#im just mad and everyones talking about it like its so good but its not
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remember when 911 used to include the 118 in each other's personal lives?? the way they would present a central theme and then weave it thru everyone's story was one of the things that really drew me to the show. i love that shit lmao
maddie's pregnancy feels like one of those missed opportunities. its not just that i hate the way the pregnancy was, once again, accidental (i wish theyd made the decision intentional. the surprise at the end of the discussion really cheapened it all) and the way they rushed maddies feelings about it, and didnt show any of her journey to reach the point of being ready for a second pregnancy (fantastic chance for convos w her dispatch coworkers huh)
but remember when chimney would bring his relationship problems to the 118? remember all the kitchen convos they would have? it gives chim a chance to air his (v valid) concerns and his hopes, in a way that opens up the storyline to the other characters too
since they wanna trigger bucks abandonment issues again?? ok then. now hes worried about maddie running again. that she could always just run again. hes always just accepted it in the past when she runs. what is he like when he (thinks he) knows its coming?? would he do anything different now? or would this pregnancy remind him that hes of the age where hes expected to have kids/be planning to have kids? could he spiral about how he feels about that?? (be that he feels like his "biological clock" is ticking or the realisation that he doesnt want to be a father and thats ok? so many options!)
since they wanna make every henren storyline about their kids? heres a chance to have them struggle w the reminder of their own pregnancy difficulties. can personally confirm, u think ur good w that shit until suddenly u get a reminder that no, u are not. during that sl they focused on karens depression and hen just did not get it. how would that be different now? has hen processed the loss by now? does it hurt more now?? and show hen concerned for not just chimney, but also for maddie now too. their relationship has grown so much since maddie first ran away and madneys engagement. give hen concerned for and trying to support chimney AND maddie. show karen trying to be happy for maddie when its hard for her (ough. maddie thinking karen is mad at her for some reason bcos karen has been avoiding her but its bcos karen is struggling w her own feelings about pregnancy and doesnt wanna put that on maddie and ruin her happiness and maddie ends up cornering karen to "fix it" bcos theyre so close now and karen tries so hard to keep it together but she bursts into tears and maddie holds her and htey cry together?? now im tearing up FUCK. the dual power of jlh and tracie thoms crying?? we would never recover) fuck, give us that henchim tension and have hen struggle w jealousy that chimney gets to easily grow his family when she has hurdle after heartbreak after hurdle. have chim mad at hen for being cautious about another pregnancy, for being so negative when she should be happy for him! let their own traumas and fears affect how they communicate! dig into the drama!! on the drama show!! have them fight it out, have them cry it out, have them come out of it better best friends and a closer family pleeease
and eddie!! oh my god, theres so much potential there. eddie struggling to see the happily married husband and wife having a second child. that was what he was "supposed to do". thats what he wanted. thats what was taken from him, by shannons death. by shannons divorce. by his failure to give chris a mum. by his own actions. use that! have him and buck talk about the expectations to be fathers. have eddie talk to maddie about running away bcos u think thats what is best for ur child. have them talk about being parentified. what i would give for eddie and chim to talk about father-son relationships. chimneys father leaving him in another country vs chris being in another state?? delicious. even better if they argue about it, work thru it, make up. they help eddie process his situation better and move him towards repairing his relationship w chris!!
im running out of steam now lmao idk how this would personally impact bathena. probs more that they would both be giving advice/lending an ear. hen (w karen?) talking their troubles out w athena. the 118 going to bobby for advice. espesh eddie, him talking to bobby about fatherhood and daddy issues should be explored, plus bobby AND athena have both lost a spouse! ok now im just pissing myself off, thinking of all the wasted potential here lmao
and hey, maybe the show does intend to dig into these things?? who knows! not us!! not tim i just needed to vent here mostly lmao
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"Him? Oh, you know, he's kind of a loser." - probably everyone except for his younger brother.
