#im just. tired and pissed sorry for complaining so much lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kleinstar · 2 years ago

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how did u get into this series? 👀 what's ur fav dynamic, and your fav character (probably apart from eiden)?

ASK ME ABOUT NU:C (NOT ACCEPTING)

Let's see... I'm like half convinced I saw a picture of Edmonds really stupid uniform (sorry nuc i cant take it seriously) in twitter which is when I took notice of it but I dont think I downloaded the game then... I faintly recall being like oh he which was Olivine like 'oh he looks nice' but didn't expect to really get into the game at all but boom Eiden drew me in pretty much immediately lol. Liked him from the start. Storywise speaking i think first chapter that i liked a lot was kuya's but i think the story didn't grab me until Garu's weirdly enough bc the dude's my least fave lol, Dante's chapter even more though.

Faves....Aside Eiden, Rei was just introduced but he's already a fave of mine, the pretty aloof personality (for now! he only met Eiden) paired with obvious underlying issues (reasons still a mystery) that he's got. Has a bit complicated relationship with sex where he seems to treat it more as a tool to achieve goals (get magical items etc, study essense... ) than something fun (to the point where he'll even go through unpleasant stuff for it) where its easy to see how Eiden will fit into that ! He's like this ....researcher type but his personality is very different from the usual archetype s so it's interesting for sure - ALSO FATHER IS REALLY CUTE It's still pretty interesting to see how it'll develop, I'm glad the main story's taking it's time with him bc i think nuc does a bit better when it slows things down rather than crams it up into one thing for sure. 'I've seen people complain about nothing happening these chapters but its like...time, atmosphere settling, wish the game did this more often. It doesn't work with events bc limited story space and all. His intimacy stories also expand on him pretty nice.

Kuya is other fave because apparently i like resident bastards but yeah, mr-im bored bc long life which is also why it's hard to open up. Youkai and humans also have a difficult relationship, have had for a long time so Eiden's attempts in patching things up piss him off a lot but also bring him that element of surprise he so enjoys when things dont go the way he expects - hope makes it painful when it goes wrong after all. I also like his dynamic with Eiden a lot - which is really just Eiden kinda trying to please him with best of his efforts. He finds it amusing ofc and with recent developments he even seems to like it when eiden just does his own thing - not that he'd admit - eiden 'owes' him so much now since he's let him close. He calls him a toy, it's amusing how he tries so much and brings so many surprises right.... It's cute dynamic.

Those two are pretty much faves but dynamicwise close come Dante, Quincy Olivine and Blade tho! I'm not running introduction on them though.

Dynamicswise... With Dante it's that fun bickering with Eiden but also the differences that flare things up, finding bridge between them and so on, I love his Kleinmas event intimacy story a lot. Also Olivine's got that fun serene horny vibes but also really calm, cute and sincere moments that also feel really fresh, I also love how he's just " : )" when eiden just horny stuff. It's actually cute.

Quincy too though, similar as with Kuya but also differently he's grown tired of the long life he's had but Eiden's opened him up and stuff. Also different (but not completely different) to kuya he likes when Eiden does his own thing, likes it when he's selfish too which balances out great since Eiden's very people pleaser type so that nice chill moments just work out very cute too.

I also like Eiden's dynamics with morvay though lmao fellow hornies exchanging tips with each other and stuff, it's fun.

#schleckermaul #I HAVE A LOT FEELINGS hard to cram up things in one

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brilliantfantasticgeronimo · 3 years ago

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i didn't liveblog the latest episode so let’s get that out of the way so we’re ready for the finale

warning: long and 90% of it is complaining.

william using “bromance” unironically....... rolls my eyes 2 infinity

im so tired of nxyly and lex my god. way to ruin nxyly for me, show. “haha cutesy shipper names” shut up writers cheesy shippers are half your audience.

i love the hypocrisy of kara’s “seize the day” speech to alex meanwhile she won’t allow herself to have fun this whole season except when she’s with lena AND she quit her dream job bc of superheroing. . . .. . the bottle calling he kettle black....

/unpopular opinion but andrea was right lskdjf who tf cares about lex luthors privacy my god. “it’s unethical!” shut up william you have no spine. i bet the guy didn't approve of wikileaks or the pananma papers either.

“you are just as bad as lex” SHUT UP YOU CENTRIST PIECE OF SHIT OH MY GOD. how in the world is andrea and her gossip as bad as a genocidal maniac with super intelligence that wants to end the world every sunday what the fuckkk. get some fucking perspective. dslkfjklsd

sorry guys but this guys did not win my heart even now. staz gave his best but there’s no way to salvage this character.

also this is such a rehash after the leviathan plot lol i can’t believe we wasted so much time on an andrea redemption arc............. literally who the fuck cares

sorry, im pissed today.

“if he is in love there’s no telling what he’ll do for nyxly” you would know about that ms kara “for a friend like you there are no boundaries!” danvers huh

this timeline plot is so confusing. how is them not stopping lex and nxly now not causing... a paradox....sigh... whatever... don't think about it i gues dlksjf

ok but it was always obvious they could get another totem lol mxy said there was a set in every single planet and everyone in this show can travel to other planets like it’s the bar on the next street.... it was always a shortsighted plan idk what they are surprised about. they did not pay attention to myx’s explenation.

oh never mind is not even that is that “they can’t be destroyed”. how convenient that they make up new rules for how these things work every eisode!

the effect of them flying around the dreamscape was a nice visual i don’t care about lex and his emotions i don't care i don’t caaare

so much exposition i’m tired

esme baby

hehe “quirrel”

i’m so happy this show is over tonight. freedom at last.

why is brainny going back now this is so dumb and obviously done to up he stakes there was no foreshadow for this i hate this

why doe brainny “have” to do this.,, is he the only member of his species.

jesse makin diamonds out of this carbon script

this is such a fabricated conflict lol i hate this show

i still think they should have gotten oliver to do these totem voice overs. wasted opportunity.

i’m tired of nxly. way to suck the fun out of a villain. too much damn emotions i wanted HIJINKCS.

“hey bud!” SHE’S SO CUTE lol alex got so defensive shut up alex she was just making a suggestion “it’s not dangerous to be an alien anymore” sure. of course. i mean esme did not face any troubles at all right. i mean you are an alien so you would know right alex?

i get what they are doing with this kind of “trans kids deserve to be themselves” allegory but the way they do it is so stupid. having powers is not like being tranns esme is a little bb with no sense of morality developed yet nor control of her emotions. if she hurts another kid with her powers it is going to be a huge thing and her parents will (rightly) be accused of being iresponsible.

unpopular opinion but alex is an asshole and i never really liked her. shut up you military dog god. you are not the perfect parent the show wants us to think you are.

“you are going back to the future” i wish i was watching that right now.

this drama is so frabicatedddd ddd ughhhhhhhh WHO CARES ABOUT LEX AND NXYLYS LOVE STORY THIS IS THE SECOND TO LAST EPISOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODE *fumes

*abed nadir voice* i remember when this show was about supergirl

hehe lena and andrea’s skype call

who cares about why andrea did if it turns the public’s opinions against lex. i’m so tired of this show and it’s centrist bs i can’t believe i put up with it for 6 years

kara didn’t even suggest hiding esme’s IDENTITY she suggested CONTROLLING HER POWERS

again i get this is like a trans allegory but what it really feels like to me is like a transmed argument that “oh no we cant give kids medication it will suppress their NATURAL SELVESSS wah wah wah”. like that forest episode on that season of doctor who. let people get medicated if they need it for the love of god. this conversation is so blalantly made to make us like william before he dies. im onto u show.

nice job adding william’s indian background at the eleventh hour when it will no longer be relevant!!! you are so progressive show!!! wow have a cookie!!! wow!!!!!

THEY ARE SO STUPID. IT’S OBVIOUSLY THE TOTEM. THE TOTEM IS A ROSE YOU WERE JUST TOLD TOTEMS CAN’T DISAPPEAR AND THE TOTEM DISAPPEARED. WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO DUMB. WHY ARE THESE SUPER-GENIUS CHARACTERS SO INCAPABLE OF CONNECTING THE DOTS.

the suits look cool

also lol no them having kara in her own luher suit paralleling lex. a sacanagem desta serie meu deus do ceu.

I like mitch fight me.

all these suits got me in the mood to play metroid prime (another activity that is better than watching supergirl lol)

at least the animators work hard.

esmas zebra plushiesss <3 WHY IS WILLIAM HERE WHY IS HE INVITED TO THE PARTY. YOU WERE JUST SUPPOSED TO SHADOW IN THE SUPERFRIENDS WORK NOT THEIR PERSONAL LIVES.

