#im busy with college right now
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HELP ????
THANK YOUUUU <3
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birthday tomorrow time to put on a mid-college playlist and lose my fucking mind for a sec
#ive been doing all the functions of adulthood for years now but it still gets me sometimes 😬#like goddamn i left young adulthood in the past and didnt even have time to pay attention to it going#on account of how i was so busy frantically picking up adulthood#for clarity by young adulthood i mean early-mid college. when i had independence but my parents were still right behind me#miss that phase😬 now im just out here
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theres a really. special kind of despair in the uncertainty brought about by moments of success and achievement. the inevitable “what now” of reaching your goals. and i kind of wish someone had warned me how hollow graduating university would feel, tbh
#taylor.txt#im miserable primarily for other reasons right now but i dont think i appreciated how much this just…wouldnt feel like anything#i think especially in my case as someone who so desperately needed ‘going away to college’ to get out of my childhood situation#and now for the past 5 years everything ive done has been for the purpose of getting my degree and finishing school#like im fine i guess i just kind of wish i could feel proud of myself or happy its over instead of like dreading the ceremony and feeling#like everything i have to do for grad is just one more thing i have to check off a list. getting my grad photos done felt nice but idk#it kind of feels like no one really cares which. idk why i would expect it to NOT feel that way. but yeah#tl;dr im around Kinda…need to finish stuff up but im over the really busy part of this all. kinda just coasting to the end here tbh#when this is over i’m gonna get to my request fics. prommy. wanted to do them over the long weekend but i was sick :(#anyway like to be clear im fine. people have been pointing out today i seem down and i think embarrassingly a collection of my students#noticed me crying on the bus today but thats life i guess you make do. im sad and thats ok. tbh
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had quite the night drive earlier this evening.
#just me rambling again#web weaving#(?)#uh. one of my friends who is out of town for college was visiting and i got to see him and our friends and the only core member of that#group of people missing was my ex girlfriend who you may also know of as my wonderful wife#who has I assume been very busy with their own life things but has also barely and very sparsely had any hint of communication with any of#us within the past few months which I've been realizing very recently sort of hurts my feelings because we used to be so close and#they had been saying that they would be constantly making sure we still were in each other's lives. but then very quickly have#seemingly dropped off the face of the earth#anyways. I was driving aforementioned friend who is in town back home (family home not college obv) and when i was finally going back#towards my house afterwards my Google maps finally lead me to an area that i was more familiar with driving and i got to an#intersection and it was telling me to take a right to go home but i knew that i knew the way perfectly from that intersection to my#ex girlfriend / best friend / wifes familys house from all of the times I've gone that direction through the past years and so#i turned off my directions and i took a left towards their house#not super sure why but my brain and body just knew it was something i needed to do and so i went and drove down their street and cried#a lot the whole time and then drove myself home from their house once again following a super familiar path#and idk im still feeling very emotional about it. the fact that halloween by noah kahan was the first song to play on Spotify#after i made that left turn im sure didnt help (knowing that i miss them so much and am going to be leaving this area myself#soon enough here and there's been an open offer for a while now that they are welcome to follow and live with me once they get their degree#(and also um. halloween is next week lol)#idk i just havent felt the full force of how badly i miss having them in my life until tonight. when i was around this person i could feel#our souls singing in harmony. i genuinely cannot describe the feelings of our relationship in words i feel like only vaguely abstract art#could communicate the connection that was forged between us and the level of understanding and knowing#something not dissimilar to looking into the sun directly or trying to describe a vivid color to someone who is completely blind#something about the way the entire universe breathes in unison and everything around us are all pieces of the same stars#sigh#i miss my wife tails i miss her a lot /ref
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i love my brain i love when something pretty amazing happens like ur dad offering to help you start a business and instead of being happy im sobbing about how i hate my job and i feel so trapped bc i literally am trapped in this very specific field
#whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy did not just do something i enjoyed at college. i could have gone on to uni and actually enjoyed it and enjoy my life#and enjoy my future job#but no i had to do something that would make it easy to get a job#well congrats it was easy to get a job and i fucking hate it#and i didnt need the college quals to do this anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i could be studying something i like AND doing this job#and i cant do anything else bc my qual is so specific#but also not a high enough level to be useful anywhere#and i cant go to uni in this field bc theres nothing i want to do and i already applied an no one wanted me#and i cant apply for uni for a course i actually want to do bc of our stupid fucking system#which means i need relevent a levels which i dont have i dont even have relevent gcses#and also yeah ill just start my own fucking business like its just that fucking easy#i hate this fucking job and im too disabled to suvive even the 2 hours a day im doing right now#but sure ill just start a whole fucking business yeah why didnt i think of that#i swear he thinks he can just buy these things of the shelf like a tv. which is basically what he did#a care company will not work like that boyo and i dont want to anyway#god. i just hate this. why didnt i follow my passion#and i have COVID and my nose is bleeding so i cant even cry properly about this#i want to dissolve into a puddle
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video games....
