#im glad ppl trust me enough to tell me about whats going on with them

[marsixm]

i dont rly ever acknowledge it outside of the moment but man so much of my job rly is just emotionally supporting a ton of my coworkers and im happy to be there for them but sometimes i wish it wasnt only me. idk. i dont rly have a point just reflecting

[havocspiral]

do you have any evidence about shittyclive being a groomer? genuine question

im glad you asked because he literally groomed me!

note for all of this i am going to be using he/him, i don't keep up with him enough to know exactly what pronouns he uses, if its anything different please tell me and ill update this post. he may be a groomer but im not a twat. also please be patient because my chronological memory is Horrible so i may not remember things in the correct order, but i have all of this written down and i Know that all of this happened

this all happened bc of a server i made called DAAC in ~May 2020 - that's where i met neil and also his friend K (not gonna name em but iykyk), along w a few other people. most of the ppl in that server were obsessed w sexualising me, especially neil. im not abt to put my age on the internet but it was. yknow. not fun, and everyone in that server knew my age btw because i trusted them and did not think that all This would happen (he also drew nsfw stuff and showed it to me)

anyway to cut a very long and unimportant story short, dated a guy, he was crazy, broke up w him and he stalked me march 2021 to ~july 2021, in that time neil attempted to pose as a sort of "protector" and in his OWN WORDS a father figure. side note my stepdad died in feb 2021 and i grieved too much and he dropped a frankly quite ass song abt it but i digress. yeah we got really close knit we were a "father-son" duo and when i tell you the ONLY THING HE TALKED ABOUT WAS SEX i wish i was kidding but our only topics were him telling me abt what he wants to do to his man of the month or how hes suicidal and AGAIN, absolutely inappropriate at the age i was. this lasted for so long that i began to break down entirely and becoming suicidal, also resorting to drinking and hurting myself, even going to crisis teams along with missing a LOT of school because i had become entirely dependent on him. basically he had me on a leash and was using me as a crisis hotline AND a sex hotline. i tried to cut him off multiple times in an emotional state and this obviously wasn't the best thing i couldve done but i literally saw no other choice. oh also during this time he suggested i have DID and i had a counselor for my stepdads death and. god damn he may be a weirdo but he was correct there ill give him that (he did also try to recount my trauma to work out how i worked as a system which. i shouldnt even have to explain how thats just odd)

(another thing i just remembered he sent inappropriate pictures to me and my friend, ill put her recount of it at the end of this)

one day i spoke to K, realised that was i was doing was wrong and attempted to talk about the situation with neil to which he was like. oh yeah i cant do this anymore bye and when i went to tell K he did the same. this was when i was in school which was rare, i just entirely broke down (also worth mentioning every time he told me about being suicidal i mentioned getting a therapist but he said he couldn't and i would also get all shaky and sob uncontrollably and basically be unable to function THATS HOW BAD THE DEPENDENCY WAS) and i had to be picked up bc it was that bad

i texted his instagram begging for at least and explanation and that i loved him and wanted to talk to him again (<- so manipulated it was insane) and he was like yeah but only on weekends and i felt such STRONG RELIEF and then when i went to sleep he went sike lol bye

remember the bf from earlier? yeah he faked his identity multiple times so i (at the time) was used to keeping tabs on people since. stalking. and i didn't want the guy to get the jump on me. so i kept tabs on neil for a bit, which i do regret and am sorry for, and one day he just disappeared? and honestly? i celebrated. also the ex from earlier faked his death multiple times so neils attempt at faking it this way was a dig at that specific incident. it didnt really work because i think about a day ish later he admitted to my friend (the same one from earlier, ill call her V) that he did it and wasnt dead

then he "apologised" to me and while i may not have screenshots for the most part he mentions what he did in the apology which is just. outright admission FROM HIM about what he did. he also admitted the apology was a total lie on his blog which i find funny because he frames it as a "gotcha" when i didnt even accept the apology?

also found out from an anonymous person who knew neil that apparently hes meeting up w people and also is violent w his friends which. ew

ok heres the evidence

(censored parts are for my own safety)

[thepringlesofblood]

Casting My Opinions Into The Void: d20′s Neverafter ep 1+2

this is the first d20 campaign im going to be following live and i am excited enough to do a lil post each week or so about it. mostly bc recycling and adapting and retelling and retranslating old stories that “everyone knows” is my whole shit. like i got a degree in the study of ancient greek and roman civilization (classics). my whole thing is reading old myths and plays that “everyone knows” how they go and seeing what each author/translator brings to the table.

anyway i watched episodes 1 n 2 and i am excited and my observations are below

(like if you were really into the Sisters Grimm series as a kid and are similarly excited for this lol the modernized fairytale characters in that series are literally called “Everafters” and its because it’s really good shorthand for the audience. i see you brennan i see you)

normally ppl who do the whole ‘dark/horror/thriller fairytale’ thing fuck it up bc they think it’s about the shock value, or about seeing how nasty you can get with it, so I usually avoid them, but after bingewatching a kadrillion d20 campaigns, I trust brennan to do it right. you have to find the core value/crux of what is horrifying about the story and tease it out, and play with the symbolism and icons of the original story to reflect that. and brennan fuckin delivered.

ep 1

folks, give a hand to the people who put detailed yet non-spoilery content warnings in the description. tbh dropout shows are setting the standard for sensitivity and inclusion in media. it’s so lovely to see a show w content warnings or pronouns put up onscreen and it just not be addressed. i am forever spoiled for any other kind of media tbh

at some point in the past, brennan found out he could make a really good realistic choking/gagging noise, and he has used it in every campaign since.

i appreciate the ‘scare off the meek early’ approach of it all.

th. the briars. the concept. the dead princes - UGH good backstory yall

i very much like the idea of becoming a ranger out of necessity, and because plants obey you on account of that whole feeding-on-your-blood thing

puss in boots using ‘pib’ as a nickname instead. of ‘puss’ or ‘boots’ - inspired

also zac is using his ‘smart little shit’ voice like he did w lapin and i am v excited.

look ill say it - the little red hen did nothing wrong and thats on that. i read that one when i was very little, it was on electric company or sesame st or between the lions, and i’ve always liked it.

so......anyone see how mother goose’s husband has the last name hubbard? like old mother hubbard lol

also there really is a Jack in so many stories, i’m glad we’re addressing this. little shit gets up to so much trouble

it feels like I have seen so many tired rewritings of little red riding hood, even though I can’t think of any off the top of my head. it’s usually a sort of surface-deep ‘girl power!’ situation. i’ve never seen one like this. i LOVE it. it was terrifying. the fact that we all just sort of accept ‘barbarian’ as a normal dnd class is kind of wild tbh, i like exploring that rage and its source.

Ep 2

saying the actual nursery rhyme in the context of being the nursery rhyme is so powerful. i fully didn’t understand what was happening to nat king cole (v powerful) until he was gone.

also, herr drosselmeyer - fantastic get. you have to talk about the sugar plum fairy at some point and they already went in hard on her in acoc so i love that they were like you know what, it’s weird uncle time.

(context: herr drosselmeyer is clara’s eccentric uncle with a bunch of automatons and he gives her the nutcracker)

also every production ive seen has his drip immaculate. 

my gender is this man’s cloak

Murph is the fucking ball again

“Please tell me how you’re a monster too so I don’t feel so alone” - Jesus Christ Emily Axford

Almost getting distracted by a bird instead of picking up v obvious plot hooks: pt 2

cinderella.......dude

Brennan really looked at K’s finale scene from mismag and went “how DID the mice get lithium?”

The POV of the mice - simplifying it makes it sound ridiculous, but if you really dig into the idea of the mice as sentient beings it’s horrifying.

Dude the symbolism…stepmother eating her kids bc they were always either a tool or an obstacle to her, of course they would be a sacrifice to her hunger for power.

i’ve always liked endings that have the stepsisters reconciling w cinderella bc in the end they were also victims of abuse and it wasn’t the same or the same degree of abuse as cinderella but they were still constantly on thin ice

can you tell that i rewatched d20 live recently and sobbed at adaine and aelwyn’s ending?

Cinderella stabbing the fairy godmother with the broken heel of the shoe that symbolizes both the ending she was meant for and the life that she was forced into. Turning that into glass armor. dude.

The pumpkin carriage rotting bc the fairy godmother is trying to make the happily ever after stay exactly how it is forever but nature decays and time passes and she can’t acknowledge that without realizing both that her role is in the story is over and not only does cinderella not need her anymore, cinderella doesn’t want her anymore, and maybe never wanted her in the first place. 

When puss in boots was asked what he wanted in life and he just said ‘to be comfortable’ #relatable like I know all this is gonna end with him realizing the value of love and friendship over material goods and I 100% agree with that but i feel like this goal or some variation of it are v common today and not often addressed in stories like this

Pinocchio swearing - 10/10. Also how the fuck is Lou doing a Pinocchio voice that perfectly straddles the line between hilarious and annoying. It’s ridiculous enough to always be funny, but sustainable and varied enough that it doesn’t grate on you.

i think we’re getting into “all the princesses in all the stories are all sisters” territory and i for one am THRILLED

"mirror, mirror.......leaned up against the wall”

we learn in this adventuring party that the OG concept for lou’s pinocchio is that he snapped off his nose so he would be able to lie, which is AMAZING. i fully did not put that together.

i am v excited for this battle, and v terrified.

[just-some-random-blogger]

part 2 for my most talented hottie-cutie! 'i love your story so much i might just give it an express ticket pass' *imagine a blushing emoji* you flatter me *imagine more blushing emojis bc i'm not typing it on the phone no way-* 'i became a writer was because i disagreed/didn’t like the plot points of the fics' omg i should've knew TT hehe you're rioting, girl. it's so worthy of respect! i love it! ig a lot of ppl love it too hgjdk. you're amazing, really. andand it's really meaningless but i wanted to say that i was so amazed by caraxes TT they've showed him up close and i was screaming TT he's such a kitten TT i want to adopt him TT this pretty kitten TT omg i cried... imagine receiving vide messages with a girl screaming, crying, throwing herself on the road and calling a fucking dragon a kitten? my bestie don't even need to... what about 'maybe you should try'. 1) i'm still insecure of my english. you did comforted me and now i feel more free to communicate. but ig it's not enough to write things. especially when it's about some historical topic. i don't think i have enough grammar knowledge or vocabulary. 2) also concerns the 1 point. my narrative language is 'heavy'. that's what my english and russian (esp lol TT) languages teachers have always been telling me. and i understand why. i've been even insulted (not really but i hate that man) by the comparison with Lev Tolstoy (the worst man in russian literature). it may be a compliment in a way but not really. if you've ever read anything of his, you probably understand what it means. and 1. idk if i can write serious things with this trait of mine; 2. IDK if i can express the things in a way i want to with the 2 previous points?? 3) i used to write fics in my mother tongue and, although i still like some of them, i don't really have inspiration to write now. and probably i wouldn't find a lot of followers anyway? my fics ideas are not really popular. even talking about my asks, you have much more popular requests. (i'm really honored and flattered by the fact you like my ideas TT thank you). and i always seek for approval. i trust you and really like how you embody my thoughts. our alliance you know... if you don't mind, i'll better send anything to you and hope you'll like it. 4) tbh, it's a good idea. and i'm soso flattered by your support TT no but the fact that you said it?? got me sobbing and hugging my laptop soso tight TT i love you soso much for these kind words of yours and your sweet personality TT i'll think about this thing again, when i'm in a better mental state. i LOVELOVELOVE you so so so much!!! you have no clue how much influence you have on me and how valuable your words are TT!! now i'm going to finally prepare for that academic competition. LOVE YOU!! and your talented hands! and your big brain! and your big heart!! thank you soso much for being you!! and for your support! take care!! love you!! have a nice evening/night/morning!! <з

good morn 😌

love lettersss <3 <#

'i love your story so much i might just give it an express ticket pass' *imagine a blushing emoji* you flatter me *imagine more blushing emojis bc i'm not typing it on the phone no way-*

here let me do it for you 😳😳😳🤭🤭🤭😚😚😚😊😊😊 i think those are all the ones wish blush lol HAHHAH

'i became a writer was because i disagreed/didn’t like the plot points of the fics' omg i should've knew TT hehe you're rioting, girl. it's so worthy of respect! i love it! ig a lot of ppl love it too hgjdk. you're amazing, really.