“I’m sorry too” you are not forgiven, alex.

lol them doing this superhero identities vs queer people in the closet parallel more explicitly than ever... oh, show...

nxylys i’m tired of being alone... paralleling karas i don’t want to be alone anymore... amazing.

i love nxylx’s lapels. peak style.

the way lex interrumpted the kiss makes me think he is manipulating her

lena’s and brainny’s yearning looks... interesting cinematographic choices.

kara you huge-ass pansexual dork

everyone is looking quite fly at this party

if they don’t find a way for brainny to stay in the present i’m gonna be so pissed lol

like it-s not like they couldn’t have done this tragic twist. that’s not the problem. the problem is leaving a twist like this for the second to last episode with no build up previous and also not justifying the merging with big brain with anything but words / empty exposition. it’s such empty drama.

heh, great brittish bake off mention. lol them traumatizing super-hearing esme with this death. way to go show.

the tower’s security system vs star labs security system who wins in a fight

am i supposed to believe there-s no alarm system in the tower...like some kind of red button william could have pressed.... some big bat signal... anything.unpopular opinion but william not calling for help was so selfish of and shortsighted. dude you have superhero friends that were looking for lex and could have gotten there in less than a second (superspeed). he wanted the glory of being a martyr. i do not feel sorry for this guy sorry fandom.

alex and kelly never showed a picture of nxylx_ their biggest enemy_ this show really thinks we are idiots...

i wish he HAD leaked his journals that would give this scene more power.

fandom> “pls dont make this last season about lex” show> “we’re gonna give lex the most screentime ever and also a vulnerable love story!”

lmao william is so vindictive he used his last words as a fuck you to andrea. rip mary i guess. how can people like this character

how convenient they only connected the re: the totem until it was too late.

and now alex was proven right and kara wrong that they shouldn’t have gotten a day off lol

people were right this is one of the worst episodes in the series lol

#supergirl #JUST ONE MORE TO GO #AND WE'LL FINALLY BE FREE #fandom wank #negative #i rolled my eyes so much this time

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angelhummel · 4 years ago

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who are your least fave characters besides brittany? also this account is starting to make me hate brittany?? which is a good thing! i used to love her but like shes low key selfish and kinda rude. one thing that pisses me off about her is how she always says "thats bullying and i wont tolerate it" but then she doesnt do anything when she actually sees bullying?? also im still mad that she won class president when kurt deserved it so much more then she did. sorry for the mini rant lol

Okay you guys know you don’t have to apologize for ranting, you know I love to hear it xD Also omg my influence, sowing the seeds of my Brittany hate throughout the fandom and watching them grow. Amazing. Also yeah Kurt losing the election was literally for nothing and that was just one of many infuriating parts of s3 for me

But for real tho like the writers are the ones letting her get away with all kinds of shit that no one else can. Well I mean, Santana and Sue can. That’s about it. Honestly I think when Rachel makes a racist comment it’s kind of partly like “oh she shouldn’t have said that” even tho it’s still mostly played like a joke. Sue or Santana say something racist and it’s just part of them being sAvAgE like there’s no self awareness from anyone. And if Brittany says something racist it’s like “ohh that brittany. so cute and clueless wocka wocka” like it’s just a big joke

I mean like Blaine gets beaten up and it’s the most traumatic moment of his life but if Brittany beats up JBI then it’s played for laughs and the other characters are literally like “oh he deserves it” like ok let’s go double standards. I mean not that JBI is anything other than a punching bag in the first place but still

Oh but to answer your original question that I almost forgot about bc i got so distracted by complaining about Brittany. She’s the worst but my other bottom character is Finn. And then there’s Will. He’s just so damn stupid and literally the worst teacher. And Sue. She has some funny moments and good scenes but her character got so stale after about s2 and she just got more and more cringe and it’s like why are you doing this to Jane Lynch what did she do to you. Also, the aforementioned racism.

I don’t like Rory. He’s another black spot on s3. Didn’t like Ryder for that one episode where he was transphobic, but he got better. I actually don’t like Jesse that much, I don’t know why so many people do. Aaand I’m kind of starting to dislike Mike and Quinn lmao. Purely bc of the fandom. Like I’m so tired of “king” this and “queen” that and “least appreciated” “most overlooked” “most underrated” “deserved better” like people have talked so much about how underrated they are, that it makes me feel like they’re now overrated xD If that makes sense. But those are all minor in comparison to the Big Four listed above

#glee #anti brittany pierce #anti finn hudson #anti will schuester #anti sue sylvester #anti sue #anti will #anti finn #anti brittany #asks #answered #ive gone into detail before about why i dont like finn #you can pretty much guess it im sure #i didnt wanna dish it out again here #Anonymous

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transrightsjimin · 4 years ago

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honestly class consciousness is one hell of a ride bc i didnt think abt it much until more recent years. i told my friend as a kid we were poor nd my mom got so pissed at that, nd i mean shes right that we rly werent as bad off as it could be, the family is just working class. but when you suddenly realize youre not on equal footing w middle class ppl, or ppl like my uncle who is one of the very rare few who started working class and not highly educated nd ended up becoming a millionaire in the US (im still coming for his wallet istg), its suddenly all... oh wait there are ppl whose reality is not this full of hurt and few opportunities.

like, being in a university in one of the most diverse cities in the country nd still having so few poc on it and most poc u meet are international students, and having heard some posh classmates talk abt studying "just like our parents" like it's the most evident thing in the world (while im the only person in the family that did college level, nvm university, and family was super proud, it's not a given to us that you do this!), hearing classmates claim that poverty and class are not really relevant for the netherlands anymore bc you now have the nouveau riche and art is less elitist now, so apparently class is less of a thing?? nd university is just such a wakeup call or a slap in the face bc my primary school was called ghetto, my high school was called ghetto, but then my art college prided itself on being very "diverse" while i had never seen this many white students in one place, and it's even worse for my university.

shit like my brother being in prison all the time when i was younger, my best friend when i was 4 having to move away bc her mom ODed on drugs, living next to a house that had 5 weed plantations in it over the years nd our greek neighbours even got pulled into that mess bc they needed money, living across a 'coffee house' tht stored rifles in it, someone across the street setting his house (and thus half the street bc dutch homes are often connected as one row) on fire, my dad working 50 hours a week as a parcel deliverer bc w less hours he doesnt earn enough, even if the fucking job means carrying 80 kilo boxes up stairs and other bullshit, his stress leading to two TIAs (strokes), my mom being super disabled by many physical impairments nd illness nd still not being granted help in the household bc she had a 'healthy daughter and boyfriend' nd also her being left w/o an income for 2 years, practically every high school friend's mom being disabled in some way, then at my mail delivery job where my coworkers complain abt another deliverer bc it took her 3 months to get back to work again nd they called her ‘lazy‘ for not working immediately despite having multiple illnesses and disabilities bc, and i quote, my colleague said “i’m in my sixties and have arthritis and i’m working too“ dude :// hes literally the person my other colleagues say has had it hard and needs a break, and then those coworkers too need a break nd have disabilities nd are nearing pension age and still doing this work while trying to do household work and all that stuff at the same time. my mom said my cousin’s job (in construction; scaffolder) pays “really good“ (i wonder if its really that much bc it’s apparently around €1700-2700 on average) but that he already gets bad physical complaints from it while hes young nd formerly rly fit and might need to quit soon and then figure something out like studying for something else if possible.

the neighbourhood i used to live in as a baby was ‘too criminal‘ according to my parents so then they moved out to the town next to it into a neighbourhood that was eventually labelled among the top ranked ‘criminal‘ neighbourhoods of the country nd now i live in rotterdam south which is basically seen in the same way bc again, more poverty, more families with migration backgrounds etc. it’s like, you can never escape this negative image unless the whole bunch is gentrified or smth stupid and the poor are pushed to live elsewhere again. and just the whole thing of being at home, being at school, being at work, it’s such a trip bc university is so fucking different to me nd u see all these people there who are quite confident in getting good jobs nd u have business students with rich parents who are already some stupid fucking greenwashing entrepreneur aiming to become a CEO, nd even though ppl at my study w all these artsy ppl, they are generally not upper class, most still seem to be so used to the safety of being middle class and make these huge statements about poverty not really being a thing here.

nd then the whole stress nd anxiety tht my parents passed onto me, partially bc of their trauma nd them being fed up w my ‘laziness’ (executive dysfunction nd burnout lol), partially bc they believe strongly in this workers’ ethic thats strongly in line with capitalism (even if my mom used to be part of a socialist party nd still adheres to many of those ideas) but also with this calvinistic and Rotterdam ( / Rijnmond area) ideology that you need to work hard for the entirety of your life in order to be a decent person, so not so much for an economic payoff or ‘success‘; you just have to work hard. my parents always told me ‘you can rest when you’re dead‘ every single time i mentioned or even implied i was a bit tired and it was frustrating to hear. this mentality is what lead to my dad practically getting two strokes, and to my mom overworking herself nd being taken away by an ambulance on my birthday party, it’s the whole fucking reason i do not like the prospect of work bc it is just so associated w something awful you need to get done and that you need to exhaust yourself on it until you hopefully get pension money, if the govt hopefully doesnt raise the pension age even further than 67. and then you see ppl in uni talk abt fun future “careers” like what the fuck are you talking about? how are you gonna get a job in the arts and culture field in this pandemic? im already happy if im able to find a job and dont have to quit due to disability or a chronic illness that runs in both sides of my family. im sorry im being so negative but im stressed about jobs and i think i went on a tangent today all bc i saw one post abt being scared of PE classes nd my mind went to bad places. this is ok to rb or reply to btw, as long as youre a mutual

#i rly dont mean to whine or anything but its just wild how normalized this shit is #i hate capitalism i rly hate it dude #rambles

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rainywritingsx · 6 years ago

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i saw you on a diff blog so i thought i would ask for a scenario of (kaminari, bakugou, kirishima) talking abt how fem!reader can be annoying sometimes & they overhear and their feelings are hurt so when they confront the boys teary-eyed, the boys make it up to them by letting them paint their nails and doing face masks! :D

Thank you so much for this request anon, I absolutely love the idea lmao. The 1-A girls should just do a whole skincare routine for the boys, imagine that lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this! I did my best trying to write everything as good as I could, and if it’s a bit out of character I’m sorry. Feel free to give me feedback! xxx

Kaminari Denki

He was just being an airhead like he’d often be and he did not even for a second realise that his girlfriend was actually in the room next door and that the door was wide open, so she was able to hear every part of the conversation he was having.

“She’s sweet and all, but she’s so annoying sometimes.” He complained to his friend, Ashido. She just nodded slowly, not really knowing what to say. Kaminari leaned backwards to lie down in his bed and looked up at the ceiling.