Germaine is based on the layer of hell (Dante's Inferno) for material wealth before self, others, and god. So basically very materialistic and possessive of his belongings. Unfortunately, his younger brother qualifies as a belonging in his mind. So he does his absolute best to keep his brother safe and sound and scratch free - which is a bit tough in a post apocalyptic setting but he mostly manages.
Also a fact I just like to mention: he is incapable of lying.
#my characters#germaine wellington#welp guess who watched an anime recently (its not complete) and the dad of the mc made em think of a loserman big brother oc#its me! correct! the dad just reminded me a bit of germaine and i blame appearances mostly but also the dad was kind of a loser (i love him#and germaine does practically raise tremaine which further messes up their absolutely awful codependency#like yeah both brothers would kill for many reasons (survival and resources mainly) but !#if tremaine lost germaine hed probably cry and become incapable of moving on and eventually just dying w no reason to live#but if germaine lost tremaine hed go insane cause no no no thats HIS brother and hed start blaming everyone#and lose all rationale and logic while hes actually one of the most logic based in the group#hes a loser but dont let him lose things or he loses it more#but when hes really mad at tremaine for whatever reason his best friend is like uh huh what are you gonna do about it#and germaine is like........... we both know i will sigh and accept it and probably pat him on the head next i see him#which is incredibly honest and exactly what he does because yeah hes mad but even mad he cannot say#im gonna slap some sense into him because thats a lie he wouldn't hurt his brother#everyone in their group knows he cant lie so when he gets hesitant after being asked something they just know#hes trying to plot the best way to skirt the answer bc its apparently Not Good#he looks angry and annoyed often but its just resting bitch face#he lights up when he sees tremaine and he lightens up a little with his best friend#like lil smiles for his bestie and brother but when talking ABOUT his brother? he lights up and beams because hes so proud#of the coolest and smartest thing in his life (his brother)
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i'm trying to watch a trans guy critique some video game trans rep bc i'm interested in hearing more trans ppl talk about it. but he's very. i'm paraphrasing here but "why would anyone ever in a million years want their rpg character to have top surgery scars. isnt that a constant reminder to you and everyone around you about how you were born" and "you don't work on transitioning. you just need hormone treatment and possibly some--"
#i get that some trans men need to fight themselves and everyone around them to feel ''man enough'' in like a semi toxic masculinity way#but its kinda tiring to hear ngl. im sorry you feel that way and i know not having been born cis sucks and i understand your emotions but d#you have to make them my problem. like idk i feel like my transition DID take work and#personally for me my top surgery scars are a positive reminder of how far ive gotten#when i pay them any attention. which is not very often#man im just existing not analyzing every part of my body at all times#yknow. some ppl sound like they watched a bit too much of a certain youtuber who was rancid about other trans men and talked about stuff li#like how theres a mens and womens way to flip your middle finger and stuff.#sight thats so besides the point#anyways i am open to hearing opinions that differ from mine and i want to do that but some people you just dont vibe with#leevi talks#obvs no hate to this creator btw. he speaks about stuff very well but some little word choices here and there rub me the wrong way#and he has good points so far i am intrigued of what he has to say i just needed a break to bitch so i can continue#edit: no this video isnt even good. like i dont agree with bioware but he sounds like hes just on purpose misunderstanding everything#so he has more stuff to get mad about for his video#is it ragebait
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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adding to my tags because i’ve been thinkin a lot about the post i just reblogged and have more thoughts:
i’ll be real, the more i saw ‘hey adhd influencers are so annoying’ the more i worried that i was unconsciously contributing to the spreading reputation of adhd folks as annoying and over-pathologizing every symptom they experience
and then i realized. i am not a goddam influencer or life coach or representative. obviously i have some obligation as someone who cares about myself and the people that like my comics to not spread harmful ideology or blatant misinformation but i never intended myself to be a “’increase your productivity!!’ blog OR a ‘if you have XYZ you have adhd!’ blog. and i do this for fun, and originally started this blog bc i had a lot of internalized shame and self loathing about my adhd and thought if i could make it funny i might have less of that. let’s get real! and it worked!
