#im desperate to know because its so funny
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One more thing I can't stop thinking about with the Astarion/bear-Halsin fuck scene was the fact that Larian cut off and censored it at a certain point with a "not appropriate for stream" sign which implies that it GETS MORE EXPLICIT THAN WHAT THEY SHOWED ON THE STREAM????
DID PEOPLE HAVE TO RENDER A BEAR DICK??????????????????????????????????????????
#im desperate to know because its so funny#how far did they go for this???#who was the poor soul/s that spent hours rendering this scene??#bg3#baldur's gate#baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate#astarion#halsin#bg3 astarion#bg3 halsin#larian studios
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As much as I joke, I should note that I don't actually see Bill as a sweet little innocent baby who couldn't do no harm.
It's hard to explain but: Do I still feel bad that I now know he didn't intend to destroy his dimension and carries that grief, and that truly he's a desperate person trying to find him and his friends a home to stay in so they don't disintegrate when the edge of the world approaches them? Yeah. Does that mean id be totally fine if he had taken over earth and turned it into the nightmare realm? HELL NO! Get that dorito bastard away from my dirt!!!
Do I feel bad that he's suffering in theraprism? Kinda, yeah. Do I find it hilarious that he's suffering in theraprism. Absolutely. Is that a question? That's fucking awesome. These coexist simultaneously in my mind.
#gravity falls#bill cipher#book of bill#book of bill spoilers#its hard to say he got what he deserved because#he was kinda a victim of circumstance?#like I wanna say “he didn't have to try and show his dimension his visions”#but as someone who relates to characters who desperately feel they have to prove the world they see to others#i cant say his actions are *entire* selfish and that hes awful for that#and then from that moment on hes on the run#looking at it that way you can see all the justifications he made to himself#“if im being chased by the law anyway why not break a few more interdimentional laws?”#“well if we stay here were gonna die so i might as well steal the home of SOME dimension right?”#“im just a guy trying to survive out here. i gotta make a living somehow”#yet still. knowing hes kinda a victim of circumstances he still chose to be cruel#i still judge him for destroying what never belonged to him in a desperate attempt for attention and control#which is kinda why a second chance and therapy is great for him#finally he wont have those circumstances and hes being forced to learn from his actions and change#...still hilarious though HJRBDJJYG#hes so upset in therapy its so funny omg
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hi, who's the funniest celebrity to be eaten by a sphinx?
I live under a rock and needed Taylor Swift explained to me a few months ago so I only know the ones who are like, political inconveniences. and death by sphinx is a very Specific way to go that's too grand and dramatic to be actually funny for most of them.
#like first thought was musk because of how smart he thinks he is. but 'killed by a royal sphinx' is too Big to be funny for#a dude whos got such a desperate need for attention#drump is out for similar reason His greed is what most would characterize him by but hes too bumbling for Sphinx death to thematically work#Anyways theyre a pixelated gore blob in this comic. its just the last name i need so im Definitely over thinking this#but every frame is a chance for a joke tou know how it is
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✨
#hey have any of my longtime mutuals played isat because of my supremely out of left field incessant posting about it yet#its just very funny that i have pivoted from like zero fanart for the past. A WHILE. to uh. THIS???#and im hoping that it has infected at least ONE of you. PLEASE. im BEGGING.#i know nobody was exactly following me for my art beforehand so LMAO but. i hope to god my word of mouth is working#because this SURE IS some kind of simpering desperate response to media i have not had in. A WHILE. and i think i am trying to repay#something akin to the weight of my soul here. and the payment is foaming word of mouth that translates to steam sales i hope#and if ive spoilered you on it due to said posting. Oops. Well. C'est la vie??#lucabytetalks
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really want to blow this account up and start fresh but ... i like having the archive of things... i have a very shoddy memory so its nice to have access to a memory-keeping space.... i just feel so unhappy with and embarrassed by the people I've been (though im grateful they got us through all that shit, even though we're not really anywhere good still)
i just. head in my hands. i feel so embarrassed by everything I've ever been and I wish I could hide it all away so people don't see that and carry it with them in their idea of me.
