#im down bad for a dude that doesnt exist

[teddieart]

Anatomy study ft.Law that got out of hand

[dysaniadisorder]

i hate how normalized military is in the us im gonna rip my hair out

[meitanteisachi]

*taps mic* let it be known that yearning is my favorite emotion that is all bye

[trans-estinien]

i gotta actually start cooking this paper i am imagining on how demonizing masculinity makes it harder to achieve equal rights but i dont think the internet is ready for that conversation yet

[big-box-of-kinda-silly-fop-ideas]

Just wanted to make like a proper way bio thing for peri (irep coming soon probably if i bother)

I would write fanfiction but uh idk if i could so these are more like characters notes

real long post below

Peri is a highly independent adult, he doesn’t like being coddled or touched without any warning and isnt the type to ask for help at all even if he really needs it. He’s an extremely closed off person using the suave act as a way to personally seperate himself to others which he developed due to his celebrity status, the suave personality also acts as a way to keep face as he never knows where could be camera. He pretends this cool collected guy, that can worm his way to getting anything (which is true) that has everything under control but in reality he’s this kinda dorky dude, that always anxious on how people perceive him and his grades. He’s an overachiever, after the initial first baby born hype died down he’s mostly known as the really smart youngest fairy in existence, he’s was an academic weapon throughout spellementary school and hs (im basing his education system off mine which is only two schools no middle 4-12 and 12-18) and came to uni with overconfidence in his educational abilities. Theres one thing thats consistent between his suave act and his actual self which is he’s petty as hell and very snarky, you can try talking him down but he’ll roast you back or give you a vaguely threatening threat. As well as being a bit prideful and vain, like he knows he’s pretty and smart and cares a lot about his appearance.

In this uni au he’ll be a bit of a static character he doesnt grow much, and struggles with demonstrating his affection or his struggles. (Which is why dev and peri dont exactly work much cause peri is overcompensating on how much coddling he got, and show affection in a more subtle way that dev doesn’t need as he need a more direct way (and heres a thought i dont think peri wouldve ever said he cared for dev unless delirious) ) . But he’s more openly affectionate with his parents cause he loves them. What he mainly goes through is humbling, he starts fairly prideful and overconfident but starts to slowly crumble from the pressure and anxiety. As in he doesnt say no to anything, hes somehow always busy or doing something, he also studies not enough and too much (crams shit in) and he also got his celebrity things to do. Another arc will be opening up to Goldie and Irep (but they'll be his only friends) cause he doesnt learn shit about how to socialise without depending on the act. He’s also easily frustrated, if things dont go in the way he wants he gets frustrated at himself, like he really put his self worth on his abilities to do things and less on who he is as a person. Like everyone praised him for his intelligence, charm, talent, magic and appearance, like he hates being coddled but he likes being praised, while irep doesnt get praised and seeks getting praised. But that doesnt change the fact he is a genuinely nice-ish person he just doesn’t like disappointing people, especially those close to him but he’s got a bit of an ego but not in a narcissistic way but in a young adult way where he doesnt exactly think for others first but for himself because he doesnt want to disappoint people. (Which is seen in battle of dimmsonian where hes more worried about being seen by his parents and his career choices then dev). Which is also why he’s a stickler to the rules, like he doesnt want people to think he’s bad person but also jorgen literally drilled it into him that breaking the rules is bad. Like he’s the type to do it right by the books, that comes from him being a bit of a people pleaser, and genuine concern of him messing up his perfect facade.

Speaking of Goldie, i would describe their relationship as fairly close. It takes a while for the either of them to open up to anything personal but they start off as friends of mutual benefits. They use eachother as study buddies, people to hang out with and to talk about their slightly weird interests. And the more they go through uni the more they will confide with each other. Like i imagine a tipping off point for their friendship is when peri finally breaks and gets like a panic attack, Goldie will be there to boost him up. Irep is also their friend but he’s in it more to best Peri or to piss him off. Irep is one of few to see through his act and knows how to break it.

Like genuinely i do think hazel and peri may be counterparts to each other like they both lost their sibling figure, both overthinks scenarios and both want to be appear more mature then they actually are. Like i want anw to be where he grows the most because he’s more challenged to question his behaviours and habits, especially with how these traits affect his and dev’s relationship for the worse.

[hijackalx]

GALE SFW HEADCANONS:

finally we got our lover boy here. its not a secret that he like gets super easily attached. i kind of hate that they patched that out bcz it fit his character so much. but yeah in my mind its canon he gets attached suppperrr easily also kind of the type of guy to love bomb tav. not in the manipulative way tho like he genuinely thinks hes in love.

he gives everything he has in relationships too like tav IS his everything. he can be pretty clingy but thats just cuz he loves them so much ❤️ ok yandere vibes hold on. not really but imagine.

the type of dude to draw pictures of him and tav holding hands in his diary (they are not drawn good) also definitely talks to himself a lot, or maybe to his cat (sometimes abt tav)

hands down the funniest mf at camp like hes the type thats just naturally funny he doesnt even try to be. its hard to take him serious sometimes bcz of it😭😭 he gets mad af about it too. like his funnyness is a blight on his existence he just wants to be taken seriously. also feel like he has the worst luck too like fucked up things always happen to him and thats also hilarious LMAO constantly has the camp in stitches

he has bad spatial awareness so hes always triggering traps and tav gets so mad 😹😹😹

love language:

giving= words of affirmation and quality time

always wants to be with tav. also loves to compliment them but he does it in his corny ass wizard way lol like in the most extra way possible. he cant just say "ur eyes look beautiful today" hes got to say some shit like "ur viewing orbs are looking most ravishing this eventide". i bet he would write poetry abt tav but he wouldnt give it to them bcz hes lowkey embarrassed 😔 like insecure in his ability not embarrassed by the action itself. he just wants to do tav justice and he doesnt think he can.

