#im going to cry over this in the morning ;-;
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
this blog is 11 years old now 🎉
I drew the siblings ever to celebrate as usual
#loz#wind waker#legend of zelda#toon link#aryll#I wasn't gonna draw anything but then I sketched link real quick and I was like okay wait i can do this#and then my brother dragged me outside ☠ but i still got it done today!#the anniversary is today. tumblr sent me a notification like ravio is 11 years old now! ravio the character is actually 11 years old.#albw released in2013. i received two reminders this morning. ravio drawing soon maybe. coming this year definitely. maybe#arylls like big brother use a damn fork#<- that was the tag when I first started drawing them in 2018#also i noticed when I draw aryll i always draw her in her blue dress so i decided to change it up. i only play 2nd playthroughs of wind wak#r because fun fact: i hate link's green tunic and hat. i finished a first playthrough years ago with a finished nintendo gallery#and then when i want to start a new playthrough i fight ganondorf again go through the credits cry and then BAM new game no-plus#i miss link's green tunic now though. its been so long. im so sick of champions garb...............idk the green is iconic idk#im not a huge fan of it but i think his base form should be green again. with the hat. let him look doofy as a default again#he was green in echoes of wisdom but i need them to follow through after again.#i didnt finish echoes of wisdom yet (SOON IM TRYING IM STUCK I NTHE SONIC ADVENTURE 1 WEB HELP) but what I saw of Link there?#he was kinda terrifying lmao its always funny to see that link is so extremely competent because i am not. that boy efficient#im stuck in the sa1 web because everyone is always talking about how good it is. so i played the pc port and. its apparently awful idk it i#thats just what sa1 outside of emerald coast plays to me tbh. but the dreamcast is supposed to be better. and i own a dreamcast. free me#i played on gamecube too. 12 years ago. it made me sick. maybe one day i'll install some mods that make it play better#why does it feel like the month is over when its only january 6#i played sa1 as a kid btw. just emerald coast tho. ALSO I DIDNT BUY A DREAMCAST FOR THIS I ALREADY OWNED ONE
78 notes
·
View notes
Text
#i saw a woman so beautiful i started crying#looking @ her and just saying im gay im gay im gay over and over#on my knees#a goddess on earth.#losing it in the tags on a monday morning#I DONT EVEN GO HERE#SHES JUST SO FUCKING FINE#personal
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
So I was playing Sunday’s trailblaze quest and I’m almost done with it but like
I WAS BAWLING YHE WHOLE TIME
And also vaguely predicting his dialogue before he even said it which. ???? I don’t know
I’m just spouting nonsense because I really loved it and it definitely made me love Sunday even more than I already did! Which I didn’t know was possible

He is in mental anguish I love him <3
Anyway SPOILERS FOR THAT QUEST
I was screaming after he and Robin finished the Charmony dove puzzle
Because
THAT WASNT A CHARMONY DOVE ROBIN WAS LETTING GO OF TO FLY AWAY



Though it kind of looks like a combination of the Charmony dove and the Dreammaster’s crow to me. Because those two things seem to be what shaped him the most- Robin and the Dreammaster/Gopher.
But like,, he’s the bird
And he’s finally flying free to a new journey
This is me rn

#hsr spoilers#honkai star rail spoilers#a new venture on the eighth dawn spoilers#hsr sunday#sunday hsr#hsr#honkai star rail#sunday and robin#I was crying all morning while playing this quest help#man he really was a good person#he really thought he was doing the right thing too with the whole stellaron thing#but he wasn’t even completely sure of that and it seemed like he Wanted the express gang to stop him#I will never be over this#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#also im listening to Space Jam as I write this rn#sam says stuff#man I need to go to sleep lmao
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about Julie going into hibernation, but also how she was participating in winter activities and was at the Homewarming party.
obv an in-universe excuse is writing inconsistency within the show but nahh. i wanna get sad.
My headcanon is that Julie begins hibernation after the Homewarming party. Right after. And later in the evening it turns into a different party, Julie's Goodnight Party (name in progress).
It's fun, because any party with this rainbow monster's name in it is gonna be fun! but there's an underlying somberness. They eat, play games and talk about everything and anything like the Homewarming party, but it just feels different.
(continues below, sad warning bc I made myself sad)
When Julie starts getting sleepy, the party ends with her neighbors giving their farewells, goodnights, and big hugs.
