#im happy for the people who are excited/happy

[thisweknow]

I very much understand your frustration with the "you! are! valid!" Tumblr culture from the mid-2010s, that was something that honestly made me feel so isolated as a teenager. I hated hearing "it gets better!" and watching my life fall further and further apart with everyone telling me that it would all be fine one day. It felt hypocritical. It WAS hypocritical—to tell me my feelings and my experiences were valid and then to just absolutely steamroll me when I expressed my frustrations and fears.

I started to favor the phrase "everything changes" around the time I turned 16. I liked the idea of neutrality, it was something I'd seen as a suggestion relating to body positivity, which I struggle(d) with greatly. The basic premise was that if you couldn't say anything positive, try saying something neutral. Everything changes is neutral. It's not saying it'll get better necessarily, but not that it would be worse, either. It felt like the closest to a truth I could have. What I was dealing with in any given moment wouldn't last forever. Everything changes, my circumstances today are entirely different than my circumstances tomorrow, even if it doesn't always feel like it.

I've let that phrase carry me for years. In the bad moments I remind myself that everything changes, and the world parts that suck won't suck so immediately forever. In the good moments I remind myself that everything changes, and I should hold on to those and savor them for what they are, even if they're peppered in with the worst moments.

It's not to say that I don't remember the bad moments now—I very much do. I can remember a lot of the trauma of my childhood and if I let myself sit with it for too long I can feel what it was like to sit awake at 3 AM sobbing in my room wishing that I was no longer here. I don't think I will ever truly forget that. I can say that those parts aren't the part on my mind anymore. When I look back at my life I tend to look with rose colored glasses at the parts that were good. The moments I spent with my friends, the nights I'd sneak out to ride my bike in the peace and silence of the small town I lived in, the rehearsals for plays that I dreaded going to but loved being in, the way my dog would curl up at my feet and sleep there all night when I was sad—the list goes on. The bad parts are still very much remembered and acknowledged, but the good parts are the ones I think about and the ones I miss.

I know that I struggled for a long time with feeling guilty about having moments I looked back on that I didn't hate. This was especially true after leaving an abusive relationship. I knew the person I had left had been abusive and had done horrible things to me, that I had sustained damages that I wasn't sure I could recover from. Yet I still had moments I looked back on fondly. Moments where I had genuinely cared for my abuser, moments of sweetness and moments of joy, moments of calm and peace that I hadn't had with anyone else. I felt like looking at those moments somewhat fondly cheapened my experiences, as if it was somehow an admission of fraud to acknowledge that even the worst thing that had ever happened to me had its silver linings. It took years of therapy and dedicated self work to finally understand that abuse doesn't happen in a vacuum and that it's okay to miss those good moments, however many there might be, even when we know the overall situation was awful.

It's okay to savor the good things when they come your way. A journal entry from when I was about 17 sums it up really well: I don't want to be happy all of the time. If I was happy all of the time I wouldn't really feel happy anymore, would I? It would just be my normal, my neutral. I want to feel positive at least 75% of the time, that's my goal. I want to feel sad sometimes, too. I want to feel angry and hurt, I want to feel excited and happy and in love, too. I want to experience every emotion life has to offer, even the sucky ones. I don't think I would appreciate happiness if I didn't experience everything else, yknow?

btw you will miss this in 5 or 10 years. memory will smooth these circumstances down like a river stone, and you will find yourself longing for a shade of light or a moment of this particular innocence. you don't know about what happens next, and one day that will be the most alluring thing of all. don't leave it all for nostalgia. have a nice night now, whatever night it happens to be.

[norrisainz33]

golden || ls18

☆ summary: lance and his long term partner and actress, y/n, attend the golden globes

☆ pairing: lance stroll x actress!reader

☆ fc & warnings: zendaya & none

☆ a/n: shorter one bc i was inspired by zendaya and the big ring she was wearing last night hehe also lance has been moving me lately

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

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user1: tuning in for you only

user2: i can’t wait to see what you wear!!! you are going to shine like always

lance_stroll: my beautiful gorgeous girl

ynuser: my sweet precious boy

lance_stroll: hoping on the plane now! should be there in a few hours.

ynuser: wonderful! thank you for coming all the way out to la baby - i know things are busy for you these days

lance_stroll: you are always my first priority y/n/n and this is a big deal ❤️

ynuser: i am so lucky to call you mine lancey

lance_stroll: i’m the lucky one 😘

yourbff: i’m so excited for you my love

ynuser: and i’m so excited to see you soon 🫶🏻

user22: people died!!! (me i’m people)

chloestroll: yayyyy!!! you’re my favorite superstar!!

ynuser: chloe 🥹

user3: MOTHER!!!

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user2: the prettiest princess to ever princess

user8: when i show up to a who loves y/n most contest and ur there 🙄

astonmartinf1: make sure you send us all the pictures possible. can’t have our man stepping out without posting about it 😮‍💨

lance_stroll: don’t worry admin - you’ll get them before anyone else does!

user87: just casually showing up with bouquets and dior… oh to be a wag 😭

ynuser: reunited and it feels so good ❤️

lance_stroll: nothing beats being with you darling 🤍

user12: happy for you (i’m single and jealous)!

chloestroll: give my girl a hug for me

lance_stroll: you got it 😘

user9: your commitment to be at every event of hers is truly the sweetest thing

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yourbff: girl call me wtf

yourbff: DONT LEAVE ME ON READ IK YOURE JUSY GETTING YOUR HAIR DONE RN YOU CAN CALL ME

ynuser: CALLING NOW CHILLLLL

yourbff: OMG BESTIE IM SCREAING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS

ynuser: 😂😂😂😂 i can hear you all the way from la

yourbff: this is one of the best days of my life fr

ynuser: s a m e girl

estebanocon: mon ami what happened?

ynuser: lance will call you shortly my dear friend ❤️

lance_stroll: 🤭

ynuser: eeeeeeek i love you

lance_stroll: i love you to the moon and back

flavy.barla: cryptic? but also give your little puppy a kiss from me mon ange 😘

ynuser: are you and estie together? if so, expect a call sooooooonnn!!!! also puppy says they miss you

flavy.barla: omg yes we are together!

flavy.barla: y/n/n! i’m still crying im so excited for you two you have no idea

chloestroll: HEHEHEHEH

ynuser: sisssyyyyyyyyy

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user2: GORGEOUS????

user18: is it just me or are you showing off that ring in like a …… it’s more than just an accessory way

yourbff: how is it that everything looks perfect on you?

ynuser: stop ittttt 😭

flavy.barla: stunning, beautiful, perfect! not a single note

ynuser: thank you flavy 🫶🏻

f1gossip: now y/n/n…. is that what we think it is?

lance_stroll: genuinely speechless. how does one get so beautiful?

ynuser: lots and lots of makeup

lance_stroll: oh stop! its natural

user19: foaming at the mouth

madelyncline: begging you to style me. i wanna be like you when i grow up 😩

ynuser: your wish is my command 🙌🏻

user34: you never miss

user21: s2g that’s an engagement ring

mclarenf1: nice color dress 🤭

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f1gossip: actress, y/n y/l/n, attended the golden globes last tonight with long term partner and our very own, Lance Stroll, sporting a rather large diamond ring on her left hand. when asked by a reporter if the ring on her finger was an engagement ring, all she did was give a coy smile and a shrug before changing the subject. looks like wedding bells are ringing for one of our favorite duos!!