receiving= quality time

as long as tav wants to be with him too hes happy. he worries abt being too clingy so sometimes he'll distance himself and if tav closes that distance on their own itll make him so happy. like thats the best thing ever to him. to have somebody that wants to be in his presence and listen to him ramble.

i feel like gale is similar in height to astarion so like 5'11/6' hes probably closer to 5'11. like that is the most gale height to me. also hes a little thicker with some muscle. hes def got a lil belly 🤭❤️ his pecs are rlly smthng too like thats where most of his muscle goes. those look heavy let me carry them for u king 🤲🏻😼

GALE NSFW HEADCANONS:

A FREAKKKKKK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS MAN IS A FREAK. WHAT was that shit in the sky ?????? THE FUCK ??? like he is THE MOST kinky mf here he will do almost anything. ONLY with ppl hes comfortable with tho. otherwise hes vanilla af. i honestly feel like hes mostly submissive tho just cuz hes chill like that. equally gives and receives. like straight up tav is his BABY he will do ANYTHING for them. probably introduced to most of his kinks thru tav (and mystra....... unfortunately.....)

loves to give head. like dear god. will beg tav to let him for real. hes very good at it too

incorporates sooo much magic. will make fake!gale fuck tav so he can watch. will use hot and cold magic and all that. electricity. the thunder stuff or whatever its called. literally anything u can think of to spice it up. he has thought of it. will also do freaky shit like using magic to mess with tav in public if u know what i mean

doesnt have a high body count i lowkey feel like mystra was his first. and he hasnt smashed anybody since. until tav.

exhibitionist AND humiliation kink. so these work hand in hand bcz like i said he doesnt do kinky shit with ppl hes not comfortable with so doing it where strangers might see is ultimate humiliation for him. but also likes to humiliate tav with it too.

will say a lot of nasty shit. this i feel he doesnt go super overboard with but its nasty compared to how he usually is. mostly when hes begging.

im gonna say gale has a solid 5 on him. and hes got hair i feel like most of the companions do but it works rlly good on gale lol. like hes got a happy trail and everything 🤤 nice hairy armpits too so u know hes got that manly ass MUSKK 💦💦💦 anyway i think his pp is pretty straight. like a wand lol. its a pretty normal pp.

aftercare with gale is the best yo like he makes sure tav is taken care of first and then cleans up on his own unless tav offers which he usually tells them to rest lol. hes just so sweet.

[reegis]

Yo! Do you have any notes/tips for your coloring process? I've always had trouble with that part of drawings looking good lmao and I really like yours! If not for your specific style, do you have any tips with that in general?

Iv gotten a few asks about how I color but iv always avoided answering because

A) I am absolutely awful at explaining things, and

B) I am a very Very lazy artist you should probably Not do the things that I do

BUT i feel bad gatekeeping(?) my horrible technique if it helps anybody ig ill try and explain so

✨✨✨Welcome to Reegis’ Probably Not Reputable (But Very Long Winded) Art Advice✨✨✨✨

line art of a random character for the example, just pic whatever colors you have in mind for your base colors, you can try using palette generators or basing it off of existing palettes/characters/whatever I have absolutely no idea how color theory works (& this is why you shouldnt listen to me) so im solely going off of vibes. but it is Rough so onto step 2 & 3

(edit to add i usually start off with the skin hair & clothes on separate clipping layers and merge them together towards the end.. i think i forgot to say that at all here oops)

I abuse the hellll out of layer blending modes. overlay, saturation & multiply mainly, but also difference, brightness & screen. (just doodle something & try all of em out to get a feel for them honestly ik theres a Lot and they can be intimidating) for this i just wanted a more cohesive warmer tone to start with so i added a peachy overlay & a slight ombré to the hair to add a bit more interest to the character.

then just the most basic of rendering, some blush & highlights just wherever i think theyd go.

Another thing they tell you Not to do, my next step is to block out all my shading in a vaguely purpleish multiply layer!!! i cant be assed to do it any other way im sorry…. once i have the basic shading down, i lock the layer & go in with air brush eraser & also airbrush in other colors wherever I think the purple is maybe too harsh/clashing

still wasnt 100% happy with the colors so messed around with some more layer filter/modes/whatever you call them then colored in my line art! i think this is honestly the saving grace for all of my art shshsdhhf color your lines people. doesnt have to be all (i dont, i like the contrast) but it usually helps to make some at least a little less harsh

then with a little more color tweaking im done! one random sleepy dude, fully colored (by my standards)

and then if a piece needs more dramatic lighting you justttt

im so serious play around with layer settings! these are just basic multiply & add(glow), there as so many others you can abuse the shit out of & nobody will know or care in your finished piece.

was this?? in any way helpful???? I hope so.

[compacflt]

sorry if youve already talked about this but do you have any views on Goose's christianity? I assume with the cross he wears and Carole referencing him going to church that he is christian, im fascinated by how that might affect his character but im not religious at all, i was raised atheist in a mostly atheist country, so the fact that the tg characters might be caught me by surprise, i know thats not statistically correct but i just assume people arent religious until proven otherwise. feel free to speak on this topic in regerds to fhe other tg characters as well or to disregard this ask completely if it doesnt interest u

yeah. Americans were more religious in the 1980s than they are today. By like some order of magnitude. 90% of Americans were Christian in 1986. And the military tends to be more religiously conservative than the general population. So, I don’t mean to correct you, but the more statistically accurate assumption would be to assume that [X American character] is Christian until proven otherwise.

