#im genuinely not trying to make light of it. i just dont see where that came across in that way so I feel our perspectives arent aligned
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celtrist · 3 days ago
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As incredible as it seems, i really like your idea for obsessed sir pentious just acting like a normal romantic partner for alastor (just a little glingy). Dont get me wrong im loving the dark stuff happening in your au, i just thought that sometimes you need a little break from all the dark stuff, a little cup of fluff, a bit of a "safe heaven" you know??
I also dont think that pentious could be same level harmful like vox, vaggie, valentino etc. Yes hes still obsessed so i imagine him wanting to hold hands, watching alastor sleeping, stalking him a little bit but not doing much besides that, making him take care of the eggbois, playing fighting, maybe creating deer related inventions to try impress alastor 🤔
Im a sir pentious fan i think that noodle is just a simple man with simple wishes 💅😅
Yeah, that's sorta my same thought process. Obviously everyone is pretty much OOC in this AU, but I do genuinely try to make it sorta "in character" for them. Like what if these character's with their canon selves WERE put into this situation and how would their obsessions vary?
And Pentious, out of everyone, was like the one character I really couldn't think bad things for. He's just such a wet cat of this series. People call Lucifer pathetic? Did you not SEE Sir Pentious at all? When someone had asked what he'd do, I remember being a bit lost and just saying he offers a bunch of harmless gifts to Alastor that Alastor declines or destroys in his face. And I think at the time I mentioned him being a bit stalkerish, but I might be remembering wrong. But yeah, Pentious' worst crime being a harmless stalker compared to everyone else just feels like it makes sense for him.
And I definitely remember talking about how having some light-hearted stuff in the midst of the dark stuff would probably be good for the AU! I think it was about there being a good end in the AU where the curse is lifted, but it's more or less what you said. The dark stuff can get pretty boring/mind-numbing after a while if there's nothing to like, break the monotony so to speak. It's kinda why, while the AU definitely has some very dark content with it, I have always thought about it a bit more like a dark comedy. Not always obviously, but the whole idea of Vaggie making traps, Charlie's delusions about Alastor and Vaggie's relationship, Lucifer just under the impression they have an "enemies to lovers" thing going on, and even Rosie's and Alastor's occasional lunches together were always meant as sort of dark-comedy parts of the AU. Nothing serious. Heck, both Sir Pentious and Niffty are actually just silly jokes all in all. They're both the most harmless of the crew. This might seem strange with Niffty, but I never really imagined her succeeding in her advances. And like I said, Pentious is just a puppy pretty much. I never imagined (in part because I was never able to) think of anything dark for his character to do. And with you're own thoughts about it, I think it cements the idea for me that Pentious doesn't really have anything dark going on (again, aside from stalking but he also just watches others sleep in the main series, soooo....).
Pentious also works as an occasional "sidekick" so to speak seems kinda fun. It'd be similar to that sort of relationship you see in kid shows where Character A is clearly in love with Character B, and Character B ignores it or brushes it off but will use that crush to their own benefit. Sheldon and Jenny's relationship from My Life as a Teenage Robot would probably be a fairly good sum up to Alastor's and Pentious' relationship? Pentious is way too obsessed from stalking to creepy shrines and poor attempts at flirting, but the guy doesn't really harm Alastor nor wants to harm him in any way. And to be honest? I feel like Alastor would, on some occasions, maybe throw a bone. If only because it wouldn't make Pentious start pushing any harder. Plus, Pentious being more "normal" in the love department compared to everyone else is a bit of a nice contrast to the monstrous actions of everyone else. I never thought about how his obsession would actually be (again, aside from gift-giving and being a doormat to others pretty much), but I do like the idea he would just be in a nice relationship with nothing really terrible happening.
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elllteo · 2 months ago
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gonna be real seeing you boil down someone else's concerns abt making light of a rapist in media as fandom drama really hurts as someone who's experienced that kind of violence first hand. the character is fictional and obviously doesnt exist. but rape victims do exist and we see when people sexualize or joke about predators. idk. i don't intend to tell you what to do, but i hope this helps maybe explain why someone else could've been startled or upset to see that on your blog. its your space you can do what you want with it. i think some media doesn't need to be fandomized or treated as yaoi fodder. maybe it can just be taken seriously and discussed with respect. i think its pretty reasonable for victims of particular types of violence to express discomfort or concern when people joke about or make light of those who perpetrate it.
I genuinely get where you are coming from, I do. But what that ask was getting at did not convey to me what you seem to have taken from it.
There's a difference between making light of/mocking/making jokes about sexual assault/rape vs drawing a character who does those things in a narrative in an unserious way. Likewise, I feel that boiling down the narrative to just be about that One Act in many, many ways does a disservice to the narrative and characters as a whole.
I'm also not understanding where exactly this is coming from, to be entirely honest.
A person can be fully capable of breaking down and analyzing Jimmy in a way that is entirely respectful while still, also, making light of other aspects or enjoying him removed from that context. Drawing a character in a goofy way doesn't mean the person is making light of Anya's SA, or even excusing it. You can ship two characters while still finding the canon actions of one absolutely despicable. These things are not mutually exclusive!
Just as you're not telling me what to do, I'm not saying you, or that other anon, or anyone else has to put up with seeing that character or engaging with media that portrays him that way, to be clear. I'm not trying to tell you that your feelings or hurt or experiences aren't valid, they clearly and very much are.
But it's not my job, or even obligation, to protect you from it. Or any other trigger, for that matter. I do what I can with tags, but that's a courtesy I try to apply when and where I can.
That's what I'm getting at here. I tagged for him and that ship so others could avoid it if they found it upsetting. The anon did not do that, so I explained my stance.
People will engage with media in ways that are upsetting to you, or ways that even disgust you. I can't stop them, I make no plans to, and if my opinions or behaviors around this are upsetting or disappointing to you, if I endanger you or anyone by behaving this way, it is in your best interest to block me and have a safer and less stressful experience online. Those tools are readily available for that very reason.
I know far too many others who have also experienced that kind of violence, family included. I know the frustration and hurt of making light of that kind of thing, and how it can and does impact others.
But this is not that.
If, however, you feel it is, that's your right! I can't tell you how to engage with anything, nor do I intend to. I cannot change my space to fit your needs, and I'm genuinely sorry if that makes you feel unsafe or upset. I'm not trying to make light SA or the victims thereof.
I'm trying to, as best as I can, explain that policing how others engage with a fandom and its characters simply does not and cannot work. That isn't "fandom drama" - it's the psychology of humans and the media they connect with. Humans are complicated creatures, and our needs and interests vary wildly.
There is no monolithic way to demand others engage with a source material, and attempting to do so does more harm to you than that effort is worth. I hope you and that other anon can have a less upsetting day/night/etc - again, I'm sorry if this is frustrating to hear, but I fear this is an impasse we simply won't agree on in this way.
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You can also recognize someone by the sounds of their breathing. I do that with my family and it's hilarious when I know who they are when they're trying to sneak up on me lol
bruce is one of those people who can recognize others by the sound of their footsteps, their smell (and ONLY THAT), their voice, just like, anything really
and when other, normal, people find it weird, he just goes "well, tim does it too"
(that's NOT reassuring, bruce)
#i bring this up because i have horroble eyesight which lead to me just automatically memorizing pathways in places i work/live at#so that i wouldnt have to turn on the lights. which has lead to me walking up on my family and coworkers and accidentally giving them#a heartattack. so they try to do the same to me with minimal success. the problem is that im not actually trying to scare them#to me i just legit walk up. any noise i make trying to signal that im behind them doesnt get noticed by them apparently#considering that im currently living with my mother rn she keeps getting jumpscared and has threatened to bell me#my older sibling and i also stay on the same train of thought and can talk at the same time and tone. we got called#ill admit there are a couple of times where i did scare her on purpose but a good 85% was on accident#which she doesnt believe because everytime her reactions are tp funny and i just fall over laughing. she jumps. throws her hands up#screams and everything#me basically: mother im sorry for all the heartattacks but im genuinely not doing this on purpose i swear *cant stand due to laughing*#at my last job though we had heavy and baggy uniforms and steel toes are common in that field metal and plastic bits got carried in pockets#so it took effort be stealthy. but my old job also had a noisy environment most of the time. which lead to hilarious moments#where i (below average height) would seemingly appear out of nowhere and give my coworkers (6ft+) heartattacks. yelling included#i accidentally scared my workplace of 80+ people so much that one of the managers had to tell me to walk louder#the best part thoigh is that because im so small and theyre so tall is that they wouldnt see me at first glance if i was sitting and they#walk in the room. they could walk up right next to me asking where i was and id just look up and say 'right here' and theyd just die#theres nothing more satisfying than seeing macho men scream like a little girl when the only thing you did was sitting still#my older sibling and i are also on the same train of thought when messing with others we can talk at the same time. tone. and mannerisms#we got called 'the twins from the shining' once from an ice cream store worker even though we are five years apart and dont look alike#for as much as most of the times ive scared someone being accidentall. their fear fills me as much and well as a feast does#its because a lot of people see me and think im dainty and innocent. its honestly sad how many people are surprised when i cuss
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snekdood · 5 months ago
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the stereotype of rwingers becoming trans and then trying to become leftists shouldnt be a "ewww you're morally impure and havent been a perfect progressive since you were a fetus like I have" type of thing, if anything it should open up a broader conversation on how a lot of people amab are basically from day one being indoctrinated into the right thus making it harder for people to accept themselves and thats very concerning and we need to do something to stop this.