Frank is the one to walk her home, of course. He brushes Julie's hair, makes sure her and her nest has everything she needs, and stays with her as she falls asleep. But not before they share a big, comforting, long hug filled with every unspoken "I'll miss you" and every ounce of love they can pour into it.
It's the longest Frank has ever hugged anybody. "A hug long enough to get him through winter," according to Julie.
He wished that were true.
Either way he smiles, he smiles for Julie as it's the last expression she sees before finally closing her eyes to sleep.
The tears that later soaked into his pillow are the only secret Frank's ever kept from his best friend.
#After taking Eddie home this past holiday Frank nearly missed Julie going home. He got there right as she was about to leave#He had stayed with Eddie until he fell asleep knowing he'd wake up in the morning.#Before he stayed with Julie until she fell asleep knowing she'd wake up in the spring.#Man i am. So emotional over this#julie hibernating is insane. and must be insanely hard on frank#frank really doesn't like winter#but maybe in the future he'll have a certain mailman's shoulder to cry on#and getting through winter wont seem so hard#imagine if you didn't read the post and are sitting down here like 'what this dude on about'#read my sad rambles and maybe you'd know! /silly#welcome home#julie joyful#frank frankly#homewarming#welcome home headcanons#headcanon#typing out loud#Julie's Hibernation Edition#this all came to mind bc im thinking about the Hurricane thats gonna steal my electricity tmrw#it got me thinking about blizzards#and what the neighbors would do in a blizzard. and what about Julie? what if they can't reach her?#i was thinking frank has Barnaby and Howdy move her and her nest into his guest room#just for the storm. she goes back home afterwards even if he wanted her to stay#welp.. i need to do laundry while i have power still sooo#that's all folks!#oh and ignore typos hehe
28 notes
·
View notes
Note
hello there honey i really enjoyed your analysis on sukuna and yujis relationship they're so overlooked by the vast majority of the fandom despite being the mcs and it makes me happy some of us appreciate their dynamic i might be unsatisfied with geges overall handling of the story and how it took so long to really focus on these two but he wrote them very compelling despite everything. it makes me frustrated because it could've been even more of a punch if we didn't focus so much on everything else and i adore some characters but it came at the expense of not doing enough with his mcs which even if some people don't want them to be its still yuji and sukuna.
anyhow a small little detail i wanted to point out about 265 is yuji up to that point had been treating and referring to sukuna as a curse, but while in his domain while they're fishing he baits him by saying "cant the strongest sorcerer do this?" and its baiting him obvs and hitting at his ego but he still referred to him as a sorcerer and he's the only one to do so to my knowledge everyone else including himself refers to him as the king of curses, something that he was seen as by everyone since the heian era, a curse, and that he still believes he is right to 268. i really wanted gege to expand on why yuji sympathies with him, we can deduce why and it he clearly does but i wanted to see his exact thoughts what changed, maybe he found out by gojo about his family when he talked to him and realized sukuna was his relative? i mean there's more reasons why he sympathized with him clearly as you very well pointed out in your post but still this is why im dissatisfied with the writing they could've explained it better.
what are your thoughts? i hope we get to focus on yuji at least in the next chapters or im going to lose it. do you have any hope that sukuna ended up accepting yujis offer? i think the scene ended abruptly... i want them back together its so frustrating and while it fits and i can see gege leaving it like that it just doesn't feel right to me
hi, jenjen!! (do you mind if i call you that?)
thank you so much for reading that mess of a post. i had a lot of sukuita feels and just spilled my thoughts in one entire go. it's sad that they're so overlooked because they're unironically the best thing about jjk. like yeah there's a lot of cool characters in jjk but sukuna is literally a god of chaos and devastation that somehow got stuck in the body of an unhinged teenager who would sacrifice his own life for strangers.
they're two different extremes trapped within the same body, but as the story goes on we see they're a lot more similar than they first appear. like yin and yang, the two extremes that often oppose each other but are also inseparably complimentary to each other. there is soooooo much to explore with that dynamic, and i'm forever heartbroken we didn't get to have more focus on these two because they are honestly amazing.
