#im going to have a fucking stroke
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NETFLIX CANCELLED DEAD END AND INSIDE JOB IN THE SAME WEEK MY ONLY GOAL IN LIFE IS TO SEE THIS GARBAGE COMPANY DOWNFALL THE DAY THEY INEVITABLY GO BANKRUPT IM GOING TO VANISH LIKE A GHOST BECAUSE THAT IS MY UNFINISHED BUSINESS
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Marvel Meow (2021), Nao Fuji | Professor X and Magneto
Bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#professor x#magneto#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus leshnerr#snap scans#i dont scan ever please forgive me for. Everything jvAE:KJ i tried my best to match the purple as how it looks in person#i love the purple used for this whole comic .. its really nice#all the comics have different colors its neat yall should check it out if youre able. its a lovely silly collection#BUT GIRL PLEAAAASSSEE IM CRYING#as a part of my Visiting My Family For The Weekend trip my bro and i went to the store#and i told him about the wolverine cat comic and the whole collection and he found it while we were browsing ....#naturally i got it. because i love the idea of cats being heinous freaks ESPECIALLY to my faves#this all did happen because of a cat. btw. phoenix possessed one while scott and jean were baking a cake#which had everyone trying to catch it. leading to. this. jWLRAKJAWRLKJKJ#this is 1000% has 'we'll be back by 8PM please keep the house clean' vibes i'm sobbing LIKE WHERE ARE THEY RETURNING FROM#also can i just say ... i love it when american comic book characters get the manga treatment#idk i just love it ... i esp love how wolverine's drawn in these comics but. this aint about him#i just wanted to gush about my favorite old people LIKE PLEASE CHARLES IS GOING TO HAVE A STROKE I SEE IT#the fact they still got that goofy lil 'welcome back charles and erik' banner im going to be sick. theyre the whole mansions dads#anyway i have an assignment to do. because my prof hates me Who The Fuck Makes An Assignment due At 12:59AM#bye bye hpoefully ill be back with my own doodles ajvlekjla
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HAPPY NEWONDERHOY YEAR 🍡
#its still jan 1st somewhere . right#HAPPY NEW YEAR. HAPPY NEW YURI#project sekai#pjsk#an shiraishi#prsk#tsukasa tenma#proseka#Hatsune amiky acolorful Stage[FOGHORN]#inknow i csnt write kanji OK stroke order has me fucked up#redraw of last years to thank them both for arriving with 30k gems to spare vut i [cough] i [wheeze]#i kind of think last years was. more slayful...[throws a smokebomb and when it clears im laying unconscious on the ground]#OK last year i remember literally drawing that for like 13 hours snd the anstomy isnt goo so whatevvrr#my life is so jover january 10th btw EMU. {EMU. EMU. EMU#WAAAAH#college starts that week but heh.. luckily my class ends before the event. here we go again#and then nenesnlim and the ruis lim and then (redacted) right after and then peace. and then CORALINTHHEBIX AND WEDDIGN EMU ANDPANDMONIUM A#and i have miku expo and a convention in may.. ehhhahe#im finish um one cosplay hopefilyl for cny but thenother ummm stipid fuckifng tdukasa maybe ill finish it for showtime event mahbe not#i hate her. to the shredder#EMU. oooh emu. Ok sorry goodnight
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I'll say that I have been in some fandom with extremely impressive and dedicated artists but consistently some of my favorite artists are ones who technically make 'unimpressive' art to outright loving posting 'low effort' doodles. I love skilled work thats beautiful, but I also deeply admire a freedom from perfectionism and ambition. Sometimes those are just non-complicated but still clearly skilled works, and sometimes thats loving the wobbly simplicity of crude lines vs. rendered beauty. One of my favorite artists back when I was big into Hollow Knight was a korean artist who could absolutely make some extremely beautiful stuff, but many of the pieces I remember most and loved the most looked like this
Even here I know I mentally worked harder to make this imitation than they did for the OG. I can't draw fast and loose, and I like work that is clearly faster and looser than I can do. I envy people who can do things imperfect and carefree. Sometimes thats still very obviously skilled work, sometimes its very stupid doodles that were blatantly done in 30 seconds in mspaint. I don't think its say, disrespectful to love the doodles more than the rendered stuff said artist makes- but my love for it comes from a place that a lot of people wouldn't guess. That is to say, its hard to tell who, why, or when something you make might click with people- and it doesn't take a masterwork for someone to see something in your art as inspiration.
