#im hoping that posting my originals will help me get back in the mood to write something

[luck-of-the-drawings]

when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING

[babyscilence]

The Return

An original fiction

CW: none but it's in First Person POV

I'd been gone now for nearly as long as I lived in that house and it seemed the promises to paint the once white exterior walls were empty. I'd like to say that nothing about this place has changed but the void in my chest was about as fulfilling as those promises.

I followed the little blond girl through the driveway, the crunch of the gravel louder than her fading laughter. She never stopped to look at me. She disappeared into the yard.

My heart raced when I pressed the proximity doorbell, the house never had an internal chime. Nothing happened. I shouldn't have been surprised; the doorbell worked only when it wanted to. The screen groaned without oiled hinges when opened and I knocked on the scantily painted white wood door. I remembered it being four inches and solid, I hoped he could hear me.

"You're here!" He said, a short man with a beard covering most of his face. I hadn't met him before now, "Please, come in." I hesitated. The blue trimmed threshold stopped me, uninviting despite having known me. I took a deep breath and stepped in.

I'm not sure what I expected, a welcoming committee perhaps, though I knew it was only the man who lived here and apparently, his daughter, "Thank you for letting me do this." I said to him and instinctively took off my shoes, placing them on the shoe rack. Ours was in the same spot. It's a good place for a shoe rack.

"You really think this place is haunted?" He stepped around me and led me the short few steps to the left, into the kitchen. The ceramic grout was no longer chipped and breaking, the pearlescent tile cracked and repaired many times over, as though the house had healed itself instead of waiting for anthropomorphic intervention. The walls that were once a warm tan, now lifeless and white.

"We experienced a bit of paranormal activity here. Haunted might be a bit of a stretch; but that's what I'm here to find out. Have you experienced anything?" I didn't meet his eyes, instead scanning the room for any sense of familiarity. I found none.

"Eh, it's an old house, it settles." I remember my mother saying the same thing before things were thrown at her.

"My friend once witnessed probably the most damning evidence and she still doesn't believe it's haunted." I shrugged. "I'd like to talk to your daughter, if that's okay. A lot of kids can see and experience what adults can't." He looked at me funny just then, almost offended.

"I don't have a daughter." I felt my stomach drop, both at the offense and revelation.

"I'm sorry, I saw a girl run into the yard and I thought...I didn't mean to assume." I scratched my neck and moved past him into the dining room. It was separated from the kitchen by a bar style counter, the floorplan for this level of the house was open before it became a trend. Even as a child I often wondered what it was like before the expansion.

The dining room and even the front sun room were nearly empty, only chairs at the bar and a small bookshelf and chair near the window in tthe sun room, not even an area rug filled the empty laminate floor.

"Nope. No daughter. Not sure who the girl you saw was. Neighbors have a bunch of kids maybe it was one of them." He shrugged, seemingly unshaken. "I suppose I'll let you to it then. Do you just lock yourself in?"

I simply nodded. "I'll call you in the morning once I'm finished. Again, I appreciate you letting me do this."

He left, I set up my equipment. When I connected the camera on the upstairs living room mantle--home to a few family pictures for him and a backdrop in many family pictures of mine, the familiar sound of shuffling feet came from below me in the kitchen, and I found myself grateful I had already placed a recorder there.

"Is there anyone here with me now?" I called. I don't know why I expected an answer. "Do you remember me?" I made my way to the banister, peering down to the kitchen as if whatever remained would manifest and say hello I've always been here. But there was no response, and the shuffling ceased. I held my breath as I always did to see more, hear more, but there was nothing. I frowned and continued setting up cameras and recorders throughout the house.

As night fell, the hair on my arms stood, the all too familiar tightness in my chest reminded me that I wasn't alone. I have never felt the same feeling anywhere else since leaving all those years ago.

I began my investigation in the master bedroom. What used to be my parents’ room, though darkened by blackout curtains while I was a child was inviting and warm back then. It was now cold and dare I say it, lonely. "Are you here, now?" I called, recorder held out in front of me, camera placed on the dresser and waited for a response. "Are you the man that died here? Or are you his son?" Our theory was always that the main spirit was the son who returned here after he passed. This was his home too. Is this where my spirit will go? I wondered. I moved to the office, more questions asked, answered only by wordless creaks and cracks.

In the kitchen there was laughter. A familiar and unsinister cackle that sent my heart into my throat. I rushed through the small hallway and into the dining room, expecting to find my mother, smiling to greet me and tell me she didn't want me to come back alone. But my mother wasn't here, and she wasn't dead. The room was dark, the moon bathing the center in a shallow beam, and I stood searching for ghosts, protected by the dark corners and years between their last breath and now.

The last place on my list was the downstairs bedrooms. Kids often experience the things adults cannot, and I experienced the most here.

The rooms were still grey and tan, the colors we painted before we left to make the home more palatable for potential buyers. They were nearly empty now. A single bed and nightstand in each room. The air down here had always been musty but now, it was stale, begging for the space to be loved.

I sat on the carpeted floor in what was once my bedroom, running my hands over the familiar threads and listened for the stirring we often heard upstairs, an almost nightly routine. The wall warmed from the contact against my back and the silence was nearly deafening. The sun would be rising soon, it was time to pack my equipment. Today, I will pour over my results and search for an ounce of familiarity.

I looked out of the small above-ground window from under the curtain as I had many mornings of my childhood. The sun peered over the horizon and dimmed the room. A shadow peeked around my door, then fled. Gasping, I scrambled to my feet and chased it up the stairs, loosing it in the dark. I called out one last time, questioning the apparition and its history, the only response, of course, was silence.

Without another word, I began packing my equipment with no interruptions. As I opened the wood door to leave, the doorbell chimed, I jumped out of my skin. No one stood on the other side of the screen door in front of me.

"Goodbye." I caught my composure, and shut the door.

[gtgbabie0]

Hello!! I've been reading your stories for a while and get so excited whenever I see that you post <3 You're writing style is so soft to me and it makes me giggle all girly too

Im not sure if you've done this already but was wondering if you would write about Leon and reader's first kiss together? Like how he would get all flustered and try to hide his grin from them :')

Feel free to change the premise to whatever you think will fit! Have a good day/night ♡♡♡

{You and Leon share your first kiss}

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“Here let me,” Leon says, taking one of the shopping bags from your hands with a smirk, you’d spent the day helping him get groceries and it was honestly more fun than you’d originally thought. You thank him watching as he sets the bags on the kitchen counter.

You help him unpack the bags, “You staying for dinner tonight sweetheart?” He asks leaning against the countertops, arms crossed over his chest.

He wants you to say yes, he wants you to stay tonight and forever because he knows he sleeps better when you’re here, he doesn’t have to worry about you if you’re right here with him.

He watches you contemplate your decision with a hopeful look in his eyes, “Yeah if you want me to” you smile lifting yourself up with your hands to sit on the marble countertop.

He looks over at you, of course, I want you to stay, he thinks watching as you kick your socked feet, “I always want you here” He smiles, and you can’t help the butterflies that flutter around in your belly.

He’s such a sweetheart, with his soft words that leave you love-sick and craving more.

Leon walks over to you where you’re sitting and he taps your knee, a silent way of asking you to lift your legs so can get into the cupboard and you do, watching him take out two glasses.

“If you change your mind let me know okay? I’ll drop you home” he tells you, and he knows you probably won't but he gives you the option anyway because the last thing he wants is for you to feel uncomfortable around him.

You nod your head watching as he pours himself a glass of water before walking over to the fridge and pulling out a small carton, “Apple juice for my girl” He smiles as you nod happily, watching as he pours the drink before handing the glass to you.

“Thank you for today,” he says with a grateful smile.

“It was actually quite fun,” you tell him, taking a sip of the juice before putting the glass down on the counter beside you.

Leon looks over at you, and there’s a part of him that can’t quite believe you’re his, someone so sweet and perfect, how you’ve healed his heart without even knowing and he thinks about all the ways he wants to thank you.

You must’ve noticed the way the mood changed as you hold your arms out for him and he gladly takes the offer, standing between your legs as you wrap your arms around his shoulders, your loving warmth envelopes him and he swears that you have the ability to make everything in his life seem perfect.

He pulls back slightly looking down at your face, his thumb gently ghosting over your cheek, and you smile at the feeling, such a small loving gesture it makes your heart stammer in your chest at the sudden closeness.

Close enough to kiss, you think and the thought makes you feel giddy with excitement, and you start to think of how his lips might feel against yours, his taste and his warmth.

The thought crosses Leon’s mind too and there’s nothing he wants more than to kiss you, but he’s terrified of overstepping boundaries, he just wants to bring you the happiness you do for him.

So he simply asks, “Can I kiss you?” His tone is so quiet, gentle and caring that it leaves you breathless.

“Yes, you can,” you say, and he leans in closer, you can feel his breath fanning against your skin, and your eyes flutter close as his lips finally press against yours, he’s so careful almost as if he’s scared of hurting you.

Your heart feels like it’s running laps around your chest, and it’s so exciting it sends tingles through your skin and you can’t help but move closer to him, chasing after his warmth.

He brings a hand to gently cup your cheek, thumb grazing against the warm skin and another sits against your hip, his heart blooms with love at how you seem to fit against him so perfectly, just like puzzle pieces.

Leon loses himself completely, and he forgets everything outside this small moment as he tilts his head slightly to deepen the kiss, his tongue against yours, and the soft noises that escape you send his heart squeezing with devotion, because god, you just make the cutest noises.

It’s a hopeful feeling that grows within you both, a kiss so sweet and exciting just like turning the page of a really good book, and you know that from this kiss will come many more just like beginning a new chapter, and you can’t wait.

He pulls back, forehead pressed against yours as both of you catch your breath, “I love you” The words flow so easily from his mouth as if they came naturally and they linger just like the kiss.

“I love you too” you smile, noticing the way he looks away from you with a bashful smirk, the type you have no control over.

He can’t bring himself to look at you, he feels like a schoolboy who’s head over heels and he doesn’t know why you leave him so dizzy, maybe it’s because he’s so enchanted by you, he could honestly name thousands of different things about you that he’s completely obsessed with.

“You can’t kiss me like that then go all shy on me Kennedy” You giggle as he hides his head in the crook of your neck, your fingers threading through his hair.

He groans against your skin, “You can’t kiss me like that and expect me to be fine” he mumbles and you can’t stop the giggles that bubble out of you.

You give him a moment before he finally looks at you again and you notice the way his cheeks are tinted with the slightest hint of red and you take pride in the sight.

“Kiss me again?” You smile, and he swears his heart stops for a moment.

“Alright” and before he can even make a move you’re already pulling him in, and you both giggle into the soft kiss, and it’s better than you could ever imagine.

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[self-indulgent-blorbo-writing]

Idk what im gonna title this one

Summary: Li Ling gets comfort after what he experienced during Seek The Unknown (not the part about him dying, the part about his existential crisis and fear for his loved ones post-trial)

TW: hurt/comfort? Idk (if you find triggers in this feel free to tell me)

Oh also @palettemonster not the Li Ling fanfic I was originally talked about but I'm down to just tag you in any Li Ling stuff I post lmao

Anyways yea heres the shit writing lmao

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

It was many hours into the night when Li Ling returned to his apartment. He expected to find (Y/N) asleep in their shared bed, but instead they were awake, cleaning.

(Y/N) turned to Ling with a smile "Welcome home baby!" They murmured, pulling him into a hug. Ling hugged back, making sure to be quiet "baby what are you doing up?"

(Y/N) was about to answer when they noticed the look in Ling's eyes, like the light has left and he was trying to appear okay. (Y/N) guided him to their couch and sitting down with him.

"Baby, what happened?" They inquired "I heard about you getting stronger and transforming but I don't know much else." They wanted to help but they had no idea about the truths Li Ling learned about the horrors of the world they lived, and Ling wanted to keep it that way.

"It's nothing." He asserted, not wanting his sweetheart to deal with the same dread he was feeling but they did not give up. "Ling, please, I'm worried. Xuan texted me to check on you because you seemed colder and more detatched, and now it looks like all of the happiness you carried is just....gone."

Ling sighed "you're right, but I don't want give you the same crappy feelings that I'm feeling." He hoped that (Y/N) would leave it alone then but they obviously didn't.

"Ling. You are my boyfriend. That means when you have an existential crisis, I try to lessen that pain." (Y/N) asserted with their arms on their hips, giving Ling a glare that said 'I'm not mad at you, but I do hope you open up to me.'

Ling frowned, feeling a lump form in his throat. He wanted so badly to confide in them, but he also felt that this burder shouldn't be theirs to carry. After a while of hesistation, he felt the tears start to flow so he turned away to wipe at them as (Y/N) also noticed and hugged him.

(Y/N) sighed, trying to comfort him "Ling, baby, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to but you should tell someone. Whatever it is, it's too painful for you to carry on your own."

Ling let out a shaky sigh, wiping his face before he decided to tell everything. "We did the miracle trial, but we learned that...that the miramon in the trial were previous espers that failed the trial." He took a breath "those people turned into miramon. And now I'm scared that one day everyone I care about is gonna turn into miramon too."

(Y/N) clung to him, frowning as they now understood why he was so hesistant on telling them. Nonetheless they made sure not to show any distress "I'm so sorry you went through that baby. That sounds horrible." They held him close and made sure to comfort him by playing with his hair before continuing

"...your master was there with you, right? Maybe he might have some wisdom to make this easier on you. If not, well, this is when you finally get a therapist." They joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Ling laughed, which put a smile on (Y/N)'s face "after that? Yea I might just finally talk to someone."

They both shared a small laugh, then sat in silence before (Y/N) yawned and before they could speak, Ling picked them up and carried them to bed "now that the heart-to-heart is over let's go to sleep."

(Y/N) laughed and nodded, making sure to cuddle up to Ling as they laid down and drifted off. Ling now had many burdens on his shoulders due to what he had experienced, but he would never have to carry them alone.

[shilo-sumac]

New Pinned Hello Hi!!!!!

((Technically a WIP but the important parts are done))

last edited 2/12/25 (Added Alistair intro)

No ongoing arcs

im Shilo hiiiiiii hello hi hi! she/they please! im somewhere in my 20s i think. welcome to my blog, i hope we can be friends!!!! :D im a ride or die guy if we become friends you can count on me forever n always!!!!! sometimes i give nicknames to people so that i don't risk forgetting them. heres my roommate alistair!!!!

... Why have I been dragged to the Computer. She did not tell me what I was to write here. An introduction I presume? I suppose I can try? I am called Alistair. I do not plan on talking much. I owe Shilo and help when I can. The Pokemon do not like me much, so usually that entails me going on shopping trips. He/Him. Just some boring Man. Is this Good enough Shilo?

... yeah thats fine, okay continuing my about:

originally, this blog was just going to be about my rehabilitation center, but interacting with other people was just too fun! plus i suck at keeping my mouth shut.

sooo about me, i guess! after winning the sinnoh championship, i got my pokemon science degree and "retired" to rehabilitate pokemon for a living on a private island off the coast of sinnoh, i nurse abandoned or injured pokemon back to health and help them return to the wild or find their forever homes 💜 hmu if you ever wanna adopt somn!

i love infodumping about pokemon facts. please ask me how to take care of pokemon ill love you forever.

oh uhm, i should probably warn ya... i may get mood swings... and im really sorry if they bother anyone, i uh... might have a mental illness or two.

Here's My Trainer Cards! [Old and New, respectively]

Urtle, Monarch, Bess, Gadzooks, Bane and Bianca!

Rin, Spooky!, Bianca, Gadzooks, Bane and Mym!

Hello hello! Welcome to my oc's blog. They really needed a new pinned since the old one was really long winded. I'm Ri! No pronouns or it/they! I admittedly still am figuring stuff out here but I think I'm doing well! Follows and likes will come from @ridragon. Pleaaaase come talk to me if I ever do something you don't like or accidentally break a boundary, I won't know unless you tell me! I love interactions of all kinds, feel free to send asks and reblog with comments. Or send me compliments. I like those too. :3c Always open to make new friends here.

NOTE: Shilo's blog will have themes of death, delusions, depression and injuries (both self inflicted and by others), doubt of personhood/humanity, and disassociation.

Shilo suffers from delusions and therefore is not a reliable narrator when it comes to information about herself, her mental state, or her physical well being.

FURTHERMORE: The line between delusion and what's actually happening to her can and will be very thin at times.

Her mood swings may cause her to go from sillyblogging to rage and threats to depression and back to silly again, though she's mainly my silly gorl it's fun to explore on occasion.

Things tagged as "memento" are plot or character relevant. ;3

Boundaries: Uhhhh, can't really think of much atm. I have good friends who are minors who I don't wanna alienate, so no explicit nsfw (jokes are alright, which will be tagged as "suggestive.") This section may be updated if I realize something makes me uncomfortable in the future. Mod and muse are both adults.