anyhow a small little detail i wanted to point out about 265 is yuji up to that point had been treating and referring to sukuna as a curse, but while in his domain while they're fishing he baits him by saying "cant the strongest sorcerer do this?" and its baiting him obvs and hitting at his ego but he still referred to him as a sorcerer and he's the only one to do so to my knowledge everyone else including himself refers to him as the king of curses, something that he was seen as by everyone since the heian era, a curse, and that he still believes he is right to 268.
your point about that one scene in 265 is so goooood <3
as you said, up until that point yuuji had only been referring to sukuna as a curse, even though that's not technically true. but to yuuji, sukuna is more of a curse than some curses are. this is part of my theory that yuuji is the only one that sees right through sukuna. almost everyone else admires sukuna or only sees him as something to test their strength against.
yuuji is the only one who actually hates sukuna. yuuji even wants to destroy him because he knows sukuna is a murdering, cannibalizing force of death and devastation. and sukuna hates yuuji because the brat represents everything that goes against sukuna's cursed and selfish nature.
they both stand for everything the other hates, yet it's so interesting that they somehow understand each other better than anyone else does. (more on that later >.<)
what i really love about this scene is yuuji's teasing nature. he's not being mocking or sarcastic. he's both stroking sukuna's ego and, with light playfulness, is giving him a kind of recognition (as a sorcerer, not a curse) that nobody else has. you were completely right with that, jenjen.
and it's just so sudden that it happens. actually, everything about this chapter was so sudden and unexpected.
the fact that sukuna is willfully going along with all of this when he would strike down and destroy people for daring to even order him about (like nanako and mimiko). yet he indulges yuuji over and over again.
yuuji is literally telling sukuna what to do, but sukuna doesn't even reprimand him. actually, he pays attention to yuuji. (also i love how everything is always so "special case" and "different" with them like that don't even know how they arrived in yuuji's little mind palace and sukuna looks freaked out about it but he still listens to yuuji, he still does whatever yuuji asks him to... that's truly amazing.)
this scene in particular was really interesting to me. as you pointed out earlier yuuji only ever referred to sukuna as a curse and treated him like one, too. during his conversation with mahito, yuuji says that his purpose in all this is to just kill curses, sukuna especially, as that's the end goal of everything yuuji did.
yet here yuuji is, decidedly not killing sukuna and instead giving the king of courses his entire life story. yuuji's being the most open and vulnerable about himself than he's ever been, and it's all for the infamous king of curses who cares only for himself, the enemy yuuji hates and wants to see destroyed.
yet the way sukuna remains uncharacteristically quieter through all of it, looking like he's honestly reflecting or considering what yuuji just said, and how he gives this meaningful pause after yuuji describes how empty the town he was raised in became. yuuji says he expected it to be that way and sukuna looks almost thoughtful about that.
something similar happens a little bit later on when yuuji's talking about how there's a smaller amount of insects now than when he was younger.
what i noticed about both of these moments is that yuuji is talking about changes that happened for him. changes in the place he was raised and changes in the life he used to see more of that he doesn't now.
sukuna isn't affected by change. he's the strongest, he does whatever pleases him and doesn't care about anyone but himself. but yuuji cares about these little things, these changes that affect him, these small details that stay in his memory. that's such a contrast to sukuna's mindset, which is that every human tastes fleeting. and here yuuji is, sharing his memories about these tiny things with sukuna, these "tastes" that have stuck with him. because it's little details like yuuji losing his slime toy or drinking sweet milk tea when it snows that makes him who he is as a person. but does sukuna have any kind of memories like these? anything that connects him to being human like yuuji? maybe that is why yuuji is showing sukuna all these everyday normal things. he knows sukuna doesn't have memories like this, so maybe showing him yuuji's own might trigger something in him, something deep down. he wanted sukuna to open up with him too, maybe.
all of this is such a strong contrast to how other sorcerers and curses treat sukuna. they only approach him with the intent to try to overpower him or maybe to try to gain his favor. yuuji isn't doing anything like that. he isn't bargaining or making violent demands. there's no fighting. it's the most tender they have been with each other so far. (sukuna not killing yuuji the moment that brat asked him to do anything is sukuna being tender imo... he would have crushed anyone else for daring to do such a thing.)
it's just... it's so fascinating how yuuji hated sukuna for being so inhuman before, but now he's suddenly treating sukuna like he is human. he's acknowledging that sukuna was human even if the king of curses doesn't want to be seen as that anymore. and it's beautifully complex and should have been explored far deeper.
