#im kind of tired rn though

[mellohiizz]

could you *perhaps* draw poafa? :>

hello poafa nation!

[silverskye13]

random thought, but i had a vivid image of, if helsknight and welsknight ever saw each other without armor (or just helsknight out of his armor tbh), helsknight showing welsknight the scar tanguish gave him and saying "this was intended for you."

i don't know how in character that is, but tbh it's haunting me. maybe it's part of helsknight's revenge against welsknight or something, calling out his unknightly behavior and unhonorable conduct.

"You didn't answer my summons."

Helsknight froze. It was a quick, momentary startle, a short-circuit of normality. The moment he did it, every instinct told him to keep moving. That old command [Do something.] blared loud in the quiet surprise of his mind. So he moved his hand to pick up the brush on his table, and pretended to be unconcerned.

"I'm not a dog. You can't call me to heel," Helsknight said simply. He smirked and growled, "Though if you feel like losing some limbs, feel free to try."

Behind him, Wels shifted uncomfortably. Helsknight liked making Wels uncomfortable, he didn't handle it well. He was a creature used to comfort and ease. Inconvenience often galled him more than a sword to the throat. Different tactics for different battlefields, and this battlefield was a delicate one.

Helsknight was cleaning his arms and armor, which was one of several reasons why he hasn't leaped for a fight when Welsknight had called him to one. He was only in a tunic and breeches. It was luck he even had his boots on. He had offered to run errands with Tanguish, but Tanguish had said he was visiting his church and wanted to go on rooftops. So Helsknight stayed home, and he left his boots on. That was the other reason Helsknight hadn't answered the call: Tanguish wouldn't know where he was, and he knew Tanguish got paranoid about being left behind. Besides, Helsknight had chores he could do at home [like cleaning his arms and armor] so he stayed. Cleaning the chainmail was almost a formality. Hels was hot and dry, and he wore it often enough that the rings clattering together cleaned themselves. But sometimes he just liked putting an extra shine on things, so he took out his brush and oil and started brushing it down for any miniscule specks of rust or broken links he could find.

Wels, always keen on the times he wasn't wanted, decided now was the perfect time to show up in his living room. He stood awkwardly, waiting on Helsknight to make some aggressive movement. When none came, he cautiously stalked further into the tiny living space. His emotions were loud and uncomfortable without the distance between their respective worlds to dampen them, and they clung like smoke against Helsknight's skin. Caution at an unfamiliar space. Disgruntlement at being ignored.

[Guilt, like ash on a burn.]

"Is this... Yours?" Wels asked, glancing around.

"No, I'm just squatting in a random house. Sounded like a fun way to spend a Tuesday."

Helsknight felt the ant-bite sting of vicarious agitation and smirked. He was already getting on Wels's nerves.

[Good.]

"Couldn't build something nicer?" Wels snapped impatiently.

"I'm a fighter."

Helsknight found a place on his chainmail to brush down and got to work. The rough, grating twinge of the coarse bristles on chain made Wels wince. Helsknight always found the noise pleasant. Like scratching an itch.

"So?"

"I have better things to do than spend hours building the perfect house."

Wels scoffed and looked around the room with renewed disdain. "Where's your little devil?"

It took Helsknight a moment to place what he was asking. He sneered, a quiet bearing of teeth, and caught the flicker of red in the reflective shine of his chainmail. Wels looked pointedly away from him.

[Like ash on a burn.]

"Not feeling remorse... are we, crusader?" Helsknight asked, finding a new place to polish. The coin-drop clatter of chain, and the shrill scrape of bristles filled the silence like an accusation.

"Of course not," Wels sniffed disdainfully, still refusing to meet Helsknight's eye.

"Careful." Helsknight murmured, that red flash reflecting off his chainmail again, anger simmering. "Lying's a sin."

"Why would I feel remorse for protecting my home?"

"A crusade well fought I'm sure."

"It's not a crusade!" Wels snapped, his own anger a living thing raising hackles. "A crusader invades! A crusader fights a holy war just for the principle."

"Right. And you're fighting because--"

"Because I'm protecting Tango."

"-because it's for his own good?"

Wels didn't exactly wince, but he did still, as though he'd heard someone draw a blade from its scabbard. Helsknight might as well have unseated his sword. He had stopped scrubbing, all pretense of work falling. The need to pace, to circle, to corner, rose up in Helsknight like a waking beast.

