#im already gone but my bodys still here. but its not like anyone cares

[mikashisus]

from faults, favors, failures, and the truth (love alone isn't enough)

SYNOPSIS: no matter how hard he tried, venti could not keep himself from failing you over and over again.

PAIRING: venti x gn!reader

TAGLIST ! @wystiix @pixelcafe-network

warnings: blood, slight self harm

word count: 617

notes: hey guys... sorry in advance teehee. im incapable of writing anything except angst, im convinced LMAO. im also incapable of writing anything but angst for venti specifically, as well 😭 erm anyw this is mostly based off yaelokre's song "to douse a scalded tongue" that ive been brainrotting over ever since they first sung it on a livestream back in october. enjoy!!

Everything was a blur. The world was dark. His whole body felt numb.

In front of him, the world was bathed in a sea of gray and red. The air was still and thick with smoke, yet he could only stare straight ahead at the figure lying lifeless on the burnt grass. There was a terrible ringing in his ears, akin to that of a tolling bell looming ominously in the distance. 

He should’ve known. He should’ve been more aware. He should’ve kept a better eye on things. And yet, he hadn’t. And now, here he was, standing all alone amongst a sea of corpses, taking in the strong scent of iron. 

He felt like a bystander to it all. One moment, the world was alive and he was at peace. The next, his whole body had gone rigid as the sky split open and calamity reigned over the earth. And suddenly, the beast lingering underneath his skin had crawled out of the hole it called home; baring its fangs at anyone who dared to get close.

With a sharp intake of breath, he stepped forward. The rubble under his feet pierced his skin, but he couldn’t feel it over the numbness of his limbs. He got closer— every step a careful one, as if he was a wary dove waiting to fly away at any sign of nearby movement. 

His legs wobbled. He collapsed to his knees, the skin breaking open and starting to bleed. He reached out a shaky hand that lingered for a few moments too long in the air before coming to rest on your bare arm. He slowly leaned over to get a look at your face, lifeless and mauled. 

He flinched back, his hand covering his mouth as tears clouded his vision once more. The world went dark again as he pulled at his scalp, the aching in his chest building with each breath he took in. 

Breathing? How could he breathe when you could not? How could he sit here and feel, when you did not? 

How could he still be alive… when you were not. 

The frustration rose, as did his anger, as he let out a scream that had been gnawing at his throat for far too long. His fingers curled in, his nails digging so hard into his palms that he could feel the warm trickle of blood. 

He pounded his fists into the rubble— he’d do so as many times as he needed to in order to soothe the pain. In order to feel numb again. In order to forget. 

He’d sit and wail, scream, curse the heavens, douse his tongue into scalding tea, until all sense of failure left his being. He’d rip out his feathers and tear his already broken wings to shreds all just to stop the aching. 

Because in the end, he had failed you— in more ways than just one. He had raised his voice at you, cast you out of his land, all because of a misunderstanding. He was unable to save you when you needed him most— when you called out to him before your last breath. The wind had brought your pleas to his ears, but by the time he arrived, it had been too late. 

He failed you. This was all because of him. Tears cascaded down his cheeks. No amount of self-pity would fix the hurt in his heart, and no amount of tears would be able to bring you back to him. No amount of apology could fix what happened, and none of the measures he took to ensure your survival from them had worked.

And most importantly…

No amount of love had been enough.

© 2024 mikashisus. do not plagiarize, copy, repost, feed to ai, or translate my works to any other platforms.

[moonsaver]

Hi! It’s @pix3lplays! (On anon because I have another account and I can’t switch which account I’m asking from haha)

I wanted to say thanks for being so nice when I responded to your comment on one of my posts~I really appreciated what you said hehe, definitely made me feel bit more confident and inspired me to keep writing :)

So I thought I’d throw an ask out since requests are open~

If you’re not interested no problem but I’ve thought about it a little and I thought maybe you’d have some thoughts.

Yandere!Sunday when his darling somehow gets seriously hurt, how do you think he’d feel, what would he do?

Personally I think he’s a complete control freak already when it comes to reader, so it just gets WORSE…ANYWAYS I wanna hear YOUR thoughts if you’re interested in the prompt hehe~ also if you’ve already talked about this oops I must’ve missed it, sorry in advance-

But yeah thanks so much, it was really cool to talk to you, take care of yourself, please!!

Hello Pixel! Thank you for sending in this ask, you're very sweet haha <3 i like your writing and im glad i helped you become more confident in it. Also,same issue here, i cant send asks from this account specifically, so i use anon or just use my personal blog to send asks.

Anyways, onto the request,

Ooh, my Yan!Sunday brain is ticking.. he really is an absolute control freak, and is a bit of a mess when he sees you seriously injured. A miscalculation, ignorance, negligence, or perhaps just.. an oversight from his part? Whatever the reason is, he's in high-drive now, and absolutely stressed about it. He only has a worried and distant look on his face, and at this stage he's prone to easily snapping at anyone, but his mind would be on a completely different level of stress. How dare they? How dare anyone lay a filthy inch of a finger on you? To stain you with their sins, and to breach your skin in such a grotesque manner.. he's absolutely enraged.

He insists on tending to you himself personally, unless it's so serious paramedics have to be involved. Stays by your side until he cant, sitting on the egde of the bed, body turned halfway to face you, fingers ghosting the edge of your face with tenderness.

However, this tenderness is only limited to your recovery period.

After you wake up or recover a bit, practically any freedom you would have had is gone. Completely.

Scolds you, borderline yells at you, holds you still with a deathly tight grip on your arms, forcing you to look into his eyes. This happened because you left. This happened because you were out of his watch. This all happened because of your freedom. Don't you dare even bother mentioning going out anywhere. You will be surveillanced almost all the time. He spends a suffocating amount of time next to you, harshly spitting back whenever you try to protest or reason with him. His words aren't gentle at all, and you're getting on his nerves. Perhaps he should just look over you himself, force you into a borderline coma in the dream fluid, and deal swiftly with the perpetrators.

Robin catches wind of this at some point.. she tells you that he's just worried, and there's a lot of people that don't quite hold The Family in high regards. Just.. its okay. Let him do this.

Let him pick out your clothes, brush your hair, check your healing wounds, gently ebb the water over them as you bathe, and kiss the skin of your shoulder when both of you stay silent after another argument.

If you still continue arguing.. he doesn't have a choice. He slumps a bit, a hand coming up to massage his temple as he sighs, and tells you in a softer voice that he's terrified. The worst thing that could happen did happen. He almost lost you. Can't you just go with it and let him be assured? You're dragging it out much more than it needs to be. He's spent many sleepless nights, ideas of dreamscapes turning into nightmares as the image of your hurt face flashes in his mind. Just cooperate, for Aeons' sake.

And no one speaks after that. He emotionally blackmails and manipulates you as a sort of final resort. Surely, you'd understand. It's not like it's far from the truth anyway. He is scared. But more than that, he's enraged this happened in the first place.

Adding on more to it,

Once things calm down.. in a twisted sort of way, he realizes just how perfectly he can get you under his complete control from these events. He may even not so subtly orchestrate similar events to scare you, to keep you in check, forcing you to rely on him completely, as he swoops in at the right time, acting as some kind of a "savior". Its a sick mindset, and he's not ashamed of it. Oh dear, you were just so pleasantly compliant after that event. And it just solidifies his statement that you shouldn't be going outside anymore, or be constantly accompanied by the Bloodhound Family guards, after only a few incidents of various threat levels.

In the end, it's a cycle that repeats up until you finally give in and let him take any and all freedom you have. He sets down your hairbrush with a gentle 'clack', kisses the crown of your head, and tells you it's alright. He will take such good care of you. Just listen to him. Listen to his every word. He has your best intentions in mind. Don't think about anything, anyone. You're a smart girl, surely you understand?

[jazzyblusnowflake]

OMG hi…I really like your art and was wondering if you wanna be mutuals??????????? Also tell me about your MD ships :3c

honey we are dating- .....okay yknow what- HI PRETTY & TALENTED LADY- yess i will absolutely love toooo 🙈����💕💕💕💕

also lets see uhhh okay this is an excuse for me to just... expload-

keep in mind not every ship is meant for all of you so dont badger me about stuff that ISNT CANON or YOU DONT SHIP. contrary to whatever you believe, when somone posts about THEIR ships, nobody wants to hear about you NOT shipping it on THAT EXACT post.

hang in there, this gon be a long one >:p

First off we are starting strong with Nuzi- Biscuitbites obviously thats a given- these two just have too much to be said about why and how they make eachother the best version of eachother, whether they ever became canon or not- they fit like puzzle pieces- they lessen eachothers negative traits by being their for eachother.

next is Vuzi- Violentviolet, they are my favorite kind of enemies to lovers 😔 but its also tragic smh. kinda pissed off at how V always does something good in Uzis favor only when she is LITERALLY PASSED OUT- either in the camp ep on the bus or in Alices lab. like damn ofFUCKINGcourse Uzi wouldnt know she cares about her 😭😭😭

envuzi- Violentbitingbiscuits, i love these goobers with all my heart- they deserve the best 😔💕💕💕💕

envy - [does this poor ship just NOT have an exclusive FINDABLE tag name??? im calling them GoldenMemories...], i like to think that if they were in the manor still, and nothing bad had ever happened, these two would be comforting eachother in the healthiest way possible. V needs someone like N and N is just adorable like that uwu

