#im bout to cry now that its done

[xxplastic-cubexx]

so like do you think they made the plastic wheelchair ALONGSIDE the plastic prison as a Just In Case situation, only after they realized charles was going to be a frequent visitor, or both as in because they knew charles was going to be the only person visiting him during planning they decided to make him a chair ahead of time

[evie-sturns]

boyfriend - Matt Sturniolo

summary: where your boyfriend of 2 years breaks up with you without reason, you go to your comfort place, your best friend matt's house and he does everything he can to calm you down.

contains: fluff, bestfriend!matt, crying, comforting.

--------------└── •✧• ──┘-----------------

panic flushes over me, my body heats up as my eyes scan over the screen of my phone. i instantly call him, my boyfriend aiden

"are you serious aiden?" i raise my voice as he picks up the phone,

"we're done, i told you." he says blankly with next to no emotion in his voice, hes been my boyfriend for just over 2 years.

he knows the shape of my lips against his,

he knows that i can't sleep by myself,

he knows my family,

he knows my daily routine from the second i wake up to the second my head hits the pillow.

and now he breaks up with me over text.

"why!?" i cry, i hear a subtle scoff from aiden before he hangs up. i instantly start to sob, throwing myself up off my bed and grabbing my keys.

i run downstairs and out the door into the night air, making my way down my driveway towards my cute small car.

i slam the door to my car shut, sinking down into the drivers seat as i check my phone. i've been blocked on almost everything already.

tears soak my cheeks as i let out shaky sobs.

--------

11:49

i knock twice on matt's front door, wearing sweatpants and a small shirt. my shoulders are by my sides, shaking up and down with each panicked cry.

after a couple of seconds the door opens slowly, i'm met with matts face.

he looks down at me, a short gasp escapes his mouth as he looks at the state of me.

he grabs my hand and frantically pulls me inside, "hey- hey whats going on?" matt asks , trying to sound calm.

"matt- matt." i sob, he grabs me and pulls me into a tight up, running his mildly shaking hand up and down my back

"shh.. sh sh." matt attempts to shush me before pulling me down the corridor into his bedroom.

he throws me down onto his matress, instantly chucking a blanket over me and sitting down next to me.

he waits for me to speak, still completely unaware why i showed up to his house in floods of tears at midnight.

"i- aiden broke up.. with- with me" i manage to squeeze out in between shaking breathes.

matt goes silent before pulling me onto his lap, holding me across him. i cry into his shirt

"over text with no reason-!" i continue

matt stays silent, breathing deeply. i copy his breathing pattern "you 'wanna know something?" matt says, i nod

"he's made a big mistake, you're the most lovely girl i know. aiden doesn't know what hes lost because- i know, i know that he will regret letting go of the most gorgeous, sweet girl ever." matt sighs,

"yeah?" he continues, i nod shyly.

he rubs my arm, "you can let it all out okay?" matt says softly, picking me up and standing up out of bed, he pulls back the silky sheets of his bed before placing me.

he lays down next to me, pulling up the blanket over us, i lay my head on his chest.

"he never cared about me matt." i admit "and now half my shit is- its just stuck in his apartment" i sniffle, wiping my nose on his shirt which matt doesn't bat an eye to.

"you know what, i'll go get it now okay? chris can come stay in here while im gone." matt says, heaving himself up of the bed

"matt you don't have to do that- honestly," i protest, matt just shakes his head

"don't worry 'bout it." he says, walking out of the room.

-

chris walks into the room wearing blue pyjama pants and a loose fit white shirt, he has a concerned expression on his face as he flops down on the bed beside me

"you okay?" he asks, "i don't know- i'll be fine." i reply with a strained voice.

"matt told me what happened, i'm sorry about aiden or whatever the fuck hes called." chris sighs

he wraps an arm around my shoulder and tugs me closer to his side, we lay in a comfortable silence for about 30 minutes before matt comes back

"im sorry i gotta take a shit, thats my fault give me a couple minutes." chris blurts out

"thanks chris." i laugh slightly as he sits up, walking out of the room.

-

matt comes back in holding 2 bags in his hands, he brings them over to me with a soft smile on his face. he reaches his ringed hand up and scratches the side of his face.

"you didn't have to- how'd it go..?" i say, matt lays back down next to me

"he was screaming at me the whole time, all 'who the fuck are you' but i think he recognised me after a minute of ransacking your room." matt laughs

i shake my head "i'm sorry."

"don't be" matt says,

"try go to sleep now okay?" he says pressing a kiss to my forehead.

---------------------

TAGLIST:

@luanetaluenta @sturnsssbow @mattfangirl @luvr4miya @luvtay111 @lolasturniolo @freshloveforthefit @ruedowney @lovingchrissposts @333michelle @h3arts4harry @sonicmacks @jamiesturniolo @chrisstopherfilmed @itzdarling @sturniolo-simp4life @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @recklessmatt

[moralisist]

earth 42! miles x reader

summary: you just wanna understand miles and why he’s been so off. once he’s dealt with you finally ready to leave him, will he tell you the truth?

“miles.. what’s going on?? you’ve been flaky on dates, i’m left on delivered 8 out of 10 times, you’ve even been missing school.” you’re sat on miles bed talking to him as soon as he enters his room by climbing through the window. “and you’re even coming in through the window knowing damn well your door is always open to you. if you wanna end things because you got your own shit going on then-” “no!” the first time miles speaks, its with panic.

“no baby. it’s not even like that. i just- im just dealing w a lot right now. shits busy.” he says slowly trying to speak cautiously. “oh yeah shits busy with you and your uncles shady ass business huh? you think i dont notice you miles? you think i don’t see the small ticks you have when nervous? or the way you bite your lip slightly whenever i mention about it or when you try to deflect like you’re trying to do right now? i love you miles but you know i’m not an idiot. don’t treat me like it.” “baby,” he chuckles trying to diffuse the situation. “you wouldn’t leave me, right mi amor? you just gotta understand, i’m busy i don’t have time for all the shit you talkin bout.”

you’re silent as you look in miles eyes. he’s looking at you intently really realizing that you just might leave him after all the shit he’s putting you through. he can feel his resolve crumbling. he doesn’t know how to smooth talk his way out of this. “miles all the ‘shit’ i’m talking about is us. you don’t want this do you? because i need you to let me know now. i’m tired miles. i’m exhausted feeling like i’m the only person trying to get things to work out. i wanna hear you out, i want to know what’s going on through your head but you won’t let me. i don’t know what to do. i’m so tired of calling your mom every other day to make sure you’re eating and that you’re well on days you don’t talk to me. i’m tired of writing notes for you in class so you can catch up when you barely even pay attention to when i try to teach you. and i’m tired of sitting at booths while waiters look at me with pity after saying ‘would you like the check?’ when you don’t come for hours. i’m really tired miles.” you sigh as you hold your face in your hands finally relieved to get to tell him all the shit you’ve been holding in.

miles genuinely wants to cry. he’s been so selfish. he knew deep down even when pushing it away he’s been hurting you. he knew he was hurting you when his mom would give him the silent treatment after receiving one of your calls and telling him, “don’t string that poor girl along. you got lucky and you don’t even know it mijo.” he just didn’t know how to tell you about him being the prowler. it seems like no matter what he does, whether he tells you or not, he could lose you. when you finish speaking miles looks down at the floor blinking back tears that he doesn’t want you to see. he clears his throat before speaking.

“i’m so sorry baby.” you can hear his voice crack but he refuses to cry in front of you. “i’ll tell you everything. i’m so so sorry. i didnt mean to hurt you cariño. can i hug you baby?” he’s finally walking over to you after putting some distance between the two of you with him leaning against his window and you on the bed. you nod finally ready to get some answers from your boyfriend. he’s holding you close flipping you onto him so that you’re on his lap. he says he focuses better that way.

as he’s telling you about him being the prowler he’s playing with your shirt clearly nervous. he starts to stutter with some sentences and it makes you sad because your boyfriend never stutters. he’s always so confident so you can tell this was really affecting him. he’s rubbing your thighs while telling you stories about him and uncle aaron’s “business”. once he’s done you hug him and put your arms around him as you caress the back of his neck while he’s inhaling your scent rubbing circles with his thumb on your waist.

you move back to see him, the boy you love letting all his emotions out and finally visibly relaxing as he tells you everything he’s been wanting to tell you for months. “thank you for telling me miles. it all makes sense now but i wish you told me sooner. i don’t want you to share this burden all on your own.” you give him a warm smile and he smiles feeling such love for you. “i don’t deserve you, you know that? i know you know that.” he says easing the tension looking at you lightly laugh at his joke. “oh trust i know that. you just charity work.” you both begin to laugh finally easing into each other. “can i get a kiss baby? been needing one for so long.” you hold his face in his arms and kiss him. this kiss is a much more intimate kiss than the others. it holds emotion. he grips onto you tighter, never wanting to remember the feeling of you almost leaving him. he needs you here and he needs you here to stay. and he’s ready to man up and prove it to you.

[oldwritingm]

i’n asking too many of these dndhdhdhd (it’s there same anon from the pixel empire + brekafast hc) but i noticed that i think you havent done a kai and reader one yet????

so like i am gonna ask if you can do kai being comforted by reader post seabound ???thanks again sorry kf im asking for too many

YAY welcome back anon!!! I literally love your requests, you could never ask for too many <33 anywho I hope this is okay!

