#im also hella depressed lol

[shakespearean-dream]

TW!!! — blood, scarring and mild body horror ahead 🥲

benny’s turn!

before i start i wanna clarify i hesitated a bit on posting this because lovely mutual @vor-leser just posted his benny interpretation (go look at it and follow him btw), and idk if we like mind melded or smth but our human benny’s are super similar LOL. i damn near scrapped the whole thing out of fear someone would get mad at me but i Would Not be able to start over and get this done ever so this is as good as we’re gonna get. 😭 my apologies niko love u /p

this has been like a full 7 days in the making 😭😭 the art block that i felt coming on while doing ellen and ted hit me like an optimus prime sized semi truck this week along with a depressive episode so i definitely appreciate that happening and i am not upset about it at all! /s i’m totally good so don’t worry or anything /gen, mental health is just weird and i also wanted to explain the gap in my posts 😔

i do not know how to feel about this drawing if i’m so fr with you; i’m proud of myself for AM-ified benny cause i think i got the slowly rotting from the inside out primal freak energy down pretty good, but on the other hand this feels kinda empty?? i usually have a lot more commentary squished in here but i think my brain’s a little fried 🤦‍♂️ i love drawing me some beautiful buff men though so drawing normal ben was familiar territory. however his wack ass haircut i gave him is his punishment for being a PRICK!!! go sit in the corner and think about ur actions benjamin.

like ted n the rest of the sillies i’m not straying too far from canon with his personality, he’s an ass and a murderer and a hella smart dickhead who desperately needs to be punished by the universe (thank you for that one AM). hot take i did not like his “redemption arc” in his game scenario and i don’t think with how he was throughout the entirety of his life (and also throughout the game, main example his inner dialogue) he would actually go out of his way to help the kid because he means it??? n prove he changed to the guys he killed cause he means it??? i dunno maybe AM torturing him made him have a main character “omg i’ve been in the wrong this whole time!!1” moment like the game suggests i’m just not buying it 💀 i’m sure it’s just cause bennys scenario couldn’t be too long and they couldn’t fully flesh him out which i won’t fault the game makers for. i’m a steven universe fan, i know what time constrictions can do to a plot and redemption arc 😭 looking at you white diamond…

his wife n kids are up top and they’re kinda neat to me— i was considering the hc that part of the reason manya (his canon wife) left him is because she realized she was a lesbian which would be funny as fuck considering benny’s also One Of Them Queers 😭. i think during the brief times he was home and able to parent his daughters they got really scared and tired of him, one because he’s just a very threatening powerful and overbearing man, but also because i feel like he would’ve been on their ASS about everything. grades, extracurriculars, friends, wardrobe, this guy was micromanaging his family to an annoying extreme (ofc because of his perfectionist complex). he probably loved manya and the kids in his own weird way, but it was more contractual to him than any real personal relationship. maybe he inherited that from his own parents?? i doubt he ever talked to them after he moved out.

that’s about the end of my thoughts on this fucker. 🥲 funny storyyyy i just remembered i have laundry to finish so im gonna go do that, lord help me. thank you for reading all this if you did!!!!! we’re over halfway through so who do yall want next? wanna save AM or nimdok for last? i’ll see u guys later :]]]

[youuuimeanmee]

SxF Chapter 95 Thoughts

The drought is over.

And HOLY MOLY

AAAAAA I know we're nearing the end-semester gala but I never thought we'd get it on THIS chapter AAAADHJDJSKDN

When I saw the chapter is 21-pages long, I made sure to savor it well sskskjs

"Guardians will not be attending the gala." DAMMIT. Oh wait, Twillight can just disguise himself as a volunteer. I forgot.

Lol this is really not good for Damian's poor little heart.

WOHOO Becky cute!!

Huh, looks like Henry and Martha had a history together. Maybe they used to be classmates in Eden? Or something else, maybe.

The party is different than I expected. I thought ALL students will mingle in one place. I thought we'd meet Demetrius here. Oh well.

Damn this is depressing. Reassignation class based on academic performances. It's really happening. Anya will be separated from Becky. Hopefully their classroom will not be that far off 🥲

Damn Damian. Looking fine there, like a true young chaebol.

ANYA IS CUTE!! She's a princess!! 😭💕 I was surprised with her hair, I thought she'd keep the haircones. It's almost like as long as the little bundle of her hair is protected, any hairstyle is fine. Her dress though... It's darker than I expected; I thought she'd go with light color. But this is fine too. She's cute either way. (lowkey reminds me of a little witch, lol). It's also cute how she and Damian looks matching with black-and-white outfits, hehe. (Then again, this is b&w manga. Will their outfits have different color in the colored illlustration?)

Nicee Ewen, you do know when to give credits when it's due.

Nah Damian you're just making up shit now. You have excellent eyes, you know her dress is not cheap.

Of course Damian would fo anything for any imperial-scholar related. Cute.

Now this is interesting.

Some people say it's a reference to Harry Potter, so I wonder if some of it will turn out to be true. Especially the last two: "the cursed underground maze in section 4" and "the sealed chamber in the tower of wisdom." Sounds like hella suspicious places for a school filled with top political figures in the country. What if those are the places Donovan entered often? Hmmm. *sus glance* Wonder if DamiAnya gang will tackle the 7 mysteries like in Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun and see something they shouldn't see like in Promised Neverland, lol.

Anya, you got this! It's the name you learned in the school's interview! She already forgot, lol. But at least she got the "Ben" right!

Wonder if any of these kids will become Anya's new classmate, lol. Endo really used his break time brainstorming new characters here.

OMG IM DED. Narcis Hubrisse. Brayzen. These fucking fitting names I swear 🤣🤣🤣

Yesss you go Becky. Set your standard high. Don't mingle yourself with these lowly boys.

YAAASS. A GENTLEMAN ASKING ANYA OUT. YOU GO BOY. Even if it's a facade at least it's better than these Hubrisse and Brayzen boys.