On the other hand. Characters’ relationships with religion is one of those things that is so personal, it’s completely useless to headcanon. it’s like music taste in that way. Goose outwardly presents himself as a Christian & also makes passing references to cheating on his wife. That’s like one of the 10 main things God told you NOT to do. (check out a little thing called “exodus 20:14.”) So it’s pretty useless to infer any relationship with religion because everyone treats religion differently, and goose doesn’t sit us the audience down and explain the exact kind of Christian he is.

Whatever. He’s a dude in the Navy of the 1980s. Religion comes secondary to dudehood. People can be (and frequently are) hypocrites. That’s what makes people so interesting.

There’s this great military line: “There are no atheists in foxholes.” Your moral code gets a little screwy when you’re constantly facing death or the prospect of death.

I think it’s okay not to shy away from the complexity of these characters. You can let Goose be a complex person who is statistically likely to be a conservative Christian who cheats on his wife sometimes and/or lies to her about it. That was, like, a commonly accepted male archetype in the middle of the 20th century. Those guys existed. Top Gun is a military movie. It confers complexity! That’s what military movies do! It’s okay to let bad people be bad people. Their emotional beats can still hit just as hard.

[real-total-drama-takes]

https://www.tumblr.com/real-total-drama-takes/723245562296713216/we-dont-hate-max-enough-on-here

we don't have enough max hate you say? don't worry anon, im here to supply.

max is the worst. i know pahkitew's whole thing is dumb 'gimmick' characters but max's gimmick makes me SO angry. not even because its a bad gimmick, in fact i'd say its one of the better ideas. some loser dude who thinks hes an evil genuis but is actually a pathethic dumbass? that idea could be done SO well and it could be hilarious. but no. we got shitty grape head max whos not funny, not likeable, stays around WAY too long, and just makes things miserable for everyone around him.

the fact that characters like topher and ella got booted before MAX makes me so mad. they were funny and couldve had cool character arcs but NOOO we need max around so he can be unfunny and annoying!!! fuck fleshing out our actually good characters!!

he messes things up for his team SO often yet over and over again he's not voted off for some stupid ass reason. scarlett, who couldve been such a great character, is dragged down by max's shittyness cuz the writers dont let her do ANYTHING without max.

his design sucks ass. what is he WEARING. why does he have purple hair????? why is his neck so wide?????? he DOESNT LOOK LIKE A TOTAL DRAMA CHARACTER. he looks completely out of place surrounded by the other characters.

overall i hate that ugly little abomination and i want fresh tv to make a public apology for every bringing that thing into existence.

.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

I re-read my post about chapters 22-30 and I realized that theres so much I just fully forgot to mention, mostly relating to the inner circle so heres a quick summary of my thoughts about each ic member now that Im about halfway through the book and have spent some time with them. To briefly recap my previous thoughts, I think their group dynamic is insanely uncomfortable because of how apparent their hierarchy is and also none of them seem to actually like each other all that much

Amren

I dont dislike her in the sense that I dont dislike her personality or the basic concept of her character, but I do hate that shes in the inner circle at all. Like, whats this eldritch creature trapped in a body thats not her own doing hanging out with all these boring people ass people FOR 500 YEARS dude, if I had to spend 500 years with Rhysand I would destroy the entire night court regardless of whether or not I had Amren-levels of power. Like, why on earth would she be satisfied playing second fiddle to Rhysand and living in an APARTMENT in his stupid °•~City of Starlight~•° when shes supposed to be like a billion years old and a thousand times more powerful than him. I feel like itd be interesting to explore that but I know that we really dont from watching cari can read's summaries, so she just ends up being a character thats supposed to be interesting because shes so mysterious but is actually so shrouded in intrigue that it turns around and she just becomes boring again

Mor

When I first met her I said that something about her bothered me but I couldnt put my finger on what it was, but that I still kinda liked her because she atleast annoyed Rhysand. She really hasnt annoyed Rhys in any way since her and Feyres first meeting so I like her less because of that and also because shes mostly just boring to me at the moment. I think another reason why I dont particularly like her is that she feels so intrinsically tied to the misogyny of this world that just suddenly materialized in this book and its really annoying, I would like to avoid that subplot as much as possible. She basically just exists to give Feyre a female friend at the Night Court and to show her that you can totally girlboss your way out of a misogynistic system! But you cant dismantle the system because uhhhhhhhh. change is like a glacier because its slow

Also, shes obviously meant to parallel Ianthe, like shes supposed to be the better version of her, but I cant even imagine her and Feyre making out sloppy style toxic yuri edition so I cant really see her as any kind of improvement. sorry

Cassian

One of my least favourite character types is Fratbro But You Put Him In A Fantasy Setting so Im not the biggest fan of this guy ngl. The one redeeming quality he has is that hes very obviously crushing on all of his friends bisexual style, especially Rhys and Azriel. Its almost a little sad but mostly its just very funny. Like whyd you wanna take their clothes at the illyrian camps so badly huh? You like seeing pretty boys squirm around naked?