Word count: 815

Ninjago - Comforting Kai After Seabound

You brought your body against the door, bringing your ear close to listen for any noise. Nothing.

“Kai?” You called quietly, hoping not to startle him.

You heard a muffled hum. Pushing inside, you were immediately struck with the darkness of the room.

You scanned the area as your eyes adjusted, finally landing on Kai seated on the ground, his back pressed against his bed. He was looking at you with his deep brown eyes, void of the usual life they gleamed with.

You made an effort to smile as you made your way across the room. You sank down next to him, spotting a picture frame in his hands that you hadn’t noticed before.

It didn’t matter that it was dark. You didn’t need to see to know that it was the picture of him and his sister, taken many years ago, when Nya was still training to be a ninja.

You brought your shoulder against his, looking at him with concern lacing your expression. You hoped he’d look over and see, prompting him to speak, but his eyes remained locked on the photo.

As it turned out, he didn’t need prompting to speak. After a second he spoke, his voice betraying none of his anguish.

“Do you think I should’ve stopped her?”

“Kai…”

“Yeah, yeah, it was a necessary sacrifice. I know. That’s what you guys keep saying.”

“That’s not what I was going to say.”

He ignored you, lapsing into another bout of silence.

“It’s so quiet,” he began, almost whispering now. “I think back and all I can hear is her voice. All I can see is her face. What am I supposed to do now?”

You reached up, taking one of his hands away from the frame and interlacing your fingers with his. “You remember.”

“Remember..?”

“When people… leave, they’re never really gone. They gifted us with memories to keep, little things to think of that make you smile. Things that they did, words they said, ways they’ve looked.”

Kai blinked slowly. The corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk. His voice wavered as he said: “I remember when she used to wear a lot of red. It was totally her color.”

“She looked good in every color,” you murmured, squeezing his hand with a smile.

He chuckled, but a tear twinkled in the dim light as it streaked down his cheek. He put the picture in his lap and leaned on your shoulder.

“I just miss her. I want to see her again.”

“I know, I know,” you whispered, running a hand through his hair.

He began to quiver as a crying fit overtook him. You pulled him closer, allowing him to fully lean against you with his face buried in the crook of your neck. He gripped the fabric of your clothing with shaking fists.

The picture had fallen to the floor. You looked at it, your eyes finally adjusted enough to the darkness that you could make out Nya’s face. You couldn’t help the tears that pricked at your eyes at the mere sight.

You couldn’t imagine what it would be like if she was your sister. The one you’d been with your whole life. The one who you could always count on to be there, even in darkness. To have someone like that ripped away from you… that would be brutal.

You brought your arms tighter about Kai, rubbing his back comfortingly. “I’ve got you,” you breathed.

Kai sniffled, pulling away. His puffy eyes were filled with emotion again; half anguish, half gratitude, with a sprinkle of that old fire stirring somewhere in the depths.

“I think you’re right. I’m glad she gave me things to remember. Memories. Things that make me smile.”

A sad smirk made its way onto his face. “But that doesn’t mean that I’ll ever stop missing her.”

“You don’t have to,” you said, taking his hand and bringing it to your lips. “You don’t have to.”

He nodded. Wiped the last tears from his eyes. “You know what I just remembered?”

“Hm?”

“She used to make a mean ham sandwich.”

“She did.” Your mouth watered at the mere thought. You don’t know what she did to those things, but there was something magical about the way she’d be able to put so few ingredients together and make an absolutely smacking meal. “Now I want one.”

“Let’s go make some,” Kai suggested, standing up. “It won’t be the same, but… I want to keep talking about her. And I’m hungry.”

You worked together to make the sandwiches. They weren’t anywhere near as scrumptious as hers (despite using the exact same ingredients), but they somehow helped you remember other little things about her.

You grinned at each memory you discussed. There was pain somewhere deep in you, but for now it was overshadowed by your memories. The things she gifted you to make you smile.

Thank you anon for your request!! And thanks for reading, have a good one darlings <3

[sejmisland]

prev anon here again!! here's my request (i hope it's okay to mix fandoms?) :}

could you write something involving hux, wheatley, and glados "comforting" (in big quotation marks) the reader who's having a bad bout of the monthly cramps? like, so bad they literally can't walk without crying lmao. i'd love if the reader was already in an established relationship with the bot(s) but you can make it non-romantic if you want!

absolutely, dear. more than okay to mix fandoms <3. i decided to do hcs and small drabbles for all 3. im so sorry this took so long im actually having bad cramps rn. thank you for the request! i had a lot of fun writing this.

established relations with reader below, gender neutral, no pronouns used (afab anatomy).

hux / the singularity. - he is terrible at emotional comfort due to his logical approach, but he tries! its only through words mostly but as time goes on, he gets forms of "treatment" (heating pads, medicine). - it first started when you walked, pain so blinding that you felt tears come to your eyes. he noticed this immediately. - "what is the matter?" he'd ask and you try to explain it to him. you explain that it was monthly cramps as you felt like doubling over. - he simply picks you up with his claw and rests you on a nearby couch.

"growth hurts," he mused as he remained in front of you resting on the couch. his entire body jolted, head ticking to the side with rough movement. he lifted a mechanical leg to rest it on the couch next to your seated position. he hoisted himself up and spun quickly, sitting himself down alongside you. "it often does." you lifted your eyes to him, leaning aside to rest your head against his fleshy, pulsating arm. you closed your eyes, allowing the tears in your eyes to trail down your face. your chest heaved with each quiet sniffle and sob of agony as your stomach sent another wave of contraction. "quit blabbering," you pressed your teeth into your tongue. "it will not help." you opened up your eyes to turn your head up to him. "i know, i'm sorry. it-" you choked on a small whimper. "it just hurts, hux." your voice cracked as you whispered up to him, tears obscuring your vision. the only clear thing were his glowing, red eyes as he stared down at you for what seemed like an eternity. "it will all be over soon. do not fret, my worm."

wheatley.

- he cant provide much, but if you like hearing him babble to help distract. - he noticed tears in your eyes as you twisted in your chair in an uncomfortable, painful way. - VERY concerned. he noticed your pain right away! he's scared, almost terrified of seeing you in pain. - "are you okay?! hey, what's wrong? y-you dont need to cry, you know!" and when you explain to him..

"oh, OH! wait, you- oh! hold on, it's okay, oh, please don't cry. don't cry!" wheatley stammered, beginning to tick his ocean blue eye all over the room, as if he was searching for something. "umm, what to do... what to do- i've never done this before. at least, i don't think so-" "wheatley," you rasped out quietly through the mounting pain, smiling as he talked himself through the situation. you glanced up to the sky blue eye that was now dilated, shaking as it focused on you. "shhh, shh, its okay! give me one second! you'll love this." you couldn't help but silently chuckle as you watched the small robot steer himself on the rail with the occasional spark letting loose from his eye plates. "you'll... you'll need to catch me." he gave no further warning; he ejected himself from his rail with an incoherent blabber, crashing into your arms. the force was enough to knock your limbs back, making him slam into your already hurting abdomen. you let out a pained yelp and he returned it with one of his own. "sorry, sorry! j-just a mishap! didn't expect that-" you looked down at him, cradling him into your arms. "butterfingers, ha!"

glados.

- much like hux, she is terrible at comfort. she seems cruel but this is in her tone of voice. her comfort? observation. - she didnt notice it at first. so when she saw you walking, tears streaming down your face and mouth screwed in a grimace, she was confused. she thought you were injured. - "what is going on? what happened?" she does sound concerned with a hint of confusion. "what have you gotten yourself into now?" you explain that you're not *injured* but simply in pain from your monthly. - an awkward silence afterward. it doesnt last long.

"your resilience is commendable, but unnecessary." her monotone voice rang out as the yellow pupil stared down at your agonized form. "do not move." all of the panels surrounding the room shift in wave like motions, almost masking a hissing noise from around you. you turned your head from side to side to see glass panels rising up, entrapping you in a transparent cell. she looked on as you panicked, nearly falling against one of the glass panel walls. when you looked back to her, vision blurry from the tears still pooling in your eyes, she swayed aside as if she was monitoring your every move. you blinked several times, attempting to focus your vision. "glados," you hissed out through grit teeth as you squeezed your arms around yourself tighter in hopes to lessen the pain of your contracting muscles. "what are you doing?" "i need to think," she swung her chassis closer to your glass prison, almost completely taking up your clearing vision. you blinked rapidly to gain focus. "observation is crucial."

[sunnyfoxsstuff]

Hey sorry couldnt write Yesterday but im writing today the very first chapter! I thought about it way too much lol

Enjoy ;3

Chapter 1:New beginning

After the event at the black water manor and being stripped from his divinity the former wind master has tried his best to get around and survive, xie lian had offered him to stay at puqi shrine 'til he gets back on his feets he had agreed but he only stayed for a day or two he was more fearing hua cheng than living outside, however xie lian adviced him to try and go see at the royal capital knowing there is some beggar's living there he thought that he'll find refuge over there

The former windmaster of course took the advice and went over to the royal capital however he took atleast two good days to get there because of his injuries he was limping and slow

After getting to the capital he found some beggar's just as xie lian had told him they got along pretty well shi qingxuan had always a talent to get along with anyone he'd meet, a day After he started feeling nauseous he tried to ignore it but soon his body made him know that he was gettin too weak to even move, often he would just lay down Somewhere and sleep it was all he could do after all, the beggar's had a kind heart and couldnt bear leaving him on his own so they tried their best at helping them.