....I think maybe my loneliness is starting to get to me! I am wanting to show people my Best self, but that is not my true self. i just want so badly to be likeable and to have friends 😭
#im not cool im not talented im not optimistic or positive im not funny im not clever or smart#i have so little to offer but i want connection so desperately#im really trying hard to stop being such a complainer and downer but holy moly life is so unkind lately#im remaining as positive as i can ;-; but it is. so hard. when it feels like death is watching you from just around the corner#the abuse doesnt end and mother just keeps acting worse.#i want so badly to be happy and positive and not such a terrified mess all the time but. i do not know if it is possible#and im Doing things lately!! trying to give myself other things to focus on !!#going to the centre as often as possible and helping in the kitchen there and making art and learning coding and doing cleaning#but unfortunately i cannot seem to escape the feelings of doom and fear bc of... my situation#idk im just very frustrated and upset. im trying really hard. i just think my trying isnt good enough unfortunately#it feels rather unfair that abuse isolates me directly and indirectly. and im trying not to blame it on all that#because i know i need to put work in myself. i cannot just play the victim. and i AM trying and putting work in#its just... not enough. i dont know how much more i can do though. i dont know HOW to do more.#anyways. im sorry for being like this. im trying to improve and im trying to stop being such a scared sad sap all the time#i will have to keep thinking on perhaps starting anew somehow but i dont rly know if thats possible fjfkfl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#abuse cw
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just had the horrifying realisation that i might be a gold jewelery person rather than a silver jewelery person . . .
#no because i know technically i shouldve made the realisation a long time ago#because i do have a warm undertone and most indian / brown girlies look absolutely fantastic in gold#like i was raised with pure 24 karat gold around me everywhere#why did i fall to the standards of western society#i always used silver jewelery as a way to rebel against the stereotypes#to show that i was different#because i didnt want to be stereotyped with all the other one billion people of my country#and i used silver jewelery and other alternatives to distance myself away from them#because i didnt live there anymore#and havent for a long time#i so desperately wanted to be different from the one billion other people who live there#and it can be especially hard when your parents compare you to others your age who can flaunt gold easily#so i seeked comfort in silver jewelery and other alternatives#almost as a way to rebel from my parents and the stereotypes foreigners place on my country#its funny how those people who once liked silver now look at gold with envy#while theres me doing the opposite#i found comfort in silver because it helped me figure out who i am#but if silver is my present then gold was my past#and ive been trying so hard to bury gold down#tarnishing the once shiny metal with my words and thoughts#slowly ive been realising that perhaps this isnt the correct way#maybe its as simple as putting on some fake-gold earrings and realising i look better in them#maybe it was just that short moment of thought#but i think that its been brewing in my brain for a long time but i never wanted to let it come to light#because im so afraid of conforming to those negative stereotypes they have of me#but im proud that lately ive been trying to come to peace with my heritage and my past#silver jewelery gave me the space i needed to explore who i am and discover my own identity#but it can never be completely who i am because i was born in gold#ive been trying to come at peace with my heritage and my identity#and i dont think im there yet
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I saw the "#is there yaoi in the arakawa family" tag basically right as it popped up in the notes and was also left completely dead on the pavement, but honestly? As someone who is wholly and irrevocably AraSawa-pilled (whether said pill is red or blue in color is up to interpretation...), it's objectively SO much funnier if they're just Like That. I love your comics on the topic!
There's also some element of this post I saw earlier I think, divorced from the sexual context since it's not really relevant to what I want to talk about (you'll just have to bear with me there I guess lol, can't help what the post says). It's also still pretty melodramatic applied to them (even for me) when it chiefly is just. Hilarious. But what I'm trying to say is that, taking a more serious approach, "unresolved potential" is such a compelling and central recurring beat here, so what's one more instance?