Next we have JxTessa/Jessa- [calling them Fancyblades cuz why not-] J deserves some closure for the shit shes gone through smhhh 😔, its a tragic yuri of J loving and wanting something she probably already accepted she couldnt have, and even then she gotta deal with Ns ass being the favorite one regardless of how hard she tries to be perfect... sighhh i wanna imagine them in a future where Tessa was spared as the only human and J could save her 😭😭😭😭 Tessa might have loved doing mechanical stuff or wore black to hide grease/oil stains on her clothes from her parents and wore gloves to hide her oily stained hands- i want her to have a scene of wiring drones back to life and saving them and saying something like "hey there, you made it! dont worry, ill take care of you, youre my friend now :3" or something //dies//, also before anyone says it- even if Tessa was a teen in the flashbacks- romance is not exclusive to ADULTS, teens can love eachother without having sexual stuff involved. no she was not their MOTHER figure, she was their FRIEND who liked to fix robots for herself to not be alone in a house where her own parents literally chain her up as punishment. i dont even know why im arguing about this, people headcanon or make aus about characters NOT being dead all the time and if Tessa was alive for as long as J thought she was, Tessa would have been a perfectly fine adult either way. so counting this, yes shes canonically considered an adult when Cyn tries to imitate an adult humans body 🙄 makes as much sense as everything else i guess-

next ones i got is NorixYeva/Neva- Solverlilies- i just think theyre neat 😭😭😭 and once again, like everything else in this franchise- they are tragic yuris 😔 damn liam im finding a pattern over here 🤨 anyway, i like to think they either got closer in the lab experimentations or were already close when they were working as WDs in the campsite area for the humans. obviously canonically they were probably straight or just not into eachother romantically- [Nori either u have the worst taste men or Khan just fucking lost it after you died-] but also on the other handddd.... they have 2 hands and they are robots, i want them to kiss like two barbie dolls and im gonna make them do just that-

DollxLizzy/Dizzy- Bloodypink, wost fucking ship names ever, i cant find shit on them with these tags and it makes me angry >:/ at this point 2/3s of my ships are just tragic yuris smh, Doll did not deserve any of the things handed to her, even if she went about doing some things the wrong way i wish Lizzy didnt just abandon her- but then again, Doll did kinda abuse Lizzys trust and Lizzy got scared of being close to a serial murderer so.... morality calls this a draw? 😭 im crying... i wish someone was there to help Doll... sigh... i like to think Lizzy would have waited for Doll to just come back at some point... oh well, thats why AUs exist :"3 //sobs in the corner//

DollxUzi/Dollzi- Bloodybats, this ship is so underrated to me... they could have been... so much more. but why weren't they? did Yeva abandon ever getting close to Uzi when she was a kid after Nori died? did Uzi and Doll just never play around together as kids when their mothers were so close? were they ever close and something went wrong as they grew older? at worst they could have been like sisters together, and at best maybe more than friends. i just dont know what happened here, like Yeva could have tried to keep an eye on Uzi, maybe Uzi could have found Dolls powers so cool before having them too- i dont know theres literally tons of possibilities- but if Doll deserved to be saved or cared for by anyone, at least one of them should have been Uzi... sigh.

ThadxV- Killingblonde, yall this is... the cutest shit... ever???? like from here on out we kinda go into the more or less crackship territory but these two are adorable- Dumbass yet wholesome jock boy that just wants to keep his queen happy 😔👌👌👌 He and Uzi would have so much to talk about on "crushing on literal murder bots that stabbed and almost ate us" its literally love at first stab smhhh 😫💕

ThadxSam- Smokyjock ???? for some fucking reason??? i dont know what my brain did here man- i just like the trope of someone getting under Thads skin- like pair up the healthy sports loving gym boy with the lazy but wholesome dumbass that does drugs or is always just sleep deprived and Thad is always trying to just... take care of his ass and make him take care of himself but he just WONT SMHHH-

okay some more or less crack ships down here:

ThadxN: it speaks for itself. its too adorable and youll go blind from the light of wholesomeness-

ThadxNxUzi: Uzi will die here from the overwhelming wholesomeness... oh bonus if its just a 4s polycule of ThadxNxUzixV i mean i know im pushing my luck but.... random crackships go brr- V and Uzi will complain but love their dumbass golden puppy partners-

ThadxUzi: i think they could have been close and Thad caring about her as a childhood friend turned crush sounds just too cute for me 😔

LizzyxUzi: another random ass rivals to lovers or some shit idk what this is, Lizzy would pay Uzi to kiss the fuck out of her i dont make the rules-

ThadxLizzy: in some cases where they are NOT headcanoned as siblings or cousins, i think they have a good energy of wholesome jock bf and girly queen cheerleader lol, Thad is just a good bf eitherway-

DollxUzixLizzy: the gals would not leave a single second of silence for the small gremlin i swear to God- [Uzi is gay as FUCK for her gfs, absolute girloser unit with her gorgeous but crazy gfs]

okay for the end i have some characters that arent ships but i wish they could have become closer as friends or work out their issues...

J and N- too much abuse and toxicity here, i wish they could talk together more and see they have a lot of things in common- maybe a full line of dialogue from J without threatning N in every sense of the manner would be nice for a change =_=

Doll and V- again, a bit morally ambiguous to ship a character with the murderer of your family, esp when said murderer hasnt expressed regret lmao, but i wish they could at least be friends... Dolls disdain for the murder drones pushed her to end up the way she did. maybe if she didnt do it alone she would have been alive by now. so i like to think what would have happened if she and V could have made up- not necessarily Doll forgiving her- but at least having the space to grow and understand why they did they things that happened.

Cyn and literally ANYONE- i want the solver to be SEPARATE from Cyn- i wish Cyn would have still existed somewhere down there and was savable- i wish this poor child AI had a happy ending to her by connecting with the others as ACTUAL siblings... goddamnit 😔

aaaand thats it for this fine ass day 🫡 yall are welcome to ask about any of these- boy the tags are gonna be.... a lot.

[bluegalaxygirl]

Don't get lost P2 (Zosan x Reader)

Zoro x sanji x reader, polly relationship, reader is GN.

plot: Zoro gets lost and its up to sanji and reader to find him and bring him back but there's one problem.

warning: strong language, violence, making out, angst and fluff

Part 1

The north side of the island wasn't that busy so it should be easy to spot zoro around, unfortunately this part of town had the most dead ends but you knew that since you did chose the north side for yourself. As you walked around looking at everyone and everything trying to see if your green haired lover was there you looked down at the map trying to see a place he might be until you hear a voice "Oi" you perked up at the sound seeing none other than Zoro walking towards you. Before, you thought you would be so mad at him and give him a good telling off but now that the dreaded anxiety and worry has vanished you couldn't help but run at him and wrap your arms around his thick muscular body not caring at the cry of shock from Zoro. "You had me so worried" you say with your face in his shoulder afraid of letting go, the swards man relaxed at your words realizing that he worried you "hay i would have found my way back" He states and now the anger come, you grab him by the ear pulling him down slightly so your face to face, "You cant be serious? you get lost easily and this place is like a maze, you may have never found your way out. how lets go" you say still holding into his ear as you walk south. "Ow ow ow, ok ok just let go" Zoro protests grabbing your wrist, you stop in your tracks and turn to face him letting go of his ear, he on the other hand doesn't let go of your wrist instead he being your wrist up to his mouth and kisses it "im sorry for worrying you" he whispers slightly hoping you didn't hear him but you did and smile at his apology "lets go back to the ship" you say starting to walk south.

A few minutes of walking later you hit a dead end and have to look at the map again making zoro let go of your wrist. your fixated on the map trying to work out where you went wrong and then, you see it you took the second turn not the third, you turn to relay this to zoro only to find him gone. Panic sets in and you run the way you came looking around for him yelling his name but there was no answer and no sign of him. Great he's lost again and this time your the one who lost him.

Sanji walks around the west side of the island trying not to get distracted by any food or women around, it was hard to do so though, some of the girls here were beautiful, he tried to keep his head down and move on going down street after street until he hit a dead end. He sighs and take a cigarette out of his pocket and lights it trying to calm himself, after a few puffs he feels calm enough to start walking again and heads back the way he came only to bump into some one coming around the corner "Hay watch it" they both yell out before staring at each other, Sanji found Zoro and now he was pissed. While chewing angrily on his cigarette he grabs zoro's kimono and pulls it towards him making sure their face to face as he yells "Where the hell have you been? We told you not to leave the ship but you can't follow one simple order" Zoro's eye squint's as his anger boils grabbing the cook's shirt collar and pulling it closer getting in the man's face even more "If you haven't noticed your not the captain, i dont take orders form you" a growl leaves Sanji's lips before connecting their foreheads "Well if you had listened to me or Y/N then we wouldn't be out here looking for you." It's lucky no one is around to see this argument take place but even if their were the two wouldn't care and would most likely tell anyone who interrupts to fuck off. "Well for your information curly brows, i already saw Y/N and they seemed pretty happy to see me unlike you." Zoro yells shoving the cook away from him and fixing his kimono.

Sanji signs and fixes his jacket readjusting the cigarette in his mouth "Don't get me wrong i am happy to see you. I just don't want you getting lost again. If you've seen Y/N than that means you lost them on the way back to the ship" he states finishing off his cigarette and stamping out on the ground. Zoro watches and runs a hand over his head, looking away to hide the slight blush on his face "Actually they lost me", Sanji raises an eyebrow at the comment before braking out in laughter "What's so funny?" The swards man yells in shock redness now covering his cheeks as Sanji wipe away a tear and starts to calm down. "Damn you moss head" The cook whispers under his breath approaching Zoro and wrapping his around around his neck pulling the green haired man in for a hug. it doesn't take long for zoro to hug back "im sorry" Zoro mutters before pulling away the redness fading form his face "so how do we get back?".

After checking out the map and making sure Zoro doesn't wonder off sanji checks his watch "Oh shit" he lets out gaining the sward man's attention "its almost 1, I should have been back by 12" clinging onto zoro's arm sanji rushes threw the streets trying to get back to the ship as quickly as he can, Zoro not understanding the rush is getting pulled along, He was going to ask what the rush was for but the look on the cook's face said all he needed to know. they were both in trouble.