It was a morning when shi qingxuan woke up in the halley way he had fallen asleep at he looked around still weak and Saw his beggar friend's still asleep

he looked at the Sky above his head and closed his eyes shut again opening them soon after he somehow felt more..light felt better like as if he wasnt ill anymore

Looking down where his hands are supposed to be he couldnt see them but he could see his beggar friend's waking up,

He ran up to them excited and happy "guy's look! Look! I Can walk! I Can move im feeling better!!" However they walked passed him to where he was sleeping, confused he followed them, soon enough one of them started to cry another pray for some god's and the other one just went on his way to try and find their breakfast,

when the former windmaster took a look at what was going on he gasped almost all of his air out of his lung's and felt nauseous seeing his own body laying there lifeless and gettin more pale.

The now soul of shi qingxuan stood there watching his own body for what felt like minute's but had been atleast 3 hour's

until he'd look at his right side where there was a ominous shadow with what seemed like two golden eyes looking at his body quickly After leaving, it was he xuan.He xuan had came to check on him? But why? Shi qingxuan was more confused by he xuan coming over than his own situation

After some more minute's of standing there he decided that he wanted to make it up to he xuan for what shi wudu had done to him "atleast try" he said to himself determinated,

for the next couple hour's he'd try to manifest his New form but if anybody could see him all they'd see is a little bouncing spirit

"ugh! Why cant i just get my form to manifest already?!" He said pouting 'bout it, even so he still went on his plan and started to move away from where he had died and stayed for the past day's

He decided to make his way to puqi shrine first often stopping to still try and get his New form or to just stare at everything living in the forest the Sun soon started to set down, shi qingxuan isnt used to not sleep at night or even the no breath needed so he setted himself Somewhere and looked at the night Sky with the glowing star's smiling enjoying the cold air and little glowing bugs standing besides him on the grass.

Hey sorry imma stop there for the first chapter i feel like its long enough however i already know what im gonna write in the seccond chapter so do not fear it shouldnt take too long until i post it ;p i rlly Hope u enjoyed it atleast im tryin my best to think this through

[ghostsandfools]

this is a vent post, y’all dont gotta respond or anything, im just writing it out here cause i already vented to my partner once today and writing in a diary is too time consuming for me right now

I dont like eating anymore. Things always go the exact same way. I only like a couple of foods, and then we run out of those foods and my parents wont buy me more so i judt dont eat until i get them again, and then when i do get them again i get so scared that someone else will eat them before me, and i end up trying to eat as much as possible. And im kinda tiny, so technically i dont even eat that much but it feels like so much. One meal can take me an hour cause i keep taking breaks. And then after, i feel tired and full and yucky and awful, and i get scared cause i have emetophobia and i keep worrying about getting sick. And i know i shouldnt eat that much but i do anyways. I havent gotten sick from it yet but the thought of it happening makes me wanna cry. I know it’s not healthy, and i hate that i have to struggle with this because i usually know how to deal with this stuff. Life has thrown a lot at me, and ive learned how to manage my mental issues so i dont end up hurting myself. Im usually the one that other people vent to, ive even been helping my partner with their eating issues, so i hate that i cant stop myself from this. I dont like it at all. Im hoping that its gonna go away over time just like everything else has. I used to self harm and i really struggled with that for a while too, but over time and with a little help from a friend i was able to stop that. Maybe this will be the same way… theres not really anything i can do about it. My doctor noticed i was underweight and suggested maybe i should get eating therapy so i can stop being so picky, but that was months ago. I dont know if its gonna happen. And i cant talk to my parents about it cause theyll say some dumb shit about how praying is going to help or how i just need to get better at eating and its not that hard. Cause thats exactly what theyve done every other time. And im stsrting to realize im gonna have to learn how to be there for myself the same way im there for others.

if you did read all this, dont worry bout me. I know that was a pretty depressing little paragraph, but writing it out has made me feel a little better. It’s easy to give people advice, but i have trouble following my own advice sometimes, and thats something im practicing. Im glad that i realize the issue, because at lesst i can work on it. Thats the first step. I think ill be alright.

[soupdeewoop]

favorite lines from "THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT"

your wife waters flowers, i want to kill her

All my mornings are monday stuck in an endless february

but you're in self-sabotage mode, throwing spikes down the road

we're modern idiots

You smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate

i scratch your head, you fall asleep, like a tattooed golden retriever

sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me, but you told lucy you'd kill yourself if I ever leave

'cause it fit too right, puzzle pieces in the dead of night, I shouldve known it was a matter of time

'cause i knew too much, there was danger in the heat of my touch, he saw forever so he smashed it up

did you really beam me up?, in a cloud of sparkling dust, just to do experiments on, tell me I was the chosen one, showed me that this world is bigger than us, then sent me back where I came from

now im down bad crying at the gym, everything comes out teenage petulance, "fuck it if I cant have him", "I might just die, it would make no difference"

how dare you think its romantic, leaving me safe and stranded

my spine split from carrying us up to the hill, wet through my clothes, weary bones caught the chill

thinking how much sad did you think I had, did you think I had in me? oh the tragedy

i stopped cpr, after all its no use

two graves, one gun, ill find someone

you swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? i died on the alter waiting for the proof

i just learned these people try and save you 'cause they hate you

id rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitchin' and moanin', ill tell you something 'bout my good name, its mine along with all the disgrace, I don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empire's clothing

there's a lot of people in town that I bestow upon my fakest smiles

my friends tried, but i wouldn't hear it, watched me daily disappearing, for just one glimse of his smile

another summer, taking cover, rolling thunder, he doesnt understand me, splintered back in winter, silent dinners, bitter, he was with her in dreams

little did you know you home's really only a town youre just a guest in

florida, is one hell of a drug, florida, can I use you up?

little did you know your home's really only the town youll get arrested, so pack your life away just to wait out the shitstorm back in texas

i need to forget, so take me to florida, ive got some regrets, ill bury them in florida, tell me I'm despicable, say its unforgivable, at least the dolls are beautiful, fuck me up, florida

go on, fuck me up

this cage was once just fine, am i allowed to cry?

what if hes written "mine" on my upper thigh only in my mind?

these fatal fantasie given way to laboured breath taking all of me, weve already done in my head

what if the way you hold me is actually whats holy?

they dont know how youve haunted me so stunningly, i choose you and me, religiously

if you wanted me dead you shouldve just said

crash the party like a record crash as i scream, "whos afraid of little old me?", you should be

i wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me, you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

you caged me and then you called me crazy, i am what i am 'cause you trained me, so whos afraid of me?

they shake their heads saying, "god, help her" when i tell 'em hes my man

ill show you heaven if youll be an angel, all mine

whoa, maybe i cant

i thought i was better safe than starry-eyed

if you know it in one glimpse, its legendary, you and i go from one kiss to getting married

you shit-talked me under the table, talking rings and talking cradles, i wish i could unrecall, how we almost had it all

youre the loss of my life

the lights refract sequin stars off her silhouette every night, i can show you lies

'cause im a real tough kid, i can handle my shit, they said "babe, you gotta fake it till you make it" and i did

lights, camera, bitch, smile, even when you wanna die

im so depressed, i act like its my birthday everday

'cause im miserable (haha), and nobody even knows, try and come for my job

and i dont even want you back, i just want to know, if rusting my sparking summer was the goal

you didnt measure up in any measure of a man

in fifty years will all this be declassifed?, and ill say, "good riddance"

i wouldve died for youre sins, instead i just died inside

so when i touch down, call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team

'cause the sign on your heart said its still reserved for me, honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

he jokes that "its heroin, but this time with an E"

you look like clara bow

this town is fake but youre the real thing, breath of fresh ait through smoke rings

the crowd goes wild at her fingertip, half moon shine, a full eclipse

youre the new god were worshipping, promise to be dazzling

beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours demanding more

you look like taylor swift, in this light, were loving it, youve got edge, she never did, the futures bright, dazzling

[deadduvznap]

👻 Request for the birthday event (Happy bday), top gamer!reader x cc!sapnap noncon/dubcon. Maybe something where he keeps his stupid anime hoodie on. Thank you if you do it but it's also chill if you don't.