"Interesting choice of words. Protecting." Helsknight said, his voice low, his hands still. "I was under the impression they were friends. Do you often protect Tango from the people he's begging you to spare?"

"That doesn't matter." Wels said so firmly it was almost convincing. Almost. "People are convinced they need an abusive relationship. That doesn't change the fact it's bad for them."

"So many interesting words today," Helsknight hissed. He stood like a dark tower rising, all embered fury slowly stoking. Wels didn't bother turning to face him. He could feel his intent like thunder. "Abuse. Brings to mind the image of power. I do have a question."

"I didn't come here for your stupid questions."

"No, you came here looking for a fight."

"I didn't."

"You really do need to tame that lying tongue."

"I didn't come here for a fight."

"Did it feel powerful?" Helsknight demanded, pacing a step, and loathing the tiny room for denying him the space to circle. "The voice. The command. How did it feel."

"Shut up."

"To have someone begging you not to hurt them," Helsknight continued relentlessly. "Not your stupid play fighting on your stupid little server. True, shaking, terror. Did it feel good, crusader? Just?"

"I told you to shut up!" Wels shouted, taking a threatening step forward only to find Helsknight had closed the space between them and stood looming like a rook on a tombstone.

Fear, a caged thing howling, battered against Helsknight's anger. It made Helsknight feel almost giddy, the crash of malicious schadenfreude and self-righteousness against Wels; a flickering thing of brittle will. They made a terrible ouroboros together, fear feeding anger feeding elation feeding fear. They were always like this. No matter how calm either of them tried to be, once anger kindled in one, their emotions burned until there was nothing left but fury and loathing. Helsknight had been made to cut Wels down to size.

"Do you know what that kind of fear does to people?" Helsknight demanded again, his voice so near a whisper it was smothering. They were so close together, but they made so little noise, all will and wide eyes. "What happened to mercy for the helpless, crusader?"

"He wasn't helpless," Welsknight said, trying very hard not to back down. "He stabbed me."

"And a drowning rat bites. I wouldn't call it an apex predator. Certainly I wouldn't call it a danger to you, with your full armor and sword." Helsknight bared his teeth at Wels, something like a bitter grin. "I wasn't wearing armor."

Wels looked down, where Helsknight had drawn up his tunic to reveal the new scar in his abdomen. Wels looked like he'd stopped breathing.

"This was intended for you," Helsknight said. "You should thank me."

"You're-- you're here telling me he's harmless," Wels laughed nervously. "But he almost killed you. You."

Something in Helsknight snapped, and in the moment it took him to reach for it with white knuckles and compose it again, he'd shoved Wels hard in the chest. It didn't knock his other half off his feet, but he stumbled back hard enough hit the opposite wall. Not hard enough to hurt, but certainly hard enough to warn.

"He did," Helsknight snarled, pacing forward slow steps. "That's what terror does to helpless people, crusader. It makes them bite. It makes them beg. It makes them clamor to live. You. Did. That. What did it feel like to abuse that kind of power Wels? To turn someone into a scared animal? To make someone so desperate they would almost kill a friend? Did you find your righteousness there crusader?"

Helsknight didn't know what he planned on doing. Violence was in his blood like a serpent, and he wanted it. And Wels knew he wanted it. There was the ring of drawn metal, and the silver-bright glint of an enchanted blade in a dark room. Helsknight's advance stopped at the top of Wels's sword, not close enough to hurt, but close enough to warn.

"Stop." Wels said. A command. A plea.

"I'm unarmed."

"That doesn't matter."

Helsknight smiled, and there was loathing and euphoria in it, and the wine-dark dread of Wels right on the other side of it. The knowledge of a line crossed, a battle he hadn't even realized he was fighting made forfeit.

"Fine." Helsknight said. "My blood's already been spilled once on your behalf. At least this time do it with your own sword, coward. I'll make it easy for you."

He took a step forward, and nudged the blade with a knuckle, resting the point against his scar. The metal was cold, even through his shirt, the enchantments alive and writhing so close to his skin.

"How cruel have you gotten while I wasn't there to keep you in check, crusader?"

There was a long breath of silence between them. Helsknight stood, precarious and predatory, daring Wels to kill him. And Wels stood there, and dared himself to as well. And the room was dark, lit only by red anger and blue dread, and the pale, languid flicker of enchanted steel. And neither of them breathed. And the universe watched.