“Like I know we’re a couple but she always wants to do hang out with me after school and she always texts me.” He groaned which made his companion frown slightly. Sure, couples have their ups and downs and all but she didn’t think he should tell her this.

“Denki, I don’t think you should just say stuff like that..” she said to him.

Both of them had no idea that y/n could overhear every word of their conversation. So there she was, in her room, with tearful eyes as she tried to process the things her boyfriend had said about her, trying to understand his complaints.

Was she really that annoying? Why didn’t he tell her if she really was? Did he not trust her enough? Did he think she wouldn’t take it into consideration?

She stopped thinking when she heard her boyfriend say goodbye to Ashido. Maybe she should confront him about this... that would be the best thing to do, right? They could just talk it out. She slowly got up and took a deep, slow breath before walking to the room next door. The door was open so she didn’t even bother knocking.

“D-denki?” The blond haired boy smiled when he heard her voice, but soon his face changed into a frown upon seeing her teary eyes and pouting lips. He got up and walked over to you.

“Hey, what happened?” He asked, gently resting his hands on her waist. She told him about what she had heard and his eyes widened. Before she knew it, a billion apologies and hugs were thrown at her and she chuckled softly.

“You know I can be really stupid sometimes... will you forgive me? I’ll do anything!” He said. At first she just poured, but then her face changed into a small smirk.

“Anything?” She asked him sweetly, hiding her hands behind her back. He just nodded, making her giggle.

“I didn’t think you meant this.” He whined as he looked at his girlfriend’s concentrated face.

“Stop moving! You don’t want your nails to look ugly, do you?” She just said as she held his hand a little tighter.

“Just don’t tell my friends about this.” He mumbled, making y/n laugh softly.

“Its not that bad. Taking care of yourself is normal, soon your skin will shine even brighter like a cool hero!” She said as she finished painting his pinky finger.

“And?” She said as she showed him his fingers. Y/n had decided to paint them yellow and make small black lightning bolts to decorate them. The face mask he was wearing was a pickachu sheet mask (probably doesn’t exist but let’s pretend it does).

“You look lovely!” She said happily as she clasped her hands together and nodded in satisfaction. Kaminari just sighed softly.

“The sheet mask isn’t that bad actually.” He muttered, making her smile softly.

“So, am I forgiven now?” He asked his girlfriend. She pretended to think deeply for a while before looking back at him and nodding, a smile plastered on her face.

“Totally. But don’t you ever dare say stuff like that before talking to me. I want you to be honest with me.” He nodded softly.

“It was stupid and I didn’t even mean it. You know im an airhead.” She softly hit the back of his head.

“That doesn’t mean you can just say stuff like that.” She chuckled.

“I know I know, I’m sorry babe, it won’t happen again!” He smiled brightly, making y/n’s heart melt. Who could ever be angry at this sweet guy?

Bakugou Katsuki

Surprisingly to some people, Bakugo was often really nice to y/n, even in public. Yes, he still had his bad days sometimes but he had a super soft spot for her. Now this didn’t mean his personality took a whole turn but his gestures always clearly showed he cared about his girlfriend a lot.

But sadly, today was one of those bad days. He was talking to Kirishima and basically all he did was rant and complain about anything that was on his mind.

At one point, the subject he was ranting nonsense about was his girlfriend, and Kirishima just let him be since he knew he didn’t mean any of his words and she wouldn’t hear it, since she was hanging out with some of her friends.

Or that’s what they thought.

It turned out that some girls weren’t feeling well- uraraka had trained way too much yesterday and seemed like she could throw up any second, Yaoyorozu had tried making a meal which wasn’t exactly the best, so the girls decided to go to their own homes and meet up when everyone’s health was better.

So the two guys didn’t know that Mistuki let in y/n. At first she didn’t really know what they were talking about, but she could sense that her boyfriend was in a bad mood. She took off her shoes and hung her coat on the hanger and slowly walked up the stairs to his room. She froze however, when she heard her name slip past his name a few times, along with some big complaints.

Now she was aware that her boyfriend was a hothead, but that didn’t give him an excuse to be like that to her. Sure, he had days where he was just angry but he’d never ever insult his girlfriend. She slowly started tearing up but tried to stay strong by clenching her hands into fists.

At first she thought of just leaving him alone for now until Kirishima left, but she didn’t want to do that. A soft sigh escaped her lips before she knocked on their door. She didn’t even bother saying who it was and opened the door.

“Mom I told you-“ Bakugo stopped when he saw you standing in the doorway, eyes glossy with tears. He gasped softly and immediately put two and two together. Kirishima smiled at you awkwardly and slowly got up.

“I should go... uhm.. yeah... talk to you tomorrow Bakugo.” Before he left he quickly muttered something about his friend’s actions not being manly.

“Y/n..” was all he said. His girlfriend sighed softly and sat down in his bed, next to him. Panic took over him as he saw the first tear roll down your cheek.

“Okay okay don’t cry.” He said and sighed softly. “I didn’t mean it... i was just pissed today because of that half and half bastard...” he stopped when he didn’t hear you say a word. I’ll tell you what, we can do whatever you want to do alright?”

“Can it be anything?” She asked hopefully, and although Bakugo could sense that y/n was planning something he wouldn’t like at all, he nodded.

“I didn’t think you meant this.” Bakugo grumbled as you continued to apply pink nail polish on his thumbnail. You giggled and looked at him.

“You look lovely and the mask is good for your skin! Maybe I should also do your hair like Best Jeanist did..”

“WHAT?!” He exclaimed making y/n laugh loudly. After a small silence Bakugo spoke up.

“Are we good now?” She chuckled and nodded

“Yes but if you do shit like that again I swear to god I’ll kick your ass to Jupiter.” Bakugo smirked and nodded.

“I’d like to see you try.” He replied cockily, making her roll her eyes.

“I’m serious, Katsuki. Don’t do it again.” The girl said as she looked him dead in the eye. “Just talk to me next time instead of complaining to Kirishima.” He nodded and suddenly pulled her closer before kissing her deeply. Y/n knew Bakugo wasn’t the best with words and this was his way of apologising. Yes he had become a lot softer for her but there were still some things he should work at.

“You’re forgiven.” Y/n spoke softly when the blond haired guy pulled away. He smiled and then looked at her face in confusion before laughing loudly. The girl frowned at his reaction.

“What?” She put her hands on her face and then stopped when she realised part of the liquid of the face mask was on her face. She sighed softly and then grabbed the jar which contained the liquid and smirked at her boyfriend.

“Ah, I think you need some more. Or if it doesn’t work we should do it again...”

“WHAT?!”

Kirishima Eijiro

He had a long day at UA. He lost in a training battle, got a low score on his English test and he just wasn’t feeling great. His girlfriend, y/n, had noticed his mood but didn’t think too much of it, since Kirishima often had his bad days but got over it and kept his temper.

Today was different. He was talking to his friends during lunch and kept ranting about everything that happened that day. Little did they know his girlfriend was just walking by when he started talking about her.

As his friends all silently ate their food-bakugo hadn’t arrived yet, hence the silence, as the irritated redhead complained about anything, not even bothering to think about his words.

“-and don’t even get me started on y/n! That woman literally drives me insane! She’s so annoying, I want to feel like a man for once but that won’t happen if she continues babying me!” A soft frown appeared on y/n’s face as these words hit her like stone bricks. Was this really how he felt about her? Why didn’t Kirishima just tell her if it bothered him this much?

“Sometimes I don’t even know why I asked her out, ah... every second of the day she asks me how I am, if I’ve eaten, how this went how that went- it’s tiring!”

“I think it’s more tiring for her.” Ashido mumbled as she dragged her fork through her food, annoyed by her friend’s attitude.

As the conversation went on, y/n stood in silence, reflecting on everything she did and how she acted around her boyfriend. Was it that bad?

But why didn’t he tell her? If he was all about being manly, he should’ve manned up and told her right?

She needed answers because this wasn’t like him at all. This wasn’t the kirishima she knew. So she took a deep breath and put her plate down on the table where he was sitting. The force caused a loud sound which made Kirishima whip his head around. He was about to go off when he saw his lover’s tearful eyes piercing into his own.

“Y-y/n...” she didn’t utter a word as she suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled him with her to a more private place. She did not want to cause a scene in the middle of the school.

“What was that for?” She said in a shaky voice. Kirishima sighed softly, looking down in shame. He knew exactly what she meant by ‘that’ and he felt bad. Seeing her made him realise how dumb his words are. He was just being an idiot and didn’t think about his words.

“I’m sorry.. it’s just- I had a horrible day and I took it out on everything and everyone, b-but I know that it isn’t an excuse for it.” She huffed and crossed her arms against her chest, eyebrows furrowed in anger as her lips were formed in a small pout. Usually he’d find her adorable but knowing that she was angry, Kirishima decided to keep his mouth shut.

“Okay, will this make up for it? We can do whatever you want for the whole day and I won’t complain, I promise. I don’t care what it is, even if it’s not manly I’ll do it.”

“Okay, lets go to my house after school.”

“Does that mean I’m forgiven?”

“Just do as I say.” She said before turning around and leaving. Kirishima chuckled as he shook his head.

Okay, when Kirishima told y/n they could do anything, he didn’t think they’d do this.

“You okay babe?” Y/n asked her boyfriend teasingly as she continued to decorate her boyfriend’s white nails with pink flowers. He was about to talk when she stopped him.

“Don’t talk. You aren’t supposed to talk with this face mask on, or it won’t work!” She said as she held up a finger against his lips. He sighed and poured childishly, making y/n giggle softly.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about this unmanly thing.” She chuckled and tried to hold in her laugh when she saw his facial expression relax immediately.