I guess that post kind of presupposes that there is or could be yaoi, but I think it's kind of like. The concept of "yuri of absence." But with dads. Like that's along the lines of the emotion things like the pair of armchairs on the second floor of Jo's office evokes in me. Honestly I think this particular ask is probably one of the least intelligible I've sent and I'll probably regret it. But. It's. They're married. But they're not. But They're Married. BUT THEY'RE NOT. But th
after meeting with The Arakawa Family Council the verdict i bring to everyone today on Is There Yaoi In The Arakawa Family is:
Well,
#fave#snap chats#OK BUT NO I FEEL LIKE I AGREE TOTALLY#like it really is... indescribable.... like what's going on here... because it's definitely something..... but not THAT but????#yeah they're married but i don't think they know that.#like its different from the married/divorced energy between kashiwagi and kazama yk what i mean#it's like. when hummingbirds co-evolve with flowers right.#like they just ACCIDENTALLY co-exist perfectly with each other after being around each other so long#like it infinitely is better if its just limbo situation where its like. What Do We Even Label This As. Should We. Do We.#cause again it's infinitely funnier if this all happens and they arent the slightest bit aware#desperately need a montage of arakawa and jo just being in really domestic situations together#but like. with the most This Isn't Anything Serious energy right#like ichi running into the office and jo and arakawa are just having a cute lil candlelit dinner#and ichi just Oh Is This Like... A Thing... but neither of them blink arakawa just wanna know what ichi wants like :)?#thank you for enjoying my comics on the idea though it's really fun walking the line between Being Serious and just Being Silly#i need to make more... but im so busy.... ill just rotate them in my head for now#ill just rb my old faves on the idea lmao#like its funny to toe being For Real bout it if not so i can make more silly slice of life manga parodies#i think itd just be funny if jo experiences human emotion for the first time and its in the most awkward situation imaginable#yk. the drama of it all its so goofy#ohhh but i dont wanna write my silly essay about them.. not now anyway... i do enjoy them immensely tho.#in case that wasn't evident. i'll ramble about them in another post of mine im sure :)#but yes thank you for your input i was hoping you'd come around LMAO i needed that peer review#and im glad- as per usual- we came to the same conclusion. We Don't Know.#edit: in review as it turns out its not old man yaoi its old man yuri. thats my final answer im locking it in
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heliaites you know how in the shaab stone arc flora says that only the principals knew about helia's plan,, and how codatorta is constantly referred to as a strict teacher who doesn't take shit from the students and is a huge hard ass to them,,
i just think that codatorta helia found family dad son
#like coda didn't know at all and he was so ready to defend helia i'm#like im a very firm helia isnt a student because of nepotism believer but if he was its definitely cause of coda ajkdhg#'helia was provoked' SIR PLEASE#helia heard some random dude talking shit and kicked his ass for fun he wasn't provoked at all ajkdgjldga#i love how codatorta is always all 'don't act like kids!! stop acting like boys!! youre grown men act like it!!'#and with helia he's like 'he's just a kid saladin he was provoked this isn't fair at all :(('#'theyre just boys sir!! its just tense !! the situation isnt severe at all!! boys being boys amirite sir!!!!'#codatorta i am so on to you#posts that are completely insane and incomprehensible to non heliaers#he's so funny honestly like no wonder riven immediately went to nepotism#i would too if the super strict asshole teacher went auto soft dad with the principal's grandson#anyway im in desperate need of helia codatorta found family bonding fics#i kind of have an idea for one but alas i am no poet#but anyway i just think that helia post first official mission panic attack#or my favorite flavor of helia angst first self defense Murder panic attack teehee
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being a student is always going so well until it Isn't .
#j.txt#vent#think i am going to drop this class that ive already had to put myself through and fallen short on twice. round three is looking Bad folks👍#I genuinely just. do not know what I am supposed to do anymore. it always seems like I understand the material and have vision of what-#I want to produce and then I go to execute and Bam. severe demand avoidance hit you like a knife in the ribs#I am simply So Tired of it. hitting my head against walls. being told I need to “experiment” without any explanation. having resources#offered and then never followed up upon. advice of I just need to buckle down and do it.being unmedicated lol. it's just Too Fucking Much<3#like its to a point that I am seriously and desperately considering changing my entire major. Over One Single Class. but I dont Want to not#be an artist it's the best thing I've ever been and I Know im good at it. just not. this part I suppose.#so funnie that im going to have to bring this up next therapy sesh and shes gonna go. this is a traumatic event that we should probably#deal with. like no yeah I realize trauma is for when things actually hurt you and this situation is so frustrating i could ***#but it definitely doesnt count because it's Me so yknow. we can just pack it up now and Not deal with it for yet another semester maybe<3#but like Whatever. academia is what you get out of it and all that and if nothing else we have tenacity etc etc o7
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Rrruagh. And my Doctor Who s/I!!!! Doctor Who seldshippers interact please god lets talk s/is. I have some many fun generic Powerful Little Guy ideas for mine I wanna hear about other people's. I know I'm not the only one who's made up an entire species