OH.MY.GOD. FFFUUUUCKKK AJDNSKDBKDJDJSKHDUDJXNJDKDHDJJSJKSJSJSYEEEESSSSSS

HE'S HEREE HE'S FUCKING HERE. His hairstyle is ugly but HE'S HERE. I was wondering if we're gonna meet him soon. I was righttt, he iss gonna be a recurring character. I mean look at the name reveal from chapter 93. Look at that damn edgy hair. Hopefully he will be Anya's new classmate. But I never thought he'd put an interest in her as a runner-up in the classical language test. What is his background? How is he so good with the classical languange to even reach 90-ish points even though it's rarely taught? Does he have a connection with Anya with his gift in classical language and weird hairstyle? Why does he have such unsettling bow tie? I need to knooww

And he even pull off such a strong reaction from Damian too, skskjsksk. 2nd ML candidate? Lmao

Good to know Arnold's family is B tier. Not bad.

Twillightt you got soft. Letting Anya and Damian do whatever they want? What happen to the mission?

Lowkey sad to see Anya trying hard because Twillight didn't trust she would do a good job in plan B.

Oh mah gahh these preciouss kiddss 😭True homiess 😭😭💕💕

At least this will ensure Anya to get her place fair and square.

I wonder if Twillight realize Anya is approaching Damian for the sake of world peace she mentioned. Or he's simply motivated with Anya's motivation.

But at this rate, the dance will be over the moment Damian got his partner, lmaoo

Great comeback chapter! 🔥🔥🔥

*Edit: Screw what I said that Arnold might be the 2nd ML. I don't trust his hairstyle, his droopy eyes, his bow tie, and his polite manners. So far we've seen only adorable children but he could be evil for all we know. Better be cautious than sorry.*

[icharchivist]

Also, tmi, super serious and all but like

I know i act super cheerful online and everything so it may not be super noticeable but im hella depressed. Like. Extremely depressed. Followed professionally over it and all and already got concerns from doctor asking i wanted to be hospitalized bc my thoughts are extremely worrisome. It gets worse in worse every passing days despite the medication and it's just....

Anyway the only reason i didnt so anything Regrettable:tm: those past few months have literally been "i need to at least reach the end of the year to see the next da come". And boy was it hard to hold on to that. Tho on the funny side it means DA is written in 3 different psych files so that's fun.

So I'll be quite honest as long as I'm happy with the game im not going to nippick it to death. If being happy about it gives me a bit of fuel to keep on living for the next few months hopefully to get my shit together and all, I'm going to ride that high as much as i can.

But yeah. Yeah. Lol.

[davekat-sucks]

k so recently i decided to reread homestuck (i dont even remember when child me stopped) and im in one of the many act 6 intermissions and its like. so hard to deal w the alpha kids idk why. also when do you feel homestuck started going “bad”?

i heard davekat just randomly got shoves into being canon and i feel hella disappointment lol (karezi is my #1 but even if it ended as terezi/dave or jadekat or johnkat it would have MADE MORE SENSE) also it seems like later/end chapters are just about Le Shipping which just sucks lol

If it's in-universe, it definitely would be not only when the Alpha Kids focused on drama, but the same for the shit for the stuff on the meteor. Rose's alcoholism and Gamzee being abusive towards Terezi and nobody on the meteor doing shit. If it's from outside of the series, then the Gigapause is definitely when it starts to go bad as nobody is sure what is going on with Hussie. Some believed it was the passing of his father that made feel depressed that it bled into the Homestuck narrative too. That's why everything feels so frustrating. Hussie's health was not getting any better from the pressure he has from the Tumblr fanbase either. He didn't have to cater to their whims, but was desperate because they were the only source outside of MSPA Forums that gave him the most attention.

[eternalera]

Pup *shakes you*

We finished S5……………..

THEY DUSTIFIED THE DOG D: (yes I am calling it dustified, nobody can stop me c:< )

Shigaraki backstory, poor child (I genuinely thought he was allergic to people for a while-)

Also white hair. Huh.

Double agent Hawks? (Dabi and him are definitely friends!!)

Blackwhip oooooh!! New quirks for the bunny!

Poor bunny was terrified :c

Also Shinzo (or is it Shinso?) is going to join the heroes :D

Boom boy doesn’t like the cold

The class A vs B fights were really cool, and when Todoroki texted Endeavour and he was just holding the criminal by their face like hold on my son just texted me-

He actually did give them kinda good advice though (even though he only wanted his son for the work study)

The dude with the quirk to control the road lines was hella weird-

Also All For One is Shigaraki’s adoptive father, don’t try and argue against the truth :)

Twice is crazy strong once he got past his trauma block (for a little bit) and it was all to protect his bestie Toga

They may be villains but they really do care about eachother

It was funny when they were all taking shifts to fight the giant with Shigaraki and Dabi was just like ‘nah. I’m out’ and went to go recruit Hawks

I’m currently eagerly awaiting starting the next season (which isn’t on netflix but we found somewhere to watch it)

Anyway, hru? Read any really good books or fics lately?

THEY DUSTIFIED THE DOG D: (yes I am calling it dustified, nobody can stop me c:< )

I KNOWW AND IT MADE ME SO UPSET :((((

Shigaraki backstory, poor child (I genuinely thought he was allergic to people for a while-)

his backstory is actually so well made and so damn depressing at the same time and i love it sm and i feel so bad for him like AAA

Double agent Hawks? (Dabi and him are definitely friends!!)

i like to think that theyre just silly together lol... i also kinda ship them so maybe that has something to do with it- BUT we ignore :)

Also Shinzo (or is it Shinso?) is going to join the heroes :D

Shinso!! and yes he is joining them. also dadzawa???