#mine#i love my steam deck sooooooooo much im so happy i can actually play games again like a big proper library of them#and everything#everything on steam AND emulators is available to me. do you know how many games that is!#i started a new beegee3 playthrough on the HARDEST DIFFICULTY (!) today. which is also a single-save difficulty#and im in one of the most difficult parts of the game right now (level 4) and kind of nervous lol#but at the same time im really proud of myself for learning the game to the point i feel comfortable challenging myself in it#and im happy i get to at all :D i love you video games#and sooner or later ill come back to stardew valley cause there was that big update and i have some games on my wishlist too#and its not verified yet but i might play that pomeranian making the house dirty game cause it looked cute#oh and yakuza also because my friend got two of the yakuzas for me#YAYYYYY GAMES#also kind of sad though because tomorrow i pack and sunday i go back for babys last quarter of college#and im worried about how busy its going to be with classes and job apps and then of course actually graduating#and moving out and haivng a job and stuff#when all i want is to enjoy being able to play video games again.... sig#sigh*#WHATEVER...future mes problem#oh i almost forgot...one of the best parts of the deck imo is the versatility because with games like beegee3#you can play it in controller mode which has its pros and cons but you can also swap to computer mode#which also has its pros and cons so like. i can adjust as needed#when im just exploring or trying to loot an area etc i go controller#but when im in combat i go computer because the hotbar is REALLY helpful for decision making#its really nice to have the option to choose since no console players have that it seems#and the only pc players who can do that are the ones who have and are willing to connect controllers#and most of them dont seem to be into that#but im really glad to be able to do both#ok done yapping now
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just found a way to add Techno and Phil to the Flubber au without messing up what i’ve already posted and without making them seem too out of place, very pleased with myself at the moment
#cyncerity#mcyt g/t#mcyt gt#Flubber AU#send asks if you want to#can’t promise i’ll amswer right away cause im at college now and im busy 12 hours a day for the next week but i’ll try!
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recently i’ve been feeling overwhelmed by how good music is. the funny part is that im constantly feeling like i don’t have time to listen to it all but im literally free all the damn time. it’s so jarring.