#and no amount of shouting 'men bad' will fix this btw. not that some of you care. you just want to shout....#and then ur like 'im just venting !!!!' on a post that's clearly made to get attention and reblogs.............#if ur just venting why are u providing links and wanting to spread this information#i just hate when ppl have a lot of shit to say but never any solutions. its like. great thanks i already know that. now what.#now what do we do to make things better? and if it required you to change in any way would you be willing to do so?#and some ppl dont wanna answer those questions bc they just want to rant but for some reason cant do that w/o trying to make it#a political post to get reblogs on tumblr..? if its a vent post turn off reblogs. like.???????#bc you providing links n shit and making it seem like you want the info spread but no one can critique you on how you provide#0 solutions or ideas in any capacity on how to fix things and just only ever demonize men- is giving heavy propaganda vibes#like i dont think ur doing it intentionally as propaganda i think ur just defensive but thats how its coming off#you're basically saying 'men bad' and thats it. like thats the only substance to what you're saying. theres never a solution.#theres never a light at the end of the tunnel. just. men bad. forever and ever. and that feels propaganda-y to me.#like as if you're a rwinger trying to convince me black ppl are all violent by only ever showing me stuff of black ppl being violent#and not even ever providing solutions to a fake problem so the natural conclusion i the viewer am to come to is 'black people violent.#always violent. should avoid' bc thats how racist propaganda works...... and... well.... *eyes your blog up and down*... yeah...#and thats not me saying 'men r oppressed like black people' thats me making an analogy that's similar. idk why acting that way#would suddenly be okay behavior if its about men instead........ like........... tf. doing this about anything is weird and sus as fuck lik#what possible reason would you have to antagonize and demonize something that much#its like. that subreddit of people who hate dogs. like they cant ever see dogs in a positive light ever and its just like weirdly cruel#for no real reason...? idk... and even if they have valid trauma about dogs like... maybe this level of vitriol to where you are quite#literally foaming at the mouth isnt good for you and you need to like look into why that's your reaction and why you think its ok to act#like that#and i dont mean that in a 'lol ur foaming at the mouth' i mean it in a 'im genuinely concerned about how upset you are' kind of way
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hxnbi · 2 months ago
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hi!! I love your writing :). I wanted to request an angst to fluff scenario where reader likes the boy and confesses to him but he turns her down, but then he later regrets it and comes back?? and they live happily ever after??? i don’t really have any specific preferences other than that but im such a sucker for rejecting and regretting/she falls first he falls harder scenarios!! im using her/she to refer to the reader rn but i dont have any preference, just not sure how else to write it haha id love if you could include suo, togame, and umemiya but totally up to you :).
hey so thanks sm for your request! i loved writing this and with these boys, tho umemiya's does end on a pretty angsty note with how i was initially drafting it. i hope thats okay ♡
confessions, rejections, and regrets
⸻ °♡⃘ . you confess to the boy you liked, only to be rejected. or so you think, as, unbeknownst to you, the next time, it would be him begging for your heart
⸝⸝ 𑅛𑅫 Suo Hayato
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Tears. All you could feel dripping from your face and down your cheeks was the salty aftermath of your own tears. And standing before you, the boy who had just rejected you.
"I'm sorry, I just don't see you in that light," Suo, with his hands firmly placed in front of the other, repeated, further breaking your heart into a million pieces.
Pitifully, you laughed—but little humour was found in the dreary quiet of your heart. "I know," you whispered, choking down the ache that was your confession to the person you'd grown to admire and love.
The pain lingered with every thought—that Suo was simply just too good for you, but so did your respect for him. Even if you tried your hardest to do so, you just couldn't find it in yourself to dislike him. 
Suo had always been kind, even as he rejected you.
That was part of why you liked him so much in the first place. Even if it hurt, you couldn't blame him for having such feelings about you that just weren't the same. You couldn't continue to be selfish.
"I know. Just, thank you, for hearing me out," you said, your voice becoming surprisingly steady, slowly accepting what you heard. "That's just the kind of person you are."
And then you walked away. You refused to let him see the fresh tears welling up in your eyes. You respected his choice. If he didn't reciprocate your feelings, you couldn't force it. It had to be mutual—or nothing at all.
Days turned into weeks, and though you still felt the ache of his rejection, like with most things, you had to move on and push forward. You treated Suo the same way you treated everyone else. Although, you couldn't deny that it was rather awkward after Suo saw you well up with tears dripping down your face like a waterfall. And it didn't help that you both were friends with the Furin first years, like Kiryu and Nirei, whom you were very close to.
So, time and time again, you would avoid Suo like the plague; all the while, he seemed to watch from afar, unsure of how to bridge the gap. You were always respectful, never bitter, never clinging. It was difficult, but you refused to let your emotions tarnish your friendship or make things awkward. 
Suo, however, found himself unable to stay away. He'd initially assumed your feelings for him were just surface-level, a kind of shallow attraction to his looks, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. He only realized this when he peeled back the layers of who you were—a kind, genuine individual so far removed from the superficial affection he had imagined. And as time passed, he began to notice more—the way you treated everyone around you with the same kindness and consideration.
But over time, Suo would see you purposely trying to hide from him, all the while pretending everything was okay and nothing changed. It was saddening, in a way, how your laughter grew quieter, your gaze avoiding his, and the fun and games you two once shared together seemed to slip through his fingers like grains of sand.
But you couldn't hide from Suo forever. 
"He just doesn't like me, Nirei.”
Taking a walk around the neighbourhood that evening, following his typical routine, Suo had unknowingly overheard you talking to Nirei. And unlike his straightforward character, he continued to hide behind the wall and listen, his heart aching with every word he caught from your lips.
"It’s not that I don’t care…" you said softly to Nirei, who had asked about what had happened between you and Suo. "He rejected me, and I have to respect that. You can't have a relationship if both sides don't feel the same."
"I see... B-But do you still like him?" Nirei finally asked, twiddling his own thumbs. 
You hesitated for a moment before answering, "I do."
That conversation was what really hit him hard. That you still liked him. That maybe... he wasn't too late to come around.
"Nirei, not knowing what to say to a person who seemingly still had feelings for one of his closest friends, winced, "He'll... he'll come around," not necessarily finding the right words, but you didn't appear to mind it. Rather, you were too distracted with your own feelings.
And Suo, hidden from view, felt his chest tighten. He wasn't sure why he'd been hiding in the first place, but suddenly, he couldn't bear to listen any longer. He shouldn't even be here, listening to your conversation and very obviously intruding on your privacy. 
But just before he could slip away, though, very conveniently, Sakura popped out from behind the corner. "The hell are you doing back here?" loud enough for both you and Nirei to hear and turn your heads to meet the noise—and Suo, right before your very eyes. 
Your eyes went wide in shock as you spotted Suo standing right there, seemingly who had heard everything.
"S-Suo, what are you—"
Back-and-forth looks were exchanged, and so too was the silence. Nirei and Sakura gave brief, knowing glances, and with a single look, Nirei left you two alone, much to your dismay and humiliation. 
You stood frozen, your mind racing with a thousand thoughts, none of which managed to form coherent words to say to the boy who had basically just heard you confess your feelings to him once again. Nervous and fidgeting, you finally let out a sigh. "Hayat– Suo, I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I promise that I'm not going to bother you anymore. I really—"
But your words and apologies were left on deaf ears—cut off mid-sentence before Suo suddenly reached for you, his hand gently pulling you toward him. Before you could even process what was happening, you found yourself wrapped in his arms, your head resting against his chest.
"I was wrong."
"…H-Huh?"
"I was so, so wrong," he muttered, grasping at the edge of your sleeve even tighter than just a second ago. "I thought you only liked me for shallow reasons, but... I've realized that I like you too. More than I ever let myself admit. And I apologize for making you wait."
You blinked, your brain going haywire, trying to comprehend every word that left his lips, but Suo only held you tighter, his chin resting on the top of your head. When you didn't answer, he went on—whether that was for your or his own reassurance that you wouldn't be the one rejecting him this time was unclear.
"I'm sorry it took me so long to see it, but I don't want to let this go," he murmured. "I don't want to lose you." He regretted every moment of him rejecting you since that day. And if you were to be the one rejecting him this time… 
Your breath hitched at the base of your throat, disbelief seeping into your every thought. Was he serious…? The boy who had rejected you, who had caused you so much heartache, was now confessing to the very feelings you had once longed to hear.
'You make it so unfair…' you muttered. 
Part of you wanted to reject him, to make him feel how you felt after he rejected you. But deep down, you knew you couldn't find it in yourself to throw away this chance. And neither could Suo.
"I… I still like you, too."
Your voice was hardly audible, but Suo heard it loud and clear. He pulled away just enough to meet your eyes, his expression soft and vulnerable. "Then let's start over."
Your lips trembled into a small smile. "Alright."
Suo leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead, until Suo suddenly grabbed your hand, making you jump slightly. "Come on," he said, tugging you gently. "Let's go grab something to eat. I know of a good spot that just opened that serves your favourite food."
"W-Wait, Hayato, I thought you were on a diet?" you stammered, completely caught off guard by his change in behaviour. He had always been strict about his routine—always so disciplined, so focused. But now, he seemed different. Lighter, somehow. But that was Suo for you.
He smiled, softer this time, his eyes lovingly meeting yours. "I can't miss this opportunity to spend time with a special someone. You can't keep avoiding me forever," making your face flush crimson as his words sunk in.
⸝⸝ 𑅛𑅫 Togame Jo
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Shit… he shouldn't have said that.
Togame's words had slipped out before he could stop them, and the second he did, he knew he had fucked up. He cursed from under his breath, his hands already reaching out toward you as your face crumpled with hurt.
You stood there, staring at him—processing every snide word that left Togame's mouth—your chest rising and falling as if you were struggling even to breathe. He didn't mean it. He knew he didn't mean it, and he was pretty sure you knew that, too. But the damage was done, and he could see it in your eyes, the way he could see the shimmering of unshed tears ready to drip down your flushed cheeks..
"I'm sorry," Togame said immediately, his voice softening as he pulled you into a tight embrace, his arms wrapping around you like a protective barrier. He could feel you stiffen in his hold, your hands pushing weakly against his chest, but he wasn't about to let go, not on that horrible note. 
"Let go, Jo," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "You made your decision. You've... I've already said enough."
But Togame wasn't listening. Not with what he just had done and said that only left him with regrets. He couldn't take it anymore. Not the sadness in your voice, not the way you tried to pull away from him like he was a stranger. No, he wasn't letting you walk away like this, not after everything you had shared. And certainly not after everything he just spat at you.
"I didn't mean it, okay?" His words were rushed, almost desperate. Togame's grip on you only tightened with time, refusing to let go even an inch. "I was stupid. I-I'm sorry, I didn't know what I was saying, but I promise you, I'll fix this. I can't stand seeing you like this."
