#im just tired of the years-old misunderstanding | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

annika-thelostlove · 2 years ago

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Battery Life \\ a Simon Feck x fem!reader

[Knight and Day (2010 film)]

A\N: I have been stuck on this fic for months 😭 I'm posting it as it is, and so there will be sooooo many mistakes I'm so sorry. This one just came out of the blue, but I hope you still enjoy some Simon Feck love ❤️

Summary: Simon is a genius, and youre nothing special. But he's kind enough to let you sleep in his bed while he plays video games. How dare you fall in love with him!

Warnings: angst (my usual brand I'm sorry) misunderstanding, lack of communication, mutual pinning, low self-esteem, depression, minor dubious consent kiss, happy ending!

Word count: 3374

You're not sure when it begun, youve been spending months on his sofa watching him play games, eating his food from his pantry, laying under his sheets when he let's you take a nap on his futon when you're tired. Hours of time to think to yourself what the hell is really going on, but you couldn't pinpoint the moment when you knew that you loved him.

Six months ago you only knew Simon as the kid-genius that goes to the same school as you. He was always busy, getting offered scholarships, skipping classes that he's already passed, getting featured on tech magazines, for him to ever know that you existed. He's an 18 year old engineering genius, they said. He's been offered a full ride through MIT or Yale or something like that. Or so you've heard.

You also heard a recent rumor that he lives by himself. They've given him his own apartment after turning 18. Its closer to his soon-to-be campus.

Simon is just too busy to notice anyone, too busy to make friends. You think you have that in common.

Except that you skip school not for extra education like Simon, but because you can't get out of bed. Sometimes you feel too empty.

Or when you have no lunch in your bag. Youre too embarrassed. Or if you haven't showered in a while. Just feels too ashamed.

People tend to ignore you, it's fine with you. To you everything in life is temporary. You're now in your final foster home until you're 18. They've been the best family so far, it been four years with them.

They really care about you. They probably even love you. But you still find it hard to really let them know when there's something wrong with you. You feel like you're a burden, they would disagree with that. But they just don't understand.

So for the whole of highschool you don't cross paths with the star pupil of the school Simon Feck. Apart from catching glances at him sometimes from down the hall. He's so tall, its hard to miss. Always talking to a teacher, he doesn't seem to have friends. Just like you.

You have never had one moment with him until graduation year.

Thinking back, you think he might have looked handsome asking you if you were okay standing in the cold. In truth, at that moment you were thinking that he looked nerdy in his glasses and striped shirt, and he was someone who definitely hasn't learned how to shave properly yet, with that tuft of hair on his chin.

"Are you waiting for someone?" his first words to you.

Youve been standing by the school building, pretending to be waiting to be picked up. But the truth was, you just didn't want to go home yet. One of your little sisters was taken back by her biological mother just the day before. It was just too hard to be there without her.

"Uh, I'm.. not really…" feet awkwardly shuffling. "-are you doing anything now?" You quickly change the subject. Simon's expression changes to a look of surprise.

"Now? Im just, gonna go home."

"Do you play video games?"

"Yes…do you play?"

"No, oh." You sadly respond. He swayed side to side, It took him a few more moments of hesitant contemplation to finally say. "Did you..want to- play?"

"Yes" you say without hesitation.

"Oh, like like, at my house?"

"Yes"

"Okay, um, my car is just around the side here." He points at the direction. "Well, you don't have to get in my car. If, if that seem inappropriate I-"

"Let's go. I don't care about any of that"

You follow eachother closely. He's neck is flushed, unsure where his situation is going. Once he gets you in his passenger seat he gets in and pauses.

"So, my name is Simon"

"I know"

He turns red all of a sudden. "Oh" he asks for your name, and you tell him. He repeats it to himself under his breath. Memorizing it.

—-

That had been months ago now. That first evening in his apartment you quietly watched him play his game untill you drifted into a deep sleep that you haven't had in so long. His sofa was cosy, and a few hours later you woke up to vision of Simon still playing his game beside you. But now there was blanket draped over your body that smelled like fabric softener, a little bit of moth ball and a third soft musk that you later on recognize to be Simon's distinct smell. It comforts you.

You've overstayed, and had to get home at 6pm.

Simon and you had never discussed about it. But it went on just like that everyday after school from then on. Watching Simon play, falling asleep, eating his snacks, sometimes crawling into his bed. He never touched you, he just let you exist in his space. Always asked if you liked the food. Never asked you if you needed anything else. He always just gave without needing to ask. Like giving blankets, the soda he now buys because you liked them, or the extra cable wire he bought so your phone can charge. Even though his own devices are incompatible to it. He must have bought it just for you.

You feel something, this burning in your chest. He loves you. Maybe. You don't know. You've never been in love before. You've never had anyone really love you before. So how can you recognize it?

But then every time you step into his space, he starts the hot water for tea, and passes you the comfiest pillow on the couch, you talk about anything and everything, you make him laugh, sometimes he make you laugh too, you listen to his tech rambling, despite not understanding. And you think that maybe this must be what love is like.

Maybe we're only friends. A friend you would dream about being together like this forever.

But that couldn't be right, he never speaks to you at school. Even now. Never looks towards you when youre in the same room, (you know since you look at him every chance you get). So whatever hope you have of Simon liking you back, it vanishes at the logic.

_____

Then it began, falling asleep on his shoulder, youve sat so close to him lately. You curled into his side like you were meant to fit there.

Simon still says nothing, he accepts it like he normaly does, it irks you that he feels nothing. Some days you just want to provoke him.

What are you to him?

A piece of decor in his room?

A friend?

Someone more?

He had become your gravity, you orbit around him as he exists like the sun. But you, you feel like a tiny rock just drifting through his universe, pulled by his gravity, and burning up once you got to close.

How can two people be so different? How can one be so brilliant, bright and important? Full of purpose and direction? While you drift along this life, aimless, and empty.

Where will you be after all of this? When Simon will eventually be in bright shiny places on day, where will you be?

_________

One late evening you wake to laying on top of him on his sofa, he fell asleep, his game is shut down and controller on the floor, he must have not wanted to disturb your sleep even though he's finished his game. He's been tired lately, they've been pushing him with some new battery project he's developing. You wish you could help him get more rest. You wish you had anything to really give him.

While you stared at the unique shape of his nose and lips, his eyes fluttered open. Seeing you so close, you felt his heart speed up, those few seconds you weren't ever sure who did it first, but one second you were lost in his green eyes, the next you were kissing him.

_______

Suddenly pulling away, you're panicked after you realize he's staying completely still beneath you. His eyes staring blankly at his ceiling. Shame floods through your body.

"I'm so sorry" you both say at once. But it's him that continues. "That shouldn't have happened, it was a mistake" mistake? He thought it was a mistake. You quickly try to patch up your rejection, with whatever came out of your mouth next.

"Yes, I- we shouldn't have done that, I don't know what came over me. Hah, I- it was a mistake, sorry Simon"

"No, no, I'm sorry too." He winced.

_____

Then the moment was promptly ignored. Never talked about it again. You felt lost about it all. It was helpless to keep loving someone who would never love someone like you.

You tried to go on a date or two trying to shake off that the memory with Simon. But you quickly stopped all of that just after two dates. Why did it feel like betrayal? When before each date all Simon ever said to you from finding out were, 'thats fine'. His eyes not once leaving the TV screen.

"Simon this guy asked me on a date, i- i wont be here that evening"

"That sounds fine, have fun"

"Simon I think I'll give him a chance"

"Sure fine" each blow to the heart pushes you more towards giving up.

Youre not even together. So you dont know why it hurts so much. It was impossible for you to even think about dating someone else now. So you just suck it up and endure it.

It was okay for a while, right until he started talking about other girls.

It came out of nowhere you think. But one week after another, there were issues and stories with a new girl each week, someone from his scholarship program. Someone from an expo. A guest speaker he admired. All of them he expressed how beautiful women can be, and that he can't seem to believe it sometimes. He would look over to you with gleam in his eyes. It felt like punishment, there was no way you could compete with that. They were all in his league, they were intelligent and strong and have bright futures. You have none of those things, you're entire existence brings down his bright one.

You remind yourself that after graduation, this should all be over. Just a few more weeks of unrequited love, and it can end.

It's better this way anyway, you think. You know you aren't meant for him.

One day Simon is going to invent something that would change the world, and then he will fly to somewhere like the white house, and they'll give him a bigger apartment, and his own lab, and they'll take him to countries like in Europe and talk to presidents, and he'll be so far away from you.

And you might just stay here and maybe get a job at the supermarket, and then you might stay there for a few years just to sort out a few things. Then maybe you'll move up in management at a nicer workplace, you're not quite sure of your plan is yet. Your two worlds are so different.

You smile sadly to yourself, and think of how happy your Simon is going to be. How proud you are to even know him. You can't really help it, but each night your tears slide down your cheek to your pillow thinking about him. His clear soothing voice, his delicate hands, his clueless similes. His hand on your shoulder, his stripped shirts and multiple sets of cargo pants. His scent on his shoulder, his lips on yours just that one time. You love him. And you don't know how to make it stop.

