#im an idiot...this is all because im an idiot i shouldnt hold others to the same decisions i would make but it still hurts

[tortademaracuya]

I hate seeing people I hate reflected in the actions and mannerisms of people I love. I want the whole world to burn

[nintendont2502]

just saw ur caste dating discourse post and realized meulin would've been lambasted by all of those groups for getting w the 2 highest landdwelling castes. kankri would write her callout post. feferi would've been accused of coercing sollux to be w her etc etc

girl would be in the TRENCHES fighting off the waves of terminally online freaks kankri keeps sending her way,, someone save her

genuinely i dont think a single beta troll wouldve made it through the discourse unscathed LMAO

aradia? well clearly shes only with sollux because he could easily kill her w/ his psiionics (god help them if the grumblr mob ever finds out that he *did* technically do that one time)

tavros is held up as like the posterchild for why lowbloods and highbloods shouldnt be in quadrants even though he and vriska were uh. never in a quad together. does he try *telling* anyone that? probably not!

sollux? psiionics. threatening aradia into a quad. (also tbh getting into a quad with someone when youre a goldblood is lowkey problematic because what are they supposed to do after you're sent offplanet and helmed? its honestly really manipulative holding someones quad hostage only to leave them forever which is why all golds should take a vow of celibacy-) hes only making it worse by being an absolute dick to everyone involved and escalating shit so far that theres multiple attempts on his life and everyones *convinced* hes a serial manipulating asshole because lmao why would he tell those idiots theyre wrong

karkat? you mean that hemoanon freak thats probably just a highblood trying to pass himself off as a lower caste so he can manipulate lowbloods into his quads?

nepeta and equius would be torn APART - not only is he three castes higher than her, but hes also far physically stronger so clearly shes the weak defenseless victim here (they keep saying this even after she culls someone for it. nep im so sorry)

kanaya shouldnt even *be* in a quad since shes a jade and theyre meant to be sequestered (similar argument to golds where actually its really cruel and manipulative to be in a quad with someone when you know you two are going to be forced to be apart for sweeps - no they dont care that she left the caverns. she still shouldnt be doing that shit its a bad example for other jades smh)

terezis honestly the most divided because her relationships are either her and karkat (potential highblood, terezi might be victim *or* karkat is a lowblood and shes the one with power over him) or her and vriska (no one wants to know whats going on there). although tbh she is a lawyer which means she can get her quads tried and killed for whatever bullshit crime she can come up with if they try to leave :/ never date a cop lawyer folks

vriska. mind control. do i need to say more. every vriska relationship is toxic and awful and she wouldve been cancelled 50 times over if the ringleaders of her callout posts didnt mysteriously 'deactivate'

equius. too strong to date - how can you be in a quad with someone that not only has a shit ton of social power over you, but also could literally tear you apart if he wanted to. also lowkey problematic for making and fighting/kissing (??? its unclear online and no one wants to know) robots :/ like those are clearly stand ins for lowbloods that hes attacking/potentially fetishising and they literally have to do everything he says thats fucked up

gamzee. highblood. automatic oppressor. part of a niche religion - if you try to quad him you either have to convert (cultural (caste?) appropriation) or dont become part of the clurch (rude, disrespecting his beliefs). constant discourse about whether clowns can even consent to a quad because theyre presumably high all the time as part of their religious practices. constant discourse about how assuming clowns are high all the time as part of their religious practices is casteist as fuck.

eridan. somehow one of the least problematic trolls out of the group (which is saying a fucking LOT). only has quads with someone a caste higher than him (although that caste is fuschia. is he the victim here??). pursues lowbloods constantly though which is problematic as fuck (at least he doesnt kill them if they turn him down. the bar is on the fucking floor)

feferi. god forbid a woman do anything. pale with eridan? sure hes only a caste lower than her but also shes the literal fucking heiress - what was he gonna do, say no? he cant even hide in the ocean from her!! shes a seadweller too!! flushed with sollux? holy shit hes like 8 castes lower than her of fucking course he had to say yes! shes probably only dating him so she can helm him later anyway :/ really its problematic as shit for her to even have friendships with trolls of other castes because shes just using them without giving them the benefits of being in a quad (shes the literal heiress of course shes going to get whatever she wants from them) - but also if she stayed distant and didnt talk to anyone then shed be accused of being full of herself and thinking she was better than anyone else and #NotMyHeiress

[m0e-ru]

hi ive been binging your blog a lot recently. i rlly adore the sheer effort you've given to these dumbass fucking characters that otherwise get such little people even attempting to appreciate or engage with them beyond very shallow depths. as someone who only really got into the p4 games relatively recently (2022. my only remembered experience with the series beforehand was like a couple episodes of the the p4anim years ago and playing p5 in 2016/2017) and kind of being shell-shocked by how characters like marie and teddie and namatame were perceived by the overall fanbase once i started engaging with it more i really appreciate all the writing and analysis and art and other shit you do for them. even the gas station attendant, a character i overlooked initially, i've come to love because of all the time and energy you put into picking them apart like a dead frog in a science class

uh yea idfk i feel generally vindicated by seeing the way you characterize these bitches. especially marie as someone who felt like a lot of her interesting aspects were evaporated by the fandom (somewhat because of p4ga i feel but but still) and wanted to see more silly fanart of her (and shumarie/soumarie/whatecvrer the fuck that wasn't just kind of surface level romance becuz i rlly do love their dynamic w how i see bancho in my head. idiots who dont know how to properly express themselves w one repressing themselves to adopt a likable persona and the other unable to shut the fuck up much to their own detriment. im not gonna get over that fucking "marie makes everyday sunny for him" post ever i think) so uh keep on keeping on and ill continue to like your posts and something

anyway dumb stupid cringe fucking rant over. i apologize if i come off like a loser i dont use this website and idk the general tumblr etiquette. im pretty sure shit like this shouldnt even go here but . dont need to respond to this i just wanted to yell into the void cuz i appreciate this account. rest of this will just be panels of marie and teddie and bancho from some of the p4g anthologies i own that i wanted to share in the off chance that you also dont already own said anthologies n have seen them befor. these r only from the last ID antho and the dengeki one because those r the only 2 i have proper pictures of

hai i read this ages ago and i wanna get back to it by saying youre so awesome possum forever and ever dont worry about your ettiquette because getting 3 essay worthy paragraphs of you talking is basically everyone ive met in the tumblr nation

another thing i remember is that a bestie also loved your offerings esp the last one because those two look so lalala AUAHUAHA okay i should answer this ask properly now that i have the time 🏃🏃🏃🏃

can we give it up for the bingers and blog skimmers !?!?!?! you guys are such an interesting breed i remember trying to do that in 2018 i can already recall the thrill going through my blood im so honored to see people doing that and moreso coming to me to tell me about it WAHAUHAHA 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

this gas station (blog) really is catered to the niche market of all time also because the way my brain is wired to just go in the dustiest nooks and corners of a community and thrive and live there. i AM the bug you see when you lift up the rock . hai . i'll do anything for these poor poor characters being tossed around like hot potato with people who dont bother understanding thing or even try to pick them up at all. also im getting such a kick every time someone tells me i got them into appreciating the attendant or even iznmi more OR in a different way. thats why im here bros . me when i do my JOB !!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

the way fandom handles shipping has always irked me because theres just SO much you can do with two characters than just make them hold hands. what if there was blood invovled, you know . /starts pacing around the room / you know im glad you know the know it's so cool you know /shaking you/ im glad i have a post that's affected you so much like i thought it was just a silly caption at the time and seeing it after 2 or 3 years is like "YEAHH i cooked this " and im glad you brought it to me hehehe

i hope this gas station brings you joy and you keep coming back for more etc etc and please know i really am happy to see you around in whatever branch you show up at 🫡🫡🫡 /explordes

[queenmina37]

hi!! i found out your bleach x bnha crossover series last night and i DEVOURED it, i had such a great time reading it and it's so funny 😭 i just wanted to say thank you for sharing such a brilliant brainworm that will probably now live in MY brain forever 💜 i know it hasn't been updated in like a year but that won't stop me 😾 and since we're here i figure i'll ask something: how would aizawa react if he found out ichigo has two whole *kids*?

again, Thank You and hope you have a good day 💜

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA You're the person who left comments on Ghost Hunters of UA, aren't you?? I'm so glad you liked it!

This is an interesting thing because I could actually swear that I've written something about this? Actually, I just realized that I probably have some parts of the story written... that I haven't posted... because... I don't even know... I remember that I had the very last story for the series written, but I didn't want to post it if the rest of the series was still not finished, but I might actually post it at some point, if I can just remember to do that.

But I could swear I've written something about Aizawa finding out about Kazui and Ichika? It's possible it's one of the group chat chapters that I wrote and then decided not to go through with the idea at all? Yeah, actually, I just found it and it's definitely like that.

I'm not going to put this on ao3 (at least at this time), but since you asked, here you go! Please remember that it was written before the first chapter of Ghost Hunters of UA, so it might not be entirely accurate, for example with what happens in that story, but, yeah, anyways.

Karakura Gang + Stragglers (Group chat name)

God’s Antithesis (Ishida)

Ichigo

God’s Worst Mistake (Ichigo)

Uryuu

God’s Antithesis (Ishida)

[A picture of the living room of the Ishida Residence. Sitting in front of a dark wine red couch and the low table in front of it, on the floor, are two boys around the same age. One of them has wild, spike orange hair that is just slightly smoother than Kurosaki Ichigo’s spiky hair. He’s grinning brightly, his purple eyes alight. He’s wearing a pair of jeans and a baby blue hoodie. The other boy also had orange hair, though of a different, darker shade than the other boy’s. He was beaming. He had dark blue eyes. Both boys were staring right at the camera.]

Why is kazui in my house

Assno (Asano)

asdfghjkl

Reject Universe (Orihime)

Oh!

I didnt know kazui was over!

Dragon (Tatsuki... I think?)

Oh my god what the fuck

Arrancar Translator (Chad...?)

Huh

Queen (Rukia)

Oh my god how is he over there?????

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

omw dont let him leave

God’s Antithesis (Ishida)

Bit late for that

Reject Universe (Orihime)

I just got home and he just ran out (°-°)

Dragon (Tatsuki)

Is he scared of u?

This is like the third time he has done that right?

Reject Universe (Orihime)

Oh no surely not right?

I dont want kazui to be scared of me!!

Queen (Rukia)

He isnt scared orihime I promise

God’s Worst Mistake (Ichigo)

He just gets similar alarms ringing like when rukia smiles when he has done something he shouldnt have done

Also im coming over, see if I can hold him down long enough for renji to drag him back home

Karakura Red (Karin)

Caught the little shit

Bringing him home but ichi-nii should still come keep an eye on him

Me and yuzu have shit to do

God’s Worst Mistake (Ichigo)

omw

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

I will be there in a few hours once these idiots get the senkaimon going

Queen (Rukia)

Might be good

Kazui has been taking it rather hard that ichigo is on such a long mission

A bit of time alone with his dad will do him some good

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

Im sorry

Kurosaki has a son?

Dragon (Tatsuki)

Wait we didnt tell u?

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

No????

Improvised Molotov Cocktails (Mizuiro)

He has a wife and a husband too

Assno (Asano)

Some of us cant find one and he went and got himself two

Arrancar Translator (Chad)

Actually he has two kids

Son and daughter

Reject Universe (Orihime)

Oh but renji is actually ichika’s dad

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

What

Improvised Molotov Cocktails (Mizuiro)

Kazui and ichika are twins

Ichigo is kazui’s dad

Renji is ichika’s dad

Simple

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

In what universe

Dragon (Tatsuki)

Well I mean they have the same mom and are twins so its pretty simple

Must Protect (Yuzu?)

Aww!

[A picture of Ichigo laying down on the couch in the living room of the Kurosaki Residence. He has one hand under his head, while the other is wrapped around Kazui, who is laying between him and the back of the couch, his head on Ichigo’s chest. Both have their eyes closed. Ichigo is in his shinigami uniform.]

They are so cute!

Queen (Rukia)

Is he purring?

Karakura Red (Karin)

Of course hes purring

This is ichi-nii we are talking about

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

I’m sorry

Kurosaki

Purrs?

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

Like an engine yeah

But only when he naps with the kids

They love it

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

??????

How???????

Improvised Molotov Cocktails (Mizuiro)

You havent heard him purr before?

Arrancar Translator (Chad)

He was already doing it in middle school but it escalated in high school

Queen (Rukia)

It escalated even more after he died

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

And then it became exclusive to the kids

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

????????????????????

God’s Antithesis (Ishida)

Wait

What do you mean its exclusive to the kids

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

Its exclusive to the kids?

He only purrs when he wants to nap with the kids?

Queen (Rukia)

It calms kazui down and he falls asleep within seconds

Ichika too but thats because shes been conditioned into it rather than it being natural like with kazui

Why?

Karakura Red (Karin)

He does it with me too tho

Yuzu too

Reject Universe (Orihime)

He did it to uryuu once too!

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

What??????

Karakura Red (Karin)

Urahara said its a hollow thing

Pack thing and all that

Must protect little ones

Hes trying to calm down and put to sleep any younger relatives essentially

Must Protect (Yuzu)

Yeah I hear the visored do the same with him too

But he never does it to them because they are older than him

Karin has done it to me too

Karakura Red (Karin)

Yuzu!!!

Dragon (Tatsuki)

Oh my god

Assno (Asano)

Y r u guys so pure?

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

Im not sure what about having a bloodthirsty cannibal in your head is pure but u do u buddy

Assno (Asano)

Wait no!!!

Panicked into Solutions (Renji)

Also I will be there in another 30 mins

Must Protect (Yuzu)

Stay for tea until they wake up!