After not finding Zoro again you made your way back to the ship finding chopper waiting, the little reindeer perked up at seeing you but it soon faded into a frown when he realized Zoro wasn't with you "I did find him but i lost him again. I should have held onto him" you say before sitting down on the side of the ship, Chopper joined you hopping up on the railing beside you. As the minutes went buy you started to tense, Sanji wasn't back yet. After half an hour you couldn't take it any more and got up only being stopped by chopper grabbing onto the sleeve of your jacket "Don't if you get lost too then..... I'm sure he'll be back, maybe he found Zoro on the way back and that's what's taking so long" The Doctor didn't want anyone else to leave, the others hadn't come back for lunch yet so they'ed have to wait to send out a search part. You take a breath trying to clam yourself, worry and sadness fills your heart, you know that if you don't calm down now a panic attack will hit you. Chopper seems to notice the change of breath and heart beat sending him into Doctor mode "Sit down, I'll get some stuff for you. i'll be back" The reindeer jumps and runs off as fast as he can, you only just sit down on the deck your back to the railing of the ship when Chopper run's back, blanket in his arms and some kind of bottle.

The doctor wraps you up in the blanket and hands you the bottle "Its a smelling salt i found on our last island It should help to calm you down" he says undoing the cap for you, a sweet smell fill's your senses with a mixture of cinnamon, lavender and Coconut, a strange combination but it worked to calm you down, your shoulders relaxed and the knot in your stomach fading away. Chopper joined you under the blanket cuddling into you, the fluffiness of his fur also helps to calm you down. "Thank you Dr. Chopper" you whisper to him, the doctor looks up at you with a big smile "Calling me Doctor doesn't make me happy or anything you idiot".

Half an hour goes by and the sound of voices hit's your ears. You get up from the floor leaving a now sleeping chopper in the blanket. Honestly you expected to see some of the crew coming back for lunch only to see Sanji and Zoro coming up the dock. You'r heart fills with joy at seeing the two but tears start to sting your eyes threatening to fill them and flow down your face. Your legs move before you can tell them too, running off the ship and down to them spreading your arms out to crash into them both pulling them into you. The relief you feel at the contact knowing both of them are safe and back makes you break. Tears stream down you face letting out little sobs. Both boys hold you tight to them "Hay hay love its ok, don't cry where here now" Sanji says panicking that he made you cry. Zoro manages to pull you away enough to look at him. he places a hand on your tear stained cheek running his thumb under your eye to wipe away the tears. Words dont need to be said, you can tell he's sorry. "There we go my love, no more tears" Sanji says seeing the tears stop falling all togeather, your attention turns to Sanji who has a small smile on his face "What took you so long? i was worried you got lost too" you state, your throat slightly dry form the crying and the sting of salt form the tears that fell over your lips. "I lost track of time, im sorry but at least i found our love" The cook reply's placing a thumb over your lips and wiping the salty tear stains away from them.

The moment was cut short by a surprised shout from behind you, Chopper came running up behind you and ran to Zoro hugging his leg and crying his poor little heart out, apologizing over and over again. Zoro reaches down and pets the doctors head before waking back to the ship Sanji still clinging onto his arm, poor chopper holding onto Zoro's leg all the way along while You take zoro's other hand and walk back to the ship heading to the kitchen. On the way you pick up the blanket and the bottle from before taking it with you. It takes a while for zoro to get chopper off of his leg and to stop crying with no help from you or Sanji, honestly there would be no point in helping, Chopper was only focused on the swordsman no one else. The Doctor soon relaxed and sat in the seat next to Zoro feeling tired from all the crying, wanting to repay choppers kindness from before you place the blanket on the reindeer and the bottle on the table hoping it will make him feel batter. The tired reindeer pulls the blanket closer and closes his eyes to take a nap, soon little snores leaving his mouth. Sanji was preparing dinner as quickly as he can since it was later than it should be. "The others aren't back yet Sanji so dont worry, luffy's not gonna be bothering you" you say seeming to make the cook relax a bit, as much as you all love your captain he can be a big handful when it comes to meal times.

You walk over to Zoro who is leaning back in his chair and you take the perfect opportunity to climb onto his lap straddling his hips and wrapping your arms around his neck burying your face in his neck. He immediately wraps one arm around you waist and the other hand runs threw your hair "you really missed me, hu?" You can feel his cocky smile near your ear "I hate you some times...... Don't leave me again" you whisper into his neck, the swards man lets out a sigh placing his hand on you cheek and moving your head to face him his nose brushing against yours. "I'll try but you know me" he says with a wink before placing his lips on yours, the kiss was sweet at first before he shoves his tongue past your lips and into your mouth, the taste of salt from your past tears being replaced by him, just him. he explores your mouth with a slight hum running his hand threw your hair. unfortunately air is needed and you both pull away leaving you both panting for breath. A giggle of sorts comes form behind you too seeing Sanji standing there with drinks in hand "You want some too cook?" Zoro asks leaning his head back to look up at Sanji who places the drinks down on the table. "How can i refuse?" Sanji states before bending down to kiss the swards man. Zoro again deepening the kiss buy shoving his tongue into the cooks mouth humming slightly at how easy it was for him to do so. Sanji try's to pull away after a little bit but Zoro grabs his tie pulling him back down. you giggle at the two as they brake apart "I have to get back to cooking" Sanji states with a slight pout but not stopping Zoro from pulling on his tie. "Just a few more minutes" The sward man whispers giving both of you a cocky smile.

Your both so happy to have your moss head back.

Thank you so much for reading i hope you like. please tell me what you think. i have more on the way with this ship and Zolu x reader.

[whoppert]

Sunna 7 (stephen strange/reader) (loki/reader)

◂ previous chapter first chapter ▴

3969 words

warnings: the after effect of mind violation

AO3 Master Fic List

Despite the gaping hole in my memory, I'm confident that I've never felt like this much of a burden before. A few days ago I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid at the staircase, but now? Now it’s an impossible mountain to climb.

Most of the world is contained to my room now. 

Wong had mentioned struggling to cleanse the space of mystical markers that had been left behind, but I couldn’t even tell. The power that flowed through me, albeit slight compared to Stephen’s or Wong’s or even this goddamn house? It’s gone. The purple energy that used to flicker around my fingers, forming shapes almost of its own will was gone. I'd tried to call it, but I almost threw up. My body is at odds with my spirit right now and I hate it.

AO3

Stephen brandishes the worm, dropping it into the palm of my hand.

“What the fuck is that?” I ask, trying to ignore the pool of slime it extruded.

“Excuse you, ” said the worm.

The flick of my hand was involuntary, and I fling the worm onto the rug.

Stephen, who had been trying to tell me to be careful, squats down and plucks the worm out of the carpet fibers. “This is the frontier in magical psychology. Its name is Gorron.”

“It’s a worm.”

“It’s a grub, thank you very much, you ungrateful mammal,” the worm had an accent that I couldn’t identify. “You’re lucky I’ve already been paid or I’d march right outta here! Worm? What am I, a nematode?”

Stephen sighs and shoots me an apologetic look. "I know it's strange, but it's actually very good at it's job."

"I'm really sorry, I don't usually do bugs. I'm sorry if I offended you and for... throwing you," I wince. “So… do I just lay back and tell Gorron my problems? Care to summon me a chez lounge?”

“It is much more simple than that. Look, I recognize that this is going to sound really gross, but-”

“Stick ‘im in ya ear, baby, lemme have a look at that mind!” Gorron interrupts.

So stark was the silence after that statement, that I almost decided that I might have a limit when it came to finding a cure. I look from Gorron to Stephen, who nods in confirmation and then back at Gorron whose little mouth had fallen open and was licking his lips. If grubs have lips. “Absolutely not.”

“Look doll, I’ve got a job to do, so open your ears and shut ya mouth, capeesh?”

Stephen snaps his hand shut, muffling the grub’s yells of displeasure. “I’m sorry about him, he doesn’t get out much," he continues, obviously with the intention of Gorron overhearing, "and he hasn't updated the way he speaks to women since the 1950s ap-pa-rent-ly."

I talk over Gorron's slew of deadened swear words. "You're joking, right?" I hear how desperate I sound, but- "In my head? This is a joke? To lift my mood?"

Stephen is right in front of me. Really there is a-step-and-a-half between us. “He’s crass, but if anyone can figure out the next steps, it’s Gor-”

My stomach bottoms out in my gut, a wave of panic hitting me with such force that I literally stagger. “I’m not-”

His free hand steadies me. Stephen says nothing, taking his bottom lip between his teeth, his gaze flitting back and forward between my eyes. I don't understand, what his expression is conveying, concern, and sympathy and pain all together perhaps.

“I can’t,” I want to sound strong, but my voice betrays me, cracking. “I’m sick of this, I’m sick of having shit shoved into my head. I’m sick of it, I’m sick of it. Please.” My breath comes fast and sharp.

“I know,” Stephen eases into the space between us, his empty hand still grasping my upper arm gently, the warmth seeming to loosen the knots in my body. “I know you’re scared. You have every right to be. Does it change anything if I assured you that Gorron can’t hurt you? He can only see what’s going on in there, he can’t change anything.”

My bottom lip wobbles, and Stephen’s gaze shifts to look at it, before snapping up to look me in the eye.

"Would it change anything," Stephen's voice soft, "if I told you that Gorron's basically my shrink?"

"Huh?"

"Do you remember after I found you and we were sitting in my office? And I told you I've been... having trouble sleeping, and you joked about therapy?" He pauses for confirmation. "Well, Gorron's my therapist. Wong makes me see him."

Excluding fighting lessons, Stephen and I are never this close, but lately I appreciate his sparing touch. There is something inviting about him when he isn’t trying to hit me, something comforting. I guess this is his job. I've seen him behave similarly for the people that seek out his help. “Does it hurt?”

A smile tugs at the corners of his lips, “not at all, it can be a little uncomfortable, but it doesn’t hurt, no. After your injury you might be a little sensitive though.” Glancing around the room, Stephen adds, “I’m right here, you know. Right by your side, I won’t leave you. You are always safe with me.”

His gray eyes hold no hint of a lie.

I nod. “This is coercion though.”

“I know.”

“And if it goes wrong, I’m holding you accountable.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

Stephen opens his hand. Gorron, who had spent the last few moments remarkably silent, opens his eyes in mock surprise. “Glad to see you haven’t forgotten about me! I have a waiting list ya know, I could be getting ignored by far more important people than the pair of you!”