#selfship#selfship community#tagging this one bc like actually so desperate#i wanna rework.#rework** my guy. def not vibing woth t#with*** him being half demon anymore. I wanna fiddle with time shenanigans with him. I like when characters are running from something.#but like I'm thinking more... he's a much more powerful demon than he lets on. but for one reason or another he seemed to lose control of h#s powers. Hence why he sleeps so much. Like the other demons of old. sometimes he has moments where he rememebrs or knows more than he shou#ld and the doctor is like. 'well kids can be so funny' and Amyis like 'No doctor I think somethings wrong with him'#<- also debating the idea of like. him KNOWING of past regensbut when he meets 11 to this little demon its the first time hes ever Seen or#Heard of the doctor. Whys the TARDIS make him feel so safe? Oh well. She just does. He says its because he thinks she likes her. The Doctor#says thats ridiculous. Is it really?#I NEED to watch dw again so bad i have so many fun ideas to explore#tricks rambles#im not st all a fountain of dw either which makes this all the more fun!! im getting back into it slowly and exploring and poking 8)
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im so lucky to know so many people in my life to have met so many people in my life that are just life saving ill never not feel lucky people are so beautiful and kind and talented and funny and have so much worth everyone ive ever met anyone in my life i have ever touched i just cant believe it ill never be able to understand it how important everyone is how much i love people the degree to whihc i love people and everyone i have ever met ill just never ever be able to express the depth of how important it is to me it might be the most important part of my entire life. i just need people to know how much i love them im desperate for it to be known how important everyone ive ever met is to me. all of my friends everyone whos ever been kind to me and whoever ive been kind to it will never be lost on me how important it is. and i feel so lucky to be graced i guess by my friends. i cant imagine the life i would live without every event every person who ive ever crossed. i would never sacrifice anything to not be where i am now because of the people i know and have known. the people i know and talk to everyday or the people i see in a notification or pass by. i cant overstate your importance to me. i cant overstate how important i want people to feel. i want people to see themselves how i see them. i can not overstate your importance to me and i love you. im so lucky ill never be able to take it
#i just want ti go to sleep but i cant my sleep schedule has been so miserably depressing me#not that badly. i cherish every moment i have with the people around me and i cherish how lucky i am to be surrounded by such unbe#lievable people. i am happy everyday because people love me.#this will never be lost on me. the importance of it. the importance you all have will never ever be lost on me. your worth as a human being#you are so kind. you are so talented. you are loved by people because you are seen by people that way. i will never lose this#im miserably desperate for everyone i know to feel loved or to know that i love them. nothing will ever ever ever in my whole fucking life#ever be more important to me#nothing in my fucking life will ever be more important than that. please know how much you mean to this. to everything#i dont know what changed but i cry so often now and every single time my thoughts wander to how deeply i feel about this#im just sobbing and sobbing and im like. i love the people that care for me. i love the people i care for#i know when i stop crying or when the day rolls over i get to talk to everyone again. and i feel so lucky. i feel so desperate to explain it#how. much. it. means. to me. How badly i mean this and everything I say.#i dont fucking care if yoire my mutual from fandom or someone who random followed because my blog was funny#someone i talked to once or twice. you mean so much. i swear to god. ill never be mpre genuine or more serious. i guess#thats very kind of you to do that. or like my posts or anything. youre very kind for that. you mean alot to me.#i just dont want to fall asleep when the sun rises and wake up with a few hours to talk to people before im alone#i really hate it right now. and my neutral state has genuinely just been on the brink of crying. like if i sit still too long i just sob#thats genuinely how i have been for the past few days#and thats not the fault of anyone its just how my brain has been treating me#but whdn i get like this i just remember how lucky i feel about everything. like the depth of my feelings#you really just have to trust me when i say like how forever sincere and deep snd monumental it is to me. like please understand the depth#of when i say i love you. dear god i love everyone ive ever met i love you. please please please please understand how desperate i am#i will never ever feel more strongly about anything. i cant imagine it#i have to make this exact same fucking post over and over again#i need to keep saying it man#i need people to love themselves like i love them#the degree to which i say the word need#anyway. i love you. i hope you have fun or are happy about something. or draw write something nice. talk to your best friend. something
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I've fucking cursed myself with an animatic idea that I never made and now any song that's about the way the internet fucks with ur psyche gets automatically associated with monika in my mind