A loud clatter sounded on the roof. Both knights looked up towards the ceiling, Wels in startlement, and Helsknight in resignation.

"And he stays my hand once again," Helsknight sighed.

"What--?" Wels didn't get his full question out before Helsknight moved. He knocked the sword aside and lunged forward to grab Wels's shirt. In a move that would've made Martyn proud, he dragged Wels forward into his knee, knocking the wind out of him. In the time it took Wels to collapse to the floor, Helsknight had taken his sword, and held the point beneath his other half's chin.

"Go home Wels," Helsknight said, "before I send you there the hard way."

Wels, breathless on the ground, let out half a strangled laugh. "Why don't you?"

"Because I was asked nicely not to go running off and killing you."

"Helsknight?" A loud knock sounded at the door. Tanguish's voice, a bright comfort even in spite of its concern, called to him. "Is everything okay? I thought I heard something fall."

Helsknight glared meaningfully down at Wels, who only hesitated long enough for Helsknight to draw back the sword before slipping back to his world. The moment he did, Helsknight felt his breath leave him, the great void of being left to his own thoughts and emotions. In the wake of everything that was Wels, he felt ridiculous.

[What in hels had he even been about to do? Die on someone's sword to prove a point? Idiot.]

"Helsknight? The door is locked."

"I'm coming," Helsknight called, pausing only long enough to hide Wels's sword beneath the couch, where Tanguish couldn't see it and inevitably worried about it. He checked his tunic to make sure he hadn't managed to actually stab himself [he hadn't] and went to let Tanguish inside.

[maxdoesthings]

Rest under the cut. It's cruelly ironic that this zine I worked on for this summer's Queer Game Jam was created during one of the most uncertain weeks in my life. If you'd like to support me and my work (and get me out of a tough spot) then please consider buying the zine or taking one of my emergency commission slots.

[disasterinbound]

the scene where souji chooses to be trapped by izanami in persona 4 the animation: no one is alone kind of made me start thinking of a (yosuke centered but not really) au again hooray

souji has been repeating the same year over and over again, until he realises that something is very much wrong because why does everything seem so... familiar??? yet also so different?? and then comes to a realisation of "shit i'm in a time loop"

he tries to tell the others. he manages to get chie to remember the past years, of how weird it was that she could remember some details about july yet it was only march.

chie definitely doesnt tell yukiko. but yukiko finds out because souji and chie were trying to find ways to get out of the time loop and she overhears them by accident. its easier to manage if she doesn't think too hard about it. if they all don't really think too hard about it, tbh.

so the three of them try to come up with ways to figure out how this mess started. souji knows that he has to get his juniors to remember as well, though he doesn't know exactly why. maybe its just a gut feeling.

yukiko does know she's gonna get kidnapped and put into the tv, though she doesn't remember who did it, for some odd reason.

but this is yukiko, who in the previous loop had her social link completed by souji, so her dungeon and shadow confrontation is much more easier for her to deal with cuz she remembers her growth.

it probably goes the same for the juniors as well as teddie. after teddie gets a new body and clothes (sponsored by yukiko), they try to get him to remember, but he only has fragments, unlike the rest who can generally recall the loops.

skip to 20th of march. they havent figured out whats going on. its not the murders, they've already solved the case.

until the events of the true ending happen, and souji figures out the identity of the gas station attendant.

of course its izanami whos trapped them all inside a time loop, and maybe she reveals that souji has been looping for a long time but this is the first time he's actually remembered.

and then she gives them a hint to how to stop the time loops. remember the person who was at the beginning of it all. find her son.

then she laughs, and souji wakes up in his room on the twelfth of april, 2011.

this time though, he has a clue.

wanna just note that the original loop was a bad end route when souji failed to get adachi by the end of his dungeon date. izanami appeared to yosuke (susano-o) and accepted his plea to keep his friends safe, even in a timeloop. but yosuke has to stay with her.

so she basically made yosuke disappear from everyone's memories, until souji manages to remember the timeloops.

bonus souyo: once they get all their memories of yosuke back (before they only had this feeling of someone that was missing from their group and only some small parts coming back to them as the year passes) , souji feels really guilty about forgetting yosuke.

maybe because before december, he promised yosuke to never forget him, and yet here he was, having forgotten his own boyfriend. and maybe he doesn't quite cry about it, but it certainly feels like he's about to start blaming himself. no wonder souji never felt complete and whole every loop.

he'll apologise to his partner when he gets him back.