Stephen grasps the grub by its tail.

“Do you trust me?”

“I guess. Yes. I do.”

His gloved hand lightly grasps my cheek, tilting my head, my right ear skyward, before dropping Gorron right into the shell of my ear. Gorron's rolling and wriggling sent a shiver through me. There was a little resistance, culminating in a wet plop, and then he was inside. There’s a grub in my brain, there’s a grub in my brain, there’s a grub in my- I shudder. I feel bad about thinking it's gross, Gorron's a sentient being after all, but I don't do bugs.

Stephen tilts my head back to my midline and then removes his hand from my cheek. I feel its absence keenly.

“Wow, Strange, ya weren’t wrong, something’s destroyed it in here,” Gorron’s voice is too loud and it vibrates in my skull.

I swear, instinctually jerking 'away' from the sound and I feel Gorron brush up against something, strings that bring the spots back to my vision. I grasp Stephen’s hands.

“Wow, talk about a household in denial,” Gorron mutters, quiet enough that I wasn’t sure Stephen could hear, but I was too dizzy to ask what he meant. “And your powers have gone too. That’s a knock to the balls for sure.”

“Can you give us any insight?” Stephen asked.

“Yes, but you’re not gonna like it.”

“Out with it.”

“Firstly - lass, gotta commend ya on having the cleanest brain ever. Not a single mind mite to be found. I have literally never seen that before. Secondly - whatever Loki did, it broke that enchantment that you were under.”

“That enchantment ?” Stephen and I say in unified confusion. There is a yellow and green blob floating between us and it makes the sorcerer look like he's got a bad case of jaundice.

“You heard me. I’d ask if you knew who put you under their spell, but I can see you don’t remember at all. Hey, have you considered renting this space? I know a few parasites that could use a place to live.”

“Gorron.” It was Stephen's last warning.

“Non-lethal of course.”

“Wind it back up a sec,” I demand, “what do you mean Loki broke the enchantment? What enchantment?”

I can feel Gorron squeeze it's body through some tight spot and the spots in my vision cleared.

“Has she always been this slow?”

“Mind your manners, Gorron. I know some bugs that lay their eggs in live prey,” Stephen threatened.

“Jeez, it was only a joke, man. Learn to take a joke. Hmm…” inside my brain, Gorron trailed off. “Your oldest memory is meeting Strange… because that was the day the enchantment was created. It’s got a magical signature that I don’t recognize, but boy did they hide it well.” 

“And my memories, my life before that?”

“My best guess is that whoever put this enchantment in place didn’t account for Loki going for a trip through ya head, and it broke the enchantment differently to the way it was supposed to be broken, it severed your mind. Separated the before-the-enchantment from the after-the-enchantment. Your memories from before then might still be here, but as a result of the spell or the unorthodox way in which it was broken, yeah, I wouldn’t know how to find them. The block on it can only be reversed by the creator. I’d say your best shot would be to find them.”

“Wait, so our best chance of finding out who put the block in place is to find out who put the block in place?”

Gorron sighs like I'm wasting its time, “yes. That’s what I said. Look, if there’s no mites in here, you’re gonna have to tip me, Strange, I didn’t come all the way out here for nothing.”

“For nothing. My whole brain has imploded and it’s nothing to you,” I whisper, my cheeks tight from my uncomfortable smile, before falling into a stunned silence. Everything feel so far away.

“Gorron, what can we do to figure this out?” Asks Stephen.

There's a whoosh, and I feel the grub slide out of my ear, the opposite ear to the one it had entered. “Seems to me, your next step would be finding someone who knows memory magic like the back of their hand and get them to have a look. See if they can recognize the signature. Maybe even see if they can locate where her memories have been hidden in there. Once you know that, I’d go and ask-” Gorron almost fell, but Stephen catches it, “thanks doc. Anyway, figure out who put the enchantment in place and get them to remove it. Easy as pie.”

Without missing a beat, Stephen crushes Gorron in his hand. The sound had a surprising crunch, like the grub had more bones than expected. I gape at the sorcerer.

“Sorry,” he opens his hand to reveal that it is empty empty, no fluids or bug guts in sight, “I was getting really sick of him, and the only way to send him home is to 'kill' him. He’s fine, I’ll see him later about his tip. How are you? That’s a lot to process.”

“If I wasn’t so overwhelmed, I’d probably be angry. Yeah. Probably angry.” I look down to find that Stephen is still holding one of my hands. I recount what we have learned, “so there’s a block on my memories, created the day I met you, probably not by you, because then Gorron would’ve recognized the signature? Correct?”

Stephen nod.

“And the only way to find out who it is that cursed me, is to let someone else have a look? I'm assuming it's a very similar type of magic to what Loki did to me.”

He nods again.

“Even though the last time someone did that it gave me the magical equivalent of a severe concussion?”

One final nod.

My heart pounds. “That voice- from my dream told me what a disappointment I was. I don’t even know who I’m letting down. And my powers are gone, and yeah they weren’t big and dramatic but they were mine. They belong to me, it’s like I’ve had a limb sawn off and I can’t even walk up the fucking stairs without my body giving up on me so I’m just trapped in this room. Is this my life now? Someone just put a spell on me one day and for what? I’m not important, I’m not powerful. Whoever did it must have had a reason but I have no idea who- or what? Except it’s got something to do with you? It must do, or maybe it’s just a coincidence that we met that day, I don’t know.” I'm spiralling.

Stephen doesn't say anything, just squeezes my hand tighter and like a toddler having a tantrum, I try to wrench it from his grasp, but he has a stronger grip than I’d anticipated. I poke a finger into his chest, but he doesn’t flinch.

“And you! You have the nerve to stand there, all sympathetic and concerned, ‘cause I’m just another pathetic-”

“You’re not pathetic-”

“Maybe I’m not, but who’s to say because I don’t know who I am! I couldn’t tell you my favorite food! I don’t know who I am and I feel so stupid. I’m barely a person.” Tears well up in my eyes and I hate them. I try to brush them away, but Stephen still wouldn’t relinquish the hand he held. He was swimming in my vision, and I was glad because then I didn’t have to look him in the eye as he beheld my tears. I’d never cried in front of him before. 

It was the second time he had ever embraced me. The first time even through the wave of nausea and the bright lights, I could feel his relief that I was safe, but this time? Stephen pulls me in, his arms wrapping around me, no relief, only release as I bury my eyes in his shirt and sob. He doesn’t say a thing. Doesn’t move, just holds me, one arm around the small of my back rubs small circles and the other grasps my shoulder firmly. I can feel the ridges and stitching of his glove through the fabric of my shirt.

After a while, I couldn’t tell you how long, I manage to stop crying, taking deep breaths to get myself together. He smells like earl grey tea and lemons.

“You are a person,” said Stephen, finally breaking the silence. His low voice rumbles through his chest. “Look, I’m not the most open person in the world, but,” he takes a deep breath, “I… care about you. You're not stupid and you are certainly not pathetic. I promise we will get to the bottom of this, but until you get everything you’ve lost back, you’re still a person. You're no burden to me.”

My arms are around his neck, our bodies pressed together. “I’m scared.”

"I know."

"I'm scared I'm going to be like this forever."

“I know,” his lips skim my temple, and goosebumps raise down my limbs. “I felt the same way when my hands were crushed. But we have no evidence to suggest you won't make a full recovery. And worse case scenario, we’re going to figure this out. Do you believe me?” His breath is warm on my skin.

"I believe you.

The air is charged, the question is charged, and Stephen holding me is the only thing keeping me together. I get the distinct impression that I should feel embarrassed, humiliated for sobbing in front of Stephen, as though a proper lady might have done it more demurely. I don't though. I like it. I like how caring and attentive he has been since I was injured.

"What do you need? What can I do for you?"

I glance around my room. It seems especially small with another person in it. The green wallpaper is still bright and the iron bed below it is a mess. The room itself is mercifully, not too messy. The curtains are mostly drawn now, blocking out the harsh light of the sun, and leaving only a thick stripe that cuts the room into unequal halves. The room itself is cozy, but after all the time spent in it the last few days, and what had happened there, it's suffocating me. 

"Take me somewhere else. I need to get out of this house."

Stephen clears his throat, and created a portal. Through the golden circle is the stark night. The chill from the cold air radiates through, prickling my skin. We manage to detangle.

The wind is mild and the sky clear. I have no memory of the world so dark. Back in the city the night is never dark, polluted with bright lights and fluorescence and color. But here, the sky is a sheet of black, with hundreds, no, hundreds of thousands of stars of every hue. The world is so quiet and there are no tell tale signs of humanity around. All this space and only the two of us.

"Where…?"

"New Zealand." His robes had shifted into casual wear. That grey sweater again. Stephen stores his hands in his pockets. "Aptly named by the European settlers as the South Island, due to the fact that it is the Southern Island."

"They sound creative." When the portal went, so did all of the light and my eyes tale a moment to adjust. "It's beautiful."

"It is. And it will only get better."

I look at him surprised, eyebrows raised though he probably can't see it in the darkness. The tracks my tears have left behind feel particularly cold in the icy air.

“From a scientific point of view, auroras are the result of charged solar wind particles caught in Earth’s magnetic field. These particles ionize oxygen and nitrogen molecules in the upper atmosphere, a chemical reaction creating light. The indigenous people of this land saw auroras as the campfires of their ancestors.”

“Are they? The campfires of their ancestors?”

Stephen stands at my side, and passes me the sweatshirt that had been hanging on the end of my bed. “Yeah, they are. And if I’ve timed correctly, they should be just about to…” He trails off.

Nothing happens. There is only blackness around us.

Stephen chuckles, “that would’ve been really impressive. This area has been having an increase rate of solar storms-”

The dull cloud twists into a ribbon of white which begin to curl across the sky. Then it's yellow. Red, green, blue - a nebulous glowing arc ornamenting the sky and I look on in awe. The lights of New York had been overstimulating, but this is- "beautiful."

“Yes.”

