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( drabble ) smoke and fuck ! ୨୧ 一 이희승 ՞
⸃ ⸰ ⌁ heeseung being your plugヾ
plug!heeseung・ reader g ・ smut cw ・weed usage, oral sex ( M ), unprotected sex, dirty talk wc ・ 0.8k | click to library
「 ୨୧ authors note 」 plug heeseung will hit every. single. time 😮💨
heeseung 🍃. i'm here… 10:30 pm read
not even bothering to change out of your sleep shorts and zip up hoodie; slipping on your slippers, taking your money you had waiting on your dresser along with your keys and out the door you were.
heeseung parked right in front of your apartment; sending you a text sitting his phone in the cup holder as he waited for you to come out. normally heeseung didn’t make late night house calls, but for you; he’d do anything for, even if they meant bringing you weed at 11:00 at night. “heeseung.”
you exited the building to were his car was parked, knocking on the slightly rolled down window. he rolled down the window, you leaned over. “you could’ve just come up.” he smiled seeing your pouty face. “it’s cold.” he looked at your attire; you looked good. “it’s late, i should be in bed.” he teased. “i came because you called me.” you scoffed. “you’re getting paid aren’t you?” he flagged you off. “why do you keep on trying to pay me? your money is no good here.” he reached in his glove compartment, grabbing the leafy substance. “here princess.”
you went to reach for it but he pulled it back. “heeseung it’s cold.” you whined, he chuckled. you forced back a smile trying not to egg him on, he always did it — and you always fell for it. “get in then,” he said. “it’s late.” you said, he rolled his eyes. “that hasn’t stopped you before, come on, let's roll one up together.” biting down on his plump bottom lip as his eyes traveled down your body. “i’ll make it worth your wild, you know i will…”
“oh fuck baby.” he groaned, his head thrown back against the head of the back seat of his car — you on your knees; your mouth working down on his cock, everytime he came to see you it always ended like this. “shit love this fucking mouth of yours.” he held the back of your head; guiding you up and down his length, his hips occasionally bucking up causing you to gag. “sh-shit , feels so fucking good.” the lit blunt in his hand. “damn.” he moaned, bringing the blunt to his lip, taking a puff and exhaling. “fuck speed up.”
you wrapped your hands around his thick length , twisting your hands as you bobbed your head up and down; spit coating his cock messily. “sucking my dick like a good little whore fuck im gonna cum.” he groaned. “gonna cum down your tight little throat.” he groaned, pushing your head down — cock twitching as cum shot from his tip coating the back of your throat. “fuck get up.”
you climbed into the man’s lap; unzipping your sweater. “came out here without a shirt or a bra.” he chuckled. “you came out here ready to be fucked, so desperate.” he passed you the blunt, you took it between your fingers, taking a long drag, he grabbed your face pulling your lips close to his, letting you blow smoke into his mouth. “and you came here at 11 at night to fuck me, what does that make you?”
he slapped your ass; you yelped. “ow, that shit hurts.” he rubbed the sore cheek. “you’re right baby we’re both desperate.” he took the fully smoked blunt from your hand, throwing it out the car; his vehicle now filled with smoke. “so why aren’t you full of my cock right now?”
you pulled your shorts to the side; he was stroking his wet cock, sighing as you sunk down on his cock. “mhm fuck heeseung.” he smirked as you held his shoulders, his cock fulling you out deliciously. “that’s it princess.” the high you both were in amplifying your pleasure. “shit this pussy is the best.” he groaned. “love it so much.”
he held your waist, keeping you steady as you found your speed, bouncing up and down on his cock. “ye-yeah shit.” he groaned. “fuck me.” this was the reason he came out so late; he’d come out at 2 in the morning if you wanted him to — because he knew he’d have you fucking yourself on him in his car high every single time, no matter how many times you tried barley to play hard to get. “fuck baby keep bouncing gonna cum.”
he slapped your ass rubbing the soreness. “fuck hee!” you screamed, his hips bucking up. “yeah fuck princess i feel your pussy twitching on me, you gonna cum?” you nodded. “fu-fuck hee, im gonna cum, im gonna fucking cum!” you shrieked. “shit cum for me!” he head thrown back again once again as you came. “oh fuck!”
you pulled off of him, both your hands wrapping around his length stroking his cock until his thick sticky cum shit from his cock, covering your hand. “oh fuck.” he sighed, you chuckled out of breath. “how many times are you gonna trick me into coming out here?”
“trick you?” he questioned. “sweets the baby the way you were bouncing on my dick, you knew what you wanted when you came out here.” he said. “lay back now.” he pulled your shorts down. “look at this pretty pussy.” he groaned biting his lip. “so ready to be eaten.”
