#but like I just had to call five different pharmacies trying to chase down the generic vyvanse

[woundedheartwithin]

It’s amazing how I am a nervous, timid wreck having to make phone calls until I hit peak efficacy of my adhd meds and then I can fucking do anything. Like this medication has actually turned me into a functioning adult and I still can’t fucking believe it

[call-me-eds]

'tis the damn season (Jasper Avenue Part 2)

Masterlist

Jasper Avenue (Part 1)

Eddie x Reader Angst

Winter break is here and you’re back in Hawkins for a month. It didn’t take long for you to run into the person you’ve been trying to forget for the last five months, your ex-boyfriend Eddie.

You had only been home from school for Winter break for 6 hours. You were already itching to go back. Your mom had made your favorite dinner and your dad didn’t even ask you to do the dishes, which is where the excitement to be home ended. You let your little sister hang out in your room while you unpacked, which kickstarted your desire to run back to your dorm.

“So I ran into Eddie the other day.”

“I don’t care,” you told her, hoping that your tone would be enough to tell her to shut up.

“He asked when you were coming home.” Your grip tightened on the sweater you were going to hang up, but you just threw it in your hamper with force. “I told him that I wasn’t sure.”

“Wow, sister of the year!” you rolled your eyes. “It’s not a big town, he’ll figure it out soon enough.” 

“I was just trying to give you a heads up.”

Being in the same zip code as Eddie had been on your mind from the moment you finished your last final. Pulling all-nighters to write papers and cram was good enough to distract you for a while, but as soon as you had the time to think again it was all Eddie, all the time. 

You barely ate and couldn’t focus long enough to remember to pack your toothbrush, you were so scared. The drunken phone call (and confession) you made to Eddie were crystal clear in your memory. Mortified didn’t even begin to describe how you were feeling, it was consuming.

Except for your ride home. A boy in your hall lived in the town over from Hawkins, and he was on the same bus as you. For the hour and a half you were trapped on the Grey Hound, you were laughing and making a new friend. 

Maybe it wasn’t love at first sight, but for the first time in five months you were able to see a future for yourself where you weren’t hung up on your past relationship. You weren’t thinking about Eddie and how high the likelihood was of you melting into a puddle if you ran into him while you were home for a month.

Maybe you could move on. 

Eddie, on the other hand, was fully feeling the impact of the lack of you in his life. He was able to shove his heartbreak under the rug and distract himself by watching black and white movie marathons and sleeping as much as his body would allow.  Thoughts of you always managed seeped into his brain, though. Especially when a man with a transcontinental accent was chasing down a train or swimming after a boat or trying to ground a plane with the love of his life on it. 

He felt so stupid for pushing you away. Why did he think that this was going to be easy? The logical part of his brain told him that he was doing what was best for the both of you. You were going to move on and meet a smart guy with enough money to go to college and not be stuck with him: scraping by with money from dealing weed to 16 year-olds. And he wouldn’t have to feel guilty for holding you back. 

Now, only 9 hours after returning home, the real trouble began. You were in the pharmacy, picking up a toothbrush to replace the one that you left in your shower caddy at school. To balance out the good hygiene you were about to practice, you passed through the candy aisle before you left. 

“They stopped selling the watermelon Twizzlers. I guess once you skipped town the demand fell.” Goosebumps exploded through your skin upon hearing his voice. It was different than how it came through the phone; much softer. 

“A lesson on supply and demand from the expert. I’m getting a better education here than at school,” you quipped, grabbing the bag of gummy worms closest to you and trying your hardest not to break into a sprint to the register. The sound of chains were right behind you, like you were in a horror movie. Being followed through the store by your ex-boyfriend was much scarier than a man with a chainsaw.

You heard him tell the young cashier to keep the change so he could catch up to you.

“Y/N, please wait.” He didn’t yell or grab your arm to twist you around in dramatic fashion, and you didn’t spit at his feet or call for a bolt of lightning to end the interaction before it really started. 

A part of you told yourself to just let him talk. This could end and really set you free. You could move on. 

Eddie’s eyes widened when you actually turned around. He lost his words for a moment, but quickly got back on track so you wouldn’t change your mind and leave him standing alone under the streetlights.

“It’s cold out, do you want to go sit inside somewhere?” he asked. You snorted through your nose and shook your head.

“No, I don’t want to go sit with you. What is it?” you demanded, patience fading fast. 

“I-I just want to talk,” he was scrambling now. 

“So talk.” He knew he was going to have to work for whatever it was he was hoping to gain from this conversation, but he didn’t think that you were going to be so harsh with him. Not that he didn’t feel he deserved it, he just rarely saw you like this. All of his memories with you were soft and sweet and full of laughter.

You didn’t enjoy acting like this any more than he liked being on the receiving end. It would be great if you could treat him as a friend and get to catch up, but right now you were still just too hurt.

“How have you been?” he asked. 

“Eddie, please,” you sighed. “Is there anything specific? I think it’s going to start snowing soon and I hate driving in the snow.”

His knees went a little weak at hearing his name come out of his mouth. God, he had really missed you. 

“I know you do. I’m sorry, I’ll let you go,” he nodded and took a step back.

“Okay,” you said, wrapping your coat tighter around your body and rushing to your car. 

You both survived, even though you thought it would kill you to see him again. You were at ease for the next week of your break, knowing that the worst thing you imagined had already happened.

The next time you saw Eddie, a bit of the edge was taken away and you felt slightly more human. 

Now that you had been exposed to the party life that went on past 10 pm, you had to spread the knowledge to your friends. You, Robin, and Steve walked into the dive bar without even having to show your fake ID’s and went straight to get drinks to keep your buzz going from the beers you already consumed in Robin’s bedroom.

“Look, there’s even going to be live music. Told you this would be fun,” you said, watching a few guys replace guitar stands and start switching out amps. You cheered as the next band walked on stage and pulled Robin towards it, knowing that you would never get her to dance with you sober.

“Thanks to our friends, Corroded Coffin, for keeping the crowd ready. We’re going to start off with a new song tonight.” Robin choked on her drink and you barely noticed the drops she spat onto your face, 

“Do you want to leave? We should leave. I’m going to go find Steve and he’s going to call someone. One of the kids has to have their license by now, right?” she asked, her heart certainly going faster than yours.

“Rob, it’s fine,” you assured her, staying cool and gulping down half of your drink. “But we should go find Steve, we kind of abandoned him.” You went back to the bar and saw Steve talking animatedly to the familiar head of black hair. 

“Oh, here they are now!” he said, pointing right at you and squashing any chance you had of being able to turn around and disappear back into the crowd. Eddie turned around and gave you a tight-lipped smile. “Guys, we just missed them play. We have to come back next week.”

“Maybe after New Year’s,” Robin said, pinching his elbow. His mouth fell open in recognition after a few seconds and she practically had to close his jaw for him.

“So, do they let you drink here for free?” you asked, nodding to the beer in Eddie’s hand.

“Uh, no, unfortunately. I can swing a private entry, though, if you don’t mind hauling a few crates of equipment through an alley,” he said. 

“Mm, I think I’ll stick with the front door.”

It wasn’t a secret that Robin, Eddie, and Steve were still close friends. There were times when you were on the phone with one of them, the background eerily silent and their voices a few octaves higher than normal, when you could tell they were together. Or sometimes they would omit big chunks of their weekends, or stop suddenly in the middle of a story and never finish. When Robin came to visit you, Steve tried to concoct an elaborate story he thought Eddie might believe, instead of just telling the truth.

“You know, I have to pee. My bladder is insanely tiny. Can you come with me?” Robin asked you.

“It’s fine. We’re not going to keel over,” you said, throwing your arm around his shoulders for a moment to prove your point. Truthfully, you didn’t know what would happen when you touched Eddie, but you weren’t prepared you for what you felt. 

Nothing.

The night went on, and while you didn’t go out of your way to talk to Eddie, you were content to thank him when he got you a refill on your drink or ask him where Robin had gone when you misplaced her. He offered to give the three of you a ride home, which you were afraid Steve would accept, but you gladly took the bus home. 

The next time you saw Eddie, the roles of inebriation were reversed. It was your last night in Hawkins before going back to school: New Year’s Eve. You were the designated driver tonight at the biggest party in town, and figured that you might run into him. What you didn’t expect was to see him getting grabbed by the collar and shoved up against a wall by some guy who was still wearing his letterman jacket two years after graduating high school.

You looked around for Steve, Jonathon, Nancy, anyone with more strength than you that could stop this. No one looked like they were paying attention, or they were just too drunk to care.

“Hey!” you snapped, rushing over. “What’s happening? Put him down.”

“This creep sold me the shittiest weed I’ve ever had. I want my money back,” he growled, pushing Eddie harder into the wall.

“I told you, Jockstrap, all sales are final,” he spat back. You rolled your eyes and dug your hand into your purse, pulling out a ten dollar bill. 

“Here, just take this,” you said. He looked between you, Eddie, and the money before letting Eddie fall.

“Next time she’s not around to protect you, I’ll expect the rest of my money,” he snatched the bill from your hand and walked away. You rolled your eyes before looking at Eddie, who was smiling widely.

“What is so funny? Being choked a new turn on?” you asked. He guffawed loudly and wiped at his eyes. “You’re high.”

“Guilty,” he smiled. 

“Okay, just don’t pick any more fights. I’m running low on cash,” you grabbed your water and went to go back into the depth of the party, but Eddie reached out and grabbed your arm.

“Hey, wait,” he said. “Thank you, really. I’ll pay you back.”

“No, don’t worry about it,” you shook your head. “Consider it backpay for all of the free weed.”

“Oh, come on,” he laughed. “I was always more than happy to share, you know that.”

“Yeah, because I get touchy when I’m high.” You instantly regretted the words as they came out of your mouth. You didn’t know if you were at a point where you could be this casual with Eddie, much less playful. “Sorry, that was weird.”

“No, I mean, it’s true,” he said. “Some of our best memories are with one of these,” he plucked a joint from behind his ear and held it up. “Any interest?”

“I’m driving tonight,” you shook your head. The two of you stood in an awkward silence for a moment. 

“Want to keep me company?” 

So now you found yourself in the backyard of a house you didn’t know, with your ex-boyfriend, while he got even higher and you tried not to say anything stupid.

“How’s school?” he asked.

“Do you really want to know?” When senior year was only halfway over and you had just gotten your acceptance letter, Eddie was more than happy to hear about all of your plans. He went to the bookstore with you when you got your class schedule, he patiently carried bags while you and your mom picked out your bedding, and he wore your spirit-wear under his graduation robe, cheering the loudest in the crowd when you crossed the stage.

“Of course,” he said seriously, sparking up the rolled joint.

“Well, it’s good. I am waiting to hear about my final grades for the semester. And by the end of this year I’ll need to pick a major,” you said.

“I’m sure you aced all of your classes,” he said it so surely that you felt silly for ever doubting yourself. 

“Yeah, well. We’ll see,” you sighed. “And, uh, how are things here?” you asked. He laughed, but not from the weed this time. Like he couldn’t believe that you were even asking that.

“It’s been better now that you’re back,” he said softly. “Feels different, like it’s back to how it’s supposed to be.” 

Your skin went a little cold at that. Not just from the wind that was picking up, but from what was going to come next. The conversation was turning into something far more serious than you should be having while Eddie was under the influence, or in general. This is something that you two were supposed to talk about in fifteen years, when you were back in town for a reunion and you ran into each other. You’d laugh and reminisce while on the arms of your significant others, only remembering the happy times you shared.

“I don’t think I ever apologized to you,” he took another long drag and you tried to interject.

“Eddie-“

“No, listen. It was really shitty, what I did. And the things I said, which I didn’t mean, and the timing. All of it was just really, really bad. These last few weeks, knowing you’ve been around and seeing you and hanging out at the bar-”

“Okay, I wouldn’t call that hanging out. I barely remember the night,” you said. He rolled his eyes and turned to face you completely, turning the conversation much more intimate than you wanted it to be.

“Whatever. It all just feels right, you know? Having you close,” he stepped forward and you felt the electricity of his fingers near your waist. The last time you had been this close while alone, the air was hot and your skin slick with sweat and each other.

“It’s been nice, seeing everyone again,” you nodded, hoping to slow his momentum and remind him of the people just on the other side of the door.

“I just, it’s been really lonely without you.” He was close enough now that you could see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. “I made a mistake, doing what I did.” It wasn’t lost on you that he couldn’t outright say that he broke up with you. 

“I think that if you really want to talk, we should do it at another time when it’s not late and we’re both in the right head space,” you told him, putting your palm on his chest to get him to back away. He just wrapped his hand around yours, holding it just as tenderly as the joint still in his other hand.

“My head has never been clearer,” he promised, moving towards you fast and pressing his lips against yours. 

If you hadn’t been sober, or if he had shown up at your dorm room a month earlier, or if he just would have let you talk to him before he decided to end your relationship, you gladly would have fallen into him.

But you weren’t, and he didn’t. So you pulled away and shoved him off of you.

“What the hell?” you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and narrowed your eyes at him.

“I’m sorry, I should have just grown a pair and worked out my insecurities with you, but I’m ready now. I’ll come to visit and meet your friends and we’ll talk on the phone, just like we were planning from the beginning. We can do this,” he went to grab your face and bring you back to him, but you were able to dodge him this time.

“Eddie, no! God!” You couldn't believe you were pushing him away when just a few weeks ago you were still dreaming of him. “I am not on the same page as you, this is not what I want. Did you seriously think that I was going to sit around and wait for you to realize you made a mistake? You had five months to call me, send out the bat signal, anything more than that fucking letter.” While you were starting to envision a life where you weren’t so hung up on Eddie, but that didn’t mean all of your emotions for him had evaporated.

“I didn’t expect you to wait for me,” he shook his head. It was your turn to laugh.

“Clearly, you did. Sure, I cried over you, Eddie, but not for some time now. You forced me to move on, so now I’m forcing you. Own up to your decision,” you spat, throwing open the screen door and going back inside.

Eddie was so sure he would be able to get you back. He thought the kindness you showed him at the bar, and now the willingness to have a conversation with him one on one, was proof that you hadn’t stopped loving him.

Truthfully, you hadn’t. You would always love Eddie, if even just a little bit, but you couldn’t throw away the months of progress you made.

He could feel it, now, too, that you weren’t going to go back to him. Instead of running after you like you had when he broke up with you, he just brought the joint back to his lips and finished it alone.

You were tearing through the party, looking for your friends while everyone was counting down from 10 to midnight. Steve came into sight first, and you impatiently waited while he had his midnight kiss with a blonde girl you recognized from History class last year. She walked away from him with a smile and you quickly made your way over to him.

“We need to go,” you said. He cocked his head to the side and you just grabbed his wrist, keeping an eye out for Robin. “There will be another girl in 1988, come on.” 

Once you found Robin, it wasn’t hard to lead them to your car due to their intoxication. You helped them both get settled in Steve’s house, and told them you’d call the next day once you got back to school.

The restless night you had hit you hard the next morning. You weren’t able to sleep on the bus ride home, and only felt relaxed enough to snooze when you were back in your dorm, where no one from Hawkins besides your family and Robin had ever been. 

Before you allowed yourself to nap, though, you went to your desk drawer. You pulled out the letter Eddie had sent you all those months ago, worn from being unfolded and refolded so many times. Without opening it, you ripped it into quarters and shoved it into the trash can. 

Eddie got his wish, you were free.

Tagging from part 1:

@daredalek @bambi-laufeyson @iheartyouyou @dasha029 @honey3-14159 @kaitioo @fujiihime @izzyxplr @persephoniniwrites

[thesmokingguns]

A Dream Come True

Warnings: Slight language, mention of infertility issues

Song by Elton John

First part of my A-Z one shots I’ll be writing. I changed this idea about ten times and ended up writing pure fluff. I think the A-Z is going to have Motley Crue and GNR members and have eveyrthing from fluff to smut. I’m hoping to post one a week.

I can hear your heart

Pounding in my ear

Now I feel the sound

And the time is near

I feel the taste

Of all the things you do

Now the time has come

I know you're a dream come true

I thought it had been a joke when you had said you wanted to get me pregnant. To see me swollen with your baby. I figured it was something that you were saying to me when you were horny and wanted to ease me into letting you cum inside me.

But then I noticed how you would stare at me when I was playing with Vince’s kids. You’d watch me run around with them, kiss scapes, feed the baby a bottle, or when I would walk around with a kid on my hip hour eyes would flash with something I didn’t understand.

Want.

I never realized how much you wanted a family until you got the idea lodged into your head. You became obsessed with putting a baby in me.

It was the second week in your plan when I realized my birth control pills had gone missing. I tore the house apart and felt slightly crazy when it didn't turn up. It was an easy enough fix to call the doctor and get a new prescription but when I came in holding the brown pharmacy bag you were so angry.  

That’s when I realized you were serious about putting a baby in me.

We had been together for seven years, Married for five of them. But I was still surprised you were willing to share me with kids. I had thought maybe when we were in our 40s there might be a couple dogs but never children.

I was overwhelmed and slept at my mothers house thag night to think about it.

Maybe it wasn’t about you wanting to share me but more about me wondering if I could share you anymore. There was already the band taking up so much time and when you weren’t with the band you seemed to still be doing something with music. I was needy and needed your attention too.

Could I really share you with little carbon copies of you?

Could there be anything cuter than mini little Nikki’s running around?

When I woke up the next morning to the revving of a motorcycle outside I knew we were both on the same page now. I held onto you as we made our way home and started the next chapter of our life.

You make me so complete

With the things you do

And the music's sweet

You make me feel brand new

I hear the sound

Songs start coming through

Somehow I know

That you're a dream come true

I was only 24 when we decided to have a baby, so I thought getting pregnant would be easy. And then I turned 25 and it still wasn’t happening.

I felt like I was disappointing you.

You never asked me for anything and now the one thing you wanted I couldn’t give you. I was getting myself into this deep darkness, stacking my worth into my reproduction.

The doctors couldn’t find anything wrong, which made it worse because no one could help.

And then one morning I woke up and felt different. It was like my body was going through a growth spurt. I ached in weird places. It was like someone punched my right in the boobs.

You were doing a couple shows in Canada but would be home that weekend so I didn’t want to call the hotel and complain about how shitty I felt.

I spent the whole day in bed watching shitty Soap Operas and drinking water and peanut butter, the only things that didn't make my stomach lurch.

When I woke up the next morning feeling nauseous and sore I called the doctor. All I needed was to get the flu and then get you sick. You were such a big baby when you had the slightest cold.

I sat in the cold doctors room, on the table. I needed to call you. I had missed your call last night because I had fallen asleep early. When I called the hotel this morning you were already out. My mind was too busy thinking of you when the doctor came in and told me what was wrong.

I was pregnant.

Six weeks. For six weeks I had been carrying your baby and I didn’t know.

The doctor said it would be a great weekend to tell you. It was going to be Father’s Day.

My heart was pumping as I went home. My hand on my stomach as I held my baby. Rubbing the flat area that would soon be a bump.

It was a Friday and you’d be flying in tomorrow afternoon. How was I supposed to keep this a secret? It was everything we wanted. But I knew that I wanted to make it special for you.

You had been so patient in this and now it was finally happening.

It takes my breath

When it sounds that way

Seems like you

Chase the clouds away

And I feel so good

Each and every day

And life is good

Each and every way

Sunday morning I woke up wrapped up in you. Our limbs entwined as you held me close. I didn’t want to get up but I knew I had to.

I got up and groaned. Watching the way you sat up concerned, asking if I was okay.

I told you I was still feeling a little sick. I had filled you in on all the information about how I was sick and not feeling well. I even told you about the doctor's visit. Which leads to now.

I left the room pretending to call the doctor. Even though I had paid a ton of money to get them to be open on Sunday for your surprise. When I came back to the bedroom you were on the edge of the bed, eyes looking at me with nervousness as I told you I needed to go to the doctor.

Of course you agreed to go with me. Holding my hand on the drive and even coming into the room with me.

The doctor said he wanted to do an ultrasound just to check on what was going on in my stomach.

And that’s when the loud booming of a heartbeat filled the room.

Your eyes went from my face to the screen where our little bean was making all that noise, just like their daddy.

Your hand squeezed mine as you realized what you were looking at. I swear your eyes teared up and my heart was beating a million miles a minute. Your free hand slid up onto my stomach as you held our baby.

Our baby, Nikki.

Now I feel the beat

Of the dancing drums

And now I know we're

Gonna have some fun

Now the time stands still

And the blues are through

And now I know

What I'm gonna do

Nine months.

It was nine months of you being practically glued to my side. Every ultrasound, all the pregnancy yoga, the million pictures you wanted to take of me, pulling me out of bed when I was so round I couldn’t even sit up alone.

Every step of the way, we were in it together.

Except now. You had to go to a show tonight before taking a couple months off. You wanted me to go but the idea of people seeing me look like a blimp wasn’t exactly my idea of a good night. Going to get a strawberry milkshake was exactly how I wanted to spend my night.

I was just pulling out of the drive through, sipping the ice cream and it happened.

The warm water slid down my thighs, over the leather seats of your Porsche. You were going to love getting the car cleaned after this.

Usually I would panic in these situations but I had been having the small fluttering contractions for weeks. Plus we had taken that birth class together where we learned about how long labor actually takes.

Did it feel great to start labor well driving your Porsche to the show to go get you? No. BUt my mind was so focused on getting to you I was sure that I could I’d make it.

Ten minutes to the venue, Three minutes to rock back and forth to propel myself out of the car, Five minutes to clean myself up and throw on your red leather jacket over the tight black dress I was wearing with my converses, Nine minutes to make it backstage.

My hand was on my back trying to count the time between the contractions which were feeling more intense than I expected. I could see the side stage that I would need to waddle over to but it might as well have been ten miles away.

The opening chords to Use it or Lose it started to play, making me smile. It was one of my favorite songs. Someone helped me over to the side of the stage and I watched Nikki spinning around.

You looked so happy as you slammed on your bass, running around the stage and leaning out to the fans. As much as I wanted to have someone run on stage and let you know your wife was in labor I wanted this moment.

This was your last show before you became a dad and I wanted you to have the moment without worrying about me.

I pushed out of the chair making my way to the payphone and calling the doctor's office to let them know that I was in labor and I’d be heading to the hospital in about a half hour. As I hung up another tight, sharp pain ripped through me. My hand gripped the edge of the phone.

Hang on, Baby Sixx. We’re going to meet you soon.

You bounced towards me, your big smile on your face until you realized the grimace I was giving you and the realization of what was going on hit you.

I don’t know how we made it to the hospital without flipping the car or getting a speeding ticket but you were helping me in the front door fifteen minutes after leaving the show.

It was 1:53AM when he was born. Jackson James Sixx. 8 lbs 1oz, 22 in long.

Holding your son for the first time was one of the best things I’ve ever seen. He was so little in your arms but the love between you was so big. The way you crawled into bed, wrapping yourself around us. It was the three of us together now.

And it was everything I wanted and more.

And I feel so good

Each and every way

And life is good

Each and every day

[fiction-fun]

A Loving Headline

@braidedchallah @alexanderdamnhethin @creedtheconquer @rthoney @andpeggy21 @pixiepip @little-nymph-claro @haha-gunsgoburrr @hamiltimes

Fandom: Newsies the musical

Pairing: Jack/Oc

Words: 6526

I blinked open my eyes and stood quickly, pulling my vest tight around me and tucking my hair up under my hat. I reached down and shook the kid’s shoulders.

“Come on, little ones. Time to go see Ms. Medda Larkin.” I said softly.

The kids groaned but stood up getting ready for the day. I grabbed my paper bag and made sure I had enough on me for the hundred I’d be getting that day. I took Bea’s hand and lifted Ry into my arms before walking quickly down the fire escape and out of the alley. I took a look around before running across the street and ducking back behind the theatre. I knocked quickly still looking over my shoulder.

“Ley! There you are, I was getting worried.” Medda said opening the door.

I smiled softly and passed her Ry before lifting Bea up into the doorway.

“They didn’t wanna get up today. I gotta go, Jack'll never let me live it down if 'e beats me to the gate! I’ll sees yous two later, behave!” I called before turning and racing away.

I slid around the corner getting to the gate and catching my breath seconds before Jack and Crutchie walked up.

“Ley, how you always beat us here.” Jack said shaking his head and smirking at me.

I laughed sharply.

“Maybe someday you’ll be able to beat me. Not likely, but maybe.” I said a smirk curling my lips.

Jack laughed a bit at that before stopping and turning to the gate, the others coming around us. We stood watching the board.

“Whatcha think it’s gonna be today?” Someone asked behind me.

Jack shrugged and turned his head slightly.

“Doesn’t matter, if I don’t like it, I’ll just change it.” Jack said his solution to most things.

I shook my head and closed my eyes.

“I just hope it’s not the rail strike, again.” I muttered.

Those had been hard papers to sell lately. I heard murmured agreements and even Jack was nodding along. We all groaned as the board lit up.

“Rail strike enters week three! Great.” I heard muttered behind me.

The two goons opened the gate and we entered, forming the line.

“Hey Weasel!” Jack called.

We all laughed.

“It’s Wiesel!” the paper pusher called.

Jack shrugged and took his stack; I slapped my money done and shot him a look.

“Weasel, my man!” I shouted.

I walked over and grabbed my stack, high giving Jack as I did.

“Hey, weasel!” Crutchie continued the call.

I laughed and high fives him too. The kids behind Crutchie were new though.

“You could at least call me Mr.” Wiesel said with a gruff.

The kid behind Crutchie put his coin down.

“20 papers please, Mr. Wiesel.” He said as a younger boy darted over to us and grabbed a paper bag.

I looked at him and closed my eyes, he was barely older than Bea and Ry. I knew Jack saw it as an opportunity.

“Fifty more papes for the new kids!” jack said slapping a coin down.

The kid tried to fight him over it but his younger brother struck up a deal with Jack and I laughed when they shook.

“That’s disgusting.” Davey said pulling a face as Jack helped Les down.

“No, that’s how we do business. Good luck, I’m off.” I called sticking a hand up and walking away.

I went around and sold my papes the best I could, falling three short by the time my area cleared out. I sighed softly as I counted the money in my hands.

'Well, they’ll get to eat. ‘I thought as I headed back towards the theatre, seeing Jack, Davey and Les race in.

I looked and saw Snyder chasing them. I ducked back into the shadows praying they would keep me from being seen. I let out a breath and raced across the street when I was sure he was gone. I yanked open the back door and jumped in.

“Snyder after you again, Jack?” Medda was asking.

I saw Jack nod and look up I gave him a glare.

“Ya almost led him right to me!” I growled walking over to him.

His eyes went wide, and he backed up a step.

“Now, let’s not do nothin' hasty!” Jack said hands up.

I glared at him before turning back to Medda.

“Hey Ms. Medda, where are they?” I asked looking around.

She opened her mouth just as I heard two sets of feet racing towards me. I dropped to my knees and caught them hugging them tightly.

“Thanks for letting them stay here.” I said looking up at her.

“Anything for you Ley, you two know you’re always welcome.” She said smiling.

We ended up staying for a show before heading back out, Jack had tried to convince us to stay but I still had to get the kids food. I got them food quickly before we ducked back into the small hole we had found. The next morning, we repeated the morning. I got to the gate and waited, Jack and Crutchie joining me minutes later.

“Let’s hope.” I muttered.

The others nodded, and muttered agreements. All noise stopped when we saw the board.

“Prices raised for paperboys! Sixty cents a hundred?” someone read out.

We all turned to Jack; he was our leader.

“They can’t do that can they Jack?” was a common question I heard.

Jack laughed and shook his head.

“Nah! They’re just yanking us!” Jack said and that seemed to reassure everyone.

We formed a line and Jack slapped his coins down.

“Hundred papes!” he called.

Wiesel laughed meanly.

“It’s 60¢ for the hundred, Jack.” He called a cold cruel grin on his face.

Jack backed up and our line broke. He sat heavily on a crate and the others crowded him, until Les made them back up.

“Jack, you still thinkin'?” Les asked a few seconds later.

Jack nodded and then waved us in.

“We just ain’t gonna sell them, and we ain’t gonna let nobody else sell them either!” Jack declared.

Jack and Davey got into an argument about what a Union needs and how to go on strike. I swallowed feeling the ice slide down my back.

“Jack.” I called; he had just declared the strike.

He looked up at me, his eyes widening a bit, he waved me over to the truck.

“Go ahead, we won’t blame you. You gots responsibilities.” He said.

The others all started to throw a fit as I slowly walked over to the truck setting the sixty cents down to take my hundred. I kept my head down as I walked back passed the boys.

“Ley!” I paused at Jack’s voice.

I turned and looked at him.

“Don’t worry none.” He said and I gave a small smile before moving out into the city to sell my papers.

Each one I sold felt wrong, but I had to. I sold out and still had barely enough to get us all food.

‘I’ll go without tonight, so we have a little buffer in case I don’t sell enough tomorrow.’ I thought as I trudged back to the theatre.

I got the kids and we got food, then I got them back to the safe spot and got them laid down. I heard it then.

“Ry, buddy did ya just snuffle?” I asked crouching down to look at him.

I had already taken my hat and vest off, letting my hair fall down my back. The little boy nodded and snuffled again, I reached out and felt his forehead, flinching at the warmth I found. I sighed and leaned back, quickly tugging my vest on, and tucking my hair back into my hat.

“Stay here and don’t make a sound, don’t come out until I get back got me?” I asked softly.

Both kids nodded and I ducked out of the hole, running to the corner pharmacy looking through the medicine there.

'So much for a buffer.” I bit my lip as I tried to decide.

