t that make you the luckiest?”

you snort. “i guess it does.”

4. he makes a good shopping buddy.

“i have officially cooked everything we have.”

“i can order some takeout, if you want?”

he juts his lower lip out and gives you puppy eyes. “but i like to cook for you.”

you laugh at his expression. “oh god, you look like that one pouty emoji people use when they try to be cute.”

he sits up. “did it work?”

you nod and pinch his cheek.

he yelps. “ah, stop! you’re acting like my grandma!” he manages to get out of your grasp. he rubs his face, soothing the spots you had squeezed. “seriously, though, we really do need to stock up on food.”

“i’ve already been looking into it.” you show him the screen of your phone. “says here you can still go shopping as long as you wear a mask and try to stay six feet away from other shoppers.”

he cringes. “i don’t know if i like the idea of being so close to so many people.”

“i can go by myself, then,” you suggest with a shrug.

he doesn’t hesitate to deny you. “no way are you going alone.” his possessive tone has you staring at him curiously so he adds, “you know, in case you can’t reach something on the top shelf.”

the teasing comment paired with his innocent smile makes you gasp in disbelief. “lee jeno! that’s low! and to think i almost thought you were worried about me.”

“who said i wasn’t?” he smiles at you again before standing up. “i’m going to find us some masks and then we can head out.”

once you arrive at your local grocery store, you find it to be packed. everyone seems to be in a hurry, grabbing things left and right.

“wow, it’s already gotten crazy,” jeno mumbles, stopping to stare at the flood of people that rush by.

you don’t hesitate to scold him. “well, don’t just stand there! we gotta get our stuff before there’s nothing left!”

without another word you slip into the frenzy of people. jeno struggles to stay behind you. after almost losing sight of you a couple times, he walks a little faster to catch up and places his arm firmly around your waist once he does. you look up at him, your mask covering your slightly agape mouth.

being the gentleman he is, he apologizes. “sorry but i don’t want us to get separated.”

you can only nod and mumble, “good idea.”

jeno pushes the shopping cart with his right hand and holds your figure with his left. once in a while, you’ll break apart from each other to grab an item you need but once it’s in the cart, he’ll make sure you end up in the same position. after an hour or so, you’ve grabbed enough and you decide it’s time to pay.

despite the mask she has on, you can tell the middle-aged woman behind the cash register has a big smile on her face once she catches sight of you and your roommate.

“well, just look at you two.” she sighs. “how cute.”

“oh.” you glance at her then jeno then her again. “oh, no. it’s not like that.”

you attempt to move yourself away from jeno only to find his grip to be so incredibly strong that you almost begin to think he’s trying to hold you in place. once you finally detach yourself from him, you begin loading your groceries onto the counter for the employee to scan. she does so, but not before giving you a displeased look.

“oh really? he holds you like that because you aren’t together?”

jeno assists her in placing the scanned items in bags. “i didn’t want to lose her.”

she pauses scanning a can of tuna to stare him down. “darling, that sounds like a line from a cheesy hallmark rom-com.”

you can’t help but chuckle. “what he means is that there’s a lot of people here and we didn’t want to get separated.”

jeno adds, “desperate times calls for desperate measures.”

the woman adjusts her glasses. “well, you do certainly seem desperate to have her close to you.”

jeno doesn’t say a word as he continues bagging but his smile reaches his eyes.

5. he works out.

why did the pandemic have to hit in the middle of summer?

you often asked yourself this, complaining about how inconvenient it was. especially on the days that made your apartment feel like it was on fire. the days that required a thin tank top and shorts. even then, you found yourself to be drenched in sweat.

you sprawled your arms and legs farther on the sofa, the leather material proving to be very uncomfortable. it was either that or your bed with the warm cotton sheets that stuck to your body. just thinking about it brings you discomfort. the only relief you could think of was a cold shower. you would have already taken one if jeno hadn’t been hogging the one bathroom in the apartment.

“jeno!” you yell.

silence; other than the sound of the water running.

“lee jeno!”

the water stops, temporarily for him to shout back an answer. “what?!”

you wipe at the sweat that has accumulated on the bridge of your nose. “hurry up! i’m melting!”

the water starts back up again and you groan. hoping to distract yourself, you pull out your phone. the group chat with your friends is surprisingly silent so you go to instagram for some entertainment. this time, your ex-boyfriend’s post isn’t the first thing you see. it takes you some scrolling but you do end up seeing another one of his pictures.

it’s simply two intertwined hands with a black and white filter. you identify the one on the left as his and although you aren’t as familiar with the one on the right, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who it belongs to. contrary to the last, this photo has no cheesy words for a caption, just a red heart.

but, your stomach doesn’t drop. you don’t feel hurt, either. obviously, you still don’t enjoy seeing him just because of all the awful memories that came with it but other than that, you feel unaffected by the image.

in fact, you feel so confident in yourself that you block him.

you’re surprised you hadn’t done it sooner. you had known you didn’t need him in your life any longer so why keep in contact? you feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders when you press the red button that would keep him and his girlfriend out of your life. you knew with your whole heart that you didn’t need to see either of them.

before, a bit if you had felt the need to keep an eye on him. to see how he was handling the breakup and torture yourself with the fact that he didn’t seem to care. now, you could say you truly didn’t either. you didn’t need him or his stupid pictures. you had other, better things.

your friends.

your cat (yes, you considered seol to be yours).

your roommate.

you had to admit, jeno was the best thing on that list. quarantine had brought you and him significantly closer and you were over the moon about it. he was so wonderful that you kicked yourself for having lived with him for so long without ever really getting to know him. but it was easy to say you two were making up for lost time seeing as you spent every waking moment together. the record long showers jeno took being an exception, of course.

the moment the door to the bathroom opens, you rush into your room and quickly grab an oversized t-shirt and loose pajama pants to change into after your shower. you nearly drop them when you’re met with jeno’s soaking figure in the hallway.

his hair is damp and you can clearly see how long it had become. his skin looks healthy and moisturized, lotion among other skin care products had probably been applied. what really has you in a shock is the fact that the towel barely hangs below his waist. the droplets of water that fall from his hair and down his neck trail down his chest and toned torso towards the only area he has bothered to cover up. his bulky arms are also slightly wet, his veins popping noticeably. he shakes his head in an attempt to rid his hair of any water. then he runs his fingers through it, his muscles flexing ever so slightly as he does so.

“dude!” you exclaim, without a second thought. “you’re ripped!”

he smiles, his round cheeks growing at the unexpected praise. the way he could have such a rugged body but soft-featured face puzzled you to no extent. “thank you. i lift sometimes.”

“sometimes?” you repeat. “don’t be so humble! you’re basically hercules!”

he clicks his tongue. “ah, c’mon. i’m just an athletic person.”

you keep admiring his physique. “clearly.”

“oh god,” he groans, obviously flustered. “you’re looking at me like you’re gonna eat me or something.”

you hold yourself back from making a less than appropriate innuendo. “no comment.”

his eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. “quarantine is really making you go crazy.”

you point a finger at him. “you try being stuck inside with your hot roommate!”

“trust me, y/n, i know all about hot roommates.”

you tilt your head, acting purposefully oblivious. “are you talking about doyoung?”

“what? no i—“ he sighs. “you know what, just take your shower.”

6. you can’t say no to him.

jeno ruffles his black locks with his hand and frowns.

you give him a disappointed look. “knock it off, you’re gonna get dandruff in your soup.”

he ignores your comment. “i look like a hobo.”

you pause, spoon halfway to your mouth. “this i know.”

“y/n, this is serious!”

“okay, okay. what’s the issue?”

“i already told you! i’m a bum!”

“you? a bum?” you pause to think about it. “i mean, mentally? maybe. but physically? no.”

“my hair, though. it’s so long.” he grabs a strand of it and pulls it to emphasize his point.

you shrug. “if having lots of hair is the standard for being a bum, i think most of the population is.”

“i want to cut it,” he announces.

“you should,” you say, pointing your spoon at him. “wanna know why? because if you mess up, no one will ever know. other than me, of course. but if you pay me enough i’ll let you forget it.”

he smiles at the joke for a moment before he leans forward and his face goes serious. “will you help me?”

“what? no way. i’ll mess up. and it’s only funny if you do it.”

he pouts. “please?”

you stir your soup around. “just watch some youtube videos. after three, you’re automatically a professional.”

“i want you.”

the statement has your neck snapping up from your bowl to him. the smug grin on his face lets you know that he was well aware of the double meaning behind his words. it was clear he was trying to fluster you enough to get a yes.

“you think you’re flirty enough to straight up brainwash me into doing stuff?”

“well, i wanted to say that to you anyway but... kind of?”

you feel a smile creep onto your lips at hearing the genuine tone in his voice. you down your last few spoonfuls of soup and quickly stand up. jeno looks up at you, eyes hopeful.

“finish your dinner. get the scissors. meet me in the bathroom.”

not even ten minutes later, jeno practically dances into the bathroom, a pair of red craft scissors in his hand. he sits on top of the toilet lid, figuring that’d be the easiest way for you to reach him. you walk in moments later.

“i’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to be using these types of scissors for hair,” he mumbles as he hands you the sharp utensil.

you twirl them in your hand. “oh, definitely not. do you want to wait then?”

he shakes his head, his shaggy bangs swaying with the movement.

“alright, let’s get this going then.” you thread your hands through his thick locks to collect some of it in between two of your fingers. you bring the scissors forward and snip the small amount just to test the waters.

you slowly begin to get more comfortable and once you feel like you’re in your element, things begin to speed up. you move and cut faster but with efficiency. you do the spots on the back of his head and work your way forward. when it finally comes time to touch up his bangs, your small bathroom proves to be an inadequate spot to be doing this.

you end up standing balanced inches above jeno’s thighs that he’s pressed together tightly in an attempt to give you more room. you’re constantly readjusting your stance and when he notices, his hands go to your hips. you know he’s just trying to help you stay upright so you do a decent job but you still inhale sharply at the feeling of his hands on you.

not long after, you’re standing next to jeno as he inspects himself in the mirror. his fingers flick his newly shortened bangs around.

“not bad.” he tilts his head in a new angle and nods. “looks super good to me.”

you tuck the scissors into your back pocket with a relieved sigh. “oh thank god. i didn’t want to tell you before we started but i only watched two youtube tutorials on trimming hair.”

he runs a hand through his hair with a chuckle. “now that’s truly worthy of praise. and a tip.”

you raise a brow. “oh yeah? what’s th—“

he cuts you off by pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead. he pulls back and drags his thumb over the skin that has come into contact with his lips. “thanks again.” with that, he leaves you standing in the bathroom, eyes wide and face warm.

7. he has six best friends.

“can i borrow your laptop?” asks jeno, from outside your door, nearly breathless.

you look up from your book. “uh yeah, sure.”

he rushes in your room and takes the item off of your dresser. “do you happen to have zoom on it?”

you shake your head and he groans. without another word, he disappears, running off into the living room. you hear his frustrated sighs as the minutes pass and he attempts to download the application. you finally decide to go check it out once it becomes too much to bear.

“it sounds like you’re in pain over here,” you comment.

he runs a hand through his hair. “i’m supposed to meet with my friends through a zoom call but it’s so complicated.”

you put a hand on your hip. “bet you five bucks i’ll be able to get it in five minutes.”

“are you kidding? i might be technologically challenged but i’m not stupid. i know you can do it fast, just help me out already, would you?”

“alright, grandpa.”

you type and click away at the screen, jeno watching you do so, entranced but equally as lost.

“well, i was wrong,” you say after a couple moments, leaning back in your chair.

“you couldn’t get it?” asks jeno, worriedly.

“no, it’s not that.” you click something on the screen and the app opens. “turns out i could do it in three.”

he rolls his eyes and shoos you out of the chair. he sits down and enters the code and password for the zoom meeting. it takes a minute, but he finally connects. you count six other people in the call. they all immediately cheer at seeing jeno and you hear them excitedly exclaim his name.

“hey guys,” he says, a smile already reaching his eyes. “it’s so good to see your faces.”

they all nod to agree. you get a good look at each one of them and realize they’re all boys. your eyes read over each of their display names.

mark me in ur heart

hyuckie~~~

moomin enthusiast

nananananana

chnele

lil huddy

“nice name, jeno,” ‘moomin enthusiast’ guy comments, snickering slightly. “glad to see you finally came to terms with it.”

‘jenojam’, his name reads. the rest of the group laughs, also teasing him about it. you assume it’s some kind of inside joke.

the self proclaimed ‘lil huddy’ furrows his eyebrows. “wait, did you choose that name yourself?”

jeno simply nods in response.

he glares into the camera. “donghyuck, you told me i had to put this as my name or else it wouldn’t let me connect!”

donghyuck—or ‘hyuckie~~~’, you presume—shrugs. “oops. guess i was wrong.”

you laugh at the humorous exchange. it seems like the sound has drawn some attention to you when ‘nananananana’ speaks up, eyes trained on you.

“um jeno? don’t you want to introduce your guest?”

jeno beams, dragging you closer into the frame. “i’m sure you all know about my roommate. say hi, y/n.”

you do so, waving and smiling politely at the group.

“you know, even though we used to always hang at jeno’s, i don’t think we’ve ever actually seen your face,” ‘chnele’ says, tilting his head.

you agree. “me neither. i’ve mostly just heard you guys.”

the ‘mark me in your heart’ boy sheepishly rubs his neck. “sorry. we tend to be a little loud.”

‘chnele’ lets out a high pitched screech of a laugh. “only a little?”

“i recognize that laugh!” you blurt. “i would hear it all the time!”

”that’s our little dolphin,” coos ‘hyuckie~~~’.

“oh god, stop. i hate that stupid nickname.”

“it’s well deserved.”

“i think you should apologize to y/n for being a nightmare to her eardrums.”

“and ours, for that matter.”

“what about all your little freestyles? i’ve had to sit through hundreds of them and i never got an apology!”

“because they’re not bad! could you do any better?”

“you’re a soundcloud rapper, i think anyone could.”

jeno turns to you as the bickering on screen gets louder and louder. “this is gonna be a long call.”

once the group has moved on from roasting the life out of each other, you’re able to engage in some good-natured conversation. jeno teaches you the names and the other basics about the group. some points that stand out about the group is that mark is the oldest, renjun specializes in contemporary dance, jaemin inhales six cups of coffee on the daily, and chenle is insanely rich.

“what about jeno?” you ask them. “anything i should know about him?”

“he’s allergic to cats but the idiot still adopted—“

“she already knows about that, renjun,” jeno chuckles.

“oh. well. that’s pretty much the only interesting thing about him.”

jisung pipes up. “oh wait! he works out religiously too!”

you and jeno share a look. you burst into laughter and he simply glances away, slightly embarrassed. “oh yeah, i know that all too well.”

“and what about the unhealthy cooking obsession?”

you nod at mark’s question. “that too. he cooks dinner almost every night around here.”

renjun purses his lips. “he already cooks for you? wow. he must really like you.”

“you think?” jaemin asks. “didn’t you read any of the messages in the group chat? he’s practically in love with her. his words, not mi—“

“okay! i think it’s time for us to go! bye guys!” jeno doesn’t even give you a chance to say your own goodbye before he’s clicking the ‘end call’ button in the bottom right corner.

you give him a confused look. “what was that all about?”

“they’re crazy.” he laughs. “well, if you need me i’ll be in my room screaming into my pillow for the next couple hours.” he dashes off leaving you standing alone, trying to comprehend what had happened.

8. he‘s a great listener.

jeno has officially replaced seol as your movie buddy, not that you have a problem with it. you thought it was nice to have someone you could actually converse with but of course, you make sure seol still sits in.

“what i’m saying is that iron man just wants to protect his team.”

“well, if they sign the accords, they basically surrender themselves to the government.”

“and?”

“you don’t see a problem with that? see, captain america knows what he’s doing. he’s literally an avenger—“

“so is iron man!”

“let me finish! so, he’s an avenger, right? he has the best judgment because he’s saved the world countless times. he knows how to operate his team and do the right thing.”

“okay but there’s casualties. and that’s what iron man is trying to fix.”

“how do you save the world and not have casualties?”

“you just—“ your phone rings mid argument and you raise your finger towards jeno. “this isn’t over.” you put the phone to your ear, not bothering to check the caller id. “hello?”

“sweetheart?”

you feel a chill go up your spine. was it him? no, it couldn’t be. you had blocked his number shortly after you did so on all your social media.

“baby, don’t be so shy. i know you’re there.”

you can’t hold back. “please don’t call me that.”

he chuckles, breathlessly. “oh, c’mon. you used to love it. you still do.”

“no, i don’t. actually, i don’t want to hear your stupid pet names or stupid voice or see any of your stupid posts. just go bother your girlfriend and leave me alone.”

you notice jeno perk up beside you out of the corner of your eye. he must have been caught off guard by your irritated tone.

as always, lucas is unaffected by you. “i’m being nice and giving you a second chance. i even called you behind soyeon’s back.”

“is that something i’m supposed to reward you for?” you scoff. “congratulations, you’re now awful, toxic, and a cheater.”

he growls. the sound was familiar. in your relationship, if you heard it you knew he was going to snap at you until he had the satisfaction of making you cry. “i know you miss me so don’t say things you’re going to regret later. because even when you’re back in my arms, i won’t let you forget it.”

the thought of being back with him made you feel icky. but the fact that he sincerely thought you would crawl back to him set your entire body on fire. “are you joking? i was always aware of the fact that you treated me like the dirt you walked on but do you seriously think that lowly of me?”

you’re rendered speechless and apparently, so is he because the other line stays silent.

“i wouldn’t go back to you if you were the last person on earth,” you spit. “you treated me horribly, wong yukhei. i won’t ever forget it. move on. i have.”

you glance at jeno, his expression more serious than you’ve ever seen it. his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes are trained on your cellphone. the glare he gives the device is so strong you wouldn’t be surprised if even lucas could feel it, wherever he was.

you hang up and block the number, wishing to never talk to him again. you toss your phone onto the sofa with an exasperated sigh. you find jeno’s gaze to still be focused intensely on it.

“if you gave lucas that look, i’m pretty sure he’d cry.”

he breaks his concentration, eyes going to you instead. his entire face softens. “all i’m going to say is he better pray we never cross paths.”

“well, if you happen to, call me up. i wouldn’t mind helping you beat the crap out of him.”

jeno chuckles for a second then lowers his voice to a whisper. “he was really bad to you, huh?”

you nod. “he messed me up. i hate to admit it ‘cause i know i was stupid to stay with him for as long as i did.”

your roommate shakes his head. “don’t say that. it’s not your fault he messed up the best thing that would ever happen to him.”

“i thought i was the problem for so long, jeno. i was so blinded by love. then, i realized there was no way he truly cared for me when he treated me like i had no heart to be broken.”

jeno scoots towards you and rubs soothing circles into your arm. “you have such a big heart. and i can’t tell you how sorry i am that he took advantage of that. i’m sorry that you were stuck with someone so insecure and ignorant. please, don’t think about him anymore.”

you hold in your tears. you refused to cry over someone like lucas. “i know. i try so hard not to.”

jeno holds your head into his chest. his arms are placed securely on your back. “oh, baby.”

when jeno uses this pet name on you, it feels so completely different from lucas. you could tell me meant it. he wasn’t using it to make you stay a little longer, to assure you he loved you. strangely enough, you do not need to be convinced of that. you feel like you have known it for a long time.

9. he likes to be the big spoon.

you’re not sure how he’s done it but you end up falling asleep in jeno’s arms. you assume it had been so long since you had been cradled and rocked so delicately that the foreign yet extremely delightful sensation knocked you right out. even seol is deep in sleep, laying down peacefully at your feet.

you relish in the feeling of jeno pressed right into your back. he fits so perfectly against you that it reminds you of a puzzle piece. to be exact, the moment when you connect the last two pieces and the full picture becomes complete. that was how you felt—complete.

with jeno’s soft breaths tickling the back of your neck and his soft snores filling your ear, you know there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. his arm that is wrapped around you makes sure you can’t escape his embrace. you are positive that even if you had the liberty of doing so, you would stay exactly where you were.

you lean farther back into your pillow, closing your eyes. you let every thought fade away as you try to fall back asleep as soon as possible. you wanted the moment you found yourself in to last as long as possible.

10. he has feelings for you.

jeno mumbles sweet nothings into your ear as he toys with your hair.

it just seemed right to him. like something he was meant to do with you. he had seen these types of things in films and shows before. it was intimate and touching, the scenes were always meant to tug at the audience’s heart strings and show how in love the two characters were. perhaps, even though you lay asleep in his arms, he wants you to finally know.

“honestly, being inside with you all the time is kind of the best. i know the whole virus situation is less than ideal but being able to spend so much time with you... that’s all i could ask for.” he pauses. “isn’t it so crazy how before this we were all weird and awkward around each other? well, i guess we still kind of are. that’s mostly my fault so... sorry. i just don’t know how to act around you sometimes. we’re barely getting close and i’m already this attached to you. as jisung would so kindly say, ‘i’m simping’.” he chuckles to himself. “all jokes aside, i really do like you. ever since you moved in here all cute and nervous, you’ve taken your own little place in my heart, as cheesy as it sounds. and these past few weeks, you just keep on taking up more and more room in there. not that i have a problem with it. i just...” he stops as if he doesn’t know how else to express his feelings. “really, really like you.”

“thanks.”

you feel him jolt then abruptly stop stroking your hair. there’s silence until he asks, “you don’t happen to be a sleep talker, do you?”

you shake your head.

“and did you hear like, a lot of what i said?”

“only the important stuff. like how awkward you are and how much you like me.”

“o-oh.”

“but don’t worry. it’s mutual.”

you feel his relieved breath hit the skin of your neck. “that’s the best thing i’ve heard all day.”

you tilt your head back and stare at him, confused. “what, did you seriously think i wasn’t into you?”

he shrugs. “i was too busy simping, i guess.”

you can’t contain your laughter at the use of the slang. “park jisung would not be proud.”

4K notes · View notes

mxvladdy · 3 years ago

Note

heyy i just read your fic Case of the Munchies on ao3 and im Loving it!!!! its amazing!! i was wonder if youre accepting requests and if you haven’t done it could you write the same for the rest: mammon, levi, satan, belphi, dia, barbatos and smth for simeon and luke (ofc platonic) like how angles have a true form and that means they can never relax around mc and how solomon has so much power at his fingertips he can just snap and end them or smth like that? pretty please and thank you!!!!

