#im glad i know you at all though
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Hey. We're friends. You're not a friendless loser actually. Throws heart shaped chocolate at your face
:( I love you tex. I really wish I knew you guys in real life I'd be so muxh happier
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the sleepy bbs :3 sam sleeping with a shifted darlin :3
at this point i feel like i should just tag her SHES BEEN GIVING ME ALL THE IDEAS RAHHFJKSDFHGKJF thank you @nicnebula for indoctrinating introducing me to redactedverse my motivation to draw has gone through the roof AND THANK FOR THIS IDEA ITS SO SWEET AAAAAAAAAAAA
bit messier but i gotta fix my perfectionism somehow so here you go :0
#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted sam#sam collins#redacted asmr#redacted darlin#my art#GOD I ACTUALLY HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO DRAW WOLVES AAAAAAA#the sam craze is still going i am not stopping anytime soon#irrelevant to drawing but today i just spent over 500 at an artist alley#hey guys just wanted to let you know my commissions are open!!#HELP#they genuinely are open though#once i finish my current comms i will prolly make a sheet#AND THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT GUYS AA#im glad so many people are enjoying my sam drawings :3
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An Open Letter to Dan and Phil
Dear beloved nerds,
This was originally going to be an (even longer) actual letter that I was going to give to you at the tour, but my nonprofit-employed ass can’t afford a meet and greet, so we’re doing this instead. I promise it’s not just trauma dumping— mostly, it’s about saying thank you and trying to cultivate some hope for all of us.
I’ve been a big fan since around 2014, when I was a mentally ill neurotic deeply repressed loner egg (average phannie, let's be honest). Now I’m a whole adult who got therapy and HRT and has joined the legions of transmascs with the Dan Howell haircut! What a legacy.
I’m making jokes because the thing I actually want to talk about, and the reason I decided to make this an open letter, is kind of serious. But in light of the election, I feel like I need to share this, both with you and with all the other queers in this little corner of the internet.
Here’s the gist: I’m a paralegal at a non-profit organization that works to help queer migrants get asylum. Mostly what I do is sit them down in our nasty sterile office and try to be kind, and help them get through telling me all the most terrible things that have happened to them, and then turn around and pare it all down into legalese that is digestible to the government to make the case they should get asylum.
It’s a horrible job, really, and one that shouldn’t have to exist. Some parts are plainly wonderful, like meeting so many queer people from all walks of life. But it’s also heartrending and difficult, and burnout is always looming. My horrible banal work is often literally a matter of life and death for the client, and I’m fighting a broken system for a chance at giving them the happiness and safety is owed to them by international law and, really, by any decent human standard, should never have been in question.
The thing is—and this is reason to hope—queer people really do exist everywhere, no matter how much repression and violence we face. In a tiny village in Colombia, there's a kid who’s all spit and vinegar, dresses like a boy and plays football and fights anyone who says that they can’t, who grows up wiry and gets black eyes because men still can’t handle getting their asses handed to them on the soccer field by a dyke. This client texts me at my work number sometimes to ask if I’ve eaten that day, because they wanted to check in on me. He asked me to call him by a boy’s name, recently. I don’t know that he’s told anyone else. I open every message I send him with "Hola, James."
Then there’s the sweet, babyfaced college freshman who got death threats when he was outed to his classmates back home, and whose parents kicked him out when he refused to marry a girl to protect the family's reputation, leaving him alone in a foreign country. He was couch surfing and just trying not to miss class so he could keep his student status and he was so conscientious I wanted to cry— he’s eighteen, guys. Eighteen. I’ll get him his papers or so help me fucking God I will kill for him. You know? You know. After that meeting I had to sit at my desk with my notebook and fill an entire blank page with the phrase “he’s just a kid,” over and over again, until I felt like I could breathe.
On a Friday morning recently I get up and open my laptop to interpret on a call with a soft-spoken older trans woman who's sat in the bleak phone room of the ICE detention facility because her immigration judge didn’t believe that she was really transgender. “An odor of mendacity pervades everything the respondent says,” the judge wrote in her ruling, where she determined the client wasn't "credible." To this day I’m still floored that she straight up ripped off Tennessee Williams—new frontiers in bigotry, truly. She didn’t even cite. In our meeting now, the client quietly tells us how hard it was when she came out but how happy she was the first time she wore makeup, and she'd rather stay in detention here for indeterminate years as proceedings spiral on than go back to Guatemala, where they'll kill her—boys, if I ever get within spitting distance of this fuckass judge, it is on SIGHT. Absolutely fucking ON SIGHT. For legal purposes, that was a JOKE.