Links to important things:

[World Info and Muse Trivia]

[Frequently Used Tags]

[Ended Arcs with mini descriptions post here whenever you make it]

List of Pokémon + Minibios

Reference!

[pup-pee]

VENT POST

i just started typing & i accidentally worte an essay

dont click read more if ur not ready 2 scroll or if u dont want 2 read some random persons thoughts

whenever my mother has a manic or depressive episode every1 looks 2 me 2 help her

bc 4 sone reason im ghe only 1 who understands??? but slso fucking like i dont want 2 i e been trying 2 help her w/various shit since i was born man like literally y do I have 2 help when shes drunk, or hallucinating, or angry, weeping, bored, delusional ect ect

like y me mannn

i wouldnt mind hanging around her if she wasnt a huge source of trauma 4 me god damn

like the problem is i dont mind bing around her its just she has the biggest victim complex & i cannot bare 2 b tricked in2 apologizing 2 her again & again & again & reliving moments that hurt me so i can explain y her actions were not just another tuesday & then she just brushes it off or resays the original statement so i try 2 resay what i said

or when i try 2 calm her down so i let her hold me & sob & i am so uncomfortable bc i dont like bing held by her & she grips my hand & squeezes me when hugging & its like man i dont want 2 deal w/this pls

but when any1 else tries 2 b around her they just make her worse?? make her more upset angry fucking they just trigger her off 4 some reason & she cant b around family or friends bc they just feed in2 her delusions & make them more real 4 her SO IG THATS Y IM THE 1 WHO HAS 2 DO EVERYTHING

4 SOME FUCKING REASON im the 1 ppl listen 2 but then on a dime they will just go “oh but ur the toungest ur not an adult u dont understand it doesnt work that way!” IVE LIVED W/THIS WOMEN MY ENTIRE LIFE I THINK I UNDERSTAND HER BETTER THAN WHEN U KNEW HER AS A CHILD. SHES A FUCKING ADULT TREAT HER LIKE 1

TREAT ME LIKE 1 I GUESS BC U WOULDNT HELP ME AS A KID

dude holy fucking balls im so annoyed bc i cant do anything im just thinking about what ive been doing this week & god damn i h8 the holidays

i want so badly 4 ppl 2 listen & understand me but the bias just DOESNT LET THEM IT DOESNT & IT SUCKS IT SUCKS SO MUCH

bc i can understand what my mother is going through. the mood swings the paranoid/intrusive thoughts the sudden depression BC REAL ME 2 GIRLIE

whcih sidenote my mother told me she was suppossed 2 get diagnosed when she was younger but didnt bc the walk 2 the therapists office each time was way 2 much & just like goddamn that sucks ass. bc imagine if she was able 2 cope better instead of alcohol & cigs & impulse buying all the useless shit

anyways mayb thats y my mother is able 2 stand me more than the others. bc i can relate. which also makes me more easy 2 manipulate but i think ive gotten better @ standing my ground? i hope. man.

mayb i shoukd like talk 2 a therapist bc i want 2 tak about these things but everytime i went 2 a therpist((multiple)) it was always “oh it seems u have it all figured out”

did i get cps called or alerted from me multiple times then got scared in2 talking further in2 it? maybe

but literally cps does jack shit

dude the cops came 2 my house bc my mothers dramatic & she wouldnt let me talk 2 them ((bc i was a minor @ the time)) & they jsut went “ah yes normal behavior.” she drunkenly told them wrong information about our family like that i had a sister? do not. she tried 2 she them the injuries that my dad gave her ((she had none)) & then just refused 2 let me b alone. & oh holy fucking shit. when the reaosn was “well its 2 hot!” i said “they can come inside” she said no

then it was bc i was a minor which doesnt matter bc law

like i had 2 shove her back inside dude it was awful

then when i opened the door she was like right there oacing around like i can not i cant

she did get held 4 that night bc they took it that she was the main disturbance & HOLY SHIT THAT WAS 1 OF THE MOST OEACEFUL NIGHTS IN A WHILE

but ohhh my god she has not let that shit go 2 this day

“they arrested me 4 no reason!” “do yk how AWDUL it is in jail? ofc u dont!” “they had 2 search me!! it was so violating”“ur father LIED 2 them 2 get me.” “those police were lazy & racist” ((i mean ur not weong but also ur not right in that moment)) “yk who had 2 pick me up bc ur father wouldnt? yeah so & so” LIKE YES I GET IT U HAD 2 SPEND 5 HRS IN WHERE EVER U WERE

ohhh my god listen i can understand how treatment can b traumatic but HOLY SHIT the thing that bugs me is how she doesnt realize SHE PUT HERSELF IN THERE

she called the cops of my father then got arrested like girl PLS

she dismisses everything based on those reasons then used them against us

OHH MY GOD I JUST REMEMBERED she tried 2 tell a friends parent who we ran in2 about all of this & i had 2 pull her away like do u know how embarrassing that is? i was trying on the fly 2 correct her BC I DIDNT NEED ANOTHER OUTSIDE INFLUENCE FEEDING IN2 MY MOTHERS VERSION OF EVENTS

im so fucking tired man. & then my father tries 2 defend her & its like my good sir u r the victim but also u neglectful asshole take care of urself the way u never took care of my brother or i

like hes fucked up but hes not a terrible person. outside of the transphobia, racism & other things that i think hea grown past? listen he used 2 b way more homophobic but like my mother helped him w/that shit

but oh my god dude i remneber coming out 2 my family in 8th grade & he went 2 his lesbian friend talking abiut me bing trans which. rude honestly. i wouldve rather him ask me questions not some girlie i never heard of. & holy shit she fed him the worst advice. “when i was younger i thought i shouldve been a boy when i was just gay” GIRL STFU IM SRRY I WENT THROUGH THAT BUT U R NOT ME

she made him so much more surr of himself then he shouldve been & im still struggling 2 explain shit 2 him

dude hes oit here talking about trans women in sports when i dont even play sports like hhhh

my mother has this friend who is like a professor 4 brain shit & shes a proud supporter of lgbtq+ everything

& like shes been wonderful. she supports me even if im 2 scarex 2 say stuff 2 her or cant text her bc i dont have her number angmkre & i dont want 2 intrude on her life

but its the way none of my parents believed her or took her advice on anything

shes my fairy godmother man like they will trust her w/my life if they got died gone but they cant take her advice w/something she literally has a degree in

& it SUCKS bc she believed in my mothers words about my father abusing her WHICH IM JUST SO FRUSTRATED ABOIT

i havent been able 2 talk 2 her bc of it man it sucks… also bc i dont have her number anymore haha lol lol ahaha hhh

& dude its like mutual abuse. my fathers a lot easier 2 b around than my mother most of the time but it flips so easily.

they both r just elly hard ppl 2 b around

i think i takw back that precious statement. theyre both rlly hard 2 b around

explainign the concept of racism 2 my dad is so difficult. bc he cant understand y asian like no-no words r hurtful bc he has an asian wife BUT THE MOMENT U BEING UP THE N WORD HE JSUT CANT WAIT 2 SAY IT 2 PROVE ME WRONG

LIKE DO U NOT UNDERSTAND THE SHIT UR SAYING

& HE JUST WANTS 2 TURN EVERYTHING IN2 A DEBATE ITS SOOO TIRING

like @ least my mother wants 2 hear me talk about my interests instead of telling me 2 shut up

like ik she guilt trips me but @ least she actually likes my company i think

idk man

i just want 2 have a relationship w/them but its so hard & i feel like giving up

my brother basically alr has but he has like, friends n shit dhjdksk

i dont rlly have other ppl like that((mainly my own fault im a pussy)) & it sucks bc i love ppl & man y do i have 2 have a brain that h8s me as much as my parents do

i just want 2 exist in my body & like laugh & smile & eat food a normal amount y is it so hard

y is it so hard 2 just talk 2 some1 when thats all i want 2 do it sucks

but 2mr is another day these feelings will pass & hopefully i will get better or some shit even if ive only been getting worse

this headache is making me reflect on my life man

got me cryinf & shit

god & i just keep thinking about laying in the hospital bed & the nurse telling me not 2 kill myself & her sharing a story about her brother & how he tried but lived & how hos attempt was much worse than mine & now i cant help but compare everything i do or think bc theres always some1 off worse than me stfu

like i will not attempt again ((until??)) @ least donald fucking trump is dead bc i will live off my spite 4 him

but oh my god i hope i can fix myself b4 then

mayb ill just keep setting goals of ppl i need 2 outlive bc @ least im better than them nomatter how much i suck

like jk rowling

is that how u spell her name i dont give a shit. but like i should just keep doing that? idrc how dark it is i just know ppl dont eant me 2 die even if i want 2 so ig ill do it 4 them

oh i just remmebered bing in the hospital bed & my mother yelling @ me then running out XDD im not ok dude that moment sucked that hurt so much & no1 even asked if i was ok mannn like ok let me dissociate on the bed while watching history channel whatever ancient aliens? ok let me just giggle @ this

YK WHAT SUCKED

Omg i couldnt sleep every in both the hospital & the pych ward bc i cant sleep if ppl r watching me

like if some1s looking @ me my body wakes up bc of just this fear instilled in me i suppose?

i think it happened bc of my parents

a mixture of bing forced 2 sleep in their bed & also my mother taken numerous pictures of my father ((& by consequence me)) 2 use as ammo agaisnt him

“oh he sleeps so much” “he snores os loud” “hes passed out drunk” like girl u have over a 1000 pictures of my dad just sleeping calm tf down

anyways i cant sleep if some1s looking loke the moment some1 opens my door i shoot up. which was useful when school tbh but i couldnt sleep @ ALLLL during the hospital bc theres a nurse there 24/7 & in the ward i got a roomm8 yk & the door checks

like ughhhhh i dont sleep well or long anyways unless i dont sleep 4 a while then my body knocks me out((which is what happens/ed)) but holy mollyyyy

i think existing in this world would b a lot better if i didnt confine myself 2 this house. if i like, got out yk? if i left it all bhind

which goddamn i tried like me running away was not a joke idk how ppl took it as that but whatever im so tired of just existing in here

like althoguh im in my safe cave((my room)) im always terrified of the next knock on my door or attempt of conversation

srsly if u want 2 talk or hang out w/me dont complain that i dont shut up u signed up 4 this shit U WANTED 2 HANG OIT W/ME

do u want me here or do u just want this idea of me 2 b here?? i cannot get over it. which fine if its a “i want 2 hear what were watching” situation but 1. subtitles. but fine fine i get it u dont like those so ill shut up or just leave

but dont complain when i leave

& WORSE

DONT B A HYPOCRITE & YAP MORE THAN I DO

watching fightclub was a NIGHTMARE bing told 2 b quite then hearing them talk 2 eqchother ot try 2 talk 2 me then when i would try 2 start a conversation it was like “oh mo we got 2 pause the show bc THIS is goinf 2 go on & on”

like ok goddamn ill shut up ig

i mean @ least when my brother watches stuff w/me ((which is not often)) he KNOWS ill talk. which is y he doesnt watch stuff w/me!! & thats fine!! WE HANG OUT IN DIFFERENT WAYS. like when he asked me 2 stick around during an oil change or when i talk 2 him when hes making food 4 himself like IS IT THAT HARD??

my brother is not a shining example of some1 who completely understand or is purely good. i mean in the car he will constantly say “jokes” calling ppl a slur then bing like “but yk i dont mean that in a bad way” like ok man whatever u grew up w/ny father i understand y u say this

i asked 1nce what the joke was & i think he like actually stuttered. like his brain had 2 load in a response bc it was just “what was the punchline?” “a joke doesnt have 2 have a punchline” “not rlly but most jokes r jokes 4 a reason. so what was the funny bit about that?” “it was just funny” like i dont think thats how it worksss

sigh but @ least their better than my fathers jokes. & my mother oh my god. her humor is literally “haha gangers wear their pants so low u can see their underwear”

& OHH MY GOD when my father tries 2 say we have the same humor

no sir we do fucking not shut the hell up. ive laughed @ 1 joke hes ever said in his entire life istg

he constantly turns 2 me & goes “how r u not laughing this is hilarious!” ITS BC WE DONT HAVE THE SAME SENSE OF HUMOR IVE BEEN TELLING U THIS

or mayb none of them r funny bc i can make them laugh but they cant make me laugh & its getting me rlly insecure

& oh my god if some1 makes 1 more fatphobic ass comment im going 2 send them 2 the time out corner I CANNOT

got in an argument about societies influence on whats “right or weong” & beauty standards came up. yk bc fatness doesnt equal beautiful or some shit like ok whatever i think theyre hot af but surr push ur views on2 me

like DUUDDEEEE trying 2 explain that sexiness is a person fucking opinion & not a fact just goes over EVERY1S HEAD

like hi. im trying 2 explain a concept & trying 2 b patient bc im basically destroying how uve lived ur entire life but pls listen 2 meee

4 some reason my family love 2 compare me & themselves 2 eachother & im so tired of that

i am not like u i dont want 2 b like u bc u make me so depressed i want 2 hurt myself 4 bing aeound u

when my brother compares me 2 our parents its in an effort 2 “change myself 4 the better” but i dont think this criticism actually helps me. it just makes me feel more like shit bc now i feel like im the person that hurt me so i hurt others & UGHHH its awful

my mother has compared me 2 my father in order 2 try 2 get me on her side. things like “thats what ur father would say.” “ur father thinks the same way” ect ect along those lines & its stupid & annoying & i h8 it

MY FATHER THO IS THE WORSSTTT 1 OF THEM ALL

he compared me 2 himself when its a positive trait & my mother when its a negative trait

“oh i 4got ur phone in the kitchen? haha u got that from me” “u 4got what day it is? u r ur mothers child”

“see ur smart & dont care about others opinions. u remind me of myself” “ur so sensitive like ur mother.”

“reading books & preferring physical materials? loving the library? u r my.. daug-child” “creativity? yeah thats ur mothers side of u”

“i like that we can talk about hard hitting questions during shows that dint distract us & let us dig deeper in2 whatever or smth.” “u talk so much. just like ur mother”

LIKE UGHHHH

ive only “rlly got 2 know him” in the oast 2 yrs bc b4 that he was rlly uhmm… absent? not gone but i just. idk he was much more of an alcoholic & seemed 2 care more about work then me

apparently thr thing that snapped him out of that mindset was when i told him i didnt have many memories of him

which

i dont

bc i just dont. unless its him bing drunk n shit & arguing/fighting like isk what 2 tell u

& OHHH my god im still confused about this memory i have bc 2 me ifs as fresh as daisies but my mother told me smth about thag night that i dont remmeber

in trying 2 incriminate my father she said smth WILDLY uncomfortable & now i have no idea if its true or not bc im sure its jot but what if it was & holy mother of jesus that scares me

bc i dont trust her but i want 2 & ik she cares about me but what if shes just trying 2 get me on her side BUT WHAT IF ITS TRUE.

that night was scary enough i dont need 2 think sbout it more mannn

ugh i h8 family vacations

like just any family outting. we got a flat tire bc father wouldnt listen when we daid “hey dont drive on sharp rocks” & then every1 got pissed @ eachothrr & then @ ME WHEN I TRIED 2 B OPTIMISTIC. then when waiting 4 a pick up 2 help us they got blasted drunk & my dad started hitting me in the fucking truck & when we got bsck 2 town my brother picked only ME up bc he doesnt care 4 my parents & he said i was the victim in that? sure whatever

but when my parents came home they started a fucking fight w/them while ienas in the shower so i got out & started 2 record the aufio bc i coudlnt rlly,,, like get out? my father threatening 2 fight my brother pushing him in2 corners forcing him out the soor my mother “trying” 2 make “them” stop but just making it worse bc again. victim complex she needs 2 b in the middle of eveything

& my brother just wanted 2 help me i feel so so so bad

the time when we were out of state bc my brother was moving away((has since been manipulated back yay go mother)) & my father fucking left my mother & i there. took the car & just drove back home. it wasnt the worst we had a hotel room & had a car but it still sucked.

we didnt have many vacations when i was younger bc my father was always working so my mother would take us places & honestly it was better bc she would always put on a persona like how she does when she works yk?

bit when my father would join 4 things like birthdays it always ended up in drunk fights & threats. even if we were bringing friends w/us on trips 2((not the birthday 1s))

there r times when my mother has gotten oanic attacks in the car from the way my father drives & i get like 2nd hand panic from that bc, ofc i do. & my father just gets pissed off @ her?? also my mother & i get vry motion sick so the way he drives also triggers that like crazy. but he gets upset when we mention it or constantly tell him 2 calm down bc if he doesnt stop switching lanes & taking sharp turn 1 or both of us will b throwing up.