😎😁😁thank you lover. Im so glad a lot of people agree with the brain rot in my head lol. im honored to have your respect and to have people read my works in general 🥺🥺🥺

andand it's really meaningless but i wanted to say that i was so amazed by caraxes TT they've showed him up close and i was screaming TT he's such a kitten TT i want to adopt him TT this pretty kitten TT omg i cried...

ah i see its ur first time seeing caraxes up close HAHAAH yes he is a dear. i too really love the dragons. i also especially love it when the dragons are added to fic and they are somehow personified. i love that for us.

imagine receiving vide messages with a girl screaming, crying, throwing herself on the road and calling a fucking dragon a kitten? my bestie don't even need to...

ur like me fr. i also think dragons are cutesy widdle beans <3 <3

what about 'maybe you should try'. 1) i'm still insecure of my english. you did comforted me and now i feel more free to communicate. but ig it's not enough to write things. especially when it's about some historical topic. i don't think i have enough grammar knowledge or vocabulary.

thats fine. you dont have to do anything you dont want to. though i will say i did start writing fic when i was 11 T_T so yeah the cringe is real. we all start from somewhere. we all cringe HAHAHAH

2) also concerns the 1 point. my narrative language is 'heavy'. that's what my english and russian (esp lol TT) languages teachers have always been telling me. and i understand why. i've been even insulted (not really but i hate that man) by the comparison with Lev Tolstoy (the worst man in russian literature).

💀💀💀💀 lol lev tolstoy T_T apparently (dont quote me on this) as much as a writer as he was it think, if i remember correctly, his stories are actually from his wife, like from her diary. i vaguely remember watching a vid like that.

anyway i personally used to write a lot of narratives/descriptions, because that was the kind of lit/fics i used to read, then i realized T_T i barely finish my work because of it and i like writing dialogue parts more, which is why i changed my style ig lol. i dont think theres anything wrong with being narative heavy, i personally have just deviated from it and sometimes i find it hard to read if i am not in the mood to read, ya know.

i feel it depends on the author. some have this feeling of rambling, but some write so beautifully and vividly.

it may be a compliment in a way but not really. if you've ever read anything of his, you probably understand what it means.

i have only watched anna karenina films lol

and 1. idk if i can write serious things with this trait of mine;

then dont write anything serious. i literally write crackfics AHHAAHH

2. IDK if i can express the things in a way i want to with the 2 previous points??

well you could always try organizing your thoughts through bullet point or graphic organizers

3) i used to write fics in my mother tongue and, although i still like some of them, i don't really have inspiration to write now.

ah that can be hard fr. i usually try to look for prompts or consume media (like watch tv/film listen to music read etc) sometimes you really cant force it

and probably i wouldn't find a lot of followers anyway? my fics ideas are not really popular. even talking about my asks, you have much more popular requests. (i'm really honored and flattered by the fact you like my ideas TT thank you).

first of all because of this ^^ paragraph, i went to my fic that started it all, i genuinely wrote it with no expectation and only because of my brain rot i thought i would get 10 likes in total and i was ok with that. like i purposefully posted it at night because i didnt want to wait and see if people would like it lol, cause yeah it is a bummer that your work doesn't get noticed. i was shocked to see my notifs blow up because of that fic. to be completely honest with you, most of the times many notifs on a story do not equate to it being good or bad, it just means a lot of people got to see it.

i used to prefer writing on ao3 because i got more engagement there, but ao3 lacked the message and inbox options and i tried posting some of my stuff here. this used to be the place where i read kpop fics cos, idk, kpop fics dont do so well on ao3 HAHAH or at least for me. lol i got off tangent there.

point is even i have a lot of fics were i put my heart and soul into and i get like 25 notes and im like DAMN ok, then i fart 1k crack and everyones like AHSFILAHFAS YASS and im like ????? ok ?????? so at the end of the day i tell myself its ok if only one other person likes my fic, all that matters is that that person and me like it <3 <3 <3 and thats a lot in my book lol

and i always seek for approval. i trust you and really like how you embody my thoughts. our alliance you know... if you don't mind, i'll better send anything to you and hope you'll like it.

i would be honored to go through your work if you want me to. i will say if it becomes more than... idk 5k T_T id only begrudgingly go through it because i love you. BUT itd only be begrudgingly if i dont like it, and i know your ideas and I LOVE THEM so lay it on me pal.

4) tbh, it's a good idea. and i'm soso flattered by your support TT no but the fact that you said it?? got me sobbing and hugging my laptop soso tight TT i love you soso much for these kind words of yours and your sweet personality TT i'll think about this thing again, when i'm in a better mental state.

yeah i know how great it feels to have support from someone to purse your creative endeavors or just have someone support you in general. idk my mom stopped being impressed with me when i reached a certain age T_T because T_T i guess im already excellent in her eyes which is why she doesn't go 'OMG SLAY GREAT JOB' or smth she's always like 'oh yeah thats good' aT MOST because she already expected it of me, 'ok' [CRYING] T_T my dad gives more reactions, although T_T not very excited though, but idk my relationship with my mom is different with my dad i cant explain,

MY POINT IS I GIVE PEOPLE THE REACTIONS I WANT T_T

and when i was in my last years of highschool, i went to study music arts and design and T_T my classmates and i were so likeminded and we always encouraged each other and just being in that atmosphere made me realize how important it is to surround yourself with people who get it <3 <3 <3 T_T i miss them

i LOVELOVELOVE you so so so much!!! you have no clue how much influence you have on me and how valuable your words are TT!!

thank you. im honored. truly. i know i say it so much but i mean it everytime. im humbled to have someone as sweet and smart as you look up to me like this. genuinely i love you my dear.

now i'm going to finally prepare for that academic competition.

I HOPE YOU DO AMAZING AND WIN AND SHOW EM HOW AMAZING AND COOL AND GREAT AND SMART AND SEXY AND CUTE AND FUNNY AND AMAZING AND GORGEOUS YOU ARE

LOVE YOU!! and your talented hands! and your big brain! and your big heart!! thank you soso much for being you!! and for your support! take care!! love you!! have a nice evening/night/morning!! <з

thank you T_T im luv u

xxx

[sanchoyo]

arc v 66-80 thoughts! oh my God So Much Happens All The Time. we got to the fourth opening/ed already??? im halfway into the series I think and im shocked by the implications of the op/ed (that we'll seemingly be spending another full arc in synchro. not complaining I just thought this would be shorter, at this rate most of the series will be taking place in synchro wont it?? whats the synchro to standard episode ratio...)

-aaaah crows kids showed up to watch him duel and it had him worried for the majority of the duel. cute. (also I hope theyve been ok since hes been in jail/here at the friendship cup locked in a fucking room) im glad he won…

-….and concerned bc Crime Dad broke into yuyas room to tell him the losers (and also ppl who get taken from the prison) go to some kind of underground garbage plant to basically be WORKED TO DEATH. see when a few eps ago we learned some ppl get taken out of prison and never return I assumed they just were. shooting them to kill them out back like ole yeller bc of overpopulation. nope! cant decide if this is better or worse than that assumption… both are pretty bad…

-how tf is layra supposed to do a riding duel!! theyre so tiny! where will their emotional support stuffed animal sit! tf! im glad yuya and crimedad are treating this as awful as it is and are also pissed. what the FUCK and god layra RUNNING to yuya and clinging to him and yuya tearing into reiji saying 'if YOU wont protect layra /I/ will!' LIKE. LOVE THIS ENERGY YUYA. I feel like reiji is 100% withholding info about layra but still. kid is TERRIFIED and yuya had SO many valid points (layra still wanting to be with big bro reiji and trusting him auugh)

-reiji is a bit Too Calm abt all of this so I cant imagine this is his first time handling this kinda situation. and layra having a goddamn meltdown panic attack when reiji leaves and running after him BEGGING him not to leave and saying 'ill do whatever u want!! always!!!' I DONT LIKE THIS. NOT ONE BIT. at least reiji was like 'its okay. im proud and happy youre defying me bc it means ur developing a will of your own' and having ninjaguy fight in layras place…like. very many feelings abt this. I still can't fault reiji 100% either bc we Learn layra is from a 'war torn region in a certain country' I KNEWWW IT I KNEW LAYRA WAS ADOPTED the timeline with reijis dad going to academia didnt make sense for reiji to have a younger sibling. my original theory was xyz dimension but it didnt look like heartland in the little bit we could see. so just some random war-torn country…um. so they have ptsd. and reijis mom is like 'yeah hes got no will so he can be a useful asset to us!" throw the whole woman away. tf is wrong with u ppl. at least reiji is defying his mom on this and wanting layra to be happy… oh…reiji im so sorry sweetie both u and layra have such shit parents….maybe its actually for the best reiji took layra with him, i would not fucking trust his mom with this kid! reiji is just Cleaning up his Parents messes. actually that perfectly explains his Hyper Responsible personality. he prob never got to be a kid….IM SO SAD. AAUGH! ygo is nothing w/out family drama

-…yuya getting mad reiji sent ninjaguy in layras place but dude SOMEONE wouldve had to go if not him?? what do u want reiji to DO yuya hes working with what he can and hes prob 10 steps ahead anyway

-yooo shinji is fun actually, I feel like him and shun would get along great. both freedom fighters. shinji trying to start a RIOT with his duel. love that. (also just love ninjaguy too. i didnt love either enough to root for one or the other, im fine w/ whoever wins but shinji had a CAUSE yk)

-so reiji is fine w them being sent to the forced labor place. I mean. all of them but the top winner WILL be so ofc he had a plan to get them out of that. not at all surprised bc hes been THEE best at planning and staying cool as a cucumber. not even worried abt it if hes in charge. if reijis not worrying neither am I

-smile chojiro is a great character. i love his whole motto 'dont be ashamed of defeat, dont be complacent in victory' im also glad he didnt just throw the duel to keep yuzu from going to the forced labor camp (I mean…/i/ would have if I was fighting a 14 yr old girl kajhfkj gotta protecc the kids or whatever) but that wouldve cheapened her win. I KNEW she would win and im so proud of her. yuya tearing up when she used his catch phrase to let him know shes ok ;__; god that duel made me SO emotional theyre both great

-I knew serena would win fast against some rando named 'tony' with the blandest design ever. did not disappoint. but the other characters made comments like 'oh if I wasnt dueling today I coulve slept in'���theyre only doing like FOUR DUELS PER DAY IN THIS TOURNAMENT?? PEOPLE GO TO A STADIUM TO SEE (4) DUELS???! oh my god thats so ridiculous. how much is a ticket in???…how long have they been in synchro dimension??? like, they were in jail a While too werent they?? so like. a MONTH?? LONGER?? everyone is gonna be so behind on school when they get back. yes thats what im worried abt.

-yuya getting mad this is all unfair and yelling its wrong and the 'friendship cup' should be canceled bc the losers just get sent to the forced work facility (slave camp. yuya, just say it for what it is) is like..well whatre you gonna do abt it! we already had a lil speech abt how the 1% of this world are living it up and the 99% are in slums, having to clean up the MASSIVE waste the 1% cause and having to struggle to SURVIVE and your only NOW getting really pissed abt it? (also, too real) you HAVE a pocket demon we havent seen in like 30-40 episodes…bring it out and let it eat the rich people and the cops! whats the problem!