i’ve obviously done this kind of thing— (hey these symptoms might be adhd!) a lot before in my life & on this blog, but there’s more to it than trying to be an “influencer” or whatever. a term that didn’t even exist when i started this blog!
i felt very isolated trying to find out if i had any mental problems & what have you originally because of large advice (etc) blogs with staunchly anti self Dx views at the time
so i overcorrected when i DID get dxed and tried to validate everyone who was like me. and of course. not the best course of action always for the ol mental health. tried to be the source of positivity and jokes that i didn’t see because the online adhd presence was near non-existent.
and anyway. i make a lot of fun of myself & the way m brain works in my comics obviously but it is not my obligation to... how do you say.... not be annoying online.
because if folks interpret MY little jokes as a strict guide to diagnosis. that’s on them, really, not me. i also believe “making adhd your entire personality” is a non-issue. so what if people find out they have it and get over excited with identifying as adhd. saying this as someone who DID do it. criticism of this gives the same vibes as people being annoyed that young queers make “being queer” their whole personality. im very obviously more than a guy with adhd, and id reckon other adhd comic artists are too. (im friends with a lot of them!) it’s fine to post about it online.
anyway. i just don’t take myself too seriously and i’m a comic artist for myself first! and you know what, i’ve been considered annoying my entire life. what do i care if a few more folks think i’m annoying. neurotypical or not
#i think the article did have some good points especially on the capitalism and marketing angle but i oft think it did venture into#being mad at individual folks who post jokes about adhd. which is literally fine thats what an opinion piece is for lol#i am just very tired of people pretending that a lot of reaction to online adhders is not in itself just an extension of the ableism#we already were facing#'adhd people are so annoying everyone does this youre pathologizing everything' ok and how exactly are you helping.#i hesitate to throw my hat in with hating on adhd tiktok because i am simply not on tiktok and have no way to back up my thoughts#that they may be annoying and oversimplifying a complex disorder on the 'drains your attention span' website.#and i think perhaps the value of each adhd resource varies widely depending on who made it and what theyre even posting.#sometimes its a joke made by a person with adhd. sometimes its sourced and cited research. sometimes its someone discussing their personal#experiences in depth. sometimes its someone talking completely out of their ass. sometimes its THINLY veiled ableism.#its up to the individual to research and determine the value of the memes and resources you seek#anyway. perhaps these points are tough to clarify on sites like insta and twitter. bless.#text#adhd#im punk now#oh and yeah i also agree lots of folks do not talk about the unsavory parts of adhd but rather the funnies and the sillies. but that is#once again a larger capitalism and marketing and ableism problem#r we not talking about them because we are actively trying to infantalize this disorder or is it because we collectively experience a lot#of internalized ableism and hesitate to talk about our worst symptoms for fear of the backlash#weve always gotten about them 🤔🤔🤔#much to consider#if youve read this far sorry for tangent number 56 about this. but also start being more unapologetic about your disorders. fuck it!#<3
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I haven't posted in a long time.
My anxiety and depression have backslid a lot in the last year. My social anxiety and agoraphobia are particularly out of control.
I have fallen out of producing fandom content, frankly because I have been too afraid to. Fandoms have become a lot more charged than they were when I was younger. I keep trying to get into new fandoms that I hope are less problematic only to stumble across the same patterns, up to and including someone being harassed and told to 'kys' repeatedly over fandom drama to the point of ending their own life.
But being isolated is hard. I haven't stopped making content I just... Stopped sharing it. I don't really know what to do, or if any followers I have here are even still active. I got back into JoJo's and expected most of the discourse to be more 'gay vs not gay' type stuff but some parts are... Really, *really* bad. Worse even than KH. And inconsistent! Censoring myself to fit some fear mongering anti's agenda seems like an anathema, so I just haven't posted anything, even the stuff I have I know isn't problematic.
