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#the real way to solve the problem is to shut these guys down. especially other men. a simple “dude what the fuck did you just say?”
trans-estinien · 6 days
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i gotta actually start cooking this paper i am imagining on how demonizing masculinity makes it harder to achieve equal rights but i dont think the internet is ready for that conversation yet
#i still stand by what i said the other day. women should be allowed to exist in gaming spaces without fear of harassment.#anyone should be allowed to exist in their hobby without being harassed for their gender.#but im getting real tired of people immediately turning around and hating all men for just. existing#yes! men should be held accountable for their actions!#but we also have to address the issue that makes them think its okay do be like that in the first place.#and we also have to be aware that hostility towards eachother only serves to make everything worse!!#because it alienates the men around you and just pushes them harder into their bad behaviour#i know this is the internet and everyone gets flayed alive here but god im. so exhausted#and like. if you saw a guy going “i hate all women” hed clearly be misogynist. like what the fuck are these double standards#and i know its because of the entire human history of men having all the power but.#hot take. i really think being mean to eachother on the internet just makes it worse.#nobody (including myself) is actually helping to solve the problem by ranting and raving on the internet#the real way to solve the problem is to shut these guys down. especially other men. a simple “dude what the fuck did you just say?”#works wonders#and also parents! really need to step up and teach their boys that this behavior is not okay! and to treat everyone with kindness#that is how you solve this problem#dont be a bystander and parent your fucking children#thank you for coming to my ted talk im going to go explode now#<<< his ass gets anxious whenever he expresses his own opinion that doesnt align with the general opinion on things#but. im not surprised im the guy who wrote an essay on mens mental health in grade eleven#toxic masculinity hurts everyone. regular masculinity does not.
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compacflt · 11 months
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Hi, big fan of your fics. I've just found your Tumblr and binged everything Icemav-related. When reading about Icemav's political beliefs, I've gotten curious. Does Bradley share the same political beliefs as Ice (and Mav)? Does being raised by them or them pulling his papers influence how he votes? Or there are other factors in the play (e.g. generations, social media)? How about Jake and the other Daggers? How does this young generation of the Navy perceive politics (elections, gender, etc.)? My apologies for bombarding you with questions. But as a non-American, American politics have always been something we must pay attention to. I've seen many interesting interpretations on Tumblr but it feels more or less wistful than realistic, but I might be wrong (again not an American) so I would love to see your perspective on this. Thank you.
a good politics roundup post before i leave this blog
icemav & their conservatism: here, here, here
ice’s NECESSARY conservatism as commander of the pacific fleet (i.e. officers who are most likely to get promoted to the highest ranks do NOT break the service line when it comes to domestic politics, so by necessity ice would’ve had to keep his mouth shut, he Cannot be both a four-star and a revolutionary, like he just can’t; and being a revolutionary is otherwise antithetical to his character anyway): here, here.
and the original “ice & mav politics post” which is being updated here: here
I’ve gone back and forth on everyones politics over the last year of me being involved with these characters, but let me just tell you where I’ve ended up headcanoning them politically, if ur interested
ice: reagan democrat. “educated moderate” who was more right-leaning pre-9/11. now just a regular ol liberal (did you SEE those gay little round glasses in tgm? no way this guy isn’t a straight-up lib) with absolutely no strong feelings about most domestic politics besides “fascism bad”. Has some foreign policy opinions that areeeee questionable at best, like all members of the military elite (hangman voice: DO NOT ASK ICEMAN ABOUT CHINA. WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE). foreign policy neoliberal favoring the dovish side of the spectrum. A force conservator (“let’s save our military assets [read: my boyfriend maverick 🥺] for when we really need them, not for any old conflict. the deterring specter of the American war machine should outweigh the risk of underperforming”). He’s in favor of marriage equality of course, but treats it like a privilege and not a right. would be sad/upset if it got repealed but wouldn’t necessarily fight for it. “well at least my marriage will always be legal in california so i just won’t leave, problem solved.” Normie median Biden voter.
mav: political wildcard tbh. original 1986 mav is DEFINITELY right-leaning (i think i’ve written elsewhere, “he fully believes bill clinton is an affront to god”). i get young republican vibes from him. Full on patriotic (but dispassionate) 1980s reaganite anti-commie neoconservative. but after the 2010s i am very confused tbh. Tom cruise’s political aura is an insanely confusing one. idk. No matter what, Mav has some Hot Takes that a.) can immediately be shot down by ice using Facts and Logic at any time and b.) are not strictly partisan. He’s registered democrat just to support marriage equality (his marriage is his top priority but he doesn’t care about Other gays’ marriages, only his own), doesn’t care about any of the party’s other lines. Votes however ice tells him to. I get real “kind clueless libertarian” vibes from 2022 maverick tbh. Especially with the “isolating himself in a hangar in the middle of the mojave desert.” that has a political connotation to it for sure. bro just does whatever he wants out there
also, ice & mav live in San Diego, which… while in blue/democrat leaning California…is famously a bastion of right-wingers & has a hitler particle level off the charts… (sorry its not my favorite place in the world). That’s why they’re both continually so disgusted by San Francisco (a metonym for effete liberal homosexuality). Theyre from San Diego, hatred of SF & liberal SF politics is kinda par for the course down there.
Bradley: as u will see in the extras i definitely hc Bradley as an activist, but because he’s… in the navy and also like in his 30s… It’s not college campus activism, it’s just “things all of us in the left wing can agree upon” activism. so, like, BLM or pride, etc. He’s an “in this house we believe” yard sign liberal. He is 38 years old. hes a solid millennial so not politically hip with the kids (me)
Bradley & ice/mav disagree on the VISIBILITY of politics. Ice & mav, who did live through the vietnam era draft/near-dissolution of American society in the 60s and 70s, are not in favor of possibly losing their job/honor they have fought and killed for, for the sake of a political statement. And they believe their relationship IS a political statement, whereas Bradley would rather encourage them to treat their relationship like, I don’t know, a relationship that has a right to exist independent of politics!
Jake and the other daggers: idk. i don’t really give a shit about the daggers sorry. They r blank slates 2 me. jake especially is canonically frat-boy sexist in a way that gives me the heebs, much like original 1986 maverick and ice. But the navy tends to be the most left-wing (or thought of as left wing in common thought) service of the military, if that helps. But it is also the most traditional service of the military, and by traditional I mean BRITISH!!!! 🇬🇧💂there’s so much pomp and circumstance and hoity-toitiness that comes from the navy’s origins in the Royal Navy. A lot of sticking to outdated tradition in the very fabric of the navy itself, while the navy’s enlisted demographics shift younger and more left-wing/“revolutionary…” some interesting conflicts there. Like that one sailor who got blasted by multiple congressmen on social media for (with permission!) reading a poem about their queer identity on the USS Gerald ford’s intercom a few months back, if I remember correctly. Hoo boy the Takes that day were wild. Younger Americans tend to be more liberal but YMMV with officers, who are by nature trying to uphold outdated traditions of the navy for the sake of keeping the navy a unified service
i am of course writing carole as a christian republican who has gay friends and a gay kid not by choice but by the Grace of God
#i realize some terminology in this post is so hyperamericanspecific that you may need to Google it#like the in this house we believe yard sign#it’s… like… i can’t even describe it. it’s a kind of well meaning liberal who can sometimes be a little cringe.#and Reagan democrats (which ice is) are a whole political subgroup in and of themselves#maybe not Reagan democrat but like conservadem? but no that’s different too#blue dog democrat? but not sure he’s that conservative#THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY HAS BECOME SUCH A BIG TENT POST TRUMP THERE ARE 50.000 TYPES OF DEMOCRAT YOU CAN BE#san francisco as a metonym for effete liberal homosexuality of course (it’s where im from 😎😎)#it’s a ten hour drive from SF to San diego like they might as well be different countries. san diego secede from the US when 🙏🏽#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#top gun#icemav#top gun maverick#jake hangman seresin#bradley rooster bradshaw#normie median biden voter ice#the navy is liberalizing but veeeeery slowly#most of the conservative pressure ive seen towards the navy is external! policymakers & budget drafters etc#the navy is very liberal BUT that makes it a laughingstock among conservatives!#so a desire from higher-ups to push the Navy more conservative to be taken seriously…is kinda understandable#when being taken seriously means more ships more capability more money etc#instead of GOP culture-war-pilled pennypinchers going ‘hey why are we givin the gay service so much money’#take this post with a grain of salt. i have never been old enough to vote in a federal election.
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kirbsto · 2 years
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Psych!Au brain worm still going strong.
Loosely thinking about Steve as Shawn, Robin as Gus, Hopper as Lassie, Nancy as Jules, and Eddie as a kinda weird version of Pierre Despereaux.
Steve and Robin growing up together, not really friends but they lived close enough to mess around the neighborhood. Robin being very book smart and thinking things through logically but eccentrically while Steves left with a photographic/eidetic memory but hating it because he doesn’t know what to Do with it and his parents would act like everything was always so easy for him.
Steve never really figuring out what he actually wants to do with his life because he resented his awareness and doesn’t particularly lean into it, especially before he moved out. His dad’s a lawyer and really tried to shove Steve into that box because “if your not gonna use that brain of yours for something useful you might as well not use it at all.” It just caused problems and yeah, maybe he had a phase where he was cocky about it but he never found it /fun/.
It was a show and tell sort of talent, repeating shit back to people verbatim because he thought it was funny. Using people’s words against them when he was at his meanest. Then he started actually hanging out with Robin after a particularly rude comment ended with him on his ass and a black eye. They just fit together well and work together well and she tries to show him he’s more than that. So they all but shake hands and start working weird ass jobs together just to have fun and shoot shit.
Robin ends up landing an Actual Real Person job at a library, something she can use her degree towards. Steve feeling kinda left behind even though they see each other basically every day. Messing around with detective Hopper at the station, calling in tips, solving shit because it’s hilarious. Hopper doesn’t like him but that’s ok because Steve doesn’t like Hopper either and it makes him laugh.
Steve calls in a tip that’s maybe a bit too on the nose and gets called down to the station. He feels a bit silly that day and just plays it up, laughs at them because “bro it’s obvious, just look at that guy- he’s shaking in his boots.” But Hopper had busted him for throwing parties and speeding a lot as a kid. It feels weirdly personal and aggressive when he slaps on the cuffs, so Steve improvises.
He starts shooting off random shit he noticed throughout the station and before he can catch up with his brain he’s telling everyone he’s a fucking Psychic. Which. Okay. Not his best little plot. But it’s Working because Chief Byers is eyeing him with curiosity and Hopper is death gripping his chair and the new hire, Nancy, is laughing into her hand.
So yeah… that’s how he finds himself yelling for Robin at her job while she’s frantically telling him to “SHUT the FUCK UP Steve we’re in a fucking Library!! What do you Mean you conned the police station into believing you Commune with the Dead????”
So Now Robin is roped in and she has a Blatant crush on the new girl who’s actually really stoic and Scary but Robin is good at getting people to have fun.
And there’s this Guy who’s way too fucking good at committing the perfect crime and it’s like Steve found his Arch Nemesis which is Crazy and Stupid and Absolutely not a complete and utter Turn On. His name is ~Eddie~ and he’s always got to get the last word in but he has this glimmer in his eyes when Steve gets pitted up against him.
It’s awesome and he’s having fun for the first time ever at a job that’s not just minimum wage and insufferable hours. He’s enjoying it and yeah maybe he gets caught up in the lie but he has a weird tentative family at this station that he hasn’t really felt in a while, for fucks sake Hopper is warming up to him even though he’ll deny it to his final breath.
He just has to… lie a lot. Unless he wants to get arrested by the same people who took him in.
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reborrowing · 1 year
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I don't usually write gt pet stuff because it's such a pain to get something compelling and believable that still has room for characters and plot, but there is a worldbuilding variant of it I keep kinda idly chewing on.
obvious content warning for pet trope discussion under cut
Basically "pets" were sold at some point in the recent past, marketed as somewhere between a toy and a pet and branded as an ingenious, but artificial, development. There's some initial backlash but overall, tinies are branded as especially convincing mimics by a family-oriented company that has an upstanding reputation. The “pets” catch on as a fad and a good chunk of the population has or wants one.
Over a couple of decades, it gets fairly normalized until it eventually comes out that no, the backlash was entirely warranted, these are absolutely, unquestioningly people, not clever simulacra. They were shrunk down by whatever HandwaveTech and sold off after conditioning. Public outcry continues to build, the involved companies are investigated and ultimately shut down. It takes longer to set up any real protections or entirely outlaw the process.
But more than that, there's no real way to find and reach out to victims on a large scale. A good number of them were initially sold as toys, there's no paper trails, and there’s no definite estimate as to how many are out there. Awareness campaigns and advocacy organizations crop up to help ex-pets escape or to provide shelter, but (especially before everyone had multiple phones/computers perpetually hooked up to the internet) it isn’t too difficult to keep a tiny in the dark about what happens beyond your property line. Once the issue has had its five minutes of fame, aid programs quietly fizzle. Anyone involved essentially gets to deal with it on their own.
So you end up with the usual g/t problems from being out of scale and unequal and can grab at the trauma and uncertain personhood from pet trope but it’s not quite as straightforward as victimized pet-race, oppressive giants, and protagonist-coded rebels. You can get younger tinies who've lived their whole lives free and tinies who have seen the horrors of what people will do to someone who can't fight back and tinies who've "gotten over it" and are good taxpaying citizens who absolutely refuse to talk about it and tinies that still believe their best bet is to find a caring not-owner-because-that's-illegal-now, who've only ever experienced kind dehumanization and can't fathom surviving any other way.
You can skip over good-aligned humans reasonably encountering tinies for the first time and going “oh my godddddd it never occurred to me that the tiny people-looking things might be tiny people, it’s time to do a 180 and become a white knight about this.” To an outsider, the problem’s already been outlawed and solved and they shouldn’t have to think about this tragic thing that happened, past tense. You can have mixed-size groups of activists without humans in the group Rejecting Societal Norms and getting stuck with samey character traits. There’s still space for characters who are ambivalent or fine with the idea of pets without coming across as off-the-wall evil because 20 years ago it was normalized and they never questioned it. In-universe, it would be more like an old guy being unapologetically sexist: unacceptable, but not entirely unexpected.
idk just like. Reflects some gray areas a little better than "collective humanity saw little guys and put them in cages and no one thought that was fucking weird until you, random nice guy protagonist" which is something I feel like I see a lot of.
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again-please · 10 months
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Ooh I'll bite on the 500 word DVD commentary! My all time fav scene in the Mercurial world series:
 
Neve lets her mind’s eye fill with a particular image: Astarion in the daylight, bowing cheekily and brushing himself off from their tussle moments after they’d first met, slick and debonair even fresh from the wreckage of the Mindflayer ship. Then, hardly knowing how she even knows she can do this, she pushes it at him.
 
"What are you—" he murmurs, and then abruptly cuts himself off with a gasp.
 
It must be working, as his eyes have gone wide as saucers, fixed not on her face but somewhere just beyond. Focusing, she conjures another memory: Astarion’s pale features cast in jewel-blue, looking down at her in the moonlight, the merry glow of the tiefling party in the distance behind him as he takes her chin in his hand. I’ll take good care of you, he promises, with one of those dangerous, glinting smiles that tilts up on one side, looking for all the world like he’s going to kiss her again.
 
"I—You—" Astarion chokes, sounding almost pained. All at once the effort to keep it going is too much, and Neve relinquishes the connection between their tadpoles, pressing one hand to her forehead and gripping the side of the tub with the other, suddenly a little weak.
 
"Did it work?" she asks, blinking rapidly, trying to regain herself. "Did you see?"
 
"Yes," Astarion gasps, surging forward and seizing her upper arms desperately—which is quite welcome, as she suddenly feels that she could use the support. His eyes are wild as they search her face, his mouth looking as though it’s trying to form words until he finally manages some.
 
"Insane, brilliant little witch," Astarion snarls, almost like he’s angry about it—furious, even. But then he kisses her. Hard.
 
Neve almost yelps, finding herself being abruptly pulled into his naked lap, water splashing over the sides of the tub at his erratic movement. He releases her upper arms to help arrange her legs around his hips, still ravaging her mouth, and she tries to steady herself on his chest, her head now swimming for two reasons. She smooths her hands over his wet skin, and to her surprise, he hums into her mouth and slows the pace of his kiss, as if the touch soothed something in him. His hand trails up her back and threads into her hair as it cups the back of her head, his usually cool skin warmed by the water. Goosebumps erupt in the wake of his touch, so intense that she shivers.
 
Astarion finally pulls away at that, but he doesn’t go far. He rests his forehead against hers, eyes still shut tightly, as though he’s afraid to look at her in the aftermath of that reaction.
 
"Liked yourself that much?" she jokes nervously.
 
"Do you have the slightest idea?" he murmurs, voice ragged, not playing along. "The slightest notion of what you’ve given me? Two hundred years—two hundred—and I finally have my face back. It’s not just…just some dark shape in my past
Ty for biting! (...a common sentiment on this blog I fear)
This is a moment I can actually trace my exact inspiration for because I can remember the friggin DAY I got the "tell me I'm beautiful" mirror scene in early access and I was simply screaming at the computer screen because WE HAVE A PSYCHIC CONNECTION GOD DAMN IT LET ME SHOW HIM HIS FACE. Especially because many of the tadpole-connection meet-cute narrations explicitly say you're seeing out of the other character's eyes! And if memory serves this was the first? one of the first? Astarion cutscenes to drop in EA where he seemed legitimately vulnerable for a moment, which was a very important nugget for us Astarionmancers because around this time I think there was talk about how he was just an asshole no matter what and that there was obviously ONLY a Bad Evil Ending in store for him.
I think this is Neve at some of her best "you guys are making this way too complicated" problem-solving. She is definitely a Scholar and a Wizard, but I think the real beauty of her character and her situation is that she doesn't come from any kind of remotely respectable academic background, as we'll start to explore more, and so she comes at problems a lot more humbly and practically than might be thought to be common for wizards. She is the Good-Will-Hunting-working-class-local-library wizard to Gale's Harvard-Educated wizard (except in this scenario she's the one still on the hook for an exorbitant amount of money...RIP her credit score).
A fundamental Astarion/Neve dynamic is definitely his "mask" of suaveness that he never wants to drop (unstoppable force) vs Neve being almost legitimately incapable of not being herself (immovable object). In this scene, immovable object DEFINITELY wins.
The "jewel-blue moonlight" image of Astarion she recalls scene is from chapter 2 of A Little Further, and I come back to this moment a lot because, in spite of where Astarion is at that point in time (aka, still foolishly thinking he's just having a bit of fun for his own benefit), that's a moment Neve feels swept off her feet for the first time in a way she was really afraid that she would die without experiencing. And a part of her knows he's being Way Too Smooth there, but she also thinks that's something he'd like to see—the time it was all working for him, the time he was so perfect that even a self-conscious skeptic like her couldn't say no to him
This scene also becomes extremely important when we examine what she shares with him later from Astarion's POV—she didn't just send images through the tadpole connection, but the feelings she was feeling in those moments. And while he doesn't literally hear the words "I love you," in her mind or anything, I think it kind of ruins him forever to feel that sheer BLAST of genuine attraction and care and affection direct from the source. Sometimes I'm like, did he fall in love too fast? But honestly, it's kind of no surprise he's done for after this point. Psychic connections are cheat codes.