So I finish the call and get up to get a snack. It’s only ten am but feel tired already because I’m angry, which is not unusual but also not something I want to hold onto, because it doesn't help anything. So I make some toast and look at my phone— two texts, which I ignore, a spam email, and, wouldn't you know it, a YouTube notification from Dan and Phil games! Jarring! That’s just sort of how life is though, isn’t it? Deathly serious and lighthearted in the same breath.
But regardless, seeing the notification makes me feel warm, so I have my toast and watch a little video of you two playing Roblox or dress up or whatever it is you do on that channel these days. I have a good giggle and I finish my toast and go back to my desk. It’s a crucial part of my diet really— the giggles, not the toast. I’m not angry anymore. I’ll be angry again, but for now my cortisol levels are manageable and I can put my head back into emails or whatever the fuck. Do you ever think about how plants make food for free out of sunlight but we sit around writing emails all day? And that’s if we’re lucky. Capitalism is hell.
Anyway, there is a point I am trying to make, and it’s not really about the banal horrors of neoliberal nation-state or capitalism or even homophobia. It’s to say thank you for coming back to make silly videos together, because I love them, and you never fail to make me happy. And yeah, maybe something about the story of that scared eighteen-year-old kid at the front of my mind makes it particularly sweet to watch you two goofing off and being openly queer. It reminds me why I’m doing what I’m doing, and it gives me the strength to send another fucking email because sometimes doing “important work that I value and believe in deeply” means having to send another fucking email. And sometimes I’ll rewatch your older videos, and then come back to the more recent ones, and my heart bruises, because you remind me what I’m fighting for and why. It’s nothing grandiose, it’s just— for queer people to get to have the ability to grow into themselves and be outrageous and silly and make mistakes and to love and be loved for who they are. To have the safety and support and security that no one should ever go without. That’s all.
So I am being dead serious when I say thank you for making top-tier light entertainment, and for coming back to a job that wasn’t always kind to you, and that it does actually matter. All this talk about terrible influences and legacies has made me think that sometimes you doubt whether you do good in the world, so let me be clear: you really, really do. I kind of get the sense that in order to accept sincerity Dan needs to be beat over the head with it, so if that’s the case, consider yourself coerced, you dickhead. You matter to me, and especially in times like these, I think I speak for all of us when I say that the joy you share is a precious and treasured gift. So please accept my gratitude in return.
All my love,
Jules
(I removed or changed all identifying information in this letter to protect privacy, but the stories are real).
#tldr: dnps queer joy helps me stay afloat and avoid burnout while trying to help other queer people#and its essential like food and water#I would love if people would consider circulating this because it's also a sentiment I want to share with the whole community really#though it's a bit heavy so I understand if you don't feel up for that.#I genuinely get so much joy out of being a weird freak online with all you guys#and im glad these spaces have helped me accept myself#and helped me survive#and i know i'm not the only one#dan and phil#dan howell#phan#phil lester#dnp#i wonder if dan and phil know that whenever my friends are feeling down i send them the wiggly line emoji
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✦
#. . ˚ . ┈ ✦ 𝔢𝔱𝔱𝔦𝔢 ‣ non rp posting .#[ this is in no way negative & I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who stuck around on this blog particularly...#a lot of shit went down during the whole “d3thwishes” incident which has made me so scared to make new friends on here#I'm emotional because I want to say that even though it was rough I'm so glad to have stuck my ground and make this blog a safe haven#for me and brighta without needing to move. ifykyk that situation was entirely fucked and I'm so glad all parties have moved on#but im so so sorry for being slow with replies and messaging new followers. thank you for being here and even if I don't know you. I love y#I'm grateful ]#tw death mention
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I want harry and kim to hold hands, keeping eachothers fingers warm in the chill sea air. I want them to share a pot of tea, extra cream and suger in harrys comedically tiny mug. I want them to relax, enjoying eachothers company, without needing to full the air with words. I want harry and kim to bump uglies. I want them to get silly in public with no sense of pride. I want-
#obsessed obsessed with these middle aged homos literally. what the fuck. disco elysium is the game of all time disco elysium is the light#a light and overflowing muse of inspiration. im also glad i got into it 'late' bc now its my little world#also i looked though many disco tags and man. yall really dont know how to draw middle aged balding men do you? especially if they're fat#and canonically an alcoholic who does a cocktail of drugs just to function. if your harry isnt stinky and weird i dont want him!!!!!!!!!!!#disco elysium#goober.txt