-OH MY GOD. jack atlas and reiji and layra hanging out having dinner together. i am going to lose my mind. HE THINKS YUZU HAD THE MOST PROMISE OUT OF ALL THE DAY ONE DUELISTS TOO!!!! BRO. JACK. JACK U ARE THE BESTEST EVER!!! SAME HAT!!!!!! also the fact no one else is Eating but layra has a full course is so funny jsdkj whyre they all just having tea? did they finish before them or…

-god damn jack is different…he seems more mature? he called the commons his origin and his pride and is super observant of layra and says he wishes he couldve seen them duel and. tbh thats cute and probably smth layra needed to hear (I am still FIrmly against letting this child on a motorcycle tho) jack. jack i love u

-god the card jack got inspired by was the one he gave to sam who was UNGRATEFUL FOR IT. i cant believe this. this jack is SO nice i love him so much

-tf why is the crowd cheering a cop on a bike and booing yuya. yuya im SO sorry for these dumbasses. /I/ am cheering for u. AND HES TELLING THE CROWD ABT THE LABOR CAMPS!!! HEY YUYA I LOVE YOU SPEAK THE TRUTH. im sorry the crowd is…Like That! theyre all CHEERING like 'HELL YA WE LOVE WHEN THE LOSERS GET SENT TO WORK CAMPS TO DIE!!' WHAT THE FUCK!!! jack is like 'dude they only care about WINNERS opinions' HAHA speaking from experience aren't u jack. hes kinda right tho. WIN and THEN make ur speech. its all about TIMING unfortunately

-hey the cop has a fusion card. WHERE did he get that? reiji says a rat is in and my first thought was dennis, but hes been locked in his room too, right? (and lets be real I dont see fucking DENNIS as a real threat. nor do I see a random literally characterless faceless cop as a threat, but its the implication a fusion person snuck in synchro and is sabotaging our Heroes)

-yuya's eyes lit up for like 0.2 second. I wish I could tell if that was yuto's influence or yuyas demon (?? I need a better name for it. but we havent SEEN it in like. 30-40 episodes LMAO let alone had any kind of explanation, so) I geeeeeet that sending ANYONE to the horrible forced labor camps is bad, but yuya. you gotta get to the top if you want ppl to listen. you cant single handedly do much, you are 14. 'bc of me he was sent underground' if it wasnt him itd be u. and its not like u took him there urself, chill yuya. we'll fix this stuff im SURE

-oh my god shingo v yugo is happening. I am SHAKING. the SILLYBOYS. I want them to interact MORE. I figured yugo would win (since im sure we'll get a yuya v yuto match based on the op…) but shingo put up a GOOD FIGHT and put on a good show and im proud

-…yuya seems to be able to directly tap into yugo's thoughts when their dragons are like resonating and seemed to be losing his sense of self. concerning? we havent really seen serena or yuzu do smth like this so im like. is it rly Just smth abt the yuya counterparts?? very unsettling scene. yuya has SOME level of influence too bc yugo said yuyas lil fun catchphrase (smth both yuzu and shingo caught…) …is that why yuya kinda absorbed yuto ?? bc hes like. the Alpha Counterpart or smth. ?? horror movie stuff!

-sergey is the scariest man ive ever seen. christ. he 'died' once before and can CONTROL MINDS?? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

-omg ninjaguy snuck into 'hell' to make sure everyone is ok. is THAT reijis plan? just rely on ur personal ninja to do everything? ok tbf if /i/ had a personal ninja Id Do The Same Damn Thing. im sure eventually hes gonna use him to get them out…the way I believe in them…

-theres a rumor roget is from another dimension so he def is. like working with leo? not at all surprised. hes def getting the duelists from hell from gallagar to send to fight in the fusion v xyz war is my assumption

-STOPPP LAYRA PLAYING JACKS WORDS IN THEIR MIND TO INSPIRE THEM AND APOLOGIZING TO NINJAGUY WAS SO CUTE.

-yuyas letter to yuzu was also Cute

-god why does shun keep having to duel Secretly Fusion ppl this sucks for him LMAO. not that I think Fucking Dennis can beat shun but STILL. at least shun is like 'no hes def bullshitting' like hes a smart cookie.

-…what the hell are they going to do if dennis DOES show his true colors btw? theyre all kinda stranded in another dimension rn. are they just gonna let him go to the underground plant and not get him out too?? jkhfksdf omg I CANNOT see reiji doing that. i feel like dennis is enough of a weenie we can bully him into switching sides. the tension between shun and dennis tho…preddy thick. pretty spicy

-Oh! hes got ancient gear cards! didnt the prof from gx use those? that tracks. fun callback

-reiji not even PHASED by dennis being academia hes like. and? and bitch? you got smth to say? to the council. LMAO I LOVE him no bullshit with him ever

-oh HELL no dennis was the one who STARTED THE ATTACK ON HEARTLAND (that he calls the hunting game) BECAUSE HE FOUND RURI??? 'i wanted to keep doing street shows' WELL YOU SHOULDVE.

-omg ruri's design is SO cute. shes got feather motifs! does she also have a birdy deck like her bro! thats cute! I hope so!

-SORA IS HERE??? HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE??? HIIII WELCOME BACK !!!!! BEST SURPRISE

-dennis being like 'now that ive cast aside being an entertainer, even the action cards have forsaken me?!" no…no bud its prob bc YOU caused debris all over the field. so still kinda your own damn fault which is funny to watch

-SHUN SNIPED DENNIS FROM SPACE. BEST FINISH TO A DUEL EVER. EVER EVER EVER XYZ REPRESENT YES SHUN YES!!!!! he was aggressively trying to turn him into a card and when that didnt work (reiji modified his duel disk lmao) HE TRIED PUNCHING HIM AND GOT PULLED AWAY. WAS HE GOING TO BEAT HIM TO DEATH THE OLD FASHIONED WAY??? SHUN. PLEASE. i love u.

-waaait is 76 just a recap ep. booooooo ive been binging these i dont NEED a recap. I JUST watched them all in a row like a maniac. im watching this ep on 2x speed to make it go Faster. smh. I do kind of appreciate a streamlined explanation of why the council ppl kept roget around even knowing hes a snake but Still.

-oh, its also interesting yuris job seems to be taking the yuzu-counterparts? do him and serena know each other? i dont THINK weve seen them interact but idk! since all of the yuzus and yuyas seem to be friends its just interesting hed be chosen for that job

-ok only the first half or so was a recap? cool. slowin it back to normal then...

-…what the fuck is kings gambit. he put MIND CONTROL CHIPS IN ALL THE COPS BRAINS? HOW? Roget is going against academia for his own purposes. reiji immediately calls him out on his bullshit invitation to help. fucking love you reiji

-sora got dennis hahah. how do sora and dennis not Know each other. it was weirdly nice of sora to help dennis and sora is like. Determined to get serena and yuzu. but. We Will See about that. I feel like serena is just gonna pummel him into a pancake and yuzu will give him a smack with her fan and a tight hug and he will break down like a little nervous chihuahua. this is my prediction.

-new op and ed this ep too btw! LOVEEE the new op, prob my 2nd fav next to the first one. really good soft metal sound. new ed is also REALLY GOOD. awww all the girls together!! and even. sora and jack next to each other. god last ed was my fav but this one is FIGHTING it I cant pick which I like better LMAO theyre REALLy good. interesting imagery too. MAYBE im reading too much into it but jack and sora are both on the outskirts of the grass…are they going to interact? and sora is sorta balled into himself and turned away from everyone else, but he very much still IS with them in the grass. makes u think….

-also the ed has yuri in it and ruri and rin finally. theyre also hanging out and being cute. when will yuri and the girls join the gang. we can all be friends :3 even if ur a lil squirrely evil guy its ok!

-…also shingo blushing and looking at serena. WHAT. have we gotten any inkling of a crush on her from him?? we havent right??? like HUH? she does punch him in her sleep which is so funny KJHADKJF but like. theyd be the funniest couple ever im wheezing

-yeah ok this is my favorite ed so far. its so goddamn cute theyre all just RELAXING TOGETHER BEING ADORABLE. sleeping baby layra and reiji sleeping in his glasses like a nerd sold me.

-I'm around the halfway point of the series I think! thats fun! …none of my big questions have been answered in any substantial way yet hahah. I'm hoping the next arc..we get to see yuri more finally (and for yuto to make a comeback, which. obv he must before the series ends…) and also I want to see ruri and rin more!!! and more lancer interactions in general I want them to hang out and be buds…I know the whole plot is stopping an inter-dimensional war which does fuck severely but I just. dunno. some slice of life eps would be nice after this arc…everything has been go go go fast heavy for a while and i need. a breather (that isnt a recap..)

-something I realized about Character designs (im in the middle of doing fanart while watching haha) Yuya's dad is dressed like a ringleader. yuya is clown-coded (aka part of the ringleaders circus). yuyas dad disappeared. so…would it be insane to assume he might be Behind stuff, like a plot twist villain? I know hes at least INVOLVED SOMEHOW (he gave yuya his pendulum necklace too didnt he…much to think abt) ….hm…. also! fun thing I didnt notice until now is yuya is color matched with his odd eyes isnt he? both are red/green? thats so fun

-yuzu v sergey was a big pile of bullshit. she didnt deserve to lose the first match of the 2nd round. I saw it coming and it still pissed me off. i wanted her to WIN, or at least get to the finals! generally just really annoyed over it. fuck you sergey and fuck you to the ppl who wrote it like that

-yuya v shinji (who I cant help but think of as a k-mart generic brand yusei from the neurotypical section instead of my Beloved Brand Name Yusei from the Autism section) was Tough. yuya is trying to fight for an interdimensional war (…his goal of making everyone smile pushed aside for the moment…which is like. fair. rn dueling is a tool of WAR or REVOLUTION we cant do those with smiles usually…) but shinji is trying to start a revolution against the upper class…neither of them are WRONG and it sucks but yuya as the main character Couldnt Lose. And the stunt Roget pulled after sucked for everyone :< ...cant believe crow actually believed it tho god. I know its for plot reasons but imo hes smarter than that..

-I will say im SO glad sora is back. omg hiii sora :D he 1. saved yuzu 2. WENT TO MAKE SURE YUYA KNEW YUZU WAS OK??? so fucking good Im so Glad. (also bonus points to ME for calling this happening. sora NEVER had any ill will towards the two of them, i KNEW he was attached to them) hes gonna join up soon isnt he :3c i KNEW it. <- pleased I called this (tbf I thought itd happen way later but who knows if its actually happening now or if yuyas just planting seeds of doubt in his brain. sora already is calling academia a hell so. he just needs a gentle lil shove in the right direction...also I want to see him and shun make up an be buds. that might be asking too much tho...shun doesnt owe him forgiveness but...it would b CUTE)

-then him and yuya just sit and talk about it…sora admits theyre his first real friends I AM LIVING RN. BEST BEST TROPE EVER. HE HAD SUCH A HARD LIFE TOO FUCK U ACADEMIA. he SCOURED academia and even checked standard to find yuzu…so sweet… his big plan was to let yuya let him take serena back home instead of yuzu and thats like. even IF yuya was that heartless (which hes obv not…) and they did that, its a band-aid solution bc dennis will prob report yuzu… ergh.

-yuya said he TRUSTS SORA TO KEEP YUZU SAFE. IF HE CANT HES GONNA FEEL LIKE SHIT. HES /GOTTA/ SWITCH SIDES NOW JKDHAKFJ

-they then hype yuri up more like 'ohhh its only a matter of time before they send him!' PROMISE, ROGET?? I WANT TO SEE MORE OF HIM. ITS LIKE. EPISODE 80 AS I TYPE THIS….I THINK WE'VE GOTTEN LIKE. 1-2 MINUTES OF SCREENTIME FOR HIM EVER.