I just checked—this is also the first time I have Astarion call her "witch/little witch." I think this would kind of irk Neve if he ever said it in front of anyone else (because she is a WIZARD god damn it) but he gets away with it because this is...a name that absolutely does NOT get said aloud outside the bedroom.
DVD commentary ask game if you want to bite as well!
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ceruleanchillin · 3 years
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When You're At The Function F***in It UP And Your Man Walks In (Mayans)
Warnings: Implied sexual content, language, fighting
Characters: Angel, Coco, & EZ
A:
You’re on thin ice as it is sis. The little forest-green dress with the the deep plunge front and slit sides, the one that ended up purchased after your friends hyped you into it. That’s supposed to be in the trash according to one Angel Reyes. That, or reserved for private nights in.
Currently, it was wrapped around your form, helping you grab envious/admiring glances from around the room.
Your hips twisted to the layered bass, using the random behind you for stability. Your friend next to you cheered you on, her inner hype man on full display. There’s a breakdown in the song, and you lose yourself in the rhythm. Suddenly, you hear a familiar voice telling you “Superstar mama, say hi for the gram!”.
Your eyes zone in on Gilly, eyes wide. Everyone knew the Mayans rolled deep when they went anywhere. Where there was one, there was the rest. Especially when it came to the three musketeers and their wrangler, EZ.
Like you were busted sneaking back into your room as a teen, you froze. You narrowed your eyes at your friend who shrugged and mouthed sorry before disappearing.
“Gilly fuck off!” You hissed, moving away from the random. Your eyes scanning the crowded den.
Gilly laughed, tucking his phone into his kutte. “Ayy, don’t get mad at me,” he fluttered his eyelashes and fake coughed into his hand. “I don’t feel so good baby, I’m just gonna stay in tonight.”
You narrowed your eyes at his high-pitched mimicry of your last conversation with Angel.
He wasn’t even supposed to be there. Your friend swore she nixed all Mayan related invites, just for that night, on your behalf. All you wanted was to be able to turn up like you did pre-relationship. Normally you could at clubhouse parties since Angel trusted everyone there with his life. Any party outside of that was a gamble, and Angel could referee like he got a check for it.
Your eyes finally met said man’s across the party and a chill and went down your spine. Angel was propped against the wall across the way, eyes on you.
The rest of party fell away as you made your way over to him, schooling your features into your ‘what did I do daddy?’ pout.
“Nah, don’t come over with that lip poking now.” He shook his head, speaking when you were in range of him.
“And what are you doing wearing this fucking pillowcase out here? What did we talk about?” He pinched the thin strings of your dress.
“Nooo, don’t be mad. I was walking through my closet and it fell on me. Besides, you liked it when I modeled it for you.”
Angel scoffed, refusing to even entertain your comments. Coco chuckled from his spot next to his friend as he lit a cigarette.
“I thought you had club shit, I didn’t even know you’d be here.” You cringed as soon as the words left your lips, the shots you’d taken earlier still putting in work.
“I didn’t know you’d be here either. I thought you were sick. There’s some soup in the car that thought it was getting dropped off. Apparently wrong thoughts is the theme of the night.”
Petty by Angel Reyes.
“Soup? Baby, that’s so sweet.” You tried to pet his cheeks, but he was keeping you at bay.
“You aren’t even sick! Imma give that shit to Gilly.”
“Nooo.” You whined again, still trying to get him to let you touch him in some way.
“Get that bitch you were dancing with to buy you soup.” It was his turn to pout, but there was fire in his eyes as he tracked the guy you’d been dancing with. “It’s all he’s gonna be able to fucking eat in a minute anyways.”
“Sorry I blew up your spot ma, I just wanted to see my plug and get out.” Coco opened the palm of his hand not holding the cigarette and revealed a small bag of weed.
Angel snapped his head towards him, expression incredulous. “Don’t apologize to her, she lied to her man! She gave some puto hope! Get on code!”
“I love you hermano, but this is your guard dog-ass fault.” He pointedly ignored his friend’s heated glare as a girl in the doorway caught his interest, slipping away when she positively returned his gaze.
Angel’s attention was claimed by you once again when you pulled his head down towards you. You smothered his cheeks in kisses, to which he was physically unresponsive.
“I don’t know if I want you kissing on me querida.”
You rolled your eyes. Petty or not, everyone knew Angel’s life force depleted the longer he went without touching you. Even in your tipsy state you could see his fingers literally twitched with the need to take their rightful place on your hips.
“I just wanted to dance like I used to, and you don’t dance. Then you beat down guys who want to. You left me no choice, so let me have kisses.” You locked your arms around his waist, successfully avoiding his half-hearted attempts to push you away.
He scrunched up his face. “How the fuck am I catching strays in this situation? I’m the victim!”
“I’ll make it up to you later if you stop being a hatin’ wallflower and let me grind on you.” Your hips found the rhythm of the slow wind song thumping through the room.
His hands encircled your throat, drawing you closer to his person. Your pupils blew at his darkened expression, your lower half squirming with interest. He pressed his lips to yours, and the party faded to nothing again. His fingers flexed around your throat before closing just enough for him to draw the subtlest gasp from you. He felt it more than heard it over the noise, but it was enough.
He pulled away, licking his lips as you tried to remember where you were and if sin always tasted so good.
“You’ll make it up to me right now in the traitor’s car.” he held up keys you recognized to be Coco’s.
You started to protest on principle, but your body was going through withdrawals from a lite touch (for Angel). He could see the wheels turning, but you were letting him lead you out of the room, palm openly covering your ass.
“Who are you texting?” You asked, more annoyed with how his hands were no longer possessively roaming your body than a real answer.
He quickly pocketed his phone and returned his hands to you. “No one baby.” definitely not telling his boys via group chat to handle the random for him. “Stop worrying about anything other than how you’re gonna get around at work tomorrow.”
--------
C:
It was bad enough you couldn’t make it to New Orleans due to work, and Old Lady “responsibilities”, but this petty fight you were in with Coco was the kicker. You couldn’t even remember how it started, but it escalated back and forth until you weren’t speaking and were back staying at your apartment.
Poor Letty had been reduced to messenger girl, especially now that she had a car. A tug of war with your point being “she was my girl first, that’s how we met” and his point being “she’s my kid, blood first ma” had broken out. You didn’t know what was going to wear through its welcome first, your lack of Coco, or Letty’s patience, but they were competing. It wasn’t like Coco was doing any better if your daily updates from Letty were any indication. He was impatient, tense, chain smoking, and was getting closer and closer to going through with the apology call he was openly fighting.
It wouldn’t be long before you were back to getting your back arched out of shape if that was anything to go by. Not a moment too soon if your own miserable habits were anything to go by. You wanted to use the party to distract yourself, hoping Coco would break first the following day. If not, it was sure to be you.
You spent the whole day throwing your frustrations into decorating your best friend’s backyard. It looked like the French Quarter threw up its best years, but it was the perfect backdrop to lose yourself to some bounce music.
Normally, you could goad Coco into being your twerking post, and that resistance (plus his turned on bi-lingual hypeman compliments in your ear) was everything missing at the moment.
You pouted and weaved your way out of the crowd to your friend who was busy playing good hostess.
“Ah ah, no whining. If you wanna really make it Mardi Gras, shake your ass on a dude.”
You narrowed your eyes, annoyed she shut down and solved your problem before you could whine about it. “Coco hates that shit! Plus he’s spoiled me, it won’t even be the same.”
“Coco isn’t here, and it doesn’t have to be the same, it just has to do.” She turned away from where she’d filled two shot glasses for the two of you. “Besides, we both know your ass is gonna be all in his neck crying about how you miss him tomorrow. Do your thing before you go out sad.”
She clinked shot glasses with you, pleased at her accurate assessment and your sourpuss face.
“Fuck you.” You laughed, voice rough from the burn of the shot.
“Save that for Coco.” She smacked your ass, draped one of the many beaded necklaces hanging off her shoulder around your neck, and sent you on your way back to the crowd of writhing bodies.
It was nothing to find dudes to grind on, and you fell into the synergy. You couldn’t count how many fast paced songs you’d thrown it back to, or how many guys you’d danced with. The stack of beads you’d acquired gave some idea though.
Meanwhile, Coco’s skin was alive with the kind of anger he felt. He’d been seriously contemplating coming to your place and forcing out admissions of how his life wasn’t right without you in it. He couldn’t remember who or what started it, but it didn’t even matter when your scent was starting to fade from his pillow, and his touch starvation was acting up.
All of that went careening out the window when he stumbled upon a pouty Letty, huffing and sucking her teeth at her phone. Turns out you, and “everyone in the goddamn world but me” according to Letty, were at your friend’s blowout Mardi Gras party. Coco knew it was your favorite holiday, but it was news to him that you had any plans since you couldn’t officially go this year. News he didn’t welcome at all, since all of the videos he saw you in you were throwing (his) your ass on multiple dudes. Did you think he wouldn’t fight everyone???
He was already on his bike before he’d even registered leaving the house. He sent a quick summoning call in his boy’s group chat, your friend’s address the destination.
The party was louder and wilder than the videos let on. He’d already spotted his boys by their kuttes, mingling in their respective ways, but didn’t seek them out. They’d find him if he needed them to. Coco on the other hand, needed to find you.
His eagle eyes picked apart the crowd until he spotted you twisting yourself to the rhythm. Coco didn’t know whether to shoot the asshole behind you, or take you away to deal with the feelings you were bringing out of him.
You knew he loved when you brought the South to the West Coast with your hips and ass.
He charged into your space, his hands immediately going for the guy’s arm and snatching him towards him.
“Make a choice cabrón. Get the fuck out, or be an expensive bill and sad memory for your moms by morning.” He pressed his kutte to his person, emphasizing that he was strapped.
The guy raised his palms and quickly exited the scene. Unwilling to test what clearly was a warning that Coco would happily make good on.
You tugged on him, trying to get him to move away from the crowd. Scanning those around you to see who saw or heard, you noticed more than you would’ve liked. They wouldn’t make a fuss, noting his kutte, but still.
“Stop it. What are you even doing here?” You hissed, tugging his arm harshly for his attention.
He turned his gaze, wild with adrenaline and arrogance at his victory, on you. “You should’ve stopped yourself before throwing it back on random fuckers for the internet. This is on you.”
“No, this is on you. If you hadn’t done what you did or said what you said…”. You trailed off remembering that you couldn’t recall what had happened, just the frustration.
“What did I say or do (y/n)?” He noted your visible annoyance that he’d chosen to use your real name instead of a pet name, and with a smirk, he walked you backwards until your back gently hit the fence.
Between not recalling what started the fight, and your man looking amazing, you settled on a pathetic. “You remember.”
“No I don’t, and neither do you.” that familiar prickle of intensity sparked between the two of you.
Everything between you and Coco felt like a live wire dancing back and forth. High energy moments usually ended in either great sex, or separation (sometimes by the force of your friends) to let things cool down.
“I know you’re gonna catch a case if you keep moving like that Johnny. Is that what you want?”
“Nah mujer, that ain’t what I want. I want you home where you belong, but you’re out here playing me instead.” Slender fingers tugged sharply at a few of the beaded necklaces in your stack.
You sucked your teeth and turned your head, ignoring the warm cheeks and butterflies in your stomach at his on-brand admission of missing you.
He placed a hand on the fence next to your head, grasping your chin to turn your attention back to him.
“You’re being a drama queen. I thought I was talking to Angel for a second.”
He threw his head back as laughed, and you got an almost overwhelming urge to kiss him. Or at least bury your fingers in his soft curls, they were begging for it at this po-
“Fuck that, he’s still got me beat. Wait til you see the tantrum he’s saving for you for not getting invited tonight.”
“He was, I just told her to can it because of you. He should be mad at you.” You pouted, but your tone was teasing.
“I could put in a good word for you…you know, if you’re done being petty.” He leaned in, running his lips over the shell of your ear.
“Or I could just offer to throw it back on him to make him forget.”
It was your turn to laugh when Coco tensed, and pulled back from where he’d been teasing you with light touches. You didn’t love him no longer touching you, but faltering him made it almost worth it.
“Or you could take me home and we could both forget…” you clutched at his kutte, leaning into him.
He pulled your hands away by your wrists, his thumbs rubbing over your pulse points.
“Nah, if dancing is this fucking important to you, come on then.” He pulled you after him.
“Cocooo,” you whined, more interested in getting him to touch you again. “Take me home already.”
“My lady wants to dance.” He sat on the outdoor wicker couch and patted his lap. “So dance.”
You stood there in confusion for a second, before what he meant became clear. “I’m not doing that here!”
“You didn’t have an issue earlier, move those hips ma.” He looked between you and his lap again.
Could’ve been the way he was biting his lip, or the laid back way he rested against the couch, but that coupled with lack of access to him, had affirmative words running through your mind.
You playfully rolled your eyes, faking like his request was that expensive. “Only because I want to get you home, and I know you’ll never quit whining if I don’t.”
You slipped onto his lap, the action already drawing attention from partygoers just for the potential of what was to come.
He grasped your hips to still you before you started to move, his palm pressing you back to him by your throat. “And don’t half-ass it yeah…or I might do the same when I get you home.”
--------
E:
It wasn’t until Creeper hit his shoulder and informed him of how hard he was smiling that EZ realized his cheeks ached. He couldn’t help it, he loved watching you dance more than anything.
As soon as you heard a melody you liked, you came alive to it, and stole everyone’s attention. You could find the beat on anything.
That wasn’t his sole reason for cheesing so hard though. Tonight had been the first night you brought your closest friends around the club, and he knew it took great trust in him, his brothers, and your relationship to do that. Your family was on the East Coast, so your friends filled that role for you. Coupled with EZ, they were your world and he thanked you everyday for letting him in.
“Gonna stop calling you boy scout if you keep enjoying the show this much.” Creeper took the seat across from him, half blocking his view.
“Oh you didn’t know how EZ gets down?” Angel’s lips formed that mischievous grin, his eyes taking on the same glint. “You should’ve seen him begging me for tales from Angel’s crib.”
“She and her girls look good out there. Might be too much for you junior.”
EZ rolled his eyes at the ribbing from his brothers, his grin still intact. “At some point I’m gonna be patched, I’m happy to make a cage date for that day. Pretty sure I can take both of you.
Creeper and Angel exchanged exaggerated incredulous expressions.
“See what happens when you go easy on the help?” Angel scoffed. “You sound like you’re hurtin’ for work prospect.”
“Could use some more water.” Creeper shook his water bottle at him, just barely missing splashing him.
EZ rose from his seat, empty beer bottle in hand. “Just remember that day is coming.”
Angel and Creeper laughed raucously at that.
“Don’t get your ass beat in front of your woman lil bro!”
EZ shook his head, choosing to ignore his dumbass older brother. and tossed his bottle in the trash. Slipping through the moving bodies until he was near you, he gently patted your friend who nodded and stepped from behind you.
You jumped, surprised at his sudden appearance, but settled back against him.
“Hey baby.” You gently encouraged him to follow the sway of your hips as he placed his head on your shoulder.
“Hey. I’m back on the slave clock, you want anything?”
You turned to him, his arms instinctively encircling your waist. “Hard tea please.”
“I gotta go to the trailer for that, and get the variety hour table over there a drink. I’ll try to be quick.”
“Don’t rush, but remember, you owe me a dance.” You cupped his cheeks and pressed a kiss to his lips.
He grinned goofily, his attention solely yours until he felt your girls draping themselves over him.
“Can you get us some too Zeke? Thanks.” “Preciate it Z.”
You giggled pushing them off him, but you knew he didn’t mind. You guys were a package deal and he’d take whatever you came with. At least their requests came with pleasantries.
“Sure ladies, not a problem. Don’t let anyone take her while I’m gone.”
They laughed, giving affirmative replies while you rolled your eyes pushed him towards the side door.
Once he began his drink fulfillment quest, it was like every brother wanted something from him. It was a full house that night and he should’ve known once he was no longer under Angel’s break protection, he was back to errand boy status.
Every task he completed was met with teasing about how his rushed pace clearly pointed to him wanting to get back to you. He didn’t argue the fact, just moved faster every time you were mentioned.
Finally, he was able to to focus on your request when he stopped being flagged down.
He was heading to the trailer when one of your friends stopped him.
“One of the other charter’s guys is annoying our girl. She doesn’t wanna make a fuss cause’..you know.” She gestured to his vest to signify his prospect status. “But I know she’s not feeling it.”
He could feel the the muscles in his jaw flex in anger, feet carrying him across the crowded yard. People moved before he could plow through them, which was just as well, because he wasn’t fully in control at that point, and didn’t think he could slow down enough to sidestep them.
The clubhouse had filled considerably since his absence. He scanned the room for you, finding you in a crowd of moving bodies. Your friend was right, you had a good poker face, but your man knew you.
He didn’t waste time physically separating you from the Yuma patch member. He gently put you behind his person, feeling your small hands press against his back through his vest.
“I’m good baby. He agreed this was the last dance.” Your voice belied your annoyance despite your words.
“I’m guessing he said that more than once.”
“I don’t mind, I know clu-“
Yuma interrupted you. “See, she doesn’t mind. Go find something to do with yourself prospect.”
“I’ve got a project in mind.” EZ pushed you back a little more to give himself room to work with.
“Be smart bare vest.” Yuma smirked, his eyes saying how much he’d love for EZ to make the mistake he was thinking about.
In the span of the next few seconds, Yuma’s vest and shirt was covered in beer and Coco had appeared at the same time. If the obvious way he was holding the bottle didn’t give away he did it on purpose, his dry “my bad” and shrug did.
Yuma swung on Coco who anticipated it and dodged it, before firing back with a successful punch of his own. A sea of Mayans of mixed charter filled the space and EZ quickly pushed you behind the bar before he lost you in the shuffle.
Understanding what Coco had done, he got in the middle to give the Yuma patch what he’d been asking for while he was covered by the chaos.
It didn’t last long before the presidents stepped in, but it didn’t have to. He was happy to take the few licks he’d received, because he was pretty sure he’d broken Yuma patch’s nose, and would get away with it.
His brother’s words against theirs, and the presidents didn’t feel the need to make it a drawn out issue. He pretended to have played bouncer instead of active participant, and it all ended with a basic chewing out.
His only thoughts were of you once his rage had subsided, and he could think clearly again. Had he scared off you and your friends? Embarrassed you?
He was happy to find that hadn’t. Your friends couldn’t help but fawn over him and how “perfect for you” he was. He especially enjoyed reveling in the jealousy of Coco, Angel, Gilly, and Creeper. Coco slightly less salty when he got praise for his efforts.
He got his admiration from you later when you patched him up in the trailer, soft voice telling him how sexy he looked to you, and how you appreciated him thinking of you in his position. You held his face and gently went over everything you could find, while he said on his makeshift bed content to let you.
He couldn’t stop grinning, the one that always got him mercilessly mocked because it was now associated with him thinking of you.