“gonna make you cum on my tongue a few times, roll you another blunt and then fuck this pretty pussy again.”
©️LUVYENI
#lee heeseung x reader#lee heeseung smut#lee heeseung hard hours#lee heeseung hard thoughts#lee heeseung fic#heeseung smut#heeseung hard thoughts#heeseung x reader#heeseung x female reader#enhypen x female reader#enhypen x reader#enhypen smut#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#heeseung drabbles
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FINE ill review it DAMN
Review of hellraiser heartbreaker
Playlist:
Murder on the Dancefloor - Sophie Ellis Bextor
Tommy Gun - Royal Republic
Do I Wanna Know - Arctic Monkeys
Tell Me The Truth - Two Feet
Undisclosed Desires - Muse
Jolene - Beyonce
I Wanna Be Yours - Foxy Shazam
Chapter 1.
Yoo lmao young wolvie is like "whats wrong with this guy?" And wades SOOO excited to be beat the shit out of.
"Let my babt boy go >:( you big meanies" ahh wade you silly thing.
Sokay baby boy dawww
Flirty kitty it is
Remeber kiddos introducing two wolverines in a very small area is NOT advised. Young wolvie is like a kitten, his hair going up and growling because hes scared and Logan growling to admit dominance and maturity over him. Jeez lousie.
"Ahahah behave" wade honey I bet logan loves when you defend his place in your life.
Chapter 2.
Oooh what a good start I love how hes sitting here staring at wade because he knows him and logan is NOT having it. He knows what young pups try to do, they try to steal your mate and hes not about to let that happen.
Pfft logan really said "ah hell nah id fuck anything back then im coming too"
THEY FUCKING VAN GOUGHED ME HAS TO BE ONE OF THE BEST LINES EVER
“This is why you’re my favorite.”
Logan tried hard not to smirk at that. He failed.
That right there confirms that wade KNOWS logan is jealous already and is lowkey trying hard not to entice younger wolverine too much because he knows he's gonna kill him.
I should thank Wade then. I should thank him very thoroughly .”
Oh so youve chosen death little one?
"Gotcha you pointy little bitch!" Me at my splinters.
Aww man wade is being so careful with both of them, hes just less careful with you logan cause your younger has a collar on right now thats all.
Did you forget your wade is one of the top mercs there is? He never has NOT gotten a job done, which means handling wolvie with care you stupid old man.
Chapter 3.
Yo he already said no once. Leave it.
He finna kill you, you better start acting right.
“I said no.” There was no hint of playfulness or friendliness there. Just finality. It was enough to make Wolverine back down.
See? I told you. God you little degenerate. You need trained that no means no sheesh.
Yeah those hips are quick but they aint for you
Awwww logan got him rabbits like a good hound dog. Bro really said "man I need to impress my mate lemme go kill some innocent rabbits to eat"
Finding food and showing how reliable he could be to Wade.
“Oh Logan,” that was a new tone from Wade. Affectionate. Directed at Logan. Not at him.
Yes exactly.
Wade brought me home
He sure as fuck did. He might as well collar you with his name on it too. Big strong boy. All jealous of a little inexperienced wolvie. Psshh lets be so for real.
“I don't see a ring, asshole.”
“Don't. Fucking. Touch. Him.”
ALEXA!! PLAY SINGLE LADIES FOR THE EPIC FIGHT THATS ABOUTA HAPPENA
Suddenly, the tip of a katana pushed against Logan’s cheek.
“What did I say about fighting?” Wade panted, his white eyes glaring. There was that seriousness in his voice again. Logan rolled his eyes at him. The katana pushed into Logan’s cheek until a trail of blood came out.
tHIS IS WHAT I KEEP SAYING!! wade does NOT fuck around when it comes to jobs! He was taught and trained to ALWAYS finish the job. Hes terrifying bro I would literally kill myself if I knew this man was after me because id be afraid hed play with me and not kill me fast enough.
Both of you need to settle your shit. I can’t have you guys fucking my mission up
Exhibit B. Do NOT come between an adhd man and his dopamine and his dopamine is finishing missions and getting cash.
Ooh my poor baby though. Like seriously you need a shock collar and maybe neutered bc holy hell no is non existent to you but you just miss your own. Its a shame yours always dies. Its really not fair. But you cant just go stealing other peoples wades either. Hes limited edition baby. If him and his poolcule dont invite you you cant touchy.