The class A vs B fights were really cool, and when Todoroki texted Endeavour and he was just holding the criminal by their face like hold on my son just texted me-

imagine you were just done committing a bunch of crimes, get caught by the number one hero and all of the sudden he's just like 'wait my son just texted me... SHOTOOOO'

The dude with the quirk to control the road lines was hella weird-

yeah, apparently he could control white paint???? idk how that really works but... HEY ITS FINEEE

Twice is crazy strong once he got past his trauma block (for a little bit) and it was all to protect his bestie Toga

TWICEEEE OMG I LOVE TWICE SMMMM

They may be villains but they really do care about eachother

YES AND THATS WHY I FUCKING LOVE THEM. theyre like the outcasts because they had no other choice than to be outcasts. and like not to mention that they didn't really have any other choice but to be villains either. its amazing

It was funny when they were all taking shifts to fight the giant with Shigaraki and Dabi was just like ‘nah. I’m out’ and went to go recruit Hawks

bro did NOT want to be involved in that shit *sob*

BUT IM DOING GOOD!!! havent read any really good books lately but ive been reading fanfiction so... ye :D

[petrichorium]

hi love! sofa moonshine and lavender for Leona and Shanks! 🤍 giving you a bunch too mweheheh

sofa — when did you move in together?

leona and i are an arranged marriage, so in a certain sense we do actually move in together quite quickly—right when we really start to consider each other romantically—but in another sense it's many years in bc we r betrothed as children LOL a lot of our relationship is one of convenience, we were betrothed when chaka was born bc im the crown princess of my kingdom, so he was poised to move into my family's main palace w me after graduation but through..... complicated lineage reasons i am ousted of that position before he graduates so i end up moving into a palace he inherits which is in the sunset savanna but close to the border w my nation 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

w shanks this is...... a fraught topic i am afraid LMFAOOOOO so uh. general context is in the case of shanks he is ofc a pirate so moving in w him is me eventually caving to his "sail away with me" request, which to be fair is smthn i do come to terms w being inevitable but goddamn do i fight it for So Long bc im truly terrified of what that would mean for me & for my home island & for my relationship w him/his crew/my family/the people of my hometown. it does happen eventually tho, six yrs after i first meet him and four yrs after i finally give into his advances i do finally leave my home—after it's targeted by some very uppity rookies looking to pick a fight w him through me. it's a year after he's been declared emperor (smthn that already has me on edge) and my lighthouse gets entirely demolished and there r many casualties, and for the safety of everyone involved i just decide to go with him. and then i am hella depressed for the next six months, like full-on shanks has to drag me out of bed to take baths and eat and he is absolutely beating himself up for not being there for me when he should have back then :( it's just a combo of being forced into a decision i was not ready for + just fear about how i'll do as a member of his crew + constant anxieties abt the possibility of him getting bored of me and tossing me aside after everything. i work through it—in no small part thanks to shanks' support as well as that of his officers (who also end up working to train me well enough that i feel like less of a walking liability)—but like. not exactly a happy decision im afraid. and if im being honest........ it was nearly worse bc if i'd refused to come willingly they kinda would have just taken me, again for the betterment of everyone involved but like. i would NOT have been happy so good thing it did not come to that (tho i do sometimes think abt an au where that does happen)

moonshine — do you have a skincare routine?

not rlly LMFAOOOOOO in the leona selfship probably somewhat just bc i Am a princess but in the shanks one i def kinda just wash my face,,,,,, the ocean keeps me glowing or smthn

lavender — what do you do to relax?

leona and i nap together For Sure, i think one thing hes rlly good at is forcing me to take time for myself n one way that happens is by keeping me too snuggly to protest that there r people who need me......

i think w shanks i need so much alone time bc its Stressful to be on that goddamn ship fr LMFAOOOOOO i actually have a lot of little corners tucked around (the crew started making them during my Depresso Stage in the hopes of making me feel more accommodated for and they Keep Multiplying pfft) w pillows n blankets that i will tend to read in. also my beloved ship cat will always appear to cuddle which is very lovely

ask me some selfship questions!

[themosthatedbeingmoving]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN! 🌟

Tagged by: @hellcab ( Thxs buddy )

NAME?: Kas

PRONOUNS?: They/He.( sometimes she )

MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S)?: Lucifer Morningstar ( depressed dad took over ) Peter Rumancek

RP PET PEEVES?: one liners to my paragraphs or lack of moving the story forward.

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY

YEARS?: I’m 30 sooo about 17 years exp

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION?: IMs on Tumblr or discord

BEST EXPERIENCE?: honestly this fandom and this blog so far it’s my most active blog yet and holy shit I GET TO WORLD BUILD SO MUCH EEHEHE

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT? : ALL THREE~ although I suck at writing smut I used to be good at it but idk what happened trying to get back into the groove of that again with selective individuals only .

PLOTS OR MEMES?: Both are great ! I suck at plots sometimes I think.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?: doesn’t matter i just don’t do one liners too much unless it’s like an ask cause I have no idea what to do from there .

TIME TO WRITE?: evenings or midmornings depending on my work schedule.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)?:

IM HELLA DEPRESSED ~ and I have ADD and a bit of the tism~ so ya, I also love heavy metal and nature and wolves but sadly can’t turn into one lol. I wish I was a king I call myself a king and I’m so fucking short so ya I’m a bit of my Muses .

Tagging: @queenbeeibee @voodoodaaddy @letsstaytuned @hells-musing-along @heaven-said and anyone else !! :D

[justmeinadaze]

Thanks for tag @strangerfreak<3

Are you named after anyone?

I am indeed :)

When was the last time you cried?

*Thinks* Um... I don't remember to be honest. My brain has been blanking a lot lately.

Do you have kids?

I do not. I can barely handle myself. Lol.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I am fluent in the language :)

What sports do you/have you played?

Volleyball and soccer when I was REALLY little lol

What's the first thing you notice about people?

In person: Smile

Online: Tone (Im a capricorn so even if Im not interacting I'm still noticing things lol I see how people talk to people and what they say...how the say it.)

Scary movies/happy endings?

Depends on my mood.

Any special talents?

I can get really depressed and then 10 minutes later smile like nothing is wrong lol

Where were you born?

Hell...also known as Texas lol

What are your hobbies?

Writing, spending time with friends, catching up on shows I'm super behind on lol

Do you have pets?

I do. My fat cat <3

How tall are you?

Hella

Favourite subject in school?

English

Dream job?

Writing or honestly anything where I'm happy.