“Seriously EZ,” you dabbed at the final cut you hadn’t attended to. “Thank you.”
“I want you to feel safe with me, it’s only fair if you can accept all this shit.”
You grinned down at him, hair framing your face, and he had to remind himself to breathe at the sight. “I do, all the time.”
He cupped the side of your face, unwilling to fight the urge to kiss you any longer.
You laughed speaking between kisses. “I’m not done.”
“It’s ok, I’m good.” He chased your lips, unashamed to want you so badly.
“Ok,” you returned his kisses, your fingers dancing down the nape of his neck. “But I’d like to cash in that dance you owe me…you know, before we get too busy.”
He rose to full height, hands finding both of yours. “I can do that.”
AN:
I don’t speak Spanish, so if I made a mistake feel free to hop in my messages and let me know and how to fix it please. You’re more than welcome to.
1.) I remember seeing a meme vid about this years ago, and finding it hilarious. I could see this happening with these dudes and their personalities. That, and I just really wanted a lil southern culture in a Mayans drabble. 🤷🏾‍♀️
2.) I did a rewatch of the whole series (including the original), and I’m back on the obsession train. Just tryna to be happy before S4 kicks my shit in.
3.) I kept telling myself I wouldn’t end up writing for these fools and here I am in my Ringling Bros. best🤡.
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marauderundercover · 3 years
Text
Taking Chances Chapter 6: Let’s Play a Game (Overprotection)
Prev
AO3
Marinette ended up not staying for dinner. She talked to Bruce for a little bit, but he had to leave for some WE emergency and Marinette wasn’t really up to bonding with the boys- her brothers- yet. But that was fine. It wasn’t like she was desperate to get to know the man and wouldn’t be able to after this trip because she had to stay in Paris because of Hawkmoth. No, she wasn’t upset. Not at all. It didn’t hurt her feelings. Nope.
---
Walking into Madame Soleil's Wax Museum with Adrien by her side, Marinette is hit with a major wave of deja vu. And not a good deja vu. No, the memories of the last time she was in a wax museum with Adrien were awful, humiliating and- feeling a hand wrap around hers pulls her from her spiraling thoughts. Glancing down, Marinette tries (and fails) to hide her grin. Adrien is holding her hand. Adrien is holding her hand!
“Hey Marinette!” A familiar voice calls, a hand squeezing her shoulder, making Marinette squeal and whirl around.
“Dick? What are you doing here?” She asks, frowning at the boy- her brother- as he stands there with a huge smile.
“Well I heard that a new wax figure is being revealed today, and I thought I might come and see it.” He says with a nonchalant shrug.
“Really? Who?” Adrien asks. Dick’s smile twitches slightly as he glances at Marinette, making her frown. Was he seriously about to play the overprotective big brother card? Really?
“Jagged Stone.” Dick finally says, glancing at their entwined hands. Marinette tries hard not to roll her eyes. Come on, her crush is finally holding her hand and her brother (who she’s known for a day!) is seriously trying to ruin that for her?
“Oh cool! Do you think he’ll come to Gotham to see it, Mari?” Adrien asks.
“I think he’s definitely scheduled to make an appearance in Gotham in the next couple days. He’s picking up his new suit in person.” She whispers, grinning at the idea of seeing her “Uncle” in person again. He’d been touring for several months and she hadn’t been able to see him for awhile, just the occasional video call.
“So! What figures did you guys want to check out first?” Dick asks, wedging himself between the two and forcing Adrien to drop her hand. Glaring at her brother, Marinette scoffs when Dick just smiles innocently.
“The hall of heroes and villains sounds cool.” Adrien suggests, looking around Dick to see Marinette.
“Hmm. Okay, but if the Nightwing figure is in his disco costume, I reserve the right to melt the statue.” She says, frowning at the choked noise Dick makes. “Are you okay?” She adds.
“Oh, uh, yeah, yeah I’m fine. What’s 1so bad about that costume?” He asks, a hurt expression on his face.
“Have you even seen it? The only worse costume is Riddler’s.” Marinette says, adding a shudder for dramatic effect. Walking past the local celebrities room and the pop stars room, Marinette’s eyes widen as their small group walks into the hall of heroes and villains. Walking away from Dick and Adrien, she’s almost instantly drawn to the Batman figure. She reads the little plaque about the artist and frowns, turning to Dick who had moved to stand next to her.
“I thought it’d be taller.” She says, scrunching her eyebrows in confusion when Dick starts choking on air, gasping for breath as broken chuckles flood out of him. “Ookay then.” She mutters, turning and walking back towards the villains. Nightwing was, luckily, depicted in his most recent costume. As was Robin. Which meant the only real fashion tragedy (besides the god awful helmet Red Hood wore) was the Riddler. Pulling her sketchbook out, Marinette circles the wax figure, occasionally making notes and sketching out slight adjustments to the man’s costume.
“His costume might be terrible, but it’s still better than half of the akumas.” Adrien whispers, leaning over her shoulder. Marinette looks up at him, eyes wide as her face heats up with a blush.
“I, uh, um, yes. Yeah.” She says, trying not to wince at her lack of speaking skills. “I mean, at least we can rule out any fashion designer in Paris as Hawkmoth. Because if Hawkmoth was a designer, that’d almost be a bigger crime.” She adds, smiling as Adrien laughs.
“Good to know you’re not moonlighting as Hawkmoth, m’lady.” He says with a mock bow. Marinette snorts, then covers her mouth, embarrassment rushing over her. Adrien just shakes his head, wrapping an arm over her shoulders.
“In case you forgot, we’ve definitely seen each other at our most embarrassing.” He says, making her groan.
“Oh god, no. I tied us up with my yoyo!” She moans, turning and burying her face into his chest so she doesn’t have to look at him anymore. Her face heats up more when she feels him chuckle and wrap his arms around her.
“I’ve always thought that was paw-sitively adorable.” He says, laughing when she groans again. She pulls away slightly, looking up at him with a timid smile. He smiles back, starts to lean forward and-
“Hey guys! I heard they’re about to unveil the Jagged Stone figure. Come on, let’s go! Don’t wanna miss it.” Dick says, grabbing each of their hands and pulling them towards the exist (and successfully separating them again). Marinette tries not to glare at Dick. She’s about to have one less brother.
---
Dick Grayson wasn’t used to having a little sister that he could protect. Sure, he had a little sister. Cas was awesome, but she could also kick his ass without breaking a sweat. No, he’d never had a little sister to protect. Someone he could watch out for and support. But now….now he has Marinette. And he’ll be damned if he lets some little punk take advantage of his little sister. Ignoring Marinette’s glare, he positions himself right between her and...the boy. He’d need to ask Timmy to do a background check on the kid later. Especially if he thought he was good enough for Marinette.
“So are you guys big Jagged fans?” He asks, trying to pull the two back into a conversation. He narrows his eyes at the smile the kid gives Marinette. It’s too...adoring. Too much. She’s only...what, fourteen? Much too young to date. Especially this kid.
“Mari’s a bit of a fan, I think. But, personally, I much prefer Jagged’s designer.” He says, and Dick turns to him, missing the way Marinette’s face turns bright red.
“Are you talking about MDC? I love them! Their work is amazing! And Jagged Stone says that he’ll never have another designer. I heard that there’s a possibility of them opening their commissions again. God, I hope they do. I’d do anything for something made by MDC.” Dick rambles with a wide smile, deciding to ignore the kid for a minute in order to ramble about his favorite designer. As the group walks into the pop star room, Dick steps back and glares at the kid. He’d stepped just behind Dick and was apparently trying to hold Marinette’s hand again. Not on his watch. No siree. No one’s gonna hurt his little sister.
---
Bruce sighs, running his hands through his hair. He’d been checking the street cameras in Paris, trying to figure out what time Ladybug and Chat Noir patrol so that he can set up a meeting. Try and offer help, or maybe even offer to take control of the situation. Anything to get rid of Hawkmoth. But instead, it was like the heroes didn’t exist. He’d read reports of the heroes patrolling before, so why were they so quiet this week? The only akuma from the past couple days wasn’t even taken care of by both of them. Ladybug did it alone, and seemed worse for the wear when she came out of the battle. Where was Chat Noir? And why did it seem as though they had gone into hiding?
---
Marinette was five seconds away from committing her first murder. Okay, probably her only murder, unless her other brothers decide to be as involved in her love life as Dick is. Because Dick won’t have the chance to be a problem for much longer. Because Marinette was honestly going to kill him. Right as she turned to finally yell at him, and tell him to knock it off, the lights flickered. She pauses her tirade, glancing to gauge Dick’s reaction to see if this is normal. And if his worried glances back at her are anything to go by, this is not normal.
“Let’s play a game! Solve my riddles and you all can leave freely, but make a mistake and someone will pay greatly! Take one out and scratch my head, I am now black but once was red. What am I?” A man’s voice asks, Marinette frowning as the Riddler walks in, a wide smile on his face. Ten goons walk in behind him, all of them carrying guns. She was used to the akuma attacks almost every day, but didn’t Gotham’s rogues have anything better to do than attack every place her class went? With guns? Come on. Riddler smirks and points at Adrien with his cane.
“A match.” She blurts out, ignoring Dick frantically shaking his head. If nothing else, she should be able to work with Adrien to get everyone out. But she knew his style. And riddles weren’t really his thing.
“Oh goody. We have a volunteer. Tell me, what has to be broken before you can use it?” Riddler asks, stalking towards her. Thinking for a second, Marinette tries to suppress a smile.
“An egg.” She says. Riddler narrows his eyes.
“I have 13 hearts, but no lungs or stomach. What am I?” He asks, Marinette frowns, running through possible answers in her head.
“A deck of cards.” She finally says.
“Buzzy, come over here and hold onto our friend.” Riddler says, gesturing to one of the goons. The man comes over and grabs Marinette’s arm roughly, she winces. That’ll definitely bruise.
“I answered your riddles.” Marinette says, deciding that now's as good a time as any to start distracting the man.
“And how did you answer them so quickly?” He asks, the frustration clear on his face.
“What do you mean? Were they supposed to be hard?” Marinette taunts, ignoring the choked sound Dick makes behind her. She knew what she was doing. She did. She had to.
“Why you-” Riddler starts, stepping forward and pulling his hand back as if to hit her. Squeezing her eyes shut, Marinette waits for the slap. The slap never comes. Opening her eyes, Marinette’s jaw drops when she sees the Riddler’s fist held tightly in Dick’s hand.
“Don’t. Touch. Her.” He says lowly, a dark look on his face. Well that was unexpected. Riddler opens his mouth, probably to start spouting more riddles or other nonsense, when the goons blocking the exits drop. Noticing Red Robin and Red Hood picking off the other goons, Marinette throws her elbow back into the gut of the goon holding her. Not waiting for him to recover, Marinette stomps his foot and twists out of his grip. Grabbing his arm, Marinette manages to yank the man off balance and toss him to the ground. A hand on her shoulder makes her jump back and prepare to hit the person.
“Whoa, whoa, it’s okay ma’am.” The voice attached to the hand says. Marinette whirls around, ready to tell off the person, but immediately stops when she sees Red Robin.
“Sorry!” She yelps, jumping away from him. And she was too. She was determined to hit the person who grabbed her shoulder, so locked into battle mode, but she had managed to stop herself. Glancing around the room, Marinette notices Dick talking to Red Hood, his usual smile back on his face. That’s good. That’s normal, that’s right. The sudden blaring of the akuma alarm makes Marinette want to scream in frustration. Really, right now? It’s definitely already dark in Paris which means- Chat Noir. Ignoring everyone else, Marinette runs over to Adrien and grabs his hand.
“Akuma?” He asks, his voice low. She nods and tugs him towards the bathrooms, unaware of the eyes following them out.
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tigerdrop · 3 years
Text
in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that
ta-dah
ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11
so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)
basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out
now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME
he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)
the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"
(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)
vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping
jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off
and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away
and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try
(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise
and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him
unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey
now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.
and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.
(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind
so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)
but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this
lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play
but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later
and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not
i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic
it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)
it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.
and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"
and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"
normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff
its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!
i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?
well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro
anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)
“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion
and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so  hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head
gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is
and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair
so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.
and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).
benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog.  he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is
benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful
so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried
point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best
benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.
he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words
hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus
benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher
he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.
gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!
but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.
anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.
for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.
and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.
gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.
the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!
gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.
benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth
and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—
and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.
then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.
once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself
he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.
“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”
“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”
and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—
except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and—
and—
oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.
then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”
“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”
“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”
“im not a bad dog!”
“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”
(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)
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lovee-infected · 4 years
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hi! could i see your insights about ace? i saw a anon say from another blog that kinda has unrealistic expectations in a relationship and it kinda stuck with me. i mean in his ghost marriage he already knows the things he wants in a partner but he didn't show guilt about dumping his girlfriend, even. i think if you date him because he sees these quality in you and as the relationship last, he'll dump you if you get boring to him lol
I never thought that I'd say this but, wow, I'm impressed. I've been really curious about Ace since I get to see a variety of different content with different representations of his personality, so I decided to stick with his canon stories and lines. This analysis was so much fun to write and I'd assure you all that not only Ace but rather all of the first year characters are WAY more than they seem to be! Many just decide to ignore them and pass away, calling them good boys or precious stupid beanies at first.
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Speaking of Ace, we've all seen how trending he's been recently. Many theories, thoughts and new arguments exist through the fandom as many want to get to know this boy better.
Theories like "Ace's betrayal theory" as well have been mentioned a lot lately, some agree and some disagree. While we aren't going to talk about that theory or any other theories in this analysis, I'd like to take time to talk about the reasons why those theories might seem appealing and accurate. In other words, we're going to talk about where they are coming from!
1) Ace is incredibly smart and brave
It's true that characters like Jade or Azul's remarkable genius often stands out as it's clearly visible through their presence in the game, from iconic decisions to stunning strategies. But what we need to realize is how characters like Ace can be just as inspiring while their true intelligence is often shallowed by extras and giving them much of a dumb picture in the game.
To begin with, let us note that Ace's brother himself was one of the considerably strong magicians in Heartslabyul's history and even his presence through the magicshift is still remarkable even though years has passed. As the second child of the family, Ace's change to achieve success is even higher than his brother's as he already has a role model he really looks up to, so in that point Ace isn't one to underestimate. But, let me point that his relationship with his brother also contains lots of jealousy and sometimes negativity. His brother was one to always trick Ace and he continues to do so even nowadays! Ace on the other hand doesn't enjoy being pissed off over and over even as he's used to it. Well, we can say that it's another reason for him to train his hardest and become a greater magician than his brother therefore he won't be the bully material of the Trappola household anymore.
Regardless of how effective his brother might've been on him, Ace himself has shown plenty of strong hints that reveal not only his high IQ but also EQ:
He can solve math problems in second, which is a rather important feature to note because the way you deal with math can directly effect the way you deal with life. Not saying that one has to be great at math to be great at something else but it's rather about the perspective and ability of logical thinking that it gives to one. I'd say that this effect is quite visible if you take a look at the way he speaks in serious situations; he's got much of an analytical brain. Let's not forget that Cater as well confirmed that he's much of a skill stealer, is pretty good at remembering things and is a quick thinker! These are go on to show how much of an underestimated genius he is.
Whenever something goes wrong, Ace would be the first one to notice it even if it's a silly matter. And it always begins with a seemingly childish argument, but ends incrucial matters that not a single soul had noticed before! Just take a look at chapter one, what would've happened if Ace hadn't spoken up? He was just one of the hundreds of students having to be severely punished under Riddle's strict rules and he surely wasn't the first one to go through this. Him taking the urge to fight Riddle sounded stupid and naïve at first, many even told him off because he was just acting like a pissed off child. But as he continued to argue and oppose toward Riddle's way as a leader, even Trey realized how he's been keeping his eye shut on all this problems for so long. The way Ace stood against Trey was iconic, he confidently defended his point not by his personal demands and feelings but with facts and logical comments on why Trey's way of threatening Riddle is wrong. He did the same thing again at he ghost marriage, just think of it! Not a single soul ever cared to tell the bride about true love but Ace was there, and he was the one and only to do this after more than 500 years of the bride's existence! This Ace, this serious and mature face of Ace is something that can surely fascinate anyone. His bravery, the way he puts all that strength through words, hisextremely logical point of view and his enthusiasm to solve the problems no matter how unimportant they seem to be is indeed appreciatble. Seriously though, what would've happened to Riddle is Ace wasn't there? When Ace firstly begun to oppose to him, everyone thought that is was just a childish argument. They had no idea how severe and destructive Riddle's temper issues were and how harmful they were down inside.
2) He's one of the dumbest characters in the whole game
You know what? He is dumb. Yes he's incredibly smart but this isn't going to change the fact that he is dumb as hell, so I'm never going to argue when someone's nagging on how much of an idiot he is. But most importantly, we need to know what's making him so dumb:
His presence through the stories has proved that Ace is eventually pretty good at detecting the main source of problems both on the mental and physical side. He was the first to realize Riddle's issues, Trey's huge mistake with Riddle, Ghost bride's unawareness and Epel's gloomy and sad aura in chapter 4. Ace's also one to easily tell whether what someone is doing is wrong or not, he can see through people and bring their mistakes to their attention. The problem is... he can't be quite the same with himself. That's what makes him awfully dumb.
Back in chapter one, he did have a point about Riddle's way of leadership being so unfair and messed up, but when he decided to challenge Riddle and even take his place as the dorm leader he was a total idiot who didn't how weak and unpractical his own magic was, he was being too dramatic. When he talked about his ex girlfriend, he just talked about how she held him back from doing what he wanted and was too uncool to spend time with, but he didn't mention a single thing about himself doing anything wrong in that relationship. He often fails to realize that he's got his own incompleteness and lacks just like anyone else, or prefers to put an blind eye to them most of the time (not all of the time)
Ace sets the perfect goals, but chooses the wrong path to achieve them. He needs to realize that just like everyone else, he can be sometimes wrong. He should take his time to get to know himself better; his abilities, his attitude, his faults and his mistakes and learn to be more patient and logical in order to achieve his goals. He's still young an inexperienced, by learning to put that brilliance of him into the perfect use he'd be able to become the great magician he wishes to be, and I'd say that in case that he continues to grow stronger and smarter, he'll have a high chance of being hesrtslabyul's next dorm leader!
3) He legit wants to be the "Ace"
This part's more of an attempt to do a name analyis and see how much it's been effective on Ace's personality. It actually makes a lot of snese since the word "Ace" itself has several meanings, and he used these different terms quite a few times in his personal stories. This point would also be explained in part (4) so for now, let's take a look at direct name definitions:
First of, remember what what an Ace is in a card game? "A playing card with a simple spot on it, ranked as the highest card in its suit" This goes on to tell us a lot, it's telling us what an Ace is. A loner yet the most powerful one of its own, just like how Ace wants to be.
Wanting to be an actuall Ace is definitely one of the things that sometimes makes Ace sound so jerky and he's aware of it! If you give it a closer look, you'll see that Ace doesn't really treat his friends like friends, especially with Deuce and Grim. He's often insulting or challenging them, and even during his birthday SSR when MC asked him about what he thinks of each of other first years (Who are basically his closest friends) he mainly criticized them and all, not a single word was said about things he likes about them and he didn't even call any of them his friend!