If I got the one, I knew would work it would wipe out the money I had left and make it so I couldn’t get a hundred papes tomorrow. I turned and looked trying to see if there were any other options. I reached my hand up and then hesitated.

“Are you buying something?” the counter person asked.

I looked at them for a second before looking down.

“Let me go get more money, the prices are different than what I remember.” I muttered as I turned and ran from the shop.

But I didn’t go back to the kids, I don’t know why, but I headed towards where Jack stayed. I stopped seeing him talking with that reporter lady from the other day.

“We’re counting on you, Katherine!” Jack called as she walked away.

I almost walked away; I knew Jack understood why I had to sell….but I still felt bad.

“Ley?” Jack asked turning and seeing me.

I looked up at him and waved slightly. He gave me a concerned look; he could always read me. He walked over and took my arm, leading me to the stairs, he was the only one who knew the truth.

“What’s wrong, Kaley?” he asked his voice dropped low enough no one else would hear.

I closed my eyes and bit my lip again.

‘Besides you flirting with the reporter girl?’ I thought before shaking it off.

“Ry is…is sick. And I didn’t make enough today to feed us and get his medicine. I already went without, so we’d have some incase somethin' else happened but the medicine, Jack it’s so much.” I said my voice cracking.

Jack watched me for a second before hugging me gently, that’s what was nice about Jack. He was all rough and tumble during the day but if you needed him, he was there for you.

“How much?” he asked voice soft.

I took a breath.

“25¢, I…I got most of it but it’ll wipe out any kind of buffer we had. But I have to get it! I swore I’d protect those kids.” I said my voice shaking slightly.

Jack patted my shoulder and stood up; I closed my eyes.

'He's mad, he won’t help. Why would he? I still sold; I broke us up during something so important!’ I thought.

My thoughts were cut off when I felt Jack take my hand and press a coin into it.

“Jack…I…” I said my voice wavering.

He shook his head and waved off my words.

“No, you get that medicine, and you pay me back later. If anyone knows what it takes to survive out here it’s you and me. Now, I know you’re all up in your head but, I ain’t mad atcha. I know what you gotta do, the others ain’t so happy with you, but they stopped bitchin' when I told ‘em to. Now go.” Jack said.

I stood up and hugged him quickly.

“Thank you.” I whispered before racing back off to the Pharmacy.

I ran inside and grabbed the bottle of medicine before going to the counter.

“I didn’t think you’d actually come back.” The person made no attempt to hide his disdain for me.

“Just this thanks.” I said a fake smile on my face.

He sighed and rung up the medicine, I paid quickly taking the brown bag and running from the shop. I took a long winding way back, just in case he watching me to try and send Snyder the Spider after me. I got back to the safe spot and ducked inside.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok guys. It’s just me.” I said crouching in front of them.

I tugged my cap off and pulled the medicine from the bag, I had read it in the shop and poured just the right amount into a cup for Ry. I gave it to him and he made a face.

“Now get some sleep buddy.” I whispered before settling down next to them.

I tugged off my vest and spread it over top of them, giving them a little more warmth. The next morning, I woke up early and let them sleep in for a minute with a sigh, looking at the sky as it slowly went from dark inky black to a lighter grey.

“Kay?” I heard a soft voice and turned my head seeing Ry sitting up, Bea behind him.

I smiled gently.

“Hey buddy, how are you feeling?” I asked as I grabbed the bottle and poured another dose for him.

Ry sniffled again and shrugged. I frowned softly and felt his forehead again before giving him the medicine.

'Maybe Ms. Medda will let us stay in the theatre for a few nights.’ I thought.

“You seem upset.” Bea said looking at me.

I smiled softly and ruffled her hair.

“I always worry boutcha when you’re sick!” I said smiling softly.

Bea batted my hands away and flattened her hair or tried to.

“But you look sad, like when momma and daddy didn’t come home!” Ry said looking at me.

I sighed and nodded.

“I let my boys down yesterday and I have to again today.” I said softly.

I didn’t like letting them into my problems, I was older I was meant to take care of them. Bea and Ry looked at each other before scooting to me, hugging me.

“So, don’t.” Bea said softly.

I laughed and kissed her forehead.

“If I don’t, we don’t eat.” I said softly.

They looked at each other and shrugged.

“We get can get food lots of other ways!” Ry said, with a smile.

I swallowed, the way he was talking about is when I used to steal for us.

“I can’t do that anymore.” I whispered.

It was true, Jack had been my partner and he had gotten caught, for me. They didn’t know that. They hugged me again.

“It’s ok, they’ll forgive you.” Bea said and I hoped she was right.

We got ready and headed to the theatre.

“Thanks again Ms. Medda. For everything.” I said as it turned to trudge off to the gate.

“Ley!” Ms. Medda called.

I turned to look at her and she stepped out of the theatre and over to me.

“Help your family.” She said softly.

I nodded towards the theatre.

“That’s what I’m doing.” I said trying to stay strong in my resolve.

She shook her head and pressed something into my hand, tilting my head up when I went to look at it.

“Your chosen family.” She said before gently turning me and giving me a shove towards the gate.

I walked a few feet and turned the corner, before pausing and opening my hand. Ms. Medda had pressed a roll of coins into my hand and sent me on my way, I looked back towards the theatre before nodding tugging my bag off I took off running.

“Ley! I beat you!” Jack called a smirk on his face.

I gave him a look, having tucked the coins into my pocket.

“Jack, shut up.” I said before throwing my bag on the ground at his feet.

His head followed the movement before his head snapped back up and he looked at me.

“What about?” He asked trailing off.

Only Davey, Les and him knew about the kids. I smiled and tilted my head back towards the theatre.

“Let’s just say Ms. Medda helped me make up my mind. And they also said I should help.” I said vaguely.

“Aw yeah! Ley’s with us!” Crutchie called waving his crutch with the strike flag on it.

I let out a sharp laugh and ruffled his hair.

“I was always with ya, ya damn fool!” I called.

After that, the day went downhill and before I knew it, I was running for my life from Snyder and the cops.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I yelled as I spun around a corner and up a flight of stairs.

‘I hope everyone managed to get away.’ I thought as I finally stopped to breath, I was hidden behind an outcrop on a roof.

I waited a while before making my way over to Jack's, hoping to find him. I ran up the fire escape and looked over the railing giving a small sigh of relief.

“Jack!” I called relief in my voice.

He spun and in seconds we were wrapped up together.

“Thank everything anyone believes in! I thought they got you too.” Jack said looking down slightly at me.

I swallowed at what that meant.

“Too? Who else did they get?” I asked fearing the answer.

Jack moved away from me leaning on the rail and shaking his head, I walked up to him and laid my hand on his shoulder.

“Jack?” I asked, concern in my voice.

“They got Crutchie alright! I was right there but I couldn’t get him! They beat him with his own crutch!” Jack exclaimed.

I took a shaky breath and hugged jack.

“We’ll figure out how to get him back. It’ll be ok.” I said trying to reassure him.

Jack shook his head looking up at the sky, he blamed himself any time anything happened to any of us, but he took things that happened to Crutchie particularly bad.

“He was real hurt, what if he doesn’t make it?” Jack asked softly.

I shook my head.

“You can’t think like that. He’s stronger than anyone knows. If anyone can survive that hell hole, he can.” I said firmly.

Jack didn’t look convinced, but I knew nothing I said would actually help him. We stood there for a while in silence, before Jack turned to look at me.

“Shouldn’t you be getting the kids?” he asked me.

I saw a moment of worry in his eyes, I smiled softly and shook my head.

“Ms. Medda said they could stay at the theatre for a few days while Ry gets better. I'll head over in a few minutes, unless you want me to go now.” I said voice gentle.

He shook his head.

“No, you don’t gotta go yet.” He said quietly.

I nodded and we stood there for a while longer, letting the sun set. I took a breath and turned to Jack hugging him again before moving towards the steps.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Jack.” I said softly.

He nodded and did his best to give me a smile, I knew he felt our injuries were his fault, and sadly I knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t be out there tomorrow. I walked quickly down the steps and stuck to the shadows, popping into the shops and getting something quick to eat for the kids, I ran to the theatre and inside. I quickly fed them, ignoring the questions about my cuts and bruises before giving Ry another dose of medicine and getting them ready for bed. The next morning, I woke up and got ready quickly letting the kids sleep in. I turned seeing Ms. Medda standing there, I had already tucked my hair up so I wasn’t worried.

“Thank you.” I said sincerely.

She shook her head and smiled softly.

“Of course, dear!” she said with a smile.

I ran out of the theatre and head towards Jacobs Deli hoping no one else had been caught. I slid to a stop in front of the door and pulled it open, seeing Katherine standing there with the guys I did a quick count and saw that besides Crutchie only Jack was missing. I quickly fell into a chair beside Les and Davey. Everyone looked to happy this morning, that’s when I saw the paper.

“We made the front page?” I asked softly.

Davey nodded bouncing slightly.

“Above the fold!” He exclaimed happily.

I let out a soft laugh, they couldn’t ignore us if we were in the papes!

“Ley, where’s Jack?” one of the boys asked and I looked up, seeing them all looking at me.

I looked away and everyone started talking.

“Shuddup wouldya!” I yelled standing up on my chair.

That go their attention.

“Jacks fine, Snyder missed him. But I ain’t gotta tell yous all how he is.” I said quickly.

The others nodded, except Les, Davey, and Katherine, who looked at me. I sat down in my chair.

“How is he?” Les the more outgoing brother asked.

I sighed and shook my head.

“I forget, yous two…. three sorry reporter girl…are new.” I said softly.

“It’s Katherine.” She said hands on her hips.

I waved my hand, waving off her words.

“Yeah, yeah. Jack takes all the bad stuffs that happens to us and blames himself. I saw 'em yesterday and he was bustin’ himself up over what happened to Crutchie. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was hiding out in Ms. Medda Larkin’s theatre.” I said sipping the water that had been put in front of me.

That’s all it took and the four of us were up, I paused at the door letting the others run ahead of me, I turned to the others.

“Get word to Spot Conlon! His cousins callin' in the favor 'e owes!” I shouted and darted from the building before they could question me.

The four of us ran into the theatre, and down the steps into the basement.

“There you are! How about letting a pal know you’re alive!” Davey called running down the steps to him.

Jack shook his head and kept working in the background. Katherine Les and I stayed back.

“Look! We made the paper! Front page, Above the fold! That’s right! Above the fold!” Davey said enthusiastically.

“Yeah that’s great.” Jack said.

“Is that Santa Fe? I have to say Jack this go west young man thing is getting old. You should paint something you know.” Katherine said and I slapped my forehead.

Jack froze for a second a dark look over taking him.

“You wanna see somethin I know?” Jack asked and his voice was low.

I didn’t want to see what he was going to do. He spun the background around and in almost photo realistic paint was the fight that had happened yesterday. I swallowed looking away.

“That’s what I know! That’s Newsie square, all of the kids gettin’ beat down for standin' up for themselves! I ain’t puttin’ them through that again!” He yelled, face contorted in a mix of anger and upset.

Davey tried to convince him to have hope.

“You know why a rattle snake rattles?” Davey asked walking up behind him.

“No, why?” Jack asked sarcasm clear.

“Cause he’s scared!” Davey said.

Jacked huffed and shook his head.

“Look it up! Why else would he have sent the goons!” Davey continued.

Jack started to slowly nod.

“Maybe your right!” Jack said finally.

“Thank the god!” Davey said.

I huffed a laugh at that, and we all started to plan a bit. Katherine had to leave and so Davey, Les and I stayed with Jack for a bit. Davey and Les started up the stairs a while later and I kept an eye on Jack knowing he was planning something.

“I'm fine.” He said as he kept working on the painting.

I nodded and pursed my lips.

“Ok, but bullshit.” I said letting my opinion be clear.

He let his head drop back and he laughed, turning to face me.

“I hate that you know me so well.” He said finally.

I crossed my arms and smirked.

“No, you don’t.” I said firmly.

He nodded and laughed, his own smirk on his face. We stood there staring at each other for a while. He finally set down his paint brush and refused to meet my eyes.

“I’m going to go invite Pulitzer to this rally maybe let 'em see who he’s messing with.” Jack said finally, still not looking at me.

I sucked in a breath and looked at him, his mind was made up. I nodded slowly, my arms dropping to my sides.

“Ok but what if it’s just us? Spot hasn’t said one way or another that he’s in this, and without him, without Brooklyn, you know damn well the others won’t come!” I exclaimed frustrated.

He nodded and looked up at me.

“I know, that’s why if they don’t come, I want you the kids Les and Davey outta here. Cause if the others don’t come, you know Snyder's going to find a way to get in here.” He said firmly.

I bit my lip and nodded.

“I don’t like it, Jacky.” I said quietly.

Jack sighed and dropped the cloth in his hand, walking over he wrapped his arms around me, we had always been close. I wrapped my own arms around his chest and tucked my head under his chin, we were alone I could do this without worry.

“I know, I don’t like it none too much neither, but if it’s the only chance we all got.” Jack said pulling back to look down at me.

I nodded and closed my eyes, letting my arms fall from him and he stepped back.

“Just be careful, Jacky. You got all of us here waiting for you, and reporter girl to impress.” I said softly with no lack of scorn buried in my tone when I said that.

Jack had picked up his brush to finish the backdrop but he paused at my words and tone. He turned back to face me, a smirk on his face.

“What, are you jealous?” Jack asked a teasing turn to his voice.

I felt my face flush and turned away a bit.

“Kaley?” Jack asked softly.

I bit my lip before looking up at him.

“Yes ok! Is that what you want to hear? I've liked you for a while now, can’t help it. Seein you pine after that reporter girl makes me realize…” I broke off and shook my head.

Jack was just watching me now, his eyes wide.

“Doesn’t matter, I gotta go get food for the kids.” I said turning and running up the steps.

I didn’t stop running until I was out of the theatre, ignoring Jack’s voice as he shouted my name. I ran to the shops and got food, paying quickly and walking back to the theatre. I paused at the corner seeing Jack just leaving, I waited until he was gone before I walked back into the theatre. I fed the kids and cuddled up with them giving Ry his medicine. When they were asleep, I sat up and crossed my arms over my legs.

‘Jack still hadn’t come back; I hope Snyder didn’t get him.’ I thought with a worried frown on my face.

I laid back and tugged my cap over my face to try and get some sleep. Early the next morning I woke up to chanting voices in the street. I stood up, tugging my cap on and looked out of the door, before yanking it open and rushing out.

“Spot!” I yelled.

He turned and grabbed me, his arms around me as he spun.

“Brooklyn’s here. We’ll win this thing yet!” He shouted.

That got mass acceptance and that’s when I realized, all of the paper boys from the entire city were here including our group. Davey walked up to me then.

“Where’s Jack?’ he asked quietly.

I swallowed and shrugged.

“I don’t know, we got into a fight after you guys left and I haven’t seen him since I went to get food.” I said softly.

Davey gave me a worried look and I knew my face mirrored it. Within a few hours all of the boys where gathered into the Theatre. I had given Ry his medicine and moved the kids into another part of the theatre incase anything happened. I stood by Les and Davey. I smiled as Spot took the stage and rallied the boys. And I actually breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Jack appear.

“He raised the price and we strike, so he lowers the price. And in a few weeks, he Jack’s them right back up, because let’s be honest, he will.” Jack said and I froze.

Everyone in the theatre erupted in anger at the same time, except me, I was still to shocked at what Jack had said. The others had already started to clear out about an hour later when I saw Jack and one of Pulitzers men. I saw the money the guy handed him and I shook my head.

“I thought they were worth more to you then a wad of cash, Jack.” I said disbelief and anger coating my tone.

He jumped at my voice and turned to me guiltily.

“Ley, I can explain.” He said looking at me worriedly.

I closed my eyes and turned to walk away, but something told me to hear him out.

“You have two minutes.” I said still not turning to face him.

I heard Jack let out a breath, in a sigh.

“He said I had to talk against the strike or he’d throw me back in.” Jack said quickly.

I didn’t have to ask, 'in where?’, we all knew where.

“The money, Jack.” I said firmly.

I heard a soft thump as if Jack had thrown the money down.

“It was part of his deal. He cleared my arrest record, including the warrants and gave me enough money to go wherever I wanted. I just didn’t want to go back in.” Jack said and I turned slightly.

I took a breath.

“Well you’re lucky it was me who saw that. But you have to fix this Jack, those boys don’t think you care.” I said my voice stronger than I thought was possible.

He watched me for a few seconds, taking a small step closer.

“What about you?” He asked.

I closed my eyes and shook my head, moving to the stairs.

“That balls in your court, Jack. Your decision and your move.” I said before disappearing to go take care of the kids.

I didn’t see Jack at all for the rest of the evening and laid down after giving Ry his medicine. I was shaken awake hours later, I sat up rubbing my eyes.

“W-wha?” I asked before my eyes cleared enough to see who was standing before me.

There I saw Les and a bit away I saw Davey, his eyes wide.

“Woah! You’re a girl!” Les exclaimed, and I shushed him.

I quickly pulled my vest on, making sure the kids didn’t wake up, before I tucked my hair up into my cap and stood shooing them into another area of the theatre.

“You’re a girl?” Davey, this time, asked shock coating his tone.

I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, I am. You gots a problem with that, skinny boy?” I asked him quickly.

Davey put his hands up and stepped back.

“Jack needs us! Katherine and him planned somethin’! Come on!” Les said grabbing me and tugging me along.

I bit my lip and looked back towards where the kids were, before finally nodding

“Alright, let’s go.” I said and the boys led me outside and we ran through the streets before busting into Pulitzers basement.

“Woah.” I said quietly.

“You got enough people coverin' us?” Jack asked looking up at Davey.

Davey tilted his head and gave Jack a slightly unimpressed look.

“We could have a hoedown down here and no-one would know.” Davey said.

Jack smirked and nodded.

“Good let’s do this.” He said.

I walked down the steps and looked Jack in the eyes.

“What is this?” I asked looking at him, a smirk playing across my face.

He smirked back and looked towards the room; I turned my eyes widening at the printing press.

“You told me to fix it, this is how we’re fixing it.” Jack said softly.

I turned and nodded.

“We got work to do. I’ll get Spot on the line and get his group rallied, they’ll spread the word.” I said nodding already racing up the steps.

“Let’s do this!” Jack shouted again.

I ran out of the door and to the nearest payphone, using a trick I had learned a while ago I entered Spot’s number.

“Spot, rally the gang. We are going to make first light news.” I said quickly when he answered.

“You got it! Let’s go boys!” Spot called from the other side of the line.

I hung up and ran back down into the building, quickly helping bundle and stack the pages. Before long we had enough to blanket the city, and that’s exactly what we did. Hours later, saw everyone with one of our papes and Jack looked at me smirking.

“Time for Davey and me to make the final blow.” He said with a bright sparkle in his eyes.

He knew we won. I laughed and shook my head.

“Go, we’ll be there with you! RIGHT BOYS!” I yelled the last bit to a resounding agreement from everyone in the area.

Jack smiled at me before taking off, Davey right behind him. The next thing anyone knew we were all outside Pulitzers building looking up and blocking all of the streets, we saw Jack and Davey and Les managed to get away from us and ended up with them in Pulitzers office. The thing that did surprise us, with Governor Roosevelt was stood with them. Twenty minutes later and Davey Les and Jack came racing from the building.

“WE WON!” Jack shouted in such a manner I hadn’t seen on him in a while.

A bright cheer went up, it got louder when Governor Roosevelt announced that the Refuge was closed, Crutchie joining us again. All of us surging over to him, the best news was when Snyder the Spider was put in chains, Crutchie took great joy in whacking him with his crutch.

“Could be used for a weekly political comic, what do you say Theodore? Let Jack behind your back door?” Pulitzer was saying.

I looked over and saw Jack debating between staying and leaving for Santa Fe.

“What’s Santa Fe got that New York doesn’t? Tarantulas?” Davey asked walking over to Jack.

Katherine walked up to Jack then.

“Better yet, what does Santa Fe have, that New York doesn’t?” She asked him with a smile.

I turned and gave a smile to the guys walking through the crowd. We won today and tomorrow, I’d be back out selling papes to help my family, I felt a hand grab me and turn me.

“Ya know, you walk really fast when you wanna get away from somethin’.” Jack huffed out, still holding my hand.

I smiled weakly at him.

“We won, congrats.” I said softly.

He tilted his head for a second and sighed shaking his head.

“For a smart girl, who can hide in plain sight. You can be kinda dumb.” Jack said.

I huffed out a breath and closed my eyes.

“If you’re just going to insult me you can just …” I started before Jack interrupted me.

I would have smacked him if he hadn’t had his lips attached to mine. I froze for a second before my eyes fluttered shut and my arms wrapped around his neck. I lifted one hand placing it on the back of his hat, giving absolutely no fucks when I heard it and a similar thing hit the ground. I didn’t care when I felt my hair down my back. The only thing I cared about was Jacks one arm wrapped around my waist and the other around my shoulders as he tilted me.

“Jack where did you…. Oh!” We heard a voice from behind us and stood up slowly.

Jack pressed his forehead to mine, and didn’t look up.

“What is it Crutchie? Can’t ya see you’re interruptin’ somethin’?” Jack asked looking into my eyes.

I smiled softly at him, running my fingers through his hair.

“S-sorry!” Crutchie said and I heard him move away.

I smiled again, closing my eyes.

“So, what’s this about?” I asked still a bit breathless.

He laughed and held me closer, if that was possible.

“Well you did say that this particular ball was in my court right?” He asked turning it back to me.

I took a breath and stepped back, breaking his hold on me. I turned my back and crossed my arms in front of me.

“I…I just…I saw how she looked at you and I thought…” I said softly.

Jack laughed and I felt him wrap his arms around my waist, placing his head on my shoulder.

“Nah, she’s just a girl. A friend yes, but just a girl. You’re so much more than that.” He said gently swaying us.

He turned me around and looked down at me tilting my head up.

“My best friend. My partner. The only person I’d willingly get arrested for again. Beautiful. Witty. Wise. Bright as a whip. Caring. Loving. Kind. Do I need to keep going?” He said pressing a soft kiss to my lips each time he paused, before turning the ending into a question.

I was bright red as my arms wrapped around him.

“The kissing, yes please. The compliments…. only if you want to.” I said softly burying my head in his chest.

He laughed and I felt him kiss the top of my head.

“Oh finally!” we heard and turned again, seeing a small group of boys at the mouth of the alley we were stood in.

I raised an eyebrow.

“What?” I asked.

Most of them groaned and rolled their eyes.

“One, we’ve known yous was a girl for a while. We just didn’t care. And two, yous two dancin' around each other for years got old real quick.” Romeo said stepping forward.

Jack and I laughed and spun a bit, just then the paper alarm sounded. Together jack and I leaned down grabbing our hats and quickly got them back on our heads, my hair tucked back under it.

“Well, what are we waitin' for? We got papes to sell!” Jack shouted.

With that we headed back out and into the streets selling the papers. Jack did eventually accept Pulitzers offer of the cartoonist job and we eventually were able to afford a small apartment. It took a little bit but, everything worked out in the end. Including Jack and I.

“EXTRA, EXTRA OUR BOY JACKS OFF THE MARKET STEP ON UP YOU HEARD ABOUT IT HERE! READ ALL ABOUT IT!” if I had figured out who yelled that I probably would have cuffed him with the paper.

Instead I shook my head, holding Ry in my arms as he held up a paper, Jack doing the same with Bea.

“Get yer paper!” Ry called.

I smiled and patted his head gently; Bea made an echoing call and I saw Jack nod at her sales tactics. That’s how the next while went, until we saved enough to send them to school, then Jack took the cartooning job and I sold Papes. Taking over the pack for Jack. And that’s just how it went.

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 3: The Sweet Appeals (Part 1)

Warnings: murder, torture, cruelty, parricide

Author notes: I have a single thing to say, which is, do not read if you feel uncomfortable with very explicit violence... Enjoy!

I had taken only five henchmen with me to complete the task. According to my memories of the mansion, there was no need to have more. The domestics would easily be taken care of, not to mention the owners. They would be wiped out immediately, were we all to enter with machine guns. However, revenge, when killing the enemy was implied, could only be done once. It was a moment I had to savour like a once-in-a-lifetime dish, ephemeral minutes which would become a memory as soon as I would be done. I had to do it properly to enjoy myself. Torturing people was supposed to be a job. Killing them as well. Yet, I was heading toward a cold-blooded murder guided only by desire and bloodlust. I would never be able to justify these actions as "working", but I did not care. That would be a unique experience. Besides, shooting at everyone blindly was an option I could not use, not when I had dared stealing a vial of poison in the pharmacy of the Port Mafia. There was something I had to do in that mansion, other than taking lives.

There was a residential area near the harbour. The mansion was situated there and even had a pretty view on the ocean. It could have been a bliss to just climb to the balcony and have tea, contemplating the sun crashing against the horizon in the end of the afternoon, accompanied by the seagulls' cries and the dying rumours of Yokohama. The silence would fall upon the sea, and the night would take over, calm, imposing. And the moon would soon reflect itself along the waves. I glared at the peculiar balcony, darkly. There were some pleasures in being rich I had never experienced. Only the rotten side of fortune had I known and wanted to eradicate. While these people were feasting and enjoying their life of leisure in a mansion where empty rooms were warmed up, hundreds of men and women and kids starved in the freezing cold of winter. It was unforgivable.

I demanded the men to wait for me outside, for I had a plan which would allow me to enjoy these people's last moments the best. In front of the heavy doors which had violently closed behind me a year ago, I swallowed a pain reliever and knocked, calmly, trying to put on my most friendly smile. It was rather difficult; I had long forgotten how to use my facial muscles. The mansion opened only a few seconds after, onto the familiar butler who had taken care of me during my entire childhood.

"Ojō-sama...!" He exclaimed, nearly choking on his breath "I can't believe it... You're alive..."

Emotions took over him and he wrapped his arms around me to pull me into a tight hug. To me, he had been like my own father, and I knew the feeling was reciprocated. I let myself enjoy these seconds of human warmth, having been deprived for so long.

He had almost made me quit that terrifying mission. Almost.

"You must want to see your parents." He said after a moment "You grew a lot...! Although, you don't seem too well, I am delighted to see you again, ojō-sama..."

"Thank you..." I smiled at him.

I was unused to such sincere words. From him, they were even more precious. He had been the one to teach me words and numbers, the one who had secretly introduced me to my little sister, who had brought meals for me, who had used his own money to buy me decent clothes. Everything a normal child could experience, he had given to me, as much as he could have. I felt extremely grateful to him. Even so, none could say for sure I would not kill him. Everyone needed to be eradicated, and although it made me flinch to think about murdering him as well, I had no choice at all. He would most certainly call the police, and to avoid such a disturbance... Why, ending him was the only way.

"Your family is in the living room. Do you want to give me your coat, to make yourself comfortable?" He suggested me.

"I'm not planning to stay too long..." I declined his offer "I just happened to pass by, so I thought I could at least greet them. I hope they've forgiven me..."

"What for, ojō-sama?" The butler frowned "You did nothing deserving of being thrown away. You are part of this family... I, for one, will never forgive the master for abandoning you."

"Thank you... Again..." I felt tears in my throat "You... You've always been there..."

"Of course..." He patted my head "I am not one to turn a blind eye on such a lovely child... Are you sure you won't remove your coat?"

"Most certainly..." I shook my head, regaining my composure "I feel... Safer, with it."

"As you wish, then."

Indeed, removing my coat would reveal my holsters and would deprive me of the precious pain relievers. The elder man went into the room, surely to announce my presence, then the doors opened on my little sister, whose smile made my heart melt. I thought it had been frozen and made hard by my life in the underground organisation, but the little ray of sun she was could have touched it. Tightly, I held her against me. Truly... I could never harm her. She was the only being I would have regrets killing, along with the butler. I wondered if there was a way to keep him alive... But I would have plenty of time to consider such matters. For the moment, reuniting with those people was my priority.

"Onē-chan! I thought I would never see you again!" Ruriko-chan wrapped her arms around my neck "I was so sad..."

"It's alright... I am there now..." I muttered, patting her hair "You've grown... Do you eat well?"

"After your disappearance, she refused food for a month..." The mother approached me, uncomfortable "She was hospitalised and saw a psychiatrist... Fortunately, she could recover..."

"Is that so...? I am sorry, Ruriko-chan..." I gave the woman a meaningful glance.

"Come on...!" The fat pig whose blood ran in my vessels exclaimed "She was merely quibbling and being difficult about food...! Don't be sorry for being abducted!"

Abducted? Oh, so that was the story they had told her to explain why I had vanished from the mansion. What if I told the truth...?

"I was not..." I let go of the twelve years old girl a moment to face the father

"I was not abducted, but tossed out of the mansion. Have you forgotten?"

"Oh... Oh, well..."

"Tossed out...?" My sister asked.

"It means that your father chased your sister away from home..." The woman explained, much to my surprise.

"Why...?"

"Because I was a hindrance." I huffed "But also because I tried to kill him. Well, I suppose I was not completely innocent... Let's be honest, nonetheless; that was just an opportunity to get rid of me, wasn't it? Whatever... It's all in the past now...! I have learnt forgiveness after all..."

"Well... Let's drink to forgiveness, then...!" The man was suddenly quite uncomfortable "Would you like to have tea with us? The chef prepared some pastries, too..."

"With pleasure, then." I smiled, sickly sweet.

We all sat around the table, where lovely cakes were displayed for us to eat. Since I was there, I made myself comfortable and enjoyed the sweetness as much as I could. After all, some sugar would not hurt. And I had not eaten properly for months.

