#im having another really really bad night

[lesbianralzarek]

i feel like ever since we (rightly) started being wary of the way that some feminists talk about men due to how they may actually be referring to trans women, we really started softening on how much of a threat the patriarchy is. misogyny isnt, like, an insignificant axis of oppression. it fucking kills people. we live in an age of tradwives and abortion bans and schemes to make it harder for married women to vote and "im just a girl" and the breakout feminist movie of the last 5 years having to include a "men suffer too!" plot in the hopes of being palatable (men were mad anyway) and the sexualization of young girls and and and-

yes, kamala harris got the misogynoir double whammy. but america also wasnt willing to elect a white woman two (presidential) elections ago. id give another example but these two are literally the only ones who have ever gotten electoral votes before. so. perhaps its fair to say america hates women. perhaps misogyny is bad enough, even when looking at "only" misogyny, to say that men across the board have drifted further right. yes, race is relevant when talking about harris. but, you see, perhaps its not just harris. perhaps women in general lost last night, because our rights were up for debate. and, perhaps, we're all allowed to be mad without qualifying the 100% correct statement of "misogyny won last night"

[munsonsmixtapes]

hellooo could you write something that goes like teacher eddie munson hooked up with student reader and they don’t talk with eachother anymore and the reader is sad because she thinks that he doesn’t care about her anymore and sees chrissy flirting with him and so she thinks that he’s in a relationship with chrissy and she avoids him every now and then but in the end eddie and the reader gets back together (PLEASE WRITE THIS IM DESPERATE I LOVE UR WORK BTW🥰🥰)

You knew the whole thing was wrong from the very beginning, but you couldn’t help it. Him being older and your teacher made him that much more appealing. It was just once, but it lived in your head rent free every second of every day. You can still hear his moans ringing in your ear and as much as you try your best to chase the high, you just couldn’t. You wanted to get over him by getting under someone else, but it was impossible. 

Especially when you saw him every week when you sat in his class. Every time you saw him as his podium, images of him bending you over it as he fucked you from behind, telling you just how bad of a girl. You could practically still feel the sting of where he smacked your ass over and over, making it damn near impossible to focus on anything he was saying. 

You hated that you had fallen for him so easily. But he didn’t seem to feel the same as he had never called you after you had given him his number. And seeing him flirting with Chrissy Cunningham after class and the way he was staring at her, you knew that whatever you and Professor Munson had was over. 

You don’t know why, but you get it in your head that they’re together as you watch them, slowly making your way towards the door. They’re giggling about something and you can’t help but feel your blood boil, wanting to tell them to at least have the decency to do that in his office.

But you don’t. You can’t without revealing that you had a thing with him previously. So you flee the room and head down the hall, grateful that you don’t have anymore classes so you can go home and pout. You know it’s silly, and maybe a little stupid, but you got attached to him and even though he had every right to see whoever he wants, it hurts. Especially since the girl he’s seeing is another student.

So you go home and drown yourself in ice cream and tears as you watch the movie Eddie had put on that night. You just can’t get yourself to let go of him. You don’t know why since he was quick to throw you aside for someone else. And that got you thinking about how many other girls he had done that to. 

You’re about to storm down to his office when there’s a knock at your door. You slowly get up to answer it, unsure of who would show up at that hour and you start to think you’re hallucinating when you look through the peephole and see Eddie on the other side. 

You unlock the door and rip it open, feeling your heart suddenly melt as he puts on that smile that always makes your knees weak. But it quickly falters once he takes in your tear stained cheeks. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asks, his voice soft, and you hate how easy it is for you to forgive him. You feel so pathetic, hating how easy it is for him to play you. 

“Nothing,” you turn your head away from him, crossing your arms over your chest. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk,” he replies, reaching out to take your hand, but you step away out of his reach. 

“About what? You really shouldn’t be here,” you tell him. “Chrissy wouldn’t like it.” 

Eddie’s eyebrows furrow at your words. What does Chrissy have to do with any of this? He had seen you watch the two of them after class, but it had been nothing but a student talking to a teacher. He doesn’t even see her like that anyway as he only has eyes for you. 

Just when you think the whole thing can’t get any worse, Eddie laughs. He laughs. And the sound echoes in your brain, making you somehow feel even more embarrassed. 

“What are you talking about?” He asks, the laughter dying down into a light chuckle. “Chrissy and I aren’t together. I-I came over here to see you.”

“Really? And for what reason would that be for exactly?” You ask and Eddie laughs again. He hates that your mad at him and is trying his best to lighten the mood. 

“To see you,” he says as if it should be obvious and it is. “I wanted to tell you how good of a time I had the other night.” He’s been thinking about it ever since and he knows he should have said something earlier, but he had assignments to grade and time just got away from him. But he’s here now and really hopes that you’ll give him a second chance.

“The other night, as in over two weeks ago? You couldn’t have just texted me that?” 

“I got a new phone and a lot of the numbers from my old one didn’t transfer over.” He holds up the phone he had in his jacket pocket and you notice that it’s completely different from the one you had put your phone number into. 

“Eddie,” you sigh, stepping closer to him. “I’m so sorry. I feel so stupid.” And you do, so much so that you almost want to run. But you can’t as his hands grab onto your waist, pulling you closer.

“No,” he shakes his head. “I would be mad if the roles were reversed. So I don’t blame you at all. And the real reason I came over was to ask you out. Because I like you and don’t want what we have to be a one night stand.” 

