#be critical of content but dont let it eat you alive

[embers-burning-bright]

deleted tumblr off my phone last night only to boot it up again on my desktop and remember Exactly Why i deleted it

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

[milofuckedup]

Questionnaire; task 2

read more about my boy under the cut

Basic Character Questions

First name?  Milo

Last names? Blevins

Middle names? Dean

Nicknames? Mi, Mimi, Spacey

Date of birth? September 9th 1996

Age? 23

Physical / Appearance

Height? 6″0

Build? Athletic, lanky

Hair colour? Honey Brunette

Hair style? Mess of locks across his head

Eye colour? Blue

Glasses or contact lenses? Neither

Scars or birthmarks? cigarette burns across his arms, a scar above his right eye

Tattoos? none

Physical or mental handicaps? none

Type of clothes? thrift store chic. He lives in light washed jeans and old button down shirts

Race / Ethnicity? caucasian 

Mannerisms? fidgety, stuttery, always rubbing his lips 

Personality

What words or phrases do they overuse? “im sorry” “lets play a game” “can we go home?”

Do they have a catchphrase? No

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic? pessimistic

Are they introverted or extroverted? VERY introverted

Do they ever put on airs? no

What bad habits do they have? smoking, drinking, running away 

What makes them laugh out loud? just about everything

How do they display affection? gently nuzzling his head into you, resting his head on your shoulder, holding your hand. He likes to be touched softly

How do they want to be seen by others? like a nice person, someone who loves deeply and genuinely 

How do they see themselves? as actual human garbage 

Strongest character trait? sensitivity 

Weakest character trait? sensitivity 

How competitive are they? not at all

Do they make snap judgements or take time to consider? he over things EVERYTHING

How do they react to praise? awkwardly

How do they react to criticism? crying

What is their greatest fear? spiders

What are their biggest secrets? he is sure that everyone in his life hates him, they all want him gone, so he works with everything that he has to try and get people to stay

When was the last time they cried? right now, he is probably crying this moment. 

What haunts them? his father

What will they stand up for? his friends, his loved ones, never himself

Are they indoorsy or outdoorsy? indoorsy

What is their sinful little habit? chainsmoker 

What quality do they most value in a friend? honesty, loyalty, wont leave him

What do they consider an overrated virtue? Dignity 

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be? his inability to speak about what he wants, what he likes, what he needs from someone

What is their obsession? reading

What are their pet peeves? people biting their nails. 

Friends and Family

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of? hes all alone. 

What is their perception of family? that it isnt who you are born with it is who you chose. 

Do they have siblings? Older or younger? none

Describe their best friend. Luna Olsson she is selfless, and thoughtful and has picked Milo up more times than he can count, she is the on person on this planet he trusts enough to live with, he loves her more than he thought he could, he has let her in more than anyone else. 

Ideal best friend? See Above

Describe their other friends. Hudson the person he always turns to when life gets too tough. Tanner  the man that he can always have fun with, turn his brain off with and just let himself breathe with. Rion someone who has always been perfect and loving and gentle with him. 

Do they have any pets? no 

Past and Future

What was your character like as a baby? As a child? he was a quiet baby, and a well behaved child, he did everything that he could to get his mother to stop abandoning him  

Did they grow up rich or poor? DIRT poor

Did they grow up nurtured or neglected? neglected 

What is their greatest achievement? staying alive

What was their first kiss like? awkward, fumbly, he threw up afterwards because his stomach was in knots

What is the worst thing they did to someone they loved? make them feel like they were second best

What are their ambitions? maybe get his GED one day

What advice would they give their younger self? its all shit, dont even bother trying

What smells remind them of their childhood? burning tires, old gas stations, and piss under bridges

What was their childhood ambition? to stay alive

What is their best childhood memory? his 10th birthday his best friend came over with a cupcake and remembered the day while his mom was drugged up on the couch

What is their worst childhood memory? take your fuckin pick. 

