#im having a crisis and my friends are already saying we are gay people BUT I WANNA KNOW WHO U ARREEEEEE

[wreckrinho]

Hihihi

Hahaha!

You'll never know Unless I tell And I'd never tell

Don't you think that's just swell?

And of course it's cute, adorable and fun! Want it to reflect you, cause you're such a lovely one!

Swell!?!?!? NOOOO im having a crisis here!! like-- who are you, little anon and WHY UR FLIRTING W MEE!!!/silly

And tf NOOOO IM NOT LOVELYYY IM JUST A GUY WHO LOVE FOP AND GAY PEOPLE (my friends)

...but this IS very fun!!! LMAOOOOO

Its funny seeing a little random being that i have no idea who is sending lots and lots of asks

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for ghosting 2 of my closet friends?

TL;DR: 2 of my closest/longest friendships ive had were ended by me stopping any and all communication, either unprompted or prompted. i dont feel any urge to talk with these people again, and i do not want to rekindle these friendships.

i (19ftm) have had only 2 friendships were i would consider the other person a "best friend". the first one was when i was in middle school (12-13). this other person, we'll call K(at the time 13F). now back in middle school i was what would be considered as the cool kids say: Cringe. super obsessed with undertale AND homestuck, a big 1-2 punch.

i met K through our homeroom class, and we really hit it off well. she was funny, great at art, and also loved undertale (she was the one who actually got me into homestuck, but thats besides the point). we hung out constantly, always chatting and swapping art tips, that sorta thing.

when i moved schools in 7th grade we became distance friends. not long distance bc we lived 30 min. away from each other, but we didn't get to see each other everyday anymore. eventually we started dating, but i didnt really feel content w the relationship at the time (i didnt know i was trans/gay yet lol).

one day i told her i was taking a break from social media/discord for a while until i sorted myself out, and then i would be back. i never spoke with her again after that and i felt like shit for years for ghosting my at the time girlfriend. i didnt take the break with the intention of ghosting K, it just kinda happened. she deleted her discord and i don't remember her tumblr so i have no way of communicating w her anymore. we knew each other for about 3-4 years, and dated for about half of that.

my other friend we'll call T(ftm). I met T my freshman year, when i was 14. T is 2 years older than me, so he was 16 at the time, a sophomore. T and i really hit it off well, and we hung out all the time after school, and talked over discord daily. he did a lot for me ill be honest, and helped me through an identity crisis when i realized i was trans and also gay.

however, when T graduated he started to drift away. i was still a junior at the time but we stayed in contact the best we could. i started driving so i would visit him in his apartment on weekends. however things really nose dived my senior year. i was 17-18 and all my friends had graduated, so i was already feeling pretty alone.

i kept trying to find comfort in T but he just kinda faded away. he found a new friend group of ppl closer to his age and they started hanging out more. i knew some of these people from our school, and was even friends w one of them, but for some reason he insisted on keeping me separate from them.

things boiled over when our mutual friend from this new friend group decided to throw a halloween party, but had to cancel last minute. time skip to november 1st and im picking up T to go rollerskating, and to my surprise he hops in my car out of breath and says "sorry it took so long, i was cleaning up after a halloween party!" and went on about this party he threw the night before with all his friends from the other group. T explained to me that he didn't invite me bc "i wouldn't know any of them".

i was pissed. really pissed. i stopped making plans to hang out with him, but to my surprise so did he. we stopped chatting daily, and the last time we spoke was april of last year. i sent him a final message in may trying to spark another conversation but he never replied. so i gave up. i stopped talking to him.

then i realized the pattern of me growing extremely close with someone only to ghost them. i know T basically ghosted me but i also stopped putting in the effort so i feel i still hold some of the blame. even when i last saw T in person i avoided him like the plague, and i just pray that if we do see each other again he does NOT recognize me.

What are these acronyms?

[ginnsbaker]

Ginny baby I’m having a mini-crisis

I think I like my best friend and I don’t know how to go about getting rid of this. I’ve known her for 7 years and throughout that time I’ve had two separate occasions where I developed feelings for her, first time not that serious but I can’t say that about the second time. Admittedly the second time I surely panicked briefly but the feelings faded both times, what always followed after was that I’d feel insane for even believing I could feel that way about her in the first place.

BUT now it’s back and I’m in a sort of denial about it? I talked about it with another author here before but we ultimately chalked it down to it just being attraction. Now I’m scared that’s not the case?

Last night I went clubbing with some close friends but I ran into (let’s call her Wanda I guess?) while waiting in the line to get in. Wanda looked so damn good, I’m already shorter than her normally but she’d was in all black wearing her platform shoes along with a skirt and a blouse. Wanda and I are touchy drunks(with other friends too) but the way that we’d been last night had me feeling something. Whenever Wanda and I would talk, we’d lean our bodies closer together and start talking directly into each others ears, her hands finding mine after the start of every sentence- one would assume we were doing that because we couldn’t hear one another but it wasn’t loud and when we’d talk to the people around us we’d stay firmly in place. Wanda went out with three friends and one of them was this guy who I knew liked her, I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that he saw me holding her and talking to her in a way that looked intimate.

I didn’t really think much of it last night cause I’d been focused on having a great time, but now that it’s day I’ve realized all of that really put a different angle to the perspective I once had about what I was feeling and why. I hate it, i want it to go away because I’ll always prioritize maintaining our friendship above anything else, this is not something I’ll ever admit to anybody I know but I guess I’m saying all this because I wanted to ask if you’ve ever been in a similar situation and how did you cope? How did it play out for you?

Somebody once told me it might only be attraction and a gauge that I could use to see if it was is imagining a future with them and I wish they hadn’t said that. I’d genuinely believed it was just attraction but I’ve been thinking about that question all day today, the answer to that question has my heart racing at the imagination of it all, but I swear I’d been indifferent to it when I’d first been asked.

The less I think about it, the more I ignore it, the less it feels real so thanks for letting me rant to you gonna go back to gaslighting myself out of this(SI SE PUEDE). Needed to get all this off my chest. 😮‍💨

omg sorry I was already asleep when this went in.

*wears calliope's hat* before we proceed i have a couple of questions:

how long have you known you're attracted to your bestfriend? was it even before you were friends?

have you been in relationships with other women?

(disclaimer: im not a therapist of any sort im just experienced when it comes to being gay cause ive been gay since i was 2 and now im almost thirty lol)

I'm assuming she's straight? so here's my #1 piece of advice is: NEVER FALL FOR STRAIGHT GIRLS

fine, there might be few instances where falling for straight girls will eventually shake their sexuality and give us a shot, but dude, that very rarely happens. Fics, movies, tv series love to portray them often but in reality.... NO.

Feelings for bestfriends WILL pass. I assure you that. Cause yea, I've been in your shoes. I met my best friend in college during sophomore year, and we were from different groups of friends and I intentionally got to know her because I had a crush on her (turns out later on, she also has a crush on me, but it's the type of crush where she finds me pretty so it's basically straight people crush). She had a boyfriend when we became close/bestfriends and I was hang up on her for two years before the feelings finally went away.

Now she's married, and she's still my bestfriend and everytime I think about the past where I was very attracted to her, I'd laugh.

I coped by just letting it run its course. And definitely being interested in someone else helps. Go out there, meet new people, get to know new people. You have the luxury of using a dating app without being judged for it (in the 2010s that's not the case).

Again, whenever possible: DO NOT FALL FOR STRAIGHT GIRLS

The less I think about it, the more I ignore it, the less it feels real so thanks for letting me rant to you gonna go back to gaslighting myself out of this(SI SE PUEDE). - Dude, keep thinking about it. exhaust yourself. go through the drama and the wonderful feeling of being attracted to somebody. it's all part of life. accept that you have feelings for her and then decide: 1- if you want to pursue it 2- if you want to let it pass.

I decided not to pursue it because she's really straight despite the fact that she's touchy and back in college, i'm the only one she'd ever sleep in her apartment and we kissed like 1-2 times on the lips (yes straight girls dont mind)

But in the future, lemme repeat: DO NOT FALL FOR STRAIGHT GIRLS

[stormyoceans]

monica! i need your best slow burn pining recommendations, i feel like you're the right person to ask <3

TURNS OUT THIS WAS ACTUALLY A WAY HARDER QUESTION TO ANSWER THAN I EXPECTED AND IT SENT ME INTO A DEEP EXISTENTIAL CRISIS ;;;;;;;;;

the thing is. i feel like 'slow burn' is an extremely subjective concept. for example, the only criteria a lot of people take into consideration to define a story as slow burn is when the characters enter an official romantic relationship, but to me it's also a matter of the characters' awareness when it comes to their own feelings: i personally have a hard time labeling a story as slow burn if the characters are attracted to each other from the first episode, or if one of them is already in love with the other at the beginning of the show, even if it may take them the rest of it to officially get together. and on the other hand, just because the characters aren't attracted to each other right away that doesn't automatically make it a slow burn to me

if i went with my idea of slow burn, tho, this list would be REALLY SHORT (like.. probably only 3 series would fit that ;;;;;;;), so first and foremost i’ve tried to pick shows that i think are the closest to my personal view of what a slow burn is and that have a good balance between pining, awareness and official romantic status, but after that im also gonna give you some different options just to cover a bit more ground, so here we go!!!!!