#i feel this way all the time all year long but it’s jarring right now because#im not going to college it’s not like oh i have an hour free out of 24 hours#it’s more like im an hour busy out of 24 hours instead#arshia talks
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hmm
#having Thoughts that maybe i shouldnt be having#so i have a friend who's handsome hot nice kind sweet funny etc he's like the whole package#yesterday one of our friends told him i didnt have his contact saved on my phone and we (jokingly) made a whole thing out of it#so he took the convo from our gc to our private messages to let me know he had mine saved WITH A SUNFLOWER EMOJI NEXT TO MY NAME#bc ATTENTION according to him i am little flower and im radiant like the sun so = sunflower#like 🥹🥹🥹🥹❓❓❓❓#n then he told me i didnt have to change my pfp bc i alr looked pretty in it then he called me his love and today#we're all going to a party our friends' cheerleading squad is hosting right and he won't go bc he'll be busy that day#i was moping in the gc bc i wanted the promotional prices (im the only one who doesnt go to their uni n non student prices r higher) and#they weren't available anymore so he messaged me to tell me he'd help me go?? i said how he said he'd pay me the difference i was like 💀#so i said okay it's only like 10 bucks and he sent me 20 like hello? i know this doesnt sound like much but we're all broke college students#so like? why did he do it#he said if he wasn't able to go he'd like to at least help me go then sent me extra w a cute little message telling me to enjoy the party#and have fun and calling me a sweet pet name now im like . Confused#bottom line is idk if he's flirting and i probably won't bc a) he's already said he doesnt know to make a move on pretty girls and b) here's#the catch: we have a mutual friend who confessed to me like 3? months ago. i turned her down for a number of reasons n i also knew they had#hooked up before so when i said no ig they started hooking up/going out again? and i wasnt fully aware of that until like. last month#and prior to that i hit on him at a party at our friend's house and all he did was stand there kinda speechless 💀#so i took it as a no n moved on but now idk if its bc like. he was alr w her or he just got shy or if he actually just didnt want it at all#and im just imagining things. and circling back to it: i guess i wont find out bc 1) he won't do anything 2) idk whats the current status of#their relationship (ig over bc they weren't all over e/o at our last function) and 3) even if theyre not together anymore i absolutely would#not try anything behind our friend's back or w/o her knowledge or consent bc they did have something doesnt rly matter what it was and#shes still my friend above all so i gotta be mindful of her feelings for me AND for him and abt us or whatever#so yea thats something thats been on my mind since yesterday#im not like. suffering over it btw its just something on my mind that i wanted to share#i probably wont even do anything about it and then forget abt it next week lol#mari.txt#but also feel free to like comment on this or something i love it when yall r nosey lmfao
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accidentally unfollowed u trying to send an ask i'm soso sorry T-T but also people who rely on chatgpt for uni are so incomprehensible to me partially because i took a quick college course last year to get into my job, social care, and like can you imagine having a carer or smth who didn't know what they were doing because they cheated the entire time they were learning??? but also like you're in an academic setting they're gonna have shit in place to notice plagiarism and they take that so seriously lmao. AI bros are annoying as fuck
Dw bro but SO REALLLL LIKE. I watched the main person I was bitching about for a while and they're a business student who was using chatgpt to pass a sociology test or something 😰😰 NOT a good sign for the businesses of tomorrow
#genuinely at this point im beyond the ai bros im like ok youre gonna be fucking annoying i understand#but what gets my goat is like. tech#tech-illiterate people who do it because its easy#in most cases i fully advocate for cheating on tests and shit#but like. fucker youre going to fail bcos chatgpt is gonna serve u a nothing of a paragraph!!!#we need a mandatory computer module NOW#AND LIKE YOURE RIGHT eg my college has automatic plagiarism detectors#and in big highlighted text in front of all my assignment submission forms it says 'DO NOT USE CHATGPT WE WILL KNOW'#and ive mostly heard/seen ppl who arent in my course doing it (mostly stem and business people which is also badly disappointing)#but like. if i went up to somebody in my English Course and went 'hey how are you liking the english'#and they went 'im using chatgpt'. i would maul them to death#wait post cancelled i just remembered the horrific 200+ member whatsapp group for an english module im taking#that loads of arts students are also taking for easy As#where its a constant stream of 'i havent read the book' 'im using chatgpt' 'i dont know how to google the answers'#< i have it. muted
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a redraw from acnh! she turned out so cute
#homestuck#roxy lalonde#sorry for disappearing#im really busy w college right now and dont have the time to draw properly#oh and also#i got my wisdom teeth removed! yay#and right after i got really sick#sooo im really not feeling good rn#zheart
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do you have any headcanons for the funny puppets? would you like to share them with us maybe? :)
AHHHSDJFKLHJKSD hello anons i am SOOOOO sorry that its taken so long to answer this but hi yes i do!!!!!!!!!! i would love to tell you all about them :)
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the main three are all 100% a lee leaning switches sorry i make the rules
Red:
-oh boy. this fucking GUY,
-he is so cute its NOT EVEN FUNNY. WHYD THEY MAKE HIM SO HOT ADORABLE. i want to Wreck Him and its a fucking crime that he’s the only one that ISNT CANNONICALLY TCKLISH.