Your heart hurt at his words. You were utterly torn between wanting to believe him and protecting yourself from further hurt. After all, he had already said plenty… "You don't get just to say something like that and then take it back, Jo. It doesn't work like that..."
Togame's breath hitched as your words sliced the air and, in turn, his heart. His mind and body froze
That wasn't it. Not at all. He liked you. He loved you.
His rejection was but a projection of his own insecurities—that he wouldn’t be the right person for you.
But never did he think that he too didn’t want anyone else in your life, that it made his heart ache just thinking about it, the idea of someone else seeing your smile, hearing your laugh and holding the piece of your heart he so desperately longed for—that he previously had thrown away. 
He hated himself for it—hated that he’d let his fears dictate his actions, that he’d hurt the one person who made his world feel less empty.
But he couldn’t let this end here. Not like this.
"I know. But— fuck…" he said quietly, his voice breaking, cracking into incomprehensible pieces of a heartbroken sentence. His shoulders trembled as he finally loosened his rough grip on you. Although his hands still rested hesitantly on your shoulders. “I know I can’t undo what I said, but I need you to know... I was wrong. I’m so damn wrong, and I’m so sorry.”
Scrunching your face, you shook your head, gaze fixed on the ground as you tried to will away the tears that had long streamed down your face. “Why, Jo?”
Why. A simple explanation as to his stupid, idiotic, impulsive mistake was all that you wanted from him. 
His heart clenched at your words. Pure guilt tore him apart. He wished he could go back and rewind time to the moment before his insecurities took over. But he couldn’t. All he had now was this moment to make things right.
“Because I’m a coward!” 
His confession all tumbled out in a rush, unfiltered. “I’m a fucking coward.” Every word was a weight being lifted from his chest, all in hopes that you might understand might hear him out, even if it wouldn’t completely change things.  “I thought... I thought you deserved someone better. Someone who wouldn’t screw things up like I always do. Someone who could make you happy without dragging you into all my mess.”
Your eyes flickered up to meet his, for once, the honesty in his voice catching you heavily off guard. He appeared to be so unusually vulnerable, completely stripped of the bravado he usually wore like armour on his fists.
“But I can’t stop thinking about you,” he continued, his hands sliding down your arms as if needing a sense of reassurance that you were still with him and by his side and not a figment of his imagination. Hesitant but hopeful. “Every time I tried to push you away, it just made me want you more. And I was a complete idiot for thinking I could ever be okay without you.”
“Togame...”
“And I get it if you hate me for this,” he interrupted, all the words tumbling out of his mouth before he lost his nerve. “But I need you to know... I’m not asking for a second chanc—” he paused his sentence, before he could lose his resolve completely. “I love you. I’ve loved you all along, even when I was too scared to admit it.”
Your chest tightened. You oh-so-wanted to stay angry, to hold onto the pain, but his confession was undoing every wall you had tried to build.
“I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. Just... don't walk away from me. Please. Not like this."
“.....”
“...Do you mean that?” 
Your voice was hardly audible as you looked up at him.
“More than anything.” 
Togame cupped your smaller face in his callous hands, his thumb brushing away a stray tear that had escaped down your cheek, kissing the pain away.  “I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you if that’s what it takes.”
For the slightest moment, neither of you spoke. You could hardly hear a thing other than the sound of your breathing and the beat of his heart pressed tightly against yours. You felt his arms around you, warm and safe, and despite everything, a part of you wanted to stay right there, to believe that things could be okay. 
Then, slowly, you nodded, the smallest of smiles breaking through your tears. “I hate that you’re so good at making me believe you,” you said softly, for the first time all day, a small laugh escaped your lips. And it was heavenly. It was what he loved so much about you. 
Togame’s lips quirked up in a tentative grimace. “Does that mean… I get another shot?”
“Don’t make me regret it,” you murmured, but your voice was warm, filled with the hope that maybe—just maybe—this time things could be different. "I'm not going anywhere," you finally said. "But you have to mean it this time, Jo."
He nodded, his forehead resting against yours. "I do. I promise."
So, just like that, you let it go. Slowly, you relaxed in his arms, letting the weight of your sadness slip away, if only for a moment. Togame didn't let go, and neither did you.
And in that moment, wrapped in his arms, you allowed yourself to believe him. For now, that was enough.
⸝⸝ 𑅛𑅫 Umemiya Hajime
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"But we can still be friends!" Umemiya's voice rang out, almost too cheerful for the conversation you'd just had. He flashed you that familiar smile, oblivious to how his words felt like a punch to your chest. 
"Oh! There's actually an event at Furin soon. I know you like a good barbecue. You should join us! It'll be fun!"
You stared at him, nonblinking, and for a brief second, you couldn't believe he was serious. How could he be so, casual? He must be playing you, right...? But no, that was just how Umemiya was, as you've found him for years.
You had just poured your entire heart into him, and in return, he offered you friendship—a friendship that you already had with him for years—as if it were a consolation prize. 
But your heart ached so much, desperate for any kind of connection to him, that even the slightest bit of attention, however hollow, felt like a lifeline. So you nodded, forcing a polite smile across your face. "Yeah... sure, I'll come."
And just like that, you became that of a shadow, a close friend who laughed at his jokes, stayed by his side when he needed someone, and cheered for him during the times when you both would play video games. You were nothing more than a mere member of his Furin family. All the times you would talk and laugh together with them were great,  and even the occasional late-night hangouts. But it wasn't enough. It was never fully enough. 
Staying close to Umemyia only made you want him more, and that fact haunted you. Being so close to him yet knowing you couldn't have him the way you wanted was agony. The more time you spent around him, the more you craved his attention, but not as a friend, no, but as something more. It gnawed at you, that longing, and with each passing day, it became harder and harder to pretend. 
It wasn't just unfair to you—it was unfair to him, too. He deserved someone who wouldn't secretly hope for something more, who wouldn't keep pushing the boundary between friendship and something deeper. You knew this arrangement couldn't go on, not without tearing you apart.
So, one night, after finally gathering the courage, you decided to put an end to it. But unbeknownst to you, Umemiya wasn't doing any better either. 
Before, he never considered you more than a friend—someone who'd been there through all the ups and downs, always supportive, always kind, always you.
He never questioned the ease with which he could talk to you or the way your laughter seemed to brighten the atmosphere of any room you were in. 
So when you finally confessed to him that very day—that your feelings toward him were more than what he thought—he hadn't thought much of it beyond friendship. He didn't think it was deeper than that… not until after he turned you down.
At first, Umemiya was convinced it was the right thing to do. He told himself he didn't feel the same way. But as the days passed, those same thoughts weighed differently on him. The way you still smiled at him, still treated him the same even after his rejection—it gnawed at him. 
He started seeing the little things he hadn't noticed before. The way you always knew exactly what to say to cheer him up after a bad day, the way your eyes lingered on him for just a second too long, the way your laugh sounded like it was just for him. 
And suddenly, it wasn't just about friendship anymore.
At night, alone with his thoughts, he realized he had been wrong. So, so wrong. The feelings he'd dismissed as just a fleeting affection had grown—almost insidiously—into something he couldn't ignore. It became a constant. An ache of longing to be near you, but this time, not just as a friend, but as someone who could hold you, kiss you, call you his own. 
So when you suddenly asked for him to, and you meet up together alone after the barbeque, Umemiya's heart jumped in his chest. This was it. This was his chance to fix everything and correct his mistake, to tell you the truth, to apologize for being so dense. He was ignorant, blatant even, to one of the dearest people in the world to him. 
Tonight, he was going to do it. He was going to make it up to you by apologizing and asking for forgiveness. He was excited, hopeful even, imagining the moment when he'd pour out his heart and beg for your forgiveness. You were kind, after all. You'd understand. You had to.
He could barely contain his nerves as he waited for you, replaying his apology speech over and over in his mind. 
But when you arrived, something felt off. But Umemyia merely brushed it off as mere nerves. But then you spoke.
"I can't do this anymore."
Your eyes met his, and for a moment, Umemiya's heart stopped. He forced a laugh, trying to shake off the unease creeping into his chest. "What do you mean? O-Oh! If you're talking about how Sakura was acting earlier, hah, he doesn't mean it! You know how he is, just messing around."
But you didn't smile. You didn't laugh. Your expression remained serious, and it made his stomach drop. No, it couldn't be, right?
"Umemiya, I can't do this anymore," you repeated once again, your voice breaking, trembling in a way he had never heard before. "I can't just act like nothing happened anymore. I thought that I could continue being your friend. I really tried. But... it hurts too much. Please, I—"
His heart clenched. No, no, no—this wasn't right. This wasn't how tonight was supposed to go. He was supposed to apologize, to tell you how he felt, to fix things. But now, seeing you like this, so hurt, it paralyzed him.
"Don't say it."
"Hajime, please. Don't make this any harder than it has to be."
No, he couldn't let you walk away. Not like this. Not when everything had finally clicked for him. Before he could stop himself, the words spilled out, desperate and unplanned.
"—BUT I LOVE YOU!!"
And he said it.
The moment those words escaped his lips, everything seemed to freeze, and the silence that followed was unbearable. He watched you, waiting for some sign, some reaction that would let him know he wasn't too late. But your eyes... they were filled with so much pain, it made his heart ache even more.
You didn't speak right away, and the longer the silence stretched, the more regret began to claw at him. Why hadn't he seen it sooner? Why did he wait until now, when you were standing here, on the verge of walking away, to realize how much you meant to him? His own foolishness, his blindness—it was too much to bear.
"Why now?" you finally asked. Your voice was soft, barely audible, as if you were afraid of the answer he was giving. It wasn't angry, but it wasn't hopeful either. It was aching, that desperate part of you. "Why... after everything?"
Umemiya couldn’t answer. He didn't have a good reason. He just knew that he loved you now, that he couldn't imagine his life without you in it. But he also knew that might not be enough.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, his hands trembling at his sides. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize... I didn't know until it was too late."
The tears in your eyes broke him. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He thought he'd be able to fix things, to make everything right, but now it felt like everything was slipping through his fingers.
And much to his horror, you shook your head slowly, stepping back, the distance between you growing—both physically and emotionally. "It's not fair, Hajime. You can't just say that now... not after everything."