Unfortunately, I know that hes gonna end up with Nesta and that hes not even gonna treat her well, my guy is gonna go from being gay because he likes men to being gay because he hates women and I am not looking forward to it

Speaking of Nessian, a lot of sjm critical anti nessian people say that Nesta and Cassian used to be so good and so genuinely romantic in ACOWAR and that their relationship got completely ruined in ACOSF and. I mean, granted they dont ever talk about Cassian behaviour towards Nesta during the meeting at her house in ACOMAF but I hated the way he was just so angry at her on Feyre's behalf when she wasnt even that mad herself, she just felt weird and bad. Of course, I havent read ACOWAR yet and I might change my mind in the future but right now, I'll just say it doesnt surprise me that Cassian would laugh at Nesta falling down the stairs

Azriel

My favourite guy!!! Out of this bunch I mean. My favourite guy in the entire ACOTAR series is probably Lucien, but if we're just talking about the jokers from the Night Court, then this guy is my favorite

I really wasnt expecting much from him, I thought he would have absolutely no personality from what Ive heard other people say about him, but hes basically exactly what I want in an edgy traumatized shadow boi. Ive talked about this before but I really dislike Rhysand and part of that is that I normally really like the archetype of the tortured edgy love interest with shadow powers but he makes it so goddamn annoying by being so flirty and cocky I just want to see him dead. But Azriel is quiet so he doesnt bothr me and also theres some intrigue about his backstory and the extend of his powes but he feels like a solid enough character that he doesnt become boring to me like Amren

I will say though, theres something particularly uncomfortable about watching anyone from the inner circle interact with him and vice versa, I think its because he seems like he doesnt actually like them more than anything else. Ive said this in a previous post, I think Cassian wants to be in a relationship good friends with him and he seems to think they have some good sunshine guy/grumpy guy banter going on but to me it just seems like Azriel genuinely dislikes him. And then he obviously doesnt trust Amren and I feel like hes in love with Mor and has been for a really long time but doesnt actually like her, I honestly feel like hes just sticking by Rhysand because he feels like he owes him and because it gives him an excuse to be close to his crush

Yknow, that I think about it maybe thats why I like him so much. I dont like the Inner Circle, he doesnt like the Inner Circle, thats a relatable king right there

[yuukei-yikes]

kind of a specific random question but do you think theres a possibility that shintaros the first one to try and stop being so attached to takane. like one day takane is all haha hey do you need me for anything then shin goes well uhhh- actually no its okay. takane goes what no you arent let me help you with something COME ON

ive drawn this before. so yes i do (from here)

YA i totally think it's like this AT FIRST. takane is totally shamelessly clinging to shintaro and shintaro's like GET. OFF. MEEEE!!!!! and takane's in his room like carpet she's a fucking parasite roach infestation of 1.

like immediate post str i picture this bitch just sleeping over every single day stealing all his clothes and shintaro's like COME ON. i love how in the novels shintaro dresses in front of ene and no one gives a shit in fact ene is like YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME UR SUCH A MAN'S MAN like. when takane has her body back shintaro's like at least get out WHILE I GET DRESSED!! and takane's totally unbothered like whaaaa im not even looking and u never seemed to care to dress in front of me as ene whatever dude. shintaro seething. he's like this sucks she's right ive been getting dressed in front of her the whole time. also takane changes his nasty bed sheets bc she also sleeps in his bed. literally existing symbiotically. srry they're so close and have no privacy i need u to understand.

shintaro acts incredibly grumpy about it and is actively kicking her out daily but takane never seems to get mad at all and if anything she's just pathetically begging him to stayyyy pleaseeeeee u must need me for SOMETHINGGGGGG and shintaro. while yes he is like NO GET OUT also come on. he's so weak if someone especially someone girl coded flutters their eyelashes at him he immediately just goes YEAH ALRIGHT...haruka ayano or takane can all just flutter their eyelashes and shintaro will do anything they say its hilarious.

we've seen ene do this and while shintaro manages to stay strong i think post str he's very weak to takane because he's so guilty over route xxx so sometimes he just gives her whatever she wants out of guilt. like retaining is shintaro's big demise if it wasn't for it maybe he would've been able to just set his foot down and force takane to grow out of her unhealthy attachment.

but noooo... he starts enabling/reciprocating her behavior LOL!!!! like it's indeed takane the one to start the dynamic. she's always been the most attached of the 2. but shintaro is so guilty over the bad route and realises she's always been here even in all other routes. by just saying ugh yes whatever at everything she says he is accidentally becoming part of the unhealthy attachment. i think at first while he WAS attached it wasn't to the point takane drives it. and since she was shameless and pathetic abt it like not hiding it at all that's why he's unconscious it goes both ways bc he's like well ive been acting all grumpy abt it obviously its not me its her!!! but he doesn't realise that as time went on he started liking the dynamic bc its comfy LOL and takane is good company and they love each other ok. hold me im gonna pass out.

this is so early on post str. while takane still struggles with stopping resorting to opening eyes whenever anything gets uncomfortable and while shintaro is still sort of processing all timelines and how he feels about them and stuff. u know me i love flipping dynamics thats why eventually its shintaro following takane while she's like ermmm erm ermmm bc she's been healing while shintaro's been going downhill.