No pressure tagging: @unfocused81 @wroteclassicaly @munsonology @big-ope-vibes and anyone else lol

[stealingbones]

can i just,, rant about south park? (spoiler warning obv)

I never thought id be into basic american adult tv buthere we are- I recently got into it, feb 19th i started watching and finished the whole 26 seasons and two games (sot and tfbw) in a month. Just finished tfbw game earlier today and almost lost my mind fr bc wth man.... anyway, theres your background for how mentally ill i am, now-

South park characters have so much detail in their characters, right down to the little things, like cartman having to finish singing sail away or kenny liking oragami, like??? i love the little character details that nobody thinks about hello??

Its so hard to take them seriously with that stupid artstyle (the artstyle has grown on me and i love it sm but still, theyre hella goofy) but seriously some parts cut deep- especially the whole fucking covid thing, never in my life did i think id cry at fUCKING SOUTH PARK ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I see a lot of angst and it actually makes sense??? And just,, a lot of stan's stuff is really depressing, i hate the episode(s) 'youre getting older' holy fuck. The fact that stan knows how to drive at 8 years old most likely because his dad is an alcoholic who drives drunk too is graaAAA,, I feel so bad for butters too, the innocent child who gets all the trauma dumped on him 💀 none of the kids in south park are safe from trauma, not even 'new kid' (they fr made you choose a parent, dude.....) one of my favorite serious moments though actually is when kenny tries to get them to remember his deaths, the like "TRY AND FUCKING REMEMBER." is so dramatic and im fbedhunfinjecnijef

also cartman being the only one to remember kenny's deaths waa,, Cartmanland he says 'what kenny? he dies all the time' and when kenny tries to make the others remember,, cartman isnt there so á, then cartman isnt shocked when kenny escapes wherever tf cthuhlu sent everyone. cartman did drink kenny's ashes so that could be the reason he remembers epic

also also, i didnt even think about it before until i seen just kenny and kyle at the bus stop, but stan and cartman moving away and just having two of the main four left at the iconic bus stop scene is so upsetting,, I enjoy the older seasons best 💔 Like season 10 and earlier man,, their early seson voices too omg <3 When they started doing season long stories was kind of annoying (edit bc new episode dropped, they put cartman back lmao,, still missing stan though man...)

Switching topics- No wonder style is more popular than stendy, it has more content than stendy even though theyre cannon dating 💀i think cartman and wendy interaction more actually. Wendy's kind of cool and i wish theyd make an effort to show her and stan together more often (even small things like they do with creek) and a few times its even shown how little stan cares, like with the texting thing or the time they broke up for a bit stan had said he hadnt talked to her for weeks... Stan doesnt deserve wendy tbh, i also always forget she killed someone for stan lol, they really dialed her crazy back,,

I probably have more random thoughts but these are the main ones,, the little guys have been doing laps around my brain for a month straight and i feel like im going to explode

[mikey-ways-waist]

omg hi guys!!! bro i used to have an account but then i got better but now idk i feel like relapsing lol. lowkey to be so real im not looking to go in too deep i just rly need to actually lose this weight this time lmaoo but anyways yall send me ur best diets pls 🙏

i’m hella emo and my th1nsp0 is 2000s pop punk icons hence the username. i dont rly have goal weights, im just looking to look good in tank tops and low rise jeans and maybe pass as a guy. wishing u all good luck on all of ur journeys, don’t give up!!! or else you’ll end up like me……..😔😔😔

also this is a side account, not saying my main so like i can’t like or follow lmao

info abt me

-trans boy (he/him)

-pansexual probably

-also diagnosed w depression and anxiety

-obsessed with mcr, green day, sarah and the safe word, 2000s pop punk in general

-trying SOSOSOSOO hard not to binge

[and-yet-the-daisies-grow]

Meds and stuff

I got new meds yesterday!! Hooray :D I'm finally on a mood stabilizer which is fantastic :) I can't wait until these 14 days or so pass and the meds start working!!

I woke up like twice during the night. Apparently they can cause insomnia? But it's cool.

I told a family member about it (got a surprise visit (i HATE surprise visits - I had my day planned and them BAM I can't follow the plan without feeling guilt :( )), and it turns out that they take antidepressants too.

Like, I know our family has issues with depression, but uhm, I didn't know they had it too! It was interesting to have that convo. Their perspective is still a bit "meds bad", but I kinda get it. They're from a different generation. I'm just glad that nobody but me and my doctor can decide on whether or not I take meds. Being a mentally ill child is wayyy worse. Like, at least now I get to avoid medical neglect -_- I mean im still hella depressed but at least there might be a way out now.

My stupid restrictive ED wanted to make its appearance again (like every morning, lol). But I said fuck you, bitch! And I'm proud of myself for that :) Speaking of, I'm hungry so I'm gonna go eat.

I'm kind of confused about what I should post here, tbh. I guess I'll treat it as a public diary, that's what it was intended for (and also a place for accountability).

I'm thinking about baking some bread as an offering to the 2 gods I worship. I've kind of been neglecting them. Hopefully they aren't too mad 0-0 anyways! :P thats it for now :)

[mintyvoid]

a somewhat review / ramble about garfield 2008 game

so if you're not in the same sections of yt as myself you may not be familiar with the guy- planet clue (or evan), who I quite like, am inspired by at times, and slightly jealous(as im jealous of anyone who is able to do things they enjoy and finish projects). Recently he uploaded a video about the 2008 Garfield game ALONGSIDE a mod he made to better the experience of playing the old thing.

please watch, he always does a really good job at going juuust enough in depth to sate most curiosity- while also leaving stuff out and making you want to engage in whatever he's talking about. He's always super passionate about whatever it is, and it's really inspiring.

ANYWAYS. So of course I had to try the game out.

For a quick look see into my brain, I play just about any game that catches my interest- which isn't really bound by genre or mechanic. There are some exceptions, like fps or horror or sports. Despite this I still engage with these in other ways likes reviews or gameplay videos. In general I think as a (i dunno if i can really call myself a game designer despite going to school for it, i havent really done much after graduating thanks to depression and having that fun autistic life decline after losing structure)- it's good to have knowledge or experience of as many unique things as possible.

ANYWAYSANYWAYS. I also really liked the idea of the game.