CLOSEST TO MY IDEA OF SLOW BURN

a tale of thousand stars. what could i even say about this show that hasn’t already been said. it simply has everything: great story, great characters, great chemistry, great slow burn and tension and pining that will make you scream at your screen.

enchanté. this show isn’t half as bad as most people say it is and this is a hill im willing to die on. features one of the best childhood friends to lovers romances with levels of tension and pining that are honestly out of this world and that made me want to punch through a wall in multiple occasions, which is why im willing to put it in the slow burn section even if it’s obvious that both akk and theo are aware of their own feelings for the other since the beginning.

i told sunset about you. it’s hard for me to call a show with only 5 episodes a slow burn, and yet it still very much feels like one. i don’t talk much about itsay because it speaks to the queer experience in a way that hits a bit too close to home for me, but the chemistry and the tension are truly unparalleled (in this house we do not talk about i promised you the moon tho).

my ride. kind overworked doctor meets broken-hearted motorcycle taxi driver in one of the softest, sweetest, most underrated slow burn romances ever put on screen. i don’t really know what else to say except that this is one of my comfort show and that it never fails to make me feel all warm and fuzzy.

SOTUS. look.. im fully aware this show has its issues. aside from the hazing (which personally doesn’t bother me, but i know it can be triggering for other people), it belongs to a generation of BL where the concept of any other sexuality aside from straight and gay did not exist, so you will have to bear with now thankfully outdated tropes like ‘gay for you’ and a certain amount of sex negativity. despite all this, it still does many things right, including giving us an enemies to lovers slow burn romance that to this day no other BL can compare to.

triage. TIME LOOP + MEDICAL MURDER MYSTERY + SLOW BURN = A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN. i know this show isn’t for everyone – for some it’s too slow and complicated, for others there’s not enough romance – but it is made for me specifically and i will never stop recommending it.

the untamed. okay so.. i guess technically we can’t call this a BL because the show has been edulcorated by chinese censorship, but even if there are no kiss and no actual declaration of love in the series, this is still very much a romance, and it’s also the perfect example of what slow burn is to me: excruciating and with the power to reduce you to a rabies-ridded violent little gremlin.

vice versa. IM THE MOST PREDICTABLE WOMAN ON EARTH IM SORRY. and alright, this may be a little bit of a stretch because if i put vice versa here then it’s fair to argue i should put other shows as well, BUT IN MY DEFENSE. episode 6 and episode 7 caused me irreparable damage with how much i was screaming at my screen for puen and talay to just kiss and get together already. these two idiots also confirmed their status only in the last part of the very last episode, and just for that they deserve a spot here. ABSOLUTE BUFFOONERY.

other shows that fit this and that are not my cup of tea but maybe they’re yours:

stay with me [cw: sad ending]

SHOWS THAT I THINK COULD BE CONSIDERED SLOW BURN (maybe. possibly. perhaps? ;;;;;)

dear doctor i’m coming for soul

i will knock you (is this show good? no. did i watch it until the very end laughing my ass off and having the time of my life? yes. it is EXTREMELY cringey and pretty low quality tho, so be aware of that ;;;;;;)

ingredients

light on me

my tooth your love

our dining table

unintentional love story

other shows that fit this and that are not my cup of tea but maybe they’re yours:

minato shouji’s coin laundry

step by step

MORE OF A NICE SIMMER TO A ROILING BOIL BUT THE PINING IS DELICIOUS

2gether

my school president

old fashion cupcake

we best love: nr. 1 for you

other shows that fit this and that are not my cup of tea but maybe they’re yours:

plus and minus

NOT SLOW BURN TO ME BUT THE RELATIONSHIP IS DEVELOPED NICELY AND/OR THERE IS SOME GOOD PINING

bad buddy

blueming

the eighth sense

history 3: trapped

laws of attraction

love tractor

not me

semantic error

[cloudbrooksblog]

I know this is just how the internet is, but like

i hate the internet so much sometimes. this was a child who was trying to escape a bad place. the kid died. we arent desensitized, people just fucking suck. people say a lot "oh we're desensitized to tragedy we make jokes about it" but like. yeah maybe you can make that argument about the kids who made fun of the shooter, but thats kids making jokes about an event THEY were a part of - that's happened forever. this isn't the same thing, and im already sick of it. It happens IRL too, i hear people making shitty jokes about tragedy like that (even terrifying and heartbreaking ones like the one above, which would usually be sobering if you bothered to process what you were looking at for five fucking seconds). i'm only a kid, i'm only 17, and i know older people will look at me and scoff or whatever. but i'm already sick of this place. i've had adults tell me "well MY generation turned out fine" but the thing is... that's survival bias. the teen suicide rates show that the jokes about tragedy and this whole suffocating atmosphere of making fun of people who are already in bad positions... it doesn't just "not affect people", yknow? like, sure, maybe a lot of suicides are because of other reasons. but you have to admit a decent amount of common suicidal thoughts are about "nobody will care" and "if i said something, nobody would care". nobody does care, and when tragedy happens, the most heartbreaking kind, you go "this looks like an album cover tee hee" like god im so sick of this. im sick of this place. a 19 year old dies in a submarine he didn't even really want to be on, and my friends are like "its fine though cause his parents were rich" like what. no. thats such a terrifying death, right? imagine dying like that. one of the worst i can imagine, you know? a nightmare. and i think back to hearing that a teenager dived in the pool and hit his head and needed CPR and shit. i never found out if he was ok, but people get stabbed and overdose around here all the time. all my parents do is laugh and say "that's why they say not to dive!"

i'm so sick of it. i want out of here, but there's nowhere to go except inwards. to "sanctuaries", where the people are more like me. yknow, i hear that the cool (gay) people are around the "sex, drugs, and rock n roll". but they've always died around me, so i guess i'll just look for more silver linings. the main reason i'm not dead is because if i survived an attempt and became paralyzed like someone else in my family, unable to even speak. That would be the worst possible ending. and a large part of me thinks it could happen. and everyone would just laugh! say silly things about it, meme on it. and if my friends died, people would laugh. and if a teacher dies at the school nearby, will they laugh if the teacher wasn't well-known? will they find any pictures "aesthetic"?

i once went to a crisis stabilization center. for the fifth or sixth time. the place was bad, but its the only one nearby. anyways. we met a kid who was 9 who we nicknamed the gravedancer. he fortnite danced on peoples graves. hilarious, right? i feel sick.

[paloma-ascends-into-hellfire]

might as well do this with heartstopper too. my live thoughts i texted my friend, spoilers beware. also, i’ve cut out their replies. they also follow me so if you’re seeing this, hi :)

Im reading on webtoons and I love Alice oseman’s captions lol

“stares angstily out window”

“I don’t think he’s straight” OH REALLY

NO WE HAD NO IDEA

“The bisexual struggle” real

Poor man

Wait Aled is in this??? Do they have the same name or is Charlie’s friend same guy from radio silence???

Miss Singh is a legend I love her

Oh shit not ben again boo

THE MLM WLW SOLIDARITY

Fun fact: when I see mlm I think multi level marketing lmao

IM SO SORRY I MUST BE BLOWING UP UR PHONE RN

**continues doing it**

Taras gf is an icon I don’t care if she had one line I love her

We stan Charlie sticking up for himself

They kissed already??? We’re literally 31 pages in chill my dudes

31 chapters*

Still percabeth is the ultimate slow burn and I stand by this

I guess it wouldn’t be called heartstopper and be a romance/coming of age if it was a slow burn tho haha

THE GAY NASA LOCKSCREEN IS GOALS FRFR

damn Charlie is one of the biggest people pleasers I’ve seen in a book

Hes so me

A PROPER FULL ON GAY CRISIS LMAOOO I LOVE HIM

Alice oseman is so British I love her

I read so much British stuff that I’m pretty sure my internal monologue is slowly become a ya British thriller

agggtm core

(they replied that they read swear words in nick nelson's voice and i thought that was hilarious)

THE SISTER CASUALLY SPYING ON THEM

Her ship has sailed

She is also so me

“Was that not obvious?” “I’m an idiot” yes u are he just made out with you and cried into your shoulder and had a full on gay panic because of you YES HE LIKES YOU OMG

I mean after what happened with ben I suppose it’s very very justified

They’re so clueless I love them

OH LOOK GUESS IM GAY NOW

THE BABY BROTHER OMG

This honestly has no reason to be this cavity inducing cute

“Why are you so great” he’s literally doing the bare minimum by not outing you you don’t have to thank him bestie

Get these boys some therapy

Why is tori always just appearing out of nowhere to ship them lol

Tao and Aled are delusional if they STILL think nick is straight

Fuck sai

He can die in a hole, disrespectfully

But also… redemption arc?

Manifesting sai and harry’s redemption arc

GAYYYYYY

Not harry- these last few pages

Awww tao and elle <3

Elle is so cute! she is hair goals

… I guess all illustrated characters are hair goals.

WHY IS TAO SO MAD IM SCARED

WAIT DOES HE LIKE NICK IS THIS A LOVE TRIANGLE NOOO

Oh wait

I overreacted :)

Nvm I love him again

AWWW STOP THIS IS SO SAD AND ALSO CUTE

This group is friendship goals tbh

Oh wait I guess it’s kind of my group a little bit? Wait who am I?

I will not take a which heartstopper character am I quiz I will not take a which heartstopper character am I quiz I will not take a which heartstopper character am I quiz

I took the quiz. two actually. i got darcy on the first and elle on the second. I literally know nothing about either one so let’s see if they are accurate!

