#im just coping babey!!

[angeltannis]

5 years in healthcare

[shalomniscient]

i promise i’m working on the rahu fic but HEAR ME OUT: YUKONG X READER PACIFIC RIM AU

jaded ex-ace pilot yukong who lost her drift partner, caiyi, and has never set foot in a jaeger since. she’s content to live out her days of retirement until an abomination (kaiju) wrecks her neighbourhood, an attack in which she barely escapes alive alongside her daughter. some friends of her aren’t as lucky. the kaiju destroys two other jaegers before it’s finally put down by a jaeger barely clinging to life. they name the kaiju calamitas, for the calamity it inflicted. it is fitting.

the situation is terrible. bad enough, that the general of the defense corps comes to see her personally. general jing yuan bows to her on his knees, and begs for her return. she wants to say no—how could she ever drift with anyone else—but in the end, her weakness is her daughter. in that moment of righteous fury, qingni looked like the stunning image of her mother.

so she goes. she follows jing yuan in his helicopter as they make their way to the base. it has hardly changed over the years, a dome made of iron and steel, sweat and blood. there are ghosts in every corner here, nestled so closely amongst the living they are almost indistinguishable. a part of her naively hopes that she might turn a corridor and see a familiar head of brown hair and ears.

they go through many candidates. from rookies to seasoned pilots, no one could drift alongside the former ace. the words are on the tip of her tongue—i told you so. but jing yuan gives her a placating smile, and says, just one more.

the candidate who walks in is you. you’re young, maybe qingni’s age, but there’s a hauntedness in your eyes that yukong understands.

jing yuan does the honours of listing your accomplishments. five confirmed kills, and two assists. not bad, for someone as young as you. but then, he mentions what yukong had already guessed.

it was you, that day, who took down calamitas. you, in that half-broken jaeger, your partner dead in their seat, but still connected to you within the drift. you, who piloted a jaeger on your own to deliver the final killing blow. yukong comes to respect you as much as she mourns your loss.

as you strap into the drift chair, she can’t help but wonder. was this jing yuan’s grand strategy this time? to put two pilots who had lost their partners together, so that they could bond in their grief? drift in it? yukong almost wants to laugh—but she doesn’t.

not when less than five minutes later, the computer flashes with the words DRIFT COMPATIBILITY: 100%, NEURAL LINK STABLE. and not when she turns her head to face you, and feels her dead heart stir for the first time in years.

[adhbabey]

where's my motherfuckers unable to accept their disorder/disability and have a lot of shame and self hate??? like i need you right now. i want none of that positivity shit, give me the grit, how do you get through this?

and if you have overcome it, tell me what's up. what did you need to get through it?

[h0nex]

mood today

[rottenretribution]

almost passed out in the bathroom today 😚

[chiosblog]

I would really like to know why tf every year in march/april I got this sudden obsession over racing cars

[kohakhearts]

im still pretty fresh out the psych ward so i have some pretty bad writers block as you can probably imagine however i have also been coping with my suicidal depression slash burn-out induced leave from work by watching shitty christmas romcoms. and im not at a point yet where i can Write the fic so bear with me while i just get the plot bunny hopping here. or whatever

so anyway im brainstorming all the sickening holiday tropes i can that i can feasibly put two guys who are in the most intense fake dating gay chicken relationship you can imagine before one of them breaks and goes ok you got me i actually liked it when you grabbed my ass and called me darling or whatever. obviously it’ll take a lot to get to that point because the pride is bigger than the ego or something like that so i’m open to suggestions here but. so far ive got

ice skating. timeless classic. character a sucks and keeps falling on their ass and character b is, for some stupid reason, a total pro at this and is going to do all the waist-grabbing-slash-hand-holding-slash-laughing-at-character-a that that necessitates. probably pretty obvious who is the bitch who cannot skate and who is the one laughing at him. and also catching him when he falls and being a total jerk about it. because isn’t that just a wholesome mental image