-BY THE WAY. sora is a goddamn parkour master, jumping around on buildings and stuff my god. I know he was trained and stuff by academia whcih we saw a bit of in a flashback montage…but its lichrally insane. anime parkour

-oh my god crow v shun is next. why do birds have to fight….. sad! my prediction is crow wins just bc shun doesnt have any real personal stakes rn...I mean sure the lancers are trying to prove their might or w/e but on a personal level shun has no beef w crow or synchro yk. whereas for crow hes got beef w jack (and now yuya possibly due to the shit roget did lol) so. obv feels like crow will win for meta reasons. same w/ whoever serena ends up dueling later, but we'll see!

anyway. look at them. :)

[forgottencillian]

the malconaire girls looking out for cillian just as much as he looks out for them <33333

cillian bringing out her silly sideeee!!! that's so cuteee and honestly he'd love doing that, even if its justa restrainined little giggle, it gets the biggest smile out of him!! i think cillian lowkey worries abt both eithne and aoife bc they, tho in totally different ways! -- put sm pressure on themselves, and so knowing that he can help relieve that pressure even for a few moments means sm to him!!!

he def views her as a little sister and, frankly, all the malconaire girls have him wrapped around their little fingers but w the other girls, he'll complain if they, like, say ask him to lift smth really heavy up into the attic or whatever, but with aoife tho??? not word!! she wants smth? she's getting it!! and he'll cheerfully encourage her to want more, too, honestly!!! esp bc she's the least likely to ask for smth for herself yknow and he just wants her to be happy!! i also feel like he'll do stuff quietly to (well, to make her work load a lil lighter whenever he can, he does that for all of them but) surprise and cheer her, like, he won't say a word but he'll leave like her fav flowers that he found growing out in the field, say, in her room for her to find -- stuff like that. obv he doesn't have much, but just enough to be like 'i was thinking of you and i hope this makes you smile' basically.

he'll also stick up for her if he's around when valentina's bossing her around which actually might be more stressful to aoife than anything bc it probs creates an argument, but his intentions are good!! and looking out for ppl, and sticking up for those who won't/can't stick up for themselves esp, is basically his love language so here we are hahaha

poor aoife! so cillian ~does know that percy has a huge crush on aria and he spends a ton of time teasing him abt it so that's probs a lot of fun for her to hear! lakjsfkdsf omggggg @forgottensebastian above kate suggested that cillian could've potentially seen sebastian leaving things around -- presumably while avoiding him -- and he'd def be like WHAT IS THIS and immediately ascribing all the worst possible motives 'i can't believe he's bribing them with -- admittedly v thoughtful gifts!! does he really think he can buy his way into their hearts!' akljsfjksdf do you think that's likely/possible?

ok so since lizzy's on hiatus and it might be a bit till she can answer, ill give both possibilities!

ok so if he ~does know, like i said he's assuming the worst bc he's got his varmont rage blinders on abt all this always alksjdfkjsdf cillian probably: 'did you know the varmonts are the worst ppl in the whole wide world? which is frankly really saying smth coming from me bc i work for the vasilievas so i know what im talking abt' (cassandra is excepted from this and he doesn't have a good excuse for it but he'll try when cornered lasjdflkjdsf) but idk if he'd tell aoife bc, like, then the bribery might work??? like that's probs part of his evil plan that cillian tell them so he won't give him the satisfction!!

honestly when he talks to sebastian i think his opinion might shift (on him, specifically, not on the varmonts in general!!) bc he'll probs be like 'oh...actually he's more like cassandra...' but obv that'll depend how that convo goes down! he is still v stressed about the banners w the birds when he's abt to chat w sebastian for the first time so that might just go TERRIBLY too lajsdfkldjsfdsf

if he doesn't know he'll be like 'idk what kinda astairan is doing this but im glad someone's out there appreciating these young women bc they've been through sm and they sure do deserve it' <33333333 'also, rosie, can i have that chocolate rabbit? you've got two! pls?' (don't worry -- she might make him ask again, but she gives it to him) anyway, obv if he doesn't know he doesn't tell hahaha so yeah!

but yeah!! he aint feeling the trust re: sebastian at all atm anyway hahahaha

OOC | Cillian & Aoife

cillian team og malconaires to the very end!!!!!! he thinks its a tragedy how aoife is treated and he def does his utmost to pitch in wherever he can to lighten her load!!!! tbh his own load is pr heavy so idk how much he's actually able to realistically do that tbqh but his intentions are good!!!! he wants only good things for aoife and her fam, always!!

also, idk if he knows about the sebastian/aoife/percy thing much, but if he does, he is NOT a fan of sebastian #varmontsgtfo and probs tries to wingman his bestie, percy, bc he thinks they could genuinely make e/o happy and they both deserve that sm <3333 also he absolutely and categorically will noT be giving sebastian a chance lakjfklsjdkljsd

[toytulini]

I just feel like aphobia is constantly treated as a lesser, more minor concern than other things. Like it's still very acceptable on this site to just...ignore it. To not actually give a shit about it. Even on my last post i could feel myself internally dismissing it as a concern because i know its not something people care about, you can see it in the way i tack on things like violent and vicious and hateful aphobia bc i know to a lot of people, its not enough if its just someone laughing at us for being cringey, or making virgin jokes, or reblogging posts where the entire butt of the joke is either a young ace person being cringey and loudly ace OR literally a fucking troll blog run by an aphobe to make fun of us. We might get some ppl giving half a shit about it, when they cross that line from infantalizing us and mocking us for being weird and cringey, (largely still acceptable to the wider tumblr community) to straight up rape apologism or sexual harassment, that maybe crosses a line for some people.

Then again, depends how quippy they word it. Id say,

going onto ace headcanon posts by minors about their favorite characters and describing in graphic, extensive detail, how much that character FUCKS, they love [graphic description of sexual acts] and [more graphic description of sexual acts, sometimes including the most vulgar possible way to reference different genitals being acted upon], counts as sexual harassment. Just because its fandom related and hyperbolic doesnt make it suddenly acceptable, and yet.

Idk its just. Exhausting. The fact that its gotten to me, even, and the way i word things when i talk about it, is especially frustrating. The fact that when i bring up aphobes, i dont feel its sufficient to Just bring up aphobes, i feel the need to specify that im talking about the REALLY hateful ones, the ones that make posts about graphic violence they wish to enact upon us for. Existing. Not bringing up the ones that are just idk mocking us or whatever, because I know people dont care about us enough for that. Thats not a concern. Its really frustrating.

[chaeryybomb]

nct dream reaction to their idol!reader girlfriend being shipped with another idol

anon: nct dream reaction to their idol!reader girlfriend being shipped with some other idol :) love your works btw. and thank you for this in advance

pairing: nct dream x idol!reader

genre: headcanons, fluff, crack

warnings: mentions of insecurities

a/n: dhsjdj technically my requests are closed rn but I decided I would write this out so I hope you enjoy this!

mark lee

confused boi™

tbh he wouldn't even notice you were being shipped with another idol until another member points it out

you were a special guest mc for the show and fans saw the cute interactions you had with the boyz juyeon

and soon enough fans started shipping the both of you together

in reality, you and juyeon were just high school friends and you were glad to see him again

fans on the other hand,,

mark didn't realise you were being shipped with juyeon until doyoung pointed it one day

and mark was all like

( ・◇・)？"nani? y/n and juyeon???"

he would then search up ynjuyeon on twitter because cough yeah

and found a shit ton of edits of the both of y'all

and now he's sad :((

he's sad that because no one shipped y'all together

"isn't your relationship a secret???"

"yeah but still :((("

mark sweetie y'all have neve interacted on stage before fjdjdndnd

he knows you love him and would never cheat on him

but boy is he going to be a pouty baby when y'all hang out next time

literally all he's going to say is:

"why do they ship you and him together?? why not me :(("

"mark they've never seen us in the same room before"

huang renjun

unbothered king™

at least that's what he tells you fhdjdj

he found out through a vlive fhdhdjj

it was one of the usernames and the username was like ynxyanan_shipper

and renjun mf squinted his eyes like

did I read that clearly ಠ_ಠ

he's like yn and wHO

chenle was beside him when it happened and chenle was like what's wrong

and renjun points out the username

and chenle starts lauGHING BECAUSE HE FINDS IT SO FUNNY

renjun smacks him on the head to tell him to shut up DHHSHDD

obviously he would take a screenshot of the username and sends it to you

and he's like

short king <3: do you hv something to confess to me

you: ,,, my love for you??

short king <3: blocked

you: HAHSAHS IM KIDDING

tbh you find the situation honestly really funny

cause you and yanan aren't exactly friends? you're more of acquaintances than friends

and you made eye contact one (1) time with him by accident at an award show and suddenly you're being shipped with him

when you call him the next time to hang out, definitely expect him to be salty about it fjdjfjd

"hey are you free to come over today?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask your BOYFRIEND yanan"

"renjun istg i will break up with you-"

lee jeno

oh baby boy is gonna be so so confused

he's going to be even more confused because you're being shipped with itzy's chaeryeong fhfhfjf

see you and chaeryeong were featured in an episode of a reality tv show once

and the both of y'all immediately hit it off and your friendship was just adorable

so y'all kept interacting every time y'all see each other

and y'all are now nicknamed as the 4th gen gfs because y'all are so adorable???

like the chaeryn ship ur most popular ship ever

so jeno is so confused?? like why is his gf being shipped with her??

he's like a whole ass puppy okay

you, on the other hand, find the chaeryn ship really cute so you don't mind it and you jokingly call chaeryeong your gf once or twice on live before fjdjfn

whenever you tell him that you're hanging out with chaeryeong, he will pout at you and give you his best puppy eyes

like he will cling onto you and try to convince you to now to go

it works like 13% of the time and you would cancel plans with chaer but most of time it doesn't and you would end up being late jhdjsh

but it will slowly become into an inside joke between y'all

like yk that one meme

"this is yn my girlfriend and her girlfriend chaeryeong"

kjdhkjshfs yeah that

but in all seriousness, jeno is really unbothered about you being shipped with chaeryeong because it basically has the same energy as him being shipped with jaemin

whenever y'all are having play fights, you jokingly threaten to leave him for chaeryeong jdsfjds and he immediately stops and says that's unfair

pls shower him in hugs and kisses later

lee haechan

definitely makes a fuss about it

i mean he knows that you aren't going to leave him and all but is he going to be dramatic about it? yes, yes he is

he finds out by himself because he was probably on twitter stalking your hashtag

when he suddenly stumbles upon and edit of you and ateez's san

he's like O.O wot is tHis?

screenshots the edit and sends it to you

hyuckie: yNNNN

hyuckie: THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

hyuckie: BABY

hyuckie: SUGAR BUM

hyuckie: DAISY PIE

you: what in, the ever loving fuck, is daisy pie

hyuckie: *sends screenshot* ARE U CHEATING ON ME

you: hyuck that pic is clearly edited

hyuckie: I KNOW BUT ARE YOU????

you: i-

he makes so much jokes about it that you literally have to shut him up with a kiss

jokes on u reader he's doing this on purpose to get those free kisses

the jokes stop when you actually finally meet san during a game show and shippers are like omg they finally interacted

and the amount of ynxsan edits just,, grow

haechan acts even salty about it and whines about why fan don't ship y'all together when y'all have made eye contact during the golden disk awards bc he was being a lil shit hdsjhfjds

"hey what if i keep staring at you during the melon so we can get into a scandal?"

"hyuck this is supposed to be a secret relationship-"

"yeah but-"

jokes on u he actually does stare at you at the next award show and thankfully did not get into any scandals, but fans started to ship the both of you!

na jaemin

the true unbothered king

literally does not care that you are shipped with someone else

because he knows that he is yours and vice versa

and plus you love him a lot so

he finds out from chenle, who did it out of spite because one day chenle was bored and wanted to cause some chaos

boi basically ran up to jaemin to shove an edit of you and treasurer's junkyu together and went like

"look hyung! ur gf is being shipped with someone eLsE"

"oh that's weird"

"rigHT"

"I thought people shipped her with treasurer's hyunsuk"

chenle is like

HUH???

"aren't you like,, jeaolous??"

jaemin just shrugs and says "hmm, not really"

jaemin knows that you are good friends wth a lot of idols because you're a social butterfly

so he truly doesn't mind when you get shipped with other idols bc in the end , he's the one holding you in his arms

plus he knows the edits and shippers are mostly harmless

and he trusts you

so he just fucks around with chenle jkldsfj

chenle is still confused bc he wants to rile jaemin up for fun but failed hjdshf

zhong chenle

if you thought haechan was dramatic, then you better buckle up for chenle's

so you see

fans already shipped u and chenle

like

y'all already have a dating scandal

and both companies tried so hard to defuse it

see you are an mc for a music show and you were interviewing nct dream

chenle, being the lil shit he is, kept giving you the heart eyes the entire time

and 6 months later, y'all got caught by dispatch on a daTe

ofc both sides were panicking but chenle was enjoying bc he's like "yeah this is my s/o and what abt it"

but y'all still had a dating ban so sm was this close in kicking him hfdsjfh

fortunately, they were able to cover it up as someone else so there's that

so chenle is aware that fans shipped the both of you together

so when he sees you being shipped with stray kid's jeongin

he was like "HOW DARE THEY-"

calls you to complain about the ship for 3 hours

and that is how you found out as well-

literally you don't even know jeongin so you just let chenle complain about it

he goes on and on about why fans should continue to ship y'all together so when he reveals the relationship the fans will be surprised but also not really at the same time-

"should i get into another scandal with you?"