ALSO i think shintaro's mom "knew" of ene. like SHE DOESNT but shintaro was constantly talking to himself in his room so she asks if he's calling with anyone?? shintaro's like ERM...ERMM... YEAH... ITS AN ONLINE FRIEND.... so shintaro's mom is like omg this is THAT friend who was with him while he was all depressed in his room!!! so ratio + shintaro's mom loves takane and since she's always staying over keeps asking if they're dating and is very confused that they say no and neither is EVER flustered they're just like no we aren't 😐 also if shinaya are dating and kisaragi mom knows she probably talks to shintaro like Hey isnt this weird u have a gf and u seem to spend most of ur time with someone else. and shintaro's like UGHHHHH STOPPP ANNOYING MEEE!!! and like momo, kisaragi mom is also sorta scared of approaching shintaro in fear of scaring him away now that he's out and about. so she's like erm okay (still watches from afar)

sorry for going crazy abt shintaro & takane again. they drive me so crazies. they love each other ur honor and its so fucked up

[37q]

this is gonna sound like it’s in bad faith but I swear it’s not, but, do you consider yourself a woman? like as opposed to something else

good question!

briefly, my wife n i have similar gender setups in spite of our intra-gender variability -- "mmm, not exactly a woman, but definitely not a man".

more elaborately, i like to describe mine using concrete language, like the class cards ive been dealt or the social roles i fill. "my womanhood" is informed by my environment and the frames of reference others have for me in the moment, like "feminine woman" turning into something else when i hold my butchs hand. im a woman solely because of the life my class position has given me! its a fact without description or reason.

tediously, i dont think "woman" is ever satisfactory. are we talking about the social apparatuses that dichotomize men and women in a dance of heterosexuality? are we talking about the legibility of womanhood in general, like my womanhood is apparent because of empty social signifiers? are we talking about class descriptions, social roles, presumed experience and innate "trauma" that likely doesnt describe my weird journey through gender but nonetheless is used to describe people like me?

(if someone goes on a rant about womanhood somewhere down the line i stop being a woman to them, so frankly i dont care and ill let the dudes sexually harassing me and straight-and-narrow moms scorning me decide while i go about my business. my coincidentally female-looking dyke business.)

vaguely, im "with women". im a woman because other women exist, and im only a woman when others are too. i dont think theres anything in or around me that makes me a woman, its like purely arbitrary historical circumstances, which makes it hard to keep "my womanhood" from hollowing itself out ykwim? "co-womanhood", god i miss that phrase.

candidly... i use woman when i want to trouble ppls expectations of what a binary gender looks like, and i use nonbinary when i want to trouble ppls expectations of what a nonbinary gender looks like. a contrarian, didactic gender! im only one or the other when someone is saying something untrue about an experience ive had and they tack a funny name onto it.

tl;dr, i like to play around: my nonbinariness is informed by my womanhood, and vice versa.

oh i have a poem that i use as a shorthand for all this, im gonna post it because i need her reminder :)

[talentless-witch]

Seeing about fantasy bringing knowledge about actual hope.

Heres my horrible tedtalk about fantasy anime.

Everything was great until the nation of the red haired knight protagonists came.

Then everything went down to ashes, okay not really, but i really liked that trope mostly because man would suffer, kill himself, perhaps be mutilated ,traumatized and beyond repair and hed still have hope over people.

By that i mean that despite the worst case in the world being shown in their face they still have hope that one day people will be at peace and i think thats beautiful especially in this pessimistic times of the year

Now what became annoying was the fact that

1-theyd never acknowledge consequences that theyd face in their journey or just brushed complicated cases like it never even existed, which is a bad lesson

It doesnt even teach you why you should still have hope with those in mind.

2-in so many of these, theyd make them a brat and an idiot, but the worst part is that in 2 years theyd change their entire self, like theyre literally completely different, they suddenly become angel and saints when thats not how it works and theyd see being stupid and kind of bratty has an awful thing, Which imo is an even worse lesson.

Which is erasing your entire being, personality and such from the face of the earth, its okay to grow up, but its also okay if some personality about your past stays with you.

3-Kind of rare but in some of them theyd be straight up not brats, not stupid, but terrible to their friends, its okay to be bratty and not understand some situations, its totally different to just offend and insult your friend in the worst way possible because "you didnt understand" my word did you not understand.

Cue my favorite character from this trope and its not from an anime its from a gosh darn korean videogame, that is pretty much inspired on another anime and its clear as day but ANYWAYS.

I just like him

I LIKE ALL OF HIS GOSH DARN PATHS.

I LOVE RUNIE, LOOKS FUN, ABS, GREAT PONYTAIL, ABS, I WAS OBSESSED WITH RUNE MAGIC ON MY CHILDHOOD, ABS, DID I ALSO MENTION THE ABS

AND THE FACT THAT ELSWORD ACKNOWLEDGES HIS SITUATIONS LIKE. BRO.

I ALSO LIKE THAT although he changes a lot because his journey begins when hes 13 until hes 18 years old and hes a brat and kind of uneducated not straight up stupid(he can be smart at times), HES NOT AN ABSOLUTE BUTT TO HIS FRIENDS AND SOME OF HIS OLD TRAITS REMAIN, LIKE HES NOT ALL PERFECT DANDY ANGEL, HES AN ACTUAL PERSON.

I LOVE WHEN HES BLAND AS ROCKS BUT IN A GREAT WAY, NOT IN THE AWFUL WAY.

HES FINE. NOT THAT FINE I MEAN HES TRYING HIS BEST TO KEEP HIMSELF TOGETHER MENTALLY, BUT HES FINE.

Anyways i love elsword. Yes Thats his name.

Yes I did expect the game to be about a sword made by some mystical power which is called El for sure.

But no thats the name of the character, im not sure whats worse being called dicks mcgee or being called elsword.

.

.

.