Well that's much of a jerky attitude to have toward people whom you spend almost all of your time with, especially your best of time.
He to play the role of the bad guy, the type to hang out with everyone without feeling any attached to them as even friends. Seems like our boy is trying to be a loner, a true Ace of cards and hearts. And he doesn't mind his friends calling him a bastard or jerk because of this. It's even confirmed that he's more of the popular guy type therefore he's mainly used to having people around!
On the other hand, he's trying his best to achieve success no matter what the obstacles are. It's true that he often messes up and fails, but we cannot say that he isn't trying. He almost lost his head for real during his SSR story where Riddle's favorite hedgehogs were lost because of Ace's impatience, but at last with the help of monsieur Rook and his own ability to imitate Rook's mole language skills Ace saved his neck one more time, and ended his story with a dramatic "Of course, I always Ace it!"
4) Ace does care, but pretends that he does not
In contrast to the fact that he wants to sound tricky,manipulative and mean, or how he's denying his friends' true worth to him like stated in part (3), Ace is probably one of the most caring and supportive characters in the game. Not saying that he's just as bright as someone like Kalim, but his way of seeing through people and wishing them to be better, wealthier and happier than they already are is surely something. This fact is often ignored because, well...everyone's too busy calling him either dumb or sus/ jk!
Just imagine having a friend or at least, a classmate you know like Ace. How's he supposed to be? He'd realize it when someone's bullying/bothering/ or intentionally harming you, and he isn't going to be silent about it. If you see that you're permanently sad, angry, rude or loud then again he'd speak up, he isn't going to just pull up with anyone's unhealthy habit like nothing's happened. He's got much of a big brain as well so you should expect him to say a bunch of helpful and meaningful stuff when he's using that brain, mainly in serious situations. He may not be a permanently mutual to have around, but when the troubles arrive, know that having Ace around is always an advantage.
To top it off, he's even shown sympathy toward people whom he seemed to like the least at first like Riddle; he wishes Riddle to be happier, to smile more, to be more open about his emotions with other students. At some point he even admits that he looks up to him, he used to overestimate his powers and challenged Riddle, but during the ghost marriage he said that he knows how powerful and strong Riddle is, therefore he should work his hardest to study and train to become strong just like him! He already seems to be more cheerful and bright when MC is talking to him, but when it comes to Grim and Deuce...it gets quite complicated. What we see the most is often Ace insulting them or saying that he's going to kick their asses, but they're also his closest friends all though he refuses to admit to it.
Just wait for Deuce or Grim to get in a serious danger or pain, and see how much of a protective one Ace can be! He isn't going to remain silent when one is in danger, but he's surely going to deny all that effort and affection he gave into action afterwards. When Ace can feel this cautious and understanding toward Riddle, someone who isn't even a friend of his then imagine how supportive and caring he would be toward his close friends like Deuce, MC and Grim!
In his ghost marriage as well, his words and the way he spoke of the meaning of true love left everyone, even Crowley, impressed (Crowley even said that he's fallen in love with this side of Ace's personality), but refused to admit that he was speaking of his true feelings after the ceremony. Someone like Grim is too bold to recognize how much of a different person Ace can be inside, so he claimed that Ace was just rambling nonsense without thinking of what he was saying back then, and Ace agreed with him! This is a continuation to part (3) where we talked about how he wants to be a loner, he doesn't want anyone to see how caring and sometimes, emotional he can be inside! Poor boy is quite shy showing his true feelings we can tell~
5) Ace can be quite tricky and manipulative
This part will also explain some of the main reasons behind famous theories like "Ace's betrayal theory", and I wanted to have a certain part to talk about this point specifically because it's been quite trending through the whole fandom, and many are wondering why theorizers are considering his betrayal a possibility, so here we go!
As said, one of the main factors the makes Ace seem suspicious would be his incredible intelligence. The fact that he can actually be that smart all the time but isn't openly showing his talents and abilities can be quite questionable, more details regarding his intelligence and most likely high IQ and EQ were discussed in part (1)!
Enough with intelligence, let's focus on his personality! This is mainly what this part is talking about, his trickiness. Just like his father and older brother, Ace is pretty good with magic tricks. Small and fun tricks are a convenient yet easy ways to inspire others and Ace doesn't mind showing the crowd what he's got up in sleeve when possible. But the thing is...this isn't just about fancy tricks.
This ability can be expanded into any other field such as mental terms and enable him to indirectly control and play with one's mind. That's more of a possibility though! He hasn't yet shown any signs of being any manipulative but, well, we can't say that it's beyond his abilities. Ace himself can be quite sarcastic and mean at the time, he doesn't seem to mind slightly tricking his friends either. Nothing about him seems to be serious, but the possibilities remain still.
The way he learnt those tricks as well is mentionable; no one ever teached himm any of those tricks, he learnt them through being repeatedly tricked, and learning to copy and redo what he saw. Both Rook and Cater so far have confirmed that Ace's ability to learn so quickly and learn and redo techniques just by watching them is fantastic.
His genius and ability to learn and memorize everything that he needs to learn pretty fast, along side his tricky and sometimes personality can make Ace quite dangerous. If someone like him decides to choose such a remarkable talent for evil purposes, that's surely going to be bad news. That's much and less of what makes Ace's betrayal theory make sense although there're still fans who find it quite questionable. I'm not a supporter of this theory myself as I hadn't seen any signs of Ace having any bad intentions so far, but I do get where the theorizers are coming from and that makes sense. Ace has been trying to put on much of a mean and lowkey evil face on through the story and no one can really say what's exactly going on in that brain. We'll that about this uncertainty in part (7)!
6) His past relationship was...uh
For now, Ace is the only character who is confirmed to have experience in love and relationships, and this was a rather effective factor since many have been talking about Ace's past relationship afterwards. The thing is...Ace did talk about how his girlfriend held him back from having fun and living the life he wanted to live. Well there's actually a lot we should say about this one so I'm not gonna rush to the end, let's think about all of the aspects of this situation logically:
First of, the relationship itself. I'd say that it was a wrong attempt for them to date each other in the first place because obviously, Ace and his girlfriend weren't made for each other. They were total opposites in interests and they couldn't even have fun together. If Ace chose to go on a wild roller coater ride, the girl would've freaked out and when she chose a small, childish ride that she liked Ace instead didn't enjoy it at all. It's surely an issue when you and your partner can't even watch a movie which both of you can enjoy together since their tastes were totally different, just jow was this relationship going to last? Ace wasn't happy, and if he was going to do what made him happy the girl in return would've been sad. They were two different people of two different points, dating at this point was nothing but a mistake.
On the other hand, Ace as well is guilty. First off, she shouldn't have dated the girl in the first place if he was aware of how different her tastes were. Second, from what he said he never showed any signs of dissatisfaction when he had to give up on what he liked to listen to what the girl friend liked. The girl friend obviously told him that she was scared of a horror movie, but Ace just kept his mouth shut and felt awfully annoyed as he watched a romance movie with her while he didn't like it at all. If he'd at least told her girlfriend about this, she wouldn't have felt as injured and cheated when Ace broke up with her. Ace shouldn't have bottled it up, he deserved to enjoy the relationship just as much as the girl did. He shouldn't have expected things to get any better if he wasn't going to solve anything about it in the first place. If he'd talked about his personal desires and favorites as well, and had his uncomfortableness with most of the girl's choices discussed before hand, there could've been a chance of them coming into a conclusion and even not breaking up! The girl could've tried to be braver for him, and Ace could've agreed to be softer because of her. There would've been a HUGE difference if they'd talked about it logically.
Also, keep this in mind that the girl had no idea about Ace's uncomfortableness which was low key naïve of her (It's not cool when you don't even realize that your boyfriend doesn't like something) but this also made him awfully unprepared for a break up! Ace should've st least talked about his feelings and how he was unable to continue that relationship with her instead of just dropping her out of nowhere. That would've also decreased the chance of having to deal with the girl's friends after wards!
Finally, let's say that this relationship was wrong in too many aspects. They weren't each other's type, and we can't really blame Ace for dropping someone whom he couldn't be happy with. The main of being in a relationship is spending time with someone whom you can enjoy your time with. He as well was guilty because he can't just drop the girl like he just didn't care and had gotten tired of her while he had his own reasons for dropping her, he should've let the girl know that it wasn't necessarily her fault, it was about Ace not being able to relate to her tastes and habits.
Also, let's be honest. Not much is expected when a 15 year old is dating. Being in a relationship is an awfully sensitive and important choice and someone like Ace hasn't reached that level of maturity to be ready to date someone, let alone doing it at his 15s! Honestly... they should've learnt a lot before dating each other because it isn't a silly thing. Dating like this is nothing but playing around for a while for fun, it's a childish game of spending some time together until they break up.
For now, Ace is finds love quite silly and meaningless so we can clearly see that his past relationship has pissed him off. Well Ace needs to realize that his relationship with his ex wasn't a serious one, so it's normal for it to seem unimportant and silly. He needs to learn a lot without dating someone again, such as knowing how crucial it is to make sure that his hobbies would match his partners, to make sure tjat they get along, and simply, he needs to find his own type! Not all people are made for each other, and he isn't supposed to fall for anyone with any possible personality that pops up on his way.
Also, I'd say that he still needs to focus on studying instead of dating. He needs to reach the required level of maturity to be ready to start a healthy and successful relationship again. Also, he might end up being totally different from what we've seen about him being in a relationship do far when he grows up! Idealistics do change a lot olin teenagehood.
7) We need to talk about our first years a lot more!!!
This point isn't just about him, but rather all of the first years! If I were to rate the most ignored and shallowed personalities of twst, the first years should've gone on the top of this list. Even when we're speaking of the mischaracterized characters of the game, many consider Ace and Deuce to be the least mischaracterized while they happen to be the most mischaracterized as no one evencares to see through them and feel like we aren't mischaracterizing them just because we're ignoring them! Come on guys, Ace's design and personality is a lot more complicated and harder to read than characters like Vil and even Leona!
Out of all first years Sebek was the only one to get some proper shout outs so far but why isn't anyone talking about Ace and Deuce the way they deserve to be talked about? Their presence through the game is even more important than the dorm leaders as they are the closest characters to MC, and their personality design is just incredible, no just because of how perfectly detailed it is, but also because of giving them this unpredictability and incompleteness which totally matches their age!
Studies have shown that judging one's personality based on how they're doing at the age of 16 or younger is prettyhard and impossible, and it's a totally serious fact. At the age of 16, human's personality is under severe effects and changes until reaching it's final-developed shape. That's accurate toward almost all of the first years except Jack since he seems to have more of a mature personality.
NRC's first years are really complicated, especially a character like Ace. That why I said that we can't yet tell if he's a good guy or not, because at this level of life he can choose to be anything. He can be good, he can be bad, he can be neutral. That's why he's showing too much of opposite actions at the moment. One second he's being the biggest idiot in the whole world, the other second he's planning like a 50 year old genius. One second he's being protective over his friends, the other second he sighs and tells MC how annoying they are.
That's why Ace is hard to read, we can't tell what his true feelings are until he reaches the required mental stability to be judged as a mature and complete personality. 18 year olds like Vil have already reached that level of maturity and completeness, finding their unique magics as well is another sign of it. But our first years still need to learn and experience until they find their real selves, to see who they are.
This is one of the most adorable facts about their design because they really gave him this young and wild and incomplete nature to show that they're still young! This is quite incredible how careful Yana was to remember that they all needed some this childishness in their design, their designs are just as accurate and realistic as a real 16 year old's! They still need to learn, and that's why they're the closest ones to MC.
MC needs to learn and get to see more and more of this world, and so do the first years! They're just as unexperienced and new to this world, and they can relate to MC better than anyone else can!
So please, from now on, let's remember to talk about not only Ace, but also all of the first years more often. Ace and Deuce's designs especially are the most detailed and beautiful ones if you take time to know them better. Remember that after the 7 dorm leaders, Ace and Deuce's roles as the protagonist's closest allies are the most crucial in the game, so let's not just decide to ignore all these creative features and pass by them without thinking how much they can mean.
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Woah, this one was quite harder to write than I'd expected! There are way too many things to say about him which made me have to summarize this into just this 7 parts for now. Ace is surely and odd yet interesting one to study, even more interesting than usually famous characters like Leona and Azul, which is partly because of how unpredictable he is!
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belphies-cuhm-sluht · 4 years
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hello! can I please request an angst fic with Satan losing control and getting angry at the MC because they made a deal with someone and is willing to give up their life just to bring Lilith back for the brothers? and yes Satan is in love but he just didn't tell them yet! thank you so much for opening requests, can't tell you how much I adore your writings <3
Not Your Choice To Make (Satan x GN!MC Angst) 
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What had he done to deserve you? What had any of his brothers done to deserve someone like you? You were caring, always so happy, and you were selfless. So, so selfless. As if any of them deserved a person like you in their lives, and he knew that the answer was no. You were the kind of human who’s name went on the reservation list to Heaven as soon as you were born. Apparently the big man upstairs had a plan for everyone, and your plan had been set in motion the day that you were brought into the world. Had God known what you were going to do though? Did he know that you would end up down here? If so, why would he allow it? What kind of God was he to allow you to be brought into such a horrid place, the worst place, biblically speaking? It didn’t make sense, and now… now everything was messed up because you were good… you were too good. You should have never been brought here. 
He had never even met his sister, but he knows that his brothers adored her, they loved her, and they missed her dearly, especially Beelzebub and Belphegor. Even with all that, it wasn’t your problem to fix, it wasn’t your problem to solve. Every single one of them loved Lilith, but every single one of them loved you as well, some more than others, although he’d never be able to tell you. “What do you mean you made a deal with someone to bring her back? Y/N, that is… that is the stupidest thing… Do you even remember who you talked to?” He was trying to stay calm, he really was, but this situation alone had him filled with rage, and his Avatar had nothing to do with it at all. How could you do something like that? To them… to him? It was so selfishly selfless, so careless. “Satan… I was just trying to do the right thing. I know how much everyone misses her and-” His head was shaking so fast, his hands balled up into tight fists as he tried to get your words out of his head. 
“Everyone? Everyone misses her… you’re right. But do you have even the slightest inkingly of an idea how much we’d miss you? Losing you would be like losing her all over again to them.” Losing you would be the worst thing to ever happen to himself though. He’s never gone through loss, he’s never experienced the pain that comes along with it. That’s why he has to fix this as soon as possible. “Please calm down… the guy said that-” He let out a low growl, holding his hand up to silence you. He didn’t want to hear what the guy said, he just wanted this problem fixed. He wanted it solved, and as much as he hated to do it, he went to the only other person in the entire Devildom who could possibly help him. 
The doors to Lucifer’s office were almost thrown off the hinges when Satan burst through them, pulling you along behind him. “Yes, Satan? If this is about something Mammon did, I don’t have-” Satan didn’t appreciate it, the way that Lucifer refused to even look up from his stupid paperwork to aknowledge him. He wouldn’t be bursting through the doors if it was a Mammon problem, hell, at this point he even wished it was a Mammon problem so he could handle it himself. “It’s not Mammon. It’s Y/N.” That got his attention real quick, his head snapping up from his desk to look at you, the way you stood behind Satan shyly, almost embarrassed… what could have happened? You didn’t look harmed, you didn’t look scared, even with the way that Satan was acting. “What’s wrong?” 
You didn’t want to reiterate the story, it would just take too long, and Satan actually agreed. There was no time to waste, and your reasoning, in his eyes, and hopefully in his brothers eyes as well didn’t justify your actions, as nice as they may have been. “She made a deal… with some guy that she doesn’t even know the name of… to bring Lilith back…” It was hard for him to even get the words out, they were upsetting, and they pissed him off. What you did pissed him off more than anything, but not because he was actually mad at you… he was mad at himself for letting you out of his sight long enough to even let something like this happen. Lucifer’s eyes were wide as he stared at you, his adams apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed hard, trying to let what Satan had told him sink in. “To bring… she can’t come back anyway… no one can bring her back. She’s… she’s dead. She’s been dead. Everyone knows that.” Everyone should know that. Of course, you didn’t… you didn’t know that at all, or else you wouldn’t have made a deal with the random demon in the first place. “Wh-What did you offer… to this demon, if I may ask.” Lucifer wasn’t the kind of guy to stutter, he never got tripped up on his words, but now he felt like he was on a race against time to get to the bottom of this, to sort all of this out. He needed to know every single detail, and this is the part that got Satan’s attention as well. He hadn’t heard about the actual… transaction, if you can call it that. He had only heard about why you did it. 
“I offered.. My uh… my soul… my life…” The tension is the room was palpable, but so thick. The growl that had come out of Satan earlier was nothing compared to this. His Avatar was in full play now, his rage spurred on by this tornado of emotions that his body just couldn’t handle. How could anyone be able to handle this? “Oh no…” Was all Lucifer had to say as he fell back in his chair, dropping his face into his hands as he shook his head. That didn’t seem to help though, not at all. The next thing you knew, Satan was storming out of the office and up the stairs into his room, slamming his door shut, the force behind it was enough to rattle the pictures on the walls downstairs. “I just thought I could bring her back… I didn’t know…” 
The books that were stacked up on his floor were all kicked over, scattered across the room as he broke down. “This is why humans don’t belong here… Y/N doesn’t belong here… never did.” But he knows that his life without you having come in it would have been dull, boring and depressing. He loved you, he loves you… but what’s the point in all of that now? What’s the point in having feelings for you, of ever having feelings for you? It wasn’t fair, not to you, not to him, and not to his brothers. “Wasn’t their choice to make…” He was mumbling to himself now as he fell back onto his bed, his hands covering his face, hoping that nobody would come into his room, but if they did, he would have time to wipe the stray tears that trickled down the corners of his eyes. There was no way to undo this, the deal had already been made. Even if they killed the guy, he would just end up back in Hell, and he would inevitably come at some point to retrieve your soul. You wouldn’t end up back in the Devildom though, you’d spend what would feel like forever in Purgatory, or stuck in limbo until the big man up in the clouds made a final decision on where you belong. 
“Maybe if we just find him-” You were still down in Lucifer's office, trying to find ways to fix this, to make it all just go away. Every suggestion was turned down, and you didn’t know whether he was just becoming irritated with your list of “possible solutions” or if he was just exhausted. This whole thing was draining, because at the end of it all, Lucifer himself knew that there was nothing he could do to solve the problem at hand. “You don’t understand, Y/N. Demons aren’t simple, you must already know that much. They’re malicious and mischievous. They’ll do anything to make a deal, especially with someone as pure hearted as you are. Every demon down here knows about Lilith, and every single one of them already knows she can’t be brought back. Whoever he was, he took advantage of your kindness, and there is nothing that can be done about it. I’m sorry.” He shook his head, hating that he had to lay it out to you like that, but you needed to know. You were always so hopeful, that’s what got you stuck in this predicament in the first place, but there was no hope to be had, not anymore. 