"chenle no-"

park jisung

oh baby boy is going to be very, very confused

i mean he knows that shipping is a thing between fans

he's just confused why ppl would ship you and p1harmony's keeho

like you have never interacted with him so why would fans ship the both of y'all??

the dreamies mostly tell him to not take it serious but the chenle and haechan would egg him on

"get into a dating scandal with them"

"guys no-"

he wouldn't tell you that it bothers him because he doesn't want you laughing at him, worrying over a small issue

so honestly, it lowkey eats him up on the inside

until one day, you basically force it out of him because he's been acting weird for the past week

he finally confesses about the what's bothering him

and you tell him that you wouldn't have laughed at him

you know shipping idols is a common thing in the industry and sometimes it's uncomfortable knowing it when you're already in a relationship

but you also tell him that it's basically harmless because fans can't really force the both of y'all together

jisung would be insecure about the relationship because it's kinda of his first? so he just doesn't want to mess it up

just reassure him a lot and tell him that you won't leave him

and as time goes by, he just gets used to the shipping

[greensaplinggrace]

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

[franeridart]

Anon said: i dont know what blue lock is but that art you just posted is making me interested lol

AHHHHH please getting people interested in it is all my life is about lately hahahaha it’s a sports manga about soccer! Kind of!! Definitely has all the good sides of sports manga, but it’s also different enough from the usual sports manga that I know people who aren’t huge sports manga fan who loved every second of it, please do give it a try if you find yourself with the time for it! It’s such a cool manga!!!

Anon said: I don't even like BNHA anymore, haven't for more than a year, but your blog still has me shipping the characters somehow. I live for your KiriBaku content (and your KamiJirou stuff, when you post it!)

Gosh, I’m glad I can make you like them still!! It’s such a compliment, honestly ;A; <3

Anon said: so i was looking through your art and stuff and was wondering "hey i wonder if theyve ever drawn voltron stuff" and tbh, i didnt expect you to have

To be fair, if you checked it means that at least a little you thought it was possible lol I haven’t watched anything past s1 of it though, so the chances of me ever picking it up again are less than zero

Anon said: You... are one of the loves of my life... and also the main reason I check tumblr everyday lol.

Anon!!! You’re gonna make me blush here!!!!! ;;;; thank you so much!

Anon said: i started reading bluelock because of u and now im obsessed soooo,,,,, thanks!❤️😭

SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT!!!!!

Anon said: Hii, do you have a Spotify account? If you do, can you share it? I really like the songs u use on your arts, and I would love to see your Playlists Sorry if it's already on your FAQ, I didn't find it And sorry for my bad English ps. I LOVE YOUR KIRIBAKU ARTS THANK YOU

I don’t! I listen to all my music from youtube, because I’m that kind of person lmao happy to hear we share music tastes, though! And thank you so much!!! <3

Anon said: What's your favorite arc of ToG both story wise and art wise?

SCREAMS I don’t know!!!! I’ve been thinking about this ask since getting it I have genuinely zero clue I love all arcs so much for so many different reasons!!!!! The first that comes to mind when I think about it is the workshop battle arc, because I love Viole with everything I have and the whole arc (plus the build up to it too!!) hurts in the most wonderful way, but then I keep thinking about it and I realize there’s so many character I live for that don’t appear in it - I love the floor of death arc SO MUCH cause for one, there’s nearly all my favorite characters in it, and also because it’s such a good, dynamic arc?? everything that happens is so much fun and interesting?? also Hockney is there, and Urek is there, and Garam is there, and the Hell Train gang is all there, so!! AH and the hell train as a whole is so damn good (the dallar show???? my whole soul rests in there, Khun’s trust in Bam!! the coin flip with rachel!! Bam’s whole everything!!!!!!!! GAH) but my fav part of it has to be the hidden floor?? because!!!!!! it’s perfect from start to end, everyone in it is wonderful, Bam’s growth in it!!! GODS! My favorite scene in the whole webtoon is in the hidden floor arc, it’s how much I love it - THEN THERE’S YAMA and the whole arc there is so so SO good too, and the latest arc!! how good is the latest arc!!!!!

so yeah I can’t pick - art wise I think it goes without saying that SIU’s art has only gotten better, so the closest to the newest update you go the more I like the art.... though, my favorite Bam is still the short haired one from the Hell Train arc haha

Anon said: Oh, wow, how stupid of me. Like 2 months ago, I sent you a message telling you how much I loved your work... and I didn’t see it on your page, or anywhere else. Finally today, I discovered I had an inbox where you answered me... 🤦‍♀️... I still love your work, by the way...

AHHH yeah I always answer off-anon asks privately! And thank you so much for still liking my things!!

Anon said: Have you read the last haikyuu chapter? How did you feel about it?

I’ve reread it at least twenty times and then I went and reread the whole of the last game again and it’s been three weeks and I’m still thinking about it more or less constantly and feeling giddy happy about everything that manga has ended up being, genuinely one of the best manga I’ve ever had the pleasure of following till the very end - that’s how I feel about it <3

Anon said: I really like looking at your art it’s so therapeutic it’s wonderful please keep drawing I want to support you on Kofi and patreon and yet I am broke please just know I love u very much ok bye

Ahhhh it’s okay anon! I try to keep as little completely unavailable for my followers as I can, and I’ll do my best to keep drawing! Can’t promise the fandoms will always be stuff you care about though haha

Anon said: This is my FAVORITE art blog. Is blog even a word that ppl use anymore?? Idk but anyways your kiribaku gives me life and cures my depression so ily and thank u

I’m so so happy to hear that! Thank you so much!!! TTATT <3

Anon said: just now realizing your oc looks like the human version of kamakiri

To be fair the only thing they have in common is the green mohawk, but I get where you’re coming from! I was very happy when Kamakiri’s official colors came out exactly cause he makes me think about my boy, after all xD my love for Kamakiri is definitely biased, in that sense haha

Anon said: Just wanted to let u know im very gay for ur oc giulia that is all thanks

Anon I’m gonna cry I’m so glad you like her!!!!!!!!!! She’s one of my oldest OCs out of that group, it’s always so thrilling to know people like her ;A; <3

Anon said: I really like how you draw kirishima’s hair

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! I have a lot of fun with it, though it does mean it ends up being kinda off canon more often than not haha

Anon said: hi! just a random question but how’d you come up with your name?

Fran is my name! Erid comes from Eridan from homestuck! Art is what I try to do! And that’s the incredibly interesting story behind my screen name haha

Anon said: Heya, so i sent the ask about the person who i suspect either heavily referenced or traced your art (i sent another ask about this tho im not sure if it went through) anyway, it was posted by ****************** you'll know it when you see it i think

Ahhhhhh sorry for how long this took me to answer, I went to check and it’s!!! fine, I mean, would have preferred if they had credited but I don’t think it was completely traced so I don’t mind too much, I used to copy art of people I liked too back when I was first starting, after all haha

[nitroish]

All this talk about gender is reminding me about that time I was in goodwill and I complained about having wide hips(pants/shorts/skirts shopping my beloathed) and my mom goes "well you're build how a woman's supposed to be!" and up until that point I had mostly considered myself a cis woman but?? I'm not so certain anymore???? I just. Hm. Idk but this is Reminding me and I guess I just needed to get it out there haha. Unrelated to the goodwill fiasco but I agree with your take on Shadow and it/its, seeing people hc him like that always confused me what with his whole story and characterization ig. Not to put down anyone's hc of course!! All takes are valid

Sorry for rambling I'll go now dnlsvkanvk

ur so valid and DUDE shopping for pants n shit SUCKS ur so fucking right?? its so confusing fdkjhgd. i have the same problem and also have wide ass shoulders to deal with </3 it sucks. and theres no time limit or rush to finding what fits you! im honoured u trusted me enough to tell me this tho :) thats so cool of u and i hope you figure it out soon, if its something you wanna delve into!

and im glad!!! i 100% support ppl who say shadow would use it/its cos he fuckin WOULD and i fucking LOVE the idea. half me says he uses them and the other half is holding that tidbit i said before about his characterization and story. its a fuckin WAR. im sure if he healed some from it all then he might use it/its with trusted people only who he knows wont use them with a neg connotation, but otherwise i cant see him being comfortable with people calling him it/its and not truely knowing if theyre using it negatively or not.

[ccsthemovie2]

(I think it's a word over 500, but:)

"Speaking of Tsukishiro, how's he doing?", Eriol asks. Frying pan to fire to volcano.

"He's good," Touya says quickly, before Sakura can say anything. Yukito is not even in the ballpark of "good". Yesterday he called Touya and begged him to bike over and said it was important and when Touya showed up he was asleep, and stayed fast asleep right through to the next morning. He keeps trying to make appointments with doctors, and then falling asleep before he can call, or, when Touya calls for him, before he can make it out the door. Privately, Touya isn't sure how much good a doctor can do for him, but anything has to be better than this, right?

"Really? I'm glad to hear it." Ugh, how much has Sakura told him. Not that she doesn't have a right to talk to her friends, but, come on, would it kill her to least keep it between her and Tomoyo and the funny looking cat.

He's good, that's an obvious lie. Ruby has said Yukito could barely stand upright at school. Every inch of Touya Kinomoto is packed full of magic. Sooner or later, Eriol figures, either Sakura will be powerful enough to sustain him, or Yue will have to get over himself and just eat already. Touya can't actually do anything with his magic, so it's not like Yue, even weak as he is, will have to face much of a struggle to take it. (Aside from competition with Ruby, of course. There's something to that, right, articles and studies about animals being healthier if they need a bit of careful planning to get their food? Yes, so this works out nicely.)

Or maybe- oh, that's probably it. Yue's on to him, isn't he? He's just being stubborn as usual, figuring sooner or later Clow will appear via Eriol and save him. He can imagine how surprised, overjoyed, grateful Yue would be, if Eriol showed up and saved his life. He can imagine Yue's head resting on his neck as clearly as if he had kept Yue well-fed with magic a thousand times in his lifetime. It would be nice, in the short run, but it wouldn't be right, no. Clow is dead, and Yue needs to learn to live with that. If he knows what's good for him, he will take responsibility for his own life, and if he doesn't...

Ahh, well, maybe it's Clow's old sentimentality, maybe Eriol is just warming up to Sakura's moon guardian all on his own, but he can't bring himself around to the idea of letting Yue just die. He'd save him, if it came down to it. But, he tells himself sternly, only as an absolute last resort. He's just worrying because he misses Yue and wants to get to know him better all at once in that past-and-future way- it's worth a visit, soon. Yes, a nice little visit, and Yue will never even have to know it happened. Just to check in.

(sorry the formatting got weird when i copypasted lol!)

hiiii thanks for the ask!!!

if we talk about this convo we need to back up and talk about how it got here. this should give you some idea of how badly this needs to be under a cut for length lol.

so it all starts with the bit about how someone falling and being caught is something that happens a lot in ccs. how with eriol, it's purposeful, and with fujitaka (and i misremembered it but since found out she fell *on* him and not *caught* by him, which lolol i hope he broke a bone, but also its fine the fic's already marked canon divergent, or maybe the story gets misremembered, whatever, in any case), it's an echo of clowriol's intentional artificial-trustbuild-dangersaves but without the magic or purpose to back it up (just like fujitaka himself!), but it's a situation he quickly makes favorable to him, because it may be a blank slate but it's made of the same material.

this whole convo was part of one of the very first chunks written, but everything was going to go in a very different direction at first. (there's a lot of Cut Content from this fic, some that i just didn't like, some that wasn't connectable with the rest of the fic after it took the shape it took but might pop up somewhere else one day idk). in this particular bit i cut the later half of the conversation because i really didn't like what i'd written, but then even though the direction of the story changed the conversation was still going so it had to bounce somewhere else, so it bounced to yukito. here we are answering your ask 2 paragraphs in!

yukito, iirc in the anime, did catch her from a fall, (in the manga, which made way more sense for why she had to change her clothes and rest so much, he saved her from drowning, again iirc because who can trust a memory) and at a point where eriol still has some investment in making yuekito/sakura (ewwwww) happen, he's going to try and draw on that symbolism to nudge her in that direction, right?

so all this said, SPEAKING of yuekito. how are they doing.

bad, obviously. touya's freaking out. i imagine that part of what's stopping yukito from seeing a doctor is yue, though- he knows it wont help, and i dont think yukito has, like, person insides that will stand up to medical tests, and yue would pick up on yukito like, not wanting to be outed to the doctor as a magic construct because he, like, doesnt actually have a real heart that pulses, just a repeating heartbeat sound. doesn't for real have blood etc to test, just records of blood type (for personality reasons).