"Is there something you want? I can ask for it." The man suggested.

"I am fine, thanks for your concern." I chuckled.

"Onē-chan, onē-chan! Tell us what you did, then...! I want to know how you managed to live...! Is it like in adventure books?" Ruriko-chan asked.

I wiped away the cream on her mouth with a towel. The woman blemished and darted her eyes from me — as always, anything about me made her uncomfortable.

"It is very different from books, but I'll tell you my story." I said "First, I was very lonely. I didn't know how I could survive, all alone in the streets, without any money, food, clothes... I happened to end up in the slums of Yokohama. It is a place with many homeless people, just like I was, but it isn't somewhere I'll ever take you. There, I met thieves, who taught me how to steal so I could eat."

"That's so cool...!" Her eyes sparkled "So, you can pick up locks like they do in the movies...?"

"I can." I laughed "But the thieves were unlucky... We wanted to rob a jewellery, just like real burglars, but we were caught... And everyone died... The owner of the shop was a powerful mafia, and I was nearly killed, too, but I ran away so fast they could not catch me!"

"Woah...! You're stronger than the bad people...!"

"Of course I am... I am your big sister, after all..." I took a sip of tea, relishing in the parent's horrified expressions.

The father only seemed to realise what had been the consequences of his act, while the mother... Well, the mother was trembling, face down. I could not quite see if she was crying or not. Not that I cared.

"What happened next?"

"Next...? Mmh... I left the shallows to live in the streets. I thought I could pickpocket people, you know, stealing their wallet. That's what I did. Then, I met someone, a very nice man." I recalled.

"Is it thanks to him that you are there...?"

"You could say that, I suppose... He and his wife took care of me for a moment. They were nice people, and they had a little girl who reminded me of you." I poked her nose "One day, they dressed me up, and we left..."

"Where did you go...?" The woman finally spoke up, out of breath.

"All the people you meet in the streets don't bear good intentions... I learnt that when I found myself in an underground auction. It's a place where they sell illegal goods, like pieces of art, slaves... I was sold, too. My new owner was an old man."

"... How did you escape...?" Ruriko-chan frowned.

"At first, I didn't. He tried to rape me in his car, but I threatened him with his gun and forced him to free me. In fact, I killed him and his chauffeur, then put the car on fire and washed in the river." I stated calmly, as though such events were normal.

"You... You killed them...?" My sister sounded less impressed "That's horrible...!"

"Right? It was only the start of the horrible path I chose." I put a piece of cake in my mouth "Afterwards, I met a strange cat, which somehow guided me to a man. He is the one who took me in and gave me a job. His name is Dazai Osamu."

"Is he a good man, onē-chan...?"

"Oh, he isn't. But your sister isn't a good person either. She makes a living by blackmailing and murdering people for the Port Mafia, under the orders of Dazai-san. She does the best she can in order to buy pain relievers which relieve nothing at all. That's the kind of life I have. That's the kind of life your parents gave me." I glared at them "Thank them, for turning your sister into a criminal."

"Yōko, it was never my intention —"

"Shut up." I demanded the father, curtly "Even if it wasn't your intention, you abandoned your then fifteen years old daughter in the streets. It isn't the behaviour expected from a parent... It isn't how you treat your children...! But whatever was done is in the past... Today, I came for one thing; working."

"W-What...?"

"Why, one way or the other... You offended the Port Mafia... Which requires to be executed."

I stood up to lock the door, then shoved the key in my pocket before turning toward them.

"No one leaves this room. Alive, at least." I gave them my most wicked smile.

"How can you — No! Let me out!" The man ran toward me.

I punched his stomach, so hard he coughed and fell down onto his carpet.

"Your wife and daughter were threatened to death and you think about yourself only. Pig." I spat on him, kicking his face harshly "I shall take care of you first."

"Why?! Why did you come??" He cried loudly.

"Why? It seems the Boss is displeased with you. That's why."

"But I didn't do anything!!" He squealed, covering his head.

"Are you saying the Boss is arbitrarily suppressing you?" I snarled "Even he seems more righteous than you. At least..."

I crouched down to pat his cheek, my gestures frighteningly soft. Ah, he was so weak, completely at my mercy. I could break his neck, cut his jugular and ruin his face, he would not be able to do anything. Was this power? Strength? Was that how Dazai-san felt when he looked down at me?

I brusquely slapped his face, taking pleasure in this violent act. I had always, deep inside, dreamt of doing this.

"Thanks to you being a jerk, I will live!!" I cackled, repeatedly kicking and beating him "I will live!! Live!! And you will die, by the weakling's hands!!"

He was spitting blood by the time I was done with him, and his entire face was reddened by the bruises I had inflicted him.

"Why did they send you...?" His ordinarily smug voice was reduced to a murmur.

"They did not." I hummed, rejoicing in seeing realisation in his eyes "I requested to come."

"Yōko onē-chan! Why do you do that?" Ruriko-chan sobbed in the mother's chest.

"Because..." I exhaled, retrieving some of my sanity "I saw and lived things I wish you will never experience... Because of those people's fault. I know what hell is, I know what suffering, yearning is. I hope you will never count the days left to survive."

"That's not true!! That's not true!! Mother didn't want —"

"What did she do when that pig threw me out?!" I barked angrily "This woman was never good at anything but darting her eyes away from my pain!! Don't talk about things you don't understand... When you witness but do not act, it's the same as being an accomplice!"

I suddenly pulled out a gun and shot at the man, who was aiming at me from behind. It only wounded his hands, making him drop his gun. Fortunately, there was no stray bullet.

"Y-You..." His eyes fell onto his missing fingers.

His scream echoed in the entire mansion, and I noticed the other covering my sister's eyes and ears to prevent her from seeing the scene.

"This is troublesome..." The inner pulses of violence came back "I originally wanted to torture you in the crudest ways I know of, but you leave me no choice but to suppress you. Or perhaps..."

A mad idea crossed my mind, and my face was darkened by the cruelest smirk. I walked toward him, and grabbed his valid hand without any delicacy, to put a gun into his hands.

"You seem to value your life a lot more than others'. Perhaps can I let you stay alive if you shoot your little girl? Mmh~?"

"How can you —"

"I may be a monster, but then, you are far worse than the lowest garbage on earth." I glared at him "Besides, thoughts do not betray... If you understand my words~"

"I have to do it! I don't want to die! I don't want to die!"

Absentmindedly, he walked toward his wife and daughter, pointing the barrel toward them.

"Husband, you can't do that!" The woman jumped toward him, taking the gun into her hands without fearing he could press the trigger.

I looked away, opening my box of pills to relieve the forming headache. All this noise, the ruckus and brouhaha, had my head banging loudly, and I, for once, wished I was not there. The woman's behaviour was particularly disturbing; why would she take action for Ruriko-chan while she... To me... I did not understand her, and could not hear her thoughts... Never had I been able to.

"Mother!!" The strident scream of my sister broke my thoughts as a gunshot resonated around us.

As expected from such a situation, the pig had accidentally shot his wife, right in the middle of the chest, as they were fighting. I sighed heavily. One was done.

"Mother!! Mother!!" My sister ran to the woman, whose body had fallen to the ground.

Blood was quickly pouring onto the expensive carpet, and when I realised the same liquid ran through my vessels, I felt nauseous. This was... My attention was drawn toward the man when he disgustingly headed toward my sister, the gun pointed right toward her head. She shut her eyes tightly, but the hit never came. I had taken him down first, with my second gun.

"It is the end befitting you, cowardly bastard." I cursed.

Ruriko-chan was crying, and crying. I could not even distinguish her sobs from her hiccups, and her face was soaked by tears. I crouched down next to her, and took her in my arms.

"No!! Are you going to kill me too??" She fought back, but I did not let go of her.

"I won't." I promised "Now, listen to me, attentively, if you want to live."

"H-Huh...?"

"I am not alone. I have a squadron, and they are waiting for me outside. However, they will kill you if you don't follow my instructions." I pulled out the vial I had stolen "This will stop your heartbeat during an hour or two. You will look as though you are asleep, and they will think you are dead. You are going to hide behind the couch, and nobody will find you there."

"Why should I believe you?!" She protested "How do I know you aren't trying to kill me?!"

"Because you are the only family I've ever had." I admitted, sincerely "I did not come here to kill you, but to kill them. When you grow up, you can do whatever to me, but now, you have to listen to me."

I took her hand and brought her behind the couch, where I made her lie down.

"It is odourless, and colourless." I opened the vial "And painless."

"When I grow up, I'll make sure you rot in jail!" She glared at me and drank the liquid.

"You know..." I stroked her hair as she slowly fell asleep "There is no meaning in this life, yet we can't help going on, desperately clinging onto whatever mean we have to survive. However, if you have a purpose, you can keep going on, more easily..."

"What is yours...?"

"That's the point..." I cracked a gentle smile "I don't have one..."

"It's a pity... Be prepared to be arrested... For your crimes... I'll see that you are..." She whispered, her eyes closing.

"I'm looking forward to that..." I checked her pulse.

None. I stood up, and pushed the couch so no one would be able to see her, even if they entered. Casually, I shot the doorknob to exit the room, forgetting about the key, but on the way out, I heard someone talking.

"Yōko...-chan..."

The woman was still alive!

"Still yearning to live? Your time's up, though." I hissed.

"I will die, anyway... But I... Thank you, for Ruriko-chan..." She feebly said.

"I did it for her, not for you." I defended "The bullet didn't touch your vitals, that's why..."

"Before you kill me... You have to know..." Her hand extended toward me, but I did not take it "The name of your ability..."

"Oh, I've long forgotten it." I huffed "Any last will?"

"It is The Sweet Appeals..." She smiled "I only desire that my daughters... Can have a good life..."

She died from haemorrhage. I lowered my gun, and barged out of the room, angrily.

"Don't say that after abandoning me, you silly woman!" I mumbled, passing in front of the servants' horrified look.

"Ojō-sama, what's wrong...?"

Upon seeing the butler's face, I almost burst into tears, but I held back my need to fall into his comforting arms and pointed my gun toward him.

"I... I did something horrible..." I barely muttered, voice trembling "I... I killed them... All..."

"Ojō-sama..." He exhaled, hugging me nonetheless "It's alright..."

"I-Is that so...? You... Aren't going to call the police...?"

"Of course, I'll have to, but —"

The bullet landing in his forehead stopped him from ever finishing his sentence and he fell down onto the floor. I regained composure. It was the right thing to do, after all. I could never go back now. Once I was out, I whistled, giving the signal to my men.

"No one leaves as long as a soul is alive in there." I ordered and stayed at the door.

The maids were all killed without any hesitation, their screams of fear and agony mixing perfectly well with the noise of the machine guns. Wordlessly, I emptied the box in my mouth, swallowing all the pills I had left, but it did not relieve my headache. However ecstatic I had felt earlier, there only remained a weird emptiness in the pit of my stomach. I could not find the satisfaction I had looked forward to when receiving the order to kill my family, and I disliked this frustration.

At least, I could have erased my past and my regrets to fully focus on my days in the Port Mafia.

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[authorofdanger]

Miroh

Genre: angst with slight fluff

Skz zombie apocalypse au

Not much warning really

It's pretty short but I got bored

🧟‍♂️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️🧟‍♂️

The storm finally calmed after nearly an entire day of harsh rain and strong winds. Sitting up on a high branch in the first climb able tree I could find I hung my bag and bow on the branch while ringing my shirt out. With the temperature being basically below freezing and having no dry winter clothes or jacket I knew shelter was a must unless I wanted to go through hypothermia.

My body shook violently as another breeze hit my arms and I determined it was time to look for the closest town. Taking a careful glance around me I couldnt see another moving object in sight so I grabbed my few items and leaped out of the tree, bow and arrow at the ready.

Walking through the woods has been scary enough as it is recently with the limited food supply and starving walkers that have been found in hoards but nothing adds fuel to the fear more than being completely alone. I kept my steps as silent as I could and listened to the best of my abilities but in the end I could only hear the thumping of my rapid heartbeat that never seems to calm these days. I use to be able to ignore it when I was with a group but being alone you tend to notice more about ok but yourself compared to when you are with loved ones.

****Four months earlier****

"Y/N you breathe any louder and the walkers will here you," Minho joked as we crept through the abandoned town. Playfully hitting his arm I tried even harder to control my breaths so he could move his jokes onto one of the others. "Unless they hear your blabbing first," Seungmin hushed, "seriously Minho were we not just attacked by a group not even a couple of minutes ago? Let her catch her breath. We all know she is a terrible runner." Rolling my eyes there wasn't much room for arguments. The boys were athletic and strong, only keeping me around for my ability to provide medical care and my shocking ability to hunt. I've tried teaching them for weeks but only successfully having Jeongin shoot a dose after using five arrows and chasing after it.

"Hey it could be worse. We could have Jisung not being tired." Jisung faked a hurt expression with his jaw dropped and a hand slapped to his chest but you could see from the bags under his eyes that if we were to take a small break in one of these buildings he would collapse from exhaustion. "Last I checked I kept watch while I let you guys sleep. I did all of you a favor," he gasped. Placing a soft kiss to his cheek I slightly chuckled at the tiny his face turned and how large the smile on his face turned. "Me too," Jeongin whined while pulling at my arm. Giving him two on his uninjured cheek he seemed satisfied with his reward. I was just happy he was talking again.

He once didnt say a single word for nearly two months due to the trauma of us losing our best friend after we found his family who was going a different way then we were. They claimed to know of a society going west but we were heading east for one we knew of. It was a no brainer he would go with his family and we couldnt be happier for him but we miss him terribly. It took me saving his life and nearly getting bitten for him to find his voice again.

"You are such a baby," Seungmin groaned but apologized once he caught a glimpse of my warning glare. "Last I remembered I beat the shit out of Jisung when he called him a baby. Dont think I wont do the same to you." The boy is an adult now and I refuse to allow the others to treat him as less. "She's stronger then she looks man," Jisung added as he grabbed his wrist, "I thought she broke something!"

"Guys listen," Minho interrupted, "do you hear that? It's called silence and I prefer ot over your bickering." Before I could open my mouth Jeongin grabbed hold of my hand and mouthed a "thank you" while we continued to walk. Security wasn't a feeling we felt but there was a sense of it when we were together. We had eachother.

*****

Taking in a deep breath I had to force myself to think of other things to prevent myself from crying again. After being separated by an attack from a hoard I have been struggling to stay alive, wondering if it was really worth it.

****Three months ago****

I desperately rushed through the city to find the others. Being separated was bad enough but not knowing if they were okay only added to the anxiety. There were bodies and gunshot holes everywhere but no sign of my friends. Losing hope I slowed my pace to a speed walk but kept my eyes shooting everywhere. Then I saw it, Jeongin's bandanna that I used to wrap his ankle after a nasty gash. He never removes it, leaving that for me to do when I wanted to check his wound for infection. I knew it was his when I saw the my fading initials in the corner of the red fabric.

I couldnt stop the tears that rolled down my face with the knowledge that something terrible had to have happened. Tying it around my wrist I spent hours circling the area but when all I found was his bandanna and a few broken arrows from his crossbow I knew one of three things could have happened. They escaped, they got turned, or they got devoured. My heart shattered and all hope was lost. I was alone and I was afraid.

****

Tightening the filthy bandanna around my wrist I took a few more glances around before I spotted glimpses of buildings just a few miles north. Maybe there is food, hopefully there is because I havent had a meal in days and it's taking a toll on my health. With the constant hunger and running I have become extremely thin and weak but just strong enough to keep moving.

The town was in ruins but the market had a few canned items left. I also was able to find more arrows in a hunting shop and medicine in the local pharmacy. "This should hold me off for a couple of days," I whispered to myself before climbing up to the top of a diner's rooftop to look for walkers.

"This place gets worse each time we come," a voice said in the distance. "Shut up and look for some food. I think we havent scoped out that store all the way since we were attacked last round," another ordered after an echoing smack filled my ears and a pain filled wince. "You hit too hard Hyung!" Fear filled my veins. Last time I ran into other survivors they nearly killed me with a gunshot to my shoulder. I still have a hard time moving it since I never got medical attention and it only happened less than a week after losing my friends.

"Any signs of walkers," another voice asked, "I'm not risking us being separated with a sign of danger." I held tightly to my bow and prepared an arrow before deciding to move backwards to try and escaped unseen. "Nope. I think we are fine," a familiar voice groaned, "now can we hurry so we can go back. It's cold out here!" "Minho," I muttered to myself. Crawling to the ledge I carefully peered over to catch a glimpse of the group below. There were three boys I had never seen before but my heart was bound to explode when two familiar faded hair colors caught my eye. With black roots I could see the beyond faded green hair and another faded red. Seungmin and Minho? They're alive!

"What's that," one of the boys growled after spotting me, "guns at the ready!" "Fuck," I muttered before quickly trying to escape. They're alive! Are the others? I didnt have time to think as gunshots filled my ears. "Is it a walker?" "Its too fast to be a walker!" Picking up the pace I felt my lungs burning but kept going after a bullet barely passed my ear. "Stop your fire! It's not a Walker!" I hid behind a dumpster before my legs could give out and tried to keep my jagged breathing quiet. 'Breathe any louder and the walkers will hear you,' Minho's joke replayed in my mind. Even if it was them chasing after me they arent alone and are not afraid to kill me on the spot. I was in serious danger.

Hearing footsteps I stopped breathing all together and listened carefully as multiple footsteps crept past me. "It looked like a girl," Minho whispered. "Minho did you see what she was carrying," Seungmin asked, "she had a bow. It was silver." Many people we have come across had bows of all kinds of colors but rarely did we see a shining silver one like mine since my father handmade mine before the outbreak as a birthday gift. I never got the chance to thank him after the outbreak began due to him getting infected.

"Y/N," Minho called out. "What are you doing," one scolded, "she could be dangerous!" Damn straight I am dangerous. "Dangerous? Y/N is as dangerous as a housefly. She is just a nuisance," Seungmin scoffed. Rolling my eyes I knew if the situation was different I would have slapped him by now. I could see the men from a small crack just behind me but it was hidden enough to where it would be hard for them to see me. Prepping my bow and silently sitting up I had it aimed just a few inches away from them just in case I needed to scare them. "She is as scary as Jeongin. They are both a couple of babbling babies," he added. I then released my arrow, it landing in the fence right next to the faded pink haired boy. "Holy shit," he yelled in a deep Australian accent making me internally laugh but hood it in to not be found. "Definitely Y/N," Minho and Seungmin said in sync.

"Look man we arent going to shoot but dont threaten my men," the faded blonde yelled, "now come out where we can see you." "Drop your weapons. You can take me down without them anyways," I called trying to sound as strong as I humanly could. Slowly each of them lowered their guns and held their hands up to show they were unarmed. I hesitantly crawled out of my spot and made direct eye contact with the two of my four boys. "You're alive," Minho gasped before racing to me and engulfing me in a tight embrace with Seungmin joining on the other side of me. "Shoulder," I winced, "watch the shoulder."

They both immediately pulled away and gazed at my body. Soaked and filthy with blood and dirt I looked as horrible as I felt even with the rain washing some of the grime off of me. "We thought the walkers got you," Seungmin stammered as tears rimmed his eyes, "we didnt even have time to look for you. The boys found us but said they never saw you while searching the place." "I looked for you guys for days. I didnt leave the city until I was nearly attacked again! I was alone for since then thinking you all were," I couldnt even finish after my voice cracked. I placed my head onto Minho's chest and allowed him to rub my back soothingly. "We need to go," the blonde ordered, "I hear walkers."

****

The ride to their base took around half an hour in their safari looking vehicles but looking at the multiple fences let me see just how secure they were. They seemed to reside in an altered town with handmade wooden fences that had to be atleast twenty feet tall that must have taken months to make. "I know it's not the best looking place but its safe," the pink haired boy sighed as we pulled in but I shook my head and gave him a shy smile. "Its better than a simple tree."

As we pulled in there were around fifty people waiting around the parking lot to see if all of their men made it back. In the distance I could see Jeongin and Jisung waiting patiently by a tall and clean building that had to have importance to the people who resided here. Minho helped me out of the vehicle and held his arm around my waist as we walked past the crowd with Seungmin hot on out trail. "Y/N," Jeongin cried once we got into eyesight, "oh my god!" Trampling me to the ground I could only cry as he pampered my face with kisses and tears as he repeated over and over "I'm so sorry!"

"Innie! Innie stop it's okay! I'm here! You're crushing me!" Slowly prying himself off me me Jisung helped me get up and then yanked me into him, body shaking as he tried to be gentle. "How did you survive? Oh my god I'm so sorry," he mumbled into my shoulder. Jisung and Jeongin were always more likely to show emotion so their shaking and crying didnt phase me just as Minho and Seungmin tried holding composure. Running my hand though his quickly fading brown hair I tried soothing him while also bringing comfort to myself. They're alive, they are okay, and we are all together now.

"So who is she again," the pink haired boy from earlier asked as four men approached us. "This is Y/N. She is the girl you were supposed to find when you found us," Minho said with a hint of harshness in his tone. They had to be angry. They were lied to and they knew it, I knew it. Nobody came to look for me that day and I was right where we got separated from! "There arent enough apologies I could provide," the familiar blonde sighed while running a hand through his locks, "but what matters is she is here now right?" "This is Chan, Felix, Changbin, and Hyunjin. The eight of us run this place but Chan is the big man," Jisung explained as he fully let me go.

"You talked about your shoulder," Hyunjin asked, "can I take a look at it in the clinic?" Nodding my head I followed behind him with Jeongin glued to my side as we entered the tall building from earlier.

****

"It looks pretty nasty but I think it will be fine since I cleaned it. We're going to keep an eye on it for the next week or so alright," Hyunjin asked after the last stitch. "Thank you. I could only do so much with a travel first aide kit from a drugstore." Jeongin kept a firm grip on my hand as his friend left the room, leaving us in total silence. "You've been alone this whole time? In the woods? Injured," he asked lowly. "I'm okay now," I encouraged while ruffling his almost white locks with a soft pink hue. "Still havent found dye huh?" He shook his head and mumbled "not worried about it anymore. Too busy around here."

His eyes were full of emotions but I could see so many questions filling his mind that he was pondering if he should ask. "You know to help us feel better we would come up with ways you were alright? Jisung tried making the theory that you found Woojin and stayed with him." Giving him a soft smile I tried to change the subject to clear his mind. "Do you like it here? The boys seem nice." "They baby me. Alot."

I immediately got frustrated but fought to contain it. Have the boys not realized he isnt a baby? Even after I beat the shit out of Jisung? "But Chan has been teaching me how to lead. He told me if anything happens he wants me to take over Miroh. It's pretty cool but kinda scary." My body relaxed at this, so the babying wasn't so bad that he wasn't given respect. It's a big job to lead and he is being trained to do it!

"I'm so proud of you. I know you can do it." "I can now that you're here. Y/N?" I let out a soft hum, listening to everything he had to say, "you know we are staying here right?" "As long as I'm with you boys I dont care where we are. I'm never losing you again." "Well then welcome to Miroh."

[atopearth]

Final Fantasy VII Remake Part 2 - The Beauty and Wackiness of Wall Market (Ch 8-11)

Btw, I forgot to mention it in the previous post but danggg, Aerith’s house is as beautiful as I imagined it to be. I always loved how it was a nice house surrounded by flowers and water, and I think the remake really nailed the atmosphere and beauty of it. It felt so tranquil and soothing. Lmao at Aerith trying to get Cloud to high five with her when they successfully work together to go through the shortcut to Sector 7. It’s hilarious how Cloud feels bad about not doing it since she looks so disappointed hahaha. HAHAHA, I love how Cloud decided to high five her but she didn’t realise until he awkwardly let his hands down hahahaha, Cloud is so adorable! Lmao at Aerith apologising for not getting it at the right timing and Cloud pretending to be dumb🥺🤣 I love how Aerith got him to high five her at the end of the walk. And lollll at those three robber “brothers”(?), yes, I realised that I could kick them around when they pretended to be dead after getting defeated by Cloud and Aerith, so yes, I did spend some time kicking them HAHAHA. It was stupid but funny okay?! I love how they added that bit because I always hated the random battle appearance of thieves in the original, they kept stealing my good items and money! But now it’s more of a fun yet ridiculous experience at the same time haha.

It’s kinda interesting how Aerith tells Cloud about Zack but Cloud isn’t able to hear his name properly. But it was really cute how she scooted closer to him when they sat down on the slide at the park. Omggg lmao at actually being able to play in the park, I never knew I needed to see Cloud going on a slide because that was so awesome! Yes, I’ll admit I went on it more times than I should have because I just found it hilarious that the stoic Cloud was on a slide like a big child hahahhaa. I always wished that I could play with it in the original, so that was super cool! They really put effort into the most useless things lmao. Outrageous that we don’t get to play on the swing though, that would have been so cool and fun!! Kinda sad now T_T It was so sweet when Cloud and Aerith were awkwardly saying goodbye to each other, I found it so endearing how Cloud was so ready to take her home if she told him she needed him to walk her back. Despite how tiring it may be to follow Aerith’s pace, he definitely finds her company enjoyable. I find it rather random that Cloud actually gets to talk to Tifa when she’s on the carriage to go to Don Corneo, but I guess it’s nice to see Aerith tell him that if Tifa’s important to him, he should really chase after her and protect her (since Corneo is dodgy), I guess despite my gripes with some things, it is nice that Aerith still plays the role of motivating Cloud to be more open with his feelings and doing what he wants rather than what he thinks he should do.

Wall Market is so wacky and lawless, I love it. It looks so good and everything nostalgic about it is there, it’s so awesome. It’s crazy how stuff like the pharmacy, the materia store, the bar, the clothing shop and the squats place is pretty much exactly like the original! It’s so awesome! HAHAHA, I love how when the promoters try to get Cloud to spend the night at the inn with Aerith, you can ask “how much?” and Aerith calls you out for it lolll. I mean, I had to try, right? LOL at Fat Chocobo, it’s so huge, that moogle was ugly btw. Lmao at Cloud enjoying the hand massage more than he thought he would hahaha. It was so cute seeing him flex it in such a dazed state hahaha. Madam M is pretty cute and hilarious though, loved it when she was so mad that Corneo intervened and made Cloud and Aerith fight an extra round in the Corneo Cup loll. Btw, if you’re curious, yes, I admit that I spent some time kicking the thief brothers around the stadium again LOL. Don’t judge me. I also spent some time admiring the flowers and signs Cloud and Aerith increasingly got after winning each round. The underground battle Coliseum was more fun than I thought though, not too hard and I think the announcers and audience really make the experience so great, I was so hyped even though I was the one fighting haha. The cartoon mini Corneo is hilariously cute. Lmao that the house monster became a boss though! Like, c’mon, now he’s not cute anymore! He’s still annoying though LOL. I had no idea how I was supposed to be killing him so it took me a while to realise what I needed to do after finally using Assess loll. A flying house with a shield is notttt fun!  The idea was hilarious though.

As for the squatting game lolll, that was relatively easy, took me a few tries to get used to it though hahaha. Leslie (the guy at the door blocking you from going to Corneo) is so nice, he legit tells Cloud and Aerith to not go for the audition because he knows how terrible of an experience it is for these women. I’m surprised. Awww, we don’t actually go to get the materials for Cloud’s dress?? That’s no fun! I wanted the clothing shop owner to find meaning in his life again by making dresses for men like Cloud lolll! And the aggressive customer that goes all quiet and just says “...you’re weird” when he sees Cloud dressed up as a girl was such a highlight! The wacky banter between the clothing shop owner and his son talking about this new business line in the original was so funny tooo! Honeybee Inn is fancier than I thought though, like wow, all that extravagance. I guess it’s good that Andrea liked Cloud and recommended him to Corneo haha. But omg, Aerith is absolutely stunning, definitely better than Tifa’s dress imo. Her hair is so beautiful too! Madam M did a good job! I loved how even Cloud was surprised how beautiful she was, also gotta love how Johnny rolled the red carpet for her lmao. AND I will proudly admit, I tried to peek when Madam M said she was going to dress Aerith up hahahaha. Anyway, by not making the dress for Cloud, you kinda miss out on how much Aerith enjoyed dressing up Cloud in the original and how much she teased him, so that’s kinda sad, but I guess Cloud’s cute so it’s okay lmao. Also kinda miss how confident and playful she was to pick her own dress and show it off like the boss she was though. 

LOL at that dancing game, it was so weirdly ridiculous since when you do the practice, Cloud literally moves with his sword hahaha. I really wanted to enjoy the dance instead of focusing on hitting buttons though! Especially since some were so hard to see, like seriouslyyyyy! It was really nice to see how much Aerith was enjoying herself watching Cloud and them dance, she’s such a party lover. The dance was pretty awesome in itself though, and Andrea really made Cloud look great, that tiara man! It was so funny when you get to annoy female Cloud with Aerith and keep calling his name but he ignores you hahahaha. LOL at the random passerby guy saying his girlfriend can be the most beautiful in the world, but Cloud is the most beautiful in the universe hahahaha.