#monika ddlc#doki doki literature club#the original idea was welcome to the internet by bo burnham and was mostly focused on her epiphany#and now ive got you liked this (okay computer!) by will wood and the internet has ruined me by wilbur soot on my list#the latter is funny bc im very opposed to animating her with a love song#i dont want to reduce a character arc about cosmic horror and derealization and the desperation for human connection down#to “girl sad boy dont love her so she kill girls boy love” thats so fucking lame#but i could make tihrm work#if i ever got MOTIVATION#but anyways. long rant i have many thoughts but dobt wanna derail my own post#thinking about like. monika discovering everything about our world through the internet and more importantly. social media#and so her worldview is gonna be warped by default#social media conditions people to view others not as people but as faceless entities#its not “10 000 people saw what you wrote and agreed with it/found it funny” its “your post got 10 000 likes”#its not that the person re arguinh with is a human influenced by their environment and upbringing its that theyre shitty by default#or alternatively its not that the person ur arguing with is someone with an influence on the real world its just a troll here to piss u off#things like doxxing. suicide baiting. threats of violence. child porn. theyre all things that we know are bad but happen regardless because#the internet is anonymous. its ok bc subconsciously the person isnt really human. theyre just another faceless user#this must affect how she views her friends#after all. theyre less than just users. theyre ai#it doesnt matter if theyre no different than her. it doesnt matter if the things shes doing are horrible#people on the internet have done similarly bad things to other humans. its fine. shes not a bad person. its fine.#deleting her becomes the equivalent of learning the stranger u sent gore to is your neighbor who uve had pleasant conversations with#the brutal realization that its not a faceless entity. its a human being you know and love. and youve done horrible things to them.#god i really need to make a video essay on this huh#if u read all of this character analysis mwah ily
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I've been passively watching an isat playthrough while twiddling my thumbs in my current oni save as I wait for my new power systems to be done and hey guys. I think one of these bitches is aromantic. Why did no one tell me one of these bitches is aromantic I would have played the game myself if I knew that
#rat rambles#ok tbf I still theoretically Could but I dont think Id survive playing through the like first 6 hours of the stuff Ive already seen#anyways current review is that it's rly well written so far and I like how well the worldbuilding is implemented naturally in the dialogue#having odile be a presumably anthropologist or smth along those lines does wonders for this ofc but even with that its amazing how#natural the party feels when discussing their different cultures#and ofc I am staring at mirabelle hard. this game is clearly not shying away in the slightest from queer topics so. blinks oh so sweetly#I am sooooo fucking desperate for canonically aro characters who are actually written to be aro if she talks abt it at all I Will cry#honestly real con of this is that its making me conceptualize an eternal gales au which is not what I should be thinking abt this early#also its a problem because Im pretty dead set on the idea that aris would be sif and that means tali is off limits#which is unfortunate because I think itd be funny to make her mirabelle on the sole basis of her maybe being aro#otherwise the assignments are pretty easy even if some of them would be looser fits than others based on my current knowledge#mase would be odile fydd would be bonnie and sier would be iz#for mira Im thinking if I wanted to get funky with it then maybe bloom? it doesnt effect sier too much since I can just make it so his mom#was the one frozen in time or smth#now bloom is rly only in the running because of the leftover human kids shes somehow the best choice despite being 9 years old lol#dodie is off the table since I try to practice restraint when using dodie in aus#and the snake triplets are well. the snake triplets.#they have about a billion things that makes them hard to fit into any au#now I could use a stalien instead but thats a Really hard choice for me to make given the rest of the selected cast#plus none of them actually fit that much better than bloom would tbh?#like to be clear basically the only thing keeping bloom from being an easy pick is that shes 9#like I could just do it anyways but I should probably wait a lil bit to make sure mira doesnt pull out some crazy shit to change my mind#based on what I do know the only one thats rly a bit of a stretch is sier but Im ok with that I can just slap a different character arc in#rly most fucked up thing abt this cast is that aris our sif is second tallest#which feels deeply wrong to me especially once you consider the hat#her siouette is going to be all fucked up and different from sif's shes going to be so big compared to them#shes not even That tall shes like 5'8 thats just tall compared to most of her companions#in canon shes the third tallest of the friend group and second tallest not counting dodie#so its mase then her and in this hypothetical au the rest of the garden gnome squad#sier is 5'1 fydd is 5 flat and bloom is 4'9 if Im remembering correctly
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videogames dont make me violent, i make the videogames violent.
#my mom really hates the fact i play the games i do lmfaoo#its funny but. also incredibly annoying. like girl a little blood and swearing never hurt anyone#she hates violence. and like 'adult' shit to the point where i wasnt allowed to watch SPONGEBOB when i was younger#i have always been a. pretty uh. violent thing ig. so being exposed to this stuff would not have changed anything#actually i used to have really. weird fantasies about killing my family and shit#so#playing these games is actually helping me because i. cant really do that irl#she doesnt know that though. no one knows about how desperately i want to kill. and no one ever will because no one listens to me#teehee#im rambling now#sorry#THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO BE A JOKE HELP#SORRY..