To me the 'right' thing to do would be to post anyway and stand up for a censorship free Internet and community, but I'm afraid that, especially right now, I just don't have the resilience.
I guess I'm asking people more in touch with a 2024 Tumblr what they think. If it's even worth it. What tools there are. I've spent half the day blocking hate in a tag and trying not to panic about it. As an actual abuse survivor, seeing some of these accusations fly over such inane things is just... Disheartening. Especially knowing my abusers will never be prosecuted, but I'm getting accused of those crimes by trying to cope through artistic expression.
Also if there is anyone interested in some of the 'problematic' ships I've tagged, please give me a ring. I might try finishing and posting some stuff after all of it will actually make people happy. But after seeing witch hunt posts calling for people to haze or blacklist certain crators? It's just... Really scary.
But I'm so tired of being alone.
#eljin has an existential crisis#giomis#brugio#brupro#fandom discourse didnt use to be this scary#remember when the standard for being upset at fandom behaviour was literally physically assaulting someone with a bucket at a con?#i miss 2012#guess i should add diadop and risodop and risopro#because it seems like even just liking squadra can get you antagonized?#back in my day jodio was just normal shit it wasnt controversial at all what happened with that?#i just like a good mudad au...#were mad at brugio but dont talk about gyjo being a bigger gap like i love gyjo dont cancel it but im also confused at the inconsistency?#everyone should go yt seach 'its okay to not like things'#please just... be kind to each other. im begging you. im so tired.
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Hands of hips looking down shaking my head I don't know how to sugarcoat this so I won't but signs is so much better than nope. I don't know how people even say the movie aged bad. I think the feelings they have for the director cloud their view (I don't even know how either of his names). You got a 1:30hs movie vs a 2hs movie (I'm cutting the 10 minutes of credit for both) where in one you are never bored and are gripped by emotions and the other where you sit waiting for anything to happen. Like I'm sorry but there's no fight here. Hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby.
#luly talks#like i never questioned a thing ppl did during i got dizzy#holy fuck#um. fuck was i saying thst was a lot um#ah yeah. no aside from jupe everyone else is weak as fuck in nope writing wise. when angel was almodt getting killed i was there like 😐#while i went thru a whole back and froth w Merrill from hating to loving him#signs has a lot of soul. AND A SOLID FUCKING MESSAGE. UNLIKE SOMEONEEE TELLING YOU TO KILL ONE OF A KID NON INVASIVE SPECIES#I'M SO MAD ABOUT WHAT THEY DID TO MY GIRL#AT LEAST THE ONE ALIEN THEY KILLED IN SIGNS WAS LIKE. *ONE*.#the rest of his kind just fucked off and also he was a PETTY ASSHOLE#so you know it's justified. bc whah they did in nope wasn't#im so mad i dont wanna be mad i wanna be happy thinking of a family who is shown to deeply love each other#nope wishes.#also the later has nothing scary at all like. it's a bit uncomfortable but 2002 alien man had me jumping in place screaming man.#saw a shadow outside its the fucking birthday alien coming to. touch my neck with his fingers or something.#last time this happened was when i watched the first evil desf#and before that it was the second coming#thah one fucked me up good#the bigger public is just wrong about horror movies but i get it. i get it like no one gets it.