But that is all it can ever go. He doesnt want you, he deserves much more. So you kept to yourself, close to your heart. That's the only place it can belong.

_______

Then the night came, new years eve. There were fireworks out on the Street of his apartment. You watched it through his open window, the countdown in the last 6 seconds, at first you counted down, but his green eyes locked to yours so briefly, you think he looked nervous. You didn't even realize it struck midnight. In that next second his lips were on yours. A quick peck. All it was.

He pulled away and you stood there frozen. This was not fair. This hurts too much. You can't stand to be here any longer with the love you can never have. Your ears ring from your rage.

"What was that Simon"

"A-a-a new year's kiss."

"Yes, but i- you can't do that, it's not- DONT do this to me simon"

"Im sorry, I didn't mean anything i- i thought- I'm so dumb- i should have asked-"

So it doesn't mean anything to him?

"Yes, you should have. Do you have any idea what youve just- Nevermind. I'm, I'm going home" rush you snatch your things off his table and the floor

"Hey, where are you going? Do your ur parents expect you home?"

"No, I. I just can't do this anymore"

"What?"

"I'm too, I'm just too confused by you okay?"

"What what do you mean? Confused how? You cant mean you- you have- "

"What simon?" You wish By some miracle he says your confession.

"...do you have feelings for me?" There it is.

"...but you were so clear that you would never get feelings for me! You said! Well, no, you never said anything" His face full of shock

You can't respond, your breath just comes out in hard puffs.

"You never told me! I thought, well. You IGNORE me at school- " he laughs in disbelief, and ruffles his own hair.

"What? Its you that ignore me simon! Youre the one repulsed by me!

"What!? I'm not repulsed by you! Youre the one who made sure that what we have was so secret! You barely talk to me at school"

"I was not! You did that! You had your older smart friends, and Yale acceptances, and your stupid expensive sneakers! And you all looked at me, like I'm stupid, im the school idiot–" You don't understand why your the only one so mad and about to breakdown, while Simon just looked like he figured out the correct formula to something.

"Hey, You are not an idiot–"

"i AM. im STUPID, the dumbest girl you'll ever get to know. Im the one who has gotten myself, into this situation. And someone like me could never get to your level, into your circle. I can NEVER be a guest speaker for science, or get a Scholarship, i will never be an expert at anything like the girls you like so much!" You don't realize it hurt this much till you said it all.

"What do you have to do with them? I-i mean-"

"You think i dont know that? That i have nothing to do with them? And i'm here just holding my breath, knowing that youre about to pick another girl to fall madly in love with, KNOWING that im not on the fucking list of choices. but simon you dont even have the guts to ask one of them out!"

You silence Simon, and you think you've really hurt him this time. But he just looks disappointed and confused by the whole argument and sighs, he begins to speak so gently. "You- what are you- that's not true, i know my weakness, okay? I haven't gotten the courage yet to tell the girl I like that I want to be with her. Im- that's not fair, when you're the one who gives up on all your dates. Its like you date just to waste their time you know?. You don't even know what youre looking for. Your whole shtick is to never do anything with yor life, and to never ever be happy. You're just DETERMINED. Just so bent on wasting time! Like you waste MY time!"

"Ohh, I- " he's angry, really angry. You didn't anticipate how deep you cut him. How deep he would cut you. Tears begin to blur your vision.

"Oh, i- im sorry." He hides behind his palms now, and shaking them in front of him. "I just can't believe this right now, i- i just have a few days left to work on the battery…I knew doing this with you can't be good for me" He fists his hair and mumbles the hurtful words. He's moving quickly cleaning up around his apartment

You are not good for him. Of course, you knew this. You've always known that. But it hurt to confirm it.

"Yeah-" you hold your breath "I know" you voice breaks on the last word. "I know I'm not, in sorry."

"Hey, no, that's not what i-"

"I think, we should stop this thing that we're doing. Goodbye Simon." There was no time to look back, you ran out of his apartment.

—---

You stop coming over. You want him to finish his work in peace, soon he'll be in Yale, then get a fancy job somewhere far away, and you'll still be here in this town.

You cry every night, you're sure one day you'll run out of the pain. But now it's every night you just miss holding him.

—--

2 months later

You're phone doesn't even ring. There's just a voice message there from a strange number. On the rare occasion you have credit to hear your voice messages, this was one of them. You put the phone to your ear and hear the voice you've been missing. Two days after your fight, Simon disappeared without a trace. Worried sick you report him missing, but the police cleared the report saying Simon is safe but doesn't want to be found. It was just more secretive stuff you know are a part of Simon's world. It made you feel like Simon was some secret agent, it brought a little smile on your face.

But now after 2 months and nothing, you lost hope that he thought of you at all.

"You have one, new message"

"Hello? This is Simon. Are you there? Please tell me you're getting this message. God..They look my phone away, so I couldn't get to you. Its - its just the CIA. Don't worry im, I'm safe. I mean, maybe youre not actually even worried about me. Well, but. Um. But then I built a phone? Um for me to say something..important. I need to say this."

"I think get it, ive been thinking about it, that maybe you thought I never cared about you, because im an IDIOT. Just, whatever you think...and I cant even believe you might think this…its just not true. You are worth so much, you are the most important person to me, to my life. You keep me going, you calm me, you inspire me. You are NOT and idiot. I just- that i just have an unusually large brain compared to others!"

You could hear him cringing through the phone after saying that, and you let out a short laugh.

"P-Please I don't know if you've just moved on from me, but i-i. I have to let you know. I think- I think, I mean, I KNOW I actually love you. I mean, I do. I love you. Ive felt this way for a long time. And, and, I want to take you on a date, and we can call each other nicknames. And..kiss, and hold hands. I just miss you, so much. Um, so if you maybe feel the same, I hope you um, respond to this message. My encrypted email is ***@mail.co um okay. Email me, please. I love you."

His voice shook through the entire message, like the same way he would ask favors from a stranger. A nervous wreck.

Tears were streaming down your face. His voice was like home.

You dial back the mystery number.

One hour later, the CIA was at your door. You catch Simon's bashful face toeing in behind them. More tears spring to your eyes, but this time there are happy ones.

----------

A/N: you didn't even use the email. Just called the CIA and got into trouble 😃

#paul dano x reader #danonation #paul dano #my fic #simon feck #simon feck x reader #knight and day #fanfic #battery life

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covenofwives · 2 years ago

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Mannnnnn there are so so so many things that like i keep wanting to dive all the way into even tho I know you can't say anything because there's more fics coming soon aklsdfhjladf. Like rn the thing that has got my head absolutely spinning is the extent of XD and Dream's relationship.

It is SO complicated and already c!dream as a character is already so deep in canon so it's like i wanna know so much about how much it affects in this au. Like what exactly are the feelings XD has over what Dream's been doing. There's bits and pieces here in there we get to see but I so badly wanna know just how it's effecting them, what they think.

How different is Dream in this au to in canon. What is Dream's reasoning in this universe if it's different to what was revealed in the finale of dsmp? Like what is Dream's reasoning compared to what XD THINKS he's doing it for. The estranged relationship between them once Dream is actually out of prison!! Already now, at least in canon, george never visited, and Sapnap literally hates him and has threatened to kill him. i know it's gotta be so freaking interesting and i would literally listen/read about it for hourssss.

idk how much you'd even be willing to share but if you ever do you can make it as long and in depth as you want to go asdjhflkaf. im so freaking excited about everything hhehehaasjdfasfhg

-emmadoodlewrites

This is gonna be a LONG one I think, so i'll put it under the cut for ease of reading (though I don't know if that helps or not haha)

I'll start out by giving a very basic timeline to XD and Dream's realtionship.

So XD came to the Overworld with Dream and Drista to give them a better future. Suddenly going from near no one to interact with to a whole world of people, Dream became overwhelmed with excitement. He wanted to explore and travel and see and meet everyone but XD and Drista were fine to keep their circle small.

Eventually, as Dream gets older, he does get more distant from his siblings. He meets others, wants to spend time with them and talk. He really only came home to sleep and then was out again with friends the next morning. XD could see Dream’s distance was caused by these new friends and experiences and didn’t want to sour Dream’s exploration. He gave Dream space but would still ask for his brother to come home or spend time with the family which Dream always waved off as he was busy with friends. Dream became old enough to move out, Drista then decided she wanted to stay in the Godly Realm and XD stayed on the Overworld but would visit Drista often. With each attempt XD had trying to talk/spend time with Dream being brushed off, XD accepted his fate as always being Dream’s brother, but never being close to him which hurt XD. XD resided himself to be a God/Overseer of things on the Overworld, specifically at the DSMP area. He’d try and keep a Godly distance with it though so his judgement was never swayed so he made no friends and tired to keep out of the DSMP’s business.

Eventually, Dream realised XD was no longer checking in on him or asking him to spend time. Even though Dream always rejected it before, he still noticed when he wouldn’t be asked and believed XD was starting to distance himself because he didn’t want to see Dream anyone. Anytime they did interact, it would be awkward and distant so Dream believed that’s what XD wanted. A classic misunderstanding.