i really wanted gege to expand on why yuji sympathies with him, we can deduce why and it he clearly does but i wanted to see his exact thoughts what changed, maybe he found out by gojo about his family when he talked to him and realized sukuna was his relative? i mean there's more reasons why he sympathized with him clearly as you very well pointed out in your post but still this is why im dissatisfied with the writing they could've explained it better.
i am right with you on this one, too. chapter 265 was almost like a dream for me. jjk is hardly romantic at all. even a lot of other action manga includes at least a little romantic subplot... yet the most romantic scenes we get in this series are these date-like interactions between sukuna and yuuji, who supposedly hate each other, yet i guess they're out there doing archery together??
(sukuna getting another perfect archery shot just to impress his demanding little boyfriend <3 i love how serious he looks here, too, he's really playing up that coolness factor)
you also made another great point about how yuuji suddenly took a lot more emotional interest in sukuna now than he did before. i wonder if that conversation yuuji had before gojo died was about sukuna being related to yuuji? maybe part of him lit up on the inside because he actually has family, even if it's the murderous demon god that wants to destroy him and everything that he loves? or maybe he felt some kind of closeness while sukuna was inside of him that he misses now?
i really wish that we got more scenes like this with these two. i want to understand yuuji's thought process for trying to reason with sukuna and to maybe even get him to open up, too.
it's sad that gege took so long to focus on these two again. there were so many more interactions we could have had, so many more meaningful insights into both of their characters.
but this chapter did a lot all in one take.
i said earlier that sukuna and yuuji understand each other really well, and i believe that's true because not only are they the only ones who spent so much time being soul-crushingly close to one another, they also get under each other's skin far more than anyone else does. sukuna loves to torment yuuji because he knows just how caring and compassionate yuuji is. he rubs it in that he killed thousands of people during the shibuya arc and that he possessed the body of yuuji's friend. but yuuji also knows just how to rile up sukuna and he fights sukuna hard, he never gives up, and i think sukuna secretly admires that about yuuji.
and this chapter showed us how they understand each other yet again.
this conversation, to me, shows two very important things. one is that, despite already feeling it's a lost cause, yuuji still tries to convince sukuna to accept the mercy he's showing him, to understand yuuji's perspective as well. but sukuna's response to this is more layered than it first seems, in my opinions.
as we've seen, sukuna uses a lot of backhanded insults and contradicting statements with yuuji. he simultaneously calls the brat weak and uninteresting, but is disappointed when yuuji lost against choso (sukuna was paying a suspicious amount of interest during that fight scene for someone who considers yuuji to be so worthless) and looks reluctantly impressed or even surprised at yuuji's abilities.
yet when anyone else gives sukuna a hard time or challenge, sukuna shows them respect or even gives them praise. he does no such thing with yuuji, at all. in fact, all he does is mock and discredit yuuji, so sometimes the actual words he uses is a roundabout way he's actually acknowledging yuuji getting under his skin. and i think his words here, "i'm astounded at how spineless you are," can be taken as a form of that reluctant and contradicting acknowledgment.
even if sukuna doesn't accept what yuuji is saying, i think he knows yuuji is being sincere. he has to feel like he's guarded against it though, so he easily dismisses yuuji, and that's why my second important thing from this conversation is how yuuji still doesn't give up.
sukuna knows yuuji can kill him. he's getting back up into a corner now. but instead of going in for any kind of demands, yuuji is giving sukuna mercy. a second chance. a choice.
even though he knows sukuna refuses to see things yuuji's away, to accept yuuji's ideals of valuing life, he still offers a chance at mercy for sukuna.
sukuna, who has deliberately proved over and over again that he doesn't deserve mercy or empathy, and yuuji understands this. he accepts that sukuna is unsympathetic and a monster.
even when sukuna is dying, yuuji shows him that mercifulness once more. he's far more gentle and compassionate to him than sukuna deserves.
the fact that he still wants to live with sukuna. either a longing for family or the closeness they once shared when yuuji was his vessel or both. he genuinely cares about sukuna. and i think sukuna knows that.
so that's why it's another insult to undermine yuuji's efforts and empathy when sukuna says this offer is yuuji just "acting the fool" when i think he knows truly that yuuji wouldn't be so unserious about such a big thing.