For the first time in his life, Umemiya Hajime didn’t know what to say. He stood there, stunned, the words he wanted to say lodged in his throat because, deep down, he already knew.
He didn’t have the right to ask for more when he had rejected the very thing he now realized he couldn’t live without. He had turned you away, convinced it was for the best, only to understand far too late just how much he had thrown away. His indecision—his cowardice—had led to this moment. And now, it wasn’t just his heart breaking; it was yours, too.
He opened his mouth, tried to reach for you, but his arms fell back to his sides. He couldn’t keep making excuses. He couldn’t selfishly try to pull you back, not when his own fickleness had caused you so much pain.
So he let it happen. Right before his very eyes, he watched you take another step back, your face etched with a hurt he knew he had no way of easing. And when you turned, it felt as though the entire world had slipped out of his grasp.
The streets around him blurred as he stared at the spot where you had just stood, his mind and body going through the realization that he might just never get the chance to fix this.
“Wait...” he whispered hoarsely, hand unconsciously reaching forward, but the word fell into the silence, unheard and unanswered.
And with that, you were gone, leaving him behind—alone, with but the cold remnants of his mistakes.
lol i also noticed how each just gets slowly more bittersweet to straight up angsty in umemiya's
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©hxnbi. comments, reblogs and likes are always appreciated ♡
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ssparksflyy · 6 months ago
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BUT I DONT WANNA DANCE, IF IM NOT DANCING WITH YOU ♡ !
pairing percy jackson x ballerina!reader summary (smau) just a few days in the life as a pro ballerina nd her loving bf ( ꈍ◡ꈍ) an guys i dont know anything abt ballet please dont come for me 😭 also!! first smau and first time writing in foreverrrrr
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♡ liked by perseajackson, annie.beth, prettygirlpipes, hazelluvsu, clarisseswrld, lightning.mcqueen and others
soyn last few days in the studio have been soso hectic but im forever great full i get to spend them with some of the most beautiful amazing dancers in the whole wide worlddd ‹𝟹 ( dont forget to buy ur tickets for our upcoming recital !! )
annie.beth u guys literally look so good !! popped in the other day to help with lighting issues and oh em gee im so excited nd proud!!
⤷ soyn and u didnt say hello !! literally what !!
⤷ annie.beth my boss didnt let me ᴖ̈
⤷ soyn they hate to see us together fr
tallesttiptoes blood sweat nd tears going into this guys buy ur tickets ꃋᴖꃋ
⤷ soyn no literally like the amount of band-aids i have on rn ....
⤷ perseajackson can confirm shes gone through two boxes of hello kitty band-aids in the last month
lightning.mcqueen where can i buy tickets plsss (ㅅ´ ˘ `)
⤷ soyn TY JASON !! (balletwebsite.com) !!
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♡ liked by soyn, letsbefrank, sillysallyjackson, underwoodz, annie.beth, fireboy, lightning.mcqueen and others
perseajackson day like forty seven of trying new recipes except when i tried making what i had originally planned i spilled like half of our salt ... we resorted to pasta but its a win cause my gf loves pasta
fireboy how the hell did u spill half of ur salt
⤷ perseajackson ive literally watched you intentionally put seven cups of salt into a cake before
⤷ fireboy ... and what im a salty man
⤷ prettygirlpipes we know
lightning.mcqueen waiting for the day u make me dinner ᴖ̈
⤷ perseajackson ill make u a full course meal bro dw
⤷ lightning.mcqueen bro ily
⤷ perseajackson omg no ily more
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soyn best chef in ny fr !! after ur mom ofc
⤷ perseajackson real i can never compete with her she'd eat me up
⤷ soyn its cause she's sally jackson babe dw
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now playing ... birds of a feather by billie eilish
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♡ liked by annie.beth, soyn, perseajackson, lightning.mcqueen, hazelluvsu, fireboy, letsbefrank and others
prettygirlpiper group met up at the fair this weekend nd omg ... i have not laughed n had so much fun since i cant even remember like core memory fr + everybody's fav couple making the whole fair feel single
annie.beth WE LITERALLY NEED TO DO THIS MORE IT WAS SM FUN
⤷ fireboy YALL DONT UNDERSTAND I HAVE NO LIFE IM FREE WHENEVERRR ( ˶•ᴖ•) !!
hazelluvsu i had so much fun except for when i almost died of laughter after watching jason lose at thirteen games in a row
⤷ lightning.mcqueen TRAITOR
⤷ perseajackson damnnnn u did my man dirty hazel
⤷ letsbefrank nah cause it was genuinely sad after a while
⤷ lightning.mcqueen percy ur the only one who understands me
soyn ily guys sm omgggg (pipes dont be shy send me that pic ˘ ³˘)
⤷ prettygirlpiper i gotchu pooks dw ♡
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♡ liked by perseajackson, tallesttiptoes, letsbefrank, luvrgirlsteph, annie.beth, prettygirlpiper, fireboy and others
soyn im working late, cause im a singer dancer ( recital is in two days we r stressing but so ready !! )
tallesttiptoes OH YEAH im so ready (im not ready at all) literally so pumped (crying in my closet rn) i CANNOT wait (im going to kms)
⤷ luvrgirlsteph WE GOT THIS GIRL DONT KYS ‹𝟹
perseajackson ilysm babe u got this !!
⤷ soyn tysm percy ily (˃̣̣̥ᴖ˂̣̣̥)
⤷ prettygirlpiper omg i hate u guys #bringbacktoxiccouples
⤷ perseajackson stay jealous
hazelluvsu u got this yn !! ur an amazing leader i just know all the girls in ur studio r so lucky to be working with u !!
⤷ tallesttiptoes YESS WE AREEEE
⤷ luvrgirlsteph yn my fav dancer fr !!
⤷ soyn ilysm pretty girls ‹𝟹
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now playing ... new years day by taylor swift
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♡ liked by perseajackson, tallesttiptoes, annie.beth, prettygirlpiper, fireboy, clarisseswrld, lightning.mcqueen and others
soyn theres glitter on the floor after the party, girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby, and i am holding onto these memories as they hold onto me- we did it !!
perseajackson words cannot explain how proud i am of u babe, i literally started crying and the guy next to me hugged me and we cried TOGETHER
⤷ soyn NO WAY NO U DID NOT
⤷ lightning.mcqueen yes he did leo and i can confirm ill send u the pics rn
⤷ soyn THIS IS GOLDEN WHAT
fireboy THAT WAS SO COOL U LOOKED LIKE A PRINCESS I WANNA DO BALLET
⤷ soyn BETTTT LEO U GOT THAT
⤷ prettygirlpiper ohmygod i cannot wait to see how this ends
annie.beth U GUYS DID SO WELL IT WAS AMAZING !!
⤷ hazelluvsu my jaw was literally on the floor to whole time ꃋᴖꃋ
⤷ letsbefrank drop the leg day routine cause HOW
⤷ soyn STOPPP ILY GUYS SM (˃̣̣̥ᴖ˂̣̣̥)
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© ssparksflyy ┊ ur user was inspired by so high school n so american - like if you put my name in it would be 'sobells' yk?? yk.
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tomwaterbabies · 6 months ago
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disneyland happenings
featuring varian and hugo. since thats what our costumes were
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^(us trying to be very spooky) (there is a lot below btw lol)
someone asking if i (dressed as hugo) was from atlantis. surprisingly this only happened once
we went to kingdom hearts mickey first bc that was gonna be a popular one the rest of the night. the idea of varian in kingdom hearts is definitely really funny. i do not go here im just being honest
OH. new addition to the costume. i had olivia with me as a shoulder friend
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met bruno from encanto who commented on her. we talked about our rodent friends he was very nice. he said he brought "all 200" of his rats with him and wanted to help feed them and knows mickey is a big mouse so maybe we could ask him. i said we could just steal some food. varian got mad
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went over to see sid from toy story because he seemed like a mean little bitch. he was a mean little bitch. i may have said that his creations could use a little work but thats no reason for him to say "your mouse needs a little work" and "i hope you kept the receipt".... cunt
laughing about how mother gothel was no longer part of the characters to meet. "they killed her forever this time" etc etc
watching the parade and varian almost jumping out of his skin when mother gothel was in the parade. her ghost
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we went to this thing called villain's grove which was a bunch of light and effects n stuff through their little forest area. it was mostly a cool immersive experience so most of the footage is on the Lights And Effects Themselves but here's a few of us that look cool lol. gay tunnel (maybe not) (that segment was themed after frollo)
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met hans from frozen. we absolutely had no clue he was going to be there it was pretty funny. you may guess that my friend @kristoffs-lullaby (varian cosplayer) is a frozen enjoyer. so we hopped in line to see him
hans asked if varian's alchemy balls were some sort of magic or enchantment and you'll Never guess what varian responded with
though explaining its alchemy and science and all that didnt really make him feel better. he even asked if its something that would be in danger of bringing in an "eternal winter". varian did not like that :)
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saw dr. doofenshmirtz (?) i didnt watch that show. he was pretty fun to meet though. i know some people dont like his creepy ass design, but i do, its fun and weird to me. he wanted to collaborate with me and varian since we're scientists. really funny to have him say "i'll have my people call your people". a possible strange message that rapunzel will get later /j
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also encountered hades. though our friend @iammisswow was with us and so i had him focus on her since shes a big hercules fan. the visual was hugo getting this scary man's attention to be put on someone else by calling her out. it worked obviously. "oh SHE is a HUGE fan of hercules"
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madam mim from sword in the stone didnt really have as big of a crowd so we actually talked with her a pretty good amount. shes SO fun. lots of discussion about magic vs science and how she thinks knowledge is stupid. you can imagine how we of all people felt when she said "KNOWLEDGE is not power, MAGIC is power". she also liked olivia (she thought she was a familiar)
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meeting judge doom from roger rabbit was kind of scary LOL. very intimidating man. but his area had vats of chemicals and all that so you can imagine we had fun with that. WE can be trusted. obviously.