I tried to keep Dream close to canon as possible but that’s just so hard lol especially when we had so little info to work on for years. Basically the reasoning for Dream’s action is still control. He liked being in control of this community he grew with his friends and he liked it when people looked up to him for it. He didn’t like people making their own parties and governments and elections. He wants control because he thinks that’s the only way he can keep his friends safe. He wants to keep things close to him to protect them. He sews seeds of chaos to swoop in for control but it obviously goes wrong. As for XD’s thoughts on it, he tries not to think about it. He’s trying so hard to keep his Godly, distant relationship to anything but it was rapidly failing. He was beginning to develop a friendship for George and slowly talking with Dream again, and getting to know others on the server with helping/saving them. He keeps himself out of the hard stuff going on even though it kills him to do so. He hates seeing Dream act like this and hates hearing stories from people who despise his brother. He wants to keep his brother away for safety but he also wants to let Dream make his own decisions. I imagine XD has probably asked Dream why he is acting like this and Dream wouldn’t have answered him. Just vague “it’s what’s right” or “I have a plan that’ll work” answers. XD was probably close to acting on it when he found out that Dream was thrown into prison which of course killed XD to hear but he agreed to the laws of the DSMP and wouldn’t interfere (even though it pulls him further from Dream and George)

George still didn’t visit Dream and Sapnap is still sworn on revenge in the AU. As for how XD feels about Dream’s escape that will be seen/explored in the next part of the AU fics. What I can say, and is super obvious, is that XD is frantically looking for Dream just like everyone else on the sever. Which is weird right? Because a powerful God should be able to find one mortal. His brother especially. But somehow, Dream keeps evading him. Weird right :)

#emmadoodlewrites #godsiblingau

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chososcamgirl · 1 month ago

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OCCASIONAL RANT ‼️‼️

Hey sigma😈😈 I needed to rant but this didn’t really fit in the daily check in (which I will be uploading soon) so I decided to start these random occasional rants 🤗🤗

WARNING ⚠️ I YAPPED HARD + I WAS A NEGATIVE NANCY IN THIS ONE.. KIND OF A VENT(?) SO IF U DONT FW THAT SKIP THIS AND ILL TAKE THAT AS A SIGN TO STOP YAPPING ABOUT HOW EMO I AM 🔥😈

I WENT TO A GAME TODAY AND U GOT INTO SOME BEEF WITH MY 4LIFER AND OMFG I WAS SOBBING 😭 I TRIED TO HARD TO KEEP IT IN BUT I STARTED FUCKING CRYING IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAME THATS SO NOT SIGMA 😔💔🔥

AND THE PERSON I RANTED ABOUT IN MY LAST CHECK IN (not the girl that carfished as me) SHE TALKED SHIT ABOUT ME N SNITCHED ALL THE STUFF I SAID WITH HER WHEN WE WERE FRIENDS BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT I WAS GIVING HER BAD VIBES.. THE WHOLE DAY WAS A BLUR I DONT RLY REMEMBER WHAT LED TO THIS BEEF BUT NOW WERE TAKING A BREAK ‼️‼️

My friend saw me crying and drove me to the mall for retail therapy… and she payed for me cus I was sobbing the entire time… 💔💔 I FUCKING LOVE HER WNRNENEN SHES SO SWEETTTR… we left the game early just to go to the mall bc she wanted me to feel better 🙁🙁 I’m FUCKING SOBBING THATS LEGIT SO SWEET and she got me a figure im THROWING UP UBEBENENENEKENE 😞🙁💗

I have another social event tmrw idk if i can do it anymore gang.. I’ve been PACKED this entire weekend and my social battery is DRAINEDD + I have a reunion with this old friend tmrw and we’ve been planning it for a while so id feel bad canceling but GOD am I tired.. was already drained from all the social interactions and classes I had and meeting this friend is gonna feel like such a chore 😔😔💔 anrenne i wish I had a high social battery 😢

I think i fucked up the rest of my school year which kind of scares me but we ball ig 💔💔😞 and I kindddd of told ppl my secrets and things I wasn’t supposed to say (about me) so…. 😢😢 someone NEEDS TO STOP ME FROM YAPPING / OVERSHARING

OKOK SORT FOR RANTING POO POO.. DIALY CHRCK IN COMINF SOON‼️‼️ STAY TUNED VRO ILY 😍😍

- 🐺

HII ALPHA!!!! 🐺🐺

RESPONSE UNDER CUT!

i am more than willing to read your rants/vents🙂‍↕️ IF YOU EVER NEED TO MY ASKS R OPEN!! <33

omg no not ur 4lifer that’s horrible :(( i hope u guys made up and she apologised ☹️ being in a fight with ur bff SUCKS and don’t worry crying it totally sigma #NOJUDGEMENT

okay FUCK that friend because why would she say that after you ranted to her HELLO?? she’s an OPP bro don’t engage with her she sounds like a hater😒 but i’m sorry that u had a bad day angel :(( hopefully this week is better for you <3

okay the other friend is an actual SWEETHEART!!! i love her i just know she has a kind soul. i’m so glad she did that for you she’s actually an angel. also don’t feel pressured to go to any more social events if you’re drained because it’ll just end up with you feeling shitty and a waste of time </3 don’t worry about it! i don’t think you have! i think it was just a misunderstanding. it’ll blow over in a week trust me, all school things do it’s not the end of the world. also the secret thing 😭 if u feel like u can trust them definitely yes but girl don’t go telling just anyone!! i say this with genuine concern because it CAN bite you in the back if they decide to use it against you.. but you should be fine🙂‍↕️ i have faith in you!!! DONT APOLOGISE!! ILY VRO‼️‼️😈🫵 i’m missing ur asks this was the last ask i have got from you.. pls tell me ur okay…

#៵ 🐇 ࣪ ִֶָ ⋆ 𝓻𝓮𝓬𝓮𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓭 𝓶𝓪𝓲𝓵 #🐺 anon #🐺 rants

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1d1195 · 8 months ago

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you're SO REAL for calling those children feral bahah Im not sure if you ever answered this but what's your ideal age range to teach?

I AM MOURNING MY HOT PROFESSOR 😭

THOSE DO COUNT BESTIE!!! I am a HUGE supporter for funding the arts especially in public schools! but NOT THE VOICES?! but lowkey me too lol But i bet your voice isn't as bad as you may think!! Also you having a Harry air freshener is very much on brand for you in the best way possible! what's the scent bestie? do you lean more towards sweet scents or floral?

Omg Harry would not want me in a band like that Im not cool enough hahah so i played the tuba... wild bc I started when I was like 7 and it was such an odd instrument for a young child BUT my first music teacher saw like "potential" in me or whatever and honestly i was wanting to play something shiny lol and all my education was done through school and luckily they were all preforming art schools! and like my connection to music is more complex than that but yeah lol which is also why i am a big supporter for anything creative in general!

ALSO THE PHYSICS EXTRA WAS SOOO GOOD!!!! They are just so cute! I do love some angst once in a while and once again I am living through them lol Makes so much sense that they would have this "misunderstanding" of them being official or not. Especially if they never stated it and knowing how the MC does have her insecurities surrounding the girls Harry use to surround herself with, I don't blame her for answering like that! Oh and it was so cute how we got to see them both slightly freak out about one another lol

AND THEY SAID THEY LOVE EACH OTHER😭 AND HARRY ASKING HER TO BE IS GF?! SO CUTE! all of it was so cute! You did so great bestie! Hope you're okay, love you!-💜

It's my own fault tbh. I teach at the high school level. Mainly 14/15 year old hooligans but I have a group of 17/18 year olds that are a delight to teach despite the fact they probs hate me lol. Add in teaching math they get tired of me pretty quick (it was pi day yesterday! 🎉) though I can't imagine why! 😂

I am in no way tooting my own horn but I am a good singer (you would hope, I sang for a really long time. I would think one of my teachers would have told me) I just am too shy to sing in front of people lol

Ma'am the Harry air freshners I have are HORRIBLE scent-wise HAHAHAHAHA but the scent goes away quick and honestly I just keep them to look at Harry while driving. The current one i have is him dressed as Dorothy from Harryween but I think it's time to swap him out for another one. I got them off Etsy! They're really cute even if they smell bad. I don't know how to say this but I don't know what scents I like? I like the idea of florals but it's gotta be subtle. I love the smell of cotton/clean linen type scents (anything that smells fresh) and I also LOVE Christmas candles. If it smells like pine, or balsam, or sandalwood count me in. I want it to smell like a campfire without the campfire if that makes sense.

Harry would appreciate the musicality in you for sure! I bet we could pop some tuba into one of the songs! Music for a Sushi Restaurant already has a lot going on, why not add the tuba as well? It's so special music is something you are so passionate about and I think it's really cool you're into the technical side of things of music as well. I never took music theory (but I hear there is some math involved so I wish I did!) but nonetheless, I love STEM stuff but you can't have one without the other. I think I would die without music.