& its usally me saying it bc im the only 1 who has the fucking balls apparently bc I DONT WANT 2 PUKE. & my mother cries so easily from him but she also abuses him & UGHHH ITS SO ANNOYINGLY COMPLICATIED

oh its also awful when my mother drives tho bc she drives drunk if were hanging out. like only if its me & her & omg i let her get away w/it way 2 much.

trying 2 convince her 2 pull over bc shes having a panic attack while shes drunk is not fun. on the interstate. its not fun.

like thats not all its just oh so tiring mann ughh woe is me i suppose

theres many times also when my father will just abandon 1 of us on the street. like ONLY if its only 1 of us in the car tho bc if theres another person they would prolly protest

ive been l8 2 school((& lost)) multiple times & man i got so many detentions bc i just couldnt wake him up which fair on that but god god god fucking damnit

just the power move of trying 2 get the other person 2 shut up bc ur having an argument by threatening 2 leave them on the side of the road or 2 not drive them somewhere or not pick them up is smth my dad consistently does 2 this day. not 2 me much anymore bc ive “learned my lesson” & i can usually talk my way out of it but he did do it 2 my mother like 2 weeks ago bc of such dumb reasons

it was so frustrating trying 2 express myself about trans shit & then getting like told he would force me out if i kept getting upset @ him so i just shut up about anything gender related until i was 18 bc that was the rule

& its useless bc i dont even have a say 4 myself still so who gives a shit i h8 everyhting it makes me so sad like y did i just let myself do that? y did i let myself intentionally get hrut?? bc i was scared?? i fucking guess. bc i wanted 2 prove myself? i had false hope. like its so frustrating

its apparently normal 4 families 2 fight but i dont like it. “ofc u would prefer ur friend u dont fight” like i think thats how its supposed 2 work?

then getting told “oh thats just how our family is. no1 would get us were unique were not like the other sheep families” like FUCK THAT i want 2 eat DINNER W/U

shout out 2 never eating dinner 2gether so when i did @ friends places i was scared & awkward

haha. fun. shout out 2 explaining im scared of helling but telling my friend im not when they do it then them telling me “thats not normal” i said yeah it is

i think about that a lot. bc i think thats when i rlly started 2 realize how not normal my family is. back in like elementary school.

my brother telling us his friends dont like them((our parents)) bc theyve been scared of them. like huh. when u dont grow up in a toxic environment ur able 2 tell when somethings toxic! go figure

& its rlly frustrating bc IK my parents r not inherently bad ppl. they care 4 us in their own fucked up way. they tried their best. they want the best 4 us & vowed 2 not let us grow up like them.

which, in a roundabout way actually did make is grow up like them but in like a different font.

my father has talked about not wanting us 2 b afraid of him bc he was afraid of his dad bc he would beat his ass. he didnt want us 2 worry about money.

but in a weird way that like, did make me incredibly afraid of him.

bc he worked all the time 2 get money, he was stressing himself out((& it wasnt just 4 my brother & i it was also bc my mother was pressuring tf iut of him & berating him about it)) but BC he was always working i never saw him. so when i did see him he was tired but he has insomnia & cant sleep 4 shit so he would drink 2 go 2 sleep

but he would drink a lot

but the drinking made him drunk of fucking course so he would argue w/mother & so eventually all i came 2 know him as was some1 who only yelled & fought

& that makes me scared of him.

hes forceful. hes self righteous. hes aggressive & if u dont think of him as right he will make u.

& he still is all of these things its just toned down bc hes stopped drinking as much. which has raised more probelms but i cannot b bothered 2 type them out hell no

but hes often told me that he fucked up more than his father. bc of the memory thing yk? when i told him i rlly dont have any good memories of him he broke down bc while he was scared of his dad, he still loved him & admired him. he had memories of his dad teaching him 2 fish & things like that

& i can tell hes improved as a dad i think. i mean im trying 2 b more supportive about it then my brother

giving him space when he finally gets sleep like,,, normal etiquette & also letting him vent 2 me or ask me uncomfortable questions. i try 2 answer them so he understands yk

i also try 2 push him 2 think himself tho bc he rlly just cant think outside of his bubble. like its extremely annoying. he will talk about how smart he is then say how the media is all liberal so he watches fox news 2 combat that like i get it i just want ppl 2 approve ur fucked up world view holy shit

but i can see him realizing like, what it is not 2 b such a hard person bc when i hugged him when he came back from a trip, he like, remembered

he was tired((3 days no sleep)) & just drove back but when he came home i gave him a hug bc idk, im a physical affection person & it kills me 2 b uncomfortable w/affection so ive been working on that. but also it just looked like he needed it

but he told me the next day about how much it meant 2 him so mayb hell understand?? sonething?? that i dont h8 him exactly,,, i think. but that i treat him the way i do bc of how hes treated me? & when hes less of a shit bag im less allergic 2 him?

idk that feels like how my mother treats him which puts a fowl taste in my mouth but i swear on my life its different. like i swear im not trying 2 manipulate him in2 doing what i want

which he seems 2 think i do try 2 do that? mostly in ways like of trying 2 make him think differently

which i will not deny. i would rather him not b transphobic & racist & whatever but hotdog its hard

this seems 2 b a common trait among all my family tho. when i try 2 explain a concept & then them telling me i got brainwashed by the media?? like mayb but also im not a h8ful person just bc of some1 existing so i think thats alright

its like the 1 point i can talk w/my mother tho. like its the only time she will listen. ALSO WHEN MY BROTHER SAID HE UNDERSTOOD THEY/THEM PRONLUNS?!?!? HOLY SHIT!!! i mean i dont use them BUT THE FACT HE ACKNOWLEDGES THEM MAKES ME SO HAPPY BC IT MEANS HE HAS BASIC HUMAN RESPECT

i mean did he out me 2 my fathers side of the family & now im scared 2 talk 2 them? yeah

but thats just bc i havent talked 2 them since i was in diapers & then when i did it was strange bc they were so normal ((minus the slight racism but they just,,, r white & live in utah. like seriously i like tea bc its good nor bc im asian & my hair is a natural color its not dyed. no u cant touch it???? no i dont speak asian wtf)) snyways but they did grow up mormon so hahah afriad

y r u as a man a mormon? u want more men? huh? is that it?

no but anyways yeah im scared of them. which is strange bc theyre rlly nice

but i think i just cant accept ppl in my family bing nice & accepting 2 me bc its rlly scary. like. i have cousins. i have fucking cousins & theyre younger than me & im scared of them

even on my mothers side im scared of my family

& its not just that but ive convicned myself that i feel alienated from them bc im also half asian so i just dont “fit in”

i dont. look like them. i dont have sinilar intrests im weird y am i crying

fuck y is it so hard 2 make human connection 4 me mannn like its rlly annoying i just want 2 b hapoy & talk 2 ppl but ive convinced myself every1 h8s me & my existence & that im annoying & irritating & have nothing if value 2 contribute 2 every so y would i bother them or any1 & i h8 myself 4 it so much

like no fucking wonder i like that fucked up fox boy sm r u shitting me. this shot stinksss mannn

& it also hurts bc my brother called me dumb 4 thinking like this bc hes never ever thought of it b4. which

fair enough ig

he doesnt care much 4 things like that.

but ig i just do

i think it all stemmed from my mother always pointing out im HALF asian like ALWAYS correcting me. & it just spiraled from there bc when i was younger i never even noticed i was asian yk what i mean? childhood innocence “i didnt see color” lol

but whenever i started 2 grow up & say smth like “its so strnage that ive noticed ppl dont eat rice 4 ever meal! bc as some1 whos asian-“ then she would cut me off & say “HALF asian”

& honestly it fucked me up 4 no goddamn reason.

like literally who cares. i say. as im crying tears. like i rlly dont understand y i care sm but it jsut hurts

like i dont feel whole. i dont belong in 1 or the other & its stupid ik but my brain still convinces me its true.

that bing said its always strange bc ppl consider me just asian. like i never had 2 clarify so it makes me wonder y my mother feels so vindictive 2 do so

like in 7th grade we were doing this gene thing. & guess what, the 2 asian kids were paired 2gether. so we basically just asked about facial features & based on the score we got we would b put in2 a certian number group

which makes sense ok its like basic understanding of how genetics works 4 beginners

but when calling the numbers, we both stood up 4 like number 13

& ONLY US

every1 turned 2 look @ us when a kid went “woah & its the inly asians” like ok lmao

but it just kinda makes me think about how no1 fucking cares that im wasian. im just asian & white. im both.

i am not a percentage of 1 that will tell me if im more white or asian it doesnt rlly work like that. u cant split me in half & say this is the white side & this is the asian side.

logically.

emptionally all that shit gets thrown out the middle bc of fuckign course ur half & half u twinkie bitch

i feel like ive lost the point of whatever im typing

it was noce 2 just kinda vent about it whicj i do way 2 often lol

will i post this? mayb mayb not. it is noce 2 post these tho bc 1, this is my blog its me. 2, it makes them feel lore real

like less imagination i suppose?

idk. wheneve i share these thoughts or recount these memories 2 my family it always gets pushed aside so i just kinda, want them here. ig

i mean ok i havent actually shared some of these thoguhts 2 them. like i mostly avoid talking about my od bc they dont want 2 hear about how they make me h8 myself way more than i alr do & when i even slightly hint @ that shit they press me more like “what did i dooo” like ok let me go down the list again

then jts the whole “prove it” like shit alright i have some recordinfd from thr last 2 hrs but thats it do u want those? no? u dont? bc they make u upset? ok

i got a christmas card from my grandma & grandpa & my grandma wrote about how she was interested in my like etsy store & wanted 2 hear morr about my adventures

which is crazy bc i havent talked 2 them since,,, shit like the last time i talked 2 them lol uhhh b4 they moved away. like way b4

but the fact that she remmebered is insane 2 me

its the same way i feel when my mother remmebers my favorite color is pink or when she knows i like tmnt

like when j started getting in2 comics & talk her about the last ronin & how i wanted 2 read it bc uhm guess who my fav turtle bro is. but i didnt expect he 2 remmeber snything or b interested @ all but she got me the whole fucking book

off of like amazing yk. but she saw that & got me it & thats insane 2 me

my mother often tries 2 buy back my affection which unfortunately works bc she actually lsitens 2 me

like 4 christmas she got me a new keyboard thats quieter bc ig she remembered whne i told her that my brither conplains that my keyboard is 2 loud @ night so i wanted a new 1 so i didnt wake him

& just

its things like that when ik she genuinely cares about me. like, how i remmeber her when i was younger, b4 she put on some sort of persona all the time

not that she buys me shit btw bc i rlly wished she stopped doing that but the fact she listens 2 me. like woah.

like she KNOWS i like flash & superman!! LIKE SHE KNOWS I LIKE THEM BETTER THAN BATMAN!! SHE KNOWS THIS!! i mean she cant rlly recall my favorite characters but i dont expect her 2 im honestly just super impressed he cared that much about my interests @ all

it makes me like glad. in a say like how my friends would remember my favorite characters. like when ie wtched toilet bound hanokokun i like tsukasa aka his brother fav character right there & MY BESTIE WAS ABLE 2 TELL THE DIFFERENCE BTWEEN THE BROTHERS BC THEY PAID ATTENTION 2 ME??

like they knew i love tohru from dragon maid & that i live snufkin so dearly they got me a silly gay ass moomins hoodie 4 my birthday

or that i called myself a dogboy as a silyl bht semi yk real bc haha cope cope cope & THEY GOT ME DOG EARS & I JUST

i regret so much bcoming scared of them

like i fear how bad of a friend that i am that i distanced myself from them bc im convinced they h8 me

but when i remmeber these things im like no obviously they cared enough 2 listen 2 u & also share interests w/u & hang out w/u on fucking skype & play ur games cause u played theirs & its so stupid im so stupid

im such an idiot i want 2 talk w/them again

theyve been my best friend since 4th grade ive known them since i was in 1st & they were the 1st person i came out 2 & when i thought i was about 2 b h8ed & casted aside they said no u idiot i care 4 u holy shit im an idiot

y am i so scared of them y do i not thijk im worthy of their time theyre my best friend i miss them

so much

i love them sk much & ive neve tild them bc ive been scared 2 say it 4 so long till this yr bc i genuinely love ppl & i want them 2 know i regret it so much

ive always been afraid of being close 2 them like sitting in the same bed or couch 2 watch a show bc ive always been sfraid o how bad i smell cause ive been told my entire life that i smell like shit bc i fucking do bc im 2 fucking broken 2 take shwoers ir properly take care of myself

but they wanted me 2 they wanted me 2 & i dont undertsnd & i feel so bad 4 not letting myself get closer bc when i ddi 2 another frind & they told me i dont smell like shit i dont know i dont knoww

i miss them so much ive hugged them like once & i want 2 do it again but i definitely dont deserve it after distancing myself like this

& it sucks bc this is exactly what my parents want man

they h8 their family & them bc they “changed me”

which rllt just means they made me more comfortable bing myself but whatever. they made me “loud” they made me “trans” ((even tho i came out 1st 2 them???” they r manipulating me & THEY STILL BRING THEM UP DISPITE ME NOT TALKING 2 THEM IN LIKE 7 MONTHS,, & that was just over text

i rlly miss them i miss all mybfriends but i dont think they should deal w/the baggage that is whatever the fuck i am mannn

i just rlly hope they dont think of me bc it will bring on bad feelings & i dont want 4 them

im sobbing way 2 much i started making sound

yk i was just quietly sobbing b4 but i started thinking about mt best friend & i just couldnt hold it back in this sucks

every since i considered them a friend my parents have been telling me how theyre awful & manipulate me

& how they dont like them or their family & i think its a pile of horse shit bc if anything were the manipulative bastards like tf & its partly my parents fuslt that i dont interact w/them bc i just cannot take my parents bing awful shit bags 2 them & their family 4 litterly just existing

i can take transphobia directed @ me whatever but the instant any of them being up them i lose it. i scream i yell i push away

like its so fucking aggravating.

i dont think theyre perfect. they dont think theyre perfect ik that. but the fact that my parents theink they & i do is SO ANNOYING

stop basing everything u belive in on fucking fiction, i dont live in ur imagination

i sm real. they r real. were ppl mot concepts u can play around w/& i cannot wrap my head around how that doesnt make sense

i miss my best friend

i miss bing a kid, but in the way i was hapoy bc i ddint understand or care 4 these things

now i can grasp them slightly better & my brain turns them agaisnt me & hurts me 4 no fucking reason so now i i want 2 just disappear & woopsie daisy fuck me blehhh

did yk i cant play muliplayer games bc they make me cry? i get so scared of playing w/other ppl that i start panicking & crying

but i played w/my friends bc they like multiplayers & they would accommodate 4 me & hype me up & i fucking miss positivity so much

bc like i would play like idv right? my im so insecure anout my skill & my friedn was higher rank so they used an alt account 2 pkay w/me even tho they said i was good enough 2 play w/their main

like its such a nice thing that i dont think theh noticed they said or did they were just. functioning as they normally did as a nice fucking considerate person & i crying iver it

im fucking crying

& i stopped talking 2 them bc im as asshole. & when i told them y i want them 2 stay away they said but ur not. but ur not ur just a dick sometimes & i want 2 cry bc wtf is the difference mann ejfjk what is the dofference

im so scared 2 reach out despite constantly crying out a call. ill work up 2 it i want 2 i need 2 i just rlly want 2. i just panic so fucking much i start crying like literally whats wrong w/me

whats the difference btween talking on tumblr & talkiing on discord/msgers?? what is it??? i dont know

my headaches gone down slightly now so im going 2 make food 4 myself

& prolly cry some more anyways

[pandamoniumvibes-27]

Rainy Day

Back to Masterlist

Characters: Mona Ningguang Yae Miko

A/N: okay so I haven’t done a Genshin post in a bit but I took a break blinked and all the sudden I’m behind on all the Sumeru lore. I’m trying to do it right now but until then I can’t do anything really lore related. But it’s raining outside so I hope you like some rainy day writing!

A/N: Okay I wrote these a couple months ago and originally this was suppose to have an extra character but I couldn’t figure out what to write for them. I hope you like it!!!!!!

~~🌧️~~

Mona’s mood was already soured. Why out of all days did it have to rain today?!

She had planned to go to the Adventures Guild for some extra mora so she could eat something other than salad

Not that she didn’t love salad!

No, salad is amazing, and it saves her mora.

She could go all day having only salad!

She knows from experience…

But with the rain being non stop she came home soaked!

Not to mention her scryglass was hazy from the rain. She couldn’t even scry the stars.

Archons she could go for some soup right now.

Eating soup underneath a blanket, reading her favorite astrology books.

Instead she was cold and had only salad to eat- wait what was that smell?

Mona’s house for whatever reason was filled with the most delightful aroma and it was warmer than normal.

Almost as if someone has been cooking…

“Who’s there?! Come out and a face the wrath of the great Astrologist Mona Mag-“

“Hi Mona!”

“egi- Y/N what are you doing here!?”

“Im making soup.”

“How did you even get in?!”

“You have a spare key under the welcome mat remember? Anyways, I saw you doing commissions earlier, and thought I’ll surprise you with soup! No one likes eating cold salad on a cold day!”

Mona couldn’t help but smile. It was almost as if you had scry the stars yourself and red her destiny.

