#im glad for her: i know i did it because was during my first stressing year of the career

[windydrawallday]

WHAT?! Is the anniversary of Bionicle?

And here I am, without much to share visually AAAAAA BUT HEY! I decided to compile my fav bunch of art I did during those years of the Reboot/G2 that made me rediscover such a cool franchise (and the last artworks are two of the most modern ones).

Plus, I can really say that without these art experimentations, I wouldn't have developed so many of my modern rendering techniques!

So, cheers to it and everyone that keeps enjoying it and/or found a muse in it like I did x)

This brand too has the privilege of being my true first robot hell bahaha

[jinkiezzsstuff]

I absolutely loved the Emily and Charlie ideas you wrote so I was hoping to request another Charlie x male reader with some smut (but not the main focus). Idea being everyone going out for an evening with Charlie staying at the hotel to work, secretly wanting some company but telling everyone to have fun anyway. Reader didn't go out and found her later in the evening (maybe can tell how she's feeling) so offers some company/someone to cuddle. The main smut I'd like to include would be her leaving some scratch or kiss marks and her being quite touchy/hands on.

I’m so glad you enjoyed the others teehee i tried my best with this so i hope you enjoy it but im not too happy with how it turned out tbh, idk why, i guess it could be because i didn’t feel like during the smut scenes i did charlie justice, lmk what you think.

Charlie x male!reader

After Party

warnings: creampie, biting, scratching, kinda rushed smut, angsty charlie, possibly ooc charlie but i can’t tell, charlie n vaggie are friends, im not sure if there’s anything else, oh swearing, NOT PROOFREAD beware of errors.

word count: 2K

Charlie was tired. Between her father disbelieving in her, Alastor picking a fight with him, the failed meeting with Adam, and finding out Vaggie was an angel? She was over and exhausted. She tried to keep up her mood but she just couldn’t stop the spiralling thought process of handling everything on her own. It seemed like every step forward she had to take four steps back, nobody believed or respected her.

“Cmon, we needa little par-tay.” Angel whined pushing himself over the back of the couch dramatically. Charlie hummed, barely listening as the crowd of sinners lingered in the little living room-like area. “We don’t need anymore fuckin parties, spider.” Husk muttered before taking a big swig of his drink. “I don’t know, I think a little bit of recreational activity could really brighten the spirits!” Alastor exclaimed, and as much as Charlie would like to join the fun, if she didn’t finish up the work she had she knew it would only stress her out further, but she knew the others worked hard too and deserved a little treat.

Reaching into her pocket she pulled out some cash and beckoned over Alastor. “Here, why don’t you take everyone out to relax?” She said softly, despite her desire for company and hope that one of the few would stay back to assist. “Aren’tcha comin’ toots?” Angel who jumped up the moment Charlie pulled out money asked, putting one of his hands on her shoulder. “Oh no, i’ve got sooo much to do here, you guys go on without me! Bond a little!” She smiled as brightly as she could, although anyone with a keen eye could tell it was forced. In the back of her mind she was hoping for more punch back, more of her friends to beg her to come out with them, but instead they shrugged her off and left rather quickly.

Sighing Charlie rung her hands together and walked up the stairs slowly, vacant and alone, the hotel now seemed so eerie. She made her way to an office one that had been used by the whole team she had, so herself, Vaggie and Alastor. She plopped herself lazily on the ripped leather office chair, air slowly escaping the cheap foam as she did. Charlie couldn’t help the bitter feelings stirring around in her; she was always happy to help her friends and wanted them to have fun and relax, she just wished maybe they cared a little more about her? It was a confusing sensation, she knew Vaggie cared, but at times she felt more like a personal body guard rather than friend, and Alastor, she knew deep down, didn’t actually care.

Opening her phone she decided to try and ease her mind before sorting out the paperwork she had piling, unfortunately the universe wasn’t kind to her. Opening Sinstagram the first sight she was greeted with was Angels varying posts and stories which included all the crew members piled into a booth enjoying their drink of choice. It made a scorned yucky feeling of jealousy tangle within her stomach. Groaning she pulled open a drawer and stuck her phone in it, slamming it shut after. “It’s better to just work.” The princess mumble pulling the first stack of papers near her; the billing’s for their failed comercial.

After an hour of word Charlie sat back in her seat and messaged her sore neck. Pulling her phone from the drawer she checked the time. 23:48. Having no idea when the others would get back, she shuffled from the office to the second story balcony for some air. “Oh sorry I didn’t know you were here!” Charlie exclaimed, seeing you leant over the balcony railing. Looking over your shoulder you gave the little devil a warm smile. “You can join.” You say beckoning her forward, with a sigh and a forced smile Charlie came up alongside you, mimicking your stance. “What’re you still doing here?” Charlie questioned eyeing you from her peripheral. Your brow quirked and your face turned to confusion, with a quick hum you replied. “Just relaxing..?” The statement came out uncertain and wobbly, but you weren’t quite sure what she meant.

“No, i mean why didn’t you go out with the others?” Your head tilted back as you let out an ‘ah’, now understanding what she meant. “I just, well, this is the only time i get free yknow, always gotta be doing something so it’s nice to be alone, but i also want to have fun with them, but that drains me yknow?” Charlie quickly nodded her head at that completely understanding where you were coming from. “Yeah i know what you mean. I wish somebody stayed back with me.” Nudging yourself lightly into her, she met your eyes with curiosity floating in her own. “Well I stayed back, why don’t we relax together?” You suggest warmly, smiling fondly down at her. Charlie momentarily stuttered, blushing at the way her mind wandered to naughty places.

“Ahem, uh, sure! Yes! Let’s do that!” The princess fumbled, pushing herself away from your hold. You could tell she was flustered as she walked off leading you to whatever part of the hotel she’d choose to relax in, you felt a little voice in the back of your head egging you on to tease her, and who were you to deny your great mind. “Alrighty this it my room! Uhhh, why don’t we watch a movie or something..?” Charlie trailed off leading you into her bedroom.

You took a quick look around enjoying the aesthetic her room held. Charlie kicked her shoes off and pulled her jacket from her shoulders. “You can lounge on the bed if you want, i totally don’t mind!” You grinned and got onto the bed, watching as she frantically ran around “Calm down hun, you look real stressed.” You urged her frantic pacing causing loose hairs to tangle and fly out from her ponytail. “Ugh, i know!” Sighing she finally plopped on the bed beside you and laid back hands folded on her stomach and eyes closed. Leaning over slightly to look down on her, you observed her somewhat relaxed face as you watched her slow her breathing down. Assumably trying to cease the slow crawling panic that was clawing at her. “It may be a little forward but I heard compression and hugs can help stress, you wanna cuddle or some shit?” Your voice came out slightly tight a little unsure of how to go about the request. Charlie’s eyes fluttered opened and blinked toward you, after a moment of silent contemplation Charlie sighed happily opening her arms. With a huff and a smile you scooted down, wrapping your arms around her while laying beside her.

She scooted up into your side, her right hand sliding up your chest and around your shoulder. It sent shivers down your spine, and blood straight to your dick, embarrassingly so. Ignoring the sensation, your hand gently traced shapes into Charlie’s side where your arm was placed. Charlie’s head slowly lifted and shifted from the bed to your chest, tucking herself under your chin. Her hair tickled at your nose and chin, you could smell her shampoo and the perfume she’d used. You tightened your grip subtly, enjoying the warmth she let off, and with a hum she swung one of her legs over your hips, twisting her body entirely against you.

You took a deep breath attempting to calm your heart and the tightening sensation in your pants. Like the devil spawn she is, Charlie began tracing your chest, flattening her palm against your chest and trailing down from your neck, to the hem of your jeans, and back up to your neck again. Taking a deep breath you brought your hand up to you with her hair in attempts to distract you.

“Thanks for this.” She mumbled nuzzling her face further into your chest. You hummed eyes lazily dancing around shapes your eyes made up on the canopy above. “Any time.” You replied after a moment. The two of you laid there silently, softly the two of you let your hands drift across eachother innocently. It wasn’t until charlie’s hand ducted under your shirt to touch your bare chest that the air in the room got thick and heated. Breath hitching you zeroed in on her claws softly scratching down your chest. “Charlie,” You warned as her claw nicked the waistband of your jeans. Charlie knew good and well what she was doing, could you blame her? You’ve always been so attentive to her feelings and emotional state, the first to check on her after a stressful situation and give her the best advice you could.

With sudden need shooting through Charlie she straddled your waist bracing herself against your chest. Your hands reflexively went to her hips, eyes shooting up to meet her own attempting to figure out what the hell she was doing. She traced her claws down your tshirt covered chest, and when she made it to the bottom her hands wiggled underneath the fabric to paw at your warm skin. As she did you traced circles on her hips, and quirked a questioning brow at her. “Whatcha up to princess?” Charlie smiled shyly, trying to hide her face in her shoulder. “I just want to repay you for your kindness towards me.”

Your face twisted with worry, abruptly you sat up, making her gasp and tucked your hands behind her back to keep her from falling. “I don’t want you to feel like you owe me,” You quickly say, however Charlie pushed you back down, shushing you as she did. “It’s more then just that, i think you know they though. Let’s relax, desttress.” With that being said, you tossed aside your tshirt while Charlie eagerly undid your pants, hands shaking as she did. Your hands decided not to diddly saddle and undo her pants simultaneously, needing to feel her speedily.

You were already achingly hard, precum dripping down your shaft as Charlie shakily gripped you giving your head a soft squeeze. Pulling her hand away Charlie kicked off the pants that clung underneath her knees, and readied herself against you. You hummed out in pleasure relaxing into the mattress as she sunk down onto you, above you Charlie whimpered and squeezed her eyes shut, clenching onto every vein and ridge. It was delectable, she couldn’t understand why she’d never gone for this before. Bottoming out, Charlie’s legs shook, her body would involuntarily convulse every now and again as she attempted to adjust to the size of you. Falling forward unable to keep herself up she sunk her nails into your chest making you groan deeply, bucking your hips up into hers.

Nuzzling herself into your neck as you took the reigns, thrusting up into her at a steady pace, she began to leave teeth marks and hickies along your neck, desperate moans broken out between nips and bites. Your arms encased her pulling her near as you roughly fucked up into her at a brutal pace, her juices dripping down you. Erotic, loud slapping noises were all that you could hear in the room accompanied by Charlie’s whimpers and please. “Fuckkk, yknow how long i’ve waited for this? They don’t know what their missing not staying around someone like you.” You say splaying your fingers through her hair as you do, at this point Charlie’s body laid limp atop your own, your knees up and angled to continue your rapid pace.

“Please,” Charlie begged clenching tightly around you, you huffed out a moan that you attempted to cover and slid your hands down to squeeze her ass. Groaning loudly, you pushed her over, still inside you hovered over her, pulling her legs up over your shoulders to gain new access. With this angle you were able to hit different areas making Charlie squeal. “Oh fuck Charlie,” You groaned as your balls slapped against her ass, finally you felt the band snapping and slowly you filled her with cum, pumping all of what you had inside her. Charlie cried out clenching, and convulsing against you. She tried to inch away screaming your name loudly as she road out her high against you. When the two of you had finished, catching your breaths, you laid beside her, pulling her into your chest.