#t.extpost#the artist here is unnamed because they are currently privated on twitter#which is pretty common with korean artists who go on fandom hiatus#but since i dont know I'm just using a recreation#anyway I often intentionally post doodles and simple gags because of these artists#its sort of common in chinese and korean artist circles specifically#and i love it! i riff specifically on these a lot!#but its harder for me to do than you might think! and i still cant be as 'carefree' as many of these kinds of doodles are!#Its sometimes I have to force because my brain doesnt like it. but i want to foster that same free stroke quick doodling alongside my#'pretty' stuff. It sounds weird to say im inspired to try and not care and be 'lazier' but its true#i fucking love doodle artists and I wish i was them
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What IS a redemption arc to these writers, exactly?
Because the ONLY thing that Clear Sky has changed about his behavior, by A Forest Divided, is that he's not actively murdering people. He's controlling. He's a bully. He's misconstruing the words of the StarClan cats to create a justification for why he should be in power.
He's even physically abusive again when he gets upset, later. And that's not even counting his sadistic, self-absorbed behavior in sequel books.
We keep getting passages like this;
Which keeps turning his murder and abuse into "Just A Little Mistake," explicitly PART OF LIVING.
Ghosts are tumbling out of the fucking heavens to powder his ass, forcing his mom to forgive him for absolutely nonsensical reasons, saying that killing Rainswept Flower was "predestined" and "just an accident" and he had no control over it, anyway(???). And now, here is the hollowed-out shell of Storm, who was driven out of the Clan while pregnant because Clear Sky's actions were getting innocent cats MAULED AND KILLED, insisting her abusive husband's behavior never drove anyone away and they just had their own paths to walk.
So what IS a redemption arc supposed to be to these writers?
If Clear Sky was NEVER actually that bad, in the 5 books we saw where he's a controlling, power-hungry monster who constantly resorts to physical violence, that what IS the change he needs to make? If it's both a mistake he's totally learned from, YET ALSO he's never done anything wrong??
Do you SEE how these are contradictory ideas? They can't exist together. It's like the writers are just grasping at whatever insane bullshit they can think up and throwing it on the page, because at the end of the day, what they do is write Fundamentally Good and Fundamentally Evil characters.
Because Clear Sky is one of their Fundamentally Good cats, he has nothing to confront. They try to say "the guilt is the worst punishment for him!" and also "He shouldn't feel guilty for anything he did!" and it leaves us with absolutely nothing.