deadduvsnap birthday event

thank you sm nonie and thank you for ur request ill give you a kiss <3

okay okay sapnap would be chillen on his bed okay and ur prob in the next room maybe yalls study and maybe before that you are streaming or like what if i say ur a professional gamer okay and ur practicing for smth maybe an upcoming event and hes grumpy cus he cant talk to you cus ur too busy and ur gaming for a long long while i mean like 7 hour session and when ur done its literally like 4 am and hes waiting for you and hes grumpy and hes not talking to you and hes in his room and ur finally done you leave and go get ready for bed and finally when ur ready to like sleep you walk into ur room again from the bathroom and hes there sulking on the bed ur like when did you get here why are you sulking and he doesnt reply hes just sitting there grumpy and ur like fine whatever so you change from just a towel cus you got outta the shower (im saying its one of those bathrooms thats connected to ur bedroom) and when youre done changing you go to the bed and you notice hes hard and ur like omg sapnap ur hard? and hes like shut the hell up and looks away and ur like damn okay so you tell him ur going to bed and hes gets up all grumpy and lets you get under the covers but he sits back down still hard btw and you lay down hes sitting up ur eye level w his hard dick (sapnap has a small dick you can hate me for it) so when hes looking away you put ur hand on his dick hes like what the fuck are you doing and ur like nothing and he shoves your hand off him but and he like starts getting off the bed so you grab his arm and you literally like yank him down on the bed and get on top of him holding his legs down with yours hes like pushing you off saying like get the hell off me and ur like shut the fuck up and cover his mouth and hes scratching at you and ur like fuck no the hell ur not gonna do that so you slap him and he just starts tearing up and ur like if you dont shut up and stay still im gonna hurt you worse so he shuts up and you pull off his sleeping shorts and leave on his hoodie cus why not and hes still teared up and covering his dick with his hoodie so you force him to flip over and he trying to push you away from behind him and u just slap him and you pull down ur sleeping pants and put on a condom and put some lube on yourself and put some on his asshole and hes shaking and full sobbing now and you put the tip of your dick against his asshole and his breathing and crying stutters for a second and his body stiffens up and you push the tip of your dick in and he yells cus hes not prepped and you push your dick in all the way hes like full sobbign crying hes biting into the pillow cus it hurts so badly hes saying stuff like no stop get off me go away his hands are reaching back trying to slap you away and you grab his hands and put them behind his back and hold it there with one hand and you start actually fucking him and dare i say break his arm no i wont say that oh wait okay listen using the hood to pull him back onto you and its choking him and hes trying to pull it away from his neck and when hes almost passed out you let go and he falls back onto the bed and hes coughing and you hit him so he stops and when you cum you pull out and hes sobbing onto the bed into ur pillow and you take off ur condom and throw it away and clean urself up and you push sapnap almost off the bed and tell him to get the hell out of ur room you dont wanna see his face and he has to get off the bed with almost died lube on him and hes struggling to walk and hes sobbing and he stumbles out of the room and you go to bed thinking bout how fulfilled you feel that night

[thesimulacrasimp]

So yeah, here we go again! I just watched 3rd n 4th eps of hazbin hotel so, again, my thoghts abt it. Idk if i really need to put spoilers warning anymore, but ig ill do it just in case. As with previous post there will be some screenshots.

HAZBIN HOTEL EP 3-4 SPOILERS WARNING!

So tbh i dont have much to say about 3rd ep. Overall it was a really cute ep where everyone kinda got along. Also we met alot of new overlords (that one giant wolf girl was cool as hell) n got a few bop songs. I really like all new voices we got here. Also Velvette was killin in this ep, like slay queen!! Also i didnt know this girl (idk her name srry) was Carmillas (idk if spelled the name correctly--) daughter, that really suprised me.

Ok 4th ep... I have alot to say about it. First of all when that Angels moive started i was like: WTH S GOIN ON WHAT????? Then i thoght that its Angels dream (or nightmare-) n that wolf guy was representation of Valentino. N then when its all started i was like: Oh. I get it.

Speaking about Val, when all that fire started n he opened his wings, that was FUCKING BEAUTIFUL N I REALLY DIDNT EXPECT HIM TO HAVE ACTUAL WINGS, I WAS LIKE: :O I FOR REAL ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A FUR COAT--- ok n thats literally the only good i can say about Val by now.

That one awful scene with Val n Angel was literally so scary... Ive never been in SA, ive never had such "experience" (and thank GOD for that), but i know that feeling of fear when you just in trap and you cant do anything, i know how that feels to be abused, when you just hiding in corner feeling so fucking scared that you gonna get beated up n yelled again, you KNOW that will happen and you just wait for it in terrify, you literally feel yourself like a little child who cant do anything, you want to share your problems to someone, just wanna cry to someone, but you cant and you need to pretend that everything is okay. I was so scared for Angel in that scene and i really felt it. And the way Angel tried to make Charlie leave before that all happened.. Yes, he definetly knew whats gonna happen n thats so scary...

Anyway OMG VOX HIIII!!!!!! :DDDD

BTW THE FACT THAT HES HOLDING VALS HAND LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO KISS IT----- THIS SHIP IS TAKING OVER MY BRAIN PLS SEND HELP

Yeah, yknow what really strange thing about all that? Is the fact that Val s obviously a horrible person consindering all the things he done to Angel, but he is still an ENJOYABLE CHARACTER. Like- ofc that awful abusive scene was not enjoyable at all, but for some reason i just cant hate him!! I TRY BUT I JUST CANT N THATS SO WEIRD. probably its because i know its not a real person, its just a character but still-

Also (someone pls count how many times i used this word-) i really didnt expect to see an ACTUAL SEX SCENES IN THE SONG. Ig i shouldve expect it n i kinda did, but i still didnt-

Also this little scene made me fucking cry, for real. But not the fact that Angel crying made me cry, but his line: "If i end up broken, I wont be his favourite toy anymore. And maybe he'll let me go.."

I dont know why this exact line made me cry, but it did and i think this is awesome, because they really made me care for Angel, even tho, again, ive never experienced such feelings so i cant relate to that, but i still feel so bad for him.

Ok can we talk about that Husk was AN OVERLORD??? I WAS LIKE: WHAAAAATT????

And OF COURSE that one Husk n Angels song. You already know how i feel about it so im not even gonna talk bout it! SIKE‼️I WILL!!!!! THIS SONG IS SO FRICKIN CUTE, THE FACT THAT HUSK STARTED TO JOKINGLY (or maybe not jokingly-) SAYING THAT ANGEL IS A LOSER TO BRIGHT HIM UP IS ACTUALLY SO SMART! THEYRE BOTH SO CUTE TOGETHER SINGING AND HOLDING HANDS FOR A LITTLE TOO MUCH!!! AND THIS SONG IS MUSICALLY ALSO SO AMAZING, ITS LITERALLY MY STYLE OF SONGS, MAYBE MY NEW FAV SONG I CANT REALLY TELL RN! And the meaning of this song is really good too. Whatever is happening to you, unless youre not alone, everything is better!

Andddd everything is ended quite good and wholesome! They came to the hotel, Charlie apoligized and everything is good!!

soooo yeah! Thats it i guess! Im pretty sure im gonna edit it if i remember something else i wanted to say, but thats it by now!

My review/thoughts on eps 1-2

My review/thoughts on eps 5-6

My review/thoughts on eps 7-8

[lundenloves]

i have no clue what your flavour of music is but i present you with mY mix of music, good luck lunden, i love u no matter what

pussy pop:

Chappell Roan's pink pony club, good luck babe, naked in manhattan... all bops, all FUCKING BOPS. anything by her. BOP. she is the definition of girly pop slay queen ok i am SORRY

When I Rule The World by Liz saw it on a bimbo playlist that's it, sold. slap it on the fridge. frame it. telling my mother about it.

Please Please Please by Sabrina Carptenderein in honour of u meeting Sabrinas bf. smash.

Fuck it, Celine Dion. take it OR LEAVE IT.

i like the way you kiss me by artemas

I am depressed today:

WILDFLOWER by Billie Eyelash

Picture You by Chappell Roan (i am actively writing ghost wanking it during sad boy hours to this song, its great... for me not him)

tolerate it by taylor swift, i am not a swiftie but this song slaps so hard it got me crying in the club on numerous occasions

i want to be a middle aged father who wears leather studded vests:

literally only made this section so i could tell u to listen to Sabaton. Preferably their song The Last Stand. Its metal. Its gothic. Itssssssss i am edgy but would like to understand the lyrics and would not like to die from screamo music.

i want to live in rural america and stare into the mountainside as my partner drives me through winding roads while i feel a glimpse of nostalgia even though i grew up in the city:

Noah Kahan. Dial Drunk.

man, i just cant stop being despressed:

ur so pretty by wasia project

two by sleeping at last

MITSKI AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Nothing's new by rio romeo

pussy popped 2 hard and now i am just in a fucking musical phase, ok JUST LET ME BE!:

No Longer You by EPIC. Similiar vein all of it. its poppy, its up and coming. it was all i listened to for a week straight.

Vioila by Barbara Pravi (i love eurovision)

World by Zeph (its only like a minute long ok, but it s'cute)

Je te laisserai des mots. fkn french. FUCK.

#holy fuck im drunk #anyway # enjoy #or dont # but if you dont #i will #CRY #thanks # THANKS.

how do i sign this off.

FUCKING FUCK love L! <3

dude. i severely love my anons so much, you people actually bring me through the deeeeeeepest bouts of depression sometimes and make me laugh everyday 🫂

in honour of music sharing under this format you have sent me (which is 100999% interesting i fucking LOVE seeing what other people listen to) i will share my own thoughts on music 141 style.

for reference i am a midwest emo, folk punk, screamo, metal, country music, grime rap, 60’s floorfillers and beatles vs stones, tøp hello tumblr, oasis v blur and britpop, green day mosh pits and everything else other than opera enjoyer ALAS i have my favourites.

ahem.