Did they have an imaginary childhood friend? no

When was the last time they were crushed with disappointment? every day 

What past act are they most ashamed of? any time he has ever been intimate with someone 

What past act are they most proud of? any time he has been intimate with someone 

Love

Do they believe in love at first sight? no 

Are they in a relationship? no 

How do they behave in a relationship? like a lovesick puppy, very clingy, very needy, asks if they still love him every twenty five seconds 

When did you character last have sex? two years ago

Has your character ever been in love? yes

Have they ever had their heart broken? yes

Conflict

How do they respond to a threat? tears

Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? his tongue 

If your character could only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be? the teddy bear his grandma gave him

What do they love to hate? reality television 

What are their phobias? spiders, the dark, being alone

What living person do they most despise? no one 

Have they ever been bullied or teased? his whole life 

Where do they go when they’re angry? on a long drive to the next town over 

Who are their enemies and why? he doesnt like to have any 

Work, Education and Hobbies

What is their current job? gas station clerk 

What do they think about their current job? he hates it

What are some of their past jobs? gas station clerk, thief, drug dealer

What are their hobbies? reading, writing, singing 

Educational background? didnt get ANY formal education

Do they have a natural talent for something? singing 

Do they play a sport? Are they any good? god no 

What is their socioeconomic status? lower lower lower class 

Favourites

What is their favourite animal? cats 

What place would they most like to visit? england 

What is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen? the beach at night 

What is their favourite song? halloween - hunny 

Music, art, reading preferred? music: indie. Art: abstract. Reading: character studies 

What is their favourite color? green

Favourite food: chicken tenders and fries

What is their favourite day of the week? friday night

Possessions

What is in their fridge: ketchup, sauces, lemons

What is on their bedside table? books, a glass of water 

What is in their car? absolutely nothing

What is in their purse or wallet? his id, and his library card

What is in their pockets? a packet of gum, his phone, his empty wallet, his keys, two rings that he takes on and off 

What is their most treasured possession? his book collection

Spirituality

Who or what is your character’s guardian angel? doesnt have one

Do they believe in the afterlife? no

What are their religious views? none

What do they think heaven is? a full fridge and your best friends 

What do they think hell is? other people

Are they superstitious? no 

What would they like to be reincarnated as? a house cat

How would they like to die? car accident or sleep 

What is your character’s spirit animal? field mouse

What is their zodiac sign? virgo

Values

What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person? abandonment 

When did they last lie? he doesnt really lie, he mainly omits truths

what is their view of lying? he hates it, thinks its despicable 

When did they last make a promise? last week 

Did they keep or break their last promise? he broke it

Daily life

What are their eating habits? whenever he can, he will eat whatever is in front of him. 

Do they have any allergies? pollen 

Describe their home. small, dingey, covered in books, a bed on the floor, empty fridge 

Are they minimalist or a clutter hoarder? clutter hoarder 

What do they do first thing on a weekday morning? sleep, he just finished the night shift

What do they do on a Sunday afternoon? go for a walk and take a picnic

What do they do on a Friday night? stay in and read

What is the soft drink of choice? sprite

What is their alcoholic drink of choice? whiskey neat

Miscellaneous

Who is their hero? he doesnt have any

What or who would your character dress up as for Halloween? dracula

If they could save one person, who would it be?

If they could call one person for help, who would it be?

What is their greatest extravagance? he owns an iphone 5 

What is their greatest regret? hurting angel @angclhqs​

What would they do if they won the lottery? buy a house, donate the rest

Do they believe in happy endings? no 

What is their idea of perfect happiness? a good book, electricity on, and a cup of tea 

What would they ask a fortune teller? how long until I am content

If your character could travel through time, where would they go? 2200 

If they could have a superpower, what would they choose? invisibility 

[moonchildhcs]

yoonpark hcs

ugh this gif ! the hecking flavor

anyways uwu hello again my friends today we return to our moonchild with some hecking fresh content,,, some yoonpark

but this time with some additional Spice. Some Flavor.

*youtuber voice* let just jump right into it

yall met at a club oopsies but it does not play out the way you think it does !

u and persi were at the club like a couple of losers and persi was tipsy but u were just. fucking drunk and u were RAMBLING about the composition of the song currently blasting through the club and you were like “tHis, my dudes, is fucking GARBAGE”

u proceeded to go on a ten minute tangent about why this song was trashy and awful even though a different song has been playing for a while now

and yoongi, slightly tipsy, looks at you and goes Oh? I Too Have Strong Feelings On The Music Selections

and u feel. someone staring at you and you turn around and its this?? hot guy?? and ur like Oh Fuck Dude Persi-

but persi has YEETED away its now just you, in your booth, with a drink, and ur boii is like “this is my chance” and he slides in and ur lik FUCK

but you guys hit it off and spend the rest of the night talking about music and stuff and eventually yall get each others numbers before you each head ur seperate ways back home

u wake up in the morning with a massive hangover going what the HECK while persi hands u some water, cackling as they tell you to check ur phone

and u DO and theres this guy,,,, in ur texts,, telling you good morning and he hopes your hangover isnt too bad since you drank a lot

he also mentions that you have good music taste

and u YODEL

and that is how yall meet !!! and tbh yall didnt see each other in person fora while but turns out hes the cutest yet snarkiest boy ever and yall text daily!!! turns out hes an aspiring producer and musician and ur just. in LOVE!!