Got inspired by PrettyPonyRideToHell’s fic Hellraiser, Heartbreaker
Never knew I needed Worst Wolvie having to deal with his little shit, younger self and with Wade ofc caught in the middle 😌✨
#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#logan howlett#wade wilson#deadpool#deadpool 3#wolverine#deadclaws#fic review
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Confessions Part 2
matt x fem reader
summary - after matt confesses to his bsf drunk he is forced to tell her the truth and it ends up leading to something more than just a friendship
part one
(dividers by me give credit if gonna use)
⚠️warnings⚠️suggestive content,no smut (sorry)
As the morning glow seeps through the black curtains and fills the room i start to stir awake. I open my eyes as the sun hits my face i start to remember all last night, all matt's words were suddenly coming back into my knowledge even though i wish to just forget them. I see that matt's still sleeping so i slip away like a sly fox into the kitchen hoping to not wake the three sleeping boys up. I look into the fridge for any kind of drink that isn't soda. To no surprise there wasn't only pepsi's and dr pepper's. i go into the cabinet to grab a glass and i fill it with water from the fridge for matt. i grab advil and i make some butter toast to keep his stomach from hurting or from throwing up. As i slowly slip back into the room i notice matt isnt in is bed. i place the items in my hands on his nightstand and lay back into the bed and scroll on my phone till he gets back from what i thought he was doing. i thought matt was showering, well he was but he wasn't washing his body or his hair. He was faintly moaning and i could hear through the door. Did he forget i was here? is he doing it on purpose? or is he hurt and im just being dirty? What do i do? After hearing him a bit more it's obvious he isn't hurt and those are moans of pleasure. I can hear him moan my name slowly between soft whimpers. After 15 minutes of his shower i hear the water stop. Before he gets back in here i have to leave and do something away from his bathroom i can't have him knowing i just listened to him do that and i can't have him know it made me soaked. So i do, I get up and go back into the kitchen getting chris and nick the same things i got matt so i didnt look like a weirdo. I hear footsteps from nicks staircase i look over and nicks coming down rubbing his head and sighing loudly "is this for me?" he says referring to the toast, water, and medicine. "yeah for you and chris." i say getting chris's last peice of toast out from the toaster. "did matt get one? also chr-" nick says before getting interrupted by matt. "hey why don't i get toast not fair!" he says his wet hair still clinging to his forehead. "chill you did its in your room on your nightstand i thought you were still sleeping but i heard the water running." i say finishing up chris's toast as i watch heat rise to matt's face him realizing that i could've heard him moaning my name. "oh okay i'll um give this to chris" he says taking the plate from my hands. " oh there's a girl down there let me do it." nick says taking the plate from matt. "thanks nick!" i say shouting so he can hear me. After nick comes back up he grabs his toast says his goodbyes then he heads upstairs. "so y'had fun last night huh?" i say to matt. "well the parts i can remember yeah" he says with a mouthful of toast. "oh figures you don't remember anything." i say giggling at the boy who doesn't know what he said the very night before. "why are you lauging? what did i do last night that's making you laugh like that" he says covering his face with his hands. "wellll do you really wanna know?" i say still slightly laughing. "yes i want to know was it embarrassing did people laugh at me?" he says still covering his face "well first it's something you said and did but nobody else was around so-" he interrupts me "i don't wanna know i don't wanna know." he says getting up and puting his plate in the sink then sitting on the couch trying to remember anything he did or said last night. "are you sure it's kinda important." i say sitting on the couch next to him. " uh oh" he says. making it seem like he knows exactly what im talking about.
Time skip
After 3 hours of me and matt sitting on our phones and having only small conversations he finally said something to me that was more than a small conversation or a joke. "So about what i said last night" i turn my phone off as he speaks. "what about it?" , " did i say it in the club orr?" my heart starts to race for some odd reason i shouldn't be nervous around matt i never am. "well there were a few things you said. and did" , "okay but what would you say was thw worst this i did." i think back to last night when he asked me to change infront of him but that wasn't bad we do it all the time, finally it came to me. " well we were at the club and y-" suddenly he cuts me off "nonono i don't wanna hear just yet so we were at the club okay now where were we when i said the worst thing i said all night." , "well it really wasn't that bad it's just i don't think you would say it when you weren't drinking" , "yeah but where were we?" , "we were here and i was trying to sleep but you wouldn't shut up about-" he cuts me off again. " no i don't wanna hear it. yet" , " okay when do you want to hear it?" , "I don't know but i think i know exactly what i told you and i-" i cut him off with a soft kiss to his lips. Matt kisses you back almost immediately, he softly grabs your cheek as you wrap your arms around his neck. "i- i" matt try's to speak but cuts himself off. "what matt?" i say still looking at him even though he's looking down now. "i didn't want to tell you this because your my bestfriend but i-" he doesn't finish is sentence once again. "what mat-" he cuts me of by saying "i love you." The room goes silent. I don't know what to say. "and i know i shouldn't because your my bestfriend but please don't go silent please don't stop talking to me." he says still looking anywhere my into my eyes. "i-" matt cuts me off before i can speak "i'll drive you home if you don't wanna be here i unde-" i cut him off "i love you too matt." he looks at me finally in the eyes. "wait you do?" he says with a look of relief on his face. "yes matt but you don't know how to shut up so" i say before he pulls me back into the kiss, it feels like the whole world stopped just because of a silly little drunk confession. "now how about i show you to my room and i have a even better thing we can do back there." he says pulling me off the couch. As we're walking back to his room i can't help but be excited over this new beggining.