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one last thing, speaking of being glad ford doesn't make fun of people all the time: in dun.geon m.eshi I spent the last 11 episodes like "god if I was in his laios's place I would not be that patient with the people around me constantly booing me and joking about me being crazy and dumb and weird. I wouldn't *leave* considering the stakes but I would be having a bad time"
#trying to stop this from randomly being in the shows tags lol#recently ive been like 'thank god there is someone else here who gets what he means and is on his wavelength now'#I know sen.shi has been mostly on his wavelength but only specifically when it comes to monsters and cooking#like to be clear ive been really liking the show so far#I just always always see these kinds of autistic characters have to let all the little insults and digs at them roll off their backs#i dont think they should change laios's character. it makes sense for his character and hes great. im just talking about Broad Trends#i do think ford not putting up with that kind of shit is one of the things that makes him matter so much to me#character who refuses to put up with All That. and is also allowed to be one of the good guys and have a happy ending? usually unheard of#for laios's show its like. yeah the different reactions to needing to get food from monsters is a really good way of establishing conflict#-across a variety of situations. and if everyone was hype about it then it would be a weaker narrative#and if he was mad about their digs at him then that would change the focus of the story#i just want more stories where characters are allowed to be like ford
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transfem kon proposal could have been good if was good
#it was not. good#and i know theres a lot of transphobic assholes happy we didnt get it bc of that#but pretending that everyone who criticizes it is doing so only bc they cant handle kon being a trans woman. is just.#you cant see past the blind want for representation#again i would kill for canon transfem kon but everything about that idea was bad#and her characterization of kon was horrid and so clearly based on yj tv show#remember how when her first bit of kon writing came out and everyone was mad about it bc it was Bad and put him in a relationship with mgan#who he. never spoke to in comics before but suddenly theyre in an established relationship#and it was all around not good kon writing. but then the proposal came out and suddenly everyone is oh we were robbed..#as if anything about it was good except for the general idea of making kon a trans woman#also im sorry but i saw her replies on twt where she was saying being trans is about burning your past and leaving everything behind#or whatever. as if being trans is the same for all of us. and as if it makes sense for kon who isnt in a bad situation re family?#but of course it would seem that way if youre coming from yj tv show. where most of the clark and kon misconception comes from afaik#and her whole issue with conner and kon as his names? bc they were given to him by another person??#i know that we like. if we were to get trans woman kon. it would have to go with changing her name and everything#bc u know dc cant conceptualize any more complex trans person than someone who instantly changes their name and fully transitions in a sec#but the way she talked about the name issue as if its bad that clark named kon. as if he wasnt so overjoyed at getting that name.#'he said not to call him superboy and we kept calling him superboy!' girl he said that bc he wanted to be superman. of all the many ways#u can find trans allegory in kons story. that single line aint it#so sorry but every time im reminded of this i get so sad and disappointed u took the best concept and fucked it up so bad#and now all people think of when trans kon is mentioned is fucking sk*******#its so over (its not bc im about to forget about it again and ignore its existence)#txt#im sorry for being a bitch again but did u read that. thats not the kon we know. dont tell me thats the point bc its about transitioning bc#u do not become a whole other person when u realize youre trans#and sorry but i do think itd be nice to have trans kon without just turning him into a (new) oc
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most fucked up thing at my new job is there's only zero calorie sweeteners at the coffee station in the break room. three different kinds of zero calorie sweetener but no regular sugar because the assumption is that literally everyone is on a diet?
#is this because its a job dominated by women in particular??? idk#that's so weird#like sorry i can taste the difference and i prefer naturally occurring sugar from nature how is that not even an option#drinking nasty bitter af coffee bc i am So Sleepy but i refuse to use artificial sweeteners#they Do taste different and they're not even good for you im not doing that lol#also they got mad at me for telling one of the parents that we took one of the kids temperature and it was 99 and he threw up a little#when his dad came to get him yesterday and all of the other teachers were nowhere to be found#they were like tou shouldnhave had colleen do that#ma'am colleen went home before that and so did you#i should have left already too but waited bc the ratio on the playground was bad#anyway i did NOT say he had a fever i said it was 99 and to talk to the teacher inside#but the dad didnt yalk to her clearly then went home and scared the mom that he had a fever and threw up so she texted my boss freaking out#i literally just said he threw up a little and we took his temperature and it was 99 and to talk to the other teacher#which was all true and there was no one else there to tell him#anyway#apparently the person who had my job before me was a wacko who scared the parents with fake medical information or something#but that is not my fault and nobody told me that or not to tell the parents anything medical until this morning#ugh#also my supervisor is kind of a weirdo#she wanted to show everyone ~cute~ pictures of animals she has killed while hunting???#and i said i didnt want to see#and she was like ~oh it's not dead yet in the picture~#like okay but its dead now???#she traps them first so its a cute little fox in a trap about to be killed 😭#like wtfff#i know trappong predators is a reality but why take pictures like ohhh so cute then kill it#THEN show everyone the cute pictures like yeah isnt he adorable i killed him btw <3#huh??????#she has a bobcat tail on her keychain too she was giving it to the teachers and kids to pet like ohhh its so soft <3
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"why are people mad about AI being pushed on them when they SHOULD be mad about all the privacy erosion??"