The waiter lol

Also I love how everyone is just silently shipping them it is percabeth all over again but like fast moving

TINY TAO 😭

Not them kissing behind a menu

“Not because im dirty not because im clean! Not because I kissed a boy behind a magazine!” - Charlie and nick, probably

Craftybookworm25 feel so spoiled by the author. Author, you’re paying my dentist bills for all of the cavities you are giving me.

I love the comments section

Is Alice oseman actually writing down math for their homework? THE EFFORT I COULD NEVER

Oh darcy is taras gf that I liked earlier

Shes a trumpet player??? No sweetie don’t go to the dark side

my band teacher has a story about how he gets awful ear pains if he’s exposed to noises about a certain decibel because of a trumpet player blasting into his ear

“WHAT! WE’VE FOUND ANOTHER ONE!” Darcy recruits people for the gay agenda confirmed

“…why are straight people like this” I don’t know tara I ask myself that every day

Not Darcy being tara’s gay awakening

Omg tara is that one clarinet player who dates a trumpet player

[REDACTED] and [REDACTED] core

Adding actual spanish conjugation? Alice oseman doing god’s work here

“Why do think they call it a cram session, Pete, god!” -literally all their friends rn

Ok I have theories rn

I shall wait and see if im right (i was not)

“You kind of are a gay nerd” me fr

Oh ok sai is being less of an asshole

We love character growth… even if it happens off page

“Do you like musicals?” HES THE GUY WHO DIDNT LIKE MUSICALS DIDNT LIKE DIDNT LIKE DIDNT LIKE A LIKE EM

Harry being a dick as per usual, nothing new there

NICKS MOM IS ONTO HIM

Bro how do people just fall asleep I don’t understand

making out in a photo booth

So cringey and yet very adorable

IN A ROMANTIC WAY NOT JUST A FRIEND WAY

Love that he had to clarify

Like yes, you’ve been making out and being obnoxiously cute for months, but hey, he’s just a friend, lol, no homo

Who tf would make THAT mistake?

🎶everyone is dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb 🎶

HE CAME OUT TO HIS MOOOOM

“I wasn’t born in 1920” lmao

Oh my god my wall of text has become the Great Wall of china im so sorry

HOW LONG IS THIS

WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO

“hanky panky”

aw we love ally jocks

THEYRE SHIPPING THEM TOO?

Best platonic bros~

Actually what im calling my friends from now on

Oh shit the coach caught them

They’re not even trying to be subtle at this point

Oh she is an icon

I WORSHIP YOU COACH SINGH

If she was my teacher I might actually enjoy pe

SHE HAS A WIFE

This is so wholesome omg

Oh shit the brother

WHAT HAPPENED

Tara casually lounging on Darcy’s lap

She gives passenger princess vibes

why are you whispering and can I be involved — she’s so me

“Boys and girls may not share rooms!” sly gay smirking. laughing, even.

oh and nick’s brother is a piece of shit and i hate him

SKJHJADSHUDF ALED TOLD HIM ABOUT DANIEL

“Why can’t I see any fish?”

Tao is a night person i love him

Aw he’s so clueless

They all are

Harry redemption arc-

NOO TAO MY CHILD I LOVE YOU DONT FEEL BAD

I repeat: GET THESE BOYS THERAPY

Wait no

Charlie

:(

I’m gonna cry :(

“god i really want to just push you against a wall right now”

“twilight levels of pining” i’m not sure if anything could ever reach that extent

Not the arrows saying “did not think of that” at the “borrowing makeup from the girls” suggestion, I cackled

The teachers have a better love life than me

Where the hell are people finding these communication skills?

HARRY REDEMPTION ARC YESSS

“Why are we like this” count: 3

Or is it 4?

I don’t know

THE TEACHERS AKJKALDFSHL

NICK GOOGLING EATING DISORDERS

I LOVE HIM

Sahar is so cute I love her

Alice oseman is so pretty omg

She can 100% be my wifey

Oh Jesus I’ve read a thousand pages of this

JUST TODAY

I believe that if I pull an all-nighter I can finish this

"Why are we like this?" count: 5

at this point i stopped because i’m pretty sure they were asleep but i finished! it took six hours but that’s not bad for 1578 pages :)

i’m obsessed. literally take my money (i have approximately five cents in my bank account)

[ru-bwee]

inbetween 1st arc and mizuki arc we have the picnic event! ena is friends with airi (an idol) and they go on a picnic with shizuku (pretty girl) and mizuki! airi hopes mizuki can stop worrying.

also colofes happens where they get temporary sekais from a strong feeling . kanades is a huge field of carnations and mafuyus is the endless library. a bit of lore in them mainly mafuyus but ill do that at the end maybe

Mizuki arc!! i know these by heart

mirage of lights happens, and haha whats that! oh! its that funny little apple gem! not important im sure Haha

mafuyu gets ill and kanade finds her, taking care of her for the day. memory from her childhood of being ill and how warm it was when her mother gave her bunny apples, gay people warning! mafuyu doesnt want kanade to go, they hold hands. gay!

now what i call HELL. my footprints your destination. i scream as i remember the 10m t400 cutoff. nothing was worse then that event. this is hell.

anyways, basically ena confronts mizuki on the rooftop about whats been worrying them, mizuki lies, ena says "Nuh uh" ena says shed wait forever. ok. little fruity. mizuki crisis. not much from that i can remember

depths of despair: event about how mizuena found niigo . already explained

did i hear someone wants to hear about pjsk lore (violetly shakes you)

(grabs popcorn) go on

[toastlover21]

an incomplete list of all the people who i’d kiss right now if they asked (because saying i like them doesn’t sound quite right) in order of how long i’ve known them

the girl who was someone i looked to beat but was resigned to watch from behind but also had exchanged memes with me for years as our love language until i stopped responding because i can’t keep up simple communication but who i’m pretty sure has a boyfriend she started a mushroom club with at the college i dropped out of

the girl who shared with me every gender and sexuality crisis she had until we both got caught up in other things and has such a fuck it attitude towards it that inspired my own and actually introduced me to her boyfriend that she has now the last time we met and promised that no matter how long i drop off the face of the earth i still get to be one of her bridesmaids

the person who honestly had no reason to want me around because i got them in trouble with their step mom when they invited me to the only halloween party ive been to even though we didn’t know each other at the time and still wrote me a poem in our mutual english class years later but i never read it and i’m pretty sure they went out of state for college and i’ve been too afraid to ask how they’ve been

the next two people i can’t remember what order we met but since they’re roommates now in a city i wish i lived in they’re tied: the guy who has spontaneously lifted me into the air just because he could, laid his head near my lap so i could pet his soft hair, and had been the only person to kiss my hand in an effort to help me calm down but im pretty sure he’s gay and i’m mostly a woman and also him and his boyfriend are adorable together and the girl who i sat next to at a scary movie the first night we hung out even though i was intruding on her actual hangout with her actual friends and i need to use humor to cope and she laughed at all of my terrible jokes and still does every time we meet and she has the prettiest singing voice and when i tell you she is out of my league i need you to imagine the farthest place in the universe and then i need you to go farther

the girl who instantly became my best friend when i was in the big scary new place known as college, has the best sarcasm, jokes, and hugs, and listens to all the dumb shit i have to say like it means something whenever i get the courage to text her again and when she talked about her boyfriend i felt joy in how happy she looked

the girl who was a lot more honest than i was to myself about how not ready she was for college even though she was already at college miles from home making her one of the bravest people i’ve known and asked to watch a movie with me way late at night even though we both had already seen it and does this dumb hand thing to point out what city she lives in and one time we laid in a bed together and our faces were inches apart but now we’ll probably never see each other again

[gerrydelano]

im so upset that a very common trend ive come across (oddly enough) in tma fanfics is when ppl just. erase how jon is bi? ive seen fics either claim he's just gay or rewrite "canon" by saying he and georgie never dated and were only friends to make jon (and in turn, georgie) "pure gays". its so heinous and ass backwards. it hurts to see :[ -🐗

was actually just talking about this in my server last night, yep! it’s hurtful and disheartening and very transparent, lol. putting this under the cut actually hang on.

people really love to just demonize georgie as well and try to make it out that she was neglectful or hurtful or even downright aphobic somehow during their relationship, or take her asserting her boundaries in later canon as her just Not Caring About Him/Refusing To Help Him when the reason she even tried to distance herself from him was because he wouldn’t tell her anything, despite the many opportunities she gave him to lean on her.

and i also learned that apparently a lot of people really like to also make him an alcoholic in uni (specifically always an alcoholic? why) and use THAT as a reason for them breaking up, because she either tries to Fix Him and it doesn’t work or she’s simply Unwilling to deal with his Horrible Disgusting Addiction wouhuhuhuhuuu shut  t he freak   Up, ! like first of all... he’s a smoker, and georgie is confirmed to smoke, too. second of all. What!!!!!!!!

i do find that entire concept especially uncomfortable on another level because like. jonny has been... open... (forcibly so, thanks a lot, fandom!) about his history with addiction. and jon was something of a self insert at first. and his spouse plays georgie, who is also bisexual, they’re Both Bisexual and just.

not to speculate about real people, but they very likely, like. put a little of themselves into these characters and the relationship because every creator/performer will do that to a degree Anyway and it’s just.

it just feels very fucking pointed! to purposefully demonize georgie or erase their relationship entirely or make their breakup some vile thing or blame it on something like addiction which holy shit, the disrespect what is wrong with people! what is wrong with you all.

there are definitely characters who date the ~opposite sex~ in their source material who can be read as a gay character acting on comphet! i can name a good few off the top of my head & it’s usually very present in their story and made very clear in their relationships that something is off. 

jon is really not one of those characters! leave it alone! is it THAT hard to just let them have loved each other once and stayed amicable. christ!

the “gold star gay” thing needs to die like i know you all just EAT UP the biphobic propaganda spread during the AIDS crisis but it’s time to put it down and stop acting like this. he’s not More Valid if he’s “MORE GAY” are you Actually joking. try choking instead.

but we knew this fandom hated bi people and women and addicts already. lol.

