#im going to lose my entire fucking mind
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SHE WAS A NON ACTIVE MEMBER OF THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX AND SHE DID NOT FIGHT
#im going to lose my entire fucking mind#manacled#manacled spoilers#dramione#i read thsi WHOLE FUXKING FIC IN A DAY#AND THATS !!!!!! THATS IT!!!!
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thousand yard stare this man has Trauma. and anxiety. someone get him some weed
#dm.liveblog#i’m back on my bullshit#dungeon meshi spoilers#i’m losing my mind over this page. the stress and panic and the immediate flashbacks to the half foots#who were kidnapped and experimented on…….#and the instant NO. im not letting that happen to me i’m not letting anything happen to my friends#he needs a plan and by god is he going to have a plan because he isn’t going to lose them. kills myself#“and i swear we’ll get home” fuck my whole entire life
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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So if the first Spinjitzu master was the child of a dragon and oni, would it be so far-fetched for the other masters to be dragon children too? Especially with how wonky they are with the timeline.. Like the parents that fought with Wu are probably at least in their 30’s-50’s when the ninjas are born?? Idk I just like to think they’re long lived too.
Or, in which Kai’s self esteem/abandonment issues act up, leaving him feeling unneeded. So dragon puberty combined with getting sick with some fire elemental specific flu decides to throw him into a loop and force himself to be the one cared for, for once in his life.
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Kai hasn’t been in a good mindset lately. His siblings don’t seem to need him anymore. Lloyd is (mostly) all grown up and Nya is now a warrior in her own right. He doesn’t have to work in the forge or scrape for odd jobs just to put food on the table. They have a better home than he ever could have dreamed of. They have an allowance. They have a parent guardian that does all the things he shouldn’t have had to do in the first place.
It’s just, the others all have such useful talents. Zane can cook, strategize, and do incredible robot things. Cole had super strength, climbed cliffs like a spider, and was a natural with animals. Jay and Nya could build just about anything they can think of, and Nya always said that his own smith work was shoddy at best. Lloyd was the actual chosen one.
What was he good at other than burning things down?
Kai thought he was past this, past the need to snap out at others and do things alone. He was the last to join the original team. The other three were probably training together for years before he was brought in just because Nya was kidnapped. His entire induction was a trial by fire. It’s just far too easy to fall back into old habits sometimes…
His village was rustic and poor, so far in the outskirts that they didn’t have electric power or indoor plumbing. Nya learned to read before he did,(he still had trouble with it) insisting on her staying in school while he spent all day scrounging up any money he could. Whether from quick jobs or quick fingers. Food was hard to get as a six year old, let alone learning to use the forge with what little he could remember dad teaching him. He had street smarts and improvisation ingrained into him. Thinking on his feet and jumping into action so they could survive another day.
His mood was making him slip, he knew it was but he couldn’t stop it. Sparring against Jay always got him riled up, with all the verbal jabs at his sore spots that normally he could brush off and banter right back. Today he was just angry. Not just his temper but his body feels weird too. Restless, frustrated, sluggish, sore. His skin felt too tight and his muscles ached. His gut and lungs were clogged with soot. His head swims in fog.
Another miss had him slamming into a pillar. Everyone on the side chuckled and it made his chest burn hotter. Kai’s throat rumbled with a growl, a breath of flames licked over his teeth as he abandoned his weapons, loped forward on all fours and pounced, knocking the stunned blue ninja to the ground where they grappled and flipped and rolled through the dust.
Kai’s head lunges forward, teeth snapping together just a second too late to catch an arm. An electric kick to his stomach sends him flying back. Rolling tail over head once, then digging fingers and toes into the dirt till he slides to a stop. Crouched low to the ground, hissing and tensed to pounce again before something black and heavy jumped on his back, wrenching his arms behind him and pinning him in an unbreakable grip.
Kai kicked and screamed and flared his flames against stone skin until falling limp under Cole, exhausted and out of breath. A tickle in his throat turns into a cough, a wad of ash and spit splat on the tiles.
Cole sighs in relief slowly easing off the other in case he starts up again. Instead Kai keens, tiredly chasing the lost touch. Cole smirks, his fingers petting through the wild hair until the hot head drifts to sleep.
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“Somebody please tell me WHAT THE HELL THAT WAS ABOUT?!!!” Jay shrieks after watching Kai throw a hissy fit underneath Cole, who was already taking the fire ninja to his room.