1) plenty of us bitches are mad and annoyed about both, actually.
2) the privacy erosion has become the normalized state of existence for the average person for the last 10 fucking years at least, its snuck in, they disguise it as Convenient Features to Help You Shop Better, and thats IF they bother telling you theyre doing it, instead of just opting all your shit in without asking, its so fucking normalized that yeah, a lot of people do not bother to question it, they just sigh in resignation and go, yeah, i guess, do i even have other options? and they do, but theyre an investment of learning and time you dont have capacity for at the moment, or maybe you do but you feel like you dont bc it feels like a bigger hurdle than it is, and computer stuff is already kind of intimidating, cos man, what if you hit the wrong thing and brick your expensive ass machine? easier to just let it data harvest, you guess, it cant be THAT bad, can it? plenty of people live like this, put up with this, seek this out, its easier not to resist the privacy erosion. fucking whatever, i guess. yeah, i guess twitter i mean X, or walmart, or facebook, can just have all of my contact info and my phone number and my birthday and phone contacts and bank information and fuck it, give them my ssn while im at it. less effort later. this is just how tech has been for the last 10 yrs. no one can effectively get rage clicks on this topic anymore bc we all fucking know. it sucks and we know. what do you want me to fucking do about it? i have other shit to deal with more urgently. etc
3)
you cant turn anything on or log onto anything or go anywhere without hearing about whatever new shit theyre throwing AI at for no real reason, no one will fucking Shut Up about AI, and its Annoying, man
#toy txt post#toy pic post#image id in alt text#im so fucking Tired of hearing about it and in applications that make no sense cos they made the thing and are now trying to justify its#existence and cost instead of like. creating it to actually meet a need.#im annoyed at both of these things everytime i turn on the god damn computer#i keep getting texts about upgrading my phone to get one of the new AI models. man. i dont want that#i dont want it bc theyre as invasive as ever and the ai shit is stupid and i dont want it#AND YES. THERE ARE GOOD AND USEFUL AND DECENT APPLICATIONS AND USES FOR AI. I KNOW. ITS NOT ALL BAD#BUT MOST OF THE FUCKING CHATTER ABOUT IT IS ANNOYING AND THE INTERNET IS AS FILLED AS EVER WITH MEANINGLESS BULLSHIT#WHETHER IT BE AI GENERATED OR JUST TALKING ABOUT THEIR NEW BULLSHIT GENERATOR 3000. PLEASE DOWNLOAD#TO JUSTIFY THE VENTURE CAPITAL#man ppl are tired of it all. we want to opt out of it all#and some dont even want to bother.#and then theres ppl like my mom who no. i cant convince her the privacy erosion is a problem bc on an individual level she doesnt care#but i could convince her hopefully to be wary of 'answers' from ai and that they generate slop and if anyone asks you for money for ai shit#lmao Dont. okay#and at this point ill take that as a wij#win#and honestly the privacy erosion at this point. needs. legislative shit. legislative shit that isnt just 'oh the companies were data#harvesting teens? well if the companies stop giving that info to advertisers and instead give it to Their Parents. and also give them full#control of their accounts and everything the kids see. well that fixes it. no. god#its a big stupid messy problem that is gonna suck to fix and so far anyone who talks about fixing it on a mass scale is a fucking hack#who is fear mongering to exert more control over kids man it all sucks so bad. and it sucks more cos it doesnt Have To#it Could be good! computers could be good again. the answer is not necessarily everyone download linux bc thats not going to happen#maybe more ppl should and that would be good for us. yes. like idk teach it in school or some shit. but that cant be the only thing you do#windows and Microsoft and apple should not be retroactively fucking up the products they have monopolized into everyones homes & businesses#they should not be ABLE to do this. idkeverything sucks and is stupid and that sucks and is stupid and you all are complaining about dumb#rubes getting mad at the wrong thing and falling for ai fear mongering instead of being like. why are the bitches who are turning every god#damn computer into inherent spyware also shotgunning money into ai amd articles hyping up about ai
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is it autism or is it a symptom of previous longterm social isolation and lack of agency ?