A/N: Of Course! Of Course! I already did Mammon and Levi HERE so I’ll do the other four in this request! You sent me a lot of good ideas and I’ll sprinkle them out into other requests soon!

Hope you like it!!

Case of the Munchies prt 3!

Word Count: 4.2k

Characters: Satan, Belphie, Diavolo, Barbatos

TW: Mentions of eating and cook humans, very mild gore

Satan

As the only full-blooded demon of the seven, he has thought about it...just hypothetically of course. When you were new to the Devildom he did find your scent more appetizing than the others. It’s a good thing he has the most restraint and control of all his kin, especially when it comes to his more base urges.

He doesn’t hide this knowledge from you. It’s readily available in the library and his own room in the history books. He just won’t bring it up. So if you don’t say anything, he won’t either. What would he say anyway? “Yes, I’ve thought about it, up until it was outlawed it was a staple of our diet after all…” Ye, probably not the best thing to say.

When you finally brought it up he was exasperated. Did you have to bring it up during the few hours he had alone with himself? He wasn’t going to lie but the thought of hurting your feelings would just about do him in.

He will alleviate your worries if you have any. If Satan was anything, he was genuine.

Mini Fic

His wine curdles in his stomach, turning sour along with the take-out he had nabbed for the two of you to enjoy tonight. Drinks and dinner were becoming a staple in your T.V. night tradition. If one of you had had a rough day you would drop by your favorite shop of the hour and pick up a meal to share while you vent.

Today in particular had been a shit day for him. Failed experiment after failed experiment, and one bottle that didn’t explode on impact with the potion he dropped. Sigh. At least your comforting words soothed his wounded pride a little. You chuckle at his escapades glad to see he is not hurt at least. It was nice to have someone to see the humor in something that normally would have dampened his mood.

“You’re a pest.” He laughs at you while snapping his takeout chopsticks in half to use. “I need sympathy-hours of work wasted.” You snort into your own bowl of udon.

“You need words of praise like Beel needs another stomach.” Satan gasps in mock insult pointing a sauce stained chopstick at you.

“How dare you insult your host! After I toiled over this meal of-” What did he get exactly? Honestly, when he placed the order he was near boiling with rage at his careless fumble. It was to be a surprise for you, something to give you a bit of magic while supervised by himself. He knew how frustrated you were with your lack of magical ability in class so he wanted to gift you something grand. Now he has to wait months to try again.

Ah, well...nothing ventured nothing gained as they say.

You watch him sulk over his soup dumplings, his mile away from the comfort of your company and his room. “Come on blondie.” You poke him with your foot before burying them under his pajama-clad thighs on the couch. “Eat your ‘hard earned’ meal before I do.” You snatch up his D.D.D forgetting your own food for a moment to set up your favorite streaming service to cast to his small T.V. “Want to watch a bunch of humans fail miserably at baking?”

"I thought you would never ask."

Satan feels you stiffen in his arms two hours into your bake-off marathon. Your takeout boxes are cold and forgotten on his coffee table, a bottle of wine gone between the two of you. He glances down at you curious.

You were transfixed on the screen. The novice baker on screen was struggling to keep his monstrosity of a cake upright. It was the annual Halloween episode and this fool went for a Silence of the Lambs inspired cake. A good concept really, but very poorly executed. The fake body parts and sugar blood weighted the pastry down dangerously. If he were, to be frank, the cake was also tacky as hell. Heh, he'd have to try to make this for Lucifer.

"Does his abuse of the piping gun offend you that much?" He jokes wrapping an arm around you.

Your laugh is breathy and lacks its usual warmth. "It is excessive isn't it?" You look up at him. "Hey, Satan-have you ever eaten people before?"

"Uhh…" Great, how eloquent. This came out of nowhere, did Lucifer set you up to this? No-no you wouldn’t. Would you hate him if you knew? “I have.” He admits through clenched teeth waiting for your reaction.

“Didn’t Diavolo ban it?” He can tell you are doing the mental math in your head.

He chuckles dryly. “Well, you never asked if I did it legally.” You move away from his touch and pause the show. “I mean...I did it legally! ” His mouth runs freely, his brain screaming at him to shut up.

“Satan.” You cross your arms unimpressed.

“It was a new law and I never meant to eat it for the most part. It was at a time where I was still struggling to control myself.” Young and stupid as Lucifer had said defending him every step of the way when he would slip up. Was it sold on the black market now? Yes. Did he know how to get it? Sure, but he would never nor would he tell you about it either.

You nod thinking about his words. “I can empathize.” Oh, thank the Devil. “Have you thought of eating me?”Ahhh. “Oh my God, you have.” You chuck a pillow at him with a laugh.

He catches the pillow and clutches it to his fiery hot face. “Everyone did at first!” If he was going down then he was going to take every one of his brothers down with him. “I wasn’t going to act on it! It was a spur of the moment-why are you laughing!”

“Sorry, sorry.” You wipe at the tears in your eyes wishing you had your phone to take a picture of his blushing face. “I kind of figured you did.”

Satan looks at you incredulously. “Shouldn’t you be a bit more torn up over this?”

You shrug. “After everything we’ve been through? I admit it was a shock to think at first but I mean, you would have done it by now right?”

“Well, thank you?” He flops back on the couch, still clutching the pillow to act as a barrier between you two. He’ll take it as a compliment.

You scoot close, nudging his knee with yours. “You ok?” He nods. “Can I touch you?” He nods again eagerly. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and squeeze. “Sorry, I made you uncomfortable.”

Satan chuckled, dropping the pillow to hug you back. “It’s ok.” He peaks your forehead. “Now, with that out of the way. Shall we finish this?” He swipes up his phone to hit play. You nod, flinging your legs over him to snuggle closer. “Good, I’m dying to know how he tries to save that thing. I’m putting money on icing.”

“You know.” You break the silence once more, unable to stop yourself. “I wouldn’t be opposed to being eaten...in some ways.”

Belphegor

After your first *ahem* encounter, he doesn’t bring up the whole food thing. He is afraid that if you learned about it, it would be the last strike for you and his relationship. Perhaps it’s paranoia on his part but better safe than sorry.

In all honesty, he didn’t eat it that much anyway. Killing humans was something he did often in his youth as a demon. A stupid attempt at revenge on his part. It filled the holes in his hearts to hurt those he believed killed his sister.

But to eat their flesh? Disgusting. He tried it a few times and it turned his stomach with every mouthful. He just hated them too much to even stomach them. He’s mellowed out with time but still never got a taste for it.

When you asked it was a shock but welcomed in a way. Like he could finally get this weight off his shoulders every time he looked at you.

Mini Fic

“It’s gross.” Belphie yawns, jumping up to sit on the high garden wall. He bends down to help you up placing you gently next to himself. The wind catches you by surprise threatening to topple you back from the wall before he rights you. He tosses his sweater over you with a nod of satisfaction.

You snuggle into the fleece lining burying your nose into the fabric. It smelled of elderberries and honeysuckles. Belphie watches you curl up into his side with a fond smile. “Seriously, you all are nasty.”

“Ouch!” You push his shoulder with a grin. “I feel like I should be offended on behalf of all humans.”

Belphie snorts, looking up into the bright colors of the night sky. “Good. Be offended. You, humans, are slimy.” You squawk indignantly. “It’s true, never in all my years would I willingly ingest it.” He shudders theatrically.

“Rude.”

“Shouldn’t you be happy? Lest I eat you?” He growls playfully, taking a swipe at you. He pulls you close to kiss the pout off your face. He stops only when your face is hot and your smile threatens to pull a muscle. “I’ll keep you safe, always.” He vows resting his chin on your head.

“Do you think other demons would try to eat me?”

“Have you met my twin?” He teases. He takes your jab to his ribs with a smile. “But if one of those lesser demons even tries to breathe in your direction I’ll kill them.”

“Ok, Mister sleeps till dinner.” You joke. His vow warms your heart a little, chasing away the small bit of fear that had rested itself in your chest. You saw how some demons looked at you at R.A.D, the longing and hungry looks got to be a bit much sometimes. A few older demons would discuss it loudly when they knew you were close by. Apparently, it was a long standing tradition of demons eating humans both body and soul when a pact was concluded.

Imagine what those brothers would do to them…

You shake your head hugging Belphie closer. You had nothing but his word that he would keep you safe, yet that was enough for you. Besides, he wasn’t one to follow the rules even at the best of times.

“I’m serious. You're off limits for everyone.”

You nod into his shirt, closing your eyes to enjoy the peace of the moment. “I’ll hold you to it.”

Diavolo

It is so far from his mind that when you say something it is like a rug was taken out from under him. He could be diplomatic about it, but you deserve better than a half-truth.

He was a wild child in his youth. Sometimes he would overindulge in his father’s heritage and gorge himself on his newfound powers and privilege. He would dine with the elders and eat with abandon under their proud eyes.

He regrets it now, in your company it brings up a slurry of emotions. Sometimes when he looks at you he sees flashes of his past behavior.

The urge is stronger in him than the brothers, a constant nagging tug in his guts, but he is strong. Stronger both in willpower and sheer physical prowess than them so the pull is more of an annoyance than a burning need. He can temper the hunger in other ways if need be *wink*

He fears what you might think of him if you ever found out the truth, but however you take it he will handle it in stride. He loves you too much not to.

Mini Fic

Dinners, when Diavolo could eat alone, were a rare and special treat. The solace of just being allowed to exist without constantly checking his posture or presentation was a blessing, just him, his thoughts, and a good meal. It was nice to have no paperwork to worry about staining this time or a tedious meeting where he couldn’t savor his meal. No, no this was good. He looks down at his heavily laden plate and smiles. Well, almost… Pulling out his phone he snaps a quick picture and sends it to you with a simple question. Join me?

Private meals were wonderful, but with you, they were perfect.

You arrive faster than he expected, flushed face and clutching a stitch in your side from rushing over. He almost felt bad before he saw the eager look in your eyes. Barbatos helps you with your school bags and coat before placing another plate of food across from the young lord. He winks at the prince before disappearing back through the door.

“Thank you for the invite!” You beam taking your seat across from him. “I hope you don’t mind that I'm not dressed for the occasion. I was just wrapping up a study session with the boys.” You look down at your rumpled lounge clothes.

Diavolo waved his hand disregarding your concerns. “I would emulate you if I had the time.” He looks at his own pressed school uniform. He had another meeting this evening, much to his distaste. “You look rather comfortable.” You smile in delight before tucking into your own plate.

You eat in a comfortable silence reading the room well enough to tell that he wished for some company but not needless chitter-chatter. Barbatos arrived moments after you put your fork down and left with the plate leaving behind a delicious smelling hot drink. You couldn’t put your finger on the flavor but it tastes spicy like cinnamon and coats your throat like warm honey.

Whatever was in the drink seemed to work some magic on the prince. His shoulder droop, his back sinking into the chair as his legs stretch out till they are close to brushing against yours. He starts talking over the drink, eyes slowly lighting up with delight. You drink, nodding along with him as he builds up steam. It was nice to see him so unguarded and light. You listen to him talk about simple innocent topics. You knew how he tried to have these conversations with the others to no avail. The brother’s always tried to stay clear of him, and Lucifer simply dismissed these things most days. Barbatos and the angels were a bit better but still listened mostly to placate him.

“Ah!” Diavolo stops mid-sentence as his door opens once more Barbatos holding a small platter in his gloved hand. Dia claps his hands in delight. “I’ve been wanting to have you try this with me for forever. The human palate is so different, but I hope this is tasty.”

“What is it?” You eye the covered plate curiously.

Dia says a word in infernal. It is harsh and guttural in his throat but his delight was evident in his tone. “It is like...a roasted nut? Sorry, it is difficult to explain but it has been a favorite treat of mine since I was a boy. I hope you like it too.” He opens the lid with little ceremony and tilts the bowl to you. Inside were several golfball sized pods piled on top of each other. Even from across the table you could feel the molten heat radiating from the porous black shell. It looked...ugly. Like a hunk of dried lava. You eye it suspiciously as Diavolo picks one up with his bare hands and bits it. The shell cracks under his sharp teeth, a fang catching in a weak spot with a noise that makes you shiver. Underneath the thick casing, you could see a dark red and fleshy core. He hums in delight pulling put the meat of the seed and discard the shell pieces onto an empty plate. He makes quick work of the innards already reaching for another by the time you casually pick up a seed.

The seed itself was dense and warm to the touch. You squeeze it, noting that the porous coating felt like a mass of steel in your hand. “Dia-how do I open it?” No way you could bite it, not without breaking your jaw in the process.

“Allow me.” He takes it from you and effortlessly cracks it. “It is a tradition to break them with teeth, instead of hands or utensils. Something about a show of strength. I just find it fun.” He shrugs, handing you the broken seed.

“Fun!” You marvel at his pearly fangs. “Those are some big chompers.”

“All the better to eat you with my dear.” He chuckles.

You blink in shock, eyes widening. “Would you? Eat me?”

Diavolo’s smile drops. “No.” He lies on reflex, his political nature kicking in. “No-no wait.” He shakes his head. “I...at a time would have without hesitation.” He feels you recoil. “It was common practice back in the day. To the common demon it was a great meal and for the ruling class a show. He looks down at the broken fragments of shell on his plate. Breaking the shell was far too reminiscent of other things. He squashes the unwanted wave of memories coming up. Instead, he looks up at you.

You sit quietly mulling over his words. You haven’t run yet. “Why did you stop?”

He leans back with a loud exhale. Why did he stop? There were many reasons, none he wished to divulge into at the moment, but he had to say something. “I grew up, and began to resent and regret it.” He used to read human stories of demons and his kind. They hurt their characterizations of him and his people. Yet, they had all been scarily accurate. He wanted to prove that they weren’t stagnating beasts, slaves to their desires. Even if it wasn't a popular opinion.

“I see.” You pick up the seed again. “Thank you for telling me. You didn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to, and to apologize… such admissions must have ruined your appetite. If you wish to retire-”

“Is it weird if it didn’t?” You cut him off. You felt-not apathetic to the knowledge but close to it. It confirmed a lot of things for you and put certain things in perspective. You still felt safe with him even with this new bit of knowledge. Without a second thought, you pop the treat into your mouth. You gasp in delight. The flavor and texture were not what you were expecting, but was delicious all the same. “Can you open another for me?” You push your plate over to him.

“Of course!”

The food was as wonderful as his company.

Barbatos

You knew he cooked it. He probably knows a million different ways to prepare a human. He is also very blunt about his dabblings in the market.

He doesn’t eat it, hasn’t ever. He sees no reason to, especially since he doesn’t need to eat anyway there is no temptation. He did find the meals he created beautiful though.

Once he lived for the praises of the courts and his young lord. He was a master at all mediums he cared to work with. Time, decorum, or of the flesh.

He is 100% unashamed of his past with the dark side of the Devildom’s history. In fact, he is damn near proud of it. He is a demon and it was a part of his life, if that frightens you, well there is nothing he can do about it.

He’ll entertain your questions and will try to put any lingering worries at ease. Just don’t expect to be coddled when he does.

Mini Fic

Barbatos had very few personal pleasures in his life. His schedule simply didn’t have the space for such things. So why even bother looking for a pastime. It wasn’t until Diavolo gifted him with an old worn cookbook did he find it.

Cooking was a necessity for his prince, but with that little book, it became something he looked forward to doing. Slowly, he began to seek them out, filling his growing quarters with cookbooks and loose-leaf slips of paper. He enjoys reading them. Each book was a little time capsule into the cook's life and memories. Could a mix of spices really remind someone of the arid heat of their motherland? Or does following a certain way of aging meat really honor the writer's late grandfather’s memory? He tries them all, each recipe a little invasion to a happier time.

He wrote his fair share of cookbooks too in his day. Simple modifications to things the young lord liked to the odd machinations of his own imagination. He got good at experimenting with flavors and textures over the years, mastering certain cooking techniques and flavors just for fun. He didn’t share many of them, a lot of his recipes were just too complicated for most. Luke was allowed to look at his pastry books only. The little cherub was enamored with his techniques and wanted to learn as much as he could in the short amount of time he was in the Devildom. Admirable, but he made sure to keep some of his...less savory books away from the boy. He shudders to think what Simeon would do if he scarred the young angel.

You are the only one who has full access to his collections. Whether you liked to cook was inconsequential to him. He simply enjoyed sharing this interest with you. Some nights you would take it upon yourself to be his “sous-chef”. Which meant you sat in the corner of the kitchen and read out the ingredients and steps for a recipe he knew by heart. Sometimes you would add in extra steps in an attempt to stump it. Cute...but ultimately failed each time. So, most nights when you tagged along to the kitchens you just flip through his collection, reading his immaculate scribblings crammed into the corners of the pages or where he scratched out certain ingredients for more demon-appropriate foods and more sustainable options.

You had gone through many beautiful books before you found it. The cookbook was small and inconspicuous compared to most. Just a simple black cover with a well-worn spine. What made you take notice of it was just how dusty it was. That wasn’t like him to do. Barbatos would never let something get so dirty. You wished you never had opened it. You weren’t stupid by any means, but after reading a few pretty graphic recipes it had unsettled you. So you withdrew from Barbatos trying to forget about the book tucked away deep in the bowels of your school bag.

“You’ve been distant.” You choke, hand flying up to your chest as you swear your heart skipped a beat. Damn demon. Should put a bell on him. “What’s wrong?” His eyes are piercing, cutting away at your feeble defenses.

“Nothing…” You fiddle with your bag’s strap. Your eyes drop to the floor taking in the differences between his polished shoes and your scuffed boots.

“Of course not…” You could hear the skepticism in his voice. “I trust that if there was something wrong you would feel safe enough to confide in me.” His words hit like a ton of bricks on your shoulders. He sighs seeing that his words got no reaction. “Please?”

Wordlessly you rummage in your bag and thrust the book into his chest. “Sorry. It shook me up more than I thought it would.”

Ah. He knew this book all too well. For a time it had been his favorite, one to pull out with Diavolo had guests or a deal that needed to be sealed. He accepts the book, noting how much your hands shook. “I understand.” He slips the book into his breast pocket making a mental note to hide it in one of his lesser used rooms. “Would you like to discuss this? In my room perhaps?” You follow with a timid nod.

“Where shall we begin?” Barbatos asks the moment he closes the door to his room.

“You don’t seem perturbed.” You frown. Barbatos shrugs, pulling the book out and opening it. He had a lot of good memories stored here. Some of these were still considered signature dishes, oftentimes a visiting dignitary would lament to him about the good old days when he could show off his craft when flesh was plentiful. He takes pride in that still to this day even. For as much as he loved you, he would not be ashamed of this.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” You shake your head when he says as much. “It just confused me. Do-do you see me as food?”

“I never saw humans as food, no more than I see demons or angels as it.” He picks at an imaginary bit of lent from his pant leg. “As for seeing you as food no. No matter how sweet your lips are, or how honeyed your words can be.” He smiles, taking impish delight in your squirming. “I merely did my job as a butler for my lord.”

“Oh- sorry for not coming to you sooner.” You felt foolish now. Barbatos waves it off, pleased to have this issue put aside so quickly and cleanly. “Wait-" You gasp as his words finally sink in. “Have you prepared angels before?”

He flashes you a mischievous smile putting a single finger up to his lips. “Perhaps~ do you wish to read that too?”

#obey me #om satan #om belphegor #om diavolo #om barbatos #fun request!

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is-that-another-soulmate-au · 4 years ago

Text

Sun Touched Zuko AU!!

Tag list @chaoticidiott @mypureessence @fae-tales-personal

This won't be a soulmate AU but it will be Zukka for sure.

Zuko was born sick, so sick in fact that he was going to die. His mother prayed to Agni that he would live, prayed that the sun spirit would save her first born son. In the gardens she held him up to the Setting sun pleading. The suns rays caught in the amber stone on top of the alter set for worship and moved to Zuko's eyes. His hair changed from solid black to a golden blonde, he opened eyes and began to cry. He was touched by the Sun and lived.

Ursa couldnt have been more happy, her son was alive. "My little sunshine" she whispered with tears rolling down her cheeks as she held him close and rocked him in her arms.

When Ozai saw his son's golden hair he demanded that it be dyed black, but was willing to compromise when Ursa suggested they wait until he turns 5 so that the dyes don't harm him.

The first time they dyed his hair he asked his mom why, his bright molten eyes looking at her with confusion "because your father wants you to feel safer my sunshine, people will stare at you with that bright shining hair of yours"

"Oh, okay" was his only response that day. He never questioned it anymore when they touched up his roots weekly.

After his mother left him he felt alone in the world, his dad still staining his golden hair each week with more and more ink. All the while berating him when he couldnt control his fire well. Even with being touched by the spirit and having powerful fire he couldnt manage to control it, couldnt understand how to. Until master Piandou taught him swords and he applied his teachings to his fire.

The first time he used his swords to control the fire Piandou was more than impressed "Prince Zuko! That was amazing!"

"Thank you Master, thinking of the swords as an extension helped me control the flames better" his smile soon faded when his father appeared

"Yes, great work Zuko, I am pleased to see you have learned how to control your flames, however mixing these arts in this fashion is unacceptable. Come with me"

After that he wasn't allowed back at Piandou's unless he was accompanied by either his father, or an advisor to make sure he practiced correctly.

On the day of his fated Agni Kai Zuko had just gotten his roots retouched before entering the war meeting. When his father burnt him for speaking out of term his tears felt like lava running down his cheeks. He could smell the fresh dye burning and it hurt his lungs.

His Uncle immediately took him under his wing when he was banished "Zuko, my star," his Uncle pleaded when they were at the western airtemple "i need to dress your wound, the sun spirit would not want you to lose your eye"

Zuko reluctantly let his Uncle clean and dress his wound several times on their travels until it healed and scarred over. When it finally healed over Iroh smiled "there you go sunshine" he said as he wiped the tears forming in Zuko's good eye away "do not cry Prince Zuko, you are safe"

He still dyed his roots every week to uphold his place as prince. He did not know that his golden hair was his own symbol or royalty, that the sun chose him. Sure he knew the sun saved him, but he could not understand that it was because he was chosen.

When he arrived at the South pole and discovered the Avatar, he felt a breath of relief wash over him. He was going home, but he heavily underestimated the Avatar's abilities and lost him.