Mona however quickly gained composure.

“Well I suppose I can also use this time to finally get you to understand the difference between Astrology and Astronomy. Each time you get it wrong I’ll hit you with one of my books on the head.”

“Hey aren’t your books kinda big and all hard cover?”

“ They have a lot of knowledge. But don’t worry I won’t use my favorites they are to import to use on you.”

“ Sweet Barbatos save me!”

~~🌧️~~

The weather never really affected Ningguang’s job.

However it could serve as an annoyance.

Cargo and intel that was being shipped to Liyue Habor could be delayed.

Meetings would have to be rescheduled if they were taking place outside.

But this by far bothered her the most. Today she was supposed to have a meeting with Y/N for a picnic.

A small break from her busy schedule to spend time with the one she loves most.

She had picked out a spot away from the harbor.

Placed far from Hilichurls and slimes so they could relax in nature with each other as their company.

All plans ruined by rain.

You still manage to visit her though.

“You know Liyue Harbor is still quite beautiful even when it rains.”

“Y/N. I suppose our date will have to be rescheduled for today…”

“We could, or we can go ahead and take a walk, just the two of us. Maybe buy ourselves a nice meal~ bring it back to Jade chamber. I’ll gladly cancel my schedule if it meant u can spend more time with you.”

Ningguang chuckled to herself.

“While that’s a lovely idea we both know it’s impractical. However, I am a little bit less busy from the rain today. Would you be free for dinner?”

Y/N nod smiling.

“I’ll pay tonight!”

“No, I have more than enough mora I’ll pay.”

“No! You always do this let me treat you!”

“I have more than enough mora for the both of us, I should naturally pay for the expenses.”

“No it’s my treat!”

The only problem now was how she was gonna convince Y/N to let her pay for the bill.

~~🌧️~~

Miko had no qualms with rain. Rain was a natural part of life and nothing to get upset over.

That didn’t mean she preferred it.

Inazuma was currently facing quite the storm. Thankfully not one created by The Shogun but still a nuisance nonetheless.

Miko, along with many other shop owners had to close their shops due to the rain.

To make the day more banal the shrine was also not busy today from the weather.

Miko must admit she was a little surprised to see Y/N still came to visit her.

But Y/N didn’t need to know about that.

“Y/N, you still came all this way to visit me~ What a special day this is~”

“I’m surprised you haven’t decided to mess with one of the Shrine Maidens yet. Feeling merciful today Miko?”

Miko chuckled.

“Well that’s for you to find out~”

Miko was not in the mood to tease today surprisingly enough. Today she wanted to relax indoors and enjoy the sound of the rain on her windows.

Perhaps she could do just that.

“Are you busy?”

“No, why do you ask.”

“I need a beta-reader for some of the new books, would you mind?”

Y/N look at Miko confused but then answered.

“You know I love a good book.”

“Follow me then.”

Miko went to her private courtiers where you to took a seat in one of the two reading nooks.

“You always take that chair, what do you like it so much?”

“It’s comfy. I don’t have any new books for me to read, I hated all the new books given to me yesterday.”

“I knew it! I finished reading the latest books yesterday!”

“It seems I’ve been caught red handed~ Would you like to read a book on the shelf?”

“I’m in the middle of reading The Miraculous Adventures of the Traveler you have it?”

“I have all my best selling novels, it should be on the second shelf with the white spine. What chapter are you on?”

“I don’t know the chapter, but they just arrived in Liyue and a tour guide is helping them prepare a send off for Rex Lapis. What are you reading?”

“That book is such a good read, I’m rereading Pretty Please Kitsune Guuji?”

Miko always chuckled after saying the title.

“You just made that book to mess with The Raiden Shogun, Im sure of it.”

“I would never~”

The two made small talk as the rain made noise for a tranquil atmosphere.

Good books, good company, good atmosphere, how perfect of a day this has become.

———

Masterlist

[wngweis]

... hmm gon be honest everything thus far has fallen under my overall idea of concept, mood, and atmosphere i guessed this debut gon be but after yesterday teasers photos and todays mv teaser im kinda thrown off course..... this direction of smoke is nothing like i imagined but let’s roll

this was the tone i always had in mind but so much has shifted since this teaser... & it’s true it did open the scene, so maybe that’s why it felt that much more impactful..... like i can’t even compare the smoky-ness in this to any other teasers that dropped out later. like this is just peak immaculate vibes. it’s almost genial he even did it so i should be grateful so much for it.

the dusk orange... the recklessness of 70s rocky psychedelic smoked air.... JUST.. criminal !

the leather picks he wears here... the F7CKING BOOTS... the studs in the pants... the lighter... i need to raid this wardrobe so bad. not to say the car as well.... lmao he’s the coolest for this Cadillac pick like ive no words!!!!!!

+ THAT ONE MAHOGANY /REDish PICTURE I COULDN’T STOP MYSELF FROM POSTING ON ANY PLATFORM I COULD... LIKE I NEED THAT ONE AS AN ART PIECE... IN A FRAME..

2nd favourite. this was peak artistic aesthetic to show off everything that has made you this far and showcase it in a way you present what all these details mean to you... my idea is that this whole album lives in every fragment of every photo of this photset that came out that day. or it helps me realize/visualize what he values behind it

the tiny tiniest attention to the details almost killed me. love it when people/artists take the time to salute and give back on what has helped them / served to inspire them thru a process.

here especially... it feels like modern art since this place almost symbolizes blank canvas a 'rundown house' and the things are just thrown around yet they lead me into a final product that feels too contemporary yet it gives an ode to the past.

his styling here oh god....... just so Jaehyun...

to think of this is making me crazy again. i love whoever came up with this set. one of my fave ever

i could talk about the rest but these two just super take the cake for me so no need to drag...

also, the highlight medley was phenomenal

not that i complain but the teaser today feels like a mood ive already experienced??? be on film or other teasers of other kpop acts... like it feels too familiar to me when all the previous teasers he put out were very him, very original and true to how, at least, i experience him as an artist even a human

but its Jaehyun though with a face that we will never see again in the next 100 years... so he'll make it work, im sure... though it's giving vibes ive seen... can’t lie..

again... need no more rumbling this focus face is absolute cinema ... i guess that’s what smoke is all about in the end,, his smoky aura...

im just realising how it ties to the psycho mood he embodied in The Smoky Night which then again was truly his very 1st video teaser so i guess it kinda of makes sense but ive become so deeply rooted to my vision that now the new stuff feels kinda off my radar... smth i didn’t see getting integrated,

like the suits, although he’s so known for them i truly hoped they would be off this time and we will focus more on Jaehyun Jaehyun and not idol Jaehyun which sm always puts him in this suit role like rent is due.

no, i don’t care about kick it Jaehyun. no i won’t draw the similarities there. this is not nct Jaehyun this is just Jaehyun... sooo,

so the historical remark in the robe he wears is also kind of all over the place since it never got introduced anywhere before... nor i see it in the music though i think yesterday's teasers are exceptional and very elusive but they don’t click in terms of the straightforward contemporary music he’s teasing...

so that way im really confused on these details rather but its OK. thats just fucking me and my eye to always see things under a microscope

again... this is all as far as the visual concept goes. which im very much crazy about... like the visual stuff... i have no opinion on the song yet... nor i can complete an idea after all the short snippets of it we got. the recent posts have truly, completely clouded my vision, so will see on monday!!!! if i had to compare.... 'can’t get you' still feel too good to be true.... roses too... he has to deliver smth more solid... in the end of the day is just a tt. bsides are known to cater to individuals while tts cater to audience which are two different things.

also, i think is very quirky how all the teasers and the stories are presented to us in such order that they are kind of told in reverse imao. it started from smoky night and his villain self to that scene 4 where he was so happy to go on his date with nothing but his casual converse and bouquet of roses......

the romantic protagonist turn cruel due heartbreak... arc

again these smoke teasers yesterday are so 😁😁 saucy if i can say... truly in his, "you broke my heart, now you’ll realize what you lost"

and him repeating roses’s you wanna be mine two times is just as desperate as ian repeating im sane in don’t go insane..... it’s that pathetic.... of a refusal.... to believe the truth

deranged behaviour truly set in for smoke. let’s see im excited i waited for this for so long i can’t believe im experiencing it real time.

[hekkoto]

Big big LIFE UPDATE! IMPORTANT STUFF HERE!

Heya my darklings <3 so, Im coming with some life update, Im happy to say that stuff starts to look waaaaay better!

First and the most important: Im super grateful for your love and support, I had really awful time lately and your kind words really helped me <3 My mind often tells me that nobody would miss me and Im just a problem but people patiently keep telling me that truth is opposite and many people would miss me and they really care about me. Thank you guys, really

So the best thing: My parents told me they gonna pay for my therapy, I have psychiatrist next week and I gonna ask to get it prescribed to me. Im deeply disturbed person and especially now I need this the most. So yeah, I gona try fix my life at least partially! I also gonna ask for meds for ADHD and hopefully I can end this nightmare ^^;

I started limiting substances like alcohol or too much pills. Going slowly but hopefully theraphy will allow me to end usage without any party or smth. Drinking with people is fine, I just shouldnt start day with this or do it daily >.> wish me luck!

I was invited to podcast! Here is clip: https://www.instagram.com/p/C-N9M01q2Tf/ it should be aviable somewhere in next month! [on this clip you can see my fabulous big Hello Kitty sticker on my wardrobe >XD]

In last days my mood is mostly on euphoric side which gives me hopes things will be easier now ;-; trust me, last weeks almost killed me, I was on edge of my strenght. I gonna catch up on the most important stuff first and then I gonna work a lot on videos and arts ^^ Im super grateful for your love and patience, really <3

I will try to sort my life now, I have to book some treatments and such, I will try to go back to more healthy diet and hopefully start exercising! I definetelly must catch up on important arts and focus on projects Im working on! I will show some cool stuff soon ^^ My plans are coming back to weekly short comics, finishing my comic Welcome To My Hell, releasing first video for arg horror Denimo's art space, I hope to make 3 vidoes on my YT per week and deliver all of promised Patreon rewards [I gonna look through them and note in calendar when I want to post stuff and hopefully it will allow me to fulfill all of them! I also gonna come back to drawing answers for this ask/dare Jeff thingy

I will be opening my KoFi shop soon! First I gonna offer some handmade stuff like earrings, chokers, magnets, keyrings and stickers and shortly after I will be offering prints. In near future I also plan to offer small originals of my paintings <3 and of course more handmade stuff ;p

Im focused on my goal of making living as an artist. Im also full of motivation and this mostly euphoric mood gives me a lot of strenght. I believe I can make it and I know this will help me with my borderline if I will be focusing on arts and engaging with lots of people. What I can say, borderline loves attention >XD so better give it to me ;p

Anyway, thank you a lot again <3 I thought it all gonna end soon but I guess I can try push a little harder <3

Love ya,

Hekkoto

[arenabreadandbiscuits]

Me rn because I accepted a writing commission that I will in fact finish but annoying me a bit because

1. My cycle decided to start so my mood is up and down

2. The story has been changed like three times right now (as of typing this...), mainly due to misunderstandings (most on my side I guess but my commission list LITERALLY has rules though after this commission I see I'll have to highlight things)

3. The story has a character that's supposed to be from a whole other fandom so basically this is a split fic which wouldn't be an issue except for the fact that the other fandom is a manwha that I've NEVER heard of...

I know this really makes me seem like the one not prepared but this is why I have my posts, so that everyone can actually read through them and know what I'm all about. Bonus note: commissioner seems to be in a rush for the work though I mentioned that 10k words could at least take a week. At least. It's only been a day..

I'm having to continue off a story that was already started but not finished which I also wasn't expecting.. I don't mind finishing work other's started but let's just say that none of this was expected because I had assumed my commission post said everything it needed to. I'll have to make tweaks later...

One being that if you ask for a fandom that I DON'T have listed I will tell you to be just a bit more patient than someone who did pick off the list. I write commissions yes but ANY commission wasn't noted. Two being that I'm serious about taking in consideration my timing on posts, I don't like feeling rushed and I don't mind people checking on me but have mercy. I am still disabled and out of school for such with major levels of depression and mental health like that so not being rushed definitely helps me. I don't mind being checked on but breathing down my neck makes this harder for both of us.

Finally, I don't mind you ASKING about fandoms that's not in the list but just assume it'll be better if you just commission what's on the list.

Anyway, the list is HERE!.

Edit:

Hi! I'm pissed off! :3

So they said that basically what they asked for wasn't included in their story and decided to report me to PayPal. (I'll have to delete it because of course I don't have that money to give back.) PayPal isn't even letting me give my side of the story which was total bullshit.

You gave me a story that had already been started by someone else and based off of how you responded I can see why it wasn't finished. Especially if you were as needy for things as you were with me.

2 you ADDED A FANDOM IM NOT IN and though that's more on my I sent you a template! I asked you questions! And not once until up to the point of later in the story did you mention anything wrong with how it was going. I say in the original COMMISSIONS POST what fandoms I write for and though I'm nice enough to accept other fandoms I wasn't even aware that you were mentioning a second fandom until AFTER I had the money transaction with you.

You rushed me the first couple days which made me feel like I had to get everything done at a certain time.

I also didn't like your tone and I would have liked you to say something sooner if you weren't liking the story and no not things you prefer but instead things you WANT. It's like you've never done a writing commission before.

To this person I hope you have the day you deserve and I hope you're reading this rn even though I got your silly ass blocked. All I could think while working on your commission was how GRATEFUL id be once I got it done and over with and boy was I right. I mention my situation, I mention my case and the last thing you choose to do is be understanding. I have NEVER had an issue with a customer before you because the ones before you knew how to LISTEN.

Finally having you gone is the slightest my shoulders have been in a week, since the moment you showed up in my life and my dms. Thank you for finally leaving me alone. I don't even wish you any bad will or anything like that, I just wish you never came to me to begin with.

Edit2:

They made it a claim. I take back not wishing ill but ffs. Ugh this is why I if you want a commission to read the commission rules. I'm actually frustrated, I'm not dealing with this tonight. Imma go smoke and call it a day. 😒

[saturnsstufff]

Also! Firstly I just wanted to say that i really like your writing and slow pace in the Empress series! Its really poggers. Secondly if you're taking request: could you maybe write something where Phil helps Techno ask out (y/n)? I just think that Phil would be such a great wingman (pun maybe intended lmao). I really like the way you write your Empress series' setting and characters so maybe you could do some sort of royal au similar to it? Not cannon to the series of course. If not then the dsmp still works :D (sorry if i sent the ask twice! My internet's shit lol) ~🌻

Awh! Your all good!!🖤 and thank you!! one Prince Techno comin up! (Im so sorry i got this out late, and that its poor, I was stumped hard on this for what to put!

My darling- Technoblade

Warnings: none

Techno was a pretty well known and loved Prince. He was elegant, kind, gentle, sarcastic, funny, talented. He was just perfect. To Techno you were perfect. You were one of the servants sure, but he didn't mind that. You had the most gentle outset he had ever seen on someone. You could just walk into a room and somehow everyone was in love with you. 

Techno had feelings for you for a awfully long time however, no matter what he did he couldn't push himself to tell you. Far to afraid of what you would say to him in response. He rather sit suffering in silence as your friend, than risk loosing you completely.

You felt the same way. Techno was always so gentle with you. always asking if you were comfortable, if you felt safe, he would even make sure that you wouldn't be over worked. You couldn't count the nights that he read you to sleep in the library. Everyone found you two utterly adorable with your hesitance towards each other, they couldn't wait for the day one of you slipped up and confessed.

Phil on the other hand? Oh, oh he found this scenario hilarious. See Phil was often the one that helped get you two alone together. Ranging from distracting advisors, governors, consorts, you name it and Phil probably has diverted them at least once. Phil would go as far to joke that he was the one that had set you and Techno up originally. 

Although Phil found this whole situation hilarious, he did feel bad for his friend. Techno was a hard worker, he often put a lot of time into his country and his people. but, sadly techno would rarely take care of himself. Now Phil wasn't setting you up with techno so you would become his care taker. Rather he knew with you around, Techno would be more conscious of himself as to not worry you. like always, Phil was right too. 

It was a off day. Techno had himself rested in one of the lounge chairs that resided in the library. Lately his feelings had become painful to hold back. Even the voices started banding together, telling him he had to confess.

Phil had to return some books so when he walked into the library and saw techno, he wouldn't have said he was suprised. "What's on your mind now?" Phil mused. Placing the books back on there specific shelf. He earned a sigh and groan from Techno. "Its (y/n) isnt it" he mused. "Mate you should just tell her. Get it over with. You know she'll like you back"

"Phil I.. I can't- she's- shes just so perfect" Techno's heart melted at the thought of you. He rested the crook of his elbow over his eyes. "I.. i dont even know how or where to ask her.." Techno started sounded almost defeated. Phil couldn't bare to watch his friend mope about anymore. He knew somthing had to be done.