Loll at the Don Corneo jukebox thing in his mansion hahahah. As usual, it’s so cute to see Cloud embarrassed and trying to ignore the fact that he’s dressed up like a girl in front of Tifa hahaha. Awww, the original was so much more funny when it came to Don Corneo picking one of them, it was hilarious in the original when Don Corneo would try to look at Cloud’s face properly but Cloud would turn his face the other way lmao. I guess it’s nice to see Tifa and Aerith kick some ass though? Hahaha, so cute how they’re both like, we need to save Cloud! Lol. The “reject room” was more funny in the original though, the guys used to follow you around like zombies before you beat them up haha. I guess we should be impressed that Leslie was able to hold the Buster sword with one hand to give it back to Aerith and them? Ahahah. Honestly though, I think that Wall Market felt the most nostalgic to me, I mean, seeing the noodle place where Cloud could eat, the depressed clothing store owner, the guy that’s stuck in the toilet at the bar, the shooting machine gun that’s supposed to give you something good later on and everything, it just felt so heartwarming. Even the squats were a welcome sight haha. So, even though I feel like they could have added more interactions here, the Coliseum and stuff were enjoyable in their own ways I guess haha, I’m happy enough to just see everything in the background tbh.

Okay, so I realised that PS4 screenshots don’t work like the Nintendo Switch, you actually have to hold the button or press triangle to save it, omg!! And yes, I was mad and sad, so I did a speed run through the first 9 chapters just to get them again lmao. Yes, I was dedicated, and stubborn lol. But omg, I ended up discovering new things! Which is not good! Lol. I realised (unfortunately) that there are different dresses for Cloud, Aerith and Tifa!! OMG. Incoming the shock of my life when I saw Aerith in a peasant dress!! I was like wow, Madam M was such a con artist, she literally took 990,000 of that 1 million gil prize from the Corneo Cup to give my girl Aerith the cheapest dress she could find. I guess I should have known when I did different quests and realised that there is that quest that makes you run around helping the clothing shop owner get back on his feet, and you kinda do the same thing as the original where you help out the sick guy in the bar etc, but I had hope… I really wanted better screenshots of Aerith’s extravagant dress!!😫😫 On that note though, I’m pretty disappointed in the change in the clothing shop owner’s motivations, I can’t believe they changed it to him wanting to go to the Honeybee Inn for inspiration omg!!! I’m so sad and mad. I honestly really loved the original because I found it understandable yet hilarious that what made the clothing shop owner stand up on his feet again was finding inspiration with dressing up Cloud in a dress. I also loved how much more Aerith interacted with Cloud here in Wall Market and teased him and helped him with everything. Now it just feels kinda…cheap. 

Sigh, anyway, somehow I got Cloud’s other dress (the purple one with black bows and his braids, so what the original FFVII dress would look the most like in high quality I guess) as well, like what did I do different?! Anyway, I kinda googled it, and apparently you had to do all those Aerith side quests to get the best dress, sigh, this is what happens when you speed run I guess. And lolll Tifa’s one doesn’t change even if you don’t do her side quests, it’s only when you do them that you get the option to choose the other (uglier imo) dresses. And Cloud’s one…I have no idea, apparently it depends on whether you do the Chocobo Sam or Madam M side quests thing, but I’m not sure how I ended up getting it. All I remember for the tiara dress is that I chose “no deal” for the coin toss with Sam, said no to Johnny at Honeybee Inn and I did the standard course for the massage. Whereas for the braids look, I chose “heads” for the coin toss, did the luxurious hand massage and just completely ignored the side quest to follow Johnny. So yeah…whatever I guess lol, just bear with my dodgy screenshots then hahaha. Or maybe I’ll just get my bro to do them for me when he plays haha! (My bro didn’t end up playing it, the traitorrr, so yes, dodgy screenshots it is~)

I’m glad the sewers weren’t as tedious than the original haha, but the water pump thing was so confusing! I legit didn’t get it lmao, took me a while to realise what I needed to do, sigh, maybe I’m just stupid LOL, I was like, what is Aerith’s role in this?! The needle moved so fast I didn’t realise I was supposed to stop it inside the red part hahahha. I also very much enjoyed turning into a frog with Cloud, I mean, having a frog with a mini Buster Sword jump around blowing bubbles or whatever was hilarious to the max LOL. I guess it’s kinda cute how Aerith and Tifa are bonding through this journey together, and it’s sweet how Aerith is trying to encourage and comfort Tifa by getting her to think about what they can do after they save Sector 7 from Shinra. It’s saddening though, that because of Avalanche, Shinra is planning to kill all these people to make a sort of representation that this is what happens when you go against them whilst falsely showing to the world that these eco-terrorists are willing to destroy a whole plate to achieve their purposes. Even Reno who doesn’t feel like he has the right to feel that way anymore considering the work he does feels a bit uncomfortable with it. On the other hand, the train graveyard was as tedious as usual, not as dangerous as the original though.The place is so creepy btw! Lol. In the original, it had a more solemn atmosphere where I felt like it showed the remains of a past gone, but here, it just feels scary with the ghosts etc lol. Although I guess with how Aerith reacts to it all, it is saddening that these ghosts seem to have just been really lonely and wanted to play hide and seek with Cloud and them after finally getting to see people come here. Honestly though, that vending machine here playing music!! It scared me with the loud music LOL. Small Aerith is probably the cutest tbh! It was so cute when young her was sad and lonely about not being found by other people(ghost showing her sad memories), and then Cloud and Tifa find her and save her in reality, it’s kinda corny, but it’s cute and rather sweet haha.

Okay, I was going to talk about CH 12-14 here as well but somehow the post got too long so I’ll leave it for the next part lolll. I guess me gushing over the beauty of Aerith whilst complaining about my clothing shop owner being demoted into a sleazy guy took up a lot of the post huh? Seriously though, regardless of the changes, I still really enjoyed it because I think the changes made it flow nicely in its own way, and really, I love the whole idea of the Corneo Cup and expanding the role of the Honeybee Inn in the story so I don’t mind the reinterpretation that it went through. I mean, some details were lost and it’s saddening, but at the same time, it was still rather fun and refreshing in its own way. I’d say my biggest gripe is that Corneo is more creepy than funny and that kinda kills the whole mood, but then again, the remake has been more “serious” so it’s understandable. I still got to see Aerith bond with Cloud on the slide (one of my favourite moments), and I got to see how breathtaking Aerith was in her dress, so it’s a win! I think I could spend all day marvelling at how detailed and beautiful Wall Market is tbh. I spent a lot of time looking for the restaurant to see if I could order food and other nostalgic things, and the remake really fit it all in rather nicely! So really, I complain a lot but I still loved it :P

P.S Ms Folia (orphanage teacher?) being a Honeybee girl because her dream is to become a dancer was SO RANDOM and silly lmaoo. Also no idea why I’m hearing a rendition of Farm Boy in Wall Market, it’s so random! And yes, I got lost in Wall Market a lot lolll. I also found it hilarious to see Johnny’s father around everywhere, whether it be in the inn wandering where he can find Johnny, or be it him playing around in the Honeybee Inn even though he’s supposed to be finding his son LOL. Now we know why Johnny is the way he is~

[thecleverdame]

East of Nowhere - Year Four

Sam x Reader

Series Masterlist

Summary:  You and Sam are strangers trapped in a desolate mountain town where you live alone, isolated from the outside world, for five years.

Warnings: language, violence, smut, talk of past trauma

Beta:  ilikaicalie  

This story is complete (44k) and available now on Patreon for a pledge of 2.50. >>CLICK HERE<<

-

YEAR FOUR

Three Years, Three Weeks

You twist in sweat-soaked sheets, your body writhing next to Sam as a dream flickers to life behind your closed eyes.

The bunsen burner is a polished silver and far larger than any you’ve ever seen before, the flames a brilliant blue and strong as they lick upward. You reach over to turn the base, to feed it with oxygen. At once, the fire becomes golden and takes the shape of a flower head. You watch the many petals became more distinct, folding outward, radiating light and warmth. It’s the most beautiful flower you’ve ever seen, more fleeting than any other, yet seemingly eternal.

This looks exactly like your college biology lab, right down to the lopsided stool that rocked when you sat on it. Despite the similarities, you know this is a different place, the anxiety rising as the edges of your vision ebb and flow.

Then you’re outside, standing in the street in front of the house that you and Sam share. It’s as if God has adjusted the colors of the world in the night, like it’s as easy as twisting one of those old plastic dials on a television set. Everything is brighter than it should be; the trees aren’t just green but radiant virescent hues that burn themselves into your sleepy retinas. The houses are as vibrant as if they've been repainted by moonlight and now stand vivid in the golden rays that fall unfettered through the clear sky. The road that should be black asphalt is a sleek river of gray with perfect paint lines and the street-lamps are blue. But, they’ve never been blue, not ever. Everything is so right it’s wrong - really wrong. The front yards that had been disheveled with the decay of late winter just yesterday were a riot of colorful blooms. You turn back to look at the house, the curtain twitches. Someone’s inside and you inherently know it’s not Sam. You hurry to the front door only to find that it is locked. You beat on the hardwood of the door, calling for Sam as a face appears at the window...your face...but with darker eyes and a smile that makes you want to cry.

“Go away,” dark you hiss through the glass, “we don’t need you anymore.”

“He’ll know,” you yell back, “Sam will know that you’re not the real me.”

“What makes you so sure?” dark you smirks, “he hasn’t been able to tell so far.”

Three Years, Four Months

“I’ll go first,” you smile and inch closer until your knees are touching his. You’re both cross-legged on a tattered flannel blanket in the middle of a sun-soaked clearing, surrounded by an ocean of white dandelions. It’s past mid-day, but it’s still warm enough to put a flush in Sam’s cheeks. He smiles bashfully, his teeth catching his bottom lip. Leaning toward him you whisper, “Are you nervous?”

“Yes,” he admits rubbing a hand at the nape of his neck, “but the good kind.”

“Me too.” You grab his hand with two of yours and pull it toward your chest, speaking as you trace the veins of his palm with your thumb. “You probably don’t even remember…”

“Try me,” he urges, reaching out to grab a lock of your hair. He twists it around his finger, his eyes never leaving yours.

“We’d been here a year maybe and we were running out on Miller’s trail. You veered off at full speed, on that skinny dirt footpath, the one right past that huge downed pine and all the roots?” Sam nods affirmatively. “I could barely keep up with you and you just kept looking back at me with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen and yelling at me: ‘Come on Y/N, I know you’ve got it in you.’”

“I’ve never seen you run that fast,” Sam chuckles, watching as you trace your index finger up his wrist.

“Shhh, it’s my turn to talk,” Sam mouths a quick ‘sorry’ and you continue.

“I chased you all the way to that pond at the north end of the woods and I lost you toward the end. When I rounded that last corner, you were just standing there waiting for me by the water’s edge. I ran up to you, I was going to push you in but instead, you picked me up and hugged me like it was the most natural thing in the world. At that moment, I knew how I felt about you. I don’t know if it was the feeling of you holding me or how happy you seemed to be, but it was the trigger. I wanted a thousand more of those moments. Nothing was the same after that.”

“I remember that day,” Sam expounds, “I even remember what I said to you.”

“No way,” you scoff.

“I told you that no one ever made me want to push that hard, that I move faster when you’re chasing me.”

“I’m still not sure how I feel about that,” chuckling you drop your gaze, but only for a moment because Sam isn’t done.

“That’s not the only thing I remember. Your hair smelled like that eucalyptus shampoo you used to use and the hair tie you were using broke half-way through the run, so it was down and wild from the wind on the trail.” Sam breathes looking at you as if he’s still in that moment.

“Well,” you blush, constantly amazed by the details he’s able to recall. Reaching to the blanket you pick up a thin, silver ring and slip it onto his finger. “That was the moment I knew I loved you.”

He holds his hand up to the light, thumbing at the ring at the base of his finger. Then closes his eyes momentarily, breathing once, in and out, before looking back at you. He takes both your hands in his, turning them palm up just as you did with him. His line of sight shifts away from yours to where his thumbs are pressing into your wrists. “It’s not just one moment for me...and there are some things I haven’t said, things that I need to tell you.”

“Okay,” you’re not sure where this is headed.

“I dreamt about you, a long time before I met you. I used to have this recurring dream when I was in college. It was before I met Jess. I used to dream about a woman, I could never remember the details, just feelings. She made me feel like this; safe and happy. She helped me understand that life could be more than blood and sacrifice. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen...she was you. When I first saw you I tried to convince myself that it was just a coincidence, that you were just similar. But I don’t think that’s it, I think I saw my future and it was you.”

Sam’s told you about premonitions and latent powers, so this doesn’t come as a complete surprise. You want to speak, due to the whole series of alternating questions and comments racing through your brain, but you remain silent. This is his turn.

“Am I making you reconsider?” Sam’s only half joking, you both know it. You shake your head no and he squeezes your forearms in response. “Do you remember when we were still living at the motel, that night when we drank half the lobby bar? You were mixing Mojitos, which for the record were awful, and I can’t even remember exactly what we were talking about but it was something about Dean and family. You didn’t even look up from what you were doing and you said: ‘Well you’re my family now and you will be, even when we get out of here, so you’re going to have to explain that to Dean because I’m not giving you back.’”

You remember that moment well, you’d been a little drunk and had spoken without thinking. Sure, you meant the words, but at the time, it felt like too vulnerable of a confession.

“I’d told you things about my life that must have sounded crazy and terrifying, but none of it phased you. You saw through all of it and somehow found me. Not Sam the hunter, or the son of John Winchester or the guy who almost ended the world. Under all of that, you found me. I don’t think anyone’s ever known the truth and managed not to let it change how they see me. Not until you. That’s when I knew.” He looks up to you, just to make sure that this is real and you’re not backing out. You lean forward, pressing a fleeting kiss to his lips in confirmation. He clears his throat, picking up your ring and slips it delicately onto your finger.

When he’s finished, you interlace your hands, the rings on each of your respective hands rubbing together. There’s a soft breeze that’s blowing in from the east, swirling rogue hair around your face as the sparse clouds above you part. A tingle, hardly noticeable, begins to climb up your spine. The wind is electric as if it’s carrying with it a thousand different emotions: love, sorrow, joy.

“Something’s happening,” your voice is almost nonexistent, only a fragile whisper. Tears fall from your eyes as feelings bubble up from your gut and spill out in fat tears down your cheek.

“I feel it, too,” Sam’s crying with you as he stands and reaches for your hand. You rise to your feet and, for a split second, time seems to stop. Then, in tandem, every white pom-pom of every dandelion in the field bursts into a million small, white explosions around you. The wind picks up and carries the spinning seedlings into the air.

“What is this?” you mutter in awe.

“I think it’s confirmation,” Sam laughs, pulling you into this arms, “I think this moment, finding each other, it’s why we’re here.”

Three Years, Six Months

Considering the general lack of purpose and abundance of free time, it’s surprising that there are still places in Shadow Hill where neither you nor Sam has ventured. However, The Tattoomb is an aptly named tattoo shop that you honestly can’t remember setting foot in before today. It’s nestled between The Sweet Shop and Cool’s Pharmacy near the end of main street.

The name proves accurate, for as the door shuts, you have a vivid flash of being sealed in a sarcophagus. The tall windows facing the street have been painted over black and you blink as the overhead fluorescent lights flicker to life. A thick layer of dust seems suspended in the air, as the light bulbs hum electric in the background.

“Tell me, just one more time,” Sam urges. He’s squatting, sorting through supplies in one of the lower cupboards.

“Not again,” you whine, dropping onto of the reclining chairs. “I know it like the back of my hand, I swear.”

“Humor me, once more and I’ll stop.” He looks up, hitting you with a full-on serious stare until you concede with a roll of your eyes.

“Fine. If I wake up back in the real world, the first thing I do is call Dean.”

“What’s the number?”

You rattle off the phone number without hesitation. “If I can’t reach him I try the other two numbers, for the angel and the sheriff. If I still can’t reach anyone and I have a way to get there, I go to Kansas where I find the Lebanon Community Library and I wait for you.”

“That’s right. If for some reason none of that works, just wait, I’ll find you.” Sam looks at you thoughtfully. He raises a tattoo gun and gestures for your to take off your shoe.

“And these in case we forget each other,” you squirm, visibly displeased with what is about to transpire.

“We don’t have to do this Y/N,” Sam offers, but neither of you are backing out.

You shake your head, “Let’s say we, one day wake up and have no memory of each other. There’d be nothing tying me to you...and...I can’t stand the thought of that.”

“I know, me neither.” He sighs clutching your thigh, “You ready for this?” He’s used the temporary tattoo stencil to create the outline of your new permanent tattoo. He presses it onto the inside of your foot, near the heel. Wetting it just enough to soak through the thin paper, you both wait.

“No, but when have I ever let that stop me. You do know what you’re doing, right?” You trust Sam, but this is a whole new level of commitment.

“I read the instruction manual, twice. With the outline, it’s like paint by numbers.” He winks at you, flipping his hair back.

“You’re instilling so much confidence in me right now.”

You sit through the process with surprising restraint. The topical anesthetic he applied prior helps, but it still doesn’t completely numb the pain. Thankfully, it doesn’t take him long; twenty minutes later, you’re looking down at small black letters reading:

Find Sam Winchester

39.809734, -98.55562

It’s simple and to the point. It took the better part of two days to find the perfect words, just enough information to make sense without turning into Memento. The two of you quibbled over several variations until agreeing on the simple turn of phrase. You’re not entirely thrilled with having the coordinates to an underground bunker permanently inked into your skin, but it’s better than the alternative.

Sam covers your heel with a bandage, “I think this is my cue.”

“Please tell me I don’t have to do it,” you squirm.

“I’ll manage,” he assures you, slipping off his shoe and sock before crossing his left calf over his right knee. From what you can tell, he doesn’t even seem to feel it, unflinching as he etches your first and last name into his skin, followed by the coordinates of your hometown.

“You think that’ll be enough?” you ask, handing him the container of Tattoo Goo.

“I know myself well enough to know that I if I wake up with a girl’s name on my body, I’m gonna want to know why. That’s all I’d need. I’ll find a way to remember and I’ll have help.”

Three Years, Eight Months

It’s a frigid morning, icy wind is whipping at breakneck speeds, howling past the windows. The snow stays late this year, starting as gently falling flakes from above and morphing into a snowstorm that hasn't seemed to stop. But, the blustery outdoors is no concern to you or Sam as he turns the knob and the shower sprays down warm water over both of you. Dipping under the stream, you wet your hair and then give him a turn. There’s a series of slow kisses, just the lazy touch of lips while his nose rubs into yours, his tongue slipping easily into your mouth.

You had a fight the night before, a knockdown, drag out, go-to-bed-angry-fight about a grilled cheese sandwich, of all things. Sam was pushing your buttons, insisting that the burner wasn’t high enough, the bread had too much butter, the cheese was cut too thick. You wanted to slap him.

But, last night seems like a distant memory as he climbs into the shower and slides the door shut.

When he finally pulls away from your mouth, he moves to slip behind you. He washes your hair, massaging as you close your eyes, enjoying the sensation of his strong fingers rubbing your scalp, slow deep circles that send a tingle down your spine. Once he’s done with your hair, he moves on to the rest. He rolls soap between his hands until it lathers, then rubs his sudsy hands over your rib cage and up under each breast. He teases for a moment before giving in and cupping each one, kneading and clutching as you squirm back into his chest.

The water washes the soap away, but his hands don’t leave. Instead, fingers tug at your nipples as he lowers his mouth to the back of your neck, kissing and sucking as he pulls harder at your tits. You whine as he twists your nipples, applying just the right amount of pressure to awaken other parts of your body. Sam’s become an expert at all the places that get you going; he’s spent countless hours experimenting with touches- gentle here, harder there.

One hand stays on your breast while the other trails down your stomach. His hand spreads wide as it sweeps over your belly and then further. Large fingers sweep over your mound as the pad of his index finger finds your clit, and with expert precision, begins slow measured circles as you whimper.

“You like that?” Sam grins at the sound you make, nipping under your ear.

“Yessss..” you hiss, letting your head fall back onto his chest. As his mouth latches onto the skin of your neck, his hands don’t stop the well-rehearsed movements. His finger moving firm and steady over the little bundle of nerves at the apex of your legs controls your whole body. The insistent rhythm of his hand between your legs and tugging on your nipples work in conjunction as your pussy begins to betray you, slick sliding down your thighs where the water washes it away.

You grind back into his embrace, his cock firmly pressing against your butt cheek. He ruts forward as you push back, relieving pressure, but not enough.  

“I’m gonna come, baby,” you moan as your legs start to grow weak. Sam wraps his arm around your torso, holding you up. The hand between your legs hooks under as two of his long fingers push inside your cunt, his thumb goes right back to your clit. He knows you don’t like to come without something inside you. He knows you hate that feeling of your pussy clutching at nothing. You reach back and above you, running your hand up his neck and knotting a fist of his hair.

“God, you’re wet this morning, this all for me?” he sucks your earlobe into his mouth as his thumb grazes your sweet spot and your orgasm rips through your body.

“Sam!” you call his name when you come, twitching in his grasp as your eyes roll back into your head. His thumb stills, but his fingers don’t budge, still shoved knuckle deep inside where you’re tight, clenching in frantic, repeating pulses.

When he does pull his fingers from you, it’s only to turn you toward the shower door. Still behind you, he takes each of your hands, one at a time, placing them on the glass of the door. You bow forward, breasts pressing into the cold glass. Back arched, ass out, Sam saddles up to your backside, one hand on your waist, the other guiding the head of his cock between your legs. You feel him, sliding over your slit and then pushing inside, one smooth push until his balls smash against your sex, leaving you unbelievably full. From this angle, he can push deeper than normal, reaching a place inside that makes your entire body quiver, shaking like jello from a mold.

“Sam, I can’t,” in lieu of finishing your sentence you make a desperate sound, one hand fisting as it pounds the door as he pulls out and shoves back in fast, begins a steady rhythm.

“I’ve got you,” he grunts, both hands on your hips, supporting your weight. “Fuck, Y/N, I’m not gonna last long like this.”

One of his hands snakes around your hips, pressing your stomach where there’s a faint swell in your belly with each thrust, his cock making your stomach bulge as he fucks you from behind.

“So deep,” you pant, pressing the side of your face into the glass, searching for some kind of stability. Sam moves his finger down, searching for your clit, but instead, you bat his hand away, the angle is just right, making you see stars with every stroke of his manhood, “I can come just like this.”

“Shit,” Sam grits as he almost shoots his load right then. The idea of you coming from just his cock makes his balls tight. You raise up a little, mustering every last ounce of energy you have standing on your tiptoes and suddenly the angle goes from just right to sweet-mother-fuck. He slides home once, twice, and that’s all she wrote.

If it weren’t for Sam’s support, you’d be on the ground, instead of suspended mid-air as he pushes inside again and again. It doesn’t take long before he’s coming, too, with a grunt and a stutter of his hips, spilling inside you.

Afterwards he holds you, wraps his arms tighter until you feel his thumping heart pressed into your shoulder blade. There are more of those lazy kisses accompanied by gentle touches as he washes your skin for a second time.

Three Years, Eleven Months, One Week

You stand next to Sam at your dining room table, the surface littered with dry herbs, open books, and at the center, a brass bowl. He’s grinding lavender while you read over the list of ingredients. This spell has been a long time coming, Sam stored it away on a whim when he first came across it four years ago, and he assumed you’d never be able to collect everything needed to make it work, but things are different now.

You’ve grown most of the herbs, collecting others from the forest, which is how you found the missing piece of the puzzle, the Olivine gemstone. The smokey green rock was nestled among the larger chunks of stone and granite near the north end of the town. He could hardly believe it when you pulled it from your pocket three days ago.

He sets down the mortar and pestle, spilling the mix of pummeled herbs into the center of the bowl, where it joins a complicated mix of gems and crystals. You check off the list as he adds each one.

“So, we still need the beak of a raven,” you curl a lip in disdain.

“Got it.” Sam’s holding the tiny piece of bone between his fingers, “he died for a good cause.”

You nod, grateful Sam’s willing to do all the dirty work. “That’s it, I mean except for the next part.”

The blood of true love. Apparently old world magic doesn’t work without hemoglobin. He takes your hand in his, “Sorry,” he winces, using the tip of his blade to cut the flesh of your palm. Wet and warm, the blood pours from the wound and Sam moves it over the bowl, squeezing until he’s satisfied it’s enough. He picks up a cloth from the table, wrapping it several times around your palm, the dark stain seeping through. “My turn.”

Now, it’s time for you to get your hands dirty. The spell was explicit in its instruction; the blood has to be drawn by the lover. Taking the knife from him, you draw in a sharp breath, it’s now or never. Pressing down, you drag the blade, the feeling of his skin splitting makes your stomach turn. He doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move, but he remains stoic for your benefit.

“That’s good, you did it,” he praises, taking the knife from you and holds his hand over the bowl, offering his half of the sacrifice. Wiping his hand on his jeans, he looks down at the leather-bound book. Next, he pulls out his wallet, removes a photo of him and Dean when they were kids. It’s as old as it looks, tattered around the edges. He’s about to burn the last thing in his possession tying him to the outside world. He scribbles a message on the back:

Dean,

Shadow Hill. Trapped. Two of us. I’m alive.

Sam

“I think that’s it.” He’s trying something new with this spell. No summoning or teleportation, he’s simply going to communicate, attempting to open a window through the fabric of space and time to push a message through.

Picking up the box of matches, he strikes one on the side of the box. His eyes dance from the flame to you as he drops it into the bowl. There’s a spark, a flash of light, then multicolored smoke twisting upward. There’s deafening silence, a stillness as you both stare at the dissipating smoke.

Then, chaos.

The walls of the house violently shake, as if the earth below is moving the very foundation. There’s a horrifying sound reverberating all around you, painfully loud like the scream of a thousand trumpets.

“Sam,” you reach for him but he’s already moving. Both hands on your arms, pushing you in front of him.

“We gotta get out of the house.” The sliding door that leads to the back deck shatters like it’s been hit with a missile, glass, and wood exploding in all directions. You feel it hit your face, but continue moving as Sam tries to cover your body with his. He guides you through the now empty doorway and down the trembling stairs of the deck.

Your feet hit the grass and you fall to your knees, the very earth undulating in savage tremors. Sam scoops his hands under your armpits and lifts you back up, dragging you away from the house and into the middle of the backyard where you both collapse.  You watch in terror as the entire neighborhood shakes and rattles, akin to the feeling of teeth clanking together in your mouth.

There’s a sound like the tearing of fabric, only at a brutal volume that makes you both cover your ears. Above the house, a hundred feet in the air, a sliver of white light begins to appear. It begins to expand, the chorus of sounds reaching a potent crescendo as shiny beams stream out in all directions like a star exploding in the daytime sky.

Just when you think your eardrums will pop, the shimmering tear begins to collapse in on itself, sucking in sound and life like the cousin of a black hole folding inwards until there’s nothing left.

With a bright flash, it’s gone just as quick as it came.

The two of you sit side by side, stunned as the world returns to normal.

“I think it worked,” Sam whispers looking to you. His optimism is tempered as he gets a view of your face, “Jesus, baby, you’re bleeding.”

“What? Where?” you don’t feel pain with the adrenaline still pumping, your heart still thumping wildly in your chest.

“Your head,” he reaches up and wipes his finger across your hairline. Tiny shards of glass still lodged in your skin catch under the pads of his fingers.

“Oh,” bewildered you bring a hand to your face to check, but it’s the wide splotch of blood on your palm that steals the attention. You turn your hand over, staring, but unable to make sense of it.

“Where is that from?” There’s a catch in his voice, an octave higher than normal as he grabs your wrist for inspection.

“I don’t know,” simultaneously you both took down, Sam gasping in horror at the jagged piece of wood protruding from the right side of your stomach. You wrap a hand around it, moving in slow motion because there’s a buzzing in your brain that’s muting everything else. You look up to him, offering casually, “I think I got hurt.”

“Fuck,” he bats your hand away, “don’t pull on it okay? It could make it worse.” You’re conflicted as to what is more troubling, the sight of your impaled stomach or the expression of sheer terror on his face.

Nodding agreeably you lay back. He lifts your shirt up, exposing the wound, and hisses when he gets the first look. The Sam that remains calm, cool and collected is not the man hovering over you. Instead, he’s panicking. “It doesn’t hurt, it just feels warm….although, I do feel kinda funny.”

The edges of your vision blur as a tingling sensation spreads outward from the gash, snaking through extremities until it reaches your fingertips. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, much like your foot falling asleep, except this is everywhere.

What you can’t see, is the amount blood that’s pouring from your belly, staining the green grass, and soaking through the denim of Sam’s jeans where he’s kneeling beside you. One moment you’re looking at him and the next, your eyes are rolling back into your head, lids fluttering shut.

“Nononono,” he shakes your shoulders but you remain limp. “Come on, please don’t let this be happening. I don’t know what to do, baby.” He cries, blinking back tears.

Sitting back on his haunches, he takes a deep breath, separating action from emotion. He does know what to do, he’s been through his before, countless times with Dean and others. He makes a decision, taking you into his arms and jogging around the house and through the side door leading to the garage. Inside, there’s an old Toyota 4Runner he fixed up last year. He places you in the passenger seat, but the maneuver twists the wood stuck in your gut, pain jolting you awake with a scream.

“It’s okay, you’re gonna be alright,” Sam places a shaky hand momentarily at the side of your face before closing your door and running to the driver’s side. Laid over the seat, you lean against his shoulder as he pulls out of the driveway and onto the road.

“I don’t have what I need here,” Sam assures you.

“Where are we….” you choke out, clutching the open wound as you slip back into the dark.

“The hospital,” Sam mutters.

--

He pulls the car up to the emergency entrance, throwing the car into park with a jerk. He plucks you from the vehicle and scurries through the wide, automatic sliding doors then down the hallway of the abandoned Shadow Hill Community Hospital.

He knows the layout because when you first arrived, you searched this hospital from top to bottom. It’s just like everything else here, it resets every night, which means there are fresh medications and sterile instruments every morning.