i thought i posted this 3 days ago but i just saved it to my drafts also im sorry it's short and not that good my great grandmother just passed and i havent been doing the best but i will make a smut soon to makeup for this
#matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo#i love matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo fluff#sturniolo triplets#smut#matt stuniolo fanfic#christopher sturniolo#matt x reader#matthew sturniolo#chris x reader
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i loveeee love love how logan still loves wade like those are couple goals right there
NO BC LIKE IN THE WALKING DEAD LIKE if you had a "pet zombie" then other people would be scared of you but I love how here, other people would be scared because of LOGAN. like by now they know not to mess with the zombie with the dude with the claws as its owner WAIT
he/it pronouns for wade??? pretty please????? i love it so much and by 'it' i mean the thought of wade using those pronouns and wade in general
some other group would try to kill wade bc hes a zombie but THEY end up severely injured/dead instead because logan saw them just before they could touch wade
they get to have one little post apocalyptic family and its amazingggggg. imagine them having dinner and wade just has a chunk of logan on his plate. laura rolls her eyes affectionately at the soft look in logans eyes and gabbys just sitting there trying to hide her giggles. shes so happy that their little family is still complete, they ALL are and AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH
i absolutely loveeeeeeee that dementia-ish state that wade gets into whenever he turns fully zombie and forgets logan for a while. whats the longest it had gone for??? GOD the horror that struck logan when it happened for the first time and when it lasted longer than usual. imagine logan trying to shake wade out of it?? limbs falling apart, skin breaking?? and hes STILL in that unconscious state?? imagine logan tying him down unto the bed so he could keep him forever even if its JUST as that unconscious state and im talking lucille and negan style
gabbys just absolutely bawling with logan outside the door after and lauras trying not to cry so she could be there for them both and god bless her heart oml SHES SO OLDER SISTER UGHHH
wades self-hatred goes brrrrrr like it was bad enough as deadpool but now as ACTUALLY-DEADpool?? sheesh buddy. but wade!!! honey!!! you do NOT have to worry because logan literally loves you so much!! how much I love yous does logan have to say for you to believe that you're not disgusting
like to charge and reblog to cast so that logan can have AT LEAST one (1) decade of NO major historical event happening
I dont CARE that it's November 9th and "Halloweens over" ITS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH ILL POST IF I WANT TOO
Anyway.
Thinking about apocolpse au.
Wade getting bitten by a zombie, Logan freaking out, Wade dying, and him coming back (Again)
"Didn't you just die?? I literally fucking burried you!!"
And wades like:
"Of course. Man, God REALLY hates you dosn't he?"
And he's bassically the same person except just saying, "Rahhah har ran re" (translation: I think the devil doesn't want me either)
"What?? Oh for fucks sake... tell me you're kidding.."
"Rah?" 🤔
"Great so now you stink more and you can't talk. Fucking lovely."
"Mmmmh..." 🥺 (would you still love me if I was a zombie?)
"*sighs, blushes and grumbles how insane this is and how much of a bad idea this is* Fine! Come on...."
"Raah!!" 😄
And sometimes his limbs fall off because I think it would be funny if you just saw him stop, turn around, pick up his arm and shove it back into place like a dislocated shoulder. (Marvel Magic)
But its very obvious that Wade is still consious and so logan leads him around, puts a leash on him, ties him up when he goes to sleep the first few nights so wade dosn't eat him, sometimes luring him with a piece of his thigh or telling him he'll feed him soon to make him behave.
The only thing about this resource wise is that it seems Wade is a bottomless pit, not ever able to get enough. It's like all the nutrients just pass right through him, so he can't get fed meals daily, but Logan will share at least one bite of his food. It makes Wade so happy and way more "wade like" than zombie.
Logan has learned that the hungrier Wade gets the worse it would be, snapping at logan a few times.
"Grr-"
"Aye! That's enough outta ya"
"GggRah!"
"Hey!! I said no! Bad! Bad wade!"
"Mmmh??"