#i think. im not good at being a person.#ive finally gotten some alone time and i am reflecting. and well.#i dont think you can make me socially aware ^-^ i dont think i'll ever get good at it.#i donknow why ^-^👍 and i dont think it matters 👍#i think hes getting tired of me alreadyyyy......#and i think. lots of other ppl . dont see me wout him already also.#ive managed this already... impressive ^-^#but the japanese international girls like me so !!! it doesnt matter !!! i have. two nice friends. and 1 intimidating friend.#i will not get bullied or made fun of or be in ungetoutable bad situations bc of. mafia friend.#and then i will recharge and be silly around. nice friends.#i think the fact that im actively thinking about this. doesnt do anything for my case.#i think. im getting masking lessons. when i hang out w him. if it really is the autism. and im failing a little bit.#he thinks ive got anxiety. 💭💭 psych major ass. sorry. my roommates also psych major. why are they. talkers.#theyre scawy.#they both got adhd too. whats with that#anyway.#i want to get a haircut.#and hes like. well. hes literally 4 real a model. and his mom was a model. and all his friends were. guess what. models.#so. scary. so i will go to a shitty salon w a nice normal level of social skill friend and then not say anything i think.#i love yapping on here this is awesome. i can just say anytging.#non u know me in real life#how did i end up making friends w the most 'popular guy' guy in the world this is so stressful.#everyone likes him. there are ppl who only talk to me to get an idea of where he might be at. what happened.#howd i go from friendless loser to. loser but in a completely different friend environment. friends w guy who is too good at making friends#but chooses to hang out w me ? does he choose to do that. is it all coincidence?#how did i get here. it really doesnt feel real#i want. to . explode.#yknow i never even really talked to boys before this also. wtf. wtf..#i have only been saying nice things so far i think but i think its important to know that he. scares me. hes so from bc.#i have always been scared of island ppl theyre. all so mad always. and guess what he is too. and yet here i am.
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻��#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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i get so wrapped up in my head and overthink everything until it wraps right back around to berhaps not overthinking and is actually plausible yaaayyy its ok
#like idk but the tone shift at work today was so. like i cant really take that any other way sorry#either theyre mad or annoyed with me. even the girk that came in just before i left seemed different when i said bye to her#and she had been talking with the person i opened with who was unusually quiet from the get go#like its either im about to get fired or im just not generally liked where i am and am at best an inconvenience to everyone officially -_-#which is annoying at best and scary at worst considering i NEED a paycheck dude#ive never been fired before but theres a first for everything right#and honestly i just really dont think im ever going to fit in here socially or work wise#like my very best is still nowhere near good enough soooooo. 👍 cool#agh.