“But you know, if I made these flowers red you’d look good with them. And a real man has great skin.” She teased, meaning it as a joke but Kirishima actually agreed, which he showed by nodding. He then looked at her with puppy dog eyes as if to ask if he was forgiven. She smiled and pecked his lips quickly.

“Of course you are. But if you ever talk like that about me again I will not hesitate to tell everyone about this.” Kirishima nodded quickly at this before y/n continued decorating her boyfriend’s nails. He’d never admit it, but he actually quite liked this. The face mask was nice and the nails wouldn’t be too bad if they were more masculine colours. But of course he would never say that to y/n, or she wouldn’t leave him alone. He was just glad that his girlfriend forgave him, because losing her was one of the last things he wanted.

#kaminari #kaminari denki #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bakugo #katsuki bakugou #bakugo scenario #bakugo x reader #kaminari x reader #kirishima #kirishima eijirou #bnha scenario #bnha kirishima #bnha bakugou #bnha kaminari #kirishima x reader

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ohshcwrites · 6 years ago

Text

Maybe it’s cuz I’m wearing your cologne (Kyoya x reader)

So, I hope this is good lol. I redid this like 10 times and im still not ‘happy’ with the outcome. Requests are open!

“Hey. Hey, (y/n)? Wake up, we’re going to be late for school.” Kyoya’s voice brought (y/n) to her senses. Shooting up straight in a hurry made the two bump heads.

“Oh crap, That's going to leave a bruise. Sorry babe.” (y/n) rubbed the growing red spot on her forehead, while using her other hand to run Kyoya’s growing bump.

“You're even clumsy when you just wake up.” Chuckling lowly, Kyoka pulled (y/n) into his chest. “We leave for school in 10 minutes, I have an extra toothbrush in the bathroom.” nodding (y/n) gave Kyoya a small kiss and ran to his bathroom.

Once she finished brushing her hair, teeth, and she washed her face she called out to Kyoya. “Hey, babe?”

Looking up from his solid black notebook he grabbed his and (y/n)’s school bags. “What is it?” It wasn’t normal annoyed voice, this one had a bit of caring undertone to it.

“You wouldn’t happen to have another uniform dress, would you?” Her (s/c) face popped out with her natural (wavy, straight, poofy, etc) hair swinging behind her.

“Kyoya’s mouth turned up at the sight. What turned into an accidental sleepover was probably the best thing that had happened to him in a while. “Now tell me, sweetheart. Have you ever seen me wear a dress to school?”

A bright smile came from (y/n). The exact opposite of what Kyoya that would happen. “Y’know, Haruhi and I were talking and she told me about how the whole host club cross-dressed just to stop her from moving schools.” (y/n) let out a mocking laugh going back into the bathroom to try to fix the wrinkles in her long yellow dress.

With a sour face, Kyoya looked at his watch, “Time to go, I need to have a talk with Haruhi. I got your bag.”

“Huh? Wait, I didn’t shower today! Or get my contact solution! Do you have any perfume I can use.” Sighing Kyoya took her chunky black glasses out of her bag so she could see. (y/n) hated her glasses, she thought it made her face look weird. But on the opposite side, Kyoya loved seeing her wearing glasses. No real reason, he just loved every part of her.

“(y/n), look me in the eyes and tell me if you really think I have perfume.” Kyoya’s sarcastic voice made (y/n) blush as she acknowledged her mistake.

“Okay, at least let me use your cologne. I don’t want any chance of me smelling rank at school.” rolling his eyes Kyoyawalked over to his dresser and grabbed his cologne.

“It’s strong, just use-” too late, (y/n) sprayed one squirt on her neck and one on her wrist rubbing her two wrists together. (y/n) was used to the weak smelling perfume that never lasted for a minute. “One.”

“Ugh. come on, I just want this day to be over.” (y/n) grabbed Kyoya’s hand and pulled him out of his room.

A fond smile found its way onto Koyay’s lips. The saying opposites attract seemed to be true in this situation, and surprisingly Kyoya didn’t mind at all.

Fast walking down the extravagant stairway, the couple came face to face with Kyoya’s father.

“Hello, Sir.” A polite smile spread across (y/n)’s face. “I apologize for staying over without your permission. Kyoya was helping me study, since he is one of the smartest people I know, and I fell asleep.”

“Don’t worry. Your company is always welcome here.” That was the biggest compliment in the world, well at least to (y/n). She was glad that one of their dads approved of their relationship. Yes, (y/n)’s mom knows and she accepts it with a full heart, but her father was a different story.

“Thank you, Sir. If you would excuse us, we’re running late to school so we best be going. Thank you once again, and for raising such a smart and wonderful son!” With a blush on her face and a red tint on Kyoya’s, they were out of the house and settled into one of the Ootori’s limousine.

“You look beautiful, darling.” Kyoya pulled (y/n) by her waist and kissed her forehead.

“You think so? I’m bare faces, my hair is a mess, and I'm wearing my glasses, plus I didn’t get to shower.” (y/n) whined leaning into Kyoya’s uniform blazer.

“I believe you're gorgeous no matter what you wear.” (y/n) ‘aww’ed and gave Kyoya a lengthy kiss.

“What are we going to tell people when they see us leaving the same car?”

A bit of background information; (y/n)’s father doesn't approve of her dating Kyoya. Why? Well, the (l/n) business was doing much better than the Oortori’s own. (y/n)’s father's plan- not her mothers; she hated it- was for (y/n) to marry up in the business food chain, so to speak. On the other hand, Kyoya’s father was as proud as he could be towards his third son. A marriage between the two families would be a huge deal for the Ootori business.

“Would it be so bad to have our relationship go public?” Of course, Kyoya had his doubts about what people would do and say, most of all how Mr. (l/n) would react.

“You should be worried about the host club. It’s one of the ways you want to show your father you can run your family's company. I’d be happy if we would go on dates outside of your house, but I love the close intimate moments that being alone provided. And with my father, I’d deal with whatever he says or does because I love you that much. I’m not going to leave you, well unless you get tired of me.” sliding her smooth, (s/c) hands to his cheeks making sure she conveys her true feelings to him.

Kyoya moves his face away from her hands and gave a small hum, showing he was deep in thought.

“Well, it looks like we're here. (y/n) go ahead and get out now, ill have the driver pull around.” A cold smile was stuck on his lips, disappointed that (y/n) would want to continue to hide their 7th-month relationship.

“Kyoya Ootori, I love you! And only you. Don’t you dare doubt that for even a second! I just like you being alive rather than dead. If you were dead then I would kiss you,” With a sweet lingering kiss, (y/n) took her to leave and walked up to her friends as the sleek black limo pulled away.

--------

“Hey, (y/n)! You're late today. Come on we have class in 10.” another second year, Mina, said as she linked arms with (y/n).

“Wait for me!” A giggling Keia

“Hey, do you smell that?” Keia walked closer to (y/n), smelling the air as she went. “Why do you smell like cologne?” Keia asked with a smirk on her face. The two girls had been trying to convince you to tell them you had a boyfriend. Yet they had no luck or even proof.

“Oh my god! We knew it! You DO have a boyfriend!” The yelling Mina did in the hallway caught most people attention. (y/n) was popular, well not her but the business aspect of it, there would definitely be rumors by the start of lunch if not sooner.

“Hush will you?! If I tell you will you be quiet?” (y/n) snapped, pulling the two girls by their wrists making sure they go to class on time.

“Promise!” Mina and Keia said together.

“Fine, yes I have a boyfriend I’m not saying who. But i-”

“Class has started ladies. If you do not quiet down I will send you somewhere else. Now separate.” The strict voice of the physics teacher rang out, embarrassing all three girls. A little laugh that (y/n) could place anywhere. Fu***n Kyoya Ootori. He was laughing at (y/n)’s pain and no one knew it was him chuckling, which pissed (y/n) off further. Not even giving him the satisfaction of looking in his direction,(y/n) got up out of the desk chair and walked further away from Kyoya.

*buzz*

A vibration only (y/n) can feel comes from her satchel bag. While pulling out her books, pens, and pencils, (y/n) also took out her phone.

‘ ’ - (y/n)

Underline- Mina

Bold- Keia

U need 2 tell us y ur wearing his cologne

(y/n) rolled her eyes, knowing there was no escaping them now.

‘I stayed the night at his house...’

NOO

AHHH! Girl, I knew u were dirty

Yeah! Did u do the Wham Bam Shang-A-Lang?

‘Oh no,’

‘We were studying and I fell asleep.’

‘I’m still in my clothes from yesterday, so I’m wearing his cologne’

“That's it!” A bang of a ruler as it hits the table rang out causing some female students to yelp, including the three that were on their phones. “(l/n), outside now! And leave your phone on your desk.” blushing, more like wearing a mask of, red (y/n) quickly put her phone down and walked out of class.

Tears of frustration welled up, “God, why am I crying?” (y/n) sat on the floor, sitting against the wall a few feet away from the classroom door. Time has passed, most likely 10 minutes before (y/n)’s tears stopped.

The door to the classroom swung open making (y/n) tense thinking it was the teacher. To her surprise and fortune, Kyoya walked out of the room. Once the door closed Kyoya walked to (y/n), helping her stand on her feet.

“Kyoya I-” The tears came back, but before they could fall Kyoya squeezed her forearms tightly.

“Can you hold on for a little while longer?” His silk like voice sounded into her ear.

“Y-yes…” came (y/n)’s unstable reply.

“Then hold out your hand.” Pulling back Kyoya sets his own hand out for (y/n) to grab. Once (y/n) placed her hand into his, Kyoya pulled on (y/n)’s hand spinning her into his chest so her back is smooth against his chest. “We are having a talk about why you're so distracted later, my love, but until then try to behave.” kissing (y/n)’s neck in various places Kyoya tries to be cool when he really happens to be anxious about why (y/n) causing so much trouble today.