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user2: first of all - y/n is radiant. second of all - i’m so glad these 2 are end game i love them

user6: how lance bagged this baddie will forever be beyond me

user28: he’s a good man savannah

user12: happy for them (i’m crying my eyes out)

user44: a little commotion for the dress my god

user33: all i can think abt is how it’s papaya

user9: now that is a ROCK! making my partner take notes

user4: my shot is with y/n is now GONE

user22: what do i have to do to get myself a billionaire to give me the biggest ring i’ve ever seen in my whole life

user35: no fr asking for a friend

user11: no lance!!!! that’s MY girl!!!

user9: i’d put a ring on that too if i was him

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lance_stroll: had the best evening with the most beautiful girl to have ever graced a red carpet. thanks for having me goldenglobes and thanks to hugoboss for the magnificent suit.

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user18: we got a lance post before gta6

user22: missed him dearly

astonmartinf1: that’s our driver 🤩

user34: that old money hotness is real

fernandoalo_oficial: looking good!

ynuser: magnificent suit indeed 😍

lance_stroll: maybe i should wear them more often

ynuser: yes please 😩

user3: don’t think i didn’t notice the big ring on y/n’s hand. care to explain lance?

chloestroll: two of my most favorite people 🥹

user24: seething with jealousy

estebanocon: cleaned up real nice mon ami

lance_stroll: merci esteban 🤍

user28: i am down so catastrophically bad. i cant decide which one of you i want more

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ynuser: it’s all in the details

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landonorris: cool papaya dress

ynuser: it’s orange mate

landonorris: close enough! thanks for being a fan 🧡

user99: this is all but confirmation honestly

sabrinacarpenter: i think i might be in love with you

ynuser: well thank god the feelings are mutual 😭

user12: there’s not a single red carpet where you don’t devour

lance_stroll: you have one new really good detail

ynuser: i do yeah! someone special picked it out for me

lance_stroll: well they certainly did a good job

ynuser: the best job some might say!

mclarenf1: currently fangirling! don’t mind us

astonmartinf1: back!!! back i said!!! 🤺

user13: the squeal i just let out

flavy.barla: reject me so i can move on already 😭

ynuser: i have no interest in rejecting you!!! lets run away tg instead

estebanocon: only if lance and i can run away together without you then

flavy.barla: fine by me!

lance_stroll: wow 🙄

user88: my 2 favorite people just got engaged no one speak to me

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

a/n: thanks for reading!! likes and reblogs appreciated 🤍

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

disclaimer: pictures are not mine and everything i write is fiction

© norrisainz33 || please do not rewrite, translate, or copy any of my works posted here on to any other platform

[princess-luvvv]

A GOLD RING AND COLD FEET

Rafe Cameron x fem!exgirlfriend!reader

A/N: (This is lowk 4.3k words I’m sorry) Hey guys lol I literally do not know what I’m doing help. I did not proofread idek how to work this app so if this sucks just don’t tell me bc this thing is the biggest pain in the ass lol. Like I am so genuinely sorry I’m such a grandma. Also this is what I listened to while writing this so feel free to listen as well :)

WARNINGS: AUTHOR CANT FIGURE THIS APP OUT, there’s no smut (not going to traumatize you guys with my brain on the first post), girl reader, marriage (basically the whole theme), cheating (sort of from reader but like it’s fine), ermmm just bad writing im sorry lol. Just a man yearning (like good). Okay Im sorry byeee.

14 DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: THE BRIDAL SHOWER

Rafe Cameron was going to be the death of me. I knew it.

We had dated for 7 years. He asked me out when we were 14 after knowing each other since we were 6. He broke up with me when we were 21. He said he “couldn’t be tied down in his 20s”.

After that I thought I was completely broken. I had never even imagined loving anyone else - having to love someone else.

But here I was. 14 days away from my wedding to a man I didn’t love. A part of me felt like such an asshole. Marrying a man who I knew I’d never love. But Jackson had his faults. He raised his voice too much. He never opened my door…not since our third date at least. He worked all the time. He regularly forgot important events like anniversaries and birthdays.

We started dating 10 months, 1 week, and 4 days after Rafe broke up with me.

Even though most people said it was time to move on it still felt too soon to me. 3 years later and it still feels too soon sometimes.

But here I am. At my bridal shower. Wearing a silver ring when I haven’t touched a piece of silver jewelry since I was 9.

I was opening gifts when only one remained. A small black box with no tag attached.

“Who is this one from?” I ask the crowd of giddy women surrounding me. They all share confused looks. Shrugging and comments like “It’s not mine” falling from their lips. This only furthered my confusion as I opened the box.

I gasped.

Inside was a beautiful - gold - ring. It was my dream ring.

“Oh my gosh it’s just beautiful!” My best friend Grace said.

“Jackson must have picked it out for you since yours is missing.” Grace says causing me to furrow my brows.

I looked down to my left hand and noticed the absence of my ring.

Since when was that gone?

“Oh yeah…I guess he did.” I smile and tuck the box away. Making a mental note to ask Jackson later. Even though I knew he didn’t get it for me, a part of me hoped.

As my friends went on and on about how beautiful this wedding would be and how happy they were…I couldn’t help but wish their joy was infectious.

At least someone is excited right?

12 DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: BACHELORETTE

I was sitting in an expensive restaurant in downtown Charleston sipping a cocktail I’m pretty sure costs more than my salad. Jackson and I had decided to have our Bachelorette/Bachelor parties in the same city in case anything happened. He was out having a guys night while I was out with my girls. I hadn’t had this much fun doing anything wedding related well ever.

“It’s not a coincidence that you think that and Jackson isn’t here” a little voice inside my brain taunts me. But I push it down. Along with the bile rising in my throat. From the alcohol or the impending commitment of forever to a person who I know I don’t love - which, I’m not sure.

“How are you babe?” My friend Ava says as she turns her entire body to face me. I was tracing shapes on the condensation on the outside of my barely touched drink while I tuned out the rest of the chatter.

“I’m wonderful how about you Ava?” I smile and meet her eye. She gives an unconvinced smile and repeats her question: “Come on. How are you really? Cold feet? We can get on the next flight out of America just say the word.” She says with a laugh. And I know she’s joking but part of me is screaming “YES!” Inside of my head.

I laugh and shake my head.

“No cold feet. Just lukewarm maybe.”

Lukewarm. It’s funny cause that’s basically a word that sums up the entirety of Jackson and I’s relationship. I hadn’t felt fire, sparks, passion…any of it. Not since-

“Lukewarm is okay. Marriage is big. But…you’ll be okay.” Ava says cutting off my thoughts. And I can see her trying to hide her real feelings. She wants me to talk to him. Not him. Him.

The him who left me in a hotel room in Key West on what was supposed to be our 8 year anniversary trip. The him who wouldn’t stop sending letters to my house. The him who sent me 127 texts and 87 voicemails since last Tuesday. Which is apparently the day the Cameron’s wedding invitation arrived. I wasn’t going to invite them but I felt I needed to. Sarah and I were still friends and I adored Wheezie. The him who took up every inch of my heart. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself he didn’t.

LATER THAT NIGHT AT THE HOTEL…

I entered my private suite in the hotel. I had gotten my drunk pack of bridesmaids back to their rooms…well the ones that were sleeping in their own rooms tonight. I had my own room this trip. My bridesmaid Lila insisted on it in case Jackson wanted to sneak over from his hotel…that’s what she said. But I knew she secretly wanted to give me my space away from the wedding buzz and events. I was grateful for that.

Until I was not.

Because the second I opened my door and ripped off my crown that said “BRIDE” I looked up and saw a man sitting on the couch in the suites living room. His elbows resting on his large thighs as he hung his head.