I think id choose elsword.

i still have no idea who would name their child after a sword, elesis is a fine name, it may sound weird but not entirely because it sounds like an actual fantasy name, so what is elsword supposed to be and why would you call your child a sword, i dont get that, i really don't, its dumdum but i love him.

Still much better than being called lento, which is slow...IN SPANISH.

Some really smart person on the team really decided to call a npc character knight slow in Spanish and i could never stop laughing about it when i saw that in game.

You can make a bunch of puns with Ran too.

Chung couldn't kill ran because he just "ran" away.

Also IT IS REALLY AWFUL THAT THEY NAMED CHUNGS DAD HAS HELPUTT

BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE HELP MY BUTT

I FEEL AWFUL SAYING THAT CUZ I LOVE CHUNG SM TOO AND HIS DAD IS WHOLESOME TOO HIS DAD IS AN AWESOME DAD.

talking about help my butt and prince.

Lets talk about the lord of hamel

The lord of hamel has never looked more of a presumed entitled rich pompous butt, like i could tell he was a bad dude the second he popped in screen, "the enemy could be anywhere!" Cue the most evil entitled looking person walking down the streets of hamel with the yee yee haircut.

Even the dude in bethma didnt look this evil or pompous, just looked rich and entitled that was it, but the lord of hamel just SCREAMS "YAAASS IM THE EVIL GUY, YAAASS"

Though another character that looks extremely distrusting that NOBODY except for chung and ain coincidentally noticed to perhaps be hiding some shady stuff.

Is add.

I forgot laby also calls him the evil looking guy or villain guy and i have never agreed with a description about add so much.

Anyways thats it.

Thats my tedtalk, for those who read this far, congratulations, you played yourself- do not- read this far its like my obsession and my lazy ass head.

[mizuta]

god im tired (longer winded ramble under the cut about disability?)

the thing they dont tell you. about being the son of two disabled parents, two people who hate themselves more than they could hate you, a woman who swears up and down that her becoming disabled enough to need a wheelchair full time is the worst thing thats ever happened to her, thats Ruined her life.

the thing they dont tell you is their constant insistance that you can do better and are just lazy warps your fucking perspective to yourself until its unrecognizeable. they push themselves until theyre now falling apart at the seams with worse and worse damages that couldve maybe been avoided somewhat and refuse to allow you to be 'weak' and 'need help'.

they dont tell you that when youre navigating constant persistant wrist pain at 22, when your cognitive functions have always been bad but not bad enough, that youre never gonna feel like you deserve help or accommodations. that you cant do math or numbers and thats a larger symptom of something, of when words blur together and you read chunks of writing as nonsensical regularly, when you hear one thing but someone said something completely different and you have to just bashfully laugh it off.

when your language function breaks down and youre speaking in fragmented sentences. no proper grammar. the words are hard and dont make sense and youre just desperately screaming in your own wy trying to be heard. you get told that one might be a symptom of your psychosis but fuck nobody ever told you that wasnt normal to begin with other than making fun of you when your guards down.

when you can barely tell time between two days from each other and your disassociative disorder makes you all lose so many gaps in time, and youre not mad at each other for that, but you just kind of wonder because between that and how much time doesnt exist to you all and how much you forget from adhd to the point that entire days are forgotten after youve lived them, when youre so exhausted and your head feels like fog 80% of the time, when your mood tracker never puts you above a 5 on the mental health scale on your best days.

when you know damn fucking well youre not abled enough, but nobody tells you that youll constantly be told youre not disabled enough, either. not abled or disabled. some fucking other thing, something thats useless, something thats just fucking pointless.

its like, i know im mentally ill. severe clinical depression. adhd. probably cptsd that im still coming to terms with. likely ocd. possibly autistic as well its hard to tell. psychosis. but im also in pain pretty regularly, but its 'only' wrist pain, so does it matter? i cant think straight most days of the week and its a genuine struggle full of spoons to keep my speech coherent and just tonight alone i keep hallucinating my bathroom lights on and getting up and discovering when i come to turn them off theyre already off.

ive been sick for a week and a half and i could barely manage to get out of bed and shower twice. or get a sports drink so i didnt just... faint. i need constant access to electrolyte water/sports drinks or my near-constant dizziness and lightheadedness and sometimes physical pain gets way worse, rather than 'manageable and liveable'. i feel like im going fucking insane.

all signs point to me having asthma. my parents literally think im insane at the idea. i have so much breathing trouble and this last week i couldnt breathe for multiple 10 minute chunks because i went to work sick because i need the money.

christ almighty. not abled. not disabled enough. cant quantify my cognitive problems because itll never be 'enough'. god.

im so fucking tired, dude. i just want to sleep for a really, really long time

[chronologicalhomestuck]

karkat pov liveblog: part 6 (A5A2, part 1)

having recently had victory torn from his fingertips, karkat reacts to the loss of the prize. through a memo, of course.

FCG: HEY PAST ME, GO HAVE A BLAST KILLING THE KING, I'M SURE IT WILL BE AWESOME. FCG: IN FACT, IT WAS AWESOME. BANG UP JOB WITH THAT, DUDE! FCG: TOO BAD IT WAS ALL A HUGE WASTE OF TIME. FCG: OH, WHAT'S THAT, PASTHOLE? YOU DIDN'T READ THIS AND FIGURE THAT OUT AHEAD OF TIME?

he is very understandably upset but damn.