“Well… can’t we just get Lord Diavolo to find the guy…? Can’t he do something?” It was obvious that you were trying to hold back from crying because, like any normal person, you were terrified of dying, as you should be. This is why you don’t just run around the Devildom making deals with any random demon. Hell, you could have gone to one of them and asked, and they would have told you that what you were asking for is impossible. “No. I’ve already thought of that. It would spark issues, and our Lord wouldn’t want those kinds of issues to fall on his shoulders. Taking a deal away from a demon for one measly human, no offense… it would piss a whole lot of them off. I’m sorry.” He pushed himself up and away from his desk, walking around it to stand in front of you, grabbing your hands and pulling you up so he can look down at you. “Satan needs you right now… You should go be with him.” 
Satan… he did need you. He needed you more than anything, not just right now, but always. You helped him, more than he’d like to admit, more than he’d ever admit. Whenever he was around you he felt like he had better control of himself, he felt like he could actually be happy. With you, he even questioned whether his Avatar should be wrath, because you washed away any ounce of anger he had in his body, or at least, you made him forget about it for the time being. Satan… who, when you finally entered his room again, was curled in on himself, apparently finally having broken down and fallen asleep while he was crying. He hadn’t even lost you not, not completely, but the feeling was there, it was distant at the moment, but it felt like it was growing larger the closer that it came. “Hey… It’s gonna be okay…” Your voice jolted him out of his sleep, his eyes bloodshot as they opened and looked up at you, and while he wanted to be angry at your hopeful statement, he couldn’t even find it in him. Had he used up all of his anger already? No.. that couldn’t be it. No.. it was just that… the only thing you could be was hopeful, just as he was. Hopeful that there would be some way to sort this all out, to make it seem like it never happened. There had to be a miracle. God might not be on their side, but you were still human, he had to be looking out for you, right? “Yeah… it’s all gonna be okay…” He hated lying to you, at least, it felt like he was lying, because in the moment, he wasn’t exactly sure that anything would be okay, and nothing would be “okay” if you actually died. So, just like you, he was holding onto what tiny thread of hope you both had left. It’s all he could do, it’s all any of you could do. 
He pulled you down onto his bed with him, holding you close against his chest, and although he, for once, didn’t have anything to say… he hoped that his actions spoke for him. It wouldn’t be fair to tell you that he loved you now, you probably wouldn’t believe him if he did. You would tell him that he was just speaking out of fear, and while you would probably be right in the fact that he was saying it in that moment because he was scared, it wouldn’t mean that the feelings weren’t true. So he held you, tighter than he’d ever held anyone else, tighter than he had ever held you before. Maybe if he kept you close, nobody would be able to get to you… maybe… 
“My Lord… I need you to get Barbatos to do something for me… for all of us… please.” Lucifer mumbled into the phone line. It was a last ditch effort, one that he hoped would work, because if it didn’t, he’d have to go higher… way higher. It was the only way, not just to protect you, but to protect Satan, to protect all of them from feeling that kind of pain again.
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ragingbookdragon · 3 years
Text
Aloha, PT. 3 of this piece comin' at you with supersonic speed
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She balanced the tin of cupcakes in one hand and opened the door with the other, already more than nervous as she stepped into GCPD. Some of the officers smiled and nodded at her while others merely watched as she walked up to the desk and cleared her throat.
“Excuse me,” she interrupted. “Is Commissioner Gordon here? I’d like to speak with him.”
The man’s eyes went from the cupcake tin to her face and he asked. “Can I ask what for?”
“Oh, yes, I just need to speak with him about something…involving Batman’s, uh…helpers?” she winced. “It’ll be quick, I promise.”
He cocked a brow, but shrugged and grabbed the phone, pushing a button. “Sir, you’ve got someone here to see you…no sir, she just said it dealt with Batman and the others…understood sir.” He hung the phone up. “He’ll over soon.”
“Thank you,” she smiled, and waited for the detective to arrive. When he did, she held her hand out, “Commissioner Gordon?”
He shook her hand. “Good evening, young lady. What can I do for you?”
“Well, I’m (Y/N) and um…it’s a bit complicated actually.”
“We live in a city with men and women who dress up in costumes and fight insane clowns.” He snorted. “We do complicated around here.”
(Y/N) huffed a laugh and nodded. “That’s fair, Commissioner Gordon.” She raised the tray of cupcakes in her hand. “This is going to be really weird, but I was wondering if I could use the spotlight to…call one of them.”
Gordon’s eyes drifted from the cupcakes to her, then back to the desserts. “You wanna use the Bat-Signal to get one of them…so you can give them cupcakes?”
Her mouth opened and closed, then she admitted, “Okay, that sounded a lot better in my head.” She sighed. “It’s not crazy, I swear but—”
“Why don’t you follow me to my office, and we can talk about this, hmm?” he asked, and she nodded.
“That sounds great, sir.” She followed close behind him to a closed-off room and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk, waiting for him to sit in his chair.
“So,” he started when he sat down. “Start from the beginning of why you wanna give Batman cupcakes.”
(Y/N)’s cheeks warmed, and she murmured, “Nightwing. I want to give them to Nightwing, actually.” He cocked a brow but said nothing and she cleared her throat. “So, the other week, Nightwing helped me out with something and to repay the debt, I made these.”
“What’d he help you with?” Gordon questioned and she played with the hem of her sweater.
“Uh, he…he, um, helped me with a um…a really embarrassing rejection.” She waved her hand. “And I sobbed like a baby on his shoulder and I just wanna give him these in return and tell him sorry for taking up his valuable time.” (Y/N)’s cheeks felt like they were on fire and she begged, “Please let me use the signal to call and I’ll leave. Promise, sir.”
Gordon watched her for a moment then he chuckled and rose from his desk. “I’ve been doing this for about forty years, and nothing has ever been this funny in my entire life.” She sighed, thinking a ‘no’ was coming and he stood beside her. “Come with me to the elevator and we’ll go up.”
(Y/N) blinked in disbelief. “Wait, what? You’re going to let me?”
“Of all the things I’ve ever had someone come in and ask for? Delivering cupcakes is a new one. And I pride myself on getting the new ones.” He smiled. “Come on.”
Not wanting to blow her chance, she hurried after him with a big smile on her face and soon she was standing next to the giant spotlight, watching it silhouette against the night sky. She waited for a moment, then asked, “So how long does this usually take?”
He grunted. “Takes longer when you ask how long it takes.”
“That makes sense,” she laughed, and someone cleared their throat behind them. Both her and Gordon startled, though his reaction was less noticeable than hers, whereas she jumped a foot in the air.
“Red Hood,” Gordon greeted, holding out a hand to shake. “Good to see you, son.”
“Good to see you as well, Commissioner Gordon.” Red Hood replied. “Big-Bat in charge sent me here to see what was going on. Is everything alright?”
“Yeah,” Gordon said, motioning to (Y/N). “You’ve got a visitor.”
The vigilante turned to her as if finally noticing her presence and he asked, “What’s wrong?”
(Y/N) held out the cupcake tin to him. “I was wondering if you could give these to Nightwing.”
Red Hood glanced down at the cupcakes. “Why’d you make cupcakes for that jerk-off?”
She was shocked to hear such an insult and she bit out, “Well maybe because I wanted to, jerk-off.” He was probably scowling at her from behind that mask, but she wasn’t going to back down. “Nightwing did me a favor last week and I always repay my debts.” (Y/N) held out the tin again. “Will you please give these to him and tell him thank you for his pep-talk?”
Red Hood took the tin from her, asking quietly, “What’d he help you with?”
“Oh my God, why does everyone wanna know?” she griped, then exhaled through her nose. “Fine, I got rejected by a guy I’m in love with, and I boohooed like a baby on a park bench with Nightwing holding my hand like a parent to a child and being super sympathetic.” (Y/N) glared, though she appeared flustered. “Are you happy now, Red Hood?”
“Be a lot happier if you weren’t giving my brother cupcakes,” he muttered under his breath and looked at her. “Do you want the Tupperware back?”
She nodded. “Just tell him that I’ll be back at the bench on Friday this week to pick it up. Same time as the other week.”
“I’ll tell him,” Red Hood said with a rather annoyed tone and started back towards the other side of the building.
“Red Hood!” she called out and he paused, glancing back at her. “Look…I know you’re busy with other things. So…thank you for doing this. Really, I appreciate it.”
He shook his head, murmuring softly, “Don’t worry about it, (Y/N).” And he was gone.
Gordon walked over to her and rested a hand on her shoulder. “Miss (Y/N)? Are you alright?”
She blinked and nodded, though she felt a great deal of confusion as she said, “He knew my name?”
***
Jason watched his brothers dig into the cupcakes, groaning about how good they were. He didn’t even need to eat the one he had in his hand because he knew. He knew she made the best baked goods he’d ever had, especially these ones which were her specialty. Double Dutch Chocolate Cupcakes with little pink, shimmering pearls. She put them on because she thought they were cute.
He glanced down at the cupcake in his hands, asking, “How do you know, (Y/N), Dick?”
The eldest brother paused midchew and stared at him with a dumbfounded expression. “Huh?”
“Cupcakes,” Jason said, gesturing to them. “She made them as a thanks to you. For last week.” He looked at his brother. “What for?”
Dick swallowed the bite he’d been chewing and nonchalantly replied, “Oh, nothing big. Just being friendly.” He shrugged. “How do you know her?”
Jason scowled. “Don’t do that shit. We both know how I know her.”
“Oh, right! The rejection after the flowers and book!” Dick exclaimed, taking another bite. “So, why’d you say no anyway? She seems like great girl.”
“She is,” he agreed. “The greatest.”
Tim elbowed Dick in the ribs, murmuring, “Is this Jason admitting he’s in love?”
“I don’t know,” Dick replied. “Jaybird, if you’re this pissed at me—”
“I’m not pissed,” he retorted, very much so pissed. “I just don’t want her getting involved with this.”
Dick’s mouth formed an ‘o’. “So that’s why you rejected her. You’re afraid of letting her know about everything.” He hummed knowingly. “See, she said that was probably it. That you’re scared.”
“What?” Jason’s eyes widened. “What’d she say to you?” He handed his younger brother a thumb drive. “What’s this?”
“Recording of the conversation I had with her last Friday,” he replied. “I was planning on giving it to you later tonight.” Dick laid a hand on Jason’s shoulder and murmured, “She’s not going to run away if you’re vulnerable with her Jason.” He nodded to the flash drive. “She’s stronger than you’re giving her credit for.” Dick patted his shoulder and took the cupcake from Jason’s other hand, biting into it. “Oh my God,” he groaned, walking off. “What does she put in these things? They’re addicting.”
***
I’m not afraid of him or what he’s afraid he is.
Jason put his forehead on the desk and stared at the floor, not really sure what was tightening worse, his chest or his throat, but something in the mix started hurting and he let out a shaky breath, vision blurring and he squeezed his eyes shut to keep the tears at bay. Rejecting her affections meant she forgot about him. She forgot that he existed, and she stayed safe. She stayed alive. Jason wanted that. He wanted (Y/N) to grow old with someone and have a family, not die an early death at the hands of some crazed villain or worse, a failure of his saving.
He let out a low groan and rubbed his forehead against the desk, wishing that it would solve all his problems. Mostly the ones in his broken heart. They had texted each other and video called constantly. Usually meeting up once a week to hang out somewhere or go get dinner. His entire life had changed in one conversation, and the only thing he regretted more than telling her he didn’t feel the same way and making her cry was watching her lie that she hadn’t been bothered when he knew deep down that her heart was shattered. He knew it because he watched her breakdown in her car through the manor window before she pulled out of the driveway.
Maybe Dick was right though…and that thought made him wanna vomit because younger-brother syndrome was a real thing and listening to your older brother wasn’t fun. But if she were that honest with Nightwing, that real with him, then maybe he could tell her the truth. All of it. About everything he was hiding from her. His past and most importantly his feelings for her. Maybe he could really keep her safe if he did.
Maybe Jason could be the one she grew old with. The one who held her hand and loved her.
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b0rista · 4 years
Note
i don't really know how tumblr reqs works but you write for marco right ?? 🤩 can you write some hcs for him 😟😟 ( sorry if I sound rude or dry 😭😭😭 )
— 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐎 𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐓.
WARNINGS: language.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: NONFOGNO it wasn't rude or dry at all!! lowkey i got super excited reading this because LAWD i've been wanting to write some marco dating hcs 🥺 i love him way too much like this isn't healthy bye
"you don't get it— you had my heart before i was even given the chance to refuse."
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without a doubt, marco's shirt was tailored with the utmost boyfriend material. this may anger some of y’all, but out of the men of the 104th, this man has to be one of the best when it comes to relationships. the epitome of perfection, dare i say. beautiful boy. 
there was probably a lot of pining going on before the two of you decided to get together, if we’re being honest. during your three years of cadet training, marco’s crush on you was absolutely and utterly hopeless. at least, that’s what he thought. the guys didn’t do much to help, either. instead of encouraging him, they teased him. after all, who the hell’s dumb enough to fall in love in a place like this? after all, you’re practically training for your own death. and while marco knew that, that didn’t make his feelings toward you any less intrusive. even while watching you swing from tree to tree during ODM training, he still caught himself gawking at your absolite effortless beauty, earning himself quite the scolding from his own conscious. hell, one time, you caught him staring at you during training, and he face planted into a tree. that time, it was commander shadis that gave him the scolding. which,, is always terrifying. 
before and during your guys’ relationship, marco’s love language is an endless amount of consolation. of course, this goes for everyone, but especially you. seeing you hopless is something that he doesn’t ever want to have to say, so with that being said, he does everything in his power to keep your spirits lifted. and if you’re ever down, he’ll know. you can’t hide your feelings from this man, he’s far too intuitive for his own good. and even if you’re fine, he’ll still go above and beyond with his words of affirmation. it’s who he is. 
during your trainee days, you spent a lot of time with him, jean, sasha, and connie. no matter the circumstances, that was your crowd. really, it was just a huddle of idiot teenagers half-assedly working to become soldiers. even so, they were the ones that got you through it. 
^ honestly, if it weren’t for marco’s constant encouragement, you likely would have quit the training to go work on the farmlands. whenever you tell him that, though, he sheepishly shuts you down, contradicting his own denial through the very thing that made you a shoulder.
“you’re giving me too much credit, y’know. i may have chipped in, but it was you that got you to where you are now. it always was, and it always will be.” 
yeah, this freckled bastard is your go-to therapist. half of the time, you don’t even go to him for help; he comes to you. it’s like he has this sense, or something- no matter how far apart the two of you are, he can feel whenever it is you’re unhappy. perhaps his intuition is just that good, or the two of you are simply soulmates, linked together through delicate intertwinement. quietly, marco believes the latter. back to the main topic of discussion, though. one of his main objectives is to solve whatever problems you may have, even if they have absolutely nothing to do with him. no matter the circumstances, it’s his duty to keep that sweet, soothing smile on your face. without it, his world is dull. 
love letters. yeah, that’s right. for his safety within the boy’s barracks, he’s asked that you keep them a secret,, but marco writes you one to two love letters a month. it isn’t a dramatic amount, and they aren’t all that lengthy, but they never fail to get you to swoon. he’s got a way with words, and when it comes to the likes of you, they’re as passionate as ever. really, he could go on and on about you, page after page, and never find himself getting bored. with every fiber of his being, he’s absolutely smitten over you.
of course, though, the letters don’t start making an appearance until after the two of you establish your relationship. which, as always, i’ll leave that up to you! however, it was probably some time during the end of your time as cadet trainees. after three whole years of helplessly pining for you, i can see him gathering enough courage to actually confess to you. with jean’s encouragement, of course (even though it was more like pRessurinG plspls). 
it can get a little overbearing at times, but marco likes to try and help you with everything and anything. you can’t quite reach that top shelf? don’t worry, he’s got you. struggling with your gear? alright, what’s the problem, he’ll fix it. you’re taking an extra moment to count horses, and he’s already rushing to lend a helping hand. at some point, you’ll have to communicate that although it’s sweet that he’s always trying to make things easier for you, he’ll have to give you the chance to actually learn a thing or do. once you do, he’ll take literally everything into consideration, and try his hardest to stop himself whenever there’s a possible learning exercise in your way. 
cheek kisses! an endless amount, at that. out of everywhere on your body, marco favors your cheeks, if he could, he’d pepper them in kisses all day long. unfortunately, though, he can’t, so he’ll stick to sneaking in little pecks in between every other hour of the day. the two of you live for those moments where he cups either side of your face, plants a sweet kiss onto your cheek, and rushed back to finish whatever it was he was meant to be doing. as expected, they always manage to leave you craving more. 
ah, jean. the third wheel you never fucking asked for. he’s such a pest, and marco refuses to get rid of him, literally ever. with that being said, he’s practically an honorary member of your guys’ relationship. the amount of times you and marco have been cozied up together on the sofa only to be very rudely interrupted by jean sLipping in between the two of you is ridiculous. you and your boyfriend have cancelled dates for this man, simply because he doesn’t want to be alone. typically, it’s jean giving marco the puppy dog eyes, and then in suite, marco giving you the puppy dog eyes, which you simply cannot resist. 
honestly, it’s nearly impossible to get this man jealous. you’ve tried, it should not be as difficult as it is. of course, i said nearly impossible. really, marco’s funny when he gets jelly. he isn’t overly edgy, or agGressive with you- he’s more,, chaotically conflicted. one night, you were feeling a bit more committed to the cause, so you mindlessly sat on reiner’s lap during dinner in the mess hall. marco, who was busy rough-housing with jean, choked. 
"iSTHATCOMFORTABLEORSOMETHING-"
reiner: 🧍‍♂️
during the quiet of the night, you enjoy tenderly kissing each and every one of his freckles you can see. starting with the ones dusted along his face, to his shoulders, to his arms, and so on. usually, marco's far too tired to fully react, but he's always softly smiling, silently admiring you while a hand tangles itself within the locks of your hair.
it's been confirmed that marco's a big brother, so that's definitely a thing. even if you've only been together for a short amount of time at this point, marco would want you to meet his family. after all, he's quite literally in love with you. why not start the formalities earlier than necessary? even if you don't make too good of an impression, he's sure that one day, his family will be one that you're apart of. he wouldn't have it any other way.
he's flustered easily. the smallest thing could happen, and he's red in the face, stumbling over his words, all of it. of course, you only find it endearing. rake your fingers through his hair while he's a blushing mess, you'll never get enough of it. beneath your touch, he crumbles.
one night, after a rougher session of training, you took hold of marco's busted and blistered knuckles, which had been dirtied on the field. while he thought nothing of it, you moved them to your lips, planting a sweet kiss along the bridge as a form of comfort. he absolutely melted, and it was the birth of a beautiful pattern. whenever his fists are battered, your kiss mends them right back together.
during chores, you and him tend to hum together in sync. it's a surprisingly pleasing harmony, and it's become a shared habit to make up silly melodies to hum to whenever you run out. and whenever you're in need of comfort, expect to hear him quietly humming one of the songs the two of you made up while softly rubbing your back. vice versa, as well.
one time, you raspberried his bare stomach. he's never felt so violated in his life. another time, he did the same to you, and the fact that you laughed? yeah, it's an often occurrence. raspberries are real in this relationship, bitch.