He looks up when I walk in.

I should’ve been scared…but I knew exactly who it was.

I flicked on the light. “Rafe what- what are you doing here?” I say in half anger half disbelief. OBX was at least 7 hours from here.

What the hell was he thinking?

“I had to see you…” I shake my head as he stands up and walks towards me. I take a step back.

“No. No. You can’t do this to me.” He walks closer. I put out my hands. Placing them on his chest to keep distance between us.

“Please just hear me out….” He gently grips my wrists that are placed on his chest. He paused for a second. Looking into my eyes to see if I would stop him again. I let him continue.

“I know…I know I have no right to be here. No right to do this. But please just listen to what I have to say…” He sighed before continuing. “You can’t marry him. Baby you can’t….I’m begging you. He doesn’t treat you right. You know that. I have so many regrets in my life…but I’d live them all over a million times if it meant I never let you go. I regret that every breath I take.”

My eyes gloss over. His touch was so gentle unlike Jackson’s. He didn’t raise his voice at me. He didn’t do anything but love me exactly the way I wanted while also being everything I needed.

He sighs seeing my eyes tear up. “Baby don’t- don’t cry….it’s just-….I can tell you’re not happy.” He says as he wipes a tear that escaped my eyes.

“I-I’m happy…” I say weakly.

But I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince. Me or him?

He sighs. Bringing a hand up to my cheek to wipe away another tear. His hand not moving. “You’re not. I can see it. I know you…I see it in your face when you look at him. Those beautiful eyes have never told me a lie.”

“You don’t know me anymore…” another lie. He knew me. He knew me. He knew my coffee order at every coffee shop on the island. He knew my favorite songs and the lyrics to all of them. He knew my favorite movie. He knew my favorite animal.

He laughs softly in disbelief.

“I don’t know you? I know you. I know your order at every Mexican restaurant on the island. I can recite your coffee orders in my sleep. I know every word to your favorite Taylor Swift songs. Your favorite movie is Beauty and the Beast and you love the soundtrack. You love penguins and you’re a dog person. I know you baby.”

I cry harder as he recites everything about me. On surface it’s not much. Small talk topics he could’ve figured out from social media. But it goes so much deeper. He knows what makes me tick. What I need when I’m sad. How to cheer me up even through tears.

If only he could do that now…

“Does that asshole even know your favorite Jane Austen book? Huh? Does he? Cause I do. And it’s Emm-“

“Stop! Just stop Rafe! Just- just go! Why-why are you doing this me? This isn’t fair.” I say wiping my tears. I was full on crying now.

“I can’t just sit back and watch you marry someone who’s not going to make you happy. You deserve so much better. You don’t deserve someone who’s never there for you, or doesn’t treat you well. You deserve someone who treats you exactly how you deserve to be treated - like the woman I love. I know I was stupid to let you go. I was young - and I thought I wanted freedom, but I was wrong. I haven’t known a minute of freedom since you left. I miss you, I miss us. And I need you more than I need air to breathe…”

“Please. Don’t marry him. Please baby…” He’s begging now. I’ve never seen Rafe Cameron beg for anything.

“Rafe I’m-I’m getting married in 12 days I can’t-“ I cut myself off with a sob.

He pulls me against his chest. I don’t protest as I cry harder. Pretty much sobbing now.

I clutch onto the end of his shirt. “I have to marry him Rafe…”

“Why? Why do you have to marry him? You know this isn’t what you want.” He says pleading with me. Running a soothing hand up and down my back. Providing me more comfort than I’ve known all of my relationship with Jackson.

“I know.” I say softly. My voice hoarse.

“Then don’t do it. Don’t marry him. I made the wrong choice a few years ago, but I’m here now. I want you not some false pretense of freedom. I can give you everything you’ve ever wanted. I can give you a ring that you actually like, and a house that we build together. I’ll give you anything you want, just don’t marry him. Be with me.” I pause when he mentions the ring. I look down to the gold ring on my left hand. Silently piecing things together.

“Did you send me a new ring?” I look back up him. Brows furrowed. My face puffy from crying. When I meet his eyes I see how utterly heartbroken he looks. It breaks me a little bit.

“I-uh…yeah I did.” He says. And as he confirms my theory I step away from him. Letting out sobs as I turn my back towards him. One hand cradling my stomach as the other covers my mouth.

“Hey - hey what’s wrong. Talk to me.” He says as he walks up behind me placing a soothing hand on my shoulder letting his hands rub me gently.

“Y-you remembered the ring.” I had shown him the type of ring I wanted back when I thought we were going to get married.

I was so stupid at 20. Or maybe I was just naive.

“Of course I remembered the ring. You showed it to me a million times. I know it was your dream ring and I couldn’t bear the idea of him giving you something you didn’t actually want…” He explains with a confused expression. Not quite sure why it was hurting me so bad.

The thought that he had gotten me a ring I wanted even though he didn’t want me marrying Jackson made me want to cry…and vomit.

“I-I can’t-“ My legs give out and I drop to my knees. Rafe immediately goes down with me. Pulling me into his chest. I was now cradled in his lap as he rocked me gently while I cried.

“Please don’t cry baby….it hurts me so bad.”

That night I fell asleep in Rafes arms.

THIRD PERSON POV:

As Rafe brought her to her hotel bed and tucked her in he couldn’t help but feel the urge to get in bed and hold her as she slept. But he knew how awful she’d feel if she woke up next to him knowing she betrayed Jackson. So he left a note next to her bedside and pressed a kiss to her forehead before leaving. The words “I love you” mumbled softly as she slept.

ELEVEN DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: THE NEXT MORNING.

THIRD PERSON POV:

As Jackson walks into the hotel room of his future wife he can’t help the guilt eating at him. He brings in the takeout bags and starts to place it onto a tray.

He takes out the water and Advil he got from the pharmacy and brings it over to her bedside.

As he’s placing the hangover cure on her nightstand a paper written on hotel stationery catches his eye.

He reads through the paper.

“All my love, R.C.”

He folds up the note and places it back in his pocket before going back to the takeout bags. Ready to act as if nothing happened.

FIRST PERSON POV

I wake up with an empty feeling in my stomach. The same one I’ve had for 3 years, 7 months, 2 weeks, and 6 days.

I hear someone walking around the suite and as much as I know it’s probably Jackson…a part of me hopes…

Seconds later Jackson comes into my room with a smile. Holding a tray of food.

Odd. He’s never done sweet gestures for me like this.

“Good morning my love…I thought this would help cure the hangover. I ordered breakfast from that place you like downtown. You always talk about how much you wish we had one back at home so…” As he explains his reasoning for being here the sick feeling grows in my stomach. And I wish it was hangover sickness. I felt like such crap. Here he was being so sweet to me and I cried in the arms of another man last night.

I look around the room for any evidence Rafe was here. Feeling slightly disappointed but relieved that I didn’t find anything.

“Have fun last night?” Jackson says as he picks a blueberry off my plate.

“Uh yeah….it was really fun.” I smile and lie. But he can’t tell the difference so he nods his head before getting up and kissing my forehead.

“Well I have to go into work early tomorrow so the guys and I are heading back home but…I love you.” He says. He rarely says those three words. And that itself wouldn’t be weird. We’re getting married of course we tell each other we love each other. But paired with the weird domestic wake-up I had this morning it left an icky feeling in my stomach. But I smiled and nodded. Swallowing my food before replying.

“Okay…love you too.”

TWO DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY: THE REHEARSAL DINNER

“Have you seen my gold earrings?” I ask Jackson. Walking around our shared bathroom while he was shaving. We were getting ready for our rehearsal dinner before we left for the wedding venue in the morning.