“Go back to class, baby. We don’t need you getting in trouble too, now do we?” (y/n) laughed as Kyoya spun her back out.

“No more tears. I’ll see you later. Don’t worry I’ll get your phone back.” With a sweet kiss, Kyoya walked back inside the classroom.

---------

“I can’t believe that a** hole left you outside of the room for an hour,” Keia complained as she handed (y/n) her school bag.

“I know! And this is the first time that (y/n)’s ever been in trouble, well in her class that is.” Mina slightly laughed. A tense silence was strung along while (y/n) was waiting by the door. “Sorry, about getting you in trouble. And that we couldn’t get your phone back.” Mina whispered as she shifted her dirty blonde bangs out of her eyes.

“No worries guys, I’m not upset.” A true smile set on (y/n)’s face made her two friends very confused.

“What do you mean? You literally never go anywhere without it.” Keia pried, something she was very good at.

“I just have someone dealing with it…” A fond smile slowly crept upon (y/n)’s face.

“Oh my! It’s has something to do with your secret boy toy doesn't it!” The perky girls yelled out in unison, making everyone around them stare hard. Including Kyoya and Tamaki who just strolled up next to the trio.

“Girls! He’s not my ‘boy toy’, I actually love him- very much.” (y/n) snuck a peek at the boys next to her blushing all the while.

“Wow, not even going to tell us off for being loud? You must realllllly like this guy.” Mina’s words caught Tamaki’s ears and were implanted into his brain, which told him to butt-in on their conversation.

“Ah, what are my dear princess talking about?” The blonde boy asked as he stepped before Keia, knowing that she would be the one to spill the gossip.

“Ah, Tamaki, what do you want?” Mina, and (y/n) obviously, visit the host club enough to know the host king himself. Plus being personal friends of Haruhi (knowing she is a she, but others not knowing that they know) helped a bit too.

“I overheard that one of my favorite princess’ has a crush on someone. So, (y/n), whos the lucky guy?”

“Ha! More than like, she told us that shes in loooove with him.” Keia laughed bumping shoulders with the most embarrassed girl in the world.

“Pray tell, Keia,” Kyoya said sliding into step with (y/n), his hand grazing hers.

“Keiaaaa!” (y/n) whined, if the girls only knew that (y/n)’s secret boyfriend was walking right next to her. “I told you to keep quiet!” An angry blush spread across her face.

“Oh hush, now. I don’t see why it’s a big deal to announce your love for him to the world!” Mina laughed, mocking (y/n) a little bit.

“Hey, (y/n)?” Tamaki asked suddenly turning serious.

“Yeah?”

“Is everything okay… at home?” A confused expression sprung across (y/n)’s face, totally unknowing where Tamaki was going with his point.

“I guess? I didn’t go home last night.” (y/n) shrugged, turning her attention to the blonde male.

“Yeah, hehe, (y/n) stayed with her boyfriend.” Keia laughed, but on the contrary, Tamaki’s expression darkened a bit.

“How did you get that bruise?” (y/n) had totally forgotten she had bumped heads with Kyoya this morning, her skin is sensitive so when she got hit even bumping into a table she would bruise.

“Tamaki, what are you implying?” Kyoya asked his jaw tightening. Tamaki, even if he doesn’t know he is the one dating (y/n), pissed him off by thinking he’d even lay a single finger on (y/n). Just the thought was sickening to him.

“(y/n), I think what Tamaki is trying to say is…. Did he-- hit you? Is that why you didn’t go home?” (y/n) stopped walking, her chest tightening in an angry fashion.

“Excuse me?” The group stopped walking and turned to face the angry (h/c), haired girl. “You obviously don’t know him that well then! I mean Tamaki you literally spend every day with him! How can you possibly think, even for a second, that he would hurt me in any way? And you girls, I literally tell you not to tell anyone- but no, you had to open your mouths. I have to get to class. Kyoya you're the only one who isn’t pissing me off, walk with me to class.” (y/n) and Kyoya left the three others in their wake, both of them upset.

“I want to go public.” (y/n) said abruptly, making Kyoya shift his eyes over to her smaller figure.

“You’re only saying that because you’re angry.” A loving kiss is placed on top of (y/n)’s head. “We will talk about this after school. I think that since you told Tamaki about your secret boyfriend, we need to tell the host club… before this gets any more attention.” pressing a gentle, slim finger to her purple bruise.

“Fine, I love you.”

“Love you too.” they walked into their separate classes, both waiting anxiously for the day to end.

--------

Walking out of (y/n)’s last class of the day she wandered the empty halls slowly making her way to music room 3. The teacher held her back to go over some questions she missed on her last math test.

(y/n) decided to get her stuff out of her locker before heading over to see Haruhi. She gently placed her hands on the lock and twisted in her combination. She took her books out and closed the locker. Turning around (y/n) didn’t expect to be pushed into the lockers.

“What the hell?!” (y/n) yelled, the metal digging into her back making her cry out louder.

“I saw you today. With Kyoya.’’ the voice of some girl (y/n) has never seen before gives (y/n) a light scare.

“Let go of me you psycho b*tch!” (y/n) struggled but the force of the shove knocked the air out of her lungs, making her not able to put up much of a fight.

“No, you listen to me. You will break up with Kyoya. You will not talk to any of the host club members again. And you will never speak of this to anyone. Understand?” the girl pushed (y/n) into the lockers with more force, pulling (y/n) up and then slamming her back down. The sound echoing around the spacious hallway.

“Or what? You’ll t-tell daddy? I think y-you’re forgetting who I am.” (y/n) grunted out her chest having a hard time breathing with all the force on her.

“I don’t care who you are. You’re pathetic and ugly. You’re not good enough for Kyoya!” The mystery girl swung her hand up fully prepared to slap (y/n) across the face.

“Enough!” The strong voice of the boy they were ‘discussing’ bounced off the walls of the corridor. Kyoya pushed the girl back hard enough to have to step a few paces back.

“WHat the HeLl is gOinG oN?” Haruhi yells as she, and the rest of the club run up to a shaking (y/n) in Kyoya’s arms.

Tamaki and the twins are left in charge of taking care of the girl, a terrible decision really.

“Kyoya, how did you know where I was?” (y/n) asked, ignoring the others that had crowded around them.

“Nevermind that, are you okay?” Kyoya leaned away to check for any noticeable damage.

“My back hurts, but it’s mostly my pride.” (y/n) giggled a bit, trying to lighten the mood.

“You’re such an idiot sometimes,” Kyoya said with a sigh.

“Yes, but I’m your Idiot!” (y/n) giggled before kissing Kyoya slowly, it was only for a second or two before (y/n) could hear Hikaru yelling,

“Woah, Woah, Woah! There are children here.” Haruhi pushes the hand that Hikaru had over her eyes.

Ignoring the yelling between the twins, Haruhi, and Tamaki- with the occasional yell from Honey- The couple gets lost in their own conversation.

“So, have you decided on our ‘secret’ relationship?” Kyoya hummed into (y/n)’s neck making her laugh the wholeheartedly.

“Okay, okay. You got me, let's go public!” (y/n) laughed as Kyoya kissed her. “Thinking about it now, it’s not a big deal.”

“To me it is. I get to claim you as mine- and only mine.”

“Hold on! Since when did you start dating?!”

“Hush Tamaki-senpai, they’re having a moment”

“But mommy hid something from daddy!”

“Oh no, not again-

#host club #ohshc tamaki #tamaki suoh #x reader #x you #ohshc kyoya #kyoya x reader #fanfic #ohshc haruhi #ohshc twins #OHSHC #ohshc honey #ohshc hikaru #ohshc mori #ohshc kaoru #male x female #fem reader #accepting requests #SEND ME REQUESTS

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kingasriel · 6 years ago

Text

h not to be a little bitch ex stoner on 420 but

its stupid i know its really really stupid but its rly depressing me that i cant sm*ke w**d anymore

its mostly my anxiety driving me up the FUCKING wall like. im so tired of it i just want to fucking relax and have a good time but even taking ONE hit of weed instantly sends me into a panic attack and now i cant even think about taking CBD products without getting nervous and i cant bring myself to try anything anymore cause im so damn scared of panicking and my meds arent a high enough dose to even work fully when im sober so Lmao

and like idk its not like i cant have a good time or live life sober but it fucking sucks lol and i literally have such a hard time relaxing cause of my constant anxiety and dissociation and my shitty fucking stomach and weed used to HELP all this not make it WORSE but now here i am and im like hello?!!! is there nothing i vcan do about this???

abd i know im not the only one whos experienced this its just so frustrating cause it was just. its just another past time i enjoyed and i could relax and my trauma was easier to process when i was high and its not like i was dependant on it to function cause obvi ive been fine several months sober but again not to be a whiny lil bitch but IT SUCKS TO BE SOBER

and im sorry this isnt meant to put a damper on everyone enjoying themselves today / who smoke currently like im just complaining dont worry ablut it i guess it just is rly upsetting that my body and brain hate me so much and literally every time i find something i enjoy, weed or not, they try to ruin the experience for me

i just want to chill the fuck out but i cant. and im just really fucking tired. but it literally doesnt matter and if u read this piss rant im sorry

#have you ever heard of a talking flower?#eeeuufhgghhh i just want to go home and cry cause im a stupid little bitch uwu #im just so frustrated!!! i hate my brain!!! i hate my body!!! i literally cant enjoy fucking anythinfb without myself getting in the way!!!#i jUST want to reLAX for ONCE and NOT have my trauma be in the CONSTANT background of my mind but nope #brain soup #negative #drugs

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softstraykidsimagines · 6 years ago

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Boyfriend!I.N (Jeongin)

MASTERLIST

WOOT WOOT

Little Jeongin!