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eri-baby · 4 years
Text
chongyun crushing on a shy/dense noble fem!reader
a/n: this idea has been on my mind for a long time now, and i'm finally posting it! chongyun is probably very ooc, but listening to his character's voice-over's gave me the idea that he's just an earnest guy and i found that adorable.
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i picture that chongyun first saw [ ] at a banquet where all the wealthy and influential were invited. she was quiet, reserved, rarely speaking to anyone. it was hard not to notice her when gossip about her was circulating all around the room. they called her a mist flower because she's "a cold person" and yet they appreciated her beauty. [ ] is expected to become one of the leaders of liyue in the future, maybe even one of the qixing, because of her family's influence and her being a well-educated young woman. chongyun ignored the rumors about her and respected her resolve to make liyue a better place.
from that day onward, chongyun wanted to know more about [ ]. they were similar, after all. chongyun and [ ] were both cold in the eyes of the public. he thought he would be able to get along well with her. he had nothing but respect for her.
whenever he had a comission, he asked clients or locals within the area about the noble [ ]. he discovered that [ ] often travels around liyue to personally watch over the state of each area. if anything were ever amiss, [ ] herself is the one who creates solutions and funds them. she shut down businesses that were swindeling people, found new jobs for the innocent workers involved, and earned back money for the victims. he found more admiration for her.
xingqui turns out to be somewhat childhood friends with [ ]. they spend time together every now and then. xingqui described her as a well-meaning girl who can never get her point across because of how awkward she is. she focuses more on the problem at hand and solving it rather than interacting with others which makes her come across as prickly.
chongyun was excited when he heard that [ ] had spoken about him. she asked xingqui about the young exorcist, and commented that exorcists like chongyun help maintain liyue's glory. it took him two months to stop centering all conversations around [ ]'s passing comment.
he has attempted to speak with her, even frequenting areas she was said to be seen in often, but the most he would get were glimpses of her before she scurried off or was escorted away by one of her chaperones. it disappointed him greatly that he never had the oppertunity to speak to her since he was so invested in her and her work.
i think he would barely realize his own feelings for a total stranger. xingqui and xiangling are sick of hearing about [ ]. they're scared of the day [ ] actually talks to chongyun. she's the only other thing on his mind other than training and exorcism.
he was disappointed and ready to give up on ever talking to [ ] after months of trying, until he was assigned to a comission in her estate. apparently weird things have been happening in her room. items have been misplaced, at night there were whispers coming from the closet, banging noises were coming from the walls. it caused her family great distress.
chongyun was, needless to say, stressed about making an appearance in [ ]'s household. how should he introduce himself? how should he speak to her? will he be able to speak to her? what should he bring? he bothered both xingqui and xiangling as he asked all these questions over and over again. xingqui was so annoyed that he finally relented, telling chongyun that lady [ ] is fond of the glaze lily flower. chongyun was gone before any of them could say another word.
the local florist in liyue harbor had not even a single glaze lily in stock. chongyun had to go all the way to a faraway town where a different florist was. he was lucky it was a colder day. with a boquet of glaze lillies in hand, he was ready to travel back to lady [ ]'s estate. on the way back, he passed by a little girl who was in tears. the little girl had dirt stains on her clothes but no injuries. she begged him to save a girl who had gotten trapped in a cave. the little girl was looking for her doll and she asked the girl, who's physical description matched [ ]'s, to enter the cave with her. the girl relented but inside they were attacked by a ruin hunter. the girl managed to get the young child out of the cave before rubble fell over the other entrance. it had been a long time but the girl still hasn't turned up.
chongyun immediatly dropped the glaze lillies in his hand and rushed to the direction the little girl pointed in. the cave had two openings, one of which had been blocked by rubble. chongyun went through the second one. he found at the other end lady [ ] fighting off a ruin hunter with her bow. chongyun finished it off for her.
he immediatly dropped down beside her and asked her if she was okay politely. she had no idea what to say, in fact she wasn't even expecting any help, and nodded quietly. he noticed that her ankle was swolen so he used his cryo vision to ease her pain. he quickly helped her up, even carrying her despite his fear of triggering his congenital positivity. he was lucky that the weather was cold and so was the cave, and that [ ]'s body temperature was also cold because of her vision.
"I am Chongyun, from an exorcist family. I was heading to your home, Lady [ ], to deal with the evil spirit in your room, until the little girl you had rescued stopped me and asked me to help you."
"I... see. We'll have to double your payment for saving me, Exorcist Chongyun."
"Oh, no! My services are free of charge!"
she became quiet and smiled to herself. he could hear her quiet giggles, making his cheeks heat up slightly. he worried about his congenital positivity.
both of them were somewhat awkward and dense. the truth was that they were both panicking. chongyun had no idea what to say and neither did [ ].
chongyun was the first to speak after a few minutes of awkward silence
"I'm sorry I don't know what to say to you."
"I have no idea what to say as well."
they both laughed together about being dense in social situations. from then on, conversation flowed somehow a little easier because they found that they had something in common. the more they spoke to each other, the more similarities they found.
it turns out that her reputation of being a cold person was a result of her being misunderstood. [ ] doesn't know how to say things other than straightforwardly, and when she panics she has a tendency to freeze up making her tense in conversations.
chongyun as well had a one-track mind. everything he did was to become a better exorcist, which made him terrible at conversations especially outside of the exorcism business.
she spoke about the responsibilities of supporting the nation of liyue and her dream of traveling every inch of their lands and waters because she wanted to be one of the pillars of liyue in the future. it was her dream to become a qixing, like ningguang, to support liyue's growth.
he shared his dream of becoming the greatest exorcist. he wanted to find an evil spirit or demon that wouldn't avoid his congenital positivity, and to be able to control his congenital positivity. his dream was to rid the world of all evil spirits as the greatest exorcist in all of history.
they each shared the hardships of reaching their dreams and their desires to reach their goals. it was everything and more than he imagined talking to her. he had always wanted this oppertunity to speak to someone similar to him.
they reached the outside of the cave only to be met with servants from [ ]'s estate. she was taken away from him and rushed back to her home while he was thanked for saving her. apparently there was no evil spirit in their estate, at least not a real spirit. they were abyss mages planning something terrible again and [ ] was the victim. her family sent servants to pick her up from this town, only for them to hear from the little girl about what had happened. chongyun was greatly compensated for his help. he didn't even get the chance to say goodbye to [ ].
weeks had passed without chongyun seeing nor speaking to [ ]. he sent her a "get well soon" present but received no response. each passing day made him more and more depressed, which xingqui was not used to. xingqui told him that [ ]'s family was probably trying to keep her away from the public and were being overprotective but it didn't make anything better.
aether came in with paimon and a package in hand. he had somewhat a smug smile on his face, having some awareness of chongyun's crush on [ ]. he said that he had been comissioned by lady [ ] to deliver the package to chongyun directly. without allowing aether to finish his sentence, chongyun took the package from the blond's hands and carefully opened it.
inside it he found a letter and a jade insignia. the jade had an intricate glaze lily symbol carved on it with other symbols chongyun could not recognize. he brought out the letter and read it.
Exorcist Chongyun,
I apologize for not sending you a thank you note earlier nor seeing you at all these past few weeks. I haven't found a perfect oppertunity to escape from my family until now. My leg is fully healed, and I can even run. Please be assured that your present and the glaze lillies you had intended to give me have reached me. The little girl I was helping gave them to me and said they were from you. Thank you for such thoughtful presents.
I am aware that you don't accept payments, so instead I have sent you this as a gift. It's an insignia that identifies colleagues of mine and allows them to enter into one of my private and personal cottage. Rest assured, there will be plenty of cold sweets for you waiting there and the cottage itself is kept cold.
Please see me at Guyun Stone Forest. The insignia will lead you to me.
From [ ].
he barely finished that letter and he was already out. as the letter stated, the insignia did lead him to the secret cottage. on one of the mountains, there was a contraption made of stone that he would place the insignia in and then a stairway would appear. it led him up to a snowy floating island with a cozy cottage.
[ ] was sitting on a swing supported by a tree and waved to catch his attention.
"Greetings, Exorcist Chongyun."
"Hey, Lady [ ]."
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snowstark · 3 years
Note
hi! can i get 5 and 6 for sambucky? thank you!
5. “You’re more than just a one night stand.” 6. “Would you just shut up and kiss me already?”
Unsaid Whispers of Our Hearts.
Link to AO3
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The first time it happened, they'd said, "It's okay, we were just blowing off steam, just getting through some stuff together, helping each other, because that's what good friends do. It won’t happen again. We're not partners, we're just good friends, and that's why we spent the entire night in bed together making love."
And then they'd sworn that it wouldn't happen again.
But it did.
Again.
And again.
And it continued until Sam invited Bucky to his family cookout. Bucky got the idea that that was a pretty big deal, and his suspicion was confirmed when Sam had told him, hesitantly, "We all bring a date, you know, to the cookout, just to keep things fun."
So, he'd politely denied it at first, saying, "Oh, no, I don't know if I can—" but then Sam had given him that look, the one he could never resist, and said gently, "Buck, please."
Bucky had held his gaze for a few moments, then given a nod, because, well, why not? They weren't—they weren't dating, that was for sure, but they were good friends, and if Sam needed him to do it, he would. Besides, it wasn't a big deal. It was just a barbecue. With all of the important people in Sam's lives. No pressure at all. “Yeah, okay," he'd said. "Yeah, 'cause—'cause we're friends, I'll do it."
Sam had given him a beaming smile, one that warmed his entire heart, and clapped him on the shoulder, because hugging reminded them of those moments in their lives, too intimate, and said, "I knew I could count on you."
So now, Bucky was standing in front of Sam, staring at him, while Sam stared back, because they were both lost as fuck, and Bucky had a feeling that Sam didn't know any better than him as to why exactly they were doing this.
Bucky was pretty sure Sam wouldn't have had an issue finding a nice girl or guy off of a dating app. But then again, maybe that wasn't his thing. It certainly wasn't his thing. Too many men holding fish, he recalled. It had grossed him out. Seriously.
Besides, Sam had to have known that Bucky would’ve done this for him anytime. The realization made him blink, because shit, that was right, he would do this for Sam, no matter when or why or how. And that… that was something he didn’t want to dwell on, but they were good friends, maybe even partners by now, so it worked, it made sense. It wasn’t that deep.
Bucky had brought a cake to the cookout. He’d tried to bake one himself, but it hadn’t really worked out. He’d had to rip the oven out of the wall to solve the issue. Then he’d gone and bought himself a nice vanilla cake, because that was a classic. Everyone loved vanilla.
He laughed when Sam’s nephews greeted him immediately, shouting, “Mr. Bucky! Take this!” and pretending to sock him in the jaw while Sarah watched on fondly.
He played along, then greeted Sarah with a wave before bumping right into his—his date for the night.
Sam.
“You made it.” Sam beamed.
Bucky took off his sunglasses and gave him a look. “‘course I did. I’m your date, dumbass. I wasn’t gonna stand you up.” And he shoved the cake into Sam’s arms. “Cake,” he said brusquely, as if it wasn’t the most obvious thing in the world.
Sam’s lips twitched into a smile. “A real sweetheart for bringing me a cake, Barnes.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “Now gimme a kiss; isn’t that how you’re supposed to treat your date?”
Sam laughed, turning his head to the side like he was looking for people watching, rubbing the back of his neck almost sheepishly, and Bucky was secretly delighted at the sight of Sam all awkward, because that was usually him. It was nice to see the roles reverted for once. He mockingly puckered his lips, and Sam leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the lips.
He pouted, because he was not done tormenting Sam yet. It wasn’t every day he could do this—kiss Sam. No, tease him. That—that was what he’d meant. “C’mon, really? That’s all you’re gonna give me? I’m feelin’ a little neglected, Samuel.”
Sam pulled a face. “Don’t call me that.”
Bucky grinned. “Then go ahead and shut me up.”
He was instantly reminded of the first time they’d—they’d pressed each other into the mattress, gentle and sweet, and he knew by the look in Sam’s eyes he remembered too. “Don’t make me shut you up, Barnes,” Sam had threatened. “Try me,” Bucky had responded.
Well, Sam had definitely tried. And succeeded.
On multiple counts.
And this would be yet another moment added onto the rest.
Sam leaned in, gave him another kiss, and this one was longer, deeper, softer, and it made heat furl in Bucky’s gut. He sank into it, shoulders sagging, and let it happen. Eventually, he had to pull away, his cheeks glowing with heat, and he and Sam stared at each other for a few long moments—“It won’t happen again”—until Bucky broke it by saying, “Uh, food’s ready, isn’t it?”
Sam nodded. “Yeah, yeah, it is. C’mon.”
Dinner went by easy enough. Bucky Barnes was a real charmer, thank you very much. The kids loved him, used him as a playground, basically, and he made everyone laugh, especially Sam, and that was something that made him smile to himself, not just proud, but happy.
It wasn’t until they’d finished the cake Bucky had brought that Sam excused himself, heading off, and Bucky watched him leave. A few minutes later, he followed.
Sam was standing by the shore, away from the cookout, and watching the waves crash against each other, sending droplets of water fluttering through the air before disappearing, landing where they were meant to, glinting in the setting sunlight.
“Thinking?”
Bucky’s voice made Sam turn around, looking surprised, and Bucky tucked his hands into his pockets before stepping closer until he was right next to Sam. Sam could easily loop his arm through Bucky’s.
“Yeah, just thinking.”
Bucky glanced at him. “‘bout anything in particular?”
“About you.” Sam grinned, clearly teasing. “Couldn’t keep my eyes off of my date tonight, you know.”
Bucky snorted. “Oh, yeah, real charming. Let me know if you want some tips on how to woo someone; I gotcha.”
“Well, I don’t need tips if I’ve already wooed someone myself.”
Bucky made a mockingly offended noise. “Wooed someone? When you have a date right next to you, waiting for you to take him to bed?”
Sam laughed, sounding surprised, then said, “You’re the one I’ve wooed, actually, but yeah, okay, I’m a jerk, I get it.”
“You’re a dumbass,” Bucky corrected absentmindedly, turning his gaze back to the sun.
“And you have a staring problem.”
“Don’t discriminate against us starers. It’s not our fault we want to remember someone like a fuckin’ photograph in our minds.”
“Someone?” Sam turned to face him.
Bucky kept his eyes on the horizon. He didn’t respond.
“Someone?” Sam pressed.
“Jerk,” Bucky sighed.
“No, seriously, Buck—”
Bucky turned, suddenly feeling tense, his heart rate picking up speed, thumping in his chest like it was about to jump out of his chest and run off before he could stop it. The words spilled from his mouth before he could stop it. “You want that ego fed, Wilson? You want me to say I’m tryin’ to remember you that way?”
Sam stared, an odd expression flitting across his face, and then said slowly, “No, Buck. I think you already have.”
Bucky’s breath hitched in his throat, and his shoulders rose up an inch more. This wasn’t—
Sam’s eyes flitted down to his lips, and Bucky’s heart jumped again, remembering the first time Sam had looked at him that way, the second time, the third time, and he knew by now that he looked at him like that when he was going to… when he wanted to—
Sam leaned in close, eyelashes fluttering, and Bucky met him halfway, because this was—yes. This was good.
Even though it wasn’t their first kiss that day, it still felt just as strong, just as good, just as perfect. Sam kissed him, then cupped the back of Bucky’s head in a soft, intimate move, and Bucky made a soft noise in his throat. He was still for a split second, his mind going blank with white noise in his panic, before it felt like someone had slapped him back into reality, and he pushed into it, letting his lips part open so that Sam could taste him, could do whatever he wanted.
Despite how tender the kiss and the moment was, Bucky felt like he was burning, overwhelmed by the feeling, by everything, but in a good way, something he’d needed for a while now—
“Buck—Buck, wait—” Sam pulled back, panting, and Bucky’s heart lurched for a split second, wondering if Sam was regretting all of this, but then— “You… you’re more than just a one night stand. I swear. It was supposed to be something simple, something to—to blow off steam, like we said, but then I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and—”
“Oh my god.” Bucky stared at him. He was kissing an idiot. He was literally standing here, a few metres away from the cookout, kissing an idiot. Sam Wilson was an idiot. And the best part of all this was, he was an idiot, too. So really, it was just two idiots making out. The thought made a giggle bubble up in his throat and he swallowed it back in favour of saying hoarsely, “Would you just shut up and kiss me already? Jesus, Sam, I’ve been—this ain’t—”
Sam huffed a laugh, then pulled him close, kissing him again, and Bucky made a soft noise in his throat, shoulders going lax as he leaned into the kiss, trying to taste every inch of Sam he could, letting his entire world narrow down to Sam and only Sam. He was gasping for breath when Sam finally pulled back, and he missed the feeling of him already. “Yeah,” Sam breathed, eyes flicking down to Bucky’s lips like he was tempted to just stand there and keep kissing him, making the entire goddamn world stop for them because the world wasn’t going to stop if they didn’t force it to. “Yeah, I’ll do that.”
Bucky swallowed, mouth going dry, and his eyes flitted down to the tent in Sam’s pants, and he couldn’t help but press the palm of his hand to his own cock, growing harder and harder with each passing moment. “I can—I could—” He broke off when Sam wrapped a hand around his wrist and pulled it back, making him whine in protest, then panted, “Please.”
It was the first time he’d begged since…
He braced himself for the ice-cold feeling of shock that washed over him when he remembered, when the memories flashed by in his mind, unrelenting and loud like gunfire, but it… it didn’t come. He only focused on the hand around his wrist, Sam’s warm touch, the feeling of skin against skin, and he felt something swell up deep inside of him. He wasn’t sure what it was, but it was there, and overwhelmingly strong, nearly bringing tears to his eyes.
And he looked up at Sam, meeting his eyes, his golden gaze, as warm as the sun, and knew in that moment that from then on, he’d feel Sam’s touch everywhere, always there, surrounding him with warmth, and he felt a lump grow in his throat.
He gestured to Sam’s—Sam’s problem, one that he could offer the solution to—and croaked, “Lemme help you with that. ‘cause—you know, we’re good friends, we’re—we’re friends—”
Sam blinked, then cracked a grin as Bucky trailed off. “You think I’m just gonna let you go home when we’re both like this? Of course not; that’d make me a shitty friend. C’mon, cyborg-brain.” And he pulled Bucky along by the wrist, then paused, and Bucky paused, too, because they had nowhere to go.
In the heat of everything, they’d forgotten that even though they were each other’s worlds, constantly revolving around each other, the universe didn’t care enough to pause for them, to show some mercy and let them have this moment.
“We don’t—Buck, we don’t have anywhere to—” Sam broke off uncertainly, and his grip on Bucky’s wrist tightened the slightest bit, like he was scared that he’d suddenly lose Bucky just because they didn’t have a place to fuck.
Bucky was quiet for a few moments, thinking, and then he hesitantly offered, “The boat…”
Sam burst into laughter, and Bucky thought that he’d quite possibly said the stupidest thing ever, until Sam nodded, eyes still wide with laughter, and spluttered, “Yeah, yeah, that works, let’s go, c’mon.”
And Bucky let himself be dragged along by Sam.