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

I

I hate to break this to you people but kurosaki is expected at school tomorrow morning

Karakura Red (Karin)

Thats what shunpo and sonido are for

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

What does that even mean

Improvised Molotov Cocktails (Mizuiro)

He fast

Caterpillar Man (Aizawa)

That explains literally nothing

Queen (Rukia)

It explains literally everything

[badaziraphaletakes]

Hi!! (Im so sorry if im annoying u guys, I just like this blog sm ok😭)

I just wanted to say that I have been relatively new to this fandom, since season 1 came out, and it was great! It felt like a space for asexual amd neurodivergent ppl, and I loved all the fanartists and theorists (still do) but after season 2, and I have a confession to make here, I too was on the "anti aziraphale" bus, properly boarded, seated and all. I know I didnt indicate that in the post I made, but I didnt self identify as one, I just "agreed" with what many of the crowd holding those setiments said. Why? My dear fellow, it was simply because of poor self esteem! I related alot to aziraphale, and so seeing those posts, where ppl talked abt traits( he and I share), like his love for his interests, his exaggerated movements, his anxieties, and seeing ppl dismiss them, or make fun of them, or call him "an emotional idiot" as that one lovely person said, well it felt like looking in a mirror, because those were the exact same things I said to myself! I told myself all those things, that I didnt deserve forgiveness from ppl I loved, when I made mistakes, I told myself that I should "tone down" my excitement for my interests, and the rest. I found myself mentally taking notes, and altering my behaviour, after reading those posts, bc hey, I hate myself for having those traits, and it looks like other ppl hate this one character for having those traits too, better "shape up" and "do better" yknow?

I stopped following thise blogs, but I still seeked the posts out. Why? Bc it felt "good". It felt like my negative self talk was being validated. It felt like I "finally" found posts that wouldnt "mince words" and be as mean, and rude as they possibly could be to him, because that was "what he, and anyone else like him deserved." (Im not saying that the ppl who made those posts said that, im saying that I made myself believe that I deserved that)

Maybe I shouldnt have internalized what the posts said. Maybe I shouldnt even care all that much abt a single character, I mean obviously the ppl who made those posts werent thinking about me were they? They werent targetting me, so why did I feel all that much. It didnt matter how much I rationalized it, at the end if the day I was making myself miserable, but it felt familiar, so I kept at it

I found this blog, and it felt.. so surreal. Like ppl were defending aziraphale? Ppl were giving him, grace? What? And then I read the analysis and responses that u guys gave, and realized that I also had biases, and I found myself giving more empathy to aziraphale, and then I found myself extending that same empathy to myself. I also started going to therapy also, and I realzied that no, I made mistakes, but I am human, forgivable, that my interests arent things to hide, but rather things that make me happy, and that I shouldnt be harsh to myself bc of that. It all progressed slowly, but I could feel myself becoming, happier. I didnt hide my excitement, I didnt tone down my "exaggerated" movements. I started treating aziraphale's character with love and lo and behold, I found myself loving myself too.

I have bad days, I still do. But they are lesser in number now. Whats the point of this long ass ask? Well, I want u to know that u guys are essentially teaching ppl to be more empathetic towards others and sometimes towards themselves, by being being empathetic towards aziraphale. U are telling people like me, indirectly ofc, to love who we are, and to give ourselves grace. And that while aziraphale (and ppl like him) maybe flawed, that shouldnt warrant hate, but rather understanding. U guys are wonderful, and I promise u, u guys are helping❤️

Im sorry to whoever that person was that left, im sorry that they were harassed as I am sure, those werent ur intentions. But what I am trying to say is that u are not making this fandom more toxic. U are helping people. U guys are a breath of relief in the fandom. Pls remember that.

(Sorry if this is too long to read, or too emotional, ive been in a bit of a mood I suppose, and being vulnerable like this is terrifying but agsjsgkahsbs what can one do, have a great day!🤗)

My dear, I'm so humbled to read this. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. As an autistic person, watching Aziraphale ever since 2019 has helped me unmask a lot, so I totally understand how the bad criticism towards him may have pushed you into masking yourself. It does hurt 🫂

I'm so happy that we've helped you on your journey and that we even helped you seek therapy (everyone should and every time a friend tells me I helped them get there I feel like I won in life). This is what we aim for here in this space, this is what makes it all worth it.

Thank you for the reassurance, it is very much needed sometimes. We want to fight toxicity, not contribute to it, and feedback like yours is very much needed to know we're on the right path. We hope to bring comfort for those who are feeling harmed by the situation.

And of course thank you SO MUCH for sharing your feelings with us, this is the juice we need to keep going 🩶

And finally: remember that you are and will always be good enough and that you deserve better. And no matter what, be yourself! Good luck and we're glad to have you on our train 🥰

[wynnundead]

So i tend to...i wouldn't say mask cause of how i was brought up...its more like severely repress my autistic traits in public typically for reasons i wont get into more than what ive said..

And i assume that most people i run into outside in the wild are all neurotypical for my own safety cause i know how people are and i just don't wanna deal with it.

But alittle while ago a couple of my coworkers were talking and i walked over to where they were cause i heard what they were saying.

Turns out both of them are also autistic and i immediately felt safe at work because they are there as well and its always so nice to have that connection.

But they are both open about it and thats fine, but i have to listen to my other co-workers complain about my autistic ones constantly, "i dont think they should use the fact they have autism as a reason they cant do something" or " they are so annoying i dont like them cause 'insert something they cant control' or 'something completely harmless they are for some reason blaming on the autism'"

And its so infuriating to hear...

Normally i would say something to the neurotypical idiots saying this shit, but because i can manage passing under the radar and if i mention im also autistic they are only going to treat my other coworkers worse and try to hold them to a standard or worse and i also really dont want to start a argument and be seen as over reacting and everyone mad at me over what they consider "nothing"...

Its the opposite of infantilzing and its the expectations that autistic people shouldnt be...that i deal with.

i just saw a tiktok video captioned "how it went when my autistic brother watched my 11 moth old" and it was like. a regular adult dude playing with a baby of crawling age. it was cute. had the caption been anything else you'd have NOT know the guy was autistic. yet everyone in the comments was being so fucking odd "oh i love how he referred to babies as people" "this makes me want to cry <3" "two pure souls in a video" ect. like you people would rather die than be normal about autistic people huh

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

I need to share soft sign language buddies ninogami headcanon because they’re taking over my brain always:

(This got so long, so youre welcome if youre also starved for ninogami content)

Nino’s mom is Deaf , so he grew up signing as much as speaking. When he was younger he always signed as he talked.

It turned out he’s also Hard of Hearing, so sign language is way easier for him to understand most of the time.

However, though he’s great at making friends, he’s very awkward when it comes to talking about himself. So never comes up in conversation.

It’s not a self-deprication issue. It’s just a “thinking of things to say is hard and I’d rather have someone else do the talking” thing. He’d rather talk about anyone except himself.

Additionally! He’s great at helping other people, but he’s terrible at asking for help. He does not EVER want to be like “hey i cant understand what you’re saying, my ears dont work great,” its his worst nightmare

And it doesnt help that there have been a few cases of people being rude about it when he doesnt hear them after they repeat themselves. And possibly worse, there have been even more cases of people giving over-the-top apologies instead of just,, telling him what they said. So it’s not worth the trouble in his mind

with his few close friends who still dont know, it feels like its too late and it’d be awkward to bring it up, so he just… doesnt. He’s procrastinating on telling them he cant hear them

He stopped signing as much as he talked in middle school because strangers would always be like “woah thats so cool, how do you know sign language” and he’d just panic because he was an awkward tween, and he didnt know if he was comfortable telling them he was HoH, but ALSO just saying his mom was Deaf and not mentioning himself felt like directly lying by hiding information, so he just took the “lazy” way out and signed less in public.

Sometimes fighting the anxiety was not worth it so he just let it win in that case.

Nino is so nice and energetic and loves people, but he is way more introverted and anxious than his friends think.

But when they start to get closer, Kagami who is ever-observant, notices him signing a little bit, (not ever to her, not ever on purpose, but he’d sometimes sign a word he needed to remember while speaking or sign along to emphasize something)

and she luckily for his anxiety, she doesnt know how to have a normal conversation either.

Her (platonic as well as romantic) love language is studying and research, and Nino seems very cool and she likes him, even if she is awful at holding a conversation with him or doing anything to show it.

She thinks he’s so cool and such an amazing talented kind friend. She has so much love for him that she doesnt know what to do with it. So she channels that energy into learning to sign through the internet and whatever tools she can find

And then after a while of this, she’s like “oh no, he’s gonna think that’s so creepy, I cant tell him I know sign language or he’ll be so uncomfortable”

So, like a whole idiot, she hides that she’s learning sign language from anyone. Because OBVIOUSLY if word got back to Nino, he’d assume it was because of him and that she was a weirdo he shouldn’t be friends with

But also Kagami accidentally falls in love with sign language because she has undiagnosed autism. She always assumed that communicating was just going to be impossible no matter what, but as she gets proficient in sign language she’s like,,, oh,,, OH,, this is very nice

Even just signing while she talks makes it so much easier to keep words and sentances straight, but she only does it when she’s alone with her mother, who is literally blind and would never know.

They become closer friends in late high school, and by that time a lot of Nino’s anxiety has worn off and he’s become completely comfortable letting teachers know when he needs to hear somthing, and middle school feels like a distant dream

At some point, Nino invites Kagami to his house a few times, and he signs with his mom. Nino is like “I can interpret for you,” and Kagami is like “wow thanks, I’m so lucky, because I obviously do not know any sign language, why would I have learned it, and also for the record it is brand new information to me that you can sign,” and Nino is like “cool? Its not a secret but im glad i told you if you somehow didnt already know,” and Kagami is like, “yep :)”

But then eventually as they become really close, they are texting one night, (Kagami can still barely get out of her house, so they need to communicate remotely. And both of then HATE phone calls bc its so hard to understand whats happening, but neither of them have admitted this to anyone)

Nino admits that he likes using sign language better than talking, and he wishes he could use it with his friends, but he’d feel so guilty asking them to learn an entire language just to make him slightly more comfortable. He can talk and hear OKAY so he shouldnt put the pressure on them.

and Kagami is like “you could always ask, worst case scenerio they say no, and i dont think thats an unreasonable demand” and nino is like “it is though,” and kagami’s like “ok so haha funny story, please dont hate me” and nino is like, “…what.” And kagami confesses everything and nino is like “why… why would i hate you for that?” And Kagami is like “oh wait youre right im stupid,”

And then Nino’s also like “hey if YOURE more comfortable signing too, then why dont YOU ask your friends to sign for you. Do you see what i mean? It’s hard to ask-” and kagami is like, “as your friend i will prove it is not.”

So then Kagami ends up confronting Adrien and Marinette the next day and is like “Hi. This is a sign language dictionary. Learn from it.” And they’re both like “what?” And she’s like “oh wait sorry. Backing up. I’m autistic. I decided like three years ago. Forgot to tell you. And I need you to learn to sign a little bit so you can understand if i sign something at you. If you want, of course. Please :D.” And theyre like “ok sure yeah i can do that.”

(Theyve already learned and accepted that shes extremely direct in asking for things)

So then she texts nino and is like “i did it. Youre welcome.”

But anyway both of them are uncomfortable in crowds and parties: Nino cant hear anyone and Kagami tends to get sensory overload, so they start signing mostly in those situations, and then it starts to sink in that they’re allowed to sign whenever and that the other really IS also comfortable with it.

(Both of them are much more willing to make sacrifices for others than to try something new and intimidating for themself, so this is the perfect situation to trick them into getting out of their comfort zone, ironically by trying to be more comfortable in the long run)

so they will just sit together and hang out and have long conversations while just chilling somewhere in a park or at cafes or whatever. Both of them become chattier than they’ve ever been because talking and understanding is so much easier, and its addicting

And their close friends all become proficient enough in sign language to have simple conversations.

But also Nino and Kagami start sitting together automatically even in group hangouts, and they start hanging out more with just the two of them, and soon neither of them feel bad about asking to hang out in quieter places, because they can justify it knowing that it will also help the other one, and together that makes both of them also more comfortable asking for little accomodations from other friends, if only to prove to the other that they can do it too.