and also touya's a very like keep-ur-problems-not-everybodys-business type so hes like imagining sakura venting her fears to this weirdo and getting pissed off. but that didnt actually happen, eriol knew all on his own lolol. touya you have to say something nice should happen to sakura to make up for wrongly suspecting her now

and this bit on eriol's end is all wrong information and inaccurate conclusions and i was really worried ppl would take it at face value but i hope nobody did. in ccs we get moments where eriol wants sakura to take power, or to learn that power can be taken- his final battle with her, for example, where the answer to his light and dark puzzle is to use kero and yue's power, except that's not something she would ever Want to do or would even Occur to her to try. the power is gifted to her by kero and yue (and syaoran!) because they love her.

same concept, here- the answer to the 'yue is dying' puzzle is to eat touya's power, and he can't imagine the real reason why he won't just do that, and when he thinks about it too long it goes right to his ego- yue looovvvvesss clow, and by extension me. he wants meeeeeee to save him. he wants to neck kissy MY magic soo sooooo bad. but yue isn't considering any of that at all. he's thinking about yukito and what touya means to yukito and why that would make yukito hesitate to reach out, and that no way in hell will he just ambush his other self's crush down a dark alley and take his magic, even to save both their lives. he's a lot more selfless than clow and eriol ever realize. maybe- this is just a half formed thought right now, i dont know if im like certain about it, but- maybe they feel his devotion to clow was a form of selfishness, that he Wanted Love as a thing he could hold and own, whereas pretty much everybody else who meets him goes like YOU SELFLESS MAN YOU CANT JUST DIE FOR PPL YOU CARE ABOUT YOU GOTTA TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOOOO

and there’s also that bit of teacherliness intrinsic to the three of them again: im doing this to teach him a lesson. im letting ruby do her thing without telling her what’s going on to help and encourage yue, etc.

anyway, that (in terms of fic weaving itself into canon) solidifies his decision to do uhmmmm a thing that creeps me out real bad in the anime (knocking yue out to have a moment with him, and oh, ding, there's another 'you fell but i caught you' moment!). eriol loves this manner of hanging out with people, you see it later in this fic, even:

It's important to say what's in your heart to the people you want to say it to, even if you have to make sure the other person never hears it. It's important for your own emotional freedom.

he loves to spend time with people exclusively on his terms, to the point where the other party never even knew he was there, because he knocked them out, or because he was just staring creepily at the outside of sakura's house while she did homework, etc etc etc.

tldr: it's all connected, aaaaaaaaa

[panncakes]

here to share some thoughts again... my heart is honestly so heavy after yday's ep but i'm not at all mad that we got basically 40mins of just jane + backstory. I LOVE HER AND I MISS HER SO MUCH. i wish we got to see more of her and tan's friendship too, i'm so upset that she couldn't trust him enough to tell him everything that was happening 😭 but i completely understand why she didn't want to involve him (for both of their safety). and as much as i hate rung for what she did, i'm baffled by how many ppl actually still like peud? just bc he "wasn't as bad" doesn't make him likeable. he was a coward and an asshole, por was 100% right when he said peud never fought with anyone, bc all he does it sit by and allow things to happen, even when he knows it's wrong. i hate him and i'm glad he's dead. also i'm kinda uncomfortable with how much ppl are willing to hate rung so much whilst forgiving peud? like, she was also a victim of these men at one point. if u can see peud as a complex character, then u can grant rung the same treatment too. that's all for now lol, hope u enjoyed the bingo!! (some stuff crossed off already hehe) thank u for making the generator <3 - 🐢

i hate the app for not always notifying me when i get a message so i’m sorry i only saw this now!!

jane is truly the best character in this show; and i’m so so glad they gave her agency and a full complex personality and backstory; instead of simply making her a victim or a saint or something. she was a flawed woman living in a flawed world and in the end she fought for what is right and i adore her so much❤️

and yeah the way some (to be fair i think it’s not too many on tumblr atleast) are willing to almost absolve pued because rung is the big bad now is eh... uncomfortable is the right word; don’t get me wrong rung is evil and deserves all the hate and disgust she gets; but she is a far more interesting character to the story than he was and i don’t really vibe with the ‘we hate rung now so we can forgive pued’ mindset. we can hate them both and see them both for the fucked up people they are. (the excuse ‘but pued was a good brother at least’ doesn’t hold up either because a) he wasn’t; he did the bare minimum (not wanting him dead) while still accepting tan being ostracised by his family and using/lying to him constantly and b) doing one good thing doesn’t mean you can’t be a piece of shit who had multiple chances to not only do the right thing but help the woman he supposedly loved or bring justice to her name; you are 100% right in the conclusion you draw from por’s words about him). im not going to bring up the way fandom (in general) views dark/evil female characters vs male characters but we be knowing...

gaaaah i can’t believe there’s only one episode left!! im really glad we know the full story now so that the finale can focus on taking down the bad guys; but there is still so much that i want to happen plus so much i didn’t expect to happen from the preview and just thinking about it makes me go feral sldkfkf

[kendrixtermina]

The Abyss NPC are such a trove of gold for additional worldbuilding tbh 

Everything about the Pagan Lady who I assume is Dagdan breaks my heart

That poor NPC whose family was somehow massacred by nobles “People with crests do whatever they like no one stops them least of all the church”

Mr. Backup died during the timeskip :( But Abysskeeper ends up marrying his older sister in VW and SS

Rodrigue paid for reestablishing the monastery town, even giving money to the ppl in abyss & generally seems to. I guess you see where Dimitri gets that charitable mindset from. Yuri also notes that he’s remarkably uncorruptible. 

Abysskeeper is originally from Derdriu. It#s fun how a lot of his CF and AM dialogue is exactly the same but in different context XD - apart from of course the rodrigue line, and the time Hubert sends a soldier to do some mission there

When you go save Fhirdiad Constance is pretty glad to save the ppl from the school of sorcery and is glad to find them mostly unharmed

Yuri goes into some detail of events right preceding Byleth’s return in AM where the villages near the fronts weren’t sure wether to think of the guy massacring random imperial soldiers as a serial killer or a folk hero

Balthus apparently had a friendly brawl with Dimitri at some point (I guess continuing the tedency of the recruitees in aM to mention having personally interacted with him, at the very least Leonie and Caspar also get lines like that)

Apparently Yuri’s mom got sick sometime during the timeskip (at least in the AM timeline) so he couldn’t evacuate her from Faerghus. 

Constance like Ferdinand, Lorenz & Lysithea is one of those ppl who remember Edelgard in a semi-positive light after her defeat. Kudos to you!

Balthus suspects where Claude ran off to. Well, he was kinda sent there to snoop on him to begin with XD

He never had any hope for the Parlay

Apparently Yuri does have a habit of praying, he’s not like a strooong believer and can’t recite the scriptures much but it’s a habit he picked up from his mom, I guess he would be one of those ‘culturally religious’ people

I just love how Yuri had additional observations on nearly everything like... nothing gets past him. 

Meanwhile in the CF timeline, Balthus apparently thinks Edelgard is hot (which earns him a death glare from Byleth) and thinks the whole Black Eagle strike force should go have a beer to celebrate Byleth’s return since they’re all old enough now and Byleth’s no longer supposed to babysit them

I love how Hubert just flat out takes over Abyss and integrates poor overworked Yuri into his spy networkXD . Hence why Hapi feels he deserves a definite article.  Well, Hubert appreciates how good he is. The mission was to try & convince the Alliance lords to fold so like El & co were actively attempting diplomacy until the end

On CF you see a very omnious NPC who suddenly dissapears if talked to (probably Agarthan) who complains about “that prince being no good” - Did they offer Dimitri their support when they noticed they were definitely losing control of Edelgard? If so he seems to have rebuffed em. It’s a very cryptic line and I can’t rly make heads or tails of it, but, if he wouldn’t sell Rhea out to Edelgard he probably wouldn’t do it for someone even worse no matter what they promised him. 

Apparently in the VW timeline Hapi is a big fan of Judith

Balthus is proud that little Hilda has become an A list schemer

Hearing Claude’s plan makes constance a bit self-conscious about her own being more past-focussed, she’s been out-bolded

Hapi doesn’t know much about Almyra but reflects on how there are many marginalized minority groups in Fodlan including ppl from Isolated communities like her own

Yuri finds the plan a bit lofty & idealistic for his tastes, and also reckless,  but he realizes that he’s got no leg to stand on when it comes to being more noble than he lets on, and that maybe a lil bit of recklessness are what these times need

Oh, once the secret’s out Hapi concludes that there probably would have been war one way or another with the slitherers having everything infiltrated, edelgard or no edelgard

Balthus mentions that Holst wasn’t at Shambhalla because he was “working out things with the Almyrans” and suggest that they warn him about the slitherers lest they sabotage the diplomacy

Apparently Hapi meditates! This comes up cause she trying not to freak out about Nemesis

“People sait it was the church who kept order but actually Yuri’s the one keeping us from complete chaos”

Apparently it was Hapi who kept the surface bandit population from flattening Abyss

Apparently in VW it’s Judith who gave supplies to Abyss (In Rodrigue’s place)

Seems like despite Hapi’s worries they kinda fare best on CF though (”Things have been pretty ok” vs “We lost some ppl”)

Abyss Resident: “I used to be an important person in the church but Im exiled for embezzling. It wasn’t out of greed tho my hometown was pillaged and the church wasn’t putting in enough to rebuild” Tell me again that Rhea cares about the little guy

One of the random rogues from Abyss is from the kingdom, claims to be a distant descendant of Fraldarius the Elite and finds “poetic justice” in taking down the empire under Claude. 

Another reaaaaly juicy tidbit is that rogue with another message from Hubert, telling Byleth to bring Rhea with them when they go to Shambhalla. Ensuing that Rhea and Thales would destroy each other.  And reaaaly adds to my conviction that Edelgard and Hubert basically did everyone a huge solid and no one noticed. Well, actually in Verdant wind they Do notice eventually; Its the left hand fighting the right cause everyone has triust issues galore

I didn’t think my love of Hubert could increase further

I always wondered, hm, were they expecting Rhea to self-destruct? Did Claude deliberately plan for it? But I never had enough evidence. especially for team Empire. But I mean Edelgard started this whole war cause Rhea is a danger so, while I get keeping her alive cause the slitherers want her for experiments, why not slit her throat as soon as the imperial palace is surrounded? Why have Hubert return her alive, to win the other faction’s trust? Not their style.

Though the random rogue also says that “Rhea was kept alive as insurance” against the slitherers. 

So it WAS part of the plan. I always did have that feeling, but, I never knew how to articulate it logically and not just intuitively. 

Of course if Byleth went and told Claude about this, Claude’s decision is also clear because he’s not dumb enough to think the empire would care for Rhea’s wellbeing out of the goodness of their heart

Though ultimately she insists on coming along for her own reasons anyways wether Claude is there or not, for plain ol’ revenge. 

Also while reading through the scrpits I realize that I never clicked the “Do you hope [Rhea] is dead?” option when Claude explains his plan. That actually nets you support points and he’s like... “Daangerous question friend”. Really Claude is not “the chill/nice one” he’s so much more interesting than that and I love him

Also I love how the NPCs get different outfits depending on the route! I wish there had been more route-specific aesthetic touches

[usertoxicyaoi]

FAIZA I'M SCREAMING THEY HAVE THE BOOKS!!

- BIS! BRIGHTS STORY OMG HOW R U FEELING!? IM SCREAMING

- THE BOOK!

- FANBOOK BRIGHT IG OMGMGGJNGJGJAAJSAKDJSKF!!!!!!

- Faiza! Please check Bright's latest ig story!!

- FAIZA! BRIGHT POSTED ON HIS STORY! I collapsed seeing ur book on his story, u really did that queeen 💅🏽

- JAJSJDHFGH OMG FAIZA THEY GOT THE BOOKS

- Holy shit faiza! Check Instagram ASAP! Bright got the book. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

- FAIZA IM SCREAMIND I JUST SAW BRIGHTS IG STORY AND DJSNSKSNS

- Fcfykjwwejbfrh QUEEN! check Bright story

- FAIZA! BRIGHT POSTED THE BOOK!

- Hiiiii bright just posted a picture of the book you made!!!