the quintessential only one bed obviously. this has more to do with the circumstances of the plot in my head than it being christmastime specifically but the holiday rush factors in there somewhere. never mind the whole fake dating angle

the whole Thing is christmas parties and whats a christmas party without a) too much wine and b) some well-placed mistletoe. and yeah maybe c) some stupid matching ugly christmas sweaters. i will never get sick of that one

gingerbread house decorating. but theyre forced to be collaborative about it. someone dies. its the most godawful gingerbread house anyone has ever seen. but thats really damaging to their prides so they really get their shit together for a beautiful 15 or so minutes and kind of make it look better and still lose the competition anyway because 15 minutes of harmony does not negate 45 minutes of throwing candy at each other like bullets. with the very real intention of Causing Pain

some kind of excuse to have them walk around together with a group of people in the evening when its dark and they can admire the christmas lights. whether it’s some kind of holiday charity work or just seeing the christmas lights or, god forbid, carolling, there is something to be said about the experience of slipping on a patch of ice on a cold winters night and having the worst time of your life because your so-called boyfriend think its hilarious that you just ate total shit. thats romance babey

last-minute christmas shopping…already a nightmare ordeal but now you have to do it because you and your fake boyfriend need to bring a joint gift to a christmas party but you cant agree on anything, ever. they are getting kicked out of no fewer than 5 stores guaranteed

ok i think im all out of holiday torture scenarios but well. i’m sure i’ll be back. ideally with actual writing but everyone is telling me to take small steps so. we’ll get there if we get there and if not then that’s ok too

[elderwisp]

i spent the last hours reading tessellate from the start so i just wanted to drop a little love because eeeeeee i like it so much!!! first off all ur characters are a hit!! dynamic personalities, and they all mesh with one another really well in interesting ways. it all feels like a little peek into the lives of random people and sometimes that all you really need babey! i'm excited to see where you go with things especially with atlas, dan (my beloved), also the way that there are multiple storylines/ a large cast of characters yet i never feel overwhelmed <3333 and ofc visually, the post are lovely. the one juxtaposing frances and atlas coping...u know you ate with that. that last closeup with ares and dan with the lighter and frances's recital?? so pretty!! stapled in the brain.

on a less serious note, frances and icarus SAVE ME i like their dynamic so much their interactions seem very organic and fun. a friends to lovers (would they fall under that category..ik he's her boss but they're friendssss) for the ages. i feel like with a name like icarus things are destined to get messy between them and im afraid of it but also im not....but also i need only good things to happen to frances always, tu sabes. and its so funny that i finally read this after you mapped out their first kiss scene, bc i would not have survived the irl four years of building their relationship up godbless <3 also BEEE!!! sorry i just remembered i love bee and i hope she stands up to her boss at work one of these days (and gets whatever she wants for the rest of her life despite how inadvisable it may be at the moment :) )

hope this all isn't too weird, but i had thoughts to share and who better than with the author. tldr: your story brought me joy at 1:15 am and i appreciate it!! also everyone has such cool names??? what a slay. ty and take care <3

live footage of me reading this:

this seriously made my evening i think i reread this about ten times!! i honestly had to retype this message several times because just being able to receive commentary like this is everything. a lot of these characters have been with me for such a long time so to be able to share the little dudes livin their lives AND have people enjoy it??? AWESOME! a lot of the scenes you mentioned are also seared in my mind forever LMAO especially the scene between frances and atlas. i think the week i was gathering everything to shoot it, i completely scrapped the original and the parallels post was a complete spur of the moment thing but i'm glad it happened GAH i'm so excited to share more in the future <3 also with icarus and frances, they're actually my most difficult pair to write for simply because initially (in my ts3 days) icarus was supposed to be such a small part but they had such a good dynamic i had to expand that! so he's a fairly new character for me!

anyways thank you so much! i hope you have a great day! :D flowers is for u <3

[funnywormz]

putting some red dwarf headcanons below the cut bc im feeling kinda crappy and just wanna talk abt them.