And Kagami has the lesser-known autism side effect where she makes WAY TOO MUCH eye contact. She’s aware of it but that doesnt make it go away. Normally she feels so awkward about it, and overthinks her gaze because she doesnt want to scare people away. But when signing, you literally HAVE to be watching the other person constantly, so she has an excuse to just be herself, and its so relieving

(and also its kind of fun to look at Nino anyway because he can get so animated and his smile is really nice and oh no she is in love a little bit)

And Nino always struggles because he emotionally ALWAYS needs to be the nice polite one. His anxiety sometimes gets the better of him and he’s constantly worried about sending the wrong signals to his friends and coming off as rude somehow. But with Kagami, he can literally just ask?? And she will tell him her honest opinion without making it weird. And its so comfy and so good and he really loves hearing her unfiltered opinions on so many things because she sees the world in such a unique way and she gets so passionate about such little things and then oh no, he is fallen for her before he can realize it

And they also learn that they’re both artists, they both love to just observe the world because even if they;re awkward, people are actually pretty great most of the time, and its fun to observe them and try to capture the world, and they just sit together and sketch, or they watch each other sketch, and the thing is, both of them draw ONLY FOR THEMSELVES, its not a ‘skill,’ and they don;t want it to be, its just private art for relaxation. Somehow, though, its okay if they share their art with each other. They can just sit in comfortable silence for hours while one of them sketches something and the other watches patiently

And they start to get more comfortable with one of their heads resting on the other’s shoulder as they watch them doodle, and sitting so close their legs press together, and soon enough their hands start brushing against each other’s as they walk next to each other and then all of a sudden they’re casually holding hands whenever they’re not signing because it’s nice

They try to share headphones so Nino can share some of his favorite songs and his compositions with Kagami. But try as she might, Kagami can not handle the sensory of only having one earbud in. Nino knows her tells by that point, and he’s not about to let her suffer for a stupid reason, but she REALLY does want to hear his music. They somehow end up with Kagami putting a pair of headphones around her neck and turning up the volume a little bit so she can hear, while Nino rests his head on her shoulder so he can hear just enough to know where she is in the song

And then he has to sit up and scootch away just enough to see her hands so they can talk about it, and they both pretend not to notice how nice it was to snuggle as they sign. Its fine, though, because now they get the excuse to just look at each other again and sign overdramatically with exaggerated facial expressions, and no one else around can overhear their conversation, and Nino likes to go a little over the top when signing onomatopoeia and acting out particular parts of the song rhythm that he likes, and Kagami laughs, and they both mentally save the image of each other in this moment the same way that they look at reference images for artwork, memorizing the lines of each movement and the things that make each smile unique,

and Nino also shows up at every single one of her fencing tournaments, and he sits as close as he can and signs encouraging messages to her from the crowd whenever she’s not actively competing, (that her blind mom can never catch, which is somewhat of a bonus to Kagami, because every element of their friendship that her mother cant interact with makes this more personal and special and HERS). Every little sign she sends back at him, even a simple thank you, always feels so good and rebellious and free because shes supposed to be focusing on fencing but shes deciding to care more about friendship. And even if she’s expected to leave immediately afterword, she’ll find every excuse possible to find him and give him a hug, which he’ll always accept even though she jokingly warns him shes sweaty and gross

And eventually they are special best friends and it brings them instant joy to see each other and theyre able to interact for no reason other than that they want to and like each other

(And then they kiss)

[literaila]

crumbling feelings

spencer x reader 

summary: falling so hard. falling too hard. 

warnings: mentions of fighting, earthquake (?) refernences, they’re both idiots, kinda sad, kinda cute. 

a/n: okay so i got the urge and i was like ‘ huh i should write something short and sweet and then go to bed ‘ and then i was like ‘hahahahah no.’ sooooooo yeah. sorry if it sucks. im reallly tired and shouldnt be posting this. 

*

The earth was crumbling under their feet. 

You hear about ‘earth-shattering’ things. You hear about the kiss that matched no other, gave you butterflies down to your stomach until suddenly there were no words left to describe that feeling you got from those lips that shared secrets. You hear about that moment when you realize you love someone, when you finally figure it out. You hear about how everything changes at that moment, how everything just suddenly felt different. You hear about ‘love at first sight’ about that one glance that changed everything, about those eyes that told stories like no other.

There are so many ‘earth-shattering’ things, so many little things that can flip your world upside down and then change everything in a second that doesn't seem to feel all that long. 

There were just too many things, too many ways to classify the idea that your world was changing, so many things made up just to make people feel so much safer about change. So many made-up ideas that were only there to make the world seem a little bit less scary, to make change something that you weren't supposed to fear. 

But, when the world was crumbling under your feet. When the cracks in the earth wouldn't stop hitting the soles of your shoes, and you could feel yourself shaking while you tried to keep your eyes off of the ground. That was what made the change so scary. That was what made every other ‘earth-shattering’ thing seem so idealistic. So fake. 

She was afraid, so afraid that if she looked down, she would see the sky beneath her feet. 

There were no words to classify this moment, no words that she could think of that could explain the pure fire that was shaking her bones. Making her feel like she wasn't even really there. 

There were no words to classify the past few months, the days that went by when she could feel the earth shake for a second, when the earth was caught off balance and suddenly there was another crack underneath her feet. 

A couple years ago, she’d shared one of those ‘earth-shattering’ moments, one of those days that she thought should be in all the romance novels. She’d been a part of one of those movies, shared that kiss that was beyond anything else. That was something else she could describe. 

And weeks after that, she had another one. Another moment that made her knees want to collapse under her, a moment that made her feel so much different than she ever thought she would, she had one of those moments that she could barely think of without worrying that she would faint because all of the sudden she couldn't breathe. She’d been a part of that moment when you realize you’re in love. She’d seen it for herself. 

And weeks after that, she’d felt breathless when she looked at him. When she stared from what felt like miles away, years past him, when she’d looked and saw nothing but the man she couldn't stop thinking about no matter how hard she tried. She’d felt her world turn in a way she didn't understand. 

Earth-shattering moments were no stranger to Y/N, and she was no stranger to them. 

She’d lived in them for years. Years that felt like decades, decades that felt like centuries. 

The first time she saw Spencer, she didn't expect anything of it. She saw a man, and of course, she couldn't help but classify him as handsome in her head, couldn't ignore his messy hair and lovely eyes and very sweet manners. But, she’d been plenty of handsome men, plenty of people that she knew were unreachable. So, she thought nothing of him.

But he’d quickly become someone she could depend upon. He used to bring her coffee in the morning, setting it right on her desk while he sipped on his own cup. She used to question how he knew exactly how she took it. She used to wonder how he could’ve known when she’d never told anyone before. 

He used to call her late at night, wake her up from dreams she could barely remember, he used to let her know when there was a case, used to make sure that she was getting out of bed instead of falling back asleep like she wanted to. He was very considerate, very aware of that extra push she needed. 

He used to hold the elevator door for her, used to step back and smile when she walked into the small space with him. She liked to pretend that it didn't mean anything to her, that despite it being something he’d do for everyone, she didn't still get butterflies. She liked to pretend that his smiles meant nothing and that she was happy to have a friend. 

He used to save her seat on the plane, the one right next to him because he knew that it was her favorite. He knew that she liked to fall asleep on it whenever she could. Both of them liked to pretend that they didn't enjoy the warmth the other brought. Liked to pretend that a seat was meaningless, and that they could sit next to anyone else if they wanted to. 

He used to do everything for her. And even after a month of knowing him, she’d learned just how kind Spencer Reid was. She’d learned that the young doctor wasn't someone that she needed to look past, that she could perfectly enjoy time with him whenever she wanted. She’d learned that Spencer would be there, as much as he could, whenever he could, as long as she wanted him around. 

And from there, their relationship only crossed more boundaries. 

It was common knowledge that they couldn't be together, that with all the profiles surrounding the two, and the feeling that neither of them could keep a complete secret, they had to try and keep their distance. It was an unspoken rule between the two of them that they weren't supposed to do anything about the harboring feelings that made their way into the hearts of both of them. 

And even when they had dinner together, and spent their weekends off going to used bookstores, they made sure that there were never too many glances, that they didn't smile at the other for just a moment too long. It was a rule that both of them lived by, something that didn't need to be said out loud. 

But, there were moments. Just a step over the line they had put on the floor. Just a hand of his on her back while they were walking out the door, just the finger she used to wipe something off his face when they went to get dinner, just the icecream that they shared despite the fact that Spencer would’ve rather done anything else. 

There were tiny little steps that both of them took, barely noticeable ones, that made their relationship all that much closer. 

And then, as time went on, and suddenly the rules were being pulled back by an invisible rope neither one of them wanted to mention, suddenly they were stepping too far. 

Suddenly they were cuddling on the plane when no one was looking, sharing the same file on every case. They were texting each other at night, Spencer taking far too long to respond every time, even when they were in the same hotel. 

They were doing all these things that their unspoken rule had forbidden. 

And it was, far too good, far too much of a sweet thing to stop. Neither of them wanted to let go, wanted to move farther away. They had gotten used to the butterflies, to the nervousness that hit both of them in the middle of any day. They had stepped over and, neither one of them had any plans to go back. 

And then, one night, they fell into each other. It was completely on accident, completely by mistake when Y/N had laughed a bit too loud at something Spencer had said. An accident when Spencer had smiled, that little proud smile he got when he knew that it was only him that could make her laugh like that, when he had held onto her eyes with his, and then they were both leaning in. 

It had been raining, soft water falling on the both of them while they kissed for the first time. For what was supposed to be the last time. The earth had roared above them and they were kissing by accident, and while it was a mistake, not even the thunder could pull either of them apart. 

Their ‘earth-shattering’ moment had been so long coming, had been such an accident, such a happy mistake. 

And after, after when neither of them spoke a word, thoughts of their rules storming their brains, after, they didn't stop. 

She had meant to, she had promised herself that it was the last time, that they didn't need to be doing this, that it wasn't worth it to cause any tension at work. She had promised herself that an accident was what it was, that an accident wasn't allowed to happen again. 

But she was so prone to falling. 

And so they kissed again. In the elevator when both of them were trying to keep their eyes off of the other, they fell together, and they were breathless against the walls of the elevator, and suddenly the trip down to the lobby was far too short. 

And then they kissed again. When they were up late at night, coffee-filled their veins as they walked around the library they’d become familiar with together, when they were next to so many stories of other people falling just like they both had and it would’ve been rude not to fall again. Would've been a mistake to keep their feet on the ground like they were supposed to. 

And after that, it was impossible to stop kissing. 

They’d become so used to it, so captivated by the way their bodies felt when they were connected just like that, so captivated by the feelings they only got together. 

And then they loved each other. 

And then falling made so much sense. 

And then there were so many ‘earth-shattering’ moments that neither of them understood. 

And then they had a story that was worth writing down, one that should’ve been made into its own movie. 

And then they told their friends, and even with the broken rules, they couldn't help but feel like it was meant to be. Like this time they’d spent together was so worth it, that falling was only perfect when it was the two of them. 

There were no words to describe the way that any of it felt. No words except that Spencer used to whisper to her at night, when they were sitting under the stars. He used to tell her about the 66% of relationships that failed, used to make her gasp in fear, he used to tell her how he was smart enough to know that they were apart of the 34%. 

And those words, those words were enough. Enough to describe everything. 

But when he was standing in front of her, there were no words to describe the look in his eyes. No words to describe the disappointment that had carved itself into her heart. That tainted her lungs with the negative air she thought she wouldn't be able to breathe in for much longer.  

These past couple of months, had been so unlike, had been so familiar to the past couple of years. So similar and so different from before. 

There was something that both of them had failed to discover in the three years they’d been together, something that neither of them had known. Neither of them had needed to know. 

‘Earth-shattering’ moments aren't always like the ones you hear about in romance novels. They aren't always realizations that you want, change that makes everything better. They aren't always a person changing you for the better. 

These past couple of months, they’d both notice the growing crack in the foundation of the two of them. They’d both felt the earth sway underneath their feet when they shared a glance that was unfamiliar to both of them.

Y/N used to notice how dependable Spencer was, how dedicated he was. She used to notice all the little things he did for her, like getting her coffee in the morning, holding the elevator for her, saving her a seat on the plane, all these little things that he did just to make her smile. She used to notice the way he made sure to take care of her, to keep her warm and safe in the world that was so unbearably cold. 

And, she just, couldn't anymore. 

Suddenly, Spencer had forgotten how she took her coffee, he’d forgotten that they were supposed to grab breakfast together every morning. That it was a part of the rules they’d made together earlier in the year. 

Suddenly, Spencer was only waking himself up, his alarm was only loud enough for one of them to hear in the morning. Suddenly he was already out of the door when she had only barely just woken up. And there were no smiles, no reminders, no double-checking. Spencer was gone, and it was mornings alone she had to get used to. 

Suddenly, the elevator closed right when she stepped up, she didn't need to go home with him anyway. It didn't matter. They always drove separate cars in the morning. 

She hated to think about how Spencer would rather drive, than ride with her. 

Suddenly, Y/N sat next to Emily on the plane, and when she didn't have her own file, Emily was always sure to share it with her. And suddenly, she didn't crave that warmth as much as she used to, suddenly she thought that maybe she could live without it. 

All of these things, these beautiful things that she had noticed when she was naive, when she thought so much differently of everything else, suddenly these things were gone. And she was left alone with independence, with thoughts that kept her tied to the ground. 

And Spencer was looking at her. 

They were both standing in their living room. 

She couldn't even remember how this fight had started, who had yelled first, how her eyes had managed to get as puffy as they were. She couldn't remember why this had started, where it had, she couldn't remember anything. 

But she knew that they could both feel it, that they were both aware of the ground crumbling underneath them. She knew that it wasn't a secret. Not something she could simply just hide. 

She ran a hand over her face, trying so hard to not want to pull her own skin off, trying not to want to crawl into herself. 

“What do you want Y/N?” Spencer asked finally, his voice raw as he stared at her.

She was almost sure that they'd been yelling for the better part of an hour, that their neighbors were awake and listening. She was almost sure that both of them had lost their voices, and that at any second either one of them would crash onto the floor and fall asleep. 

They were both so tired of fighting. 

In the past month, it was all they'd been doing. The only time they talked to each other. 

Before that, they’d just ignored each other. Shared awkward smiles and passing glances when they were in the same room, for months, that was all they did. They didn't go out for dinner or stay up late talking. They didn't do anything together anymore, and both of them could feel the distance living between the two of them. 

At any second, it felt like they would both implode. Felt like they might fall in a way so much different than before. 

She was afraid, so afraid that if she looked down, she would see the sky beneath her feet. 

There were no words to classify this moment, no words that she could think of that could explain the pure fire that was shaking her bones. Making her feel like she wasn't even really there. 

What did she want? 

Did she want that old Spencer back, that old Y/N back? Did she want things to go back to the way that they used to be? Did she want Spencer to be the man that she used to depend upon? Did she want to feel those moments again? Did she want to be that love story? 

