#AND IM DOWN REAL BAD DESPITE KNOWING I MIGHT DIE

[meitanteisachi]

*taps mic* let it be known that yearning is my favorite emotion that is all bye

[piratefern]

okay so basically about your AU it's great but I honestly don't understand why scp 049 left scp 035 alone and what's with briefcase? *confused noise* I'm quite confused I do understand some things but some things are quite confusing to understand there backstory I will appreciate if you explains to meh clearly (*°∀°)=3

Hey :D! Thankyou for your ask :3

Basically, to understand the briefcase you’ll need a bit of context first :3

SPOILER WARNING (technically, im hopefully making them a youtube shorts series once ive finished with my main project, but we’ll see :3)

Hasel (or 049 :3) comes from 1340’s france. He had a wife and a daughter who both caught the black death. He was working as a doctor at the time, and tried everything he could to save them, but they died. His daughter’s dying wish was for him to live, which cursed him to live forever altering his form to something resembling a crow, the omen of death.

In this sense he is now a monster (or anomalous if you prefer) and now portrays more birdlike traits :D

So with this in mind, he feels incredibly guilty. He feels as though the deaths of his wife and child are entirely his fault because he couldn’t cure them.

This guilt manifests itself into a caricature of his wife, where she taunts and tortures him within his mind in a place known as the grey dimension (seen in my earlier birdsong project)

when he gets lost inside the grey dimension (more or less lost in guilt) his physical body turns to auto pilot, and will hunt down anything obstructing his path to “the cure”. This is the monstrous form we see :D

The caricature also produces a black vine, which is my au’s version of the pestilence :D He can see this everywhere, he believed it infects people, and he believes he must find the cure for it in order to redeem himself (this isn’t true, especially because this vine isn't actually real)

CONTEXT OVER

right, so Hasel meets dyo (or 035 :D) in 1601. They travel together and eventually fall in love :3 Hasel slowly becomes happier now that hes learning how to enjoy life, and continues his journey to find a “cure”, unaware that its staring him in the face, Dyo, who helps him to forgive and tackle his past, whether unintentional or not.

Eventually their story leads up into 1916, during the first world war. Battles, despite their nature, are an efficient way for Hasel to research the dead whilst avoiding killing where he can.

He had almost hurt dyo by accident after his monstrous form takes him over, and the vine was telling him that he was in the way, that dyo was stopping him from reaching the cure.

At this point something had been building up inside of him. It was a sense of dread, a feeling that something bad was going to happen.

And there it was. He looks over no-man’s land and all he can see is death. He can’t take it anymore, and that night he runs, scared of hurting his lover and scared of “failing” those from his past.

(…)

The briefcase however? Its not too important :3 Its a way for him to carry his supplies and it changes to keep up to date with the time period :3 He left it behind so dyo would know he’s gone. Dyo had also had this impending sense of dread, he felt deep down that something like this might happen, but he desperately tried his best to ignore it. So now he’s searching for hasel, the only person in his life who could never leave him, the only one who wouldn’t die.

So yeah thats it in basic terms :3 (after hasel leaves the caricature of his wife is replaced with a manifestation of dyo, masks comedy and tragedy and a mix of the two as it shows how his guilt has become more complex over time :3)

(Once he gets captured by the foundation the back of his cloak is branded with the logo)

any more questions lmk :3

I haven’t shared much on dyo since this was mainly a hasel focused question so if anyone’s curious about that then be my guest to drop an ask whenever :D He isn’t as built up but I do definitely have ideas for him :3

[ashyjingles]

Who is the raeken

THEO RAEKEN FROM TEEN WOLF AKA ONE OF THE SADDEST BITCHES IVE EVER SEEEEEN

(tbh with the way u like jason grave i have a feeling u might like theo too actually)

okay so massive spoiler warning if you ever do plan on watching teen wolf everything is under the cut just in case

OKAY SO (i could be so wrong about some of this stuff btw i haven't actually finished the show)

theo raeken had some sort of heart condition as a kid so when he was 8 or 9 these evil scientists showed up in his dreams/house and told him he could live a normal healthy life because his sister (who was about a year older than him) actually wanted to give him her heart!! all he had to do was bring her to a bridge over a very cold river/creek/stream in the middle of winter and watch as she froze to death in it. (i'm unsure if it was him or the evil doctors that pushed her in there, but he did watch her die and did nothing to save her) (he later defended his actions by saying he still believed santa at the time and didn't know she would actually die from it but he's a known manipulative little shit) and then he basically got a heart transplant after that

anyways the evil scientist doctors (called the dread doctors) then used science to turn him into an off brand werewolf through many very questionable processes that probably didn't include anesthetic. vivisection! woo!

anyways he grew up with them in the sewers for nearly a decade while the doctors experimented on other science-natural teenagers but none of them actually lived and were labeled "failures" but somehow theo? the first experiment? was successful all those years. so. anyways that happened until they decided to start their big massive project that would basically make theo useless

so naturally theo took on his own big project that involved taking down the main protagonist of the series through lots of manipulation and seeming like a helpful good mostly normal 17/18 year old boy just to turn around and kill one of them (who was resurrected like 5 minutes later so it doesn't count) and lots more betraying and leaving for dead involving other people. honestly it's a miracle there was so little death surrounding him in this era

anyways when that didn't work he resurrected some of the failures and basically went along the lines of "i saved you so i own you now" and then killed some of them for real. and then the main protagonists needed a way to stop him so they sent him to what was basicallyyyy hell (i think before this he helped killing the doctors?? i'm not sure i haven't actually watched that bit. the doctors are dead at this point in time tho)

anyways in hell his sister routinely chased him through a hospital and ripped his heart out in this fucked up time loop. imagine sisyphus but worse. fields of punishment type deal. (very popular quote where he tells her "you don't have to stop" while he's like fucking coughing up blood or something)

anyways because of another big bad the protagonists were facing one of them decided to pull him out of hell (his name is liam and they are very commonly shipped together. there are some rumors they were meant to be canon in the show but weren't) and basically decided to label theo as his responsibility but their relationship was very punchy for a long while

anyways theo goes through a lot of shit and despite previously very clearly only caring for himself he lowkey contradicts everything he says ("im not dying for you!"-theo "im not dying for you either! but i will... fight with you"-liam (and then theo proceeds to throw himself directly into the line of fire to save liam the lying liar)) (would also like to note the place they are at for this era is the hospital and theo very clearly is Not Okay with the reminders of his time in hell. traumatized bitch. i love him my little murderous meow meow.)

anyways they leave on not quite good terms but no longer murderous terms and theo lives in his truck for a while because the doctors are dead and he can't go back to sewers so he's effectively homeless.

anyways the guy he Kind Of Killed But Not Really then calls and says hey!! liam (the person who sort of tolerates him in exchange for help) needs help!! can you help him!!! and for whatever reason despite several months between the last big bad and this big bad theo still hasn't skipped town so he does in fact go help liam. and lots of scenes that set him on the path to a redemption arc (plus a better relationship with liam)

and then. that's the end of the show. i will now attach sad and bleeding pictures of my murderous little meow meow to sway you toward feeling affection for him

and then the smug/evil look because he's not very vocal about being sad okay he's actually an intolerable little shit most of the time and that's why i love him

pinterest give me better photos of him damnit half of these are ass

we call his short hair his hedgehog hair and it's a very large indicator that he's evil thank you

can you see why i like him please tell me you see why i like him

pspsps i can give a much better and more detailed (and sadder) description if u want but i feel like this covers the basics

[sunnychuuya]

GEISS WHAT TOME IT IS

Time to PROBABALY FUCKING PISS MYSELF OVER SALLY FACE CUZ I SUCK AT DEALING WITH HORROR

I have light tho so maybe I won't be as fucked over

I'm hi key so glad I'm making these posts cuz I don't remember what the fuck happened last night

-IM NOT A GIRL

-wrf is wrong with miss rosenberg girly pop get help that's dark

-mr Addison family is dead! Dude I don't fucking care he's suspicious as hell

Watch this turn into nothing hes prolly just a fucking dude idc tho hea sus

-Oh FUCK DID SHE JUST FUCKING DIE WHAY THE HELL

WHAT THE FYCK WAS THAT

What the FUCK FUCK

HUH ?!

-bro my bracelet is like a little tight and I had it pressed under my leg and it fucking imprinted sals name on my arm lmaoo

-MEGAN LORE?

-okay wait this might be a stretch- Megan has a cross necklace and ik Travis is like super christian(ive seen him with a cross necklacein fanart i dont think its on his canon sprite tho?); and ik Kenneth is the one who sh0t sal but what reason would he have to be involved here idk I just wanna get down all my thoughts even tho most aren't righg

-nvm rhe necklace is in the building apparently im dumb

-Wait actually sal hasn't started school yet has he? So he wouldn't know travis anyway

-idfk

-having the light on makes this game so much easier go play

-IM NOT DOING DRUGSS

-"I just want you to know ghat I understand what it's like to be afraid. To hide away from the world" rahehhehe sal ur 15 u shouldn't have to be offering advice to an adult I wanna be sals friend so bad it's unreasonable

-I d o n t. L I k e m r a d d I s o n

-PLEASE LARRY LOOKS SO GOOFY I LOVE HIM

-"Holy fuck knuckles" jnfjdjdjd

-oh pleasant so I'm assuming Megan's mom was a cheater

-is Megan's Dad the one who killed them ??

-yea okay I'm a fucking dumbass I just want to try to connect everything even if it doesn't work I'm low-key tempted to just delete that paragraph about the necklace but shh it's fine

-GUYS WTF IS THIS

YEAH SAL SHES DOIN GREAT

-oh a noose!

-VIDEO GAMES

-feel like this game is foreshadowing 4 sure

-like there's no way this is just here for some reason

-dam devourerers of God is sick name bro almost makes me hope this is foreshadowing

-j i m

-the way chapter 2 faded out like that is sus this is foreshadowing for sure

-GREG

-oh okay so this is just real fucking life then?