please keep in mind that these are my readings of the characters and im in no way trying to claim these things are canon or the "correct" way of interpreting them, this is just how i see them personally. a lot of this is just rlly self-indulgent and involves me Projecting. if you don't agree with me on any/all of these, that's fine, i don't expect anyone to be on board with all of them tbh, just pls be nice to be abt it im sensitive

also just a warning. this post got very long bc i have a Lot to say lol

lister

gender: trans man, he/they

sexuality: bisexual

other: adhd (inattentive type), depression, amputee with prosthetic arm

notes: i headcanon lister as a trans man bc im trans masc myself and i find it very comforting to see him that way. it also fits in well with some aspects of canon, like his pregnancy in season 2. he's also just trans masc swag personified lol.

the bisexual headcanon seems to be shared by a lot of ppl in the fandom, and it's personally the way i see him. i think he has a definite preference for women but is still occasionally attracted to men, and (i am pretending that one scene in series 7 doesn't exist here lol 😒) i don't think he'd be repressed abt it at all. he's horny and not afraid to act on it

in terms of the neurodivergent stuff, i think adhd-i fits with his personality pretty well. i think that combined with his tendency to be depressed makes it hard for him to stay motivated and focused, and often means that he doesn't rlly take care of himself or his personal hygiene and seeks out short-term sources of pleasure like food, video games, alcohol and sex to keep himself happy, but can't rlly focus on long term goals. being the last human alive stuck in deep space definitely doesn't help. often his "laziness" is a result of his lack of energy and motivation rather than being an intentional thing. some days he just spend all of his time curled up on his bunk sleeping bc he can't find the drive to do anything else. he doesn't rlly WANT to be that way, he wants to have fun and actually do things, but it doesn't always happen and he has some rlly bad days at times.

with the prosthetic arm, personally i think they should've given him a prosthetic and had a proper character arc around him learning to cope with a disability back in season 7/8, rather than playing it off as a joke and immediately retconning it. i haven't rlly done much planning for this one yet but i just know i want it to be a thing. i think he would probably have a dope looking robot arm or something bc there's no way he'd just go for a boring generic arm if he had the choice imo. he would love to deck it out and customise it and put stickers all over it despite kryten telling him not to hehe

rimmer

gender: mostly cis man but maybe with a little hint of nonbinary-ness in there that he unfortunately refuses to acknowledge. he/him

sexuality: h for homosexual BABEY!!!!!!

other: autism, adhd (hyperactive), panic disorder, generalised anxiety disorder

notes: i think that it's quite possible that rimmer could have a little bit of gender stuff going on. when he projects his own insecurities abt gender and sexuality onto ace he specifically makes jabs abt ace probably wearing women's clothes in secret multiple times, which is equally as telling as his sniping abt ace being gay.

i also do headcanon rimmer as gay, but deeply, deeply repressed about it. he pursues women and kinda forces himself to believe he's attracted to them, but it's out of his desire to meet his own stupid arbitrary expectations of what he "should" be like, rather than out of any genuine attraction. ik a lot of ppl see him as bi, which is perfectly valid! but personally his pursuits of women read to me as something he does bc he feels he needs to do it to complete his image rather than something he does out of any real desire. he's also got enough internalised homophobia that it'd probably take decades of therapy to make him be normal abt it lol. rimmer wants to be the kind of man that he thinks will receive respect and will meet the expectations his family put on him as a child, and having a wife and children was always part of that image for him. he never really stopped to consider if that's something he actually wanted. i think he becomes more accepting of his own queerness as time goes on, but it does take time.

the neurodivergent stuff should be pretty self explanatory but im gonna rant abt it anyways. as an autistic person myself, i find rimmer very relatable. there are multiple scenes in the series where jokes and sarcasm go over his head completely, and countless times where he misreads body language and doesn't seem to get what kind of behaviour is appropriate for certain situations. he just seems to struggle with social interaction and bonding/making friends in general. he has intense interests that others don't rlly understand, like telegraph poles, risk, cars, morris dancing, etc. he gets pleasure out of organising and sorting things to a degree that seems pedantic to others, and seems genuinely confused when lister doesn't share his enthusiasm for cataloguing the ship's food stocks as a fun saturday night activity. he seems to enjoy routines and predictability, and gets upset when unexpected things happen. he also tends to get obsessive about small details rather than focusing on the big picture.