The dam inside me breaks and energy floods me. Even being out in the fresh air had invigorated my soul a little and I take off marching towards the slab of rock on the edge of the cliff. I dig my fingers into the top and hauling myself up.

"Jesus Christ, be careful!" Stephen's at my side in half-a-second, clamoring up to stand at my side.

"You're worse than Wong," I complain.

"At least sit ," Stephen's hands find my shoulders and gently push.

I groan but comply, letting my legs dangle off of the edge. He joins me. I could see our breath in the air, and pull my sweatshirt tighter around my shoulders.

"What made you want to be a doctor?" I ask finally, breaking the prolonged silence.

"Do you want the PR answer or the truth?"

"Either."

"Well," Stephen runs his fingers through his hair and I wonder what it feels like, "what I used to tell people was that I wanted to help. We are the world type of bull," he laughs and it cuts through the cold, warming my chest. "But the truth is that I wanted to be the best at something with a lot of status."

Stephen digs through his pocket and pull out a chocolate bar. He hands it to me and I snap it in half, letting him choose which piece he prefered.

"Well, I've been thinking about why I must have chosen anthropology to dedicate myself to. I have three possible answers."

"And they are?"

I chew my chocolate thoroughly. "One, knowing how big of a motivator spite is for me, someone probably told me I couldn't do it."

Stephen laughs again, "sounds about right."

"Two, it's just so damn interesting! I was reading through my doctorate thesis and I seemed really passionate about how teeth could tell you so much about someone's social status.” Cupping my hands I blow warm air into them. My knuckles are bright red. "Three, and probably the most boring of all the answers, maybe it was related to my powers. I didn't really ever figure out the origin, maybe I thought it would be linked to something else, something bigger."

"Well, it's looking more and more like you are a part of something bigger."

"Now that I know what 'bigger' entails, maybe I should have wished for a more simple life." I finish my half of the bar and suck the last of the melted chocolate off of my fingers. The aurora crackles around us like radio static. “The way the light flows… It reminds me of the incense that Wong burns. You know the stuff, lotus and patchouli.”

I look at Stephen, his face bathed in colored light. “I know exactly the one. Gives me headaches, but he still insists on it.”

“That’s because it gets you out of his hair once in a while.”

“I suppose, yeah. It does.” Then he adds, "metaphorical hair."

It's nice to laugh with him. “Why did you choose-? I mean, I said I needed to get out of the house, why was New Zealand the first place you thought of?” I shiver, my sweatshirt is not holding up against the winter breeze, I twist my hands in my lap trying to increase the friction.

“Ah, I don’t know,” his eyes levelled against my gaze, the grey taking on the colors passing overhead. It's mesmerizing. “Just popped into my head, I guess.” His voice gets quieter and quieter and I have to lean in to hear him.

There's a magnetic pull between us. Something strong have sucked us into its current, it wasn’t just this moment, it's everything, it's the universe deciding our fate and pushing us together. Everything since we had met had just felt so right, like we were made for each other.

“Aren’t you cold?” I whisper. “I’m freezing.”

For the moment he looks so relaxed. He's only inches away from me now, and his hand covers mine, his warmth permeating through the yellow leather, and I look from his eyes to his mouth, pink lips from the cold slightly parted and bordered with his dark beard. “Stephen?” I couldn’t get my voice to work properly, my breathing had gotten shallow, heart clanging in my chest.

My eyes flutter shut, as he comes close enough that his nose brushes against my cheek, and he murmurs something I can’t make out, cut off when I press my mouth to his.

Stephen tasted like the chocolate we had shared and for a moment everything in this dark world, with its vibrant skies slowed, until he kisses me back, energy flowing through us at the places where we connected, his hand gripping the back of my neck to deepen the kiss, his tongue running over my bottom lip.

He's gone.

I've lost my breath.

Twisting around, I find Stephen standing behind me. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, I was just- trying-”

Heat floods my cheeks and for once I'm at a loss for words.

A portal opens to my room and I flinch at the sudden piercing light.

“I should go,” Stephen hurries into my room, disappearing into the hall.

In his haste, he left the door wide open.

◂ previous chapter next chapter▸

AO3 Master Fic List

[winniethewife]

Eclipsing Love

(Marc Spector x Mafia!OC)

Last chapter ~ Next chapter

Chapter 12: Coming home

Words: 722

Marc had a really bad feeling about this. Charlotte had been gone for a couple days at that point. He had spent the days pacing the house like a tiger in its cage, snapping at anyone who asked him questions about her whereabouts. He could feel in his gut something was wrong. One day he woke up and was alone…still.

Marc sighs and Rolls his eyes before looking to a mirror standing in the corner. He was half expecting to be confronted by Jake but there was Steven. He looked at the timid man. He looked at Marc worried.

“We have to find her, mate. Something is definitely wrong here.” Steven looked at Marc with sad eyes. Marc runs his fingers through his hair.

“If she doesn’t want to be found how am I going to stop her? I’ve called her so many times and it goes straight to voicemail. What am I supposed to assume here?” He asked with a grimace on his face.

“I-I…I don’t know, I just…I miss her and we’re all worried sick. Who knows what that bloody pigeon has her doing?” Steven stammered out an argument. Marc sighs. Steven wasn’t wrong and he was already here so, what’s the harm?

“I miss her too Steven. I really do”

~

Charlotte leaned against the wall of the roof access to the hotel she had been staying, she looked out over the city. She was about ready to just give up and go home. She missed Marc and was tired of waiting for something that wasn’t going to happen. She turns to head back down to get her stuff and check out of the hotel when she was confronted by Khonshu.

“Where do you think you’re going, girl?”

“Home, I’m done here.” She pushes past the looming god.

“You think you can do that? Just leave?” Khonshu’s voice booms in her ears. She turns to him.

“You said I would do this with Marc that we would work together! I’m sick of this.”

“Charlotte, don’t do this.” His voice was a low growl, the animalistic side of the god showing through.

“I will! I am not yours! I will never be yours, do you understand me?!’ She shouts. It had been a few weeks since she had found out that everything had been set up. That Khonshu had specifically set in motion everything, Her and Marc meeting, the fact that she would become the leader of the family, All because he wanted her power, He wanted to use her position to transform the Walker family to bring his justice to as many as possible, the way he wanted it to be. Charlotte was shaking with anger. She was done. Done being alone, when she know she could do this with Marc. Done believing the lies that the god was telling. She storms off. She was going home.

~

Marc was about to leave to go looking for Charlotte when He hears her motorcycle pull into the garage. He turns and runs for the door. he makes it just as she opens it. She looked exhausted.

“Charlotte! Baby, Im so sorry I shouldn’t have-” He starts but is interrupted by her throwing her arms around him.

“No, Marc I’m sorry. I let that stupid bird get to my head. I should be doing this with you. You and me, we’re going to get away from this. I just want to be us, I’m done.” Her green eyes meet his dark ones.

“Wait are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Marc looks at her with admiration.

“I’m saying, we’re leaving the family. I don’t care, whatever it takes we’re getting out of here.” She says with determination. She feels a fire in her she hadn’t felt in a long time. Marc is overjoyed he pulls her in, his lips capturing hers, kissing her intensely. Their lips moving together in harmony as she grabs at the back of his shirt. His fingers in her hair as he takes in her scent, the feeling of her body against his, the way his heart is racing. After a moment they reluctantly pull apart.

“We’re gonna need a plan.” Marc says.

“Then, let’s get to work, but first, bedroom.” She says with the half smile he knows and loves. He laughs.

“Right away boss.”

~

Masterlist

Tag: @ominoose

[ask-st-ccchoir]

Subcollective fear, hm? I can work with that.

Ocean, you are so very afraid of failure. How would you feel if I told you that you failed to change anyone? Not your parents, not your friend. You have not changed the world, your existence has done nothing. You have failed yourself. You have failed at everything you ever tried to achieve.

Noel, you are afraid of being ignored. Then again, you are like so many people. You blend in so naturally with the normal world, you are so very average. You are always ignored. Nothing interesting about you. Everyone fantasises, and you are not special in any way.

Mischa, you, are afraid of abandonment. How would you feel if I were to tell you that Talia has moved on. That your adoptive parents do not care. Your channel is already forgotten, and anyone who cared for you has moved on.

Ricky, you would hate being stared at. You are perceived, you are looked at with pity. Everyone knows what you do, what you write. You are the centre of attention, forever being stared at with all the same pity, with the envy and with the want for you to be gone so that they will be pitied. You are so known by everyone. They still repeat your name to this day. "Poor Richard Potts"

Constance, you fear being hates. But your little brother hates you for dying, the people of Uranium hate you for leaving, for not helping anymore. They all despise you for how nice you were, how much help you gave them. They absolutely hate your guts for ever existing among them. They hate your life and they hate your death. You will be hated for as long as you are remembered.

Jane, you are everything and nothing at once. How would you feel that you are remembered, but forgotten? Not etched into memories as the person you once were, but rather what you are now. A being not entirely human, even if your body was. Always being remembered as Jane Doe. Not forgotten, not remembered.

Karnak, you are so very afraid of death. Truly humorous for a machien that sees nothing but humanities mortality. You have not truly experienced it. Being fixed by a being that does not work with wiring. That does not comprehend electricity. You do not want to move on from the warehouse, for you are so very afraid for what is after it, that you keep yourself and everyone else here. You have seen death once. Never again.

🌊n-no. I didn't fail myself.. I never did! I changed something about the world..my school at least.. I hope.

🌹i dont have a fear of being ignored. Never did.. I.. Dont blend it.. I dont. Mom tells me im special- i am.. In my way..

💵talia hasnt moved on yet.. Hopefully.. Its too fast. People will know me by- by badegg. Its not forgotten yet, is it..

🌌indifference is what i fear- pity. Those pitiful looks are what i fear from their eyes.. you ARE subcollective fear, huh.?

🍬n-no! No! They dont hate me! They- they dont.. My brothers love me more than anything, they just- they dont hate me.. No one hates me.. You're just lying.

🐑well, at least im known in someway or another ..

🔮 i don't have a fear, for i am a machine. I've always known when and how my death was. Yet, the unknown is just pit of darkness swallowing people one by one is what i fear slightly.