Soon he started a cat and mouse game with the monk and his two southern water tribe friends. After the northpole he slacked on dying his hair, not because he didnt want to, he simply didn't have the resources to do so. So his roots started to grow in gold.

"Well your looking golden Zuzu" Azula's voice startled Zuko when he walked into the hut they were staying in.

"Azula, what are you doing here" he glared at his younger sister

"You know, im my country. We greet one another before asking questions" she responded coldly "i was just passing through"

"To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit Princess Azula?" Iroh piped into the conversation

"No wonder you two click, always so quick and to the point. Father sent me, family is suddenly very important to him." She turned her head to look out the window "father regrets your banishment. He wants you home"

Zuko was frozen in place "father regrets?"

"I can see you need time to think this through, ill be by to collect you in the morning" Azula smiled softly before a flash of worry flashed on her face for a split second as she walked out the door.

When Azula's true intentions were revealed Zuko and Iroh managed to flee from her and her soldiers. When they stopped at the river to cut their hair Zuko looked at Iroh when he watched the inky hair fall into the river "your gold hair will conceal your identity fairly well my nephew"

"Yeah, it'll hide me pretty well" nobody had seen Zuko with his golden hair before. He hadnt seen his hair fully gold since age five.

On their travels his hair grew fairly fast now that it wasnt being dyed so often. It would catch the eye of several earth kindom citizens when he passed through towns. When he and Iroh were sitting against a building with a hat in front of them a young woman approached them and slipped a few gold pieces in "I know this might sound creepy, and I'm only asking this because I cannot resist. But may I kiss your hair sir? You can say no, I won't take my money back."

Zuko flushed a light shade of pink and scratched the back of his head "uhm, s-sure?" He mumbled out and leaned his head towards her. She placed a tender almost motherly kiss to the top of his head.

"Oh, your hair is so beautiful sir, it's like a million rays of sun. I wish you luck, i can only spare a little but if you'd take these small meals Im sure they'd help you" she said while offering two wrapped meals

They accepted and thanked her with small bows "what a nice young lady, huh?" Iroh said and nudged Zuko's arm

"Yeah, she was very nice"

When Zuko and Iroh found Azula and Aang battling in an abandoned earth town Azula pointed out his hair "wow Zuzu! You look just like a star! Where'd all that ink go?" When the fight ended and Iroh was injured Zukos cheeks felt like magma was pouring from his eyes.

"Zuko, I can hel-" Katara approached them

"LEAVE!" Zuko cried out, turning to Katara with golden tears running down his face.

While on the Ferry to Ba Sing Se Zuko was angry, not angry at anyone or anything in particular, he was just angry. "Hey" the voice of a man at his right side broke his brooding "names Jet"

"Lee" Zuko muttered out how cover name

"Yknow Lee, I hear the captain is eating like a king while we're stuck eating all his left overs" he paused "want to help me... liberate some food rations?"

It didn't take much to convince Zuko to join him. They liberated the food quickly without getting caught. Zuko found himself wandering the the front of the lower deck, leaning on the railing. "You know, as soon as I saw your scar, I knew exactly who you were" he paused as he approached Zuko "youre a refugee, like me. Thing is though, I've never seen hair like yours, let along your eyes."

Jet reached out and brushed Zuko's hair out of his face. "The freedom fighters could use a starlight like you, what do you say?"

Zuko smacked Jets hand away gently "thanks, but no thanks, you don't want me on your team, trust me"

In Ba Sing Se Iroh and Zuko made a life for themselves. They managed to have their own tea shop and apartment. Things were doing great, until Zuko went after the Avatar's bison, mind you he went there originally to take the bison captive, but when he saw that the creature was hurt he sheathed his swords and removed his mask, letting his golden hair free as he approached the bison "hey buddy, are you okay?" His voice was much softer than usual "oh no, here let me help you, this is going to hurt and I'm sorry, but I need to pull out this thorn" he talked to him the whole time he was pulling out thorns, gently rubbing the fur near it to sooth him.

When he pulled all of the thorns out he took out his swords "alright buddy, dont worry about the swords, im going to use them to cut you out of these chains, shhh its okay, you're okay" he continued to talk him through each of the six shackles "there we go big guy, now you need to get out of here, go find your friends- ah! Hey!" Appa knocked him over and gave him a thanks with a big sloppy dog like lick across his torso and face before taking off.

"You did well my nephew" Zuko shot up at his uncle's voice

"Uncle?" His startled voice wavered

"Now lets get you out of here and back home." And that they did.

When they made it back to their apartment Zuko felt dizzy, he held his head in his hand "I dont feel good" he managed to get out before collapsing and breaking a vase

"Zuko!" Iroh shouted as he rushed to his nephew to make sure he didnt hurt himself on any broken glass.

In his Angst coma Sokka heard his mother singing

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me Happy! When skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don't hide my sunshine away"

His sisters voice mocked his hair "youre hair makes you look like a dandelion, a weed can't take the throne!" Her cackling filled his ears.

There was a blinding light and a woman appeared with flowing gold hair and bright fire eyes "my dear star, why do you let yourself hurt so much?"

"I don't, who are you?"

"I'm Agni my dear, you do know I chose you right?"

"Why?"

"You are special my dear, your mother made sure to get my attention and I am so glad she did" the woman spoke as she placed her hand on his cheek. Filling him with the image of her reaching out to kiss his eyes as a baby. "You are meant for great things little star." Her voice faded as she herself did

He soon woke from his coma with a fresh breath. Taking charge in making sure his Uncle's tea shop did well, and helping him where he could. However Azula soon found them and summoned them to the palace under the guise of serving tea to the king. Things didnt end well and Zuko was thrown into a cave beneath the City with Katara.

"Why would they throw you in here!" Her angry and hurt voice filled his ears as he tried not to make her feel more uncomfortable by staying as far from her as possible.

when she mentioned her mother he turned around and spoke "thats something we have in common"

"What?"

"My mother was my only source of safety... she was the only one who defended me against my sister and my father. And one day my father was ordered to... do something terrible and my mother protected me somehow, I dont know what happened but when I was half awake she told me goodbye and when I fully woke up she was gone."

When they were separated and Azula had Iroh trapped she approached "Zuko, nows your chance to come home. Help me defeat the avatar and you can come home. Without inking your hair. Isnt this what you've always wanted? You'll have your honor back, you'll have fathers love back"

And despite all he had gone through he still chose the path of returning to his father. When he did return his father wanted to dye his hair but Azula spoke up against it "father, if I may. Zuko's hair is a symbol of the fire goddess Agni, if he were to take the thrown it'd be best to show that she has chosen him"

"Yes, that is true. Alright, off with you two"

Reuniting with Mai wasnt smooth, she confessed to him that her and Ty Lee connected and while he was saddened he just smiled "I'm glad you two are with eachother, you work well"

On the day of Black sun, with the information he had learned from Iroh and armed with the fact that his father was practically powerless without his bending. He approached him.

"Zuko, what are you doing here?"

"Im here to tell the truth"

Ozai let out a snort "telling the truth during an eclipse?" He waved off his gaurds "what do you have to say"

"First of all, Azula lied to you, she was the one who shot down the avatar"

"What?! Why would she lie about that?"

"Because the avatars not dead, he's probably leading this invasion right now"

"Get out! Get out if you know what's good for you!"

"Thats another thing, I'm not taking orders from you anymore"

"You will obey me or face the consequences!" As Ozai stood Zuko drew his dual swords and took a stance

"Think again. I am going to speak my mind and you are going to listen"

He went on to question his father "you knew Agni chose me as a child and that was the reason my hair turned gold. You knew this and yet you hid that from the world, you darkened my hair for years, and you have the gull to tell me I was lucky to be born. You! The tyrannical leader set out to destroy the world. you! My own father challenged me to an Agni Kai just for speaking out of term, how could you possibly justify a duel with a child!"

"It was to teach you respect!"

"It was cruel and it was wrong"

"Then you have learned nothing!"

"No! I've learned everything, and I've had to do most of it on my own" he paused "Growing up we were taught that the war was our nations way of spread joy, what an incredible lie that was, the other nations don't love us, they fear us, and they are right to fear us, we've brought the world to an era of hate and suffering, now we need to fill it with one of peace and joy"

"Your uncle has gotten to you hasnt he" Ozai laughed

"Yes, he has, and I've come to another decision, im going to join the avatar, and im going to help him take you down."

After announcing this he turned to leave but stayed to learn about what happened to his mother

"She's alive?" He said in a soft voice as a single golden tear rolled down his cheek

"Perhaps," Ozai paused "now i see that banishment is far too small of a punishment for treason" he said as he gathered lightning and shot it at Zuko who quickly redirected it right back at him before escaping.

After finding that Iroh had broken out of prison Zuko fled the firenation in a small war ballon and followed the Avatar's Sky bison to the western air temples. Their first encounter didn't go so well and he managed to burn Toph's feet but after helping them defeat the assassin and managing to form his words more properly and giving a genuine apology to Toph he was on the team.

Some time after joining and managing to break Sokka's dad, Suki and Chit Sang out of prison they were all sitting around the fire. "So.. uhm Zuko" Aang started

Zuko turned to look at him "yeah?"

"I have to ask, pretty bunch nobody in the firenation has golden blonde hair right?" Zuko absentmindedly ran his fingers through his hair at the question

"Yeah, and when you were first chasing us your hair was black, whats up with that?" Sokka added

"Oh, uh, well my hair was always dyed black because my father doesn't like my gold hair..." he paused "when I was born, I was sick, so sick that my parents thought I was going to die. But my mother pleaded with Agni to spare me, she took me to the sun worship alter in the palace gardens at sunset and held me up, pleading. When the last ray of light from Agni, my hair turned golden and I began to cry. So, in a sense the sun gave me my life"

"Like Yue!" Sokka piped up

"Like who?"

"Princess Yue! She was born sick just like you, and the moon spirit saved her. Well, she's the moon spirit now"

"Woah woah wait, is this the girlfriend you said turned into the moon?"

"Yep!"

"Well, just don't go falling for Zuko now, dont want to have your first boyfriend turn into the sun" Suki teased him

"Hey, at least I'd have a full set of spirit lovers"

Zuko's face turned beet red and the group laughed at him. Over the next few weeks of them being in close quarters Zuko found that he was growing feelings for the water tribe boy. Anytime he'd look at him he felt his stomach do a flip. But he didnt have time to think about his feelings.

Even though the sun touched prince tried not to think about Sokka on the mission with Katara, he couldn't help it. When they were returning Katara piped up "I know you like him" she paused to watch his surprised face "its okay you know, its fine if you like him. I dont have like you to let my brother like you. I may be cold to you but im not a monster like your father" she tied off the sentence by staring off "and besides, if Agni chose you, I think you would be safe for Sokka"

When they got back he heard sokka shout "You're back! Thank La youre safe!" Turning to Katara he expected to see Sokka running to hug his sister. Instead he was tackled to the ground with a hug from Sokka "how did it go Katara?" He asked from the ground while quite literally snuggling into Zuko with this hug that was still very much happening.

"I found him, and he was just so pathetic, i couldnt kill him"

Sokka then stood up and helped Zuko to his feet and placed a quick sneaky kiss to his cheek before moving to hug his sister, leaving Zuko frozen in confusion. He remained frozen until Suki came up to him "he's trying to confess silently, he's weird like that, corner him later if you want to hear an actual confession"

He however didn't manage to corner the now seemingly overly flirty blue boy until they were at ember Island. It wasnt until just before bed when Sokka was walking past Zuko's bedroom door. He reached out grabbed Sokka's shirt and yanked him into the room before slamming the door shut and pinning him to it. "What are you doing?"

"Wh-what do you mean? You're the one who dragged me into your room, what are you doing?"

"Dont play dumb with me Sokka, you've been flirting with me since I got back from my trip with your sist-"

"Actually ive been flirting with you since the temples, you just didn't notice until I kissed you"

"You mean until you missed"

"What?"

Zuko smirked "you missed" he mumbled before leaning closer "you went for a kiss but you missed"

They ended up spending the night sharing a room and a bed. When the morning sun peaked through the windows Zuko curled back into sokka who in turn pulled him closer. Both refusing to wake up until Katara knocked on the door and opened it "breakfast is ready, if you two love birds want some warm food you better hury and I better not see any hickeys"

"Ugh! Katara we just cuddled!" Sokka said as he burried his face in Zuko's hair.

Katara simply laughed "alright, but still, hury up."

When the day of the comet came and Zuko had to separate from Sokka he saw the worry in his blue eyes "Ive got this Sokka, Agnj chose me remembe, besides, I've got Katara with me and she's powerful" he placed a quick kiss to Sokka's lips "go take down those ships, and I'll see you by the timd the sun rises tomorrow."

And he was right, even though he was shot with lightning and Sokka broke his leg they both came out of the battle alive and together. When Zuko woke up to find Sokka curled up against him he smiled and let out a soft breath of pink fire. Relief.

"Woah, do that again" Sokka's groggy 'just woke up' voice rumbled against his shoulder

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you, do you mean this?" He let out another breath of fire, this time a pale purple

"I didn't know you could do other colors of fire"

"Well, I couldn't until I went to the sunwarriors, Agni spoke to me there"

After Zuko's Coronation the firenation began righting their wrongs. It was a long struggle for sure. However two years into his reign with Sokka having practically moved in he found that he would soon have a partner to help him through these struggles.

The day had only just begun but Sokka was dragging Zuko to the turtleduck pond where they often sat together to simply relax. Sokka seemed a little antsy this time though "what's wrong Sokka?"

"Uhm, well, I have something I need to ask you," he paused and reached into his pocket while sinkning down to one knee. Zuko's breath caught in his throat as he saw Sokka pull out a betrothal becklace, the band was made with a fine red silk and the center piece was gold with a carving of a sun with a wave inside of it. "Zuko," he took a shaky breath "you've been by my side for two years now, you've held my hand through war and peace, quite literally, and you've done so while loving me whole heartedly. I can't imagine my life without you in it." Zuko could feel golden tears threatening to fall fram his molten eyes "Zuko, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" He heard himself responding before he could even think "Agni, yes Sokka, of course I'll marry you!"

Sokka moved from his kneeling position to lifting Zuko up into a kiss, holding him right under his rear. Zuko held his face in his hands as he pressed his lips to Sokka's as he was lifted up quite unceremoniously.

Once he was set down Sokka helped him put on the betrothal necklace. He reached up to touch the Golden pendant and smiled up at Sokka with gold tears falling down his cheeks.

Their marraige was held not long after, joining the southern water tribe and the firenation in a strong Union with a mixed culture wedding blues, silvers, reds and golds filled the wedding and reception as well as suns and moons.

Agni smiled down on the wedding that day, her chosen sunshine found his moon.

Yue smiled on them that night as they stood on the balcony holding one another. The boy who protected her finally found his light.

>Woo boy that was a long one! I sure hope you enjoyed it!<

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ressyfaerie · 3 years ago

Note

Last suggestion! (I've only saw the dub & not read the manga so pls forgive if I'm wrong with this and they all know) Random headcanon that somehow Kai is the last to know about Tyson's mom passing. Idk but I feel like Kai makes a tasteless comment and the team are like dude we know this? And he's just generally ??? what? He misunderstands and thinks it's recent and speaks to Tyson but he tells him it's been years and years and he's at peace with it. Bonus if awkward hug/attempt at one from Kai 😂 (I also headcanon he's never had a hug so has no idea how to)

AWWW this sounds so cute im doin it. Oh alcohol mentions! It wrote itself but its v cute im proud of this one for sure!!!

Just teenagers being teenagers.

A night in the dojo without adult supervision and nothing to do meant stealing alcohol from the liquor cabinet and singing karaoke.

Ray and Max’s harmonies shattered eardrums.

Tyson laughed, “how can they be high and low pitched at the same time?”

Acting silly and opening up was what tonight was all about.

Even Kai got talkative after a few drinks, you could even say he was acting—

“Irresponsible! Kai get down from there!” Tyson held his sides laughing so hard he thought his lungs would collapse.

Kai hung off the edge of the couch, lounging like a rich prince.

Max hopped up beside him, “what are you doing buddy?”

“I’m a cat.”

The room fell into an uproar of laughs and giggles. Kai fell to the cushions laughing as well.

Tyson took every opportunity to jab questions into Kai.

“Favourite animal?”

“Cats.”

“Favourite food?”

“That ramen you made for us that one time.”

“Favourite dance?”

“Never done it, but I’m a fan of swing.”

“Favourite childhood toy?”

Now he got hung up on that one.

They both laid on the floor, everyone slowly joined. Music from karaoke turned on low escaped the TV surrounding the room in a comforting atmosphere.

“I never really had one.”

“Everyone had one!”

“My parents gave me a stuffed tiger.” Ray grinned while holding a pillow close to his chest, “I lost it though. Man, I loved that thing.”

Max started to talk, then stopped giggling, “I had a piece of silk.”

They laughed, Tyson was the first to respond, “a piece of silk?”

“I called it silky. I was from one of my mom’s old skirts. I would sleep with it every night when she was gone.” He chuckled, “I actually still have it.”

“Where is it?” Ray asked.

“At my dads. I keep it on my nightstand.”

Hilary was sleeping on the couch with her head on Kenny’s lap, Kenny joined the conversation with a hushed voice. “Was it hard? Having a mom that was only half there all the time?”

“Yeah. I always told myself… At least I have a mom. There’s lots of people who aren’t as lucky as me.”

“Yeah…” Kenny trailed off, knowing he had two parents that loved him, and he probably wasn’t welcome in the conversation about to ensue.

“Your Dad’s nice though.” Ray pointed out.

“I love my Dad. My Mom can be a handful…”

“Other way around for me.” Tyson had his arms folded behind his head, “at least you don’t have any crazy siblings.”

“Dude, fuck Hiro.” Kai hiccuped.

“Guess we learned Kai has a low alcohol tolerance.” Max threw a pillow at Kai to catch him off guard.

He caught it in midair.

“Ooohhhh!!” Tyson cooed in awe.

Kai grumbled,” I’m fine. I just hate that guy.”

“Well I never knew my parents thanks for asking.” Ray changed the subject delicately, Kai had a habit of getting aggressive when he talked about Hiro, he didn’t want the conversation to turn sour.

“Why not?” Tyson asked with a drunken lack of compassion.

Ray shrugged, “ it takes a village to raise a child, I guess that’s what happened.”

“Makes sense.” Tyson sat up lazily, “wanna know what my favourite toy was?”

“Hell yeah!” Max somehow had another pillow and was throwing it in the air and catching it over and over again.

“Other than Dragoon, it was this old kendo sword my mom gave me. It was an heirloom. I still have it, but I played with it so much I wore it out, I’m afraid to use it again.”

Surprisingly, it was Kai who responded.

“Wow, your Mom must have put a lot of trust in her kid to give them something like that. She must have loved you a lot.”

The room grew quiet and cold.

Kai turned to look at Tyson, who was just staring back with a blank expression.

“I’m going to go get some water.” Tyson sat up making his way to the kitchen.

As soon as they heard the door slide shut, Max shoved a fist into Kai’s chest.

“Ow! What the hell was that for?!”

“Idiot! Tyson’s Mom died when he was just born! He never even met her! He never talks about it because it's a bit of a touchy subject!”

Max frowned and glared at Kai.

“Sorry.” Kai started, “I never really clued in. I thought she died when he was older.”

Ray slapped a hand to his forehead, “dude, we know this.”

Kai sighed, “I’ll go apologize.”

“Yeah you better!” Max threw the pillow at him, this time Kai let it hit him, accepting his punishment weakly.

“Tyson?”

The kitchen was dimly lit, Tyson was making something at the counter.

“You want some tea Kai?”

“What kind?”

“Just green tea. Nothing special.”

Kai watched him pour the water, unsure how to start, he could still feel the effects of alcohol bouncing around his brain. He waited a moment, hoping to articulate his thoughts appropriately.

“I’m sorry—”

“It’s okay, Kai. It’s been a long time, almost two decades, I mean—you’d think I’d be over it?”

Kai saw his eyes, slightly damp with tears.

“This is a tough subject for you. I’m sorry.”

Tyson rubbed his eyes with his sleeve, letting out a sniffle.

“I’ve always been okay with it. I guess… I’ve never known anything different. I do wish my father and brother were more present though.”

Tyson stared out the window into the darkness of night. He couldn’t see anything, but he still looked, for a long while.

Kai licked his lips before continuing, “I never knew my parents well either. They abandoned me, I have some memories of them, but not much.”

Tyson gave him his attention, and tried to change the subject, “so you would have had a favourite toy then?”

Kai suppressed a laugh, knowing what he was trying to do,” like I said, my memories of that time are fuzzy. I actually remember more of the abbey—surprisingly enough.”

“Oh.” Now Tyson was worried he had overstepped.

“Do you remember what your Mom looked like?” Kai wasn’t sure why he was pressing the subject, he normally wouldn’t.

Tyson blinked a few times, surprised by Kai’s sudden curiosity. “Um, apparently I have her hair, and her eyes. Her face was soft too, so I guess I got all my Mom’s features.”

Tyson rubbed the back of his head grinning.

Kai agreed, “thank god.”

Tyson let out a fast laugh, “ha! Did you just call my Dad ugly?”

Kai squinted his eyes, “I guess I did?”

They fell into probably the hundredth laugh attack of that night, Tyson placed his hand on Kai’s shoulder stabilizing himself.

Their laughs drifted away, Kai glanced at Tyson’s hand, then at his best friend.

“I’m sorry you never knew your mother.”

Tyson was caught off guard at Kai’s soft voice.

“I’m sorry you never really knew yours…” Tyson returned the sympathy.

Kai grinned, and bit his lip, “I’m sorry your Dad’s so ugly.”

“Ha!”

The uncontrollable giggles had Tyson holding his side, and Kai hunched over. They were so close to each other now. Tyson’s hand had drifted to Kai’s neck, he could feel his warm skin and heartbeat. Kai had gone completely against his character, and was holding Tyson’s stomach trying to prevent him from keeling over.

Then Tyson fell forward, letting his chin prop on Kai’s shoulder.

Kai was halfway to hugging him.

When he realized this, he stopped giggling, and Tyson’s irregular breathing was the only remnant of laughter left in the room.

Kai’s voice barely reached Tyson’s ear, “I’ve never hugged anyone before.”

“First.” Tyson wrapped his arms around Kai’s shoulders.