in terms of hyperactive adhd, it seems to me that rimmer often has a hard time slowing down and relaxing, and seems to need to be constantly on the go and doing things and generally fussing about. he also is self aware abt the fact that he has a hard time being quiet, and needs to talk more and at a faster pace than most other people, especially when he's nervous or distracted. as well as this, he often stims by rocking back and forth and jiggling his leg up and down (this also fits with the autism hc). he also has a tendency to procrastinate and seems to have a hard time studying, despite his attempts to convince people otherwise. it often comes up in the series that he'll get hyperfixated on doing something a bit arbitrary, like making an impeccable study timetable/schedule, or tidying, or sorting things into perfect order, rather than actually STUDYING, which is part of why he continuously fails his engineering exam.

the panic and anxiety disorder thing should be pretty self explanatory too. rimmer is clearly a worrier and has multiple panic attacks in the actual series. he seems to spend most of his time in a highly strung state of near panic, to the point where it interferes with his physical health. the way the canon narrative handles his anxiety, and his neurodivergent traits in general, is often a bit shitty lol, but it seems clear to me that he suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. kryten mentions that he's at a higher risk for those kinds of disorders due to genetics, but i also think that his childhood trauma and subsequent lifestyle (deathstyle??) definitely haven't helped him get any calmer lol

the cat

gender: trans man, he/him

sexuality: bisexual aromantic

other: autism

notes: most of these are more of a "because i said so" situation rather than things with canon evidence lol but still. esp the trans man one. i don't think the cat rlly has much of a concept of his own gender at all tbh, he just decided one day he was more comfortable as a man and stopped thinking abt it after that lol. i see the cat as bisexual bc i don't think he'd rlly give a fuck abt gender as long as ppl are hot and well presented, and i think he's aromantic bc throughout the series he doesn't seem to show much interest in a committed romantic relationship with anyone. when he does show interest in people, it reads more as purely sexual attraction to me than any desire to settle down or have an actual relationship.

i think he's autistic but it isn't always picked up bc his special interest is fashion, which isn't perceived to be a "typical" special interest. he seems very particular abt textures and colours, and puts meticulous effort into his wardrobe and often only wants to talk abt clothes even when ppl want to talk to him abt something else. to tie in with that, he doesn't seem great at reading social cues and often makes faux pas and accidentally insults others without realising it. he seems to generally have a hard time with empathy and understanding that others might not always share his interests and priorities

kryten

gender: nonbinary, any pronouns but generally uses he/him and is fine with this

sexuality: aroace

other: autism (again)

notes: ik that robots being nonbinary and aroace and autistic can be an unfortunate and frustrating stereotype sometimes, but it's just hard for me to see kryten any other way 😅. anyways, although im not aro or ace, i AM autistic and nonbinary and i think robots rule and i adore kryten so WHATEVER!!!! take it up with my nonexistent lawyer or something idc

in terms of being nb, kryten seems to only have the vaguest idea of what gender actually is, and i doubt that he really identifies as particularly male or female. he's most used to being perceived as male, but i don't think he really identifies with manhood. he seemed actively repulsed by male reproductive organs when he was briefly human, which makes me think that if he was human he'd probably suffer from gender dysphoria if he had to live in an amab body, but likewise he seems to have mixed feelings abt being perceived as a woman in season 8. in truth, i think he fits somewhere in the middle.

i see kryten as aroace bc he just never rlly seems to express any interest in sex or romance, even seeming confused by both concepts at different points. he IS a deeply loving and passionate and affectionate person at times imo, but it's always platonic i think. he just doesn't strike me as someone who would get any enjoyment or fulfilment out of having sex or being in a romantic relationship.