-well that makes me scared about the devorous of God thing especially cuz the circle things I keep seeing

-this is ominous bro

-this game is underestimating how much of a dumbass I am wtf is happening I'm walking in circles

-made it back to the circle rock

What.

Why did it restart

Gyys I'm too dumb for this

Circle rock again

Help I'm in the dark now had to turn off my lights what do I dooo I'm so bad at this

it restarted avajn fml

I sent out a post as a cry for help but I might just have to look up a tutorial

FUCK IT. I'm going to sleep.

Goodnighttt I made like nooo fucking progress despite playing for two hours

@mypinterestgotbannedsoimherenow

[monarchamos]

I was watching cannibalism stageplay and found that it pointed out smth very interesting!!! Atsushi's relationship with his orphanage director/headmaster actually resembles Akutagawa's relationship with Dazai

Both Dazai and the orphanage director/headmaster deeply abused and traumatized their students, but it is revealed that both of them did so in concern for their students' survival.

Dazai treated Akutagawa harshly so he would have the strength to live, and even thrive, in the mafia. The orphanage director/headmaster treated Atsushi harshly so that atsushi could keep living with himself when things eventually came crashing down around him (such as when the tiger went feral).

They are also both revealed to have had a rough—arguably even rougher than their students' in some aspects—life, and as such wanted to protect their students from the same pain and agony... though toughening them up through even more agony, enough so that they could persevere and survive through real awful situations later on

honestly i never even thought about this parallel before the stageplay, so this was super duper cool

(more stuff analysis about dazai under the cut!!!)

what's even more interesting is that dazai seems to acknowledge this parallel, and it's through this that we gain further insight on how he views akutagawa. It's clear that he knows full well that what he had done to akutagawa was unforgiveable, and does not expect forgiveness.

however, it's still evident that dazai cares for Akutagawa (again, still does not at all justify what he did to him, but definitely helps put things in perspective). If he hadn't, why would Dazai have put him through all that training and suffering to toughen him up, when he could have just as easily thrown him to the wolves and left him to die as a meaningless grunt in the mafia?

Dazai saw a young child, only 2 years younger than him, with a similar lack of a will to live in his eyes. He didn't need to take him into the mafia, but he did. he saw that kid with nothing else to keep him pushing through life, and sought to give him a similar home and salvation that the mafia brought him. Perhaps even better, perhaps give him the hope that dazai had wished the mafia have given him (as it is revealed in stormbringer that he had already gotten tired of the mafia after a year despite saying that he might find a reason to live bc of it in 15).

but for akutagawa to be able to find a home in the mafia (which, its clear that he does later on, such as when he was trying to bring kyouka back to the mafia) dazai had to make sure that he could survive through the bad, hence the... well, y'know. we've all memed on that one gif of dazai beating the shit out of aku. i think. i dunno maybe im just fucked up.

dazai isnt a dick to akutagawa bc he was an edgy teenager or just for shits and giggles. and he didn't push akutagawa to the fullest because he didn't comprehend how strong he actually was, pushing on a notion of weakness onto him.

dazai knows that akutagawa is strong. we know he knows. Hell, Chuuya (and atsushi too but idk if im remembering the guild aftermath scene right) knows.

So did Dazai's method of putting aku through hell to make him develop a "loathesome anger to help him survive" work? yeah. does it resemble what atsushi went through at the hands of his orphanage director/headmaster? yeah.

however, the similarities in their way of teaching doesn't end there. Dazai's method of training akutagawa resulted in an extremely low self-esteem, the kind that depends on another's approval. While atsushi doesn't necessarily depend on the approval of others, he does have a very low self esteem and rather depends on helping others to prove that he's worthy of living.

This unfortunate side effect of Dazai's and the orphanage director/headmaster's teaching method is likely unintentional, as both probably only focused on the intended outcome of strengthening akutagawa/atsushi.

so anyway idk how to end this so yeah. tldr cannibalism stageplay pointed out the parallel between atsushi's relationship with his orphanage director/headmaster vs akutagawa's relationship with dazai. as such, it helps give really interesting insight on why dazai treated aku that way.

[selamat-linting]

There are millions of things that were once considered supernatural that have since been proven as scientific reality. Platypuses, for one.

At some point "I don't believe in the supernatural" becomes "Science has already discovered everything there is to be discovered".

Which is factually incorrect.

One could argue that space aliens are supernatural. They are also incredibly likely to exist, somewhere out in the infinite expanse.

You don't just believe that magic isn't real, you also believe that if something is real it cannot be magical.

In a world where children's laughter exists?

How silly of you.

maybe you should understand the context of what im writing first asshole. in my country, we have faith healers, people who say they can fix a stroke with a massage, people who believe the stars align someone's career and personality, people who claim they can double money with some chants and help from djinns, people who put graveyard soil on their competitors' shop. people who ate convince thousands of severely ill people to stop chemo treatments to drink prayer water. people who collect gemstones and call it magic then sell it to a high price for desperate people down on their luck. and sooo many grifters saying they could speak to the dead. that is the "magic" im talking about. where in the world did i refer to magic as a metaphorical descriptor for something beautiful?

"magic" in my life, is a code for grifters, people using the naivety, desperation, and grief of others to drain them of money, giving them false hope, or worse. you have no idea how many cases of parents that were misled by local witch doctors saying their kids arent actually dead forever in the woods, theyre just taken to the realm of invisible beings and will come back someday. or mentally ill people and neurodivergent kids literally tortured in an effort to exorcise ghosts and bad spirits. spiritual gurus sexually harrassing vulnerable women for cleansing/ritual purposes, or faith healers and mediums who realized they cant keep up the lie anymore so they started killing and raping their clients. do you want me to send you a fucking of all that news stories that happen in my country? my country doesnt need more magical thinking, we need scientific and secular education, and a conscious effort to get rid of those superstitions or else we'll be stuck praying to various entities and magic items instead of actively revolting and working together to make a better country.

also where the fuck did i say science has already discovered everything? im saying im a skeptic, that means i believe everything has a scientific explanation, but that doesnt mean science have already figured everything out nor that its free of criticism. i dont doubt i will die with the knowledge that we only know so little about the universe we might as well call ourselves cavemen.

also where the fuck did i bring up aliens you freak?

forgive me for assuming but, let me guess : you skim read my personal post and instantly paint me as a stuffy skeptic bro who adheres to reason and hates whimsy despite barely knowing me or my life. youre shadowboxing over someone you created in your head but youre convinced youre fighting me. well i may be wrong so i apologize beforehand

but anyway, i hope youre just a stranger who never reads this reply. if youre not, then you really should have read my pinned post before deciding to follow my blog or be my mutual. i already write it down there that im critical to any form of magical thinking and supernatural bullshit. leave my fucking blog if you cant handle it.

but no matter who you are, i hope you got scammed by a faith healer and had a botched suicide attempt after realizing youve fucked up your entire recovery process and lost all of your money and potential. or yknow what, cut the middle man. just kill yourself tonight. youre into magic right? you believe in those signs of the universe and lucky numbers stuff? cmiiw but if its true i hope you know that this is a sign from the universe to kill yourself.

[grox]

I wish I had lived a better life. I literally dont wish that. I hate that no matter what you find yourself cornered. Mommy and daddy. Hate you or love you, theyre going to die. And you as well. So you get scared! Or you accept it. Well, I could never accept it. I'm in that, delusional girl lyfestyle. So I'm convinced I'm not gonna die, or that my ass is coming back the exact same, or that I just gonna get lucky and just so happen to not die. Or something. And its fine. Like it doesnt matter. But I suck, and forget to ignore it. So I get scared! What would you have done? I can't come to terms with anything. Animals accept this shit you know they do. Bugs and insects for sure. Plants, definitely. Even shit that doesnt nessecarily die, like rocks, and water, conceptual wind. They gotta know the earth is gonna blow up eventually. I dont know how theyre faring. Definitely better than me. Or maybe not. I suppose it doesnt matter. Im not going to ask them. I'm frankly not interested. I abstain from killing anything if I have the chance. I'm a, kind hearted guy. I look down when I walk so I dont step on ants. I break for butterflies. I have also killed a lot of things way more complex than bugs, in my youth and teens, meaninglessly, or with reason soon abandoned, or with reason but bad outcome. Things that would be dead by now anyway. I don't feel bad because I have no power over what Ive ever done and also I don't care cause that's literally someone else. Like that guys 14 and I am way older than that. So it doesnt matter. But I'm unhappy. Of course I am! Because despite everything, I am still, and always will be, way to scared of death! Even though its everywhere, like literally everywhere, it makes everything be real, I just dont wanna be involved! I wanna step out of its way real quick and have it might not notice me. It might work. But that's just wishful thinking. Its so easy for me to die, and my body might also just randomly kill itself because frankly it kinda sucks. I need to admit I was dealt a shit hand. Both in body and mind. And I know mind is inheretid. So yeah I kinda suck. Because I'm scared. And I'm scared, becauze I suck. Amen

[cherrysnax]

hope people chill out soon, your take was immaculate and actually the reason I followed you initially bc i am an adult who likes cartoons and little kid shows but also doesn't get in internet fights about them and thinks adults who do are... wild, for lack of a better term..

but!!! now I wanna know about your comic (???maybe its a comic not sure) that you've mentioned, I couldn't find a tag to search but do you mind sharing about it? tysm either way have a good one

hi nonnie!! first of all ty for the well wishes and compliments! i'm sure once all the jokes and the offense die down, people will be relatively normal again... i hope.. lets get into the meat of the ask under the cut

EDIT: this got long so if u just want the basic gist, go to the very end!

soooo my girlfriend @pokemonleague and i decided back in...2018? to make spidersonas due to our love of comics and the movie into the spiderverse, but since we're nerds that totally span out of control. it went from a fan rp with several spider-man themed characters to a completely original concept with new characters, our own setting, power system-- the works. it is about superheroes, so it might not be your thing. okay so first backstory stuff

it used to be called the phillyverse and if u go into the tag u might find some old art, but its all extremely outdated (and bad. im not the bessst artist). after some delegation we decided to start making it a comic (we spent YEARS debating it) and named the project around last year. its uh called Show Your Spine!