but one thing that hit me hard is how sukuna calls the brat by his full name this time. something he has never done before. just like yuuji called him a sorcerer that one time too. it's like sukuna's admitting deep down he was touched, but he just can't accept yuuji's mercy. that would kill his persona, his reputation as the king of curses. it would make him more human. and he refuses to be anything but inhuman.
the original japanese had quotes around "curse" and that was important for a reason. sukuna wanted to be seen only as a curse would be seen.
as gojo said. love is the greatest curse of all. and sukuna is the king of curses. so it's very fitting indeed that sukuna died in the hands of perhaps the one person who ever really saw him, or understood him, or loved him.
thank you for your ask btw, jenjenpup. i really loved reading your thoughts on this. thanks for bearing with me on all my rabid rants about these two. i hope i answered your ask well enough.
so glad to have you in the sukuita cult, too <3
#this was rushed so there are many grammar and writing errors are there#it's really late rn so i don't have the energy to edit this mess im sorry#but tysm for taking the time to send me an ask#you gave me some really good insight!#honey posts#asks#sukuita#sukuna ryomen#itadori yuuji#meta#they make me sick with how much i loved them#im dying bc i wanted so much for them to have had more interactions together#i really wish chapter 265 was 10x longer and explored so much more between them#im going to cry over this in the morning ;-;
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
Is it illegal for parents to think or what
#have to go to the hospital again. my mother's insisting on driving me#we WON'T make it if she drives me. not a fucking chance#i MIGHT make it if i leave right now and use public transportation#she went fucking ballistic that i would even suggest that#like. okay. you do realize I've been waiting over a month for this consultation and that if im late they're going to outright send me home#you do realize that I'm leaving the country next month and i need to have this fucking surgery before then#you do realize that i won't be able to have the surgery by then if i have to reschedule this consultation#and i keep telling her this but shes gotten into her mind that she has to drive me (I DON'T EVEN WANT HER THERE)#it's true that you pay for living with your parents in other ways because she makes me feel like crying first fucking thing in the morning
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i hate when i realize i havent seen a blog name on my dash in a while and i get concerned like#'did they deactivate? or get banned?'#no dumbass. you got blocked.#again.#i dont even know what i did#like its fine to block me yes please use the site as intended#but i enjoyed seeing their content on my dash so like. im sad.#and i cant help adding this to the long list of 'evidence that im a horrible person that ppl merely tolerate'#im too weird and mentally ill for the weird and mentally ill site#cant hold down family or friends or mutuals or followings.#i really was made to go it alone i guess#i could cry more about all that shit but im all cried out for today. i shouldnt have even concern-checked their blog#was already in a shitty state of mind and now im back to a traumatic part of my past again like fuck#i need a fucking break man#im gonna try n sleep today off. it was a disaster for me fron the moment i woke up. even before that. i had nightmares all night.#really hope i can sleep and dream about nothing tonight so i can start over tomorrow and hopefully not get yelled at while i...#...continue to not advocate for my own safety bc doing so would put my other safety in danger lol#i hate it here man i hate being trapped alone and constantly on eggshells irl and online#i dont want to do this ugh#'but at least a flowerpot didnt fall on me in the shower' (didnt get to shower bc of the hell this morning)#delete later / /#personal / /#vent / /#mental illness / /
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
God i am too slebgy tired to process any other emotion than need
#what is it that i need you may ask . good question! fuck if we know#everything! nothing. anything you could possibly give me. and just this one specific god damned apple.#i need to hold and be held by all the people thatve gained a peice of me through this stupid webbed site thats captivated me so#i need to bake and play my keyboard again and learn to knit and play outside and bike and kite and collect and#i need to be able to do dumb teenager shit with my lovely group of goobers because god knows we need it despite it all#i need to be able to do so so many things with my friends and yet the only way i can get a taste is by being glued to my devices#i need to have someone i can cling to and nuzzle against and love and fall asleep with forreal#ive had enough of pretending with blankets and pillows already#i need to show my love in the only way i truly know how to by smothering one in all the affection that i feel when interacting or talking or#i need to hold him and kiss him and fucking tell him over and over just how much i love him because holy shit it drives me insane#how do you expect me to not be jealous when ive only ever known being loved back by him and suddenly im shouting into the void of tags#i need to scream and cry and laugh and hold onto the people thatve wrapped around my heart so dearly till we're sure that the other#will always feel the warmth . i need to be able to walk up and bonk against someone with my whole body and just flop in their arms#i need to kiss that one and that one and that one and that one and so damn many fictional wives its pathetic#i need to be able to express my love in any other way than physically clinging and never letting go because everyone i need to love#im unable to till i manage to get the messy nonsense words out#i need#i need to go to bed#goodnight chat. i love you. m sorry bout that#sorry i cant love you or anything in a normal way actually#i lied imh really not . normal#sorry again#i love you#mmmbhh i need some tea#midnight ramblings#may delete later depending on what my tags say in the morning . i aint readin allat again right now