It felt like a long time coming when she finally sighed and shook her head. Not needing the words to let Spencer know that she wasn't sure. 

“What can I do Y/N? Because I’m tired of standing here,” Spencer’s voice was quiet, his temper as in control as ever, his thoughts locked in a place Y/N was sure she would never be a part of. 

She was almost sure that she heard him mumble something else under his breath, that he had more to say. But she didn't want to ask, she didn't really want to hear anyway. 

“I don't know Spencer. I’m just-” she stopped, the tears gathering in her eyes as she felt herself at a loss for words. 

What do you do when the love of your life is standing in front of you, asking what you want, willing to do anything, but you have nothing to say? What do you do when you can't feel anything? 

She wished she didn't feel dizzy at how fast the world was spinning around her. 

“You’re just what Y/N? You’re just tired? You’re done? What?” Spencer was desperate, his body moving with his words, his hands gesturing with every word that came out of his mouth. If Y/N would’ve been looking at him, she would’ve seen the growing anger in his eyes. The frustration that had set itself on her shoulders. 

Y/N was thinking, thinking about those moments that she used to feel with him, that warmth in her stomach she used to get when he smiled at her. 

There was something in her, something small, reaching out desperately, hoping to grab onto that warmth again, trying to get that feeling back. There was something inside of her that wanted it all back, that wanted to breathe again. 

She wanted to not feel this fire rattling her bones. 

“Y/N?” Spencer repeated, his voice finally breaking away from the control. His voice suddenly angrier than she was used to. 

“I don't know Spencer!” She snapped, looking back up at him. 

And she could hear him asking why, but she couldn't hear a thing. 

Spencer was speaking to her, and she thought that maybe his voice was so loud that he didn't notice the rumbling under both of them. 

She thought that maybe he couldn't hear it. 

She thought that maybe he didn't notice the ground. 

Shaking, rocking against the two of them. Maybe he didn't see the cracks in the floor, the tear between the two of them. 

Maybe he didn't feel it crumbling under both of them. Maybe he didn't know. 

She couldn't look away, couldn't stop thinking about how it was finally happening, how the earth was really shattering under both of them. She couldn't help but start thinking about how fake it had all been, how different every moment had been, how none of it could compare to this. 

To this insanity, this madness, this terror that was shaking both of them. 

But Spencer was still yelling at her, he was still too angry to see, and she she just, she couldn't. 

“I want to be done.” 

Her voice was the final edge the world needed, the final single, the last second of the world falling between the two of them. 

And then, they were standing in front of each other again, the silence louder than the world, her words echoing in a place that neither of them were familiar with. 

Her words were just enough to make the world stop. 

To make everything stop. 

“What?” Spencer whispered against the silence, his voice too loud for both of them, his question rattling off of the pain both of them shared. 

They’d become so connected in the years together. 

“I’m exhausted,” Y/N whispered back, her words meaning nothing, nothing, and everything. “I’m so tired Spencer, and I don't-” she swallowed the thoughts becoming impossible. 

She could barely get the air in her lungs now, she could barely feel past this lump in her throat. But still, she had to continue. “I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't think this is good anymore.” 

And the earth, it would’ve been shattering. It would’ve. But, but, but, it was too late. But it had already happened. But their moments were gone. 

Itwasalreadyover. It was already done. 

And Spencer couldn't help but repeat his question, even his brain not latching onto her words. Not understanding something he didn't want to understand. 

“When was the last time you felt happy with me Spencer?” 

Spencer couldn't move. His eyes were stuck on her. “I don't-” he swallowed his voice getting smaller with every breath he took in. “I don't- We’ve been-” 

“We haven't been anything Spencer. We’ve been walking in circles around each other, trying to avoid each other. I don't think we’ve been happy for a while.” 

“We aren't-” Spencer could barely breathe now, her words ringing in his ears “Relationships get stronger with time, we just- we just need time. Just time Y/N.” He tried to take a step closer, tried to replace this distance between the two of them. 

He wouldn't have been able to get across the hole in the floor even if Y/N hadn't moved back. 

Her words were just enough to make the world stop.

“No Spencer. I can't do that.” 

And it hurt, it hurt so bad to say the words out loud, it hurt so bad to come to this realization, to this terrible thought that she’d never once thought she might have. 

But the nights alone, but the days sitting in nothing, but the loneliness that she had, but all of it, all of it hurt so much worse. 

It hurt so much worse to be alone when she was with him. It hurt so much worse to know that they were still supposed to be together. 

“Y/N, I love you-” Spencer tried, he tried again, he was trying so hard to hold onto her. But, she knew, she knew that she couldn't stay. That she wouldn't stay behind again. 

She couldn't depend on him anymore. 

“I love you too Spencer.” she interrupted, moving back, farther away from him. “I love you so much. But we can't do this anymore, we can't look for something that isn't there. 

Spencer stopped. He didn't say a thing.

Her words were just enough to make the world stop. 

He was looking at her, and he could feel it. He could feel the two of them moving apart, he could feel the mistakes of both of them, he could hear the things that were unspoken between the two of them. 

And then he broke down, falling to the floor, his body collapsing with him. 

Y/N moved over to him, falling with him once more, falling to the floor, their pain an equally shared feeling, their desperation exactly the same. 

For once more, they would break together. 

And they did, they both sobbed against each other, both felt the warmth that they’d missed, both understood the difference in it, the difference in this connection of the two of them. 

Their foundation had cracked until it wasn't stable, it had fallen into so many pieces, and now there was nothing left to stand on. 

They were done. 

And so, they shared one more moment. They stayed on the floor together, the rain outside reminding them of exactly how final it all was. 

And they stayed there until they both felt strong enough to stand, both felt like it was finally time to get up. 

And then there was nothing, as they looked at each other, they both knew the reality of the situation. They could feel the tension in the air. 

Spencer whispered again, his voice gone, his eyes pleading. “Y/N…” he said softly while he held onto her, trying to keep her there, trying to let her go, trying to do everything all at the same time. 

She whispered his name back, tears leaking out of her eyes as she watched him. 

And then she leaned into him, and she kissed him, she fell into his lips, created this connection between the two of them, she fell into him for the last time and she committed the taste of him to memory, she saved this moment in her head, this last moment of the two of them. She kissed him until she was breathless for a completely different reason. 

She kissed him one last goodbye. 

And then she let go. 

And she let the earth shatter under her feet as she walked out the door. 

*

my masterlist here. 

[violetarks]

100 fr, hc for needy bakugou. like he really wants cuddles and kisses but doesn’t want to ask bc of his pRiDe, and y/n knows this but just won’t do it. so he gives up and jut drAgs himself onto her and refused to move off of her

needy but prideful bakugou

anime: my hero academia

character: bakugou katsuki

summary: bakugou wants your attention but can't tell you that

warnings: afab! reader, she/her pronouns used, headcanons

Okay first off, you've ALWAYS been the first one to initiate any intimate actions

Kisses? You

Hugs? You

Holding hands? You

At the start, it was kind of awkward for you because bakugou would just look at you like you were an idiot

And you thought you were

But then he just stands next to you the whole day with his hand brushing against yours

You get the memo when he starts letting off explosions from his palms every time you pull your hand away from his

So the two of you walk back from the classroom hand in hand

So at this point he kind of expects you to just hang onto him whenever you're free

But at the same time, his friends are open to you as well

He knows you drag them into it whenever he says 'no' to any kind of physical affection from you

"Katsuki, let me hold your hand."

"What? Fuck no."

"Fine,,, Kirishima, are you doing anything right—"

Growl growl growl

"Ugh, fine! Don't be annoying..."

Smile smile smile

From you that is

For some reason today you havent been as 'clingy' to him

You've been swamped with work and training that you haven't had much time

He sees this and understands but he STILL wants your attention

He's in your room as youre doing homework and he's sitting on your bed.

He tries to be subtle about asking for your attention

Because if he downrights asks you to cuddle with him or sit next to him, then he thinks he'll seem too needy or clingy

And he doesnt want to ruin his reputation as the guy who does things by himself

You know better though, you know he needs you sometimes

Which is why he loves you a lot

Cause you can tell when he's struggling by himself when he can't say or see it himself

"whats up with you?"

"im fine, katsuki, im just doing work. Ive had a lot on my plate right now."

"tch. Whatever."

A little minute of silence

And then he goes

"are you done yet? That homework shouldnt takr you that long."

You glare at him,, "sorry let me just actually try now."

"dont give me attitude, moron."

"when you said you'd hang out in my room, i didnt think it meant you'd be annoying me the whole entire time, katsuki."

"i'll fucking leave."

"okay. I'll call you when i'm done."

Nobody moves, you're still reading over your textbook and bakugou is glaring at the back of your head

He doesnt end up leaving the whole entire time and youre taking in all of it

Hes so grumpy that youre not hugging him rn and he wants you to turn around to see that hes mad at you

But you just hold in your laughter and keep going

In the reflection of your laptop, you can see bakugou playing with one of the pillows you have

He's laying down and hugging the pillow to his chest

When you turn around, he throws the pillow to the other end of the bed

And then goes "are you done?"

And you'd go "not yet."

And he goes "hurry up, i've got things to do."

And then you go "then go ahead and do them while i work, katsuki

And he's glaring at you x10 harder now, gritting his teeth and glaring at you

He's just being touch-starved and wants you to at least sit next to him while your work

Once he's had enough, he stomp over to your seat and turn you around

When you look up at him, he leans down and angrily wraps his arms around you

He is grunting as you pat his back and laugh at him, "you okay, katsuki?"

You dont get a reply, only him dragging you up from your seat and dropping you onto he bed

Before you can protest, he just falls on top of you and hugs you tightly to him

"... Katsuki, im not done with my homework."

"i'll help you later."

"aww, arent you sweet?"

"shut up."

His head is nuzzled into your shoulder, feeling your fingers run through his hair

You end up peppering his face with face with kisses to try and get that cute pout off of his face

You have to do this for like 10 mins before he gets a kiss on his lips that relaxes him

He likes having his face dug into your neck/shoulders and your arms around his neck, lips pressed against his forehead

Almost like reassurance

It is like reassurance but bakugou doesnt want to admit

You two end up falling asleep and somehow, he's shifted to the side and has you encased in his arms, your head against his chest

He really likes it when you dont try to escape when he falls asleep

Like,,, it feels much more better to him to wake up with you hugging him back and still in his arms,, instead of him waking up to you at your desk still working

It makes him feel like you care about the time you spend with him and youre willing to do anything with him, even if its sleeping hen you have work to do

Please do this for him, he neeeeeeds it but doesnt want to saaaaaaaaaay it

[brelione]

Not as Terrible (Rafe Cameron X Routledge!Reader)

Warnings:Not proof read, swearing

Being John.B’s older sister was definitely and adventure.You were only older by a year but that one year age gap did a lot for you.Whether it was arguments or discussions on who would do a dangerous task you could always pull the older sibling card.

Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didnt but it was always worth a shot.But then again being the older sibling and John.B’s only family meant that you had other responsibilities,including messing up anyone that messed with him.

Rafe kissed you gently, a grin on his face. “I love you.”He grinned,hands in your hoodie pocket. “I know.I gotta go soon,JB’s gonna get made at me.”His face fell,pouting. “He shouldnt be your responsibility.”He grumbled,holding you tight.

You simply shrugged, not wanting to go through your life story and how it was now your job to take care of him.He could never understand the situation, he didnt really give a damn about Sarah.He also had a father, a shitty one for sure but he still had a father at least.He couldnt understand being a pogue either.

You guys were completely different in pretty much every way imaginable but ‘opposites attract’ or whatever bullshit. “I know….I’ll see you tomorrow though, right?”You asked,sitting up.He nodded,pulling you into another quick kiss before kissing your forehead lightly.

 “Dont forget to hate me.”You reminded him,opening his window and sliding down the fire escape,feeling his eyes on you as you hopped the fence.He sighed, becoming tired of the little game you guys had to play.

Because Rafe was the direct enemy of your brother and his friends that meant that you were supposed to avoid him entirely.It was just the rules of life.But that being said if you ever came across one of your brothers enemies you had to mess with them.

That included messing with Rafe,randomly showing up and flicking the back of his head,disappearing before he knew it was you.It started as you being an annoying presence to ruin his day,spitting gum onto his windshield or placing fake tickets on his car.

But slowly you started falling in love with him because of course you did.It was fucked up but you couldnt stop it, him eventually falling for you too.Thats when this little game began, sneaking out of your house and over to Rafe’s to cuddle and watch movies together,coming home late at night when John.B and his friends were having a fire.

JJ would pull you onto his lap, asking where you had been.He had a thing for you, claiming that it would be fine if the two of you guys got together because you were only eight months older than him so it wasnt that strange.

The age gap itself wasnt strange, it was the fact that he was your brother’s best friend for the last eight years that made things strange.You were fine with sitting in his lap while he whispered jokes into your ear in attempts to get you to laugh.

Of course it felt a little wrong because you were dating Rafe but you couldnt exactly tell him that without John.B finding out too, instead just letting JJ mess around with you because you knew nothing was going to come from it.

The next day you were decided to go with them to the beach, regretting it when you saw Rafe with Topper and Kelce, sitting in beach chairs with beer bottles in their hands.You saw JJ’s jaw clench, John.B rolling his eyes.

 “Why are they here?This isnt fair.”You brother grumbled, Pope nodding in agreement.The five of you decided to sit in the sand for a while,JJ’s hand on your knee almost like he was trying to protect you from Rafe’s eyes.If only he knew.Rafe kept looking over to you, a blush on his cheeks as he did so.