They entered the boat, rocking it precariously when they struggled to rip each other’s clothes off, damn near wrestling with each other in an effort to quick, hurry up, clothes off, and Bucky let Sam press him against the wall, dragging his tongue over Bucky’s neck, then up his jaw and to his lips, kissing wetly and sloppily.
“Oh, god,” Bucky gasped. “Sam, oh, god—”
“I got you,” Sam breathed. “I got you.”
“Yeah,” Bucky agreed, dizzy from the words and the meaning they carried, and gave himself to Sam, every inch of him, because he wanted to. “Yeah, you do.”
send me a smut prompt!
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levis-hazelnut · 3 years
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Summary: when you and your best friend, Hanji, were younger, you had made up stories about your dream guys - what they would look like and how you would meet. What happens when the one you had made up appears to be real?
Warning(s): mentions of abuse (if you squint). Please do tell me if there are anymore.
Taglist (closed!): @castellandiangelo​
Status: completed!
part 1 > part 2 > part 3
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The raven-haired female marched closer to him, digging her index finger into his chest which I smacked off. She gave a dirty look which I countered with the nastiest face I could muster, and she soon turned away from me and crossed her arms, glaring at Eren, who still stood strong. "I'm tired of you, Mikasa. You either cancel our date or avoid me and go cheat on me with some idiot. I can't even use the fingers on my hands to count how many times that has happened. And, another thing, I may have been afraid of you at the start but now, I see no point in that. Your threats mean nothing to me. So, if you dare to try and do anything to any of my friends, especially (Y/N), you'll be sorry that I was the one you chose to mess with." "Wait... Was it her that made you act all rude and like a dickhead to me last year?" I suddenly realised. "Yeah. I'm so sorry about that, (Y/N). But can you keep your words for later, please?" he asked politely and I nodded with an apologetic smile before leaving the living room and going to my room to give them some privacy. 
I dropped onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling and thought if it was a good idea to bring Mikasa here. Well, it's too late to stop her now, and I'm doing this for Eren's sake. I just hope that he doesn't end up hating me for the rest of his life if something goes wrong. ~/~ A slam woke me up and I sprang up into a sitting position; my eyes were widened as I looked at my surroundings, seeing that I was in my bedroom. All was silent in my apartment, so I decided to get up from my bed and creep into the living room, only to find Eren sitting on the sofa. His elbows rested on his knees as he pinched the bridge of his nose. His teal orbs were hidden and I slowly approached him, voicing out a small 'hey'. His head tilted up and I gave him an uncertain smile as I sat next to him and draped an arm around his shoulders. "Everything okay?" "Not really. Well, I'm free from the burden of having a girlfriend. But it still feels like I lost something important." "Of course you're going to feel like that. However, you'll soon realise that there's nothing to mope over because you can now enjoy your life without worrying about anything. Other than uni, bills and all that other shit," I added reassuringly. "Do you want hot chocolate or something?" "No. I just want to lie down." I shifted a little away from Eren and patted my lap, wordlessly telling him to rest his head on my lap. He gave me a small smile and laid down on his back with his legs stretched across the sofa, leaning his head on my legs. He covered the top half of his face with an arm and both us remained in silence. Getting bored, I decided to fiddle with Eren's fingers. I leaned down and stuck one of his fingers into my nose, but he didn't even pull away so I put the index finger to his lips. That's when he tried to take his finger out of my grip. I softly laughed at the slight entertainment I earned when I got a reaction from him. "Idiot," he breathed before closing his eyes. "Thanks, hun. I know I'm an idiot." He snorted and then told me to hush so he could relax. I shut up and joined him, once again falling asleep as I tilted my head back to rest against the sofa. My hands still gently gripped one of his as I drifted off into a nap that wouldn't be disturbed until Hanji came home. It's not my fault I stayed up watching Netflix when I knew I had a lecture in the morning... Well, it is my fault, but still. Surprisingly, we weren't woken up even when Hanji had come home. Maybe she was considerate enough to let us sleep, or maybe she knocked out as well. The latter was more likely because she would never be that thoughtful to let me rest properly. Eren and I had fallen asleep at around eleven, and I awakened from my snooze at half-past two. The brunette probably had an early start at work today, which is why he was still asleep when I woke up. His head was still on my thighs so I decided to stay on the sofa instead of moving and waking him up. Luckily, I had my phone on me so I wasn't going to get bored by staring at the black screen of the TV in front of me. "(Y/N)!" "Shh. You're going to wake Eren up," I whisper-yelled to Hanji, who was about to burst our eardrums. "Too late," a gruff voice spoke and I glanced down to see that Eren was awake. I smiled at him before he lidded his beautiful eyes again. "Hi, Hanji, by the way," he muttered. "What's wrong with him?" the female with glasses inquired and I shook my head, telling her that it wasn't something to talk about right now. "So, how was breakfast with Levi~?" "It was nice. He basically knows everything about me, whereas he barely told me anything about himself. Obviously, it's not unusual since we literally just started to get to know each other, but it felt like he was hiding something. And that made me realise that I live my life out loud. Is that a bad thing?" "Only if the person you're talking to is shady," the male stated with his eyes still covered. "So, today, it could be seen as a bad thing." "Eren, let me love him," I whined. "Though, I see why you're concerned." "Did you tell him about Levi?" "Yeah. Because he was working when me and Levi went to the cafe. He saw how comfortable I was around him and decided to question me about it." "(Y/N), I love and care about you. Wouldn't you be the same if someone I created in my brain years ago suddenly appeared out of nowhere?" "Well, when you say it like that, it sounds dodgy." "I'm saying the truth, so he is dodgy. Hanji, back me up." "... I kind of side with (Y/N). Both of her previous relationships didn't work out, so maybe Levi's here to solve that." "Tch!" Eren finally sat up, fed up with the shit that Hanji and I were spewing. "I understand you're thrilled because of the fact that your 'dream guy' has shown up. But how can you trust him right away when you don't even know him? (Y/N), you said yourself that he was hiding something. Please, just don't get yourself into danger by trusting someone you just met." "I'll be fine, Eren. One day, I'll prove to you that I was right to believe in him." "Oh, I got Levi's number, (Y/N)." "Give that to me right now," I squealed and leapt towards Hanji. "Wait." My male best friend stood up and approached Hanji, taking the piece of paper before I could. I pouted at him as he put the paper into his pocket before crossing his arms. "I'll give it to you when my suspicions are gone. Until then, you only speak to him in person and don't tell him your whole life story." "Whatever, Dad," I muttered, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. "Don't get annoyed just because I'm looking out for you," he said with a quieter voice than before. "I used to get irritated because you would constantly interfere with my life, but then I realised you always did it to protect me. I'm doing the same. So, don't blame me when something happens." Even though I was still mildly annoyed at Eren, I brought my arms around him, needing a hug from one of the best people I've met. He looped his arms around my form and drew me closer to him, stuffing his face into my hair. "Awww!" "Hanji, get in here," I said, my lips moving against Eren's clothed chest. I soon felt another person jump into the embrace as I giggled along with the male who lightly laughed. "I love you guys.” "Love you, too. Anyway, I think I'm going to head home. It's been a... troublesome day." "Damn, I almost forgot about that. How are you acting so normal?" "You guys are hiding something from me!" Hanji complained "(Y/N), you can tell her. I'm going to go," Eren announced and pulled away from the group hug. "I'll see both of you soon. Let's go out one day since we haven't in a long time." "Yeah, we should. You can bring Mika--" "Bye," Eren cut her off with a grin as I followed him towards the front door. "... Thank you, Eren." "I'm just returning the favour. Just promise me that you'll keep a distance between you and Mr Hot And Annoying Guy." "I'll try. And he isn't annoying. I love him," I replied just to tease Eren, who frowned. "I'm joking. But seriously, he isn't annoying. Okay, bye, my prince." "Bye, my queen," he smirked. I softly laughed at our stupidity and closed the door before locking it. Just as I was about to turn around, I heard something similar to a horde of rhinos in the corridor, coming towards me. Of course, I knew it was Hanji so I didn't get frightened by it. "Tell me what happened!" "Okay, okay. Let's go sit down." She followed me into the kitchen where I got a snack - a pot of cubed pineapple and a fork - and sat down on a barstool at the kitchen island, starting the story as Hanji sat opposite me on the other side of the island. She never knew about Eren's difficult relationship with Mikasa, so I began with telling her the first problem. And then, about some of the events when she cheated on him, forced him to do things he didn't want to, avoided him, threatened him, and about today. Surprisingly, no words came out of her mouth as she intently listened, sometimes showing shock or concern. "And that's why he cut you off when you were about to tell him to bring Mikasa when we go out," I finished off. "Wow... I thought they were going to last long." "Yeah, because she put on an act. She's a toxic girl, and I'm glad Eren broke up with her." "Why did you never tell me about this?" "Because I'm an amazing friend who doesn't tell others about someone's secret. Anyway, I need to do some work. But first, I'm going to go freshen up since I've looked like a decaying corpse ever since I woke up this morning."
~/~ A loud laugh exited my lips when I witnessed a very angry Levi sit next to me in the lecture hall. He just glared at me as I continued cackling until my stomach hurt and tears pricked the corners of my eyes. A click of the tongue was heard from the male beside me as I started to calm down, wiping away the moisture that resided on my face. "Are you about done, darlin'?" he asked bitterly and I nodded with a grin staining my lips. "Yep... Now, tell me why you're wearing that?" I spoke, stifling another cackle that threatened to leave my lips. He rolled his eyes before responding, "I was having tea on the way to school, with Isabel and Farlan, and some fucking idiot decides to bump into me. I spat some profanities at the idiot since he caused me to drop my tea on my shirt. Luckily, my trousers aren't spoiled. Anyway, I asked Farlan if he had a spare shirt or something in his bag, but he didn't. I didn't want to, but I had to ask Isabel and she said she has a top. She handed it to me with nervousness because it happened to be this - a stupid pink, unicorn t-shirt. I have no idea why she had this of all things in her bag but I had no choice but to wear it even though it's so fucking small and stupid. Please tell me you have a hoodie or a jacket so I can hide it." "Yeah, I have this hoodie." I chucked the black, zip-up hoodie at him after he told his story, which I chuckled at a few times. But damn, because the shirt was small on him, I could really analyse his abs. The fabric outlined his perfectly sculpted form and I just wanted to trace my finger over all the lines. How much does he work out? "Thanks," he mumbled, slipping it on and zipping it up. "No problem, Mr Moody. I'll suffer in the cold for you." "It's not my fault you decided to wear a crop top." "And it's not my fault you spilt tea on yourself." "Well, I'm not going to five lectures today, wearing a unicorn shirt." "Ugh, don't remind me that we have five lectures. I can't wait for this day to be over." "... Oi, darlin'? It looks like that guy wants your attention," Levi pointed out and motioned to behind me, towards rows on the other side of the hall. I turned my head and my eyes met Jean's, who had a smirk on his lips. "Oh my god! Jean!" I exclaimed and sprang out of my seat, pushing past Levi, who blocked my path, and rushed to the brown-haired male, tightly hugging him. "Where were you this whole time? You don't know how much I worried for you! I started to think you died!" I frowned and resisted slapping him across the face for the sudden disappearance. "It's a bunch of stories. And since Professor Mike has just entered, you should take a seat." "You bastard, you're explaining everything to me at lunch." "Yeah, I will. Now, go sit down next to whoever that is." I nodded and quickly went back to the row where I sat with Levi and a couple of other people who minded their own business. He threw me a questioning look, which I acknowledged, but kept silent for a moment as I had my attention on our lecturer. "Jean Kirstein. I've known him since secondary school, where we kind of dated. He's been gone for like a month. No one heard from him during that time and he hadn't told anyone he was going to disappear. People, including myself, literally thought he died," I summed up quietly to answer Levi's wordless inquiry. "I swear, I'm going to punch that smug face of his later." "Hold on... You just said you dated that guy?" "We were fifteen I think, and he asked me out, so I said yeah. Before that, though, he had asked me several times, but I didn't trust him or take him seriously because he's a serious flirt and a dickhead, who I love dearly, no matter what I say about him. Back to the point, we were together for about five months, but we felt like we were forcing it. I don't know, it just didn't feel right to me, so we decided to stay friends. I'm glad we aren't awkward around each other or whatever because I wouldn't want to lose him even though he still flirts with me and pisses me off." "I see..." Levi replied as if pondering about something. "You have some weird friends/friendships." "Oi, I treasure my friends because they are the best I could ask for. Some I met in secondary school, and some I met here. Eren and Hanji are the only ones I've known for the longest. I've been friends with Hanji since I was like four or five, and Eren - since I was nine." Wondering why I'm telling him so much about myself even after Eren's scolding? Basically, since I didn't attempt to keep a distance myself and Levi, Eren decided to barge in again (he doesn't even come to the same university as us and he still somehow interferes). We had another (not small) argument, and I chose to be a bitch about it by talking to Levi and hanging out with him most of the time. But I haven't gotten his number, and we haven't been to each other's house yet since we have only known each other for two weeks and I do think that it's a bit too early for that. I am mature enough to make my own decisions so Eren doesn't need to get involved. "Me and Eren are kind of... dealing with some problems right now. I mean, I want to talk to him, but that means we'll have to talk about the topic of our argument. What if that just makes things worse? He's a great friend, he's been there for me all the time and I don't want to lose him either. And damn, his eyes, I could stare at them all day," I was more mumbling to myself than actually talking to Levi, but I'm pretty sure he still heard me. "And his ass," Levi added quietly, letting a small smirk creep onto his lips. What I learned about Levi was that he doesn't smile or laugh, but he smirks. "But seriously, it sounds like you got a crush on the guy." "Keep your mouth shut, Ackerman. I love him as a friend, nothing more." "What are you arguing about?" he asked, pushing my retort to the side. "Uhh... I would prefer not to share." "Okay." He shrugged and we both decided to focus on the lecture and make notes instead of chatting away. He wasn't the one to stick his nose into other people's business and I was glad about that. ~/~ The sound of skin smacking skin against echoed in the canteen over the voices of students. Jean's head was forced to turn ninety degrees to the left once my hand connected with his.
Hey, I wasn't being violent or rude, don’t worry. He gave me permission to slap him because he knew how angry I would be since he left without saying a word. "Thank you," I muttered and picked up my handmade sandwich. "Do you feel better?" He rubbed his reddening cheek as I nodded. "Yes. Now, explain." "Well, a couple of days before I left, my mum's cousin died. She was really close to him, my mum and her aunt lived near each other when they were younger so my mum and her cousin always used to hang out. They kind of grew apart since they moved away from each other, but still tried to stay in contact. So, we went to Germany to see my mum's family and to attend the funeral." "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Now, I feel bad for being annoyed with you and slapping you." "Don't worry about it," Jean said, giving me a small smile. "And we were there for a month because my mum decided she wanted to spend as much time as she could with her family. I'm sorry for not saying anything about it or telling you while I was gone. I was so busy and had a lot on my mind." "Yeah, I understand. I'm so sorry. Ugh, I bet you hate me now." "(Y/N), stop stressing over it. I don't hate you," he told me, lightly laughing. "Anyway, what have I missed?" "Not much. People thought you died. Eren broke up with Mikasa. I made some new friends: Levi, Isabel and Farlan and they're all very nice. Eren and I got in an argument and that's about it." "I'm surprised he finally dumped her. And, what happened between you two?" "He's just being overprotective." "And you never are?" "... Kind of. But, he's not letting me do what I want," I pouted like a little child. "I'm sure he's doing it for your own good." "Since when did you decide to side with him?" "When it concerns you." I rolled my eyes and continued eating as we carried on conversing, getting interrupted by a Levi. I looked up at him questioningly as he plopped down in the space next to me. "Where's Isabel and Farlan?" "They both went home since they have no more lectures today." "Aw, so decided to sit with me - your best friend?" I teased as he clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. "Oh, Jean, this is Levi. And Levi, this is Jean." "Hi," the raven curtly spoke as Jean responded more politely. I was about to speak up but my phone's buzzing prevented me from doing that. I fished it out of my pocket and answered it. "(Y/N)?" "Yes?" I replied with uncertainty since I haven't gotten a call from him in a week. "Are you still at uni?" "Yeah, why?" This time, I spoke more confidently. "When do you finish?" "I have one more lecture." "Okay. Can you meet me at the cafe after your lecture?" "Why?" "I want to talk to you." "... Sure. Bye." I sighed and ended the call as the two males I sat with looked at me in question. "None of your b--" I was cut off when my phone rang again and I answered it. "Hey. What do you want, Hanji?" "Could you get some snacks on the way home?" "Please don't tell me you invited people over." "Hey, they're your friends as well. Most of them are, anyway." "I'm not in the mood for people right now. And I'm meeting Eren at the cafe after. So, since you're inviting them, go get the stuff yourself." "But I'm home, I don't want to go out again." I huffed. "What time did you tell them to come over?" "At around seven." "Fine. I'll get whatever you want, just send me a list." "Okay. Thank you so much, (Y/N)!" "Whatever. I'll see you later." "Bye!" "I never got an invite," Jean fakely whined. "Yeah, because she probably thinks you're dead. She hasn't seen you yet." "Oh, yeah. Can I come, though?" "You ask her. I'm sure she'll be happy," I told him before looking at Levi who was about to speak up. "Don't even think about it, Ackerman. I don't want you stalking me." "I wasn't going to ask if I could come. I was going to--" "Hey, Levi~" All three heads turned to a group of girls who stood behind me and Levi. I immediately rolled my eyes since I knew why they were here - they wanted the oh so charming Levi to notice them and try and get a date with him. He's only been here for two weeks and he's like a freaking celebrity. "Hi..." "Are you free later?" "No, sorry. I'm... going bowling with (Y/N)." I briefly frowned before morphing it into a smile to the girls whose eyes lingered on me. Oh, how jealous they were. "Oh, that's sad. We probably could have done something better. Maybe another time." "Yeah, sure, whatever." The three girls walked away, making sure to give me a dirty look, and I lightly punched Levi's arm. "Hey, don't bring me into this. I don't want people hating on me just because I hang out with you. Just give those bitches what they deserve and straight-up reject them. Unless, of course, you want them to be all over you." "I do not want them all over me, but I don't want to 'straight-up reject them' because that's... rude." I scoffed tauntingly. "I never knew you cared about others' feelings." "Well, you've only known me for a couple of weeks. You either have good judgment or just jump to conclusions." "The first one. Jumping to conclusions, which I don't do, causes problems." "What about the time--" "Shut your mouth, Jean." "That will be difficult if I'm kissing you." I playfully rolled my eyes and a smile remained on my lips as I lightly kicked his shin under the table. The table was silent for a minute so I decided to check the time, noticing that we have to get to our last lecture in a few minutes. There was no rush so we chose to stay sitting and just relax before flooding our brains with gibberish. ~/~ "(Y/N)." I slightly shifted in my seat to turn around upon hearing my name. There stood my (male) best friend who gave me a little smile before sitting down in the chair opposite me. He noticed the iced tea placed on the table in front of him and his smile slightly widened as I sipped on my coffee before leaving it on the wooden surface. "What did you want to talk about?" I inquired. "I'm sorry for--" "You don't need to apologise. I've done the same thing to you but you somehow put up with me. I'm sorry for not listening to you even though you're just caring about me. And, since I was angry with you, Levi sort of knows my whole life story..." I confessed as Eren sighed and leaned back in his chair, taking a sip of his beverage. "But, we haven't exchanged numbers or told each other where we live." "Good. I'm going to give Levi another two weeks before making my judgment. Only then will I give you his number." "... I missed talking to you. Sorry about everything." It's not only your fault. I get that you don't want someone to mess with your life." "And I might just hold back a little on barging into your life." "I'm actually glad you got involved, to be honest. I would still be controlled by Mikasa if it wasn't for you." I gave him a wink and a grin. We stayed there for about an hour, just talking and laughing before we decided to head home. Even though he would have to go home in the opposite direction, he walked me home. It wasn't even dark either so I scolded him for wasting time but he brushed it off with a grin and rested his arm over my shoulders. "Oh, shit," I whispered and Eren questioned what happened. "Hanji asked me to get some things for her since she's organised a party of sorts that I don't want to be there for." "Oh, yeah, she invited me, but I didn’t feel like going,” he told me as I abruptly changed our route. "And since you don't want to be there, why don't we drop off her things and leave? We could do something since it's Friday and we have nothing to do." "Hm. I don't mind. Where do you want to go?" "Don't know. Wherever our feet take us." He shrugged. "Okay, let's do that, then." After getting whatever was on Hanji’s list, we dropped it off before promptly leaving. And then, Eren and I had mindlessly walked around until we found ourselves at a bowling alley. "Oh, (Y/N)!" a shrill voice called, catching my attention as I took a sip of my slushie and watched Eren throw a bowling ball down the lane, knocking down seven of the pins. He turned around and I smiled at him, knowing he wouldn't be happy. I could tell he was forcing back a scowl as he approached me and the other three: Isabel, Farlan and Levi.