This is gonna be so damn fluffy watch out

Here we go!!!

Ok so Jeongin is shy at the best of times

So God help this poor child while he has a crush on you

He won’t even be able to talk to you properly

Most likely runs away whenever he gets embarrassed

Which is very often

Just

Can’t function

If one of the members even try the subject of his crush on you when you’re in the room

He lets instinct take over

And he dolphin screams to distract everyone

As people look in his direction

Because he is hella loud

He’ll scream again and die on the inside

Why can’t I think straight with y/nnnnn

He’d be so frustrated with himself

He’ll probably mentally slap himself every other second when he talks to you

Why did you say that? What is y/n gonna think of you?! IDIOT

I highly doubt he’d confess to you himself

At least in person

One of the members probably told you

So you went to see him

And scared the bejesus out of him when you asked if it was true

But he eventually nodded and confessed and VERY quietly asked you out this baby my God save him

To which you OBVIOUSLY said yes

And he probably jumped around happily to your response

Tried to stay cool, because he is Mature™

But as soon as you were not around he’d scream with happiness and run around because he is a ball of energy and he’s gonna explode

He’s whipped, your grace

Dates with Jeongin

Is it really such a mystery?

So so SO soft

His first date with you was going to a carnival

Because he made it his new goal in life to win you a stuffed toy

And win your heart forever

Little did he know that had already happened

Got really grouchy when he didn’t win anything

But immediately felt better when you both had something to eat who doesn’t feel better with food?

Forgot how to human when the date came to an end

And you kissed him on the cheek

Half as a joke, he collapsed onto the ground in a heap of giggles not really a joke it was genuine

He was, at that moment, the happiest boy to walk the planet

You can probably guess that this kid is too shy for PDA

But he’s all for hand holding wherever you two go

He really loves to swing your arms back and forth like children cause that’s what you are

Sometimes will peck your cheek if he’s feeling bold

If you initiate skinship out and about, he’s gonna turn a dark shade of red

But will hold in his squeal thank goodness

If the members tease him for being shy

Because where’s the lie

He’ll greet you and become insanely clingy

If you ask him why he won’t tell you

“I just really really really wanted to hug you”

“Jeongin you’ve been clinging onto me for 10 minutes, are you okay? And what if the boys tease you”

“They won’t I’m proving a point”

“Say what?!”

First kiss.

You’d think it’d be you who would have to make the first move right?

Wrong.

So freaking wrong

Because realise: once he makes his mind up about something, Jeongin carries his decision through to the end

And he decided to make a certain evening walk in the park very special

You were walking around, and it had gotten dark, only a few street lamps lit your way

You were both talking about absolute nonsense, laughing at each others jokes etc

And then he suddenly became very serious

“Can I ask you a favour? It’s really important to me…”

You got kinda nervous, because when was the last time Jeongin managed to keep a strait face like that?

From his pocket he pulled out a chain bracelet, with a pretty but subtle pattern on it. “Can you wear this? For me? And whenever you’re sad, or scared, look at it and think of me, and I can protect you”.

You were absolutely dumbstruck, so you just quietly let him out the bracelet on

You were about to cry as well

He showed you a second one which he had on his own wrist. “I want this to be something special between us”

And then he siezes the moment

And connects his lips with yours

Very gently

He kisses you so delicately, like you’re made of ice, about to break

When you part, he smiles softly

And starts walking again, calmly

Making you stand there confused af

Like where tf is shy Jeongin? Who is this?

Spoiler alert, it’s I.N, not soft Jeongin

Oh lord prepare yourself before meeting the rest of SKZ

Physically and mentally

Knowing them they’ll probably try to lift you up and get you to crowd surf

While still teasing the Maknae

They’ll be so protective of you, just like with Jeongin

You have become family, don’t doubt that for half a second

You are also now in charge of being the mood lifter for Jeongin

And his reassurance

Especially if he’s sick

Because he gets really tired whenever he so much as catches a cold, because he refuses to stop working and rest common sense who?

And when he’s tired, he thinks way more negatively

You were once alone with him in the practice room, and he was trying to improve a few moves to a really difficult choreography

For a while he kept smiling like the child he is, staying positive

But after trying over and over, having to catch his breath from fatigue, having trouble breathing from a blocked nose, he still couldn’t get the moves right

And out of pure exhaustion and frustration, he burst into tears no judging I’ve had this it’s painful

You immediately went over and hugged him tightly, reassuring him and calming him down

You both sat together on the floor, until he wasn’t upset anymore, but you still refused to let him practice after that

You took him home and looked after him until he passed out that night

The members were confused af as well

“What’s wrong with Jeongin?”, asked Chan, being his usual protective-leader self

You replied simply because you didn’t want to upset the other boys. “He got frustrated at the dance he’s learning, and was exhausting himself, so I dragged him home to sleep...”

They were all really grateful the you were looking after Jeongin so well, and their love for you with the Maknae you only grew

Now this boy is not at all afraid of speaking his mind

So you two basically leave everything out in the open

No secrets

If one of you is pissed at the other, you will freaking say that you’re pissed at them

You don’t hold back

So then you can both talk rather freely about why you might be pissed

Basically what I’m saying is that fights are super rare

Because they don’t even get a chance to start when you two are so open with each other

So at most you bicker over food

But there are times

Like I said, insanely rarely

Jeongin doesn’t tell you how much he’s struggling

He doesn’t want to seem like he’s complaining too much so he stays quiet about his worries about being an idol

It’s a bit like his situation during The 9th: he doesn’t want to burden anyone about feeling down, so he keeps a bright smile on his face

You kinda sense that there’s something up, but he convinces you for a long time that he is totally fine

But when it becomes too much

Being tired, frustrated, stressed and worked to the bone, and he still hasn’t said anything to anyone

He’ll break and yell at you over something not even worth yelling about

It’ll shock you so much that you’ll flinch away from him

He won’t just yell at you

He’ll yell about how tired he is, about how unfair he thinks it is that he can’t learn a dance as quickly as anyone else

He’ll yell about everything and nothing

You understand quickly that he’s letting of steam, getting it all off his chest

So once he’s quiet again, breathing heavily, crying silently

You’ll hug him gently, and reassure him that you’re there no matter what and that he can ramble and complain all he wants with you

NO MORE ANGST IM OUTTA HERE

He tries to force you to watch Mukbang, until you threaten him that you’ll secretly feed him black beans

You both love blasting Bruno Mars in the dorms, driving SKZ up the wall as you sing at the top of your lungs

He’ll try to teach to sing trot like him

But you both know that you’ll never be as good at singing it as him

He loves texting you whenever he has a spare half-second

He always gets in trouble with the other members because as soon they stop what they're doing, he's off to get his phone

“Where did Jeongin go”, asked Woojin. “He was here a second ago...”

Chan sighed. “I can take a guess. JEONGIN PUT THAT DAMN PHONE DOWN!”

He uses his Maknae Influence™ to get our of trouble lol

You both like to try and cook together

Doesn't really work

You usually end up making a mess

Or if you’re baking something

Like cookies

You'll end up eating all the batter before it even reaches the oven

Stray Kids will be deprived of cookies RIP

When you suggest him meeting your family

He gets super nervous

But refuses to show it

You'll kind of pick up on his attitude

The way he answers questions on the matter so directly and seriously

But you're too kind and high-key impressed to point it out

But when he does meet your fam he's super smiley and actually seems genuinely comfortable

You on the other hand

Get hella stressed when you're supposed to meet his parents

Will they approve?

Will his brothers like you?

As soon as you voice your concerns to Jeongin

He hugs you, reassuring you that they'll all adore you

He couldn't have been more right

His parents are so so sweet and love you from the word go

Both his brothers love you just as much

Especially his younger brother, who just idolises you

It’s so cute

You immediately exchange contacts and stay in touch

Jeongin ended up making a group chat with you and his bros because he was so excited that you got on so well

His favourite thing to do in the evening with you is just watch a random show

From a K-Drama to a weird comedy neither of had ever seen

He just likes relaxing with you, usually with your legs draped over his lap

Probably screamed the first time you walked over wearing one of his jumpers

“ISN'T THAT MINE?”

“Oh, sorry I'll go put it back...”

“DON'T YOU EVEN DARE I LOVE IT”

Low-key snuck his hoodies into your closet just so he could see you wear them

But as soon as you brought it up

He'd refuse to give any answer on the matter

“What are you talking about? You must have stolen them yourself, thief”.

“Alright, I'll give them back, then”.

“No no, you stole them, so you must keep them”

“... Right”

The first time he said 'I love you’ resembled your first kiss

He had thought about it and planned it out

The plan didn't really work

He'd meant to cook something for you

And watch your favourite movie

And surprise you by just saying ‘I love you’ casually

But he messed up dinner

Accidentally spilled too much salt into the dish

So instead ordered takeout from your favourite place

Then

Just because the universe was against him, for some unknown reason, the movie wouldn't work

So you ended up watching something else

And he was about to give up and plan for another day

But it just kinda slipped out?

“I'm sorry I couldn't make this a perfect night”, he said, dejected. “I wish I could just... easily show you how much I love you...”

Sort of panicked after he said it

He started stuttering while trying to explain himself

Until you kissed him to shut him up

Telling him that you loved him too

And that's how he had a happiness heart attack

This bean will go public after a couple of years

He posted a photo of you smiling brightly in a cafe

With a simple caption: 'Love you so much’

Now naturally the internet is gonna die because hello?

Little baby Jeongin is dating?!