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
ah i forgot some people care that’s where i went wrong
#camera talks#some people also don’t and that’s. an issue for me in the morning#and just in general but#anwyays cried over this like 7 times but in a good way#ty to my friend you know who you are <3#being reminded that people care and worry is like. actually kinda important for me#my brain will forget it fairly quickly when not reminded#so#yeah I think I can manage going to bed without crying (bad) rn I hope#im just not going to think about tomorrow or the rest of the week for that matter#for now
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's not fit to go cry over not being a real boy it's fi4 to go cry about possibly having COVID and having to cancel a week's worth of plans because you're a decent person and understand that just because covids been around for a while doesn't mean it's any better and you watched your mum get hospitalized for almost a week because of it <3
#vent#i fucking hate covid#nah i actually dont care you're uneducated if you think covid 'isnt that bad' and '#and 'like a cold'#oh can a cold make completely unrelated chronic illnesses worse and almost always end up with me having such a bad chest i can barely breath#and end up coighing up gunk every fucking morning for weeks and always end up short of breath for months.#i didnt think so ^^#but yeah fucking great over a weeks worth or happiness fucking ruined#yay now i probably cant see my gf or go to this comic shop or have one of my best friends over to show them this show i like#what the fuck im going to cry again istg
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
im so utterly burned out its not even funny christ
#was supposed to go to my moms place yesterday but i just couldn't so i promised ill be there monday morning but my train is in 4 hours#i cant fucking do it#but i HAVE to because its her husband's birthday. dead husband yeah. but my cousins will be there too and they hate each other now#so ill be stuck between them again and god i just dont feel like seeing my mother at all right now i cant do this#and them on fridays my friends are coming over for the whole weekend. my flat is such an utter fucking mess#and i dont even wanna hang out with them. i frankly dont really wanna be friends with them anymore#not after everything they said when i lost weight since now that i gained it all back i finally know exactly what they think of me#and ever since i have not been able to look at them the same but whatever. gotta clean the flat and put on my Entertaining Fun Bestie pants#except id literally rather throw myself off a bridge rn but ok#i dont fucking wanna go see my mom im genuinely gonna cry i cant do this
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
AHHHHHHHHHHHHG
#feeling like ive been run over by a lorry#partly cause i woke up this morning after a horrific nightmare#so i tried to be nice to myself and sort of just keep going with my day#and then i feel so shit after doing a bit of studying that my arms start to stop working#and my brain feels like its melting#and im like ooh those are warning signs right#that means i need to take a break and do some self care#so i go into my siblings room and try and do some work there#and then it doesnt work cause i just cant concentrate and im shutting down#then i realise im on my period#so then i have a 2 hour nap#and now ive eaten something and drank something and taken paracetamol and have a heatpad and am not alone#so we're getting towards better 👍#maybe ill try and do some maths or maybe ill do something else to make me feel better#i want to cry and possibly explode#but its fiiiiine#anyway#rambles#cult rambles#tw vent#vent post
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
ohhhh my god im going to fucking throw up thinking again about the scene where sawashiro almost lopping off ichi's pinky parallels the scene from earlier where arakawa's mom threatens him with scissors
#snap chats#IM GOING TO BE FUCKING SICK !!!!!!!!!#i havent mentioned it before. or if i did its been A Hot Minute but god i think of it a lot#sorry i was just having my morning Arakawa Family In Retrospect thinking and im going to throw up#AND IT WAS OVER MONEY TOO. and the topic of insufficient income was brought up.. fuuuuccckk YOOOOU#triggering myself rewatching the scenes just to validate my points and im going to be even MORE sick#its the way both ichi/arakawa glare at sawashiro/his mother and then getting reprimanded for it. via sharp implement#and the way arakawa interrupts sawashiro and ichi like how his dad had to step in between him and his mom Shut UP#jesus. arakawa wasnt even confrontational bout it like that either bro just walked in on it#his life is a flat circle And What If. I Threw Up.#i thought of translatin this concept via a comic buuuuuttttt </3 no time </3#or energy tbh#im tempted to at the very least make comparative gif sets for these scenes... its so important i point them out....#anyways wow !!!! i love the arakawa family !!!!!!! youre all fucked !!!!!! <- crying#i love the arakawa family because it's so easy to see each member as a protagonist of their own stories#which No Duh Everyones A Protagonist In A Way but it's just espsecially easy to dig into the arakawas' perspectives and feelings#theyre ALL so interesting in how they think and react and the possibility of how theyre thinking and feeling in situations#like im so invested to want to know their perspectives because there's always extra layers to them and its fascinating..#the arakawas are just so intertwined .....