She rolled her head from one side to face you, her eyes glazed over barely seeming like she was there. “Didja mean what you said about wanting this for so long?” You nodded at her, the softness in her voice was music to your ears and made goosebumps crawl against your skin. “Yeah, since i got here, you’ve had my eye.” Humming softly the princess said nothing, but buried her head in your chest.

[dnptheinfinity]

okay! i finally had a good night’s sleep for the first time in a week so it’s time for some tit thoughts

overall, i had such an incredible time literally starting from the train ride to warsaw and ending on the train back where i met another random phannie last minute

but it was amazing to see the whole gang again, and it wouldn’t be the same without them so obligatory shout out to @polar-bears-making-pancakes @cardsagainstdnpg @baking-phan-in-my-mind @dipandpiptit @goldenpinof and @nickbipanicnelson <3

the m&g also couldn’t go better, i was honestly less stressed than during the wad m&g and i managed to tell them everything i wanted, almost word for word like i wrote it down, so i said that i’ve been watching them for almost exactly 10 years and dan’s reply to that was “wow, what a journey” and it really has been!! i also got to look deep into phil’s big blue eyes and i loved how much attention both of them pay to everyone who’s talking to them 🥺 i also showed them my sims render and dan’s reaction was his squeaky laugh and phil said “that’s so good!” and then they signed it while crossing arms (dan had to do it twice technically because his sharpie just refused to do it’s one job) and then we got a pic that i’ll put under the cut but i like it a lot!

i honestly don’t remember much from the preshow q&a but i know i had fun!!

i also got the hoodie and the poster and a pack of cards and between the vip pack and the one i bought i got 2 holo ones and only one repeat (and it was of dan’s ass so i can’t even be mad about that) and then i got a few more from Katie from her doubles so i ended up with 13 in total and i love every single one of them. the ass is now under my phone case for everyone to see

and then the show itself. i’m not gonna write anything spoilery but i loved it, im so proud of myself for successfully avoiding spoilers. the only bad thing i have to say is the fact that there were some things that i literally Could Not see from my seat because it was so far to the side and in the first row so rip for that (and rip to my back because the foldable chairs in the warsaw venue did not get an upgrade since wad)

ah also! big thanks to Mandragora and that one random person during the interlude for the phracelets they gave me <3

so all in all, i had the best time, really hope they film it so i can see everything from a better angle but still 11/10, im so glad i recovered from my cold in time for the show 🥰

[monikashinswife]

Hiiiiiiiii! So i love all your monika fanfics!!! Pls tell me there are still more to come!!!

But I would like to make a request for a fanfic of Hyowon 😭 pls im so deprived of her! Like the fem reader is an actress in hollywood but staying with Hyowon in korea and she goes on an instagram live and everyone is surprised. It also shows how sweet, caring, thoughtful and overprotective lip j is towards the reader.

Thank you so muuuuuch!!!

"The Korean"

(Lip J x Hollywood Actress! Reader)

・❥・time for our Sooni! been dropping few updates cause I think I'm gonna be inactive because school's starting again. Anygays, enjoy darlings!<3 Request inbox is open anytime<33 ⋆ ★

Flashes of the cameras and the overwhelming voices of the paparazzis triggers me, but like always. I have nothing to do. They are doing their job. But why is their job this horrible?

I understand that when you are a well known name. Paparazzis will follow, but doesn't make it less comfortable. They are still invading someone's personal space.

Fortunately, I got along with some of them. But it doesn't mean that this doesn't bother me. Just then, one of the paparazzi asked while I am walking towards the entrance of the airport.

"Where are you going? Are you gonna film another project?" He asked quickly. And I answered them robotically but still politely as I try to squeeze myself through many paparazzis.

I thank the guards for helping me. As much as I love being an actress. It's still very overwhelming especially now that I just finished another film that had me mentally challenged.

Going to South Korea would be my rest and escape. That country became my second home when Hyo Won took me there few years ago.

It became my home because it was hers. And because she is there.

I quickly became overwhelmed and noticed myself tearing up because of what just happened. I didn't know how I got to the plane but I'm glad I did. I sigh in relief as I look at the mesmerizing sight.

In order to distract myself I decided to read my book for a while. I was so immersed with the story that I forgot to message Sooni before we boarded. I figured that I'll do it when the plane landed.

I took some photos and continued reading the book that Hyo Won gave to me. I can already feel the stress leaving, I got so invested to the story that the flight felt like a few minutes.

Before I knew it, I'm already in Korea. I smiled as I walk to the airport with my suitcases and phone in hand. I decided to post some pics for my fans.

I continued walking after I posted, trying to find somewhere to eat before I messaged her that I'm already at the airport. But Sooni knows what time my arrival so she'd be here soon.

"Honey!" My head almost snapped because of how quickly I turned around when I heard her voice. "Sooni!" I giggled when I saw her running towards me. I immediately open my arms to be hugged by her.

"I missed you so much." I mumbled against her neck. She rubbed my back while kissing my hair. "I know, but you're here now." She comforted me softly. I nodded against her before parting our bodies.

"Let's go?" She urge softly when she noticed people recognizing us. I nodded and she helped me with my luggage. She drove us to her apartment, during the car ride, I was quite worried because of the silence.

It was comfortable yes, but my mind's making me think things. "Hey... you alright?" She must've noticed my internal battle. She put her free hand on my thigh, caressing it to bring comfort.

"Hmm?" I snap out of my thoughts to look at her concerned eyes for a moment. I hold her hand and bring it to my lips to assure her that I'm fine.

We reached her house. And she helped me get settled. She toured me around first, "where's the guest room honey?" I asked, I noticed her change of emotion.

"Here." She lead me to the room, opening the door for me. "Here's the guest room." I carefully watch her, noting how her voice suddenly sounded so distraught.

I chuckled before wrapping my arms around her neck. She tried to avoid my eyes by looking everywhere, "What's wrong?" she reluctantly turned to look at my doe eyes.

"It's just that-" she stopped herself, but I urge her by bringing my hand to cup her cheek. "I don't want you to sleep here." She hides her face in embarrassment.

"Just say you miss me." She tried to get away from me when I teased her. But before she could go anywhere, I hug her from the back.

"Stop~" annoyance can be heard in her voice, "Aigoo~ you baby" I make her turn around while my arms are still around hers. I missed this so much.

"I asked because I wanna know where I'll put my things." I explained and that made her loosen up before smiling widely.

"Ok!" She avoided me once again by taking care of my things. I laugh as I watch her set my things quickly and dragged me out of the guest room.

The entire day was spent really nicely, we cuddled on her couch and catch up on things and made plans for tomorrow.

I am laying on our shared bed, casually browsing through my phone. I knew that it was probably not a good idea to scroll through comments. But I did, I scroll to the comments on my latest post.

Luckily, it was all good. Fans are saying that they missed me already and and I thought it would be a good idea to go live for a quick update.

"Oh hi everyone." I wave my hand as I was trying to find a comfortable and nice position so I could record myself properly.

"How's everyone?" I read the comments, and they did not disappoint like always. They are so dear to me.

"Flight's good, some problems with going to the airport though." I updated them enthusiastically. I interacted with them. Joking and asking them things and vice versa.

"How's the korean?" I read out loud without thinking, I laughed as I realized the question. "It's been great." I answered carefully. I didn't even noticed Sooni entering the room. Not until she laid on top of me, her lower body on the bed and her arms wrapped around me.

She rested her chin on my chest while looking at me lovingly. Thinking that I'm talking to my friend. In instinct I played with her hair while reading the comments.

She adjusted and buried her face on my neck for a moment. I put the phone down when she reach for my lips. I cup her face our lips dance against each other passionately.

We made out, missing moments like this because it's really been a while. "Are you live?" She asked when we parted. I nodded and reached for my phone. The comments going wild because of our interaction.

"I'm screen recording"

"Did anyone heard the sounds? Or it's just me👀"

" the Korean is doing really great~"

We read the comments and look at each other with straight faces before bursting out of laughter. "That's gonna be my new nickname" Sooni said, shaking her head in fake sadness before burying her face on my neck again.

"My poor Sooni." I purred, teasing her. I constantly teased her during the live. We're both answering questions while Hyo Won is feeding me.

She casually fed me while I answered the questions that is directed to me enthusiastically. Hyo Won expresses her love through actions.

We took turns feeding each other, we talked with the fans. Even taking turn holding the camera, but when she noticed how it's hard to find a stable angle.

"Let me, love" she ask for the phone, then she took a tripod so it's less hassle. I am watching her endearingly as she sets up the phone.

Once it's done, she went back to her place. She's behind me. Her chin on my shoulder while her hands are wrap around me.

We continue the live like that. The fans took note of everything. For sure this would go big and some of them approving and accepting our relationship.

They were shocked because of the different sides of us are revealed. And they were the ones to witness it raw. They realize how both of us are being ourselves with each other and are happy that we are happy.

𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪𓆩⟡𓆪

(not proofread and sorry for the ending. I am sleepy already)

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

6 month solstice/full moon check-in livejournalstyle

So i've been advised to recap the past 6 months. Especially since this current Capricorn full moon is exacting at 1 degree Capricorn which happens to be the same degree as My Ascendant. (Pinkmoondoll number 1 :@!!!!!)

The Cancer full moon happened at around 5 degrees on december 26th 2023. That is my ex's birthday. On winter solstice 2023, exactly 6 months ago, i cut her out of my life. We were already broken up for a long time before that but i continued to let her stay in my life for a few reason, namely guilt & fear. Guilt because of the emotional turmoil she projected onto me & fear because, well, we are married and i didn't know what would happen to my immigration status if i cut her off. I still don't! This has not changed yet.

Pretty much everything else about me & my life has changed though. internally at least. Having her out of my life has allowed me so much freedom to get back to who i am & live with integrity. The only people left in my life now are ones who are respectful, kind, have their own shit going on, appreciate that i am my own person too, allow me to breathe, don't expect anything specific from me, don't toy with my mind & emotions. They are just glad to let me be who i am. No one tries to control me anymore. i feel so wonderful because no one can control me.

So the past 6 months has been a series of stages of getting back to Me. unraveling all the lies i was fed for years, healing from the pain of being manipulated, feeling that so much of my energy was wasted. Truly truly wasted. i'm not one of those people who can live without regrets lol. i wish i broke free so much sooner, the stress destroyed my health for years. But ultimately, this is how it went down, so i strive towards acceptance.

For the first few months of this year i was really on a huge substance abuse kick! im not gonna specify what, but iykyk. Like i really just could not bear the weight of what i was feeling. Every day i was finding out more and more info about lies i'd been told, stuff happening behind my back. All i could rly do was take pills & tunnel vision into ableton or drawing or whatever. it helped repress my emotions & i got a lot done during this time but it was unhealthy & the more it progressed i saw how unsustainable it was.

around spring equinox shit HIT THE FAN e_e So this would be the quarter year mark. Well it was march 15 when denji ate the ziploc bag and had to get emergency obstruction removal surgery. That immediately halted all projects i was working on. I was still taking a lot of pills to cope with the stress of that situation & at that point i needed them just to function at a base level. Then i think april 4th or 5th was when i found out Sammy died, which...i mean yeah i've spoken a lot on how horrific that was & still remains to be.

I mean , like, that shit, rearranged my whole brain, that shit reset me. this also marked the time period where like... my psychic senses really began evolving. idt it was necessarily linked to sammy's death, it just weirdly shifted around that time. i think the lunar eclipse in late march caused some type of quantum leap idk man idek. Then the solar eclipse in april sealed the deal. Ever since then the craziest stuff that i cant even rly talk about has been happening to me & i immediately felt compelled to like, quit all drugs and just fucking ascend lol.