But after a few hours of commotion there's gonna be something unexpected

People will recognise you

From clips in SK TALKER

They'd seen the two of you

Just barely within the view of the camera

Messing around and playing a bunch of games to pass the time

Some had naturally insisted that you two were dating

But you were mostly just written off as Jeongin’s best friend who had come to see him a few times backstage

But now that he had officially announced your relationship

There were A LOT of people saying 'I told you so’ on the internet

Whoops

Low-key, kpop fandoms area group of mini Sherlock Holmes’

He becomes so happy at the very mention of your name

Low-key hopes in every convo that someone will bring you up

Just so that he can talk about you nonstop

He talks a lot about you

SKZ always get a real earful

Especially when they’re away

He'll never stop talking about you which pisses pretty much everyone off

His coping mechanism for being away from you is just to recap a bunch of his favourite moments with you

So naturally anyone within earshot of him will hear a bunch of cute stories about you two

Right up until the moment he sees you again

Thank heavens the rest of SKZ will say as they watch the Maknae crush you in a hug, giggling excitedly

All in all, you two have a soft af relationship

With lots of giggles, cuddles surprisingly, and a lot of love

Can I please just get a Jeongin??

There we go! That concludes my soft-ass day!

Now, I’m going away on holiday (sooner than I thought I would), but that’s not gonna stop me from writing! There’ll just be a few posts that won’t be on the Masterlist for a while. But as soon as I get access to any computer, I’ll update the Masterlist :)

#stray kids #stray kids imagines #imagine #kpop imagines #jeongin #jeongin imagines #yang jeongin #stray kids jeongin #JYP #jyp entertainment #scenario #kpop scenarios #stray kids scenarios #jeongin scenario #boyfriend

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official-darkforest · 3 years ago

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looking back i think i worded this kinda terribly tbh. i dont want to discredit any of the work map animators put in - ive participated in quite a few over the years and was actually a backup/spectator for the angry river so i understand that maps often take a long time to come together amd how much is put into animation. in my oriignal post i think i was going too much into the 'im a perfect example/this is how u SHOULD do it' without realizing that and i apologize for that

my original intent was just me complaining abt oversaturation or other issues i personally had w the current wcmap community - from what ive seen its just a lot of MAPS either trying to retell the same story in the Most Unique Way Possible (often ashfur or mapleshade) or maps trying to get done 8n the shortest time possible and TO ME it feels a little tiring and hard to keep up with. that's not me saying nobodys allowed to do it anymore and i understand thats how it coulve come off as. again im sorry for the misunderstanding/confusing wording

maybe im just not the target audience anymore. which is absolutely fine. im still allowed to have an opinion, though, as someone who has participated and grown up with the community, but i still recognize that my opinion wont inherently change anything. im just saying my piece and moving on, whether ppl agree or not isn't rly my biggest concern tbh.

i still like the community! im proud of how far animators have come and how much content there is for FREE. i just have different tastes and shit like that. i do not 100% agree with everything on the post i reblogged (which is what prompted the OG post i made) but there were some good points OP had made - effects and visuals are absolutely incredible, but some of it just feels like its part of a pissing contest. but i do not think these maps are soulless at all

i hope this makes sense. if u disagree then good for u and i understand why, im not gonna like fight w/ u on it lol

as fun as maps are i think some ideas can work better as a personal project. it will usually take longer doing it on your own but i think it may get more heart put into it working on ur own tbh

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dimmestmorn13 · 7 years ago

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Lol Idk who the charas are in this writing of mine...

but now that i think about it, they kinda remind me of Tom and Tord from Eddsworld but im not sure,,,this was meant to be ambigous so,,,

but anyway here, i guess, imean like, i doubt anyone’ll read this anyway...

---

They been unconscious for how many days now and loathe you were to admit it, you were getting worried about them. From what one of their friends have told you, it seems like they were recovering quite well, considering…

Your eyelids feels so heavy and you can feel yourself nodding off. You can’t remember when you last slept; or when you last ate for that matter. A yawn escapes you, tears forming at the corner of your eyes. You probably look like shit. Honestly, you don’t even know why you were so worried for the damn bastard-

Their hand twitches.

You felt your fatigue and sleepiness disappear in a flash, as if you chugged that monstrous combination of coffee and Red Bull in one gulp.

Their head leans further into the pillow as their eyes scrunched up, body twisting slightly to their left, being confined to their bed leaving their muscles stiff and aching. Finally, they open their eyes (well, technically they only opened one eye) and stare blankly at the ceiling. They don’t seem to notice your presence and you’ve gotten impatient with waiting, so you put your hand to your mouth and let out a loud cough. Maybe then, they’ll fucking finally look at you-

They blink twice –confused, as they search for the source of the cough— and push themselves up with their elbows, wincing at how much their body was so unused to movement and carrying their own weight. They stare at you blankly, tilting their head to the side like they were one of those confused moe anime characters. Nothing is said, as both of you just stare at the other.

You decide that this silence was getting you nowhere (no shit, Sherlock-) and start, “Well?” Their blank gaze was starting to creep you out and hey, you might actually like seeing that annoying-as-hell smug grin on their face instead. “What’s all this? Staring with that creepy-ass stare, geez. Is it the meds? They fucking up your brain or some shit?” You’re not a doctor, that much you admit, but you’re sure that this isn’t how someone acts after waking up from some sorta coma-like state-

“Sorry but,” they interrupt your train of thought, “might I ask: who are you?”

Blood drains from your face as you look at them with dread in your eyes. This is not happening. This can’t be happening. This can NOT be fucking happening-

A burst of laughter tears you away from your trance. They were laughing their heart out, hands clutching their bandaged stomach and tears welling up as their eye is closed shut.

You’re brain-dead, probably, as you stare uncomprehendingly at the sight of the damn jackass wheezing and sounding like a dying cat. Or maybe a hyena. Yeah, hyena sounds better.

“I can’t,” they slip a giggle or two, the little shit, “can’t believe you actually fell for that!” They wipe their tears and shoot that annoying and maddening smug grin that you hate oh so much.

You feel your fists clenching tightly, gritting your teeth so hard they might break.

Suddenly, they fall to the floor with a pained gasp. You don’t realize that you’ve punched them until you feel the familiar sting of pain on your knuckle.

“YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!” you yell at the fallen and injured shitty person you can’t believe even fucking exists and maybe, just maybe, you had been considering trying to be their friend but no, the fucker just ruined the slimmest chance of that happening with that stunt they just pulled. “To think I actually got worried about you, to think I’d actually been considering becoming your friend!” You look down and no, you were not trying to hide the tears (which are non-existent, you swear) dribbling down your chin. You just didn’t want to look at the idiot’s stupid and ugly face anymore.

“I HATE YOU!!” you scream one last time and slam the door shut loudly and with more force than needed; you were hoping the hinges broke off. Screw the neighbors if they complain, it’s not your problem anyway.

They stare at your pissed off, retreating back with a sad smile as they ignore the pain on their stinging cheek. "Heh," they chuckle, fingers lightly brushing the hidden, faint scars on their wrist. "I hate me, too."

They make no motion to get back on the bed. They just sat there on the ground, hugging their knees to their chest.

Maybe their clothes were getting wet. Maybe their eyes were getting red, puffy, and aching. Maybe they’re tired of screaming their voice hoarse every night, but they don’t really care.

(At least, that’s the lie they tell to themselves each time.)

---

really reminds me of Tom and Tord damnit

should i tag it as such?? ugh y’know what nvm i’ll just do my write tag

(constructive crits would be appreciated--)

#dim writes #angst #...?? sorta #amnesiac prank #cussing

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missjugheadjones · 8 years ago

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I Should Have Been There

Word Count: 1300

A/N: This was requested by -sardonicjughead on Wattpad and I'm hoping this is alright, I wrote this at school lol. Enjoy some more angst my friends! ALSO I JUST WATCHED RIVERDALE AND IM DEAD IM SCREAMING IM TRIGGERED SEND HELP. Much love!

MasterList

"You wouldn't believe the day I've had!" Y/N exclaimed, walking into Archie's bedroom where Jughead was playing video games. Jughead looked over to his girlfriend and rolled his eyes, he knew what was coming.

"I guess I'll leave you two be." Archie said, exiting from the game him and Jughead were playing and standing up. "No fooling around on my bed." He teased as he left.

"Are you okay?" Y/N asked, looking over at Jughead who looked super pissed off.

"I'm fine." He huffed, seating himself on Archie's bed and pulling out his phone, he needed something to distract him from what was to come.

"Are you sure?" she asked tenderly, walking towards him.

"I said I'm fine!" he snapped, and Y/N stood stunned for a second.

"Okay, I'm sorry for asking." She whispered, sitting on his bed. "Well anyways, I'm not going home ever again." she said, and Jughead just shook his head.

"Why not?" he asked, not really listening to Y/N at all.

"My dad, he's such an ass. He was drinking last night, heavily as you would imagine because when is he not-anyways, after I came home from Pops last night I found him passed out on the couch surrounded by beer cans and bottles. After I put my stuff upstairs I came back down and started to pick up the cans and bottles because I didn't want our house to start to smell like a liquor store like it usually does. I mean I spent this whole weekend shampooing the carpet to get the beer and liquor smell out, the whole weekend! Anyways as I was picking it up, he woke up and started drunkenly screaming at me, telling me that I needed 'to leave his shit alone' and 'if I thought for a second I could steal his alcohol and get away with it, I was out of my damn mind'." Y/N ranted, grabbing Jugheads pillow from the top of his bed and placing it in her lap, squeezing it. Jughead scrolled on his phone, opening a game and started to play.

"I told him I wasn't trying to take his alcohol, and that I was only trying to pick up. I made up the excuse that I didn't want him to step on an aluminum can and slice open his foot, or slip on a glass bottle and hit his head, although at this point I could care less if it happened." She scoffed, and then paused. Her face fell slightly, and she sighed. "Okay I would care a little bit, I mean he is my dad for fucks sake but he is such an ass that I wouldn't feel too bad about it." Jughead nodded his head, trying to make it seem like he was listening and agreeing, although he had no idea what was being said.