nervously just nodding our heads as judge doom tells us to come to him if we have any information regarding where "that rabbit is" (we are not doing that)
and also we saw ernesto de la cruz from coco. we were actually able to catch him right as he started performing which is rad but i dont actually have any interactions to tell u about here it was bad ass though
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and, unbeknownst to Hugo (as in i also didnt know about this), varian had a surprise for him. he had a whole... horribly genuine and flustery spiel to say about messing around in his lab and all that and made something for hugo. which was a necklace with a piece of colored glass-like material (teal) in the shape of a heart. hugo handled that whole situation really well (lie)
ANYWAYS ! that's it. i've mentioned before but Disneyland Trips will be retired really soon since I'm not too fond of a lot of their wack shit right now, but wanted to share some of the last bit of enjoyable times to be had there before that happens
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seiishindraws · 17 days ago
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Hii, I saw your latest post and your art style is so pretty?? What?? I have a question though. How do you do the paint one? Or rendering in general. Like genuinely, I have a problem with rendering and I can't seem to quite understand it on my own. Do you just start with flat colors? Do you do lineart or colors right after the sketch? Is the "lineart" just added later? Painted over? Erased to give thinner and thicker lines?? I'm really curious!!
hi! im not the best painter tbh! though i do have a background in painting but ill try my best to explain
diff artists have different approaches to how they paint but generally yes, you would start out with big shapes first and then go into the details - work big picture first. like, if you squint and the drawing makes sense in terms of value and colour and shape, youre on the right path.
i can kinda show this with a warmup in-class speedpaint exercise we did a couple weeks ago where we were tasked with painting an eye in about 30 minutes (i was late and only had 20 lol)
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luckily ive got the layers for this. i start of with a base layer, kind of like a underpaint layer since that's how i personally learned to paint traditionally. i did have a sketch before laying down this base layer under it but i ended up using it for final rendering details lol
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after that i started laying down the big blocks of colour. i wasn't necessarily aiming for complete colour accuracy here, i just wanted to match the value. i chose a pink underlayer to influence my colour choices because the underlayer will peak through the blocks of colour i paint over it
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and then (forgive me if this seems like "draw the rest of the owl" in terms of progression) but this is where i started going in with finer detail. i did the rest of the render on the sketch layer i had so you can see some of the lines from the sketch here
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here's the layers completely seperate from each other
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even for the flat colour version of my character, i had an underpaint layer! i used yellow and orange since i wanted her colours to be warm and used a semi-opaque brush to put her colours in rather than using a completely opaque brush
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when i wanted to do the painted version, i put the lineart on multiply and reduced the opacity and brushed in some some quick shadows on seperate layer on hard light mode to give me a good base to start painting with
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and then i did all the rendering and details on a new layer ontop of everything. i keep the lineart light so i can paint over it easily and also colour pick from it when i want a more distinct line to seperate certain shapes. i unfortunately dont know how to explain this part because a lot of this is intuitive to me and i'm still learning. but you gotta make use of different types of "edges" in painting, and you would generally have more contrast in the focal point of your painting than in other places to draw the eye to that point. i suggest researching the use of edges in painting if you really wanna learn more - because im a terrible teacher haha
for fun here's what the rendering layer for this one looks like on its own and the finished thing for comparison
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there's other things you need to learn too, like bounce light, atmospheric perspective, ambient occlusion... and colour theory is always important! i could go on for a long time. there's a lot of pieces to the puzzle and it may seem overwhelming but there's tons of resources online and it will all become second nature to you as you keep practicing
uhh hope that helps!
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norizz-nation · 1 year ago
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I’m better right? ❤️
Summary: So p1 in Monaco for Daniel was legit everything. But somehow reporters gotta ruin that by comparing him with the “new generation’s star max verstappen” so he brings u to ur shared hotel room to ask u if he’s better or not.
Warnings: nsfw, 18+, daddy kink, choking, light bdsm, blindfolds, handcuffs
You were there with Daniel in Monaco. Rooting for him to ur fullest. And the fact that he won was everything u ever wanted. U were so happy for him. Everything was going amazing. Until the bullshit interviews after race. Asking him stuff like “although u won, max is still improving and is probably better than u. how do u feel about that?”
Questions like that really pissed him off. And u could see that. After the whole evening being with this “max is better than daniel” interviews, he was just pissed. So u went to him and said “forget about them. u were amazing, u dont have to listen to them. i love you.” Daniel look a bit relaxed after u comforted him. “you’re better in every way” u whispered lightly with a smirk tht made Daniel raise his eyebrows. “Oh yeah baby?” “Of course daddy” u could see by the look on his face that those words drove him crazy.
Heading back to ur shared hotel room, daniel told u to sit on the edge of the bed while he went to his luggage and got some stuff out. Whn he came close to u, u noticed that he was holding a blindfold and a pair of handcuffs. Seeing them u looked up at him with doe eyes excited to know whats gonna happen next. “Be a good girl tonight, okay?” U just nodded. U were genuinely wet just by the thought about everything thats gonna happen. He then got u undressed and blindfolded u saying “im gonna show u that im better” u innocently asked “how?” “Oh baby just wait a bit. You’ll see.”
After he handcuffed u to the headboard, u just closed ur eyes and got comfortable. After a while u could feel daniels hands roam all over ur body. Caressing ur cheeks, then squeezing ur neck a little then going slowly down to ur stomach drawing circles. Making ur whole body get goosebumps. Ur started to squirm under him. “Daddy p-please” he then stopped “please what baby? tell me.” “Just touch me daddy, please. Dont tease me like that.” He started to rub ur thighs as he placed himself between ur legs. Licking you pussy lips saying “fuck you’re already that wet for me?” You could just nod. He began circling your pussy and flicking it every now & then. “Ah d-daddy im gonna cum. Please dont s-stop!” He then started pumping ur pussy with his two fingers while sucking ur pussy clean.
You were trying ur best to grab his curly hair and guide him well. After u’ve cum, he came closer to u and kissed ur neck, which was more of a wet kiss. “Stop fighting for it. You know u cant win baby.” He said as he saw u trying to touch him, ur hands were red at this point. You were basically crying for him. You wanted to touch him so bad. “What is it baby? Do u wanna say something?” “I want u to remove my blindfold and remove my handcuffs, i wanna touch u so bad daddy. Please” ur voice was low, and needy for more. He then kissed ur forehead and removed ur handcuffs.
You started to roam ur hands all over his body as if u haven’t touched him for a long while. U started to go more down to his hips. Palming his dick. “Please daddy, just fuck me!” U clearly whined as daniel smirked and kissed u.
He then positioned himself between ur legs as he rubbed his dick on ur clit, making u whine more. You thought that he was gonna be gentle first but he didn’t. He started with a fast pace that made u scream already. Practically making ur legs shake as he didnt stop his motion. Every single thrust was too much for u to handle. “O-oh daddy, you make me f-feel so good, nghh” he then grabbed ur hair and pulled u closer to him as u could feel his breathe in ur face. “Oh yeah? I make u feel good?” You barely managed to say “y-yes d-daddy u do”
He then placed one hand on ur neck choking u hard and the other one right where it was, on ur hair. Pulling it. It seemed like he just wanted to get his frustrations out at this point. All this bullshit reporters pissing him off so fucking much. You kept u eyes closed as ur whole body fell apart under him. “Baby, look at me, come on” you looked up at him with doe eyes. “Tell me im better. Tell me im better than max. Im better right?” You couldn’t say anything because the pleasure was just too much for u. But still u managed to say “of course you’re better daddy. you’re better than any other f1 grids here” “oh yeah?” “y-yes daddy”
His thrusts became sloppier as u felt a familiar euphoric feeling inside ur stomach. “Ahh daddy im sooo gonna cum” “me too baby, me too. cum for me baby, go on” your whole body started to shake uncontrollably as u came for the second time that night. Your body shivering and shaking. Then u immediately sucked his dick clean, leaving no cum there. “Oh look at u. Such a good girl for me” you looked up at him and kissed the tip of his dick while looking straight into his eyes making him groan by that sight.
He then held u close and cuddled with u. “Just dont think about them. You’re literally the most perfect man I’ve ever met daniel. I love you so much” your words made daniel so comforted as he kissed ur head and caressed ur arm. “I dont know how I managed to make u mine. I love you so much baby. I can’t afford to lose you, ever”
A/N: this idea was from one of the most amazing writer on tumblr @idkwhatimdoinghere163 , thank u so much for this idea. I hope I managed to reach ur expectations and you gotta give me some more ideas girl cuz those are amazing! ❤️
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lynn-tged-posting · 9 days ago
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tged webtoon ep 179 spoilers and thoughts that are like okay i can see where this is going and more below the cut
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i'll get the first thought out of the way rn. i think i do see what they were trying to do now! this ep feels better than the last one!! i'll talk more about that below
right now though i am mostly entertained by HOW MUCH LLOYD LOOKS LIKE A SALESMAN IN THIS EP IN SO MANY PANELS HAHAHAHA
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he looks like the
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
the panels in this ep genuinely are really great they're not terribly over the top besides a few and i think thats a good balance,,, i especially like the focus on the chief's reaction to all the changes that are going on in his life now that they have the choice of an alternative method (well,,, choice is said loosely LMFAO)
coming from last episode of lloyd going "oh yeah i love peace im a pacifist :)" to telling the demon kids "hey sometimes. theres people u need to beat up a bit. and people u need to beat up a LOT" and IT MAKES ME SMILE THAT THE KIDS TOOK THAT TO HEART HAHAHA
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powerful ass kids. lloyd is teaching the younger generation to Take No Shit and i really like that,,, esp considering all the shit suho had to take in korea asldkjflajskdf
AND THEN WHEN THE VENETOS TRIED TO RAID THE CARRIAGE. HELP
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obsessed w the composition of this panel. its nothing like new or clever per se i just really like how it looks , the light that pulls down from lloyd, to javier, to demon guy (I DONT KNOW IF HE HAS A NAME) i just,,, really like. they look like thugs. like bosses u have to fight in a row. ITS FUNNY I LIKE IT. this sequence as a whole was really fun,,,
javier and demon guy explaining that they either piss off or fight, AND THEN LLOYD GOING FROM THE MOST OMINOUS THING YOUVE EVER SEEN TO THE FRIENDLIEST LITTLE SMILE IN THE WORLD. AND OOOH,,, IT'S THE ROUTINE AGAIN,,, HAHAHAHA
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like seriously he looks like a fucking car salesman. he's basically selling this whole financing thing he's got planned w the venetos,,,
like when he did the money exchange for goods thing i was like oh,,, he's scheming something with like finances and banking or something like that isn't he,,,,,,, salesman looking ass
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ALSO THE NUH UH PANEL FUCKING SENT ME I HAD TO INCLUDE IT HERE
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AND WHEN PPODONG KICKS THEM ABOUT AND HE JUST WALKS ON SCREEN AND STANDS THERE IM. the POSE HAHAHAHA you know i had to do it to em lookin ass. GOOFY
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genuinely his poses in this ep are so stupid funny i love them sm . recently we've been seeing a lot of his face being Totally Evil Exaggeration or Seriously Going Through It but these goofy ass salesman poses and expressions are SOMETHING ELSE HAHA GOOD CHANGE OF PACE
and it's not like he's forcing their hand he's just stopping their usual avenues, bc he juuust so happens to be working in the area now for magentano,,,, honestly i think he would have put the chief into a corner at some point eventually, but it also seems like lloyd's efforts had also affected other aspects of the chief's life, like his relationship w his family and the other veneto hunters,,, which may have put the chief in the corner early,,, a matter of time, i suppose,,,?