SO glad you liked Physics! I know you saw I really wasn't sure what to do with it so I'm glad it worked out well! It's really nice I have you to analyze my own writing because sometimes I miss the stuff you point out (like the part regarding how she doesn't know it's official/how he was around other girls) LOL Usually I just write stuff until I see fit and post it without thinking much of it outside of grammar, spellcheck, and making sure it flows okay hehehehe I appreciate you so much! 💕 I think they'll both be much happier being official now too 🤭

hope you have a lovely weekend!

xoxo

#💜#physics

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makahimetenshi · 11 months ago

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Two separated ways - Chapter 9 - Arthur Maxson x Female Sole Survivor x Paladin Danse Fallout 4 Fanfic

I already have the amount of chapters the more I write, so its going to be a full complete fic

If you are very very very delighted with one fic and want a continuation I didn’t write or post you can donate me at least $5 bucks, most of this fics have next chapters I don’t finish because lack of motivation but hey a $5 is a $5, I see a few reviews and comments that fics that are abandoned months laters receive comments of wanting to know what happens next. Here it is, I finished my handling with you all, enjoy the fic

Arthur sighted, defeated.

Goddamit they were still here.

He didn’t wanna do this at all.

It's not that he was unpunctual or anything, but it was the only quarterly meeting he had that he was late for, the only one in the entire year.

Because wasting a little time walking around making it difficult to find him also when someone asked him why he didn't attend the meeting on time he could play dumb saying that he missed it or he hadn't realized what time it is: sounded like a good idea. Maybe they would get tired of waiting and leave, canceling the meeting. But no, they never did, even so he was waiting for the day it would happen and they would actually cancel the damn meeting.

He open the gate and enter like anything happened.

-25 minutes late elder Maxson –said one of the elders of the council sitting on the table.

-Sorry for my delay –answer Arthur

-We sent someone to go look for you –said another more of the elders, a second one.

-Welcome to the quarterly meeting about why Arthur Maxson hasn’t knock up any lady yet–said our dearly maester Maxson to everybody in the room

Silence.

Deserved, completely deserved.

-The sarcasm is unnecessary –spoke a third elder with a very tired voice.

-So does this meeting, I have other business to attend

-Indeed, like your dates with Sentinel Nora –says a fourth elder of the council, Arthur look at him and froze in his place, unable to take his seat on the table.

Silence.

Some elders smiled, some others were surprised.

-See? I told you! –laugh the first elder

-You own me 30 caps! –said the fourth one to the second, well.

This was awkward.

So, people have been talking.

-Look at his face! Seems like a little puppy! –the first elder was having a blast

-I do not…-our man tried to defend himself taking a seat in the same table as them to try to be an equal but…

-Grow up Arthur is obvious –said the third elder very calm in his seat- you make it obvious.

Oh no he didn’t want to be there. People over seventy judging his love life when the only thing they can keep stiff is their arthritic bones. They were all too old to even be his fathers.

-Why do you say so…-why does he feel small? Most of them were shorter than him due to their damaged backs and bones.

-The elder taking a trip twice outside the citadel for barely more than an hour unarmed with almost no security? Where his only sentinel is? Shooked

-Trust me boy we all did the same

-More times for sure

Oh shit they were all mocking him.

-Next time cover better your trips out, your departures leaves a scandalous record of which we are all aware

Something sounded wrong in the back of Maxsons mind.

-And why im not aware of yours?

-My dearest everything you do we already did back in our days –well that doesn’t answer the question.

-With our wifes

-Or mistresses

He suddenly felt bad in this conversation.

-So why do we need to have this meeting if you are all aware…-more than him even from the last day he had that horrible encounter with her.

-Just to remind you –say the first elder, getting a bit serious, sitting better on his seat- than bearing an heir is more important than fooling around –Arthur swallow saliva sinking into his chair- you are still young to name more sentinels, but not so much to bear childrens

-Do not misunderstand us Arthur –said the second elder- we have plenty confidence in the woman you choose

-But not so much in you –said a fifth elder, who didn’t talk at all in the entire meeting- you are 33, it’s a myth than men can keep having childrens forever, kids made from old parents tend to have genetic problems

-Which means, talking clear –speak the third elder, more quiet- that your sperm may not dry but it's going to cut...turn sour...-he smiled a bit, a joke- do not get cocky, you have not as much time as you think

This conversation was odd to have, always, they don’t have any right to interfere in his intimacy. Its not like they were relatives or even that close, not even co workers

-Why is that you have more confidence…in the other side of this…work-gosh that was harsh to say, embarrassing- than mine?

All elders look to each other, and nodded in between.

-She is prewar –yeah but she is 46- has an amazing health –said the fifth elder- the best stats in the entire brotherhood and that’s a lot to say for her age, not even our best initiates at 18 have blood tests that are practically indicative of what they should be

-And, the most important thing –said the fourth elder with a dark gaze- Do you know why in an elderly couple the one who makes the broken children is the father? Because elderly women die in childbirth

Silence.

That was dark.

Now he felt more uncomfortable than ever.

He never agree to this philosophy were women only exist to incubate children and that’s all, his brotherhood sisters were all important, women are not disposable. Less based on their wombs utility

So…his future sons were compromised…he didn’t have much time left either…but in the other hand Nora had even less and much more to loose

-What if I loose them both? –he felt some eyes over his persona, they were testing him on each comment- the mother and the child.

-You must keep trying then –it was cold and horrible to say but the truth needs to be spoken in representation of all the elders- you must secure your lineage before anything happens, pass your blood now that you still can

-Why? –ask Arthur- why something have to happend to me? Im also healthy, my blood levels are good I have very low history with radiation, I will not develop a deadly cancer

-I don’t know –said the third elder interrupting- why don’t you ask Jonathan Maxson?

Arthur sink completely in the pressure frozen in his place, feeling his limbs weak.

Most of the times the council of elders were assholes.

-What we are trying to say –said the second elder- is that we approve this union with Sentinel Nora and hope for the best

-As quickly as possible –interrupted the fourth elder- as this is one of the few times we see you with a woman

-That’s not the subject to discuss today –nonono he wouldn’t be mocked as a sodomite today like when he was a teenager, just because he was timid back then doesn’t mean anything…

-With her clean genes, good health and excellent trajectory in the brotherhood we encourage you to…

-Fulfill your duty to pass on your blood –complete the sentence the fifth elder- and secure the Maxson lineage for good

Silence, again, Arthurs heart began to pound hard on his chest, it hurts, the pressure, physically hurts, he didn’t want to be here anymore, never wanted to cross the door in the first place, sometimes his lastname hurts.

-You are at the edge of your best years Arthur, don’t waste any more time –spoke the second elder, apparently the most chill one, perhaps not the most empathetic but the one who was looking for the correct and softest way to communicate things.

The only reason why they didn’t married him since youth to multiple wives among time is because polyamory isn’t acceptable on the codex, its against the old American society values in which Roger Maxson was born and found the brotherhood.

-Right now Sentinel Nora is the perfect match for you

-But she can die in childbirth, her age is also… -she was confident, she say it, but the possibility was still there.

-As any other woman in the wasteland –the second elder place a hand on top of his, seeing him nervous and stressed- my wife died in childbirth also, our fourth child at 35

-So does mine, and I remarried –say the fourth elder with a dry voice.

-I didn’t –responded the second elder- like I say, Sentinel Nora is at her top prime, at least for our standards, she right now is your best choice.

-And you should take it now –said the third elder- before you are the one with problems

Its true, he always knew this since the beginning, but he was delaying it, he knew he couldn’t run from this forever.

-For the next reunion we hope to have good news, at least an official union –said the fifth elder- that way my daughter will stop asking why you didn’t respond to her file of presentation

Arthur open his eyes wide and look at him.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh

So that’s why he was so quiet.

-I hope this meeting wasn’t too intrusive –say the third elder with a sarcastic smile- but as always our best interest are with the brotherhood. Ad Victoriam.

Well Ad Victoriam I guess…

Arthur walk back to his quarters without any energy or will to live.

Then he remembers something: she said that if she gave birth, she was going to retire from the brotherhood, will the council accept that? with her work, achievements, career and trajectory? Of course they will, she could die at birth if that gives them an heir to his lastname Maxson. He breathed out, Arthur didn’t want that, he didn’t want her to die at all.

She had confidence, in herself, her health and body, she was prepared for this, wanted it, wished to be a mother so much so surely knows how to manage the pregnancy and childbirth.

He was more scared for her than him, and he could be the defective one.

Until the last time they both see each other, she still wanted a baby from him. And now he wanted…no…needs to have a baby, if possible, with her so that way no one would stare at the back of his head in a long time, following when he goes out the citadel.

For that sack of old gags, he was still a Maxson child to be protected, a turbulent teenager with a sodomite past to hide under the carpet, until he knock up a woman and have a baby in his arms with his ADN he was still a blood to reproduce and multiply.

He sighted, breathing with pain.

He can’t have a broken child, no he can’t, that was purposely cruel, it will not survive in the horrifying wastelands. And it wasn’t surely what it was expected from him.