For a short synops if you didn't watch the video or forget; you play as garfield, and odie just fucking wrecked the house. You need to fix this using a vacuum to grab items and put them back where they belong, as well as right skewed frames/posters on the walls. It's a really clever and grounded premise for the garfield world. Games that take place is a kinda mundane or simple world tend to either go really hard into a fantastical premise/mechanics or just do a puzzle game lol. So it's really refreshing to see a really solid idea that to the right people IS really engaging.

I am one of those people.

I LOVE organizing, putting puzzles together, doing the fun sorting for no reason.

Now I won't sugar coat it, the game is fucking rough around the edges. It is veryyyy much a product of its time and a licensed game. The controls are a clunky and take a bit to get used to, the use of the vacuum as well doesn't always 'just work'.

The main character controller is overall a bit sluggish, I was surprised that it doesn't just snap and change your direction when you go. Lining yourself up properly can take a few taps or needing to do like a full rotation. Most of the time this is fine, there are a few instances where there's an item to place/grab that's on a shelf where it becomes a fun game of trying to rotate the character lol.

There was also the fun realization that the vacuum uses two buttons, one for sucking and one for spitting. There are no tutorials in the game, which I imagine was fine at the time since the instruction manual most likely provided all this information. And really I probably should've looked it up, but it also would've been nice to have a pdf or something already in the files or even just the controls in a txt.

Speaking of controls, there is also a kick button. I didn't use this for the entirety of my playthrough lol. I think you can use it to kick Odie aside, he will charge you and knock into you in a quick stunned state, but it seemed really hard to pull off. For the most part I could just avoid him or just let him do his thing lol.

Along side this obstacle, are some light platforming puzzles- that use the items you relocate. Honestly I'm just super impressed by how everything ties together, sure the game is kinda shit, but it makes up for it with so charm and hella good cohesion. Literally nothing feels out of place. Even the few side missions you have to do (a vacuum themed one, a race, and a flower hunt) don't feel out of place. Thought to be honest none of them are particularly /fun/ either.

The game also has a time limit? When you start there is a timer counting down from 8 hours and you must finish everything by then. Do not be alarmed, this is extremely way too much time. By the time I finished(which i technically haven't done but I'll get there..) I had about 5 hours still left. The timer directly relates to the plot, the total destruction of the house is prefaced with John threatening Garfield with making him diet after he ate his lasagna(that was such a hard word to type holy shit) and scratched up some things. John saying that if he finds another thing ruined by the /time he comes back at 5pm/ the dieting will commence.

..5pm.... 8 hours?

Oh my god John left for his 9-5! The 8 hours directly means a full day passing. This is probably so small and most likely barely thought of, but the fact that to me it's so logical makes it just soooooooooo good. Another thing perfectly tying the whole thing together.

Okay but what about the actual game? It's not a simple free for all, you don't get access to the full house right away. There are also other artificial barriers created by the playing only being able to hold 3 items at a time. If you want to collect more you need to deposit some into a storage box which there are a few of, but they're not connected- so I just kept using the same one in the main hallway the entire time.

It's a lot of going back and forth between rooms and between them and the box.

You unlock the other rooms by completing the ones you have access too, It's a pretty obvious way to handle the progression and one that is handled well.

There were a handful of times though, that I got completely stuck. Often it was because of the camera and missing items that were tucked away in such a way that required wrestling with the camera in order to get the item in view. Though you don't actually need the item in view to suck/spit it out, as a first time player it made for quite frustrating moments. The camera often doesn't want to sit where you get it too. It feels like it was made for more open areas than it was programmed too and doesn't want to get closer to the player character. I think almost all the places where I missed something and couldn't find it till I watched a speedrun of it, were all small ish areas where getting the camera to actually see it was a struggle.

I was also really surprised that the cameras horizontal isn't inverted. I don't know if this was a change made by the mod, or if 2008 was already in the time where this change happened in the industry. I thought it happened around 2010. I'm curious to see if the ps2 version of the game had inverse. I'm someone who actually likes an inverted horizontal axis, so it took a bit to get used to and in general was a interesting brain thought to me.

A thing that I actually feel different about with evan is I actually /like/ the music. His mod replaced the music with some lesser known nintendo tunes, but I wanted to have the authentic experience- just to know.

And while initially the game sounds like a dumpster fire, I grew to enjoy it. It all sounds..fine. None of it is extremely bad, but none of it is any good either. It's all feels like royalty free stuff with like a hint of Sims music thrown in there. They're all earworms and kinda live rent free in my head now, seriously just the 'menu' music which is also the main first floor music is so stupid sounding(affectionate). I think my favourite is the upstairs theme, it's a bit more mellow, while still having aspects of frantic-ness to it. Cause ya know, need to clean before John gets home.

So I know I said I finished the game..and also said that I haven't actually. There is SOMETHING in the house that needs to be readjusted I think, I'm pretty sure I've completed all the rooms and the lasagna is done too (though it uh...the model reverted back to its empty version, it's kinda funny looking at all the items around it and it being empty again..i dunno if this is a major issue or not)...but what I assume is a final cutscene has not played. I most likely will need to rewatch a sr to finally finish the game.

Overall though, I would recommend the game if it sounds like something you'd be into. It is a fun experience, even with it's clunkyness. And the work Evan has done is really awesome.

If i wasn't in such a deep funk there's a lot of cool things that could be done with the game and it's ideas. There are already tools to export the models, so i imagine updating or just goofing around with the textures would be possible and probably fun to do. Or even going further and just remaking the mechanics to make something new with the ideas..or going crazier and remaking the whole game in like unity to better various things like the controller lol

i've always wanted to get into modding and weird game stuff, but always fall short in getting myself to -actually do the thing- *sighs* maybe when the funk ends..

but i digress, HERE is the link

[buffporcupine]

hiiii!!!!

I just wanted to ask are there any songs in particular that remind you of your ocs?

Im always eager to hear new music

so I’ll probably give a listen to all of them

🎉

YAYAYA TYSM FOR THIS ASK!! i love it!!!! okay so why tf did i take 5 eternities to answer this

“O Sol e a Lua” by Pequeno Cidadão

This song reminds me of my OCs so hard!! Specifically the OCs I created from a universe of the same name, O Sol e a Lua. That translates to “The Sun and The Moon” in Portugese. The song is also in Portugese, and holy crap it slaps so much. Anyway. The OCs in question are this cute little pairing of a boy named Victor and a girl named 013. I created them as best friends who met as kids (when they were around 12-14) while living in an institution in England for intellectually gifted orphans.