I'm the worst at describing things but we have like 3 whole seasons entirely plotted out so I can pull somethin like a pitch together: while the vigilantism is a core aspect, with the main overarching plot being a group of unlikely heroes, old and new banding together to stop their city from being overrun by the mob, supervillains, and other threats. it's really about finding love and community in a city at war and finding the strength to protect and nourish it. all the while unlearning all the shit the last generations have taught us, to stop us from perpetuating the cycle of hate... while also beating the shit outta some baddies

in short its abt cringe-fail women doing cringe-fail things lmaoo. its a like a superhero-action-soap opera taking place in the retro-futuristic city of Chesire Grove, new jersey.

in this world, there's people with powers called Augments, who are just like you and me but due to changes in their DNA due were born with the ability to manifest different abilities (think mutants or metahumans). the tension between augments and humans is a little.. high right now, but allegedly better than they've ever been before. It's a newish era of human-augment relations, for better or worse.

we have an ensemble cast, and we intend on taking the main characters from the ages of 16 to eventually 25. the characters are aging in real-time.

OKAY PLOT TIME: The first few arcs focus on a delinquent teenage girl, Leo, trying to find a cure for one of her best friends who has fallen ill after trying a new drug, by all means necessary. during her quest for it, she meets the elusive newer vigilante Spitfire, who had saved her once before. Despite a rocky start, the two start a mentor-mentee type thing, in hope that the other can help them find what they're looking for. For Leo, she's looking for info on the man who made the drug that's been killing people, desperate to make him reverse engineer it. For Spitfire, they're looking for Chesire Grove's longest-running protector: Nightingale, who has suddenly gone missing. Spitfire's a bit new in town but lucky for them, the kid knows the city like the back of their hand.

At the same time, a sheltered augment teen's life is changing, as her overly protective father has finally realized that keeping her inside wasn't protecting her at all. freshly enrolled in a school for STEM students, Bobbi (also known by his nickname Retro) has to learn how to navigate the world for the first time and solve the full mystery of her past, all while her powers are on the fritz.

there's so much to this world, and we're so excited to share it with everyone!! i tried to be pretty vague cause of spoilers, and like i said, bad with words

[inkus-plinkus]

I really get a frick-ton of enjoyment out of old games, and I don't know why. A lot of them are so stupid and silly - and incredibly frustrating to boot - but yet I can't seem to hate them.

The first one that comes to mind that has a special place in my heart is Oregon Trail II. Not the text-based one, but the one with a lot of visuals and sound effects and it's very old-timey, not just in the fact it takes place in the oooooold USA, but in the graphics compared to modern-day games as well.

That game is so stupid. And yet it's so genius at the same time. It's infuriating how you can just die for seemingly no reason - that if you hunt animals you are very likely to accidentally shoot yourself - that you can spend so long trying to be as careful as possible on a run all for you to just die suddenly because the RNG decided it.

I still love playing it. The entire experience of it, really. But if we were only taking the player's experience into account and nothing else, it really is a shit game. You will have a miserable time for at least a few minutes out of any run, I guarantee it, and it will likely be a lot LONGER than a few minutes too.

But that's completely by design. The educational aspect of the game is subtle enough to where it doesn't FEEL like it's in your face, but every facet of the experience down to the emotions you experience while you play are, in themselves, teaching you something about what it was like back then. Of course, grumbling at silly migration video game is not nearly as bad as it was actually dying of cholera, starvation, or hypothermia, but it's about as close as the game can legally get to putting you into that experience.

There is something so perfect about Oregon Trail II and yet not a lot of people talk about it, I feel like. It's an exceedingly old game that most systems can't play without an emulator, so I suppose it makes sense. But I, being born in 2002, played it when I was in school, and to me that's also crazy. Oregon Trail II came out in 1995 and I was playing it in, at the EARLIEST, 2007, but it was more likely to be 2008 or 2009. Maybe all three years, actually. I remember loving the game even though I didn't understand what was happening and never actually got to the expedition part. I just liked buying up all the bacon, and the aesthetics of the game.

It's not just Oregon Trail II I like despite being so old, either. I like atari games in general, although many of them are hard for me to figure out. The Nintendo Switch Online thingies have a lot of old/older/oldish games to play and i like exploring those lists and just opening games i know nothing about and trying to figure them out. One of the games I did this with was called Burger Time and it was so hard for me to figure out (because i am stupid) that I had to look up a guide for it... a guide for fuckin BURGER TIME bro.

anyway, when i have my own house i think i will collect a lot of old games and play them. and probably write about them. get ready

-inkus

plinkus edit:

i tried playing psycho dream, i think it was named, on the switch emulator. it was pretty boring. the title screen looked neat though.

i unno about burger time specifically, but older games tend to lack tutorials and stuff, so its prolly normal to look up guides. it might be less authentic to the old games experience though, if theyre from before big internet. i dont think its worth the suffering of trial and error personally, when u can just google it, but its possible that that's fun for some people.

i do like some arcade games a lot, if that counts for this topic. like, the aesthetic of them is real cool. the music's also real cool. i like galaga and the ones like it in particular, but im not very good at them. i also really like dig dug, or maybe it was dig dug 2 that i liked. the green creatures are real cool.

i also like tetris, especially some of the music. i watched a couple youtube videos of a puyo puyo-tetris player that were real cool. i also tried playing a puyo puyo game on the switch emulator i think, but it seemed like it'd be too difficult for me. something about setting up color patterns for chains later is...incomprehensible. maybe theres a secret pattern to it or something.

- plinkus

inkus edit / reply:

i have disliked tetris for a majority of my life, as a result of my "hating mainstream things" arc; that's a wall im slowly trying to break though. what *I* liked from back in the day was the pokemon puzzle league, which was i think the equivalent to tetris nostalgia that others play. puzzle league is also on the nintendo switch online - and it might be the nostalgia talking, but thats good shit. anyway, i think i would enjoy the original tetris if i played it. i've played tetris clones and enjoyed them but i dont enjoy them as much as i think others do. i think some other puzzle types are more enjoyable to me.

i dont kno what puyo puyo is adandans and i also dont know what galaga is but i have DEFINITELY heard the word galaga before

i might try psycho dream if i can find it, mostly out of curiosity. i think a lot of things u think are boring are things i find fun sahdasndna

i am glad you mentioned that its just a thing where old games lacked tutorials; i thought i must be crazy, because every game from that era i've tried, they just... start.

like for one example stepdad got a gift one year from me and my mom that was an atari console with like a "150 built in games" type thing or something? I know ones exist where it apparently has like 2600 games and they're like $300-400. i could really spend hundreds of hours just exploring those worlds. like, if i had the money to do so i would definitely buy one of those if they ACTUALLY had 2600 fricken games in there.

but the fact you just get thrown into it without instructions can, for the most part, stress me out. like it makes me feel a bit stupid that i can't understand what's happening, because i just imagine some 6 year old in the 80s laughing at me for not being able to get it even though i'm 21. and, obviously, it isnt that i "can't understand" or "CANT get" the games, because i enjoy them actively. it's just me needing instructions. maybe its autism related? or just me being a lil dummy

anyway to continue my previous thought im glad u brought it up because i didnt want to do the "walk of shame" to the google search bar to type 'why cant i understand how old game do :(((((((((('

[roodles03]

Hey I have a kinda grim update, last night I was working on that animation thing ive teased and while I was doing it my right wrist decided to give up on me. In other words my right wrist started hurting real bad. I'm strictly right handed, so this interferes with drawing immensely. I wasn't able to get want I wanted done despite me pushing myself to try.

I stopped and put one of my dad's wrist braces on, then ate and went to bed like "I hope this fixes itself in the morning," but no. When I woke up the pain had spread to my fingers and down towards my elbow, and thats what I knew exactly what this was.

Now this HAS happened to me before, serveal times, actually. To both of my wrists, too (not sure why it has happened to my left wrist outside of when I fell directly on it once, lol your guess is as good as mine) Its a certain kind of pain too that I can barely describe. I think it might be nerve pain?? I have no idea. Im only 18 so its not like I'd know chornic pain that well. But this time is one of the nastiest ones ive ever had to deal with. I think it might be carpal tunnel, but I can't say for sure. I'm tired of this happening so I plan to ask a doctor about it, so ill give confirmation when I see one.

Now I don't know why this happened so suddenly, because after my cat died and before my life started getting super busy 2 weeks ago, I was drawing A LOT, pretty much every day, there was one day where I must've spent like 15 nonconsecutive hours and pulled an all nighter just to draw for the picnic comic. I hadn't really drawn all too much in the past 2 weeks due to friends and family visiting, and when I finally get the chance to my wrist decides to die.

My theory is that I'm just rusty and I went back into drawing a little too hard, but that's my only guess. But even then, I didn't even draw that much, I just lined and colored Hunter's body and animated only the eyes and mouth for 6 frames. That was literally it.

Normally when this happens it resolves after a couple days, but I'm very upset because this is my last chance to have a lot a free time to draw for a very long time. I go on my annual trip to New York on June 20th, and don't come back until August 20th, and fall semester of college starts August 22nd or 23rd, (and I have a 5 day week now instead of 4) meaning I won't really have complete free time to draw again until December when winter break starts. It's not like I'll have no time to draw, I ALWAYS find a way, but it's still really upsetting.

I'll just have to try and rest my arm until its better, but I know myself, I'm gonna try drawing too early anyway. I do it every time this happens. So don't be suprised if I end up posting something anyway. Im such a bad art workaholic lmao.