- i’m making a different post about this 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥😭😭😭😭

i’ll link it here once i’m done

[harrysrealgf]

CANT DO ANYTHING

summary: harry applies to his dream job and they reject him.

—————————🌷🌷🌷—————————

“No- J-Jacob, no. I dont have time f’this right now. I have a very serious interview to attend to so ill call y’later.” Harry hung up the phone with some annoying co-worker.

“M’so sorry ‘bout that. Where were we?”

“I've seen enough.” The lady said.

“W-wait,” He said briefly. “Did I get the job?”

“Unfortunately, you did not. You did not fulfill any of the requirements, and considering the way you just talked on the phone, I think we’re done here.” The lady grabbed all of her stuff ready to leave for the day.

“But,” He sighed. “I went to school f’this.”

“Im sorry Mr. Styles… But until you get every single requirement, we can't have you working with us.”

“But I’ve seen the requirements, and for one of them, I have asthma and physically, I cannot do it.”

“Then I guess I won't be seeing you around Mr. Styles.”

“So what? Did I just waste 2 years of my life going to a school for no reason?”

“Im afraid so Sir.”

“Bullshit.” He scoffed under his breath and grabbed his stuff and walked out.

Harry was beyond mad. He told Y/n that he was going to get this job no matter what it takes and now that he physically cannot get it, he doesn't know what he's gonna tell her.

The drive home was horrible. He couldn’t help but think about what Y/n was going to say to him, how disappointed she was going to be.

He finally got home and walked through the front door. It was about 9 P.M by now.

“y/n?” He called out her name

“I'm in here hon.” She called from the bathroom.

“Hey baby.” He smiled and she dropped her razor from shaving her legs and gave him a hug.

“So how did it go? Did you get the job?” She smiled. She would still love him whether he got it or not, she liked his other job better anyways

“Well, no… but please don’t be mad.”

“Cmon H, I can’t believe-“

“I know! Y’disappointed, I get it.” He rolled his eyes and looked away from her.

“No. Actually, I was going to say I can’t believe you think i’d care if you got the job or not.” She chuckled. “Are you okay though? I know you really wanted that job, and you know im happy if you’re happy.” She smiled.

“No m’fine. It was just my dream job but, the ladies in there were awfully rude so, I'd rather not work there anyways. But m’happy honey. Y’don’t need to worry about that. M’happy whenever m’with you.” He tucked her hair behind her ear.

Maybe he was lying, just a little bit. He was pissed he didn’t get the job, like really pissed. But he wouldn’t care if Y/n didn’t care. Or would he?

“I love you, H.” She beamed

“I love y’ more bunny.”

—————————🌷🌷🌷—————————

The next day the fumes were hitting him. He was getting more mad and mad the more he thought about it.

Just him doing the simplest things would blow something in him. Whether he was washing the dishes or doing laundry, etc. He just seemed like he couldnt do anything.

So he was doing the dishes, just washing one plate and he just could not do it.

“Fuck!” He threw the plate down and it shattered. “Why can't I do anything?” He asked to himself quietly holding in tears.

Y/n heard it from upstairs after getting ready because they were supposed to have guests.

“H? You okay?” She asked running down the stairs with a necklace in her hand.

“M’fine.” He said grabbing the broom and dustpan.

“Wh-what happened?” She took one good look at his face. “Are you crying?” Her heart broke. She hated catching a glimpse of Harry this way. She doesn’t like him sad at all.

“If y’not gonna help clean up out here then get out of my way.” He said sternly not even looking directly close to her.

“No H. C’mere.” He finally looked up at her with teary eyes. Her heart broke even more.

“Hon…” She walked up to him and hugged him.

“Im so sorry bunny. Everything is just going wrong.” He said giving her the biggest hug ever.

“No its okay. Some heartbreaking stuff just happened to you and it's okay to feel this way.” She hated when he got like this. But she loved comforting him. “Look at me.” She says sweetly. He looks down at her because the height difference is insane.

“I love you, okay? And I don’t like seeing you all sad, so please promise me you’ll talk to me if you feel a certain way. I'm certainly not a therapist, but I can at least try.” She smiles and kisses him.

“Y’The best person I could ever ask for.” He kisses her again.

“We can cancel the dinner and not have anyone come here and just watch a movie. And after the movie, I can help you clean. If you want to, of course. Do you wanna do that?” She would do anything to have her Harry happy again.

“If it's not t’much trouble.” He loves when she takes care of him like this

“Then go sit on the couch and pick out a movie.” She smiles grabbing her phone.

“I love y’honey.”

“I love you too, H.”

[almalvo]

STAR TREK: DISCOVERY | S1E4 "The Butcher's Knife Cares Not for the Lamb's Cry"

[I will react to each episode individually and in full, raw reception and then post as is unrevised here onto my tumblr for the full span of every and all NuTrek episodes and series that have been and will be released. If this falls under your field of interest - I welcome your company in joining me. Enjoy the ride.] -------

these effects are so pretty whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i love how that was a nanoscopic view on replication omlll what a wonderful uniform give it. to me. ugh i love this interiour hi saru man i cant wait for burnham to NOT be ostracised like this THREAD GANGLIA HMMM?? what. does he give himself away. when hes nervous. i love this screen. lorca youre a fun man huh. OOO WHAT IS THAT SPIDER HEAD WHO IS THATT i like his spider face oo how the lights just come on like this reminds me of the incredibles guess they have to save power SOMEhow. ugh these internals are so nice so spiffy

yeah i like the older bat'leth more right, his pet. lorca, the shroom man. yes a man with a name like lorca would indeed have em. war specialist hmm ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this INTROOOOO I CANT GET OVER ITTTTT now but like yall seriously to see a queen so crowned at long last - do you UNDERSTAND??? HOW THAT MAKES ME FEEL. ughhhh such a pretty introductionnnn and this music compliments so wonderfully but WAIT ALSO WHAWAIT HAHAHAHAH THOSE TSHOSE THOSE TWO SUITED GLOVED HANDS TOUCHING TOGETHER LIKE GOD AND ADAM. ARE YELLOW AND BLUE. UM UUMMMMMMMMMMM UUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM ok ok breathe ok ok ok ok b r e a t h e . wheew ok . ok. ughhh these coloursss i really like how its all in klingon. cuz why wouldnt it. dude this fucking ROOMM theyre in is so gorgeous yeah im absolutely correct, lookin at this Xray view on the screen. fuckin space water bear THANK YOU BURNHAM YES

TARDIGRADE INDEED. fuckin galactic moss sucker. thats so intersting, to see an internal skeleton in a suped up tardigrade. you know. its funny. how nutrek starts off with what is literally my favourite animal since childhood. water bears for lyfe 👏 trek KNOWS im watching >;} hi stamets. im sorry bout your hubby :( ugh saru looks so good in any lighting. ah so lorca is "get it done" man is he ruder than "make it so" lolol ooo i like this klingon with the red stripes oh i love how convincing they make these inflections in klingon - they certainly put the care in to instil and preserve as much linguistic servicibility in their delivery - love it.

the warped DOWNwards hahah - but damn was it pretty ughhh these key shots are SOOO nice oml stamets are you ok?? ofc hes ok hes hard as steel. man im sry but watching this and seeing the tardigrade just gives me such a nostalgia wow that broken nose doc i see you talk, stamets. ugh keep elon musk out of this he didnt DO shit but be rich. "real life iron man" my ass. his ideas literally aint new. he just has the money to do stuff. ANYways. we dont give a fuck. back to what matters. IS WAIT IS THAT DID I JUST SEE CORRECTLY IS WHAT IS THAT ON THAT PLATTER ON THE TABLE WHY DOES THAT LOOK LIKE A DISSECTED TRIBBLE ? no. it better fucking not. ima kill a land orca... also this poor space bear.. alsso damn the way it just mauled the tactical officer. that sucks. but also i aint mad at the space bear for it. it just tryin to survive. UGHHHHH LOOK AT THISSSSS KLINGON IN ARMOUR UPSIDE DOWN WHY CANT WE GET A FUCKING GAME OF THIS CALIBRE STAR TREK IP PLEASE LETS GETS SOME DASTARD AAA GAMES IN THIS BITCH

man these klingon actors, i appreciate them so much to adorn this make up attire and speaking such a difficult tongue - fabulous. saru time ughh i cant wait to learn more about saru and cant wait till this animosity disa-fuckin-ppears. space bear better live after all this. it deserves that much. i hope it can have all the moss it can find. also wait are m;y eyes working is that a humanoid skeleton with a suspiciously reptilian looking skull and spikes on the back of its head. omll MY BOI IS EATIN THE SPORES?? wait MY BOI BEFRIENDING BURNHAM?? first contact lets GOOOOOOOOOOOO lower decks. hehe. ok sorry that was weird editing the outside shot of burnham talking to stamets is not aligned properly with her speech. awwwwwwwwwwwwww big baybeh so cuteeeeeeeeee i dont like the blur on the space bear among the mycelium though

awww it TALKS TO THE SHROOMS? oh my god please i love it i give it all my sentimental pets. also hey nice dragon fruit. the pale klingon has nice lashes pretteh boi whatever it is she just ate looks good ughhh these visuals outside of discovery are so nice awwww space bearrr so cuteeee UMMM THEY JUST STABBED HIS MILKERS sir they grippin his nonexistent nipples. sry but that girl screaming so mechanically was not the greatest lol also sorry but i really dont like how the shots when they zoom in from outside to into the birdge always end up blurry its hapened like 3 times now SPACE BEAR PECS ARE RED BRO STOP WHOA WHOA WHOAAAAA WHOAAAAA TH E SHIP JUST WARP ROLLED TFF whoa interstingggg i cant get mad a baby acting ofc ahhaha oml they did stab his milkers, not grab them. wtf. im so sorry. that is a waste of a padd. vengeful voq. hes not going to ally wiht the humans to reap vengence for the house of t'kuvma is he against kol.