Kai held his arms out loosely, “what are you, a youtube comment?”

Short laughs, Kai felt Tyson’s chest rumble with each chuckle, he let his hands fall into Tyson’s body.

He had his arms wrapped around Tyson’ abdomen, then curled them along his back, completely unsure if what he was doing was right.

Tyson’s voice reverberated through Kai’s ears, “I can hear your heartbeat.”

“What does it sound like?”

“Fast.”

They didn’t say anything.

Kai felt Tyson’s long hair against his cheek, he had never felt such soft hair, let alone so close… He breathed in.

“You smell like cedarwood and cherry blossom.”

“It’s my shampoo.”

Neither one of them had the confidence to break apart, or maybe... they didn’t want to.

Kai found his hand gliding up Tyson's spine, he felt Tyson shiver slightly at the touch. He gently played with the ends of Tyson’s blue hair, feeling it twirl through his fingers like silk.

“Are you… are you playing with my hair?” Tyson’s voice rang in disbelief.

Kai’s eyes grew wide when he noticed what he was doing. He pushed himself away, keeping one hand on Tyson’s side, he didn’t want to let go completely, out of fear he could never go back.

Tyson was in a mirror position with one hand on his shoulder.

“I won’t tell anyone.” Tyson smirked.

“You better not.”

“You can play with my hair whenever you want.”

“Can I!?” Kai took a step back after he realized how excited his voice was.

“Learn how to tie a braid and then we can talk.” Tyson pushed the envelope with his teasing.

“I’ll google it right now.”

#Ressyfaerie #ressyfaerie fic #request #fic #tyka #GOOD STUFF YALL #THIS IS CUTE #my personal favourite lines are #sorry ur dad is ugly #and what are you a youtube comment

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hello-yue-here · 3 years ago

Note

About your atla ship songs, I have a couple of questions (sorry if my phrasing comes out wrong, english isn't my first language and I worry it might across as accidentally defensive): how did you end up with the choices for zukka, jetko and yuekka (note: I haven't seen the great comet, so feel free to obsess over it, I'm intrigued now and the hype is appreciated!)? Sidenote: I think the mailee choice is HILARIOUS and the tokka one just make me sad, I didn't expect to be attacked like this😭

kdjfha;s i love you im gonna obsess SO HARD over great comet now. you may regret this

this is gonna be so long so the rest is under the cut whoops

yuekka: no one else from great comet

where do i even begin. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

okay so background information on this show: it's based off of a 76 oages excerpt from war and peace and its centered around a woman named natasha (and this guy pierre but he's irrelevant to this song so we wont worry about him) and natasha's bethrothed is off fighting in the war right now. she hasn't seen him in a while but she is in love with him.

every single lyrics of this song SCREAMS yuekka to me. the innocence and purity of their love. the love at first sight. and even the melancholy ending just- i go apeshit for this song. i love this song so much. and denee benton's voice??? kljsdhflwksugf please listen to this song if you haven't already. listen to the whole show. your life will be changed forever.

onto the lyrics (i stg this is ab to be the whole song whoops)

"the moon"

THOSE ARE THE FIRST WORDS ON THE SONG. natasha and andre (her bethrothed) met underneath the moonlight. Sokka and Yue first spoke to eachother at night and always met each other for their most intimate moments under the moonlight. also yue is LITERALLY the moon so like: right of the bat with those two words it's yuekka.

"and i saw your eyes / and i saw your smile / and the world opened wide"

sokka fell in love with yue the moment he saw her in the canal. she literally enchanted this motherfucker. everything about her made his heart go crazy. and 'the world opened wide' to me is from yue's perspective. Yue had never left the north pole and sokka had seen a good chuck of the world at the point. He took her on appa, he told her about his adventures. he saw the world yue wished to see and you know damn well that Sokka would have done anything to give it to her.

"oh the moon /oh the snow in the moonlight / and your childlike eyes and your distant smile / ill never be this happy again / you and i and no one else"

natasha sings fondly about the moon and the snow, seeing as it was where she fell in love with andre. yue and sokka LITERALLY fell in love in the same place: in the snowy nothern water tribe under the light of the moon. childlike eyes: THEYRE CHILDREN!!! distant smile: this is where it gets a little sad. theyre both children with way too many duties during a world that has known nothing but war for the past century. they want to be happy but yeah, theyre smiles are distant and far away because happiness seems out of reach for them most of the time. i'll never be this happy again: the moments yue and sokka shared together were probably the happiest either of them ever were. they were able to ignore the war and the world in the moments they shared together. and with no one else. no one else would be able to give each other this sense of peace and happiness and love.

"joy and life inside our souls / and no body knows just you and me / it's our secret"

Yue and Sokka had to sneak out in secret at night to go and see each other. Yue and Sokka couldn't be together for real because Yue was already engaged, but they were literally in love so she decided to see him anyways in secret. kasdjfhklasjd im losing my mind over them at this point.

"this winer sky / how can anyone sleep / there was never such a night before / i feel like putting my arms around my knees / and squeezing tight as possible / and flying away"

these are my FAVORITE lines in the entire song. yue and sokka had never felt this strongly about anyone before and that's why they are so drawn to each other. they had never experienced love before and they wanted to hold onto it for as long as they could even though they knew they couldnt. Sokka takes yue up on appa and she is wistful and wishes she could live like he does every day: ie flying away. oh my god these two deserved so much better. so much fucking better.

now for the saddes part. the saddest fucking part.

"maybe he'll come today / maybe he came already / and he's sitting in the drawing room / and i simply forgot"

natasha misses andre so intensely at this point. when i first listened to this show and heard this song i was like "wait a min... is andre like... dead?" and im sure i wasnt the only person who assumed that this was why natasha felt so sad by the end of such a beautiful song. (spoiler alert andre is fine)

but this line really exemplifies how sad natasha is, and hints at the fact that andre may never come back. it implies that their relationship is doomed (at least in my opinion) and that's all yuekka. Sokka misses yue intensely when shes gone. Yue accepted her fate almost immediately but sokka was in denial. he thought there had to be another way. but in the end it wasn't meant to be. and sokka will go on, loving yue, wishing for her back, even though it's not possible.

fuck im gonna cry.

zukka: all i've ever known- hadestown

"i was alone so long / i didn't even know that i was lonely / out in the cold so long / i didnt even know that i was cold"

sokka is from the swt so theres where the cold comes in. also in the gaang (initially) it was just him katara and aang. and katara and aang were much closer to each other than sokka was with aang and the two of them were benders so sokka was kind of an outsider with the two of them. He also represses a lot of his emotions and feels the need to do everything himself so i do see a lot of loneliness in sokka. and the fact that so many people in his life have left him (his mom, yue, his dad, suki briefly, etc...) he is known to keep people at an arms length. i see a lot of loneliness in sokka.

zuko's loneliness is a lot more obvious: he has literally been cast out and abandoned by everyone except iroh. and even then he still feels the need to be alone (remember zuko alone? thought so) these boys look after themselves and push others away and revel in their loneliness in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. at least in my opinion on canon and also some fanon because id be a liar if i said fanon didnt influence how i view ALL my ships (not just zukka)

"all ive ever known is how to hold my own / but now I wanna hold you too"

COME ONE MANNNN, they just wanna hold each other. theyre both very big protectors as well and kljhflkasdhg they wanna protect eachother like kljdhfl im gonna lose it rn.

"You take me in your arms / And suddenly there's sunlight all around me / Everything bright and warm / And shining like it never did before / And for a moment I forget / Just how dark and cold it gets"

SUNLIGHT SYMBOLISM. zuko is literally powered by the sun. i don't think i even NEED to elaborate on this one anymore lol. They find comfort in each other away from all of their trauma. when they're together nothing else matters and i personally love that for them. they both deserve love.

"I knew you before we met / And I don't even know you yet / All I know is your someone I have always known"

these two are extremely similar in canon. many parallels. older brothers overshadowed by their prodigy little sisters. longing to make their fathers proud (granted one dad is good and one is fuckin evil), both are pretty bad with emotions. both are seen protecting others before themselves (sokka protecting suki during the serpant's pass, sokka protecting toph on like multiple occassions, zuko protecting katara in the final agni kai), the list goes on. they know who the other is because they see themselves in the other person. they already know each other because they are each other (in a way, not entirely, but the similarities are strong in my opinion)

"I'm gonna hold you forever / The wind will never change on us / Long as we stay with each other / Then it will always be like this"

i just think this line is so cute and sweet (ignoring all the symbolism and foreshadowing that comes with the last line in the musical itself. im gonna pretend this is nothing but happy) and i think these boys deserve happiness so yeah. this song is zukka to me lol.

jetko: thrill of first love- falsettoes

if you've never listened to this song go an do it now. you will know INSTANTLY that it is jetko because of the dynamics alone. marvin and whizzer are pure jetko and i take no crticisms.

marvin and whizzer are both extremely stubborn, and they don't always get along, and they fight a lot, and they get mad at each other a lot, and they are both passionate as hell, and they will bring this passion into everything. they love each other that is without a doubt, but they arent perfect and they are once again stubborn and determined as fuck.

sound familiar? it's literally jetko.

the lyrics aren't what remind me of jetko, but the dynamic itself. the lyrics are too on the nose for a gay couple in 1970's america so that rlly cant apply to jetko all that much. but the way these two characters bounce off of each other and get annoyed with each other and argue with eachother reminds me of jetko. because let's be honest: these two are the most stubborn characters in the whole show. they will fight for what they believe and it will take literally everything to change their minds.

i love jetko but i think they would have petty arguments all the time and get aggravated by one another so easily. and this is even seen in canon: they work so fucking well together but they did not even HESITATE to fight one another after neither of them would give in and let the fight about whether jet was right or wrong about zuko being a firebender. like i cannot say it enough they are stubborn as fuck.

but underneath all that stubborn pettiness and bickering: marvin and whizzer still love each other. and jet and zuko would still love each other. because even though they are stubborn when it comes to arguments, they are even more stubborn and determined when it comes to each other. these two passionate motherfuckers are in love.

(now when i chose this song i decided to ignore the fact that this song literally spells out the fact that marvin and whizzer's relatinoship is doomed because they literally say passion dies. thats the difference between jetko and whizzer and marvin because i dont think passion dies. i chose this song strictly for the bickering lmao)

and i know you didnt ask about tokka but,,,,

i rlly wanna talk about the tokka one

so im going to

tokka: on my own- les mis

look. i KNOW this song is about unrequited love and i love tokka as a couple but,,, the unrequited love in this song just SCREAMS unrequited tokka to me so thats what i went with.

eponine is a girl who has neglectful parents who lives life by her own rules: toph. eponine is shown to be tough and confident and spunky to others but behind all of that she has emotions, she feels love, she hides her vulnerability so much: toph. she is in love with a guy she cant be with because he loves someone else: TOPH

eponine is toph to a t and toph is eponine to a t. this is not up for debate lmao

"without him i feel his arms around me"

toph is always seen grabbing onto someone (and its almost ALWAYS sokka) when she's somewhere where she can't use her feet to see. FEEL and ARMS cmon. look at it.

"and i know / i know that he is blind"

COME ON. IMAGINE TOPH SINGING THIS LINE. this line is already powerful enough in les mis but having toph, a blind character, sing it just makes the symbolism even deeper. toph sees the potential relationship they could have together. toph sees that sokka is oblivious to this. toph is not blind to the truth or the potention, but sokka is blind to her feelings. im about to lose my mind over this line.

"I love him / But every day I'm learning / All my life / I've only been pretending / Without me / His world will go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I have never known"

i need to sit down for a moment. toph grew up in a household where her parents did not understand her. she has learned to hide her true emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. and its the fact that toph knows that she and sokka will never be together and the fact that she still loves him in spite of that is what makes this even more heartbreaking.

"but only on my own"

TOPH AND EPONINE SWEETIES I LOVE YOU

thank you for indulging my theatre kid nonsense. you are very sweet and kind and lovely and awesome and i hope you have a lovely day bestie :) <3

ask me why i think these songs go with these ships

#asks #liv is a theatre nerd #liv is an atla nerd #yuekka #zukka #jetko #tokka #ask me about my ship songs

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daydream-believin · 4 years ago

Text

The Never-Ending Roadtrip (new beginnings)

Summary: Reader joins Douxie in the quest for Nari’s safety. He’ll need company won’t he? - Also, a talk about Merlin and grief. It’s big feelings time. (part two)

Warnings: Swearing, theres like three bad puns and at least one meme im sorry

Word Count: 2713

A/N: inspired by the fact that i recently moved states and it was the most tedious trip ever. It took the entire day. i was bored out of my mind. So i decided to write about going on a long boring roadtrip with Douxie instead. also, i have a black cat myself and i can attest that they are little domesticated demons. she didn’t like the long trip either.

“And what do you think you’re doing?” Douxie deadpanned when he saw (Name) run up to join him on the ship, perching on the edge. “Well I’m coming with you, obviously.” Douxie had known the young woman long enough to know that there would not be a point in arguing. They would just go round and round for hours before she ultimately won. She fought dirty, puppy dog eyes and all. He didn’t have time for this.

After making sure that Archie and Nari were secure, Doux turned back to (Name), “You’re absolutely sure about this decision, love? Once we take off there’s no going back. We could even be running for the rest of our lives. You really should stay with the others,” he warned.

She looked annoyed. “Yes, Doux. I am absolutely sure. I wouldn’t want you to do this alone. And besides, you’ll need me.”

He blushed for a second before realizing she meant he would need her as in extra backup and not that he needed her needed her. Trying not to show the slight disappointment that was written on his face, he chuckled and covered his cheek with his palm, “Of course.”

They set off into the early morning sky. After waving goodbye to the rest of the gang, (Name) clung to the golden railing, looking out over California in amazement. It was like she was in a movie. This was her life changing magic carpet ride. Of course, a lot about her life had seemed to be out of a movie lately. Ever since she discovered her gift for sorcery. Ever since she got mixed up in all this Arcadian mess. Ever since she met Douxie.

Surprisingly, Douxie was really talkative for the first few hours of the trip. (Name) had expected him to be a bit more closed off, considering the week they had just gone through. He was really gushy too, with his heart on his sleeve even more so than usual, and that’s saying something for Douxie. Maybe momentary death was good for unclogging heart pipes. (Name) was loving it. Not the momentary death thing. That had almost stopped her heart. No, it was so nice to be having such lighthearted conversation with her friends. Kept her from dwelling on things. Once night got closer, though, she couldn’t help it. What could she say, the pink splattered purple sunset made her sentimental. She and Douxie had slipped into a little talk about Arcadia, about the kids, about what had happened, and about what was next for them. Despite her gushing about how happy she was to be here with him, Douxie still felt really guilty that he put her through all this. She made the mistake of telling him how much it scared her, everything that happened earlier. She made a bigger mistake telling him how she cried over his body, refusing to accept that he was gone. He wasn’t of course, but she didn’t know that.

He suddenly got quiet after that. The conversation lulled. Even Nari and Archie seemed to sense that something was off and kept quiet. After watching the stars roll by in silence for a few hours, (Name) started to feel the tug of sleep. She tried to find a cozy spot, but failed, because she was on a ship. A pretty basic little vessel. There were no seats or anything even kind of cushiony. She contemplated using Archie as a pillow, but that probably wouldn’t fly well with him. Pun intended.

Douxie was still as statue, staring out straight ahead into the clouds. Like a grizzled old sea captain. The bags under his eyes were getting worse than usual, but (Name) decided to not to say anything to him and let it be. He looked like he was enjoying the silence. She didn’t think he’d sleep tonight. How could he? She mused. (Name) herself hadn’t even begun to truly process all that had happened. She wished she knew what to say. Anything to comfort him, to let him know she’s be there. But (Name) was no use now, in her sleepy state. She might make it worse. She’d try talking to him in the morning. If he even wanted to talk.

In the end, (Name) wound up leaning against the corner, using her balled up over-shirt as a pillow. It was a bit colder now, but with Nari snuggled up in her lap and Archie stretched out over her legs, she’d be just fine. They might as well had been heaters. Doux wouldn’t join them, insisting that they needed to fly through the entire night to put as much distance between them and Arcadia as possible. He assured them that he’d wake them up if something was the matter. Of course, they were sleeping on an open deck floor. Any sort of trouble would wake them up immediately anyway, but it was a nice thought. (Name) snuggled into her makeshift pillow. She took one last look at Douxie, brooding at the helm, before slipping off to dreamland. It was a mediocre dream.

The morning sun came sooner than (Name) wanted. The cheeky bugger. There was no use trying to go back to sleep. The sun was too big and bright. so, so bright. Nari also stirred when the sun beam hit her face. She blinked blearily and let out a cute yawn. Or at least it would have been cute, had it not been directly into (Name)’s face. (Name) had to give it to Nari though, her morning breath actually didn’t smell bad. It was earthy, floral even. Damn nature spirits. Despite (Name) and Nari being awake, the sun’s rays seemed to have little to no effect on Archie. He could sleep through anything, on anything, at any time. Damn cats.

Douxie looked like the dead. His raven hair was a mess, lips chapped from the wind. Those eyebags had somehow gotten even worse. Douxie gave Tim Burton characters a run for their money. (Name) decided it might be better to wait until she was a bit more awake and articulate to try and talk to him more about… the, ah, events from yesterday. Yet, she was fully aware that if she kept procrastinating, the conversation was just going to get worse and worse. But the timing’s not right. Yes, the timing’s just not right. The stars, they’re not in position. In fact it might be easier if she got him to take a nap first. Yeah, no need to cause sleep deprived Douxie to have an unnecessary breakdown.

It took some convincing, but (Name) finally got him to agree to let her take the helm and get that well deserved rest. Not that Douxie thought he deserved it. He wasn’t too happy about leaving (Name) and Nari alone, figuratively, while he was unconscious and unable to protect them. He wasn’t too happy about a lot of things, really. He especially didn’t care to be alone with his subconscious. But with the worried look (Name) gave him, he couldn’t help but comply with her demands. Her and her bloody puppy dog eyes.

He woke up to the sound of (Name)’s singing. She probably hadn’t meant to wake him up, with her soft voice hushed, but nonetheless he was awake. Douxie was a light sleeper. He had to be, after all his troublesome years. She was singing a sweet little love song. He felt a drumming in his chest as he listened. Speaking of his chest, there seemed to be a bit of pressure on it. A familiar pressure. It started to purr, sending the comforting vibrations through his ribcage. He gave Arch a good scritch behind the ears before sitting up.

“Your voice is so lovely, you know. I cannot imagine why you’re always hiding it.”

Name startled. “Did I wake you?” she asked, concerned since he hadn’t been out but for a few hours.

“Yes, you had,” He began gently, “But, I’m glad.”

“You’re glad?”

“Of course, I got to hear that beautiful singing voice of yours. Quite the rarity, innit?”

(Name) flushed. She wasn’t sure if she was flattered by his compliments or embarrassed that he had caught her singing once again. Still, she tried to refute his words but all that came out was a flustered sputter. Thankfully, Nari came to the rescue. Unintentionally, but a rescue all the same.

“Hisirdoux, now that you are awake, may I ask where it is that we are going?” the small goddess asked.

“Oh, uh, about that,” Doux wrapped his arms behind his back and sucked some air through his teeth, “I actually didn’t have a set place in mind. I think we’ll just wing it. On our winged boat.”

(Name) whipped her head towards him so fast she’d get whiplash. She didn’t even acknowledge the terrible joke. “I’m terribly sorry, but you what.”

“I just thought we’d head northeast for now. Once we run out of land, we’ll pick a new direction. It’s not like we’d be able to stay too long in a place, after all. It’s safer to be constantly moving.” He tried not to sound to unsure in this rambling. He did have a plan, just not one that looked too solid on a piece of paper. It’ll be fine. They’ll be fine.

“I- okay.” She didn’t sound too panicked, which Douxie counted as a win. Still, he didn’t want her to be too stressed about the uncertainties. He figured he might as well just pick a place to ease her fears a bit. She couldn’t worry herself raw, that was his job.

“How about New York City? That can be our first official destination on the Never-Ending Roadtrip.”

“Yeah, yeah okay. New York City, that sounds nice.” Victory.

***

“Ugh, we’ve been flying over basically the same damn thing forever! Can’t this thing go any faster?” (Name) whined as she leaned over the edge like a wilted flower. Her wind-mussed hair hung over her face. It took everything in Douxie not to flinch whenever she got to close to where she might fall out. Sure, she would most likely be able to break her fall with magic, not coming out with too many scratches, but it still scared him just the same. (Name) was gonna give him a heart attack one of these days.

“It’s a fucking magical flying boat, (Name). It goes eighty miles per hour tops. Do you know how advanced that was in the twelfth century? It was a fucking miracle of technology, (Name). It’s not the boat’s fault we’re currently travelling through Kansas.” Doux huffed. He quickly felt guilty for snapping at her and apologized. He felt a bit on edge lately. Their conversation last night kind of freaked him out. He wanted to be a little more protective of her now since she told him about how scared she was, but snapping at her would just accomplish the opposite of getting across how much he cared.

Name sighed. Looking around the ship, she noticed that Nari and Archie were just napping in the sun, completely unbothered by her and Douxie’s loud outbursts. She looked back out into the seemingly infinite grass field again.

“Well, I guess now is a pretty good time,” She said cryptically, “Hisirdoux, we need to talk.”

It was like she just injected ice water into his veins. He didn’t like her tone, plus, those words were never proceeded by something good. Never. “To talk?” he asked with a nervous tinge in his voice, hoping if she elaborated it wouldn’t be as bad as the conclusions he was jumping to.

“Yeah. Talk. About your feelings.” Well now he was panicking. She said that so solemnly. How did she know? Fuzzbuckets, she was about to reject him, on this boat they were stuck on, in the middle of Kansas. Rip out his heart and throw it into the grassy void.

“To talk, about my feelings?” he repeated her again, incredulously. He put on his best fake smile.

“Yes, Doux.” She sat down on the railing near him and crossed her legs. “I just- I think it’s time we had a proper conversation about stuff. Like say, I don’t know, how you’re handling your grief over a certain mentor.”

Douxie quickly let go of the breath, he wasn’t sure when he started holding, in a loud sigh of relief. Oh thank Merlin, he thought this was going to be bad. That’s what she wanted to talk about? Okay, not the problem he was expecting, but one he could deal with. He’s already had a couple of good cries. He spent most of last night mulling over not just Merlin but the whole concept of death. He could talk about the weight of grief hanging over his heart, no big deal.