"Bad!!"
"Mmh....rahah.."
"I forgive you. But stop trying to bite me. I feed you, don't I? I hold your hand and tell you that I love you?"
Wade is actually extremely friendly for a zombie (duh) and still yaps at logan except its nonsense. Logan tries hard to understand him and talk back.
He holds his hand sometimes, even lays next to him only to scold him if he gets too bitey. This is hard because wade already had a biting issue and seeing as he practically ate anything or anybody now it was more difficult.
"...aahh-"
"Wade- No."
"Ggr.. raahh"
"Wade! No! Bad."
"Mmmh..."
"Ill feed you tomarrow. Don't bite me mkay? You wanna hurt me?"
He shakes his head like a dog shaking off from a bath, or that ate a bee.
"Then don't bite me."
"Mmh? Mrah?"
"No. No kisses right now. Im still not even sure if thats safe.."
"Mmmh...🥺 ahrrah?"
"No, not even a tiny one."
"Mm...😔"
Until Logan grunts and pecks his hand. "There. Happy?"
"🙂↕️mh"
"Good."
Honestly Logan felt bad, pitited him. No matter what food he ate it wasnt enough substance to sustain him and sometimes Logan would wake up to find him eating a different zombie that made the mistake of trying to eat Logan.
You ever wake up in the morning, lose your zombie boyfriend, call for him only to walk outside and see him knawing on some poor chaps arm like a happy puppy who found a chicken leg? Logan has. Many times. And he wishes his phone would charge so he could take a picture of it but unfortunately theres no electricity in the post apocalypse world.
This being said Logan is like- THE perfect guy for apocalypse au because he can smell everything and hear anyone before they even get to you, he has better wilderness survival skills then anyone I know and he'll never NOT have a weapon on him because of his claws. The only downside is that he's tired easily, needs a lot of food, and would lowkey be withdrawing from his tabccao and alchool, therefore very moody.
"Stupid fucking apocalypse having to happen when im fucking alive!! Why can't I just NOT live through ONE major historical event! Is that too fucking much to ask? One damn decade where everything is fine and dandy and- WADE! Get your ass away from that!! It's radioactive!! For fucks sake!"
"Rahahrah?"
"NO!! You can not become Spiderman! That's not how that works!"
"Aawr..😔"
The whole thing is they're on a quest to find Laura and Gabby, because when everything went to shit, they were on a cabin trip and now Logans brain is itching because he dosn't know where his babies are and its driving him insane. Once he finds them, they're gonna shack up somewhere with food and animals to hunt, and hes gonna make a little shed outside for Wade to sleep because he'll kill him if he bites one of the girls.
He dosnt care that much about himself really and he hates himself deep down for not being able to trust wade anymore but even wade dosnt trust wade, sometimes wandering off on purpose, staying about 30 feet away from him at all times, growling and giving Logan that glazed over look of unconsiousness. The only good thing about this, though, is after he removes himself from the idea of hurting Logan (because if logaj were to become infected - HA! Your all fucked. Utterly fucked. The whole humanoid species would go extinct because he'd kill anything that moved) he feels more trusting of him and it's not uncommon for them to hug after either. Afterall Wade- Some how???- is still wade and is very affectionate and sensitive when its not returned.
This whole thing also makes him think worse about himself, kicking reflective objects or staring at himself in a shop window in utter shock and disgust with a face of 'thats me..?' While logans raiding the place for supplies.
Did you know zombies can cry? Well, Wade could. Not a lot, only able to get a bit of liquid from dehydration, but sometimes Logan will catch him just... sitting there.. crying. Upset with himself for being bit. Upset with himself for trying to bite logan all the time. Upset at how ugly he is. Upset that he's starving all the time. Upset that he can't even talk to anyone, and Logan just has to guess what he's saying 90% of the time. Bro is literally
When they DO find Laura and Gabby, the girls are doing great. Laura was going to blow wades head off until Gabby ran in the shot, hugging him instantly, only to be ripped away.
"Of course my dad is the weirdo married to a zombie." Laura grunts, but is secrelty happy that wade is still 'alive'
Gabby, being as young as she is, thinks it's so SICK that her dad is a zombie now, giggling when he talks to her and holding his hand. She's not allowed near him for long, and not at all by herself, but Gabby bassically becomes Wades number one supporter, defending him when he messes up and snaps at laura.
"He's just hungry!! He's not bad! It's not bad to be hungry!" She'll say. "You wouldn't kill me if I was hungry.." she tells her bigger, more survival oriented sister whos suggested putting wade out of his misery, for his own sake. "I tried that... he found me again 3 days later." Logan tells her with a pang in his chest. It had taken everything in him to kill him the first time, and sobbed himself to sleep the next 2 days. By the third when he noticed Wade following him from a distance he couldn't believe it.