Phil didn't waist time on his new plan. He was determined to see you together by the end of the night. He found you outside hanging the laundry. When you saw Phil you smiled brightly.

"Hello Philza" you said, folding a sheet in your arms. Phil leaned on the post well he watched you. Amusement lacing his lips.

"Hello, (y/n) i was talking to Techno the other day. He mentioned you quite alot" you felt your cheeks heat up as you looked to him. Hearing that he talked about you made your heart beat faster.

"H-he was? W..what did he say?" You asked, now fully invested in him more than your work.

"Oh he was just rambling off, you know how he can be. However, he uh, did mention that you were quite beautiful. Smart, funny. You know all that fun stuff" he said casually. If your heart could have did a leap it would have. The idea of Techno call you beautiful was beyond you.

You moved closer to Phil, "w..was that all he said?.." you hoped there was more than he was telling you.

Phil pondered a moment and smiled. "Well he was curious if you would meet him at the stables for a date. You know, let him take you for a ride in the country side" you were speechless, but filled with utter excitement at the idea of a date with him. "Want me to tell him you'll be there?" You nodded fast.

"Please, ill take off early to meet him there even" you said with the widest smile. This warmed Phil's heart to see how in love you were with his best friend.

"Alright' ill tell him you'll be there" Phil said smiling. His plan falling into motion. Now he had to corral the stubborn bull named Technoblade.

"You should take (y/n) for a horseback ride" Phil said upon entering his friends office. Techno's brow furrowed, causing him to look up from his papers.

"Take her for a... why?" Techno said mid confusion. Phil shrugged casually.

"Well I was just talking to (y/n) and you know she had off-hand mentioned it that she really liked fhe horse rides with you." At this statement techno blinked a bit. He pressed his lips and thought breifly.

"Well i uh.. I mean if she wants to, i'll glady take her". Techno said. Moving his few papers asside. Looking at Phil. "When does she want to leave?"

Phil hummed and looked at the clock. Mentally assuming your work schedule. "What about four-ish? Get there early for her?

Techno nodded. "Dosnt she work until five?" Techno knew your schedule mostly because he was the one that would meet you after it for casual walks.

"Normally. But she said she would take it off early to go with you" Phil wanted to keep semi to the truth. But he knew as soon as you two were alone talking, it would be over. The two of you would quickly discover that Phil was behind this.

When you waked up to the stables you smiled happily. Waiting with a horse in hand was Techno. He gave you a kind smile. Happy to see you in such a joyful mood.

"Ready to go?" He asked gently. You nodded fast, excited to spend the evening with him. He offered his hand to you. When you took it he gently pulled you close. Lifting you up onto his horse. After you were situated on the sattle he climbed on behind you. Wrapping his arm around your waist securely, wanting to assure you wouldn't fall off eather way.

You relaxed into him like you always did. Content with his company. With the nudge of his heel's you both were off on your way.

Well you two toured the country side casually. You decided to thank him for the date. Seeing as you felt it was the beginning of somthing great. "Thank you for taking me on this date Techno... It really means alot to me..." you herd techno give a 'heh?'.

"Princess I adore your company. But what on earth are you talking about?" This was your turn to be confused. You looked up at him to see if he was joking.

"Phil said you wanted to take me on a date..." your eyes grew saddened. "W...was this a lie?..." Techno's heart weighed heavier at the sight of your sad eyes.

Techno felt like he hit a wall. Does he explain he wants to take you for a date more than anything? Or keep quiet. After seeing your eyes, he knew he couldn't break your heart more.

"I... I do want to take you for a date... I've wanted a date with you more than you realize... However, I didnt ask you... Im assuming Phil actually set us up..." he said, looking away a light red. You gave a soft gentle smile.

"Hey..." you tilted his head to look down at you. "Even if he set us up... I'm glad he did" Techno looked down into your eyes. His going gentle.

"You are?..." you nodded gently. Giving a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"I got a date out of it with you"

[ray-ray-writings]

UMM THIS

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMe24dvmM/

Im sorry I know you are packed and busy but can I make a request based on that video?? BECAUSE HOT DAM JUST WILBUR ENTERING LIKE

‘WHAT IS THIS I HEARD ABOUT HURTING Y/N AND TOMMY ‘

LOOK AT THAT VIDEO LOOK AT IT AND TELL ME YOU ARENT SIMPING TO THAT MAN

I simply cannot tell you that because it would be untrue because I am SIMPING so hard…. Also this was way longer and had a lot more plot than I originally planned so…. There’s that lol. Hope you enjoy. (P.S. Because it’s so long, this is going to be the only post tonight, my brain is a bit fried rn lol. Have a great night everyone!)

Warnings: Mentions of very quickly losing a lot of weight, it’s brief but it’s there. As well as, manipulation from Dream. At one point the reader is like “wow it’s been three days since you hit me… Thanks Dream!” And a few swear words here and there. 

Before Wilbur died, you and Wilbur were married. It absolutely broke your heart to watch the love of your life lose his mind (and then his life) for the nation that you and he created to raise and protect your boys in. But you stood by his side until the very end. You held his hand as he died and clutched his body with Phil once it was over. Ghostbur gave you somewhat of a shock. Because you’re husband was back, and he remembered you. He was the man you had married. The person he was before the presidency, before the war, before L’Manberg… You’re Wilbur was back. But you were still sad. You couldn’t hug him or kiss him like you were able to and although he seemed to be right in front of you, it felt like he couldn’t be farther away. Ghostbur can see this and decides that if he can, he really wants to try to come back to life. He tells his father and older brother about this and so they begin planning and researching. In doing this, they kind of accidentally turn a blind eye to what is happening to you and Tommy. 

While those three are figuring out how to bring Wilbur back from the dead, you and Tommy are being harassed by Dream. Something else you lost when you lost Wilbur was protection from Dream. For some reason, Dream was always afraid of Wilbur. Perhaps it was his ability to always stand up for what he wanted and fight for the things he loves… Or perhaps it was because he was Techno’s brother. Doesn’t matter. Point is when you lost Wilbur you lost the protection from Dream. Dream threatens you and Tommy, trying to provoke Tommy and trick him into doing stuff so that Dream could get him in trouble and one day it finally works. Dream tells Tommy where George’s vacation house is because he knows that Tommy cannot resist checking a place out and looking through other people’s stuff. So Tommy drags Ranboo over there and while they’re there they accidentally knock over a lantern and burn some of the house and some of the chests. On the other side of the server, Dream is in your home, poking fun at you for losing your husband and telling you that it was partially your fault and just stuff like that. You didn’t react. You never could when talking to Dream. But his words stung and slashed deep, and he knew it. Finally after a while of this, Tommy comes bursting through your front door, out of breath and seemingly panicked. “What’s the matter?” You ask softly, leaving your kitchen and going to comfort your boy. Tommy is about to spill everything but when he looks up he sees Dream and immediately swallows his words. “We were playing tag… That’s all… Tag” he says. You absolutely do not believe him but you catch his gaze and know that whatever he’s done he cannot say it in front of Dream. So you decide you’ll just have to wait…. You don’t have to wait long. 

“You burnt down George’s vacation home?” Dream’s deadly tone sounds from the kitchen. Your eyes widen and scan Tommy’s face and the look that overtakes him, you know it’s true. “I did not burn it down… I knocked over a lantern and a small fire broke out… I tried to repair everything, it’s fine.” Tommy insists. But Dream seems too pissed to listen to reason. “Come with me” he hisses, marching forward and snatching Tommy’s wrist tightly and marching out of the house. A small whimper left Tommy’s lips as he was pulled causing you to fly into a rage. “Let go of him!” you demand, chasing after them. Dream doesn’t listen and so you reach out and shove his shoulder causing him to stumble, let go of Tommy’s wrist and whip around to face you too. A chilling smile rests on his face, “Oh you just messed up big time.” Before you can react, he reaches out, grabs your wrist, grabs Tommy’s again and continues on down the Prime Path. You’d try to fight it but the grip on your wrist was just too strong. Dream pulls you to Tubbo and immediately jumps on the boy. He explains what happened as well as says that you assaulted him and that he wants you two exiled from L’Manberg or there will be hell to pay. Dream tells Tubbo he will start a war and will kill everyone and everything if his orders are not followed. You can tell Tubbo really doesn’t want to, but it’s something he has to do. Tubbo lets out a small sigh and nod, “Okay Dream. You win.” He murmurs, not looking at Tommy’s betrayed face. “Excellent choice, Mr. President,” the man spits out. “Tubbo” Tommy utters broken heartedly, staring at his best friend, silently begging him to say sike… It never comes. “Dream please escort Tommy and Y/N out of my country.” “With pleasure” You wrist is seized again and you’re being dragged away from your home. 

After you three get out of the SMP, Dream lets go of your wrists and lets you walk for yourself. You approach Tommy and wrap a comforting arm around him. “It’s going to be okay Tommy. Everything is going to be okay.” You comfort the young boy who sighs and nods, “I just can’t believe that he would throw me under the bus like that,” Tommy murmurs. “I know kiddo. I know.” You follow Dream for a very long time until he is satisfied that you are far enough away from the rest of the SMP. “Okay, we stop here… Put your stuff in this hole,” Dream commands, digging a small hole for the two of you to throw your stuff in. You let out a scoff and roll your eyes, “No way. You’ve already forced us into exile. There’s no way we’re giving you our stuff.” Dream’s face flushed a bright red before he lurched forward and grabbed you. Putting in a headlock to where you’re back was pressed against his chest, his arm around your throat while he has a crossbow to your head. “I’ve had enough of you fucking attitude Y/N. You have no power here. I do. I’m in charge and when I say to do something, you do it. If I ask you to jump, the only thing you may ask after that is “How high?” Do you understand?” You don’t speak, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of obedience. But then the tip of the arrow digs into the side of your head causing you to let out a small pained whimper, “I said, do you understand?” he demands again. “Yes” you finally whimper out. He moves the crossbow away from your skull and lets you go and shoves you forward, stumbling into Tommy who catches you and stabilizes you. “Put your stuff in the hole… Now” he growls, not in the mood for any more ‘games’. You and Tommy share a look and then a sigh and slowly put your things in the hole like he demanded. And you could only watch as he placed TNT above it and blew up everything. All of your items that you had worked hard for… Gone in a moment. Dream leaves with a cackle. You and Tommy are just there. Shocked. Finally, after a few moments, you’re able to shake yourself out of it. “Okay… Let’s get started, there’s no time to waste.” Tommy just looks at you and then he sighs and nods. “Let’s do it then.” The two of you spend the rest of the day gathering materials and building yourself a little shelter. You were all alone… At least you were all alone with your brother.

As we all know, Dream comes back almost every day. He comes back, blows up your stuff and leaves. The first time he came back you tried to stop him… It didn’t go well. “Dream, please he just-“ He cut off your words with a harsh slap across the face. It sends you flying and leaves your head spinning. “Haven’t you learned yet? Stuff. Hole. Now.” And you have no choice but to obey. You watch with a broken heart as Tommy slowly begins to actually trust Dream and believe him when he says that no one misses him. You do your best to be there for him and convince him that it’s not true but as days go by and no one, not even your Ghostbur, you can’t help but slowly believe that they’ve forgotten about you two. As time goes on, it seems that you and Tommy fade. You lose a lot of weight. Your food source is scarce and you have to do a lot of work because you’re restarting every. single. day. You get hurt a lot easier and it takes a lot more time to recover. Every once in a while, Dream will physically hurt you. Whether it a slap or a small sword slash, he does it just to make sure you still remember who’s in charge. You just learn to take it and deal with it. It hurts, but at least it’s you and not Tommy. Ranboo visits you once and is horrified at what he sees. He’s worried about you, but knows he can do basically nothing to help you. He makes a mental note to tell someone about it back in the SMP…. And even though he has memory problems, this is one thing he cannot forget. 

On the other side of the SMP, Philza, Techno, and Ghostbur have done it. They’ve cracked it. They have figured out how to bring Ghostbur back to life and to bring back Wilbur. The three make the plan and tell no one, especially not you. (Yeah…. They don’t even realize that you and Tommy aren’t around rn lol) They want to make sure this works before they tell anyone. So they do all the prep and the work and then they perform the ritual. They perform it in a cave somewhere just a little bit away from Techno’s house so that absolutely no one would know where they are or what they were doing. They begin just as nightfalls. Carefully completely each step and making sure they’re doing everything just right, knowing if they fuck up one small thing it’s over and they won’t be able to get Wilbur back. The three complete the final step and wait…. Nothing happens. “Fuck!” Techno curses, his eyes falling to the book, “We did everything right! It should have worked!” “Techno calm down, we’re all upset but at least we-” Philza doesn’t get to finish. All of the sudden a bright light floods the room. The light? It’s coming from Ghostbur. “Uhh guys?” the ghost questions in fear as he is levitated off the ground. Philza and Techno cannot look at him for fear of going blind. Ghostbur is unsure of what is happening but then the shredding pain fills his body. A scream rips from his throat as his whole form begins to physicalize. The skin begins to become real as the bones, blood, organs, and all other internal body parts forms. All memories that Ghostbur had forgotten flood Wilbur’s mind as his whole life flashes before his eyes, reminding him of everything. It only lasts a few moments more before the light fades and Wilbur is dropped from the air. His body hits the ground with an extremely harsh thump. He feels the impact and lets out a groan. His whole body is sore… But he’s there. He’s real and most importantly he’s alive. “Wilbur?” Philza asks hesitantly. Wilbur lets out another groan. The two standing men share a look before rushing to his side. They kneel beside him and gently reach out. Don’t tell anyone but tears threaten to fall from both men’s eyes, Philza and Techno’s, as their hands actually are able to touch Wilbur and they don’t go through him as if he were a ghost. They gently help him from his side to laying on his back. At the movement, Wilbur opens his eyes and is met with the tear laced ones of two of his family members. “Hey guys” he manages to croak out, “how’s it going” “Wilbur” Philza breaks, a tear streaming down his cheek before he lurches forward and wraps the boy into a warm hug. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” the older man sobs to his son. “Shhhh,” Wilbur calms his father, “It’s okay Dadza. I wanted it. You did what you had to do. It’s okay.” To the two’s surprise’s Techno’s buff arms wrap around the two and join in the hug. “It’s uhhh… it’s good to see you Wilbur” Techno grumbles, not really liking the emotion that had built up in his chest. Wilbur let out a soft laugh, “Good to see you too Tech.” 

The sweet moment is broken by someone calling Techno’s name a little ways away from the cave. At first, they elect to ignore it, but then the voice calls again, this time for Philza and they can tell now that whoever it is, is panicking. So the two help Wilbur up and gently help him out of the cave. They look out over the snow and find Ranboo there, standing on Techno’s front porch. “Ranboo!” Techno calls out causing the tall boy to turn around and then run at them. “Techno! Phil!.... Is that Wilbur? Like actual real Wilbur? He’s alive?” Ranboo asks, his tone still slightly panicked. “Yes Ranboo… It’s a long story but to sum it up we managed to bring Wilbur back to life… Now why are you here and why are you panicked.” Ranboo’s eyes shift back to Wilbur and gulps, “I knew you weren’t going to like this… But now you’re really not going to like this… Dream is hurting Y/N and Tommy…” All three, especially Wilbur, snap to attention at that. “What?” Wilbur asks harshly. Ranboo gulps and nods before diving into his story. He tells them about your exile and how Dream has been treating you two, blowing up your stuff and even physically harming Y/N. He tells them that Dream has the two convinced that nobody cares about them anymore. The three go stiff at that. Have they all been so focused they really missed all of this? Well time to go right some wrongs. It is almost as if all ache and tiredness left Wilbur’s body at the thought of his spouse being hurt, especially at the hands of Dream. He straightens up and takes a few steps toward Ranboo, “Take them to us” he speaks, his tone pretty damn dark. Ranboo nods and quickly turns around and leads the three men back to the exile spot. 