FCG: I'VE GOT TO PULL IT TOGETHER. FCG: THINK BACK TO WHAT WE MIGHT HAVE DONE WRONG. FCG: BUT THE THING IS FCG: AS MUCH AS OUR PAST SELVES ARE A BUNCH OF STUBBORN UNLISTENING ASSHOLES FCG: I CAN'T EVEN REALLY IDENTIFY ANY MISTAKES WE MADE. FCG: IT WAS ALL PRETTY MUCH LIKE CLOCKWORK. FCG: A 600 HOUR CAMPAIGN TO COMPLETE A GAME LIKE THIS IS PRETTY GOOD IF YOU ASK ME. FCG: AND I HAVE ASKED ME. FCG: IT TURNS OUT ME AGREES. FCG: I CAN'T SHAKE THE FEELING SOMEONE ELSE MUST BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS. FCG: IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT WAS SOMETHING THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN IN OUR SESSION.

he says sollux is attempting to trace the source of the attack.

FCG: HE SAYS HE'S WORKING ON TRACING THE ORIGIN OF THIS DISASTER. FCG: IF I FIND OUT WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FCG: I WILL FCG: I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT NOW. FCG: WASTE OF GOOD FRESH RAGE. FCG: I'M A LITTLE TIRED OF ALL THE OLD THINGS I'VE BEEN ANGRY ABOUT. FCG: IT'S GOTTEN SO STALE. FCG: IN A WEIRD WAY I'M SORT OF LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVING SOMETHING NEW TO BE PISSED OFF ABOUT. FCG: IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE TO LIVE FOR NOW ANYWAY.

oh karkat :(

that and this next bit are, as they say, hitting me in the feels

FCG: WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO FOR THE LAST HOLIDAY? FCG: ANYONE? FCG: I REMEMBER MY LUSUS HAD BEEN GONE FOR DAYS AND I WAS STARTING TO GET WORRIED. FCG: BUT THEN HE FINALLY RETURNED, TRIUMPHANT. FCG: HE BROUGHT THE FRESH BEHEMOTH LEAVING INTO OUR HIVE, AND TOGETHER WE DECORATED IT. FCG: AND FCG: I DUNNO FCG: THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY, I'M GETTING A LUMP IN MY SQUAWK BLISTER. FCG: I GUESS I'M DONE. FCG: I'M GOING TO LIE DOWN NOW FCG: ON THE STEEL FLOOR OF THIS FRIGID METEOR DRIFTING THROUGH THE BLACK UNCARING VOID OF OUR NULL SESSION. FCG: NULL, KIND OF LIKE THIS MEMO I GUESS.

so from this timeline pov, we now know theyre on the meteor.

FCG: HONESTLY THE LAST FEW WEEKS HAVE BEEN A BLUR TO ME, JUST NON STOP YELLING AT MYSELF, HAGGLING WITH PAST AND FUTURE KNUCKLEHEADS, KILLING MONSTERS AND SOLVING PUZZLES, CYCLING THROUGH ALL THE GATES AND PLANETS LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES, ZIGZAGGING DOWN TO THE BATTLEFIELD, OUT TO THE VEIL, OVER TO PROSPIT, BACK TO DERSE, AND ON AND ON AND ON LIKE THAT UNTIL WE THOUGHT WE WON. FCG: BUT WE DIDN'T WIN. WE LOST.

gee, maybe theyd be less of a blur if you had actually slept during that time.

CGA: I Have No Idea What Im Doing Here FCG: SURE YOU DO. FCG: OR, YOU WILL. TRUST ME YOU'LL DO FINE.

what gets me about this: karkat helped kanaya with her frog breeding (while simultaneously carrying out regisurp, i guess?). he knows she creates a frog successfully. of course she will do fine! but he doesnt yet know that the frog they created is the source of all their issues. in fact, he is surprisingly positive here considering his situation. i guess he at least is still proud of how their session went before their victory was stolen.

FCG: AND THEN WE PROVE TO THE INVISIBLE RIDDLER THAT IS FATHER TIME BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS WE ALL ARE.

karkat's reference to an invisible riddler brings to mind...oh right, i shouldnt know this yet because. wait nvm ok i guess earth does exist at this point actually so its ok! heres an excerpt of page 82.

The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack. His coarse schemes are those less of a prankster than a common pickpocket. His riddle is Absence itself. It is a mystery dispersing altogether, like the moon's faint reflection, with even one pebble of inquiry dropped in its black well. It is the most diabolical riddle of all.

since this liveblog is less of a "haha im reacting chronologically" and more of a project to reflect on what we already know and what this perspective reveals, im gonna talk about this in a bit more detail.

karkat refers to "the invisible riddler that is father time" and john refers to "an unseen riddler" as a sort of...curse, almost, upon his life. this figure has some interesting implications. i would almost compare them to lord english, given the way karkat connects him to the concept of time and how the monologue from john's title page seems to bear thematic similarities to lord english's schemes and presence over the narrative.

back on topic, though!

FCG: JUST BE PATIENT, THE ANSWER WILL COME TO YOU SOMEHOW. CGA: I Guess You Would Know FCG: YEAH, REALLY THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. FCG: AT LEAST AS FAR AS THE DETAILS OF THE ADVENTURE GO. FCG: WE WERE ALL PRETTY AWESOME AT THIS GAME. FCG: REALLY AWESOME IN FACT. FCG: UNTIL A LITTLE WHILE AGO. FCG: WHEN IT TURNED OUT WE WEREN'T ACTUALLY ALL THAT AWESOME. FCG: TURNS OUT WE WERE PRETTY FUCKING UNAWESOME ALL ALONG.

i think its interesting how much more positive karkat is when talking to his friends than when beating himself up for his failure. his grumpy demeanor isnt as directed at others as it is at himself. like compare what karkat says to kanaya here to some of the things he said near the top of this post. he does spin back around to beating himself up more, but he is really reassuring and gentle (in karkat terms) to her

CGA: Say Hi To Me For Myself FCG: OK I PROBABLY WON'T DO THAT, BUT ALRIGHT HA HA. FCG: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE ANYWAY? CGA: You Mean Future Me FCG: YEAH.

surely shes being totally normal

FCG: YOU'RE MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR CHAINSAW. FCG: WHILE TAVROS IS SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR.

hmmm.