Anyway I'll shut up now. Sorry for chatting your ear off lol.

[strangeradventuresofp]

symphony (arthur morgan x reader)

this story involves smut!! please do not read this if you are not over 18 years old

a/n: not entirely back to writing yet, but i did this and i sorta like it so lemme know what you think. also this is my first time ever writing smut that wasn’t for a roleplay so im super nervous about it. but anyway have a story with my favourite boy 

masterlist

It felt like your gut had been ripped open, like there were pins where your heart was before it cracked and shattered into thousands of fragments that would never be found. It was like someone had put a bullet in your skull and it was rattling around, hitting against every nerve and causing as much damage as it went along. 

Your blood turned to ice in your veins at the sight of him. Never had you seen him look so weak. So helpless. How in his voice he seemed okay despite the state of his body – at least two open wounds, his shirt stained multiple shades of red that weaved in with brown from what had already dried. Hot tears stung in your eyes when they studied him. Despite the warped vision, it was obvious to anyone that he was in pain. How his face contorted and twisted whilst Miss Grimshaw washed over his wounds to get a better look. The grunts and curses that left his dried lips were unbearable to listen to. 

Once you tore your eyes away from him, you assessed the others in the scene. Dutch stood at the foot of the table, his arms crossed over his chest and his hands balled into fists so tight that his knuckles whitened and cracked. Every now and again he mumbled words of encouragement or instructions to tell Miss Grimshaw what to do, despite her knowing much more about how to patch someone up. 

Miss Grimshaw had taken charge immediately, as soon as he had been brought into camp by the others on the job. She removed his shirt swiftly, washing his wounds with a cloth and water. Her expert hands cauterised his wounds and though she winced at every sound of discomfort, she knew that she was helping, and so she continued.

Tilly was around helping Miss Grimshaw, running to get things that she needed presently or that she would need, or that she might need just in case. She fed him alcohol for the pain and listened close when she was asked to do something to help.

You? You simply stood there, frozen. Miss Grimshaw had asked you for something, but you neither moved nor even heard her request for your brain was travelling at a speed that caused you physical pain. The noises he made left an awful taste in your mouth, knowing that you couldn’t help despite wanting to more than anything in the world. 

It was about then that Hosea took your hands in his and gently pulled you away with a “Come on, sweet girl.” And though you protested, you let him take you, because you couldn’t do anything else. You couldn’t just stand and watch him as he was an inch away from death. It hurt. Hosea took you far enough away that you couldn’t hear the sounds of pain that each felt like a bullet to the chest.

He held you to him, wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

“I’m sorry, Hosea.” Was the first thing that came out of your mouth once you had remembered how to use your voice. The man smiled a fatherly smile.

“Nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all.” He assured, though you couldn’t seem to meet his eye. Gently, he squeezed your hand as a sign of reassurance. Though, reassurance for what, you couldn’t be entirely sure. “I know you wanted to help. It’s difficult when the people we love get hurt.”

You scoffed. “I… I don’t even know what bein’ in love feels like. But, I guess, maybe…” Trailing off, your mind began to wander just as the thoughts pulled a sigh from your lips. 

“Hosea, I don’t—”

“Do you think I don’t see the way you look at him?” Hosea asked with a raised eyebrow, clearly amused that you had tried to deny his claims. 

“Sweetheart, you look at him like you’re starving and he’s a hot meal.”

“I do?” Your voice sounded so small against the deafening silence. As much as you wanted to deny it, Hosea was right, and he knew it. It was terrifying. “I—I’ve never been in love before.” Startling thoughts began cascading down you. You and Arthur were close, real close. You told each other everything. You could be vulnerable around each other. You were there for each other. Was all of that about to be ruined because you were stupid enough to catch feelings?

“What do I do?” 

Hosea chuckled at that. “Get some rest, sweetheart. Try not worry about him, he’ll be fine. He always is.” While you appreciated his attempt of reassurance, you honestly didn’t feel much better at all. Instead, your brain was flooding with the thought of being in love with Arthur on top of the question of whether he was actually going to survive his injuries. 

You stayed just out of camp for a while longer, until you could hear the noise inside start to die down until it was obvious that everyone was asleep. You crept back in, being sure to not make too much noise, you didn’t want to wake anyone. No, not that, you didn’t want anyone to know that you were visiting him. Grabbing a chair, you pulled it up beside where Arthur’s was body was lay and took a seat. You looked over him, humming lightly, Miss Grimshaw really did a good job of patching him up. Your hands wrapped themselves around one of his, and you simply sat at his side until morning, being sure to move away at least two hours before everyone else woke up.

~~~

A few weeks later 

~~~

Chores. Although you helped out on jobs sometimes, since Arthur and Hosea taught you how to shoot properly, you enjoyed helping out around camp, too. It was the least you could do to help out Miss Grimshaw, considering she saved the man that you loved. Besides, most members of the camp were out either on jobs or shopping, or at saloon, so, you were spending your time washing clothes to help out.

Arthur, luckily, survived his injuries and although he was still recovering, he was back up and out on jobs again. Dutch did make sure not to put him on any dangerous (by his standard) jobs, despite Arthur protesting because he’s fine, it was just a couple of scratches and—Goddamn it, Dutch I don’t need supervision, I’m alright and—

“Careful you don’t rub a hole in that shirt.” A deep chuckle came from beside you. Your head snapped up immediately at the sound.

“Arthur!” You only then noticed how hard you had been squeezing the shirt in your hands and how hard you were scrubbing it against the washboard. Loosening your grip, you smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, I—Wait a minute, what the hell are you doing up and around? Dutch told you that you rest today.” A laugh left Arthur’s lips as he held his hands up in surrender. “You should be resting.” With that, you stood, ushering him back to his tent where he could lay down. He took a seat on his bed, looking up at her with a strange expression. Was he… Nervous?

He reached out for your hand, gently tugging you over to take a seat beside him. Instead of letting go of your hand, he held it, his gaze fixed on it. He delicately traced over the veins that peeked through your skin, too delicate, like if he held you any firmer that you would shatter before him. His eyebrows drew together, and you hummed slightly, searching his eyes.

“Arthur? Y’alright?” You asked softly, your eyes furrowing in concern. 

“I’m alright, darlin’, I just…” He took a deep breath. “Going through all that and, not knowing whether I was gonna die, it, uh, it made me realise a couple things. Shit, uh…” 

“It’s okay. Take your time.” You assured, a smile crossing your face. Arthur looked up at you, a troubled look in his eyes that gave you an awful feeling in your stomach. You breathed out through parted lips, ready to take in the bad news that he was about to tell you. His eyes flickered slightly, quickly looking down your lips before he swallowed thickly, looking back up at your eyes.

“It made me realise that, I’m terrified of losing you. And—And I think that I… Shit. I’m in love with you.” Arthur’s face burnt up entirely as he confessed, flushing red from head to toe. When you didn’t respond, only blinking blankly at him, he pulled his hands away from yours, looking away as he rubbed the nape of his neck anxiously. Your hand reached out to cup his cheek, tilting his face back to you where you planted a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. You could feel how his breath was pulled from his lungs as you did so and his eyes lit up, though his face still looked worried.

“I love you, Arthur Morgan. More than anything in the world.” And with that, his lips captured yours in such a way that had your own breath hitching at the sensation. Your lips danced against each other’s rhythmically, and your chests moved up and down in sync. 

You had always loved Arthur. From the moment that he had saved your life in the woods when you first met. This big, scary outlaw meant everything to you. This gang was the closest thing you had to family. No, it was your family. Things had always been different with Arthur, though. Things you had never given a second thought about until now. Longing glances from across camp, touches that were a little too long to simply be considered friendly. Putting his arm around you at the campfire so that you wouldn’t be cold, bringing each other stew so that the other wouldn’t starve. The way he spoke to you; how his voice changed to be much softer when he addressed you. The urgency in his voice when he thought that you were in danger. The way that he always worried about you, just how you worried about him. The way that he looked at you, just how you looked at him.

It all made sense now.

The kiss was incapsulating. In this moment where nothing else mattered, merely you and him. You each opened your mouths, delving your tongues in to dance with the other as your tastes swirled together. He tasted like honey and cigarette smoke, you tasted like wild berries and rum. His hand hovered over the curve of your waist for a few seconds, before he hesitantly placed it down, pulling you close to his chest. Your arms snaked up his chest and wound around his neck. Arthur hooked an arm around your waist, gently lifting and shifting you over to sit in his lap.

You broke the kiss, breathing heavier than usual as you looked at him. A sweet shade of rose covered the cheeks that you gently pecked before stroking with your thumbs whilst you cupped his face. 

“We don’t have to go any farther.” Arthur declared; his voice low despite there being no one around. You breathed for a moment, scared of all the new feelings that erupted throughout your body. Though, the fireworks in your stomach couldn’t be denied. So, you smiled.

“You—Your wounds…” You mentioned, and he chuckled softly.

“Darlin’, I’m fine. But we can stop if you ain’t comfortable.”

“I don’t want to stop.” 

A smile spread over Arthur’s lips at your words and he hummed in response. “Tell me if you wanna stop, okay?” He asked, cupping your cheek, to which you nodded before leaning in to kiss his lips once again. You couldn’t get enough of him. He tasted so good. Whilst your lips worked against his, his practised hands ran over your body and his fingers began to work at the buttons on your shirt, threading them back through the hole before pushing it off of your shoulders. His hands moved up to knead softly at your breasts, rolling your nipples between his calloused fingers which earned a mewl from your throat. 

He pulled away from your lips, jaw falling slack when his eyes fell over your now bare top half. He hummed as his excitement grew, moving your head to the side with his thumb before burying his face in your neck which he peppered with open mouthed kisses and gentle nips that began to purple the flushed skin, branding you to him. With your noises of approval and your fingers unthreading the buttons of his blue shirt egging him on, he began to suck the skin at your clavicle to which a breathy moan was pulled from your throat. 