Its okay, he never expected or developed the idea in his mind of making a son with love, pure love between a couple, desire a child made from two loving parents, he always saw it as an obligation, never even internalized it as a goal, as a product of a successful relationship, just like a duty he didn’t know or I didn't know when it was finally going to happen

So he schedule a date with Sentinel Nora, no hurries, just in a free time in his calendar, so as she can see his avaliblity didn’t want to scare her cancelling all his other appoiments making her his top 1 priority, nono, he wasn’t a psyco, but scheduled her anyway, someone will inform that she needs to present at that day and hour in his office…to talk…just talk, maybe that same night dinner and…

Bear a baby…

For Nora it was strange, being called two weeks later since the last time they see each other at the cinema, didn’t exactly end that date in good terms, didn’t actually expect anything else from him and there she was.

And there he was, standing a side of his desk as handsome and masculine as always, the fact that they weren’t good doesn’t change anything of his persona.

-Thank you for coming Sentinel, there’s something important I want to talk about today –he took a moment for himself to breath, looking at the ceiling and then look at her- I know I have been purposely delaying this and I must apologize, im sorry, im really sorry for not being clear from a first instance –she didn’t understand, but he seems nervous and…upset, very very upset to be talking about this- I accept your proposition to…have a child together.

Nora eyes open wide, gasping outloud from her red lips.

-Arthur? –she mumble out of words, frozen in her place, standing on her trembling legs almost falling to the ground at any second.

-Lets as Elder Arthur Maxson and Sentinel Nora have a child…for the sake of the brotherhood of steel

#fallout 4 #elder maxson #sole survivor #arthur maxson #paladin danse #paladin danse x sole survivor #makahimefanfic

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queermycelium · 2 years ago

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Little life update

Btw ive been missing because doomscrolling was becoming a legitimate issue for me, so Ive been taking a step back from social media and I'm trying to mediate how much I use tumblr, down to turning off the infinite scroll.

I also have taken a full step back from POFG because the stress was getting to me. Ever since I started making games theres been some kind of either misunderstanding blown out of proportion or a kid in the public dev server causing problems and it's just way too much. I'm not naming names, i'm not getting into specifics, because frankly every "drama" thats happened in relation to the team was due to misunderstandings and mental illness and the ages we were on all sides (with the very few extreme exceptions where if contact is ever made again ill likely contact authorities) and im not here to bitch and complain on years old drama that i literally dont care about anymore, that doesnt affect my life anymore. It's pretty tiring to be in charge of something like that, and especially since in the last several years its seemed like most issues in server we had to moderate were minors fighting with each other, it was starting to feel like I couldn't interact with the "fanbase" because it felt more like

And then i'd watch my hello be swept into the void on a wave of things that were unrelated to anything I had been working on for them. I was feeling like there was no point in making these fan games because everyone moved on and talked over it. And so the server sat in my list and I stewed on it until I made the decision to leave a couple days ago.

I'm gonna still work on my game, and like I mentioned I will still answer asks on here and the blog for my project, but that's where I'm at now.

#i speak

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potetosaradas · 6 months ago

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OHOHOHOHOHOH TUMBLR USER ALLEYCATT722 >:))))))))))

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING!!!!!!!!! (idk why i cant tag u..?) BUT ANYWAY, HEHEHE, ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN WHY PRECANON PRICKCEST IN PARTICULAR ROTS MY BRAIN LIKE NOTHING ELSE HEHEHEHEHE (its like ive been waiting for this question my entire life) and WHY I CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH OF IT!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER EVER EVER!!!!!!! nYEHEHEHEHEHE (rubbing my hands like a nasty fuckin fly >:))

there are so many reasons why i have obsessed daily for over a year and a half over this particular moment in time between THEY.

FIRST OF ALL, we have canon statements from Rick AND Prime that may have hinted at something more between them than what has been shown to us on screen. Which leads me to believe that they were AT LEAST partners or friends (maybe even fucking im js) but at the VERY LEAST there was something between them in precanon that has not been explored on screen.

Given what Rick Prime's final words were:

“Listen, Rick to Rick, he’s got the weapon plans. Buddy, nip this in the bud. He’s 14. What’s gonna happen the next time he gets mad at grandpa? Let’s do this then. You’re welcome, by the way. I made you. I showed you infinity. And what did you do with it? Hang out with my grandson, raise echoes of my daughter? What’s your life without me?[…] Admit it. You would've been me! I just walked into your garage before you walked into mine! But eventually... you did! YOU LIVED IN MY HOUSE!”

I particularly like to focus on this part: " I made you. I showed you infinity. "

Precanon prickcest allows for SO MANY little brain rot moments that MAY HAVE VERY WELL BEEN CANON!! For example: going on adventures together, making inventions-- generally fucking around doing dumb shit together (refer to the Jerricky episode from s7 lmao) and of COURSE we definitely cannot forget the ice cream..... (if that wasnt proof they were fuckin idk what to tell u sksksksk)

listen, theyre both Ricks. They're both bound to feel strongly and hold onto a grudge but holding onto a grudge for FORTY FUCKIN YEARS IS SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY!!! ive said this before and ill say it again BUT U DONT GET TO HATE SOMEONE THAT BAD WITHOUT LOVING THEM JUST AS HARD BEFOREHAND!!! YES im definitely sure Prime killing Rick's family was the straw that broke the camel's back, but i definitely think that there was something else that happened between them that started causing issues in their alignment with each other. What that misunderstanding/argument was about, I have no idea-- i have a few floating ideas but nothing concrete.

Second of all, Rick's character has been undeniably shaped by Prime's influence on him. A lot of his driving motivations stem from his tangled connection with his alternate self-- and not just ANY alternate self- THE ONLY OTHER RICK TO INVENT PORTAL TRAVEL. There isn't much we know about Young Rick-- but we know for certain that hes going to become a tired, jaded, bitter old man who has doggedly chased after the man who changed his life for FORTY+ YEARS. But i like to think that Rick C137 wasn't bitter and jaded his entire life. Precanon prickcest allows me to speculate on Young Rick as a character (total mystery given how much we know about him) and what he was like. Piecing him backwards from canon material and speculating what happened between him and Prime is so much fun.

SECOND REASON WHY I LOVE PRECANON PRICKCEST. The ANGST i get from prickcest in general is phenomenal... but the angst ONLY BECOMES BETTER (like a mature cheese or wine lol) when you speculate on the Good Times (precanon prickcest) if you've ever been wronged by your best friend, you know that shit sticks with you FOREVER. If you've been wronged by your best friend AND lover? Well...... thats something worth rotting over for 40+ years, dont u think LMAO

Precanon vibes are IMMACULATE (i personally love to focus on moments when Diane wasnt even in the picture and it was just them going out doing space boy shit) but when you add Diane to the mix, things become infinitely complicated. THE ANGST AND GUILT FROM CHEATING!!!!! I am almost 100% convinced that Rick was cheating on Diane with Prime. But for me, it's not about the cheating so much as what Diane and Prime mean to Rick.

Rick was presented with two choices: become a trad husband with a picket fence house and a sweet family to match OR to continue cultivating the scientist in himself, exploring all of the universe (and more!! when you consider the multiverse!) we know that Rick didn't have a happy marriage and he looks down on the concept openly. I WONDER WHY I WONDER WHY I WONDER WHY!!!!!!!!!! :)))))) anyway, in the end, it didn't matter. He lost both Diane and Prime.

THIRDLY-- I am ABSOLUTELY a sucker for dynamics like: best friends, partner in crime, friendly(?) rivals and old married couple and the infamous friends to lovers to enemies vibes and precanon prickcest naturally allows me to explore those dynamics, EVEN WITHOUT having to create a canon-divergent AU with Diane dying, u know? ITS ALL THERE, it just needs to be speculated about hehehe which i do. a lot. especially in my fics KJSADHFKJSAH :'DDD

prickcest is not a super fluffy ship when you think about it and i am a fucking slut for fluff... but u know what!!!! PRECANON PRICKCEST ABSOLUTELY ALLOWS FOR FLUFFY MOMENTS BETWEEN THEY AND I EAT IT UP LIKE A SEAGULL ON HOT CHIPS!!!!!! EVERY DAMN TIME!!!!

anyway basically, I love precanon prickcest bc what is it like to fall so deeply in love with your best friend (who is yourself from an alternate dimension??????? this already brings up so many delicious self questioning/self exploring moments lmaooo) ONLY to be betrayed so horrifically, it rots you for 40 years??????? IDK IDK. IM JUST SAYING.