Not even the apocalypse could keep them away from each other..
#one#HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY FOREST#ASFHSHDFHSKDFJH#WOOHOOOOO#IT WAS MY BDAY YESTERDAY#and two#“Aawr..😔”#help???#NO BC LIKE#HELP????#THAT MADE ME LAUGH WAY TOO MUCH THAN IT SHOULDVE HAD#poolverine#laura#gabby#the walking dead#ish#zombie au#apocalypse au#fic recs
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i think human nature/family of blood is a really good two parter in how it manages to show how full of shit ten is 🫶
#look . i LOVE ten . esp whatevers going on w him in s3 he's horrible and i like that#but just !! martha :(#its so incredibly unfair to martha he doesnt unleash his wrath on the Family he chooses to hide instead and okay yeah fair#and sure u can say the tardis chose the setting and time period for them to hide in but like#did that not filter in to his calculations he went through all that turned himself human put his friendship with martha to the test in#the worst way possible. knowing she wouldn't let herself leave him even if he was Abhorrent towards her (and he was) because#of her duty to the universe and beyond and whatever . to blend in and keep the Family off their tails#and she's put in a demeaning position and degraded and even he doesn't seem to care much for her but she still hangs on#and then in the end its like its all for naught. all that pain and suffering martha went through being the only one w her wits about her#he had the capacity to deal w the threat the whole time he had the ability to dole out a horrible punishment he could definitely#have dealt with them a different way than that too .#and instead in his quest to be the bigger person he ends up putting martha through the horrors and then#does the same with the Family anyway ! i dont think he can ever tell her how harshly he dealt with them#surely this isnt an original thought im just thinking Way too much about blue moon by niki#he Does care more about being good than being good to her specifically !! and its so upsetting theyre so volatile i miss them#its more complicated than that sure but at the same time. it sort of isnt .#anyway martha jones my love my life u deserved at least a billion apologies alongside the thanks like god . whats wrong w him#oh and also he wants to move on without properly talking about it . act as if it never happened#like girl be fucking considerate for ONCE she just went through a personal hell for you !!! how insanely lonely she must of been#i dont believe martha ever let him just brush past it w no acknowledgement like yes i think she definitely didnt want to discuss the#accidental confession but i Do think she would sit him down to finally get him to Accept he cant just take her wherever in the past#if he's not ready to look out for her . its a vital conversation i think they need to have otherwise martha would just walk out there#not even love could make her stay through that its been established already she has the strength to try walk away#and also to try and but through his bullshit and demand answers . and here more than ever she deserves his acknowledgement and he Knows it
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU
#rambling#surprisingly this is not about jakob.. im just really consistent about my favorite character archetypes 😭😭#WARNING THE NOTES ON THIS ARE REALLY LONG I STARTED RAMBLING#“ouhh i have a headache i'll just lie down and rotate my blorbos in no general direction for a while until it goes away” and then boom.#serious plot considerations. 2 questions answered 24million new questions raised. this is specifically Not what i asked for.#so now im sitting here STILL dizzy running mental calculations on how i can get this bitch out of peril without reworking everything#but they literally keep dying in every timeline 😭😭 every single plausible road leads to them running off and screwing themself over#“character who doesn't realize they want to live until it's way too late to look back” VS#“character who is forced to live and handle the things they never though they'd survive long enough to deal with” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.#fucking hell i have never had this much trouble writing a character as i have with them#they genuinely do just run off and do shit without my permission and then i have to pace for an hour or two wondering#“ok they wOULD do that. but should they. do i feel like i can confidently write that.”#im like constantly in this tug of war trying to get them to CHILL#but also they are absolutely my favorite character from the entire project. but like. FUCK GET BACK HERE#is death the most satisfying end to this arc? is someone who was Set on dying then NOT dying the most satisfying end to the arc?#how many bridges can you burn until you irreparably set yourself aflame too?#would ghost or revival plotline work?? would it make sense with the worldbuilding??#do i just Like Them enough to want them to not die?? where do i draw the line between personal bias and a good arc?#is death not feeling as impactful as survival solely because i've been writing for so long that it's lost the initial impact?#and other such plot considerations...#im gonna have such an easy time writing another character though 😭😭 because THAT character's dynamic in the second act#is to stare at character 1 and be like “why are you like this. i mean i know Why but can you chill. please.” and like damn bro me too#actually wait no i think kaey.a is the hardest character i've ever written i take it back#had to worry about his 20million facades AND his Actual feelings AND canon compliance. shit is hard#i still havent finished the k/aeya fic i started back when the chasm first released which is uhh. two years ago. oops.#i think i struggle writing emotionally repressed liars i think thats what this is 😭😭 anyways.#(voice of guy who has been obsessed with nonlinear narratives and tragedies for several years):#“is it too much to kill this character in a nonlinear exploration game with tragic elements”#like bitch what are you talking about 😭😭 YOU'RE the target audience here figure it out#sorry the notes on this are just my writing journal now apparently