Sooo first i started w pill numero uno, the really diabolical one, middle of april i just said fuck it, i am done. at this point i had abused it so hard it wasnt even doing shit for me anymore, even when i took tolerance breaks, it was genuinely pointless to continue. i did wonder how the fuck i was ever gonna function without it and i was scared. The final few weeks of april were just a total write off, didnt do shit, totally depressed & grieving & miserable but weirdly hopeful too. Like i knew i just had to suffer and get it over with.

pill 2 was actually pretty easy to cut back on because ive quit it a bunch of times before & know what to expect, and since i was already suffering so bad from pill 1 after about a week i thought yeah i might as well stop the other one too lol. there was no noticable increase in suffering from stopping it. So by the 2nd week of May it had been around 3 weeks of feeling like pure ass but i was starting to feel WAYYYY better and my normal goofy self again.

That is the worst thing about adhd meds for me lol they robbed me of my whimsy and goofiness T_T Like i was so serious all the time T_T it was even kinda affecting my relationship w slimbo. Like i couldnt be affectionate i was just a robot. All i cared about was working and i was so impatient. As i came off the meds i started to remember how nice it is to just be slow, be in the moment, enjoy simple things with my love, not constantly bound to this gnawing neurosis pushing me to squeeze maximum productivity out of every single second.

like i said , i'm 1 degree cap rising sooo this neurosis is something that exists firmly within my personality, for sure. i mean, if u cant tell, I Be Doing Things lol. And i get very competitive with myself. the dark side of me is that i want to be the best at everything. A big part of my adult life has been learning how to relax. learning how to have fun, learning how to be a little pointless. Without the meds this is a struggle for me so with the meds it was genuinely impossible not to be completely controlled by the rabid impulse to work.

So getting off the meds was a big exercise in confronting my fear of Not being the best. my fear of chilling, my fear of being still & unoccupied. But i did it! And i feel so much better. Like holy shit, i feel SO much better.

By the mid-May i was picking up steam in just being able to live again. a lot of the brainfog & physical heaviness lifted. I was still not very productive at art or music, but i was getting really good at not letting that bug me. spending a lot of time working in the garden, got back into yoga, reading, just doing leisurely stuff that felt expansive to my inner world rather than trying to externalize anything. psychic experiences continued to amplify. became interested in tarot again as i no longer felt i was living in fear of my higher self.

after getting off the pills i began feeling really fixated on the notion of quitting weed. Previously this had been genuinely unthinkable to me. Like, me and weed, we were One, every person i'd ever been as an adult had smoked weed, it was weirdly part of my identity, for 15 years i genuinely believed i could not exist without weed, like i would just lose my fucking mind if i stopped. i did not believe in myself.

But as the psychic experiences progressed i felt strongly that i want to go deeper. Previously i had been afraid to go deeper. In that regard i think i was truly afraid of my own potential. I wasn't ready for it, and that's actually fine. A lot of people aren't.. But as May was coming to a close i knew that i was ready, and actually, it was crucial of me to put an end to this. I was enjoying finally having some sense of peace & joy after how crummy it felt quitting the pills , i didn't really want to disturb that state of being, but i also was having that feeling again that i just need to "get it over with".

So when it struck June 1st i was like yeah fuck it. Let this mark a new beginning. as soon as i realize something is no longer in my best interest its almost impossible for me to keep going with it! like i can't live with myself. I guess that's where my fixation on being "the best" can serve me sometimes. if that makes sense.. Like i willllll always end up putting my foot down and saying NO :T

So yeah. it's recent enough that i don't really feel the need to detail how the first 2 weeks of june were sooooo sucky and emotional and generally dysfunctional. couldn't even read or draw or do any minor tasks i was sooo out of my mind. Not much needs to be said about it. i just had to simply allow time to pass. a lot of days spent in bed crying & dissolving.

right around the 2 week mark we went to missouri & this is when i started noticing myself feeling way way better. the whole time i didn;t even think about weed or my symptoms at all. i was so present in each moment and it was so easy to just feel....alive. also had some intense psychic experiences, one of which i haven;t even talked about on here, and i probably wont because its too sacred. The overarching theme between all the experiences i've been having since late march is that they feel too sacred to tell anyone. The high priestess emphasizes secrecy in some matters..

Which brings us to now, june 21, 21 days w/o weed, 3 weeks. I know that sounds like nothing but this has been 15 YEARS coming. that's half my lifespan so far. and now i just feel fine. i got thru the blues of quitting, all the repressed emotions, im sure they'll still pop up from time to time too. but ultimately i am just so fucking relieved to be free of that shit and like, functioning, able to sleep, not riddled with anxiety and self hatred like i was when i started as a grieving baby teenager.

i guess i wanted to write this to remind myself what a monumental shift i have made in my life in the first half of 2024, and how insanely far i've come in the grand scheme of my life, in a relatively short timespan. because i keep getting this feeling of self doubt where i'm like wait... it's almost july and i've barely completed any tasks, i still havent finished my music, wtf am i doing :( But i dont think i was supposed to finish it until i shed all these habits that were causing major roadblocks in my path!

shed my ex, shed pills, shed weed. shed grief! shed self doubt. emptied my vessel & it has allowed room for so much new life to come through. new forces being channeled. my mediumship abilities now are in focus and taking off at an accelerated rate. for the first time in my life i'm not in survival mode. i feel this is my reward for living through it all when i wanted nothing more than to give up for so many years. i prayed for death, every day, i really did. now i am dead! the old me died. and i carry her memory with honor, i carry on the parts of her that wished to remain and be loved, but she is effectively dead.

for the first time in my life i am really proud of myself. i don't feel so competitive with myself anymore. i don't need to prove myself externally. i do not require any validation of my existence. i can sit with myself without feeling extreme self induced dread & despair. i feel worthy even though i am still (from the outside looking in) at the exact same place i was at 6 months ago.

i'm finally feeling ready to work a little harder again, but not because i'm desperate to gain anything from it. just because it's fun, and fundamentally, as stated above, that drive is a part of my personality, a part of me that i love & cherish. number 1 is the magician. the mage patchouli ~~~ the alchemist. create for the sake of creating.

if anyone read this far, thats wild xD but thats dope too.. I guess one thing i'd like for the future is just to inspire people that you can alchemize the tragedies of your life and all the suffering into something much greater than yourself. You can get through it and be happy with your meager little life one day, even if it takes 30 or 40 years, it's worth it to try & worth it to get here. You do not have to wallow in sadness and self doubt forever, even if u see no way out rn.

i'm happy just being me ^_^ i have so much fun when i'm in my mind. bladee voice ~~be in your mind, be in your mind, be in your mind~~. i love how simple everything feels right now. i love how people & entities can come to me because they trust me to receive their messages & understand them. My own projections do not get in the way anymore. I shed so much. I am free. Happy Strawberry Moon everyone.

SIncerely, PMD9

[mariiilume]

Hello! I love your art! :) What are everyone’s dynamics like in your iteration!

HI OH MY GOSH IM SO SORRY I NEVER SAW THIS!!! AND THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I’m glad you like my art oh me gosh :[[ 💞💞💞

I’ll try and explain their relationships the best I can!

Their relationships between each other develop ALOT over the course of the story, as I’d like to note They did NOT know each other originally just recently they met each other! They all grew up in separate Sectors of the world (The zodiac sectors). Despite all being related they had no knowledge of each other, and hence it took them a bit to become more like found family siblings!

I’m gonna list the fours relationships with each other!

LEOS REALTIONSHIPS

Mikey: Leo views Mikey as her little brother, despite him being the oldest and she is in fact the youngest. He was the first she trusted out of Donnie and Mikey, and she instantly became over protective and controlling of him. Once matters were sorted out, she became a lot more tame, and more of just making sure he doesn’t over dose on cupcakes /ref, Leo loves giving noogies to Mikey just to torment how short it is (She’s the tallest)

Donnie: Leo was very suspicious of Donnie at first, especially with what she knew of him, and even went as far as to accuse her of a certain betrayal, which was partially true. After they made amends Leo was more nervous around Donnie, not because she didn’t trust them anymore, but simply because she felt guilty or her bad judgement, over time they put a great deal of trust in each other, and have a silly Donnie tries to get Leo out of her shell and Leo ends up going to crazy and Donnie has to drag her out of trouble dynamic.

Raph: Raph was last to join the group, so Leo was ALOT more open to him then Donnie, as she had already experienced the whip lash that could come from jumping to conclusions. However this doesn’t stop her from being cautious! After all, Raph has a criminal record. But she’s quick to try and make him feel welcomed, they tend to butt heads /lh often and tease each other with their sassy comebacks, often entering the ‘ultimate sass pass battele’ as Mikey would say.

RAPHS RELATIONSHIPS:

Leo: Leo was the one he trusted first, despite Mikey’s attempts to be welcoming, Leo just has the discipline and sass to get him out of his shell. He was pretty snarky and rude at first, purely following along with them for the benefit of protection, but he slowly began to come to the realization they were right, and became a strong defendant and protector of the group. Leo and him like to spare, as the strongest (raph) and second strongest (Leo) fighters.

Donnie: Raph opened up to Donnie when he became close with Leo, And started finding cool tech for them to use. Raph likes to listen to her ramble, he finds it relaxing when he’s settling down. He has strict protection over Donnie, as the weakest fighter in the group, he will often launch secret ‘attacks’ to test Donnie’s reactions, Esch time Donnie seems to be more and more prepared with the squirty water bottle

Mikey: Mikey was very welcoming to Raph, which was off putting for the turtle, he struggled to accept someone so opening and was very mistrustful of it. He was very touch averse (when it comes to gentle touch, it’s stressful for him, he feels he might lash out or freak out and hurt someone during it, so he generally avoids it) But over time one day Raph hugged mikey! And they’ve been besties ever since, they are constantly chilling near each other, Raph is strong and likes to hold the taller turtle on his shoulders during his work outs, Mikey is his lil cheerleader!

DONNIES RELATIONSHIPS

Mikey: Donnie was the very fascinated by Mikey’s display of magic, and took an immediate interest in him. At first it was simply for a rise in the ranks, but it soon turned to affection when her original plans to turn Mikey in were changed to do anything to keep Mikey from getting taken. They like to take recommendations from Mikey on their newest tech, Mikey likes to do drawings for Donnie’s inventions, and Donnie hangs them on his wall! The two are very close, Donnie would protect Mikey with his life.

Leo: Donnie was triggered by Leo’s arrival, but didn’t show it. Not wanting to mess up Mikey’s chance at change. He only really started stepping in when Leo’s controlling behavior became to much, she stood up to leo, which sadly made it worse (for a moment). After getting over the initial tension, the two clicked, realizing how much they had in common with each other. Donnie likes to help leo out of her shell, and sometimes has to drag her back into it, Donnie you unleashed the chaos in her, let her flourish with it!

Raph: Donnie and Raph both are more cold and closed off, so it’s expected they’d have a similar mine set, Donnie was often making teasing remarks to Raph who’d challenge him to a battle and Donnie would quickly surrender. They have a very fun rivalry, often Donnie has their squirty bottle loaded and ready to fire when ever Raph decides to sneak attack. Donnie often asks Raph to help her with his Tech, to help with Raphs emotional regulation with handling fragile tech.