Eventually they left, leaving you and your brothers friends alone on the beach. “You know, I think im just gonna head back home.I have a headache.”You told them, making your way up the sandy hills before they could question it.As you began your walk down one of the dirt streets to get back to the house a bike pulled up next to you, your boyfriend being the one riding it.

 “Hey pretty girl.”You could practically hear the smile through his helmet.You sighed, stopping your walk to stare at him as he took off his helmet,leaning down to give you a quick kiss. “You coming to my house tonight?”He asked, twisting the fabric of your tshirt.

You shrugged, not sure what your brother was going to be doing. “I dont know if I can, John.B and the others might want me to go get groceries with them or something.”You replied,feeling his grip on you tighten,humming. “I havent messed with them in a while.”He muttered, glad when you smiled. 

“Thats good, I would have beat your ass if you did.”You teased with a roll of your eyes. He chuckled,kissing your forehead. “I would've liked it though.”He admitted.You laughed,smacking his arm lightly. “Shut up.”You grumbled, unaware of JJ watching you guys. 

“Is he bothering you?”JJ asked, coming out from his hiding spot in the trees.Your eyes widened, your stomach tightening.Shit. “Uh...no, everythings fine, JJ.Just go back to the beach.”You told him,hoping you didnt sound too suspicious.His blue eyes fell to your hand, the one that was holding Rafe’s.Fuck. 

“Is something going on that I should know about?”He asked,glaring at Rafe like he was trying to make his head blow up. “No, just go back to the beach.”You told him, a sort of assertive tone to your voice that was reserved for John.B when he wanted to do something dangerous.JJ’s eyebrows furrowed, not used to you speaking to him like this.

He nodded,walking away, sending you a look of disappointment before disappearing into the trees, most likely about to tell John.B what he had just seen.Rafe noticed how uneasy you were,hugging you. “Hey, dont stress about it.He’s got nothing on you, whats he gonna do?Complain that we were having a conversation?”He asked, not really helping.

“So I just saw (Y/N) talking to Rafe.”JJ grabbed a beer from the cooler, all eyes falling on him. “Cameron?”John.B asked, not really believing that you’d ever talk to such a vile human being.JJ nodded,sipping the alcoholic drink.

 “They were all over eachother, it was weird.”He grumbled, a slight jealousy in his voice.Kiara raised her eyebrows, a little mad about the situation. “What do you mean they were all over eachother?”She asked, looking over to Pope.

 “I mean they were holding hands and shit,giggling and he was like,I dont know.Its weird.”He tried his best to explain,realising it didnt sound as serious as it was. “(Y/N) doesnt giggle...she just...she just stares at people.Are you sure it was Rafe?”Pope asked.This was out of character for you.You had joined their conversations before, all of you talking shit about the Cameron family.

You had called Rafe a “Cruel, disgusting bitch.” it didnt make sense that you’d willingly talk to him.Meanwhile you were on the back of Rafe’s bike,arms wrapped around him tight as he pulled into his driveway, trying to figure out the best way to sneak you inside.

You ended up being hidden by him as you guys shuffled up the stairs, nearly getting caught by Ward.Luckily he was too busy on a call, not paying attention at all as Rafe pushed you inside his room, locking the door with a sigh. “What do you wanna watch?”He asked,falling on the bed next to you, grabbing the tv remote.

You shrugged,wrapping an arm around him with your head against his chest. “Doesnt matter.”You replied, watching as he picked a random horror movie,knowing that hed probably end up squealing and holding onto you.Your phone dinged, vibrating against your thigh.

You sighed,picking it up to check what someone could want or why they were trying to talk to you.It was a text from Kie, asking why the hell you were at Rafe Cameron’s house.There was no way in hell she actually knew that, she was probably just guessing.You sat up,taking Rafe with you, his chin on your shoulder and a frown on his face.

You:????

Kie:Your snap map is on.What are you doing with Rafe?

You:Im not with Rafe

Kie:Seriously like are you ok

You:Im fine lol

Kie:But why are you with Rafe?

You sighed,turning to look at the kook king. “What should I tell her?”You asked, unsure what to do.If you told her that you in Rafe were dating then she would obviously tell John.B and that meant that you would be in deep shit and would never hear the end of it.He sighed,kissing your shoulder lightly.

 “I dunno, baby.Tell her whatever you feel comfortable telling her.”That wasnt really helpful.You couldnt exactly lie to her.There was no other reason that you’d be at the Cameron’s mansion if it werent for Rafe.You hated Sarah because Kiara hated Sarah so you couldnt exactly use that excuse either.You were anxious the whole time you typed, praying that she wouldnt tell the others.

You:Can you keep a secret?

Kie:Yeah

You:What would you do if I told you I was dating Rafe?

Kie:You dumb idiot

Kie:Rafe??Really?Out of all people?

Kie:Hoe you could do better

Kie:So like youre cool with him hitting JJ and Pope?

Kie:Shit you need to tell JJ

You sighed,biting the inside of your cheek. “Why do you need to tell JJ?”Rafe asked,curious.You groaned,leaning against him. “He’s got a thing for me.”You explained, hoping you hadnt made him feel insecure.

You:He’s nice to me,ok?Plus he hasnt beat anyone in months and im happy and I just need you to not say anything

You waited for an answer, only seeing a ‘read’ receipt. “Shit.”You sighed, realizing that you had probably made the wrong decision by telling her about your relationship. “What?”He asked, not understanding exactly what had happened. 

“Watch her tell everyone.”You tossed your phone down onto the blanket, laying on top of your boyfriend. “It wouldnt be so bad,would it?”He asked, knowing that you were probably embarrassed to be with him. “I just...you know how they feel about you.”you reminded him, hearing him sigh. 

“I know.”He replied as he rubbed small circles along your stomach. “Im trying to change though.”He muttered, pressing a kiss to your neck.You nodded, understanding. “I know you are but they dont.”You grumbled,your leg resting at his hip as he continued leaving kisses down your neck.

You didnt leave until four in the morning, staying up with him the whole night.Ward and Rose had gone out on a date, leaving the two of you with his house to yourselves.You sat on the kitchen counter,your legs around his waist as you shared a pint of icecream.

 “This is the expensive kind.”You noticed,coming across brownie chunks and bits of chocolate truffle.He smiled, nodding. “Yep, its just kook life I guess.”He replied, not really caring. “This shit is like...ten dollars a pint.”He only laughed, not understanding how you hadnt grown up with the same things he had.

He just couldnt wrap his head around the fact that not everyone was like him.You couldnt exactly blame him, he had been isolated most of his childhood and if he wasnt by himself he was surrounded by kooks. 

“You can go to the grocery store with me next week if you want.We can get all the expensive icecream you want...maybe we can get some for John.B too, you know, to win him over.”He explained his idea.You shrugged, not sure how to feel. 

“You dont even do your own grocery shopping, remember?”You asked, seeing him roll his eyes. “I’ll go grocery shopping for you, baby.We can get cookie dough and mix it into brownie batter.”He continued,scooping another spoonful of icecream.You bit the inside of your cheek, thinking about it.It sounded fun but most grocery stores wouldnt be open at the times you were with Rafe.

“I gotta go, i’ll see you tomorrow though.”You promised,kissing him quickly.He backed away to let you slide off the counter, putting your phone in your pocket. He tugged at your t shirt, bringing you close to him so he could place a kiss on your lips, enjoying the feeling that he knew he wouldnt feel for a day at least.

He knew that the second you left his happiness would leave with you, making his mood a bit dull as he hugged you.“Do you want icecream to go?”He offered.You were quick to shake your head, leaving quick so you could get home.He pouted, wishing you two could be together more often.

You tip toed into the house,turning on your bedroom light only to see The Pogues all sitting in there, staring at the door. “Rafe Cameron?”John.B asked, sitting up on your bed.You sighed, sitting down. 

“Really,Kie?”You asked, looking over to the brunette. “JJ took my phone!”She exclaimed, making your eyes travel to JJ. “Are you serious?”You asked the blonde, noticing him pouting. 

“I thought he should know.”He muttered.Pope just seemed mad. “How long has this been going on?”Your brother asked, glaring at you. “Im not doing this right now.”You shook your head, going to leave the room when he grabbed your wrist.

 “(Y/N).What would dad think?”He asked.You scoffed, unable to believe that he went there. “Dad would want me to be happy, unlike you.He hasnt bothered you guys in months!Cant you see that he’s changed?”You asked,all of them avoiding eye contact.

 “No!People like Rafe Cameron cant change, (Y/N)!Do you think he actually likes you?”John.B asked, regretting it the second it left his lips. “Oh, fuck you!”You exclaimed, leaving the room and slamming the door behind you. 

“What the hell, John.B?”Kiara shouted, angry with her friend. “I didnt mean it like that!Lets give her a minute to cool off.”John.B grumbled, feeling JJ and Pope glaring at him.

 “What the fuck is wrong with you?”Pope asked, just as angry as JJ.John.B just sat, listening to their cursing and anger. “I didnt mean it!”John.B shouted eventually, tired of their yelling.JJ shook his head, going to find you.

You werent in the bathroom or living room, leading him to think that maybe you had left until he looked out the kitchen window.He saw you in the hammock, leaving the house with a slam of the screen door and going to lay down next to you. 

“What do you want?”You asked, not looking at the blonde. “Does he really make you happy?”JJ asked,waiting patiently for your answer.You nodded, turning to look at him. “Very much, yeah.”You answered,seeing a grin on his face. 

“So then why does it matter what we think?I mean, im definitely the better choice here but if he makes you happy then go for it.”He chuckled, looking over to the house. “John.B is mad.”You muttered, wrapping your arms around JJ’s torso as the sun began to come up.

 “He’s always mad, doesnt matter.If he can hook up with girls all the time I dont see why you cant have a healthy, loving relationship.It seems dumb to me.”He shrugged.You laughed quietly, not understanding when JJ became a life coach. 

“Yeah, I agree.I just dont want him to be mad at me, you know?Its not like if he’s mad at you, you can just leave the house but I cant.Im stuck with that bitch all the time.”You ranted, earning a small laugh from him. 

“Yeah, true.I think you should just live your life how you want to live it.If you want to be with Rafe then be with Rafe.Personally im not a fan of him but that doesnt mean I can just control your relationships.I mean, youre right.He hasnt really bothered us in months and I havent seen him around The Cut looking for trouble so maybe he has changed.As long as its healthy and everything is consensual.Everything is consensual,right?”He asked, looking down at you.

You hadnt really seen this side of JJ before, usually only seeing his flirty and joking side. “Of course.”You replied, flicking his stomach. “Right, so thats good.If John.B’s mad then that sucks but there’s nothing you can do about it.”He sighed, staring up at the sky through the tree branches. 

“Are you mad?”You asked, curious for his answer.He bit his lip, thinking about it. “No, not really.I just cant believe you like him of all people.”He chuckled, feeling you flick his head. “I didnt like him at first, it kinda just happened.”You replied.JJ nodded, not saying anything else.

You fell asleep in the hammock next to JJ,waking up at noon.There was a note on the kitchen table saying that they had all decided to go out on the boat for the day and that there was pepsi and yogurt in the fridge.You could tell by the handwriting that Pope had written it, everyone else had probably forgot about you.

At eight the next night things werent as tense as they had been before.John.B had even driven you to Rafe’s house, ranting about safe sex and telling you to give Rafe a slice of ‘humble pie’.You rolled your eyes,getting out of the van and telling him to fuck off before walking up to Rafe’s front door, knocking lightly.

He told you that you didnt have to climb through his window anymore.Since you had to tell the pogues about your relationship he had decided to tell his family about it as well which meant he didnt have to hide you anymore.

John.B watched from the van as Rafe embraced you in a hug, smile on his face as he kissed your forehead.He had never seen Rafe look like that, the only smile he’d ever seen on Rafe Cameron was the kind that belonged to an angry sociopath.

But now he kind of just looked like a squishy, smiling gremlin.You and Rafe stood in the doorway for a moment, talking about how things had gone with John.B.Rafe had noticed the van sitll in the driveway, sending a quick and awkward brave towards your brother.A grin came across John.B’s face as he backed out of the driveway.Maybe you dating the Kook King wasnt as terrible as he thought.

