#im just so sad
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Me trying to gaslight myself to just enjoy the dlc for what it is (they ruined one of my top 3 favorite fictional characters of all time)
#elden ring#dlc eldenring#shadow of the erdtree#MIQUELLA#my boy im so so sad guys#my sweet fav fearsome guy#anyways im actually rlly trying to look hedonistic at it but istg#im just so sad#wonder how miquella-everywhere is coping
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Snoopy keychain broke and I am devastated. Got home and the head was gone😭😭😭😭
#literally bought it like a month ago#AND IT WAS SO CUTE#ignore this btw#not star trek#Im just so sad#🥲🥲🥲
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I want to just rewatch this movie over and over again, but the amount of fanfiction between my ship is so minimal that it's putting me off from rewatching it
#“you were fine before you found fanfiction”#i was fine as a baby before i ate solid food too but that doesnt mean i want to go back to that#i have rewatched this movie probably 50+ times so its not like ill never watch it again#im just so sad#wtffff 😭😭😭#being apart of a small fandom is genuinely so cursed#“just write your own” at this point im considering it#fanfiction#fanfic#ao3#ao3 fanfic#archives of our own#fanfiction.net#wattpad#otp#i guess i can see this as preperation for when I run out of fanfic between my popular ships#i think ill have to be institutionalized when that happens
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im not handling it well folks
#im going to try my hardest to take a break from tumblr#funny. on oct 15 i said: no more tumblr. too much hate and discourse.#and ...#it was very comforting the first days but now im just so sad? i seriously cant move on and i think its bc of me being here#i see liam and im sad#i see any of the boys and im sad#i see posts from before oct 16 and im sad#i see posts from after oct 16 an im sad#any 1d mention#any death and grief#everything is hitting me bad#i see other celebrities i get sad#liam was finally on his way to make more music he loved. and sharing it with everybody. he should be here. alive.#i still have hotel and balcony filtered#i saw some weird blog investigating liam's passing???? what the fuck#im just so sad#im scared of checking facebook and insta. also knowing theres still ppl talking about this in a disrespectful way. people hating.#im trying not to let it get to me but it is affecting me#i dont know if me avoiding social media and any 1d mention will help#i tried reading fic bc i love fanfics so much (just hl i cant really read the other boys) but i couldnt#i still felt so heavy#pehwjkrhfkjhgg how do you do this#it really will hurt a lifetime#i will try to check in when zayn starts tour#goddddd poor darling#im saaaaaaaaad#much love yall <3#it did made me happy seeing you guys reblog stuff with love and fond. keep it going<3#will stick with youtube and twitch lol#🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
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#sigh#just listening to music I use to listen to 10 years ago to feel the pain#im just so sad#i undestand everyone but dont#i hate this sadness it feels me whole#the pit
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well i sent my mum a photo of the deed poll while i stayed at a friends house and i thought the conversation we had after that really meant we were gonna go somewhere because we both expressed our feelings but i just got home and she said that shes told my dad about it but we aren't gonna talk about it until she gets back from a holiday (like just under 2 weeks away) because she doesn't want to go on holiday with me and my dad upset. i just don't even know what to do we're acting like everything is normal and its all just really getting to me and upsetting me when i have this big moment coming up (signing it monday with my friends). i even text my mum last night that i hate that when i do something that makes me really happy i know she won't be happy with me :( idk im just feeling hurt now today and shes acting like i didn't express my feelings to her about being scared to talk about it with her.
#unsupportive family#deed poll#trans things#trans man#trans#im just so sad#i really thought we were getting somewhere
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spoken word poetry is a religion and my gods are blythe baird, phil kaye, andrea gibson, sabrina benaim, kait rokowski, olivia gatwood and most other performers on button poetry. i love and respect them so much. fuck concerts if i ever get to see these people performing in person i’d cry so hard i love them so much of course they’re on youtube and here are some of my favourites on spotify
#just listened to my grandmothers ballroom by phil kaye and im crying so hard#i miss her more than i’d even like to admit and it’s so hard#im just so sad#andrea gibson’s the day you died because you wanted to#and relapse by blythe baird#sabrina benhaim’s how to fold a memory.#god im so#there was this one called tropical depression idk who it’s by#and this one called eat your heart out was so powerful like i start shaking at the thought of it#and rachel wiley’s poetry about being the fat girl is just *screams into a pillow*#man whatever i want to be as great as them someday#button poetry#figments
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were saying goodbye to neo in 33 hours, ive been crying all week and tonight i cant sleep at all… so i will share some photos of my most special and loving and cuddly and magnetic boy
i wish i could have had twelve more years with you
#neopash nation#he lost a lot of weight. we found out its oral cancer#theres nothing we could do except make him comfortable#and give him time to see some of his favorite people again#since he started declining he hasnt been able to lounge on his side and back and be a doting older brother and#im just so sad#hold your pets close idk#neo is so special and his favorite place to be is on me#and its going to be very sad never feeling that comforting weight again or his little paws reaching up to touch my face while he naps#:(
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and today in "why is fandom so antisemitic" just blocked two more followers in my sideblog, which makes it about 10 of what would have been almost 35 followers over a couple months. because the "all israelis are evil" bs is really big in mcyt circles.