MIKEYS RELATIONSHIPS

Donnie: Donnie came into Mikey’s life at a very hard time, and offered a good amount of comfort that Mikey instantly clinged too. It was distraught with all that went down with Donnie and Leo, and was only more worried to find more of Donnie’s past when Casey came into the picture. But they worked through it together, and Donnie became more open with her feelings and Mikey learned to give space

Leo: Mikey was very welcoming to Leo and was filled with hope at the fact they might have a chance of changing things if they already got 2 people on their team! Mikey quickly became more stressed and withdrawn when Leo became over protective and controlling, it was very intense on his freshly traumatized brain, As his father was very similar. When Donnie tries to stand up to Leo to protect Mikey he tries to undo the stress put on all of them. And eventually it works! Leo becomes more of a big sister figure (not older sister though) and he likes to spook her /lh of course with his silly chaos

Raph: Raph wasn’t very fond of Mikey at first, due to his bubbly and warm nature it confused the turtle. But with Mikey’s stress levels going up, he became more and more breakable, and one day could handle it, as bad as it was, it was also the first day Raph hugged it first. Mikey and Raph have been inseparable ever since, and Mikey is Raphs ultimate cheer bud!

EEE I HAD SO MUCH TYPING THIS! It really helped me develop their relationships more having to write it all down,,, thank you for helping!! Sorry if it’s a lot BAHAHA!!!

[foxymoxynoona]

HAPPY BTS FIC WRITING ANNIVERSARY!!!! thank u so much sharing your incredible writing FOR FREE. FOR. FREE. I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH: YOU WILLINGLY SHARE YOUR WRITING WITH US. FOR. FREE. AND YOUR FICS ARE LIKE LONGER THAN THE LONGEST HARRY POTTER BOOK??? THATS FUCKING CRAZY LIKE I WISH NOT FOR THE FIRST TIME THAT I COULD JUST FORGET SO THAT I COULD GO IN BLIND AND REREAD EVERY SINGLE FIC OF YOURS ALL OVER AGAIN. I WISH I COULD RELIEVE THAT FEELING OF BEING SO FULL OF AWE EACH TIME I READ A SENTENCE. IM SO GLAD YOURE AN ARMY OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE NEVER FOUND YOU!!!! regarding the drabble request, could you maybe (if you COULD AND WANT TO, PLS DONT FORCE YOURSELF TO WRITE IT IF YOU DONT WANT TO) write a drabble where lily finally calls jk dad for the first time after calling him kookie for so long 🥺 that, or namjoon and sylvie dad-daughter bonding time 🥰 IF THATS NOT TOO MUCH FOR YOU OFC!!!! THANK U SO MUCH FOR THE DRABBLE OFFER ANYWAY!!!!! ILL READ WHATEVER YOU DECIDE TO WRITE EVEN IF NONE OF IT IS FROM MY REQUEST!!!! I LOVE WHATEVER YOU WRITE 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

I've had this beautiful long note in my inbox for so long and I'm excited to finally have a drabble for you! I'll no doubt do some more Jungkook Lily too, but here's Namjoon and Sylvie for you. Thank you so so so much for reading my stories and I'm really all gooey inside that you enjoy them so much!

Bonus thank you to the person who wrote in asking about Namjoon doing origami!

Story: Amended Characters: Namjoon & Sylvie (Namjoon x Gina, Sylvie is Gina's daughter) Length: 2353 CW: some cursing about deadbeat dads :)

Namjoon sat on the couch and looked at Sylvie. Sylvie looked right back at him, but standing, with her arms tucked into the back of her Mirabel dress through an impressive feat of contortion. Namjoon knew who Mirabel was; he’d seen the movie twice and made a point of learning the soundtrack. Coco too. And Moana. And Frozen, back before he knew which Disney movies Sylvie and Diego actually liked. They had not yet been impressed by his knowledge of the lyrics but Gina had made him butcher the Spanish lyrics of ‘Dos Oroguitas’ again for her later and swayed with her arms around his neck and kissed him hard so… yeah, no regrets. It was nice languages came to him relatively easy. He hadn’t told her he was learning Spanish in his spare time yet, not wanting to embarrass himself before he reached a minimum threshold of competency, but obviously that was a thing he needed to do. She spoke Spanish with her kids as much as she did English. Her whole family spoke it as their first language. He wanted to be in her life, so he needed to speak it too.

Now he decided to try it out a little during this afternoon alone with Sylvie for the first time.

“Qué quieres hacer?” he asked her to show off.

Her lips bubbled out with her breath and she tilted her head and scrunched her eyebrows together. Fuck, had he said something wrong? Or did he just sound stupid?

“What are we going to do together, Sylvie?” he asked her. 

“I don’t know,” she giggled. Then tilted her head the other way. “No sé.” Then “Podemos comer dulces?”

“Ok ok, you passed my Spanish,” he laughed. “I don’t speak much yet.”

“Do you have candy in your pocket? Can I have it?”

One time he’d had candy in his pocket when they saw each other while he was in uniform. 

“Sorry, I don’t…”

She didn’t say anything but looked disappointed. Strike one. Namjoon pursed his lips and templed his fingers, elbows on his knees, and waited. One of them had to figure out what they were going to do. They had several hours before Gina and Diego would be home for his afternoon of appointments. Gina was stressed as shit about Diego’s school trouble lately –Diego acting out, doing poorly on his schoolwork, not wanting to do his homework or even read anymore. So off they went to the doctor for something Namjoon hadn’t asked the details about and Namjoon had volunteered to keep Sylvie before Gina could ask Isabella.

Because, hey, he and Gina were kind of a thing now –no, not kind of. A thing. They were a thing. And he needed to impress her kids quick. He didn’t have tons of nieces and nephews running around like Jungkook did to give him that leg up. He didn’t know much about kids at all and suspected they both knew Diego and Sylvie. He felt big and clumsy with kids. He’d felt that way when he was a kid.

“So uh… what do you want to play?” Namjoon asked.

Sylvie just shrugged. 

“Um, you’ve got like… Princess stuff or Legos or–”

“Those are Go’s,” she corrected. “I don’t play Legos.”

“Oh. Ok, well… we could uh…”  He racked his brain, trying to think of what Jungkook mentioned he did with Lily, or what he’d seen Sylvie do when he was over any other time, or any movies he’d seen. “Um… tea party?”

“No,” she said in her little soft voice, a gentle rejection.

“Uh… art?”

A pause, then, “Ok.”

“Ok. What art stuff do we have? I’m not a great artist but maybe you can teach me something…” 

“Anyone can be an artist,” she corrected. “All you have to do is take a crayon and make your mark.”

“Wow.” She went over to get a box from against the wall but he just stared after her for a moment. Had she thought of that on her own? That was fucking profound. “Does your mom say that?”

“No. It’s in that crayon book.”

“What crayon book?”

“You know, the crayon book.” He still didn’t know, but she didn’t clarify further, because apparently he ought to just know what book she was talking about even though he was positive he’d never read a book about crayons in his life. Or, well, recently. When she began to drag the box to the coffee table, he picked it up and set it beside the table and lifted the lid off, peering into a chaotic nest of broken crayons, pipe-cleaners, half used sticker sheets, dry glue sticks, uncapped markers, loose sequins, and colored popsicle sticks.

Sylvie plopped right down and pulled out some paper and crayons. Damn, she was cute, little face bright and happy, loose hair wispy around her face from her long ponytail with a sparkly scrunchie. 

“What are you drawing?”

“Uh….” She paused and looked at the lines she had made, then giggled and whispered shyly, “I don’t know yet.” He wasn’t sure why that had made her shy, but decided to give her some space. She was shy, much shyer than Lily, who saw everyone as a friend she just hadn’t met yet. Each time he was around Sylvie, he felt like it took time for her to warm up to him again. It was faster if Lily and Jungkook were around, like Sylvie just accepted Namjoon was her Jungkook stand-in for the moment.

But he wanted to be more than that to her. Even if the reality of what it took to be more than that for her felt beyond him right now because he couldn’t even figure out how to spend an afternoon with her. What business did he have dating a woman with children when he knew next to nothing?

But he wanted to. He wanted to figure this out. He felt like Gina and Diego and Sylvie were worth it. He got it, why Jungkook had felt like Isabella, Ezra, and Lily were too.

 So he folded his long legs under the coffee table and dug around in the box and pulled a few pieces of paper out to draw on too. In holding it, though, he realized it was a lighter weight, and had pretty designs on each side.

“Oh, this is perfect for origami.”

“I know origami,” Sylvie announced, eyes lighting up. 

“Oh yeah?”

“We do origami in art special at school.”

“What’s art special?”

“Thursday.”

“Ok…” Didn’t answer his question but she seemed to think it did. “Well what do you make?”

“Um…” She blew her lips out unhappily. “Swords.”

“You… make origami swords?”

“Yeah… and a diamond.”

“And a diamond.” He had no fucking clue what she was talking about.

“Here, I can show you!”

“Ok!” Yeah that seemed good. He watched as she started folding up her current paper without even bothering to make it square. “Wait. I need tape.”

“You shouldn’t need tape…”

“Well I do,” she said and sounded so much like her mother it made him laugh. He went to find some tape, but all he could find was packing tape, so he had to fight with the end of it and tear her off small pieces to use and then fight with the end again when it would inevitably cling to itself again.

“You can say bad words. I know not to say them too,” she assured him, either reading his mind or lips.

“Ah… I won’t… it’s better to stop saying bad words, you know?”

“Mami says bad words don’t count if you say them in Spanish so maybe you should learn Spanish.”

“Yo estudio español.” As soon as he said it, he worried it was wrong,even such a basic phrase. She giggled, which could mean either way. 

“Ok do what I do,” she told him. 

He tried. She kept checking his work and telling him he was doing it wrong, but then she’d tell him “very good” probably like her teacher did.  Then she held out the thing she’d made. “Aquì. A diamond” and motioned to his.

“Ahh, yes, hm.” He looked at the two things in his hands. This was not origami. This was paper folded and taped to resemble a crunchy wad roughly in a shape alluding to a diamond. In a way, hers was better, because his looked like it was trying too hard. “It’s really cool. Thanks for teaching me.”

“Do I have to make a sword?”

“No, of course not. Want me to make something?”

“Yes,” she grinned.

“Ok, let’s see…” He looked around for something he could use to crease the paper and settled on a shitty pair of safety scissors. It had been a while since he’d actually made anything with origami and he worried at first he’d need to look up directions which would make it seem a little less cool. But once he started to crease the paper, he felt the directions come back like a video he could watch just by closing his eyes. His fingers remembered –probably because he’d made dozens of these trying to impress a girl in middle school. It had not worked. Resulted in nothing but papercuts and blisters. 

Sylvie leaned close on the table, watching his hands closely. No one ever paid that much attention to anything he was doing, it was really sweet. He kept glancing at her face until he made the final fold and held it out to her.

“It’s a butterfly!” she gasped and held her hands out for it. When he set it in her palm, she cradled it like it was real. 

“It’s pretty, right?”

“It’s so cute!”

“Ok, let’s see, what else do I know how to make…” Namjoon racked his brain as Sylvie leapt up and made the butterfly fly around the room. She was so pleased with it, it made Namjoon feel really good.