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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wellll everything could be worse.. at least we're not stranded in the arctic for years on end with lead poisoning and a Beast out to get us 😌
#watched another ep of the terror w my roomie.. qhat a stressful show lucky im too zonked so its going over my head#shes alrwady seen so shes trying not to spoil it for me its my first time 😭#i think she might be getting a cold too. so maybe we're both just coming down w smth and thats why we're so tired#not just med crash but the fog was sooo bad i keep not being able to finish sentences and slurring my speech#luckily shes familiar enough to get the gist of what imean when im so out of it anyway so its okkkk#but ahhh..if its bad again tomorrow ill probably still be able to get through movje night i can watch from bed#but might have to miss the gym :-((( we'll see how it goes maybe itll be okay#mayhe ill take 20/20 again on thurs just so i can go.. ah i dont know we'll see we'll see#whenever i hit this stage of tiredness or illness i always just wanna cuddle so bad too ahhhh#tryung to stay focused on qhat shes saying but she kept putti g her hands in her hair and i could smell her nice shampoo#like okayyyy when is itmy turn to stroke your hair im sitting so nicely here#ahhhh okay im crazy im going to sleep#i do need to be brave and ask if we can ljke hug more sometimes or something though ahh i miss being physically affectionate with anyone#and itskind of big for me like verbal affection js nice but im more of a physical person even if i dont allow myself to express it!!!!!#and i just dont want to cross boundaries or anything or get called needy again. but so what if i am needy nothing wrong eith that#anyway to bed before i start embarrassing mysrlf goodnight everyone i love u muah#.diaries
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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight
#so really this is all your fault /lh /j#i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy#VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP#i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud#CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST#i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw#that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly#desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around#like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT#his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me#how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil#and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it#like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her#i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him#the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why#when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past#once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber#i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over#zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik#like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove#RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up#big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home#like i kind of feel bad for him in a way#but i feel bad for everyone#i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row#especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again
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i want to draw specific digital art ideas but i want to write but i want to draw things for other ppl but i want to start my next crochet project but i want to play a video game that's been sitting in my steam library untouched for ages but i want to draw in my sketchbook but i want to - etc etc etc 😭
#and so i sit and do nothing bc i cannot make up my mind about which to work on fsdjkl#i think ''okay just choose one and go do it.'' and then... sit here bc i can't choose one HFDSGJKL#i try to use a wheel spinner but that messes w the brain gophers for some strange reason#also i need to work on cleaning as always HFDSJKL#AUGHHH I HAVE TOO MANY IDEAS#its like... marbles in a marble tower and theyre all in the funnel and jostling for position so nobody can make it down the funnel#the only thing keeping me sane rn is that im listening to the da vinci c.ode audiobook LOL#otherwise i'd just be sitting here going insane all day JFDSJKL#dandy.cmd#vent //
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It’s amazing how I am a nervous, timid wreck having to make phone calls until I hit peak efficacy of my adhd meds and then I can fucking do anything. Like this medication has actually turned me into a functioning adult and I still can’t fucking believe it
#she speaks#like I took it late today cuz I got up late so I’m functional a little later today#but like I just had to call five different pharmacies trying to chase down the generic vyvanse#and I wasn’t nervous once#like that’s not a thing that happens to me I’m always fucking nervous#EXCEPT NOT NOW CUZ IM PROPERLY MEDICATED#I could NEVER have made five phone calls in a row before I’m not even kidding#I would’ve gotten my dad to call because I’m scared and he humors me lol#but no I did it and I’m still just like eh had to be done wasn’t a big deal#and I’m absolutely marveling at that#like I don’t even feel tired after all that#and two of the pharmacies had rude ass techs answering the phone#one was SO SWEET tho#she goes I can look and see if any pharmacies around here have availability so you don’t have to keep making calls#and I was like OMG IF YOU CAN DO THAT I WOULD BE SO GRATEFUL#and she was just like of course and I’m sitting there thinking why the FUCK didn’t any of the others offer that???#like not even my own primary pharmacy offered that#anyway she gave me the number and I went#as earnestly as I possibly could#thank you SO much#and she was so taken aback she jus kinda paused and then went of course! it was my pleasure to help!#like no girl you just saved me a whole bunch of leg work I am indebted to you fr