“I believe I am handling it well, thank you for your concern, Love.” He tried to sound nonchalant.

“Hisirdoux Casperan, you stared out into the distance with unblinking glassy eyes for hours last night and barely spoke to any of us. Hell, you fucking died yesterday, Doux. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about that. You’re not fine. And you’re not weaseling your way out of this conversation either.” She said sternly. They entered an unspoken staring contest.

“Alright, Love, fine. I am fine. Okay?” She quirked her brow. “I am, truly. I’m at peace. He lived a good life and I’ll continue his legacy with honour. Of course I’m still sad about it, but I’ve got other things to focus on right now. Sure, my chest is still heavy, but it’s not crushing like it was when the wound was fresh,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “And I did get my last goodbye talk with him when I was dead,” He chuckled to try and lighten that last bit up, but name still winced at his words.

“Douxie, I just- I know what it’s like, ya know. To suddenly no longer have that father figure in your life. Someone you looked up to for so long. It’s hard Doux, I get that.” She sympathized. She tipped her head down towards the deck floor.

“Well, in a way, he’s already been gone for about, say, nine centuries. I’ve had my time away from him, so I know that I can do it. It’s the knowing that now he’s gone gone that’s the real kicker.” He glanced across the boat over to the sleeping pile of fur and greenery. Nari was curled up into a ball while Archie mirrored the same, but on top of her. They were like a couple of stacked buns. Douxie smiled at the sight. “And yet, do you know what makes it all feel better?” Name looked back up at him and furrowed her brows.

“You. And Archie. And Zoe. And Claire. And my bandmates and my coworkers and the rest of the Arcadia gang. I’ve got plenty of people in the world now. I know I’ve got all kinds of love.” He hung his arm over her shoulders. He had made up his mind, he was going to open his heart to her soon. Almost dying really puts one’s priorities in view. “Recently, a great man, well, a great dragon, told me that family is not just who you have, it’s also who you’re with. If one thing I’ve learned in this nightmare week, it’s that you’ve got to enjoy people while you can. Because once they’re gone, they’re gone. You can’t dwell on past love, you’ve got to soak in the love you’ve got now, or you’ll miss it.”

“I guess I understand that.” (Name) said softly. She took in his words. Focus on the now love, huh. She could use to do that too. She felt his hand move from her shoulder to the small of her back.

“Oh hey look at that, we’re coming up on Missouri. How about we stop for brunch, Love?”

“Oh I’m starving,” Archie butt into the conversation and flew over to rest on (Name)’s shoulder. He did one of those black cat yawns where they turn their entire faces inside out and they become nothing more than a black hole with teeth, “I could really go for a bagel with extra lox right now.”

#douxie x reader #hisirdoux casperan x reader #hisirdoux x reader #hisirdoux casperan imagine #douxie imagine #toa wizards #hisirdoux casperan #douxie #my writing #the never ending roadtrip

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 4 years ago

Text

Dee Little Snake

Series Summary: Janus uses age regression as a way to destress but has little control over it whenever he grows upset. Trying to keep a secret like that can be hard when you’re only four years old, and thus family bonding ensues in a way nobody expected, least of all Deceit.

Chapter 4: Safe at Night

Chapter summary: Patton can't sleep and Dee doesn't want to, so Logan offers a solution to fix at least one of their problems.

Warnings: mild angst, if there's more please let me know.

Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @a-different-s1de @emo--nightmare

General taglist (ask to be added or removed): @janus-is-an-adorable-snek-boi @logans-library @im-an-anxious-wreck

WC: 2,358

Pulling just so to settle his sweater sleeves in their usual knot against his collar bones, Patton shut his door quietly and continued down the hall. It was late, almost eleven at night, and Patton knew if anyone caught him awake at this hour they’d call him a hypocrite. He and Logan were constantly nagging the others to get to bed earlier- Patton admittedly less so just because he knew how easy it was to accidentally binge Parks and Rec into the wee hours of the morning. Shaking his head he decided it didn’t matter, as long as he was quiet no one would notice anyway.

He stopped outside Virgil’s room, the darkness beneath it not really telling him whether he was awake or not. Too often had he peeked in to check on him so find him sitting up with a blanket over his shoulders and his headphones on, scaring the daylights out of Patton the first few times seeing nothing but Virgil’s pale, spooked face streaked with leftover eyeshadow shining through the darkness. He hadn’t done it as much lately because of- well everything that was going on. He figured if he looked in and Virgil was asleep he wouldn’t want to ruin what little rest he got with how tense things had been.

With that depressing thought he turned to see Roman’s door a little ways down the hall. He hadn’t been coming out much lately, seeming to prefer the company of whatever magical entities he came up with in his world rather than what he could find in the common room. And that was...fine. It was completely fine, of course it was! They all needed a bit of a break every now and again and he couldn’t expect every member of his family to want to be around him all the time.

Except that it had been a few weeks since he had had his meltdown; a few weeks since he had gone back on everything he had ever known to be right and accepted De- Janus- into their lives completely and agreed to work with him rather than actively against him. And he knew- he knew how Roman must have taken it. How many times had he been confused about something but forged ahead anyway because everyone had seemed to need him to have the answers? He was the dad, of course he had answers! But then- those answers had changed as they had grown and earned experience and knowledge but was too stubborn to change along with it, so too then Roman had been. Roamn had had his world view flipped just as much as Patton had but Roman had trusted Patton’s insistence that he knew all the answers- and even when he began to admit he didn’t he remained resolute that there were things you just knew- and still Roman trusted that. Now that was wrong, so was Patton, and the one person Patton had always said did nothing but deceive he now knew was one to trust. But Roman was past trusting him, and after so many years Patton really couldn’t blame him.

He realized then how unsettling it would look for him to be simply standing in the middle of the hallway, motionless with a deep frown lining his face. Shaking off the melancholy he brought his hands to his face and rubbed up and down a bit more roughly than was necessary, standing his bangs on end but it fit the late hour so he supposed it didn’t matter. He glanced at Logan’s door but the more responsible side would most definitely be asleep by now so he didn’t even bother stopping, determined to make it to the kitchen to get a glass of water and maybe even cocoa before trying to turn in for the night. He could worry about his kiddos when he could string together more than two coherent thoughts that didn’t end with him feeling like he shouldn’t leave his bed for the next ten years at least.

He was going to walk past Janus’ room but paused and cocked his head to listen better. A faint tune could just barely be heard through the door though Patton couldn’t place what it could be. Was Janus playing music? Could he not sleep either? Maybe he’d be willing to join him in the kitchen for a late night snack if he wasn’t too tired; Patton could definitely use the company with the way his thoughts were straying tonight. Stepping closer so his feet were almost right up against the door jam he could see a very faint, warm light shining underneath, He leaned in and held his breath, straining to try and hear whatever it was that was playing. What he heard however only confused him further.

A child’s voice was singing a soft, wordless tune that didn’t seem to have any inspiration behind; just something simple seemingly to keep themselves occupied. Occasionally the tune would stop and they would mumble something he didn’t quite catch but then it would pick back up again just as quietly. Patton leaned away in confusion, sure that he recognized the voice but why-

Dee! Putting the pieces together only made him more confused. If Janus was regressed then why was he alone? And why was he still awake? From what he remembered Dee was only four so it was definitely way past his bedtime and more importantly he didn’t hear Virgil in with him, which definitely meant he was alone considering Virgil was constantly talking to Dee when they were together- much more than when Janus was out of little space but Patton suspected that was just something the’d eventually have to work out. Puffing his cheeks out he debated whether or not he should intrude. Dee was little, up late and alone but Patton had also only found out Janus regressed at all a few days ago and he honestly wouldn’t blame the kiddo if he didn’t fully trust him or want him around just yet, if he ever would at all. Virgil needed his rest, Roman was already mad at both him and Janus, Remus….well anyway- and he was ninety nine percent certain Logan would not be a side Dee would want to know about this.

The door cracked open before he could make up his mind, Dee’s fluffy curls making him smile even though he was internally panicking. Sure he was the more father oriented side but he didn’t know if he was actually good with kids last time he had just seen a crying child and wanted it to stop but this time he was the one almost in tears and he really didn’t want to cry in front of one of his kiddos when they were this small and-

A tiny hand slipping into his brought him out of his thought spiral and he found himself stumbling forward as Dee tugged insistently, leaving the door cracked behind them as he was led to a ring of stuffed animals surrounding a small electric candle. The smaller side let go and patted the space beside him as an offer to Patton, which he took somewhat nervously.

“I can’t do all the voices.” So saying he was handed a floppy stuffed elephant, the poor thing bending in the middle from lack of stuffing but certainly not from lack of hugs it had surely received. Dee picked up a stuffed tiger that was lying prone beside him, no doubt the one he had been playing with before he opened the door. It’s fur was a bit ratty and it was just as floppy as all of them seemed to be- in fact most of these seemed to be copies of Thomas’ old stuffed animals he had had growing up, finding a new purpose in his mind with his smallest side. Patton smiled at the thought of all their past friends finding new adventures with someone who clearly loved them just as much, running his thumbs over the elephants soft ears lovingly as he watched Dee get the tiger into position and begin moving it around in a strange sort of rhythm that looked like an odd sort of dance, picking up his previous humming with the most adorable look of concentration Patton had ever seen. The child looked up at him expectantly, making Patton realize he was probably meant to hum along to whatever performance the tiger was putting on for the rest of them.

Smiling softly he brought the elephant up and began making it dance, clearing his throat before humming quietly along with Dee. He really should be in bed but Patton was loath to ruin this moment. It was so peaceful- the electric candle flickered like a real flame and the lamp in the corner illuminated everything just enough to give the room a soft golden glow to it. The carpet was soft underneath him and the humming, nonsensical as it was, was soothing and just loud enough to remind him what he was doing. He wasn’t exactly sure what game they were playing but he didn;t mind not knowing the rules, happy to let Dee set the pace as he swayed from side to side with a small smile on his face. He wished so badly someone else was here to take a picture so he could keep this image in his head for the rest of his life, he didn’t remember Janus ever looking this content even when they were actually kids, and to see it now was as gut wrenching as it was heart melting.

“I don’t know what you’re listening to but if you could at least shut your door it would much apprecia-” Both of their heads snapped up, Dee immediately leaning back to hide most of his small frame behind Patton while said side clutched the elephant to his chest in panic. Logan stood still in the doorway, confusion clear on his face as he stepped in the room and shut the door behind him. “I didn’t mean to- I'm sorry, I can leave. I wasn’t aware-”

Dee poked his head out from behind Patton and waved, making Logan stop again mid-sentence to hesitantly wave back. Patton watched, still a bit tense, as Logan crouched down on the balls of his feet and smiled softly at the smaller side. “May I ask how old you are, Janus?”

“Dee!”

“I apologize, I’ll remember that from now on. May I ask how old you are, Dee?”

Patton smiled as Dee nodded vigorously, tiger still held tight to his chest as he held out four fingers. “I’m four!”

“A very good age to be, there are many milestones to achieve at four years old.”

“Milestones?”

“An action or event marking a significant change or stage in development.” Logan explained. “Most of those happen with a good night’s rest though. Why are you still awake?”

Dee looked down at the stuffed animals in front of his, rocking a little in place. “I wanted to play.”

“Activities like this are usually reserved for when it's daylight. Was there a reason you can’t play then?”

“Everyone else is awake.”

Patton set the elephant down gently. “You’re afraid someone will see you small if you play in the daytime huh?”

Logan pressed his lips together as Dee nodded, seeming to not want to elaborate. “Alright, that’s understandable. So Patton usually looks after you then?”

“No I just-”

“Vee! But he’s asleep.”

“Well, in the morning it might be a good idea then to talk to Virgil about how to better accommodate you during the day so that you can still play but not have to worry about anyone else walking in on. We might be able to square away a room for you or modify this one so that no one could enter without your permission, provided the door remains shut. How does that sound?”

“You could do that?” Dee’s eyes were enormous as he looked at Logan like he had just confirmed the moon was made of his favorite cheese.

Chuckling softly, the logical side adjusted his glasses. “Theoretically. But we need you well rested if we’re going to figure it out tomorrow.”

Patton smiled as Dee seemed to weigh his options, pouting slightly as he stood and made his way towards the bed. Turning off the candle and moving to set it on the night stand he reached for the blankets but stopped himself before he could do anything. “Do you want tucked in kiddo?”

Nodding shyly Dee laid back and clutched the tiger even tighter while wiggling into a comfortable position. Patton waited until he was done before grabbing up the thick comforter and carefully laying it over him, being sure to tuck it away from his face and loose enough that he could free his arms if he wanted. Smiling he squeezed Dee’s shoulder gently as his eyes drooped tiredly, moving towards the door that Logan was already easing open quietly.

“Goodnight, Dee.”

“Goodnight, Dee. Sleep well.”

“Goodnight. Love you.”

They both paused and looked back but the small side was already asleep, curled around his stuffed animal comfortably. Slipping out of the room Patton smiled at Logan’s small smile, which immediately turned questioning as Patton beamed back at him.

“What?”

“You like kids.”

Taken aback, Logan shook his head. “I just know some basic developmental needs and how to apply them. Liking has nothing to do with it.”

At Patton’s shit-eating grin, Logan rolled his eyes. “They’re pleasant enough to be around when they’re well-behaved.”

“So you-”

“Go to bed Patton.” Logan shook his head as he began to walk back to his room.

“I was gonna make cocoa before I saw Dee was awake. If you were having trouble sleeping I could make enough for both of us-” He let the offer hang as Logan stilled. He knew the other man secretly loved hot cocoa late at night for as much as he preached about proper sleeping schedules.

He smiled wider as Logan walked briskly past him down the stairs. “Just this once, to help us sleep.”

“Sure, Logan.”

Previous Next

This work is also available on AO3!

If you liked this please consider reblogging. Reblogging helps share a creators work so others can see it too!

As far as this story goes, this is something I wrote as a one shot and didn't think people would be interested in but now I have seventeen chapters planned so thank you for the interest! Note that Roman and Janus will be on better terms at some point and also Remus also comes in later, and knowing that info if anyone has something they want to see happen (side hangouts, specific regression prompts anything like that), as long as it can be story relevant and it isn't plot heavy I'll happily add it!

I'll accept ideas up to Feb. 20 and you can comment them here, or send an ask, anon is always on! Thanks for reading ^-^

#false writes #dee little snake #janus sanders #agere sfw #sanders sides agere #age regression #patton sanders #logan sanders #mild angst #logan is really good with kids fight me

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mizzmaymayy · 4 years ago

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ACOSF Post-Read Thoughts

One week later I have finally finished ACOSF and am ready to share my thoughts!

Before you start reading the book I advise this:

If you are an elucien shipper and/or love Lucien (like me) DO NOT expect to get much out of that... I’m sorry :( nothing is confirmed but there’s just not a lot. Also, stating my bias towards Lucien now since he is my baby.

Overall: I will say this book was so good to read. I found myself growing in self love and acceptance through this book. It completely surpassed my expectations for Nessian smut lol and I'm so very happy that nesta and Cassian are finally together.. mated for all eternity and for all to see.. LETS HAVE A WEDDING! and the friends Nesta has found.. I cry.. so happy for my mad girl.

Small things I really enjoyed about this book:

How Cassian would have like “seasonal allergies” at the spring court lol its just so relatable

THE BALL SCENE OMGOMGOMGOGM MY FAVE SCENE FOR SURE. I love the politics in that scene and the aesthetics UGH... LOL and then when Cassian says MOVE.

when nesta pictures both Azriel and Cassian on her.. 🥵

Things I really did not like about this book:

The lack of information from other character’s lives 😩 like we barely get any Mor, Lucien, Tamlin.. I just like need to know about them!!! but we get more characters 😩 and even though I do really like the new characters and am really interested in their future roles.. I just can’t not think about the OGs

The way the mating bond is presented/discussed bw Cassian and Nesta... like how come Lucien knew Elain was him mate the moment she is made but it takes Cassian to know until they kiss? Idk I just wish it would’ve been discussed earlier or unraveled better... We got it too good with Feysand

I do not like the idea of Rhysand being high king.. I just want the courts to be happy and work together.. an internal war would be so damaging I really don’t think it’d be worth it. It would do a lot of damage before going into an international war.. But I also know that he would be an amazing king but like just let him be happy with his people and court like he said 😫

Post-read thoughts:

I’m still a little upset we got this info about Lucien being Helion’s son and there was even a time when they were both in Velaris but no headway into that at all.

Idk im kinda really annoyed with Azriel atm.... that lust scene made me want to throw up.... and how come after 500 years he finally gets over Mor and then starts to like Elain.... and then now that he can have Elain immediately goes to Gwyn... ugh I just don’t like it. I wouldn’t like to be given a necklace that was meant for someone else... and what that necklace meant.. the scene that happened there... so like is she gonna wear it and azriel is then gonna think of Elain!? GWYN DESERVES BETTER.

I’m like 99% convinced Mor and Eris are mates or that if Eris even simply layed a finger on her all those many years ago she would’ve had to be Autumn Court property, and he knew no one deserved to be shackled to his father... I think Eris thinks his court deserves better than his father and is working towards that

So also, Nesta changed her and Feyre’s anatomy but not Elain’s.... and there had to be that talk where Gwyn said her anatomy was different and flexible.. (?so does that she can have an Illyrian baby?)

Ugh I just think Az deserves better than someone else’s mate....

Like I know there’s talk about Elain getting the bond severed but even that would be painful... I just hate how we jump to the conclusion like oh Elain doesn’t like to be around him so we must sever the mating bond... like I think Elain also needs to do self care too.. like can’t they at least talk about stuff before this happens??? This could be so damaging to both of them. I think the reason Sarah has that scene in previous books where Feyre and Rhys talk about mating bonds and that they can be severed is to lay some rules down.. maybe it will relate more to Eris and Mor. Not that I want their bond to be severed either.. I think with growth they could both eventually be friends...

To add, I don't think Elain is meant for the Night Court.. In one of Cassian’s POV he like mentions how Elain doesn't really fit in with the Night Court when she is wearing the black dress... and when Nesta visits the Spring Court she talks about how Elain would love this place and it would be perfect for her... so idk. Maybe Lucien will get to take over Spring Court or the Day court and she will finally get a place she loves and belongs in.

I know people are shipping Vassa and Lucien but can you tell me one thing they have in common or why they're meant to be that isn't the fact that they both have red hair/fire? Since we do we pair ppl off based off their physical appearance...

Also, I think Vassa and Jurian are a thing... Lucien said they are always at each other’s throats and then he had like a pained look.. I think its a look of jealousy.. like that he wishes he had someone like that too. like they have each other- his friends, and he again feels alone.

I’ve been reading some theories about Elain being a villain and idk.. though I agree she is being hella shady.

Who will the next book be about? Thoughts for the next book/books

I’ve heard ppl say Sarah said she’ll write about Mor before someone else.. but I’m kinda thinking Elain is next..

I think that within the next books we are gonna get a lot of Autumn Court- which im super excited for- and get a lot more of Eris and Lucien and all the history with Jesminda, Lucien’s parentage, all the backward traditions like the Blood Feud.. whatever the eff that is. But I know Lucien wouldn’t do any of that.. he’s so sweet to Elain.. I also know Lucien would watch Elain love someone else if meant she was happy..

I also feel like the Wild Hunt is gonna come back somehow...

Anywhoo, thats a wrap on my thoughts. tell me what you think!!!

#a court of silver flames #acosf #elucien

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barnesandrogersfanfics · 5 years ago

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Rose Coloured Glasses - Part 7

A/N- Thank you to all of you that are showing this Fic love! It means the world to me! ILY 💕

**From here on out expect spoilers from Defending Jacob**

I found it hard to sleep last night, my mind just wouldn't switch off. The thought that there was someone out there that killed a kid..... was this the start of something bigger or just someone with a grudge against Ben Rifkin?

God i wish Frank was here... i really didn't want to be home alone right now. But I hadn't heard from him since i said that i couldn't make drinks, i had sent a few texts but got no reply to any of them. Then my mind would wander to Andy, wondering how he was coping with everything, id seen a different side to him yesterday, a vulnerable side.

I gave up trying to sleep around 5am, had a shower and dressed for work. I decided to stop at the coffee shop on the way to the office today, so left a little earlier than usual. As i was walking towards the coffee shop i saw Frank walk out with his arm around a little blonde's waist nuzzling her neck and smiling, that same panty dropping smile he gave me. After the initial shock i shook my head and scoffed.... how could i have been so stupid to think he meant the shit he said?? Andy was right, Frank was a fuckboy.

When Frank looked up and saw me he looked a bit like a deer in the headlights.

"Morning" i said as i casually as i carried on walking into the coffee shop. It was far too early to deal with shit like that.

I ordered my coffee and something for Andy then grabbed a couple Cinnamon Rolls. As i waited for my coffee's i was approached by Neal Logiudice, he worked for the DA, Andy's protege from what i heard, i hadnt really had much dealings with him to be honest.

"Hi" he said "your Y/N right? Andy's new assistant?"

"Thats right"

"Im Neal Logiudice, i work at the DA's office"

"Yeah i've seen you around" i nodded.

"Its awful about that kid isnt it?"

"The worst, i cant even imagine what his parents must be going through"

"Me either. Im actually surprised Andy isn't doing more you know?"

"No, i dont know!..... what more do you want him to do?? Andy has done everything he can in this case...."

"You see i dont think he has, i think his too close to this one to see clearly"

"Well your wrong Neal, Andy is doing everything he possibly can..... dont try and use this tragedy to further your own position!" I snapped feeling my blood boil at his shitty accusations.

"Two coffee's for Y/N" was called and i turned to go grab them without another word to Neal.

When i got to work i headed straight to Andy's office to give him his coffee and pastry.

"Knock, knock" i said with a smile holding up the coffee's, Andy was sat at his desk looking over a file.

"Hey, come on in" he leant back in the chair and gave me a smile.

"I brought you the good coffee and a Cinnamon Roll" i placed them on his desk in front of him and sat in the chair opposite.

"You angel!"

"I was up early so i had time to stop" i shrugged taking a sip of my drink.

"You okay?"

"Im fine, just..... it doesn't matter" i scoffed shaking my head as i thought about seeing Frank with the blonde and the weird encounter with Neal.