“Which earrings?” He asks. Not pausing his movements of shaving his face.

“The ones I always-“ I huff in defeat knowing it’s no use. I’ve worn those earrings everyday for the past 9 years. They were Rafe’s 2 year anniversary gift to me.

I walk around the bedroom looking under a few things before my phone pings distracting me for a second. I walk over to it and turn the screen over to see an Instagram DM message request.

“Hey…I want to say I am so sorry to do this to you. I know you’re getting married in 2 days but there’s something you should know…”

THREE HOURS UNTIL WEDDING DAY: THE NIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING

I was pacing around the cabin of my private room on the property of our venue.

The venue was a family owned property on the mainland. It was gorgeous. Jackson was in the cabin across the venue in the Groom’s cabin. I was staying in the Bridal lodge.

I felt nauseous. My throat felt like it was closing and the white matching way too expensive PJ set I was gifted especially for tonight felt like it was constricting my air. The cabin suddenly felt stuffy and like the walls were about to close in at any minute. I was all alone.

I pull out my phone quickly going to the only number I had on speed dial.

He picks up on the first ring - he always does.

RAFES POV

The whole day I had been sulking at home watching football and drinking whiskey. My lab Daisy sitting by my side as she watched me drown my sorrows.

Was she really going to marry him?

I had dozed off for a few hours before a phone ringing woke me up.

I look at the screen and immediately picked up.

“I need you.” I was standing up running to my shoes before the sentence was even over.

“I’m coming baby…I’m on my way just stay put okay?” Her shaky voice was breaking my heart. I grabbed my keys and made an hour long drive less than 40 minutes.

FIRST PERSON POV

I was sitting with my knees tucked to my chest. My eyes puffy and crying, sitting at the edge of the bed when Rafe barged in. He immediately dropped to his knees next to me. Pulling me into his lap. Cradling me as he rocked me back and forth.

“I’m here baby…I’m here.” He repeats the words like a mantra to ease my mind. And it does. But it doesn’t fill the pit in my stomach that seems to have taken a permanent residence.

“Talk to me baby…please you’re scaring me…” I could hear the fear in his voice. And I felt like such a dick. I called my ex boyfriend to help me the night before my wedding to another man.

I’m the worst.

“I-I’m so sorry….I didn’t know who else to call.” I get out between sobs. He shakes his head. Grabbing my face with both of his hands.

“Shhh….I just need you to tell me what you need. I’m right here. Just tell me how to help. Okay?”

How does he always know what to say? It’s ridiculous.

“I need out of this…” And at that sentence Rafe was pretty sure he could’ve cried a happy tear. But he needed to be sure.

“Out of what baby?” He knew. But he needed to know.

“You know what.” I pause before continuing. Sniffling and wiping my tears. “Jackson cheated on me. His bachelor party…she texted me the night our rehearsal dinner. She was their bartender in Charleston. But that’s not even the worst part…” I shake my head in disbelief at myself. “The worst part is I don’t even care. My fiancée cheated on me less than two weeks before our wedding. And I can’t find it in me to care.”

I knew I never loved Jackson. And that’s part of why I was marrying him. Because I knew that if I never loved him he’d never be able to hurt me…not like Rafe did at least.

I continue:

“I’m literally incapable of loving him because every inch of my heart belongs to you. And it kills me. I should be devastated right now. But- but all I can think is that I need you. And it’s so cold and you hate driving at night but this is the second time you’ve driven over an hour for me in two weeks.”

In reality it didn’t take Rafe an hour to get here. But he let me continue anyways.

“I’m terrible-“ He cuts me off.

“No. You’re perfect. I know you think you have to settle for this but you don’t. I’m not leaving you. I’ll always be here. Whether or not you get married in 12 hours I’m always going to be there when you need me. I don’t care what it is or where you are. You call and I’m there. You need me…and I’m right here baby. I’ll always be right here. I won’t let anybody hurt you.”

I look at him as he says that. And suddenly nothing about this makes sense. Why am I getting married to Jackson?

He sucks.

I stand up. Grabbing Rafes hands pulling him up with me.

“We need to leave.” I look around the room at my things. Rafe immediately nods and starts packing my things into my suitcase with me.

“Where do you need to go? I’ll take you anywhere baby. Car? Train? Plane? Boat? Fuck I’ll swim across the Atlantic for you baby.”

I pause and glance up at him from across my suitcase that we’re both knelt over. I meet his gaze. His eyes show me nothing but seriousness. Standing 10 toes behind his words. I wrap an arm around his neck and place an arm on his shoulder to steady myself as I lean in and kiss him.

He’s so taken aback but he kisses back after realizing this isn’t another one of his dreams that have felt like nightmares these past 3 years.

I pull away and he slightly sighs at the disconnect.

“Anywhere that’s not here. Just need to be with you. Please.”

2 HOURS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: AN HOUR LATER ON THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT

I look around the room once more to make sure I have everything.

“You got everything you need baby?” He asks me and I nod.

“I’m gonna take this to the car.” I was carrying my pillow and blanket I had brought. Rafe insisted on carrying my bags. He nods but stays in his place before speaking up.

“Okay I’ll be there in a second I’m gonna take one last look around.” I nod before walking to his truck and getting inside.

THIRD PERSON POV:

Rafe pulls the object out of his pocket. Placing it on the dresser.

He grabs her bags taking one last look at the wedding dress hanging on the closet door before shutting the door behind him.

The silver ring shimmering in the moonlight sitting on the dresser where he left it.

FIRST PERSON POV

Rafe gets back in the car and looks over at me.

“If you change your mind I don’t mind-“ I cut him off.

“I’m not changing my mind. Now drive.” He smiles before putting the truck in reverse.

As we drive for a few minutes a question plagues my mind: Why didn’t he say anything the morning after the bachelorette party?

“Can I ask you something?” He glances over at me. He had a comforting hand on my thigh as he drove.

“Anything.” I smile at his answer while look at my lap before continuing.

“Why didn’t you say anything the morning after that night in Charleston? Not a text or a note or anything? I know you didn’t have to I just…hated waking up with no evidence that you had even been there.” Rafe’s brows furrow.

I did leave a note. He thought to himself.

“Baby I left a note on your dresser…didn’t you see it?” He says confused.

“No…the next morning I woke up and Jackson was…” I trailed off. Suddenly piecing everything together. Rafe seemed to as well. His grip on the wheel tightened and his jaw clenched.

“I left a note. I promise. But it’s not anything I won’t tell you to your face everyday for the rest of our lives. So don’t worry about it, pretty. Okay? I love you, baby.”

“I love you, Rafe.” And I truly meant it.

On the way to the airport we sang along to Taylor Swift songs we both knew. And suddenly the pit in my stomach was slowly being filled with laughter and the way he didn’t even ask me what I wanted when we stopped at McDonald’s.

To be loved it to be seen. And I had to have been invisible to Jackson.

23 MINUTES UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: AT THE AIRPORT 11:37 PM

“Flight 237 is now boarding. This is the final call for passengers to LaGuardia Airport.”

Rafe looks at me as we get ready to board the plane.

“You ready?” He sticks out his hand. I smile at him.

“Yeah…I’m ready.” I take his hand and lean up and kiss him as we walk onto the plane.

I glance down at the gold ring on my finger. And I realize no one will ever see me as clearly and perfectly as Rafe sees me. And that’s all I could ask for.

“Hey” he looks back at me. Glancing up from his sports magazine. His brows raised waiting for me to answer.