Shrugging his shirt from his shoulders, you moved your legs on either side of his hips, straddling him. Your fingers gently caressed each of his scars that you felt. He was beautiful. As he continued to leave his mark on you, your hands reached up to tangle in his locks, tugging ever so slightly, but a growl left him, nevertheless.

“Do it again.” Arthur pleaded, his lips brushing against your skin to cause goose bumps. A low groan fell out of his kiss swollen lips when you repeated the action. His large hands cupped your ass, pulling you closer against him, his arousal rubbing against you through layers of fabric that separated you from feeling all of him. You needed to feel all of him. You moaned at the contact, fumbling messily with his jeans while you kissed him, but he pulled away. 

He picked you up, laying you down before he shed himself of the remainder of his clothing. While his back was turned, you did the same. When Arthur turned around, he bit his lip at the sight of you, flushed, sprawled out for him on his bed. He licked his lips hungrily, cock twitching before he lay above you, pressing a bruising kiss to your lips which you held while his hand dug lower. His fingers spread you open, teasing by gently brushing against your clit. He smirked at your wetness.

“Arthur—” You whined. “Please.” He took your endorsement, groaning in delight at the sounds you made when he quickened his pace, curling his fingers inside you. The hot coil began to grow in your stomach, and he watched as you writhed beneath him, moaning deliciously at how good he was making you feel. His cock was painfully hard and ached for release, but he wouldn’t stop until he had brought you over the edge at least once before he fucked you. 

“This for me?” Your hips bucked up in a silent plea for more friction and he chuckled slightly into your mouth before pushing a digit inside you. With a sharp inhale beforehand, you moaned in approval, causing him to add a second finger, pumping in and out of you at a slow pace. 

“So good for me, darlin’.” Arthur’s voice was husky when he spoke, his words wrapped in lust and desire, eyes dark with adoration. His free hand reached up to toy with your nipples, pinching gently, teasingly to bring you closer to your release. 

It wasn’t until your hips bucked uncontrollably and a strangled cry left your plump lips that Arthur pulled his fingers out of you, the hot coil snapping in such a wonderful way that left you aching for more. His mouth opened and closed around his fingers, coated with your juices. When the taste hit his mouth, a low groan rumbled in his chest, and the mushroom head of his member leaked with arousal. 

Arthur didn’t touch himself once until he had brought you over the edge one more time with his tongue alone, and when that hot coil broke in your stomach once again, he lapped up the remainder of your juices, making sure to not waste a single drop by licking along the insides of your thighs for any excess. His cock throbbed painfully from the influx of lust, his hand stroking himself up and down a couple of times before he pushed himself into you. The sound you made from him entering you alone nearly made Arthur cum there and then, but he was determined to make you feel good. After pushing in about halfway, he pulled back out completely, groaning at the sight of your slick on his cock. You whined at the lack of contact, reaching to touch him but he swatted your hand away.

“I don’t think so.” He said with a chuckle before pushing into you entirely. You cried out, digging your nails into his shoulders, loving how he stretched you. “Mm—” Arthur’s hips thrusted against yours once as he moaned at how you clenched around him. “Such a good girl for me.” He set a fast pace, each thrust increasing in power and might, and soon enough an animalistic desire consumed him, his hips clashing against yours. Your names left each other’s lips among curses and beautiful sounds of pure pleasure. Series’ of moans spilled out from your reddened lips.

Arthur kissed you, hard. You could feel the swelling of your lips. The bristles of his unkempt stubble tickled your skin. When your tongues met, you groaned at the taste, your taste. Your nails sunk further into his skin and he groaned at the sensation, his spare hand reached down to focus your sensitive bundle of nerves with the pad of his thumb. His cock throbbed against your walls as the familiar feeling began to grow in your stomach once again. He pounded into you with a near primal hunger, your plea for him and your beautiful sounds being the only thing to fill his ears. Arthur made his own share of delicious noises, both of your voices ruined with pleasure though it sounded like the most stunning symphony.

You felt your third climax nearing, the white-hot coil repeating but so much stronger than before. With your legs wrapped around his waist and his hands on you, he made you feel wanted. He made you feel loved. It was nearing closer, and closer and you covered your face to which Arthur removed your hands from your face, pinning them above your head with one hand while the other returned to its spot at your clit.

“Nuh-uh, darlin’. Hafta see you.”

Soon enough, your release washed over you like a wave of pleasure. A ravishing sound forced itself from you, your legs trembled, your body shaking violently from the pleasure. Arthur felt your climax all over him, his body entirely racked with pleasure. As you clenched around him, he pushed in once more and pulled out, releasing with a husky shout that you would dream of for weeks on end. His juices lay atop the bedsheets and he sighed happily, pulling you in for a soft, loving kiss.

Arthur reached over into his pile of clothes to find a dark piece of cloth, his bandana. He soaked in some water from a bucket outside his tent and gently dragged it over you skin, revelling in how incessantly beautiful you were. At first, when he reached your folds, you whined from the overstimulation, but soon relaxed at the feeling.

Once you were cleaned up, he lay beside you, cradling you in his strong arms. You pecked his lips before resting your head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Your eyes fluttered closed and Arthur hummed contently. “I love you, darlin’.”

lmk if you want to be added to any of my taglists!!<3

“I love you too, Arthur.”

[daydream-believin]

MERLIN’S APPRENTICE & MERLIN’S CHAMPION || trollhunters

warnings: swearing

a/n: if rott gave me anything it gave me this idea

I KNOW I SAID “JUICY” BUT REALLY THAT WAS JUST THE ANGST POTENTIAL,, THAT IM NOT INDULGING IN THIS POST IM SORRY LMAO

OKAY WHAT IM REALLY TALKING BOUT HERE IS A GOOD MERLIN/ARTHUR BUT IT ACTUALLY WORKS

no sorry i haven’t seen bbc merlin don’t come for me i’m ignorant

OKAY SO

we know douxie kept an eye on the human trollhunter and co

but douxie’s really having a hard time convincing himself he’s just doing his job

he’s actually enjoying this a little too much despite how boring staying in the shadows is

and he’s kinda worried?

so he’s got this bright idea: you know what would better help him keeps tabs? if he befriends this person

and so he does

fuck merlin’s shadows

sod the rules

ofc he’s very up front about knowing they’re the trollhunter and that he’s merlin’s apprentice

we wouldn’t want that to become a huge festering secret that eats douxie from the inside out until the inevitable reveal when merlin calls them both to help with the arcane order and they realize they’ve both been lying to each other’s faces for months/years and neither of them know if they could ever trust the other again, right? — phew *catches breath*

but before you know it, mr. casperan and mx. trollhunter are best friends

he’s basically the toby to your jim

and you’re very happy to have a best friend like douxie

he understands that monster hunting hustle

he’s the only person you can vent to and actually talk about what’s going on without sounding like a loon

and douxie likes being able to tell someone all his frustrations with merlin, since you’re also in that boat with him

you spar sometimes. it’s fun, but you’re very careful not to accidentally hurt your friend (he’s extremely careful not to hurt you or wound your ego by effortlessly wiping you out)

ofc, there’s the occasional, brushing of hands, faces a little too close together, accidentally winding up on top of one another, purposefully winding up on top of one another 👀 you know how sparring be

you and douxie are a duo. a duo who have become trollmarket’s resident troublemakers, to vendel’s exasperation

you guys tease each other a lot

you do a lot of stupid shit, cause hey, now you have magic armor and a magic sword and a magic best friend, did you think you wouldn’t get up to some shenanigans?

douxie is your impulse control and he’s not a very good one, as he’s just as bad

truthfully archie has the brain cell

and pranks? gods the pranks. you two are always either pranking each other or you’re teaming up to prank some other troll who said smth mean to you in the pub. vendel had to personally put a stop to it (read: chew you out)

doux thinks the world of you tho, you’re such a noble knight, and likes to tell people about how you’re a cinnamon roll, so innocent, so pure

and then they meet you and you directly contradict those statements

trollhunter: i’ve never done anything wrong in my life, ever

douxie: i know this and i love you

(spoiler: you’ve done lots and lots of wrong)

doux spends an awful lot of time slinking around trollmarket now, and he’s in the know for everything that’s happening

(no more being kept in the dark for this wizard apprentice)

and doux knows merlin won’t completely approve of this, but hey, it’s not like he’s helping and thus directly disobeying

really, he’s not helping you at all, it’s really fucking annoying

okay so mayyybe the occasional healing spell. you’ve got those puppy dog eyes he can’t say no to

but you understand his sense of duty, or whatever it is that drives a follower, technically being a follower of merlin yourself

you respect the old geezer (as you have not been turned into a half-troll yet) as a wise mythical figure, and as your best friend’s father

and what a perfect match you are for each other, champion and apprentice, mutually being screwed over by a guy you both think has all the answers

you and douxie help each other grow in your self-worths, that you two are more than the chances merlin has given to you

unfortunately, mortifyingly, you have caught feelings.

douxie has also caught feelings, and is saying nothing yep you have enough on your plate without him putting this on you so he’ll just quietly pine and suffer don’t mind him choking to death in the corner when you take off your helmet and throw back your hair

y’all’s problem really starts manifesting itself as protectiveness. you are really protective of your wizard and he is really protective of his knight

lots of things said that are Not What Friends Say but neither of you really want to be the one to point that out

lots and lots of i love yous that slowly get more and more serious until it’s not exactly platonic anymore

and it’s just really nice to have someone to get coffee (or your favored hot drink) with at four in the morning after a tussle with a troll

and that’s basically how you and douxie spend the bulk of trollhunters, just vibing

as much as you can vibe, with all the changelings and shit trying to murder you all the time

then merlin wakes up and shakes up your world

you are aware of your impending doom

you’re aware of it

merlin keeps looking you up and down like he’s mentally making up the measurements of your coffin

and tbh the idea of fighting gunmar freaks you tf out

and you’re supposed to win that fight?