but its also the same for bb boii because hearing you talk about languages and ur love for teaching (also the fact that ur not a native korean speaker but ur still so good at it?? his heart goes doki doki just for you) and hes just So Very In Love with you and your passion and drive !!!!

and yall grew closer and closer before,,, yall go out on a bit of a date but also just to hang out its Hard To Tell but ur both a bit nervous so its moreso like a date uwu

and yall hang around a history museum before going out to the City and visit markets and stores and eat dinner and stuff (dont worry he remember how picky you are and made sure he found a nice place with multiple options that would appeal to you !!) before yall hit a music store !! yall explore the albums available there but also the instruments and ur like wow these are all so cool !! and then,,

yoongi sits down by the piano and starts playing this super short piece but ur heart, goes doki doki and ur like heck im hecking in love

u stand there shellshocked as yoongi waves his hand in front of ur face like ?? hello??? maam???

anyways after more dates like that yall make it Official and u guys are legit so cute and dorky its unbelievable

although yall do love going out and exploring, especially at night,, yall treasure those indoors dates as well when youre both just too tired to go out and have fun !! it consists of wiggling to some choice music, binge watching a good series, dramatic readings of some nice books, napping together, trying (and failing) to make some food before ordering takeout, etc

also sometimes ur indoors dates do devolve into criticizing some of the more questionable music tastes of the other 

yoongi: dude halsey sounds like the baninis and avocados vine

you: she does and i love her for it, now shut the fuck up before i bring up kanye west

yoongi: bitch you better stop i get it i once had bad taste but i CHANGED

jokes jokes but fr yall are such big hecking nerds about stuff together of course you have music in common !! its a big interest of both of yours but you guys also have your own other interests !!!

you both love love photography so you both can be spotted just going out to explore and take photos, but also if one fo you wakes up early you take a cute pic of the other while theyre sleeping and then you wake up bc of the clicking sound and u both lie there giggling and being cutiepies

also he knows ur not necessarily the biggest fan of basketball and you dont necessarily go out of ur way to play it but this boy, this absolute nerd, loves to flex on you with his basketball skills dont even @ him on this okay

yoongi: heyo wanna do a competition on who can spin a basketball on there finger the longest

you: eh i think ill pass

yoongi: what if,,, i bought you some filipino food

you: Bring It On, Bitch Boy

yall playfully call each other insults btw but its all in good fun and only done occasionally !! usually yall call each other by ur names but !! sometimes yoongi drops a casual pet name and u go,,, Oh Worm??

and sometimes when u wanna embarass him u call him the sweetest, cringiest pet names in public, ESPECIALLY in front of his six bffs and they all go Oh? Yoongles? Baby? Sweetie Pie? Parker’s Pumpy Umpy Umpkin?? and he is out for the kill now sleep with one eye open parker

also pls do expect some hecking COOL trakc she made dedicated to you he made one for your 1 year anniversary and u cried because sometime its just instrumentals but this time it included a rlly heartfelt rap and u SOBBED nd hes like OOPS but also hehehe

also u both sometimes struggle with mental health and u guys just have,, the others fave comfort foods saved in the notes app and when one of yall texts the other going “sorry had a rough day” yall pick up the others fave foods then go and cuddle them

but if ur rough patches coincide yall do ur best to motivate the other to at least get smth small done that day so you can both be proud that in spite of it all you still made at least some progress :)

anyways you guys are the sweetest, cutest, dweebiest couple alive an god do we stan !!! just go ahead and flex on the rest of us with your functional healthy and cute relationship

but also here comes the s p i c e

hello??? yes i had to include at least some spice to this i mentioned spice a l o t

anyways ur the biggest brat to grace the earth and our boy loves to make you fucking weep and submit to him oopsies

hes a lot more dominant than his exterior lets him on to be ! and the marks on your skin (and by skin i mean All Over Your Body) only goes to show that he has no mercy and if you purposely tease him even a lil he will absolutely wreck you

he likes seeing u in lingerie !! like can either of you, one a musician the other a hopeful linguist and teacher, afford these expensive ass sets? no, but he loves seeing you in white lace and not even god could stop him ! unfortunate how sometimes he gets too rough and tears it off and u dont say anything in the moment but when you wake up the next morning, sore as fuck, you look at the remains of the cute lingerie and go,, yoongi that was 200 bucks