these klingons are much more similar to the aos ones but the connection is likely not there. IS THAT A FUCKING GORN SKELETON IN THE CASE. IS IT. IS THAT WHAT MATURED GORN IN NUTREK LOOK LIKE. WHATEVER SNW'S XENOLIZARDS BECOME? they better fuckin have their dresses. aw sorry space bear. im sorry. me and you both, burnham. sylvia's delivery was a little fast on the mother joke hmm what did phllipa entrust to you. cant wait till burnham gets her starfleet badge. aw burnham SMILEE LET YOURSELF SMILEEE what is it. phillipa what is it. oml what is it. man bye mamma phillipa, ima miss you. WHAT IS IT. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the telescropeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuteee curious where nutrek will go. its got some odd goofs here and there but im not being too critical on them so much that the story is ruined - lets continue.

[scarsinmysoul]

i experienced things

and i showed myself how strong i was

getting higher from the lows is much higher than my goals

since i came from school i worried about my goals,

in life there is no role

instead of being on your own

fuck this man i cant deny it

all this pressure i refuse to deny it

all this time i got pressure but refuse to deny it

i opened up about past distractions

like killin pain with the liquor and fake friends to rely on

got me falling down from the crown i was hopin’ to see my life getting worse so i started doping

i didn’t like it like i used to

you know what i mean getting elevated

was nothing like it used to-

it is opposite from levitating

damn what my crush aint leveling up

but i thought you was the one who figured it out nigga

nobody leaving it up for money making

i cried myself to sleep dreaming how i could make it

thinking of the verses of gods people trying to fulfill their promises

do i really got a purpose?

goddamnit god fuck you well you know i didn’t mean it

man what is going on with these love songs bitch

everybody heart broken trying to find their own love song shit

its enough struggle already fighting the lows in my pose thinking i lost my cause..

i refuse to deny it i fucked up but watch the snakes conquer

thought i was the problem making my way to my own troubles

facing my fears to the old struggles

here i won yet again an

unappreciated goal

fuck this shit

I FUCKING WON !

I see them struggling with my eyes in disguise

wanted to help but you lost your sight

the truth hurts but i cant help

but face your own fears and it might help

“c’mon lets do this together” but i lost sight

of the fake friends and blessings in disguise

nigga you made it look in the sky.

its the cries for help that you know.

how come i didn’t appreciate that now

when all i wanted was for it to end now

i hear that all the time you can make it

but Lord HOW?

guidance can be fake and you guys know how

i fell down from the top star

i was safe yet experienced lifes pain

it does both

fuck you up and gives you chances

for the dances in the blessings

and in the same places

you saw your death sentence.

its easy fuck it up

but don’t start begging

when you clearly didn’t want to do better.

lifes hard yes i said that

my wife keeps dragging me down

but guess who said that

the toughest part in your soul who couldn’t breakdown so its us againt the truth

but guess what… how?

we wait for the shootback of honor

you cowards don’t deserve to have a boner

you guys make me laugh

on your selfish dishonor .

be quiet don’t disturb

im on my purpose and i start to know

why im put on this earth

all the crying makes sense now

i never loved to focuse on the truth of manipulative behavior.

now i got it fuck you and your selfish behavior’s

finally im done with my own toxic ways

i know your jealous its far worse

no more self explanation for what its worth

all yall people made it worse

cmon now child i dont want to worry

bout the tears falling down while i tell my story

fuck it all up and try it again it will never end.

fears & pain relax and struggle with grace.

gurl you got this it’s your soul that remains.

truthfully you never stopped shining because you are kept save. the angels the fates

is the real disgrace

stop waiting for help

prince charming

come and save me

out of this psychiatrie

he aint even real

fuck me

and these dreams

i gotte save ME

damn it fuck me

alcohol is leaving my vains

carefully

im shaking

but you cant stop me

my brain keeps remainding me

of the times men came too close to me

Flashbacks of the times when

it happened

….

2020

took my breath away

I keep remembering

and I want to drink my pain away

(i guess it was me

and i saw the world a little too blurry.

stop downplaying it

it was sexual abuse

i refused to believe it

scared of gods judgment

too understanding for nothing)

who took my innocence away?

2023 and it happened again

wtf did I do?

past life karma to deserve all of this too?

didn’t happen just twice

but four to five times!

I can heal it on my own

but the scars in my soul

they have fully grown

but no worries.

i can do it own my own

like a big furry

down to earth was never my stomp story

these stories I created were just words

because i was dissociated,

my pain brought me into dark toughts

that weren’t accepted

after giving so much love

I just wanted to cease existence!

Nobody believed me tho

I can do it like billie

“no time to die” was the opposite of living.

daddy never saw me feeling dead

suicidal thoughts but he doesn’t care

all my friends were stuck up in bed

i had nightmares,

questionable realities,

feeling tired but had enough sleep

the cycle in the streets

is what brought me closer to me!

Slow down honey and take the truth in

stop quetion your reality

remember who you are

me myself and i that’s what i have

god i am so fucking tired

please lift me up

aware that it will all come to an end

the question is

when?

I grew strong in this game

i wont let you win

struggled too much

in your manipulative games!

They went so far in this drama

making me believe that it is

my karma

in this life of lies

all this time

i just tried to survive.

i am a worrier,

fighting

my mind,

people,

energies

plus+

other entities

Solar Plexus needed something

i could feel it grow stronger as i opened up

about my hunger

fuck you narcissistic beings

that trapped me in being

anxiously unhappy with MY being!

Hypersensitivity is doing the most

y’all could never understand

that I feel the most!

Sucking on my energie

schizophrenic thats what they called me.

whatever

I will be me

and be happy

nothing like you weak enteties

trying to feed off of

good peoples energies!

Remembering how Cole said

Change it slow always has been

always will be but fuck that imma bust back

until they kill me

i say

change it slow always has been

always will be but fuck that imma speak up

until they kill me

feel me?

ShaNice was

nice

is nice

and will always

stay Nice

You can’t break my Spirit!

[thephloxbayou]

Just a little tidbit on my life atm.

We're not in the perfect place to be doing so, but a rescue with the Beagle Freedom Project showed up nearby. Nearby is distant cuz im willing to drive lol. We have been going back and forth for a week on it but we decided Mercury needs a sibling again. I was fine waiting before, but as the winter rolls in we just cant keep him busy enough. We try to play with him inside because he cant chill outside like he likes and isnt getting as many walks due to the weather, but he just never warmed up to playing with people quite the same way other dogs do. Much shorter bouts. He doesnt play with toys too much unless its like a "parallel play" with another dog. He stands around the house looking around, bored/a little lost. He grew up with dogs around and while he loves having all the attention to hog now its just not the same.

We still cry over Saturns loss 6 months ago all the time. No one can ever replace him. But 13 beagles got dumped after hunting season. 3 are within "my" driving distance. All girls.

We've been struggling financially (started with Saturn's seizures) but we finally got help/found ways to get on an actual path out of the hole. But to wait til we're done?.. it'll be years til we're out. For merc to go that long alone?

I think its time Merc gets a little sister. Possibly Venus but im also looking at water gods/goddess/nymphs that are also planets/moons. Gotta wait a week for an answer.

[beforecolin]

A NEW TITANOMACHY

Yellow cotton tee with an obscure ass graphic

And this shit is old so you know this shit is soft an cozy

Yellow cotton tee with a cool ass graphic of which i do not know the origins

All i fuckin know is that im based and im gorgeous 

Old buddy burning out at the stop light got the kids crying

Buddy flaring the engine at the stop light got the white moms confused 

I heard my square ass neighbor call that dude a menace

I aint even trippin cause he put me on to hella music

I song i.d.ed hella tracks he blasted in his car from my window

He been bumpin sexy drill way before the city was even on that

He put me on to R2r moe and wolfacejoeyy and i never said thank you

Now that everybody’s on that shit, that shit got hella corny 

Cause every time i walk by he always on some cool shit

I get though bro honestly thats prolly how it should be

I thought cash cobain was hard for like two months now his flows bore me

Now that everybody on it man that shit got hella corny 

I have rejected or at least rebelled against the platonic condemnation of writing as a dishonest distortion of living speech, but i have now begun to experince the truth in the fact of the dishonesty of writing. It is already too much. I have failed. Aand now i succeed myself in becoming honest. It is automatic, yet considered. Fluid, yet fragmented (rococo). The stopping and starting is the path to expressing a real organic shape (notan, mu): a thought line mimics ideals. The concomitant aesthetic values that are associated with classical standards of beauty, a formal essences that exists within a scale from which deviations are novel singularities with their own degrees or kinds of aesthetic pleasure. Executing a technique of inscription with varying degrees  of adherence to the rules of both a conventional practice and  an objective understanding of good design from a cognitive science perspective, or the point of view of perspectival realism founded on an enlightenment model of perspective. The more absolute the deviation from a formal scientific model  of beauty ie applying the golden ratio and principles of design that include scientific approaches to proportion, mathematical curves, etc, the closer this inscription comes to a return to pure matter, l’informe/art brut. The Clash of The Primitives, Or A New Titanomachy: the next birth of the twice born, the return of zagreus, the explosion of the dionysiac into total integration of excess-divinity. The discovery of fragmental organs as fractal perfections, unearthing the perfect as already broken. The reinterpretation of history as essentially orphic, replacing the death on the cross with the myth of dismemberment. Alternative primativisms, each in the future of the other. 