-he doesnt usually admit when hes in A Mood.at least not out loud. Duck is rlly competitive so sometimes all it takes to get himself wrecked is to just be a liittlle more challenging and it is OVER for him
-he doesnt emote too much, at least not outwardly? he tries to keep himself composed unless its a BIG emotion
-so whenever he giggles its kind of a big deal <3 he does a lot of hiding his face in his hands and turning his head away and no one understands why because you cant fucking see him blushing/smiling anyway
-hes a really smug ler though. he has the upper hand over pretty much everyone, being so much bigger
-he can toss/pin duck and yellow around super easily and (as much as duck will whine about it) they both love it its so fun
-big fan of raspberries :) hes the only one who can do them. duck cant cause of his beak and yellow just. he doesnt understand. he tries and it does not work
-very squirmy. has to keep being reminded that its ok bc he keeps shoving his lers off
-cheer up tckles are his JAM. specifically on the receiving end i mean
-whenever hes bummed out, his buddies always know that it means he wants to be held and reassured and maybe tckled a little <33333
Duck:
-despite the fact that he is OBVIOUSLY a huge lee, he’s most often the ler of the house!
-but hes super annoying about it
-’’you guys cant get me because IM the best one :)))’’ ‘’somebodys jeaaalouuus :) jealous of me being leeerrrr :))’’
-red is his favorite target of course, but thats just because he loved hearing him laugh :o) watching him go from composed to all gigglygnb melts his heart <333
-usally he will start complaining if you so much as put a hand on his shoulder because he HAAATTTESSS being touched but that is ALL out the window when red and or tckling is involved
-he is so so cuddly when he wrecks red. he hugs him and nuzzles into his stomach and his sides and ruffles his big fluffy fur <3333 what a nuisance
-is the WHINIEST lee in the whole world. will act like hes dying if hes not getting tickled right that sectond
-will bitch and moan to red until hes annoyed into getting him. tugs on his shirt and lays dramatically over the furniture
-whenever hes flustered/mad his feathers will fluff up like a baby chicken and it makes his intimidating factor go way down
-he has a habit of flapping his wings really hard when getting tckled and it gets feathers everywhere and they all hate cleaning it up. except for yellow who collects them :)
Yellow:
-probably has the least amount of ler in him in the house
-prob had to be taught what tckling was since OBVIOUSLY roy and lesley never got him (at least not while he was alive)
-but he has a sort of nostalgia attached to tckling.......like a super distant memory.....