“Teach me how to make it!” Sylvie begged, crashing back down and gently putting the butterfly on the table. “She needs a sister and we can make a bed. No, two sisters!”

She was talking to him so much!

“That’s a lot of sisters,” Namjoon laughed. “All right. It’s kinda tricky though so I may have to help you sometimes…”

He thought that might be frustrating for her to need help. Kids were supposed to get impatient if they couldn’t do it themselves, right? But she didn’t mind at all, just leaned around his hands to see when he’d reach forward to assist with the more complicated bends and folds. Her butterfly came out a little wonky but he praised it and she glowed. She chose the paper for his and then they looked up on his phone how to make a box, which he folded while she tore up paper to be the “blankets.”

“Hmmm, should I try to make a bird? It’s pretty hard!”

“You can do it!” Sylvie insisted. “If it gets hard I can help you.”

Ah, she was adorable. She was really cute. Namjoon watched her smile to herself and arrange the trio of butterfly sisters carefully in their new little bed and couldn’t fathom how a father could just walk away from this little girl. That’s what the fucker had done! Gina had minced no words when, in response to Namjoon asking her on a date, she had said, “I already picked the wrong dad for my babies and now they’ve got a basket of abandonment issues. They already know you. I know no guy wants to hear it, but I can’t date you unless we figure out fast if we’re serious about it, because they don’t need another guy tossing a wave over his fucking shoulder at them.”

And Namjoon had straightened his shoulders and looked her in the eye and said, “I debated it a long time before I asked because of that. You deserve better than that, they deserve better than that. You tell me what the best thing is to do for them, and for you, but… yeah. I’m serious about this. I mean it.”

And so they were a thing, even though they’d only been on a few dates, and Namjoon was doing his best to earn the warmth he felt in his chest every time her kids played with him or asked for help with something or hung off his arms to see if he could still walk or just shouted and waved, “Hi, Joon! Bye, Joon!” Always Joon. 

The crane hadn’t turned out great but Sylvie loved it. She loved the frog too, even though he had to find instructions on his phone. He made it with daisy paper and Sylvie squealed with more glee than he’d ever heard from her. She loved his shitty frog, his lopsided crane, the butterflies. And it was soothing to make, too. Something about the focus on such a small task, the dexterity required, the smoothing and folding and pressing, the doubting it until it finally came together, it was all very calming. 

Maybe that was spending time with Sylvie too though. She was so quiet when her brother wasn’t around; Jungkook said Lily barely stopped to breathe, but it was obvious Sylvie on her own was a gentle soul. She seemed perfectly happy doing this too; he was amazed how long it entertained her. 

“Ok what else can we make…”

“Make a… hm…” Sylvie trailed off staring at the screen as Namjoon scrolled to see what else there were tutorials for. “MAKE A ELEPHANT!” she shouted, pointing at his phone so hard it fell from his hands. Her eyes got wide. “Sorry…” she grimaced.

“Ahh, it looks really hard, but let’s see if we can do it together,” he said. “What paper are we going to use?”

“Pink.”

“Pink it is.” 

Sylvie giggled and snuggled close to his side so their hands could work together and it didn’t matter that the girls in middle school hadn’t been impressed with his origami. It was worth every second to spend this afternoon making Sylvie happy instead. Worth every papercut.

[valleynix]

GHOSTIE HERE! i just finished ch12 . and AAHHUGHH😭😭😭😭

im SO proud of dani for coming out of her comfort zone a little around reader, i got a bit nervous when she bit them but im proud of reader too!!

and ooohh... the convo with lady d... i feel like she rehearsed what she was going to say with herself before approaching reader- or at least some of those thoughts are what she thought of them Before she realized they werent really a threat. kinda. IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN. but goddamn did those words hurt. AND OMG? READERS WINGS? as soon as they popped out i INSTANTLY knew why lady d was tryna piss them off. and it worked 🥲🥲

tbh having wings is SUCH a big dream of mine especially growing up, idk how to decribe it but when you described how the dimitrescus would tease and rub and scritch their wings i FELT the back tingles go almost up the back of my neck and down my spine 😭 PLEASE I KNOW THAT SOUNDS WEIRD i just needed to tell yall KEORJRBEK

anyways. LOVE IT AF IM GONNA START 13 NOW!

YIPPEE!!!!!!

we love and support Daniela here. precious little firefly that she is. she’s so soft and so caring and augh

she definitely did 😭 i get what you’re saying! she was intentionally trying to piss them off despite her bluffs because she wanted more information, and unfortunately, she knows how to get it from them. when she was first “reborn”, something similar happened to her; her claws would often come out during higher moments of emotional stress and she wondered if she could do the same to Reader to see what they really were

(it backfired. kind of)

i dunno, she’s aware they’re not really a threat but she also knows they can be incredibly dangerous if given the chance to be :3

I FEEL THAT. i love that i’ve given Reader wings. not only do they look cool, but i also get to describe them and how everyone loves them. augh it’s just very interesting to write about!

IM GLAD YOU’RE STILL ENJOYING!! reading these makes me so happy :D <3

[bloodnikki]

Giving human Alastor a friend named Roxy who doesn’t care for Esme because she’s a girl Thomas brought around. It’s okay. Esme ends up poisoning her to death. So in Hell their relationship is tense. Also, would love for Vox to just pop in while Mimzy is trying to call out Esme for being fake and Mimzy is just in shocked that Vox knows her.

Mimzy: you pretend to be this great, prefect angel but you’re just a cold blooded murderer!

Esme: and you sold me out to cannibals! So I got to die being gutted like a pig while still alive!

Mimzy: a girls gotta look out for herself. I needed the money. Besides, how was I to know you’d die for good. You came back last time.

Esme: Im glad I murdered you. You were in my way and so rude to that kid that was not my son.

Mimzy: that brat was a good for nothing, little piece of shit that-

Vox: Mom!

Esme: not your mom, but yes?

Vox: I think you should know that I once tried to date Alastor. It didn’t go well. So, i don’t think it’ll go well for you.

Mimzy: Mom? Do my ears work right?

Esme: I’m not dating Alastor.

Mimzy: did he just call you mom?

Vox: you aren’t? You could fool me.

Esme: I’m not.

Vox: you two went out to dinner last night.

Esme: to show me a good place to eat and to see if he’d work for me. It was a work thing

Mimzy: Mom? He called her mom.

Vox: You took were seen walking together arm in arm.

Esme: He is a gentleman and I have been faint lately due to the stress of my Heavenly work

Mimzy: He's that little brat? Her son is super rich! And she's got connections in both worlds!

Vox: Okay! What about you two shopping together? I swear I saw chargers that showed you bought men's clothing. That was for him. Don't deny it!

Esme: First, why are you in my bank statements? Two, I'm allowed to gift items to friends. I gifted you that pocket watch, a shark and some jewelry. We aren't dating.

Vox: You have a right there.

Mimzy: What about the fact that during the costume party you were in a closest with him?

Vox: 00 you were in a closest with him? Alone! What were you doing in there? With him?

Esme: Mistakenly went through the door. You know I can drink too much.

Mimzy: They were making out.

Esme: Fuck You!

Vox: I didn't know how to do that or even what that was!

[1d1195]

Sam my love I am so glad you’re at a slightly better point! It sucks that you haven’t been feeling well :( I know it’s not easy to just “relax or calm down” but really I am glad that you did take some time for yourself! PLEASE CONTINUE TO DO SO! Don’t feel bad about not posting any new writing too! Honestly if you decided to not post anymore for whatever reason, it’s okay because you're still a person behind the screen. As long as YOU are okay or trying to get there, that is enough! You're never being dramatic, you know your body and feelings! 

Ive had such a busy weekend and I started my summer courses today(monday) which is why i haven't been on here as much :( Weekend was busy since I went thrifting and got some new skirts which I am excited about! And I went to a vintage car show! I love looking at older cars but I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM! I just like the vibes lol 

I also have not finished the bear yet, I'm only 4 episodes in 😭 and girl don’t get me started on how i think about the whole claire or sydney thing because I feel like I can make a whole ass dissertation on the bear HAHA especially with this new season I have MANY thoughts lol But I do agree that the first episode was an interesting watch. I think that it was an attempt to give some more backstory especially with Carmy’s training but I think that the transitions from past/present were hard to follow. But the changes were very stuble so it can easily be missed. The way I knew was by looking at his hair?? Idk maybe im reaching lol  Oh I would cry too! I didn’t grow up with so much yelling and I hate confrontation so it would not be a good environment for me lol I'm also a perfectionist so I simply would die :)! Anyways I'm hoping to have more time during this week to finish it! 

How was your weekend? Hows’ the week starting out?!

Sam you're literally the SWEETEST how would I not be nice to you😭?! I love you!!!-💜

I didn't realize you were taking summer courses! I thought you were free! I feel like we discussed that you were and like a goldfish, I forgot immediately 🤦‍♀️ (it's slowly coming back, you're making up for some lost time perhaps?) How long are the classes and are you excited about them? I actually loved my summer math classes in grad school (maybe more than my regular season classes). They were like 👌 the right amount of time and the right amount of work.

New skirts! Are they long skirts or short skirts? Any fun patterns? I also know NOTHING about cars. I would rather walk. The vintage car shows are cool though! (Sounds like another great story meet cute to use 👀)

I just finished ep 5. I think as a whole the season is weird but I'm still invested. I like it a lot. I feel like Sydney doesn't want to part own it. I'm thinking she's seeing Carmy spiraling and she's like "Maybe I don't want to tie myself into him (and the restaurant)" Idk just my prediction. OBSESSED WITH THE FAKS. "How many Faks are coming?" "At least two, less than five." Literally amazing. I think Carmy's obsession is also a little too much this season. Maybe that's the point (obvi, his non-negotiables are/were a lot). Him wanting a new menu every night is a lot for me. I'm stressing about it. I feel like I've mentioned but my bf is pretty into cooking and he thinks Carmy is modeled after Marco Pierre White (I forget his reasoning; even though it's been said The Bear is not based off a real person) but if my bf IS right, it doesn't bode well for Carmy :/ I'm obsessed with the character arcs of some of these characters. Richie and Tina for example. TINA omg I could have killed her at the beginning. What a queen. I'm trying to be vague and also not spoil anything so hopefully I didn't. But I apologize if I did.

Totally agree with you on the perfectionist front. It's rough out there. I would sob into my purees lol

Omg I don't even remember the weekend. I think it was relaxing lol I was so nervous about school stuff. Because of the 4th I'm done with the first week of school so I'm feeling much better now. Mother Nature made her appearance as well and I shouldn't have been surprised since I mentioned last week I wanted to jump into traffic which is a good signal. But anyway, I'm thriving now. Need to do some chores and I'm writing something hopefully to post for tomorrow! I want to read and go for walks as well!