Meanwhile the dope boys still bumpin migos

They hella lame for that for real but i could never tell them

The migos flow kinda ruined rap on god that shit is so lame

But imma keep it moving, stay based, in my lane, doin me

Ceiling designed by Sir Shristopher Wren and exquisitely carved by Grinling Gibbons

That shit got me geeked up 

Real talk im tryna engrave some shit as exquisite as a Grinling Gibbons

It might not be doves but its rats and pigeons wrapped up in some exquisite ribbons

Hell na i dont need no instrumental 

Its impossible to scare me straight thats why they wouldnt let me in the prison 

They tried to lock me up like marquis de sade but they wouldnt let me in the prison

I done been bent the light im michel strangelo now im bout to bend the prism

I can’t believe 03 gredo produced Never Bend

That’s one of the hardest beats of all time time, let alone the song itself

I can’t believe 03 gredo taught Hegel the different samenessess of the in itself and the for itself

I can’t believe 03 gredo came up out that texas pen flexing on some fashion shit, i’m happy for him

Drakeo woulda loved to learn about the changes in styles of french design as they progressed out of the French Renaissance, as they developed and shifted from the late 17th century onward under the rule of Henry IV, Louis XIII, Louis XIV, Regency, Louis XV, Louis XVI and into Empire.

I feel like Drakeo would appreciate the passage from Baroque to Rococo and the distinct characteristics that exemplify the departure from the Baroque into Rococo, i.e. the embrace of classical themes biblical and mythological in nature such as Valor and Exaltation, the subsequent rejection of these themes of high seriousness,  moving away from the supremacy of acanthus leaf ornamentation in favor of a more wild and fluid sense of the comic, embracing a new spirit of movement in stacks of rock, stalagtite forms, broken C and S curves. Yea, i feel like a lot of people in the rap game might fuck with that type of shit, including summrs and acid souljah. Maybe not though idk, i’m just saying that cause it’s based. I don’t fuckin care about what rappers care about, i’m a fuckin rapper and i care about some cool shit so imma talk about it. 

Shout out to my readers aka prolly one or two people. 

Hope you fuckin like it bitch if not than you can suck my dick

Sike you know im playin im just tryna bring that energy

I walk by her every mornin i bet we would have good chemistry

 

I seen this lil cute ass shorty posted in the coffee shop

I could tell she wit it so i told her ass to pop and lock

Drop it for me baby imma see you in the parking lot

I aint got no car but immaa pipe her in the parking lot

Parking lot pimpin wit my shorty now we car jackin

Told her to pick a whip she like so we can fuck inside it

She picked a cool ass one but im not gon say which one cause thas incriminatin

Shorty hit a lick and her head game splendiferous 

Thas a lil story for you bitches just to fantasize 

I aint got no time for ratchet bitches ‘less they family size

Peanut m&ms in her pussy like a movie snack

Munchin on her booty while we watchin classic movie scenes

Critics are saying he’s filtering the bauharoque through based life, supraverting the new clash of the primitives by desublimating the unconscious desires of Art Brut and the new york school of abstract expressionism into an ornamental phase space thereby irrrepressing the fake based in an afterlife with an orphic-like liberatory gestrual cooking dance  technique with a suspicious yet loving embrace of classical themes and annoying, pesky old dusty ass concepts like mastery and power. 

They’re saying he seeks out a new clash of the primitives, calling it the return of the irrepressed as it unfolds in the new Asymbolic titanomachy that is viewed as subtle tug of war of vocabulary through the immediate screens ( also known as a new presentism of screenhood), and upon pressing the tender rewind button from the new orphic afterlife, appears as a tectonic shifting of digbats beneath a nonmusical substrate of unicode, set to a score of the based negative. 

My homie  axed me if  i ever read house of leaves, i said 

bruh im michel strangelo 

of course i have

sike nah ive seen it around and know what it is, 

i feel like i decided not to read it so that i could just write it instead

To which mans replied

Damn okay

OKAY!!!!

That’s turnt!

Everything is mine

I own swag. 

A fallen cherub

Issued by chance, irroyal decree

A kid i fell into milk. (a kid/a goat/ a bull, possibly other ruminants and other big fellas that chew the cud)

It was a disaster. The stars fell as well as the sky, pieces of the undigest sinking through the asymbolic quicks, sinking beneath the waters above the blackest waters of the heavens through the four sections of the stomach the new zeus: nuked rumen, zen reticulum, ornamental omasum, abstract abomasum, each corresponding to a phase of spatiality; point-line-plane-solid, with each dash with its own corresponding triad of shadows: DO, RE, MI / separation, contact, extension / sign, index, icon (pre linguistic, presymbolic, premataphorical) with the prefix ‘pre’  becoming a metaleptic appearance as a precursor to its own retrospective recognition as a grammaleptic antimirroring of these triads with their own uninterpolations of hyle as temporality: instant, interval, succession, duration, a group interpunctuated by: list, anecdote, tale (prelegendary, premythological, before epiphanic and heirophanic) / occurrence,  circumstance, concurrence (precoincidental, before causality and synchronicity) / (excluding planetary interpretations, paradoxically)

 a piece of the sky shaped like a stop sign had fallen on his head when he was sitting under the big oak tree, the Bodhi tree, in the town square. 

Secretly and by great accicendence falling from absolute life into the galactic puddle –the saucer of cream that we left out for the cat, our little galaxy ± A KID – for this IS a song of innocence & experience – º‚·‡fl‚ºªt•‡¶§∞øˆ¨…  did you feel it? That  was a tremble, a solicitation for symbol shifting to inaugurate itself, to be seen as birds through the window

Two birds flying in a calm wind two birds falling through a calm wind

I heard a mother scold her child with too harsh a tone at the park today

I aint gon lie bruh that shit was kinda disheartening 

I feel like a kid i got my bright yellow shirt on 

I feel like a kid im eatin a pb&j wit some chocolate milk

They can’t stand that i’m this handsome and still smarter than them

They can’t fucking stand how god damn eloquent I am

Nobody said they failed yet they call themselves failures and wallow

They know damn well what they signed up for, yet they act like they’re owed something

Fuck all of y’all

all y’all can suck my dick 

they’ll try to undermine you cause they hate themselves to death

I don’t even like to hate but sometimes I become overwhelemed with anger and disappointment

Rare negativity, i identify as a lover not a hater

Hate should bring you shame idk why some of y’all so proud of being hating ass people

Hate to break it to you bruh but hating aint a personality 

Some people wanna be witty so god damn bad and  just start compulsively saying shit really, letting the first dumb ass thought fly out of their mouths after the other person stops speaking in the hopes that their interlocutor stupid enough to assume that because they said it fast enough that it was witty. Even if it made no got damn sense at all

I got news for you bud— POP QUIZ HOT SHOT (dennis hopper as Howard Payne in Speed)

NEWS FLASH WISE GUY. 

Speed does not equal  wit. Fast does not equal smart 

That shit you said real fast just now not only wasn’t clever but it was apropos of nothing

nonsensical AND bullshit. oof, the worse kind. Meanwhile i merely mention fava beans which for whatever the fuck kind of of stupid ass fucking assisine fucked up dumb reason prompted you to shit this little rhtorical gem out of the side of your neck: “clarity just isn’t your M.O. is it?” uhhh for merely naming a kind of bean you’ve weirdly never heard of? Ok… listen. I’m misunderstood. Alanis morristtean irony: like the gust of wind that slams your door shut, leading others to assume it was an act of intent on your part, and that you might be expressing your emotional turbulence, and perhaps you are, but you really didn’t slam the door. This was one of the highest crimes in our household, slamming doors. 

people have their cowardly heads in the sand or up their fucking asses, and then blame me. I’m willing to accept only my accursed share of the guilt fairly and justly allotted to me, only that fine slice of falling sky, guilt pie apportioned out for me by the great arbitrators, which happens to be the same size as the slice for all humanity. 

A kid i fell into milk, a bull i fell into milk. 