Backing through the swinging doors of operating room one, Sam places you carefully on the gurney, then he goes to work. Flipping every switch on the wall, the fluorescent lights flicker to life while he pulls open drawers, collecting everything he can: forceps, clamps, needles, adhesive tape.

Next, he moves to the small locked cabinet, breaking the glass to get inside. He reads each vial until he finds the lidocaine. Moving back to the table, he presses two fingers to the pulse point at your neck where he can feel a faint pulse. He fills a syringe and tries to numb the area around the wound as best he can.

And then, he does the most difficult thing he’s ever done in his entire life. He tries to save yours.

--

You hear the gentle blip of a heart monitor before anything else. It takes every ounce of strength you can muster up just to blink and once you do, you wish you hadn’t. Your eyeballs feel like sandpaper, as does your mouth.

Turning your head, you’re greeted with the sight of Sam. He’s asleep on the adjacent hospital bed, mouth hanging open and belly down. He’s wearing a white t-shirt and blue scrubs, instead of jeans. His normal five o’clock shadow is thicker than normal making you wonder exactly how long you’ve been asleep.

“Sam,” you call, your voice little more than a scratchy whisper. He doesn’t budge.

Like an ancient computer coming online, sections of your body are waking up, one after the other. You wiggle toes, then fingers, just testing the basics. It’s when you try to sit up that every nerve lights up, pain so great that it’s hard to get a handle on. Your breathing is labored and placing a hand on your chest, you wince, pulling down the neckline to reveal twin burn marks above each breast.

“What the hell,” you murmur, touching one of the blisters carefully. The realization dawns on you, these are the residual imprints from a defibrillator; your heart must have stopped.

“Sorry about those, I had the voltage up too high. In my defense, the lower settings weren’t getting the job done,” Sam’s voice is thick from sleep as he sits up, sliding from the bed and into the chair next you. He looks somewhere between relief and exhaustion. “Welcome back to the land of the living.”  

“It’s good to be here,” you counter, then cough. The pain in your stomach surges as the muscles contract and you howl.

His brow furrows in concern as he takes a cup from the bedside table and holds it up to your lips. “Drink something.”

You swallow, then sputter, before shooing him away. Even swallowing hurts. “It was bad?”

“It still is bad,” Sam’s mouth twists, his eyes flicking down the floor and back up to you. He reaches out, taking your hand and squeezing. “For a while, I didn’t know if you were gonna survive, then I didn’t know if you’d wake up. I stitched you up as best as I could, but you’re gonna have one hell of a scar, it’s not pretty.”

“You have more than your fair share,  so, now we match.” Offering a weak smile you watch him watch you. “How long was I out?”

“Four days.” He’s trying to stay positive, but the look in his eyes is telling a different story.

“What’s wrong?”

He releases your hand, rubbing his palms on his knees, “It’s infected. You were running a fever until this morning.”

“That’s good, right? That the fever’s gone?”

“Yeah, I just...I didn’t know what I was doing Y/N. I was just trying to stop the bleeding…” he stops himself from telling you what he’s really thinking: that you could have internal damage, slowly killing you from the inside and there’s no way to know.

He doesn’t tell you that when your heart stopped and the screech of the flat line filled the room, he screamed along with it. He came this close to losing you. He doesn’t tell you that he stayed awake for two days, crying next to your bed and begging that someone would hear him. He tried bargaining with whatever silent force was watching over this place, pleading for the God he knows exists to intervene and save you.

But, there was no relief. Nothing. The two of you are nothing more than a forgotten experiment left to self destruct.

It was all on him.

--

Recovery is slow. You wonder if you’ll ever fully heal because the pain is an ever-present companion, haunting every move from morning until night. You struggle to sit up, then stand, then walk.  It’s three weeks before Sam allows you to go home, still protesting as he drives you the four minutes from the hospital to your house. After that, it’s long days in bed, reading and eating meals brought to you on a tray until you think you’re going burst from the boredom of it all. But, you don’t complain, you just grin and bear it.

Yes, healing is a long and involved process for you both. For Sam, it’s the brutal realization that there is no safety net. It’s a simple fact he knew before but now he feels it, the desperation sinks in, right down to his bones. This place might repair itself every night, but that same magic doesn't work on flesh and bone. There’s no one to fall back on, no one to reach out to. The love he feels for you should make him happy, but it’s tempered with a sense of dread because eventually there will come a situation he can’t fix.

It’s only a matter of time.

-

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[incoherentbabblings]

First Date (3/9)

Tim has one more test to pass before Bruce will allow him out as Robin. Like Dick and Jason before him, he has to avoid being caught by Batman for one night. He has already failed once, and is determined to succeed this time. Determination which might not count for much when Stephanie Brown is on the run from the mob. Her mother kidnapped as a way to threaten her father, Stephanie manages to escape and run into Tim. Unable to leave Stephanie alone when she is in need, Tim decides to try and multi-task. All he has to do is rescue Stephanie’s mother, take down the mob, avoid Batman, and get Stephanie to agree to a proper date all in one night. Absolute anarchy ensues.  Ao3 link here! 

It was not even nine o’clock and Tim had already failed the test.  He had made the foolish choice of choosing to linger in the start area, hoping to slip under Bruce’s nose when he chased a false lead.  It hadn’t happened, and Bruce watched from up high as Tim weaved through the crowds in Gotham city centre.  He had heard the sounds of a shooting around the corner, the pharmacy on Broad Street, and Bruce watched from up high as Tim began to make his way towards the junction when a blond teenager crashed past the crowd.  Unable to stop himself from interfering, Tim punched the man chasing her unconscious.

Bruce hummed to himself.  It was a very good punch.

He watched as Tim picked up the girl and made their way to the hospital.  It seemed she had been shot.

“B?”

“Yes Oracle?”

Barbara’s mechanic voice filtered through the earpiece in the Bat’s cowl.

“Shooting not far from you.  Looks like a woman was taken.  A girl was shot at.  No other casualties.”

“I’ve just seen her.  Tim has taken the girl to the hospital.”

“Tim?”  Back in the Clock Tower, Barbara leaned back in her chair.  She clenched her fists in front of her keyboard.  Bruce had seen Tim?  Already? “Oh no.”

“It’s over Oracle.”

Gulping loudly, Barbara tried to think a way around Bruce’s fatalism.  She decided not to acknowledge Bruce’s statement.  Instead, Barbara side stepped it. “How is he?”

“I haven’t confronted him yet.  The girl needed help getting to the hospital. He’s with her now inside.”

Barbara took a breath, seeing an opportunity to delay Tim’s failure lecture.  “The woman who was taken, I took a look at the CCTV in the area.  She was taken in a black VW.  I can find and follow the car?”

“Do that.”

“Yes boss.  And… oop, there we go.  Got a match on her face.”

“Anyone of importance… to the mob?”

The slow correction made Barbara want to snap, but she repressed it, and tried to remain light in tone.

“Her name is Crystal Brown, Arthur Brown’s wife…  Looks like the Cluemaster made some enemies.”

“The girl then must be their daughter?”

Some taps indicated Barbara was doing some quick searches. “Stephanie?  Looks like it.”  Barbara clicked her fingers as she looked up the girl.  “She’s a year older than Tim, they live up just across the river in Gotham County.”

“Master Bruce?”  Alfred’s voice interrupted them.  “Phone call from Central Hospital.  One of their nurses has been kidnapped on her way home from work.  A Crystal Brown?  Her daughter is being treated for a gunshot wound, though apparently it is not severe.”

“We’re tracking Crystal.  Anything more about the daughter?”

“They claimed that she was going somewhere safe.  Could not or would not give specifics.”

“One moment.”  Firing a grappling gun, Batman swung across the rooftops, landing to peer down at the hospital.  He would catch Tim’s attention, ensure Stephanie was safe, then pursue the mother.

Barbara sucked air in between her teeth.  Oh!  An opening!  Mom and daughter were separated.  Maybe if Bruce was focused on Crystal, Tim could be lost to him again watching over Stephanie, and he could get back in this hide and seek game.  If Tim was taking Stephanie somewhere safe, that meant hiding out the night in the city… if Tim was smart.  Barbara liked to think Tim was smart, but he was also like Dick in that he liked to be a hero.  Weighing up what was smart versus what was right was a problem each of them grappled with, some better than others.

Ideally Bruce would look for Crystal, and Tim would watch over Stephanie.  Getting the two boys to line up in that though, especially when Tim was out of earshot, could be nigh impossible.  She could only try to help Tim.  To do that she would help Crystal.  To do that Bruce had to follow up on Mrs Brown, and leave Stephanie to Tim.  A win-win situation for all.  But how to pull Bruce away from watching Tim?  How to ensure Tim wouldn’t get any bright ideas of being the hero to both women?

She began tapping her fingers against her desk, screwing up her lips as she searched through CCTV footage for the number plate and car that had left the pharmacy not too long ago.

Tricky tricky.

Bruce waited patiently for ten minutes.  Before either Stephanie or Tim emerged from the hospital however, the man Tim had punched out stirred across the way, rolling over into a puddle of Stephanie’s sick and blood.  Groaning, he pushed himself up, and pulled out his phone, remaining sat on the wet cold floor of the street.

There was no way Bruce could have listened into the conversation.  He was too high up and the streets were heaving with people out for the night.  Maybe he could…

“Taking the more direct approach sir?”  Alfred queried, seemingly reading Bruce’s mind.

“You’ll have to question him.  He’s another lead to find out what they want with Crystal.  You can find out through him.” Oracle cut in, almost breathless in her delivery.  Barbara was trying to get Bruce off Tim’s tail, and Bruce knew that.

She was right though; he couldn’t let the man leave.  He would know where they were taking Crystal, and what they wanted with Stephanie.

Tim would have to wait.  He watched as the man entered an alleyway to try and compose himself, then shot over above him, ready to yank him up to the rooftop.

Time to talk.

*****

Stephanie shoved her way through several people, instinctively holding herself low as they bolted through the crowds.  Clambering up the stairs was difficult, but she managed it somehow, and sliding through the gate quickly led to a panicked thought before Tim yelled for her to jump over, which she managed, pushing up and over the gate card readers.  When she landed on the other side her leg gave out, and she crumbled to the floor.  Pushing herself forward, she managed to build back up to a run, catching up to Tim, who had his hand out still for her to hold.  His grip was cold and stiff, but he wasn’t shaking or sweating.  Tim wasn’t afraid of these guys.  She looked back for a moment to see them struggling with the gates, pushing back at being refused access by the testy technology.

Exiting onto the street she pulled Tim left, away from places like Crime Alley.  He followed willingly, looking for a way out for them.

“We need to go up high.”

“The roofs?”  Looking up at the tenements and slums, she couldn’t see any public buildings for them to go through.  There were only smaller stores, barricaded up tight for the evening, and endless blocks of flats. Maybe one of the front doors had a broken lock, but it would slow them down and give the men a chance to catch up for every locked door they tried.

Tim yoinked her across the road, jarring her shoulder joint and pulling her down an alley.

She didn’t have time to protest as he was already climbing the stair framing that ran up the side of the building, using momentum to help thrust himself up a flight at a time.  He paused two stories up, looking down to see she wasn’t following.

“Do you need a hand?”  He asked sincerely.  In the dark his eyes managed to remain bright, but otherwise he had somehow managed to blend in with the shadows.

Stephanie gulped, looking down the alley.  There was a congregation of folk who were eyeing the pair suspiciously, but she could hear the mobsters shouting, they were gaining quickly on them.

She shook her head and jumped, pulling herself up and over the railings.  Pushing off the wall, she managed to leap high enough for Tim to grab her arm.  He swung her up back and forth until she could cling to the stairwell, which she then was able to climb to reach the roof.  Tim showed off, practically parkouring his way past her.

She got to the roof after he did.  Copying Tim, she held herself low once more.  They both peered over the edge, watching as the stupid men realised they’d lost them on the other side of the street.  The five men split apart, heading down different alleys and streets, trying to track Stephanie down.  One of them stayed behind and pulled out his phone.  Tim leaned forward eagerly, wanting to hear what was said.

“We found her, she got off the subway at the Bowery.  We followed her to Perry and 27th but…”

He trailed off as someone responded.

“Well I don’t know!  There was some boy with her.  Little skinny prick.”

Tim gently snorted, and Stephanie nudged his shoulder with her head.  A soft familiar headbutt that made his heart stutter.

“Gawd, do you really need her?  Isn’t the wife enough to make Brown show up with the money?”

Stephanie jolted, and instinctively Tim tightened his hold, trying to comfort the sudden tenseness.

“I’m sure the Bat has bigger fish to fry tonight.  A shootout at a pharmacy isn’t high on the list…fine.  Fine.  We’ll keep looking.  Fine.”

And that was that and the call ended.  He dialled someone else, asked for their location, and ran off to catch up with them.

There was silence as Tim and Stephanie caught their breath and tried to piece together what they could.

“My dad pissed off the mob.”

“Looks like it.”

“They want to use my mom and me as leverage.  As if he cares.”

“Hey,” Tim nudged her.  “If they want Arthur to show his face, they won’t kill your mom until they have the both of you and her in the one place.”

“They could be hurting her or –”

“They won’t.  This is the mob, not Zsasz or Black Mask.  They want money they’re owed.  There’s no point doing anything before that.  They’re pragmatic.  Your mom’s just collateral.”

She let go off his hand, letting it hang limp.  “…How can you just say it like that.  My mother is not collateral damage.  Her life is in danger.”

Tim realised he’d overstepped by her flat tone.    

“I’m sorry.”

“You should be! This is just a fun adventure for you is it?”

“No!”  He burst out, contrite.  “God no.  I’m sorry, I was trying to make you feel better.”

Her face turned beetroot with anger.  Oh God.

“How?!  By telling me that my mom is gonna die, but it’s fine, since it won’t be until I’m with her to get my brain blown out too?”

“It means we have time!”

“We?  Who the hell do you think you are?”

She pushed away from the ledge, pacing back and forth.  Tim saw her start to sniff and her eyes grow wet.  She was scared, hurt and trying to trust a stranger.  It was a lot for one night.

“Stephanie… I know this is awful.  I know how awful it is with your mom.  Please believe me.  I know you don’t know what to do, and I know you feel like you’re stuck with me.  I mean… if you want me to go—”

“No.  You’re the reason I am not dead probably.  Three times over now.” She whirled and looked at him kneeling on the roof.  “Who are you?”

Why are you the way you are?

He heaved a sigh, hearing the unasked question, and stood up.  “My full name is Timothy Jackson Drake.  My parents formed Drake Industries.  Have you heard of it?”

She wrinkled her nose.  He was loaded then.  “Yeah, a little.”

“My mom… she died a few years ago.  My dad nearly did too.  Some guy was hired to poison them.”

“Why?”

He looked back down on the street.  The Bowery was incapable of being quiet, and the sounds of sirens, distant gun shots and shouting echoed through the air.

“…I’m sorry.”  Stephanie said.  “It’s none of my business.  I’m sorry that you lost her.”

“…Not your fault.”  He shrugged uselessly.  “I don’t want anyone else to hurt like that.”

She peered at him.  “That’s very noble of you.”

She wasn’t being sarcastic.  Tim laughed sadly all the same and shrugged a little helplessly.  Stephanie fell a little more in awe of him.

“I don’t want you to leave me.”  She whispered.

He looked her straight in the eye.  “Then I promise I won’t.  Not until you’re safe in Bristol.”

She moved closer to him, close enough that they were nearly nose to nose.  He really wasn’t that tall.

“Then what?”

“I’ll contact Batman.”

“And that’ll be that.  I won’t see you again?”

She saw him try to restrain himself from looking shocked.  He once again appeared overly earnest in his usual sweet manner.  Stephanie caught herself staring at his open mouth.

“Can I see you again?”

“…Maybe.  If this mess gets sorted…”

“When this mess is sorted.”

“Hmm.  Then yes.”

She tried to lean in closer, until they were sharing their breath, but it seemed Tim was looking absentmindedly at the floor. His eyes were a hundred miles away, sparkling with hope.

“We can go on a proper date then.”  He said, smiling mostly to himself.  He realised instantly he hadn’t meant to say that out loud and his smile slid off his face.

Stephanie choked and stared at him, reeling at his openness.  “Excuse me?”

“Nothingifyouwantittobenothing.”

“Excuse me?”

This boy was bonkers.  Stephanie knew it.  As loopy as half the people in this freak show of a city.  But he was so earnest it was genuinely disconcerting.  She couldn’t make her mind up if she was disturbed or flattered by his obvious interest.  It was shallow of her, but having a cute, well-meaning boy offer to take her on a date was making her preen internally, and for a moment she flattered herself at catching a rich boy’s attention.

She was abruptly reminded of the worst aspects of her parents when she thought it, and her warm chest froze in disappointment at herself.  Besides, she couldn’t trust this boy, no matter how much she wanted to, no matter how much she tried.  Actions and words were always in conflict, and even he couldn’t make the world fit around what she wanted.  She tried to remind herself that his promises were unrealistic.

Maybe he was genuinely psycho under all that blushing and gentle demeanour.  An angry ticking time bomb that knew how to manipulate vulnerable girls.  Teenage boys were good at that.

But no.  The mortified expression on Tim’s face was pointed internally, and she couldn’t see much anger in him at all.  In the two hours she’d known him, he’d either been on the physically defensive, acting like a brick wall with a fist, or when he himself was attacked verbally or physically, he either ran or curled inward, becoming small and nimble.  He didn’t instigate.  His ego was placed on actual founded skills.

Stephanie wasn’t the best at reading people, but she soon convinced herself that Tim just wore his heart on his sleeve.  She felt her cheeks grow warm in the rooftop breeze.

“I’m sorry.”  Tim muttered again.

“You need to stop apologising.” Stephanie said, reaching for his hand.  “You haven’t done anything wrong.  I’m just not used to being someone as –”

“Dweebish?”

“Genuine as you.”  Tim was staring at their interlocked hands.  “I do want to get to know you better.  I want to see you again.  But I can’t think about it just yet.  I can’t stop thinking about my mom.”

“Well… how about you tell me about her.”  Tim said.  He tugged Stephanie back towards the stairwell, and the two slowly began to descend.

“Umm… What do you want to know about her?”

“She’s a nurse right?”

“Yeah.  An A&E nurse mostly.  It’s real hard on her.”

“I can imagine.”

“She’s addicted to painkillers.” She blurted out.  Tim turned, looking at her sadly.  Stephanie shrugged uselessly.  “I don’t know if dad did a number on her, or mentally she just needs an escape, or both but… I dunno.  It sucks.  She’s only sober when she’s at work.”

“How long has she been an addict?”

Stephanie frowned, thinking hard.  “…I don’t remember… a time when she wasn’t… I don’t think…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

“No but…”

They plopped down on the ground, Tim poking his head round the corner.

“We can grab the 82 from here.”

“Okay.”

They walked, and Stephanie moved closer to Tim, almost burying into his side.

“What about you?  Your mom?  Is it painful to think of her?”

Tim blinked, as if the thought had never occurred to him.  “Not so much anymore.  We weren’t super close.  I spent so much time worrying about my dad.  He took a long time to recover.  He’s still recovering in a way.  I guess I just… regret that she wasn’t there, when I was a kid.  And now she never will be.”

If Stephanie could take one small comfort from her own relationship with her mother, it was that it still had the potential to be functional.  Maybe even loving.  Perhaps it was foolish, but Stephanie still hoped, deep down.  Tim didn’t have that chance.  

“What do you remember about her?”

“Uhhh… She changed hair colour a lot.  She dyed it blonde, red, black, brown… She used to always bring me back stuff from abroad.  A lot of it was pretty much expensive junk… but I’ve kept it all.”

Stephanie smiled.

“Was she nice?  Do you have a photo?”

“I uurrr… I don’t have my phone on me right now.”

She frowned, lips pressed together as they waited by the bus stop.  A few others were also waiting, everyone minding their own business thankfully, though Stephanie felt like one of them was leering at the couple, though his face was hidden under a hoodie.

“Okay seriously… what were you doing in the centre of Gotham tonight?”

Tim anxiously scratched the back of his head.  “Gosh…hard to explain.”

“Try.”

He was saved by the arrival of the bus.  Stephanie went to get on, but Tim tugged her back, insisting to get on first.  He didn’t step all the way on to start with, curving his head around the aisle, narrowing his eyes when inspecting those on board.  Stephanie huffed and gave a gentle push on his back.  Tripping up the stairs, he smiled awkwardly at the severely depressed looking driver.  Possibly the worst shift to have on the already dodgy Gotham bus system, Stephanie couldn’t fault him for having such a no-nonsense face on.

They quickly paid and headed for the middle rows, Stephanie sitting in the aisle seat.  The bus was nearly full.  There was a guy behind them dressed only in a tank top and speedo swimming trunks.  Stephanie tried not to ogle in horror.  She reached in her bag and pulled out her phone.  Tim’s eyes bugged out his head in a sudden realisation.

“Oh no.  Turn that off.”

“I was gonna check if news had caught on about my mom…”

Her pleading made him sympathetic, but he shook his head.  Reluctantly, she turned it over and took off the back, pulling out the battery, SIM card and SD card, putting it all back in her little bag.  The man behind them began insistently kicking her chair.  She felt her eyes roll up into her head, and she tried to keep her temper in check.  Not worth it not worth it not worth it…

“I hate this.”  She confessed.

“Being helpless?  I get that.”

Stephanie thought of what he had said about his mother, and knew he was being honest.

“How did you learn to fight so good anyway?”

“I pushed and pushed and pushed the right people.”  He sounded faintly amused as he spoke, like he was recalling a funny memory.

She leaned in close, whispering conspiratorially. “Was one of those people Batman?”

“Uh.” His face showed he’d put his foot in it, and he screwed up his lips trying to think of an answer.  His lack of response gave her the confirmation she needed.  A violent kick from behind made her jerk forward, and with a hiss she tried to continue their conversation.

“How’d you find him?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Could he teach me the same stuff as you?”

“I mean he could…don’t think he would though.  He didn’t exactly take to me with open arms.”  Tim paused, staring at their feet.  Stephanie had put one foot in between his, as if she liked being wrapped around him in some way.  Tim smiled absentmindedly, but then grew sad once more. “Still don’t think he has actually.”

“That’s not surprising.”

Tim scoffed and looked at her, eyebrow raised.  “In what way?”

“That a guy in a bat suit is easily impressed.  Like he’s the kind of guy where nothing’s ever good enough.  You’d have to like…save the world from Superman to get his approval or something.  I dunno.”

She’d hit the nail on the head, uttering something Tim had heard from Dick a dozen times before.  At first, he’d thought Dick was just jaded by his view of Bruce, but overtime Tim saw the truth in the statement.

Or maybe Tim was slowly becoming jaded too.  What could he do to impress Bruce?  Like really really impress him?

A lightbulb pinged on in Tim’s head.

A very stupid lightbulb.

“I can do that.” He whispered out loud.

“Huh-Ow!” Her query turned to a cry of shock.  The speedo man behind them had decided Stephanie’s hair was worth pulling hard.  Her head snapped back a broken gasp escaping her.  Tim whirled around and she jerked out of her seat violently.  “What is your problem?”  She asked, looming over the guy.

“Sit down!” The bus driver angrily called back.

“Stephanie.”  Tim quietly urged.

“No!  What is your problem?” She asked again.

The man was utterly off his face, Tim and Stephanie knew that just from looking at him.  But it didn’t stop either of them from being horrified when he looked up at Stephanie and called her several names that even a tattooed bloke down the aisle gasped at.

Stephanie gawked for a moment.

Tim grew angry, and began to kneel on his seat.  “Hey you can’t just –”

He didn’t get to finish, as Stephanie recovered her senses enough to utterly lose her rag.  She slapped Mr. Speedo.  Hard.

His head whipped to the side, slap and neck making a sickening snap each.  Her face was white with anger.  Everyone in the bus oooed like teenagers at the potential of a fight. Tim felt his stomach drop at the violence and the anxiety it produced.  Another part of him couldn’t help but find the whole thing cathartic for Stephanie and satisfying for himself to see such a man be smacked down like that.  He breathed an impressed laugh.

The bus driver was not as amused, throwing the breaks on and opening the doors. Stephanie lost her footing on her weak leg and stumbled down the aisle.  Tim instinctively jolted up to prevent her from falling.  He grabbed her wrist and corrected her balance.

“Off!”  Was all the bus driver said.  No, he truly did not suffer any sort of misbehaviour.

Stephanie whirled away, humiliated, and Tim followed.

They got off and Stephanie waited until the bus drove away.  Once it was out of sight, she screeched.  It was so piercing Tim actually winced and took a step backwards.

With a huff she bent in half and struggled to get her breathing back under control.  Tim waited patiently next to her.

“That was impressive.  To stand up for yourself like that.”  He tried to sound positive, but she shook her head, eyes wet as the adrenaline faded.

“Even dogs fight back when you kick them.”

“You’re not a bitch, or anything else he called you.”

“You don’t know that.”

He only sighed.  She was incapable of taking reassurances.  He doubted after learning of her mother and father that she’d ever received positive affirmation in her life.

He gave up then and looked around.

“Where to next?”  Asked Stephanie, the crown of her head still facing the floor.

“Um…”  Looking around, Tim tried to catch his bearings.  There were five people brawling with each other across the street.  Didn’t look like a mugging, just drunk people being drunk.  Tim cut his losses and decided to leave them alone.  There was a convenience store open down the way, which meant they were getting into slightly better territory.

Slightly.

For Gotham.

If they walked the route of the bus, they’d eventually arrive at the monorail, where they could head up and get back on the subway to Bristol, without doubling back to where the mob were searching for them.

“What were you saying earlier?  Before the shit grabbed my hair?”  Poisonous loathing leaked into her voice when Stephanie asked Tim her questions.  She was still pretty angry.

But oh yes.  Tim’s bright idea.

Tim thought they’d lost the mob for now.  He also thought he was still out of sight for Bruce.  It had just gone quarter to eleven.  Three hours gone, nine to go.  Easy peasy.  Bruce must have caught on to the kidnapping news, right?  He would be pursuing that.  Not Tim.

But what if he hadn’t?  And Stephanie’s mom had been abandoned by any competent form of authority?

Or what if Bruce had found out, but was hunting for Stephanie.  Did he know she was with Tim?

Oh God.  What if Bruce had already found him?

If that were true, then why couldn’t Tim go after Crystal?  Stephanie wasn’t a troublesome load, she was half fire half angry slapping.  She could climb and run and jump better than most civilians.  She wouldn’t be a burden.

She’d said she hated being helpless…

Okay, so he was deviating slightly from the initial plan.  He could make it work.  He was more than capable.

They needed a lead though.  Information on where Crystal had been taken.  Tim stared at the convenience store.

Another equally stupid light bulb went off in Tim’s head.

“You hungry?  Need to pee or anything?”

“I want a shower so I can get the puke out of my hair.”

“Right right.  Makes sense.  A sink then.  I just… I have an idea.”

“Huh?”

“You want to not be helpless.  Let’s stop running.  Let’s find your mom.”

She finally unbent her back, peering at him suspiciously, but curious nonetheless.

“Expand please.”

[apartofthelosersclub]

Tricksters

A/N: So this is my first time writing, seeing as I am finally getting the courage to do so. This was inspired by @dailyau ‘s prompt,“I’m the owner of a magic shop and you discover my magics one day when you walk in on my cat flying around inside the shop on a broom and now I have to take you in as my apprentice or turn you into a toad” AU

I’m going to tweak the prompt a bit (a lot) so that it’ll fit what I have in mind, The Losers Club will be aged up (14-15). I’m also going to make it so that Beverly is friends with the all of The Losers Club before anything about Pennywise happens. They’ll all be older when they encounter Pennywise. After (Y/N) befriends them all and joins the Losers Club, Pennywise will start his reign of terror on Derry.

I am in the process of making fan art for this, hopefully it goes well!

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Female!Reader

(Y/B/N) is your brother’s name

Trigger Warnings include but are not limited to: Profanity

The shop had just opened.

It was a dump before they came to Derry, and fixed it up. The storefronts’ paint was peeling, the windows were frosted with dust, and the doors didn’t even have knobs. But they fixed it up. The man and his kid? He didn’t look old enough to have kids, much less this this teenage girl.

The storefront now had a fresh coat of ruby red paint; the windows, now clean, appeared transparent with red velvet curtain with gold designs behind them; The doors, freshly painted, now had shiny glass knobs. In cursive lettering above the shop read,

Y/L/N’s Thaumaturgy Shop

“W-what the fuck Richie!”

“You couldn’t have shut your mouth this one time?”

“The mullet wearing asshole deserved what came out of my trashmouth”

Pedaling away on silver bikes was the infamous losers club. Bill and Mike, who cycled the fastest were in front of everyone else, looking out in every direction to find an escape route or someplace to hide to get away from rapidly approaching Bowers gang. Stan, Eddie, and Ben, took it upon themselves to start planning their eulogies in case they didn’t make it. Beverly and Richie on the other hand, in spite of noticing the rapidly approaching car, further provoked the Bowers gang by flipping them off and taunting them.

“Bev, January Ember, could you please not flip them off! They have a car; we have bikes and low stamina.” Ben huffed as he imagined the sight of the Bowers gang coming closer, forcing himself to go faster. He didn’t dare to look back. Beverly allowed a wicked smirk to stretch across her lips.

“Now, why would I do that Ben? It feels amazing flipping them off and getting away,” respond Beverly.

“What you are feeling right now is adrenaline, which causes intense excitement and stimulation caused by the adrenal glands. When that wears off you’ll slip into a flight or fight mode, once you register that you are near something that is a threat to your survival!” wheezed Eddie.