“I love you.” I continue and smile. His gaze softens and he pulls me into another quick kiss. I hated PDA but I didn’t care. Not with him.

“I love you more than I can even describe.” He pauses before continuing. “If I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more.”

I don’t know a lot…but I know I’ve found my person. And everything’s okay. And for the first time in 3 years, 7 months, 4 weeks, and 2 days…I felt like I could breathe.

[bethanydelleman]

hi! I finished northanger abbey and do I have thoughts! I really liked it, I'd give it a solid 8.5!

you were right, catherine being a teen girl is relatable, but actually the most "relatable" character I think, is isabella. i genuinely gasped almost every time she spoke because I've met a few isabellas and austen really put it on page. every now and then I almost expected her to say "omg stop teasing meee" or steal James hat/hoodie. she gives me that *friend who leaves you alone at the club while you're drunk to flirt with some rando" vibes. kinda sad because at first she did seem a lesbian in love with catherine.

and john thorphe!! I'll admit he did scare me a bit a few times, him grabbing catherines arm to stop her from exiting the carriage was so creepy. and just like.. him trying so bad to remove her agency and turn her into his little doll. both of them are worse than wickham to me. not necessarily because of actions but like.. they just feel like people who'd be easier to meet irl if that makes sense?

i loved henry tilney so much, you low-key spilled when you said he was the best austen man, im sure. but i will forever be upset that austen didn't delve into his love confession/proposal like whyy.

but God did I love how foils are in this book, with the tilneys opposing the thorphes when it comes to relationships with catherine. her true soulmates!

honestly I kinda wished I'd read this one in my language because perhaps I would have understood the whole subtext re: general tilney better. but I did understand everything so it's fine.

also I have to defend my girl and say she's actually incredibly emotionally smart, she clocks the general and even isabella, she's just in denial for a good while, and james (way more experienced) is led on more than her so im annoyed by the dumb allegations i saw. she's 17 in 1800s leave her alone!

and I love eleanor obv!

alsoo this is kinda off topic but i soo think modern!henry would be a fashion student and modern!catherine would LOVE lisa frankestein! i just know she would. nd it would hit as a concept !

all this to say I really liked it, I'll start with sense and sensibility next! so excited cause I know it's about two sisters so it'll be like getting a book with jane and elizabeth pov! ty btw! your advice was spot on!

Firstly, congratulations on reading Northanger Abbey in your second language! That is impressive. And I'm so happy to hear you loved it.

Secondly, I totally agree about the Thorpes. They really feel like people you could meet today and both of them are so slimy. I think they inspire more genuine feelings of disgust than a more over-the-top villain like Wickham or Willoughby. And they are great foils for the Tilneys, all talk and no substance. The Tilneys are the real, genuine friends that Catherine will value forever.

Catherine does have good instincts. I really think the point is that she identified the evil in General Tilney, she just went a bit far with how that evil would express itself. Some people hate her and call her stupid, but I never would. She mostly got it right.

I hope you enjoy Sense & Sensibility just as much! Report back if you want.

[darling-heffron]

Oh I'm so excited for this chapter guys!! Hope everyone had an amazing New Year, WTH 2024 flew past r u kidding. Im ready for 2025 manifesting good vibes!!

Esra✨

Taglist: @malarkgirlypop , @mellow-human , @next-autopsy

Chapter Ten: Stranger Danger 

It had been an awkward walk. Marleen was clearly still pissed at Sam and Sam, well she didn’t know how to relieve the tension. So they walked in silence, which was odd for the chatter-box that was Marleen. But every time she went to open her mouth to speak to Sam, she quickly snapped it shut, remembering the harsh words and new promise Sam had made to her the previous night. 

The older girl’s words flashed through her head, ‘Mars, I think it’s best if we do find someone else to take you.’ 

‘There are better people to help you on your journey.’

‘I am sorry, Mars.’ 

Each time Sam’s voice echoed in her head the more she became angry all over again. 

Mars grunted in frustration as she kicked a rock with force. It flung ahead and pelted into the tree in front of her. Her eyes followed the trajectory of the stone and saw movement. 

Sam had noticed the same, signalling for the pair to stop. Even though she was angry, Mars still abided by the rules. Crouching down next to her taller so-called ‘friend’, they strained their eyes and ears to listen. 

Marleen's eyes widened with shock. She sprung from her hiding spot and sprinted forward towards the familiar voice. 

“Marleen!” Sam called out quietly. Mars had been too quick from her position; she didn’t even have time to lunge for her. 

“For fucks sake.” Sam went against every fibre of her being and ran after the petite blonde woman. 

The younger of the two couldn’t help the smile that plastered itself onto her face. She dove for her target, pelting him full force in the chest. The man who she now had in a bear hug, ‘oofed’ out at her sudden attack. 

“Denver!” She squealed in so much delight. The man’s face went from shocked - to puzzled - to pure joy. 

“Hands off!” Sam emerged from the bushes with her gun raised, she aimed it right between the big man’s eyes. 

“You’ll have to tell her that.” The man’s southern tone quipped. He was right, it was Marleen who clung to him like a limpet. 

“Mars, what the hell are you doing?” Sam questioned the younger girl, had she lost her damn mind all together or was she that pissed at Sam she was endangering her own life to get back at her. 

“What happened? How did you get here? Did you get hurt? I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Do you know how happy I am to see you!” Marleen couldn’t shut up, her word vomit was like a broken dam; forever spilling from her lips. 

“Woah, now hold up there, little lady. Take a breath before you faint.” Denver smiled down at his young neighbour, Mars had no idea how relieved he was to see her alive and well. 

The built man pressed the young girl into his chest to hold her tightly. “My girl, I’ve missed you so much.” He pulled back with teary eyes. 

“I missed you so so so so so so so-”

Denver cut her off with a soft kiss to her forehead, “So much.” He finished her sentence for her. 

Marleen practically shook with delight, she couldn’t contain her excitement, “I could scream. I won’t, but I could.” 

“Wait, I am.” She pressed her face into the man’s big chest like he was a pillow and screeched with all her might. 

“My goodness. Good to see that the end of the world hasn’t dimmed your sparkle, young lady.” The pair couldn’t tear their eyes away from each other, forgetting their surroundings completely. 

Until a clearing of someone’s throat pulled them back down to earth. 

“Well, that was quite a reunion.” The taller man that had been walking with Denver interrupted. Mars finally stepped back from her beloved neighbour. 

She took in her surroundings. Sam still stood with a rigid posture, hands tightly gripped around her weapon. Mars was going to tell her to relax but the two men who stood with Denver captured her attention before she could do so. 

“You going to introduce us, Bull?” The shortest man spoke. Mars couldn’t help but smile at him, his face was built with soft features and kind brown eyes. He looked familiar and inviting. 

“I’m Marleen Finch. But you can call me Mars.” She didn’t wait for Denver to introduce her, she stuck out her hand for the man to shake. A smile broke onto his lips and she eagerly smiled back as he gently shook her hand. 

“Darrell Powers, but everyone calls me Shifty.” He introduced himself to the young blonde. 

After shaking his hand she turned to the taller leaner man, “Pleased to meet you.” She greeted everyone in her friendly manner. 

“Carwood Lipton, call me Lip, ma’am.” The tall man politely spoke. 

“You can lower your weapon miss, we mean no harm.” Denver's soft voice pulled Mars’ attention back to Sam. 

“Bam, how do you know him?” Sam asked questioningly, still not shifting from her defensive stance. Mars forgot that Sam wasn’t as eagerly pleased to see other human life like she was.