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video editing is so fun... (specifically cutting down hours of gameplay into a highlights format)
#lizz.txt#it feels really ironic to post about video editing being fun when that's all i've been doing for the past 3 weeks LOL#but i haven't been able to edit something in highlights format since late november 2023 (which is my favorite type of editing)#technically i could've edited the big run recording from december but i was intimidated by the 12 hr-ish length#but after working on my friend and i's video essay im like 'actually cutting down 12 hr footage is way easier' LMAOO#and since im 99% done with that and i had some time to spare tonight i started to work through some recordings :D#there's two major ones i want to work through... a splatoon 1 revisit with friends + big run#hoping to have those done by the end of february at the latest!! but ideally i'd like to have it done earlier because!!!#i'm interested in recording eggstra work (not that they've announced it) as well as um. reload#i have so much positive regard for the characters in p3 that i'm like 'i don't think i can control the words that come out of my mouth-#when i'm very excited about something' so i'd like to have my playthrough documented somewhere LOL even if i dont post it!!!#sometimes i think about how when i was playing fe3h i got to the sylvain and felix A+ support and HOW I LOST MY MIND ON VC#and IT WAS SO FUNNY bc i spent like 10 minutes watching that support conversation because every line of dialogue made my brain explode#AND SOMEWHERE in the middle of it my mom called me and i was like (hyperventilating) “HI MOM! DID YOU KNOW! I LIKE VIDEO GAMES!”#or something like that. i can't remember i was kind of lightheaded but anyway im kind of sad that there's no physical proof that happened#ANYWAY i fully expect that reload will make me jump and down ontop of a matress in some shape and form like idk i just like kitaro a lot#but also because purse owner games are LONG im like 'jfc that's going to be a lot of GB. i need to edit my current recordings-#so that i have enough space to accomodate for that' FDKLHLFDH. hence... wanting to work on my video projects#BUT I SO DESPERATELY WANT TO DRAW TOO.. oh the woes of being a multicreative. its ok! i like having hobbies to bounce between#they call it persona 3 reload because it reloads my brain ammo and revitalizes my creative efforts (joke)#seriously though i've been itching to doodle more p3 but im like 'what the FUCK are ideas that aren't splatoon' (this is what happens when-#you only play splatoon. your brain gets filled with SQUIDS!!!). anyway. i hope everyone's had a nice january so far!!! :D#i am always in a constant state of excitement and overload and i needed to get this out somewhere!!#BUT ALSO i want people to know that i like video editing. and that i am looking forward to making videos. while also drawing :3#i will post and share the videos i make here. whenever they're done. LOL. sorry not sorry for filling up your screen with tags <3
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Vent
#but who in their right mind would say that his traumas are on the same level as mine#theyre worlds apart and i didnt mean it like a “ha ha my life is better than yours” but more of a “i shouldnt complain”#which is wrong too ofc you cant compare things like that! a broken thing is broken no matter what broke it#and we both are mentally fucked to the point that we are actually disabled#but we both cope and bond with gallows humor and joke about our horrible traumas#because at some point it stops being a horrible story that you gotta be serious about. and turns into a story so horrible its funny#you know what i mean??#like how would anyone be able to keep a straight face when told that i was beaten and bullied to the tune of peppa pig hfhskjshg#“greta gris nöffnöff” while kicking me hfbskjfhs like making someone oink in tune to the song is hilarious#its horrible but hilarious#its the same with his stories where he had his fucked up family stories that we just laughed about because it was so horrible#but this time i went overboard with my half joke half concern comments#and it turned awkward and i hurt him and now im here venting after weve already made up#im sorry ted i love you youre a great friend and i hope you get therapy soon#we botj are mental wrecks and you desperately need meds hahah#i hope to see where you end up in the future and i hope you get to see me finish engineering school#i hope we stat friends for a long time and keep up with eachother even when far apart and doing our own thing#im gonna be horrible with contact tho i always am lmao#also i hope yours and noahs marriage goes well i love you two youre great#also i hope noah get their fucking mental health cyecked too god damn theyre an autistic trigger wreckage#i cant talk about traumas with anyone else because the worst thing on earth is when someone pities me. or feels sorry for me#stop it! im not weak! im not pathetic like that! dont pity me! its disgusting!#ugh. unfortunately us making fun of eachothers trauma leads to a guilty partypooper feeling when trying to get help#cant really reach out to ted without feeling awkward or guilty or like a killjoy making things worse#i love him but damn. i hate hate hate hate having panic attacks in front of people and even more someone that normally jokes w me#idk
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