@sexytholland​ @28cnn​  @popcrone818​ @fttayla​ @cherryobx​ @n1ghtsh4d3-67​ @drewstarkeyobx​ @poguestyleskye​ @judayyyw​ @jjtheangel​ @jj-iz-bae​

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[blookmallow]

hi uhh this video about Anxiety Is Good Actually keeps being on my dash and its making me mad so this is me breaking it down 

if this kind of thinking helps you im not trying to destroy your coping methods but it just feels so far removed from what the actual experience of anxiety is 

i understand the value in trying to redirect negative self-thoughts into positive ones ( “i worry about people all the time” --> “i care deeply about people i love”) but there’s ways to do that without just, denying there’s anything wrong?? this just feels like the. whole issue with romanticizing mental illness/not moving toward positive recovery because I Dont Need To Change Myself when its actively harming you (not to mention “anxiety is good and helpful” is uh, not a great thing to say to someone with anxiety, bc then you get more anxiety spirals of ‘wait if this is how anxiety is for other people then whats wrong with me, i must be doing something wrong. i shouldnt need help and be having breakdowns bc apparently its easy and even beneficial to other people’ i dont need to be anxious about how im doing anxiety wrong lmfao) 

- where is this “anxiety means you’re intelligent” claim coming from. says Who. hyperanalyzing and overthinking constantly doesn’t make you Smarter, anxiety brain isn’t “im carefully and logically considering all the possibilities” it’s your brain trapping itself in a hell spiral of “what if what if what if” to the point where it becomes increasingly difficult to come to any conclusion at all. it’s not “considering all possible outcomes rationally” it’s “im spending 30 minutes worrying about the least likely thing to happen in a way that is not constructive and i need to recognize that and get myself back on track with whats actually relevant” 

my critical thinking is actively impaired by my anxiety. i sometimes have to go take a nap for 3 hours to reset my brain before i can even approach a problem because my brain is just going “no no no no no too big too scary i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant” too loudly for me to even consider any options at all. “anxiety can make you better at decision making!” is the biggest fucking bullshit claim i have ever seen. anxiety PREVENTS me from decision making. it makes decision making a huge ridiculous ordeal when it really doesn’t need to be. i have to go through a whole process of quieting my anxiety down and working around it in order to do anything at all. its like if you had an alarm system for your house but it went off just constantly all the time for no reason and you have to keep getting up to turn it off. eventually you’re going to have a hard time being able to identify when it’s actually going off because someone’s breaking into your house and when it’s just Doing That Thing Again and you keep losing track of what you were doing because you keep getting interrupted by having to turn that stupid alarm off again

anxiety isn’t “constantly looking for how to solve things” its “constantly thinking of new problems that could exist” in a way that is not beneficial. ill be sitting here feeling sick and completely disoriented for an hour because What If The Customer Service Guy On The Phone Thought I Was Stupid. Maybe I Am Stupid. Maybe I Was Accidentally Rude In Some Way I Never Considered And He’s Going “Wow What A Stupid Rude Bitch That Was” for literally no reason. sure that also means “i have empathy for other people and i want to be polite and not make someone else’s life difficult” but im mostly just thinking about How Stupid I Am, You Stupid Fucking Idiot which is not helpful

like if i recognize “this is my anxiety talking” and just. silenzio bruno. ignore that, put that away, move on, focus. that’s a much more healthy way to cope than indulging it on another spiral of “how is this Actually My Little Anxiety Buddy Trying To Help Me” trying to find some meaning and purpose in it isn’t going to help. anxiety is irrational. that’s what it Is. it’s okay and actually healthy to realize that. my best coping skill is to just say “okay, that was a brain glitch. that wasn’t my fault. im not stupid, my brain just has bad wiring. ignore that. keep going” 

- “we can think of it as our anxiety giving us an extra energy boost to get things done” fucking WHAT?? i cant get anything done because of my anxiety. i will bury myself in 19 blankets and stare at tumblr for 5 hours because my brain Won’t Start and i feel sick and worried and shaky for literally no reason instead of like, getting up and cleaning my room. and then i spend another hour thinking about how useless i am for not cleaning my room. i can only get things done at all bc i have medication that makes my anxiety quieter 

- they have this cute little image of “anxiety” telling you to tell the store person you need more time to decide as if it’s there shouting solutions and advice when really it’s more like “GO GO GO GO YOU HAVE TO ANSWER NOW YOU’RE TAKING TOO LONG YOU’RE HOLDING UP THE LINE YOU’RE BEING THAT GUY HURRY HURRY HURRY HURRY IF YOU DON’T DECIDE SOMETHING IN 3 SECONDS EVERYONE IN THE STORE WILL HATE YOU AND YOU WILL DIE” its not constructive, it’s not a helpful little advice friend, it’s just random loud static you have to work around constantly. of course it’s okay to need a second to process because of your anxiety but that’s not what anxiety Does. i cant ask for a second to process because my anxiety is so loud i cant think and it has convinced me if i dont act normal Right The Fuck Now everyone will hate me forever. i guess a more effective illustration would be like, the Anxiety entity going “AAAAAAA” and instead of you thinking “im stupid and terrible because i cant control that thing” you go “hang on a second, i need a minute” and you step away to calm it down. instead of. the anxiety just offering you a solution. for itself. i dont understand this video 

like. what the fuck are you talking about. “you can do it!! you got this!” is literally the exact fucking polar opposite of what anxiety brain is like

[dinolikes]

IMPOSTER- PART TWO

summery ❤︎ Nobody has any quirks and are stuck on a ship like among us

pairings ❤︎ Imposter!Dabi x Reader

content warnings ❤︎ major character death

| prev. |

you sobbed into dabi's chest as hawks and ingeniumu covered thirteens body with a sheet, everyone looking over, some with tears, and some with just a blank look, like they were still processing it.

it was silent for a long time before ingeniumu cleared his throat and looked up, everyone seeing the ghost of tears in his eyes, "we have to call h-headquarters," his voice cracked but he stood tall, he would make a great captain one day, even with his pushover attitude.

you were crowded in the cafeteria, a computer resting on the table with headquarters on the line.

"im sorry to say this but you have an imposter."

you shook your head, you refused to believe it, how could these people, your FRIENDS, who you've lived with for a year, how could they be imposters?

though you shouldnt be surprised, the league has been gaining members, rarely any ship didnt have at least ONE imposter, some even having as much as three, you just thought you guys were the exception.

"twice, hawks, you searched thirteens body correct?" a voice came through the screen.

"yes sir," hawks quietly muttered.

"was everything in place?"

"he didnt have the vent key."

the vent key, really easy to pass through, was originally made for people to quickly go from room to rooms, but after the rise of imposters who started using it to sneak up on people, only one person was allowed to use it per day.

the voice cursed, "very well." a sigh could be heard, "well you know the drill," you did, you just didnt like it, "if you suspect someone, send them out and let them die," you gulped.

you didnt know if you could do that, even knowing that someone here murdered thirteen, you learned to care for each of them, even weirdo itchy snatch tomura. you didnt know if you could just send them into space to suffocate. even the thought made you sick.

"until then, we'll need you to finish your tasks fast, we'll have you home by the end of the day, which means the imposter will probably try to kill faster today. watch out." with that a beep was heard, signaling that you were disconnected.

a grim silence filled the room.

hawks finally spoke up, "which one of you assholes did it?"

dabi glared at the taller man, "fuck you dude, how do we know you didnt do it?"

hawks took a step closer, "bold accusations from someone who seems to hate everyone!"

"why would I kill one of the only people I actually like in this shithole?"

"because he had the vent key dumbass!"

"hey!" twice yelled.

hawks glowered at him, "oh yeah, how could we forget twice here? you found the body right? meaning you were the last one to see him? why DID you decide to check on him huh?"

"why would I come to you guys then?!"

"i dunno, to throw off suspicion maybe?"

you finally snapped "stop it!" everyone's heads shot towards you, "thirteen is dead," you choked out, "and I know thay we're all upset but we just have to finish today's tasks and then we're back home, okay?"

everyone stared, until deku started nodding, "y-yeah! just today's tasks left! then we'll go home and catch the imposter and we'll be fine!"

"what makes you so sure we'll catch him once we get home idiot?"

deku stared up confusingly at kaachan, "dont we have cameras?"

ingeniumu looked at his friend "obviously deku but whatre you getting at?"

"our cameras have memory sticks," shoto spoke up quietly, "when they're connected into one of headquarters machines, you can access all of what it caught,"

deku nodded rapidly, "exactly!"

your eyes lit up, "deku your a genius!" you grabbed his head and gave him a big smooch on the forehead, leaving him a red and stuttering mess.

dabi tsk'ed, "c'mere,' he grabbed you hand and pulled you towards him, wrapping you hands around you and resting his head on your shoulder.

you rolled your eyes playfully at his jealous nature.

"fine. we finish our task but if another person is found dead we're booting someone off." with that, hawks stormed off.

you tried not to go too harsh on him, you knew hawks looked up to thirteen, and beneath that cocky demeanor, he really was soft.

knowing that though, you couldnt help but feel some fear and resentment.

fear because you didnt think you could kill off one of your own and resentment because you knew hawks would make you do exactly that.

"we should have a plan," ingeniumu speaks up, "4 groups of two who continue on and do their tasks, and I think twice should be on security, just incase the imposter attacks again," everyone nods.

"i'll go with wonder," dabi states, already grabbing your hand,

"dont you think you'll get distracted with...other things?" tomura smirks, dabi clenching your hand in his.

"fuck. off."

"oo feisty~"

dabi glares, "yknow you dont really seem to care much that thirteens dead!"

tomura's eyes flash a dangerous color and he leans forward.

"the FUCK did you just say?"

"you heard me you fucking incel,"

"stop!" ingeniumu yells, "tomura is right, you guys do get quite distracted, wonder is with hawks, dabi your with shoto. ill go with tomura and that leaves deku and kaachan, with twice on security. let's go!"

dabi grumbles but goes with his brother as you lightly kiss him on the cheek and go with hawks.

you cant help but think about how amazing that kid is gonna be when hes older as a captain of his own ship.

you and hawks head off, both of you checking your list and stopping by rooms, the other waiting as they finish their task and repeating, until hawks sighed.

"how are you dating that asshole?"

you laugh, "hes not too bad once he likes you,"

"and what? he just doesn't like me?"

"exactly."

"what if he didnt like thirteen?" your smile drops instantly.

"hawks..."

"I'm just saying!"

"well STOP saying! I know dabi and he wouldnt betray me like that, so whatever accusations you have against MY boyfriend, I dont wanna here it," you scowl as you check your notebook, and started heading forward, "c'mon. I have to do wires in electrical."

hawks stayed quiet through the walk, as you stormed forward, wanting to get as much away from him as possible without ACTUALLY losing him. if you were being honest you were scared of going off alone.

as you walked in electrical you instantly went towards the wires, not noticing hawks standing in the doorway,

"wonder?"

"yes hawks?" you snap.

"I just saw someone vent." you pause and turn around.

"where and who?!"

"I dont know! I just saw the vent close when we walked in here and since Thirteen had the key before he died, that means that only the imposter can vent!"

"fuck! why would they vent though?!"

hawks paused. "maybe they killed someone again."

tears filled your eyes as you started searching the dark room, almost tripping over something, you only briefly looked up but you choked back a sob.

it was a foot.

"hawks!"

he came running towards you from behind the wall and saw the foot, gulping as he turned on the flashlight.

there say ingeniumu, with his throat slashed.

you couldnt hold back the cry that left your throat as hawks pulled you in for a hug, mostly to hide his own tears.

"what's going on in here?" you heard dabi's voice and you lifted you head to see him and shoto.

he looked mad but when hawks gestured with his flashlight towards the body, the brief flash letting both of the boys see, dabi understood.

"c'mere baby," he grabbed you quickly and held you tight as you sobbed into his chest, dabi looked up at his brother, "shoto can you call a meeting?" he asked softly. you assumed shoto nodded because there were no other words spoken.

there you all sat again, in cafeteria.

you were sniffling as dabi played with your hair, you holding shoto close as he leaned into you, still in shock of seeing his friend's lifeless corpse like that.

deku stood tall and didnt bother to hide the tears streaming down his face and even kaachan was caught sniffling a bit.

twice sat quietly in the corner, with his elbows on his knees.

hawks though, was red in the face from anger. and the victim of his anger was none other than tomura.

"you were teamed up with him fuckface!"

tomura simply shrugged, "I got bored and wanted to check on twice, see if he was alive,"

"well he is! but your partner fucking isnt!" hawks jammed his finger against the other mans chest, "and I think YOURE the cause!"

tomura raised his eyebrows, "I was with twice, right twice?" he did a 180 to stare hard at twice who looked up slightly and slowly nodded. that seemed to please tomura though as he turned back around, "see?"

"that doesnt mean shit! you were supposed to be with him!"

"but I wasnt."

"but you WERE! that's why the kid is dead!"

"I say we vote." shoto's voice was muffled by your neck and dabi's chest, where he was currently crammed in, but it was still intelligible.

you raise your head and wipe a few stray tears, "I think that's smart sho,"

you all nod and murmur in agreement.

"fine then. let's vote." hawks glares at tomura one last time, "who says skip?"

tomura, twice and shoto raise their hands.

"i dont think theres enough evidence." shoto explains and you nod, quietly telling him that theres nothing wrong with his belief.

hawks has a slight triumph look on his face, "who says that tomura is a fucking psychopath who likes to murder children!"

"murder a child. thirteen is practically twice my age" tomura corrects, "and besides I didn't do it."

hawks rolls his eyes, "whatever, everyone just vote."

you, dabi, hawks, deku and kaachan raise your hand, making you guys the winner.

"perfect." hawks drags tomura over to the ejecting room, usually used for heavier garbage that didnt fit in the disposal.

as you all surrounding the glass wall that separated you and tomura you cried a bit more.

sure you hated this dude but you still KNEW him!

"anything left to say sicko?" hawks glared at the smiling tomura.

"maybe you arent as much of a bird brain as I thought hawks. good job, you win," he does a slight bow like this was a performance before hawks pulls the lever, tomura's body flying out before hawks closed it again.

"he admitted to it." deku stated simply.

"yeah."

| next |

[flobro]

Omovember 2020

Day One - In a Vehicle

Kageyama x Reader

Kageyama’s PoV 

Could i get any stupider?

In the rush of Hinata, Y/n and I finishing our tests, scrambling into Tanaks sisters car and setting off immediately for Tokyo I hadnt had time to pee.

Hinata was sat in the front passenger seat as Y/n and I were in the back of the car.

To make matters even worse, i had a huge crush on Y/n and the nerves of sitting next to her were bugging my bladder even more.

I tried to keep my breathing steady because i knew that if i panicked things would only get even worse for my nerves.

I wasnt too desperate yet but the need was still there. We had only been driving for about ten minuets so i definitely couldnt ask how much longer we had to drive yet otherwise everyone would definitely know something was wrong with me.

I crossed my legs which seemed to ease the pressure a little bit and made everything a bit more bearable and i tried to focus my mind on anything but my need to pee.

I jumped slightly as Y/n tapped my shoulder five minuets later and i felt my bladder twinge slightly, making me squeeze my thighs together as descretely as i could.