"Yeah, I bet." He murmured mindlessly.

"Anyways, I stood up after I had about an arms-full of cans and took them to the recycling bin out in the garage, and when I came in I started to reach for more bottles and cans, but he pushed me over, and I fell on a glass bottle, that just happened to shatter when I landed on it and I cut my arm and had to have Betty and Veronica pull broken glass out of my arm for about an hour." She rolled up the sleeves of a green sweater she 'borrowed' from Jughead, and revealed a large bandage running the whole length of her forearm. Again, Jughead just nodded and pretended to agree.

"Yeah, I totally understand." He muttered, and Y/N looked at him, noticing he was playing a game on his phone.

"Are you even listening to me Jughead?" she asked, and she saw his face harden a little.

"Yeah." He replied, and she stood up from his bed.

"What did I just say happened to me then?" she asked, placing a hand on her hip. Jughead threw his phone on the bed and looked up at Y/N.

"I don't know, probably the same shit that you always complain about. 'oh Jughead, my dad drinks all the time and he is such an ass.' "He mocked her, trying his best to mimic her voice. " 'Oh Jughead, I don't know where my mom is, she hasn't returned my calls in days and I'm worried, I miss her so much.' I get it Y/N, you have a shitty home life, but guess what, so do I. All you do is complain about it and I'm tired of listening." He erupted, and Y/N backed away slowly.

"You're an ass, Jughead Jones." She spat, tears welling in her eyes. "You forgot to mimic the part where he pushed me down, causing me to cut my arm open and left me bleeding, he didn't even care." Jugheads face softened, and worry started to replace his anger. "But that's okay, your game was more important. I guess I forgot to add the part where the only reason I'm alive right now is probably because Veronica and Betty came to my house because I left my math text book at Pops, and they wanted to return it. But when nobody answered, they came in and found me in the kitchen, where I had passed out because I don't do well at the sight of blood, and as you now know my arm was heavily bleeding." She said, shoving the sleeve up again and taking off the bandages.

"I am so sorry, Y/N." Jughead started, trying to hug the girl but she pushed him away with her good arm and showed him the wound.

"They took me to the ER where I got this stitched, and they called the police on my dad. He's in jail now, just so you know. And I'm staying with Veronica so I don't end up on the streets, but let me guess, you don't care about that, do you?" she angrily asked, wrapping her wound back up.

"Y/N-"

"Look, I'm sorry I come to you and rant about my family. But it's because you're my boyfriend, and I thought I could come to you with things like this. I felt comfortable opening-up to you, you were the only one to know of my family problems until last night. I was forced to tell Betty and Veronica because of what happened. Did you notice I called you last night?" she asked, and Jughead hung his head low. He had ignored the call, thinking it was because she wanted to come over and rant.

"I'm going to take that as a yes." She said. "I was calling you for help, but you didn't even answer, you didn't even return it, or at least text me. What the hell!" she yelled. Archie bust into the room, looking between the two of them.

"Whats going on?" he asked, and Y/N turned to face him, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Nothing, Arch, I was just leaving." She whispered, trying to push past him. He grabbed her bad arm and she yelped in pain.

"Oh my-fuck Y/N, I am so sorry. Are you okay?" he quickly asked, pulling his hand away. She shook her head, tears flowing freely now because of the pain of her arm and the paint that her boyfriend was avoiding her.

"I'm fine, goodbye boys." She said, hurrying out of the house. Archie and Jughead stayed silent until they heard the front door slam, and Jughead angrily threw his beanie to the wall.

"Fuck! I'm such an ass!" he yelled, and Archie looked at him worriedly.

"What the hell just happened?" he asked, and Jughead sat on the bed, shaking his head.

"I fucked up big time, I just might have lost the best thing to ever happen to me"

Tag List:

@do-not-call-me-sunshine@gelattoes@xbobaaa@katshrev@farmfreshcoldsprouts@sgarrett49@always-chocolate@nadya0128@spooky-brendons-butt@rainbows-and-glitter-bitch@lost-in-wonderland-x@aezthetically @mrs-jughead-jones @nafa1604

#jughead jones x reader #jughead x reader #jughead fanfiction #jughead angst #fanfiction #cw riverdale #missjugheadjones

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peacekash · 5 years ago

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I think this is a spritual breakthrough?

or Im finally coming to reality of me.

Having mommy and daddy issues is one thing but realizing you have to let it go sucks.

lol im not giving much context bc noone is listening and its fucking tumblr...but hey, why not 🤷🏽‍♀️just a lil

today felt different for me. it is usual for me to go through highs and lows within my close relationships,especially recently since I was in “da clink” 😂( im sorry i cant take myself serious) but ultimately inpatient (on my fucking birthday! but that is another story for another day) my relationships with ppl have been shaky,my already pretty low self esteem hit a whole another level of low low, and I, for the first time felt a genuine depressive slump... like not taking showers, not sleeping, not having the energy to speak,etc. I’ve been super anxious most of my life (even before i knew what that meant) so I was use to being sad but only on the inside bc ppl were gonna think i was crazy,crazy angry outburst all of dat.So this type of illness was new to me. that im trying to cope with and treat carefully.

today, my mom was in a good mood.well she’s been like this for a weeks but i know its not gonna last. it never does. I use to feed into her happiness streak and depend on her for my happy and ultimately sadness, and blame myself. And recently I’ve been doing my own thing and not really feed into any of her moods and she ended up adapting to this distance but mutual vibe for each other, which sucks bc me and my mom were so close.but in these Quarantine times and having to spend more time together, I have been cooking, doing more around the house, and helping her and ultimately being her vent person, but this time im not taking it personal. idk if im been going to my therapist too much or im actually learning, how to think for myself and honestly it feels different and for months Ive been keeping more to myself not hiding anything but fixing and venting on my own. Anyways back to today, being woken up at 10am on a saturday by your mom asking you to go the store with her is a feeling everybody knows, you dont wanna go but go and you’re going to help your mom bc you love your mom. And i know going to walmart in these times when its honestly chaos and very triggering for an anxiety riddled person like myself,but here we are driving to walmart. I love when she’s happy if though i didnt want to go, i still wanted to help. now my mom does things where she a) complains about how i “make her feel like she needs to rush bc of my attitude” that i dont have b) and leaves me with the buggy with 500 items in it having to chase across this busy store, I can only say im sorry and oh my fault so many times! it weirdly small and unnessscary things to be annoyed by this but im been feeling and thinking deep lately and it bothered me even more than when i was little kid (and i use to get hot !!) but now im a “composed” “functional” adult and now i see this as another example of her not being concerned about anyone but herself,especially the ppl who care about her the most and today I didnt snap but I was stern when i told to her to “stop having me chase you around the store,please?” Now you must think im a drag to be around (i might be)but around her i try to be my very best and im always invested in what ever she’s interested that day. it got to be weird once we we’re driving home and i was cooking dinner. My mom said something that sounds like what i exclaimed to my very gracious boyfriend who puts up with me ❤️, when im feeling low. “... I feel like noone cares that im overwhelmed *about her new business venture*and this is why i feel discouraged “. then I say “ remember what we talked about taking one thing at a ti-“ “we’re in the house the whole my business should be up and running, im slacking... noone wants to help me” and i instantly felt a tight gut feeling from hearing the similarities of our toxic self bantering and even more sadly how she handles it. noone wants to help but you dont ask (but oh she shouldnt have to ask🙄) or when ppl do help (like me, im currently making website and trying to do all her social media managing) you slight them don’t appreciate them. apparently noone is helping her so she has to hire someone? I asked her for what? what else do you need help with” “my social media” i look at her confused bc that what i was suppose to do but she told she got it, and when she’s introuble im there to help. then after she let out her toxic semi hateful speech without any interrupted, it’s like she empty herself out on me to asorb and then mood switches to happy and joyful again. I did my usual cordial walk downstairs to my space, not to fast so you dont seem upset about anything she said but “she knows whats best” thinks even for herself,but hey who am I to judge.

my relevation: doing my rountine facetime calls with my long distance lover ❤️,casually describing my day, I feel a tight gut feeling when (and see I knew i was down today but idk what for) i starting talking about how my mom was acting and what she said and I made the connection. I get the unbearable self doubt and pressuring idealogy from her. I made it journey to not end up like her or in her position in life (not saying she is a terrible but she is the most confident beautiful black women who is caring and thoughtful. she is just unpredictable) I started to wonder if I am perceived this way to my close ppl? but instead of cursing ppl out and being angry I just cry myself to sleep? ... them my tears im my eyes started to well up, which pissed me off bc im tired of crying gurl 🙄😂. bc I realized how I was happy or comfortable at all today, with my mom. she is my closest person to me,she knew everything about me and i was her only true friend who listened and care about everything she said or do when things that really hurt me. i felt this strain in our relationship was my fault... bc that’s what i was told in inpatient and even in therapy by her. no matter what anyone said or prove to me, I was gonna fold my emotions on her, but it is. we are healthy for each other anymore and as much as i want to make it better, I know i cant be under her anymore, i cant be at her beck and call, it all made sense to me. but what made me really sad, is that she doesn’t even realize she hurt self, by cutting off her friends or anyone who wanted to help and got too close, she thinks she always knows what best for herself and everyone around, when the smoke clears and she realizes she by herself and as much as i dont want to leave her to be alone and feel like she has noone, I will never be myself. I feel like i am my own person. but why do i feel so shitty?

ahh fuck it’s 3 am

#depressing #depressing rant #Major depressive disorder #mental ill health #dramatic

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