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

[murdershegoat]

in an ideal world how would you want lena and kara to come back from the fallout of lena's confession/betrayal

ok i think i would ignore crisis happening lol but let’s say we pick up after all that shit and lena is still big mad and still plotting the mind control thing

only kara doesnt tell alex bc shes gay bc she doesnt want lena to get in trouble. i know what youre thinking, ‘sho thats dumb stop being so fucking stupid why wouldnt she try and save the world like she normally does she knows lena is doing something bad’ and i wanna say valid i am fucking stupid,,,, but maybe she doesnt think lena’s idea is evil? she doesn’t know what lena’s full plan is, not yet anyway. and she knows that lena will never try to inflict pain the way lex did. lena is angry, lena hates her, lena trapped her in the fortress of solitude.

but lena isn’t evil. 

kara knows that. she knows that on every level, every facet of being. lena is not evil. lena does things for the betterment of society. lena must have a plan for this, somehow. she waits to see what happens. 

jonns brother finally reveals lena’s plans for myriad and why she had kept him captive. the deo gears up immediately, ready to fight there way into l-corp, ready to arrest lena luthor. kara stands in front of them. tells them if they go after lena, then they’ll be facing kara and they all know kara will beat them, every time. alex asks her what the effword she thinks she’s doing. kara says ‘im doing the right thing’.

she flies to lcorp to warn lena and protect her. lena tells her to leave and kara says she wont. she sees the hope/eve hybrid and she just sort of sadly looks at lena. 

‘why did you do this to her?’

‘she betrayed me once. this way it wont happen again. now leave. before i mind control you, too. i wont hesitate.’ her voice shakes, though, giving her away.

‘dont you get it?’ kara says. ‘i’d already do anything for you.’

lena falters, just for a moment.

‘why aren’t you stopping me? this is the type of thing you usually wax poetically about.’

this time kara falters. 

‘maybe.’ she hesitates. ‘maybe i’m tired of expecting the best in people.’

lena laughs, but nothing about the situation is remotely funny. 

‘giving up on humanity already, supergirl?’

kara shakes her head. ‘i think i trust you more than i trust them, that’s all.’

‘that’s ridiculous. i trapped you in the fortress of solitude. i used kryptonite on you, knowing how painful it is. i hurt you.’

‘i hurt you first. you were angry. i betrayed you.’

‘so you’re just doing this to get back on my good side? dont be so transparent, supergirl.’

‘i’m doing this because i love you. and it might not be in the way you love me but--’

‘what do you mean in the way i love you?’ lena’s eyes narrow. her heartbeat speeds up, kara notices.she panics.

‘i. uh. nevermind. you dont love me, anymore. im just being stupid.’

‘what. do you mean.’

‘im doing this because i want humanity to be better--’

‘i dont believe you.’

‘- i need them to be better.’

‘do NOT lie to me, kara.’

kara’s shoulders droop. ‘im doing this because im in love with you.’ she pauses, and then repeats herself, this time just a fraction more confident. ‘im in love with you, lena.’

‘no youre not.’

kara laughs softly. lena isnt laughing. they both feel sick.

‘what youre doing. i know you, lena. if you think this is the right thing to do, i’ll protect you, i’ll support you doing it. but if you’re doing this because i was a fool and i hurt you--’

‘dont think so highly of yourself.’

‘if youre doing this because you think any other person would do what i did if they were in my shoes... they wouldn’t. people are braver than i am - humanity is braver than i am. i pretend to be some superhero and i run around all day in this ridiculous outfit and i think im helping people but what good is that if i hurt the person i care about most in the world? if im just a scared little girl who would rather lie to her best friend than be honest with her? people are better than that. they’re better than we give them credit for. 

‘but if you think - if you think deep down that this is the right thing to be doing, then you have my support, even if you don’t want it.’

silence settles between them.

‘youre right.’ lena finally says. ‘people are better than you. that outfit is stupid. and i dont want your support. but. youre also wrong. we loved each other in the same way. but not anymore.’

tears prick at kara’s eyes. ‘you loved me?’

‘more than anything. and then you broke my heart.’

‘i will never stop being sorry.’

‘i know.’

‘and i will never stop loving you.’

lena squares her shoulders. ‘i know,’ she says, as though she’s been in this exact situation before, as though once you’re in love with a luthor it’s impossible to stop.

they don’t fight the deo that day. lena finally agrees to stop her research and keep it all in the fortress of solitude - neutral ground - out of the hands of the government and out of her hands, as well. there is no dramatic showdown, no huge 'i forgive you’ arc. kara saves lena’s life several times because such is the life of a luthor. slowly, lena realises that granting forgiveness is so much easier than holding onto hate. slowly, it ebbs away and she’s left with her feelings for kara - not exactly as they were before, but pretty damn near. 

and then one day kara arrives home and lena is on her couch. kara sits beside her.

‘that supersuit is ridiculous, but the pants are better than the skirt.’

‘i know,’ kara smiles.

‘and people are good,’ lena says. ‘but so are you.’

‘some days i’m not too sure about that.’

‘well i’ll be sure enough for the both of us,’ lena says with a small smile.

‘and what about the other thing?’ kara asks. ‘how we loved each other in the same way? because i didnt like. i still. have, uh. feelings. for you. big, very important feelings that i dont want to overwhelm you with but that would be pretty great if you felt as well. but i dont want to pressure you or---’

lena cuts her off, not with a kiss, but with a hand. a hand that threads carefully and intertwines their fingers together. she squeezes.

‘let’s talk about it over dinner?’

[luci-cunt]

Tell me about Magneto🤭

MAY YOU CAN’T SEE IT BUT IM KISSING YOU SO PASSIONATELY RIGHT NOW

Ok so listeeennnn tooooo meeeee, okokokok, so a while ago I went on this James McAvoy bender--don’t ask--and I saw he was in the X-Men movies, whic hi haven’t watched since the Wolverine movies/ Last Stand when I was like, actually a baby. So anyways I flipped them on thinking “yeah what could go wrong?” except I watched them in the wrong order

Anyways here’s an essay on why neither Erik or Prof X was right and the actual answer would be to compromise and these movies how how because they’re both too stubborn and couldn’t it destroyed their friendship and fucked everything up. 

Also the fact that X-Men: First Class is the best Villain origin story to ever cross the screen.

Ok so spoilers ahead for X-Men: Days of Future Past and X-Men: First Class

Now, it should be noted that I’m no an X-Men expert I just love these two movies. 

So for some context: First Class and Days of Future Past are both kind of prequels, except DoFP is a prequel-sequel?? becuase of time travel?? I’ll explain don’t worry. The point is, they take place in the past where all the characters are younger. James McAvoy plays Professor X (who I’ll just be calling X for this whole thing), Michael Fassbender plays Magneto (aka Erik), oh and Jennifer Lawrence plays Mystic--who will be appearing in this essay XDD. 

Alright so first of all have a plot summary: DoFP is about Wolverine getting sent back in time so he can convince a younger Prof X to stop Raven (aka Mystic) from getting caught by this guy Trask who then uses her DNA to create super weapons that irradiate all mutants. The current future Wolverine is in, he, prof X, Magneto, and a few other mutants are trying their best to survive but it’s a losing battle and their only hope is to literally change the past. 

This one takes place after the events of First Class, which I will now explain. 

So in First Class a younger Prof X and Magneto team up to find and recruit bb mutants to X’s school because the government wants to use Mutants to help fight the Russians (oh head this takes placee in the 1960′s right before the Cuban Missile Crisis). This is essentially a Magneto origin story and also--in my opinion--the best villain origin story to ever cross the screen. 

OK so now some details on our main characters: 

Magneto/ Erik Lehnsherr: a literal holocaust survivor who’s only goal in the begining of the story is hunting/ killing nazi’s, specifically one nazi who tortured him specifically and I will get into him later don’t worry. 

Professor X: super smart rich white boy with a heart of gold but also enough naivete to make a lamb look like a Stephen King character. 

Already you can see very stark differences between the two of them. Erik is set up as being a staunch pessimist while X is a vivid optimist, and that makes sense. X’s grown up sheltered and never wanting for anythign while Erik suffered a trainwreck of the greatest traumas in human existence hitting him over and over and over again from like age fucking 9. 