//HEHHE GIGGLES SORRY IF THEY SUCK 💔💔//

[transenbyconfessions]

this is my first time submitting something here, i've been reading them for a while though.

i am an afab nonbinary (?? maybe transmasc ??) teen. i bound for about a year, I used gc2b because at that point the quality info wasn't well known. but now, im pretty sure i've injured myself from binding. and i didn't do anything wrong too. that's honestly the most annoying thing out of all of this: i followed all the rules, i was careful, i listened to my body, and still, i got hurt. on-and-off I have had some pain for the past few months (i stopped binding in about december/january) for a while, i thought the pain only happened when i ran (which i don't like and also gives me panic attacks). so for the most part i avoided running and would stop when i could because of pain. anyways, the pain had mostly gone away until a few days ago. i am still pretty confused about why its randomly getting worse, but its definitely injured somehow. this all ends up mattering because of what happened yesterday. so i'm a climber, which at my school has just started to be recognized as a varsity sport. my "coach" got all mad at me yesterday for asking to not run because i was in pain already, and running makes it worse, also i wasn't mentally there and capable to run. i tried explaining and it just made it worse. when you tell him something he doesn't want to hear, he gets really mad and defensive. i normally wouldn't have too much of an issue with this except for this is one of my closest friends dads. and he was so different last year, when my friend was here. anyways, thats just relevant for the story in my brain. i am just so mad that this happened and that people aren't listening to me and believing what i'm saying because it isn't as visible of an injury (like with mental illness too).

TLDR, i know i need to go to the doctor about this, but i have a new doctor who I've never met and and i don't want the first conversation with her to be super vulnerable and shit because i have really bad anxiety. if anyone has any suggestions about how to explain binding injuries to medical professionals, that would be great. obviously there isn't much research about trans healthcare (especially because i'm in the USA). also, if anyone knows anything about other good binder companies that are sensory friendly, i would appreciate suggestions.

thanks for letting me talk about this <3

Submitted March 28, 2023

[quantum-bliss]

Day 14 of Heartbreak

Day 11, 12, and 13 all felt the same. They were not worth writing. Day 14 feels different. It is offically 2 weeks. Only know how significant that is.

It took 2 weeks for everything to fall apart or maybe it took longer. Maybe it took 2 weeks for me to realize everything had already fallen apart. Nonetheless, I guess it does not take 2 weeks to fix a broken heart.

Today I feel somber, I feel hypersensitive. I am not sure why, nor will I do my usual deep introspection to figure out.

I finally unpacked the suitcase from your apartment. I felt a level of sadness, not because you werent here, but because I felt like I was looking at evidence of a broken dream. A reminder that where I had planned to be, I would never be again.

Its thursday, or as we say 'Thirsty Thursday.' Im not sure if anyone else uses that phrase anymore. This would be the day that we act like it is friday. The day you would try to push your body to stay up, at which point I would beg you to go to sleep, after kindly reminding you that you will be free tomorrow.

Anyway, I wonder if I am the first one between us to call Thursday Thirsty. After some thought, I realized that I was the first one to do many things between us. I think much of our time together was spent on me trying to turn you into a version of me. How much of you did I really know?

I mean, I stopped drinking and you stopped drinking. I stopped having sex, you stopped having sex. I stopped eating trash, you stopped eating trash. I started investing, you started investing. I started watching sermons, you starter watching sermons. I started writing, you started writing. I started distancing myself, you started distancing yourself.

Now that I think about, you were always mirroring me. Maybe I was too bold, too aggressive, too loud, too in your face to make you feel comfortable enough to be yourself? Or maybe you are the kind of person that turns into anyone to be loved.

Maybe thats why I felt like you were a stranger. Because once there was enough space between us, you would go right back to person you were before me. Maybe I have never truly met the real you. Maybe the only version of you I know is the version I influenced, the one you make yourself be when you are with me.

This reality is my fault. I always wanted someone to make me better, someone to drive me to a better version of myself, someone who didnt let me settle for less. I wanted someone that, if they ever left my life, I would just be glad they came because I would be better for it. But you never wanted that.

You never cared about intelligence, you never cared about mindset or goals. You wanted someone to love you where you were at, someone that was fine with staying still, someone who did not think much about the future, someone that felt like everything they ever needed was in you. You found this when I was gone. I hope you find it again.

In someways theses diffences drove us apart. Neither of us wanted the same things in life, in a friend, or in a lover. We were a non match and I knew it. Somewhere inside of me, I knew wherever I ended up couldnt be with you. So I tried to change you, I didnt succeed. Nor did I have the right to try at all.

So now I know there are three levels to heartbreak. First is the feeling of void in our futures, second is returning back to a life we may to be happy with, and the third is questioning, questioning if you really know the person you claimed to love.

[ghtsyumz]

i already hate this year dude and its only been 3 days into it i have been stuck with the devil, lost my best friend, been getting horrible pain since december, my insomnia has drastically gotten worse, i realize how i cant open up to literally anyone anymore (besides my bf), my dad has been extremely sick, my self harm cuts are starting to show all around my body, my mom yelled at me for having no irl friends, im getting called emo every day now (i hate when people call me emo dude), im too scared to talk to people, my stepmom is slowly starting to realize shit, my 21st attempt of suicide didnt work, my stepbrother is in prison and hes the only one i really talked too, my brother wants me dead, my mom couldnt care less about me (as usual), im getting sicker and sicker everyday, my body became more weak, my anxiety has also increased, my teacher is back and hes gonna see right through me, my boyfriend might start to get annoyed by me, my hallucinations are much worse, i keep seeing demons idk- literally losing my bestfriend was like the icing on my fucked up cake- i was literally gonna bring him his late Christmas gift tomorrow today too- idk wtf im supposed to do with it now. I only have 2 irl friends now and my boyfriend. Thats all I talk to. I dont even see juanny (one of my irl best friends) much anymore. I barley talk to him and hes the one who told me that my other best friend wanted to drop me. The only reason why I see my second and last best friend now is because i have 2 classes with her but besides that, i dont see her at all

and the best friend i lost i saw everyday in the morning and during his lunch when im on my way to choir speaking of best friends, my old bff adri keeps making me do her fucking bidding and idk dude and dani's birthday is now in 10 days- shes gonna be 14 dude ive known her since she was 10 and it breaks my heart we arent friends anymore and evan is gonna be 18 next month which is crazy- ive known him since he was 14. this is already a really hard year. with everything going on with my father, and him always yelling about him killing himself and gonna die soon, it only makes me think i'll lose him. I love my dad so fucking much dude- i cannot lose him but i see only the worst coming because of all this. If my dad dies when im still in these conditons im ggonna be with my mom for the rest of my highschool years, my stepmom will be gone, i'll never see my older brothers again, nor my cousin, or my stepmoms family. I'll be stuck with that fucking thing for the next 3 years all alone in this room where it feels like im always being chained to a wall. idk whats happening anymore- nothing makes sense i wanna give up- life isnt worth living- im about to lose all my online friends too dude im gonna go back to 2019- when i was gone from the internet for like 2 years and when i came back, everything and everyone was gone im gonna be all alone again and just trapped in my mind with my hallucinations and my nightmares my mom only encourages me to kill myself, shes the worst. My stepmom is more of a mom than her and I hate her a lot of the time too but I still love her just because she was here for me when my mom wasnt. My mom doesnt know my first words, she doesnt know what things i like, she doesnt know anything much about me. She has to go through my phone and look at my conversations when Im alseep. She doesnt even give me privacy. Meanwhile my stepmom knows me, but she doesnt know my first words cause she wasnt around when i was that young since i started talking at like 9 months old but like the point is shes there to help me with school, do everything for me, be there for me, and literally everything my mom has never ever in her pathetic little preppy pick me girl life. my dad told me that my mom made him almost killl himself- if he did, i would have been an orphan. my mom only takes care of me because of the childsupport money my dad is forced to give her every month. and she tried doubling it like a little bitch because i started calling my stepmom "mom". if my dad were to have killed himself, idk what the fuck my life would have been like but it might be better without her tbh and yeah like sure my dad used to be abusive as shit but my stepmom saved me from that and everything

so hes fine now i mean he had one slip back in march, but besides that hes been okay. i'll never like new years. not only do i have to think about my grandma who was murdered when my dad was only 9, but i have to worry for my father because its like the day he wants to die the most. This was the first year not being with him on new years to cheer him up- i was so worried, and it turned out i was right for being worried. Not getting into that. This year is so rough already within the first 3 days, I hate it I HATE IT SO MUCH DUDE. im sorry idk anymore. I fucking hate this

[hxrryspotter]

.

[virgin-mojitos]

STEVEN GRANT SFW ALPHABET -- PT 1

this was VERY fun to do and it made giggle a few times (dont tell anyone) here you go!

Activities – What are their favorite things to do with you? How do you spend your free time?

So in my opinion steven is one of those people who care about the company rather than the activity kind of person? Like we could be sitting silence reading and he’d be having a blast because its comfortable silene. Or we could go all out and creative and go to a pottery making date (yes this is peak creativity for me,im a very old fashioned coffee dates and fancy restaurants kind of gal. SUE ME!) and he would also have TONS of fun because he values the company and people he’s spending time with!

Boo! – How do they feel about surprises, giving and receiving?

Okay to be honest when I first read ‘BOO’ I was like ��muahaha im gonna spook steven’ but then I finished reading and its about receiving and giving gift… ANYWAYS! Okay but about getting spooked, I feel like steven is just one of those people who get spooked easily. So okay imagine this, you’ve been living with steven for quite some time now (mmm like 4-5 months-ish) and hes doing something in the kitchen or reading or just sitting and staring into the void and you come quietly behind and just BARELY graze his shoulder and quietly say “steven..” he will get in attack mode im sorry. (like this) “ GAAaAh! WHA-? Oh gods you scared me” and he will clutch his boobs I means his pearls in fear and then laugh it off and ask you “what is it love? Did you need something?”  