They met around the beginning of October, long before present day (I’d say around 1910-1911). Victor was a talented inventor, and 013 knew everything there was to know about the night sky. They spent a good while as friends, formed crushes on each other that they never acted on, the works. The song is actually quite sad. The lyrics describe how the sun confessed his love for the moon, asking the moon to marry him, but the moon was too internally conflicted to make a decision and the sun gave up on love.

During the mid spring of the next year, Victor began to fall harder and harder in love with 013, then attempted to drop hints and the like. One particular day, he gets tired of 013 not realizing and frankly, her stupidity, and so he lashed out at her in anger and they have a long argument that eventually leads to them not speaking with each other for a few days. Little did Victor know, those were the days leading up to 013’s untimely death on April 6th. Anyway, the song actually ends on a more positive note (the sun is told that he will eventually find someone who loves him very much), but the story doesn’t. Victor isn’t able to cope with 013’s death and so he falls into a deep depression, blaming himself for the events. He ended up dying five years later while fighting in WW1.

I’m not sure about specific lyrics, but parts that remind me of them the most would probably be the first verse and the bridge, but like the whole song just gives me vibes of their story.

“Yellow” by Coldplay

Again, this is also a song that reminds me of Victor and 013. When Victor first met 013, he had many doubts as to why she would be in the institution. To him, she was not conventionally smart and he thought that she was “simple”, as they would call it, when they first met. 013 had so much going on in her head, just no way to express it. (Yes, 013 is hella autistic coded in case you couldn’t tell. In that way, I sort of project onto her.) I think “Yellow” is just a really sweet song and the lyrics show the devotion the speaker has for the subject. And the lyrics about the stars, I think it’s very fitting for 013 and her love of the stars. After 013’s death, Victor goes to one of the caretakers at the institution, Caroline, who tells him that 013 is watching him from above now. Victor goes stargazing and finds a newfound appreciation for it, it’s just… ag, I love them!! The lyrics are just perfect for them and it shows their devotion to each other yet their inability to be together and it’s so.. I love it.

Actually, songs that remind me of Victor and 013 is a pretty long list so here are some more: “Fairytale” by Alexander Rybak, “You Know What I Mean” by Cults, “Gilded Lily” by Cults, “Cupid” by Jack Stauber, and “I Hear a Symphony” by Cody Fry. I will probably think of more at another time lol.

“Midnight, the Stars, and You” performed by Al Bowlly and Ray Noble’s Mayfair Dance Orchestra

This song reminds me of some of my other OCs, Aurelia Scott and Akira Itō. Aurelia was an up-and-coming model, and Akira was a professional boxer. They met in high school while playing for the same band, fell in love, and dated for many years. When they were in their late twenties, Aurelia was diagnosed with a rare, degenerative neurological disease that would permanently impair her ability to carry out most tasks independently, and she would eventually die. One major symptom of the disease is memory loss, and due to this song both having the recurring lyric “I’ll be remembering you, whatever else I do,” and also being featured in Everywhere in the Beginning of Nowhere, it just made me think that this song really fit them.

“I Love You So” by The Walters

This song reminds me of my OC Kiyomi, who was created for a Stranger Things roleplay I did with my friend once. I shipped her with Mike and their rocky relationship fits the lyrics of the song, mostly. I have a full length post about Kiyomi a mile long, and she’s one of the OCs I’ve had for a super, super long time.

Literally Any Nickelback Song

Nickelback, whenever I hear it, just reminds me of my OC Avetis, who listens to an excessive, excessive amount of Nickelback literally all the time. The reason why is really wholesome though, being that his service dog, Rin, can only fall asleep to Nickelback.

[mimibeeps]

Well well well here I go again. I find myself in this sad depressive state yet again. And as always I have no one to turn to but this tumblr to release my thoughts.

I recently went through a purge of humans that did not benefit my psyche (most of my family). It resulted to me having only eddy to talk to. Unfortunately, he is also detrimental to my self esteem. I thought long and hard how I got in this situation.

I recently realized…accepted?…the fact that my upbringing was hella neglectful (at best), and text book emotionally abusive. Im in the middle of mourning the childhood I never had.

Mourning the family I longed for.

Mourning the hope of finding unconditional love

Mourning my future hopes of parties and get together and life events of my children.

They will always have me. I will always be there for them. I wish I can be more people but it’s just me.

Just me.

I don’t think very highly of myself either, but the hope to give them a solid parent figure has become my life mission and meaning for their sake and mine.

My relationship has broken what fragile sense of ego I had left after the purge. I was accepting treatment similar to my upbringing and wow, I realized how much fantasy really took over reality. I was fantasizing an entire relationship in my relationship. Kind how I was fantasizing a loving family.

All of my fantasies have been shattered.

I am suddenly realizing how alone I really am.

But finally the feeling and reality are lining up. I always felt this way only to run into another opportunity for fantasizing. Now I can face reality.

I am alone.

I am unloved.

My whole life, not just a few notable instances, it’s been this way the whole time!

I’m unsure how to move forward. I still find myself mourning. Holidays, pictures, memories, hopes, mornings, dreams, everything is looking through lenses not rose colored anymore. I’m allowing myself time to adjust to reality.

I found myself feeling anxious just to call a place for information because I felt that the lady would yell at me. Why? Lol she was the sweetest and most helpful lady. Why would I think she, a stranger, be mad? I felt inadequate, burdensome, unworthy, a worm.

I think that’s anxiety. Panic attack? I was silently and stoically suffering. I don’t know how to ask for help. Especially from people who proven to suck.

I grew up emotionally unhealthy, I lived emotionally unhealthy, and suddenly I realized I don’t want to be this way anymore. Now the life I knew is gone.

It wasn’t good anyway.

But it was mine?

I was comfortable in my delusions.