Ok also tehre’s J-Law’s character Raven, who is a mutant that can change her skin to look like anythign she wants it to but her actual form is blue/ scaly/ “not pretty” (bullshit but ok). She met X when she broke into his house one night to steal some food and then they became friends, their relationship will become important later but for now that’s all u need to know. 

ok so anyways, in the begining of First Class Erik is hunting + killing Nazi’s, specifically looking for this one called Schmidt because when Erik was little he and his family were carted away to a concentration camp where Schmidt witness Erik use his metal bending powers and decided to “train” him. aka physically/ mentally abuse him for years. The whole thing starts with Schmidt trying to get Erik to lift a metal coin with his mind, when he can’t (because he’s a child who didn’t even know he had his powers until literally hours ago) Schmidt puts his mother’s life on the line and when he still can’t Schmidt kills her. This sends Erik it’s a rage and he crushes some nazi heads but then Schmidt is still standing and mentions how “oh gotcha, so it’s rage and pain that’s the key to your powers huh?” anyways this tidbit and the coin will become important later trust me--

Meanwhile Prof X is graduating from Oxford/ generally being an idiot pretty boy. He’s a telepath who knows about his powers and has used them from an early age. He also wrote some big paper on mutants, which gets the attention of an FBI agent who witnesses the villains being mutants and wants his advice

However, the villains just so happen to be Schmidt, who’s going by “Shaw” now, so when X and the agents catch up to him Erik is already there and on a mission to murder his ass. Some bs happens, Erik tries to pull a submarine out of the water but can’t (T-T this will be important) and X jumps into the water to stop him because the mental stress is literally killing him. 

That’s how they meet. 

It’s important to note: up until this point, Erik didn’t know there were other mutants, so meeting X, who’s friends with Raven, is kind of a big deal for him. He and X become very fast friends and also have a very homoerotic montage where they become dads for a bunch of mutant teenagers, because they realize they can use X to track all these baby mutants, collect them, and train them so they don’t grow up fearing their powers. 

Anyways, the other thing about this is that now that Erik has this newfound group of people that are just like him, he’s opening up, and X is helping him realize he’s actually so much more powerful when he taps into happy memories rather than fueling himself on pain and rage. This scene always makes me sob oh my god--

Also, fellas--is it gay to “access the brightest cortex” of your homies memories and remind him that hate and pain are not good motivators before reminding him that he has good memories he can draw on and showing him that his life has not been entirely painful?

YEs, the answer is yes are u shitting me??

ok so anyways--something to note about this is that X and Erik are both very protective of all their new kids, but Erik is especially so. I’m going to be getting into this more but just tab thsi thought for later :)

Now, the plot’s kicking up a bit, because it’s at this point that Erik and X capture one of Shaw’s (aka the nazi’s) main lackies and they question her until she gives them the info that Shaw’s planning on using the Cuban Missile Crisis tensions to start a nuclear war to wipe out all humans so that only mutants survive in the new world. 

Obviously they want to stop him, but also, you can kind of tell that Erik is not totally against this plan, which only gets to be more later but that’s for later. 

Right now I wanna take a quick break to talk about Raven--aka Mystic, aka J-Law. She and X were childhood friends and she kind of clung to him because she doesn’t have family/ anyone she can really be herself around besides him. 

X insistently says throughout the movie he sees her as a sister, but it’s kinda obvious she’d be down to fuck. She has this big plotline where she keeps trying to get X to understand why it’s so frustrating for her to have to be using energy to look “human.” Because her natural form is the one with the blue skin. X doesn’t understand this because his power is easy to hide, it’s simple for him to just fake-human and have no one be any wiser, Raven, however, doesn’t have that luxury and when she tries to explain this to X it just flies over his head, insisting she hide her natural self to better fit in if that’s what she really wants. 

Queue Erik, who comes in as a king of self love. He’s pretty blunt about it, but his point is basically “you’re wasting energy by constantly pretending you’re something you’re not--stop” and she responds essentially with “yeah but then no one will like me” to which he responds “then make them.”  

Raven’s relationship with both the boys is used through both First Class and DoFP to really highlight their faults. X believes humans and mutants can coexist but he thinks we go about doign that by completely ignoring the pages of history of abuse mutants have suffered--and it’s mostly because he hasn’t experienced it. 

Erik on the other hand will do everything and anything he possibly can to protect his new family/ people, and in his head that means exterminating any and all threats. By the end of the movie--humans become one of those threats. 

The point of this whole ramble is that: they both represent utter opposites, BUT, X’s blind optimism and Erik’s blind pessimism are equally bad.

Ok so back to plot for a second to prove this. 

Shaw is revealed to be a mutant himself and he also has a helmet that can block telepathy. (yes it’s the magneto helmetjasjd;fkjaskl;dfjasldkj jsut wait).

His plan’s complicated but basically: he’s going to poke America and Russia until they pop and incite a nuclear war. And it works. The whole pre-climax of the film sees X, Erik, Raven, and the other mutants all working double time to stop Shaw’s plan (AND IT INVOLVES ERIK SUCCESSFULLY PULING A SUBMARINE OUT OF THE WATER!!! BECAUSE NOW HE’S USING HAPPINESS INSTEAD OF ANGER/ PAIN!!!). 

Anywho, they’re doing all this, but then some bullshit happens, the plane they’re on crashes oh and -- yeah there’s this part where Erik uses himself as a seatbelt for X it’s fantastic but anyways--

This is finally the climax of the film. 

Also possibly the greatest scene in film history in my humble opinion. 

Because listen--in order to stop Shaw they need the helmet off of him so that X can telepathically freeze his ass and they can arrest him or whatever. So they split up--Erik rushes into the wreckage to find Shaw and X stays behind ready to freeze the guy as soon as the helmet comes off but--

Well, vengence is just too tempting. 

So when Erik gets Shaws helmet off, X freezes the guy, and he’s ecstatic, at least until he realizes Erik plans on killing Shaw. 

He’s pleading with Erik because this is vengence and he can’t chose that but Erik just puts on the helmet and--taunts Shaw, pulling out the coin Shaw taunted him with all those years ago and in a mimickry of the game Shaw forced him to play as a child and killed his mother over--he slowly floats the coin at Shaws head, telling him “I’m going to count to ten, and all you have to do is move.” 

But he can’t--because X is holding him--and that’s the point, Erik wants him as helpless as he was, and X can’t let his hold on Shaw go because that would mean putting Erik in danger but he’s also in Shaws head so he feels the coin go through his head as though Erik was doing it to him and the fucking cinematography in this scene is so fuaksdjf;laksjd;fjasd;lkfjadsl;asdjf;ljL:DKJFL:SDKJFL:D KFUCKKKKK

This scene is cinematic perfection don’t fucking lOOK at me unless you agree.

T-T and then, it only gets worse, because now Erik’s finally finished his original purpose--killing the man who killed his mother and ruined his life--and now he’s got a new one, aka protecting his new family aka the mutants. 

AND HE’S ONLY PROVEN RIGHT THAT HUMANS ARE A THREAT BECAUSE THEY TURN AND TRY TO KILL ALL THE MUTANTS IN THE PLANE CRASH AND JSUT--

And so he stops all the missiles flying their way, and turns them around on the humans and X has to stop him but he’s not listening and the rawest fucking line in the whole movie comes when X says

“There’s hundreds of men on those ships--innocent men. They’re just following orders!” 

And Erik simply replies, “I’ve been at the mercy of men ‘just following orders’--never again.” 

And then he goes to blow up the shipsthen one of the other characters goes to shoot Erik and he deflects the bullet wtihout thinking right. into. X’s. back. 

Paralysing him. 

And just akjd;fjasdflkjasd;lfkj this scene speaks for itself

Listen just--akjdsf;ljasdlk jguys this movie has no right being this good.

And then the movie closes off with X and Erik literally begging one another to just see it their way--because they both want so badly to be on the same side but they’re too stubborn and they refuse to see compromise and just ajkdf;lja;sdkfja;sdljkfsadlkf

Ok I realize now that I barely talked about DoFP but this is already so long. The major things I was going to bring up was teh absolutely fantastic bitter exes energy that McAvoy and Fassbender bring to that movie it’s excellent but also the fact that X is literally the only person Erik goes out of his way not to kill despite standing directly in the way of Erik’s goal. 

Like, you remember my whole deal with Raven??? yeah that’s x10 in DoFP (which takes place quickly after this movie) yeah so her and Erik are close, and shown to be close, but the second he thinks she endangers his fam he literally 180′s so quick and tries to straight up murder her. 

BUT HE FUCKING BENDS THE BULLET AROUND X’s HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X!!!!!!!!!! WHO’S LITERALLY 100% AGAINST HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST

Ok, that’s all. By the way I don’t want to like, up your expecations too much because I actually kind of hate X-Men: First Class almost as much as I love it?? it’s very..... of it’s era, and cheesy, and dumb--but fucking magneto you guys holy SHIT

[we-are-inevitable]

love and it’s decisive pain

Prompt: "Could you make a modern spin where javid is established but they are hiding it at first. And David’s parents find them and tease them cause they knew already?" (i had to repost this and can’t remember who sent this ask, but thank you!)

Rating: M (for good measure)

Warnings: Mentions of violence and homophobia (to third party, unnamed characters), vague NSFW concepts, coming out anxiety. feel free to message me if i need to put any other trigger warnings, and i will gladly do so!

Word Count: 2,364

Read on AO3! Fic under the cut.

The decision to never come out was something that David had made peace with long ago.

He had been fourteen when he made the vow. Fourteen and vulnerable. Naive. At first, he had wanted to come out. He had known something was different about him, since the first time he heard Sarah talk about a boy she liked, and realized that what she was describing- what she felt for a guy in her class- was the same way that he felt about guys, too. At the time, he had been twelve, just now starting to realize that liking guys was even an option- and apparently, it was the only option that he saw fit for himself.

At age twelve, David realized he liked men. 

At age thirteen, David realized he liked only men. 