Hope your classes are good, your week is good, and you're enjoying the rest of The Bear LOVE YOU! 💕

xoxo

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3403

today was fine. i had to edit a paper for a friend last-minute before her class, so i ended up getting to the school early today to make sure i had time to edit it.

which i did, because my first appointment cancelled. my second appointment showed, though, so that was nice.

during my allotted time for the "study group" which has not once happened, kendall came in and i got to sit with my friends and catch up a little bit. i missed them. why does adulthood have to be so stressful.

eh.

after that i went and worked with nancy and the kiddos and talked to both her and her second daughter about what i think is going on. i would bet dollars to donuts and my next paycheck on the fact that her second oldest has both dyslexia and adhd. it explains everything. and as someone with adhd, i know how to work around it untreated. so i've been slowly passing off study and function habits and tips to her because she gets so frustrated that it's hard to function. she cries a lot because she gets frustrated easily.

i see so much of myself in her.

so i pulled up articles for nancy to read and told her that now that we've discussed it, it's her responsibility to be her daughter's advocate. it's the parent's responsibility to make sure their child's school environment is helping more than it hurts.

but right now, that poor kid has been struggling because she has a hard time with it. it's one thing to have adhd alone. it's another beast entirely to have it paired with dyslexia. so i'm trying to figure out other strategies for her and i'll likely email her teacher to figure out ways to help her work better. getting her to a doctor is likely the best first step - i can only do so much, and none of that is even official, not even slightly. i just know it when i see it because that's how i am, too.

and i didn't want the kiddo to be in the dark, either - so i sat and talked to both of them at the same time, explaining bigger words and making sure that she understood that being different isn't bad. that it's just different, and different is okay. it's great, even. i'm glad i can be here to support her however i can, because when i was her age, i needed someone like me that i never had. so to keep her from spiraling, im here to be a beacon for her to look towards when things get overwhelming. because i've been there. and she knows that now. and i think she'll be okay.

i'm just so proud of her.

i'll be a good parent someday.

joel and i will be great parents together. i've been getting practice with nancy's kids, and joel will get practice with his best friend's daughter, who is soon to join us in the world of the breathing.

that'll be fun, that day.

[ipodtouchtouchtouch]

They both gave the energy that i had scared them. as if i were the odd one out in my own bed. i wondered if my roommates could hear the shrieking. its so weird because i felt like i was thinking pretty rational non dream thoughts. it all felt so real, especially when i touched that person in my bed and it really felt like i had rolled over and nearly bumped in to them . so startling. then i woke up actually. but i could not move. i was laying on my back and my mouth was open. i wanted to call out but i couldnt make any sounds. i remembered the chakra crystal bowl sounds and wondered if i should be worried about my throat chakra. before falling asleep that night i had felt randomly scared of the left side of my bed and had actually moved my arm away from it out of what felt like weird irrational fear. i had also been on the left side of my bed during the awful shrieking dream. it felt like such a long time that i couldnt move but it couldnt have been more than a minute. while still frozen i glanced to the left side of my bed and there sat hunched over was this hooded figure with its back to me. i felt completely terrified. then just as i saw the thing i could move my body again. and it was gone. i sat up and grabbed my phone to check the time. it was 2:19 and it did happen to be stopped at the throat chakra vibration. this is a funny detail i think. and i really dont know what to make of it. i was though more scared than ive ever been in my life from a dream. i turned my bedside table lamp on and looked all around my room. i half expected to see something standing in the corner. i had so much adrenaline from the dream. i was awake for around 3 more hours after that. im so glad i didnt have to pee in that time because i was way too scared to leave my bed. the next day i slept until 12 and stayed in bed until 1:30 and i felt completely like shit. i have weeks worth of laundry, my room and house are a mess, im mentally trying to cope with having a small scale instagram scandal from the house show, and now i have to wrestle with the freaky visions id seen the night before. if im going to have sleep paralysis for the first time i wish i could at least be waking up in a clean room. lucky for me that tuesday is also the day jaqueline novak released her comedy special on netflix. my roommate lilia is probably in the top 50 maybe even top 20 jaqueline novak fans as she is a massive poog podcast lover. im friends with many poog lovers. it honestly makes me feel kind of guilty that ive not listened on my own. like 6 of our friends came over that night to hang out and watch the comedy special together. i told them all my harrowing sleep paralysis story live. everyone agreed it was extremely scary and everyone also agreed it had a lot to do with the stress from our house show the week prior. a few of our friends and lilia saged the apartment and chanted "only love and light exist". i lit palo santo. after that we watched the comedy special and it was very funny. I listened to the special from the kitchen so that i could work on my drawing at the same time. after everyone went home i stayed up drawing at the table. when i decided to go to bed i did feel quite scared. id been having anxiety about going to bed most of the night. i did though wash my face and brush my teeth. i also massged my neck and put on lotion and stretched. i should also add that i was trying to stay off my phone as well. im so addicted to my phone especially at bed time. i tried to meditate a little in bed but honestly i got too freaked out to keep my eyes closed like that. i put on this reading of alice in wonderland i found on spotify from a page called "the sleepy bookshelf". its some british lady with a very soothing voice telling you to relax and then reading the story. ive not yet made it past chapter one i always fall alseep so fast. this sleep was so peaceful compared to the night before. there is major power in bedtime ritual.

sleep paralysis and inviting negativity in

i experienced sleep paralysis for the first time. immediately after waking up from it i sent a voice message to my roommate and my girlfriend telling them what happened. i felt like id been attacked in the night, not like id woken up from a dream. dreaming is not so common for me since i smoke so much weed. but most of the dreams i do have are nightmares. i think those just stick out the most. a typical nightmare for me includes lots of teeth falling out anxiety. its stress in my life manifesting when ive not been addressing it properly in my waking life. theres honestly many things in my life i dont address properly. i should make a list of those things probably. but i will do that later. my sleep paralysis happened on a monday night. the week prior my roommate and i had an honestly traumatic experience together involving a show at our basement venue. it all centered around this lana del rave we hosted. but this subject i absolutely can not get in to. it did though bring a lot of negativity in to our lives. i honestly havent cried that much since deciding to drop out of college in january 2020. its almost certainly what brought on my sleep paralysis. or invited this demon in to my bedroom. or whatever it was. bad energy. my sleep started off all wrong. i fell asleep sitting up watching true detective season one sexy matthew ma con a hey idk how to spell it with my roommate. after that i decided it was time to put myself to bed. but i couldnt be bothered to wash my face or brush my teeth as these days ive been hopelessly depressed. went to bed in my dirty sheets with my dirty face and dirty teeth... in an effort to save myself from being a complete failure. i put on the crystal bowl sound bath chakra healing vibrations album on spotify and set it to repeat. i fell asleep to the crystal bowl vibrations really easily. at first i had normal type dreams. i was in my middle school cafeteria but for some reason it was a high school reunion. i was wearing a backpack and feeling embarrassed about it. my old classmates tried talking to me but i couldnt speak because i kept stress eating candy and then stress chewing on the wrappers and drooling everywhere. i think at one point i was trying to answer a facetime with my friend who lives in new york. then the scene changed. i walk in to a room that is bright and all white with a backdrop hanging, a camera, clothing racks. a man and a woman are standing in the middle of the room waiting to greet me. i looked right at them but i dont know what they look like. "congratulations" they said "you made the call back" i felt very sick suddenly. i told them that i didnt feel well and asked if they would pick my outfits for me. then i laid down under the clothing rack to rest. as they were pulling clothes out above me the man pulled a knit sweater off the rack. it honestly kind of looks like this sweater we sell at urban outfitters. as he pulled it out the yarn began to unravel. it tangled around my neck somehow and the more he pulled the tighter it got around my neck and it felt like a rug burn as it choked me. i tried to yell out "stop, stop, stop" over and over again but i couldnt really audibly yell. this happens to me a lot in my dreams. as im getting over the fear of being choked and start to realize that im dreaming i wake up. i open my eyes and im laying in my bed. but i am not actually awake. it is still a dream actually because i rolled over in bed to see that someone else was asleep on my right. i felt so scared honestly exactly how id feel if i experienced this in real life. i didnt remember falling asleep with anyone. did i black out drunk was a thought i had. i reached out to touch the person in my bed, they looked small i thought maybe it could be my friend em. when i touched their back this person or thing sat up abruptly and began to shriek. that is not em i knew immediately. it felt like it was screaming in fear like id startled it awake. as the high pitched shriek continued another figure that i had not noticed rose up from the end of my bed and began to shriek as well.

[haik-choo]

karasuno first years out late w/ their s/o

request: Could you write how 1st years (yachi too pls🥺) going out with their s/o late at night ?

a/n: this is such a cute little concept i -- 

[KARASUNO FIRST YEARS OUT LATE AT NIGHT WITH THEIR S/O]

-tsukishima, kageyama, yamaguchi, hinata, yachi

tsukishima kei.

not gonna lie, he’s often awake late at night. he’s a night owl and doesn’t mind sacrificing his sleep to watch some youtube videos

occasionally, he even goes out late at night, slipping past his parents and brother’s room and softly closing the front door with his headphones covering his ears and his hands stuffed in his pockets

so when you text him at 3am and ask if he can go out with you to the convenience store, he agrees in seconds to meet you at the halfway point between your houses

wastes no time in putting on his sneakers and a hoodie; he wants to get there quickly so that you aren’t left out by yourself

tsukishima knows there’s creeps out there, which is exactly why he jogs to the halfway point and is relieved when he’s the first one there

as soon as he sees you in the distance he fast walks to catch up to you, and slips his hand into yours

he totally brings bluetooth earbuds so that you two can listen to the same music instead of his wired headphones <3 uwu

is always on the lookout for any weirdos, and if he spots someone eyeing you up he shoots them the nastiest glare

eventually wraps his arms around your shoulder while your hand is sitll in his and its that cute little thing where your arms is across your chest holding his hand </3

pays for whatever you get at the store, ignores your complaints and tells you to shut up when you continue to insist on paying

“im trying to be a good boyfriend for once, for the love of god PLEASE shut up”

secretly takes a candid photo of you at some point in the night and sets it as his home screen -- NOT his lock screen, and when you see it he outright denies having taken it

tsukishima: you told me to take a picture of you

you: stop lying i know you’re a closet hopeless romantic 

convinces you to stop at the park and eat the snacks you both got there, music still humming in your ears as the moonlight washes you both in cool tones

tsukishima when he’s alone with you is so soft -- he literally kisses your hand and temple and mutters very softly “love you” 

all in all, tsukishima kei is the perfect night-owl boyfriend to go on snack-runs with 

kageyama tobio.

"why would i go out right now. do you know what time it is. i have practice in the morning”

kags really out here kinda hurtin’ your feelin’s ngl boy doesn’t understand the vibes LOL

honestly you probably woke him up, he’s asleep at like ten every night (even tho he still has homework to do he just flat-out ignores it LOL) 

only agrees to go out walking with you because you said he could bring his volleyball and you’d toss a few for him....and also because he’s a little worried because it’s so dark out

doesn’t walk with you to the park but meets you there LOL

he deadass has his wholeass duffel bad with the ball, two waterbottles, two towelettes, volleyball sneakers and everything

“you know,,,,we’re not playing a game, right, tobio?”