“Oh, um. Sam, this is Denver. He is my neighbour. We were together at the start of the outbreak and then I lost him, we got split up by a hoard. I was by myself for a bit before you found me. But he saved my life. This was the nice neighbour I told you about.” 

Mars had avoided talking about Denver, feeling too sad and guilty about losing him. She conveniently ‘forgot’ to tell Sam how she ended up in her predicament and Sam being Sam, she never asked.    

“Denver, Lip and Shifty. This is my good friend Samantha-uh, Sam.” Mars paused, trying to recall her surname but came up blank. Sam hadn’t told her what her last name was. “She saved my life a couple of weeks ago.” 

The men smiled at her cheerily, but unlike with Mars they kept their distance from Sam. 

“Hi.” Sam’s retort was short, she wasn’t planning to stay long or get to know these men. 

“Well, Mars. This looks like the group for you.” Sam tucked her gun back into the holster on her hip. 

“You aren’t planning to stay?” Lipton asked. 

“Mars and I thought it would be for the best if we split up. We were just looking for a safe group for her to join.” But during her explanation Mars huffed in displeasure. 

“We? No, I never said we should split up. But old Sam here doesn’t think I am safe with her.” Mars’ turned to Bull to complain. 

“Would you like to spend a few days with us? If you truly don’t want to stay, we won’t force you.” Denver offered a solution. 

“Yes.” 

“No.” 

The girls both replied in tandem. 

“Don’t listen to Sam. Yes, she will take that offer. Thank you Denver.” 

“Marleen!” Sam tried to argue, but the younger girl held up her hand, in turn silencing Sam. 

“Stay and make sure I’m safe. You promised.” Mars’ tone was firm, she didn’t fuck around with pinky promises. 

“Fine.” The older girl sighed, rolling her eyes at the smug looking Mars. 

After the awkward introduction and decision to stay as a group, everyone continued on in their journey. 

“Where are you guys heading?” Mars asked as she walked alongside Denver, “And what’s with Bull?” She had caught the nickname that Lip had called the larger man. 

“We are heading to a safe zone in Idaho.” Denver informed his smaller counterpart. 

“And Bull got his name from when we first met.” Lip interrupted their conversation, he fell into step next to Denver. 

“Do tell.” Mars pried, curious to know the reason for the odd nickname. 

“Well, Shifty and I watched this behemoth of a man tip a whole car onto an oncoming hoard. He was like a bull on steroids. Hence the name.” Lip clapped his friend on the shoulder as he grinned widely. 

“The car was already half tipped.” Denver ever so modestly clarified. But Lip only laughed and squeezed the man’s shoulder. 

“So, what’s up with your friend?” Bull leant in to whisper to Mars, his eyes cast forward on the lone walking woman ahead of them. 

“Well, when I lost you I thought I could try and find you in Albany. So I did my very best and made my way there. Unfortunately, I didn’t find you, but a group of unfriendly men did. Sam had arrived just as things were getting hairy and saved my ass. I have been superglued to her side ever since.” Mars explained the nature of their meeting. 

“She’s not much of a talker.” The young blonde started and stopped when Bull started to laugh. 

“What?” She asked, tilting her head in confusion. 

“Marleen, you aren’t one to be quiet. Poor girl, you must’ve chatted her ear off.” Denver teased the young woman. 

Mars chuckled and nodded her head in confirmation. 

“So, where’s she from?” Bull naturally enquired about Marleen’s friend. 

“Uh-“ she started, searching her brain for the information, “I’m not sure.” The young blonde shrugged, but Denver’s brows furrowed together. 

“What did she do?” He asked another basic question, one that Mars would surely know. 

“I- I don’t know.” Mars shyly replied. 

“Where is she going?” Bull continued in his line of questioning. She surely had to know something about the girl. 

“I-uh. Um.” The young girl stalled before she sighed, “She didn’t tell me. But in hindsight I can’t remember asking.” 

“Marleen, how long have you known Sam?” Denver questioned his young friend. 

“Like two weeks.” Mars replied meekly, ducking her head out of view. “I told you she isn’t chatty!” 

Bull laughed and swung his arm around the young girl's shoulders and squeezed her in tightly. He had so dearly missed Mars, and was thanking his lucky stars that she had found someone, however mysterious, to keep her safe and well. 

—--------------------------------

Sam walked ahead of the group, she could hear them chatting behind her. Mars seemed thrilled to be reunited with her neighbour, but Sam felt on edge. 

This was now more people she didn’t know and quite frankly didn’t really want to try and get to know. She had gone against everything in her being to befriend the young blonde but now there were three new people. 

“SR-25.” The young man fell into step with Sam. 

“Yeah, government issued.” The tall woman glanced over her shoulder to her army rifle that was slung over her back. 

“Army?” Shifty asked.

“Three years.” Sam confirmed with a nod. “I am, was, a specialist.” 

“You served?” She queried, the man seemed to know his rifles.

“No. But I do enjoy hunting. My father loved to hunt and shoot, taught me everything he knew.” The young man seemed to beam with pride speaking of his father. He appeared to take him in high regard. 

“You must be a good shot.” Sam hummed in agreement. 

“No, no. I’m not a good shot. Now Dad, he was an excellent shot- excellent, I declare. He could shoot the wings off a fly.” 

“Don’t listen to Shifty, Sam.” Lip caught up with the pair as Bull and Mars were hot on his heels, “That boy is the best sharp shooter I’ve ever met. He can toss a coin in the air and hit it with his rifle. Hits it dead centre every time.” The taller man boasted about his shorter friend who blushed.  

“Ah, I’m not that good.” Shifty smiled widely up at the taller man. 

“Shifty, you’re too modest.” Bull chimed in, patting the man on his shoulder. 

Mars smiled along the line that fell into step with Sam and Shifty. Even though she had only known the two men for a couple of hours she could tell they had the same nature as her neighbour. 

The group had made camp in a clearing in the woods. The men had their own tents, and equipment, so Sam and Mars kept their sleeping arrangement. 

Mars quickly set up the tent a couple of metres away from the firepit as Sam searched for wood to burn. She laid flat their sleeping bags and slotted their bags into the opening of the shelter before she zipped it up. 

The young girl perched on the log next to Sam as she started the fire. She watched the girl lean over and spark the flint. Mars sighed in content resting her head on the older girl’s back as she worked. 

“You allgood, Bam?” Sam checked in, cursing slightly when the wind blew out her small fire. 

“Just happy we are altogether.” The blonde let her heavy eyes close as she listened to her friend's steady breathing. 

Mars seemed to be more exhausted than normal. After Sam had successfully started her fire and sat up straight the younger girl let out a groan of complaint. Samantha didn’t think much of what she was doing as she pulled the petite blonde’s torso into her lap. Mars’ head laid on her legs as she snuggled in getting comfortable. 

“Sleepy?” Sam questioned the quiet girl. She nodded, her eyes still closed. “Must’ve been all that excitement. Huh, Bam?” Sam ran her fingers through the girl's hair. 

It was oddly second nature and unlike before it didn’t feel uncomfortable. Sam felt as if she had a small kitten nestled into her lap. 

Mars mumbled incoherently. Sam craned her head down to hear her better. 

“What?” She whispered not wanting to disturb the settled girl. 

“Stay.” Mars said sleepily, her breathing quickly turned even as she fell asleep.  

“She’s tuckered out.” Bull said as he took a seat next to Sam. 

The tall blonde nodded her head looking down at the now peaceful girl on her lap. 

“I wanted to say thank you.” Bull started, making Sam look up. 

“For what?” Her brows furrowed, she had done nothing to this man for him to give thanks. 