“Come on, Eds, live a little will ya?”

“Beep Fucking Beep Richie!”

“Bill where the hell are we going to hide?” barked Stan.

“The town is nearing, we’ll hide our bikes and go into one of the shops. They’ll find us if we go to the barrens,” shouted Mike.

“Al-alright, try to f-find a shop e-everyone!”

(Y/B/N) sat at the table with the tarot cloth spread out, and shuffled his Tarot cards swiftly in his hands. He regarded them with such care and warmth. As if handling something living.

“Would you like your fortune to be read?” (Y/B/N) spoke softly, even though we were the only ones in the shop.

“Is there going to be a full moon today?”

“Yes,” he replied, looking up at me.

“This calls for the Full Moon Clarity spread, yes?”

“You’re starting to understand tarot reading and the different spreads, that’s good. However, would you like your fortune read?” he inquired once more.

“Yes, please.” We didn’t read into someone’s fortune without asking. Other readers could if they wanted to, we however, didn’t think it to be polite.

As (Y/B/N) was beginning to finish shuffling the tarot cards, two popped out of the deck. Instead of putting them back in the deck, he simply put them to the side faced down. He began to put them into a particular spread that coincided with the full moon that would appear tonight.

The cards were faced down so we couldn’t see them. The first card of the spread we turned over.

“What is being hidden from you?” he questioned the cards.

“Minor Arcana, Five of Swords. Conflict,” he shuddered. He moved to the next card.

“What is ahead of you, I wonder?” He turned over the card,

“Minor Arcana, Ten of Swords. Illness, endings, tragedy,” he murmured. His mouth was set in a thin line.

“What has led you to this?” he inquired to the cards.

“Major Arcana, Justice. Balance, decisions,” He scoffed, unamused now with the cards. Folding his arms across his chest he asked,

“What conflict could you possibly get into. You’re being homeschooled, so it can’t be bullying, we just moved here so it can’t be anyone that disliked us from before.”

I only looked at the cards. What was on the cards was never set in stone. However, I was frightened of my fortune. We weren't’ even finished reading them all yet.

“What is left for you to do?” he was serious now.

“Minor Arcana, Five of Wands. To fight, to have strong opinions,” I whispered. What would I be fighting I wondered. We had yet to look at the two that had popped out of the deck while he was shuffling them. 

“I won–

The doors to the shop had been slammed open and closed quickly

“In here!”

It was the new shop, which was bright among the dull shops. We hid the bikes in one of the alleyways were they wouldn’t be seen. We had gone from shop to shop, majority of them were closed and locked. The pharmacy was on the other side of town, so we wouldn’t make it without being caught. Mike turned the knobs and pushed the doors in, everyone spilling into the shop without wondering why it was open. Richie, the last one to get in, slammed the doors quickly.

“–ndered what you’d gain from…..this?”

“O-oh, uh, hello, s-sorry to interrupt, it’s j-just that…”

“We were being chased by those assholes in the car”

“Beep Beep Richie”

“Well, the shop doesn’t officially open until next Saturday. But (Y/N) show Richie, Eddie and Beverly the shop while I show Stanley, Ben, Mike, and Bill around as well,” (Y/B/N) announced clasping his hands together. I had a feeling he was going to do something.

“How did you..?”

“Your book bags have tags on them,” I said.

All of them simultaneously looked and found the tags with their names on them. Pulling a deck of cards out of his pocket, he bent them upwards and let the cards spill into the air around him. When they settled, (Y/B/N) was nowhere to be seen. 

“Where’d he go?”

“He’s in the other room,” I replied. Poking his head from the other room (Y/B/N) dejected murmured, “You didn’t have to ruin my fun (Y/N)”.

We had all regrouped after they gave us a tour of the shop. It was bigger on the inside. While (Y/N) and (Y/B/N) were speaking, I hadn’t realized that I had been silently staring at her. Everyone else had noticed, and they took amusement in my silent staring. Under the light of the metal lamps with colored glass she looked alluring. I could see her clearly, and even if I couldn’t, she would have been the most beautiful blur. Not to mention the fact that she was incredibly smart, and moved with grace found in performers and dancers. 

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” muttered Stan, who walked to my side. He was smirking, proceeding to look at (Y/N). I scowled, turning my head sharply to look at Stan.

“(Y/N) while they are still here, flip the last two cards and answer the question,” (Y/N/B) exclaimed.

She flipped the two cards simultaneously and said, looking at all of us,

“Both Minor Arcana, Ace of Cups and Two of Cups. Beginnings, Partnerships, and Love” 

To find out about the tarot spread and to find the other meanings on the Tarot card meanings of Major and Minor Arcana

Part 2, hopefully will be written and posted soon! Also should I make this into a series?

[charlottegracetaylor]

Best Friends Forever Ch. 1

A Bellarke slow burn. I haven’t dabbled in fanfiction for about a decade, so this may be a little rough.

{Chapter 1} {Chapter 2} {Chapter 3}  {Chapter 4} || {read on ffn} {read on ao3}

Gatorade.

Bellamy stared at the text message that interrupted his reverie. Every day during his lunch break, he hid away in his office to do some recreational reading. In a way it was cathartic. Teaching mythology to a bunch of uninterested college kids day in and day out really took a toll on him; aside from the fact that most of those students only took his class to fill their credits, he knew he didn’t have their respect. Having graduated only six months ago, his students were at most only 6 years younger than him and consequently regarded him more as a peer than as a professor. The number of young ladies knocking on his office door to ask for extra tutoring with insinuative winks and flirtatious giggles far outweighed the number of students who sought him out for real help.

Gatorade and saltines.

Gatorade and saltines and Coke.

Two more buzzes and he closed his book with a sigh. He picked his phone up and read the newest messages. A grocery list from his sister. He rolled his eyes to the ceiling and snorted a silent chuckle.

I told you you’d get sick. Should’ve worn your coat like I told you. It’s JANUARY, O.

Octavia was a grown woman, but he would always be her big brother and she would always be his responsibility. Their father walked out on them when they were too young to remember, and their mother worked her ass off to give them the best life she possibly could. But when Octavia was thirteen, their mother was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer. Bellamy started working at the library in the evenings and on weekends; when he graduated high school five months later, he got a promotion and a full-time position. After their mother died and a social worker tried to put Octavia into foster care, Bellamy took matters into his own hands. He met with an attorney, picked up a second job, and spent an entire weekend making repairs to both the inside and the outside of their house. The judge granted him custody, and he was able to take Octavia home. He was the only male figure in her life, as their mother chose to focus all of her energy and attention on them rather than dating, and so in a way he had always had a hand in raising her.

I’M not sick, jackass. Clarke is. If you’d rather come hold her hair back while she pukes, be my guest, and I’ll run to Walgreens.

But it wasn’t just the two of them. Octavia’s best friend Clarke had become a part of their family many years ago. The two girls had been friends since they met at a skating rink when they were ten years old. Clarke’s mother had gotten hired as a surgeon at the county hospital, so she and her fiancé, Marcus, packed everything up and moved across the state to start their new lives as a family. Octavia had skated right over to Clarke, who’d been standing alone in the corner, and pulled her by her hand out onto the rink. They skated together all evening, and by the time Bellamy told Octavia to change back into her sneakers to go home, the girls had become best friends.

Over the years, Clarke and Octavia became inseparable. Playdates turned into sleepovers. Sleepovers gradually lengthened from one night, to two, to eventually a week or two at a time over summer vacation. They were together for the good, the bad, and the ugly. And by default, Bellamy was also there. The older the girls got, the closer three of them became. The day Clarke turned 18, she threw all of her belongings into the bed of her old pickup and moved into the Blake residence. She and her mother hadn’t seen eye-to-eye for years, and naturally the Blakes, her chosen family offered to take her in.

Shit. Is she okay? Is it the flu? Has she checked her temperature? I’ll get something for a fever just in case. Better safe than sorry.

Relax, big bro. I have things under control here. Clarke’s in good hands.

Octavia, just last week I heard you suggest that Jasper treat a head cold with Dulcolax.

That boy has always been full of shit.

Bellamy chuckled and slipped his phone into his pocket. Hearing students start to file into his classroom, he grabbed his lecture notes and headed out of his office for his last class of the day.

***

“Gatorade. Saltines. Coke. Gatorade. Saltines. Coke.” Bellamy mumbled Octavia’s list to himself as he walked through the store, and added a “check” into the list as he dropped each item into his basket. Halfway to the cash register, a sign by the pharmacy pronouncing that it wasn’t too late to get a flu shot reminded him that he wanted to grab something for Clarke’s potential fever.

“Too many options,” he grumbled under his breath as he stared at an entire wall of cold and flu medications. A hundred different pills, liquids, teas, powders, and creams stared back at him. Fifteen minutes of reading packages and an internal debate about trying to get Clarke’s advice later, Bellamy finally decided on a box of Tylenol Cold + Flu and some Theraflu tea. He also decided that once Clarke was better, she would be selecting a variety of over-the-counter medications to keep at the house for the next time one of them got sick. After all, she was the pre-med student.

***

“O,” he called as he gently kicked the door shut behind him. One hand hung his keys on the hook by the door while the other hand deftly dropped his laptop bag onto the floor but kept the Walgreen’s bag looped over two fingers.

“Shh!” Octavia came scurrying around the corner with a finger to her lips. “She’s asleep. Poor girl’s been sick as hell all day. She skipped class this morning.”

That rang a note of concern in Bellamy. Clarke hadn’t missed any school since the day he met her. Though if his face showed any worry, Octavia didn’t notice. She was slipping her coat on and reaching for her purse on the entry table. “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah,” she said distractedly, digging through her purse to find her car keys. “Lincoln’s making me dinner, but I’ll be back after to help take care of Clarke so you can get some work done.”

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders in a half hug and told her to drive safe before she pulled the door shut behind her with a soft click. He kicked off his shoes and padded into the kitchen, grateful that his socks silenced the usual slapping sound of his feet hitting the tile floor. The bag rustled loudly in the silence of the house. He poured some of the Coke into a glass and left it sit on the counter to go flat.

***

Just over an hour later he glanced up at Clarke from his spot on the recliner, a finger holding his place in his book and his glasses perched on his nose. She was starting to stir. Her eyelids fluttered open and immediately the harsh lamplight assaulted her senses, causing her to groan and snap her eyes shut again.

“Sorry,” Bellamy whispered as he leaned over to flick off the lamp. He stood up slowly, being careful to minimize the creaking from the old recliner. His book fell between the armrest and the cushion, the page he was on completely forgotten. Walking around the coffee table, he leaned down and felt Clarke’s forehead with the back of his hand. “Definitely a fever,” he muttered. “Headache. Body aches too, I’m guessing?”

Clarke grunted in response and threw her arm over her eyes. The only light in the room came from the setting sun peeking through the blinds, but it was still too much for her tired eyes. She heard Bellamy’s soft footsteps retreating into the kitchen. Though she knew he was doing his best to keep quiet, the whisper of his jeans brushing against the kitchen floor sent an irritating pain through her ear and straight to the knot behind her eye.

“Take these,” Bellamy whispered. She peeked through one eye to see her best friend had returned. He was holding a glass of water in one hand and offering her two small yellow caplets in the other.

“Thanks,” she whispered, then tossed back the pills and chased them down with the water. She felt him lift her feet and slide down onto the end of the couch. “Miserable, Bell,” she whispered moments before sleep claimed her again.

“I know, princess,” he whispered back with a sigh. He pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and threw it over them, her ankles crossed and resting in his lap. He leaned his head back and watched her sleep for a few minutes before sleep claimed him as well.

***

He woke to a kick in his stomach as Clarke wrenched herself into a sitting position. Her head was nearly between her knees as she vomited into the trash can Octavia had grabbed from the bathroom and left beside the couch. Within seconds, Bellamy had pulled her hair away from her face and started rubbing soothing circles on her back.

When the dry heaves and post-vomit body spasms subsided, Bellamy leaned back into his corner so Clarke could lay down again. “Feeling any better?”

“Headache’s gone.” Her voice was raspy, but she was glad the sensitivity to light and sound was no longer a problem. “Just wish my stomach would settle now.”

“I may be able to help with that.” He stood slowly and gently laid her feet on the couch. He crossed into the kitchen with long, purposeful strides. “Flat Coke always works,” he called over his shoulder.

Clarke sat up and took a couple deep breaths, hoping the movement wouldn’t bring on another bout of vomiting. “Old wives’ tale.”

“I’d say homeopathic remedy. Old wives’ tales typically don’t have any truth to them. Flat Coke always works.” She took the glass from his hand and made a show of taking tiny sips, before he felt the need to remind her that ‘it only works when you sip it.’

Clark snorted and rolled her eyes. “There’s nothing homeopathic about Coke, Bellamy. And anyway, flat Coke is like a placebo. It’s purely psychological.”

“Then I’ll just take that glass back and you can wait for your immune system to do the job itself.” He reached out for the glass with no real intention of taking it from her, but she swatted his hand away just the same with a murderous glare in her eyes.

“You wanna die today, Blake?”

Bellamy chuckled and leaned back into his corner of the couch. “Get over here, Griffin. We should have enough time to watch an episode of How the Universe Works before O gets home.” He stretched his arm over the back of the couch and reached for the remote on the end table while Clarke snuggled into his side. She rested her head on his shoulder and pulled the blanket over both of them.

It was one of their favorite shows, but even it was no match for Clarke’s flu. The voices coming from the TV combined with the Tylenol that was still in her system lulled her to sleep before the first commercial break. Bellamy tilted his head to the side and peered down at his best friend. He wished there was more he could do to make her feel better. He always prided himself on how well he took care of his girls, but unfortunately the flu was just one of those things he couldn’t protect them from.

Clarke twisted a little in her sleep, subconsciously moving closer to Bellamy, and Bellamy’s body automatically twisted to accommodate her without his mind even registering it. He pulled the blanket up over her shoulder and gently laid his cheek against the top of her head.

***

Octavia expected Clarke to still be asleep when she got home. She tiptoed through the entryway and peeked into the kitchen. She had expected Bellamy to be cleaning up from dinner, but she saw neither a dirty dish nor her brother. Walking past the living room to creep down the hallway and check their bedrooms, a mop of black curls on top of the couch caught the corner of her eye.

She was not surprised to see her brother and her best friend sleeping together with a forgotten docuseries droning on the TV. This was a regular occurrence in the Blake household. She wasn’t even surprised to see them cuddling under the blanket Grandma Blake had made for Bellamy’s tenth birthday.

Back in the kitchen, she scribbled staying at Lincoln’s tonight, pizza tomorrow on me xo O on a sticky note before tiptoeing back out the front door and locking it behind her.

[cosmosogler]

i feel myself standing at the edge of a precipice again. like walking along the rim of the grand canyon but you keep stepping too close to the side. 

i wonder how many times i can walk along that precipice without getting fed up with it and jumping in because walking there is so stressful and i just want to get it over with and stop worrying about whether or not it’ll happen.

but having to come up to the edge over and over and say “is this it? is this the last time? is this when i fall in?” fifty million times is so exhausting. 

god, just. it never ends. i’m so tired of being stuck under this unrelenting stream of garbage. i FEEL like garbage. i can’t imagine getting out of this. not with everything i value intact at least.

prelims are tomorrow morning. i have spent a grand total of five minutes studying. 

what happened today was that my card still wasn’t working. i won’t be able to get my paycheck from the school this week because the direct deposit forms take a week to process. i have money for rent but not much else. but i couldn’t buy anything anyway. i’ve made so many phone calls... i can’t buy snoopy’s food either because the pharmacy login won’t let me in any more.

i took forever getting to the office. i forced myself out there at about noon when i realized i wasn’t going to make myself lunch or take care of myself at all if i didn’t get into a place with other people. biking sucked though. it sucked more later when the gear shift broke. i won’t be able to ride my bike very easily or safely. but it’s 30 degrees out and wet and i can’t walk to campus in this weather. and the buses aren’t reliable enough. if it takes 45 minutes to ride the bus home i may as well walk. that takes only 40 minutes.

i met with my graduate advisor and he gave me a bunch of ominous warnings about my grades this semester and “showing improvement” on the prelim exam tomorrow. i also didn’t get an amazing ta review from my supervisor when i mentioned i got comments like “be more confident.” when i went to complain to harrison that my card still wasn’t working and i couldn’t buy food for myself or snoopy i had to stop and be quiet for a few minutes because i couldn’t talk any more. he asked if i was ok and i said no. i had called the bank and they said there was no reason my card shouldn’t be working but i’d have to go in to an office if i wanted to sort any problems out. the branch here is over 90 blocks away from the office and my apartment.

harrison drove me over to the chase branch. it was... kind of him. i got my card sorted out. i didn’t get to take care of EVERYTHING i needed to do... the pharmacy wants to call me to sort out the login tomorrow but i gotta take the prelims for 6 hours so i don’t know how that’s gonna work out. but i NEED to buy her food. i’ll have to... do it during my lunch break, i guess.

so i worked on my finances and tons and tons of phone calls and being put on hold for like three hours. suzanne let me have her extra food when i said i can barely eat at all and i’m still sick and nauseous all the time. i said it’s concerning because i’m having all these broken-gallbladder symptoms AGAIN but i have no gallbladder with which to cause the problems. 

i’m very nervous about all this charity. especially after the graduate advisor talked about the goodwill of the department and how all these accommodations are nice and all but i still have to meet a hard deadline. he is still telling me i have to graduate in five years. 

and... i know i can’t take forever. i have to finish the degree at some point. but like... i don’t know how to describe the emotion i am having. fear. trepidation. regret. it’s hard to want to ask for help because then i have to show these people i trust and admire just how far behind i am. just how much help i need. they’ll give up on me. they’ll tell me i shouldn’t be there. they’ll call me stupid.

i’m not stupid. i’m not. but it’s so hard to hear.

anyway at 5 pm when i realized that i wasn’t going to be able to study at all i biked home. which is when i discovered my bike had broken down. but i still needed groceries or i wasn’t going to have any breakfast tomorrow before my huge gauntlet of a test starts. 

by that point i was so weak and hungry that it was really hard to shop let alone maneuver my garbage bike through traffic in the dark. i have to take it in for repairs but i have no money for that and i’m not getting any money this week. and when i do get money it has to go toward paying harrison back because i can’t sit on such a huge loan. unacceptable.

i have money in my savings account but that feels like... not the right choice.

by the time i finished grocery shopping (they didn’t put my eggs in the freezer bag? for some reason?? at least it was below freezing outside) and got back out in the road my eye was strained again. headlights turned into half-focused streaks. biking was very difficult. and i couldn’t get above “baby speed” gear. 

unresponsive buttons and levers are just the worst. it’s so disorienting to have something be second nature- shifting gears at this point- and just have the bike... not do it when i tell it to. i hurt my thumb jamming the gear lever a hundred times as i was forced to pedal up a hill in a gear too high. and also when i hit a stop light and almost couldn’t stop because the gear was too high. and then i couldn’t build up momentum again because THE GEAR WAS TOO HIGH. i got it down eventually but my bike is at like half speed in the low gear.

ghhhhgh it’s 11. i have to get up at 7. i’m not going to get enough sleep... when i got home i was so sick and tired and cold (my apartment’s ac is not working correctly either i found out today) that i just wanted to do nothing. i storyboarded a comic... it’s a very long one. it took me about 90 minutes. i also studied physics for a few minutes as i mentioned earlier but it’s not enough and it’s way too late to make any difference.

also my body is doing something it shouldn’t be doing this time of month and that’s scaring me but i don’t want to think about it very much and there’s nothing i can do about it right now. i just have to hope it’s because i missed a single pill (even though i’ve missed dosages before and this never happened) and it goes back to normal tomorrow. 

but it was also a thing that happened when my gallbladder wasn’t working. so i am suspicious that it’s related to that. i am afraid.

i’m so tired and worried and tired. i need to not take this test but i know that’s not an option because i got told it wasn’t an option when i brought it up. i don’t know what to do. move forward into the garbage chute again i guess. hope i don’t get an entire dumpster dropped on my head YET AGAIN. i dunno. 

and i gotta wonder if this’ll be the thing that does it. what will i do if i don’t “improve my score” enough? what will i do if i don’t manage to get all as this semester like my advisor said i had to? 

it makes me anxious to think about it, sure. but these threats are immediate and overwhelming. and overshadowed by my inability to spend any money for an entire week and what that is going to mean for my cat.

i just want to fail already if it’s going to happen. the anticipation is killing me. but i don’t want to fail, so i keep trying... stuck there between trying and failing forever... i don’t know what to do.

[anavoliselenu]

blood chapter 21

I looked at the calendar on the computer in Justin's office. I counted backwards like I had done six times before in the past minute and a half just to make sure.

I was a month late and by late, I mean… that kind of late.

A month?

I took a deep breath and wiped the tears off of my face.

I had so many mixed emotions going on in my body that I almost couldn't handle them. I knew something was off in Miami. I knew it. I could sense it. Why wasn't I paying more attention? I hadn't been keeping up with the time. Days had turned into weeks, and weeks had turned into months. Now, here I sat, two months… pregnant? Was that possible? I had always been regular and could count my cycle by a calendar. This wasn't good.

It had only been two weeks since we got back from Miami, but I felt like that had been a lifetime ago. With everything going on including the break in, then Justin's health, and then the vacation… sure I had skipped a couple pills—and completely missed the fact that I hadn't started my cycle—but I didn't realize that I was this late. The time had just passed so quickly; with all this shit going on, I wasn't paying attention.

Was I pregnant?

It suddenly made sense. I was tired all the time, and I could barely keep anything down, although, I wanted to eat everything in sight. My muscles were sore and I was having a hard time sleeping. Plus, I was throwing up a lot. I first thought it was food poisoning because those symptoms were the only ones I knew, but that kind of sickness didn't last this long. It was coming together and staring me right in the face.

I was pregnant.

I couldn't even think about telling anyone yet. I had to just make sure for myself. I needed to know undoubtedly. I didn't want to get too far ahead of myself until I took a test. Maybe I was just late for some other reason.

But what about the other symptoms?

I shook my head, trying not to think about it and turned off the computer.

Thankfully, Justin wasn't home since he had gone back to work, so I didn't have to come up with a lie as to why I was going out and all that mess.

I stopped dead in my tracks on my way out of the office when I thought about what I was going to say to him. I had to grip the bookcase so that I didn't fall over. I knew what Justin thought of kids. I knew his position on them; he never hid that fact. What was he going to think now?

"Just breathe, Selena," I whispered to calm myself down. "Just make sure first."

I straightened back up and left the room. I quickly went downstairs and put on my coat, grabbing my keys off of the counter. The entire way down to the lobby, I was trying to control my breathing and stop myself from throwing up. I needed to settle my stomach very badly and added a bottle of ginger ale to the mental list of things I was going to pick up at the corner pharmacy. I couldn't believe that I was actually on my way to get my first pregnancy test. It was the ultimate walk of shame.

Shouldn't I tell someone? Did I need to go to the doctor? Did I need to take any medicine? Oh my God, I had no idea what to do. I was an eighteen-year-old, fucking freshman in college with a gang-boss boyfriend who just had a heart attack. What the hell have I gotten myself into? On top of all that, said boyfriend hated children. Justin was going to flip out.

I wiped more tears from my eyes when the doors of the elevator opened, and went outside. I hurriedly walked down the street with my head down, just thinking and trying to still my nerves. The good thing about Chicago was that in a city as big as this, there was always a drug store I could go to and not worry about people knowing me. If I were in Forks, I'm sure the rumor mill would already be spinning.

I found a place and went inside from the lively streets.

I exhaled deeply and picked up a basket. "I guess I better get to work."

The first aisle I stopped off at was the drink section and got two giant two liters of ginger ale, along with a smaller bottle that I could drink now because I needed it. I nearly downed half the bottle before I was off on my search again.

My hand was shaking as I picked up the first boxed pregnancy test. There were a whole lot of words on it, and the pink packaging was a mask, trying to convince me that I wasn't in a bad situation.

"Is this your first time?" someone asked from next to me. She was a woman of maybe forty and had a warming smile on her face.

"Uh, yeah. Is this a good one?" I held up the test in my hand.

"Get one with words. It's easier." She patted my shoulder. "How old are you?"

"Eighteen," I said. Just the sound of it made me feel horrible. "How old are you?" I asked before I could even stop myself.

She giggled, "I'm forty-three, and I never thought I'd be in this aisle again."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ask that."

"It's alright. I know what you meant. I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. I was twenty-five with my first one, and I was terrified."

"I don't know what to do." I felt like breaking down in front of this stranger.

"Does the father know?"

I shook my head. "No."

"It's not as bad as it seems, sweetheart." She patted my shoulder. "Look at me, I'm twice divorced and had a one night stand a couple months ago. Come to find out, I left with more than I bargained for."

"Are you scared?" I asked her.

"Of course I am," she laughed.

"This is just so much for me to deal with." I pulled on my hair. "I have no idea what to do."

"Just breathe. You're not the first one to go through this."

"You're right." I nodded, regaining coherency. "So which one of these should I get?"

"Always try two different brands, just to be on the safe side."

"Okay." I got two and put them in the basket.

"And get some crackers. You might be living off of those for the next week or so."

"Thank you."

"No problem. I have four kids so this is nothing new to me. Are you going to tell the father? Do you know who he is?"

I wanted to snap at her for assuming things, but then I remembered that she had no idea who I was. I should just be happy that she was here to help.

"Once you make sure… of everything, get to a doctor. Is your mother here with you?" the lady asked.

I laughed from my throat and pretended it was a cough. Renee would probably start crying and make it all about her with the "I tried to save you from my mistakes" speech. I'm sure she never thought she would have to use that one with me. She probably wouldn't know what to do, anyway.

The woman left me alone after another minute, and I was standing in the "family planning aisle" by myself, trying to get the strength to move. Every step I took closer to the cash register would be another step towards the possibility that this might all be true. It was basically all a formality at this point. I knew I was pregnant; I just needed proof.

I brought everything I needed, and the whole time I was paying, I felt like I was smuggling drugs or something. I suspected everyone could tell.

I marched out of the store with my bags and as if my eyes were honed on him, I spotted Benny across the street. He was trying to hide behind a hot dog cart, like he was buying one.

Shit! I had forgotten about him.

I started my walk back to Justin's house and checked my watch. He wouldn't be home for another couple of hours, so I had time to handle this alone. Along the way, I could feel Benny following me. I turned around and caught him standing in the middle of the sidewalk, awkwardly trying to hide again.

"Oh, um…" He spun around a couple of times, like he was lost.

"Don't try to run because I'm in no mood to chase you." I stood in front of his massive form. "You can't tell Justin."

"Tell him what?" Benny acted stupid.

"Tell him what I bought. I know you saw me in there."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Ms. Swan."

"Please, just don't say anything."

"I won't." He shook his head.

"Do you think he's going to be mad?"

Benny's forehead scrunched up. "I don't think it's my place to say."

"Just… let me tell him."

"Mr. Justin won't like it if you keep this from him for a long time."

"I know," I sighed, "I'm going to tell him."

Benny nodded. "I won't say anything."

I resumed my walk back to Justin's building and felt a little better now that someone knew besides me.

I got in the elevator and tapped my shoe on the way up. My heart was beating faster as the floors dinged, and by the time I got to the penthouse, I almost didn't want to get out. I had to push myself to go into the hallway. I put my key in the door and walked in.

Immediately, I could hear Esme's humming from the kitchen, along with the wonderful smells of rich marinara sauce.

"Selena, is that you?" she called and stuck her head into the hallway.

I tried to put the bag behind my back clumsily, but it didn't really work. "Yeah, I was just doing some shopping. I didn't know you were coming today."

"I got bored at home, and I had to bring something into the city for Rosalie, so I thought I'd make dinner for you and Justin. I know how much time you've been spending taking care of him, so I'm giving you the night off."

"Well, thank you, but you didn't have to do that." I shifted my weight on my feet and tried to hide the bag further.

"What did you buy?" She wiped her hands on a dishtowel.

"Just some soda and crackers." I went with a half-lie. "I wasn't feeling too well and that's probably all I could keep down."

Esme skeptically eyed me for a quick second. I almost didn't catch it. "Oh, okay." She smiled. "Are you hungry? I made some pasta Bolognese."

"Uh, sure. I'm just going to put this stuff away upstairs."

"Alright, dear." She went back into the kitchen.

I quickly left the hallway and darted up the stairs. I went into the bathroom and looked around for some place to hide my purchases. I took out the soda and crackers, placing them on the counter.

"I should have thought about this better," I said to myself in the mirror.

Justin knew every inch of this bathroom. If something was misplaced or added, he would scope it out. There was no way that I could hide pregnancy tests in here and get away with it. My only option was to just discard them as soon as possible. I realized that I was leaving Esme alone downstairs, but I couldn't help myself. I had to know now!

I read the directions on the three boxes of pregnancy tests that I had laid out of the counter. It took me a while to understand them enough to actually do what I had to do. I tried the first one and set it on the counter.

I paced for what felt like hours. I didn't even bother setting a timer for the five minutes. It took me ten just to get the courage to look. When I finally was able to check, my suspicions were proven correct.

Pregnant.

I took the other two tests and they all say the said the same thing. I sat against the door as I held the three sticks in my hand and quietly cried.

I was too young for this. I didn't know what to do; it was all very overwhelming. For a quick second, certain "options" sprung into my mind, but that only made me sicker.