This rant is mostly from a Young Rick perspective, but GOD THINKING ABOUT PRECANON PRICKCEST FROM PRIME'S PERSPECTIVE IS REALLY WHAT GETS ME GOING IM NGL

…. Maybe got a new prickcest fic in the works KSKSKSK

#ANYWAY HAHAHHA THANK YOU FOR ASKING #hahaha poteto stfu no one asked :/#i literally could go on and on about precanon prickcest #but anyway #I HOPE U CAN SEE WHY PRECANON PRICKCEST IS JUST SO HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #im sorry this got so long LMFAO #deletables

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mycomori · 2 years ago

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trying not tot think about it but now i was feeling after leaving work thursday is still stuck with me i feel sadand just…tired. like im tired of working so hard for nothing. and i would say as much but i’ll just treaty speaking like i always do even when i’ll trying to do is clarify people think i’m being defensive. i don’t know. i’m just tired. im fucjing tired of feeling like everyone always intentionally misunderstands me. or maybe not intentionally. i don’t know. im probably na day expressing myself too. it’s both it’s me too. i don’t know. i’m just tired and i don’t feel good about myself or my job i’m jsut exhausted and used uo and i feel like there’s no point in trying anymore to express myself it feels like a loosing battle like no matter what i say it’s always wrong so i just ned to be quiet and get through this fuckin year review and figure out where i wanna go from here but can o just say i kinda really wish he never came like my life has gotten so much more stressful since and i’m fuckin done with it there’s beginning to be soem resentment i feel and i’m scared dna out to cause i know that will only build of i don’t address it but there is no way to address it like it’s not like i can be honest so here i am maybe i’ll jsut leave a they’ll have to deal with everything i do and god forbid i say it’s stressful or i’m complaining like i’m done with trying to please everyone else and help everyone else when no one extends the smae curtesy to me. it’s been a thing my whole life an d im done with it. i’m done. maybe i should jsut give uo on trying to fit what they want me to be. why not jskt guev up? what’s the point? not on life on this, fuck this job it’s christmas evens nd im sitting here just feeling shitty about everything relating to my job and i think that means something i don’t know. i’m to fucning old to take this shit anymore. im too fucking tired. my stomach is just a pit of so many feleihg i can’t place. i need to talk to my therapist but i can’t until after the holidays. how is This what i’m upset about? not all the trauma or whatever i yet to unpack or even speak about let alone actually ever confront like?????????????? i have more important sit goin on fuck this man i don’t have time to think about this shit and i’m sure as notnot gettin paid to think and stress and feel about this on christmas fucjing eve whike i’m trying to relax in bed wnnny cat fuckt his fuck that fuck it all fuck it fuck it fuck it im gonna get mad high and sit w my cat in bed nice and warm and hopefully it snows again cause it’s just cold rn

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gokartkid · 2 years ago

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12 + 18!

12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

marriage of convenience!! i think theres so much depth you can get... obviously the comedy humour of like oh gosh we have to act married, and then the angst of oh no im ruining it with my feelings, i dont want to lose him as a friend etc. misunderstandings, catharsis. not a trope but also scifi deeply want to dip my fingers into a scifi au.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

from my succession au!

“Max?”

Daniel feels like can’t speak properly, like he’s disturbed some horrible balance by making noise. [i wanted to give the feeling of like. when ur friends argue with their parents in front of you and you feel like you can't make a noise or move at all]

“Fuck.”

It’s animalistic, the noise he makes.

“Fuck!”

Max rips around, grabs the first thing he sees, the bowl in the middle of the desk. He flings it across the room, kicks a chair over.

His movements are wild, untamed, like his limbs are moving without any input from his brain. Daniel watches him tear through the room, his chest heaving. He snaps pens. His gelled hair is coming apart in strands, he screams into his hands, his spread apart manicured fingernails. [max coming undone, daniel as just. a voyeur to this. again, feeling like you can't move or do anything, entirely unprepared for this level of emotion]

There’s nothing Daniel can do. He’s watching a force of nature. He’s watching a tantrum being thrown by a 25 year old man. [this was a line i really liked writing! just because. i think thats how i often feel about these little guys in real life too... we make them as big as they are yk? but actually they are just. 20 somethings. getting angry or being happy etc. just some guy syndrome]

“Fuck.”

This one is tired. Max is surveying his own damage, like he hadn’t even realised what he was doing. There’s shards of plastic on the ground, bits of paper, one of the chairs is broken. It’s like a controlled tornado has swept through the small meeting room.

His eyes are downturned, and he looks exhausted and small. [i think its a relatable feeling, like when you have had a big outburst of emotion, but its almost like. embarrassing and stop-perceiving-me to have to deal with the aftermath of that, like, the fact that your actions have consequences and if you make a mess you have to clean it up, nobody else]

Max drops to his knees and starts gathering the rubbish. His long fingers poke around the ground, his index finger carefully pulling up bits of glass to be placed in his handkerchief. Of course, he has a handkerchief.

Daniel feels like he’s been snapped back into motion, an active participant in the world again. He brings over the bin from the corner of the room and starts to sweep stuff off the table.

He doesn’t know how to ask if Max is okay. They don’t talk about stuff like that. There’s an uncomfortable prickling at the back of the neck. He isn’t sure if it’s the awkwardness, sadness, or anger. [daniel is so bad at talking about feelings in all the worlds i put him in. universal constant. also specifically his relationship with max here, keeping him happy, keeping an unconscious emotional distance from him too, to be so close to someone but both of you have yourselves locked up because realistically, either of them opening up fully to the other. that would be a stupid move :/]

#yeah.....#tyty!#asks

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embers-burning-bright · 4 years ago

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deleted tumblr off my phone last night only to boot it up again on my desktop and remember Exactly Why i deleted it

#embers-hoots #im not vagueing anyone who can read this so dont be worried <3 #i just keep checking discourse tags for music i dig and its killing me slowly #everyone is so blatently missing the point of a song on gender nonconformity and being labelless #and its the worst!#most of them are kids (like 15 years old) so like #i get it i used to be like you #but man please be more rational when you grow up #what you are saying isnt helpful- in fact your backhandedly hurting gender nonconforming/labelless folk with misunderstanding #its not a song that says 'fuck you if you're trans or use labels'#its literally just a song about 'hey labels arent for me and dont work for others either- labels are just a construct'#and thats??? true??#theres bigger issues than this #dont write off someones whole discography for saying 'i dont like labels' while ignoring the bands that have like actually damaging stuff #you are firing your guns the wrong way and its only gonna make you sad #arent you tired? dont you just want to enjoy things?#be critical of content but dont let it eat you alive #otherwise you'll never like anything #anyway im done here #i was tired of tumblr anyway for other reasons- but me being unable to stop checking on this discourse is damaging to me #so im not leaving tumblr but im gonna be way less active #same with twitter #if anyone wants me- discord me or smth #feel free to ask for my tag #i'll be around but just not as often #take care

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tatakaebomb · 3 years ago

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Keeping you safe

ꕥ Pairing : Yandere! Levi Ackerman x Reader

ꕥ Synopsis : There’s nothing wrong with protecting the one you love most right? He’s right, Levi is risking everything for you.

ꕥ Word count : 4.4k

ꕥ A/N : This is very much inspired by the Netflix show “You” , hope you enjoy :)

ꕥ TW : yandere behaviour, stalking, invasion of privacy, vouyerism, masterbation, kidnapping, betrayal, deception, indoctrinated behaviour, stockholm syndrome, jealousy, mentions of character death, non-con, dub-con, misunderstanding, smut, pinching, slapping, bondage, bdsm, sadist ideas, OLD, hyper obsession, possession, marking, fingering, wall sex (LOL), psycho neighbour tings, mental illness, forced love, unreciprocated love, abuse (?), a whole lotta smut, obvious joe goldberg kin, 18+

You hold onto the heavy box as you walk up the stairs into your new apartment, huffs and puffs leaving your lips as you drop it to the floor with a loud thud. What a massive pain in the ass, theres like 10 more of these and you're suppose to somehow bring them up the stairs, since the elevator decides to stop working right when you move in.

On top of that, its almost the beginning of Summer and you've just so happened to be blessed with weather so hot you feel like your body is melting.

Great, you've always been so lucky.

Your attention gets drawn to the apartment next door to yours, a tired-looking man wearing a black suit turning around to lock the door to his apartment, his dark hair falling neatly on his face.

This must be your new neighbour.

"Heyy" You call out smiling, wiping the sweat that formed on your forehead.

He raises his eyebrows and looks down at the box, putting two and two together.

"Ah, you're the new girl, nice to meet you" He looks back up at you, his cold grey eyes glaring into yours.

You put a hand out to greet him and he shakes it firmly.

"I'm Y/N"

"Levi " He replies before letting go, stepping back and switching his gaze to the box in front of you yet again.

"That's all you got?" He chuckles, and you scratch the back of your neck embarassed,

"Uhm, it's all i managed to carry, the rest are downstairs"

He looks down at his sleeve, sliding it up to reveal a nice vintage looking watch on his wrist.

" I can help with those, my class doesn't start for another hour or so " He says, and you defensively put your hands up,

"Oh i wouldn't wanna bother you, your professor would probably be mad if you were late "

You say and he lets out a laugh, fixing his tie.

You look at him and knit your eyebrows, you figured he's probably a law student, those wear suits don't they?

"Im, hah, Im actually a professor " He stutters on his words, small smile plastered on his lips.

Your mouth drops in shock and you give him a nudge,

" Im sorry, i would of never guessed" You giggle awkwardly.

He places a hand on your shoulder gently,

"Don't worry about it, it's my first year "

You stay silent, looking up at him making him drop his hand and quickly bend down to pick up your box without saying another word, lifting it as if its light as a feather.