gods

you’re preparing for your nightmares coming true soon

truthfully you knew your fucking job had a 100% mortality rate

you don’t want to die with regrets

so

you spill

you spill all the things you’d wanted to tell him and how much he means to you and that you couldn’t bear it if you were a goner before he knew

miraculously, douxie feels the same and tells you all the things he’d been holding back and and what you mean to him and how much he wants to protect you, that you’re gonna make it, if he had anything to say about it

and everything is perfect for one night

now you have a real reason to win

not that saving humanity isn’t a big responsibility on your shoulders and definitely A Reason

but knowing douxie’s waiting for you, for the life you’ll build together after this, the peace you’ll both have, it’s absolutely a big motivation to give your all and come out victorious and survive

hahaha loser you don’t know about the arcane order

and then merlin uses your microwave to cook a weird potion

you and merlin are alone in the house, but there’s no real mind games necessary. you may have grown past thinking he was a god, but in the end, you’re still a follower of merlin, and if merlin thinks this could give you an edge, well, who are you to question his methods

doesn’t mean you aren’t nervous as your master hands you the bottle

yet you don’t even hesitate to drown yourself in the black abyss of the tub

whatever it takes amirite?

and now you’re a half-troll

a sexy half-troll, if you do say so yourself

yeah, no ‘i’m a monster’ angst here, you’re loving the power-up

you’ve got to treat it like a cool new power-up or you will cry actually tbh i lied about the no-angst thing a new body is disorienting

your only real concern is douxie

not concerned for long tho, he sees you and the first thing out of his mouth is “nuclear!”

and he senses your concern, so he does go out of his way to assure you that boy, girl, enby, or half-troll, he loves you for your soul, darling

also again half-troll! you is hot as hell so he’s not really losing anything here 👀

he makes sure you know that too, not to let any insecurities fester

him raking his eyes up and down you gives the opposite effect of the dread merlin sent down your spine doing it

anyways,,,

doux helps out a lot more in the eternal night

like helps merlin re-defeat and re-seal morgana

he’ll do it again in few weeks but with a bigger role you know, this is practice

thank merlin for that edge YOU ARE THE LAST TROLLHUNTER YOU ARE VICTORIOUS YOUVE GOT GUNMARS HEAD IN YOUR HANDS HAHAHA

but now you’ve got to go to new jersey

douxie’s been instructed to stay in arcadia tho 🥺

it’s okay, you’ll see each other again soon

sooner than you realize

and until then you talk each other to sleep every night over the phone <3

merlins glad, actually. he’s glad hisirdoux found some solace. even if it is with the lamb he was raising for the slaughter. maybe things will go okay for them. the time map suggests it might be so

hisirdoux may have done things in a way he didn’t quite approve of, but that’s because he’s becoming his own wizard, and merlin is proud

[gaysagainststeve]

you don’t have to post this because i know how any post not demonizing billy gets someone a lot of hate.

ok i’m 2 weeks late but the unending billy hate just.. hurts my soul because it’s never a nuanced conversation. people refuse to admit that even though he’s done and said messed up things, he’s still a victim of abuse. i do blame the duffers for that because all they care about is demonizing him. dacre montgomery tried so hard to focus on billy’s abuse and insecurities and how that resulted in his shitty actions and adopted views from his father. he’s so real. not every abuse victim is overly kind and “docile.” he’s an angry person. victims of abuse can be angry and violent because that’s all they’ve been shown, but that doesn’t mean they “maybe deserve to die.” maybe the deserve a chance to change with proper care. ugh the way stranger things has handled billy’s abuse is so damaging to abuse victims. neil faces no consequences. max’s mother makes no mention of it despite witnessing it. a random basketball player’s abuse can be focused on but not billy’s? the way people say billy is worse than brenner & peter creel! it’s absolutely ridiculous. there’s also this misogynistic, hetnormative way in which antis will say that the only people who like billy are woman who think he’s hot. and don’t get me started on that hate dacre receives for trying to humanize his character and how he’s been ostracized by the duffer brothers. i could talk about this forever lol. anyways, he and steve are in love but the duffers saw that they were too powerful bye.

Dude i also have a whole manifesto about billy. I feel you so hard. Also im not afraid of antis saying anything to me bc i always want to be talking about this even on my streamer side blog lol

What i have to add is my opinion on the fact that ppl call him racist and abusive.

Billy does in season 2 say something implicitly racist saying max shouldn’t hang out with ppl like lucas. But the duffers are cowards that refuse to touch on any racism in the 80s. Im p sure its by the request of caleb who plays lucas, but theyve had characters say the f slur, had episodes about misogyny and yet they refuse to acknowledge the racism lucas may have faced even in passing. Im not saying lucas should be hate crimed but i feel like it would explain why he really wanted to be accepted by the basketball team and obsessed with being popular in season 4.

The duffers never follow up on the racist comment billy made and its not talked about at all in season 3. it is not a reoccurring or central trait to billy. Billys racism is as relevant as the byers dog to the duffers. They forget everything they write.

Also, the way he treats Max is a direct product of his abuse from his father. Anything she does wrong, billy gets punished for. Its a common abuse tactic idk why ppl think billy treats her bad just bc he’s evil. Also like… does anyone call intense fighting between siblings abuse in any other context??

The ppl who say hes the evilest person on the show are hard core projecting their own highschool bully onto him. I saw ppl saying jason was not as bad as billy and jason actually shot at lucas with the intent to kill him when billy pushed him up against a wall aggressively (i think the cast and creators even said this). Jason is the personification of rich white christian heterosexual America and the violence that comes from their ignorance. Billy is literally a poor metal head that gets called gay slurs by his father. Jason has the power of the entire town behind him hunting down the party; billy is just some angry punk with no outlet that finds his little sister in a creepy house with a bunch of boys and a high school senior in the middle of the night.

I for sure get not liking billy but idk how it became so extreme and mainstream. It used to be just infighting in the fandom but now its all over tiktok and hating him is The Opinion to have.

I think it might be because the show is so black and white about whether or not a character is good or evil and people can’t handle that billy has any complexity at all.

Also is it a crime for a man to be attractive? Ppl will crucify you if you don’t have a moral reason for liking a character istg. Maybe he’s the only character on that show that has any depth AND has a fat ass??? Ever think of that??

Thanks for sending this ask!!

[junicai]

Relationship with SuperM

➣ BAEKHYUN ☾ baekaria

before being thrown into a supergroup together, aria and baekhyun hadn’t really spoken 

they’d seen each other around the building, and aria was an avid supporter of exo so of course she knew who he was but she wasn’t expecting him to know who she was 

so when aria walked into the practice room and was greeted by baekhyun waving her over and calling her name

sue her if she was a little stunned 

their relationship was a little stilted at the beginning

between the age gap, and baekhyun not having a girl member in a group before, it took a few weeks for the two of them to figure out their dynamic and where they fit around each other 

eventually though

they settled into a pretty comfortable situation

baekhyun tries to put her at ease as much as possible 

there is 8 years in the difference, but you’d swear that its less than half 

although he’s playful and generous with the teasing like he is to other members 

he’s careful to avoid certain topics when it comes to aria, just out of respect for her and not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable

this came to fruition after kai unknowingly made a small comment on how aria “must have been hungry”, considering how fast she was eating

baekhyun knew he didn’t mean anything by it, but he watched aria slowly put down her chopsticks and reach for the bottle of water beside her instead

he didn’t see her eat for the rest of the evening

did kai get in trouble? no but he did get hit lightly over the head

when aria does something cool - like a spin or a trick - baekhyun is the first to say “that’s my child. i raised her, look how well i taught her” 

ten: “heY-”

tldr: although they’re not the closest, aria’s slowly grown more comfortable around him, and he’s looking out for her all the time 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

200829 Knowing Brothers: when baekhyun brought up the members of superm all showering together to get closer quickly, heechul quickly pounced on aria - the girl slowly moving to put her head in her hands. 

“and where was aria during all of this? don’t tell me you brought her to?”

baekhyun: “well of course we did-” 

aria: “NO I STAYED OUTSIDE HE’S A LIAR DON’T LISTEN TO HIM!”

*cue baekhyun laughing his ass off*

➣ TAEMIN ☾ arimin

aria thought she was going to die

there was absolutely no plausible reason that she should be in a group with The Taemin

he was highkey the reason why she had even accepted her position in sm at the very beginning of her training

this man convinced a fifteen year old to give up the sport she’d been doing her entire life 

his impact  (*¯ ³¯*)♡

please stand by while aria tosses herself off a bridge

she was So Formal at the beginning

he honestly was the member she took the longest time to warm up to - because she had idolized him for so long

will still refer to him as taemin-ssi occasionally, but now its less a formality and more of a tease

this boy was shook when he found out how young aria was - mark and lucas he can deal with because at least they’re 1999, but aria....