[maaaxx]

Heartstopper Season 2 Spoilers

Heartstopper season 2 was perfect, and Alice Oseman is a cinematic and literature genius but I would like to take a few moments to draw some attention to.....

This boy right here.

(look how sweet he is omg)

I can't get over Isaacs arch in heartstopper, especially in season 2.

Ace representation is so few and far between as it is, and good representation is even more scarce, but having that sort of representation at the forefront of a show? And having it accurately depicted, and not infantilized? Showing the complexities of it? Basically unheard of. But Holy Fuck did Alice Oseman deliver.

At the end of season 2 he is just finding out what aro/asexuality is and reading up on it. He knows it exists and he knows that it applies to him. And he faced some of the difficulties of being aro/ace with James and with the isolation and feeling like he's not interesting unless he has a romantic interest, these are all very real and not commonly talked about things that people have experienced.

And oh my god was it euphoric to see on screen.

Growing up and watching all your friends have crushes and get into relationships and fawn over people and never experiencing that same thing is so isolating. Even in accepting environments and in good friend groups (as seen on the show) it always feels like your an odd one out, and outsider, etc.

So the scene where Isaac goes "I think their might be something wrong with me.", that hits home to so many people who grew up not understanding why they were different.

I've talked about on here before why labels are so important to people, and this is a perfect example of it. You can learn to accept yourself and love yourself and be completely self confident but if there's something fundamentally different about you, there's always going to be a voice in the back of your head reminding you of that. Learning a label, or a word, that represents something that you might have already accepted as something that's a character flaw, there's no word to describe it, it's so relieving. It means there are people like you who have lived to create that label, it means your not alone with it, it means you have a community.

And having this shown on tv, especially at a time like now where people are trying to cover up anything that reminds people that LGBT people exist, is going to tell so many kids that there is nothing wrong with them, and they're not defected, and they're not broken.

And Isaacs whole arch (even thought it's not completed) handled this perfectly. Because there were moments that shows that Isaac is in some ways separate from the group. They love him, but he's different, they care about him, but he doesn't have a romantic interest, so his presence isn't as acknowledged.

And I think that in Season 3 (assuming theres going to be a season 3) we're going to get to see this expanded on. We might get to see Isaac coming out to the rest of the group, and learning how to cope with not having access to something that a lot of people say is what makes people human.

Heartstopper is such an amazing show and Alice Oseman is incredible. The cast is incredible. Everything about everything about that production is incredible.

(now for another picture of my son)

[orcelito]

Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍

Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.

But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.

I do need to eat. But... later...

[dandyshucks]

everyone pray for me that i did not just give myself food poisoning (;･∀･)

[gwensy]

things in my life need to stop happening no more things i cant take anymore things

[intertexts-moving]

*jrpgs yr alpha kids*

[liquidstar]

maaannnn The Fatigue has been so bad lately i just want this day to be over so i can sleep. theres literally not anything else i could do... but i have to wait...

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[cum-allergy]

fuck man, newspaper time

[yeasty-boy]

Its late at night and the thought of death is a little more tangible so you know what they means :D

I'm a week out from my last final

I'm going to be going back home which I have a lot of feelings about. I'm going to be seeing my friends that I have back home but I know I will miss the friends I made here too (one person in particular i know I will miss the most)

It's sort of funny cause I know I'll be calling her probably every day but I know I'll miss her regardless. It's made worse by the fact that I know one of these semesters she's going to be studying abroad and will have an over 14 hour time difference. It's scary how easily she became such a fixture in my life. I keep rolling over in my head what I will say to her when I say goodbye. If there will even be one. I haven't even left yet and I miss her already just thinking about it

[luvsavos]

life kicks me in the ribs yet again: more than likely i won't be able to get all the money i need in time for the alatreon model, so. got excited for nothing :)

[orcelito]

I realized smth this morning

Ngl, I think this is tied for one of the worst summers of my fucking life lmao, rivaled only by when I was 18 and there was *waves hand* all That trauma

This kind of draining multi-hit wonder is just... yeah. Yeah.

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Hey babe are you okay? You've been listening to Pirate Radio by Jean Dawson on repeat for the last hour with no signs of stopping.