A bull because although it may look upon first and second glance like nonsense ( glance-like nonsense, parking lot pimping nonsense), and it very well may BE, my nonsense is never bullshit, cause with the bullshit, i play matador. They can’t stop my boustrophedonic debauchery, they can never fully board the pyrrhic dirigible, tame the maudlin horse, crack the shit shell of the avant-kitsch, and spread it on the walls of the spirit ditch. Though i may look like young stalin mixed with ezra pound, i can assure you that i feel like teletubby swagger. YUNG TINKY WINKY AND IM STILL FUCKIN SWAGGIN i look like lil Laa Laa cause i have televisions in all four of my stomachs on which i watch real children live their lives. Rear window swagger

voyeurism off the richter, welcome to diarrhea city

Never underestimate my savagery, kids go the hardest

Kids are goated, kids aint on no bullshit, 

we knocking down buildings, we knocking down borders

People will target you with their own unresolved bullshit

And with the bullshit i play matador 

Bout to put down the bullhorn and pick up the buhl work

French cabinetmaker André-Charles Boulle work

Yung colin bolton and i care about arabesques 

Scarab flesh, peer into my prayer layer in marrakesh

Undo the accident of separation (the separation of accidents from accidence) only to initiate a new kind of Akzidenz, engraving grotesque faces into the serifs of type, what type of time people ask?  a previtalist duration ( vitalist as in: Read between the lines / What's fucked up and everything's all right / Check my vital signs / To know I'm still alive, and I walk alone)

A nonreductive preternaturalism (with Peter Naturalism already having been courageously initiated by doo doo dog, the lastpre-raphelite ironist of the bauharoque),  a transcendental materialism of green day, and all other bands of color except for the blue man group singing the eurodance hit by Eiffel 65.

did you forget yourself? Or any other phrase used to humble a person

Some communications that i maintain with other quiet initiates feel like the correspondence between levi strauss and jean dubuffet, supportive and curious, on the frontiers of the search for a genuine liberatory exchange

we can come up with a way of living that is beyond praise and blame,  but if we must speak dispraisingly (depressingly), then so be it, but if we must sing praises let real folly be its object, not that counterfit of folly that circulates in such abundance today that it has inflated the value of real folly beyond measure. oh curse it all to hell so much foolishness in the world today! 

ishya man pressure mans 

aka pipe shordies

aka yung pipe layer 

posted in my vamp layer 

indie sleaze bitches off the richter

tripple d shordy fat ass wit the nipples

finna bite her pussy like a shark wit a twizzler

straight A student on my dick like a hooker

riz god vamped up welcome to fucking scotland

wendys breakfast biscuit with the antique boudoir

yellow nipple sharty with the razor blade nail gun

cocaine faggot on my dick like a hustla

suckin bitches off in the shower like a bus driver

i been toting glocks like im santas little helper

nobody understand me cause im gifted and im emo

yea exactly homie i was finna fuckin say that

ancient greek mayo on the sammy like a stray cat

pummel horse pussy with the mack and the strap on

asking for forgiveness on the floor wit my dick out

slizzy off the onions like im stanley fuckin yelnats

kentucky coal miner moonshine when i help bats

locked in the aquarium and im feeling like a thinker

got her wrapped around my finger did i have to let it linger? 

hell na i didnt but shit i went and let that shit linger

i tried to fix that shit but all i really did was tinker

im the savior of worms and i love community service 

yung clock maker im mechanical as shit

brick mason christmas with a question in the ziplock

keep a can of sardines in the crystal cabinet flintlock

aging like a rancher george washington mclintock

asian like an example when i switch the fuckin slip knot

sorry publishers but this is really what it look like

apocalypse enlightenment im a shakespeare lookalike contest finalist lets go

did you get the research chemicals in the gift basket with the fig jam? i left a secret present in the freezer when you get home

all these "artists," give me a fucking break. its complex, i won't go into it again, get me riled up and maybe i will, but overall the term has lost all meaning, to hell with what we call art.

in the spirit of louis aragon, too: fuck all these pseudo intellectuals! charlatans! for i am certainly among them, but to hell with all those who pause before doorways, unaware, this could never be me. But all men are capable of all things.

wow, embiid with the flop and the three to tie it at 69

"that is hilarious, be like yo we takin a charriot"

The nerve, the disrespect to appease the weirdo old white dudes drinking wine watching hockey at Paul's. the bartender switched the kicks game for some Bruins Toronto hockey show.

Like dude, you obviously don't care about basketball, that's crazy. and later he admitted it, saying something weird about the giants. 

when people cheered he said "theres's obviously no nets fans in here, the barclay's center is right up the street" and i'm like dude, come on. and then another guy said "well there aint no nets on the tv's'!" and i'm like thank you

and it was the tv i was sitting right in front of

and I had just given up my spot to a couple that was clearly on some dating vibes.

as a single person you always forfeit the right to claim space for two in the presence of a couple. 

I was sitting at a table, I said, Excuse me, y’all might like to sit here, you should, I'm happy to sit at the bar. They said how very kind. So I got up, but I continued to feel displaced thereafter. 

They're after.

every moment thereafter, but it was funny. he switched the basketball game to the small TV at the end of the bar, and somebody said, after Brunson scored, they said, “who was that?” And this man who was clearly a knicks fan there to see the game immediately said, "why, can't see him?!" at which point he and everyone around burst out laughing. it was the timing, the quickness, it was too good. real wit.

but the knicks got the dub, it don't even matter

Based freestyle in the spirit of the anti-cultural positions 

Some communications that i maintain with other quiet initiates feel like the correspondence between levi strauss and jean dubuffet, supportive and curious, on the frontiers of the search for a genuine liberatory exchange other times: I have no license to confuse, but I do it anyway despite these superimposed confines of regulated knowledge

spit in my direction because my mere presence is a challenge to those weak of character, so frail a self-image, those infested with the most base and pathetic insecurities

you better act like you know! and show some fucking respect

then I guess I'll get all the way out of your way. if my mere presence forces you to feel like you need to take up all the space, I guess I'll just get all the way out of your way then. If it's so hard for you to give a little ground, I guess I'll just get all the way out of your way then. are you so unyielding? Have you forgotten yourself? Have you lost all perspective? i know people who are weak and like to instigate things, they like to back people i to corners with leading questions, they like to lure you into the pathetic rehearsal of their own trite little psychodramas with their limited rotation of talk worn tropes—i even notice men doing it! Hell, even my father. Men who gossip more than their girlfriends or insane wives... god help them! Is this misogynistic? you might say so, but i will deny that whole heartedly, if you think so then be damned, your’re not hearing me. Listen, if you've ever asked me if I was quite proud of myself regarding some trifle of the moment, and in asking this you betrayed the fact that believed for a second that I was in fact, as you put it, proud of myself, then you had me confused from the beginning. And if by asking this it was your intention to pull the rug out from under me, to check my ego, then you misunderstood the assignment. He who is the self appointed poker of holes be god damned, for this cheese is swiss and holy, always already full of holes, full of emptiness. And if i ever had a new lover that asked me what color her eyes are with full intention of revealing my ignorance of the knowledge that they’re green, then you have only succeeded in exposing your own ugly foolishness and lack of faith. If a lover ever tried to set a trap of this kind, one with these childish irritating trick questions (the ugly head of innocence reared), and you she didn't think I knew, then she had me fucked up from the jump. And if you asked this and truly didn't know, then that's on me, but of course i knew— they’re green, for crying out loud! Oh for fucks sake, how could you ask such a thing? But in the other version of the story, the boy was aloof and truly didnt know, and thus got what he deserved— but let us be clear, that boy was not me! Could never have been me. but i know all men are capable of all things. Arbitrators be damned! Children can get their teachers in big trouble by imitating their grandmother's condemning hum, the comedic refrain that condemns to the halls of judgement: "mhm." or drawn out "mmmmmhm." with the tone, “yep, he know damn well what he did.”  this self righteousness that sounds so sweet as the gentlest wind passing through the highest branches of this blooming magnolia or  sycamore. So fresh in the bragadocious gangsterlicious supercali (fragile realistic) fragilistic fragmented magnificence of rapperliciousness, dripping line stalactites, mining these milkshake byways and biodegradable highways for  fossils of rococo rat feet, to speak fax through the beaks of ajax. a fresh star, burst. a fresh start with beggars and jerks, for the cleverest clerks (little kids that play tricks at the counter, like crows), the readers of palms, the eaters of psalms, a bequeather of wrongs in the ether of qualms, but it's not just one, two, three. You get a car! You get a car! You get a car! absolute forgiveness, and  recognition for everyone, oprah style. the forgetting of the coin through unsolicited alms, amen. 

p.s.  "you got any money?" "damn man, i was bout to ask you the same thing!" or "nah man i'm broke too, i aint got no bread brodie" "you a yankee fan?" "yea bro i fuck with the yankees ever since i was a boy" "we enemies then" "oh word? how you live in new york and you boston? thats cursed." "yea, its cursed" "nah but i wish you relentless blessings, blessings be upon you brother, may your cup runneth over, lord knows if my cup were forged i the image of the accursed share, the infiite fount, the gift that keeps on giving, you should rest assured there would be a bottomless well with your name on it, a basin so unfathomable places directly beneath that fount to catch every drop, every drop our faces. 

a group passed by saying they felt like little babies, like curious george on an adventure. i said something similar earlier, or was i the man in the yellow shirt? i know for a fact i have tied this shirt around my head in the summertime.