“Looking after Marleen. You don’t really seem like the type of person to take kindly to strangers.” Bull had made a quick assumption about the girl, but he wasn’t wrong. 

“And I’ll be the first to say she can be quite a handful.” The bulky man jested, attempting to lighten the mood and extend an olive branch. Sam smirked, she knew exactly what he meant. 

“So, where are you from Sam?” Shifty asked as he sat across from the pair on the log they had placed on the other side of the fire.  

“Massachusetts.” Sam replied politely, it seemed like Mars had rubbed off on her. “Where are you all from?” 

“I lived above Mars in New York but I’m originally from Arkansas.” Sam could tell that Bull was a country boy from the thick twang of his accent. 

“I’m from Virginia and Lip is from West Virginia.” Shifty answered for his friend who settled beside him with a smile. 

“We met up when we were both trying to flee the state.” Lip added. “We both appeared to be heading in the same direction, so we stuck together. And then we found Bull wandering on his lonesome, so we had to pick him up.” 

“Yeah, the boys found me just in time.” Bull replied with his head down. The two other men shared a sad smile. 

“Did something happen?” Sam finally caved and asked the group. 

“A group had found me prior to these two, took everything I had and roughed me up a bit. Bastards left me for dead.” The larger man frowned in displeasure at the memory. 

“When we found him he hadn’t eaten or drunk in days and had some serious blood loss.” Shifty noted. “Didn’t seem fair ten against one.” 

Sam’s brows raised in shock. It was sick how people thought they could get away with anything during this time. But then her own actions flooded through her head, the way she had killed that man was nothing but brutal. However, Sam would never leave someone half dead and struggling. She always finished her jobs. 

“It’s been crazy out there.” Sam stated as the rest of the group nodded. 

“Yeah, people have kinda lost their minds.” Lip agreed. 

They spent the rest of the night sharing stories around the campfire, it was mostly the men who talked amongst themselves while Sam listened. Mars by the end of the evening was still sleeping soundly in the older girl’s lap. 

“Would you like some help?” Bull asked as Sam looked down at Mars trying to figure out how to get the both of them back into bed without waking her. 

“Oh, yes please.” The tall girl lent back as Denver scooped the small girl from her lap and into his arms. He seemed to lift her with ease, the girl snuggled into his warmth as she buried her face into his chest. 

Bull and Sam walked to their tent, Sam opened the sleeping bag for the large man to carefully place Mars. Once she had been sufficiently tucked in, Bull ran his hand over the sleeping girl’s hair. 

“Night, you two.” He whispered waving Sam goodbye as he made his way back over to where the other men had set up their tents. 

The taller girl got into her own sleeping bag and laid her head on her makeshift pillow, which was just t-shirts she hadn’t used yet scrunched into a ball. 

Mars lay facing towards her, her features were at rest. At that moment Sam didn’t think she had anyone look so at peace. The older girl reached over to her sleeping friend and brushed the stray hair away from her face. 

“I’ll stay.” Sam whispered before she turned over and fell asleep herself. 

WHOOP WHOOP Bull is alive and well and we have more BOB men joining us the party is really heating up now! We love Shifty and Lip what cuties, of course they would find each other in the middle of the end of the world, our cute little country men!

[novannon]

Lonely.

I never ever felt this lonely before... Why in discord? That place was basically joy.

Sure i got it then all the sudden my life became hell, but i had friends there right?

...Not really many. we just talk then they leave. Sunny and Rei didn't really talk to me much either even though i spent my time with them.

The only ones i could really trust were Cara , Leaf, Akito Sophia and Azalea honestly....oh and my momma of course!!

When i was banned from that thing of a community , i felt empty.

..or so i thought.

On that time, i was working on what'd be happening with Kamizaka agency

After i was ungrounded, I luckily gave Cara Azalea, mom and Leaf my Tumblr, and i guess we could talk there. Also Sophia already had my Tumblr so I'll talk to her about wanting to kiss girls there ahahahdjwakcnm.. women

"I heard about Au roleplay blogs! It'd be cool to make one of that detective au of Project Sekai that ive been working on." I thought. And that was a good idea!

Tomiho was the first one i saw honestly, then we interacted.

It actually got people interested - I'm skipping the part with the flower princess an au because that thing was deleted.

I got in another friend disbanding so i thought about it then I made the Superhero Au.

"hehe, if i post this funny thing about An shapeshifting into Akito, I'll probably use this thing more." I did that,

"Can i make an akito account lol" ...That wasnt the exact message but, it made me surprised.

Someone was actually interested? I decided to let them.

...It grew.

And I made Hypnosis sekai out of a stupid idea...

Then Crimson came. I was excited to actually... Have people interested in my ideas.

Everything grew and came so quickly to the point of new year.

We all have may just known each other for months besides Azalea, Cara and Leaf but....

Im thankful.

The funny moments in the superhero au, the canaries in the hypnosekai au, the coffee stuff in Kamizaka...

They made me happy.

Was it cause it wasn't just some random friend break up? Drama? Vent? I didnt know how to feel.

..And this is where my message to you all comes.

Thank you, @rad-fire @starfrill (idk man i got braindead remembering ur user) @internetxstarz @crime-soncloud @ithappenedonroute66 @reazelf411 @the-depths-of-the-coral-sea @enanannnnn @mycutiemelody @phiaiso , I sadly cannot tag everyone here because they might not wanna get tagged but... This is also for the ones who weren't tagged.

Thank you for everything you've done for me... And I wanna give that all back to you! You all are amazing people. I thought i was never gonna feel at peace again. But i found out that many people in this community actually cared and wanted to see more of what I do, and I absolutely feel the same! I wanna do everything that is there with all of you. Please talk to me if you need anything and once again,

Thank you. :)

[moons-among-distant-stars]

HI!!!!! SORRY IT'S TAKEN ME SO LONG TO RESPOND!!!! BUT I STARTED READING CHAPTER 1 OF OTC TODAY SO I THOUGHT I OUTA RESPOND!!! SPOILER CUT

ooooo yayayayayay im so excited to meet them!!!

aaa im so blinding normal about sif being the sheep!!! cause ya!! ofc he wants to follow!!! ofc he doesn't want to lead!!! the universe Leads!!! we can only Follow!!!!

:((( they can fit so much shame... they need a hug

staaaars starsabovee you best not!! you better not!!!

so fair!!! love projecting stuff on to my favourite characters it's the best (shoutout my own ocs that are like a part of my soul)!! also as a sidenote fuck the capitalist and ableism-upholding notion that like we are self dependant day-to-day? like no we're not?? at all??? and we shouldnt be!! we shouldn't be expected to be!! that's not how humans were built!! we were built for community and support!! anyways ramble over, 7 YEARS??? okayokay i'll trust

hehehehe sif's just silly like that, definitely not because their whole childhood and life and people and culture was erased via wishcraft

OOOOO i wanna know the name!!!! (also i like Kaia! good name!)

I AM IN YOUR WALLS!! CAUSE IT'S COMFY!! SNACKS!!

hehehehe always the last to realize!! and she's so real for that (she's just like me fr)!

oooo okay okay thank you!!! i am not french (i do speak some but it's bastard french, not even quebecois, worse) so i cannot say nothing!! ooo siffrin hazelnut!! w/ calling them saffron that would be sillier, siffrin aveline saffron hazelnut

so siffrin's always been making a home in the house of change, fucked up that vaugarde's house probably reminder him of home while he still remembered home

oooooo lucien florist has islander decent!!! and is a florist!!! w/ the king flower dialogue that's interesting!!! cause in vaugardian culture you only give someone a flower if you like them but in islander culture you can give a flower to anyone who's important to you, i wonder if there's flower language in islander culture!! i wonder what amount of islander tradition got mixed into coastal vaugardian customs!!! i love cultural exchange in worldbuilding!!