You plop down on your couch and exhale loudly, watching him place down the last box left with a quiet grunt.

"That should be all"

He nods down at you,

"Thank you so much, Levi " You begin, fluttering the bottom material of your t shirt up in hopes of cooling yourself down, "You're a real life saver"

He avoids eye contact, looking down at his hands,

"Ah it's fine, i should really get go-"

You interrupt him by standing up from the couch and walking towards him, making him slowly raise his gaze up your body, focusing on the way your hips sway in the denim shorts you're wearing.

The way he stares at you, its so innocently perverted and that doesn't even make sense.

" No really, i owe you, dinner tonight after work? "

You manage to choke out, trying to ignore the fact he's clearly eyeing your chest.

He stays silent for a few seconds and you gulp, crossing your arms anxiously waiting for an answer.

"Sounds great, i'll swing by at 7"

He finally answers with a smile before making his way towards the door.

You walk behind him and see him out, waving your hand with an innocent smile,

"See you soon!"

"See you, Y/N" He smirks before turning around, his voice deepening as your name rolls off his tongue. You quickly shut the door and lock it before sliding down it with a loud sigh. He's definitely got to be the most awkward but hot guy you've ever met, what's up with that?

You clear your head and start cleaning the house in preparation for the dinner. Once you've done cleaning everything up, you take a quick shower and start making the dinner. You prepare the pasta, deciding on carbonara for the night. Once you finished decorating the plates neatly you check the time and realise you have just about 15 minutes to get ready, that should be enough time.

You quickly change out of your clothes, picking your favourite short dress, the white colour bringing out your curves and as the clock strikes 7, the doorbell rings. You hurry over to open the door, a small nervous smile plastered on your lips.

You watch Levi as he pushes his wet hair back, a dazed look creeping on your face while you freeze to take in the sight, grey sweatpants and a black tank top clinging off his body.

"Can i.. come in?" He asks raising an eyebrow, pulling you out of your trace as you step back and let the door open.

"Y-yeah sorry" You mumble out, quickly stepping towards the dinner table.

He follows after you and takes a seat at the table, letting a small "mm" escapes his lips as he watches you twirl around the kitchen to grab some forks.

"This smells good, Y/N"

You awkwardly giggle and take a seat in front of him, leaning down to put the forks on the table.

"Thank you, i hope you like it i didn't know what to make and-" You trail off before getting interrupted, a small smile tugging out the corner of his lips as he stares at you,

"No it's perfect, thank you"

You begin eating, exchanging small chatter between the two of you. You found out he's a little older than you and lived in the building for quite some time. Your nerves started to settle once the conversation starts flowing, and it felt like only mere minutes have passed.

You press on the screen of your phone, your mouth dropping at the 10pm on your screen.

"What is it?" He asks with a low chuckle.

"It's already 10" You look up into his cold grey eyes as you start clearing up the table, the sparkle on them fading with a frown.

"Shit, i have to wake up at 6 tomorrow"

You put the dishes in the sink and places a hand on his shoulder from behind, making him turn his head and look up at you.

"You should get some sleep, Levi"

He stands up from the table and coughs, whiffs of his cologne filling your senses as he turns around to face you. Your body backs up slightly into the kitchen counter as he gets closer,

"Thanks, i really needed something like this" He lets out a low murmur.

You flutter your eyelashes looking up at him, your eyes scanning his features pausing to look at his lips before looking back up into his eyes.

"My pleasure" You softly say, a blush forming on your face.

He takes a step back and you finally feel like you can breathe when he turns around and starts heading for the door.

You open the door and see him out,

"Feel free to come by anytime" You say as he starts slowly making his way to his apartment, making him pause and look back at you with a smirk.

"Goodnight, Y/N"

"Goodnight"

He enters his apartment and closes the door.

You close your door and bite on your lower lip, this guy really is something different.

___

And thats how it started, the late nights and the movie marathons, you packing him lunches for work and making him tea, even occasionally dropping by his place to clean up when he couldn't find the time to.

You were perfect to him, in every aspect and every way imaginable. The way your laughter sounds so genuine, the way you raise an eyebrow and smile shyly when he makes a suggestive joke, the way you part your lips to speak.

You were so pure and raw, it mesmerised him.

He started focusing less on work because of you, constantly day dreaming of a day you'd finally let him in, the day you'd tell him you felt the same.

Levi knew he has to keep you safe, he has to do anything in his power to protect you, no matter the risk. And thats why, he did what he had to.

___

You stuff your mouth with the remaining popcorn, lifting your head off Levi's shoulder as the end credit scenes rolled on the screen. It started becoming almost like a tradition, every Saturday you'd call him over and pick a movie to watch with him.

You giggled, watching Levi's tired eyes slowly become droopy.

"What? didn't like the movie?" You ask, poking a finger into his chest.

"No! The guy was so insane" He lets out, dusting off his shirt.

"Haha, i know, kinda reminded me of my ex a little"

He lifts an eyebrow and stares down at you, concerned look on his face. Ex boyfriend?

"How so?"

"Ah he was like really controlling and followed me everywhere i went, i ended up running away after we broke it off "

"Im sorry" Levi lets out, lowering his gaze.

Silence falls between the two of you before you stand up from the couch, throwing a pillow at him to lighten the mood.

He stands up and throws the pillow back, lazy smile creeping on his lips.

"Im gonna go sleep"

"Boo, old man" You laugh, laying back down on the couch.

___

He stares at you, smile slowly fading from his lips as his mind starts wondering to other places remembering what you said.

How could he sleep peacefully knowing a man might be out there looking for you? Looking to cause you harm, to...take you away from him.

___

"What?" You flutter your eyelashes, and he shakes his head before making his way quickly towards the door.

"Night you brat"

"Night" You yell out before hearing the door click shut.

___

The next morning it was a Sunday, he knew you'd be out doing grocery shopping from 8am to 9:30 on the dot, he made sure to note that carefully over the past few weeks.

And so he puts his ear against his own door, listening in closely for the rattling of your keys before your footsteps trailing down the hallway.

He steps out and quietly makes his way to your door, bending down to pick up the spare key you always left under your matt.

He couldn't bare the thought of you possibly getting hurt, of not hearing your laugh again or seeing your pretty eyes sparkle when you looked at him. He had to do something about it, so he started walking around your apartment, placing small wireless cameras in every corner of every room.

"This is right" Levi thought to himself as he fixed up the last camera in your room.

"Im doing this to protect her, im doing this for her.. for us"

He made his way out before locking your door and sliding the spare key under your matt.

He made his way back to the apartment and turned on his laptop, making sure everything was working fine and watching the cameras display your room one by one on the screen.

He smiled as he watched you as you drop your grocery bags on the kitchen table and picking up you phone, typing something down.

A notification blared from his phone and he picked it up, his smile growing larger to see the text message from you.

Y/N

Breakfast at mine? <3

(read 9:35am)

Levi

Be down in a few <3

(read 9:36am)

He replies before locking his phone, biting his lip watching you drop your phone on the kitchen table and smiling before standing up, humming to a tune of a song as your hips swayed while going through the bags. You were an angel, his angel.

___

You quickly take the toast out and place some butter on it, waiting for Levi to come through the door. He always seemed so tired because he overworks himself and you thought a little breakfast might cheer him up.

Levi opens the door and sits down at the table, grinning up at you.

"Good morning chef, what we got?"

You giggle and place the plate in front of him before sitting down next to him with your own plate of food.

"We have eggs and bacon, with some toast on the side" You say dramatically, making him chuckle.

"I gotta say, you make the best food " He mumbles, stuffing his mouth with another piece of bacon.

"I know, you should really start paying me" You give him a wink, making him choke on the piece of food. You laugh and quickly hand him a glass of water,

"Are you alright?"

"Yup- yeah just choking at your ridiculous ego" He chuckles out and you roll your eyes and hit him in the arm playfully.

"You love it"

He stays silent and continues eating. He does. You just know it.

___

No more texts.

No more phone calls no more breakfasts and dinners. No more of you showing any attention to Levi for the past week, you didn't even spend the Saturday with him like you usually do.

He would often watch you sit on your bed and type away at your phone for hours on end, giggling and staring at the screen, sometimes biting on your lip as a flustered expression showed on your face.

Who could you be texting, who got your full attention now?

___

It was Monday night and Levi just finished grading some papers, his mind starting to wonder if you would be asleep at this hour.

What you'd be doing, why haven't you called him over at least once, nothing made sense.

He loosens his tie and unbuttons the two top buttons of his dress shirt, eyes glued to the laptop's screen watching you step out of the shower, towel loosely wrapped around your delicate skin.

His breath hitches as he watches you drop the towel, revealing your naked body right in front of the camera, turning around to stare at your ass in the mirror in your room.

He feels his cock beginning to strain against the material of his pants, and he slowly palms himself through his trousers, quiet groans escaping his lips as he watches you grab at your ass cheeks.