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Ok but Jiro splurging and getting Ichi a little pocket guide to local bugs ;o; He’d carry it everywhere as a kid and it’d get so bent and dirty but he learns so much. Bringing home bugs to his dad in his lil wire bug trap and rattling off bug facts while some of the girls are screaming for him to take it outside (cute lil Ichi being the one who handles bugs for some of the girls at Shangri-La who are afraid of them)
I’m sorry I dunno why I’m so obsessed with little bug guy Ichiban. Imagine him being young and watching caterpillars grow in class okay ;o; angel!!
oh so we're all on board with Bug Lover Ichi then maybe democracy does exist
#snap chats#i leave for a walk and casually comment 'ichi should be a bug wizz' and#pun intended#here come a swarm of asks 😩#i do very much like the idea that jiro gets ichi a bug book for his birthday one year.......... thats so cute i love that...#he bringing that shit everywhere with him i prommy it always gonna be tucked away in his lettermen 😭#and ichi being the Local Bug Remover....... bless his heart... everyone mad at the roaches but hes just :( ? Theyre Friends :)#jewel beetles are MAD pretty i LOVE EM im sure ichi'd love em too..#and I Too consider nancy a sea bug of sorts... its only fitting its only right..#how the fuck a cicada molt in your car tho ☠️☠️ LMAO good luck for things to come i guess#also in review i think i found a cicada /carcass/ instead of a shell- VEEEERY different#considering cicadas often represent rebirth and change and growth... that doesnt tell me good things about my future..#but thats just superstition right :) r :) right <:)#speaking of superstition the moo is Full And Yellow tonight like an expensive wheel of cheese#and tbh as pretty as they are full moons worry me: people can get weird during that time and my mom is no exception#coupled with the fact then when i got home my bro told me my sis- who was supposed to be home today- was sick#veryyyy bad omens ahead for me.....#in any case... i watched the deer king and WMA2 today :)#unrelared to Everything I Just Said LMAO BUT HEY MIGHT AS WELL REPORT IT#LOVED EM but i dont have the tags to talk about them both extensively... just know yall should give em a watch...#or at least Deer King.. that one's much easier to find with subs.... (but WMA2 is def worth the trouble)#ok bye i have work to do i got Another client during my walk ☠️☠️
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stream of consciousness type deal.
#people's experiences of you will be so drastically different from what you're like when relaxing/unmasking at home and they'll be shocked#when you live together and you thought you let them see what you were like normally except most of the time theyve seen you at home its an#Occassion™ so ofc im gonna be alert and jumping around and talkative bc theres a lot happening and im really happy theyre there#and i can be still. but once they see me day after day exhausted and overstimulated its different bc i am different#i dont feel like i am but i am#and if they dont believe when you explain whats happening then shit hits the fan#for a while i did not understand why they were getting so mad at me at dinner#the other people there understand how i can be foggy or overstimulated and just need to eat and im happy to be there i just need to not look#at anyone or say much and im dizzy from working all day. i need to mash for a bit all ill be good. theyve been generous to take me as honest#when i tell them what im doing.#but a person who is not used to seeing me that way will start thinking im rolling my eyes at whats being said when im actually staring into#space or trying to refocus or trying to get my body to stay in itself instead of drifting off and they think im quietly judging and ik like#im so sorry but fr im not even listening to the group conversation and im not thinking anything negative about you im just gathering my body#i SWEAR. also its agreed that i take part in a group meal instead of isolating with my food bc i need to eat right now too#now that ive stopped working and im going to go back to working after this meal so. this is what i have to do. it is understood and you're#somewhat new to being here on a daily basis but I'm serious i just have to do this and im not being shady im just Something™#(aka exhausted/overstimulated/neurodivergent.) but when i get up with the gathered dishes without making eye contact im automatically angry#and im judgemental and manipulative and trying to control everyone's mood by making my problems everyone's problems with my sighing and eye#rolling. im like. again im not rolling my eyes im trying to focus my eyes. and im not sighing at whats being said im letting out the breath#i realized ive been holding bc im holding myself back from an anxiety rollercoaster drop bc im very overstimulated rn and i was asked to be#here to share meals and deal with it in front of everyone and you arent understanding that id be doing the same thing in private#nothing's WRONG im just OVERSTIMULATED RN and im pulling my body back and im not thinking anything about ANYONE in this room but im starting#to NOW bc you keep assigning meaning where ive told you repeatedly theres none and i get why you're interpreting it this way but i promise#thats not what im doing and your reasons for why im doing it are not accurate.
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