I sat on the floor for what must have been an hour; I wasn't sure. The more I cried, though, the better I felt. Of course, I was still scared out of my mind, but this wasn't all bad, right? I was… going to have a child. That sounded horribly wrong, but at the same time… right. I was very confused. This wasn't the perfect time to have a baby. Hell, I would have liked to be married and finished with school and with a job and a house. Now what was I supposed to do? Did I have to give all that up? No, I couldn't let this derail me. I was going to finish school and do what I had planned. It might be harder now, but I wasn't going to just throw all of that away.

Justin didn't even like children. How ironic was that? He was going to blow up, but he wouldn't do anything rash. I had to believe that. Would he kick me out? Would he just forget about me? I prayed that he wouldn't—something told me that he wouldn't—but he was going to be mad for sure. I felt bad for thinking those things about Justin, but I had no idea how he was going to react. This could turn out very badly. Charlie was going to kick my ass or disown me—whichever one he could do over the phone best. Renee would probably beg me to come live with her and guilt me into it. That's not what I wanted. What about the Cullens? Esme would be thrilled for sure and Carlisle as well. That brought a smile to my face.

Damn birth control pill. What use was it if the thing never worked?

There were so many questions to sort out that my brain was starting to hurt. I got up off of the floor and washed my face so that I looked somewhat presentable. I grabbed the trash and stuffed it in the bag. I put the sticks in my pocket so that I could throw them down the trash chute without anyone knowing.

I opened the door to the bathroom and saw that Esme was sitting on the bed, reading a magazine.

"Oh, sorry." I skirted out of the room without looking at her. I could hear her feet following me.

"Are you alright, Selena?" she asked me.

"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry I was in there so long. I didn't mean to keep you waiting."

"It didn't sound like you were fine. Are you sure?"

I nodded. "I'm just going to throw some trash away." I shut the door and quickly put everything in the chute.

When I went back inside, Esme was serving up a large plate of pasta. "Selena, are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes, I just had a really bad day at school." I sat on a barstool. "I got some bad grades back."

"Really?"

No, my grades were perfect.

"Yeah." I shrugged, trying to lie, but I wasn't sure it was working. "I have a big test, and I'm stressing over it. Finals are next week."

"I understand." She set the plate in front of me. The smell was tantalizing, and I wanted to dive in headfirst, but I kept my cool. I ate slowly so I didn't attract too much attention.

Esme hopped up on the stool across from me. "Your finals brought you to tears?"

"I'm fine. I just needed a good cry."

"Well, sometimes we all do." She patted my hand.

I tried not to look at her. If I did, she would know for sure. I kept my head down and just continued to eat.

"I actually came by for a reason," Esme said.

"Oh?"

"Yes, Justin's great-grandfather is coming into town for a visit, and I'm having a party for him."

"Justin's great-grandfather as in… the man who started all of this?"

"The one and only; Nicola Rossini. He's flying in from Sicily for a couple of days."

"Isn't he an older guy?"

"The man is over one hundred, but looks seventy and acts fifty. You can't keep him in one place for long." She rolled her eyes. "And on top of that, my mother is going to be here the same time."

"Oh, where is she flying in from?"

"Pasadena. She lives in a compound out there after she married husband number four, and now that he's gone, she spends all her time in California."

"It must be nice to see your mother."

"It will be, but having those two in the same room together is going to be hell."

"Nicola and your mother don't like each other?"

"We all think they're secretly in love, but they argue like kids. It's gotten pretty bad lately. Last family reunion, I had to literally sit on Nicola's lap so that he didn't get up and kill her."

"Isn't he in a wheelchair?" I asked, recalling stories that Justin had told me about his great-grandfather.

"He has been for the past ten years, but he would have walked just to get his hands wrapped around my mother's throat. She antagonizes him so she only has herself to blame."

"Wow, I can't wait to meet them both," I said.

"They'll love you, but anyway, I'm having a party at one of Justin's places across town and I just wanted to formally invite you. You'll be getting an invitation in the mail, though. I hope you can make it, but I understand if you have to study."

"No, no. I'll be there."

"Good, and you don't have to bring anything." She jumped off of the stool. "Don't worry. It's all being catered. Just dress in something nice. I'm so excited now."

"I can't wait." I was actually kind of excited to do anything that didn't have to deal with pregnancy or crying or hormones or… my future.

"I'll see you soon. Alice and I have some planning to do." She grabbed her coat and almost skipped out of the door.

She left just in time because the food I had just eaten, mixed with the present uncertainty of my life, was enough to make me heave into the sink. It wasn't much, but my stomach couldn't take any more. Did I have to go through this for nine months?

I drank a glass of water and leaned against the counter. I forced myself not to cry anymore because that wouldn't help anything. I needed to think about this logically. I guessed I needed to tell Justin at some point and get to a doctor to make sure everything was all right.

However scared I was, I was starting to want this. I had something growing inside of me, and it was something that we had created. Justin and I were going to have a baby. There was no getting around that.

Suddenly, images of a wide, green-eyed boy flashed through my head. He was small and had a mop of bronze hair with a gigantic smile. I saw him playing in the beach or swinging high on a swing in a beautiful backyard.

Did I want that?

Of course I did. Maybe in ten years, but now? I was too young. I was too inexperienced, but I had to at least try. As much as I wanted to hate myself for getting pregnant, I couldn't. I knew that I had to protect my child. I couldn't explain it. There was this natural pull that I was beginning to have.

My baby.

I was having a baby.

Even though this wasn't the right time, I still couldn't help the small smile that creased my lips at the thought.

"Selena, are you here?" Justin's deep voice made me jump from the counter.

I cleared my throat to make it sound normal. "In the kitchen."

"Hi." He took off his jacket and put it over a chair.

"How was your first day back at work?" I couldn't bring myself to go over to him. I felt like if I was close, he might guess.

"Exhilarating." He grinned. "I finally felt free; like I wasn't locked up."

"You make it sound like I kept you in shackles." I pulled a plate from the cabinet and piled it high with pasta.

"Have I ever said 'thank you'?" I felt strong hands on my hips from behind me and his lips on my neck.

"For?"

"For taking care of me when I needed you. I know I bitched, but you probably kept me alive."

"I need you around," I said. That declaration meant more to me than it did to him right now.

"Well, thank you."

A single red rose crept into my eye line. Even from a couple inches away, the smell was enveloping, and I smiled slightly.

"Is this for me?" I turned around and took the flower from Justin.

"Of course." He smirked and kissed me tenderly, but like all of Justin's kisses, there was a fierceness and possessiveness about it.

"Thank you," I said when he let my lips go. "Does it mean something?" I smelled the petals.

"Yes," he sighed.

"Well…"

"Don't make me say it."

"You're blushing," I laughed.

"You know I love you, but coming from me, it just sounds weird." Justin's green eyes were saying all the things that he couldn't.

"I like hearing it," I goaded him.

"Selena… I love you," he said quickly and quietly, turning his head away from me.

"I didn't hear you." I placed my lips on his neck.

"I love you."

"How much do you love me?"

Justin pulled back from me. "In all seriousness, have I never told you how much you mean to me?"

"I… I don't think so." I was taken aback by the severity of his voice.

"I have never in my life been so protective of something as I am with you. I have no idea how to tell you that because I'm no good with emotional words, but I'm trying. You've changed me… completely. I never thought that I would ever be playing house with a girl that I cared for. I've never been that guy."

"That's so sweet." I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"Why are you crying?" he chuckled and wiped it away.

"Because…." I shrugged.

"Was that a loving enough statement?"

I nodded. "You're very loving when you want to be."

"But only with you." He kissed me softly.

I wanted to tell him so badly. I wanted to shout it from the heavens and now seemed like the perfect time. I just…couldn't.

"You're still crying." Justin pulled back and handed me a napkin from the counter. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine." I cleared my face.

He gave me a disbelieving look, but said nothing.

Justin and I sat down to eat after that. I was still starving, and since I had puked my guts out earlier, I didn't think he needed to know that I had already eaten my weight in pasta. I set the rose next to me on the table and tried to use it for courage. Every time I got the nerve to say something, I couldn't. I would freak out on the inside and all these questions would beat my bravery down. I tried to keep up a normal façade, and I hoped that he didn't see right through me. I needed time to think about this.

Since it was his first day back to work, I made sure to keep Justin talking about that. His health was improving every day, and I could see that. He was taking his medication, exercising every morning, and his portions were within limits. I didn't even have to say anything to him anymore, but I still watched out of the corner of my eye. This baby was going to stress him out so much and even the idea of a child was going to be too much.

"So, I have to go out of town in a couple of days," Justin said and took a bite of garlic bread.

"Really? Where?"

"Boston," he answered.

"Again? Didn't you go out there a couple months ago?"

"Yes, but I have a few things to do."

"You're not going to tell me what, are you?"

"Absolutely not. You don't need to know." He gave me "the eye" that told me not to ask.

"Well, it will have to be after your grandfather gets here because…"

"Wait, what?" he interrupted.

"What?"

"My grandfather?"

"Oh, yeah. Esme didn't tell you?" I asked and he shook his head. "Your great-grandfather is coming."

"No shit." Justin leaned back in his chair. "Really? We usually have to go to him for family reunions and stuff. He hasn't been stateside in… two decades."

"She didn't say why, but she's having a party. Her mother's coming to."

"Oh, great. Those two hate each other."

"So I've heard. Is it really that bad?"

"One time, my grandmother pushed his wheelchair down the stairs."

"You can't be serious."

"Yup, and he just kept on rolling. It's actually really funny because you'd think that two old people like them would just die already, but I think they stay alive just to outlast the other."

"They sound fun," I replied sarcastically.

"You'll love them. I wonder why that old bastard is coming over here. It must be important." Justin thought out loud. "I bet Carlisle's in a hell of a lot of trouble. He wouldn't bother flying here if it wasn't big."

"I can't wait to meet him. He sounds so intimidating."

"He's a big softie with a hard on for anything with breasts. I'll have to watch you," Justin joked. "He can be very persuasive."

"I'll be sure to keep my sexual defenses up."

The rest of the time Justin and I were sitting at the table, I tried not to think about the giant elephant in the room that was about to run me over. I was going to tell him; just not now. I couldn't now. I needed at least a week to even wrap my head around this myself. That was all I needed, one week.

I felt a little better knowing that I had seven days to sort my thoughts out and get a speech prepared. I felt like I needed to present some kind of argument, because I knew Justin was going to have something to say.

After we ate, Justin and I cleaned up the kitchen.

"I think I'm going to go to bed," I said when we were done.

"Are you alright? You've been really sick lately," he replied, concerned.

"I'm fine. I'm just stressing over school." I used the same lie as before.

"Okay," Justin nodded, "go to bed; I'm going to stay up and do some work."

I gave him a sweet, short kiss goodnight, and then went up the stairs to his room.

As I was changing, I glanced down at my stomach. I wasn't showing yet. Should I be? When did that start happening? Was it going to be soon? Could Justin tell? I had no idea, and that only scared me more. Just to be safe, I wore one of his shirts, which was huge on me, but it served the purpose I needed it to. If I could just wear this thing for nine months, things would be so much easier.

I climbed into bed and ran my hand over my stomach. There was a child in there; my child. It was a little boy or girl, who I was going to raise. That made me smile.

I fell asleep easily, because I was so damn tired. Sometime in the early morning, I felt Justin slide into bed with me, and his strong arms wrapped around my body. My first instinct was to jerk away from him, because my wild imagination was telling me he could feel the baby. I settled into him, though, and let the warmth from his chest put me to sleep again.

The next couple of days went by very quickly.

School was ending and tests were being given. I had already taken two of them, so I just had two more to go. My freshman year was wrapping up faster than I could have imagined. Could it be possible that just eight months ago, I came to Chicago with wide-eyed innocence and a certain naïveté about the world? Where was that girl? She had changed so much in such a short period of time. I tried to tell myself that I was still there, just deep down.

I still hadn't told Justin yet. I had four more days as of now, and I needed all that time to think about what the hell I was going to say. Justin was going to literally blow a fuse, and I didn't know how to calm him down. I just needed more time. I don't know why I was so scared, but this was a big change for a man who had a schedule for everything. I threw a massive curve into his straight and narrow path.

Thankfully, I didn't have to think about that tonight. I had something to take my mind off of my pregnancy because tonight was Esme's party. It was just a small thing, but I was kind of excited to meet the man who had basically created this life that Justin lived. I also couldn't wait to meet Esme's mother. Alice had met her when she and Jasper went out to California for Christmas. She only had good things to say.

"What tie should I wear?" Justin asked me from the closet as I was fixing my hair.

"You're asking me for fashion advice?" I laughed. "That's never happened before."

"Well, I'm nervous. I can't really think straight."

"You, Justin Bieber, nervous? I don't believe it."

"You have no idea how human my grandfather makes me feel." Justin was fixing a pale blue tie around his neck in the mirror behind me. "That man is scary as hell when he wants to be."

"He sounds sweet." I went off what Rose had told me.

"Because you have a vagina."

"Score for me."

"He's not mean, he just has a way of cutting off your balls, so to speak. Plus, I don't think he knows Cici is coming."

"Cici?"

"My grandmother; Esme's mother."

"Oh, right."

"This should be an interesting night." Justin sighed, running a comb through his hair. It didn't work in the slightest to tame it, but he tried.

By the time we were ready to leave the house, we were dressed finely. He was in a nice suit and the pale blue tie, while I settled for a simple cream dress and black pumps. I was getting pretty good at walking in these things, actually. I also wore the serpent bracelet that Justin had bought me for Christmas, because I loved it so much and never got a chance to wear it.

The car drove us across town to a nice hotel that Justin actually owned. He never talked about his "real" job, so I didn't even really know what he did. It was obviously apparent that he knew what he was doing though, because the hotel was very impressive and from the looks of it, highly popular. On our way to the elevators, I saw expensive art work and rugs along with chandeliers that hung from the ceiling. It was very nice.

"Why haven't I ever been here before?" I asked him as we rode the elevator up to the penthouse level.

He shrugged. "I don't know. You never asked."

"So when you say you're going to 'work', sometimes you actually have real things to do?"

"Yes, Selena," Justin laughed. "It's not all guns and blood every day."

"Huh, I would have never guessed. You hide your normalcy incredibly well."

"I try." He wrapped an arm around my waist.

When the elevators dinged open, I could hear soft music from down that hall, and it looked like we were going into a museum. There were a lot of people around, all sipping champagne and eating small appetizers. I didn't know a lot of them, but Justin said this was more than just a family gathering. Everyone in Chicago knew Nicola Rossini, so his arrival was a pretty big talking point among the people in these circles.

"Should I be scared?" I asked Justin when he took my coat, handing it to the guy near the door.

"Just don't say anything until he speaks first. I'll introduce you, and then just shake his hand."

We went into the kitchen where Esme was making a platter of vegetables. Justin got me a bottle of water.

"You're making him sound like some monster," I said and took a sip.

"He's like an onion, you have to peel him back layer by layer."

"Not if you use a knife," Esme responded and for added emphasis, slammed a rather large cleaver onto a carrot. The thing split in half without a problem. "What were you two talking about?"

Justin and I backed away from the counter slightly.

"Uh, Mom, you alright?"

"I'm fine. I'm just preparing for impending doom." She smiled. "Your grandfather is already here."

"So I take it we're just waiting for Cici?'

Esme nodded and carried the platter into a packed family room.

"She's kind of scary," I observed.

"She gets it from her mother," Justin sighed. "Are you ready?"

"I guess so." I took another sip of water to settle my stomach, and he took my hand.

The party was in full swing. There were a lot of people here, and they all had some sort of connection to the "underground", as Justin said. He kept a close hold on me since he didn't trust any of them. Everyone seemed really nice to me, but what the hell did I know? Rose and Alice were there, trying to calm Esme down, because she was going crazy for some reason. Alec was eating anything he could get his hands on, and Carlisle was making the rounds with Jasper and Emmett.

Justin took a deep breath and led me outside onto the balcony.

A man was sitting with his back to us in a motorized wheelchair. He was dressed in a slim fitting suit that made Justin's look juvenile in comparison. He had a head full of white hair that was coiffed perfectly, and I could smell his deep cologne from the door. It was spicy and strong but not unpleasant.

"If that's my Justin, he'd better be bringing me a cigar," the man said in a husky voice.

"Not this time, old man. I brought you something better."

"And what would that be?" The man's wheelchair swiveled around to face us. The first thing I noticed was his blue eyes, which were sunken into a wrinkly, yet handsome face. He didn't look old at all.

"I brought a young lady I want you to meet. You have to be nice." Justin nudged me forward. "This is Selena."

The man looked me up and down. "Well, I heard she was a fox, but this is almost too much for me to handle." He held out his hand for me. "It's very nice to meet you, Selena."

"You too and please just call me Selena," I said. "I've heard so much about you."

"It's all true," he chuckled. "Sit, sit."

Justin guided me to one of the chairs on the patio. He was saying something under his breath, but I didn't hear it. I could tell that Nicola was a huge flirt. He had that personality about him, and it was working. All I wanted to do was giggle and blush. I didn't understand it.

"Before I get to you, young lady, I need to speak to my grandson," Nicola said to me. "Justin, why don't you call me anymore?" His tone changed. It wasn't stern, but it wasn't sweet like it had been with me.

"A phone goes both ways," Justin replied. "I haven't heard a word from you in six months. I thought you were dead."

"You wish. That way you could get all my money."

"I don't need your money," Justin chortled. "I have more than you, anyway."

"If I didn't have to pee, I would laugh."

The relationship was playing out in front of me. It was a tense, joking sort of thing that you would only understand if you knew Justin. I figured his great-grandfather was the same way.

"Why are you here?" Justin asked.

"I wanted to see my family. I can do as I please." Nicola rolled his eyes.

"Well, you could have warned the western hemisphere that we would be graced with your presence."

"I'm tired of Italy." He pushed his wheelchair over to the side of the balcony and looked at the city. "I've killed everyone there. It's boring."

"You can't move here. We don't want you."

"I wouldn't move here anyway. Your father is the most insufferable human being on the face of this earth," Nicola said seriously with a sly grin. "But I raised the bastard, so I guess I have to take the blame."

"We could never blame you." Esme came out onto the balcony. "Carlisle was just bad to begin with."

"That he was, my dear."

"Is everyone alright?" Esme asked us.

"Actually, I'm glad you're here. Please take your son inside, so I can talk to this lovely lady alone." Nicola pointed at me.

"I don't think so." Justin sat up.

"I'll be fine," I assured him. "Go inside."

"Come on, Justin." Esme pulled him up from his seat. "You can help me."

Now, it was just Nicola and me on the balcony.

"So, Selena, is it?" he asked me.

"Yes, sir."

"Is that Italian?"

"Are you asking if I'm Italian?"

He snickered, "That's what I was getting at, yes."

"I'm part, but not by much," I answered truthfully.

Nicola nodded. "And I take it you know about all of this?"

"Yes, sir."

"How did you find out?"

"Someone told me, and I confronted Justin about it."

"Were you scared?"

"At first. I guess I still am sometimes." I was finding it very easy to talk to him. His eyes weren't hard or abrasive.

"You're very pretty."

"Thank you." I blushed furiously.

"Did Justin tell you to be scared of me?"

"He said I should watch myself around you."

"He's right. I'm a very dangerous man, Selena. I'm a tyrant."

"I don't believe that," I said before I could stop myself.

He raised an eyebrow. "Don't be fooled by my age. I'm the best there is at what I do."

"I don't doubt that."

"Did you know that I built this city?" He rolled around again. "When I came to Chicago, it was nothing more than a pile of horse shit and a couple street signs. It took a lot of work, but I made this town what it was."

I decided not to say anything and just let him talk. It sounded like he was going into speech mode.

"I gave it all to Carlisle and at some point—possibly soon—he's going to give it all to Justin." He turned back to me. "How long have you two been together?"

"Um, around eight months." Had it really been that long?

"And you haven't run yet? I know my Justin can be a handful."

"No, I don't think I've ever really thought about leaving him. I can't." I shrugged.

"You remind me of Esme. No matter how much I begged her to look the other way when it came to Carlisle, she wouldn't. Although, she was born into all of this, so there wasn't really any way to hide secrets from her. I think things are different nowadays. You kids are more daring than we were."

I nodded. "Probably."

"Are you planning on staying with Justin in the future?"

"To be honest, it would be more harm to leave now. I've been with him through shootouts, bloody battles, and a damn heart attack."

Nicola laughed, "I like you. I always said Justin needed a strong one, but I never thought he'd find someone. He's a hard ass. And how old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"Well then, I see Justin is robbing the cradle now."

"I've always acted older," I said as a way to make it seem not so bad.

"And your father is a police chief?"

"Yes, sir."

"Your story will almost be as good as Carlisle and Esme's. You don't find it unnerving being with someone like Justin?"

"I know a version of him that other people don't, and I love that guy. What he does professionally won't change that."

"Love?"

I bit my bottom lip, slightly uncomfortable talking about my life with Justin. It felt too personal.

"Well, if you can tame him, by all means take him." Nicola patted my knee.

"Will he ever really be tamed?"

"Absolutely not. Justin is a bull and if you even try to cage him, he'll just get more heated. He has a way with you though. I can tell."

"What do you mean?"

"He's very protective. I saw it even in those five minutes you two were sitting out here."

"But he's always like that."

"No, this was different. It was almost…scary if you can believe it. I've never seen that look in his eyes and there wasn't even a threat around. He must always be in a constant state of stress looking out for you."

"Yeah," I sighed.

"When I was growing up, it was either hunt or be hunted. He seems to take after me in that way. Carlisle is softer but very effective. I don't understand it, but he's done more than I did so I guess it works. He's very optimistic of the world. I'm a cynic."

"Justin's that way."

"Of course he is. I taught him to be that way. I always told him that you can become a cop or a criminal. When you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?"

"Those are some pretty strong words."

He shrugged. "I haven't stayed alive this long by just sitting on my ass."

I nodded in understanding.

Nicola opened his mouth to say something, but then tilted his head to the side as if he was listening intently.

"Is something wrong?" I asked quietly.

He hushed me. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

He sat up in his chair and fixed his jacket. "That, my dear, is the sound of the Antichrist. She's finally made her arrival." His motorized wheelchair rolled away from the patio and inside of the penthouse.

I got up and followed him quickly. I went to find Justin who was hugging a very attractive older woman with shocking red hair. She looked exactly like Esme and was just as Alice said—fabulous. Cici was in a floor length fur coat that looked too warm, but I doubt she noticed. Her heels were higher than mine, and her neck was adorned with diamonds.

"Grandma!" Emmett pushed past me, and his big body almost skipped over to her.

"There's my big bear." Cici hugged him tightly. "I've missed you so much. Where's Jasper?"

"Right here, Grandma," he said from behind her. She ran into his arms. "Did you bring me a present?"

Justin came over to me. "That's my grandmother."

"She's the most amazing person I've ever met," Alice said in admiration, coming out of nowhere. "I want to be her when I grow up."

"Should I go say something?"

Before I could even think about moving, Esme brought her over. "And this is Selena." They looked almost identical.

Cici wrapped her arms around me, the heat from her fur coat was stifling. "I can't believe it. My Justin found someone. Come sit down." She pulled me towards a group of couches. "So tell me everything."

"Everything?" I asked, trying to keep up with her energy. She was moving so quickly that it was hard to understand her. Thankfully, Justin sat next to me.

"I want to know everything. How you met, where you met; all about you. You're so pretty. Is this your natural hair color?" She ran her fingers through my hair. "I've thought about dying mine."

"Mother, you're too old to dye your hair now." Esme sat on the arm of the sofa. "It's already that unnatural, horrid red."

"It's there to hide her horns." Nicola rolled into our group. "Hello, Cici."

"You're still alive?" She rolled her eyes, pulling off her coat. "I could have sworn I killed you years ago."

"I'm sticking around just to torture you."

"Of course." She tipped her glass, which was filled to the brim with a Bloody Mary. She drank the whole thing in a couple seconds and chewed on the piece of celery.

"Still drinking I see." He tightly smiled.

"It's the only way to get through these amazing family get-togethers." She waved a waiter over. "Honey, I need a martini and don't waste any space with those olives."

"Yes, ma'am." He nodded, scurrying off.

Before anything even got started, a lady came up to our group. "Excuse me, but I couldn't help but notice your coat. Is it real fur?" She asked Cici.

"It sure is," she replied.

"You should be ashamed," the lady scolded. "Do you know how many animals had to die for that ugly thing? I'm a part of an animal rights group and Esme actually donates a lot of money to our cause. I just don't understand how you can be so cruel."

"Yeah, well stretch pants don't ever make anyone look good, but I'm too much of a lady to say anything, fat ass," Cici replied, eyeing the woman's pants.

The lady turned her nose up and stomped away.

"Mother," Esme whispered harshly and followed her.

"Oh, and that blouse hurts like a hangover." She shouted, "Some people, I swear…"

"She can get you with a comeback for anything." Justin whispered to me, "Watch, Rose is going to try next."

"Wow, Cici," Rose turned her face up, "All that booze seeping out of your enlarged pours in making me a little tipsy."

"Oh, sweetheart, they aren't enlarged; they're just in shock over that hair color." Cici patted her knee affectionately.

"She's the best," Justin chuckled.

"You're so uncouth." Nicola shook his head.

"Why are you still talking to me?"

"Because if I don't hear your voice, I don't if know you're alive. You have so much Botox pumped through that face of yours, you look like a leather sofa."

"Honey, I'm fabulous. I'm an incredible dresser, I've got buckets of money, I'm a hoot and a half, and I got a killer rack. Say what you want, but we all know you want to pound me." She superiorly sipped her martini that seemed to come ridiculously fast from the waiter who just appeared.

I sat there with everyone else, and it seemed as if this was going to turn into a shouting match. Both Cici and Nicola were glaring at each other with evil eyes. The fire between them was white hot.

The family gathered and talked for about an hour, with me somehow—more than I would have liked—being the central topic. I guess I was the shiny new toy. Cici kept the drinks coming, but was never drunk. It was amazing how much could ingest. Cici and Nicola were hilarious. They would jab each other with such low blows that I sometimes wondered why we all weren't in therapy. He would comment on her drinking, and she would always bring up his age. Then, he would say something about how she was a gold-digger and she would, in turn, call him a manwhore. It was great fun.

Carlisle and Esme just watched them like they were children. Justin found it all very funny, and everyone else was just along for the ride.

"…And then I told him that I wouldn't go to Europe with him, even if he did marry me." Cici completed her rather stirring story about how she almost bagged husband number five.

"You're so adventurous," Rose said.

"I try. I refuse to live my life in a shoe box."

"Right, because that massive estate you stole out in California is too small for your giant head." Nicola took a sip of his brandy.

"Don't you have an underage waitress to seduce?" Cici shot back.

"They come to me. I don't seduce anymore. I don't have the strength."

"As much as I would love to sit here and watch another battle, you two are exhausting me." Carlisle stood up, taking Esme with him. They started making rounds again.

Emmett and Rose left a little while after that, followed by Jasper and Alice. Nicola wouldn't let Alec go, because they were having male bonding time. I guess he had a new grandson to get to know. I saw them walking—well, Alec was, anyway—around talking. Justin wouldn't leave me, because he said he didn't want me alone in the war zone.

"So, what about you?" Cici asked me. "I hear you're still in school." She lightly drank her vodka cranberry.

"Yes, at Northwestern."

"I used to teach there, myself, when I used to live out here."

"Don't let her fool you, Selena." Nicola rolled by in his wheelchair. "She used to suck the Dean's dick. That doesn't count."

"Go jump off the roof," she shouted as he scooted away, and then smiled tenderly at me. "What are you studying?"

"I'm not really sure yet. Right now, I'm just taking a bunch of classes to see what I'm interested in."

"That's good. I like her, Justin."

"I like her too," he replied.

"When are you two getting married?"

"Never," he said before I could even understand her question. "You know I don't believe in marriage."

"Well, I know, but I always thought that if you found…"

"No, marriage is always a failure. Statistically, it never works."

"That's not true, sweetheart."

"So says the woman who's been married four times, going on five."

"What about your parents? They've been through everything and haven't wavered in years."

"They're anomalies. It never works," he said finally.

Well, this was fucking news to me.

I wasn't even thinking about that right now, but maybe I needed to since I was having Justin's baby. But lo and behold, it didn't even matter because he didn't want to get married… ever. I didn't want to pressure him into anything, but it would have been nice if I had an option. It was obvious that he wasn't going to falter on his views.

"Don't listen to her, Justin. You do what you want." Nicola trolled by again. "The harpy has no idea what she's talking about."

"If you roll over here one more time, I'm going to push you over the balcony," Cici snapped. "Go die already."

"You're a skanky whore."

"I'm tired of smacking you so just bang your face against my palm."

Just to annoy her, Nicola got extremely close and stared at her. "I can do as I please."

"Okay, sweetheart, rule number one. Unless you're served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my lips." She put her finger on his forehead and pushed him backwards.

"I will kill you, woman." He angrily scooted off with Alec chasing after him.

"Your grandparents are a mess," I whispered to Justin.

"You have no idea."

I sat across from Selena at the breakfast table, watching her practically chew her bottom lip off.

I was presently droning through the first family breakfast together in what must have been years. I couldn't remember the last time I had my mother's French toast, but the arrival of my grandparents had brought us together. Of course, it was like a war zone around here lately with Cici and Nicola trying to outdo each other at every turn, but at least no one had died yet.

Currently, I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on with Selena. She looked like she was always thinking. I knew something was wrong, but I hadn't had the chance to ask her in private yet. She said she was worried about finals, so I took that as her explanation as to why she looked so out of it.