“Kai has seemed unusually stressed as of late. Perhaps he is feeling unwell?” Zane says
“Stressed? STRESSED? He tried to BITE me! He went full primal and chased me around like an animal! He grew a tail for Wu’s sake!!”
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(later after someone goes to check on him, finds his bed buried under a mountain of blankets and clothes stolen from everyone, and runs to Wu)
Wu- “It appears young Kai is experiencing a nesting phase.”
“Nesting?”
Zane- “Nesting. The act of birds or dragons preparing to lay eggs and raise young.”
“He’s pregnant?!”
Wu “Not necessarily. It is more likely that Kai feels like making one to make himself feel better during his illness.” Wu strokes his beard. “However, if he, or even any of you, decides on a partner in the future it might be possible.”
“He can GET pregnant?? But he’s a guy!”
Wu “Dragons are the very source of creation. Something as small as gender wouldn’t stop a determined dragon.”
“HOW does that work?! Why would he WANT to get pregnant?!!”
“I’ll tell you when you’re older. Maybe a few decades from now.”
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Is Wu kidding? who knows~ :3 Also would a fever for a fire elemental rise enough to bake the air, and ignite the nest? or douse them into dangerous cold? Having trouble deciding.
#HI BONES HERE AND LKAHSFLKJSFDH IM IN AWE HOLY COW#LKSJDFHLKJSFL DUDE THIS IS SO FREAKING COOL IM SPDHFLKDSJHLFJK#DUDE HOLY SHIT YOU JUST DROPPED AN ENTIRE FUCKING ASK IN MY INBOX?!!?!?!?!#this is so cool im going to lose my mind. expect fanart for this within the next few days#ninjago#prompt submission#ninjago fanfic#alsjhfdlkjahslkfjhsalkfjsakfjhkjAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA <333333 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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everyone stop what you're doing and look at this blocking from the LND US tour
#RAOUL PUTTING HIS HAND AT THE LEVEL OF HIS EYES AKFJKLSD:AJF:KLAJDHFS#im losing my fucking mind#how did i not notice this ???????? i literally saw it on tour ????????#mind probably was trying to do me a favor by erasing it from my memory#also yes i am watching LND clips and yes it is a character flaw#the rest of the blocking in this sequence is so........ yknow.....#LND is a love story but not between the phantom and christine#like the way he's advancing on raoul....... the way he's so close to him...........#i know your secret#desperately need to gif this#also jfc BNM's voice is insane throughout this song and the entire show#he does this lil growl on “*fate* has redesigned most”#im going feral#love never dies
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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[CLENCHES FIST] HRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGHHHHHH. YOU KNOW WHAT ABOUT BLOOD ORIGIN MAKES ME SO FUCKING EXCITED????? THEY GAVE JASKIER A POINT.
BEFORE, he was essentially just comic relief. he was just a side character they would use to nudge geralt or yennefer in the right directions. direct geralt to cintra, to his child surprise, to yennefer. direct yennefer off of the ship, to the deathless mother, towards ciri and geralt.
yeah, he was the sandpiper- he saved hundreds of elves, he became a fighter for freedom- but thats just a side plot. theres no elaboration on the situation past his scenes with yennefer. no focus. no more information.
but THIS? blood origin? they gave him importance.
he knows stories that no one else on the entire continent remembers. he has the power to inspire the common person to fight against their oppressors. he can give hope to all the people who are beaten down and hopeless. excuse me if im jumping to extremes, but he can change the fucking world.
on a slightly smaller scale, he knows history that likely no one else does. he knows about the creation of the very first witcher. he knows how and why the conjunction of the spheres happened. i dont know how much of it is known in canon, or how accurate the records are in universe, but jaskier has a written first hand experience. he doesnt know all of the scientific details of the development and creation of the potions given for the mutations, but he knows why they were given. he knows how the first ever witcher reacted to the rudimentary toxins, how they changed his body, how they empowered him. he knows the name of the first witcher. he knows his story. he knows who he was, what he did, and how he went out. he knows about how he met his lover, how they met, how they fell in love, her importance to not only fjall, but to the rest of the world. to lowborn elves, to dwarves, to everyone that needed the hope she gave.
jaskier knows so much. he can spread so much knowledge. he can give so much hope. hes so fucking important. and the show cant fucking ignore that anymore! he cant be pushed away as just some comic relief bard. hes essential to the future of the continent. hes needed.