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
Been crying regularly since June last year but these last couple of weeks damn, specially this one that just ended.
I dont think I've ever cried so much in my life
#not even when i was fresh out of whatever the fuck that was with that guy#and this time is like a lot of things crashing out#its a lot of stress response too imo#but still like obvioisly a big part of it is still my season#i guess im grieving like normal ppl grieve their parents/spouses/kids#but im grieving a dog so ofc it looks like too much for a lot of ppl#but im a bit of a psycho so my feelings for ppl arent like that#but that dog was almost my whole life especially during the pandemic when he started to get sick#and just before i was able to secure a bigger income to look after him he dies#and the fact that he waited for me to pick him up and waited for me i. the morning after i had gone exercise#i loved him so much and he loved me so much and im so certain ill never have a love like that in my life again#and a part of me just cant wait to reunite with him again truly also bcos world is ending literally#so the future is this thing i do out of obligation/need/social duty but its not something i believe in at all#and then my other dog and my head fucking with me in health related issues/anxieties#so i wouldnt be feeling all sensitive over this issue with thos guy (clearly this is too much emotional baggage hes up for fun times)#and seems to be having fun elsewhere which sure and again if his missus is fine who am i to feel like that#idk i feel like im putting more emotions into it than i should and its making me feel bad/stupid#sprinkle what would be completely irrelevant and whatever if it wasnt for my current stew of emotions and yeah#i feel stupid bad and pathetic#lmao at autocrrect for season i meant my son#the fact that mohini is all abt opening the hips is helping to this too i guess#i started bawling my eyes out at 8:45am at the fucning bus stop#and it all started with the rtp guy not stopping when i was running late which sure id had been mad abt and talk shit abt the guy#but this time i started crying so hatd and ????#feeling very tempted to do what mo ameer did in his comedy show abt going to church for confession#cheaper than therapy and honestly i just need to talk to someone and let this all out#should i go to therapy? duh we all do genius but i have no interest in sparing money for that atm#also matching with a therapy would take multiple tries and not willing to spend 4 times over 1000 pesos for that#that money has to go to other places that are actually more important#and god willing I'll finally be able to start doing it at the end of this month or beginning of the next
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
the shift i just had….. literally an episode of fucking looney tunes😭
#it’s finals week and i work at the testing accommodation center so it’s sooo crowded and then im delivering tests going all over campus and#getting the paperwork mixed up THEN im hungry bc i missed breakfast this morning (also pissed me off) so I DoorDash food right.#well. he gets here as im delivering tests so i have to walk back tests in hand to get my food#then the guy can’t find me at all and passes where i said to go#THEN i text him except here’s the kicker guys he is Turkish and doesn’t speak english.#im crying at this point.#so then im standing outside sweaty as hell bc it’s also extremely humid out trying to explain to this guy how to get to my complex#im hot. stressed bc i should be at work. hungry. AND now im back and my shift ends in like 5 minutes#so the rest of those tests are nawt my problem bye#WHAT THE FUCKICURHDKSJDJ#*personal
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs
(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)
That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)
#text post#not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning#suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl#even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is#if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly#then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now#it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit#and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election#otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it#I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked#my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet#and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff#so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep#which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life#i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice#even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely#im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it#and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet#i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep#but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart#and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it#im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes#...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this#(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)
2 notes
·
View notes