Back in exile, you and Tommy built a house… Logsted! It wasn’t exactly your taste, but it made Tommy happy so you lived in it together. You had woken up, actually feeling kind of good. The bruises and nicks on your face had slowly begun to heal and Dream hadn’t hit you in the past three days. You had a nice dinner last night, you and Tommy had found some chickens and made a small chicken farm a little ways away from the house so that way Dream couldn’t easily find it, but point is you had chicken for dinner… that’s what I was getting at… I’ll move on. So long story short, you were feeling good. The sun had risen and so Tommy and you were just kind of waiting for Dream to show up so you could get the daily blowing up over with. And like clockwork, he shows up, but for some reason he’s angry. For the past couple days he’d actually be pleasant to be around, greeting you asking you how you’ve been. But today was different. He slammed the door open and begins digging a hole in the middle of Logstedshire… That’s really weird. He was going to blow up the stuff inside the house? No way. But he points to the hole and you know he wants you to dump your items in. You move to the hole but don’t throw your stuff in, “Inside the house? Can we please go outside, I don’t want to ruin our hard work” wrong thing to say. A growl escapes Dream’s lips as he reaches forward and slaps you hard across the face, harder than he’s ever slapped you. It is enough to make you dizzy, but you don’t even have time to recover because his hand is in your hair, yanking it back forcing you to look at him. “You stupid bitch. You would think that after all this time, you would have learned by now… I mean you were doing so so well. But it just seems that you never learn your lesson… Guess I’ll have to teach you yet again.” And he pulls out his sword and points it at your stomach, ready to slice you again. Just as he’s about to harm you, the door swings open again and someone stumbles in. They lean against the doorframe with their hand grabbing the top of the frame. You can hear Tommy let out a gasp and you watch Dream’s eyes widen in fear. “So Dream,” an all too familiar voice calls, “What’s this about hurting Y/N and Tommy now?” And then you’re let go by Dream. You crash to the ground, fall flat on your ass, but you manage to scramble to a stand as you stare at the door frame in complete... Shock? Amazement? Fear? You can’t tell. You’re husband, Wilbur, is standing there in the flesh. Literally in the flesh. He’s alive again and you cannot believe it. “Wilbur” Dream stutters out, “You’re alive? How-” “That doesn’t matter, Dream. What matters is the fact that you’ve been hurting Y/N and Tommy… We can’t have that. So now what is going to happen is I’m going to take my family back to L’Manberg and you are never going to hurt them again,” Wilbur announces, moving ever so slightly further into the room. Seeming to have recovered just a bit from shock, Dream actually retorts, “Or what?”. Two more people enter the house and it causes Dream to blanch even further. “I think you know what… now run along.” Not wanting to risk it, Dream takes off running. 

Once you’re sure he’s gone, you allow yourself to speak. “Wilbur?” You whisper out, still not sure if this is real or if you’re dreaming. Wilbur’s attention shifts to you and he completely soften. “Hello,” he greets with a soft smile on his face, taking a few steps toward you, “Have you missed me?” Deciding you don’t care if he’s real or not, you rush forward and throw yourself into his arms. You, like Philza and Techno, almost cry at the feeling of your body’s connecting. He’s here. He’s real. And he’s alive. His arms wrap around you and hold you to him so tightly, you almost can’t breathe. But you don’t care. You’re hugging your husband. You’re actually hugging your husband. “I missed you so much, Wilby. I mean we had Ghostbur but it wasn’t the same. I missed you,” you mumble into his shoulders, the tears slowly falling out of your eyes. His hand comes up and slowly pets your head, in silent comfort and reassurance. 

After a few minutes you pull away slightly, “How are you-” You’re cut off by his lips pressing against your and you cannot help but melt. It has been months since his passing and this was just the absolute best feeling in the world. You kiss back with so much passion it makes your head spin, this time in a good way. It’s also probably the only time ever his brother’s didn’t fake vomit at the sight of you kissing. You only pull back to catch a breath, but right as you breathe in, Wilbur’s lips are back on yours. The process repeats a few times, before you manage to breathe out a “Will,” causing him to pull back, but leaving his forehead resting on yours and his lips just hovering above yours. “Yes my love,” he mumbles to you. “Can we go home please” you ask, not wanting to be here at Logstedshire any longer. He gives you a warn grin, leaning the inch forward and kissing you once more before giving his answer. “Of course my love. Let’s get out of here.” 

[barzzal]

between halls and thin walls → part four

summary: friends who fool around almost never works. almost.

↳ pairing: mathew barzal x you

↳ warnings: idiots, that’s all <3

↳ genre: fluff, angst, smut, roommates au, best friend’s best friend, friends with benefits, 18+

↳ length: series; part one, part two, part three, part four (6.7k), part five, part six

↳ masterlist: the barn

↳ track: my favorite part by mac miller, addicted by jorja smith, someone to spend time with by los retros

note: finally got myself to update this fic oml zzz quick psa tho, this will now be a six-part series! hope that’s okay and yenno as always, would love to hear what you think about this (validate me in the tags pls im lonely) happy reading babes! <3

“Yo, grandma. Haven’t you had too much tea to drink?” his voice echoes in the room as soon as he walks into it. You carefully set the cup down on the dining table and looked at him exasperatedly. 

“Haven’t you had too much care to give?” you snark back, earning yourself a disappointed look from him. 

“Really, y/n? That’s the best you’ve got?” he shakes his head at your appalling retort.  What a shame.

You were good at pissing him off to be fair. You just weren’t in the mood to throw teases back and forth especially now that you’re feeling particularly vulnerable.

The week has been far too dreadful for you and you know that you’re willing to grovel your way into the weekend to finally have the time to slack off, not worry about taking a bath, and just go crazy with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

However, just like always, Mathew seems to never run out of ways to get on your nerves. 

He carelessly puts his stuff on the table, causing a fairly loud thud on the surface. 

You let out a deep breath, massaging your temple. 

“Somebody’s cranky.” he grins. Not necessarily the kind you’d want to see from him. 

You try to ignore him for a few minutes but you can’t help noticing how his build easily took over much of the space you’ve already been occupying. You irkingly look up at him, closing the book you were reading. You meet Mat’s eyes who just innocently looked back into yours. Waiting. Possibly plotting on yet another sophisticated way to toy with you.

“You’re a child.” you roll your eyes and return to your reading. He says nothing and instead rests his chin atop his enclasped hands, continuing to bother you with his ridiculously beguiling eyes. He presses his lips together before sighing dramatically. 

“What?” you snap, finally shutting your book down as you look at him. 

“I wanna go out.” he looks up at you in an effort to make his huge physique smaller than it really was. 

“Then go out. You’re a big boy.” you breathe. 

“You just said that I’m a child.” he coos, mimicking a five-year-old’s voice. 

“Stop that.” you glare at him. Mat props himself back and laughs, “Come on. I’m bored.” 

You open your book again just as you reply in a tone that Mat’s getting used to hearing. “Boredom doesn’t give you the right to pester me, Barzal.” 

And as an exchange, he speaks in the same tone rather mockingly, “And so is that attitude, Y/L/N.” 

“Come on, y/n. Let’s go out.” he now pleads, looking up at you with what seems to be his worst impression of a ‘puppy eye’.

“Fine.” you finally concede and you see Mat’s beaming smile instantly. 

“Where’d you want to go?” you ask as you take your reading glasses off.

“Dunno.” He shrugs, obviously teasing. 

On the edge of being irritated, you say, “Are you kidding me?”

“Grandma.” he mumbles before saying, “Do you have anything you want to do? And please don’t say book hunt.”

You suppress a smile and maintain your composure. “I’m craving for pancakes right now but I also wanna drink. Go to a bar or something.”

He nods in agreement. Already stitching his game plan.

“We can do both.”  he bobs his all too fine brows.

He didn’t have a hard time getting you on board with his spontaneity. You actually haven’t gone out in a while and the thought of a possible night out doesn’t seem to be so bad of an idea.

You’ve been with Mat to parties and while the two of you don’t mingle as much as the other guys did, he does know his way around the club. The dance floor, however, he tries. He really does.

For about an hour Mathew waited patiently in the living room as he scrolled endlessly on instagram liking a few photos and laughing at posts the fans tag him occasionally. His eyes were peeled away from the screen when he heard the door to your room click. His irises trail onto your body even if he didn’t plan to originally. 

Mathew, albeit dressed simply in his black turtleneck sweater and a beige overcoat exudes just about the right ‘swag’ (as per how he puts it) to stop you in your stupor. Although what you didn’t know was how you weren’t any different in his eyes. You were dressed quite nicely in a black lace bodysuit with a pair of blackpants accentuated by the black boots you usually wear on a night out. Your coat was slung on your forearm whilst you held your clutch purse in your hand so you could close the door with the other. 

“What?” you blink just as you look down to eye yourself. Feeling a tad self-conscious under his gaze.

Mat immediately breaks it off. He clears his throat, pretending to wipe off the non-existent dust on the accent table. 

“What?” he mirrors with an arched brow.

You shrug off his demeanor, snatching your keys from the accent table before putting it in your purse. 

“Have you called a lyft already?” he nods, absentmindedly scratching his temple. 

“You ready? You look— decent.” He says, trying to act casual and distant when he gives you the compliment.

Not noticing the unfamiliar look his eyes had, you return the compliment and say,  “And so do you. Good job for not looking like you came straight out of an H&M catalogue.” you wink at him with a grin. A thing which was then reciprocated by a deadpan look on his end. 

Before he could even come up with yet another clever way to come at you, you start walking towards the door, looking at him once as you motion the way by curling your finger.

“Haul ass, buddy.”

𖥸

10:15 PM 

Mat decided to bring you to the usual place he goes to when he wants to be alone and just enjoy a couple of beers while he chats with River, the bartender he eventually befriends after years spent drinking in solitude. 

The bar had a rustic feel filled with wine barrels in the corner of the room. The seats were leather (mind you, it wasn’t the kind that gets easily worn out through time) and everything looked new to you regardless of all the vintage stuff displayed articulately on the brick wall. A turntable was set on the table stacked with vinyl records, most of which were from the 70s to 80s underneath.

It was obvious that it wasn’t the kind people would know about. Aside from it being located at such a secluded street leading to the suburbs, it wasn’t the type of bar kids would want to hang out in. It only had a few customers and most of them wore suits and came with company. No one really gave a hoot when you walked in with Mathew, aka, the face of the New York Islanders. Which is basically the reason why Mat kept coming back to the place. He felt comfortable and at peace. Almost in retrospect to being at home hanging with his father. 

“I can’t believe this place exists.” you say, mouthing your thanks to River as he hands you both of your drinks. The man that’s definitely aged like fine wine smiles, nodding his head over to Mat who was doing the same before he headed back to mix another set of drinks. 

“Me neither.” he grins, reminiscing about the time he’s found the small pub by accident. 

“This place looks expensive though.” you whisper, making Mathew laugh. 

“Well, it kinda is.” he sheepishly chuckles. “River’s filthy rich.”

“Is he really?” your mouth falls and you look back over the build of the old man. The way his salt and pepper hair was neatly slicked back makes quite a compelling case for what Mat had just said. 

Mat eventually explains who he was. Apparently, he was just another bored fancy man who happened to love making people drop dead and drunk with his over the top mixes. His dark deep set brown eyes are quite of a crowd favourite too. Case in point, the group of ladies seated from across you and Mathew.

“Hey.” you absentmindedly call on Mat who had just sipped on his drink. “I know what we should do.”

“All right.” he puts the glass down, “Lay it on me.”

“Let’s fix you up with one of the girls over there.” you suggest, leaning towards his body so you could get a better view upfront. Mat does not move and instead follows your finger subtly pointing at the other end of the room.

“What’s with the sudden fixation of getting me bagged tonight, huh?” he smirks, shaking his head at the idea of having to go home with some random girl. You give him a side eye as you move away from him. 

“Fixation is an overstatement. We’ll be here long enough for us to get sick of each other.” you explicitly told him. 

Mat eyes you intently. Searching if there was even the slightest doubt in your eyes. 

Long enough to get sick of each other. 

He clears his throat instead and looks across the room. “Which one?”

A gleeful cheer erupts from you just before you look over the girls in question. “What’s your type?” you ask him, not sparing a glance.

Mat looks down on you underneath the bar lights accentuating your features. Your eyes had a certain glint in them that Mat still can’t get a grasp on. Something that was just enough to spark something inside him. He didn’t want to overthink it nonetheless. It must have been just the lights. 

Once Mat sensed that you were about to look at him he immediately turned his gaze forward, squinting his eyes a little pretending to check out the women you’ve been eyeing for the last minute. 

“I don’t really have a type.” he shrugs, casually taking the fragile glass to his mouth. 

You dismiss what he said at once, “Do I look like a child to you? Just answer it.”

Mat shakes his head, “I told you. I don’t have one. If we vibe then we vibe. Simple as that.” 

You did not believe him but you decide to drop it off. Instead, you look back and return to your new found mission. Across the bar, seated were three girls busy talking to each other. 

“Got it.” you tell Mat, nodding your head towards the clueless girl sitting right across from where Mathew was. “The one in the center.” you add. “The one wearing a white bodycon.”

“She’s pretty.” he nods, validating your taste as his potential wingman. “Nice smile.”

Your hand met a firm slap on the table as you went on cheering for him. “Well? Go then!” you give him a nudge, taking it back quickly when you feel a slight hesitation on his part, “Don’t tell me you need me to introduce you?”

He takes the remainder of his glass and shaked off the kick it had in his throat. “You just sit and watch, babe.”

You do as you’re told and lean towards the bar, your elbow carrying all your weight whilst you sip on your half-full martini. 

Mathew’s stance and the way he carries himself immediately caused the girls to notice him coming. Of course, you weren’t really surprised. You watch him approach her,– reading along the words leaving his mouth. There was an exchange of proper ‘hello’s’ as Mat introduced himself to the girls. He reaches out his hand and the curly noirette in the center gives him a firm shake. 

Mat’s eyes momentarily locked with yours just as you see their hands linger in the air— tangled long enough for him to make a quick segway. He winks your way as he sees you grin from your seat, shaking your head just after you felt the need to take a deep breath. A thing you assumed to be because of the drink. So, while Mat leads the girl to one of the empty booths and sits across from her, you call on River and ask for another drink. 

Mathew must have lost track of time by the second drink he shared with Zoe. He learns that she’s from upstate and was just on the island to visit her friends. She’s still working on her major at NYU; coincidentally in the same field as Lianna so that was one of the things they’ve talked about first hand. She wasn’t really into sports so Mat steered clear of his job because he didn’t want to bore her. 

“So…” Zoe smiles and tucks her hair behind her ear. “What’s the deal with you and the girl you’re with?” 

By the time she asked about you, only then did Mat remember who he was originally with. 

“Oh! She’s—” he looks over to where you’re seated only to find you laughing— no giggling with a man that was obviously a few years older than you. He’s wearing a neat black suit and a button down shirt with a couple of its first buttons opened. Zoe sees him frown, evidently losing his train of thought. 

She calls him with her sweet voice, “Mat?” 

“Yeah?” he absentmindedly answers, not wanting to take his eyes off of your hand that was now gently pushing the man’s arm whilst the two of you continue to burst into laughter. 

“Are you okay?” she asks.

What’s so funny? 

Finally, Mat hears Zoe’s distant voice that eventually took him back to his seat.

“Oh. Y-Yeah.” he apologetically smiles. “Sorry. What were you saying again?” 

She hesitates to ask about you after taking a quick glance your way upon seeing the way Mathew looked at you. Nevertheless, she decides to go for it.

“Aren’t you two together? I don’t want to come off strong here or anything. It’s just that I don’t want to get in between something if there ever is.” 

Mat looks at you one more time and as if you’ve felt his eyes all along you turn your way and meet his gaze. You shoot him a quiet smile, eyeing the guy sitting beside you, mouthing what he assumes to be an exaggerated “So hot!” on your end. He reciprocates your smile and gives you an approving nod.

Once you looked away, that’s the only time Mat finally answered the woman waiting patiently for his attention. 

“What?” Mat shakes his head wildly, blowing out air off his lips defensively. “No no no. We’re just friends. She’s my roommate actually.” he shrugs you off his mind and instead tries to put his entire focus on her. 

The remaining hours were spent with you and Mat getting along with your respective potential hook-ups. Not that it wasn’t the endgame either of you were hoping for at the back of your minds. 

He’s got to admit that Zoe was the kind of girl he’d be interested in. Another fact he’s kept a mental tab not to mention to you because he knows you’ll just get cocky. 

She was sweet and obviously eloquent. He knows she’s way smarter than he’ll ever be. But out of all those qualities, she was just as passionate at her craft as someone he likes to think he knows well enough. And that alone made a small smile creep on his lips. 

Nonetheless, despite all the aforementioned, Mathew found himself a bit more reserved than he usually is whenever he gets to meet and talk to his potential ‘lady friends’ as how you’ve put it countless times. He just wasn’t his exact self.  And he was beginning to question it. 

There were no fancy hockey plays thrown subtly into the conversation. Neither mentions of golfing nor over the top league events.  No butchered french pet names swiftly tucked in his sentences. And no endless questions that would eventually lead to something along the lines of ‘Do you want to get out of here?’

Well, not until Zoe’s friends got up their seats and she told him herself. 

“Hey. The girls and I are meeting up with some friends in Brooklyn. D’ya wanna come?” 

Mat’s eyes trail down to her hand now gently caressing his. He raises both his brows thinking of a possible ‘out’ because he wasn’t sure if it was a smart thing to leave you alone with a stranger. 

He hums, “Sure.” 

Zoe shows him a delighted smile before eventually sliding out of the booth to walk towards the bar she and her friends were formally seated. 

“I gotta use the restroom first. Please excuse me.” she gives him a nod before going back to chatting with her friends. 

You, on the other hand, see Mat leave the table aiming for an archway you presume to be where the loo was. 

“Hey,” you call the man whose name you’ve already forgotten. Your pause was long enough for him to acknowledge the chances that you actually did forget who he was. Obviously.