‘Whats up?’ I asked Y/n, who sent me a stunning smile.

‘You look bored, you wanna listen to some music with me?’ She asked, holding out one of her earbuds to me.

I nodded and shakily grabbed the headphone, ‘Yeah, thanks.’

She just nodded, ‘No problem!’

We had to shuffle slightly closer to eachother so that the earphones could reach to both of our ears and i couldnt help but notice how my seatbelt uncomfortablely pressed down onto my bladder, making my desperation go from a 4/10 to a 7/10.

Hinata and Saeko (Tanakas sister) were chatting happily about volleyball and the tiny giant in the front seats and i was glad that they werent focused on me because then i would feel even more pressured.

Another fifteen minuets had passed and I had tried my best to get lost in Y/n’s music but now my bladder was almost at its maximum capacity and i was beginning to shuffle around a bit, squeezing my thighs together as tight as possible.

Y/n looked at me and yanked the headphone wire, making them fall out of both of our ears.

Y/n went closer to my ear and whispered, ‘Hey, are you okay? You seem uncomfortable?’

My body shivered at the feeling of her breath on my skin and it relaxed my body for a second, making a bit of urine leak out of me.

I gasped and crammed my hands onto my crotch, tensing my body up again, stopping the flow as fast as i possibly could.

Y/n’s eyes widened in realisation and i blushed a deep red, hiding my face away from her, waiting for her to tell me how disgusting and gross i am.

But she didnt...

Instead, she placed a hand comfortingly on my shoulder, her touch making my heart rate speed up even more.

‘Is there anything i can do to help you?’ She whispered to me once again, continuing to keep her voice low so Saeko and Hinata wouldnt ask questions.

I shook my head and tried to calm myself down. There was no way in hell that i was gonna show myself up in front of the girl i like by acting like a four year old.

‘N-no,’ I said, trying to act as calm as possible, ‘Im f-fine dont worry.’

She didnt look like she believed me so i slowly removed my hands from between my legs to try and prove that i wasnt as desperate as it seemed.

Bad idea.

As soon as i took my hands away, another bit of urine left me and i gasped once again, putting my hands back onto my crotch.

This time the flow was harder to control and i knew that there was a 99% chance that there would be a wet patch on my shorts.

Saeko and Hinata must have heard me gasp because their conversation stopped abruptly.

‘You okay back there?’ Sakeo asked and i felt my throat dry up.

Hinata began to turn around to look at us and Y/n and I both panicked, knowing he would see my obvious state of desperation.

Y/n suddenly unclipped her seatbelt and laid accross my lap gently, covering up my crossed legs and hiding my odd hand placement.

Her arm momentarily dug into my stomach, pressing on my overfilled bladder, forcing a two second stream of urine out of me which i painfully cut off, knowing that my boxers were almost fully soaked now.

‘How come your laid down, Y/n?’ Hinata asked her and she sighed.

‘I just feel a bit car sick,’ She said, ‘Do you know how long it will be until we get to Tokyo?’

*Slick* I thought to myself. She had somehow managed to cover up the fact i was about to pee myself AND had a good reason to ask how long it would take until we would arrive.

Hinata frowned, ‘Oh thats not good, i hope you feel better soon!’ and turned back around to look out of the front window.

‘We will arrive in half an hour but were gonna be on this stretch of road for another twenty minuets and wont see another place to stop for a while.’ Saeko said, sounding worried about Y/n.

Y/n frowned at me and sat up again, ‘Okay dont worry, im feeling a bit better after lying down but when we come across a place to stop it would be nice to be stationary for a while.’

Saeko chuckled slightly, ‘Okie dokie! Ill keep that in mind for you!’

Y/n mustve seen the tears in my eyes and my expression showing that i had completely lost hope as she placed an arm around my shoulders, hugging my side for a second before whispering, ‘Sorry i couldnt help you much. Dont stress out, we’ll find a stop for you. You’ll be okay.’

I got butterflies in my stomach from her touch but i ignored them, not wanting to focus on anything else other than holding myself in.

Y/n clipped herself back into her seat and I decided that i would have to speak up. Y/n already knew and Saeko wouldnt make fun of me. Surely i could just scare Hinata into keeping his mouth shut too.

‘C-can you drive a-any faster?’ I shakily asked, panic evident in my voice, ‘I r-really need t-the bathroom.’

Saeko immediately sped the car up, ‘Ill drive as fast as i can. We’ll reach a stop in about fifteen minuets. Can you last?’

I felt a single tear roll down my cheek, feeling pathetic and stupid, ‘I... I d-dont know!’

‘Its usually me who need to pee.’ Hinata said from his seat, making me bubble with anger.

‘S-shut up idiot! This i-isnt funny!’ I growled at him, unable to make my voice any louder.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, putting all my energy into keeping my muscles tensed as much as i possibly could.

My eyes widened as my body began to relax itsself against my will.

‘No... NO.. NO!’ I panicked, ‘YOU N-NEED TO PULL THE C-CAR OVER!’

Saeko quickly turned the wheel and brought the car to the side of the road and i unclipped my seatbelt, threw the door open, and scrambled out of the car.

As soon as i got out i immediately crumbled onto the floor, my legs giving out underneath me as my lap began to feel warm.

Wow. I had really gone and done it hadnt i? I pissed myself in front of my senpais sister, annoying volleyball partner AND my crush. Could it have been any worse?

My shorts were completely soaked and a puddle had began to grow around me. I couldnt even bring myself to try and stop it because my body felt so weak.

No amount of embarassment would ever compare to what i was feeling in that moment. I didnt even want to begin to imagine what Saeko, Hinata and Y/n were thinking of me.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and i kept my head down so no one would be able to see my face.

It took at least a minute for my bladder to fully empty. I felt so pathetic and dumb but there was nothing i could do other than just sit there and wait for myself to be finished.

A pair of shoes came into my line of vision and i looked up slowly to see Y/n with her hand stretched out to me, offering to help me up.

I looked away from her quickly, my voice barely above a whisper, ‘You s-shouldnt touch m-me. Im a-all gross. Even m-my hands.’

She crouched down and placed a hand on my cheek, wiping away one of my tears and making me look up at her, my face even redder.

‘I dont care. Dont stress about it okay? Its a human need. There wasnt anything you could do to avoid it.’ She said in a calm and genuine voice.

I nodded and she grabbed my slightly damp hand. I glanced at her face and she want even slightly disgusted.

I stood up and Y/n kept her hand laced with mine.

We got back into the car, I was sat on a towel. Saeko said that she didnt mind and strangely Hinata hadnt even mentioned it which i was thankful for. Although everyone was being very calm and unaffected by it, i still felt mortified. 

Y/n suddenly lent over to me to whisper in my ear one last time, ‘Dont worry about it so much. Ill always have a crush on you.’

My face reddened as i looked at her, ‘I h-have a c-crush on you too.’ 