- AHHHHHH FAIZA I JUST SAW BRIGHT’S INSTA STORY!! He got the bookkkkkkk❤️❤️(I hope I’m correct that it is the book)!! I’m so happy for you all and thank you for all the hard work you and everyone else put on this project!! Bright and win deserve all the love

- FAIZA BRIGHT JUST POSTED THE BOOK ON HIS STORY THEY GOT THE THINGS

- OMG! Faiza! Bright got the fanbook! I didn't even contribute to it yet it made me so glad to see that he received it! So happy for you and every one who put a bit of their heart into that book.

- FAIZA !!!! THE BOOKS !!! I saw Bright’s story and camr running!!!! Is this what you were being cryptic about tho 👀 ONG IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!

- FAIZAAAAA!!!! go check Bright's instagram stories RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! 😭

- IM SURE YOU'LL GET A MILLION MESSAGES FOR THIS BUT BRIGHT POSTED A STORY WITH THE FANBOOK 😭😭♥️

- BRIGHT HAS THE BOOK! WIN PROBABLY DOES TOO! THEY RECEIVED THE LOVE 🥺

- Faiza I don't know if you've seen yet but I think Bright got the fanbook! He put something in his Insa stories about an hour ago.

- omg the book is in his ig story! 🤍

- it looks like brightwin got your books! they look lovely, thank you and best wishes to u!

- Hi faiza did u happen to see bright’s latest insta story👀👀👀 because I think u should!!

- omg it happened

- FAIZA, THEY GOT YOUR BOOKS!!!!

- FAIZA THEY GOT THE BOOKS !!!!

- MISS FAIZA THEY GOT THE BOOKS -1ovebound

- OMG FAIZAAAAAA!!! THEY GOT THE BOOKS!! BRIGHT POSTED ON HIS INSTA STORY OMGGGGGG

- Faiza they got the book look bright igs

- faiza!!!! faiza!!!!!!!!! FAIZA!!!!!!!!

- good morning my dear, i know it's 6am there and you probably have thousands of messages in your inbox but i want to reiterate: thank you so much for organising this. you have put your life and soul and heart into this and being able to see it in their hands is overwhelming enough for the rest of us, but even more tremendous for you. i just wanted to make my appreciation and love for you known again, this was such an amazing and kind undertaking and i know we all appreciate it. thank you, ily!

- so busy these days... BUT NEVER NOT PROUD OMGG SO PROUD, FAIZAAAA! LOOK AT BRIGHT'S INSTA OMGG YOU DESERVE IT SM! ILY ❤️

- FAIZAAA!!! OMG THANK FOR DOING THIS PROJECT I AM SURE BRIGHT AND WIN HAVE THE BIGGEST SMILES ON THEIR FACES RIGHT NOW I AM ACTUALLY CRYING *SOBS*

- im on the verge of tears on your behalf seeing bright's story.... i am so happy for you :(((( also i know this is gonna blow up on twitter you're a celebrity now

- The law of equivalent exchange. Brightwin get the books however you get twitter people coming into your anons

- let them link u Faiza! U deserve the praise 🥳💕

- I didn't write anything for the book cuz I'm really bad at writing this kind of things (I never know what to write even if I have so much to say, and writing this is causing me stress) but I'm really happy that they received something so special, done entirely because you and many people love them. Anyways, thanks for coming with this project to make them know how much they're loved❤️ you're such a good person.

- FAIZA!! i saw brights ig story and immediately rushed here! so happy for them and for you, i know they will love it so much

- I see the tweets about u in my timeline!! I feel like a proud friend even though I’m just an anon! I’m like “I KNOW HER! I LIKE HER CONTENT ALL THE TIME!” 🤣

- Seeing ppl not know about the fan project is kinda hilarious and strange lol, the tumblr community feels so tight knit so it’s like unexpected! You and Rahul are like our leaders 🤍

- I'm really happy for you!!! ❤❤❤ you did such a good job and the books got there safely *throws all the hearts*

- SO HAPPY FOR YOU❤️

- Hi, Faiza! Tysm for putting together the project idk if I actually got my letter on time but regardless seeing in bright's ig made me feel like floating, he has the words of people who love him and his work on his hands, and he gets to cherish that forever. 👌🏽💕 Tysm

- faiza u really r the beating heart of this fandom. i love u so much thank u for existing

- Hi Faiza!! i just saw bright’s ig story and seeing him hold the book is making me so emotional i can’t even form words right now but i just wanted to tell u THANK U. this wouldn’t have happened without u. ur so .. ur such a .. AAAAAAAAA I DONT HAVE A GOOD ENOUGH WORD TO DESCRIBE U !!! JUST !!! pls know my love, respect and gratitude for u is endless !!!! thank u so much for everything that u do !!! ❤️❤️

- The way that I got like super emotional when I saw Bright’s post with the book and then my first though was I wonder how Faiza feels rn. I can’t stop smiling, I’m so happy that I participated on the books! Thank you again 💕

HELLOOOOO EVERYONE!!!!

oh wow thats. yeah. yall really are the absolute GREATEST people. i was up until 1am last night thinking and stressing out over when the boys would get the books. and amidst that stress, i fell asleep???

and i woke up at 6am to go watch wyel but i thought ill come on here first .... and i got FLOODED with messages!!! so to answer that one anon, yes, THIS is what i was being cryptic about!!

and i still cant bring myself to go and physically see brights ig story yet. im too too nervous to do that hsjhd but yall have sent me screenshots, so thank you sm sm sm for it!!!!

i hope win can post something soon too, so i know he's got his aswell and put my mind at ease!!

but urm. yeah. its been a Wild 2 months making this. thank you EVERYONE for contributing and providing so much support and motivation. it truly goes to show the power we can have as people when we come together for a good cause! and they have a piece of you now! to cherish and hold!!! and read and gain strength from! as i said, we sowed the seeds, and here are the fruits of our labour!! and im so happy i could be a messenger in some way to carry all those words of affection yall have and your own personal stories and experiences and hand them over to them. thank you all for trusting me to do so. i was so scared bc i didnt wanna let you guys down!

i love you all SO SO much!!! yall are truly the greatest friends!! 🧡🧡🧡

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 24

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.3k - 4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: idk what to say tbh, not even sure ppl read these notes lol. well, i hope it was an okay chapter?

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : one but i sort of changed it a bit!

Chapter 24 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

We fell asleep together in his bed but I woke up in the middle of the night and stared at him for god knows how long. I didn't want to tell him what I did for many reasons, but mostly because I didn't want him to feel guilty. It was not his fault, he had every right to break up with me if he was not feeling the relationship anymore, and i'm the one who had swallowed those pills. Niall was not to blame and I knew it, but I was scared he'd feel bad if he found out. To imagine being weak like that in front of him was also not something I wanted. I was not really ready to let anyone see me that weak, but I was glad Louis had found me on that night. I was glad I was still there, because it made me realize I had a problem and I was lucky enough to have someone to help me with it.

I brought my hand to Niall's cheek and ran my fingertips on it gently, making him groan low. God I loved him. Just looking at him made me want to throw everything away and give myself to him, but I knew it was a pattern I couldn't fall back into and I had to be careful. Of course I had changed, and I had matured, and learned to love myself the way I was. I had worked on myself to trust me, and trust that I was worthy of love, even Niall's, and that my body didn't define me... but all of this didn't mean that I  didn't question myself sometimes. It didn't mean that I couldn't doubt myself, or that it was easy to resist throwing myself into Niall's arms. I loved him like I have never loved anyone in my life. Did I ever love anyone else in my life?

It took me a while to fall back asleep but when I finally woke up for the second time, I kept my eyes closed and whimpered, reaching out to touch him until I realized he was not in bed with my anymore. I grimaced, my eyes still closed, and forced myself to sit up. It smelled like coffee and I smiled, stretching and opening my eyes before putting sweatpants and his t-shirt on, going to the bathroom and then walking to the kitchen. Niall was there, facing the counter as he was pouring coffee in two mugs and he glanced at me, sending me a smile.

"'Morning, how did you sleep?"

The sound of his voice made my lips curl and I walked up to him, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind and leaning my cheek on his back.

"You weren't there when I woke up." I replied with a pout that he couldn't see.

He laughed. "I'm right here!"

I hugged him tighter and when I loosened my embrace, he pushed the air out of his lungs and laughed again, turning to me and leaning his ass against the counter. My hands reached for the front of his shirt and I got on my tiptoe to reach for his lips. He tasted like coffee and I smiled against his mouth.

"You're on your second cup?" I asked, making him smile more.

"Yea you slept a lot." he pointed out before pressing his lips against mine again. "You seemed tired, I didn't want to wake you up."

I looked into his eyes and a fond smile appeared on my lips. I couldn't tell him I was tired because I spent over an hour staring at him in the middle of the night, could I?

"About last night, I want to thank you for sharing that with me." he said, glancing down before looking right in my eyes. "Thank you for trusting me. I'm so sorry I made you feel like that. I'm so sorry. I knew I had hurt you, but I never thought you were so... sad after I left. I never thought me dating someone else would hurt you that much."

"It wasn't you fault." I replied after breathing it. "It was me. It was my pain, my insecurities. It was my problem and my decision to do that. A bad and wrong one, a decision I'll never make again, but it was no one's fault but mine. You could date whoever you wanted, Niall. You didn't owe me anything."

"I'm still sorry. I'll always take part of the blame for that. But you promised you would never do that anymore, remember?" he added, raising his eyebrows. I just nodded with a soft smile and he smiled back. "Good, just a reminder."

We just looked at each other with loving smiles for a while and I felt something in my stomach. I was not sure if it was love, lust or affection... or maybe all of those feelings at the same time. All I knew was that they were all directed at him.

I felt the fingers of one of his hands run in my hair and smiled more, letting my hands run down his chest as I kept staring in his eyes. I always felt the need to be close to him and touch him and when one of my hands reached his dick, he groaned low and the grip in my hair tightened.

"Don't be a tease, petal." he whispered, making me bite my bottom lip hard.

"I'm always too horny to be a tease, you're the tease."

He chuckled and he pulled gently on his hand, making my head tilt back a bit more as my hand kept stroking his cock slowly over his sweatpants.

"I just think it's been way too long since I put your cock in my mouth, what do you think?" I whispered, sending him an amused smile. "Let me get on my knees for you."

His smile faltered and his eyes roamed on my face for a few seconds before he let go of my hair, his arm falling on his side. Quickly, I took my shirt off and his eyes fell on my breasts, making me hold my breath. It was not my best feature but the way he stared at them avidly made my heart jump in my chest. I let my shirt fall on the floor and got down on it, trying to save the pain on my knees that the cold hard floor could give me. I kept my gaze locked with his again for a few seconds and then looked away, trying to focus on his cock. I pulled his pants and boxers down, feeling my pussy throb at the sight of how hard he was but something else caught my attention. Something was not like it used to be and it had nothing to do with his dick. I frowned but my lips parted and I had to blink a few times to understand what exactly was written.

"Oh my god." I whispered, bringing a finger to it and brushing the tip of it on his skin. "Did you get a fucking tattoo?"

I glanced up and he was looking down at me with a frown. I opened my eyes wide and he grimaced, letting out a low groan.

"Darling, please, can't you see how fucking hard I am?" he pointed out. "You were about to do something?"

"I'm sorry but I can't do anything before I get an explanation.." I admitted with a nervous chuckle. "That's literally my name there?"

"I was drunk, found an old letter you wrote me, decided to get your name tattooed just like you tattooed mine." he explained quickly with a shrug. "Now your mouth? Please?"

My smile grew and I licked my lips. "Why this spot?"

"It was the only spot I could think of that wouldn't be visible for anyone, or almost."

"You... you hate tattoos." I just replied, shaking my head.

"I do not hate tattoos, I just never wanted to get one. I didn't see the appeal. And I still don't." he admitted, staring down at me. "But it's your name, and it's you, and I love you. I don't regret it, and I think it's just.. fair."

I pressed my lips together and swallowed hard, tilting my head. "What a guy wouldn't say to get his cock sucked."

"I mean it, Olivia."

I felt my heart jump in my chest and my gaze moved back to the tattoo on his skin. It was not even swollen anymore but even if it was small, I couldn't pretend it didn't make me feel special.

"Seriously, Nee, I can't see my name written near your cock every single time I give you a blowjob!" I chuckled, half-joking.

"Well, get used to it!"