and hes like huh? thats awful spicy

anyways ur both initially a bit quiet during sex but when u accidentally let slip that ur just a bit of a degradee ur boy,, loses it

and from now on he dirty talks you to the high heavens and ur like FUCK because sometimes he calls you his whore but other times he sarcastically calls you princess and ur like,,, heck

also :^) his tongue technology is no joke :^) when he eats you out all of ur neighbors find out his name oopsies because he knows exactly what to do with his tongue and ur there, shaking, enjoying it all

honestly just expect to be sore

but he isnt always this intense !! sometimes he just wants to be close to you and yall spoon and stuff

or he might have had a long day producing so you just ride him

also some might say he sleeps immediately after sex but i think hed make sure that youre totally fine first

like he cleans you up with a towel, runs you a bath if you have the energy, and cuddles you and once ur both settled THEN will he fall asleep

[sarcasmo-mexicano]

A little mesagge for you

December 28th 2017

A week or so I tried to take my own life by taking an overdose of pills. Im telling you this because I want to tell you something very important this new year's eve, that happen after I was more stable.

I attempt to kill myself because, probably just as you, I thought that life wasnt worth all the pain I was going through; That it wasnt worth it being here, that I was talentess and that everyone was better than I could ever be. Or that I was just dead weight on everyone's else lives. You may or may not feel like this right now, and that there it goes another year wasted. Wait, let me tell you some things I learn after my, accident.

People care about you. You may not feel like it, but they really do. I dont know your exact relationship with your family, but I can assure at least some of them care and love you. I dont know if you have a close group of friends or just one bff, but they DO care and love you. They worry about you and just want the best for you. You may not feel like it, because if they worry they will try and help you right? You have a total right to think like this. But please think about that they are facing their own fight, yes?

Life its worth living. I know, I know, its sound very cliche and kinda annoying coming from someone you dont even know right? But it is. I hope you dont have an accident like mine to realize this. Because after what I did, I realize that I was glad I was alive.

There its so many things you have still need and would want experience. Like going to trips to place you love, or eat your favorite food, watch that movie you like, read that book that you love, pet a dog, adopt a pet! Kiss someone. Hug someone. There so many good things! Of course, with their good share of bad things that im sure you are gonna face just smoothly.

Asking for help its not an act of weekness. Ask for a friend to just listen to you, vent to someone on the internet, going to a therapist, taking medicine, taking stress off your shoulders. Listen to my very clear. ASKING FOR HELP ITS NOT A WEAKNESS. If anything it makes you the most brave and strong person I would know.

Its very hard to ask for help, and doing things to be ok with oneself. I know it is. And I know you may think that doing so its just you giving up. But its not! Im telling you right not that its the bravest thing you will ever do! Im a very lucky person that have access to a therapist and a psychiatrist. These things are expensive as fuck, and not everyone has the access to it. But if you can, search for your local therapist, or your school advicer. Its better than nothing. You would feel like its difficult at first, but then you will see how much you needed it. Ok? Trust me.

There is so much I want to tell you ok? But I cannot find the words!

I want to tell you that you are such a talented person. That you have ideas that nobody else could think of! And its all yours! That your style its unique and you will eventually get better, but you have to keep drawing or writing my good buddy! Im sorry thats how it is! I know you will sometimes feel like someone "its better than you". Let me tell you something. EVERYONE ITS BETTER THAN SOMEONE ELSE ALMOST ALL THE TIME. The trick its to know this, while accepting that you are good on your own way too! Please keep drawing, please keep creating stories. I cannot wait to see them! Praise people who are just starting, praise someone who its trying (a hint, we all are!) Dont be afraid to talk to them, about how much you enjoy their content! Give kind critics, kind advices. Dont be afraid to follow them on their media, or share their works (with credits of course!). We are all talented on our way and its perfectly fine to feel like this, but when you do, PLEASE DRAW OR WRITE MORE! You will see that even its not what you expect of yourself, YOU ARE STILL GOOD!

To my buddies on discord, you are an amazing group of people I had the honor and luck to met, and to talk to, and I hope this new year that comes bring you so much happiness and new opportunities to grow as the wonderful person I know you are. Remmeber, its not a weakness to ask for help. You are good on your own way. Life its worth living even when there its bad stuff around the good stuff. And last an not less, you are loved. Someone, somewhere its caring about you.

Good day my friend. Lets face 2018 with a smile and kind hearts.

Yours truly, Casmo.