Y/n giggled, ‘I guess that makes me your girlfriend then.’

~~~~~~~~~~

hey guys !!

this was my first time writing an omofic so i hope you liked it !!!

~ flobro 

[littlebigafterdark]

I'm feeling in a particular mood for some more Logan stuff, (totally not my comfort character who unfortunately is a medium for a lot of angst /s) so maybe the almost-relapse?

the littles accidentally trigger logan's ED (janus and patton help him thru it)

This is a copy pastd from a really long message i sent to liv a few weeks ago, just in case the grammar is weird or somethin!

oOo

context: whenever roman is a brat and refuses to eat dinner, logan gets noticeably more frustrated than with any other bratty behaviour because it hits too close to home to his eating disorder

so...

one day when patton is out somewhere, maybe at his carpentry class ((thats actually slightly spoilers for a big concept for the main blog lol)), logan has both the littles

and roman is bratty and refuses to eat dinner and logan breathes evenly and tries not to worry abt it bc he KNOWS roman always eats, hes just doing it to be annoying, breathe, he isnt actually restricting its ok

and logan was literally holding the baby fork up to vees mouth and suddenly she giggles and pushes it away

"come on baby, yummy time" logan coos and smiles a little but he doesnt feel it, and with his other hand he tickles lightly under vees chin and she giggles and logan smiles and goes to feed her again

but she pushes the fork away and babbles "mo bima!"

and roman laughs "yeah, no dinner! no dinner!" and bounces

and logan is feeling rlly shaky and hot suddenly and swallows thickly and ignores roman, and keeps looking at vee "princess, please open up," trying not to pay attention to how shaky his voice is. "its papa's spaghetti remember? yummy" he nods enthusiastically and goes to feed her again

but again vee just giggles all squeaky and pushes the fork away and looks at roman with a big smile for his approval. and roman is like "yeah vee! rebellion!!!" still so playful

but he hasnt noticed logans chest is heaving a little and hes staring at where vee pushed the fork away and logan was too shaky not to drop it on the floor.

and he looks up at vee and how small she is and how shes genuinely on the lower end of average weight and they need to make sure she doesnt dip down into underweight and thinks about how terrified he is of the idea that if she did develop an ED like he did it would be so dangerous and he cant see his baby go through that and-

it just hits him so so so harshly and hes suddenly crying and roman and vee freeze and look at him. and he hurriedly wipes away his tears and breathes shakily and tries to say again

"vee pl-please just ea--" and his throat closes up, he cant even say the word 'eat' and he gags on his tears and jumps up from his chair to run out to the downstairs bathroom and locks himself in trying to calm down and stop gagging.

and he can hear vee crying and roman - adult now - promising her its okay, mama feels a bit sicky but everythings okay, lets phone nana, its ok baby

and logan is breathing too fast and shaking and crying with his back against the bathroom door, not gagging anymore, but unable to take himself outside

. he hears roman feeding vee, and vee giggling and clearly enjoying the food, but no matter how comforting that is to hear he cant get over that genuine terror he felt when vee refused to eat, its his worst nightmare for vee to develop disordered eating - for any of them, but vee is already very thin and it could be critical, and logan cant get over that

when janus arrives (barely ten minutes later, he must have jumped in the car straight away which is only used for emergencies bc of janus' partial blindness) he speaks quietly to roman, and of course theyre trying to be subtle

but the kitchen is only across the hall from the bathroom and logan hears every word of roman explaining what happened and how confusing it was and how patton wont be home for another forty five minutes and roman didnt want either vee or logan to be alone but they probably shouldnt be around each other right now since vee gets so upset when the others arent happy

roman tries to talk to logan first through the bathroom door, apologising for misbehaving and promising he wont do that again. but can logan tell him what exactly was so bad about it this time? so roman can not do whatever it is in future.

but logan cant bring himself to say anything. he cant tell roman about this at least not yet he hasnt felt ready yet even if its been years and he doesnt know if he ever will be ready to tell roman about his ED

so after realising logan wont talk to him, roman swaps with janus. janus doesnt know the details but he knows theres something about logan and eating and hes made an educated guess from all the fibs hes heard over the years.

"hey, dic" (janus' unsavoury nickname for logan that he insists is just short for dictionary) "do you need a glass of water?"

logans throat is actually dry from hyperventilating and he says with a quiet scratchy voice through the door "yes please"

and when janus brings it to the door he just knocks gently and when logan opens the door to accept it janus doesnt make any comment on logans messy hair where hes run his hand through it or on his glassy red rimmed eyes or on the tremble of his fingers. but he does say "i know it must be so cozy in there" he nods to the cramped cold bathroom "but you might just prefer it in your room"

logan flushes a little and nods, comes out of the bathroom and heads to the stairs, but he pauses at the bottom of the stairs thinking... he doesnt know if he can be trusted alone upstairs. theres another bathroom up there and the gagging has made his stomach churn and he feels FULL from dinner and if only he emptied it then maybe he would feel better right? .... no

so he rasps without turning back to janus "i... i cant be alone"

"look behind you, idiot" janus says and its far closer than logan remembered him being.

he whips his head round to see janus was following closely behind him. janus raises a pierced eyebrow "well, are we going to stand in the stairway all night?" and of course its snarky but its soft too

so logan breathes deeply and they go upstairs to his room. janus makes himself at home, immediately grabbing a book from logans book case and collapsing sideways in logans armchair as soon as they stepped in the room. logan reclines on his bed and sips his water and does breathing exercises and tries to not feel humiliated about this breakdown

every time logan tries to apologise for disturbing janus' evening (he didnt) or asks if janus is sure roman is grownup enough to look after vee appropriately (he is) or insists that he is okay to be left alone now (he's not) janus just murmurs "shut up im reading"

when patton gets back roman just tells him logan isnt feeling good and patton hurries up to see him - and upon seeing his husband logan is overcome by shame that he almost relapsed and relief that his best friend is here and a wave of tears that he tries and fails to blink away

and janus just quietly bids them good night and promises he'll stay a couple hours to keep roman and vee company, but patton insists he stays the night in pattons room (its not safe for him to drive in thr dark) and janus is used to this routine by now that he knows where the spare pillows are

so janus leaves quietly and logan croaks "thanks, old man" trying to sound casual but regretting it when his voice shakes. janus just holds up a peace sign and closes logans door behind him on the way out.

as soon as the door closes logans face crumples and he hides his eyes behind his arm and patton practically bounds over to logan and climbs onto bed next to him and cradles logans head to his shoulder as he cries

they stay like that, cuddling in bed, patton cradling logans head and kissing the nape of his neck and wrapping his arm around logans waist to spoon him and whisper about what happened and how they can avoid it in future

but mainly they just breathe and cry together and patton fills the hours with soft affirmations of love and getting logan a tea and promising its okay if logan wants a cookie with it but logan says maybe later (later turns out to be 2:30 in the morning but at least it really was later)

they barely sleep that night but its all comfort and talking and by morning despite being exhausted, logan feels safer and breakfast goes by without a hitch

oOo

just some notes me and liv made that i think highlights some main points:

logan struggling so much even when he knows that the kids are just playing around and they don't really mean that they don't want to eat, but it's just one of those things that inevitably hits too close to home

it just suddenly hit him! like any other day he can cope with roman doing that, its a small blip usually, but the fact that VEE started refusing food freaked logan out so much bc they genuinely have to keep an eye on her weight just bc shes naturally so small

his emotions about his history with an ED plus his overprotective mama cg space making him nearly go into a panic attack from the thought that vee could develop an ED is very sad and very true

and janus coming right away!! and he and roman handle the siatuation so well, like roman was so smart knowing not to leave logan alone, and janus calling him dic and taking him to his room and staying there until patton gets back

and him crying from just seeing patton because he's his best friend and he can be vulnerable around him is very :'c <3

hes so so relieved to see patton but theres also the slightests "ive let my husband down" bc he thinks bc patton helped him so much he owes it to patton to not relapse - but of course pat reassures him its natural to relapse but he didnt! he caught it in the early stages and asked for help and patton is never disappointed in him

he caught it!!! he caught it and he stopped himself and he let himself be helped by both roman and janus and patton and he didn't even relapse!! and this whole thing is really a sign of how far he's come that he was able to accept their help in his vulnerable state, even if roman and janus didn't have the full story, they still wanted to help him through whatever he was experiencing

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 4 notes

Ep 121: mmmm tape recorder turning on without them knowing goes brrr. AAAhjhdsjfhjdf "do you mind if i call you jon" its like "can i call you elias?" is this the dream guy with the tendrils? who wants to bet the boat is captained by peter lukas? big man if it killed yall how are you still here. oh boy the tape is doin that thing. who do we think it is? did he wake up? hmm. ep 122: lol jon. 6 months!?!? bruh quit movin big man. he just Knows things sometimes you know how it is. nah b/c i can relate to feeling like other ppl/ things arent real, thats the biggest mood BUT i think it is kinda pretentious to entertain the idea that youre the only Real person. If you dont see a body dont believe it. i'll hold out hope for a bit. theres not a new archivist is there? surely i wouldve heard about that. oh god peter what changes did you make. ep 123: web development. hope its about spiders. she blames him. bruh why. if they hadnt done anything the world would've ended piss off melanie. why are ppl acting like he chose to be in a coma for 6 months. we know this they just appear. no longer "head archivist of the magnus institute, london" now he's just "the archivist" covered in spiders? cuz ik the spider has to do with controlling what youre doing and all this stuff but i cant think of how this connects to that. ep 124: ugh vertigo. is michael crew an old man? oooh. fairchild. how did he know it was martin? hmm. GRR I LOST MY NOTES AGAIN. FROM EPISODE 125 - part of 131. ep 131: bruh he's so hard to understand big man ur voice is so low. Jared Hotworth. the boneturner. "the ones i helped find their proper bodies" name a better top surgeon? our favorite trans ally? ep 132: woo field trip into the coffin! static lol. he says "chill out im just poppin in for a quick recall mission" is the rib thing actually gonna work? bruh it feels so odd and contrived but he's an odd man with some odd powers so idk. rip that archivist ayyy statement time. voices? recordings? are those tape recorders? was it the tape recorders? did they pull him back? i hope so b/c if the rib thing actually worked im gonna be so disappointed. ep 133: predicting the lonely? tundra. like the lukases. hmm. sanikova! like sanikov land. so its the hunt? i suppose? yeah. so daisy's clearly rejecting the hunt, which makes sense cuz she doesnt seem to like the entities that much. wait so are we just not gonna talk abt all the tapes playing on the ground?? no? ep 134: not an archival assistant anymore? Adelard Decker (or however you spell it) i recognize that name. 15th power. i was right there are 15. the extinction? im trying to remember what ive heard. oooh spooky. no i gotta be real i dont understand this fear but i'll believe you that its a thing. ew lukas is so squealy. lukas can turn invisible? oh boy. oooh martin put the tape recorders there. lol lukas is worried he's gonna be an avatar of the eye. ep 135: yoo its the third Daedalus statement! maxwell rayner (reiner? reigner?) i dont know who that is but ik its somebody. is he the cult leader guy? church of the divine host? 4 people?? what? did they kidnap somebody and keep them up there?? oh dear jon are you dying? did he try to See or Know or whatever? why does everyone call basira detective lol. ep 136: he was the one from the spider movie that ate ppl right? the special effects artist? is it annabelle cane? "its a joke jon" lol. hmm they wanted to record the therapy session with melanie? i wonder who that is. i almost wanna guess annabelle cane but im not sure. ep 137: this is the one! he went to the other place and read the war statement but it wasnt the one she took. not the music again. sounds like the slaughter. who the heck is eric lol. "the watcher's crown" like the crown of eyes we saw in the piccrew ep 138: oh boy Robert Smirk time. is that elias? as unhelpful as usual. if new powers can be "born" can others die out? did jonah magnus wear the watchers crown? maybe they were born from our fear or maybe our fears were born from them. ceaseless watcher does ceaselessly watch so. idk what you want

big man. yeah jonah for sure did something. ep 139: agnes!! lol that one dude threw off all their plans thats so funny. BUT this does tell us something. the tree in the backyard of the hilltop house? not made by her. it going down didnt kill agnes. im guessing gertrude tied agnes to the house using the tree? u good jon? cuz every time you try to Know smth intentionally it seems like it causes you great pain. how come he can do it accidentally with no problem but the second he wants to know smth of plot relevance he gets a headache or whatever ep 140: lol pagan exultation. classic. "oh thats my rib" lmaoo. ppl are always so mad at jon and his Eye powers except when it benefits them. they're like "oh you shouldnt do that its not right" and then all of a sudden they want to know something and its all "oh cmon jon its the only way" ep 142: oh god jon what did you do. its interesting she's giving her statement in the way that they do when jon Asks. did he see her in the Coffin? and so he's following her? ok cmon jon you're supposed to let them come to you. lmao ikr martin. "start to hear the blood" "suure." lmao ep 143: lol that awkward moment when gertrude is already dead. big J if you die im gonna kill you. bruh. ayo helen? i guess it worked? ep 144: lol this reminds me of that one edgar allan poe story where he kills the old dude with the weird eye. spooky music stuff. lol thats my favorite symptom of a heart attack its hilarious. so its smth abt the location probably? bro i feel like you should write down the numbers idk. 162830165049 564846474827. seems like the distortion? like the kinda thing that causes you to go crazy because of the numbers. oh boy is it the extinction again. bro what?? im?? his dad just died and he's like eh. martin dont be mean. he's being all lonely again. big man ur pushing ppl away. oh god its fucking squealy boy. ep 145: that almost sounds like breekon/hope... Arthur? agnes. aah was he from the lightless flame cult. a tree. lol he's just ranting rn. hehehe fuck landlords amirite. yay someone tells jon outright to go to therapy. now do it big man. ep 146: oh great! the distortion! i'm making a spiral themed building in mc right now! jon maybe accept you did a bad? nah this goes back to what i said before. they're fine with him compelling ppl when its convenient for them but otherwise its "no jon you cant, youre a monster jon" the tapes didnt turn on. i spose that means its not important? i agree with daisy, this seems unecessarily dangerous. ep 147: is that a tape? the first tape? well that went better than i expected tbh. BAHAKJASHDJKF she did the "can i call you jon" like nikola says "elias, can i call you elias?" damn annabelle is such a girlboss. oh! the one thing from the picrew. its been a while since ive connected smth to that. lol all the other avatars always talk abt their patron so lovingly and the jon just. absolutely hates the eye. ep 148: lol thats the most elias thing. "i just like the way it sounds" ep 149: did he disappear? bruhh. ur lonely powers are popping off i guess. oops i accidentally deleted my notes for 150 - 152 ep 153: thats the cult right? yeah. it doesnt sound like the church of the divine host? idk. if it is the church of the divine host then they worship the dark right? so is the eleventh the dark star or wtvr? it almost sounds like the corruption b/c of the oil or grease or whatever. oh dear what happened. oh its the hunters. theyre so annyoing. not an "it" he has a name. he's a person. is this a page from the skin book? ep 154: oh shit this is gerry's dad! oh shit he quit! oh dear god. jon don't you do it. haha martin. yeahhhh... is he gonna tell the others? cuz you know theyre gonna get mad if he doesnt. oh also picrew connection! the bandages over the eyes? yeah thats this im guessing. ep 155: oh good he told them. oh my god what did you do. lol i have no mouth and i must scream. nah you get none of my sympathy you're straight up murdering ppl. its like the desolation, destroying lives to sustain your own. ok but taking their statements doesnt

kill them. oh... bye melanie. ep 156: lmao imagine if the tape recorder spoke back. oh boy decker! i swear we got a statement from him already. oh god mirrors scary. They're gonna eat the body arent they. Yup... sounds like the flesh or the slaughter, but I'm not sure. Could be the extinction for sure. Smth at the center! Like Helen mentioned. God Peter you dick. Ep 157: peter's just so :/ another decker statement i see. a statement about the corruption? hmm. maybe its not abt the corruption. the extinction. lol pandemics. topical. John Amherst. helen? lol i can hear admiral purring in the background. oh cmon helen dont be like that. im trying real hard to like you but you make it so difficult. ep 158: did they fucking free the stranger? im gonna lose it. you absolute dumbass. im sorry who is that? jonah magnus? my guy. peter. you absolute dickhead. that's elias. (im p sure i had this spoiled for me that elias is jonah) oh dear this is her death. god peter you prick. i hope this is a pop off martin moment and not a "martin you idiot" moment. i hope the hunters kill the stranger entity. or she kills them. furry daisy pop off! yeah fuck you peter martin can make his own decisions. you know that clip from Twisted where jafar says "ok what the fuck was that" martin D: ok like i know its gonna work but still D: D: ep 159: peter you bitchboy. because if im alone i cant hurt anyone else. imnotgonnacryimnotgonnacryimnotgonnacry do it do it do it do it. pop off jon. ok its a pretty good idea for a ritual i gotta be honest. she didnt even have to blow it up lol. oh dear that was certainly a noise. "he gets you" did he not have jon already? he's back! our boy is back! awwww thats so cute. ep 160: oh right this is the thing in the safe house. i love him. "obviously im going to tell you if i see any good cows" martin my beloved <3 :)) oh boy who is this. fuckin. people. jonah you dick. gahh. you can tell he's trying to resist so hard lol. ohh. hehe keep an *eye* on him. altho if the extinction is a real thing he needs to be marked by that right? lol he sounds so intense im sorry- i want martin to just burst in and be like "look at this cow i saw!" its so dramatic and for why.

[littlebabycrybtch]

ngl i am. so fucking tired of ugly ass ableists openly and Blatantly hating common disability and mental illness traits, only when they happen to be presented by nt/abled people, and actually thinking theyre being Allies for that. lmfao like. ‘the person im mocking isnt autistic tho theyre just being an awkward introvert that acts weird in public!’ ok so your viewpoint is that you admit looking and acting disabled by itself is hilarious and mock worthy up until finding out theyre actually disabled??? you dont think maybe those traits just need sensitivity and shouldnt be funny or deserving of retaliation to you either way??? that you should unlearn hating these things bc it is still 100% rooted in internalized ableism??? 

im sorry but ppl nowadays (yes even other nd people) are just excusing being uneducated and disrespectful af, you think you have some magic privilege radar (aka deciding through willful ignorance and dehumanization that everybody you want to be an unfiltered asshole towards Has to be an open target), you conveniently forget how common being undiagnosed is under our medical system, you refuse to grow up and respect things like social anxiety and adhd as valid impairing neurodivergencies in even the most Basic ways, you care more abt your jokes being ruined than the prospect of contributing to oppression, and you literally SEEK OUT opportunities to be cruel abt these vulnerable traits with seemingly abled people bc ohoho frankly, it Does totally make you uncomfortable and annoyed when you see this from nd people, but you get in trouble for not being understanding abt that right. so instead of unworking anything you hold your tongue and then cringe ur pants later over ppl who are supposed to be normal tm for portraying these ~unsavory~ traits at every POSSIBLE chance you can get, and somehow dont put it together that beyond the obvious harmful affect it has on minorities, you’re supposed to be respectful abt these things, Not just when they imply a minority status, but because for the love of god you miscreants theyre just struggles you dont personally understand and it regularly inflicts harm on others when theyre judged. ‘be nice to harmlessly different people’ is quite genuinely the easiest, most kindergarten concept i think any human person could ever comprehend and it is a necessary core moral to activism, or even just basic decency. but everybody fucking ignores it on purpose to stay ugly and comfortable lmaoo

so when you make fun of abled ppl for disabled traits all you’re showcasing is that you actually, absolutely, do hold prejudice towards them, and are Normalizing the hate they receive, which believe it or not, hurts disabled ppl. the distinction doesnt fucking matter. you’re not ‘’’’getting away with’’’ anything, its not ‘’’’okay when theyre nt’’’’ or w/e like just bc you arent oppressing them or smth doesnt mean shit, the problem is that you’re still fucking oppressing us by using 0 critical thought with these dumbass 'how to be a bad person but still get the social benefits of being an activist’ loopholes you all keep tryna popularize and cash in on. im tired of this. its disgusting and backwards. if you dont actually hate my autism then why the fuck do you hate it and laugh so goddamn much when abled ppl Look like me??? how is that supposed to translate to support??? how is it Not supposed to impact my oppression??? tbh lol just get over it you cringe idiots i dont wanna see another stupid ass ‘weird annoying introvert’ joke on my dash yall are just being gross now to validate your bad opinions and you know it