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Omg your instagram story is so right! I can’t believe I’ve never even noticed that, probably because in fanon keith and shiro are so close that I’d forgotten that isn’t canon :0
Deserves this awesome quote which I had to dig out of my sideblog reblogs
#for context - i was complaining how under-served we were to listen how much shiro did for keith and how amazing their relationship is#and then were forced to watch him just recruit him for school and be a decent teacher#like any teacher should#i mean....#any.#like he was just showing basic decency for not throwing Keith away for bad behavior#keith acted as if that man hung the moon#as if he was reliable... took a few punches that were meant for Keith ....risked something for him#wanted to give up his liver or something#gave up his last food in the apocalypse to feed him i dont fucking know#Keith acted as if that guy literally saved his life and we got scenes where Shiro is emotionally manipulating him to stay in school#or to become a leader#never really asking how he feels about it or if he needs help#i thought twice before saying Keith attached to a pile of shit because it was warm#but not thrice#i've re-watched season 1 of Arcane and was so mad about it i couldn't hold it in djdjdjd#i do think they could have a good relationship but what we were /shown/ was just not it too many plot holes to fill#love that the fandom can fill the discrepancies and rewrite those relationships though#and also i was really glad people answered to that story agreeing#i was feeling weird reading all those 'keith and shiro are my fav relationship in the show'#...lance was more warm to the mice than Shiro to Keith '#i feel like it owuld make more sense to me if keith did all of this WHILE being pissed at Shiro for leaving him#or if we saw he finds him unreliable - Shiro was only useful to him as long as Keith followed his rules too#Vander doing all he did for his daughters that shit was unconditional fucking love#vi and jinx never being able to off one another had more raw pure love than that#you know what i mean??? sorry im doing it again.... end of ramble#mezzy out 💀
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Blyke in Season 3.
This is my prediction. With the way Season 2 ended, I think they’ll find Blyke months later looking something like this.
Shit happens to people in prison. Terrence was murdered in his cell, Rein was worried about being killed by other inmates, hell, Blyke’s already pretty banged up in the finale and he’s been there for 2.5 seconds. Not to mention that the Authorities seem to have no problem torturing kids *COUgh* Keon.
Perhaps it’s a bit pessimistic, but the story’s been getting a lot darker lately. I doubt Blyke’s getting out of prison without a little extra trauma at least.
Latest Chapter as of Prediction: Side Story — Triple Threat (1)
#blyke unordinary#unordinary#Prediction#Drawing in my diary again#art#unordinary spoilers#normally the spoiler warning is at the top but not this time bc it’s an image post#I changed his expression so many times#I was going for that resigned kind of dead inside look#At first it looked too angry#and then it looked just like nothing#totally nuetral face#then it looked too sad#like he was gonna cry#and then I got this#many more iterations along the way#Was worried about damaging my paper the amount of times I erased his eyebrows#Tbh I think I still fucked it up#Also I spent awhile on the background and you can barely see it#could’ve just made it gray ngl#I also spent a long time on this band of light on him#like as if someone had opened a door and light shined through#but I got rid of it#Waste of my DAMN time smh#I’m rlly proud of the hair though#Shit happens in Lovun Prison#Is all of that blood his? Who knows.#also I drew all those cuts in different stages of healing be proud of me#This was supposed to be a doodle/warmup I did NOT expect it to take all day#Ngl Im really glad I turned my sketchbook sideways for this one bc the lined paper reminds me of prison bars like this
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you know i think im going to pirate nintendo's and sega's games out of spite from now on. im going to buy a hard drive at some point to specifically fill it with pirated games i'll never play. i'll download tears of the kingdom just to be a penis. fuck them
#soda offers you a can#vimm's lair got massive takedown requests and im fucking seething#in particular for sonic 06 and unleashed like oh you're planning on rereleasing them on modern platforms? no? then What The Fuck#it's a larger problem than that though it's about video game preservation you know#all this hardware can already be considered retro and hasn't been sold in years. neither have the games#and guess what!! your remasters and remakes and bs are Not The Same as the originals!!!#im glad i downloaded the US version of sonic cd last week now#bc the way that game works and plays is fundamentally different from the 2011 remake#and i WANT to experience the jank and shit quality cutscenes and music that doesn't loop#and i cannot mod the 2011 version to act like that!#im so fucking mad over this vimm's lair was doing god's work for archiving all this shit#and now so much of it is inaccessible#the popular games will be up elsewhere at some point im sure but what about the Garbage#what about games like sonic 06 those deserve to be archived too