The camera was placed in the corner of your mirror, and you started gazing at your naked body in the reflection, examining all the angles before giving your ass a light smack as a slight gasp leaves your lips.

Fuck

Levi desperately unbuttons his pants, taking his hard cock out and running his hand over it lazily.

Hearing that small gasp, god it made his heart drop.

He watches you carefully sit on the bed, legs parting as you look at yourself in the mirror.

The second your hand dropped down between your legs, he started stroking himself quicker, cursing under his breath as he listens to the sinful moans coming out of your mouth.

As you both neared your orgasm, your moans became more broken and he bit at his lips, his cock twitching as he watches you throw your head back as you cum, causing him to cuss out and finish all over his hand.

"Eren" A moan slips past your lips as you close your eyes and ride out your high on your fingers.

He widens his eyes, anger making them glow as he pants watching you slowly take your fingers out your body plopping down on your bed.

Eren? Your ex Eren? He couldn't believe what he just heard.

___

He quickly cleans himself up before returning to the laptop on his desk, the sound of you moaning another man's name replaying again and again in his head. The pain in his chest grew as he watched you resume to playing on your phone, laying on your stomach as your feet dangle in the air carefree.

You looked so innocent, even after doing something so dirty. He begins wondering if he just heard things, theres no way his angel would moan such a thing.

Your phone rings from the other side of the camera and he nervously turns up the volume of his laptop as you pick it up and point the camera towards you.

"Hey girl" A woman's voice calls out from your phone.

Levi sighs of relief, thank god.

"You wouldn't believe it" You twirl your hair as the other girl giggles.

"Whatt?"

"I've been texting Eren and we're like, meant to meet up"

No.. theres no way..

"Oh my god Y/N, what about Levi? you told me loads about him!"

His face softens, his eyes filled with jealously waiting patiently for your reply.

"I ghosted him, i don't know what to do" You yell out into the phone panicked,

"When are you meeting up?"

" You remember those lunches we'd both have at at our favourite place? We're eating lunch there Friday"

"Ooo"

He shuts the cameras. No more. He doesn't want to hear you any longer, your voice going higher pitched in excitement talking about someone else. Someone that isn't him. It wasn't right, you belonged with him.

He starts searching your name on the web, a quick google search leading him to your own facebook page. Thankfully it was public, and pictures of you and Eren were plastered all over it, making his teeth grit at the sight. He looks at the location in the corner of one of your post, noting it down on a piece of paper. Lunch on Friday at this burger joint huh?

___

Friday 11:30 PM

You do your hair nicely and send a text out to Eren before heading out. You drive down to your old favourite burger joint, excitement rushing over your body as you step inside, sitting down at the booth you’d always sit at.

You place an order and wait for 30 minutes, anxiety overtaking when you still find yourself sitting alone.

You bring out your phone to text him.

Eren

Are you still coming

Im gonna go home

No reply. You sigh disappointed and finish eating your meal before heading back home.

___

Levi watches you cuddle up into bed, sounds of your muffled crying filling your room. He frowns and watches you slowly drifting off to sleep. He did it for your own safety. For you.

___

You wake up, eyes red and sore and head banging from the night before. Slowly bringing your hand towards the running water coming from your faucet.

Ice cold. Fucking great.

You get dressed and grab a towel before leaving your apartment.

___

The cameras flash on and you walk out with a towel, what are you do-

___

*rattle*

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

“Levi could you let me use your shower please?”

Your voice calls from behind the door making Levi jump up from his seat, pressing the power off button in a hurry. What he didn’t realise though, is that it didn’t power off fully.

The door unlocks and swings open,

“Head in, i’ll go make you some coffee yeah?” Levi smiles, looking down at you.

You give him an innocent smile and start walking towards the bathroom,

“Thank you, Levi”

“No prob, dummy”

You smile at the little nickname, closing the door behind you and getting undressed, quickly taking your shower.

Levi was such a sweetheart, although you’ve been avoiding him for days, he acts like nothing happened and just welcomes you with open arms. Maybe Eren not showing up is better, maybe its better this way.

You step out of the shower, a notification coming from Levi’s desk catching your eye. You walk over and slightly run your hand over the mouse, and the sight makes your stomach turn as you let out a gasp.

“What the fuck..” You whisper out, and before you knew it, you felt a hit to your head making your vision blur and dark.

___

You wake up with your hands tied to the back of a chair in the middle of the apartment, wincing in pain at the throbbing headache at the back of your head.

“L-Levi” You stutter, your gaze falling on the dark haired man as he sighs and sits on a chair in front of you. You struggle against the rope, whining as your eyes starting to water, the reality finally settling in.

Levi brings a hand to your face, cupping it and wiping away a tear shushing you.

“Don’t cry.. shh listen to me”

“Let me go!” You yell out, moving your head from side to side frantically.

“LISTEN TO ME!” His voice booms through the apartment making you jump and let out a small “mmph” as your lower lip begin to quiver in fear.

You stay silent, watching him pace around the room agitatedly.

“I never wanted for it to get here,” He begins, chuckling at his own words.

“I did this for you Y/N, for us”

You spit at him, missing and landing on the floor making him raise his eyebrows.

“THERE IS NO US , You’re sick… oh god, all this time you- you-“ You let out a broken yell as you begin sobbing.

“I did it to protect you”

“FROM WHAT LEVI? You think im gonna fucking believe you”

“From Eren, you said-“

“Holy shit, what did you do to him?”

He stays silent, sitting back down on the chair.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?” You yell out.

“I did what i had to because i love you, stop being ungrateful” His hair falls over his face as he spits out calmly, his soulless grey eyes never once leaving yours.

You break. Completely. Tears stop rolling down your face and you’re met with the worst nightmare you could ever imagine of, your breathing becoming harsher as you choke on your words.

“I could never love you”

He sits up from his chair, grabbing your face roughly making you look up at him.

“After all I’ve done” He lands a harsh blow to your thigh, making a small whimper leave your lips.

“Tell me, Y/N, was it all for nothing?” He frowns, getting closer to your face.

“You’re sick”

He crashes his lips down on your desperately, making you push your head back trying to avoid it as you struggle against the chair.

You whimper into his mouth as you feel his hand drop down to your tits, firmly grabbing them as he deepens the kiss. An unwanted moan escapes from your mouth as you feel him pinch your nipples roughly, making him part his lips from yours.

“You like it, don’t you?” He pants, a smirk tugging out the corner of your lips.

“N-no” You melt under his touch as he lifts up your shirt, his cold hands coming into contact with your hard nipples making you gasp.

He lowers his head to your neck and starts leading a trail of bites and kisses to your ear.

“ You did this, you made me like this ” He whispers against your earlobe, making a shiver run through you as you bite down on your bottom lip, suppressing moans.

“S-stop” You try to coherently say, your face reddening at the realisation it came out in a broken moan instead.

He hums again your skin as he lowers his hand to your pants, swiftly ripping the material revealing your entrence, glistening with your own arousal.

He looks up at you as he gently starts rubbing circles on your clit,

“Mm, you sure you want me to stop?”

You try to speak, but nothing but whines and moans manage to come out as he quickens his pace.

“L-Levi” You let out as you feel his fingers enter you, thrusting in and out perfectly hitting your g spot.

He groans at the sound of his name coming from your lips in the form of a moan. His name. It was like music to his ears finally getting to hear what he long dreamed of.

His eyes meet yours for a second before he presses his lips to yours, moans spilling into his mouth as he continues working his fingers in your cunt, your stomach twisting as you feel yourself tighten down and cum on his fingers.

He bites on your lower lip as he breaks the kiss, your legs beginning to shake against his fingers.

“Such a good girl for me” He praises before taking his fingers out and landing a blow on your throbbing clit, making you throw your head back as you exhale.

He lowers his pants and lifts tugs desperately at the ropes, breaking them allowing him to pick you up and pin you to the wall. You wrap your arms around him and hold yourself up, rolling your eyes back when you feel him slowly push inside you.

“Fuck- so tight” He groans, and you let out a loud moan when he doesn’t give you any time to adjust, bouncing you up and down on his cock.

“H-harder, g’nna cum” You moan loud, making him snap his hips to yours faster, the tip of his cock hitting the spot inside you making you unable to think straight.

“Mm yeah? You love it don’t you?” He groans as his page slows down, feeling you clench your walls down on him.

“I fucking love it - I love you” You cuss out as you feel yourself cum for the 2nd time.

“Fuck-fuck say that again” He groans against your ear, dropping you down further on his cock.

“I love you, Levi” You let out a broken whisper as you feel him empty out inside of you, a string of curses leaving his lips as he bites down into your neck, filling you with streams of cum.

You pant out as he quickly drops you down on his couch, his cock still resting inside of you as you lay down under him.

“I’ve been waiting for that for a while” He mumbles, and you run a hand through his hair.

“Yeah.. i could tell” You giggle making him snap his eyes to yours.

“Hey, fucks that suppose to mean?”

You both begin laughing, a tired sloppy kiss exchanged between you.

Once you truly calmed down and let him talk, he made you understand why he did what he did, although you didn’t get many details, you didn’t need to. It was true, you did love him.

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