I laughed a bit louder before realizing he was still just as hard despite the whole discussion we just had and quickly, I brought my mouth closer, running my tongue on his length gently and reaching the base before moving it down to his balls. I heard him groan as I sucked on one and when I moved back to the tip of his cock, I looked up only to see his head had fallen back slightly. He was holding himself with both hands on the counter and I just wrapped my lips on his tip to suck on it. His fingers gripped the counter harder and I grabbed his dick in my hand, pushing his skin and running my tongue between it and his tip. One of his legs tensed and he let out a few curse words in a whisper.

"Don't stop petal." he murmured as I kept doing that for a minute or two before taking him completely in my mouth. "Fuck, I want to cum in your mouth so bad."

He pushed his hips in motion with my head movements and just hearing him groan was making me horny. I kept thinking about the last time we fucked in his kitchen and it made me moan low as I was still sucking him hard. I finally moved away to bring my lips back around one of his balls as I kept stroking his cock harder and when he whispered 'I'm gonna cum', I moved back and stuck my tongue out. He looked down at me and I stared back, making sure the tip of his cock was brushing on my tongue as I jerked him off. It only took a few seconds and when a grunt escaped his lips, my heart jumped in my chest. He came on my tongue and lips, some of his cum also ending on one of my cheeks, and it made me realize how much I had missed pleasuring him.

"Jesus Christ." he whispered, his eyes shut tight. I took him in my mouth again, sucking him gently and slowly as I saw his grip loosen on the counter and his eyes open again. His lips curled into a smirk and he licked his lips. "Oh you look so good like that."

He bent down slightly and gathered the cum on my cheek before bringing it to my lips. I sucked on his finger as he stared at me and when he moved his upper body up again, I got closer and my eyes fell on his tattoo again. Slowly, I brushed my thumb on it and without thinking, I pressed my lips on his skin before getting up. He sent me a fond smile and chuckled as he moved his pants up.

"Did you just kiss my tattoo?"

"I did." I whispered, pressing my lips together.

He bent down and kissed me gently, cupping my face and slipping his tongue in my mouth. It always made me smile how he didn't care that I had his cum in my mouth just a few seconds before, and that he would kiss me anyway without even a second of hesitation.

"I haven't had a blowjob like that in..." he stopped himself and raised his eyebrows before chuckling low. "In over a year."

"Was it worth the wait?" I asked with an amused smile as he grimaced.

"Yes, but please don't make me wait an other year for the next one, okay?"

I laughed and shook my head as he moved his hands around my waist.

"You can always ask." I pointed out with a shrug. "Or, you can grab me by the hair and force me down on your cock."

The way he looked at me with lust made my heart skip a beat and he turned us around so I was leaned against the counter. He didn't say anything, he just slipped his hand in my pants and reached between my legs. He took one and held it up on his hip as I felt his fingers slip inside me.

"That made you so wet, fuck i love that." he admitted low, making my eyes flutter. "I love how much it turns you on to please me."

He started finger fucking me quickly, curling his fingers inside me and I used all my strength to keep my eyes open We looked at each other as he rubbed two of his fingertips on my clit and I held my breath as my lips parted.

"You're gonna cum, yea? I can hear how wet you are." he whispered, bringing his lips closer and brushing them against mine. "Cum darling, cum for me."

I felt an orgasm reach me and my whole body tensed as he moved closer to me, pressing his body on mine, one of his hands still holding my leg and the fingers of the other rubbing my clit as I shook against him. He moved his face in my neck and dug his teeth in my skin, making me quiver even more against him. He kept flicking his fingers on my clit slowly and gently as I came down from my high and brought his lips on mine to kiss me again.

"Next time I'm gonna spend an hour between your legs." he whispered. "I promise."

I smiled and tilted my chin. "You better."

We kept hugging and kissing for a while and I thought about the two mugs waiting for us on the counter before groaning. He moved away and frowned as I raised my nose.

"Now coffee's cold and I have bad news for you."

He frowned too and I bent down to grab my shirt and put it back on. I turned to the coffee pot and decided make fresh coffee before emptying our mugs in the sink. When I turned around, Niall was leaning against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest and staring at me.

"I have to go back home and pack." I started, making his lips part. "I have a flight for Italy tonight and nothing's ready. I'll be gone for a few days."

"Italy?"

"Yea we're supposed to cast an Italian girl for season 3 and they asked me to go. We have an interview there too and... well, I'm also going to see Dylan."

His face changed and I held my breath, feeling my heart beating hard against my rib cage as I waited for him to say something, anything, that would tell me how he felt. I could read in his face that he was not pleased but I didn't know if it was anger and pain.

"You know what I realized when Heidi sent me that picture of you in a wedding dress?" he asked, making me frown. "I mean, not at first, I was too shocked by how stunning you looked but after an hour or so, it really hit me. It's not you? The big dress, the flowers, the music and thousands of guests with a big wedding cake and your vows in front of everyone?" he paused as I stared at him. "What happened to eloping to Vegas and getting married by Elvis?"

I licked my lips and sighed, tilting my head on the side.

"It was important for Dylan, to do the big thing in front of both our families, and I wanted to make him happy." I explained with a shrug. "I still don't like big weddings."

"So you're going to spend a few days with him?" he just asked after a while.

I didn't want to tell Niall that I was going there mostly to break up with him because I didn't want him to think I did it for him, and I didn't want him to expect anything after that. I was not ready to be with someone else, not even Niall, but it was something I needed to do. I was doing that for me, because I didn't feel ready, because it was not what I wanted anymore. Of course, Niall was part of the equation, but it made me realize that I was not only scared to jump that step, but also that I didn't want to. I loved Dylan, I really did, but things were different, and I was different too. I was a different person than the one I was when I started dating him. I was even a different person than the one I was when he asked me to marry him. I was not even sure why he even wanted to marry me anyway.

"Probably, but I'll mostly be busy with auditions, and he'll be busy with filming his new movie."

I wanted to add a 'don't worry' but I didn't dare. Niall took a few steps to move closer to me and I moved my chin up to hold his gaze.

"We'll text and call each other while I'll be gone?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"I'd love to." he confessed, bending down to kiss my lips. "I'm gonna miss you."

                                ---

The flight was horrible and it was probably the worst 13 hours I had to go through in a long time. I grabbed my luggage after waiting for way too long and just as I was about to leave, I got a notification. I almost decided to ignore it but I stopped near a wall, dropping my bags and checking my phone. I smiled when I saw Niall had sent me a video and when I saw him sitting behind his piano, my heart melted. I hit 'play' and bit my bottom lip, leaning against the wall as I turned the volume up.

"Liv, I know you've only been gone for a few hours but I already miss you. So I thought I'd send you this. I hope you remember."

I heard the first few piano notes and I knew what it was. My lips parted and I knew I was going to cry.

“Looking back through changes Where we started from Don’t know about you but I knew it wasn’t wrong You know I kept a place For you in my mind And I know you did the same 'Cause you’re just that kind.

So if we knew all along Why did it take so long? We’ve known since we were young So why did it take so long? You know you make me feel loved Make me feel like I’m home So if we knew all along Why did it take so long?”

I felt tears run down my cheeks as his voice and the melody brought me back to a bar over 2 years ago, when Niall had told me he loved me through this song. I brought my hand to my mouth and remained motionless as I listened to it.

“Moving on You and I started looking back Now we’ve got to make up For all the wasted time You know I’d never let you just walk on by From the day that I met you I knew you’d be mine, yeah.

So if we knew all along Why did it take so long? We’ve known since we were young Why did it take so long? You know you make me feel loved Make me feel like I’m home So if we knew all along Why did it take so long?”

When the bridge started, I let out a short sob but quickly bit my bottom lip. I couldn't start crying here, in public, right? I couldn't just break into tears here because of one song.

“Just started, it’s just started I’m having trouble believing it’s true Just started, just started Now we got nothing to prove."

The chorus played again but it's only when he stopped and turned to the camera on his phone again that my heart completely melted. I let myself slide on the wall until my butt hit the floor.

"I really just wanted you to remember that. To remember that this is the first song I wrote about how much I love you, but it's not the only one, and I won't ever stop writing songs about my love for you."

He paused and looked down before looking up again.

"I love you. Come back to me."

He moved closer to his phone to stop recording but I just stayed there, looking at the static thumbnail of his video, my vision blurry and my heart swollen. I loved him so much I just wanted to turn around and take an other plane to him.

"Are you okay?"

Quickly, I looked up at the voice and blinked a few times only to nod at the security guard that was frowning at me. I must have looked totally desperate because I was pretty sure it was not the first time he saw someone cry at the airport.

"Do you need me to call you a cab or something?"

I sniffed and wiped my tears before quickly getting up. I knew I looked like a mess. That reflected very well how I felt.

"Uhm, no, thank you. There's supposed to be a car waiting for me."

It took me half an hour to reach my hotel and I unpacked a few things. I had brought the stupid pink bear Niall had won for me and put it on the large bed along with one of my pillows before taking my phone to text Dylan. I could feel my heart thump so hard in my chest I felt like I was about to have a heart attack.

"I'm here, we really need to talk."

---

"You can't be serious."

I blinked a few times, staring at Dylan, as he reached for my hands on my lap and I let him take them and squeeze my fingers. I had decided to go see him at his apartment and I couldn't pretend the sight as I was on the road didn't shock me. The sight from his apartment was even prettier and I took a mental note to visit this country again. Perhaps, with Niall?

"I'm.. so sorry." I replied with a frown, looking down at his hands holding mine.

I suddenly felt insecure about my decision. After all, Dylan and I were happy, right? We had been happy since day one. He was a sweetheart, a gentleman and he was funny, and sensitive. He was laid-back, soft, and he was always there for me. He was the first and only person to break my walls after Niall broke my heart and also, and I hated to say it, he has been extremely important in my therapy process. How could I leave someone who literally put me back together and be in love with someone who completely tore me apart?

"Okay, you don't want to get married anymore, I understand." he pointed out, shaking his head slightly. "It was too soon, maybe, I get it. But we don't have to break up.."

I pressed my lips together and looked up at him, trying not to cry.

"We do, we have to." I let out low so my voice wouldn't break. "I'm not into this fully anymore and I don't think you are either."

"I'm just... busy here. I promise I love you just as much as I did, even more. And I miss you all the time, Olivia." he added, moving closer as I finally let tears fall on my cheeks. "Please don't cry babylove."

I closed my eyes at the nickname he always gave me and swallowed to keep the sobs in without much success. I never thought it would be so tough to actually break-up with him but it was. We had history together, and this relationship with him had been more important than any romantic relationship I ever had before, except the one with Niall's.

"I'm gonna ask for a few days off." he continued. "We can spend time here together and just... love each other again. I'm gonna do anything I can to remind you how happy we are together, I swear."

I looked up in his eyes and took my hands to bring them to his face. I shook my head and breathed in before licking my lips.

"You deserve so much better, Dyl." I admitted low even if saying those words hurt like hell. "You deserve so much better than a girl who can't be 100% with you."

His eyes roamed quickly on me and I saw him tear up.

"It's because of him, isn’t it? You're breaking up with me to be with Niall."

"No!" I closed my eyes, trying to keep my voice down. "That's not why I'm breaking up with you, Dylan I just... I can't do this anymore. I don't have a good reason for this. And I know that no matter what happens, I will be the bad guy in your story, and I think it's true. Maybe I'm the mistake you'll always regret, and maybe I'm the toxic girl you'll have fallen for. I'm so sorry to have that role in your life. That's not the part I expected to play, I promise."

"This is not a movie, Olivia." he let out a bit louder. "These are my feelings, they're real! This is my life, our life. Please, don't ruin this."

I felt my heart jump so high in my chest I was going to puke. Didn't I ask Niall the exact same thing when he broke up with me over a year ago? I brought my hands to wipe my own tears and sniffed before swallowing hard. I had to leave. I had to stop this torture, for both of us. I finally got up and he didn't stop me.

"I love you, you know." he just added as I was grabbing my purse. "Don't you love me anymore?"

"I do." I just said, turning to look at him. "That's not the problem, Dyl. And It's no one's fault."

I waited in front of the door and sight.

"Don't worry, I'll find the best Italian girl for the show. You concentrate on your movie, okay?"

"I don't give a fuck about this show anymore. Or that movie, for that matter."

I felt something twist in my chest and breathed in before sighing.

"Yea, me either."