“2000??? 2000?” 

he said :O

despite their rocky start, they’re quite comfortable around each other, especially after spending a few nights rooming together over the tour

does aria still look for his validation in a lot of her work? yes, but she’s more open about asking for it now then she would have been 

taemin definitely doesn’t have a favourite kid and it’s definitely not aria no why would you think that

aria really out here collecting parents like pokémon 

gotta catch em all~

he looks out for her a lot during their schedules, mainly because he knows what its like to be the youngest in a group and how it can feel a little like you don’t really have a place there

so he always makes sure to include her where possible 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

sitting in a circle in a waiting room while mark toy-ed around with the guitar in his lap, aria sat curled in the corner, humming lightly to herself as taemin sang softly along with mark playing “view”.

quietly, she began to sing soft backing harmonies along with taemin, her eyes still attached to her phone in her hands.

when she felt the device being tugged out of her hands and her being pulled upright by another hand on her arm, she looked up to see taemin smiling brightly, still singing 

cue the impromptu concert of a lifetime: with god tier vocals

➣ KAI ☾ kairia

so, they met

and kai just kinda went: mine.

and that was that really 

its like a puppy refusing to give up its favourite chew toy 

“nooo but its my turn to room with aria :(”

never really did the whole awkward, getting to know each other phase? 

not that aria had any real say in it

but jongin point blank refused to engage in small talk with her

so they ended up spending their nights on the superm tour talking about stuff ranging from why the sky is blue to why aria stopped ice skating

she started crying and he did not handle it well, bless him

although he’s super chill and fun to be around

he’s also the only non-nct member that seriously scolds her 

when he found her in a practice room lying on the ground (she was Resting, thank you very much) at three in the morning, he dragged her out without a word and brought her back to her dorms in silence 

aria knew he was mad at her, but she thought it was because he had to borderline carry her four blocks down to the nct dorms 

“no you idiot, im angry because you thought that instead of coming to one of us for help with the bits you’re struggling with, you figured hey. let’s pass out instead.” 

he’s so affectionate with her

you know how lucas and kai have Intense Brothers Energy

well aria has that, little sister vibe that makes kai want to wrap her in a blanket and carry her everywhere

she’d hate that, if he tried that she’d scream (he did try that, this is coming from past experience)

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

kai chucking aria like a cannon ball into the pool during the filming of mtopia when she refused his hugs.

“oppa, oppa no im sorry ill give you all the hugs you want, oppa, JONGIN-OPPA NO NO NO NO -”

*sploosh*

➣ TAEYONG ☾ ariyong

taeyong took one look at aria the first time she showed up for group practice and immediately adopted her (not literally but he would if he could)

eomma meets highly protective brother meets life coach type beat?

so so soft for her its sickening 

says he doesn’t have favourites and will then spend an hour cooking for aria because she’s been in the studio the whole day and he knows she hasn’t eaten yet

when aria was given a duet to do for the sm stages, she had to pick another member to do it with and her first choice was taeyong 

she always has said that taeyong is one of the pillars keeping her upright and sane - without him she wasn’t sure if she would have been able to complete her training 

because of all the schedules they share together, if aria isn’t rooming with mark then she’s definitely rooming with taeyong

whenever she does his makeup (more often than you’d think) she point blank refuses to cover his scar, even when he asks her to do so

“please? i don’t like it.” “*gasp* how dare you.”

sleepy aria! snuggling into taeyong’s shoulder when a schedule ran late!

he gets uncomfy when the stylists put her in too revealing clothes, and has spoken to them on numerous occasions about dressing her in age-appropriate attire, no matter how “sexy” the concept might be

he keeps little bags of sugar-dusted strawberry sweets in his bag incase she forgets to eat and feels faint after the last time (they used to be blueberry flavoured but he heard donghyuck throwing out any and all “blueberry-contaminated” food one evening)

taeyong doesn’t tolerate hate towards aria, especially in person, so he always makes sure to sit down the line from her so that he can see when people skip her intentionally 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

taeyong had just been awarded the single bedroom on the last night of the mtopia series, and was staring off into the corner looking rather uncomfortable. aria, who was meant to be rooming with baekhyun, looked over and saw his mouth curled downwards slightly. 

“baekhyun-oppa, is it ok if i room with taeyongie-oppa tonight? i ran out of my tablets, and he has some in his bag..”

baekhyun looked down at her with a small smile and agreed, while the edited captions on the video appeared with the words, “a cute maknae asking to room with a younger member..”

➣ TEN ☾ tenaria

Whipped™

so so gone for her its upsetting actually

yangyang and aria share the position of his baby

except aria willingly accepts the title while yangyang would rather fling himself from a rooftop

ten’s instagram is half his cats, half miyazu aria

he posts her dancing practice on his story a lot, with a variety of captions ranging from “thats my baby  ♡( ◡‿◡ )” to “yah that’s not right…(눈_눈)”

such an enabler for her bad ideas

aria wants to go shopping at 4am? ten agrees, now they’re sitting by han river eating ice cream

pls he’s gonna get her in so much trouble one day

when they walk together, ten likes to take her hand and put it in his pocket

its under the pretense of not wanting her to get lost

he just wants to hold her hand

yes he has lost her in a shopping mall, and NO it wasn’t his fault

ten always complains that they never have schedules together and he misses his baby

“we have superm-” “I NEVER SEE YOUUUU (ﾉಥ益ಥ)ﾉ”

if they’re in the same room ten is either watching her out of the corner of his eye, or is actually wrapped around her like a boa constrictor

hugs n kithes all around

only he is allowed make fun of her mistakes in dancing

anyone else gets deaded. he will fight for her honor how dare you insult his baby

sm give these ttwo a dancing duo video pls

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

the first and only time aria and ten had a duet was during their last concert on superm’s first world tour. during the second half of ten’s solo performance, aria emerged from the left side of the stage, coming to join him in the centre stage. no one had ever seen aria as serious as she was then, both herself and ten becoming completely different people in the moment. midway through, aria spun with her back to ten and leaped backwards into the air - eyes closed - completely trusting ten to be where she needed him to be to catch her.

➣ LUCAS ☾ arihei

besties

please they’re so cute together - tol child next to tini child she barely comes up to his chest :(

bear hugs

he just swamps her in his arms, and when he doesn’t feel like being bent over he picks her up

complains that she’s too heavy but then immediately after will throw her around like a softball

someone tell this man to be careful with her she’s not a barbie doll

singular braincell energy

don’t get it wrong, they’re both super smart

so it’s just - being smort together, but then nearly dying because neither of them remembered that you couldn’t eat raw cookie dough when there are eggs in it

she adores how he’s so confident in the things that he does - like convincing the entire nct fandom that he was fluent in english? king behaviour

so aria looks up to him (literally) but also because she wants to have that confidence some day

lucas says they’re not close and then aria pouts and he takes it all back

nczennies made a 14 minute compilation titled “lucas melting like a popsicle in australia for aria”

and literally what the title tells you, this man goes :(( when he sees her

lucas was actually the person to convince her to go ahead with the [redacted] proposal - and reminded her that it was too good an opportunity to pass up just because she felt like she was outgrowing the boys

he’s so proud of her

and she’s so proud of him

they’re so proud of each other and it makes nczennies want to cry because they never are seen together

sm stop separating the platonic soulmates first markhyuck and now arihei smh

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

during a photoshoot, aria was standing off to the side of the boys, dressed in white suit to contrast the boys’ black ones. the photographer was calling out to her to get her to move closer, but she couldn’t hear him from so far away, and so lucas (who was on the end) just walked over to her, gripped her by the biceps and lifted her vertically and to the left a little bit. 

“luc-LUCAS?”

“you had to move :)”

➣ MARK ☾ mari

½ of the best friend crew

honestly at the beginning, mark and aria weren’t very close, having only really seen each other in passing or with johnny

but after being dropped into training together the two quickly became fast friends, and now they’re borderline inseparable

you thought you knew pain? watch aria’s reaction to mark’s graduation from dream :)

mark’s the reason why aria felt confident enough to pitch some of her lyric ideas to the team, after staying up until 4am to help her make some edits so she was as confident as possible

kinda just, rests his head on her shoulder? and wraps his arms around her waist when he’s tired

mari being confused in foreigner: ???

aria said once in a vlive that she finds mark really comforting to be around - when she feels stressed or worried about something she’ll go to mark’s room and just sit on his bed for a while

aria is so close with his parents - “ahh, how’s my favourite child” “i’m doing great mom.” “no not you, how’s aria?” “wh-hu-MOM?”

you’d swear sometimes mark is younger than her, considering the pout he puts on and how much he whines when they’re not on the same team together for promotions

mark big protecc boi but also little small cuddly boi

they’re so soft for each other ( ╥ω╥ )

in one of the fancams for mark’s solo stage during superm, someone zoomed into aria singing along with him in the wings and dancing to herself with the Proudest Smile™

he’s! so! proud! of! her! constantly! she could be walking and he’d be like “omg get it”

when aria refuses to get up and make herself food (this happens way too often, she just gets into the groove of her work and doesn’t want to move) mark gets her to by threatening to do it himself

consistently caught by czennies just standing behind her and holding her hand in crowded areas - airports, waiting rooms, etc.

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

mark and aria were standing off to one side as the mc explained the rules of the game they were about to be playing. mark looked totally confused, and elbowed aria in her side before looking down and mouthing “what?” to her. aria opened her mouth, before closing it and looking down at the ground, muttering to herself, “결합… 結合….. le chéile…. le… le.. oh oh - combined! we have to put them together, markie.”

and thus, a new confusion meme was born

[dapandapod]

You bring me colours

Hello and welcome to mean and angsty hours. Today I bring to you a soulmate fic, but it is sad and hurtful.

Thank you my lovely enablers for helping me bringing this to life, despite my very weak protests. Be mindful, my loves, if you are having a bad day you might want to skip this one. It ends happily, do not worry, but the way there is ouchie.

Warnings; Implied character death (real and not real), vauge description of drinking and depression, just, sad in general. A little bit soft too, and hopeful, but mostly sad. Im sorry.

On Ao3 here

Everybody has a soulmate. When your One comes into the world, they bring colors with them. And when they go, so do the colors. Many a poet sings of a world gone gray, of a love unknowingly lost. Because you don’t always meet your one. For some, it is enough to know they are out there. For some, the hunt lasts their entire lifetime. Some lucky few find each other, and some never do, settling in peace anyway.

---

For Vesemir, he had color for almost a century. But a witchers life is rough, and he knows not to seek them out. Not to give hope, not to feel greed. Just gift them with colors as long as he is able. He has an inkling who is His. His One. They must know too, but they never say.

Vesemir sits at the teachers table. It is lively in the hall, the children are laughing and making a mess as children do. They are his pride and his burden. Not all will be allowed to grow up, but he will do his best to give them a fighting chance. He raises his spoon towards his mouth, the soup smelling warm and rich.