"You know you can talk to me"

"Yeah i know" i nodded quickly "just been a weird morning...."

"Already? Damn that doesn't sound good" he smiled pulling out the cinnamon roll and taking a bite.

"Actually, there is something i feel like i should mention, it just seemed odd....."

"Okay...."

"When i was getting the coffee Neal came over to me"

"Logiudice?"

"Yeah..... he started saying how he thinks you should be doing more on the case, that your too close to see clearly"

"Thats bullshit! I barely even know the Rifkins!" Andy said shocked at what i was telling him.

"I know that, i told him you were doing everything you could. I also may have told him not to use this tragedy to further his own career before walking out" i admitted nervously "i'm sorry.... i just got so pissed when he started talking about you like that"

"Why are you sorry? I would've said a lot worse than that"

"It was unprofessional of me...."

"Neal was the unprofessional one, I wouldn't worry too much about him"

"Okay, i just thought id give you a heads up.... i dont know if his planning to try and get you pushed from the case"

"Probably, sounds like something he would do, his a little shit".

"Creep more like. Anyway, you all set for the interviews at the school? You need me to do anything?"

"We're all good, i'm meeting Duffy at the school at 9 and we'll probably be there all day.... if you can just keep on top of things here for now and i'll call if i need anything?"

"Sounds good"

A knock on the door made us both turn in our seats to see who it was.

"Andy, Lynne's asking to see you" Lynne's assistant Abby said quickly before rushing off on her way.

"Great, i better go. I'll catch up with you later, thanks for breakfast" he winked on his way out.

It was about 20 minutes later when Andy came marching out of Lynnes office, he stopped at my desk when he reached me.

"You were right about Neal, little prick!"

"Oh god, what happened?"

"He went to Lynne and offered to take over the case, he apparently has concerns about the appearance of conflict! which Lynne agree's with!" Andy was trying to keep calm but i could tell how much this was pissing him off.

"He says i'm dragging my feet with the case..... i cant help it if its going slow! We have no evidence except for a partial print!" He sat on the edge of my desk and rubbed his hands over his face "im not just going to indict someone just to make it look good"

"Of course not!"

"He wanted to know why we hadn't already started to talk to the kids at the school.... half the parents there are lawyers, he knows that. We had to do things right.... every single detail had to be negotiated before we could even attempt to talk to the kids"

"So are they taking you off the case??"

"Not yet, Lynne accepted my argument for staying on. For now anyway."

"Thank god!"

"I gotta go meet Duffy....." he sighed as he checked his watch.

"Okay, good luck, i hope you find something that helps. Call me if you need anything?"

"Sure" he nodded giving me a tight lipped smile "thanks for the heads up about Neal"

"Of course, we've gotta stick together right?"

"Right" he smiled giving my hand a quick squeeze, a minute later he was pulling on his coat and heading to the elevators.

Frank: Hey, can we talk?

Y/N: Im working

Frank: Y/N please?

Y/N: I dont have time right now! Haven't you heard whats going on??

Frank: U mean the kid in the woods?

Y/N: Yeah! things are crazy here.

Frank: I bet. Maybe i can come by tonight? I can explain....

Y/N: There's no point, its obvious what was going on. It was all just casual fun with us anyway right? we weren't exclusive or anything.

Y/N: I think its best we don't see each other for a while

Frank: seriously??

Y/N: I gotta get back to work. Take care Frank.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit

Rose Coloured Glasses taglist: @readermia @princess-evans-addict @jennmurawski13 @matsumama @ex-bloodjunkie @kaithezaftig

#sebastian stan #chris evans #eb!frank #eb!frank x reader #andy barber #andy barber x reader #defending jacob #endings beginnings #reader insert #rose coloured glasses

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years ago

Text

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: Hey

Joe: my flatmate has some work I reckon your mate might be interested in

Joe: but it’ll sound a bit dodgy coming from me so you wanna pass it along?

Joe: moneys alright for no real work, depending on how you look at it

Ronnie: never done any work as a secretary myself

Ronnie: write your own fucking love notes

Joe: I see that

Joe: your accent down the 📞?

Joe: no cunt here’d understand you, never mind the demeanour

Joe: yeah, well, it’d really seem that way

Joe: but I actually need someone to take her off my hands

Ronnie: racism as foreplays playing to the wrong crowd hes more into homo bashing

Ronnie: errr dunno how you read his demeanor mckenna but he aint taken a her off anyones hands since before any of us had phones

Joe: i’ll keep that in mind

Joe: well homophobic of me to not tell him myself so he’s welcome for the freebie

Joe: not actual escorting

Joe: she does art, her life drawing class needs a model

Joe: I ain’t fucking doing that

Joe: tell me I ain’t 📖 him right on that one

Ronnie: fucks sake if youd said it was cash for cock wed be done talking already

Joe: I just did

Joe: sound, she’ll be made up, she’ll get off my case, and he’ll get £15 an hour, apparently 👌

Ronnie: sexist not to ask me

Ronnie: pass that on to your little gf

Joe: weren’t her idea to ask Charlie

Joe: you’ll have to take up that grievance with me as well

Joe: I’ll just point out it’d be even weirder if I’d have asked you

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: how much £ you offering me to bang you

Joe: if I did no point paying you to do it for her and her class and not me

Joe: that’s an interesting take on cucking though, loads that would go for it, I’m sure

Ronnie: ill write it down as youve made me go hunting for a pen in this shithole

Joe: cheers

Joe: take 20% commission or whatever

Joe: or take the IOU I owe him for doing this

Ronnie: you said it hed do this for fuck all ill take the lot and mary wont know it was a paid gig

Joe: if he can fend the flatmate off, undoubtedly a load of art gays he can have his pick of

Ronnie: that what youre telling yourself for why you dont want me to do it yeah

Joe: you wanna do it?

Ronnie: i want you to admit the reason you dont want me to is cause he scrubs up enough for horse girl and her course mates not to stage an intervention

Joe: not what it is so no

Joe: I know I don’t want to get my shit out in front of a load of middle class kids who know fuck all about fuck all, so I assumed as much for you

Ronnie: dont ever assume fuck all for or about me

Joe: why do you wanna do it so bad when like you said, you can pocket the cash and get him to?

Ronnie: i dont wanna fucking do it

Joe: well that’s grand ‘cos I reckon Sophie wants to see dick so

Joe: she’d be really let down

Ronnie: usually what gets you off

Ronnie: but im made up youre in love now like

Joe: please, she either don’t get it’s weird to ask me which means she’s some kind of special

Joe: or this is the start of her 50 shades fantasy and I have to be the let down to end all let downs and i’m already doing my best

Ronnie: rem is right to pay for it when she could just walk in on you taking a piss or having a shower

Joe: when you’re just a creep and not a predator 💔

Joe: not the girl my parents warned me about

Ronnie: if theyd be the type to go down the stables theyd have seen the other side of her

Joe: you’ve got your own daydreams, alright

Joe: put out the feelers, who isn’t a little gay these days, right

Ronnie: go ed and pass on ive got a bigger dick than him and she will have

Ronnie: i dont dream 💔

Joe: shame she isn’t equally inspiring for you

Joe: or anyone, really

Ronnie: cry about it with him when youre done pimping

Joe: what do you dream about then, when you’re awake

Ronnie: what you cant read me

Joe: clearly not

Joe: dashed your modelling dreams

Ronnie: blind and not able to read braille must be dead hard for you

Joe: is that sympathy?

Joe: or you offering me 🖐 to 👩🏼‍🦲 time

Ronnie: again you wish

Ronnie: 💭💉

Ronnie: cant make it any easier to understand soz

Joe: maybe I do

Joe: far as 💭s go

Ronnie: fuck maybe you do or you dont

Joe: well it ain’t why I don’t want to get my arms out for her

Joe: not tried it

Joe: but not a no

Ronnie: give a shit what you do or dont want to do for or to her

Joe: that is a no, tah

Ronnie: tell her not me baby

Joe: that’s not a big sister duty?

Joe: gutted

Ronnie: wouldnt know im the middle kid dorothy does that for us

Joe: i’ll ask him when i’m crying on him then

Joe: make a change for me

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: rack up the ious like a fat line hes gonna be made up

Joe: oi he’s like family ain’t he

Ronnie: &

Ronnie: you wanna fuck your mam

Ronnie: not oi ing you

Joe: well you get to think about me and him, you gave me her and you, not fair

Ronnie: life aint soft lad

Ronnie: and stopping at thinking about shit is the difference between me and you

Joe: I get it, you’ve gone there

Joe: purely here for the homophobia

Ronnie: your kinks match 💘

Ronnie: purely there so the lads dont kick off before hes got his kicks

Joe: see, you’ve got it in you 💘

Joe: the sisterly thing

Joe: my hate don’t get expressed by putting me in him though so I won’t run my mouth

Ronnie: not what ive got in me but im not giving you the talk just cause your ma didnt

Joe: you want a virgin to defile reckon Soph and her mates are prime, vampira

Ronnie: set it up with her ill show if i get no better offers

Joe: lucky girl

Joe: no more nights in doing doodles of cute girls that look like you

Ronnie: we dont look alike youll have to accept theyre of you

Joe: i fit less than you, by far

Ronnie: fuck off

Joe: sorry

Joe: it’s weird, say the least

Ronnie: i fit nowhere she made sure i dont

Joe: ditto

Joe: so buzzing i can write shit songs about it though

Ronnie: no

Ronnie: weve got fuck all in common

Joe: just the same mother

Joe: who put her shitty genetics and choices on us both at different times

Ronnie: i ain’t got a mother you cant cross out the un from wanted and act like its the same word

Joe: incubator then

Joe: she was 19 and still fucked, don’t think they had a five-year plan down

Joe: worse if she did, the state of

Ronnie: she made 1 choice for me shes still controlling you

Ronnie: were not the fucking same

Joe: you reckon

Ronnie: if you wanna claim it aint her fault youre this big of a pussy try it

Joe: you don’t think it’s my fault?

Joe: woah, just say you love me

Ronnie: i dont think about you when you aint trying to compare us

Joe: hot

Joe: I’ve thought about you plenty

Joe: uni ain’t that interesting

Ronnie: you came looking for me werent the other way round

Ronnie: you ain’t interesting to me mckenna

Joe: you reckon you’re fascinating, yeah?

Joe: fair enough

Ronnie: if your flatmate knows anyone doing doc film making they can wank over me lying in the gutter when youre done

Joe: nah

Joe: you don’t want control of your narrative

Ronnie: i dont want a narrative

Joe: then i’ll be the only wanker

Ronnie: in your dreams

Joe: well you painted such a lovely visual

Ronnie: black screen would get you going can stay in your own fucked head with no interference then like

Joe: Static is my kink

Joe: you know me so well

Ronnie: your fucking kink is not shutting the hell up til i do

Joe: i’m a gentleman

Joe: and i’m taking that review

Ronnie: youll get a lengthy one from my big brother when you are

Joe: you don’t have to settle for hearing it and getting your kicks second-hand

Joe: I’ll have to be somewhere to be unavailable for this life drawing class

Joe: let’s do something

Ronnie: what you paying me to babysit

Joe: you can ask my mammy or you can see what you can get

Ronnie: if i was gonna talk to her it wouldnt be about you

Joe: thank god

Joe: so take the risk

Ronnie: of what

Ronnie: boring me is asking too much of you

Joe: that’s surely a given

Joe: risk anything but

Ronnie: if I need rescuing again ill call you thats the only given Joe: you’re worse than her

Joe: christian grey or superman, like

Joe: gonna be BFFs yous, I can tell

Ronnie: you dont like being compared to cunts youre nothing like either funny that

Joe: touche

Joe: come on, what would convince you

Ronnie: if youre gonna beg then beg and if youre gonna show me something do it

Joe: I know you’d like to hear me beg but I can’t tell what you’d wanna see

Ronnie: then the answers nothing

Joe: nah

Joe: the answers you want to wait or you wanna be disappointed

Ronnie: why the fuck would I want either of those things

Joe: that’s what I’ll give you then

Joe: the opposite of that

Ronnie: thats meant to convince me yeah

Joe: nah, I am

Ronnie: like fuck will you

Joe: see, you want to be disappointed

Ronnie: ill be disappointed want has fuck all to do with it

Joe: if you don’t come and see

Ronnie: come where

Joe: see me

Joe: i’m new in town, I don’t know where to go

Joe: fuck sightseeing

Ronnie: [somewhere she’d hang out]

Ronnie: go there

Joe: now?

Ronnie: whenever you dont know where to go

Joe: okay

Joe: and I’ll see you there when you don’t

Ronnie: when im not fucking either of our flatmates

Joe: when you’re done being disappointed

Ronnie: when you prove yourself as not

Joe: you’ll see

Joe: I can’t show you over the phone

Ronnie: you could

Ronnie: im going nowhere on a bullshit promise cause im not a meff teenager

Joe: and I ain’t young enough to think that’s a good idea either

Joe: pictures not doing no favours

Joe: if you’re there and i’m there

Ronnie: big if

Joe: I never know where to be

Ronnie: newborn i heard you

Joe: something like that

Joe: if you can’t leave soph alone I’ll do my best begging 🥺

Ronnie: she cant leave you alone id be doing you a favour

Joe: true

Joe: wouldn’t wanna be caught doing that though

Ronnie: let you do the clean up after ive killed and ate her id be caught well fast for that instead

Joe: you’d get caught for being three times your size

Joe: she’s a big girl

Joe: you should share, be sworn to secrecy

Ronnie: doing her a favour i shouldve said

Ronnie: fuck all going for her

Joe: way to get in shape

Joe: she’ll appreciate us using her blood for something artsy on the walls

Ronnie: ill ask the basic white bitch i live with to give me a clue

Joe: 🍆 will be appropriate for her

Ronnie: 🐎

Joe: they might reckon she did it with her dying breath

Joe: very artist of her, dying how she lived

Ronnie: hurry the fuck up with your confession song if you want credit

Joe: you wanna hear me confessing so bad

Joe: but I might be able to hand that in so

Joe: hold on

Ronnie: it aint me whos a choir boy

Joe: ugh, I wish

Ronnie: cant chat shit about us having the same fantasies ive been touched by a old bloke wearing a dress and i dont rate it

Ronnie: standard surrounded by homos night out

Joe: yeah, and the nuns are never the hot kind

Joe: if they didn’t self-flagellate they’d be entirely uninteresting

Ronnie: 💔

Joe: yeah, it’s tragic being this bored/boring, say it ‘fore you have to bother

Ronnie: didnt invite you to no pity party and if thats where youre trying to get me to turn up to dont bother is right

Joe: you mean you don’t wanna talk about your feelings?

Joe: like you said, like being left alone with my own fucked up ones too much to try and start a therapy session

Ronnie: what fucking feelings dead above & below the waist like

Joe: dangerously close to sharing there

Joe: you got your 💉 already then?

Ronnie: wouldnt be this chatty if i had

Ronnie: unlucky you

Joe: I’m the one that wants to see you

Joe: so I’ll cope

Ronnie: cant even spell martyrdom proper so youve fucked yourself looking for a pat on the back off me by matching the definition up

Joe: i’ll just ring mum up yeah

Ronnie: your da if not but it wont have the same satisfying end for you like

Joe: 💔

Joe: validations the last thing i need

Joe: had a whole lifetime

Ronnie: you crawling back to me with a boner for the accent your mummys losing is the last thing i need

Ronnie: get on the scouse samaritans

Joe: don’t reckon that’s a job you’ll get any time soon either

Joe: ‘less the purpose is to make sure people go through with it

Ronnie: couldve fooled me if it aint what else is talking a sad cunts ear off about their problems gonna do

Joe: attention seekers anonymous

Ronnie: no need to meet you there i earned all them badges as a kid 🧷🩸

Joe: wouldn’t be caught 💀 obvs

Joe: keeping it secret adds another level of masochism anyway

Ronnie: does it fuck

Ronnie: keeps you feeling like a smug bitch you can still pass

Ronnie: miss me with that pussy shit

Joe: nah, that’s that i’m in control shit

Joe: it’s not that

Joe: the only thing you might be smug about is how oblivious everyone chooses to be

Joe: if it weren’t also depressing as fuck

Ronnie: dont give em the choice

Joe: why?

Ronnie: why the fuck would you want to

Joe: don’t need to be my mother’s next cause celebre

Joe: she can force the therapy and concern on any of the others, I don’t wanna get better or have to fake like I’ll even try

Ronnie: then dont

Ronnie: cut off your umbilical cord and wipe up the blood trail

Ronnie: not like she tries very hard to herd back the black sheep

Joe: maybe they know and don’t give a fuck 🤞

Joe: I know I ain’t going back so whatever

Ronnie: & you reckon weve got anything in common

Joe: just 50% of our DNA

Joe: never said we were twinsies

Ronnie: if youd have said id have spat in your face 1st time we met get it collected and the tests run

Joe: I wish

Joe: has your face healed

Ronnie: wheres the fun in letting it do that

Joe: 😏

Joe: we can pretend that’s inherited if you need

Ronnie: not 5 i dont play pretend

Joe: if you keep digging, reckon the ink will be gone and it’ll be pure scar tissue

Ronnie: calm the fuck down i can hear how turned on you are about it from here

Joe: spoilsport

Joe: just thinking, scar that only vaguely looks like 🍒s might be well more rugged for my transformation from baby to independent real boy

Ronnie: laughing cos i like pain not cause youre funny

Ronnie: when you see or hear it from wherever youre lurking

Joe: you don’t leave room for me to get the wrong idea, you’re alright

Joe: all them fucked ones are mine alone and already there

Ronnie: get your girlfriend to draw you a pin up & dont tell her youve changed the lass horse head to look like your mas

Ronnie: masc for masc in your bio before you know it and 🦋 tramp stamp to follow

Joe: you know my dad already has a tattoo that looks like her, no bullshit

Joe: and another dead girl on the other arm but that’s a whole other boring story

Joe: playing dress up is off the cards too if I’m ever gonna be a big boy

Ronnie: where do you keep his severed arm when youre not using it to fist yourself and how old were you when you cut it off

Ronnie: if we re telling stories

Joe: 😂

Joe: where we keep the horse

Joe: that en-suite is massive

Ronnie: if he finds out it was a paid gig ill know where to crash

Joe: still gutted she don’t wanna see you naked

Ronnie: youre a liar if you dont wanna see her face seeing me

Joe: don’t know if anyone could be bothered to look at her when you’re about but yeah

Joe: the trauma would really fuel me and make her much more bearable to live with

Ronnie: youre welcome like

Joe: gotta stop being nice to me

Joe: you know stalkers, give ‘em an inch

Ronnie: telling me what to do is the fastest way 🖕

Ronnie: and i know you dont have an inch to give me making the best of this shitshow is what an optimist like me has gotta do

Joe: obviously you’re that type

Joe: not having it in common will have you back 👍

Joe: you’re inspiring, like

Ronnie: chop off my arms and legs and get a camera set up in the en-suite

Joe: you’d fit in my cello case then, could take you everywhere

Ronnie: course youve had a measuring tape out

Joe: hate to kill your optimism with 🍆

Joe: have a go at pushing it back in

Ronnie: how longs your tongue reckon that could kill any girls optimism

Joe: 💔 if it was only good for chatting your ear off

Ronnie: [send him a picture of your weird gross split tongue because obviously]

Joe: [how does that not make you lisp, or does it, I always think that]

Joe: that’s why you’ve not had an invite

Joe: 🚫🐍

Ronnie: gutted

Joe: you know you can show up and do whatever you wanna do whenever

Joe: I’ll take you back

Ronnie: this performance art is meant to what just scare her or teach you how to get her to back the fuck off as well as

Ronnie: im not a fucking tour guide mckenna & you can get yourself evicted without my help

Joe: you know I meant to Dublin

Joe: don’t think it’d take much to scare Sophie off, give it a month for us to both get comfortable and she’ll see what I ain’t

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: I said if you want

Ronnie: dont need your permission to do anything i want

Joe: don’t think any of ‘em are that lax with their socials

Joe: you’d need directions

Ronnie: ive had years to find em & we dont both hang about with horse girls from kent

Joe: can’t say it’s your loss

Ronnie: shut up about it then

Joe: 🤐

Ronnie: 🖕

Joe: got a whole fist here, you can keep it

Ronnie: sizeist

Joe: told her yours is massive like you said, it’s fine

Ronnie: i said bigger than his not a horse shes in for a disappointment

Joe: gotta 🤞 she’s an optimist like you babe

Ronnie: unlike you shes gonna wait to see what i do with it before telling me to shove it

Joe: you just wanna blueball me for the pain

Joe: go on, for your lols

Ronnie: she wont want me at all unless youre gonna watch

Joe: and you need a witness so I get time too

Joe: I’ll do it, torturous as it’d be

Ronnie: the iou is gonna torture me too

Joe: if you’re lucky

Ronnie: not the dna half we share 💔

Joe: damnit

Joe: what’s good about being Scouse?

Ronnie: now the beatles are dead youve got fuck all to live for

Ronnie: noted

Joe: only the good ones

Joe: I dunno, anything good about it never happened, left when I was a kid and we still lived in a shithole with shitheads

Ronnie: get in line she left me in a shithole with shitheads 1st

Joe: where were you

Joe: wonder how close it was

Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter

Joe: it makes her more/less shitty depending

Ronnie: it aint gonna change my opinion and I dont give a shit about yours

Joe: fair enough

Ronnie: get cosy with charlie hed take you down memory lane

Joe: not before he’s got it out for the art class tah

Ronnie: you didnt say when

Joe: [probably an evening class like tomorrow or the next day, then the same time a week later]

Ronnie: too fucking late the pen is in pieces

Joe: sure it isn’t the first time you’ve left him a note in blood

Ronnie: hes only gonna cry about it & take the shine off his modelling debut

Joe: awh

Joe: message him 🧓🏼

Ronnie: fuck off calling me old

Joe: 😏

Ronnie: ill write him a note blaming what a twat you are for what hes gonna walk in on

Joe: what mess have you made

Ronnie: havent killed myself yet

Joe: and you’ve not stopped talking so no OD’ing

Joe: possibilities are endless still

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: come out

Joe: we can get new ink to dig out

Joe: whatever

Ronnie: you gonna suck his dick this time

Joe: I’ll just pay the old-fashioned way

Ronnie: flashy cunt

Joe: what being a student is all about

Ronnie: and youre too special to poison your blood how the rest of em do

Joe: I’m not opposed but I can do it alone, I don’t need to go to a sweaty student bar that plays shit songs and has a load of sad Soph clones giving it 🥺

Ronnie: you can get another tattoo without me holding your hand

Joe: I could

Ronnie: go do it 🦋 baby

Joe: have mentioned its not about the tat, yeah?