“I don’t either,” you reply and he pulls you in for a kiss, the two of you smiling into it as you pull him inside, slamming the door behind you as you lead him to the bedroom where you spend the rest of the night until the early morning, whispering “I love you’s” over and over until they didn’t even sound like words anymore.

[shardain]

dontcha ever get sick of being sick, dontcha wanna just go apeshit

[harvestmoth]

more rejuv things but its. its just this guy again, im sorry shes all i can draw

[mellotronmkll]

Wverytime I sit down at a computer to make music I get so scared

[slutdge]

Not to get deep here or anything but i really think i dont want to have a relationship with my sister anymore and ive been reflecting on that a lot. like sure she didnt abuse me or really do anything to directly traumatize me, but she voted against me having human rights because im queer, as well as voting for a party that wants to harm first nations people despite both of us being first nations i just.... i dont think i can forgive her for that. weve had laughs and good times together but i find myself unable to forgive her for her politics. i wouldn't tolerate bigotry from anyone else, i shouldnt tolerate it from someone just cause theyre family.

[hella1975]

we may have lost another one to the bisexual hotgirl and straight loserboy agenda but trust i am fighting it comrades 🫡

[call-me-pup2]

Can't wait for my stress level to go back down a bit so my horny level can resume its peak

I miss the feral pup I was a couple weeks ago writing silly stories and posting a bunch ;-;

[deoidesign]

Melatonin is a delicate balancing act, it took some time to find a dose that helped me fall and stay asleep without leaving me groggy after 8/10 hours. For me, that has been 10 mg gradually increased to such over a few weeks then steady since.

I also take roughly a week without it every month or two, as the bottle recommends. Listen to your body and do what you can. Good luck, and thank you for the sweet gay were/pire comic<3

Yeah, I can tell my sweet zone is somewhere between 3 and 6 mg, at least right now. Or at least I think it is. Admittedly my sleep has been absolutely horrible since I was a kid so my standards on "not tired" are pretty low, so I'm not actually sure if they're any good right now. All I know is I'm getting more than 2 hours of sleep at a time, and I'm not spending every waking moment fighting off a nap!

Thanks for the confirmation I've gotta test with it and go off and on and such, my doc didn't give me a straight answer on that (he just kept saying take it as needed... I need it every night!!!). 75% of the time being good is way better than 0% so I'll take what I can get!

And the gay comics are the least I can do 🧡 thank you for reading it!

[wreckedhoney]

"WONDERFUL SHOW TONIGHT, FORREST."

a KILLER FREQUENCY Marie Campbell/Forrest Nash ship playlist on YT

"Good to talk to you again, Forrest. You know, I've really enjoyed our chats tonight." "I guess we've had some moments."

Tracklist under the cut

Is Everybody Going Crazy? - Nothing But Thieves / The Perfect Girl - Mareux / We Don't Have To Dance - Andy Black / Night Issues (Nightcall x Daddy Issues) Mashup/Remix - FuturePastPerson / "Bassically" - Tei Shi / Cold Summer - Mareux / Diet Mountain Dew - Lana Del Rey / Destruction Of Us - Mr.Kitty / Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer / HUSH - Ari Abdul / DTLA - Mareux / Make You Mine - Madison Beer / FEAR YOU - Kat Von D / Bad Romance - Lady Gaga / Dark All Day - GUNSHIP / Maniac (feat. Conor Mason of Nothing But Thieves) - AWOLNATION

[unproduciblesmackdown]

among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically

& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.

obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?

anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"

[lacomandante]

We had a power outage for almost 30 hours and I ended up just writing letters by candle light and reading by the fire. And I will say I have changed my mind about Sharpe's Rifles now that I've finished it: I actually thoroughly enjoyed it, and it's probably one of my favorite Sharpe books. Yes, there's a Teresa shaped hole in it, but even past that I loved the character development, I love how detailed it is, the action is really good, and Vivar is more interesting, I think, than we get in the films. My favorite bit was definitely the end because it throws you for a loop and has a surprise reveal that even shocked me bc I hadn't put two and two together which I really liked- it showed off Sharpe's cleverness and, though he struggled, his ability to lead men and go above and beyond to get the job done. I honestly think I like it more than Eagle, because Sharpe's already established as a good officer in that one, having earned the respect of his men, versus Rifles where there's danger on all sides and you get to see how he earned that respect. Plus I'm a sucker for partisans so I like seeing how Sharpe interacts with his environment and around others outside of the military.

Now I'm just waiting impatiently on the local bookstore to find their copies of Havoc, Fury, and Battle, and I can continue!

[mirmidones]

3.40 i woke up bc i was cold and needed to pee and now i can't fall back asleep i keep thinking of the people i accidentally ghosted. is it ghosted if there was no intent to ghost? i feel so bad and it's not even like i don't think about them i often do think "i should really reply to them... once this is over ill properly sit down and write them... " and then i don't bc something else happens and im dealing with that and the longer i leave it unanswered the more difficult it becomes because i feel so guilty and therefore want to do things properly not half assed but bc i feel so guilty a part of me also tends to avoid it even more. if i do this to you just know i'm really sorry and ill get back to you i swear

[voulezloux]

.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[camelspit]

succumbing to the demons and dnfing a book for the first time in years 😔