like the chief had a lot of very like remorseful / realization type expressions in this ep, i really liked this one in particular,
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and (okay i guess we're diving into the main thoughts now) i think now that i have the context of this ep for the previous week's ep, it kind of paints a picture of what exactly it was the adaptation team was going for. the venetos are prideful and rooted in inconvenient traditional ways, and lloyd's plan is a type of interference that twists that pride one way or another (though i dont think the chief feeling remorse after seeing his wife and child finally being okay with him was a part of lloyds plans LOL)
it,,, makes sense! and while yes it's due to lloyd's interference, it also feels like the chief is making a decision himself here, (in,,, in a way?) (not sure how to explain what i mean by that) like the chief absolutely sees how bad things had gotten under his original policies and outlook, and then saw the immediate change from just... changing the way they acquire goods. i really liked watching that happen, and it helps characterize him as someone who is so incredibly stubborn but really wants the best for his people, and the best he had known at that point was what they had done all this time.
this does makes me wish that ep 178 was handled with a lot more tact and awareness of what they are setting up for. i think if ep 178 had a similar tone as ep 179, it would have been received a bit better, maybe,,, of course i wouldn't know for sure, and i'm not sure how i'd rewrite it myself, but i think 179 handles the line between moments of thought and moments of gags a lot better than 178 (if that makes any sense). because of this, the chief in 179 feels different than the chief in 178,,, i would feel better about 179 showing his redemption process if 178 had been handled with just a bit more care. i don't think we needed to see a man bully/verbally abuse his family to show that the venetos are traditional in a detrimental way,,, while also nearly presenting everyone as a gag at that? man idk,,,
i'm not entirely sure still, maybe i'm just being sensitive or something, but regardless (and again), 179 feels a lot better than 178 so i'm really hoping this arc finishes strong,,,
anyway serious thoughts aside! WHEN LLOYD PULLED OUT THE CONTRACT I KNEW IT WAS OVER LLOYD HAD WON ALDKFJSDFHHAHAAAAA
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ohhhh the signing,,, it's binding~ you're stuck now!! HAHA
AND THE REVEAL OF IT BEING LIKE. A FINANCING BANKING THING AFTER ALL I AM BOTH APALLED IN A /LH WAY AND HAPPY BC I FIGURED IT OUT BASED ON WHAT LLOYD WAS DOING HAHAHAHA
like wow. lloyd u r about to toss these people into the throes of capitalism . good job, i think,,,??? honestly it makes sense that lloyd would know how this works or how to do this considering all the financial trouble he faced in korea
NO WONDER HE LOOKED LIKE A SALESMAN IN ALL THESE PANELS TOO. HE'S A BANKER GUY IN THIS EP LAKDJFLSKJDFH god i hate him /aff wonder what his next step in the plan is,,, cause. how will this possibly get the venetos to do the job of keeping charge of the mountain railroad stuff??? like will they be more inclined to work to like pay off the bank stuff? <- does not know how banks and loans work
that's all for now,,, i am excited and hoping the next ep will keep going back up!!!
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geodraws04 · 10 months ago
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PKMN ScarVio DLC AU ~ Possessed!Kieran
Just finished the page for my contribution to the good ol’ Toxic Chain theory :OOO
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I recently finished the Teal Mask and finishing up the Indigo Disk DLC and while i really did like the fact that Kieran’s actions were all his own and makes him a much more realistic/relatable character, I am feeling a little robbed we didn't get a possessed!kieran + i really did not like the direction they took w/ Mochi Mayhem. I felt like it was WAAAY too silly/comedic for my tastes (if you liked it more power to you tho!), and wish we had more lore/backstory and involvement of Pecharunt and the Loyal 3 respectivally.
so i wanted to try killing two birds with one stone and try to mash ID and MM together somewhat! So heres some sketches and concept stuff ft. My PKMN!Violet sona. And also make this AU ANGSTY AS FUCK-
im not a comedy/crack/silly person when it comes to stories involving manipulation/mind control type of stuff because i just get second hand embarressment for those under doing wierd stuff while not aware so if your looking for a “silly haha!” AU with this type of concept ive got bad news for ya… this AU aint gonna be for you-
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Starting off… my design for when Kieran is fully possessed by Pecharunt!
I still really liked the fact that Kieran was like. FULLY aware and in his own mind/body during ID; so i want to keep that in this AU too - for the most part.
id like to think that once making a deal with Pecharunt and offering himself to it in order to become stronger, the little peach would slowly feed him mochi that would “numb the pain and guilt if he ever feels doubtful.” At the time of Pecharunt’s debut to the start of ID, pecharunt is extremely weak and thus, its influence isnt as effective or strong. However, when we meet Kieran again, he’s definately beginning to change. throughout the story, we see Kieran’s spiraling descent into madness as he becomes more intimidating and cynical.
i dont have a specific spot where hed have this outfit change, but ill figure it out lol.
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However, i def think it would be a bit after his panic attack/mental break down when we defeat him. Since at this point he couldnt uphold his end of the deal with Pecharunt, it has no choice: he offered his body and mind to it to get stronger, but he couldnt keep it up. So now, he has to pay the price.
(This would be right after the Ex-Champ bit - fuck you Draydon)
however, instead of telling himself to get stronger like in canon… he mumbles something indescernable and unintelligable… and then he starts… laughing?
“K-Kieran…?”
“Uh… yo, earth to ex-champion… you doin’ alright-?”
Suddenly… he glares at us… no. He glares at you, tears streaming down his face but an animalistic and crazily wide smile is plastered on his face as he stumbles back up, hugging himself while letting out what one would think is the most maniacal, despairing, crazy cackling laughter one could hear.
That's when you see it - his eyes, formally a light yellow, now a bright yet darkly sinister shade of violet-magenta. The scrunchie he was wearing began growing two strings of toxic chains that waved around like tentacles, and lifted him up in the air like stilts, purple smoke filling the area.
what was happening… whats happened to Kieran.
no, whatever that was…
Thats not Kieran.
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The bottom sketch is a small scenario i had in mind!
i want pecharunt to have a larger role so here they are! After returning the teal mask to me and carmine and running off, he stumbles upon an injured and weak Pecharunt, and secretly nurses it back to health. Behind everyone’s backs the two spark a friendship/partnership!
i like to think pecharunt has good intentions and did genuinely want to help kieran get stronger, but i like to think that the toxins it gave to Kieran not only began to mess with Kieran’s mind, but with Pecharunt’s too.
how exactly? No idea just yet lol- ill figure that out later on down the line lol. Along with the loyal 3’s roles in the story as well.
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Heres a few for fun and more funny sketches i made to fill up the empty space lol-
also feat. Moi, yuma and shinigami jykghhfjhfdjhygjuy-
QUICK DISCLAIMER! IM NOT SHIPPING MYSELF W/ KIERAN SINCE HES IMPLIED TO BE A TEEN AND IM A LEGAL ADULT!! the DLC came out when i was 17; almost 18 (released a few days before my bday actually!)
i like to think that when this story and AU respectively take place, Kieran is 14 while im 16 turning 17 that fall in Teal Mask (Carmine being 18 or 19?), then in Indigo Disc Kieran is 16, im 18, and Carmine is 19/20. So me and kieran are 2 years apart, while me and Carmine are 1-2 years apart.
Its mostly because id like to think me and kieran’s dynamic is similar to a close friend i have irl and wanted to write it as such while retaining the canon story too. If that makes sense lol.
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And one more sady drawing when kieran is freed from Pecharunt’s control!
i think i speak for everyone that we needed a scene where we hugged kieran after all the shit he’s been through-
justice for my baby boy kieran. :,,,))
AAAAAAANNNNNNDDDDD THATS ALL I GOT FOR NOW!!
what do yall think :000
any suggestions/ideas, critiques, whatever is on your mind about this AU is appreciated!! Im gonna get back to my remnant designs lol-
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dandeleon · 1 month ago
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BONUS POST ABT MY ADIPOCERE & URAPOCERE AMVS BC I FEEL LIKE YAPPING 😋 HASHTAG AUTISM
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hiiii first of all tysm for all the nice tags & comments on both of these it genuinely means the world 2 me ^_^🩷🩷🩷🩷yay
(theres some specific tags i talk abt & look at further at the bottom of this post ^_^)
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ok first if u read the tags on my adipocere animation u remember i said ive had the idea 4 them since august Which is true
so heres some stuff ive made b4 i realized i could make my own amvs
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this picture uve probably seen i drew it back in like october?? I think?????