Ronnie: nah not that ive heard

Joe: come on

Joe: i want to see you, i’ve said loads

Ronnie: youve said loads of shit yeah

Joe: shit i mean

Ronnie: why

Joe: why wouldn’t I

Ronnie: thats your answer then fuck it

Joe: you don’t need to ask ‘cos you know

Ronnie: i did ask and you said why the fuck not

Ronnie: like its nothing

Ronnie: like you didnt turn up uninvited into my life not long ago

Joe: then tell me to leave

Joe: like it’s that easy

Ronnie: i didnt tell you to fucking appear

Ronnie: just cause youre a kid dont make me the dead fish you won at the fair

Joe: I never had the choice

Joe: she told me about you, talked about you all the fucking time

Joe: you’ve always been in my life

Ronnie: and youve never been in mine

Ronnie: im not gonna carve out a place for you now cos you want it

Joe: Alright

Joe: do it then

Ronnie: dont tell me what to fucking do

Joe: I’m not going unless you say it

Ronnie: no shit this is fun for you

Joe: like fuck it is

Ronnie: im the car wreck youre craning your neck to keep looking at

Ronnie: thats all the fuck this is

Joe: lie better

Ronnie: you dont care about me or what this feels like

Joe: I can’t take it back, you know now

Ronnie: you dont wanna take it back

Joe: I can’t, what’s the point pretending

Joe: I never said I was a good person

Joe: being sorry won’t change anything for you

Ronnie: its all your christmases & birthdays im west as this course youre gonna keep on spinning me out

Joe: Piss off

Ronnie: lie better cunt

Joe: So you’re allowed pity parties, yeah?

Joe: 👌

Ronnie: calling you out on your bullshit is allowed if youre crying thats your problem

Joe: if all you want from me is for me to go away, consider it done

Joe: you can’t hack it, my apologies

Ronnie: tell me why if im so fucking wrong

Joe: I like you

Joe: I want you, to get to know you

Joe: I can’t just stop it, not for myself

Joe: So make me

Ronnie: stop telling me what to fucking do

Ronnie: fucks sake

Joe: you ain’t saying anything

Joe: what do you want

Ronnie: I dont want you to like me

Ronnie: fuck is that

Joe: yeah, it’s obvious you go to great lengths to be unlikeable

Joe: not going to tell no one am I

Ronnie: so hate me soft lad

Joe: I’ll give it a go

Ronnie: ill make you

Joe: give it a go then

Ronnie: where are you then

Joe: [give a location of somewhere near your flat ‘cos don’t need to actually set you on the flatmate rn and that’s likely where you were]

Ronnie: [obviously we’re just gonna show up however long that takes us without another word like !?]

Joe: [just so much eye contact ‘cos what you gonna say what you gonna do]

Ronnie: [definitely gonna take him somewhere sketchy as hell to the level that like Charlie doesn’t know we still go there/we’d never take him ever like you wanna get to know me okay bitch buckle up]

Joe: [can’t let you hook up or shoot up yet ‘cos chronological but go along with this obvs]

Ronnie: [it would make sense if you made out/almost hooked up though because the vibe for the next convo was very much oh fuck what are you doing here we didn’t mean to run each other like this but also v flirty]

Joe: [agreed, and allowed, it’s the obvious vibe but any untold drama can happen to stop you in whatever dodgy place so makes sense]

Ronnie: [literally and just because you can’t shoot up together yet does not mean either of you have to be in any way sober so]

Joe: [hundo, we’re not saying he’s never done a drug lol, he clearly abuses his prescription as is so like, there’s plenty to be done without going there]

Ronnie: [and if we wanted to we could say that you watch her do it here and now before you do it together anyway because you’d both get a weird kick out of that]

Joe: [tea, bet you did not see this coming for your uni experience lmao]

Ronnie: [meanwhile she’s old enough to have left, do you wanna grow up babe? No? okay]

Joe: [the way you’re rolling with this, we know you’re fucked boy but pop off]

Ronnie: [I can’t overstate how much she’d be doing the absolute most to try and scare him away like I dare you to go back on what you said]

Joe: [we know you’re not gonna, soz babe, is very rude how he’s just waltzed in but truly did not say we were a good person lol]

Ronnie: [we know she’s not either and also is here for it more than she will ever express until we’re literally years into this]

Joe: [hi your mother’s daughter, but no, you actually have a reason this is messed up but we’re into it from the off and not pretending, risky af strategy boy]

Ronnie: [is there anything we wanna say happens that has lasting-ish consequences other than the make out/ almost hook up ie a tattoo or a fight with injury potential or an arrest lol]

Joe: [hmm, the possibilities, maybe a fight to show you can, could be about anything, it’s that sort of place]

Ronnie: [that is such a mood I love it and yeah could literally be you’re a new face or could be her fault because of the aforementioned doing the most]

Joe: [totally, and that’ll be an easy way to separate you and not meet until the next convo]

Ronnie: [exactly dr phil]

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claudiafernandez96 · 4 years ago

Text

the pickup || claudia & jude

Discord thread featuring: claudia & @judetaylorhq

When: early morning Feb 27, 2020

Mentions: @cilliankelly

Description: jude surprised claudia by picking her up from work. claudia and jude make up.

TW: addiciton

Claudia.

Claudia took her time to get out of work. She even offered to stay and close. She had found that working and painting were the only two things that keep her stay distracted from using anything. She still had the itch, of course, and part of her believed that another relapse was just around the corner. BUT There was another small part of her that actually believed she was going to get better this time. Claudia put her winter coat on and headed out the front doors to hail a cab. She stopped before she could get to the curb when she saw Jude standing at the edge of the curb. She gasped because she was genuinely surprised to see him. “What the hell, Jude?”

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

Jude had never really been a patient guy, when he wanted something done he was a go and do it himself kind of guy. He didn't like to wait around and hope for things, hope had always been dangerous for him, he'd rather just know, and get things done, then have to wait. This situation with Claudia wasn't any different. He'd been thinking about her constantly, thinking about how much he missed being her friend, after all, that was why he had fallen in love with her in the first place, she was his friend, she meant a lot to him, she was important, that was a big part of why he felt so impacted by her all the time. When he felt betrayed by her, it only showed how important she was to him. He'd screwed up too though, he knew that, and after days of thinking it over, he knew it was time to fix things. To support her the way he kept saying he'd always wanted to, now that she was actually willing to accept some kind of help. He'd parked his truck and climbed out, waiting for her with his arms crossed over his chest and letting out a sigh when she confronted him, "Come on...I'm taking you home." He spoke firmly, holding out a hand to her.

Claudia.

There were a lot of things going through Claudia’s mind at she stared at Jude’s hand. Part of her wanted to scream, cry, and just run away. She wanted to just forget that he ever existed. It’d be easier that way, right? But it seemed like that wasn’t going to be possible. There was too much history between them. They’d been through so much together, that leaving each other now for good didn’t seem like something that was even possible. Clearly. There was also another part of Claudia that wanted to just pull him into a big bear hug and cry into his shoulder. He was always so good at that — Just holding her and letting her cry. She’d been doing a lot of crying lately, and having Jude around to comfort her was actually something that she thought she needed at this point. Claudia’s green eyes stared blankly at his hand for a few moments until she finally decided to take his hand and get into the car. She’s already regretted this decision, but part of her really did want to hear what Jude had to say. She just knew she had to keep her guard up, and she knew Jude might have been doing that exact same thing too.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

Jude was surprised when Claudia took his head, she was stubborn, it was something he often admired about her, but he was glad when she did, they'd already taken a big step towards fixing things but her even getting into his truck and he helped her in before he climbed into his side and started it up. He'd pulled away from the curb before he spoke, formulating and reformulating his thoughts over and over again until he finally spat out the words. "Fuck, Claudia. How'd we get here?" He spoke quietly, calming, unable to glance over at her, afraid he'd lose it if he did. "I mean, fuck. You know how important you are to me...you have to know that."

Claudia.

Claudia pressed her forehead to the cold glass window like she was in a dramatic 2000s music video. She heard him get into the car, but didn’t make eye contact - she just kept her eyes on the passing city. She waited for what seemed like several minutes, which, in reality was probably only a few brief moments. The artist wasn’t expecting him to be so blunt right off the bat like that. She took a deep breath and turned towards her ex. She had been in the passenger seat of this car, looking at him from the angle countless times. This felt so different. He was right - how the fuck did they get here? “I thought I did, Jude.” She glanced at his side profile. Claudia honestly couldn’t even remember half the things she was mad at him about before. “I just...I don’t even know anymore. All I know is that im pissed off.” She confessed, switching her gaze back towards the window.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

Jude nodded, he was pissed off too, but for different reasons he was sure, still, angry wasn't a new emotion for them, they both seemed to thrive off angry, righteous or otherwise. "I'm pissed off too." He spoke argumentatively, shaking his head as he drove, "I'm pissed off about...everything. I'm pissed off that I still give a fuck about you, I'm pissed off that you never took my help, I'm pissed off that you still...fucking..have a hold on me. I'm pissed that you lied to me." He groaned, he hadn't wanted to be combative for this conversation, but he had a lot to say apparently. "I just...there's nothing I want to see more than you better, but...fuck I'm angry, Claudia."

Claudia.

Claudia shifted her gaze to the road in front of them. She felt her chest tighten when Jude told her the way that he felt. She knew all of this, but it somehow still hurt like she was hearing this all for the first time. She knew she fucked up. She knew she’d hurt him more than she ever had before. She was surprised that he was still even entertaining the mere idea of Claudia’s presence. But when he told her that she somehow still had a hold on him, it started to make a little bit more sense. “Then what do you want from Jude? I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I said a lot of hurtful shit when I was mad, but I genuinely don’t know what else you could possibly want from me. I thought you wanted me to leave you alone so I did.” She then turned to look at his side profile again. “But then you show up here and have me confused as fuck.” She raised her voice a little so that she was stern, but she wasn’t exactly yelling at him either. Even though she wanted to.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

Jude sighed, his eyes still on the road, unable to glance at her and risk losing it completely, he'd always said that being around Claudia clouded his judgment, and that still held true. He was at risk of forgetting all the reasons he was upset and melting into her eyes if he looked at her now, before he'd managed to say everything he needed to say. "I just want my friend back." He spoke gently, "Before I fucked it up, before I got insecure about you and Cillian. I feel like shit about not being here for you, you deserved better than that, Claudia. You deserved more, and I let you down. But you....you know why...why it's so hard for me to...watch you do this over and over again."

Claudia.

Claudia knew that she would always love Jude. She never stopped loving him, even when they broke up. Part of her didn't want to keep Jude around to watch her inevitable downfall again. Or at least that downfall that she assumed was going to be inevitable. She knew that that was a bad way to go into recovery...but she'd been here before. They've been here before. Jude more so than Claudia with his mom. She loved Jude, so did she really want to bring him into this? She should just let him go, right? So that he could live happily ever after with the person whom she used to consider one of her best friends. There was another part of Claudia that desperately needed Jude to get through this though. She knew for a fact that there was no way she was staying clean with Jude by her side. Claudia watched his side profile as he spoke, wishing he'd turn to her so that she could read the emotion on his face. "I know...I'm sorry. I understand...I understand why you said what you said. I don't know why I would expect you to expect anything else from me. I'm sorry."

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

"I expect things from you because I want better from you, Claudia." He sighed, "Fuck, Claude." He was trying to keep it together, but everything about this made him want to fall apart, but more than anything he wanted to fix it. He hadn't been lying when he said they needed her, maybe he'd just mistaken the context at the time. They did need her in their lives, she was like family to them. She was their best friend, and losing her had felt like something was missing. "How do I tell you I love you without giving you part of me that you might fuck over again?" He finally did glance at her, "Because I do, and maybe not in the way you want me to, maybe not in the way you need me to, but fuck Claudia...if I lose you again i'm going to go insane."

Claudia.

It didn't take Claudia a long time to start crying as soon as their eyes met. She felt heavy tears slide down her cheeks almost instantly. That hurt. It hurt like hell to know that Claudia had made him feel this way. She had done this to him. She had spent so long blaming Jude for something that he was doing just to protect himself from her. "I'm sorry...Jude, I miss y-you like hell. I'm so sorry that I did this to you...All you've ever done is protect me and care about me, and I have had a really shit way of showing you how much I c-car...well, love you." He deserved so much better than her. "And I'm sorry for blaming you for this when it was my own fucking fault."

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

Jude sighed, "No...that's just it. It's not all your fault. We all fucked up, because we're all fucked up. When we get upset we fuck up each other and I'm tired of that, you know? Like, why is it that we do that?" He sighed, Cillian and himself had somehow figured out how to work past that, they loved each other and managed to actually talk through things now, not like before, surely there had to be a way to do that with Claudia, to get past bullshit and to the heart of the matter. "I left you when you needed me most. I just thought if we weren't sleeping together you'd leave me. You'd leave us, and I was scared of that, and I let you believe something that wasn't true and fuck if that wasn't shitty of me. But I'm sorry, fuck I'm so sorry. I'll do better for you next time, Claudia, I swear."

Claudia.

This moment almost didn't seem real. It almost seemed like a vivid dream. She never thought that her and Jude would have this conversation. Claudia nodded her head slowly. "I don't want to fuck you up anymore. It's exhausting." Jude was right. Claudia did need him. Claudia didn't have a dad to call to when she needed help fixing the clogged sink, or how to do your taxes. Jude protected her and loved her the way that family would. He stuck by her the way that family would love each other unconditionally, even through all of their bullshit. "I'll do better too, Jude. I promise." She told him, wiping the thick tears that were ruining her makeup away. "And I won't leave you, okay? N-not again."

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

Jude let out a breath, feeling a sense of relief as he listened to Claudia speak, somehow knowing they'd be okay, at least they were talking, and that meant they could get through this together. "Fuck." He spoke quietly, reaching over and taking her hand, giving it a squeeze, "I want to be here for you. Even if we all fuck up again, I just want us to be here, together. We need each other. You know? He misses you like hell, and fuck I miss you too. You get us. We might be the only people in the world who understand each other." He pulled up outside her apartment and turned to her, "You deserve the best, you know that? I know I've not made you feel that, but I mean it. You deserve to be happy and get better and just..fuck...don't look at me like that." He laughed quietly, "You'll make my head foggy..."

Claudia.

Claudia finally smiled softly at him when she told him that she'd make his head all foggy. She squeezed his hand tightly and manage to let out a tiny laugh. She leaned over the center console once they were safely pulled over to the side of the road for a big hug, one she had been needing for a very long time now. She actually felt confident that she'd be able to get through recovery with Cillian and Jude by her side. Like they gave her some kind of super power or something. "I missed you both, too." She said into his shoulder, still holding onto him tightly for a long awaited embrace. "So much." Her heart suddenly felt full for the first time in a really long time.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

Jude nodded, smiling again when she did and pulling her close, hugging her tight and burying his face into her neck, "I mean it, I don't want to fight again." He whispered, finally pulling back a little misty eyed, "Fuck, we missed you too. We haven't done anything reckless sin god knows how long and honestly I think Cillian's starting to die inside." He teased, sure they'd actually been enjoying domestication but having Claudia around really did make them both happy, she brought a lightness to them that they sometimes missed with how intense their relationship could be. "Don't be a stranger, okay? If you need anything, lean on me. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere ever again." He promised, pulling back and pushing his door open, "Come on, let me walk you to your door."

#discord #jude

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taexual · 5 years ago

Text

HOLIC - 41 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: mostly angst

words: 4.6k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

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With every day following Jaebum’s dinner with his new agency, his mood kept getting better and better. You loved hearing him sing whenever he was too occupied with whatever he was doing to realize that he wasn’t alone in the room and you loved catching him smile to himself when you were hanging out, even if you were watching a depressing movie.

He was happy. Overjoyed and blisful, even – and you loved everything about it.

But you hated that you couldn’t match his mood.

You still hadn’t told him about the contract you’ve signed and all that it implied. Not because you didn’t want to – well, actually, you didn’t, but this was something you felt like you had to do despite your wishes – but mostly because you’ve never seen Jaebum this happy this many days in a row, and breaking that streak felt like a crime you’d have to go on death row for. You weren’t ready for that.

“How is the planning going?” Jaebum asked you one night when the two of you found yourselves in the kitchen, preparing to have dinner together after work. He was the one doing all the cooking, though, while you sat by the kitchen island, your laptop in front of you; both of you in your usual positions. “For the exhibition, I mean.”

“Oh,” you’d been relatively quiet about the upcoming exhibition, blaming the sudden workload at your own gallery, but you knew you couldn’t escape from talking about it. “It’s… going. I actually haven’t heard from them much. And I didn’t call them myself because I’ve been busy and—”

His phone started to ring. It’s been doing that a lot the past few days and it always rang mid-conversation. Almost as if whoever was calling him waited until you and Jaebum had started to talk so they could dial. You didn’t mind it this time, however, because it saved you from a very awkward and clumsy half-lie.

Somehow, you found yourself suddenly living your whole life inbetween ill-timed phone calls and more and more half-lies.

Sighing, as you waited for Jaebum to finish his call in the hallway, you closed your laptop and decided to take over his job of chopping the vegetables while he was busy.

As soon as you finished with the carrots and moved onto the cabbages, he was back in the kitchen, beaming. God, you’d have been jealous he was doing so well if you weren’t so incredibly happy to see him happy.

“Good news, I’m hoping?” you encouraged.

He nodded. “They want to release “Don’t Touch Me” as a single with an actual music video accompanying it.”

“Oh, God, your debut music video!” you exclaimed, putting the knife down before you hurt yourself because you could not bother looking at the vegetables when Jaebum was standing in front of you, all smiles and glittering eyes. “Do they have any ideas for it? Any particular plot-lines? Shit, this could be your debut as an actor, too.”

“I’m sure they’ll come up with something if I don’t think of anything myself,” he answered, laughing and taking your previous seat by the island. You rotated positions around each other so effortlessly, it felt as though you’d cooked dinner together your whole lives. “But I have the honor of living with a photographer, so I’m hoping she will be the one who tells me if my ideas are too awful to even consider.”

“Hmm,” you grinned. “That sounds quite convenient. Lucky you.”

“Lucky me, indeed,” Jaebum replied with a matching smirk and then leaned over the island to press a kiss to your cheek before standing up to turn the stove on. “Listen, uh—”

“Can you hold on for a moment?” you cut him off, feeling your phone vibrate in your pocket. Of course, you’d get a call right when he had something to tell you. “Someone’s call—oh.”

Jiho had finally reached out. You dipped out of the room – narrowly avoiding Jaebum’s surprised glance at your phone; he was just alarmed by the sudden crestfallen note in your voice when you noticed the caller’s ID – to take the call. You felt guilty immediately after, though. If you’d answered Jiho’s call in Jaebum’s presence, that would have given you an opening to begin the difficult conversation and explain what you had to do in order to get your exhibition.

Clearly, you were still unprepared for that.

“Yeah?” you answered breathlessly once you were in your room, the racing of your thoughts exhausting you not just mentally but physically, too.

“Hi,” Jiho said on the other end of the call. “Is this a bad time?”

You weren’t sure if there was a right time when it came to him.

“No, it’s fine,” you replied.

“Good. I’ve got an appearance for us,” he said it in a grandiose tone, making it seem as though he was announcing that the two of you were about to headline Coachella. “It’s nothing big. One of my friends – well, alright, acquaintances as of right now, but I’m thinking ahead – is hosting this dinner and I’ve been invited with a plus one. Lots of my colleagues are also attending, and I thought, what’s a better way for you to begin your introductions?”

Dinner was an intimate affair, no matter how many people were in attendance or where it was hosted. It involved a group of people sitting closesly at a table, having hushed conversations over glasses of fancy liquor and plates of food you couldn’t even begin to guess the names of. You hadn’t expected that – you’d only considered photography exhibitions to be the ‘public appearances’ mentioned in your contract.

“Uh,” you stammered, losing your train of thought for a moment. “W-when is it?”

“Tomorrow night.”

“It’s tomorrow?” you repeated, surprised. “Is it—will I always be notified of the events I have to attend with you one day before they happen? Because a heads-up would be nice, I might have plans—”

“This is your job,” Jiho said, and although his words were meant to chastise you for even considering turning him down, he still managed to sound laid-back. The indifference in his voice made your skin crawl – he had to have been acting and you dreaded to think what he really wanted to say. “Surely, you can cancel plans for it.”

“I—”

“But I understand,” he added before you could cut in. “Admittedly, I wasn’t planning on going at all but, after some consideration, I decided this would be a great way for you to get acquainted with some of the more prominent names in photography. I won’t call you about this at the very last minute again. This was my bad. Then again, this dinner is more for you than it is for me or the gallery, so I’d take this chance if I were you.”

You bit your lip. “So, this is a freebie, then? It’s not an official public outing?”

“Don’t worry,” Jiho sounded amused now. “It’s both.”

Getting through the dinner with Jaebum was suddenly a chore because, in your mind, you were already dining with Jiho and the people he’d called his colleagues. In all of the time that you’ve lived with Jaebum, never once did you find your mind wandering out of the room he was in, so this was as unusual for you as it was for him.

“You seem distracted,” Jaebum pointed out when he’d already cleaned his plate and you were still toying with the arugula leaves on yours. “Is everything alright? What was that call about?”

“Nothing, it’s fine,” you said automatically. “I’m just thinking.”

“Not about me, I suppose?”

You raised your eyes to meet his grin and instantly felt the corners of your lips stretch into a matching smile. You looked down to get yourself together and then dared to speak, “can I ask you something? It's kind of weird.”

“Sure,” he shrugged his shoulders.

“What are the lengths you’re willing to go in order to make it as a singer?”

He hesitated as soon as he heard the question. You did warn him that it was going to be weird but he was still confused and not quite sure what you wanted to hear from him.

“What do you mean?” he asked slowly.

“I mean…" you started and then stopped abruptly. You didn't actually know what you wanted to him to tell you, either. "I mean, how far would you consider stepping out of your comfort zone to advance your career?”