At fourteen, David realized he was in love with his best friend who had just moved to the school.

David had thought about the possibility of bringing it up to his parents, but he had never found the right time, never found the right way to say it. He had even considered trying to tell Sarah first, or maybe even Les, but he figured that Les was too young and Sarah just wouldn’t understand that her baby brother was anything other than straight. Nonetheless, David had made… a plan, per se, of just how he was going to do it. He had written it out and everything- he was going to wait until he left for school one day, maybe kiss his Ma on the forehead and give his Dad a goodbye hug. Then, he was going to walk to the door, yell, “Hey, I’m gay!”, and take off like a shot down the flight of stairs in their apartment building.

It was a plan. He never claimed it was good.

But that was before he saw just what could happen if he did. He saw a news report, of a couple being attacked on the subway for daring to be brave enough to hold hands in public. He remembered seeing the pictures on the TV, seeing the bruises and the bloody noses, and that struck enough fear into his heart that he had resigned himself to being alone. He would lurk in the shadows. Give his unconditional love and support to others. He would be the best damn ally he could be, but after seeing the pain, the heartbreak, the fear in the faces of the men on the TV that night, he knew his choice was the right one. He wouldn’t be able to survive if something like that happened to him.

He had successfully made it three years without anyone knowing the biggest secret of his life. Not even his closest friends knew, even though most of them were in the community themselves. It wasn’t as though he didn’t trust them- no, no, he trusted each of them with his life. Crutchie, Race, Albert, and Elmer, along with many others, had already told him that they would take care of him if anything ever happened. It had been joking, but David didn’t doubt their loyalty for a minute.

But then there was Jack. 

Jack, the guy that David had been crushing on for three years.

Jack, the guy who had the most intense stare, most beautiful smile, most effective puppy dog eyes, most lovely laugh and talent and, God, David could listen to him talk, listen to his accent, for hours on end.

It was Jack that had caused his crisis, who had been the guy behind the story, the guy he wanted to come out for. He remembered the night that Jack told him he was bi, a conversation that had happened at four in the morning one summer night when they were both sixteen. Oh, how Davey longed to tell Jack then. How he longed to lean over, gently cup his cheek and kiss the worries and insecurities out of him. 

Instead, he had just reassured Jack that he didn’t care, that he would always be safe with him, and that he was always there if Jack needed to talk.

They had been in a similar situation about a year later. Another late night, safe on Jack’s fire escape, where they had been for hours watching the sunset and idly talking about the people that passed on the streets below. Jack had kitted it out with everything- some christmas lights wrapped around the railings, two thick blankets laid out on the floor and an old-fashioned radio playing some music behind them. In a way, that fire escape felt more like home than any other place on earth.

It was everything that David had ever dreamed of.

They had gotten pretty silent, but it was a comfortable drop in conversation as they both watched the bustling streets of New York. It was Jack who broke it eventually, taking in a deep breath as he looked down. “‘Ey, Dave?” “Yeah, Jackie?” David asked softly, pushing himself up from his back. He stopped about halfway, kicking his long legs out in front of him, braced on his palms. 

“You… You  know how I told ya, that I’m into dudes?” Jack approached the subject carefully. Davey gulped. His mind immediately went somewhere bad- that Jack had a boyfriend, that Jack had found out that he really only liked women, that Jack had been... hurt. “Well, I-... There’s a guy,” Jack started, and Davey could see him tapping a familiar rhythm onto his knee. Jack did that when he was anxious. “And, well- I like ‘im. A lot. But… But I dunno if he’s into guys, and even if he is, I don’t think I’m the kind’a fella he would like--”

“Are you kidding?”

“Huh?”

“Jack,” David said with a sad grin, furrowing a brow. “Any guy would have to be crazy not to like you back. I mean, have you seen yourself? You’re hot,” David said with a soft laugh, gently nudging Jack’s shoulder with a fist. “Plus, you’re talented. You’re crazy good at art, you can sing and play guitar, you’re wicked smart. Unless a guy just wasn’t into smartasses, I don’t get why anyone wouldn’t be into you,” David joked softly, but every word was the truth. He didn’t understand why Jack was so insecure, why he was so self deprecating, but he knew it had been something he had struggled with for a long time.

“...For sure?” Jack asked, his voice smaller than David had ever heard it. “Jackie, I wouldn’t lie to ya,” He said with a grin. “Everything I said is true, y’know. You’re an amazing man, any guy would be lucky to--”

David was cut off with hands fisting his shirt and dragging him into a kiss.

Time stopped for a moment.

David could feel his eye’s widening, could feel his heart pounding, mind racing a mile a minute. He must have froze, because suddenly, all too suddenly, Jack was pulling away with a flushed face and a look of terror in his eyes. “Fuck, Dave, I’m so sorry, I didn’t--” He cut himself off with a deep breath, immediately turning away from David to face the New York skyline yet again.

David took in a shuddering breath a few moments later. “...Jack, you idiot,” He muttered, and Jack winced, turning to apologize yet again, until Davey pulled him in for another kiss. This time, he was in control. The kiss was soft, hesitant at first, until the both of them got confident enough to take it to the next level.

David had his arms wrapped around Jack’s waist, the angle a bit awkward, until Jack had fixed it by moving to sit in David’s lap. That was when it hit David that this was real. He was kissing Jack Kelly, and Jack Kelly was kissing back.

After that night, they kept things lowkey. David still wasn’t ready to come out to the guys, which Jack understood wholeheartedly. Their relationship may have been a secret, but it didn’t mean tht they didn’t like it. No, sneaking around was fun. Making out in the school bathroom, going on dates disguised as hangouts, even being there for each other on their eighteenth birthdays was something so much more magical than anyone knew. 

They lived in that bubble of safety until they finally told the guys the night after their high school graduation. They had been together for close to a year that night, and it just felt right. All of them were together, hanging out in the park and discussing the crazy graduation parties that had happened the night before. Something must have lit a fire in David, because Jack made eye contact with him as Race was telling a story, and David kissed him in front of everyone else. They had to fess up- after Race finished his agonizingly long story, of course- but David had never felt happier.

That next week, David was riding the high of finally making it. He had a boyfriend, he was officially moving on to college in the fall, and he was finally, finally safe and accepted.

Until that next Friday came along.

David had thought that they had the apartment to themselves. Jack had even climbed through the window for good measure, but David knew that his parents were going on a weekend getaway in Boston, and Les would be at a friend’s house until Sunday, so he didn’t think to lock the door.

It started out as cuddling and watching some old western movie that Jack had fallen in love with, before cuddling turned to kissing, and kissing turned to David pressing Jack down against the bed as he nipped and sucked dark marks onto the tan skin of Jack’s neck. Jack was a blushing mess, murmuring soft pleas as his hands carded through Davey’s dark hair. “Davey, baby, come on, stop teasin’,” Jack muttered pitifully, eyes shutting, before they suddenly flew wide open at the sound of David’s bedroom door opening. “David, we just came back because your father forgot his wallet, and-- Oh, my good Lord!”

The door was shut just as fast as it had opened, and David was so thankful that they were still clothed, until he realized what had just happened. 

He could feel himself visibly paling as he launched away from Jack, hurrying to stand up. “Oh, fuck, oh, fuck--”

“Babe, babe, calm down, it’s--”

Jack didn’t have time to say another word before David was already out the door and down the hall.

“Ma!” David said quickly, chest heaving as he came to a standstill in the living room. He was red faced in shame, and could already feel the tears welling in his eyes. “Ma, it- it’s not what it looks like!” He rushed out, gulping when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned and saw Jack, looking just as scared as he did, as he desperately buttoned his flannel to try to cover the marks. “We-- I didn’t-- I thought- Ma, I’m not--” “David.”

David went silent, staring at the floor with wide eyes, refusing to meet his mother's gaze. He vaguely registered his father coming into the room, who stopped mid sentence when he saw Jack and his son.

David could feel his world crumbling, but then he felt Jack’s hand gently grab his, ever so slightly intertwining their fingers. He glanced over at Jack with wide eyes, who looked at him and gave a gentle nod, taking a deep breath. 

Slowly, David looked back up, gulping. “...Mama, Dad, Jack and I--” “We know, dear.” 

“You-- You know?”

David finally took a good look at them. His father was standing behind his mother, a strong hand on her shoulder, but they didn’t look… angry. Or upset. Instead, they were smiling at him. “David, hunny, we’ve known for years. We… found a note that you had written- something or another, of how you wanted to tell us. At- At first, we were… shocked. We didn’t really know what to do, so we decided to wait it out until you told us yourself, we just didn’t expect it to take four years,” Esther added with a gentle laugh.

“It didn’t shock us to find out you were with Jack, either,” Mayer noted, glancing between the two boys. “Jack, you spend an awful lot of time at our house, more than any of the other boys. As long as you don’t intend on hurting our son, you’re part of this family, too.”

That was David’s breaking point.

He couldn’t hold in the sob that rose up from his chest, and though the Jacobs family had never been the most physically affectionate, David found himself running across the room. He pulled his mother into a tight hug, crying softly into her shoulder, and he took in a deep, shuddering breath as she rubbed his back. He pulled away and wiped his eyes, only to be pulled into another hug by Mayer, which was a shocking moment in itself.

One of them must have gestured to Jack to come closer, too, because when David looked over, Esther had him wrapped into a tight hug. David stepped away, and watched with a fond smile as Jack shook his father's hand.