[azurdlywisterious]

Okay its later than i said but here is the full breakdown (plus commentary on my abandoned dead money time loop comic) (under the read more because this bitch is hella long lol) (also potential trigger warning for various mental health things like depression and suicide/suicidal ideation and also surgery related triggers) (better safe than sorry)

the chapter title for this one (begin again) is pretty self explanatory imo. its the sierra madre slogan, it alludes to the time loop very well, all around good title honestly

I actually drew parts of this. I really started losing steam when I drew Cheyanne the dog from memory and realized she looked nothing like a dog and that I have to draw her multiple times. that and the fact that it felt like all of my panels that weren't ✨artistic interpretations of suffering✨ or whatever were starting to look really static imo. ( reached the image limit so ill post the few pages i did finish for this in another reblog)

"something something anustart" is a reference to reboot arrested development that I was using as placeholder dialogue. I actually don't remember what I did end up writing for him lol.

the gun is named Holorific because i misread "holorifle damage" as "holorific damage" for most of the dlc and I wanted to preserve that

"we'll meet again" was a later edition because some development in a later scene (will elaborate more on why when we get there)

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the chapter title is in reference to the musical notation calling to repeat a certain section of music. felt fitting for the first reference to deja's relationship with the singer dean domino

Can you tell i wrote this before falling utterly in love with deputy beagle? "the deputy" im gonna cry he has a name past me! its george armstrong beagle! (its not but i want him to have a first name so it's george now) (back to deja)

anyways the part where she bursts into tears seeing the poster was originally going to be the most explicit the romance between deja and dean would get (and would mostly be one sided pining). Uh... things changed. In the next reblog ill post the rubber duck notes (now thats some fun behind the scenes stuff!)

Not much else to say about chapter 2. its mostly just more foreshadowing of things to come

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okay yeah this chapter title is literally a lyric from nicki minaj's "starships" but its got time loop vibes plus this is the chapter with the repcon rockets so it works imo

oh that damn coyote hat! the vulpes death was originally only meant to be a comedic moment, but like most of the stuff here it ended up evolving into something really really cool (symbolically speaking).

since I keep learning more about come fly with me id probably change some of the bulletpoints here (like actually managing to save davison because deja has done this enough times she would know how to do this)

Deja cries a lot. idk how much crying is too much crying. idk. i think her hearing the last words jason says to her would elicit some tears but not full on sobbing.

but yeah. foreshadowing deja's new fear of never seeing her friends again and finding comfort in the hell that is the time loop because she'll get to see them again. its why she never leaves. its why she does the same things over and over again. she doesnt need to go the long way around to get to benny and kill him. she doesnt need to go to repcon. but she wants to see her friends again. and she will play that loop again and again to see her friends. also she has no idea how to leave the time loop (long story we'll get there).

oh yeah and her stash of med-x gets explained later

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this chapter title is just fakedeep and meant to sound cool. they couldnt all be song lyrics

i love an artsy flashback and this chapter is mostly artsy flashback. we also get a reveal that boone knows more than he initially let on. behind the scenes, this is him slowly remembering that he's trapped in this time loop too. later we find out that this is because he was close by to the inciting incident (but thats a tale for a later chapter)

this is also the chapter where we fully find out that deja has a heart condition. I dont think its properly named until like the final chapters (if ever) but in my notes it's officially myxoma (when i was writing all of these bullet points down i had the mayo clinic description of myxoma opened up on my phone)

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did i predict mono red veronica? haha. this chapter title is a reference to the mtg card "chandra, dressed to kill" which feature chandra burning some vampires at a wedding while rocking a red cocktail dress (which is veronica vibes frfr)

idk why i added the black mountain detour other than to reveal that radiation doesnt bother deja? i guess? dont know where I was going with this honestly. like it doesnt come up again.

the relationship deja has with veronica is sadly criminally underdeveloped in my notes. the idea was to flesh it out as I actually wrote it, but damn i think that was doomed to fail. which is a shame because their friendship is canonically so important to deja that she burns whole bridges just to keep veronica as her friend (once again, to be elaborated on later)

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another fakedeep title! this one is also pretty self explanatory lol

touching back on those rubber duck notes, deja was originally not going to know arcade at all. uh... things changed... not to spoil one of my favorite chapters but things changed. i blame dean (this isnt even a stretch)

deja was also originally gonna get her heart fixed by house. and then i remembered who veronica's family is and realized that deja couldnt do that.

this chapter is mostly set up for the ending (spoiler alert she gets a happy ending dammit)

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uh oh my supernatural fan is showing! one of my all time favorite supernatural episodes is the season 3 time loop one named "mystery spot" which heavily features the song "heat of the moment" by asia

"yells at him" is the understatement of the century but thats besides the point lol. idk what it would actually look like but looking at it now id want it to be reminiscent of her full blown breakdown in chapter 15 (at least i think its 15 it might be 16) (youll know it when u see it)

ah the "you make it sound like" page! originally drawn with my beloved courier suzie, i was going to reuse it (with deja in her place) for this part because it turned out so good imo

also more placeholder dialogue. the main point of all of my placeholder dialogue was to get the vibes down. getting it written properly in character was saved for the comic drafting step (probably another pitfall oof)

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not even song lyrics this is just half of an mcr song title (that i heavily associate with deja but thats besides the point) (i also adore this song like top 3 from three cheers frfr)

this one i left short on purpose becuase I knew the christine dialogue was going to take forever (even with deja already knowing everything)

oh yeahhhh the handprint. that note is there because i am an overdramatic soap opera bitch at heart and deja is still grounded in reality and thats just the note that says "i dont care if you think it would be angsty and romantic DONT FUCKING DO IT" (for reference i am the same person that said that suzie would kiss the glass of house's cryopod as a hopeless romantic thing with my whole chest) (okay kinda a lie i said that i would but thats neither here nor there) (back to deja!)

oh oh oh i forgot that this is the chapter what we start to see some of that vulpes hat forshadowing start to pay off!!!! legit i really want to draw this panel still because in my head it looks so cool like ughhhh the manifestation of her guilt literally haunting her hfkjdjfjdhhjgjsfjg losing my mind!!!! fandom of one for this specific panel that exists in my mind