-loves the fun playful affectionate aspect the most. he feels super close to all his housemates when theyre tckling each other !!!! :o3 theyr all his best friends
-if he wants to play he will usually just ask for it?? but sometimes he cant find the words so just tries to tckle one of the homies
-it always works bc they all love playing with him too :3
-loves ducks feathers and reds raspberries the most. really gentle stuff makes him super happy
-after they play they usually nap in a big pile if they have nothin going on
#to all the anons in my askbox IM SO SORRYYYYY ive been so unmotived and SO SO BUSY#college is kicking my AASSSS RIGHT NOW#and so is a reg//ular sho//w hyperfixation lol#tickle hcs#im not putting any more tags#i have a few minor hcs for other characters but mostof these anons just wanted the trio so Thatse All You Get#i know this isnt much cause im about to go to sleep BUT#i had to answer this and so HERE U GO HAPPY THANKSIVING if you celebrate#my hcs
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i understand why i feel so weird now
#incoming ramble? vent?#my tpn era was probably the happiest and carefree i was in my entire life by no exaggeration#i watched it with my friends after it had a crossover with a game we played and i got hooked immediately#emma became one of my favorite characters and i remember matching pfps with my friends and it made me so happy#and then after that came the Horros which i wont go too indepth into but i was severely depressed from late 2021 to early 2023#so coming back to it now after going through all of that is extremely overwhelming but i cant help but still love it#the friends i played games with are busy now with work and college and i am too. its weird#things have changed so much and im also different but this has just sat here right where i left it#just needed to let that out#i have a lot of good things going for me now so im okay
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fighting back a complete panicked breakdown bc i am so behind on schoolwork and i feel like i dont know what im doing anymore in any of this aaaaaaa
#im one day ahead of being a full week behind so like. not the worst it could be but im feeling dizzy from being so panicky arr eye pee#i think i give up on getting the practicum done#i cannot organize having a business in place to do my practicum at so like. rest in peace fhdsgjkl idk#i am not good at dealing with businesses and interviews and admin type stuff :''))) and ik its like ''well then get out of ur comfort zone'#''you have to work on that! just go do it and you'll get better at it!!''#so true so real but consider: i am like five centimetres away from killing myself still right now no joke no exaggeration fsdjkfl#i am quite literally never in my comfort zone! i am at incredibly high distress levels ConstantlyTM!#''just because you have xyz disabilities doesnt mean u shouldnt try! never say never!'' im not saying never though fsdjkl#i just know that CURRENTLY i cannot do it. i simply cannot. that is just how it is. i am doing what i can to keep myself alive rn lol#god i feel so ill fsdhgjkl i wish i could stop being dizzy and nauseous so often#also i am having issues w taste fsdjkl everything either tastes bad immediately or leaves a bad taste in my mouth afterwards#if i can taste anything at all :''')))) argh argh argh#okay back to working on college stuff lol going to try to get two chapters done today so i can stay one day ahead of being a week behind#i will NOT be having a breakdown today please god i do not want that#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#suicide mention
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logic (and how my tag system) dictates i should probably have an art tag for my funny pictures but i dont wanna be. an art account. so it will not get a funny tag and you will just be subjected to funny images at Random:tm:
#ive given up on being a 'content creator' or 'online artist' or 'art blog' etc now i just occasionally post my funny pictures#i dont really draw much anyway im so busy with college rn sobs#step right up! || 🪄.txt
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12/2/24
❆❅❆❅❆
Woke up in clean comfy bedsheets
Got birthday wishes
Made millionaires shortbread
Got chocolate muffin
Gave brother a fright by accident
Felt cute wearing my jacket
Got a nice gift from my friend
Mother showed me my great nanny's jewellery and we talked (found out that apparently my fingers are small?)
Was cosy while taking dog out on his walk in heavy rain
Talked with family
Tried blood orange for the first time and liked it
Listened to my favourite songs
Managed to get out of going to see my grandma (she's not a nice person)
A sign of affection anime was really cute
#happiness diary#happiness diary: february#today was a good day#its not evey year that i have a good birthday#but it was great this year#nice and quiet#giving my brother a fright was funny#i was bundled up in my jacket with the hood up ready to take the dog out#and he came out gus room amd heade a comment on the weather so i thought he knew i was there#he did not#so when i jumped and spun around saying im going out in it he got a fright#also the phone call with my gran was funny#cus she was like ive got your present here and i just answered thats... nice#can you come down? no i dont think i can im really busy with college work right now#itll only take 10 mins im sure you can spare that#i dont think i can cus i have a psychology essay due tomorrow and im still not done with it (lie)#its kinda sad cus if she was a nice person I would go see her but shes not so i wont#but the convo made my mother laugh too#oh also she got me a pair of earrings for Christmas#guess she liked them alot cus she got me the same earrings again#its the thought that counts#anyway i should go to bed now#night!
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