Things seemed to calm down after that, though David still had watery eyes, but he couldn’t help the immense joy that flooded his chest. He gulped and wrapped an arm around Jack’s waist, who in turn began rubbing his back.

“Like I said,” Mayer spoke firmly, “take good care of our boy. Now, we have a reservation at the hotel to meet by midnight, so we should get going,” He said, looking down at Esther, who nodded. 

They said their last goodbyes, but just as the door closed, it opened again. Esther poked her head in and grinned. “One more thing- use protection!” She said quickly, before the door shut with a final click.

David would have been mortified, if not for the bright laughter that bubbled out from the boy beside him. 

Yeah, this was a happiness he could get used to, he thought as he pulled Jack in for another kiss. 

[q-u-a-c-k]

im just gonna talk. I apologize for feed spam so I'll just talk under the cut

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also I'm sorry for the complete spam I hope you can ignore me well enough, but I just wanted to say that I feel content for the first time in a while. I've been doing shitty lately but too scared to really say anything about it. my brain is constantly urging me to relapse or do something stupidly insanely harmful to myself. but right now the voice is quiet and I'm allowed to think and I like thinking happy things like this. I wish there was a way to have the voices this quiet without doing it this way (unintentionally high, I think there was something in my drink that I didn't put in there). like if anyone actually reads this and knows a way to quiet the voices in my head so I can think, please let me know. I know things like taking time to take care of myself or positivity things, but when the voices are back they dont really let me do that stuff. so if anyone has a quick and effective way of getting them to be quiet please tell me.

anyways I think I already told you two, but I have the potential to be quadruple gay and I think that's pretty cool. So identity crisis time trying to explain it. Although I'm still confused about how two of the parts work together but I'm gonna try to explain it while I can think. So I'm definitely gay and I think probably pan because I honestly have no preference, a pretty person is a pretty person. I believe I'm ace or at least under that umbrella term because ew. I think I might be nonbinary but I've never really outright said I use that label. because I honestly dont know yet but I'm not comfortable with male or female and I just am who I am but dont know what that is. so I'm hoping it's okay to use at least until I figure it out? and now the confusing part, possiblity of aro???? I'm not really sure because I could have just not really found the right (or any) person yet and I dont really want to use a label just because I'm not really sure. but like thinking about romantic stuff like... it's okay?? but that doesnt really sound like my thing. like I'd like to hang out with people and know them better and do things like dates but not with a romantic intention? just to vibe with the person? idk. but it's confusing because I also said I was pan but idk what about me is oen if in possibly under aroace. like I know they're both umbrella terms, but I dont know where under them I am. or where pan fits? idk identy crisis, yay!!

I wanna do a platonic date with someone. Like we can go to the movies or something and go to a park and just get to know each other better but like platonically. I think that just sounds fun. I need to get a job so I can have money to platonically take someone on a date. I've been meaning to look for places or put in applications but I keep forgetting. Which also reminds me, I want a fuckung sword. Imagine how cool that would be!! I have the money for this nice one that I've been looking at for a while, it's a pretty white longsword with a blue gem in the hilt. I want it so bad. but my parents wont let me get it which i think is stupid. like I'm gay and have themoney, let me get my sword >:(

I want an axe, too. it doesnt necessarily have to be a pretty one because I wanna get strong and chop wood with it. I want to be a lumberjack. like not cut down trees that dont need to be cut down, but anything that has fallen already I wanna chop up with an axe then make things out of it!! I like wood working stuff. it sounds like fun. but I would need the right stuff to do that that I dont have right now. like skills.

that is making me think about another life crisis but I dont wanna think about that so I'm gonna try to think of something else like how I cant wait to move out. because they have stuff planned out for me and what they want me to do but I realized I dont wanna do that. and now I'm thinking and vaguely talking about the crisis I dont wanna think about so I'm gonna think about what I actually want to do. I wanna do the plan thing you came up with where you're gonna have your cottage in a small town and we're gonna live hopefully somewhat close to you and we can visit each other a lot and vibe. you're gonna do what you want to do and work in a museum and talk about the things you enjoy.I dont really know what I want yet but I know I wanna live near you so we can hang out and be a lot closer because you're my family and my best friend. I think I wanna have lots of plants. I want to take better care of them than I do now and. have a lot and spend time with them and make sure they're doing well and growing. I like most plants vibes. they're mostly simple but very pretty and calming and looks like what home should feel like. you feel like what home should. like sometimes when the three of us are playing games like minecraft or something and it's getting all competitive and laughing it feels like home and makes me really happy. I'm excited to leave this place and have a real home.

I wanna leave as much of this as I can behind. and since I don't plan on coming out to them soon or possibly even at all, it might actually be easier to leave. because once I do I can go by Ash everywhere and not the name they gave me. I wont have to feel sad when I have to introduce myself as the name they gave me. and as far as people would know this is my name and the only one. they wouldn't even know what the other one is and cant call me it.

I still dont know what I want, but I know just being there I'll already be happier than here. they upset me a lot here. they say rude and insensitive things and insult me whether they know they are or not. and I think one day when I leave, if they try to justify themselves instead of fixing it, I have the freedom to leave them behind. they're not as bad as a lot of other people's family, especially since I thought compared to other people my family was nice. but still I think unlike the voice says I dont deserve to feel bad about who I am, especially when they're the ones who impacted me that way and made me a lot of who I am. or caused it.

I also cant wait until I move out because I'll have a lot more control of what I can and cant do, how I can be myself, and what kinds if things I'm eating. because right now, my parents dont really buy things that are good for you because it's cheaper to get processed foods. and when they do get better things, they get things I dont like. or I never get any because my siblings have it. bht I guess in some weird way it is good that they make me feel horrible about food stuff because then that's less of the bad stuff that I eat. I don't really like eating at all and I thought that was a good thing becuas ei vcd ont have access to the things I'm supposed to be having. so to me it's better to have nothing than things that are bad. and I've been kinda proud of myself for having less because it's not good stuff. like last night's I had a slice of cheese, half of minimal dinner, then only a little bit of chocolate. but then my siblings got taco bell and now I feel like shit. because I felt bad because they got it specifically for me but I didnt want it but I had it anyways. but I'm proud of how I did today before that!!!!

I want it ti rain. I wanna go outside when there thunder and lightning and pouring rain and just walk around. I want to stand in the rain. the rain makes me happy and calm. I feel safer in the rain. and it's just an overall pleasant thing. of course i don't want it to flood or cause harm to anyone else, but I want it to rain. good thing rain season is coming up soon. it might be cold but I dont care. I've waited too long for it.

[heytheredeann]

I was tagged by @ilosttrackofthings, thank you! I have. like. a thousand tag games that you guys have tagged me in, I will get to them eventually probably. I’ll try. sorry. but I figured that I should start somewhere and it’d be smart to avoid adding more to the pile LOL

All this disclaimer to say: if you’ve tagged me in something and I’ve liked the post, I saw it, I love you, and I will get to it, I’m just a bit of a disaster human sometimes, and especially when I have exams to worry about.

Aaaaanyway

1) Have you had a good day so far?

Yeah, no studying today because yesterday I passed an exam, which means that I Deserve A Lazy Day. So I did some writing in the morning and I filled my queue for tonight and now I’m hungry so I suppose that I’ll make myself some lunch as soon as I’m close enough to starving that it makes me want to get off the bed (it’s around 1 pm, though I’ll probably post this tonight).

2) What’s something you wish you could tell your younger self?

Depends, how young are we talking? I suppose any me younger than 17/18 would have benefited from ‘yo, you’re gay’, that might have shortened my identity crisis (.......though, knowing me? Possibly not by much, mistrusting myself sounds 10000% like me). 

There are honestly a lot of things that I wish I had known and that are only starting to truly sink in now, but the thing that I probably would have needed the most was some guarantee that it does get better, it’s not just survival for the sake of it forever. “Keep your head up because things have to get better at some point” is like 90% of my coping strategy in life, but I would have needed to know that it was true for me specifically (this shit is cliché for a reason okay, it’s true LOL).

3) If you could share one song with someone for them to understand you, what would it be?

I’m going to need to think about this one... I’ve literally been listening to JUST The Amazing Devil for a month and a half now, since when I first discovered them, so THAT is probably telling already, all their songs speak to me, some more than others and depending on my mood.

If I had to choose one right now it’d probably be The Horror and The Wild, and I’m too lazy to go through my ipod and look for something that isn’t from The Amazing Devil, sorry XD

4) Do you have a song people wouldn’t expect you to like, but you do?

I think anyone who has asked me about my music taste has now accepted that it’s ‘literally everything except songs I don’t like’, I don’t know what would surprise them LOL.

5) Describe your go-to pair of shoes.

I have no idea what you guys call them in English, but in winter it’s this kind of boots, which I just wear out every year only to buy a new pair when they eventually fall apart on me, while in summer it’s just black or blue All Star/Converse, because I’ve had them for years and they don’t make my feet boil, so fine by me. 

6) Do you have pictures/posters in your room? What of?

I just have a drawing of a big red fish that a friend gifted me for my birthday. It’s really cute! 

7) Fave software?

I don’t know... like... what kind of software? A lot of things technically count as a software, right? I’m confused LOL.

8) Do you own nail polish/what’s your favourite color?

No, I used to in middle school for like a year but nah.

9) Do/can you lucid dream?

Nope.

10) Summer or winter?

Winter, please and thank you.