“yeah???? and??? what’s your point”

acts nonchalant but is totally having fun and is lowkey glad you asked him to go out so late because it’s cool out, there’s no one to bother him, and you just look...really good under the stars

he’s not a cheesy person but...god you just take his breath away sometimes. not that he’ll ever say that though

you ask to take a break like thirty minutes in because you are LITERALLY dying meanwhile he hasn’t even broken a sweat (”you’re already tired? maybe you should workout more” “shut UP kageyama”)

you both sit on the bench, and you’re lowkey waiting for him to reach for your hand but they’re just folded in his lap as he stares out in the nothingness of night

kageyama can’t take a hint. we know this. he’s incapable of knowing what you want unless you flat out tell him; so you have to be a very honest person

he doesn’t even really initiate skinship, not because he doesn’t want to, but just because it never really crosses his mind

plus he doesn’t feel the need to constantly show affection because he thinks it’s obvious that he likes you

despite this, he is good at spotting weird people, and he’s pretty protective of you, so you’re completely safe with him. trust him, he’ll keep you safe

all in all, have patience and stamina because kags will play volleyball with you until you pass out. also, he loves you 

yamaguchi tadashi.

is in bed by 11pm but doesn’t actually go to sleep until two am because he’s scrolling through tiktok on his phone

sees your text about wanting to go out for a late night walk and maybe go through the little forest near your house and automatically sends a text that says “ill meet you at your window! can you pack some snacks? :)”

he walks all the way to your house, even if it’s more convenient to meet halfway because he wants to protect you! he’s not the strongest nor is he the most intimidating, so all he really has to offer is his presence

despite not being strong nor scary, yams literally has eagle eye. you can’t tell me that he can’t read people in a heartbeat -- he’s extremely perceptive 

also texts you to not bring a jacket because he’s bringing on of his own for you !!! so sweet what the hell

he waits at your front door and when you step out he automatically pushes his volleyball jacket into your hands and he takes the bag of snacks from you and sticks out one of his hands UGH such a gentleman

lets you ramble about anything and stares at your side profile as he listens 

joins in with a few quips here and there but ultimately is pretty quite and lets you speak or lets the silence cozy into the conversation

sees that there’s a guy sitting on a bench up the road and he switches places with you so that you’re further away from the stranger 

also wraps a protective hand around your waist until you both are past the random dude but yams will glance behind yall every once in a while

when you two reach the mini forest he ends up taking the lead claiming that he knows a good spot

and damn, he’s right

it’s a little clearing that is illuminated solely by the moonlight and he sets the bag of snacks down beside him before sitting down himself, apologizing for not bringing a blanket that you two could sit on 

pats the spot next to him so that you sit right beside him and he leans back with his hand on yours ONGMIRG 

is the super cheesy type and tells you that you look really pretty and that,,,he kind of wants to kiss you

you: *experiencing heart palpitations* and you did this for what. 

yamaguchi: ...because i love you?

you: *K.O*

all in all, yamaguchi is the boyfriend that completely indulges your late-night escapades <3 

hinata shoyo.

is either completely fast asleep and doesn’t see your text or was awake and not planning to sleep for the next five hours, no in-between

but if he’s awake and sees your text, he agrees right away and asks where you want to meet up and what time because homeboy probably has to bike to get there AgAGAGAGA

literally doesn’t even show up in sneakers. he’s wearing sandals and shorts with a short sleeve top 

“i came in my pjs”

“i see that.”

asks if you two can bike around instead because he doesn’t want to have to wheel his bike around for like an hour 

he tells you to hold on tight because the bike was built for one person, and when you press against his back his warmth is literally so,,,comforting 

has no sense of awareness and will scream going down a hill in the middle of a neighborhood, no fucks given

so, no, he doesn’t notice any weriod people even if there are some around

you always end up running into some weird people and you get new interesting stories every other day because let’s be honest hinata is a magnet for crazy shit and crazy people (usually crackheads) 

you both just ride around as he talks about his day, usually his sister always comes up in the conversation( “she asked me to marry you the other day” “doirhgAEROIHFGRE SHOYO WHAT” “what? i told her i would. i keep my promises!”)

after like thirty minutes he begs for a break and you stop at a little 24/7 ice cream store that is run by the sweetest elderly couple

you share a sundae because you don’t want to eat too much this late at night

he plops on the bench right outside the store with his bike leaning against the metal handles, and h snuggles up to you and watches you scroll on your phone

he talks a little here and there, but for the most part, he goes quiet, and it’s during this time where you’re unaware of his gaze that he just takes his time drinking in your features in the yellow light of the lamppost 

he can’t read the mood most times, but this time he does, and he stays quiet, and he thinks to himself

that he really will marry you one day

all in all, hinata gives you the impulsive young teenage experience of late night bike rides while eating his fair share of ice cream

yachi hitoka.

another either or, except this time she’s either fast asleep or stressing over homework and the nine tests she has the next day

when you ask if she can go on a walk with you she’s hesitant because she doesn’t want to get in trouble with her mom and she’s a total goody goody and terrified of doing anything reckless; but then she remembers that her mom was on a business trip and so she, very cautiously, says yes

you: good. i’m outside your door btw

yachi: i never had a choice did i

you have to meet her at her house because she’s way too scared to walk by herself at night; she might even make you factime her as you commute because she’s worried for you

jumps at every little thing, even the crows cawing make her shit herself

instictively grabs onto your sleeve and nervously look around the entire time, to the point where she doesn’t hear what you say

so you offer to go to a little cafe that’s still open and right away she nods

she’s so adorable, she bows really deeply when you two walk into the store and apologizes for it being so late

and finally, because you two are safe, she’s calm and smiling as she sips at her strawberry smoothie

awkwardly and very shyly reaches out for your hand on the table and gently lays her palm on yours

canon: yachi totally has freckles and you can’t convince me otherwise 

her face is red and her freckles are just on display you can’t help but coo at her and tuck some hair behind her ear because god could she get any cuter?

you two end up staying for like a hour and a half and very shyly she asks if you could walk her home 

and this time on the walk she’s not overly cautious and seems to enjoy the nighttime breeze and your hand softly clasping hers

does that cute thing where she lays her head on your shoulder or arm while you both are walking and looks up at you through her eyelashes and asks if you could give her a kiss on the cheek </3

you: stop. please. im going to die.

when you’re at her door she literally just stands there awkwardly for a few seconds before tilting her head upwards and pressing her lips to yours and then promptly running inside

video calls you three seconds afterwards to make sure you get home safely 

all in all, you might need to be the impulsive one, but yachi enjoys spending late night time with you more than she admits. also please kiss her thanks      

[lverclub]

YERIN ANNOUNCED TO DEPART FROM LOVE CLUB

JANUARY 15TH, 2022

the news of whether or not yerin would continue as a member of love club or not has finally been released. this morning lucky love entertainment and yerin herself released a statement regarding her departure.

hello, this is lucky love entertainment.

today we will be informing you about love club’s fellow member, yerin and her departure from the group. all love club members were given the opportunity to continue as a member of love club or not with no consequences if they signed again or did not sign, and yerin decided that she no longer has a desire to be a member of love club anymore. please respect yerin’s decision as well as the rest of love club as she continues her career. thank you.

hello cupid’s, this is yerin. i regret to tell you all that i will no longer be apart of love club. it is nothing against you cupid’s and it is nothing against the current members of love club. i will never forget the memories i have made with love club and cupids, the memories we made together will always be held close in my heart. i love you all so much, and you have made my time during love club so memorable and so sweet. but, my time in love club has come to an end. i have been thinking about this for a long time, and i think it is the best option for me to leave the group. it has been affecting my mental health as well as my physical health, and i can no longer continue being a member and stay healthy. i have experienced back pain and mental stress, so it will be best for me to depart from the group in order to keep myself healthy and safe. i hope you all support me as i navigate who i want to be and what i want to do, and i hope that you will care for my lovely members of love club. this is not the end, cupid. this is only a new beginning.

yerin’s departure from the group did not suprise cupid’s, many have seen it coming. yerin had experienced back pains all throughout her time in love club and has expressed her mental struggles multiple times to the fans. while cupid saw it coming, many are still heartbroken over the news, but are hopeful that yerin will still stay in the public eye.

+852 , -28 — im excited for yerin! i wonder what she’s going to do next, and i’m happy that she is able to do what is best for her, and while i’m sad over her leaving love club, i know that this time isn’t the end. i’m so excited for love club and yerin to have a fresh start!

+725 , -18 — how many more members need to leave the group in order for lucky love to treat their idols better? first ryoko, and then miyeon eunbi and yerin, lucky love, do better.

+372 , -10 — miyeon and eunbi didn’t leave because of mistreatment of the company, they left because they mistreated others.

+625 , -5 — i wonder what yerin is going to do next? i just hope she doesn’t disappear forever. and i’m glad that we have more reasoning of her leaving the group unlike how it was with ryoko.

+321 , -0 — cupid’s will support love club and yerin forever! we are so proud of you yerinnie !

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS ARTICLE?

[teenyweenynightghost]

ok i was wrong it fits better as ethan angst (hurt/comfort stuff) and its one of my favourite things i think

tw panic attack(s), parent issues, mentions of self h4rm (rip)

so what if ethans parents werent supportive of his career? Im not assuming thats the case, but it would be something that is within the realm of possibility.

when ethan told them he was going to x-factor with the band, they were furious because hed lose school over the "silly band stuff you call a job"

Of course he goes anyway, and he has a really good time and even bonds with damiano more, cause for a while they hadnt the best relationship. The band didnt know ethans parents are not okay with the whole music career thing and he wants to hide it from them. it isnt something he wanted to burden them with when the stress of the competition is already great enough

they pass the auditions and theres this thing where everyone calls their families to tell them the news but ethan, and noone really asks or cares except damiano.

when they start living together in the house, sundays were rest days from the contest, practice days for the people with guitars/basses/violin stuff, and the day where all the fun cheery content was made (like the film things where they talked to the camera and the little bts of whats happening in the house)

now since everyone had some task to do and they were all outside, in the living room, in communal areas, ethan went to 'his' room and would call his family home. he mostly wanted to talk to his siblings but his mum always picked up the phone and it wasnt great. she wouldnt pass the phone until ethan told her why he wants to talk to his siblings and when he said it was for the contest shed start yelling, about how hes wasting his time, or how he isnt going to go anywhere after the show. ethan would try to explain he was really happy to be there with his friends and he was getting better at drums but she just shouted at him until he practically cried. pure verbal abuse and by the time she was done with her lecture and offered to pass the phone ethan was in too much of an emotional turmoil he couldnt even breathe, so he would just hang up.

it got easier over the course of the show, his mum wasnt convinced still but she wasnt up for repeating everything all over again so she just shouted at ethan for being there in the first place, because "you could have been at school, learning important stuff" and continuing the bullshit of "oh you wont find a stable career with the music stuff"

one of the sundays near the middle of the season ethan was talking with his sister, and damiano was in the room as well, just chilling on his phone and stuff. while ethan was talking with his sister his mum takes the phone and demands he repeat everything he told his sister. and she of course makes comments that hit soft spots and ethan ends the call in near tears, and damiano notices of course. so he just quietly comforts ethan and assures him he wont spread the news out further, and how he is doing the right thing by following what he loves

so then during the later season, around 2-3 week before the quarter finals, the camera crew was all in the house, trying to uncover the 'secrets' for comedic relief (something like the vic and dami thing jdjxjfj) and the camera crew notices ethan isnt there and tries to go looking for him. turns out dami also noticed the lack of ethan, running around the house to find him before any cameras did

and he does, right as the camera man goes to open the door. dami forces him to leave, yells at him a little too, and he then goes inside to hopefully see ethan asleep or something. he has heard how intense ethans mum got and because recently ethans dad joined the yelling, he really didnt want to leave ethan alone while he talks with them.