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Text
The Beginning of the After (a.i)
Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Fem! Reader
Summary: Every person has a before and an after. Now it’s Ashton’s turn to deal with the after you created.
Warnings: Angst. Language. Mentions of alcohol. Probably some grammar mistakes (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)
Word count: 4 k
Author’s note: I missed writing for Ash so much! This fic comes with an afterthought question: Is there a bad guy in every story? Remember that Reblogs, Comments, Feedback and Likes are very important! They really help a lot and are more than welcome and encouraged, I love to hear from you guys 💕 Hope you like it and Happy Reading ✨🦋🌻
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The bitter liquor burned his throat as he swallowed the liquid like it was nothing, it felt like nothing. It was his first drink of the night and he cannot promise it would be his last. He knows he should be ashamed of himself but lately, he doesn’t even know who he is and if he would ever become the person he was again. Truth is, he doesn’t care, not anymore. Not since the day you left.
He could still remember how cold the house felt the day he came back just a little bit late. He remembers how his smile stiffened as he opened the door and couldn’t hear your laugh, or your voice, or even feel your presence anymore. He has almost forgotten how it was to live on his own, already so used to you.
His grip tightened around the glass, knuckles turning white as he felt the ice melt inside the empty glass, trying desperately to feel something other than the emptiness you left, not only at your side of the bed but also inside of him.
How could you just leave him like that? No note, no calls, no texts. It was like you were never there, to begin with.
Before he could realize it, his glass was full once again and he just stared at it. It was almost funny how he found himself in the same situation he was a few years prior, the years before you. And now, after you, he felt like the alcohol mocked him and his failure. But, did he really fail?
It was impossible to know. Not without you here, at least. But the alcohol didn’t know that, the strangers looking at him pitifully didn’t know that. They just knew that a lonely man was standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring at his drink and wishing everything could just stop for a second. Maybe if the world stopped he could break down and still feel as strong instead of drowning his sorrows with past mistakes.
They didn’t allow him to break down. Not in the way he wanted at least, not in the way he needed. They were very quick to jump to conclusions, friends you once called your own now trashed your name like a bad word. Their loyalty blinded them from any common sense, seeing how much he was hurting. One thing you might have forgotten is that you hurt them too with your departure, you were their friend, after all, the only difference is that they transformed the pain into a rage, believing that some things are better to avoid than to feel.
But he couldn't have that luxury, he always said that he was cursed with feeling too much, creating a mixture of feelings that turned into nothing and everything at the same time, and right now he wished he could just turn everything off and go to sleep. Hoping that if he wished hard enough everything would be good once he woke up.
“Hey, Ash!-” Calum called over the loud music, trying to get his attention. But as soon as his eyes met the glass his friend was holding, his smile faded completely.
Ashton could feel the disappointment in his friend’s demeanor. He was disappointed in himself as well, but that was as obvious as the moon glowing at night. He knew drinking would not solve his problems or bring you back again, but he didn’t know what else to do. It was the only thing he remembers before you.
His eyes burned, unsure if it was because of the alcohol or the tears he was trying to hold back for the sake of his friend. Yet, he still managed to smile at Calum, hoping he could believe his bluff. But everyone with a pair of eyes could tell the meaningless smile on his face. His dimples stopped showing once you left and his smile barely reached his eyes anymore. He became a shell of a man he once was.
Calum’s eyes were still on the half-empty glass in Ashton’s hand “It’s my second and last” He said, but judging by the way he was holding onto the glass for dear life, that was clearly a lie.
Brown eyes meet Hazel as they have a silent conversation. Worry and pity clash with the walls Ashton created, ending with a deep sigh and a simple nod.
“There is someone I’d like you to meet,” The curly-haired man said with a smile, wrapping an arm around Ashton’s shoulders.
A small flashback appeared on his mind, he said the same thing the night he met you a few years ago. A shiver ran down his spine as he felt dizzy, removing himself from Calum’s hold.
“No.” That was all he said.
“Dude-”
“I said no, Calum” He knew he might be acting a little bit aggressive towards someone that didn’t deserve it. But he wants nothing to do with meeting new people, especially knowing that his friends were trying to set him up with another lover to try and get him to forget you.
But he was not the only one who was frustrated with the situation “You can’t keep hanging on to-”
“That’s my business, isn’t it?” Ashton said as he gulped his drink in its entirety, avoiding Calum’s eyes as he filled it up again “Listen, I appreciate what you’re doing but I’m not ready. Just because you guys forgot about her like it was yesterday's news doesn’t mean I did.”
Calum was about to say something along the lines of how he hasn’t forgotten you nor forgiven you for that matter, or maybe he’d just throw another insult at the person you became once you disappeared from everyone’s lives. Ashton knew it all already, but he also knew that the truth was that Calum felt guilty over this whole situation, he was the one who introduced you to Ashton, the one who created the beginning of the aftermath. But before he could even muster the first word, Ashton was already walking away.
He pushed through the sea of strangers, not stopping to talk to any of them as he felt the urge for a little bit of fresh air. He knew Calum meant well, all of them did. But he knew the hidden meaning behind these unnecessary parties, the careless comments and light gossip on other people Ashton’s never heard of before, and the unsettling silence that it came after the sound of your name.
Ashton knew he should do it. He should just forget you and move on but things are not that easy for him. He loved you, he still does and he's not sure he should. He once told you he couldn't imagine a life without you, a life without loving you and he still can’t, even after you were the one who left. If you asked him he would say that he loves you like the first day, but the pain is something entirely different that overshadows everything that comes into his path, even the love that you once had.
He managed to get out of the house before he felt like drowning, taking a huge gasp of air as he stepped outside. A crushing weight came over him as he let the suffocating stream of tears fall down his eyes. He breathed once, twice, three times before brushing them away, he wasn’t going to break down here. He counted to ten and told himself that it will all be over once he reaches home, that he will be fine once he goes to bed, and allows himself to shut down for the day, ignoring the cold space next to him as he closes his eyes. Cause reality isn’t real once he gets to sleep, even if it meant sleeping without you by his side. Then it will be another day where he could pretend longer that he doesn’t miss you, that he is strong enough to carry the weight of your unsaid goodbye and fool his friends with laughs and jokes until they stop worrying about him.
He doesn't like pretending, but he has no other choice. His spirit is divided into letting go and holding on to his pretense, scared of both consequences. But he is not himself anymore, who was he before you? and who could he become after you? He feels like a stranger in his own mind, the only person who could bring him back was long gone and you were not coming back.
Ashton drowned the rest of his drink and stared at his watch, counting the seconds until he could finally go home without anyone being on his case.
“You still count the minutes till midnight?”
The voice came from behind him. The urge of turning around got overshadowed by the strength in which his feet stood their ground. He felt how the hair on his back started to frizz as a shiver ran down his whole body. He must’ve heard wrong…
“Ash?”
He gripped his glass with enough strength that it almost broke in his fingers. This couldn’t be happening, not right now. He never wished to be drunk as much as this moment.
He heard a few steps behind him, he couldn’t figure if they were walking away or coming closer. He needed to know. He needed closure. So he did the most foolish thing he could've done and turned around.
Ashton was sure he was seeing ghosts at that moment. His body is completely frozen despite the alcohol running down his veins. You can’t be here standing in front of him, not after all this time. What kind of prank is this one?
“Hi, Ashton,” You said, tucking your hair behind your ear, suddenly feeling small standing in front of him. He noticed that you weren't smiling but you wanted to, seeing him took a toll on you as well.
He, however, didn’t say anything, how could he? It was like you knocked all the air inside his lungs and left him speechless.
You were here, in front of him. You were wearing the sweater he bought you, wrapping your arms around yourself to protect you from the cold air of the night. Ashton would’ve given you his jacket the moment he saw you shiver, but that seemed so far away right now, almost like another life.
He hasn’t seen you in months and now you were here, and all you could say was hi?
“I wanted to talk to you,” You said, voice small as you looked into his hazel eyes, wishing you knew what was going on inside his head. Did he want you to leave? Would he talk to you? Does he hate you as much as you hate yourself?
Ashton closed his eyes for a moment, hoping that this was all a dream, but when he opened them back you were still there, standing like a deer caught in the headlights. The muffled sound of music was long gone as the only thing he could hear was the beating of his heart, pounding so rapidly he thought it might stop.
“Ash?”
“Now you want to talk?”
His voice sounded harsher than he intended, he noticed by the way you flinched at his words. He would apologize but he didn’t know how “You left me six months ago without a word and now you want to talk?”
All his feelings melted together in a wave of unprompted anger. He wasn’t ready to see you tonight, and now you cornered him wanting to talk, something you refused to do the night you broke him. The irony of it all almost made him laugh.
“I-” You stuttered but he didn’t let you finish.
“Six months ago I came to find an empty home. You are not there, your stuff, your clothes, your fucking toothbrush! All gone! And not a single explanation” All the feelings he bottled up were surfacing now. He didn’t care if he was yelling, he didn’t care that you started crying, he didn’t care that he started crying. This was too much. This was not fair.
“Do you know- Can you even imagine how scared I was? Especially after you didn’t pick up the phone for hours, for days! I-I didn’t know if you were okay I-I thought something happened to you and then I get a call from one of your fucking friends telling me not to contact you anymore?! Do you realize how horrible that was? How excruciatingly painful it was to hear those words from a stranger?”
“I’m sorry! I-”
He didn’t want to hear it. “Sorry doesn't cut it, Y/N!” Ashton threw the glass somewhere in the grass, he would clean it after if it broke “Sorry is what you say when someone’s grandma died. Sorry is what you say immediately after you make a mistake. So sorry is not enough right now”
“What are you doing here? Where have you been?! What made you walk away from nearly five years of relationship? Did you just wake up one day and decided to leave me and all that we've been through behind? Did I do something to make you leave?” He whispered the last part, brushing away the tears that were still rolling down his cheek.
“No!” You quickly said “God, no. Ashton, you did nothing wrong! It was me, it was all me!”
“I can’t make sense of anything since you left” Ashton’s voice was hoarse, broken. The anger was coming down but the uncertainty and the heartbreak quickly replaced it “I barely eat or sleep or… Why did you do it? We were happy, weren’t we? Did I fail you somehow? Help me understand how we went from a happy, healthy couple to you running away without a trace for me to follow. Why, Y/N? Why?!”
“I found the ring!” You snapped, sobbing as the truth left your mouth.
Ashton felt like a bucket of water had fallen on him, soaking him and taking every ounce of heat his body could create.
He bought a ring, yes, he even got Luke's help to pick it up. He was planning to propose somewhere along the year to come. He loved you and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, how could he not? You were everything he wanted, everything he needed, and now… Now he doesn’t know who you are.
You are still standing with your arms wrapped around you as you cry. Soft sobs escape your mouth as you try to mutter a word, anything that could excuse the hurt that you caused him. The Y/N he knew would’ve never hurt him the way that you did, where was she now?
“I found the ring that morning after you left for the studio,” You said, as calmly as you could. Staring into Ashton’s eyes to make sure he was listening “I was rearranging the closet and it just fell from your coat… Next thing I knew I was driving to San Diego”
You saw Ashton’s chest rise and fall with the deep breaths he took. His face was numb, expressionless as you continued talking, not knowing if you’d ever stop “I- I was scared, Ashton. I wasn’t ready for marriage and we never really talked about it before and- Everything happened so fast! So I did the most horrible thing I could ever do and just ran away and there is not one day where I don’t regret that”
“Ashton, I love you. I love you and I never stopped loving you for a second. The minute I realized what I’ve done it was too late, you were probably already home and I knew you’d hate me. I-I couldn’t go back, it was too late and I-”
“Then why are you here?” The words felt like venom for the two of you “Why are you here now, Y/N?”
“Cause I love you. And it took me all this time to realize that I can’t live without you. Do you think you are the only one suffering from my decisions? Ashton, I haven’t left the house for weeks. I cry myself to sleep every night cause I miss you by my side. You consume my every thought and I just couldn't take it anymore, I needed to see you, to say I’m sorry and to ask for you to take me back. I love you and I know you still love me, babe. Please-”
“No.” The word fell out of his mouth before he even realized it.
This is the moment where you both feel could last forever. The time stops as you both take in Ashton’s word: No. And all that he means by that.
“Ash-”
“No, Y/N” He stopped crying, but the pain inside his eyes was crystal clear “Y-You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to reappear in my life after you left me. You left me! You broke me and I had to pick up the pieces, I’m not even healed yet and here you come to open the wound even more”
“I-”
“You are a coward!” Ashton spat, “Five years! We fucking knew each other for five years! I loved you for five years and I thought we could trust each other cause that's what couples do. But no, apparently that wasn't enough. You walked away instead of facing this like a fucking grown-up. You said you were scared? So was I! But I was so sure of my feelings for you that I was willing to fight those fears, I was going to fight them with you cause that’s what we do! We don’t turn away from each other, especially when things get rough and that’s exactly what you did. You abandoned me, body and spirit and took it all with you”
“If you had talked to me that day we could’ve worked it all out. Tell me you are not ready for marriage? Perfect! then we’re not getting married. I didn’t need a piece of paper or a fancy ring to know that I still would’ve wanted to spend the rest of my life next to you. But you… for you, it was so easy to just leave”
“I never said it was easy, Ashton!” You defended, but he didn’t care.
“And yet here you are, six months later. If the guilt wasn’t eating you up would you ever come back?” Ashton asks, taking a step closer to you, already knowing the answer “This is not love, Y/N” He said with a broken voice “This is not how it's supposed to be. You are doing your duty, what you think is the best for you cause you know you fucked up. If you cared you wouldn’t have left in the first place, you would’ve come back the minute you realized this was a mistake cause God knows I would've taken you back then”
He felt like he was being unfair to you but he couldn’t push away past the pain and the anger. He couldn’t understand why you left him, why it was so easy for you to run away while he spent the past few months in an emotional coma. He wasn't allowed to run away from his feelings and yet, you did. You left him alone with no comfort and thought that you could have fixed everything when the damage was already irreparable.
“You have no right coming here and try to undo the mess you created, thinking everything would be fine between the both of us. I’m not the same man you fell in love with and you are clearly not the same girl I fell in love with. Pain can change people and, baby, you completely wrecked me”
“I know” You cried silently “I know, Ash and I have regretted it from the beginning. I was selfish and-”
“That’s right, you were and still are by coming here” He wiped his face with the palm of his hand, trying to compose himself “And I’m not just talking about me. Do you have any idea how much you hurt the boys? Their partners? We were a family and you just broke it like it was nothing. Five years of nothing. I'm glad to know that's all we meant for you”
“Ashton, please!” You begged him to stop talking. You knew you deserved this, that he was right on almost everything he said except on the part that you didn't care. You did more than you should and, you just hoped that maybe, just maybe... “I fucked up! I know, and you have every right to hate me-
“That’s the problem!” Ashton said with a dry laugh that held all the resentment he had towards himself “I wish I could hate you but the truth is that it’s completely the opposite. I should hate you, cause loving you just hurts too much”
His words hurt more than believing he hated you. You wish he hated you “Ashton, I-”
The sound of the back door opening and a slight gasp caught you both by surprise.
“What is she doing here?” Michael asked defiantly as he started walking towards Ashton, followed by Calum and Luke.
“She was just leaving,” Ashton said, looking at you like it was nothing. Like you were nothing.
Everyone stood quiet as the black-haired man stood his ground. You didn't dare to watch the hatred in his bandmates eyes, so you concentrated only in him. Although as soon as you did that you regretted it instantly.
His eyes had nothing to show other than utter disappointment. His voice was firm and cold as steel, whoever this person was, it was not the Ashton they used to know. No, that Ashton died the day you left. The day that marked the beginning of the after.
Your eyes filled with a new set of tears as you took a step towards him “Ash…” But you were interrupted as Luke stood in front of you, blocking you from giving another step “You heard him” Was all he said.
You watched as Ashton started to walk inside next to Calum and Michael, not even sparing a glance towards your direction one last time.
“No, no no no. Luke” You beg to the tall Australian “Luke, please I-”
Luke softly grabbed you by the shoulders and pleaded “Please, Y/N/N. Don’t make this any more difficult for any of us. Please”
And just like that, you watched as Ashton disappeared inside the house, just like you did to him.
*
“Hey, Ashton!” Calum called over the music, a big smile decorating his face.
Ashton turned around and smiled just as wide as his friend “What’s up?”
“There is someone I'd like you to meet” The teasing in his voice was apparent. Ashton rolled his eyes, knowing the game too well.
He was about to say something until he laid eyes on the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. Her smile seemed to illuminate the room and her eyes sparkled like a thousand stars. An invisible halo surrounded her as she made her way towards Calum and him, and he knew this was the someone Calum wanted him to meet. It was too perfect to be real.
Ashton stood in complete awe in front of this stranger whose cheeks tinted red the moment she laid eyes on the drummer. He shook his head out of the trance and extended his hand for you to take.
“Hi, I’m Ashton,” He said with a smile filled with dimples.
You took his hand on yours and you both could feel the immediate spark. They were already hooked and they didn’t even know their names yet.
“I’m Y/N, nice to meet you”
“The pleasure is all mine, love,” He said while bringing your hand to his lips and planting a sweet kiss on your knuckles “I have a feeling that this would be the beginning of something”
You chuckled “Something good, I hope?”
Ashton smiled “Something beautiful”
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