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i dont like this as much anymore i wanna redraw it someday maybe
BUT
did u know i made another one with urapocere ford 2 parallel that one
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it was gonna be in the same post as the other one but i didn't like how it turned out sooo it got scrapped
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theres also this i made in early december
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i think i planned on posting this but i forgor lol
feel free 2 read it all bc it still stands & is like the basis for my animations lol
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theres also this
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which i made in ms like a day or 2 before starting my animation & ended up re-using it 2 make this part:
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also heres some early parts of the adipocere one:
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^ this one i was planning on using which is why its coloured and animated but then i realized it looked like ass so i redid it👍
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^ early ver of the beginning (threres an extra frame in the walk cycle here i think? i dont think i kept the 7th one in lol)
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^early ver of uras beginning
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heres some specific frames i like too ^_^
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i think the expressions in these turned out rlly good :) esp the ford one.. my only goal for that one was to make him look like he was having the absolute worst time of his life & i think i did pretty good on that front lol
i have more but i hit the image limit LOL
anyways to finish my yap sesh off heres the last part of both animations side by side bc they parallel eachother & i think its neat :)
(hi its leon from the future, i lied here ur only halfway through this post sorry)
actually im gonna come back to this on my laptop & add more stuff maybe
if the post ends here its either bc i forgot to remove this text or tumblr decided to post this for me while trying save as draft
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heyyy im on my laptop now ^_^ and also wondering why i didnt do it on here on the first place bc this is where all my images for this are anyways lmao
anyways!
heres more frames n stuff that i like
(most of these r from the urapocere one because that one ended up being a lot more polished)
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^ frame by frame of that one part towards the end
my favs of these 4 are first & last one esp the last one i really like how that one came out ough.. the hand ended up looking rlly good imo (im a sucker for nicely drawn hands)
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some particular frames from the final part i like :]
some i like bc i think they came out nice some i like cause they look goofy w/o context
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an adi one!!!!
this is just that one part w/o the bg & harsh lighting
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OTHER ONES!!!!!!
1: bord from the begining clip i like (theres another one i like from the same clip ill see if i can find it in my sea of folders l8r)
2: from the part near the end. i think it ended up looking cute (which was unintentional but i still like it)
3: blizzard ford (blizzardless edition)
4: fidds! i like this one :) im also running out of things to say
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ALMOST FORGOR 2 PUT THIS ONE from adi
this ones probably my fav part from the whole adi amv tbh i think it turned out nice
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moar fiddleford
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heres that other bord one i mentioned ^_^ idky i just like how this one ended up looking lol
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EXTRA SECTION BC THIS TAG MADE ME POG SO HARD
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I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THAT BUT IT FITS SO WELL AUGHHHHH
thank u person who added this tag ur going unamed bc i dont wanna put u on blast but ur tags on both posts made me smiles so big like. u get it🤝 u get what i was going for 🤝🤝🙏🙏🙏
i have more tags from these posts i wanted 2 add but apparently i hit the image limit :( sad
so im just gonna like vaguely mention them since i cant add images
another thing ppl tagged in the ura one was the yellow text changing the meaning to bill & i NEED u to know that was semi-unintentional. i literally just made the text yellow at the end so people didnt misinterpret that as ford saying it being like "thank GOD fiddlefart died i couldnt stand his ass lmao😂🙏" but thank you for making it look like i had a cool meaning behind it LOL. i think the concept of like it being something ford DID say about fiddleford when he quit the project & bill is repeating it back to him after finding fiddleford dead to torment him is a really cool idea actually waow.....
hold on im gonna be really normal abt that bc i think thats such a interesting way to interpret the lyrics.... like fiddleford left & ford was like "WHATEVER im finally free now without HIM around. hes gonna be looking at me enviously when IM the one with MY name and MY name ALONE on the nobel prize!!!!" & bill repeating those statements back when fiddleford is dead like "this is what u wanted!!! u wanted this!! ur free now!!!!" UGHH THATS SO COOL AND OR FUCKED UP ACTUALLY thank u to the ppl who tagged that im taking this interpretation & running with it i genuinely think its so cool omgggg
like i said in the tags of the urapocere post the lyrics were originally meant to fit fords warped view of fiddleford right after he quit the project but the mv leaves it kinda up to interpretation of whos saying what to who. my personal interpretation while making it was its kind of a mix of ford to fiddleford, ford to bill & bill to fiddleford and/or ford & literally any combination of those work i think tbh. choose ur own adventure who was the biggest hater there
also some tags on the adi one were interpreting where fidds was dragging ford to & i wanna say my personal vision of it was fiddleford kinda just finds fords body lying in the snow in the woods maybe (dont ask why fiddleford would be there.. idk cult things maybe..) and fiddlefords feels obligated to bring him back to the lab so he doesnt freeze to death (he wouldve just erased him & fords memory of it anyways) which is a bit ironic cuz fiddleford is the one who froze to death LMAO (and maybe ford did too idk... you decide)
another thing this goes back to that image towards the top of this post where i yapped abt the songs n how well they fit with fiddauthor & i wanna specifically talk abt the line talking abt icarus because??? oh my god????? literally i think that line alone is like half the reason i associate this song w/ fiddauthor so heavily bc its literally them??? fiddleford literally compares ford 2 icarus in j3 like... its too perfect..
that line alone is also the reason i added english captions to both of them i just wanted ppl to see the icarus line LMAO
another line i also mentioned in that pic was the one telling the other person to forget it all even their face & i think its pretty obvious why that one fits LOL
(feel free to add more thoughts abt them w/ these songs if u have any ^_^)
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anyways. adipocere is my fav song ever & for the past few months ive been doing that thing where u imagine an amv in ur head to a song u like & im very happy i can like. actually look at them now. making these were alot of fun :]
i do have a LOT of personal nitpicks with these (ESP the first one) but that also might just be cause im the guy who had to make it frame by frame LOL
(one minor one is fords skintone in urapocere ended up a bit more grey than i wanted but also he is like. in the middle of being possessed & tortured by a whole ass demon soo. it works i suppose LOL [makes him look zombie-ish])
also i thought making these amvs would make me less insane abt associating these songs w/ fiddauthor but tbh i think i just strengthened it LMAO
Sorry if literally nothing in this post makes any sense im just typing shit 😭🙏
i was gonna add more in tags but it wont let me add anymore so i think that might be a sign to stfu now LMAO
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pumpkinsy0 · 1 month ago
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now that curlys day to beat soda up is overrrrr, how about some over exaggerated, silly hcs of soda and curlys little feud they have going
(i genuinely dont think that soda actually hates curly. annoyed by him? yes absolutely. but curlys just another kid and if he makes pony happy, alright then😒)
tbh real!!! i dont think soda hates curly hes is just deeply annoyed by that BASTARD!!!!
•theres nothing soda does that rlly antagonizes curly, soda doesnt know curlys schedule for the day, neither does he rlly care to!! so for on lookers it truly just looks like its a one sided beef of curlys part😭
•even when soda tries to annoy curly on the rare times that he sees the dude, curlys heard wayyyyy worse, he thinks its so funny to hear soda try to push him away so he tries seeing soda here n there for entertainment. THATS sodas charm to curly, curly likes soda overall!!! soda can try to think of cursing combinations and pick up ones he hears on the street all he wants, curlys loving the attention
•curly will come into the dx w his rowdy friends and act like the place is a fast food joint, y r u at the register asking “yea can i get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh🤔🤔” BE SERIOUS!!!! if the dx sold rolling paper for joints i promise u curly would ask for it all the time and nothing else, maybe a chocolate bar but thats as far as it goes. hes in there for 20 minutes only to ask for rolling paper.
•lowkey their odd relationship has been around WAYYYY back when soda used to go to school, but it was obviously more laid back bc curly didnt care much for curly, he just messed w him for the love of the game. it was small things too like just giving soda shitty pens/pencils, pushing the chair from under him, dropping milk on him, all that jazz, just treating soda like everyone else but without the actual verbal abuse part😭😭😭
•soda got put into lower level classes, like classes w the freshmans and those were the only classes where he would entertain curlys bs, soda didnt rlly know anybody else so curly being there was a semi relief cause he could joke around a bit and get his GET BACKS🗣️🗣️bring up the time soda set a thumbtack on curlys chair and curly will strangleeeee u
•these two would definitely throw water balloons at each other. well SODA would, cause hes a FAIR, silly and SIMPLE guy. curly would fill a big ziploc bag cause he wants the BIGGEST amount of water to splash on that guy, curlys a cheater to the highest degree!!! although sometimes it wouldnt break upon impact immediately, so curly just through a bag of water at soda for no reason and now sodas face feels off
•would it b crazy of me to say that during the shepard vs curtis rumble, curly took his opportunity to slap the hell out of soda. didnt punch him, didnt target him the whole time, just slapped him here and there and moved on to someone else. till this day soda doesnt know who did it 100% bc his eyesight was a lil blurry, but he has an idea that it was curly
•soda likes shaking up the can of soda curly always steals when hes over/DEMANDS for him to get “cause im a guest”. everyone in the gang knows the trick of how to stop it from overflowing when its shaken bc lord knows nobody in that gang cant hold it without dropping some cans, so they just do it everytime before opening one as precaution, but curlys clueless on it so everytime he opens a can, its either it spills all over him or he has to quickly chug and choke❤️
•as a joke curly likes lighting his lighter near ppl to see them freak out, but bc soda is just a ball of energy, curlys accidentally set one of his flannels on fire A LITTLE BIT before he put it out and not sodas flannel as a piece if it thats just flat out burnt. thats the closest to hating curly soda has ever got
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abacus-jpg · 9 months ago
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Anyone else not understand why people are moving to cara. Like I understand it’s because ai and shit,, but like. What confuses me is as long as your art is on the internet, aslong as you chose to post your art online anywhere, doesn’t matter where, it is prone to being stolen by ai. To me ai is nothing more then when people trace your art and call it their own. Ofc I don’t want people to do it, but ultimately that will not stop them. I do have a cara account, I was the first to claim abacus. When I tried posting there a few times I’ve been met with an error message, alongside that the app is really buggy and slow. I don’t see why people feel the need to come up with new apps to post art on when you could just use tumblr, but then the argument with tumblr is that there’s no engagement. But if we all flock to tumblr like people are flocking to cara then I don’t see why engagement would be such a big issue. Even then, if engagement is your main concern with your art I feel like you should reevaluate why you are pursuing art in the first place. I had this struggle ages ago where I didn’t feel my art was worth anything because I couldn’t cap 10 likes. But I realized, my art is for me. I’m the one that should be enjoying it, and my reason for posting now is for other people to enjoy it, so if they don’t,, I really don’t care all the much. I understand it is really detouring to post ocs and to have zero engagement, but that’s just the way art is. Unless you are producing fanart consistently of shit that is made into content farms, I really don’t see how you can garner a following just doing ocs. That’s why, doing art for your own sake is more important than trying to please everyone. I can guarantee there’s atleast one stranger on the internet that will fw your stuff the way you want. And the more you post, the more the number will grow. Most of the time it’s gradual, but one goes to two, two goes to three. And maybe you’ll only get one or two. But the important thing is, there’s someone. If you feel like you have no one, remember your art is for yourself. You’ll always have one, even if that is yourself. This might all seem contradictive. But trust, only you matter when it comes to your own artwork.