the autistic hc should once again be pretty obvious. he has a hard time reading social cues a lot of the time, and enjoys repetitive tasks that other ppl find boring, like ironing etc. he also just generally does and says things that strike others as eccentric without meaning to come across that way and jokes often go right over his head. he's autistic to me. ik that a lot of this is tied up with him being a mechanoid, but im autistic and i love kryten so im claiming him fuck you

kochanski

gender: trans woman, she/her

sexuality: lesbian

other: autism, generalised anxiety disorder

notes: ive seen a few ppl hc kochanski as a trans woman and i rlly warmed up to it. it also makes sense that lister would get a crush on her if he knew she was trans and they had "two of the only trans ppl on the dwarf" solidarity, like i can imagine it being part of why he came to like her tbh.

ik kochanski's statement abt her dave being gay and them just pretending to be in a relationship was immediately dismissed by lister and she didn't argue abt it, but i like to personally believe it's true. i think for a long time she struggled with internalised homophobia and didn't mind getting attention from men, esp bc it validated her gender as well. but in my headcanon it was always uncomfortable for her and never felt right, hence why she broke up with her lister before the accident (although the breakup was also in part due to her lister's struggles with his sexuality as well). much like with rimmer, i think kochanski had high expectations of herself and felt anxious for others to see her as a "real woman", and for a long time it was hard for her to reconcile being a lesbian with those expectations. but she gets there eventually.

at first i was on the fence abt headcanoning kochanski as being autistic, but i decided to do it. she's better at masking than rimmer is, but it still shows through in her very particular sensory preferences and attachment to comfort items and occasional misreading of social situations. likewise with generalised anxiety, i think she has a tendency to get anxious and worry abt things that other ppl might not care abt, and becomes stressed pretty easily. she tries her best to hide it, but she likes to be in control of a situation and know what all of the likely outcomes are, and when she can't have that level of control she finds it deeply upsetting and destabilising. she likes to have predictability and routine and takes comfort in familiar objects and sensations even when those things might seem silly or irrelevant to others.

holly

gender: nonbinary (imagine all of the computer related puns she could make abt this lol he would love it), any pronouns

sexuality: bisexual

other: n/a

notes: holly is so nonbinary to me. it's basically canon already considering that they switch back and forth between male and female presentation multiple times. i don't think gender means a hell of a lot to holly but she enjoys messing around with it and trying out new things. my personal headcanon is that she prefers presenting in more of a feminine way but the default presentation he's programmed with is masculine and she can't rlly be bothered changing it a lot of the time bc she doesn't rlly give a smeg.

likewise i think holly is attracted to men and women and everyone else. i don't think he feels sexual or romantic attraction that often but it definitely happens. they only ever really feel attraction to other ai though and aren't into organic beings in that way, and bc he hardly ever gets to encounter other ai her romantic life is kinda nonexistent lol.

i think holly probably has some Brain Stuff going on but idk what exactly so ive left that blank for now. if i come up with anything i will probably edit this later

OK THAT'S IT FOR NOW sorry this post is long as fuck. hope you guys enjoyed reading me ramble on abt the silly little fellows

[moookar]

Finished it over a week ago. Been coping. I am visibly a different person than when I started Balance. Aaaaaaaauuuuuuuuu <- wailing of a beast who likes fictional characters too much. Picked up the comics—only been able to get my hands on Rockport Limited and Petals to the Metal but I enjoyed them very much—Clint McElroy did an amazing job adapting them. After I read the comics the hyperfixation brainrot soaked in too much. Normally I have a rule of I must wait at LEAST 3 months before relistening to a podcast so I don’t wear it out but I’m already on episode 31 again…

anyway BLORBO LIST TIME!!!!! In order of who comes to mind first

MAGNUS BURNSIDES 💞💞💞💞💞💞

He made me cry THREE TIMES. I judge how much I like certain media on how miserable it makes me and you know what? Magnus made Balance pass with flying colors. I think about him a lot.

LUCRETIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🥲🥲🥲🥲 sometimes I think about her late at night and I stay awake. What a sympathetic character. Nothing but respect for Griffin McElroy. I can’t figure out how to draw her yet and it’s killing meeee

ANGUS MCDONALD!!! I don’t need to explain myself.

TAAKO!!!!!!!!! pulling at hair… I miss him so much…. I fully and genuinely understand that there is no more story left to tell here but I need MORE of him!!!!!! I have most of the bonus episodes saved, unlistened, for a rainy day, so I’m excited to crack those open. What a banger character ty ty ty. Also whenever im playing D&D and think about the transmutation school i weep a little. Just for him.

LUCAS MILLER!!!!! 😭😭❤️💞💞🫡🫡🫡👀🥵🥰🥰🥰!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do I even need to fucking explain myself here it’s LUCAS MILLER BABEY!!!!!!!! THE HUBRIS!!!! THE SELF CONFIDJNCE!!! THE DOING ANYTHING FOR THOSE YOU LOVE!!!! THE BELIEF THAT IF THE WORLD WAS PUT INTO YOUR HANDS YOU COULD FIX IT!!!!!!!!!! THE SILLY VOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! quite possibly my fav of the entire series. the upsy mech slayed. I miss him so dearly.

LUP!!!!!

THIS ONE IS OBVIOUS,,,, there’s this writing advice where you should introduce EVERY important character before the halfway point in the story otherwise your audience is going to feel cheated, right? Griffin McElroy saw that rule, spat on it, and the world is the BETTER for it. HOW DID HE DO IT?? That’s like !,, writing rule #1!, how… how.. how did he still make her likable and meaningful and such an important and amazing character??????? Holy shit. I draw her all the time. Thank you for existing Lup. She is so cool.

MERLE HIGHCHURCH!! Eddie put every idea I could ever have about him into one coherent thought: “He’s so charming!” Auuuuuuug aauuuuuuuuu uuuuuuaggg 🥲🥲 “are you my friend” aaaaaauuuu hhhhhhgggffff eeeeehhhbbbvvvv i am a shell of a man

KRAVITZ!! self explanatory. He is the most beautiful man in the world to me.

DAVENPORT!!!!! i was shaking so hard i don’t even rememebrr the exact quote but: joyfully yours. Joyfully yours. Ohhhhhhhhh ohhh oh. Ohhhhohohoh. I draw him all the time. I miss him i wish he had more lines i wish i could give him a little kiss i am so glad he is ok.

BARRY BLUEJEANS!!!!!!! oh fuck i miss him. I hope everything is great for him forever. I wish he was real so I could give him a little kiss on the cheek. This is only not in all caps because when i think about him im too emotional and just pass into all lowercase. That quote thats like.. “i mean it cant be LOVE i’ve only known … her… [dawning horror]…. 21 years…” he was so real for that. I am the worlds #1 barry and lup shipper. He is the worlds silliest little guy he is my babygirl AND babyboy AND malewife. Ty ty ty

this podcast found new ways to gut me. Thank you the mcelroys. (Thinking about the drowning in static.)

STAGGERS. i prommy im not gonna livepost but this entire time i thought taako was an npc… like i thought he had random-side-character-that-got-adopted-by-the-party energy…

[millenniummmbop]

.

[basically-i-write-shit]

There's gotta be a metaphor in there somewhere about how Bobby getting reckless parallels Buck's earlier seasons recklessness as a form of self harm. I'm just way too tired to articulate what I want to say.

[littlenekosfan]

i might do another post about jugram/bazz separation tomorrow bc i got some stuff

[wishiwasntstillhere]

the last six months have been really interesting bc all this old really messed up stuff is coming back and im reaching for it but then i get to look at it and go wow. thats like. super messed up. i cant believe i survived off this all these years haha yikes

[owencarvourmega]

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[i-miss-my-90gb]

not cutting my hair during the quarantine we growing it OUT