The spoon falls with a clatter to the table.

Everything is black and white.

He is in front of everybody. In charge of so many lives. He was gifted with color for such a long time, this was to be expected. But if his One is who he thinks it is, then….

The screaming begins outside. The sacking of Kaer Morhen has begun.

---

Jaskier has always seen color. Always seen the color of the sky, the flowers and the nuances of snow.

When Jaskier is six years old, that changes.

He runs to his mothers, tears streaking down his face. Her dress used to be a bright green, her eyes a rich blue.

“Where did the colours go?” He cries. He knows he is too big to cry, but he is scared and sad.

Mother seems to be sad too. Heartbroken in fact, and she picks him up and holds him close.

After that day, the only color Jaskier can see is yellow. The color of the sun, of buttercups, some cat’s eyes. Of puss, of stains and of age.

--

There are many ways to die. The old Geralt dies when his knife plunges into Renfri's neck.

Geralt's colors came some years ago. When it happened he didn’t panic. He followed Vesemir's advice and pushed it as far back as he possibly could. It was only a small disappointment that the world didn’t turn grey when Renfri died. Because that is what Geralt felt like.

The colours stay, and he despises them. They glare at him, blaming him for still being there. How can he think he ever deserves happiness?

-----

In Posada, Jaskier finds someone with yellow eyes. They call to him like no other, so he goes. It is the best decision he has ever made, if the most difficult one. But with Geralt around, it is almost as if his memories of colours are springing to life. Sometimes he remembers that poppies are red, that water can be rich blue, and that autumn leaves can look like a fire. The fire he remembers from his past, but around Geralt they are so vivid they almost look real.

His mother told him not to tell. To hold those memories close. She taught him the colors through names and pictures, so that if someone asked, he would know.

Jaskier knows that his lost colours means that his One is dead. Some kind of dead, at least, if the professors are to be believed. If you get to keep a colour, even if it’s just the one, there is a chance. So Jaskier leaps at every chance he gets. He is one of those who chase, and will continue to chase.

----

Geralt is reluctant to Jaskier. Reluctant, because when he is around he is starting to feel alive again. Jaskier pokes and prods and smiles and sings and talks, and it is all Geralt can do to fight it.

---

A hot summer day Geralt finally gives in and they're just being goofy and like wrestling in a river. All the sudden Jaskier can see the color of the grass and he freaks out and scrambles out of the river and just lays down in front of a tuft of grass like 'holy shit geralt look at that.”

The bard is absolutely mesmerized for a moment, but when Geralt comes to look at what caught his attention, before he catches himself. Shit. Geralt can’t know.

So he plays it off, especially when the tuft of grass slowly fades back to grey. There is a lump in his throat, hope so big in his chest he wants to explode. They are out there, his One. They are still here.

---

There are many changes during their travels. Yennefer, for one. It is with her arrival that Jaskier realizes he is in love with Geralt. Deeply, desperately in love with him.

Another change happens on a cold and lonely mountain top. Geralt finally breaks, breaks everything, and Jaskier feels a spark inside himself diminish.

The further away from the mountain he gets, the more muted the world becomes. Even his memories stay out of his reach, as in fear of the pain he feels.

----

The moment Jaskier leaves the mountain, his world goes gray. Things click into place. He closes his eyes against the pain, letting it tear through him, cut him open.

Jaskier was his One.

And he killed him.

---

Geralt doesn’t know why the sky is still blue. He doesn’t understand how Ciris cloak is not grey, her eyes as startling blue as the love he once lost.

He thought he lost Yennefer on Sodden hill, but when he meets her, she is wearing a dress the color of Jaskiers eyes.

He breaks down at her feet, finally crumbling after all this time. He tells her everything, and she wipes his tears with infinite patience. How he deserves that from her, he doesn’t know.

“Why blue?” she asks him. “What relationship do you have with blue?”

And Geralt thinks about it. It is Ciri who finally puts the pieces together. Blue as Jaskiers eyes, he had said. And if you get to keep a colour, even if it’s just the one, there is a chance, or so a bard had told her in her grandmother's ballroom.

---

There are many ways to die. Jaskier is drowning. Drowning in pain and alcohol, sinking to a bottom, looking up at a golden sun. Not even the bright yellow can cheer him up, not when it reminds him so much of Geralt's eyes.

He doesn’t chase anymore. He accepts. Accepts that he will be alone, that nobody wants to be with someone destined for no one.

---

Geralt finds him in a tavern. Geralt walks in, so Jaskier must out. The one thing Geralt asks of him, after all these years. The least he can do is listen.

But Geralt follows him outside. Grabs his arms. Cups his cheeks. Asks for forgiveness. It takes time for Jaskier to register his words, he is deep down, he is drowning. But the sun seems closer now, becking him upwards.

He doesn’t understand why Geralt is here, but his broken heart is held together with Geralt's arms around him.

---

Geralt is scared to tell the bard. After all the pain he caused, how can he possibly make things right.

Geralt does everything he can to get the colours back, but they won’t come. Now that he has had a taste, now that he knows that it was his words, not his hands, that took them, he fights. He won’t make Jaskier follow him anymore. He tries something new.

They walk beside each other, a careful pace forward is set. It takes time, but his colours return. Jaskiers smiles are brighter, his eyes cornflower blue.

Then Jaskier confesses to him, he sees no colours but gold. How he carried it inside all this time, hoping that his One is out there, and Geralt can’t wait any longer.

“I want to give them to you. The colours that you bring to me, I want to give back to you.”

And he tries. Everyday he tries. And Jaskier holds his hand all the while.

[justanotherarkhamwasterat]

So I just want to talk about fascist imagery in metal esp black metal bc fuck it.

Metals weird like the Napalm records logo is literally a swastika imo but I could be seeing what I want to see bc I'm always on the lookout for fash imagery in metal to avoid and catalog it.

White Wizzard I used to think was just a band name and I would always make fun of it and say "wow they should have just called it grand draggon" or "haha 'we're gonna name our band White Wizzard... but with 2 Z's so noone gets us confused with those other guys'" until I looked in between the 2 z's and lol the font literally hides 2 sig runes and I might be tripping but I sincerely doubt that a band named white wizzard having 2 sig runes hidden in their band font was a coincidence but it may be.

Other bands will out right put SS in their name but I could never tell if they were just dicking about or if they are actual Nazis.

I've never been able to just trust a band isn't white supremacist bc why would I believe them even if they say they aren't? I just catalog a moment in their music and if I ask a band what they meant I take their explanation into consideration but i'm not gonna believe they're not white supremacists on their word. I sadly don't think I can ever trust a metal band to not be secretly racists, lgbtqiacab+ phobes, or actual Nazis or worse.

Unrelated but not really unrelated, there's this moment in Dorohedoro where Kaiman walks into a baseball stadium wearing a black and yellow jersey with an 88 on it and that's the kind of shit im talking about. I can't really unsee the imagery I've associated with white supremacy and it seems like it pops up everywhere.

Metals great and bands like Nocturnal Breed, using the track "Thrashiac" as an example, helped me realize how easy it is to be indoctrinated into fighting for something you stand for and believe in and how it could be taken to the extreme where you would die and fight for and with your "brothers and sisters" who identify similarly to you. I could never tell if that was them intentionally trying to convey that point or if by over glorifying war and side ism and tribalism they demonstrated how easy and petty it is to go to war for something you believe in bc youre surrounded by people who also believe in something heavily enough to fight and die for their beliefs and how heavily intoxicated with war and violence people can become even when they believe in nothing except metal.

So metals taught me a lot but I've recently become uncomfortably aware of the imagery and themes I've been supporting and glorifying and the imagery honestly just gets uncomfortable at times. I'll want to put a patch that I really like on my vest but I'll realize the imagery is way to similar with white supremacist themes. Example, the Ghoulunatics Asylum patch or the Shitfucker shitswasifa (a literal swastika but slightly modified). I've read interviews where Shitfucker explains where they pulled their imagery from old Japanese Punk bands who would use Nazi imagery in their music and album art and acts. I would honestly love a shitswasifa patch for that reason tbh but I don't want to have to explain it to people and I understand that people would get uncomfortable when they see it bc its way to similar to a swastika.

I want to read more interviews and listen to more bands esp the old J punk bands Shitfucker talked about (they gave a list in an interview of bands that inspired them but I can't find it😭) I've also read that despite the imagery they hang out with leftist and anarcho bands but still idk anymore tbh the Nazi imagery doesnt even seem to matter a whole lot. I feel that thin blue line flags at least in America have a lot more white supremacist meaning than Nazi imagery at this point.

Regardless wearing a shitswaifas gonna get me shot and I don't want to die for something stupid like that.

On top of that there's so much more and I'm probably going to do a more in depth exploration of everything I don't know about the metal and punk scene before I die just to fucking know more. I've been lazy as hell lately with thoughts of dying and I've been to bored to do anything bc of it but this has been p inspiring I guess.

People want to can the Confederate flag and I honestly get that. It's a call back to the KKK and racism lynchings and slavery and everything. I also understand that Nazi imagery is insulting and scary to Jewish people. I don't believe in censoring freedom of speech. I would love to see this imagery put away and into a museum and it would really only take people being mature and just taking down their flags in respect to Jewish people and POC which I feel it's never going to happen unfortunately unless we censor imagery and criminalize it's use which seems itself like a slippery slope into fascism so I'm real confused right now on this lol. Plus censoring Nazi imagery prevents its use in criticizing our government when it begins acting like literal Nazis but I also feel like MAGA hats and thin blue line flags more than do the trick as imagery similar to nazism without needing to use Nazi imagery to call them out. We can just go "MAGA hat is bad and is fascism" and its true.

This is a tough subject that I want to be informed about.

Btw if there are typos, I'll fix them later if I can. This is my first post and it's 3am and I'm not rereading anything right now!

Ty for reading!