“Chris.” The man in his early 30s answers with a submitting grin. 

You shyly laugh, squeezing his forearm as you try to apologize for forgetting. 

“Would you mind if I use the restroom?” you politely ask. 

“No, not at all.” he replies and immediately stands to help you get on your feet. Gentleman. 

Once you are in front of the men’s room, you anxiously wait for your wingman. You hug your purse close to your chest. Not a whole minute after, the door finally opens and you meet Mat’s irises with quite a gleeful look. 

A look he wasn’t a fan of for he knew what’s about to come next. 

“Are you taking off?” you eagerly ask, almost hopping on your feet. 

Mat eyes you from head to toe, looking for signs that would stink from a drunk y/n. When he sees none, that’s when he decides to say that he was. 

“Mkay good. I’ll be on my way too. Chris is taking me to New Jersey.” you tell him, briefly looking through the archway to see if there were people listening.

Once you know you’re clear, you lean towards Mat, your lips dangerously close to the sensitive skin of his ear. Mat feels your heated breath sending a familiar tingle up his spine. “I’ll get to ride a yacht tonight.” you bite your lower lip and giddily smile as if you were a cheeky 16 year-old usually depicted in a coming of age movie. 

“Who’s Chris?” Mat, in spite of taking rounds observing you all night, finds the need to ask. “And why are you coming with him to NJ?” he further questions. 

“Uh– okay, dad.” you step back for a second. You let out a scoff, checking if he was being serious about it. “I thought we’re supposed to go get laid tonight? Weren’t you about to take off with that girl yourself?” 

Mat averts your gaze and starts to scratch the corner of his brow. “Well yeah. It’s just that— he looks sketchy.” he pauses, “plus… isn’t he a little too old for you?” 

You roll your eyes as you’ve already expected to hear the words from him. 

“He’s 31. He’s not that old.” you say rather defensively so you turn the ball back on his court. “And what if he was?  Didn’t you ask one of the moms out??”

Mat’s eyes widens and you try to bite back a laugh. He whispers with a biting tone, trying to save himself. “She didn’t look like one! I’m gonna kill Beau I swear to god.”

“Come on Barz. Don’t be such a killjoy. Text me if you need anything, okay? Wrap things up while you’re at it.” you say at once. Mat doesn’t get the chance to talk you out of such a stupid idea because before he even could, you’ve already planted a kiss on his cheek and started walking away. 

Mat waited for the sound of the heavy doors of the bar, signaling that you and your friend have gone, before stepping back to where Zoe was. She waves him near the coat closet. 

“Hi.” Mat greets her friends before eventually turning his attention on the unsuspecting lass. She meets her with a smile (just like what she’s been doing all night). The same smile, however, drops the second Mat opens his mouth. “Can I talk to you for a sec?” 

Zoe nods and willfully abides, letting Mat take her gently by the arm. 

“What’s up?” she innocently asks. 

“Something came up.” he says a little too fast than what he’d originally intended. He was going to let her down either way might as well get it over with and rip up the asshole band-aid. 

“Oh.” she says in a tone Mat knew that she completely understood. 

“No worries.” she looks at him with a knowing look in her eyes. “I’ll see you around then.” 

He gives her a kind smile and nods. “Take care.” 

Mathew walks towards the bar, catching River’s teasing grin whilst he cleans up after the bottles left on the center of the counter. 

“What?” Mat reacts defensively, taking a seat in front of the lone bartender. River faintly shakes his head to leave just enough curiosity in Mathew’s mind. 

“You’re such a tool, old man.” the kid says aiming for the cold beer River has put away for himself. River did not mind because he’s grown fond of the star player for the past years he’s spent going on late night drinks at his bar. Years that even justifies a proper amount of time for him to know the in’s and out’s of one Mathew Barzal. 

“I haven’t said a thing.” he shrugs amidst the already wide grin on his face. 

There’s wisdom in his eyes that Mathew has always admired. He wasn’t the guy who’d want to talk about what’s going on inside his head but with how River’s pub seems to be just the right place, he eventually concedes and takes a shot to pick on the old man’s brain.

“Come on, spill it out. I know you’re going to anyway.” Mat gives in, running his thumb on the moist label of the bottle. 

River wipes his hands before resting it atop the counter. “Well, it’s just that– I ain’t used to seeing you turn down ladies like that too often. And you’re definitely not one to stick around watching me clean up.”

Mat stays silent for a moment, as if to gather the exact reason as to why he chose to stay. He still has a long way to go before figuring that one out. He wasn’t exactly as sharp as he was on the ice.

“I don’t know, man.” he chuckles tirelessly, “I guess I wasn’t in the mood. That’s all.”

“You?” River shots a brow and dismisses him, shaking his head. When Mat doesn’t answer, he carefully picks on his choice of words and lays it down carefully for him. After all, Mathew should have known that River was old enough to not know what’s going on.

“Though I gotta be honest with you, hijo. Never imagined you’d bring someone here.” he starts. 

What must have been a shot in the dark for the old man was just enough to tear Mathew’s eyes away from staring at the water beads on the bottle.

“What?”

“The girl, Barz.” he says, banging on the head of the bottle to knock the cap off. “She a friend?” 

“What? Y/N?” Mat quirks his brows trailing off where River was exactly headed, “What about her?— Oh, her? Yeah, no. She’s just a friend.”

“She pretty.” he speaks in a sound accent, not wanting to let Mat know he’s growing to like catching the young lad off guard. Mathew nods casually despite the continuous blabbering. “She’s y/n. But yeah— I guess, she is pretty.” 

“Then what are you doing being just friends with a pretty girl?” River inquires, taking a sip of his beer. When he sees him trying to register what he’d just said he then adds, “Why not be with her? Date her?”

“Psh. What? Date y/n? That’s crazy.” Mat shakes his head furiously, “You’re crazy.” 

“What’s so crazy about that?” River takes offense, laughing at the child’s naivete. 

“I can’t date her. I mean— I won’t date her.” he takes the bottle to his mouth, taking a large gulp before continuing, “We’re in this weird relationship thing. A setup, actually, and it’s— it’s crazier than dating her. I swear, you of all people won’t get it.” 

“What makes you think I can’t?” he smirks, “I’ve had my fair share of crazy.” River points out despite the hesitation in Mat’s eyes. “I got all night, kid.” he adds, letting him have the floor to himself. 

“You really want in on this?” he second guesses, not wanting to bore the man with his personal life.

River leans against the brass counter just below the lit rack of vintage scotch displayed on the bar. He then gestures him to give a piece of his mind and Mat finally submits to his offer.

“We’ve been in a few… prior engagements,” he starts trying to find the appropriate word. “Well, sort of.”

River hums, not necessarily getting on the same page as him so he decides to be upfront about it.

“We’ve… slept together.” he confesses.

“So you used to date her?” the old man asks. 

“No.” he answers, “I told you we’re just friends.” 

With furrowed brows, River takes a minute. And once Mat hears an all too familiar “Oh.” he sees him break a chuckle, shaking his head at the thought of what Mat had just told him. “You kids have way too much fun these days.”

Mathew shrugs, “Hey, I warned you. Told you you wouldn’t get it.”

“Okay, make me understand something here. You two sleep together, fool around, do all that shit.” he says, “and you swear you’re not in a relationship?”

“Nope.” Mat answers with pride, popping out the word with a hard ‘p’.

“Huh.” River clicks his tongue, “How long have you two been… engaged?” 

He rolls his eyes when River uses his word, “About two months.” he answers shortly.

“Is she seeing anyone since you two started this thing? You know, casual dates, the ones I presume she’s been getting before you got her into this mess?” he asks him in a tone that only fathers would ever dare to use.

Mat thinks for a moment, trying to recall the last time he’s seen a guy pick you up for dinner besides the old man you’ve successfully bagged for the night. He firmly shakes his head no and simply says, “At least not in my recollection.”

River willfully nods, walking Mat right into the trap. “Well have you been seeing anyone lately?” he asks again, this time slipping a hint of assertion. He hears a crystal clear ‘no’ from the forward and that’s when he broke a goading grin. 

“And you’re telling me you two aren’t together?” he asks yet again, getting on Mat's nerves as he continues to flood him with biting queries, building up the final point he was about to break on Mathew.

“Rivs, for the hundredth time, no. We are not.” he clarifies. 

Mat watches River pour himself a glass of scotch, still wearing a smug grin. “Imma give you a piece of advice, yeah?” he smiles rather teasingly and doesn’t wait for Mat to rebut, “I’m a happily married man so I don’t know a single squat about dating nowadays, but if you’re telling me that you kids aren’t sleeping with anyone else but yourselves? Looks like a damn relationship to me.”

With his brows all quirked in confusion (and denial in the very least), Mathew gathers all his might just so he could refute whatever madness River was trying to inflict on him and screw him up in the head. But before he could even open his mouth, the sound of the heavy doors was all it took to tear up both River’s and Mat’s attention.

“Hi.” you say the moment you were welcomed by unsuspecting men talking by the bar. River acknowledges you by raising his drink, his gaze landing on Mat the moment yours did. 

“Hi.” Mathew mirrors you in an attempt to drown his already racing heart. A smile impending to break loose at any moment but he manages to suppress it. Instead of dealing with his adrenaline, he gestures for you to take a seat beside him. 

“Where’s the sugar daddy?” he laughs the moment you drag yourself from across the room, mocking every word he said. 

“His wife called when I got into his car.” you cringe.

“Oof. Lovely.” Mat makes the distinct expression on his face just before the two of you share a laugh.

“He’s not very smooth with adultery. He needs more practice.” you casually state sarcastically, clicking your tongue. 

As you find the narrative funny, you take a sip on Mathew’s beer. “How are you not drunk? You’ve been drinking way too much the entire night.”

“Well. I’ve got some things to think about—” he cuts himself off upon seeing your mouth ajar, “And no, you’re not allowed to ask because none of it concerns you.” 

“I wasn’t going to.” you dismiss him, excusing yourself to River which he gladly took as his cue to leave.

When he disappeared into the kitchen, you turned your gaze on your friend wearing another one of your mischievous grins, “Hey, wanna get pancakes?” 

“Y/N, it’s almost 3 AM.” Mat sighs, the tiring night starting to creep up to him. 

“So?” you question, swatting his hand away when you catch him checking on his watch. 

“Come on. Stop drinking that.” you insist and take the bottle from his hand before putting it over to the side. 

The two of you said your goodbyes to the lone bartender who was just starting to clean up again. River gives the two of you a nod of acknowledgement before landing a knowing look on Mathew. One that he’s thankful enough not to be discerned by you. 

As you walk alongside Mathew, he unconsciously places a hand on the small of your back— feeling it graze on the fabric of your coat as if to guide you towards the door in an almost romantic type of way. Perhaps, a way someone would behave if they were actually in a relationship. 

Mat notices your body tense but he doesn’t move an inch. Instead, his hand travels to the curve of your waist just as he leads you through the brass doors.

Once you’re out on the streets, he lets go.

𖥸

After almost half an hour of fighting over which diner is better to eat and get sober at, you and Mat decide to just try the new diner three blocks from your apartment. Being that it was an ungodly hour, the diner was good as closed when you got in. There were a few people inside and besides the student studying alone in the corner booth, the people lounging in the vacant seats were mostly just staff. Too bad they had to work the grave shift.

Mathew, who was rather preoccupied digging in his breakfast platter, gets interrupted when you call his attention. 

“So tell me,” you ask as you take a forkful of syrupy pancake into your mouth. Finally satisfying your cravings. You put the food modestly in the insides of your cheeks when you ask him a question, “What are you like on dates?” 

Mat disgustingly looks at you. You easily get what such a look meant and you immediately roll your eyes. You let your hand fall in mid-air amidst still holding a fork in it to prove a point. “I’m not trying to ask you out, dumbass. Don’t be so delusional.”

He puts his silverware down and wipes his mouth with a napkin. “Why the sudden interest?” 

“Just curious.” you simply say.

He hums, thinking about how he pulls off a first date. He then clears his throat as he takes you down that road. “First, I’m not bringing her to a 24/7 Diner.” you nearly gag. “She deserves a formal one just in case there won’t be a second date.” he explains. 

You sit there, nodding your head every now and then as he further goes on the details of how he’s like on a date. “Of course, I’d put my best foot forward all the time. Talk about her stuff more than mine and make sure she has a good time.” 

“Have you ever had a bad first date?” you curiously ask. To which he only answers with a stubborn look on his face, the one only Mat Barzal could pull off. “What? me? I don’t do bad first dates.”

“Oh, fuck off.” you flick his forehead as you laugh. The sound of his laughter echoing in your ears, drowning all the existing noise inside the lone diner.

But as the laughter dies down, Mat catches your eyes as soon as it falls on his. And just like that, there it was again, the exact same glint it had back in the bar. This time, illuminated by the pink shaded light lining up the wall accents of the diner. 

When he realizes that he’s been staring for too long, he settles on turning the tables on you. 

“How about you?” he props in his seat, “What are you like on dates?”

“You know, apart from the fact that you’re obviously into old men.” he snickers and you throw a curly fry on his forehead.

“Excuse me, I don’t.” you say sticking up for yourself.

Mat takes the curly fry that has fallen on his plate and proceeds to eat it. “Sure you do.” 

You roll your eyes, finding it hard to suppress the fact that you might actually do. “There’s a reason why women like old men, chico.”

He leans back and answers with a level headed and quite teasing reply, “And why’s that?”

“Because they’re men.” you look at him with a jerky grin as you continue, “And men, especially of River’s kind, definitely knows how to eat his french fry.”

Mat’s mouth falls wide in disbelief, appalled that you’ve actually found a way to pick up a stone and throw it straight to his face just to rub more salt on the fact that you had to teach a 23-year-old grown man how to eat cunt.

 “You’re an ass.” he says, rolling his eyes. You let out a laugh and shake your head. You were proud of yourself, sure; but showing just that is far too much for a boy’s already hurting ego. Who would have known humbling this man was such a task. 

“I’m playing! You know how to now.” you tell him, “Thanks to me, of course.”

He scoffs and takes a bite off his pancakes, “Cocky.”

“But you still haven’t answered my question.” he reminds you whilst he wipes off his lips with a napkin. 

“There’s not much to tell. You know I’m not high maintenance.” you tell him, ignoring the fact that you haven’t been on an actual date for so long you’re almost sure you’ve forgotten how to be in one. 

“I know it’s cheesy and corny but I do think it’s still in the littlest things, you know?” you sigh. Trying to remember the last relationship (date even) you had wherein those little things, the ones that are merely the bare minimum, were actually given to you. 

“You know, it’s not much, really. Maybe just a good talk without having to watch him watch me talk all night when he’s really thinking about how I’d look naked, you know what I mean?” you laugh it off, “I know, it’s stupid.”

The arrogant man sitting before you was silent for once, profusely wanting to wash the pool of melancholy he sees in your eyes. There must have been a shit ton of guys who overlooked how great of a woman you actually are just because they couldn’t stop thinking with the head in between their legs even just for a second. 

Mathew knows. And he hates that he’s been ‘that’ guy at some point. Probably until now considering him thinking with his balls on was the very thing that got the two of you here in the first place.

You take a deep breath, smiling. “Anyway, that’s better than almost getting with a married man. Right?”

“Right.” Mat laughs, his gray eyes bright under all the lights as he plays with his silverware,— devoid of how much he looked like as if he was utterly and undeniably in awe of not just the energy of the woman sitting in front of him alone nor the fact that she was by far the most unbelievable woman he’s known, but most importantly, he’s yet to realize how much in deep he’s beginning to be for the woman she actually were. 

Just as she is. 

𖥸

You left the diner a good hour before the sunrise and what must have been a quick five minute drive if you had only taken a cab, became a twenty minute foot race between you and Mathew.

You knew that walking was a bad idea but somehow, Mat’s charm and persuasive antics had a better hold than you thought you had on your very capable cognition. 

As you drag your feet into the confines of the elevator in your complex, you hear Mathew chuckling behind you with a firm hand securely placed on your waist supporting your balance. 

“You know— and not just ‘cause I’m an athlete, can I just say that you’re in a very bad shape?” he says almost a whisper in your ear, his voice low and deep.

You roll your eyes, leaning on the steel cold mirror once he pulls away, “You do it in heels then tell me who’s in a bad shape.” 

“Fair point.” he chuckles yet again, shying away. He presses the number for your floor before resting across from you. As Mat watches you catch your breath, he jokes in the hopes of breaking the ice between the two of you. 

“So…” he clicks his tongue, playful eyes looking at you, “Wanna tap?”

Disgusted to your very core, you let out a scoff just as you shake your head. “You’re fucking sick.” you laugh upon meeting his dumb grinning face. Seconds into laughter, Mat’s silence kills off the humor. The two of you exchange glances, the smiles on your faces receding into quietude. 