[hermannsgayhands]

i was talking abt this w my mom a few days ago and like im sure it wasnt an active, conscious decision like “hey lets take this incredibly rare physically disabled scifi action hero and this other guy (who he is definitely gay with) who is pretty undoubtedly ND and uh.......completely ruin their lives" but thats kind of. also the problem

im sure it wasnt an active conscious decision when the only disabled characters in anything ever at all were the cheesy villains in wheelchairs, but it was still a decision and these decisions have a real world impact. (if they didnt then we could basically just completely scrap the concept of representation in general, and also apparently the movie jaws never happened.) these decisions also show a lot of implicit bias, like, theres a reason that for a while (and still now to an extent) the only disabled characters in anything were evil, and it was because the people creating those characters couldnt envision a disabled character who was good and heroic or a protagonist or even just Not Evil, because they see disability as a bad thing, and it ends up being used as a shorthand to be like “this character is disabled, which is bad, so THEYRE ALSO bad.” subconscious decisions are still decisions and its important to examine and be critical of the decisions we make and why, especially when its wrt a marginalized group like this. implicit bias is a thing.

so i dont think it was conscious, but that also means that they werent considering the fact that disabled people are watching these movies too, which means theyre not considering what disabled people got out of the first one. hermann is so, so important to me as a disabled character. hermann in the first movie was and still is really special, because hes there, hes a SCIFI ACTION HERO, hes OUT THERE, hes not just behind the scenes, he can be kind of a dick (which is itself pretty refreshing when u take into account the angelic disabled person trope), he has a close relationship (literally however you want to look at it) with someone who doesnt coddle or baby him or act Uncomfortably Nice the way abled people do a lot of the time, because you know its a fake nice, and then hes ALIVE at the end, hes with his friend who he just saved the world with, and hes HAPPY

even now, when we are Starting to move past when the only disabled characters in anything are caricatures and villains, you also gotta look at the kinda thing we gotta deal with even in content ABOUT disabled characters thats marketed (for some godforsaken reason) to us: in me before you, a disabled person killing himself is framed as a romantic gesture. they want you to think its a good thing, and people did. in everything everything, the “””chronically ill””” character can only end up pursuing a relationship or feeling like her life is worth living when it turns out she was never chronically ill to begin with and it was actually just another case of munchausen by proxy (which is ~the big twist~ in SO MUCH SHIT LIKE THIS). so many movies with characters w chronic pain have them as addicts, when 1-people w chronic pain taking painkillers isnt addiction, even if they end up with a tolerance or having to adjust their doses, because that can happen with almost any medication, and 2-this is harmful both for people dealing with addiction and for people w chronic pain, because misinformation is never good for anyone, including 3-leading people to being denied treatment, INCLUDING 4-ive been told by TWO different nurse practitioners that i NEED to LIE if im ever in the ER, and say that i dont have one of my conditions because even if im there for something completely unrelated to pain, i will likely end up being denied treatment entirely because of how much stigma there is around chronic pain in general and around this specific diagnosis. basically: Shits Not Great and the media we consume has a huge impact on that.

pacific rim doesnt make hermann not disabled or try to sugarcoat it. theres no cure. theres no looking for a cure. hes treated like a real, full character the same as all the other characters. hes given fleshed-out relationships and he gets to be a hero. hes alive at the end. hes alive and hes happy and these things are so fucking small but even that is COMPLETELY beyond anything we can reasonably expect from like......anything. even stuff thats supposed to be about us. hermann is like if youve been trying to eat drawings of food for years and then suddenly someone throws you a multi-course meal just for funsies and youre like “Holy Shit This Is What Food Tastes Like, You Guys, Are You Aware Of This?? oh you are because youve already been eating this whole time BUT GUYS HOLY SHIT”

pacrim ended with a disabled action hero alive and happy with his friend, and since there was no guarantee or expectation of a sequel, that was just. how it ended. it ended and he was happy. but pr:u did a complete 180 and basically this is why im literally just making my own shit with my own disabled characters because it is genuinely exhausting having to deal with this even in a series where i thought i could expect Something, even if it was just for hermann to not be completely miserable and alone and deceived the entire movie. there is probably not going to be a third one, so we go from pacrim ending with a happy, alive disabled character to pacrim ending with a disabled character going through so much shit only to end up alone with basically no chance of any resolution, and not even bothering to show how hes reacting to everyone else being like “woo yay we stopped newt from killing everyone.” like their relationship can be important enough for the Drama but not enough for the followup to show how this is actually affecting the people involved.

basically pr:u treated the disabled character(s) the way i can expect everything else to treat disabled characters which was really disappointing and emotionally exhausting after what the first one gave us.