This “speech”, if you can call it that, isn’t to deter people from drawing and posting their ocs. This is just to say, engagement shouldn’t matter. As long as you’re happy, that’s all the matters. Post and draw what you want aslong as it’s not straight ripping from someone else. Idc.
This whole thing was supposed to be abt Cara but it turned into a uhh,, Ted talk of sorts. I’m not saying people shouldn’t use cara, if it works for them then by all means go for it. But personally I will not be making it my main form of social media. In my opinion, it’ll be like that other art app people were using for a week before they forgot abt it, I forget the name of it but I remember the interface was a light pink, similar to Instagram,, but somehow worse.
IM GONNA SPECIFY THAT I DONT CONDONE AI STEALING PEOPLES ART EITHER,, just putting that out there because some people have a way of misunderstanding or misinterpretating things. Which is okay!! Because some people genuinely get confused and that’s alright. But like please don’t use so first handedly. With that being said, I’m just a nobody on the internet so why would you listen to me,, you won’t. But i uhh,, am gonna put that there anyways
Thanks if you read allat,, idk why you would but that’s anyways I guess😭😭😭
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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 years ago
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Am I (27m) the asshole for wanting my boyfriend (28m) to be attracted to me?
This involves sex as a topic but won't get explicit, I'll keep it vague. I'm asexual. Completely sex repulsed in a physical sense, mostly due to autistic sensory issues. I've never had any interest in sex and didn't have any libido at all before going on testosterone, so the way most allosexuals tend to view and think of sex is something I've always struggled to understand.
In previous relationships, my asexuality was handled in different ways depending on the person. One boyfriend was totally fine just not having a sexual aspect to our relationship, another one had a hookup he got my approval on. The compromise me and my last boyfriend came up with was that he'd text me his fantasies about me and that did a lot for him without me having to physically be in the situation, and even if I didn't get anything sexual out of it I did enjoy it. It was a confidence boost. I dont generally consider myself attractive or desirable, i wear sweaters in summer because im so self conscious, and this compromise actually did a lot to help me see myself in a different light.
I recently got into a new relationship and, as with every relationship I've been in, there's inevitably a discussion about how we're going to compromise on this issue. My new boyfriend didn't know anything about asexuality and barely understood when I explained but he's very insistent about not crossing my boundaries, which I appreciate. But the problem is, since he'd never considered sexuality from a less direct angle, he didn't really know where to even start with ideas when we were trying to work out a compromise. So, I started making suggestions, thinking back to what worked for other people I'd dated. Just abstaining wasn't going to be doable for him so I didn't suggest it, and he wouldn't be comfortable with a hookup.
I remembered my ex used to be able to get something out of telling me about his fantasies so I asked if that was something he'd be into. I wasn't angling to try to get him to agree to something, I genuinely just wanted to know whether or not that was an option to consider. He didn't actually answer at first, he went quiet and then he answered the question with another question and asked "wouldn't something like that make you uncomfortable?" And I said "no, because the physical component is the thing I have issues with, not the subject matter itself. So long as I don't have to directly engage in the situation, I'm golden."
I don't know if this is something that was really stupid of me to say and my autistic ass just didn't realize, but since he's so careful about my boundaries and comfort and tends to fret, I thought his problem in the moment was worry that I'd be making myself uncomfortable in an attempt to meet his needs. So I hurried to reassure him and said not only would it not make me uncomfortable, I'd enjoy it in a way. Not sexually, but I enjoy knowing that my partner is attracted to me. It makes me feel good about myself.
He got really upset. He doesn’t get upset easily and hadn't ever gotten properly upset with me before (at least not to this extent) so I was very taken aback, but I was floored by his reason for being upset. Not word for word, but he essentially said "so basically you want me to frustrate myself to feed your ego?"
I was, I think understandably, completely fucking appalled by such a suggestion. I said of course not, I was just suggesting something I knew worked for someone else because even if it wasn't his thing, we could narrow down options by process of elimination. Which made logical sense, to me. He wasn't calmed though, he started saying things like "so, you want your partner to be attracted to you even though you never plan on actually letting them act on that attraction? Do you see how cruel that is?" And... I don’t know, which is why I'm submitting this here. Is that cruel?
From my perspective, I would think it's only natural to want to know your partner finds you attractive, doesn't everyone want to be wanted to some degree? I don't get some sort of sadistic thrill out of it as he seemed to be implying, and I don't want it to impact my partners in a negative way. If this was something he would find frustrating then no, of course I wouldn't want him to frustrate himself, we could look at other options. When I made the suggestion, I figured the worst that would happen was he'd say no and we'd narrow down the list of options. I never imagined my moral character would be called into question.
He's usually so, so nice to me and it hit really hard for someone who’s usually so fond of me to say I sounded selfish and vain. Both actual words he used when this devolved into an argument. I explained my reasoning for suggesting it to begin with but he said the issue isn’t the suggestion, it's that he thinks that it's fucked up of me to want my partner to be attracted to me when I'm not going to indulge that attraction and it makes him wonder if I'm really a different, worse person deep down and he's only now getting to see it. He called it a red flag. That seemed like such a leap to me but I don't want to dismiss the suggestion out of hand. Many bad people think they're good people, so it's not out of the question.
This was our first real argument, previous disagreements had been talked out very calmly but emotions ran high with this one. I dont know if this is something that triggered him for deeper reasons, considering his reaction was so intensely out of the norm for him, or if the whole thing just looks entirely different from the perspective of someone who isn't sex repulsed.
Am I the asshole here? Is it really as fucked up as he says that I enjoy knowing my partner is attracted to me even though I won't agree to have sex with them?
We didn't discuss the topic any more that night, and it hasn't been brought up since. He hasn't been treating me differently than before, but he's always proactively apologized before when he was in the wrong about things and he hasn't this time, so to me that says he still stands by what he said. His words have stuck with me and they’re eating at me. I feel like such a horrible person, and I have no idea if I should feel more or less guilty about this.
Tl;dr: my boyfriend is upset that I like knowing my partners are attracted to me even though I don't want to and don't intend to have sex with them bc he thinks that's majorly fucked up and a red flag.
What are these acronyms?
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trippygalaxy · 5 months ago
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UHM! HI this is just gonna be me rambling about some of my mutuals cause I cherish them all and everything they've done for me
no i will not be tagging them, the tumblr gods will decide if they find this or not
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Cal, gods I have so much to say about them but they could honestly be their own post by themselves /pos. I -genuinely- wouldn't be here today if it wasnt for them, so many times have they unknowingly helped me out of horrible places in my life, and I could never put my love for them into words no matter how many poems i write in their honour. They are one of the best friends ive ever had in my life, they are the most genuine, selfless, precious people ive had the pleasure of knowing.
Maj- oh i miss talking to him so much you dont understand!!! I love love loved sending them silly stories in her askbox, their way of thinking and breaking down stories were the most delicious things! Not only that but the art??? Their ocs always enticed me and i would willing sit down and listen to them talk about them for hours if i could. They are FUCKING HALRIOUS TOO!!! They've -without even trying- have given me so many belly laughs when i needed that the most.
But i seem them in their new fandom with other moots and im so happy shes having fun /gen
GASP! MY SPOUSE!!! Fir! UGH i love them so much /p They are so encouraging, and they help me so much when it comes to stories and figuring stuff out- and they WROTE SO MUCH FOR ME???? IM SO GREATFUL FOR EVERYTHING THEY'VE MADE AND DONE FOR ME AND I WISH I COULD REPAY IT BACK 10 FOLDS! I feel so free when speaking with them, like im able to be a part of me where i cant with others and its- its so relieving.
Vaati- a genuine inspiration. I was a HUGE fan of his shifting sands series when I found it on instagram and when i say HE MOVED TO TUMBLR?! I WAS FUCKING ESTATIC!!!! Also very worried that his art got stolen but it was clear it wasnt- ANYWAYS! When I first found him, i was so ready to just give up on art -before my digital art era- because when i stared at my art all i saw was bland strokes of a pencil that could never be compared to what others had made, but when I found his comic that was FULLY TRADTIONAL I was stunned. I showed it to everyone I knew, whether they knew loz/lu or not, i needed them to see the talent and beauty I found. And he was the beginning of me starting to relearn to love traditional art again, and how much more beautiful it was to me compared to any digital piece
ARIA!!! I was in awe of her cute style- and i saw her make art for Sacred realm and i was HOOKED! Genuinely, I was like 'oop- have to be friends with her now' and though we dont talk that much, im constantly impressed with her growth even when she thinks its trash. That girl has SO much potential, and im estatic to see what she does with it. OH AND THE ART SHES MADE FOR FAROLA?! **MWAH!!!** Honestly she made me love Farola again-
Major, an unrated GEM, one of the most encouraging, heartfelt and creative person ive met on this site. She is, and will always be, someone I look to when I need a push or when im unsure about doing something (like this!) cause I know that she will never cease her amazing ability to encourage and inspire those around her.
Finky and Isa- some of the most iconic styles ive seen, its amazing to see them grow and keep their styles while still improving. AND THE AMOUNT OF ART AND IDEAS THEY MAKE??? Im stunned by how quick they are able to make their art and STILL HAVE IT BE AMAZING QUAILTY?! Witch craft I tell you!
Shade and Mossy, two people I sadly dont talk to much anymore, but were apart of one of the most important parts of my life so far. Both were such positive lights that kept pushing even when they got pulled back by others. Idk if its their stubbornness or determination that keeps them going, but whatever they have, I want it!
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