the sight wasnt pleasant, but damiano couldnt be more glad the camera man left with gentle persuasion. because if damiano was in ethans place, he wouldnt want to be broadcasted on italian tv when he is sitting on the ground, sobbing, trembling even, and his fingers smeared with what damiano assumes is blood (assume for the worst)

and damiano was right! while he consoled him, and ethan apologised way too much for making damiano witness something like that (ie ethan during the aftershocks of an anxiety attack). he tells dami what happened, why he had such a strong reaction, and admits that it wasmt the first time he had cut himself while in the xfactor house. while damiano was horrified that ethan had been going through all of that alone, he just comforted him, for almost the entire day, and multiple days after. he asked ethan to stop calling home, even if it made him sad/guilty, and made sure to keep a close eye on the boy

everything went incredibly well, ethan hadnt had a single relapse since damiano told him to stop talking to his family, and he seemed to be in a better mood overall. damiano still stuck close, and ethan was super greatful someone had noticed his pain, and that he himself allowed that someone to help him heal, even if it hurt ethan to trust someone so much

then its the night when they pass to the final, and they were obviously all cheering and with wide smile and heavy applause from the audience. the problem was the interviers backstage telling the band how "happy their famies must be! oh im sure once they pick up that phone youd both be incredibly glad" and stuff, and it really triggered ethan. he hadnt thought of calling his family for a while, and now the interviewers mentioned it his mind played all sorts of flashbacks from all the verbal abuse he went through and it hit deep. the way everyone was talking about their parents being happy/proud made him feel guilty for not calling himself, but he couldnt bring himself to do it, ever, because he knows its not worth the pain. he doesnt avoid that panic attack tho, hastily locking himself in the backstage bathroom when it hit him full force and knocked the wind out of his chest.

it was one of the worst ones hes ever had, and he was so confused why it hurt so bad, cause its just a flashback and it shouldnt hurt tjis bad, but ethan felt like he was being stabbed everywhere, like he was set on fire, then dunked into ice cold water and drowning in it. he cant hear, he cant see, and his thighs itch, more than they ever had during his recovery. his hands know the drill too well and they pick at his thighs, scratching them through the tight shimmery fabric. he doesnt manage to keep himself from scratching his arm till it bled, because onky then he managed to calm enough where he could actually hear damiano trying to talk to him through the door.

the thought that he would be the center of attention made him shiver, so he quickly unlocked the door, dragged damiano inside and locked it again. he apologised too much, the tears blurred his vision again and all he felt was damiano rinsing his hand out under clear water and bringing him in a tight hug, and ethan couldnt do much but sob right into damis shoulder, apologies falling out of his mouth like running water.

damiano doesnt do much until ethan had gotten it out of him, all of it, until he was certain ethan was calm. he assured ethan he neednt apologise for nothing, that it wasnt his fault and how the interviewer could have been a bit more calm about the parent thing. he stayed with ethan in the small space, talking quietly to each other and letting him talk on something he was passionate about, and knew would make ethan happy. it was the most effective way to get him to forget about the situation, and it worked really well

ethan made sure to thank damiano for everything that happened during the previous week, and that day, and damiano smiles and calls him stupid for ever thinking damiano wouldnt help

so thats my headcannon on why damia and ethan bonded so easily after xfactor :)

please dont kill me

Ohhh thats so sad and sweet at the same time!! Ugh I really fucking hope that couldn’t possibly be true but if it were id just wanna cuddle ethan soo fucking much🥺

[youranxiousnerd]

Showtime Thoughts

bc i am in love with julia lester

spoilers below

First off, why is this episode so short?

ngl i forgot mazzara was a regular

ricky ded besties

awww nina and the letters 

she looks very good in her dress

ashlyn and ricky look so good

“We’re screwed!”

ash and ricky are too funny like where were they this season?

chaotic and pretty best friends

sidenote, why did they go see north high’s production? 

oh my god ricky and nina are talking

SEBLOS IN THE BACKGROUND

i am taking what i can get

RICKYS FACE WITH THE CARD!!!!!!!!

my favorite part of the episode

his makeup looks very good

he looks very good

as @organic-guacamole said, he is very pretty

its been like three minutes and it already is so chaotic

yessss kourtney’s mom!!!

so howie and kourt are fine? gah since when?

“look for the shortest fork” mood

I CANNOT TAKE EJ SERIOUSLY HE LOOKS LIKE AN ANGRY BIRD

big bird ej comin at you

oh

PORTWELL DATE

wait isnt this ejs last show? is he going to miss his last afterparty for a date?

true love bitches

GINA MY LOVE

“Is he with us?”

NORTH HIGH SET OUR BEST BOI ANTOINE ON FIRE APS GET READY

seb being a supportive boyfriend is everything i needed

jenny is frazzled

i love how all the techie turned actors are nervous at some point during the episode

REDLYN CONTENT

awww thats so cute love the callback!!!

ooo howie is here

love how the writers leave a cliffhanger and then close the book before it turns to tragedy with one line

mazzara and ej, thats it

jenn what

why is mike there?

that was so unnecessary like aren’t mike and jenn over?

LILY

“did we forget to build a moat around the school” 

let ricky be single challenge

she just said “lol” i cant

props to ricky for keeping calm during the show after he saw mike and jenn

ah so lily is a child of divorce?

“lily scram”

RICKY AFTER THE CURTAIN OPENS WHY IS THIS FUNNY

STOP MAZZARA IS THE VOICE OVER

HE SOUNDS REALLY GOOD

how did ricky do that so fast-

put on gloves over the cast, makeup, and a mask?

i dont work with costumes 

AMERICA EXPLAIN

The one scene we get from the show...

Yay Steph!!!!

“Big Red has not thrown up in twenty minutes” ashlyn’s little smile

“she heard wrong”

someone please explain how spotlighting the judge is a good idea it makes it seem like things went wrong

“Carlos is a seasoned professional” honey carlos is on the verge of a mental breakdown

“He says help

Communication

Seb translating for Carlos is beautiful dramatic, yes, but im right. 

im so proud of them. they go from not talking for a week to seb being able to tell how carlos is feeling based off a stoic expression.

SOULMATE SHIT

IM SORRY NO BOP TO THE TOP CALLBACK

LIKE NONE

WHO WANTS TO RIOT WITH ME?!?!

wait so carlos goes from on the verge of a mental breakdown to full on performing and speaking?!?!?!? Speaking well too, not stumbling.

he looks so comfortable on stage when not even ten minutes ago he looked like he was going to vomit?

h e l p

ashlyn’s little laugh!

NINI IS A FORK IM LAUGHING THIS IS GREAT

big red lookin’ at his girl

ricky what are you doing?

ASHLYN AND GINA

I QUIT THEY’RE ADORABLE

GET IT KOURTNEY

howie’s little mouth drop

i cant with sebs costume i should not be laughing how is he able to do a kick line

ASHLYN MY LOVE

be our guest was enjoyable. it had a lot of moving parts. frankie and dara sounded really good. it’ll probably grow on me the more i listen to it.

is it just me or did be our guest lack some energy?

NATIALIE IS SO AGGRESSIVE

awww gina bb

portwell!!

“my mom sent me jordan fisher”

big red and ricky!!!

...what is big red doing? has he been faking sick?

“PLEASE EVERYONE REMAIN IN THE SAME ROLE YOU STARTED IN” 

BEST LINE OF THE SEASON OMFG 

alright what the hell is up with howie?!?

kourtney is so excited and then downer howie comes to ruin it

nina just write “thanks for being the best bro and glad youre not dead”

btw kourtney and gina look really good in their costumes

ASHLYN!!!!

SHES SO PRETTY THANK YOU

redlyn!!

gina and jamie!!! 

he looks so proud

glad gina gets to see her family!

cute scene, jordan is a nice addition!

RICKY AND THE BOWL

julia lester is killing it with the vocals

big red is so in love

seb bouncing in the costume 

“she’s never looked at me that way before” evil smirk

PORTWELL GLANCES

my heart fricking stopped when carlos went on stage 

being early on your cue/missing is awful would highly not recommend

a bop to the top callback after this would have been perfect

those harmonies!!

THEYRE SO IN LOVE

ummm phone call?

CHIPS BIG SCENE

...why wasn’t seb cogsworth? 

alright that was really good. everyone (even the backup) sounded really good. portwell rights! ashlyn rights! kowie rights! acting rights! 

so mazzara and jamie?

Ashlyn is the perfect Belle fight me

“Eat it Zackey Roy!” how about “yay kiddos, nice job!”

ej’s little dance

“bc you’re ginas brother” 

he is enamored by her it is adorable

EJ CASWELL RIGHTS

“hey, jordan fisher, would you like to f up one of three stableish ships in hsmtmts?” “sure, im in!”

ej!!!

aww hopefully he doesnt take the conversation too heart. they both like each other so much.

Portwell is so enjoyable to watch.

return of the bro

ej go get your girl dont worry about her brother please

SOMEONE TOUCHED THE PROPS

all hands on deck

“Can you just jump off something high”

I seem to remember Ricky falling from something high last episode, is that correct? 

She tells this to one of her most UNSTABLE kids

Oh shit

Miss. Jenn

Wtf

like what the actually hell

look at the kids faces they’re heartbroken

Miss. Jenn why. You’re stressed about the show, but you’re not performing it. They are. They have to worry about lines and cues and pitches, not you. Miss. Jenn has literally gone at the kids this season. Opening night speech too Ash and Ricky, shutting Seb down, that comment. She has become obsessed with the Menkies and North High. It has gotten really bad. These kids have put everything into this show, even their relationships (both platonic and romantic) and that is how you repay them? 

I didn’t think they would address this, I lost hope after last week but I am so glad they’re going too.

Someone send Seb after Miss. Jenn please, let him rip into her, he would do very well.

Miss. Jenn is supposed to be the role model and she just told a kid to jump off something high.

nina has been a godsend this episode, props to her!

haven’t been the biggest nini fan this season (off and on for me), but she was very behaved this episode. 

if there is anything the east high kids are good at, it’s bullshitting their way out.

“aim for my face” character growth

I KNEW IT

LILY WHY HOW WHEN WHY 

WTF THEY END THERE I CANNOT WITH CLIFF HANGERS

I liked the episode. Didn’t love it, but liked it. I really wish we got to see more acting, like we didn’t even see Big Red and E.J go on stage. Not even the iconic yellow dress. Some of the drama is so unnecessary, like why Mike and Jenn? What is with the Kourtney and Howie drama the writers insist on having, can’t they just be happy?

Besides the whole harness incident (burn that harness and mask it is causing so many problems) the production went very well, too well. This is East High we’re talking about.

Promo thoughts because what

oo they’re sneaking, maybe Big Red’s thingy

YES ASHLYN GETTING THE LOVE SHE DESERVES

oo Kowie confession?

portwell please be okay

what is up with carlos’ hair?

so seb, miss. jenn, and carlos scene? this has the potential to be very beautiful.

“It’s not over” not this again... 

i’m thinking carlos and seb are going to talk to miss jenn.

Sidenote, if we do not get a good seblos scene I will riot.

Hopefully Miss. Jenn apologizes with a billion sorrys

rini you just broke up please dont get back together 

im scared

if it is a scene where they close the book i will be very happy

Are we getting a flash forward scene? I’m pretty sure Miss. Jenn said Menkies aren’t till two plus weeks after the show.

We know based off the promo pics Ej and Gina are at the cast party, what went wrong?

Wait do we not get to see the finale of the show?

We better see the goddamn transformation

how does lily home and core four song fit in? im more curious about the lily one.

In conclusion, I am not ready for this to be over and the transformation needs to be sent to hell.