also haven't watched the new season of hc because I don't want to touch the fandom anymore and enjoying things alone isn't as fun when you know there's a fandom. but also the fandom is full of people that wish I was dead so I dont want to be there either. which means right now the only things in my life are the jewish bloggers I follow (love yall) and doing daily challenges in microsoft solitaire. and university ig but it's the weekend and Im trying not to think about my homework rn
also gave up and made a "btw Im israeli plz stop following me if u want me dead" post on the sideblog. hope it works ig.
#its also wild bc I do fandom art on that blog and people love it#even my dad thought it was awesome enough to commission me for his own work stuff once! thats awesome#I got paid for the art I did for him with a merch hoodie from the fandom#and I love it and I love the art I did and I love the original content its based on.#but I cant even watch the new season without thinking about how I want to liveblog but cant because liveblogging attracts attention#and fandom attention scares me now. half a year ago I worked nonstop to get any amount of positive attention in the fandom#I stopped family dinners to watch new episodes and liveblog half an hour after the sessions were out to get people to see my posts#and now. I want none of that#a month or so ago I joined the community discord. the people were so nice to me#and then I went to the vent channel. bc someone mentioned there's i/p stuff in there. its all anti-israel#to the point I felt uncomfortable staying there despite never saying a word about where I'm from beforehand. almost felt unsafe to be there#just... that fandom prides itself on trying so hard to be wholesome and safe after the dsmp fandom ended up so toxic#and here they are wishing I was never born#because I never would have been born if not for this country. my grandparents on my dads side met in the resistance against the british#my parents met at uni. they never wouldve met if not for this country#I wouldnt be alive if not for this country and while I dont like the government I love this country so much#Im just so sad#ישראבלר
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The one thing no one really tells you about is how lonely it is to be an adult.
That you will just lose all your friends one way or another;
men,
moving to a new job,
poor texting skills,
being the one who has to plan everything.
Just slowly drifting away.
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#im so jealous of friends spending their holidays with their loving families and loving partners it's not healthy it's not normal#im happy for them but im so jealous i wish that could be me too i wish i could have experiences like that too i wish to be happy#and im i such a bad person to deserve no family no friends no anything ever and if that's the case how can i know such good ppl#like it just doesnt make sense to me i wish to have traditions to have a supporting network and it's not that i dont itsjust im not the#priority and im tired of being sick jealous of happy ppl im just so sick of basically only evrr talking to my mom i hate it so much#im just so sad#g.txt
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CHARLESSS
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"I have drowned in my sins, repented for my misgivings and prayed until daylight for seven years but nothing has been given. My lungs scar with burns etched with your name and I do not know how to make it go away."
Signed,
KB
#poetry#original poetry#my own work#new poets on tumblr#poem#ptsd#trauma#religious trauma#sh#grief#im just so sad#mental health
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If this is what it feels like to know someone is dying, I don’t want to actual grief. I can’t survive this now. He won’t make it and neither will I.
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well 🧍♀️ as a reminder this blog is NOT a safe space for trump supporters but it IS a safe place for women, queers, trans ppl, people of color, undocumented people, and any marginalized group.
#if youre feeling upset or disillusioned i am right there with you#but now more than ever#i want to remind you of the importance of community#check in on your friends#advocate for your friends#protect your friends#protect your community and who you love and care about#and we will get through this#my dms and inbox are always open#even if you just want to vent#im also so sad right now but we have to be strong and stick together right now#(also if youre not american pls understand this affects us all and to not invalidate the feelings of americans)
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