#Im ngl. I think if youre a clear sky defender you can't think critically.#Or you haven't actually read this arc.#This is the most BULLSHIT thing I've ever seen written#I can't believe people actually accept this. I started off trying so hard to be charitable here#But I can't do it anymore I don't understand how people don't see this#they blamed his fucking mom for his cruelty#they blamed a WOMAN FOR HER ADULT SON'S ACTIONS#Im going to have a stroke#dotc hate#bones reads dotc
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#waiting to start not one but TWO immunosupressants and knowing exactly what date it's going to happen is so weird#because there's a deadline on your immune system now#and i spend most of the time not really thinking about it and then out of nowhere I'll be like#oh yeah#in just under two weeks I won't have my good immune system anymore#i wont be able to rely on it as i always have because it won't be there#and i know Exactly when it's going to happen#it's. in all honestly it feels bizarrely like being at the vets when sobi was put to sleep#it was the right thing to do it was the right time to so it and i knew it was coming#we need to do this so my immune system doesn't keep eating my intestines in its fervour#it's the right thing to do it's the right time to do it it's needed and necessary but I'm grieving all the same#yes okay maybe it's stupid to equate starting immunosuppressants with my pet dying#maybe im being overdramatic about all this#ive had people tell me it probably wont be that bad it'll probably just give me a normal system j shoudl stop stressing about all this#i should stop feeling so sad about all this#and that doesn't help one fucking bit#i do feel sad about this. i feel very sad about this. i am experiencing grief about this#dont tell me to make my emotions smaller#the nurse said i would could as high risk. that i will need to avoid people who even just have colds#this is not a small change. this is me losing something i have relied on for my entire life#something i have taken a stupid pride in for my entire life#and it feels just like being at the vets. gently stroking sobi's head as he died#putting him to sleep. putting my immune system to sleep. telling it did well#it'll come back one day i know (i hope) but for now it has a deadline#crunchy rambles
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every single fucking second of the new episode feels like one of these
#tmagp#tmagp spoilers#im about to go absolutely batshit insane in the tags you have been warned <33#AND FOR GOOD REASON#JESUS CHRIST#“magnus institute” hello WHAT THJE AACTUAL FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#“compelling” “institute” “as a place of power” “terror” “the fearful and despairing” FDSHJFDLJKSLVFKNKVN WHATG#hgwhqelfdwhljvfdjvnkdcknjhbcvhjkxczghxvzgkhj#“without the considerations of being watched” jhkkjghfdjh WHAT THE UFCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK#“compelled to write” TO THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE???????????????????SHUT UJP#“our grand ritulal” ok. ok. ok. ok. ok. ok. ok. ok. ok.#and it's on SAM'S computer#“feeding his obsession” “who's in there” “what did you do (jmj error)” AM I HAVING A STROKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#alice. Alice. oh my god you are so close i fear#and dont get me started on GWEN.#DJDSFHJHHKJLVNFNKLFDJGKHDSLFJGIFLFSD#ASJLFHJDHJDFGNJFDJFV#COMPELLED??????BDFKFJSDKFGDAS#THE FUCKINGF TAPE RECORDERS????????? ERROR???????????????????????????#HDSJKJKGHJGKDKHJFHKJLGVD#DGSBJKGJVKJNVDNKFSJJGVS#JKGSDKJFDSHJKKHJSDKJGDFS#DFKNGJENJDSKJNFDSAKJNFASDJKKJDSKJDFKJHSDAHJKFHKJDGHKJDKJSHVJKNSD#HQWEUDFHUHDFHUKDKALSFFLDSGH#“the magnus protocol is a podcast distributed by rusty quill and ” GET BACK HERE#oh my god#hjkdgjklsdhjkasdfkljhghklj that was INSANE i loved it
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the growler, after all these years of endless torment, has finally been documented to have constructed a comprehensible and doable fanfic outline and has made, relatively to its species, a commendable amount of progress into starting to actually write it down. this is an exceptional accomplishment for it and frankly, it should be praised extensively for being so cool and awesome an
#do not mind this. i am stroking my ego rn so i can today go to sleep believing im god. game breaking npd cheat#mine#by the way new bsd chapter just dropped woahh thats crazyyyy.. anyway gonna continue with rewatching rain code lol#no unfortunately im not gonna liveblog it any time soon maybe once we get to the end of investigation ill feel like it again......#i got nothing to say about halara and yuma looking at crime scenes. i do however have things to say about the explosive furroughs divorce#like what the fuck is going on with seth in chapter 1. im fucking shaking this bunnyboy ruined my life#few minutes after edit: nvm seth literally appears right now i forgor. back to screaming like a seagull over this wretched game on my side
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how i look listening to the block party with a million fucking thoughts going through my brain at a hundred km per second but also not having the brain power to fully articulate everything all at once
#I AM GOING INSANE . I AM DERANGED#ive only listened to a few so far BUT I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE A STROKE LISTENING TO JYUSHI AND RAMUSABU (/pos)#AND HONOBONO !!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK#i have SO much to say but FUCK dude im so sleepy rn and im busy w events later GRAAAAH#will pass out for now adios . will probably scream abt this more in the reblogs once i actually sleep and finish w my business#hypmic#random rambling :'>>
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hey apple juice uh.... you good? you doing alright???