#myposting#jasktag#blood origin spoilers#blood origin#the witcher blood origin#the witcher blood origin spoilers#jaskier#julian alfred pankratz#i just feel SO fucking much about him and im going to lose my mind about it.#they NEED to pay attention to him now!!!!!!#im so sorry if that entire thing is a fucking mess. i was just typing as thoughts hit.#not sure if my take is correct now that ive written it out
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and now the important part of his photodump
#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#here you go tumblr. youll like this one i think#the ENTIRE THING looks sooooo fucking cool im losing my mind man#i love the evil scientist convention and ive been keeping up with it since michael reeves said he was going#but holy SHITTTTT for charlie to be there too ^_^ my special interests are colliding and im normal about that#also fuck him for dropping this at midnight. not like i have anything better to do but still#<- writing a genloss fic LMAO
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youtube
LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOO WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THUMBNAIL IM GOING TO LOSE MY MIND
#AAAAA#IM OUT LOOKING FOR ACCOMODATIONS I CANT SEE IT YET BUT AAAAAAAAAA#helluva boss#stolas#stolitz#LETS FUCJING GO WE FUCKING WON I CANT WAIT TO WATCH IT AND LOSE MY ENTIRE MIND#Youtube
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Haven't been able to watch too much naruto recently. Been watching Maybe an episode a day ish. I just finished ep 419 tho and WHAT an episode to have ahead of me for grand number 420. Can't watch it rn tho bc I need to sleep and also I'm too tired to give it the full attention that I want to. Bc when I watch it, I will be embracing !!!!THE!!!! legendary Guy vs Madara fight in its FULL FORM!!!!!!
So exciting. God they're laying some major death flags lol, between the flashbacks stuff and the gate of death and well the saying he's gonna die 😂😂😂 I know he does survive it tho. But I'm also embracing this part with the Possibility of him dying. Bc that's what the others are reacting to too. And I wanna experience the full depth of emotion....
Excited for watching this next episode!!! It just cannot be right now.
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#some wild shit going on in general. naruto is still not up yet. he's been 'dying' for like almost 30 episodes now.#granted 20 of them were filler lol but still!!!#actually can i just say. genuinely fucking WILD what all Sakura's doing to try to keep him alive.#mouth to mouth is fairly normal (though the me that started reading fanfic in the first place for naruto/sakura went !!!!! at that)#but. the. literally cutting open the side of his chest so she can Reach Inside and pump his heart with her OWN HAND???#just IN HIS CHEST??? HER HAND??? AROUND HIS HEART????? and they DONT end up together?!?!?!?#like i mean obviously naruto & sasuke have a thing but like with kishimoto doing final heterosexual pairings#it's just wild to me that Naruto ends up with Hinata who he has BARELY any development with#instead of Sakura who is like. his bestie also she put her LITERAL HAND IN HIS CHEST TO PUMP HIS BLOOD WITH HER BARE HAND#im genuinely still kinda losing my mind at that. naruto show off the shits!!!!!!#also kind of funny tho. if i remember right she just cuts into. the side? of his chest? like. the ribcage area???#in which case to reach inside to his Heart she'd have to like. cut his ribs. entirely. and then dislodge them to reach inside.#which like theyve got weird ninja magic they can heal shit also naruto's an extra special case anyways.#but still. i have to wonder whether any of them have like. actual human anatomy hdkshfksh#considering how non fatal being stabbed in the chest is in this show. UNLESS it's for plot development. 🙄🙄🙄#but yeah if 12 year old me saw sakura literally grabbing naruto's heart in his chest to pump his blood. i wouldve lost my God Damn Mind.#im still kinda losing my mind. it's so fucking *intimate* it's like. Bonkers.#and naruto is ENTIRELY unaware!!!!! and i very much doubt she'll fill him in. alas.#anywyas i need to go to bed but. yes 👍 naruto 👍
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SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything
#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either#anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable#and imaginable way possible like#and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam#family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life#he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good#christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif#we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for#the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would#have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only#he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life#he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our#church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty#much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl#stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the#long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an#he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING#and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY#WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time#WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE#and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me#but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this?#so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't#mari.txt#personal#tw negative#dl#btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never#had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.