Mathew didn’t want to end the night letting you in the apartment not knowing what he’s been feeling the moment you’ve let him drag you out for an impromptu night out. And stupid as it was, the only thing he could think of was to slide his foot across the enclosed space embracing the two of you, nudging on your boot. You on the one hand were rather puzzled as to what caused such language. You send him a mental query by arching a brow. He lets his head fall back on the cold metal surrounding the elevator finally deciding to speak his truth.

 “I’m glad we get to hang out now. You know, just like friends do.” he genuinely says. 

“Me too.” you say, smiling. “I really had fun tonight. Thank you.”

As you meet his eyes, you see a glimmer of softness in his gaze. 

“Good thing I got bored, eh?” he says with a smirk. 

“Good thing I came back for you.” you reply.

A quiet smile parts from his lips.

“Yeah. I’m glad you did.”

It was a few seconds when you and Barzy parted from your respective walls to meet the sliding doors as it opened on your designated floor. You were pulling him closer by the tie of his coat whilst his hand was instinctively placed on your hips letting him press his body on you. Your faces were inches from each other’s, evident of not wanting to prolong the totally unplanned foreplay that’s about to go down in a communal lift. 

But just like every film you’ve watched your whole life, the inevitable cliché befalls the two of you when the next words that filled the enclosed walls you’re currently caged in came from the man who has yet to miss a morning jog. 

“What the hell is going on here?”

[honoredbastard]

I COME BACK WITH THOUGHTS/THEORIES ON ITADORI AND HIS RELATIONS- I THINK.

anyways, so i'll just point this out: i'm not good at speaking my thoughts in an organized manner. i absolutely suck at it, i speak on how my brain brings up the thoughts so i might ramble, get over my head in a thought, etc. i can't control it so i apologize in advance for the jumpiness of the texts. i will spell a lot of things wrong and not everything will be correct, as i read translations and on a manga site. don't worry it's not illegal, i believe.

MANGA SPOILERS AHEAD.

i apologize for my absence! last week or two weeks ago the tower to my computer completely broke and will not turn on. i tried to repair it and follow my fathers instructions but nothing worked. even cleaned off the fan and went through countless nights readjusting things. it's not my cords either so to help me out my father is working extra shifts to get me a new pc. so in the meantime i'll do small posts like these but not full writing/head canons until i have a computer tower lol. a family member was kind enough to allow me to have their phone while we work throughout this issue.

now onto the actual topic:

kenjaku and itadori's relationship. ( family wise ).

for context in the most recent chapter, 160 "colony" kamo shows up in sasaki's home and talks to her about the culling game and a barrier. but that's not the point, the point is as he's guiding her to the barrier inside her "dream" at the end he says "oh right. i almost forgot to tell you. thank you for getting along with my son." and then she is awakened inside the barrier, in her pajamas beside iguchi. when sasaki and iguchi look at the barrier and gather themselves they bring up kamo.

sasaki asked iguchi if he mentioned his son and he says no. this leaves sasaki in a state of confusion when itadori flashes in her mind. she says his name aloud like she finally connected the dots. now. why am i bringing up this whole kenjaku thanking sasaki for being his "son"'s friend. it throws me off because why didn't he thank iguchi?

did he not think iguchi meant their friendship? because sasaki was the one uninjured and still counted itadori as a friend? does iguchi not consider itadori as a friend anymore?

because we haven't seen these two at all since the incident. that raised many questions in me. as well "how can itadori be related to kamo?" and itadori is related to choso.

because kamo's technique is explained ( vaguely. we are aware he can create barriers, take over bodies, and has incredible cursed tools. chapter 134. this is also where choso makes his connection ( i believe. ) to itadori yuji as his brother. but because we saw this with todo many thought itadori just had another unconsious technique that allows the person who is hit create false memories and believe of a completely made up relationship with itadori without his knowledge. but alas, i was wrong. ) and we're given more hints shown than told ( imo ) i tried my best to make sense out of the situation and what he said. i think my conclusions are pretty solid, so continuing on.

we're given very little history on itadori, his past, and family. at the start of the manga we know that itadori's only family he knows is his grandfather and that he is ill in the hospital. at the very very beginning we learn that itadori is your average cute, fluffy, laid back but strong and goofy protagonist. in smaller words: itadori is kirby but even cuter and dumber.

my first impressions of him is a pineapple. if you're confused to this saying: it's calling a person prickly on the outside but sweet on the inside. and this is true, itadori's grandfather seems prickly and cold on the outside but he genuinely cares for itadori.

he raised itadori for all we know and did that with his all in assumption. but this ends up backfiring onto itadori, because he cares so much for his grandson - he ends up leaving a " curse " on yuji.

help people. save them.

itadori takes this to heart as his grandfathers speech is his last one. when he looks over to his grandfather the man is dead and now yuji is left alone. then the following events occur.

at this point in time i assumed itadori was an orphan ( he technically is if we're connecting the dots. his parents has not been shown, he doesn't speak of them, they aren't in the picture. we can conclude either they disowned itadori or died before he could make complete memories of them. )

but when we are shown in chapter 143 itadori's parents we see this "woman" jin ( yuji's father ) and his grandfather talking about has the same scar pattern. this scar pattern is either stitching ( assuming that is how kamo keeps the top of the opened skull from coming off. this is also how kamo revealed his cursed technique / body of sorts ( the brain, assuming that is kenjaku in his cursed technique and not the body / puppet he is controlling " getou suguru " ) to gojou. )

this is the only way i find kamo being able to assign itadori as his son. why is that you might be asking this dumbass here.

we do not have the full story, exact date, location, and full context of the memory/dream itadori is having. this cannot be fake either because kamo would than have no reason to call itadori his son. or is there? anyways.

take a leap of faith with me. imagine that before itadori is born ( he seems no more than a few weeks or days old in this memory. hence why i am thinking my conclusion is pretty solid in theory. but yknow gege, there might be something different. ) anywhooo.

TW. D3ATH/IMPLYING ANTI LIFE ATTEMPT

kamo had to have taken over yuji's mothers body after an accident OR after she gave birth to yuji. his grandfather is interrupted by her before he can finish his sentence but it seems to be leading to the conclusion that either kaori ( yuji's mother ) died while giving birth to yuji or kaori could not conceive and tried to take her own life or cause an accident that would take her life. ( i read a fan translation for this part but im pretty sure i also read the official translation today too and it added up to the same. )

i believe in the first idea, but since kamo's cursed technique wasn't explained in detail i don't know the conditions of his body technique. does the original host of the body have to be dead? can he regenerate body limbs ( i highly doubt. getou lost an arm during his fight with yuta. overconfident dick. reminding me of an ex ANTWAYS. i forgive him for being overconfident smooch. he learned. OFF TOPIC but continuing on i promise.

this is being continued from the cut off point. i'm so upset so it'll just be summarized. i can't believe this shit lol i took three hours just to finish it for it to literally cut off the bottom half.

continuing on in a sadge mood. kamo must not have the complete ability to take over a body. after all getou took his only arm he had as he was dying and choked his own body to his full ability. getou was willing to die ( possibly, you never know he could be alive if he killed his own body. moving on. ) just to have the chance to save his friend from being swallowed by a damn box.

so there has to be a chance that kamo cannot fully take over the previous persons complete consious and memory of their body. if getou still had his other arm after losing the fight to yuta, he could've choked kamo with both arms. in theory kamo wouldn't be able to control the right arm and die to the previous host choking him to death.

so why wouldn't the other hosts do it? after all, kamo did say it was his first time experiencing such a thing. assuming kamo has lived throughout many bodies in his 150+ lifespan none of the previous hosts could take control of their body.

i believe getou was completely influenced by gojou and his six eyes. there is no way gojou would even try to speak out to his friend unless he had an inkling or saw getou still in there. helpless and without the ability to save himself from the cage he's in.

being used and puppeteered in his own body by an external force. laughing in the world he could not. putting getou into a constant misery and defeat that he couldn't escape his hell. the one he tried so hard to fight and get out of. even if it was the wrong path.

gojou was the last person to witness getou dying. he had to watch getou bleed out after their conversation because he couldn't bring himself to kill his friend. the one he spent his whole jujutsu student life with. so for gojou to say such a thing to getou despite all that he did had to break getou out of his misery and give him that small sliver of hope that he could do something. of course he failed, but i doubt that's going to be the end of that.

the only way i see kamo being related to yuji is if he took over kaori's body before the pregnancy. assuming that when kamo takes over a body he becomes one with said body and is that person for however long he lives in said body. my only thing is, can he take over a persons body whilst they are alive? i would go more in depth like i did the last time but i am extremely upset about my work being erased so that's the end of this part.

thank you for reading! i have one more thing for you though.

the last time we see sukuna in a manga page after the shibuya incident is where he is on his throne and in his domain. this is after yuji is stabbed by yuta and is presumed "dead" at the time. he seems to be interested in yuta and i can think of 2-3 things. I would love to hear your theories too so don't be afraid to barge into my dms like the koolaid man.

A - sukuna is interested in Yuta because of his ability to use the reverse healing technique ( only a few sorcerers know this. sukuna being the first. shoko being the second one to be told that she has this power and then gojou. ) because of this he sees potential in yuta as well or has added this boy into his plans. after all, there is very few that can make sukuna make an expression that isn't an RBF. aka megumi and possibly gojou. I was looking at the page of him stabbing yuji and noticed we only see the entry point of where the blade enters. it's smaller because some got chunked off so its a possibility yuta used this to his advantage when "killing" yuji and instead hit an artery that could kill him but quickly healed him afterwards. or just his heart. the ideas.

B. Rika, Yuta is able to completely control Rika as shown. Even though he claims he is on the weak side, these two combined seem like an unstoppable force. He may be interested in Rika as she is a curse that has been put on someone that can fully control it. Not many people is shown to be able to control their curse. As we haven't met many.

this was enti and that's the last of my post! thank you for reading and it was a fun one. even though i had to restore this shit. anyways, i'd love you to add or fix up my ideas and tell me your thoughts and opinions! Thanks a bunch!

^ this is for pure humor

[ericcartmn]

Y'know, after feeling low and overwhelmed for so long, I'm in a pretty good mood right now, and I figured I'd spread some of that positivity, just in case you've been feeling crappy too.

Let's start off with the day I met you.

It was Christmas break 2018. I hadn't got my blog just yet (that was Feb. 2019), so I was just a little helpless anonymous exploring the Eric Cartman tag on tumblr.

Then, I stumbled across your blog.

It literally changed my life.

I always thought I was weird for liking Cartman the way I did, overthinking every characteristic about him, and just in general fanboying (not in that way ofc, A:not gay, B:hes 10 lmfao) over someone who I originally when I started watching had a hatred for.

But you helped me realize that it's not so weird.

I had the courage to send my first anonymous ask.

The ask that started it all.

It's crazy to think had I not sent that, we wouldn't have started this friendship, and maybe I wouldn't be here on this site to this very day.

This friendship was the best Christmas gift I could've ever asked for.

We would communicate through anonymous asks, and lots of other things.

Then the day came in 2019 that I finally got my blog.

I quickly rushed to your blog, and sent my first message, and followed you instantly.

I followed a few other Cartman/SP blogs I came across too.

These past three years of our friendship have been so amazing.

Always getting off a boring and long day at school, but opening up my phone, and almost always seeing

"Ericcartmn just reblogged a post"

"Ericcartmn just posted a post"

Seeing that in my push notifications always brought a smile to my face.

And always seeing in my notes when I posted a new SP fic or fanart, that you reblogged it.

Seeing when a new episode would air, even after I quit watching, I loved seeing your opinions on the episode. I knew what was happening in the show simply because of your posts (and the wiki)

I love talking about politics with you, even if it isn't a common topic, it was always amazing.

I remember when the George Floyd situation happened last year, and you and I chatted about it for hours.

When the Capital Hill riots happened in January, while watching the news, I instantly messaged you, and I live chatted everything I saw, and that was huge.

When I first got into Modern Family, talking about that was memorable, even if you hadn't really seen much of it at all.

Talking about our lives, and the stresses of it.

I always loved hearing about your job, and talking about school.

Everything about this friendship has been nothing short of amazing.

You were the first online friend I ever met here on this hellsite, and it doesn't matter if we've never met in person, you've always been a real friend to me.

If you ever need someone to chat with, don't be afraid to shoot me a message.

Love you Jas,

-Zach/Killer

I literally cannot believe u remember how we met bro, I have the shittiest memory in the world!! But it means a lot that you went through all the trouble to talk to me, even on anon. GOD its so embarrassing how cringe i was back then (even now tbh lets be real lmao) But you stuck around and u def didnt have to. Thanks for always being here and liking, rbing, or even commenting on my stuff, esp my art. Id feel so low and then BOOM see a notification on my art blog from u, and im so bad at conveying my emotions, but i really do appreciate it. I hope things with you start to get easier, i know life can really suck, but it gets easier eventually, trust me im old as hell LOL

i know im always on and off and with my billion of sideblogs, i suck at checking my messages, but if u ever wanna chat u know where to find me :)

ALSO the fact that u use to have my notifications on.... RIP to your notifications lmaooo u a real one

[kenmashoe]

haikyuu boys as fuckboys

headcanons including: ushijima wakatoshi, haiba lev, tanaka ryunosuke, kozume kenma, kageyama tobio

warnings: the topic of sex is mentioned

first part:  bokuto kotaro, kuroo tetsuro, akaashi keiji, miya atsumu, oikawa tooru, tsukishima kei

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI

- BIG very BIG pp energy

- is very popular because of that bodddddddddddddddddddd

- doesn’t know how to flirt, girls usually make him bed invitations and he accepts because he’s nice like that

- would take you to shiratorizawa to fuck if he wasn’t scared of being caught

- if he thinks you’re a little stupid, he’ll ditch you and go for someone smarter this hurt to write bc id probably be ditched

- doesn’t do relationships because he got his heart broken in the past

- always there after a break up

- he cares and doesn’t like seeing you sad but he comes off as cold because him and emotions are not friends

- won’t do anything about you being sad, probably will just sit next to you waiting for you to be in the mood to f word

- is a gentleman

HAIBA LEV

- he keeps snapchat streaks with half of the school’s population

- the confused fuckboy

- doesn’t know that multiple people think they’re dating him because he didn’t ask them out in the first place

- will say stuff like “my legs are strong, you know what that means babe?” but I ASSURE you he himself doesn’t know what that means he’s baby

- will copy kuroo’s confidence and actions and actually SCOres a fuck like that

- he’s also very popular for his body but also because he’s very laid back and will let his partners decide what to do

- he’s an athlete so he hardly runs out of stamina winks

- is popular with older girls and taken girls he’s not the one cheating, so why would he worry about girls being taken

TANAKA RYUNOSUKE

- you’re not the only person on his phone but when you’re on his bed you’re the only one

- he’s a praising god

- the sex is amazing

- he doesn’t think about anyone else but you when he’s with you

- the type of person to say “you want a better one?” when you say you got a partner

- WILL TREAT you better than your partner, but WILL NEVER BE your partner

- he attracts alt individuals bcs of his punk rock vibes

- is touchy feely in public

- breaks hearts because sure, he takes you out to eat and makes you laugh before fucking you senseless but that doesn't mean he wants to be your boyfriend

- if someone you don’t like is bothering you, he’ll be nice enough to defend you “don’t mess with my girl/boy” you’re not though

- this all would happen in an universe where Kiyoko doesn’t exist

KOZUME KENMA

- he would attract and go for older people usually

- would also go for people who are emotionally unstable

- he’s a B R A T T Y sub

- he’s a streamer so it would make sense one of his wealthy fangirls/fanboys is his sugar mommy/daddy

- will treat you and buy you stuff with the money he gets from his sugar something

- he’s socially awkward so you have to approach him first

- will play hard to get, but once you get him, he’s all for it

- the type to say he might settle down with you but he always goes back to his sugar m/d because of the money and the sex

- he gets flustered easily

- will get bored and ditch you in no time

KAGEYAMA TOBIO

- the type to ask you to fuck over text, to avoid facing you and stuttering

- he sends “u up?” at 2 am after being nervous for two hours. “wanna watch a movie?” movie my ass

- his fingers will definitely tremble when he texts you and he'll be all flustered and blushy

- netflix and chill

- you will just “chill” though

- Netflix will be a distant noise in the background

- the one to scratch his neck and say "wanna watch a movie again some other time?" when u leave

- he’s a baby fuckboy, new in the business

- he doesn’t keep more than 3 partners at once. if one doesn’t wanna chill anymore, he gets another but never more than 3

- he acts like a big shot but you catch him cuddling his mom when you go over

- likes innocent girls because he’d get an easier time with them

- is most likely to catch feels

a/n: IM KINDA BACK from hibernating but ill go back to hibernating right after this post tbh ! anyway AGAIN BIG THANKS TO @sarkzjam​ for keeping up with me and helping me with these hcs bc im too stupid to do all the work myself anyway i hope u like this bc i like it and the original plan was to add sakusa too but he’s postponed because i say so byeeeee ily all! ♥