a million other versions of this below
#apollo justice#i know apollo is constantly feeling athena lying/hiding things in cosmic turnabout#and athenas probably going fucking insane w apollos emotions all over the place#all we need is nicks magatama having a stroke every time apollo says anything ever#[apollo voice] im fine!!#[nick voice] yeahh uhhhhhh you sure???#fanart#art#aa5#dual destinies#turnabout for tomorrow#cosmic turnabout#ace attorney#doodles
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one of those really really bad days where the epley maneuver wont help and actually worsened my vertigo, to where i cant sit up or lift my head without rapid vertigo spinning. ive had history of this happening usually after sicknesses healing. (havent been sick, not currently sick. thought i was getting a cold but it was a false alarm.) id have to scoot across the floor laying down in order to get to the bathroom or things i need. and itd take hours for it to lighten at all to be able to stand up. i managed to get up now but the worlds still spinning as im sitting in this chair right now typing this.
#i just want this to stop im already dealing with chronic vertigo ever since the coffee thing on aug 2nd.#something fucked up oin my brain and i havent been well ever since.#it was one day where i forgot to check for caffiene content and ii possible could have had a stroke i have no idea.#i havent had coffee since except for very decafienated coffee and even thats rare. i havent had dr pepper or any other caffieenated sodas e#either *#ive been totally fucked up now. i just want free from this. it legitimately makes me want to die even more than i already do.#health problems -- /#also the fuckers who sent me anon hate over this as if i had control over this: fuck you i hope you choke.#you dont fault others for having a reaction with not knowing there was peanuts in something for a peanut allergy#you never know whats going to hurt you.#as for the anons who were kind you mean the world to me for your understanding
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Bruh people aren't fucking lying about COVID fatigue goddamn
#covid#life of sponty#ive been sick since i got back home on 12th#infected probably 1 to 3 days before that#so im coming up on 2 weeks of covid#and right now the worst symptom remaining is the fatigue and exhaustion#i got up and showered and sat at my desk for 30mins and now I'm so exhausted i have to go back to bed#it's effort to stroke the cat#the other day i did a small physical exertion and afterwards was so intensely tired it tooo about 6 hours of recovery#just to be able to lift small objects without dropping them#shits fucked bruh#also I'm getting the classic taste fuckery and bitter and alkaline flavours are literally making me choke#it's wild#desperately hoping it doesn't last because i really dont want to lose onions forever#i love onions#i was scared for a second that I'd lost mango too but it turns out it's just the mango skin flavour. the flesh is fine#cough was only monstrous for like a day#rest of the time it's not been any worse than ive had from normal nasty coughs. pretty manageable#the fatigue is wack though#I've never been this weak before#it's kind of fascinating from an authorial perspective#this is going to be useful experience for the writing banks
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The medical system has a lot of problems and it sucks to navigate as a patient but it's really really really obvious that most of the people gleefully talking about how abusers "gravitate" towards nursing are talking out of their ass and have never been in a hospital cause all their anecdotes are "my HS bully is a nurse now I bet she bullies patients" and not "when I was hospitalized I was abused by a nurse" or even "my friend/family was abused by a nurse" like it's just one of those pithy phrases people like to parrot in place of actual critique or political awareness
And constantly comparing them to cops kinda shows these people don't have much experience with cops, either, so why are they even talking?