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ive actually decided i hate being an introject so I'm going to be normal now (it was in fact not normal)
#I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE THIS AHAHAAH!!!!#most of the time i sit around and I'm aware of my life now and aware of who I am aside from my source but#sometimes i just look down at my hands and I think how did I get here? why me? why did I deserve that?#how do you reconcile that? how do you keep living as someone whos not meant to be alive? whos already paid the price for being worse#whos already been punished. why cant that be the end?#maybe im just being self deprecating but. I don't like being alive sometimes.#i wouldnt kill myself#but how do you watch yourself die and then keep moving?#sorry for being delusional on main but you all should have expected that from me by now#but to me sometimes it feels delusional to pretend I'm not myself#but ever since i showed up here ive felt this way so I try not to blame myself too hard#i mean. i exist for a reason.#i jusst cant stand remembering#maryposting
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#(( ooc. ))#venting tw#i keep trying to write. i thought getting out of the house would help#but everytime i sit down to try#all the words just.... leave???#gonna try tonight. but cant make any promises. im so sorry everybody#thanks for sticking with my slow ass tho. appreciate it.#pissed at my body / brain for not letting me do stuff i wanna do too#lurking here. poke me if you want inbox stuff#send me inbox stuff#whatever you're feeling
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I dont know if my paranoia spike is like. Justified or not
#whats the point man#of making friends if youre just gonna lose them#why do i keep losing people#i dont know man. feels bad#never wanted to be here in the first place yknow#i wanna go home#but i cant afford home#so im stuck and everything sucks#and i want everyone to stop hurting me and just treat me with basic human decencu#and i dont know why thats consistently too much to ask#what did i do man#makes me wanna isolate and never come out#if all people do is hurt you why should i keep bothering to try yknow#used and thrown away the moment i stop being useful for them#im so sick of it#sorry guys im just. im really going through it#if anyone has kind or reassuring words. i would really appreciate it#i feel sick but im not. thats the emotional state ive been in but i have so much work to do that i cant sit down#and when i try to sleep it keeps me up until ungodly hours catastrophizing in my head#and then wakes me up by 7am again feeling nauseated and a little dizzu#and theres nothing physically wrong with me. its all emotional
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My psych says I don’t like my mom or my ex because they make me vulnerable but I think it’s because they are/were both serial boundary violators. Well serial boundary violators sounds serious but I mean they are just good kind people who would not leave me alone when i ask(ed)
#i mean so am i so i dont exactly blame them but like. my mom doesnt knock used to hold me down and epilate my body doesnt take no for an#answer ever on anything unless youre MEAN to her and i dont mean anything serious i mean she asked me to go to the store with her to pick#out paint for her walls i said no she asked again i said no she asked again i said no so she went on her own and facetimed me so id help her#pick. my ex had a similar thing where if i was like hey lets not talk tomorrow im burnt out hed be like okay and then the next day early#morning he’d send a good morning text and then several more throughout the day and then we’d call at the end of the night#people do who not let you fucking breathe. i hate it. if i saw my mom less often id probably like her but her so much as sitting next to me#on the couch will have me tense and pissed. she also takes glee in hating things i like and its not a conscious or serious thing but its#really weird. ive done the same for her since i was little i dont know who did it first. like ok we’re moving our new place had wallpaper in#my room i wanted to keep it she wanted to remove it she agreed to keep it and then made plans to remove it bc she was going to get rid of it#at some point later on anyway for the house’s value or something. they removed it recently and she showed me a vid of the place and when she#gets to my room shes like hehehe its goneee like girl what the fuck is going on with you. she wouldnt let me change the decoration of my#room as a child it had to be the way she liked it. even my body had to be the way she liked it dude the epilation thing shed laugh as i#cried (in a shirt and underwear man) bc i was finally hairless. my ex was nowhere near that bad but again ZERO breathing room and whenever#id try to take some hed be like ‘’i just worry that if you take this space you’ll come back and break up with me’’ uh. yeah with that#attitude the breakup’s coming either way. he’s a good guy though just 24 and a man (both sad afflictions) he’ll shape up. or not. idk im no#t invested#he did listen to a lot of what i said just not the basic things of ‘’leave me the fuck alone sometimes’m#im annoyed that my therapist framed this as a me issue but shes right when it comes to me having trouble w vulnerability and i should just#clarify my pov here so she can change her assessment#my ex leaves me alone now. he does a great job at it i thiiink hes moved on which im happy about#i dont know if id ever want to be friends again though idk if either of us can do that#i cant. rn#i understand why he wanted so much from me though. i get it
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