DDDDD: how could you do this to me (i will i will, in time lol)

ooooo very interesting!!! are they like bird feathers?? like what kind of bird would they be closer to? (so i can visualize) ooo genetics okay okay trust

YESYESYES!!!! YAAAAAY ISLANDER EUPHRASIE!!!

oooo okay okay!!! im so here for that!! UGH i would actually sob if like the hairbrushing scene he asks mira for help! i would sob at the tenderness of her picking through his feathers, his shame, his self hatred, his last connection to home

THEY DO!!! YAY!!! hehehehe i love that, just a very much no touch stay away :D also it'd be funny if pre the party finding out about sif's wings they just assume that's when he gets his period and so at first try and bring him some stuff to help and he's like ?????

OOOO YAYAYAYAY I CANT WAIT!!!

WOAAAAH i wanna see loop's wings!!!!! :O that'd be so cool!!!

SO TRUE i also hear everyone's voice as the jello stream voices, like i don't hear written things in ppl's voices really but i assocciate them w/ those voices!!

i... i may try to do a shitty little sketch mayhaps.. i do have time this evening, fair warning i am not an artist im just so very normal about these characters (not hyperfixated at all idk even know what that is)

but happy holidays!! and a happy new year!!!!

(also if you want my thoughts on OTC i will happily give my silly little thoughts i've been writing down)

HELLO HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE @moons-among-distant-stars I COMR WITH A PRESENT.

OTC/DEISY RAMBLING!

im not warning for spoilers because im too tired to do that LMAOO but im putting most of this under the read more

So i saw one of ur reblogs to my reblog of ur reblog (a lot of reblog there) and i was like. Im gonna ramble again!! Mostly ab Sif’s wings!! So ya!!

No, Siffrin does not like his wings. They view them as a burden, as he can’t use them to fly, glide, or anything, and for other reasons. One of those being the fact that it’s a connection to the King, as he has wings too. But, it’s also not just with the fact that they’re just there, no, it’s also appearance wise. Their wings have shades suspiciously close to the shades the King’s wings once were before he was frozen in time. I WONDER WHY!! bats my eyes at you aggressively

Siffrin has trust problems when it comes to his wings, too. He’s so ashamed of them that he doesn’t let anyone outside his family see them, and even then that’s iffy on some days. Only a select few can even touch their wings without asking, those people being Isabeau, Loop, Colette, Léonce and Lucien.

Due to this hatred for his wings, Siffrin hardly takes care of them on some days. The only reason he does on most days is because Odile told him to, and Siffrin’s a sheep most of the time, not a shepherd (ouch, sorry Siffrin… LMAO). And when they don’t want to, then Léonce and/or Loop help him with it.

Sure, Isabeau thinks Siffrin’s wings are very cute, and yeah, it helps a little, but it doesn’t fix Siffrin’s insecurity and loathing of them. Siffrin’s self-hatred runs very deep, but, if you want a good side, it doesn’t run so deep that Siffrin would consider getting rid of them. That’d be severing one of the last links he has to his home, and that’s the last thing they want to do.

A. TIME FOR FLUFF!! Grabs you by the shoulders. Since Siffrin has wings, that means that normal clothing… really wouldn’t work for him. Before the events of IBaS,iTaT!ISAT, Siffrin stuck with cutting wing holes into his shirts, but after the loops, Isabeau began helping Siffrin with that, so now, most of Siffrin’s shirts and such are made by Isabeau. Isabeau has offered to do the same for Loop but Loop very quickly denied it and said they’re fine and they don’t need anything when they can steal from Siffrin. Which… is true. They do that sometimes LMAO.

Im giving you more fluff to balance out the angst. I did some thinking a few days ago and decided THIS!!!: Siffrin washed up in Vaugarde at 16 and Léonce found him (already canon) - they very very likely legally adopted him (translation: she did) since he was a child at the time and yk that child needed a guardian, (and fuck, sometimes he still does have you SEEN the stuff he gets into sometimes?) and well, they stuck to her like glue. Léonce’s last name is Aveline, and by proxy, that became Siffrin’s last name. So, technically, Siffrin does have a last name, which is Aveline. I really need to write a scene where Léonce full-names Siffrin in a tone of an annoyed mom 💀 (“SIFFRIN AVELINE.” LMAOO)

Due to the loops, Siffrin totally forgot about this until he went to Kaia with the party. Then he remembered. He has yet to even bring it up with the rest of the group but Odile has pieced things together based on observations of how Léonce treats Siffrin god awfully like a child of her own… so has Isabeau… but the others remain unknowing LOL

OKAY END OF YAP. IF U HAVE ANY QUESTIONS SURROUNDING THIS AU PLS PLS PLS ASK ME I WANT TO YAP MORE.

[vodkacheesefries]

Everyone's like "oh inzoi is gonna make everyone forget about the sims" and tbh...

I don't enjoy the hyper realism. I don't like the idea of actually working a job in the game. Sims has a level of fantasy and absurdism that I feel like life sims need to be, y'know. Fun.

I have zero interest in playing a life sim that's ACTUALLY like real life. Like if I had to play a game that was like the past year of my life I'd uninstall it so fast.

It'll be interesting to see how long it's staying power is.

[spacerockband]

Legend tells of the carp that leapt over the Dragon Gate at the crest of a river and became a stand up comedian.

[amogus-real-not-clickbait]

part 1 of a little comic / art sequence that i've been working on! :D it's part tribute, part experimenting with brushes n colors and trying new thingz :]

| 1 | 2 | 3 | ... |

and thus continues my endless quest of spreading the carrot fics like a plague! if you've seen my art floating around you probs already figured that this au holds a very special place in my heart, forever and always!!

if you haven't heard of it, it's a fic series by @crowned-ladybug called carrot soup!! it made me wish i could speak colors and i need more people to share my struggle xd

go check it out if you're into sweet voice lore and qpr level gayness and just wanna feel warm and soft and warm (hurt/comfort my beloved) <333 there are some heavier themes cos everyone's traumatized but they're working through it! be sure to check the tags and stay safe! <3

[smokeys-house]

Every time someone shows up in the moomin tag saying "why does moomins have a fandom now ew" i feel like the bugs underneath a rock when you lift it up. Hate to tell you this, bud, but the bugs are there whether you lift the rock or not

[camelspit]

theres lesbians. OH MY GOD. THERES LESBIANS. AND THEYRE MARRIED. AND THEY LIKE KOALAS AND THEYRE AUSTRALIAN AND THEY HAVE KIDS. HOly oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god ob my god

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

More MDZS and Hollow Knight! The cool bugs I found in my backyard have started to unionize.

Part 1 - Part 3

[ghostofsnails]

so did you guys know theres this character called tristan vik disventure camp and

[puckpocketed]

15/11/2024 - WSH @ COL

Dubois when asked about linemate Connor McMichael -> (˵ ‘• v •`˵)

You've got a front row seat to what Connor's done. What's gone into him having the heater that he's on right now? Yeah, it's - I don't want it to stop, nobody does, especially me and - and Tom, I think, so, whatever he needs we're there for him. Um, I had my hands up in the air, I thought he had that one at the end, but, when you're hot it's just a matter of time, so, y'know he missed that one but he'll get one - hopefully he'll get one next game.

[fraternum-momentum]