#cassidy.txt#yes people have been abused by nurses and I have known them#but there were. other bigotries at play like being a nurse does not download sadism into your body be serious#if you HAVE to be mad at any medical job ime ER doctors tend to overestimate their skill in every area and love to call people druggies#but that's because their job forces them into a jack of all trades situation and drug fearmongering#not because being an ER doctor means you're a class traitor or whatever like it's so fucking stupid#but ER doctors aren't stereotyped as women so where would all the misogyny go 🙄#nurses have been the ones telling doctors I needed more pain medication without me asking#or men talking about their boyfriends so I knew they were also gay#or STROKING MY HAIR WHEN I WAS IN PAIN like jfc. can we get some nuance. waiter can we get some fucking nuance I'm starving
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#today i had a pianist during a rehearsal go “wow your voice you just have so much natural talent i mean some people really work for years—”#and i kinda snapped#and i was polite but also i unloaded the entire story of the last thirteen years in the cosmic joke that is my life#this lady got thirteen years of trauma in a twenty minute speed run#she Learned Things today about existential despair and the societal clusterfuck that is the Trans Experience#and how that intersects in the classical singing world in an incredibly challenging and fucked up way#and how i went from scooting under the door into a voice program with seven lessons under me#and then three years later proceeded to fling myself into a testosterone fueled vocal puberty in the midst of a professional singing degree#and lost the respect and support of most of the vocal and choir faculty because everyone thought i was committing professional suicide#if it werent for my own voice teacher (who at some point became the mother figure I'd never had) keeping me afloat i would not be here#i have c-ptsd from the shit i went through in the choir department#i had to drop out of school for a semester because my body just folded under the stress#i started getting migraines severe enough i was hospitalized twice with stroke-like symptoms#two weeks ago i had a former teacher from the early days deadname me in front of our colleagues#she tried to play it off as no big deal and it just reminded me no matter how successful i become in this field#no matter how much work i put in to overcome my past#its always going to come back and find me through people who refuse to learn respect#and somehow! im still here! im making a living in the field i trained for#how many people in my generation in the arts degree sector can say that?? by some metrics i am thriving but jesus goddamn#i clawed and fought and bit and dragged myself to where i am right now and had to find my voice TWICE and the worst part is#she meant well#the pianist i mean#and i was polite when i told my story but it was so important to me that she understood#no amount of talent would have gotten me here without sleepless nights and long hours and blood and sweat and tears and you know what#maybe i am a better person for it but dont compliment me by implying i have some inherent gift from a god i dont even believe in#dont tell me your god put me in this place to teach other people compassion#i didnt brush the door of death as many times as i did for the sake of someone else's enlightenment#its been a long 13 years. hell its been a long 2023. in the last eleven months ive had a fundamental upheaval#of everything i thought i knew and understood about myself#so yea im standing at the gate to hell looking the devil in the eye. try me bitch. ive endured worse.
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#vent#tw vent#i feel like im going to explode#i cant bring myself to do anything so all this energy is just gathering and building up and i feel like im seconds away from exploding#i want human connection so fucking bad but im so fucked up no one would want to compromise a relationship with me#immersed myself in fiction so much i keep dreaming of having relationships that ill never have because most other people just Dont Work That#Way#all my relationships feel so shallow now#ig thats my fault#for never presenting the real version of myself. showing others caricatures and exaggerations of my character so i can be more likeable#ill never feel safe enough around anyone to drop the act. and even if i do ill feel too guilty to stop#ive doomed myself theres no fixing me#theres no motivation to do anything anymore i can barely get myself to lift a finger#hey why didnt anyone tell me just sitting up would be so hard. why didnt anyone tell me just drawing a few strokes would take most of my#energy#if anyone ripped my heart out right now id thank them for putting me out of my misery#theres nothing here. might as well also become nothing#this feeling is awful id prefer being hurt instead#i cant make it go away#someone please just kill me#arc 3am logs
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I like the drips the most I think :)
@cyrenescreams
#i am so tired#and i have a fucked up sleep schedual#so im going to play a cozy game and leave this#because the tracked time on thsi drawing--which is just the amount of time my pen hits the tablet--IS 14 AND A HALF HOURS#15k STROKES MADE
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