I wished I could read Selena's mind, because I'm sure there was a lot going on in there. What wasn't she telling me? I wasn't stupid, and I knew she was covering something up. I didn't want to push; I figured she needed to think out whatever was going on. It would be better if she came to me, but if she was in danger, I wouldn't stand for not knowing. I would give it another day or so before I demanded an explanation.

"Hey, boy. Are you listening to me?" Nicola slapped the back of my head.

"Yeah, what do you want?" I was brought back to the bickering around the table.

Before he could speak, Cici stepped in from down the table. "Don't hit my grandson, you bastard. Apologize."

"I don't apologize, and I can do what I want. He's my grandson too."

"You need to be rotting in a jail somewhere."

"I hate you."

"Aright, alright. Just take a breath." I diffused the situation. Everyone was in their own conversations, leaving me to deal with the two old geezers.

"Go drink yourself to death," Nicola snapped.

"Honey, I would suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick to get away from you." Cici turned away from us and went back to talking to Alice.

"Why are you always creating trouble?" I asked my grandfather.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He sipped his coffee.

"Just have sex with her and save us all the dramatics."

He raised an eyebrow as if he was contemplating the idea, but didn't say anything.

"What were you talking about before?" I asked, trying to get back on topic.

"Oh, I was saying that I'm taking everyone to the races this afternoon."

"Really, the horse races? We haven't done that in a long time."

"I miss it. The only thing we have to bet on in Sicily is which prostitute will die from some venereal disease first."

"You make it sound like you're living in old world Italy. You know that's not how it is."

"What do you know? The last time you were there, I could walk." He hit his now defunct legs. "I hate this chair. It makes me limited to the fucking downstairs."

"I was there last year, or does your memory not go back that far? And you don't need to go anywhere but the bathroom and in front of the TV."

"Shut the fuck up," he chuckled, finishing off his coffee. "Anyway, before I leave in a couple of days, I wanted to take us out."

"I have to leave in a few hours." I checked my watch.

"You still going after Aro's boys?"

"Yeah, I tracked them to secluded compound in Maine. We're going to go pick them up tonight. I just got word that they moved from Boston yesterday. They're on the run."

"Maine, eh? You young kids these days have it so easy. Back when I was your age, I had to actually do some muscle work to kill people."

"Let's not go down this road again. I don't have time to relive the glory days with you."

"I'm just telling you how it was."

"This is why no one likes you. You can't ever just be happy for someone else."

"Damned straight. I'm a wanted man in fifteen countries, including this one, and my enemies far outweigh my friends. I'm just waiting for someone to put a bullet through me."

"We all can't wait for that," Cici said and tipped her martini glass in his direction.

"I cannot stand you," he replied pointedly, "Go choke on another dick and die."

"Go change your colostomy bag, you old fart."

They continued to argue, and I slipped out of my seat, going around the table to sit in the one next to Selena, which was occupied by Alec. I pushed him out, and he grumbled as he moved to another chair.

"What are they talking about?" I asked Selena.

"They're trying to figure out if Alec is gay or not." She shrugged.

"I'm not gay," he argued.

"Here's a test." Emmett thought. "Okay, there's a penis and a vagina in a house. And it's on fire. Which one do you save?"

"I hate all of you." He ate some bacon from his plate. "I spent the whole vacation with Jane and you're asking if I'm gay?"

Jasper and Emmett were having too much fun with their teasing. I was more concerned with Selena.

"What's going on?" I asked her.

"Nothing," She smiled. It wasn't a real one. "I'm just sad to see you leave tonight."

"I'll be back tomorrow."

"I know." She took my hand under the table. "I'll still miss you, though."

"Are you okay? You've been quiet these past couple of days."

"I'm trying to keep my mind on tests." She was lying; I could tell.

"Well, today you're taking a break. We're going to the races."

"The races?"

"Horse racing, outside of the city. Nicola's going to take us."

"Shouldn't he be staying inside? Aren't the police after him?"

"They've been after him since the seventies. One day out in the open won't get them any closer to their goal."

"You boys are so daring."

"We try. Are you up for going out? Are you still sick?"

"I'm fine. Stop worrying about me."

"Alright."

"When are you leaving?" she asked and took a small bite of toast.

"Tonight."

"And where are you going again?"

"You don't need to know all that. Just know that I'll be back tomorrow morning, and I'm going to handle everything. You don't need to worry."

Selena nodded. "Just be safe. I don't even want you to tell me what you're going to be up to."

"I wasn't planning on it."

We finished breakfast, and then Nicola made the announcement that we would all be going out for the day. There was a roar of protests from around the table. Cici wanted to stay in and drink, Emmett and Jasper wanted to play an Xbox game, and Esme was in the mood to cook some more.

Nicola then went on his rampant about the "death of family values". I just sat back and stayed out of it all. I didn't care one bit, because I was leaving on a private plane to Maine at seven tonight. Alec, Emmett, and Jasper were supposed to come with me, but it they weren't ready then I could certainly handle this alone. But before all of that, I had to have family time.

Carlisle was becoming more and more worried about having his grandfather out in public. First of all, Nicola was a dangerous man—worse than any of us—and a simple thing could set him off. Of course, he knew how to disguise the monster inside, but it was still there. Secondly, my great-grandfather, like he said, was wanted in a slew of countries. The Feds here had been on his tail since he left decades ago, and the only reason he was allowed to travel was because of his "decoys". They were men whom he hired that looked exactly like him. They were actors, but had been playing their roles for years. According to anyone watching, Nicola Rossini was sitting on his porch in Sicily eating chicken rotini, not in Chicago with his family.

When all was said and done, the plans were set to drive out for the first race of the spring season. It was unreasonably warm and a good day for horse betting. Dressing nicely was a requirement, and I was trying to put a smile on my face for Nicola. I would rather just sit and watch TV until I had to leave, but he wouldn't hear of it.

I opened the door of my BMW for Selena, and she slid in. Alec got in the back. I went to the other side and got situated, loving the way the leather seats adjusted to my body after all this time away. I drove for the first time solo yesterday and was almost giddy with needed pleasure.

"I don't know how I survived without driving." I sped out of the driveway, following Carlisle.

"Who exactly gave you your driver's license?" Selena held on for dear life.

"I paid the guy off who was administering it. He didn't know what he was doing anyway."

"And who taught you how to drive?" Alec slid across the backseat when I made a particularly sharp turn.

"Jasper."

"That's the problem, I see." Selena tightened her seatbelt.

"He learned from Emmett."

"So, where exactly does the trail lead?" Alec asked. "I'm going to need to learn soon and I want to survive."

"I'll teach you." A grin crept on my face at just the thought of it. I was going to make him shit his pants when the time came.

Selena tried to convince me the whole time to slow down as we made the one hour drive further outside of the city, but I was just getting my racing legs back. Emmett and I ended up trying to outdo the other, but of course I beat him easily in my superior German automobile.

"You cheated." Emmett stomped over to me when I screeched to a halt in the packed parking lot.

"Prove it." I went over to get the door for Selena. "You can't expect a big ass Hummer to beat a compact."

"I could if the driver wasn't a sneaky cheater," he pouted. "Just wait until I get my Ferrari."

"Whatever you say,"

"Will you fuckers stop arguing? We're in public." Nicola rolled away from our group.

"Can someone watch him?" Esme stumbled to catch up. "That man is going to roll over a cliff."

"Let him." Cici smiled.

The race track was buzzing with anticipation and enthusiasm. Ladies wore big hats, and men were trying to one-up each other in their finest suits. This was just a big party for them. The races were as much for entertainment as they were for business deals. I knew Carlisle would put his best foot forward today. Nicola worked his magic and got us a private, covered room overlooking the track, which was already filling up with patrons. The room fit all of us easily, and lunch was about to be served.

"Okay, so everyone's going to be drunk," I told Selena and took her coat. "Don't talk to anyone."

"But they all look so nice." Selena waved at the guy who was seated below us.

He nastily winked. I flicked him off.

"I told you." I pulled her away from the room so that we could go place our bets.

"Isn't this illegal?"

"Nope. For once, we're doing something by the book."

"How do I win?" She asked when we were at the counter, trying to push our way up to the front of the line. The whole draw about this particular race track was that it tried to replicate the older days. Tellers, instead of the automated machines, took all the bets, and the horses were only the finest breeds.

"You've never bet on anything before?"

She shook her head. "Not even in poker. Charlie and I just played with M&Ms."

"How cute," I replied sarcastically. "Alright, so you're betting against the other fans, and you set the odds. You are not betting against the track. If you try to do that, you'll lose every time."

"I forget you own a casino. What else?"

"You have to learn the track." I grabbed a paper off of the table in front of us. "Learn which horses are bet to win."

"I don't know any of these horses." Selena looked them over.

"Thankfully, your man always keeps an eye out."

"Of course you do. Which ones are the best?"

"Blood Brother and Waverunner are doing well."

"Waverunner? Who would name their horse that?"

"When you get a horse, you can name it whatever you want."

"Well then, let's pick those."

We went up to the teller who was waiting patiently for our bets. "Hello, sir. What can I do ya for today?"

"What's your wager maximum?" I asked, pulling out my wallet.

"Twenty thousand dollars, sir."

"I'll put ten on Waverunner and ten on Blood Brother." I handed him my credit card.

"Justin, you can't spend that much money," Selena whispered. "That's insane."

"That's betting. If we win, we take in double that."

"How would you like to bet them, sir?" the teller asked.

"Uh, basic bet on Blood Brother and place on Waverunner."

"What does all that mean?"

"A basic bet is when you gamble on one horse; if it wins, then you win. Place is if it comes in first or second."

"You're a very confident player. What if we lose?"

"You can't be a pussy gambler, Selena. That's how you fail." I took our tickets from the teller and made the walk back down the hall.

We met Alec on the way, and he asked me if I could help him place his bets. I took Selena back to the room, and then dealt with him, explaining exactly what I had a couple minutes earlier. He ended up being the rebel and placing his money—correction, my money—on the weaklings of the pack. He figured he would take a chance. He was going to lose badly, but I was over trying to convince him otherwise.

When we went to the room, everyone was eating lunch and talking. Cici and Nicola were arguing; all was as it should be. One person who wasn't where I left her was Selena. She was on the balcony overlooking the track with a douchey-looking guy with blonde hair. She looked extremely uncomfortable, and that might be because the dick's hand was on her lower back.

"Who the hell is that?" I asked Emmett.

"Oh, one of Dad's friends came by. That's his son. We went to school with him… I forget his name."

"And you couldn't watch her? You're useless." I made my way outside and didn't even bother with formalities. I took the guy's hand off of Selena and twisted it until I heard a crack.

"What the hell?" the guy grumbled. "Get the fuck off of me." He pushed my shoulder.

I could tell that I was back to my old self when I broke some dude's hand from just touching Selena. He should have known better, and my philosophy nowadays was to just kill and take the consequences later. If that came with problems, then I would deal with them. Maybe this guy didn't know, but he would never forget that Selena was untouchable for him.

"Don't put your grubby hands on her." I pulled Selena behind me. "Go back to wherever you came from."

"I've never liked you, Justin."

"I have no idea who you are so get the fuck out of my face before I put a bullet through your skull."

"What's going on out here?" The engine from Nicola's wheelchair made a soft hum as he came out onto the balcony.

"I was just talking to her. You didn't have to break my hand."

"You were touching her. That's a big difference," I growled. "Learn your place."

"He was touching her? Absolutely not." Nicola rammed his wheelchair into the guy's shin. "It's time for you to leave. Go on." He kept backing up and moving forward.

"Stop it, old man. I'm going, I'm going." The guy clutched his hand and his now bruised shin as he hobbled out of the room.

"Stupid kids." Nicola rolled his way back to the family. "That's the Italian way, son," he shouted back to me.

"Are you alright?" I asked Selena.

"I'm fine. I tried to tell him to leave before you got here."

"I can't leave you for five minutes."

"Well, some of us don't have guns or motorized wheelchairs to defeat the creeps."

I took Selena inside so that we could eat lunch before the races started, and then everyone went down to the floor. We could see better from there. Of course, Carlisle put money on all the horses and was planning on pulling in a big haul.

When the first gun sounded and the horses took off, you could almost feel the ground vibrating under their thunderous hooves. We were so close that the dirt from the track was flying up in our faces; it was rather exhilarating.

After the race, Selena and I won on both accounts, since Blood Brother came in first and Waverunner came in second.

"I told you I knew what I was doing," I said to Selena.

"That was exciting. Let's do it again. I want to pick the horse this time." She pulled me back up the stairs towards the bet tellers.

We placed bets on the next set of horses, and I let Selena choose. I kept my mouth shut, even though it was killing me to see her putting money down on the wrong ones, but I didn't say a word. Alec came up to join us and this time, listened to me after his horrible past track record.

When the second races finished, I had still made money off of Alec's haul. Selena, actually, didn't do so badly since her horses came in third and fourth. Nicola was the big winner of the day, even though he didn't legally bet on anything. He had found some rich lawyer, and they did a little under-the-table dealing, gambling on the horses away from the practicalities of the law. I think he made something like four million dollars in an hour.

"Do they do these every weekend?" Selena asked as we walked away from the tracks and towards the cars, our pockets filled with money vouchers. When you were dealing with cash like this in such large sums, it was mailed, so it would be at least a couple days before I saw my earnings.

"Almost, although, that was a small one."

"A small one? They get bigger?"

"Maybe I'll take you to Saratoga soon."

"I want to just beat Alice's horses. She got me every time."

"I think you've caught the gambling bug. I'll have to watch that." I opened the door for her.

I drove her to my parent's house and after a short goodbye kiss, was off again towards the airport with Alec, Jasper, and Emmett following me. Selena was strangely agitated with me when I told her that I had to leave so quickly. She wanted to talk, as she put it, and I promised we would get the chance when I got returned. I planned on being back tomorrow, just like I said, so I didn't even bother packing anything. I had a gun, and that was it.

The plane was ready to go when we pulled up, and the whole time I was itching to get myself knee deep in some Volturi blood. I hoped Aro had said goodbye, because both of his sons would be dead within the next twenty-four hours—hopefully, tonight.

"So, how are we going to do this? We bringing them back here or just ending them there?" Emmett asked from next to me on the plane as it took off.

"Why move bodies when you can just finish everything in one place?" I shrugged. "It's easier that way. They won't see us coming, so it won't even be a problem."

"Do you think the four of us can do it alone?" Alec asked.

"Just make sure you're shootin' straight, little kid." Jasper ruffled his hair.

"Where are they, anyway?" He asked.

I pulled out the piece of paper that was in my suit jacket pocket. "A small town right on the border… Saint Francis. Supposedly, they're staying in the house that belonged to Athenadora's parents."

I unfolded the large maps that I had brought with me.

"And he has floor plans? Genius." Emmett clapped his hands together. "Where do you get this stuff from?"

"I have my ways," I replied cryptically.

We got to work and planned the four-man storm of a mansion that was probably crawling with security. Aro had probably beefed the place up, because he knew what was coming. He had approved something that was illegal in my eyes, and I had even told him so. If I wasn't derailed by that damn heart attack, I would have already killed his sons. Alas, I was human and had to rest, but there was no holding back now.

By the time the plane landed in some small ass airport in rural Maine, attack strategies were made, and we all knew how this was going to go. The Cullens were very technical when it came to warfare, and we rarely lost. This was going to be tough, but needed to be done.

"Do we have uniforms?" Alec asked when I handed him a bag from the overhead compartment.

"That's all you need," I answered. "Black jeans, black coat, black shoes, gloves and silencers. We can take them all out if we stay in the shadows."

"We haven't gone covert in years," Jasper replied happily. "This is sweet."

We changed and looked like a bunch of fucking renegade G.I. Joes, but it would work for now. A car was waiting on the tarmac, and it was freezing cold. This stupid state must have forgotten that it was April, because there was a thin layer of white snow on the ground and flurries were getting stuck in my hair.

Emmett took the driver's seat of the black Mercedes that was parked, and we piled in after him.

The sleepy town of Saint Francis was made up of three stoplights and a general store. That was seriously all there was. Surprisingly, the suburbs of the town were filled with large, New England mansions and stone castles. It was a nice looking place to grow up and raise a family, if you were into that type of shit.

"Take this next right," I instructed Emmett.

"When should I kill the engine?" he asked me.

"Keep going until the next street."

Emmett went at a slow speed of twenty as he surveyed the landscape. It was eerily quiet and any movement was suspect for evil. There were mountains on our right, and the Canadian border on our left. We were smack dab in the middle of fucking no-man's-land.

"Cut it," I commanded and the car suddenly went silent. We were parked in a small thicket of trees near the house, and I could already see the security lights that were flooding the dark sky.

"How the hell do people sleep with those things on?" Jasper snapped the magazine of his gun in place.

"There's no one for about a mile in each direction," I said.

"Good, then they won't hear the screams." Emmett cracked his massive sausage fingers.

"Can we not get sloppy? Let's just get in, and take it from there." I laid out the plan.

"I take it you want the two fuckers for yourself?"

"I want Demetri; whoever gets to Felix first can have him."

"And anyone else in the house?"

"We leave no survivors. You know the rules."

"We're so going to hell." Alec got out of the car and shut the door quietly.

We kept our guns low to our sides as we crept through the forest towards the house. Our feet crunched in the snow softly, breaking up the complete silence around us. Emmett kept using stupid hand signals, but no one knew what the hell he was trying to say.

"What is wrong with you?" Jasper whispered. "Are you having a seizure?"

"I'm doing the thing they do on TV."

"That only works if everyone knows what you're saying, jackass."

"Will you two shut up," I snapped.

Our first causality of the night was a large guard, who was patrolling. Alec took him out with a very well placed bullet to the back of the skull, and I caught him before he fell, guiding his body softly to the ground. I threw his large gun over my shoulder, and we kept it moving. The next guy down was a similar security guard that Emmett struck out easily, taking his gun as well.

By the time we reached the front gates of the mansion, we had killed ten guards and amassed a large collection of firearms. This was all done silently and without a single hitch. There was a booth right at the gates, and I busted the door down on a very unsuspecting lookout.

"Open the gates and cut the lights," I pointed my Eagle at his head.

"Who are you?"

"Just open the gates and cut the lights," I repeated.

He fumbled on a switchboard and the large floodlights above shut down. The bulky metal gates started to creak open. I shot the guy before they were done moving, and he slumped in the chair, his blood splattering over the walls.

From there, it was basically a straight walk up the long driveway—under the cover of blackness—to the door.

"Now what?" Alec asked, "Do we just bust in?"

"I don't know." I looked around, examining the surroundings.

Emmett took the lead, putting three holes through the lock, and the wood splintered around the door handle. The silencer on his gun made the shots hushed. He tried to open it, but nothing happened.

"Did you really think that would work?" I spat. "We're wasting time."

"We have to go around back." Jasper started making his way to the side of the house.

The security was tight, and we eventually had to push Alec up the wall of the house. He reached the second floor before he got in. It was really funny to watch him shimmy up the drainpipe, but he was the smallest out of all of us, so he was the only option. He busted out a window, and I was actually surprised that an alarm didn't go off or something. Either Aro was getting careless, or he was setting a trap. I kept my eyes open after that.

It took Alec a couple minutes for him to let us in through the door, but we finally made it.

"No one leaves this house alive besides us," I said lowly in our huddle. We broke and took separate paths through the house.

I climbed the stairs, not caring about anyone else besides my target, and made it to the second floor. The place was huge, and there were so many rooms that I didn't know the best way to logistically check them all. I settled for listening at each door for movement.

I was at the last door on the second floor when I heard the rustling of sheets and a murmur from the other side. Whoever was over there was going to die, regardless of their identity. I banged through and a girl squealed, pulling a sheet over her chest. Another girl was lying naked at the foot of the bed. Felix popped up, surprised and caught off guard.

I fired precisely at one of the girls, my bullets tearing the pillow to shreds. When she fell off of the bed, I went onto the other girl, putting two bullets right in between her terrified eyes.

Felix was reaching for the gun on the nightstand but was too slow. I decided to get theatrical and switched to a semi-automatic, spraying a round of bullets in a lateral motion. There was a lot of flashing from the firing, but barely any noise from the silencer that was muffling the gun.

I saw Felix's body flail around on the bed as he became Swiss cheese, and his blood stained the pristine sheets red. When I was satisfied, I stopped my firing. There were goose feathers flying everywhere, and the smell of fresh death was overpowering. The girls were respectfully dead, only having a couple of holes in them, but Felix was demolished; torn to pieces.

I tried to stop the grin that sneaked onto my lips, but I couldn't. I left the room, shutting the door behind me and continued on my trek through the house.

I went upstairs to the next floor where I found Emmett strangling the hell out of a guard, who was almost his size. He easily outdid him, though, and dropped the lifeless body to the floor.

"This is a lot of work. I hope you're pleased," Emmett groaned.

"Felix is finished."

"Shit. I wanted that bastard."

"I was the first one to find him." I shrugged.

"And you get Demetri? It's like Christmas for you."

"Yeah, well next time Rosalie has a family of gang members after her, you can take the reigns."

"Dickwads, Demetri is waiting." Jasper flew past us into a room down the hall. Emmett and I followed behind him.

Demetri had his hands in the air, still in bed and Alec had a gun pointed at the fucker's chest. Alec had a broken nose that was bleeding, but Demetri looked like a piece of raw meat. His face was torn up.

"Where's my brother?" he asked with a rough voice.

"Your brother is dead." I flipped on the lights of the room. Furniture was overturned and mirrors were smashed like a real rumble had just gone down.

"You're lying."

"I don't know how long you expected to hide out here, but was it all worth it?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You terrorized her." I crossed the room and knocked him in the face with the butt of my gun. There was a loud crack, and he doubled over in pain. "You put her through hell, all for your sick game." I picked his head up so he could see how angry I was.

"Your Selena was an easy target, and we still didn't get what we needed out of her. Do you really think you can protect her from everyone? I might not be the only one who-"

He didn't have time to say anything else, because I put the barrel of my gun under his chin and blew his fucking head off.

I had to wipe his blood off of my face. My breathing was harsh, and I really wanted to make Demetri suffer, but even his voice was enough to make me cringe. I couldn't stand him being alive any longer.

"Everyone down in about an hour." Emmett checked his watch. "That must be some kind of fucking record."

I was still angry for some reason and didn't speak to any of them as I stomped out of the room. Now that the house was empty, we basically walked out of the front door and didn't bother looking over our shoulders.

Emmett, Jasper, and Alec were talking, reliving our impressive massacre, while I calmed down. I wanted to call Selena and tell her it was safe now. She didn't have to worry anymore. While we walked back to the car, I checked my phone and noticed that I already had several messages from her.

I put the phone to my ear and checked the first one.

"Uh, Justin, this is Selena. Well, you probably already know that. I shouldn't be calling you because I know you're really busy doing… whatever, but I just… never mind."

There were about ten more messages that were almost identical. Her voice was shaky and stressed. I didn't know what was going on, but I didn't like it. I should have felt elated at the fact that a major threat was eradicated, but I sensed a larger threat at home for some reason.

After I finished listening to them all, trying to read between the lines only to come up short, I shoved the phone in my pocket and joined my brothers in the car.

"I have to get home. Now."

[moodymonkee]

Shampoo

I’ve been out of shampoo for nearly a week. 

But even the thought of going to get more is exhausting. 

So I’ve been using body wash on my hair instead. 

One would think that, since both the body wash and the shampoo are entirely natural, made by the same brand, and have most of the same ingredients, there wouldn’t really be any difference when using body wash as shampoo. 

But there is a difference, apparently. My hair is all greasy now. 

My hair has always been something of a personal trademark. It gets me noticed. People remember me because of it. It’s the one thing about myself that has never made me feel self-conscious.

Even so, I can’t muster up the energy to leave the house, let alone the trek to the store.

Intellectually, I am fully aware that I should go outside every day and spend time in the sun. I know it helps me to feel better, even if I don’t actually go anywhere. I have a nice patio and the weather is usually mild. So there really isn’t any excuse not to give myself a dose of 30 minutes of sunlight a day. 

Despite this knowledge, I spend a lot of the day doing the laundry I haven’t felt up to doing just to avoid the errand - which will also include the replenishment of toothpaste, deodorant, and Coke Zero Sugar.  

Ultimately the remnants of my vanity general disgust with myself overcome the feeling that I’m being ordered out on reconnaissance in a war zone. I throw on something from the pile of clean “stall tactic” laundry and pull a beanie onto my head. 

I pull out of the driveway feeling like my body isn’t really touching anything inside my car. Like I’m just sort of hovering over the seat and the steering wheel. Like a virtual reality game. Or a ghost.

I am only going a mile down the road, but it feels like I am in a foreign country. 

The signs held up by the homeless people at the intersection look like they’re written in another language. The light changes before I comprehend that they say “anything helps”. 

The other cars on the road seem to all be revving their engines and blasting their music. Is it always like this and I just never noticed?

I pull into the parking lot, as do about 15 other cars. I’ve forgotten it’s Christmastime. 

There are people all around my car, some pushing carts full of shopping, small children in tow. Others with phones to their ears as they walk toward the store. People are loading and unloading their own cars with packages and passengers. 

I finally find an open spot that I think will be easy for me to remember. Several generations pile out of the car next to me, even though it looks far too small carry everyone comfortably. 

My brain flashes automatically to the scene from Arrested Development where Tobias tells Maeby to sit on George Michael’s lap.

I head toward the store entrance trying to make a mental note of my point of view of my environment as I do so in case I can’t find my car when I come out.

Immediately outside the store entrance is a cacophony of activity. I feel like I’m moving in slow motion while all around me everyone else scurries and hurries and rushes past. The noise is dizzying.

Bell ringers from the Salvation Army seem to be competing for who can be the most annoying. There are people with folding tables displaying either bird houses or gingerbread houses. I honestly can’t tell which. Other people are waiting in their vehicles for appliances and other paid-for merchandise to be brought to them by store employees, which only adds to the traffic searching for parking spots.

All the carts are stuck together, but I manage to finally wrest one apart with my wet noodle arms. I know the store well enough to know where I need to go to get through this mission quickly and efficiently. But I can’t move anywhere near as fast as I want to. I just want to get my stuff and get out. But I feel like I am underwater. Or in a dream.

Why am I doing this to myself?

Inside the store proper the chaos only gets worse. 

A twangy, country music version of some holiday tune or other blasts through the PA system, interrupted every three minutes or so by an employee calling out for assistance. 

There is a pervasive stench of cigarette smoke coming in from outside.  

Small children full-on scream as they chase each other through the aisles or fight over who gets to sit in the cart.  

Dogs on leashes trot behind carts. Not service dogs. Just dogs of people who think they’re above the law or that rules don’t apply to them. 

I am suddenly emotional. 

I miss my border collie, who I had to say goodbye to on Halloween three years ago. He was 14. I miss him every day, but now more than I ever have. He was my rock. I wasn’t ready to have a dog when I rescued him. He was barely a year old, and I still regret that I wasn’t always a good dog parent to him in those early days. I stand there in the aisle silently begging his sweet soul for forgiveness for the thousandth time.

I suddenly realize that I am roasting. It’s hot in here. This only amplifies the things that are already terribly uncomfortable: the noise, the people, the lights, the odors, the people’s odors. 

I feel like I’m going to throw up. 

But I’m here now so let’s get this over with.

I slog my way through to the products I came for. Fortunately, they are all within a couple of aisles of each other. 

Oh, nice. BOGO on toothpaste. I toss my preferred brand of deodorant into the wonky cart hoping it doesn’t draw attention to what I’m now convinced is my own nausea stink. I am sweating and worry that it makes me look like a junkie.

In less than five minutes I have everything I came for. I head toward the checkout. Oh boy...

My only goal right now is to make it to the self-checkout. The safe zone. It’s all the way at the other end of the store from where I am. 

There seem to be queues of people everywhere, but it’s hard to tell what they’re queueing up for, exactly. Apart from the longest one which is for the lone register at the pharmacy. The others are nowhere near any checkout area. 

I see now that they are groups of people rifling through bins of extremely marked-down products like DVDs and phone chargers. And those strange little stocking stuffer items you only ever see at school Christmas bazaars. 

I start to feel claustrophobic. These people are blocking my way no matter which way I go. 

In spite of this, my brain still marvels at the innumerable products Disney unabashedly licenses Star Wars to. I pass shelves and end caps with tippy cups for babies, travel mugs for grown-ups, pajamas for the whole family, and even electric razors. All have some sort of Darth Vader, Storm Trooper, Luke Skywalker, or simply the original Star Wars logo.  

I am grateful that the line for the self-checkout appears to be moving rapidly. But having to stand in one place so close to so many total strangers with metal carts all around me is giving me a mild panic attack. 

I begin stepping quietly back and forth, shifting my weight from my left foot to my right, just to take my mind off of it, fully cognizant of the number of times it has been suggested to me that I am “on the spectrum”. 

Attention diverted, a new wave of nausea hits me, thanks to the fresh cloud of cigarette smoke pouring in from outside mixed with the stale odors emanating from the “hot food” displays right next to the checkout. 

Though it’s probably been less than five minutes, it feels like an hour when it’s finally my turn. I complete my purchase in less than a minute. This earns me a literal thumbs up from the employee overseeing the self-checkout area as I pass her, an older Japanese-American woman with her hair up in what I think used to be called a beehive.

It is comparatively refreshing outside, in spite of the increase in traffic and pedestrians. I feel better immediately. I am even able to make it straight to my car without any confusion. 

The drive home is also far better knowing that I have no further obligations. I pull into the driveway. Relief. I am safe.

I have microwave popcorn for dinner.