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well i didn’t have the best time tonight but at least my dress was cute :3
#it’s an op by amastacia btw#didn’t really dress it up properly though. i would have liked a corset or something perhaps#plus I couldn’t be bothered to do hair and makeup. so I stuck a black hair bow on and called it a day#honestly. it was a bad evening. you ever been to a family gathering where you’re ignored all night lmao#it suddenly becomes very clear that these people don’t actually consider me family or even anyone worth talking to.#like i hope my uncle had a good birthday n all but. so glad im heading home tomorrow im fucking done#dove talks#lmao dove didn’t talk at the party dove just sat there and fake smiled while my ‘cousins’ talked around me#ok. im bitter and making it everyone else’s problem. sorry. but at least im cute#don’t know why people don’t want to talk to me when im so adorable tbh#my face#im done. sorry. it’s been a bad time.#had a nice walk down to the sea with my parents this morning though so at least there was that#egl
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(reads my own fic) woah. I'm so good at my job
#im so ngl though. i entirely forgot i wrote that one#like when i posted it i thought it was kinda mid and i think i like. banished it from my awareness#and just set it loose into the currents#apparently people really like it!!! im glad yall enjoy it!!!#ik anyone not following me wont see this but uhhhh#did you know that only on like my 20th new file did i realize hadvar is. following the convoy#at the beginning#somehow i never connected like. him parking his horse where it glitches into your face as him being with you#like i just figured he rode in from somewhere else in the fort#need yall to know that i had an entire fucking draft going for that thing where hadvar begs for reassignment#desperately#when he reads over the prisoner list and gets threatened with insubordination--over an enemy no less#and like he was up all night sobbing his little heart out about how he was killing his beat friend#and i was ALMOST DONE WHEN I REALIZED HE HADNT BEEN COMING FROM THE FORT#HE WAS BEHIND US#WHICH MEANT. RAGH (throws writing tools off desk)#unless i actually posted that one too and just completely forgot#but i think it was the og draft for the hadlof intro angst post#<- guy with memory issues#wish i had writing ideas more often tbh but i gotta sit on something for like. months#cant make a simple post to save my life unless its abt celann and even then its only simple bc i cannot coherently elaborate
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I apologize for how incredibly specific and niche this is, but aahhhh whenever people call rbr Seb a "boy king", I can literally only think about this statuette:
1. Because I think it gives the same angelic but mischievous vibe as Seb
2. Because it is a statue of a literal boy king
3. The ringlets and big eyes.....
#my next historical seb au? 👀🤭#im so glad rbr is austrian bcs if fits all the historical AUs i would want to make#also this post is mainly just: this statue has been haunting my brain for a while and i must brainrot over it#most slayful statue ive ever seen#its a shame i cant really find any good paintings of this emperor from when he was this age#i guess im just curious about what colors he'd wear#though i think he was blonde which fits :)#anyways ref i guess!! just wanted to share my vision :D#ik its quite random and niche but you guys should know to expect that from me atp 🤧#i think ive said this before but its funny cause when i read f1 fic im not usually a big fan of AUs. i prefer canon fic#but then any time i wanna draw art or have ideas for art its just literally only historical au 😭😭😭#catie.rambling.txt#art#boy king au
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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Just the way Shin Tsukimi’s “mask off” moment is him becoming increasingly frustrated to the point of having a nervous breakdown where all he can do is laugh maniacally because he’s so done with everyone acting so incompetent and not seeing things “as they are” (aka how he sees them) is just. Mwah chefs kiss hes just like me fr 😰