FCG: OH GOD. FCG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK WHAT ARE YOU DOING???????

splorsh.

the eeper (as seen by terezi)...

and i will move onto a new post as i return to jade: enter

[frostbite-the-bat]

fuck man vent below

I still don't understand how and why my dad still just wants attention from me. I understand I'm very distant and avoid him - but it's ALL for a good reason and he's never ever co sidered WHY. It's only ever about him and him only. Why am I ignoring *HIM*.

luckily he often accepts me making a sound as responding/acknowledging he exists. But there's just... Periods of time he's on and periods of time he's unbearable. Dude he even tries talking to me while PISSING while IM TAKING A BATH. dude. what

and he's like oh well I guess they're ignoring me again today...! then he says shit like we'll you wouldn't miss me if I left forever/jumped out this window or smthn all in a monotone voice

Or

Oh you're annoyed I can tell just poke my eyes out with that fork

All just so casually!! What do you mean!!! What do you mean!!!!!

And he keeps annoying if I don't respond and he keeps talking and saying this shit until I respind

I NEVER EVER have a pleasant interaction. Anytime I'm near him it goes bad.

I try being considerate but... There's just a point where like. You're just an awful person man.

He's doing this for himself and I just don't get it I'm trying to understand him and what he does but I can't! I don't get it! What is his issue!

He hurts and abuses me and my dog in the past or threatens to hurt the dog so he gets me to do shit for him and teases me and then lashes out when I show slightest signs of aggression or annoyance about being teased and treated badly! All for some reaction!! Never listening to me

Then he STOPS doing that but now I walk near and he's like. Huhm ignore me if you want then. DO YOU REALIZE WHY I DO THAT DO YOU REALIZE WHY I ONLY TALK TO MOM DO YOU KNOW WHY I DON'T TRUST YOU

And I try to explain things but he doesn't listen he doesn't care it's all about him!! I tell him hey don't say it it makes me uncomfy. 'oh quit being sensitive' (tho that's more a mom thing to say)

Or I explain hey don't do that please it makes me uncomfortable (trying to build a boundary) and LEGIT GET IGNORED JUST NO RESPONSE or WE ARGUE. Then I get threatened! Not forgetting the time when he touched me and I hissed out at me "Do not go near me" and he gets aggressive and argues with mom and I almost break down. On a tourist thing BTW. In the middle of an actual undergrownd cave. Just bc 'BUT I WANT PHOTOS'

I explain something to him like hey the dog doesn't respect you he's scared and here's why and he goes oh. Oh yeah?

Or when I tell him to delete photos of me he took without my consent he plays dumb and doesn't delete them while I'm looking at them on his camera reel. Acts like he doesnt know how to delete but then he deleted a blurry different Pic later. Not responding as I keep telling him "delete that! I didn't allow you to take that!" no he doesn't CARE.

It's about his uwu memory photo it's about HKM and HIS time when he complains mom and I take long

It's AAAALLLL about him only and I can't get a word in I don't trust him! If I try making a boundary he won't listen and if he does hell see it as an attack on him! Even taking long to get off the computer is enough to get him to raise his voice at me!

and maybe he doesn't even beat the dog now but me and him are both fucking traumatized and don't trust this man!! And sometimes hed use my care for the dog to get me to do stupid shit!! What is his problem!!

Almost all the time I see him it ruins me mood and he says some stupid fucking shit!! I'd love to have a convo and explain things but HE WON'T LISTEN AND IM SCARED OF HIM!! I flinch hearing his voice and I get sensory overload just hearing his snores and smacks at night sometimes and I can't fall asleep hearing him awake which is most of the time bc he has bladder problems!! which I'm not blaming him for that stuff happens and all that but oh my god i am miserable being anywhere near this guy!!

This is the man who raised me!!

Wait no WRONG he didn't DO SHIT EVER and barely did mom I was just left to pkay outside and or be on the computer all day!! I learned everything through the internet or at school and I have no basic skills and if I try something new I get comments so I keep it hidden if I do something!! I don't go on long walks unless home alone bc dad may be watching from the window and ghestion where I was!! I am Almost 20 and I got no money of my own or no skills about life no nothing!!! Thank God mom comforts me during events where dad's a bitch sometimes but that is rare only when we are all together!!! I just n! Is it too much to be asked to be loved

To not be judged and be taught things

I'm expected to live on my own one day but I know nothing and this world isn't made for me 8 can't even go see doctors because of this

I feel so unsafe I hate when my parents are home I care about mom but I was raised so badly. I feel miserable I feel horrible please I want out of this house I keep complaining about it I know but please I don't Wana be near dad anymore oh mgfod

I don't even. Like feel BAD BAD right now i'm not like tearing my hair out but I'm just so tired. I'm desperate I just. Please. I don't wanna be here I don't wanna deal with this i want to be saved from here and be safe and be loved and be able to do my own things and not suffer