Comfort – How do they comfort you when you’re upset? When the tables turn, do they come to you, or try to handle it themselves?

I guess it depends on every person and how they like to be comforted? Like me for example if im crying or having a bad day I just like to be left alone and ill come to you if or when im ready to talk. So with steven I think he would just be like a cat. Just lingering around me (with probably longing eyes) with a safe distance to give me space.

The other way around however, with steven I think he would love a shoulder to cry on or someone to hear him rant or ramble about why hes upset would be perfect. As he never had anyone to liste—nopE NOPE nevermind!

Dance – Do they like to dance with you? How good of a dancer are they?

im sorry people but steven is not a good dancer, like AT ALL. But boy does he love to dance around the flat, like I don’t know if its his autism but he may dance his way to place (like going from the bathroom to bedroom etc) or he could be standing perfectly still and just start to dance out of nowhere (don’t worry steven im right with ya) ALSO! OF COURSE HE LOVES DANCING WITH YOU?? Come on now, by now we know steven watches a lot of rom coms so of course he spins you around in the kitchen in the morning after a night of sweet love making (was that cringe? Yea probably) while making breakfast.

Excitement – How do they act when they’re excited? What excites them?

As we established, steven is very much on the autism spectrum so happy stims FOR DAYS! Jumping around, hand clapping, fist bumps you name it basically! And watch out for potential kisses all over your face especially when youre the reason of his excitement! Definitely do not think about steven picking you up and spinning you around your shared flat laughing his ass off, nope nope.

Future – What are their plans for the future? Do they see themselves getting married, having kids?

*loud gulp and body shiver* hmmm future? Married? KiDs? All very scary topics (to me) yes okay come on you know damn well he already thinks you’re the one when you greet gus the second (gus the first gone but never forgotton) with a smile when you first visit his place. Hes already thinking about the wedding venue when he puts himself down when he realizes that hes (cutely) rambling about his favorite myths and legands and you tell him “no no please continue, im genuinely interested. Besides you look very pretty talking about your interests wink wink” (yes I do say wink wink in real life). And hes thinking about how he wants 2 kids with you when one day your in the park walking together and your playing on the swings and a spoiled brat comes to you telling you that its their swing and asking you to move, so you smile sweetly and look into that brats eyes and say “ I didn’t realize it had your name on it?”

--- THIS IS NOT ALL OF THE ALPHABET (obviously) if you want more just tell me! ---

i got the template here!

(part 2)

[thesolotomyhan]

benjamin arellano felix nsfw alphabet

a/n: wow ok i was starting to miss my soft amorsote de mi benjamin and i want to kiss whoevers forehead requested this because i loved writing this for him:(( anyways here we go again i hope you guys enjoy this one :))

warnings: nsfw! +this somehow ended up being long af (5.5k) lma00 so heads up! 

a- aftercare (what theyre like after sex)

if this letter were to be identified with someone,, it would pertain to pinche benjamin because If theres anyone here that is into aftercare so much its a fucking necessity to always be doing it afterwards,, it just screams benjamins name like no other,, because theres no other way around it,, my soft ass benjamin would put in a 200% effort into aftercare for you because when i imagine aftercare with min,, :( it brings me to my knees because this man at first would be caressing the side of your face,, leaning his forehead down onto yours and kissing you while hes still buried inside of you after you both came,, just the both of you trying to catch your breaths him just repeating the words “te amo” over and over again,, him smiling against your lips when he hears you repeat them back to him wow

And i feel as though he would be one to love to have you laying on his chest afterwards after he makes sure youre ok and if you needed anything he wouldve gone to go get it, but him having his  arm around you holding you against him while his other hand holds yours over his chest,, just talking about everything and anything because i feel like he would be into pillowtalk,, him running his hand softly down your back with his finger and just relishing on the feeling of your skin on his :( him occasionally planting a soft kiss in your hair. and him having this soft glow in his eyes when he looks down at you and you would already be looking at him :(( just the both of you saying i love you at the same time it would have you both laugh as he pulls you in even closer if its possible :( wow 

b- body part (favorite body part)

If you gave the choice of asking him what his favorite body part of yours is,, this enamorado of a man would literally say everything about you,that  there is no distinctive body part on you that is his upmost favorite because in his eyes, you are the embodiment of perfection, he wouldnt change anything about you,, im not sorry im not making the rules here im just enforcing them  but its just the truth since there is no way he has an exact favorite part on you when hes always kissing you everywhere everytime a new part of your skin is revealed to him when hes undressing you or even when hes thrusting into you,, the way his hands would be wandering everywhere he can like up your legs, all around your torso, even up to your face while he plants random kisses on you,, his forehead leaning down onto yours just focusing on your face while he moves his hips,, like with all of that he just loves everything about you and theres no arguing with that because even when hes not being intimate with you,, if he isnt kissing your lips,, hes planting a kiss somewhere on your face,, your wrists, your knuckles, your neck anywhere he deems fit in that moment his lips are there while he gives you this little smile afterwards when he pulls away to see your face,, all with this small glint in his eyes,, or even when hes holding your hand just idly running his thumb over your knuckles because your hands would be so much softer than his,, or just him staring at you lovingly whenever he looks at you it doesnt matter if youre dressed up or not because :(( asi te ama :( he wouldnt change anything about you whatsoever and he makes that known to you everyday,, because his favorite thing about you is you  i- 

c-cum (anything to do with cum)

I know you can see where im heading into with this letter from a mile away because there is no other way he cums without it being inside of you, i dont care what anyone says here because its something about it for him about the feeling of wanting or more like needing to finish inside of you when he feels you squeeze around him, the way you dig your nails into him a little harder, and say his name a pitch higher while your eyebrows scrunch up when he makes you cum,, he gets stuck in that memory and moment and he just feels the need to see the way your face relaxes when you feel his cum spill into you coating you everywhere on the inside- 

d- dirty secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

wow when i was thinking about this,, a dirty secret mi min would have?? i came out to blanks because what secret so bad could this mf keep??? but you know what hit me? a thought many of you have sent me?? when you act up with him or when you start to get on his nerves just to get him to fuck you into next week because i can’t,,,  i just cannot be the only one that feels some kind of way when his temper starts to shine through and his soft side is no where in plain site right? because agarrense mis reinas the day you tick off this mf and push him into not being the soft man he is with you,, and you might be asking? Well what pisses him off then? i can honestly imagine some ways like maybe you making him jealous,, or when you tease him all day long just pushing his buttons until hes to the point of tipping over,, or maybe even him just already having this built up tension from putting up with all the things he has to do and coming home to you giving him a little bit of an attitude wow not only would it be his final breaking point to push you back into the wall but it would also initiate him to be bringing his hands to wander roughly everywhere on you, his lips urgently pressing into your own it would have both of your breaths running out quickly, him moving as fast as he can to take your clothes off while walking you back into the nearest surface wow ok and when i imagined this,, when hes not in the mood to be soft and you pushed him over the edge,, i just know hes not going to be taking his time building you up like hes always doing, the foreplay doesnt even exist at this point, because i can just see him tearing off both of your clothes,, pushing your body down to lay in front of him,, one of his hands finding themselves already in between your legs as he quiets any retort you may have with his lips on yours, him moving to come closer in between your legs, raising them to bend them a little and pushing into you with no warning whatsoever it  would have you muffling a loud moan into his lips,, your hands coming to hold him by the shoulders as he pumps slowly but abruptly into you at first ,, but the way your grip would gradually become tighter on him,, your moans becoming louder and the way your body starts to thrash a little under him while he holds your legs open would have him him progressively bringing his hips to plow into you rougher and deeper by lifting your hips up a little higher with his hands,, wow you just letting him take out his frustrations out on you,, fucking you into submission again if you made him jealous or gave him an attitude,, no longer the soft side of benjamin anywhere in site,, and that- that my friends would start to become a favorite thing you do to him,, that you let him be rough once in a while with you - 

e- experience (is he experienced or not)

I feel like he would know in a sense what to do,, but at the same time he isnt a fucking freak that has had multiple women in his bed  you know,, he maybe,, maybe not might have had someone before you? Ill let you take your pick but i just lean into him being an expert in getting to know your body right away when he has you in front of him,, its why i feel it in my soul he would love foreplay,, so he can take his time getting to know your body with his hands and mouth just so he can hear how and exactly where he can hear your breath hitch when hes exploring you, because then when hes finally inside of you,, he knows where he can place his hands just to have you gripping onto him a little harder than before and watching your face react to what he does lets him know what hes doing exactly right to get you on a high for him,, hes a quick hands on learner- 

f- favorite position (basically his favorite position)

agAIN you cannot argue with me at all because you wont change my mind that his favorite position is missionary because he isnt horny and kinky (like pinche ramon would be) because benjamin would always stay with his comfort position because it lets him stare down at your face while he fucks you, getting the perfect view to see how you would fall apart around him,, and this position just allows him to run his hands down every part of your body,, and it just lets him have this control over how you react with the pace he sets,, th e way he can angle his hips down further into you when he brings your legs to wrap around his waist and bring one of his hands down onto your hip to lift your lower half up a little to feel the way he slides into you a little deeper and  feel the way you would squeeze around him a little tighter everytime wow- him being able to hold and have his thumb stroke your cheek with his other hand on your face while he leans his forehead to drop onto yours,, the both of your breaths mixing in with the others,, him telling you how hermosa you look taking him in and the way you would have your eyebrows creasing together your whines becoming more elevated with each stroke he does while he moves his head away from yours to start kissing and nipping down your throat and all over your chest as you feel your orgasm approaching,, him slipping one of his hands down towards in between your legs so his fingers can stroke at your clit and bring you to fall apart around him- wow im so sorry i let myself show through but im just saying this position while it may seem vanilla,, because he is,, he just always manages to find so many ways he can ruin you in his favor while he praises your body and everything about you completamente excuse me - 

also before we move one i obviously couldnt forget you riding him would be another one of his favorite fucking positions because wow not only does he still get to see your face and body while he’s inside of you but because he can literally choose to lay back, place his hands on your hips and continue to stare up at you at how affected he has you when hes inside of you but with you setting the pace,, just telling you words of encouragement as he helps you guide your hips down onto his,, his eyes breaking away from yours for a split second just so he can roam them down all over your body,, just watching the way he sees your breasts bounce with every rise of your hips you do,, the way your hands would be planted on his chest and your warm pussy would be swallowing his cock i - so SORrry for that but wow ok and when he sees you toss your head back,, your moans becoming louder, the way he would move his hands to place them on your back,, lightly pushing you forward so you fall down towards him,, both of your chests together and your faces mere inches away from eachother wow,, him moving one of his hands back onto your ass,, his other wandering up the expanse of your back as he continues to thrust up into you watching the way react ,, him grunting into you when he feels your hips push back onto him to meet his thrusts midway ok - im just very much explaining why he loves these two positions so much bye -

g-goofy (are they more serious or goofy during the act?)