11) If you could re-live a day in your life, would you? When?

Assuming you mean “re-live” as in “not changing anything”, I would absolutely re-live the day I found out that I got into uni. Sure, there are a first few hours of maddening anxiety but then! the joy!

12) Favourite historical era?

Eeeeeh I don’t know, I’ve never seriously thought about it I guess. There are specific elements that fascinate me about history, and like history in general, but I wouldn’t say that I am particularly fixated on one era.

13) Common misunderstanding people seem to have about you?

I suppose I have been told a few times, these past few years, that I don’t seem particularly shy and/or introverted when making small talk, which means that I deserve a Oscar for my ability to Play It Cool because semi-strangers think that I don’t dread any kind of social situation. 

Tagging: @im-the-punk-who @mysteryandnonstopfun @misscrazyfangirl321 @frankiebleu @mslyragw (if you want to, obviously)

[jade-untamed]

The Untamed Ep. #5 Re-watch

please enjoy this selection of text messages I spammed my best friend with in reaction to Ep 5. this got a little long and out of hand but I just have a lot of thoughts on these boys

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Wei Ying is just so happy to see Lan Zhan. Lan Wangji doesn’t understand it And how cute! After their little fight Wei Wuxian reaches out and adjusts Lan Wangji’s sleeve where it blew up with the wind There he goes blaming Wangji again like take some damn responsibility bby Then Wei Wuxian starts spouting nonsense (not actually nonsense. My take is that Lan Wangji is actually very interested in who keeps sneaking to the back hills and how it might relate to the spirit snatch but also his uncle gave him an order and he has to follow it) so he grabs Wei Wuxian and starts dragging him back And the way Wei Wuxian just can’t stop glancing at Lan Wangji (who has no time or patience left for Wei Ying at this point) like he’s sizing him up and just as intrigued by him as Lan Wangji is by Wei Ying Wei Wuxian pays him a genuine compliment and Wangji doesn’t even react like he gets so many compliments in a day they don’t phase him (which is honestly why Wei Ying’s insults probably get to him so much tbh) And Lan Wangji is shocked when Wei Wuxian calls him Lan Zhan and feels bad for ignoring him for a lil bit. And when Wei Wuxian asks him why he hates him he doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t hate him at this point. He never really did. But then Wei Wuxian just keeps talking and walking and then blames Wangji again and he’s just like *ignores* BUT the next thing that gets a reaction out of Wangji is Wei Ying saying he’ll kneel for him and I think that’s very telling. I think it’s the start of the don’t flirt unless you mean it mentality Lan Wangji brings up later in the cave and that’s why he silences Wei Wuxian after that in the library. When Wei Wuxian draws the portrait of Lan Wangji I think this moment strikes me so much because it’s one of the first times Wangji feels truly seen. He’s been told he’s hard and rigid and has been the perfect disciple under the strict order of his uncle and brother but then Wei Wuxian captures the essence of him. He draws a flower in his hair. And it’s not meant as a slight in any way. It’s because Wei Wuxian sees the gentleness inside of Wangji that so few else do. And Wei Wuxian asks if it’s boring. Is it boring to have one’s self be seen by another? Will Lan Wangji think it’s boring? Does he say that as a defense mechanism to things that he knows will be distracting? Do you think Lan Wangji keeps calling Wei Wuxian boring in the beginning because he’s trying to convince himself the other boy is uninteresting when he’s obviously interesting enough to capture Lan Wangji’s attention and he hates it? Or does he say it when Wei Wuxian is being particularly interesting one moment and then acting like everyone else the next? Because everyone else bores him except for Wei Wuxian? AND THEN the scandalized look on Lan Wangji’s face when he sees the risqué picture and gets mad enough to throw propriety out the window and call Wei Ying by his formal name. And boy is ready to fight™ because that’s the only valid way for him to express his emotions because he’s emotionally repressed and is this flirting? Is this teasing? Is this being bullied? What is this? He’s never had someone do or say the stuff to him that Wei Wuxian does and says. And he tells Wei Wuxian to piss off and idk why but that’s so funny to me And he’s just like fine I’ll piss off im good at that anyway. Like bby. And when there’s a breach in the ward Wangji thinks it’s Wei Ying (also the smile Lan Xichen gets on his face when Lan Wangji calls the other boy by that name I DIE because Lan Wangji has probably not ever been familiar enough with anyone outside of family to use their formal name) and Xichen casually lets him know it’s not in fact Wei Ying. And Lan Wangji is just like ??? How did I get it so wrong? He’s such a trouble maker you sure bro? But he knows deep down his brother is right Also just. The sibling relationships. I have a whole essay I’m going to write one day on the level of devotion these characters display for one another. They show love through deep and endless devotion to each other and I think that’s really neat. Wangji all itS aGAInST tHe RuLeS when Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng show up with Wen Qing to help fight the water ghosts Trying to say they don’t need help Xichen fighting a smile cuz he knows Wangji’s just being like that because he feels awkward and then invites them anyway. And Wangji’s is like ET TU Like bro how dare you see through me like this I’m trying to be aloof and unapproachable and you’re *literally* making them approach me And then Lan Xichen to casually mention it looked to him like Lan Wangji wanted them to go. THE MORTIFYING ORDEAL OF BEING KNOWN And Xichen’s all...wasn’t I right? And Lan Wangji’s just like bro I’m having a crisis I don’t even like the guy but he’s also the only person who really sees me besides you and idk how to feel about that and also I think he’s really misunderstood and you seem to think that too and you approve of him so he has to be good because you’re good. And I...also approve of him? Most of the time? And people say I’m good so, again, he has to be good. And he is, I think, good and kind. But he gets under my skin so much and idk why. Do you know why, Xichen? You have to know why since you see through me and invited them even though I was trying so hard to play it cool But also the wording Xichen uses “you seemed to want the two boys to go together” and again Wangji sees how deeply Wei Wuxian values his familial ties and it makes him soft Wei Wuxian wanting to make a bet with Lan Wangji that the water ghosts aren’t actually water ghosts. And him smiling and saying I bet we think the same. Wangji says it boring because WEI WUXIAN IS THE ONLY ONE ON HIS LEVEL AND HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT. Wangji’s like yeah we probably will think the same goddamnit you’re too fucking smart for your own good why are you the way you are. But he’s right, is the thing. And for some reason Wangji can’t stand it that Wei Wuxian already knows him this well. Boring. NO BRO ITS NOT YOURE JUST IN GAY PANIC MODE Wei Ying being the first to suspect the spirit snatching and the water ghosts that aren’t water ghosts are related. Xichen being like nah my dude. But Wangji being like hm and then Wei Ying being like you think your bro is hiding something? And Wangji would never actually say it but Wei Wuxian READS IT ON HIS FACE and doesn’t even realize he’s kind of just up-ended Lan Wangji’s world by the ease with which he reads him and he keeps talking without realizing the gravity of what happened and Lan Wangji gets annoyed and spills out his liquor in retaliation because he’s actually just a little emotionally stunted and doesn’t know how to handle his feelings Wangji being high key impressed by how Wei Wuxian can tell the water ghosts was under his boat but also mad at himself for not noticing it first like smh he’s supposed to be one of the best cultivators in the world and this Boy over here saw it before him. Boring. (It’s not actually boring at all and he knows this. It’s interesting. Very very interesting. But Lan Wangji doesn’t know why it’s so interesting to him) Lan Xichen calling Wei Ying an expert and Lan Wangji being *rageragerage* about it because of the above but Wei Ying thinking he’s glaring because he got splashed a little is the epitome of how bad these two are when it comes to miscommunication So when Wei Ying walks over on the boat and is all whisper whisper nudge nudge we have an understanding now right? And Lan Wangji being as eloquent as ever is just like wahhh stay away from me And it very obviously hurts Wei Ying’s feeling for real but he tries to hide it because he’s TRYING so hard to be Lan Wangji’s friend and every time it feels like he gets somewhere Wangji takes two steps back And it’s actually a beautiful kind of dance that goes on for the whole story because even if it is one step forward two steps back they are always parallel to each other even when on different paths because they are the only two who can keep up with each other and that’s what sets them apart. One light one dark, yin and yang. Two sides to the same coin. Wei Ying being like *take me by the heart when you take me by the hand* LAN ZHAN WHY ARENT YOU TAKING ME BY THE HAND and Wangji like I don’t touch other people And Wei Wuxian is like dude you’ve touched me before. Bro we are intimate. Remember that time I almost went on my knees for you? Bro take my hand And when Wen Ning gets all ~white soulless eyes~ Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are the only two who see Wei Wuxian checking up on his bff Wen Ning because he genuinely cares and giving him a protection talisman and telling Wen Qing that even if she’s up to no good and making trouble in the neighborhood he still wants to help Wen Ning be safe. I think that’s very sexy of him Wangji talking to Xichen and being like hey remember when Wei Ying was like these two things are related right? And you were like nah. Well I think he was right how about you? But then immediately after that Wei Wuxian gives him a fruit and he’s like FUCK YOUR CHICKEN STRIPS LOQUATS and yeets it away (Like he wishes he could yeet his feelings) Xichen again like you want some? I’ll buy you some! But Lan Wangji unfortunately probably has a long history with denying himself the things he wants and the things Wei Wuxian is awakening in him are just another thing to repress so he rejects all acts of kindness from the other man for fear that giving in once will be the start of his slow descent into something he’s never allowed himself to experience before and can’t even properly allow himself to even want.