#yttd#shin tsukimi#like guys you just cant comprehend the ways in which we are the same guy#in the good ways and the bad ways#cuz like god this is exactly how id feel in the same situation literally exactly#it IS how i feel constantly and its an infuriating experience when its like#it feels like you hold the inherent truth like you see something no one else can and you try so fucking hard to explain it#you dumb it down as much as possible but no one will listen to you even though youre trying your best and so you just lose it#and you just sit on your high chair all alone cuz why bother talking when youre clearly the only competent one here#and its so real because shin is like. justified for the most part! he DOES know shit that no one else does!#no one can see how dangerous sara is or how stupid it is to put all this blind trust in her and he doesnt get that it makes no logical sense#but to everyone else sara is just a nice smart girl who wants to help so why wouldnt they trust her?#and hes just so like stuck in his ways about it and believes it so strongly and why wouldnt he? he knows the statistics#and he knows he himself is weak its all hes ever believed about himself#god like. that scene just means so much to me lol i relate so hard it hurts#and its hard to know when youre justified in your beliefs and when youre talking nonsense it all feels the same#and you dont WANT to be an ass you want to understand truly but you literally cant comprehend being that stupid#im so glad this character exists man
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.........im just gonna be real i do not see kabu misu. like period...... like dont get me wrong theyhave a good dynamic but it was NOT mithrun in the middle of his conspiracy board
#i saw someone refer to labru as wanting to see kabru get worse and i feel so violent#yeah you know i think being a caretaker of sorts(situation where you may have to ignore your wants and needs) is soooo much healthier for#kabru than being with a peer who would help him unmask and reduce his monster anxiety with knowledge#not to say that relationships or fictional shipping is all about what makes characters better#i just find the labru dynamic infinitely more interesting than kabumisu#to me kabumisu is very boring. like okay yay prettyboy helps you get in touch with your desires and learns to take care of himself better#along the way like. cool! glad theyre friends!#labru though.... the drama... the autism....i think labru would be a lot about kabru working thru#his mask and laios learning not to box humans up as More Difficult/less desirable creatures than monsters/animals#like uhh actually i think itd be good for kabru to talk to someone who is not on the page kabru assumes hes on#and urrrmmm itd be good for laios to Finally have a friend who is Actually interested in Him. who is interested in humans so much that#laios might actually get a sufficient explanation for missed social cues and conventions#im just saying labru works because they are on the same level. my favorite panels are when people call kabru creepy
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Mind the cracks
(They’ll heal eventually)
#jon snow#asoiaf#asoiaf fanart#uhh twow speculation?? i guess#it’s here finally i was beginning to think#i was never gonna finish the one drawing i decided to show the sketch of#thank fuck i found the will#came back wrong (but i feel like killing the people who stabbed you is not that wild ya know?)#HES NOT EVIL HES JUST CRANKY#all in all not bad to me#im glad i took the time to redo some of the things that were bothering me with this piece#though i am cranky i decided newly resurrected Jon is a little lifeless looking#now i cant give him a little blush from the cold :( my favorite part#his hair is still immaculate tho#enjoy it fully in the safety of a dark room
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newest chapter reminded me of like a beach episode in anime where it’s fun low conflict that still moves the plot along yes yes
also don’t know bout you but i’m getting never ending rain which yay but also ew cause it makes outside Worse. now a flashback to book one with sokka out tied up to the pole in the rain 😑
i sit Patiently for the next chapter Patience is a Virtue
OH MY GOSH HIIII!!!
yeahhh hehe last chapter was my beach episode. It was a fun mix of ‘ugh they’re so annoying’ & ‘awwww I lub them’
once again Jee has stolen the show, he’s definitely beach episode material haha.
I’m actually fine with the rain, I have lots of grass and trees so it’s happy for the feeding!! … my biggest concern is the hurricanes already acting up and what that means for our upcoming season ahhh…
dum dun dunnnnnnnnnnn….
& I love that you’re being patient because you’ll need to be this chapter is being difficult (i blame iroh & zuko)
LOVE YA GABBYTRIL I HOPE MY FLORIDA BUDDY IS DOING AMAZING!!
#I seriously think I’ll just barricade the door closed and light the room on fire#The room iroh and zuko are in to clarify#I know liab zuko went through a lot & had conditioned himself to be as unnoticeable as possible but that makes him having serious#conversations super fucking difficult#Anyone who isn’t sokka it’s like zuko ceases to function#& of course iroh is just so kind and allowing zuko the room to discuss and zukos just -#UGH HES SO DIFFICULT#anywayyyy that’s my liab rant#Someone come pick up their zuko he’s here and he’s gotta go#I LOVE THE RAIN IM SORRY YOURE BEING FLOODED!!!#I live in a rural area so rain washes out roads but the livestock around here LOVES IT (& eats the hydrated grass haha)#Those hurricanes though ughhhh#Keep me posted friend you gotta survive the summer#WE CAN MAKE IT AHHHHH#I MISSED YOU GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOUUUU#gabbytril4mg#Ask#leaving it all behind#LIAB#this is amazing#ITF#into the fire#ask
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