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ayeeeeee its the payoff to chapter 2!

what i mean by "getting lightly bullied by the cloud" is that a hallucination of benny was going to show up as a manifestation of her fear of never being able to escape the loop. this was another cool panel with him holding the gun to her forehead while clearly being made out of the cloud

also yeah the forshadowing that deja has a weird complex around redeeming dean domino (but more on that in a little bit)

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fakedeep but also these two have the cloudiest hindsight known to man frfr

this is the only chapter I actually wrote a whole transcript for (and then posted on a day i was so miserably sick tears were pouring down my face)

oh yeah i get One (1) future diary reference and also already drew this (she was never going to kiss him in the scene i just wanted the ✨composition✨ of the shot)

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zombie prom fans rise up? (if u dont know the song blast from the past from zombie prom ur missing out) (and also thats the beat for me but thats a post for ferrero) (back to deja)

deja doesnt sleeeeeeeeep shes got the guilt nightmaresssssss but more on that laterrrrrrrrrrr

yeah a lot of this was just gonna be dialogue lifted from the game, not much to say here

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this chapter title is from the bridge of "living dead" by MARINA off her album "electra heart" (fucking love that album and fucking love this song)

look i am a very simple tumblrina. i just want the tenderness of the moment it would be so swejerjkfdjhkgd *runs into electric fence*

anyways, "what is arrhythmia? im a tactile learner btw" is a reference to that "what are boobs? im a visual learner btw" meme. thankfully also a placeholder line. of course the actual scene is also sweet enough to give you cavities lol. i mean its what it says on the tin. dean was gonna ask deja what arrhythmia is and deja (after failing to explain. cause arrhythmia) was gonna settle for him just feeling her heartbeat

also phantom benny shows up again

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a bit tongue in cheek since deja's canonical luck score is a 1

okay this is my favorite chapter because its kinda dumb and edgy and explains why shes in the time loop in the first place and why she lied about the followers and the fort and why she said what she said back in chapter 3 to vulpes and just ahhhhhhh every falls into place its why shes hellbent on saving dean because she sees her failings as worse than his and if she cant save him then what hope does she have in her mind ahahahahahhahahaha feralllllll im feral!!!!

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at first glance you think this is another fakedeep but no its from the opening monologue from the fnaf2 song "mangled" by natewantstobattle

more directly lifted from the game stuff, but slight changes to make it fit deja better

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another MARINA reference! this one is from her song "radioactive"

more deja x dean interactions that make me feral. do i have a reason for why shes in the dress? no! but i wanted it for the scene

still kinda want melodrama frfr (i love melodrama)

also what i mean by "rick sanchez moment" was shorthand for me to remember the end of the unity episode of rick and morty where rick goes to shoot himself in the head with his own gun and finds himself unable to pull the trigger (no joke one of my favorite scenes from rick and morty. like i havent watched an episode in years but that scene just stuck with me like legit such a good scene)

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yeahhhhhh hotel california reference go brrrrrr

okay i know i wrote "bribe arcade" but its more accurately "pay for an operation with an absurd amount of money to hopefully make up for selling the surgeon into slavery that one time that DIDNT EVEN HAPPEN ANYMORE" besides the point. her worst fear is that he remembers the inciting incident (the main reason she doesnt go back to the fort in any loop throughs)

yeet yeet skrt skrt is in reference to that rap roundtable snl sketch that i think is fucking hilarious but also all of this is besides the point

slight change here cause i needed a reason for why she doesnt go say hi to them again which is just that the collar keeps beeping (at least in her head)

at one point i knew where she got the guitar from. now all i know is that she must have gotten it in a different chapter but i dont remember lol

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fakedeep chapter title that i thought sounded cool (still thinks it sounds cool)

ayeeeeee its the mental breakdown chapter! idk what i was thinking but im not chaning it becausee im an edgy dramatic fuck! its probably for the best that i didnt get around to this chapter because my art skills are certainly not strong enough to visually portray this properly

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sike! you thought there was only one hotel california reference!

sorry benny fans deja has ✨issues✨

another scene that i thought i had the skills to draw. let the record show that i do not! but i am an edgy fuck that wants to see our protagonist lady covered in blood and sobbing

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this one is a line from "hourglass" by set it off (such a good fucking song!!!!)

its lots of foils and parallels and other narrative things that make me feral frfr

i do feel like that we go from "absolutely unhinged" to "rational decisions" a bit too fast but idk how to fix that (and unless someone wants to take up the passion project of drawing this ill never have to haha)

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a third MARINA reference lets go!!! this one is from "valley of the dolls"

as you can tell from the andy king reference (specifically from his time loop christmas movie vid that was a complete coincidence i think) i was running out of steam on this plot breakdown. but i think i got my points across

i love cyclical storytelling frfr

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jamais vu is the concept of something familiar feeling strangely foreign (the opposite of deja vu)

yes i translated that latin myself i didnt take 7 years of latin classes for nothing babeyyyyyy

look im looking at this now and idk if arcade would actually be so chill/forgiving with this ending but the implication is that hes also been stuck in the timeloop, but life has been mostly normal for him (aside from not trusting the girl that literally sold him to a dictator if she ever showed back up). but once he heard that caesar finally died he figured that she must have learned some lesson wasnt all that bad ig? idk anymore

also happy endings for everyone yippee! i still dont feel like i redeemed dean but its fine its fine its fineeeeeeeeeee

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if you stuck around to the end, thank you so much for reading this! it genuinely means a lot to me to know that people have read my work, even if its unfinished and riddled with potentially terrible choices

also, again, if someone whos reading this wants to take this comic idea on as a passion project, dont be afraid to message me! honestly id still love to make this comic a reality but i do not have the visual artistic talent to draw this (can write dialogue like a pro tho) aaaaaaaa enough putting myself out there and baring my soul for tumblr back to the void for meeeeeeeeeeee

Five likes and ill post the chapter breakdown for my (sadly abandoned) dead money fan comic

[societysonlooker]

Hnnnnn when fandom is why you were able to talk to your therapist abt all the shit u THOUGHT was normal but apparently AINT