#but i know some ppl have it harder than me obviously so thats my motivation for not feeling like its the end yet

[oddvanilla]

When you stay on your phone to distract yourself from being upset but it actually makes you even more mad lmao

[kendev]

⋆｡°✩ dev log 03 ✩°｡⋆

updates and general rambling under the cut!-

ok. havent updated in a bit but talking to myself. yeah. im very good at that. reminder that there's no rush to progress and things take time first of all Carly!

but anyways. first!) i've gotten a lot more character designs and motivations fleshed out but i can admit some routes definitely have a bit more poored into them than others atm and thats something im trying to fix. not force. just... add a lil something more yknow. bcuz there ARE many pieces of media like that where you can tell that a creator just had more care for one thing than the other and I dont at any point want to come across that way bcuz i do genuinely love all these characters, and I think they each deserve to be enjoyed and loved by someone that isnt just me! so I want other ppl to feel the love as well through ALL routes! not just a "Oh you can tell these handful of characters are the creators faves" So essentially not favoring certain kids over others like good parents would lol

secondly) I've started properly separating routes in different documents... lol. I'll be honest I had EVERYTHING. and i mean EVERYTHING all stored in one document. Names, notes on things, character bgs, clothing inspo AND the actual routes all on one big document. at some point i was like ok there needs to be some separation here. OBVIOUSLY. so I did that, and now i'll be able to actually say like "Oh Reapers Route is now currently at _thousand words making good progress there :)"

but yeah. theyre separated by:- -a document just for writing tips/advice/things to remember -a document just for character profiles (what they like, family bg, info like that etc etc.) -a document just for route plans. like an outline ig. briefly with notes like ok I want X character to have X arc, and X happens and progresses enough until they get to X -separate routes for each character in a diff document -and then just a main document to fall back on and compare notes or there's a few extra things there. like for example, im still not sure on some names. In this doc there's a section just for me to look at a long list of names i've saved to mull on later. :)

it's kind of still. a lot. but ideally more organize,, for me at least

third) lost contact with that one project manager i'd gotten </3 I still have their info yeah but ig due to the fact that there's not much I've given them info wise theyve left me to my own devices (which makes sense(?). but thats fine. I may reach out again when things are a little more fleshed out i suppose. I definitely do run off of compliments and people expectations unfortunately, so having ppl interested and asking things is what keeps me working. im not as much of a 'do it yourself for yourself satisfaction person anymore, I need outside sources to drive me so that I can feel like I'm actually leaving a proper mark on something

WHICH. I know is not good, but that's been my process while working on the game and most things. -I share a little tidbit (but not too much with friends or mutuals. -They express interest or tell me abt which characters they feel drawn too -I feel good and want to keep working harder! its like that and lastly) concerning things going on with the relationship between creators and other ppls entitlement to their OCs (which i will not name directly), that is something ive talked abt in depth in private but I would like to at least put this down somewhere one day in case anyone finds it. Please do not treat my OCs like they are yours. its much different as a small indie creator to have characters than to claim a character from a big company game or series is your OC. I'd feel so bad if people overlooked what I say and cross boundaries

[marshmallowprotection]

i fell asleep lmao but im still mad so

lately i've been working on this united nations model that my school has every year for those in high school, and since last year we were virtual this is my first time ever participating and im like, expected to work with ppl who are both older than me and who've done this before and that uh scares the shit out of me, i hate this project with a burning passion and would rather fall from a window and be hospitalized for six months than participate but unfortunately my windows have iron bars so i can't jump from it and have to do it. as if that wasn't bad enough when the project was first announced my name didn't appear on the list so i couldn't know what i had to do and even now i have no way of communicating with my "president" or get any feedback from him. very fun. but i've been doing my best and although i've procastinated a bit i still turn everything in in time and according to my teacher i've done an excellent work and only have to fix one thing. this one thing has been breaking my brain bc i have no idea of how to fix it and im supposed to turn it in this monday. my mom has been helping me with the project and for some reason decided to become my agenda and tell me when im supposed to do everything without even bothering to ask my opinion. this naturally means that she expects me to be working every single day and gets mad when i take a break. yesterday i spent hours trying to fix that thing but couldn't find what i was supposed to put instead and i got kinda stuck and that was beginning to make me cry so i decided to stop for the day and try again today.

and what did my mom do? she told me that i couldn't use my ipad anymore for an indefinite amount of time bc "it was distracting me and making me act stupid" 🧍‍♀️ she also gave me the ever-so-reassuring "you've done this multiple times before" bs that pisses me off more than anything bc this feels very obviously much more serious and is far more complicated than any other investigation project i've ever done and sjshxjahdsjnxsn i can't stand her and her stupid ass help that doesn't help in the slightest

so yeah 👍 thats the drama this time. sorry if it doesn't make any sense im not rlly thinking rn

Yeah, I'm sorry to say this but your mother isn't doing the right job in this situation. Taking away things from your child doesn't make them work harder. It just stresses you out and makes you feel like you're in the middle of a disaster zone. You deserve to have free time, even if you're supposed to be working hard. You can't be working all day all the time. You'd suffer from burnout and make yourself exhausted and sick to your stomach. That's not going to make you a better student. That's going to frustrate you. She's not helping. She needs to learn that this isn't how you motivate your children.

As far as your assignment goes, it's my best advice that you talk to someone else on the team. If you can't talk to them, talk one more time to your teacher. It doesn't mean you're stupid if you ask more questions. It means that you're able to understand what you need to do. If that fails, Google is always a Godsend. Don't be afraid of trying something new for the first time this way, it will be okay. You just need to break down your tasks into parts and do that one by one. Don't listen to your mother about how to do your work, you know what goes best. Just ensure that she thinks you're listening to her so she doesn't do worse again.