Jaebum looked around the room before answering, “well, as far as I have to, I guess.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, yeah. I don’t think any achievements can be gained inside of the comfort zone," he said. "You always have to step out of what you’re used to in order to do something meaningful, but, I mean, that way your comfort zone stretches, you know? I… I wouldn’t have even considered talking about my music to anyone who wasn’t Jackson, and now I-I’m going on meetings where we do nothing but discuss my music.”

“Right," you nodded, swallowing slowly. Jaebum noticed the awkward expression on your face and was already starting to suspect that you'd expected him to answer your question differently when you changed your approach, "but, I mean, if you were given a chance to reach your goals faster, would you take it?”

He thought the answer was obvious, so he frowned. “How do you mean?”

“Let’s say you’re given the opportunity to succeed with a virtually non-existent risk of failure. Except, in order for that to happen, you have to do something that you are—that you’re not entirely comfortable with,” you explained – albeit so vaguely, Jaebum had trouble following you – while tracing the pattern of the tabletop of the kitchen island.

“If you’re asking me if I’m going to sleep with anyone to get a Grammy," Jaebum said, "then the answer is no.”

“I—okay," you laughed in surprise. "Good to know. I didn’t mean—well, I wasn’t talking about something that extreme.”

“Well, as long as I get to keep my dignity, I’d say I’d do pretty much anything.”

“Dignity,” you repeated.

“Yes. This is—it’s going to sound weird, probably, but I like to think of it as if—I’m standing on stage, accepting an award for my music, right? And I have to give a speech. Well, what do I say – am I confident enough to tell everyone the truth of how I got here, accepting this award, or am I too embarrassed to admit to the things I had to do in order to get here?" Jaebum spoke. "Basically, what I mean is, if whatever I’m considering now is going to embarrass me in the future, I’d rather not do it. Does that answer your question?”

“Yeah,” you replied, not finding the right words to tell him that he didn’t just answer the question you’d asked. He also answered all the questions you’d never even dare to ask. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” he rewarded you with another smile before pointing out, “you still look down, though.”

“I—yeah, sorry,” you shook your head, knowing there was no place for you to hide from him here. “I’m just—”

But Jaebum was reaching conclusions faster than you could explain yourself as he squinted his eyes, interrupting you, “is the gallery asking you to—do you have to do something you don’t want to do for your exhibition?”

You were afraid to keep eye contact with him all of a sudden, so you lowered your eyes and were in the middle of shaking your head when you reconsidered. What was the point of lying again when you’d just been given another perfect opening to come clean about Jiho?

“N-no—not exactly,” you said, your heart rate picking up speed. “I just have to step out of my comfort zone, like you’ve said. That’s surprisingly difficult to do.”

He nodded, understanding. “Do you want to talk about this?”

“I don’t want to bother you with—”

“Hey, no, don’t,” he cut you off again, waving his hand dismissively. “You’re not bothering me. We share a living space, so I’d say it’d be nice if we shared our mind space, too.”

You watched him for a moment, appreciating the gesture even though you’d have rather had him ignore everything you were about to say. “That was deep. Is that a new song lyric?”

“Not yet, it’s not,” Jaebum replied, immediately catching your attempt to change the topic, “but maybe it will be if you tell me what’s making you upset.”

Your entire body was buzzing – shaking – with nervous electricity. You realized you had to talk – you’d never forgive yourself for lying to him – but you still wanted to find a way to tell him the truth without revealing all of the details, even though, by definition, that wasn’t exactly the truth at all.

“I’m going to have to—there are these—I will—oh, fuck,” you shook your head, covering your face with your hands as you inhaled deeply. You appreciated Jaebum’s patience while you gathered yourself. “Okay. I’m going to have to attend these events for a little while. For promotion.”

“Okay,” Jaebum nodded. “After the exhibition?”

“No,” you said. “Before.”

He paused, the next question escaping him. Instead of inquiring further like he’d planned before, now he just waited for you to continue.

Prompted by his confused—and yet curious—face, you sighed and tried to explain, “I’ve been told it’s a prerequisite. Basically, they want my name to be somewhat known among my fellow photographers so they can, I don’t know, guarantee that my exhibition won’t send them into complete bankruptcy or something.”

“That—” Jaebum started to reply and then stopped. “Okay, actually, I don’t know if that makes sense. I don’t know how galleries usually work.”

“Well, my gallery never really provided a similar service,” you said. “But, then again, my gallery doesn’t specify in photography. The only photography exhibitions we’ve hosted were by photographers that were already relatively popular. I don’t know much about this either, to be honest, but, I guess, it does make some sense.”

“Hmm,” he nodded. “So, these events you’ll have to attend are making you uneasy?”

“Yes. More or less,” you replied, choosing to walk around the gaping hole with Jiho’s name at the bottom, instead of diving into it head-first. “I’m just not sure if that’s fair.”

“Why not?” Jaebum asked, picking up one of the arugula leaves off your plate since it was clear that you weren’t going to finish eating them. “It’s not like you’re getting any special treatment or anything. It wouldn’t be fair if they took you in and hosted your exhibition immediately.”

“That’s true,” you bit your lip. “I guess I’m just uncomfortable with the fact that I’ll have to make a name for myself as a photographer by doing things that aren’t exactly photography-related, you know?”

“Wait,” he stopped chewing. “What do you mean?”

You didn’t understand which part he was suddenly hung up on. “W-what do you mean, what do I mean?”

“These events,” Jaebum repeated, a frown on his face. “You said they’re for promotion. What do you mean, they’re not photography-related?”

Before long, the room had started to burn, your entire body seemingly catching fire. You couldn’t help glancing at your bedroom as you wished to escape.

“No, they are. They’re completely photography-related. I-I just meant that I would prefer it if I became more well-known by taking pictures,” you said, your throat drying under Jaebum’s confused—suspicious?—gaze. “And now I’m basically trying to become a socialite before I can try to become a photographer.”

“Huh,” he leaned back slightly and you weren’t sure what to make of that because, although he looked like he appreciated your explanation, he also looked like he didn’t like what he’d just heard. “Why did you agree to do this if you’re not—if you don’t want to?”

“Because this is my only shot,” you said simply.

“Oh, come on, do you genuinely believe that?” Jaebum asked, skeptical. “You’re a talented photographer, have some—”

“—confidence, yeah,” you finished for him, nodding your head along to the words you’ve heard several times already. “I keep hearing that but, the thing is, at the end of the day, it’s not really all about confidence. I could believe in myself like no other and still be none the wiser because confidence doesn’t guarantee success. It’s good to have it, but all it does is just ensures I feel less awful when, eventually, this doesn’t work out and I fall down on my ass.”

“I don’t—that’s a very negative attitude,” he pointed out the obvious because he didn’t really have any counter-arguments. Easing your mind about something you were worried about was, as he’d come to learn, unexpectedly difficult. “If you were more confident, you could become successful all on your own. You wouldn’t need any… prerequisites or whatever you want to call them.”

“I could never do it on my own,” you disagreed right away. “I mean, is that not what I’ve been trying to do this whole time, anyway? Taking pictures—”

“—and then not submitting them anywhere,” Jaebum cut in, “yeah, that’s not really it. If you believed in yourself more, you could absolutely make a name for yourself on your own terms. You could even find a different gallery, maybe one that offered you a deal that was a little more acceptable for you.”

“But no one else got back to me!” you replied, feeling your irritation grow. He’d made it seem so easy as if you’d been beating yourself up about this completely pointlessly. “I emailed, at least, a dozen galleries – and there aren’t even that many photography-oriented galleries in our country to begin with – and only one—this one—contacted me.”

“But they did contact you,” Jaebum insisted, his voice rising as well. “They saw your potential. If you’d tried again, maybe more would respond and—”

“They wouldn’t,” you cut him off, not allowing him to plant any more seeds of false hope in your mind.

“Why not? Why are you so sure that they wouldn’t?” he asked. “It’s moments like this when you need to find more confidence in yourself.”

You wanted to keep on repeating that this wasn’t the case because you firmly believed that, if you hadn’t known Jiho prior to your meeting with him at his gallery, you wouldn’t have heard from them at all. This was about connections. About popularity. About, well, money.

“The galleries don’t need artists with potential,” you said slowly, your hands at your sides now, your fists clenched. “They need artists that can make them profit. And if I’m not known, I can’t bring them money.”

“Yeah, but you can find other ways to make yourself known if you don’t feel like doing it this way.”

“I—do you know how long that’d take?”

Jaebum didn’t think that was a problem. “Well, how bad do you want this?”

“What?” you frowned.

“If you want to succeed bad enough,” he explained, “why does it matter how long it’d take?”

“Did you not just say you’d take the opportunity to jump-start your career if you could?” you asked, realizing that you were only getting so angry because, for the most part, he was right.

You did want to host your own exhibition—very much so—but the fear of never succeeding might have blinded you. Jiho’s opportunity was the only one you’ve gotten in your life and it felt like the only one you’d ever get.

“Well, yeah, but I thought we were talking about doing something that wasn’t conflicting with my morals, or whatever,” Jaebum replied. “It clearly seems like you’re uncomfortable with this, so why put yourself through it?”

Because I don’t want you to leave me behind, you wanted to tell him but held yourself back.

“Because it’s still an opportunity,” you said softly, sounding even less convincing—what were you even trying to convince him of?—than before. “An opportunity that I might not get otherwise. This gallery—it’s great. It’s fantastic, the things they’ve offered me, it’s—wow.”

“And yet, you still have doubts?” he asked.

“I guess.”

“Then maybe this gallery is not right for you.”

That sounded too simple.

“Maybe not,” you said. “But I don’t think I’ll ever find an ideal gallery, all of them are going to include some responsibilities I might be uncomfortable with. I just have to man up and pull through, I guess.”

He sighed before saying, “you guess a lot.”

“Yeah,” you shrugged, having noticed this as well. “I’ve never been in a position like this before. Obviously, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing, either,” he countered, “but I don’t look like I’m being tortured.”

Somehow, even though he probably didn’t mean it, his words were akin to a painful punch in your stomach. You must have looked like you were getting beaten up by mean bullies on the daily and that was definitely not what a person on the way to success should have looked like.

“That’s right,” you said, the expression of your face suddenly resembling a brick wall. “You don’t.”

“Look—no matter what happens, I’m here for you, okay?” Jaebum continued, more careful this time. He noticed that he must have phrased himself wrong because all light had suddenly gone out of your eyes – and there wasn’t a lot of it there in the first place. “If you decide you don’t want to work with this gallery and would rather wait for a different opportunity—”

“—then what? You’ll hold my hand like I’m a crying child on the first day of kindergarten?”

He was surprised to hear your harsh voice. “I—”

“Shit, sorry, I’m—I didn’t mean to sound so accusing,” you pulled back in your seat, bringing your hands over your face in a desperate attempt to calm yourself down.

“No, it’s okay,” Jaebum said. “I-I don’t really know what to say to help you. You’re better at this than I am. You’re the perfect balance between gentle encouragement and tough love.”

You shook your head, still hiding your face. “No, I’m not.”

“For me, you are. I’m trying to learn how to be the same for you, but, obviously, I’m not doing a very good job,” he spoke and then stopped, waiting for you to look at him. Once you did, however, he looked down. “Whatever you do, I’m here, okay? But tell me if you need me to hold your hand or if you’d rather have me push you towards something you’re not sure about.”

His words were like the quiet shelter in a raging storm that you’d been seeking and yet you didn’t dare to allow them to comfort you just yet. “What if I’m not sure about what I need?”

“Well, then let me just do this,” he stood up and walked over to wrap his arms around your waist and rest his head on your shoulder, before finishing, “and now we can stay like this until you’re sure.”

Feeling the way your heart dropped as soon as he was holding you, you allowed him to overcome your senses as you asked quietly, “what if it’s never?”

“Then we’ll stay like this until we die of starvation,” he replied, pulling away slightly, “let me just grab a chair for myself, too, yeah?”

You chuckled lightly, allowing him to break the hug and sit down next to you instead. His hands remained on you all through this.

“Thank you,” you said, then, meaning it from the bottom of your heart.

“No need,” he replied. “I didn’t do anything.”

“No, you’re here. Thank you for that.”

“I have no choice,” he said. “I live here.”

You groaned with a playful roll of your eyes. “Oh, way to ruin a moment.”

He laughed, pulling you into a hug again. “I’ve told you, I’m learning it all from you.”

Like with most things in your life, your mind tended to focus on the negative instead of sticking with the positive – and the dinner with Jiho was not an exception. You’d survived it, of course, and, if you had to be completely honest, there were even moments when you found yourself enjoying your time there – you couldn’t help but feel starstruck when you realized that you were sitting at the same table with one of the National Geographic photographers – but, at the end of the day, you could not force yourself to say that your night was great. It had its’ moments, but it was not at all great.

You’d had to sit next to Jiho the whole night – and, although that sounded like you were twelve years old and the teacher had forced you to sit next to the boy you’ve disliked more than anyone in maths class, this was not the case at all; Jiho very literally orbited you the entire night, never stepping more than three feet away from you – and, on top of that, you had to endure him cutting up the steak on your plate for you after your shaky hands had accidentally released the knife one time.

Undoubtedly, Jiho acted in an ambiguous way because he wanted the others to get interested – helping a friend out with their meal was nothing short of friendly, of course -- but, at the same time, the close proximity between you two could have easily suggested a more intimate relationship. And his actions towards you were definitely eye-catching because, at the end of the night, when the aforementioned photographer was inviting Jiho to the newest magazine release party in the city – he was, apparently, the author of the cover picture – he asked Jiho to bring you as well.

You were glad to receive an opportunity to attend an event that sounded much more official than this dinner but the fact that you’d only attend it as Jiho’s plus one still clouded your mood. You wanted to go there as a photographer. Not as the girl Jiho had cut her steak up for.

When you got back to your apartment later that night, you took your shoes off in the hall and sighed yet again – somehow, no matter how many times you exhaled, you still couldn’t seem to get rid of the nasty dust that had gathered in your lungs overnight. You were more than ready to head to bed and lose yourself in peaceful slumber where you didn’t have to worry about ruining your reputation before you even developed one, but then you noticed the creak in the door of Jaebum’s bedroom.

It was dark inside but the streelights outside of his bedroom window illuminated his bed enough for you to see his sleeping features through the gap in the door. You’d only approached to close the door so you wouldn’t wake him while you showered and prepared for bed but you stopped short once you saw him.

He was smiling in his sleep.

And just this sight alone was enough to make you smile too, forgetting whatever existential crisis you’d already braced yourself for. For a moment there, it really felt like, even if you’d return to your bedroom later and the previous anxiety and disappointment would return with you, you would make it. You’d pull through because it’d be worth it.

You’d survive anything because you believed that, one day, you’d get to wake up in the middle of the night to see Jaebum’s smiling face right next to yours – and you’d realize you’d been smiling in your sleep, too.

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like-rain-or-confetti · 5 years ago

Text

Request: Love is Not Enough Part 3

You smiled to yourself. You never thought it but now you couldn’t ignore it. This was a love story. A painful one, but a truthful one. Love wasn’t always easy. Love wasn’t always enough. It was work and your love for Alistair certainly went through the battle. It was work and pain. No tears but many moments you wish you could have, just to release some of the pain. There was anger, sorrow, disappointment and the most difficult thing came last. The ability to forgive ever single second of it. The hurdle that you usually couldn’t overcome. Each day you waited for the hurdle, knowing you’d give in and consequently, break Alistair's heart.

You hadn’t spent so much time with the Cullens as when Renesmee was born. You and Bella got along well, not to mention Renesmee loved you. It was unspoken that sooner or later you’d be leaving but Esme always somehow convinced you to stay just that little bit longer. Esme was built to be a mother. That you were sure of. Knowing of your predicament with Alistair must have made her insist that you stayed so she could keep an eye on you.

Like it was rehearsed, Alistair contacted you to tell you he was coming. It had been a few months since you had last spoken and you didn’t really know how to approach the knowledge that you’d see him in a matter of days.

Let’s be honest, the one bad thing about being a vampire...minus the essential murder, was trying to look horrendous and run down but instead looking like a super model. It doesn’t pass of the ‘im suffering’ element. That meant more effort to look a mess but the vampires genes won’t cooperate and simply just makes you look better. Even Esme complimenting your appearance as she passed. Not the look you were going for. Turns out neither human nor vampires could win the battle of getting your face and hair to cooperate.

Emmett didn't seem to notice your frustration, or he didn't care. He continued to pester you over clothes. You didn't listen to the details to busy wondering how you were going to deal with Alistair but surprisingly, Emmett's constant ranting made you snap. “Look you’ve collected more money than any human could in a life time, just get lost and by something expensive.” You swatted at him. Emmett seemed to find it funny, hands up in surrender and backing away. You huffed, ruffling your hair once again. "It'll be fine! I'm sure you two will work it out." Emmett then assured you. “Do not make me an optimist. It’s the last thing i need right now and you’ll ruin my life if you do.” You said pointedly, eyeing Emmett. “Oh come on, (Y/N)! Cheer up!” “No, my life will be forever depicted as the sad face emoji.” “What’s an emoji?” Your eyes widened a fraction. It was a new voice but you knew it well. Alistair. You turned to see both Carlisle and Alistair in the doorway. Slowly you rose to a stand, all of your emotions hitting you without notice.

After a moment of staring, you hurried to him, arms held out before hugging him tightly, so much so he staggered back slightly. He didn’t hug you back but accepted the hug, that could have been seen as a kind gesture since it was Alistair. However, you wanted to call him a particular body part and kick him in the shin. He seemed to enjoy making your reunions so awkward you would rather impale yourself than endure another minute. It made you wonder just who the hell the universe was trying to impress? Was this supposed to be funny? Surely you were being forced into this painfully awkward situation twice?

That was how things worked for a few days, both of you dancing around the subject...if dancing meant pretending it never existed. That was until the Cullen’s left for a hunt, leaving you two alone since Bella, Edward and Renesmee were already in their cottage.

You both sat beside each other silently for a moment. It’s awkward. Why is that your only word to describe every encounter with him? “Its a smiley face...a sad face specifically.” “What?” Alistair sounded irritated by the break of silence. “An emoji, you asked me a couple of days ago. Its an electronic picture of a sad face.” Alistair gave you a look of ‘who cares?’ Clearly not him. “Stop it.” “Stop what?” You furrowed your brow in confusion. “Your internal dialogue! I can see it on your face, it’s practically screaming. Stop it.” Yikes. He’s more than observant. Maybe that’s his gift. Or your face was like an open book, whichever comes first? You turned to Alistair, smiling in attempt to lighten the mood. “Do you know what the wolf nicknamed Renesmee and it’s actually stuck?” Alistair stayed quiet. “Nessie, as in the Loch Ness Monster.” It took a moment before Alistairs mouth twisted, trying not to smile. “Don’t make me laugh!” He cried out after his internal battle...which did remind you of constipation. He put his head into his hands and you couldn’t help but make a face to yourself, perhaps Alistair had lost a few screws after you left.

“Are we going to keep ignoring this?” Your eyes widened slightly. “Ignoring what?” “Us. You. Me.” He made a noise of frustration. “You are the most annoying addictive person i have ever met!” “...I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not?” “Take this seriously! This isn’t a good situation!” “Yeah, well, we aren’t a good match.” You shrugged trying to deflect where this conversation was going. Though Alistair appeared to be on a roll, and refusing to back down now. “You make me doubt myself! I’m afraid to be with you but afraid to be without you!” “That’s what happens!” You finally argued back, your own frustration with him rising to the surface. “You’re dragged out of your comfort zone! Everything changes!” “Oh because i’m sure you have it all figured out.” Alistair snapped. “No! Not even a bit!” You argued in complete exasperation. “But i don’t run from it, i face it head on or else what’s the point!? What’s the point in any of this eternal life if I know everything that will happen!?” You wished you hadn’t said it so harshly, especially in anger...but you did and you couldn’t take it back. Despite that, it felt good to get off your chest. Suddenly, Alistair grew quiet. This was it, the end was beginning. You knew it. “Tell me,” he finally spoke up, avoiding your gaze. “If we weren’t immortal, in other place, another time. Would you still choose me?” Silence filled the room, you lost the ability to look him in the face, gaze falling to the floor. “No. I wouldn’t be able to wait for you. If things were different, my love for you wouldn’t be enough and if things keeps going this way, love isn’t enough for this life either.” This was it. You had finally said it out loud. Love is not enough. Not for you and Alistair. Alistair walked away and you squeezed your eyes shut.

A few hours had passed and you were lying on the bed in the Cullen house. It had turned nightfall, the Cullen’s wouldn’t be back until mid day the next day. You immediately sensed someone close, Alistair’s scent drifting toward you. You looked over at the doorway and there he stood. Alistair was silent, staring at you for a few minutes. You blinked and immediately he had climbed on top of you, eyeing your lips, back to your eyes, to your lips and back to your eyes.. Your eyes flickered a brief moment of surprise before resorting back to your seemingly permanent look of sadness. “We aren’t doing this again, are we?” You said solemnly, Alistair hovering above you, his lips dangerously close to yours. “Shut up.” He said before pulling you up to meet his lips for a moment before breaking away. “I think i know my decision, but i don’t want to tell you here. I want to tell you outside.” He climbed off of you and you looked down, that didn’t sound good and this kiss was likely a ‘good bye forever’ one. Not to mention he always felt better outside.

Nevertheless, you went outside sitting on the porch steps, staring out into the dark forest in front of you. He soon followed standing behind you for a second before stepping down the stairs to sit beside you. You kept your gaze to the ground, trying to prepare yourself for what he’d say. After a number of minutes of silence he took your hand, just as he did all those months ago, letting your locked hands rest on your thigh. Your gaze trailed to them. “Don’t break my heart.” You felt relief rush through you, a smile growing on your face. “Only if you don’t break mine.” You responded. In the corner of your eye, you saw Alistair turn his head to look at you but you didn’t meet his gaze. He seemed to really look you over before saying his next words. “I love you too.” It sounded genuine, just as it did all those months ago. You slowly nodded, before giving him the same look you had when he had first said it. The look he’d come to know very well each time he said it, he’d be saying it for eternity after all. It was the look that said ‘I know’.

#im kinda sad this series has ended #twilight #vampire!reader #part 3 #alistair #breaking dawn covens #one shot #oneshot #request

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