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ten in the journey’s end makes me so goddamn mad…rose punched through MULTIPLE dimensions, tracked you through all of time and space, single-handedly saved Donna while you were doing fuck all in a market, gave EVERYTHING to find you again and ALL. SHE. WANTS. IS. FOR. YOU. TO. LOOK AT HER!! WHY WON’T YOU LOOK AT HER ITS ROSE!! ITS THE HEART OF YOUR HEARTS!! YOU COULD EACH DIE ANY SECOND NOW HOW MANY YEARS HAVE YOU SPENT WISHING YOU ACTED SOONER HOW MANY YEARS HAS SHE WAITED FOR YOU, BURNED HOLES IN THE UNIVERSE FOR YOU AND YOU’RE STILL! LOOKING! AWAY!
#WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOURE HUGGING HER??? FRENCH THAT GIRL!!!!#MARTHA WAS MORE EXCITED TO SEE HER THAN YOU!!!#somehow stephen moffat returned….#we really need to explore what the fuck would have happened if the metacrisis ten never existed bc WHAT was he going to do about her…#they were all alone inside davros’s little cave. just the two of them. and every glance she gives him is so full of love and care.#and he can’t look back. why can’t he look back#what happened.#what happened to if I believe in anything I believe in her what happened to how long will you stay with me#what happened to the way he looked at her on Christmas Eve as they charted out the stars#WHAT HAPPENED!!!!#the entire arc of doctor Who from seasons ONE to four has been that Rose Tyler is the center of the Doctor’s universe#one touch from her reanimates him he’d bend worlds for her he couldn’t save the world but lose her#she looks into the time vortex and rearranges time and space for him he kisses her and saves her and saves her and saves her#when he loses her he FALLS APART#he spends 12 episodes descending into literal suicidal madness for GRIEF of losing her#and then he gets her back.#SHE comes back#SHE defies the laws of UNIVERSES to get back to him#AND HE DOESNT !! LOOK !! BACK!!#im losing my mind#doctor who#rose tyler#tenrose#timepetals#tenth doctor#10th doctor
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im so fucked LMFAO ive really done it
#this is another level of fuckery like im actually just disgusted by myself im turning into my father#actually fucking ridiculous#what the fuck is wrong with me#just gathered up all the empty liqour bottles in the whole house (a lot we don’t always throw them out bc they take up so much space#and our garbage is tiny)#pried all the spouts off them so i could get the last drops out#got maybe half a shot out of it and the worst part is that i feel better#which i KNOW is my mind playing tricks on me because when i actually drink half a shot doesnt do jack shit#lol. lmfao. im going fucking insane.#second worst part is i dont even want to quit bc it makes me feel so much better like SO much better#and i cannot cope anymore#lol lol lol lol lol im totally not losing control. i totally dont have a problem#i dont recognize myself anymore and yet i do. ive been dependent on some substance or another for the past decade#how am i equally appalled and entirely unsurprised at myself#and despite it all i just want another shot. or 12#it worked. it fucking worked i was on the edge of a massibe panic attack and i feel better. just disgusted with myself
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re6 leon is so gender and i want to devour him
#an entire fucking snack that man is#how his hair is re6 + is the gender!#blonde or brown doesn't matter too much but that style#im drawing leon in that outfit tho and im losing my mind#im stressed out by irl stuff suddenly after doing good all ay#and it maekes me want to chew on his arm#i am not being serious here btw but i will go feral for old bitch leon
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surprise no surprise therapy was Not Long Enough 🫠
#i basically ended up only talking about korra the entire fucking time and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#im!!!!!!!!!!!!!! losing my fucking mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and yeah sure it was me talking about the things i'm too scared to talk about on here bc i'm scared of some wackjob twisting my words#((bc whoopsie i actually really like the complicated moral political and ethical stuff in korra))#but every fucking time we talk about something like this i have to take like 10 fucking minutes explaining what doxing is#and that YES it's a genuine thing people do over fandom bullshit!!#also i have ''homework'' to reach out to someone to either go to a physical or online pride event and fucking kill me i don't wanna#went to an event last year and it SUCKED i dont wanna#negative
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screaming pissing sharting what the fuck do you MEAN Alistair has more claim to the throne than the FUCKING QUEEN
#dao#unsanitary mention#this is getting ridiculous im losing my fucking mind#points at Alistair#this guy?#this is the guy you want to be king?#the guy who's spent his entire life trying to avoid being seen as anything remotely close to nobility?#sure man don't go with the seemingly well adjusted woman who has actual experience that makes sense
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