i dont necessarily see him cracking jokes in the middle of a session with you while hes thrusting away into you but i also feel as though he isnt serious/has a neutral face to him when hes fucking you because i feel like,, sex with benjamin would be this whole course of action that he wants to live and engrain into both of your minds so i tend to see him showing you a genuine enamorado smile down towards you when he leans his forehead down onto yours as he pumps into you,, maybe even letting out a small little chuckles when he whispers te amo mi amor when he holds the side of your face as he snaps his hips into yours and he does these actions because you both are already vulnerable and haciendo el amor so he wants you to be as fucking comfortable and relaxed with him in that moment as he is with you and i dont know why that makes me so soft for him

i- intimacy (how are they during the moment?)

and here it is again,, a letter destined to be written under benjamins name because intimacy is this mans calling,,  go ahead and try to fight me on this you wont win because as much as he would love expressing and showing you in any way how much he loves you out in public all day everyday,, sex is just the cherry and sprinkles on top to show you how in love he is with you,, its like his bond and love for you truly outshines and connects you both in a stronger sense,,, 

Which is why,, his intimacy is through the roof because this is where he would love to take his time with you,, truly fucking show you why hes so in love with you and why he thinks youre too perfect for him,, worshipping your entire being both physically and mentally through being intimate with you,, and this is also where his random kisses to your body,, the caressing of his hands wandering all over your body, one of his hands eventually coming to hold one of yours when hes deep inside of you,,, the smothering of his lips on yours when hes leisurely sliding his cock in and out of you while he whispers sweet nothings into your ear of how good this feels, how good you make him feel and how much he loves you,, wow just know hes there with you encouraging you and coaxing you through your build up and orgasm- 

j-jack off (how often does he jack off?)

I dont think its a thought or action for that matter that crosses his mind on the daily,, because when hes with you thats all he ever needs,, you make him feel good and nothing else ever makes him feel the same things he does when hes with you,, youre everything and more for him but maybe lets say the times he doesnt have you around,, maybe hes on a business trip or whatever that requires him to be away from you for a time,, sure maybe the thought has crossed him once or twice and perhaps he did it once and acted on it by jacking off  but it just wasnt enough because he doesnt get the same pleasure as when he has you,, so i feel like he would always wait no matter the time apart to come back to you so he can take care of his problem,, but in plenty of other cases hes always to busy and stressing out anyways on the business and all to even think about jacking off when hes away from you so he very rarely ever does it. 

k-kink (one or more of his kinks)

If you could ask me to name just one,,just  one kink that would describe or have benjamin be the definition of one,, it’s would without a doubt be the breeding kink no one fucking touch me because how are you going to argue with me that he definitely doesnt have this?? because this whole ass of a kink could easily make this man go from loving and sweet one moment where he wouldve been softly plunging into you that it had you gently gasping for air,, just a sweet and soft moment hes always doing during sex and wow the way all of this shuts down immediately like a switch was completely flipped inside of him when either you tell him to fuck a baby into you if your vocal about it or if youre not and you just dont want to break the moment between the two of you,, so you would be bringing one of his hands down to your stomach,, your hand going on top of his and just staring at him with this look in your eyes and oh my god,, if he wasnt worshipping you before,, hes going to double all of his fucking efforts and bring everything to you on a damn pedestal because not only did he just have both of your bodies in tune with the other, but the way you let your minds both connect in that same moment too and literally ask him to fuck you until there was for sure going to be a bebe on the way would not only cause him to stutter his thrusts midway into you but it would also cause him to keep one of your legs tightly wrapped around his torso and toss your other leg up over his shoulder and pound you into the bed until all thats filling the rooms once silent space is just both of your moans mixing together, the slapping and lewd sounds of both of your skins coming together repeatedly with the beds creaking all coming together is just out of this world- 

l-location (his favorite location to have sex)

I dont know if its just me but my mind tends to always associate benjamin waiting to fuck you at home when its just the two to you,, no dangers of having some wandering ears tuning in or the risk of someone walking in and seeing the two of you,, he just wants a private atmosphere between you and him,, so what better location is there for that? your shared bedroom where he can always have a calm and focused attention solely on you with no worries about anything else- 

but you know where else hes has his way with you outside of the bedroom? his fucking office at roxanne or just his office in general because dont you dare lie to me he hasnt had you whimpering out for him while he has you lied back onto his desk,, where you have nothing to hold onto other than him while he has his hands placed on your hips to keep you in place for him while he thrusts into you,, him watching the way he glides in and out of you,, your slick coating him, and him being able to see the way you would have your head thrown back struggling to keep your moans down as your body recoils from his movements,, the slapping of skin becoming more erratic from both the risk of someone seeing the two of you but also from the adrenaline of seeing you laid out in front of him,, half clothed and half naked on top of his desk with his things on the floor,, him bringing his thumb to play with your clit so he can help bring you closer and faster to cumming around him - wow ok i - 

m-motivation (what motivates him)

ill just say this now,, it does not take much convincing much less a whole sentence to get this man motivated for you,, because the way i imagine it,, you could walk up to him and hes already wrapping his arms around you giving you a smile like que paso, mi amor? and you could very much lean into him,, kiss him until one of you needs to pull away for some air and just go “te necessito” and hes already picking you up without question ready to fucking complacerte because he is not about to disappoint you in any way and if he can make you feel better by touching you or being inside of you,, you bet hes already on his fucking way 

n-no (something he wont do)

hurting you

and this could honestly go both during intimacy with you or just in general because during intimacy hes showing and expressing to you through so many actions how much he loves you and appreciates your forma de ser both physically and mentally so in his mind it just clicks together why would he cause you pain if hes only here to give you pleasure ?? of course you could always ask him or even tell him its alright if you have an idea and it might take a good minute for him to give in,  so you might have to initiate it and convince him that it wont hurt you but other than that no,, he just doesnt want to hurt you ,his alma entera,, and this also goes for generally as well because hes never trying to make you upset or feel sad around him,, hes always showing you through actions how much he loves you,, and just how absolutely fucking whipped he is for you,, mi enamorado bebe would feel so,, but so fucking guilty for the rest of the week if he ever makes you upset or hurts you in any way because he never intends that,, he loves and respects you and that makes me so soft because HES SUCH A SOFTIE

o-oral (is he into oral? recieving? or giving?)

Wow ok- him giving oral?? to his mujer,, his amor de la vida??? he would forever without question always choose giving over receiving do not talk to me about this because he lives off of making you happy all the time,, he wants you to be contenta when youre with him and if he can give you a moment where youre in a total state of euphoria because of him then you already know hes all for giving because the way he would have satisfaction and the feeling of being proud written all over his chest for making you feel all sorts of pleasure when he watches the way you would writhe,, desperately raise your hips to chase his mouth, your hands not knowing if you want to grip his hands that are wrapped around your legs trying to hold you in place for him or if you want to tangle them in his hair where his eyes are just staring at your face in amusement seeing the way your pretty chest rises rapidly with each breath you take,, his smile hidden in between your warm legs when he brings his tongue out to stroke your throbbing clit and just feeling the way your legs would shake around him, your moans of his name the only thing he hears as he keeps burying his face into your slick heat- i m 

wow but also dont get me wrong because my stressed out man also wouldnt push you away if you ever wanted to give him a blowjob :) especially :)) when its at his office :))) and hes just on the verge of lashing out but then here you come :) to visit him and make him feel better/put him in a good mood :)) and wow because the way he would tell you and just reassure you that you dont have to,, that your mere presence comforts him but he also isnt going to put up a fight when he sees you already kneeling down,, unbuckling his pants :))him just letting out the deepest breath when he sees you waste no time on wrapping your lips around him,, your hand on the base of his crotch and your eyes looking up at him while you push his cock as far as you can take him in your mouth,, his small whispers of agradecimiento as he tosses his head back a little and omg ill just - ok thats all ill say 

p- pace (is he slow and sweet? fast and rough?)

Ohh please,, you dont even have to ask me this twice much less once because are you really going to question me when i say and state in my case that benjamin is the one that will always be the slow and sensual type ?? try me because as i have very clearly stated,, benjamin loves to take his time with you and showing you his soft side with you both intimately and out in public,, so you bet hes going to keep steering in that lane with slow and sensual strokes that just eventually build up to him doing slow and rough if you feel me? Like at first i imagine him doing soft and slow,, whispering words of love to you and holding you close but as he just progressively watches the way your face keeps scrunching up from pleasure,, your nails digging into him harder and feeling the way you start to squeeze around him harder and harder,, it would make him start to thrust into you a bit rougher but at the same time keeping the same momentum and speed just with more powerful thrusts it would have you whining his name out and getting more reactions out of you to keep him motivated- 

q-quickie (is he into quickies?)

benjamin probably doesnt even know what a quickie even fucking means because the closest thing he might even consider a quick session with you would be in his office when he only does one round with you just to satisfy the both of you for the time being but even then the way this man would always be taking his sweet ass time caressing your body,,, slipping your clothes off carefully because everytime he watches a piece of your clothing fall off of you,, hes always leaning back letting out a small deep breath because you,, his reina de todo su corazon y alma entera is showing him something so intimate and im crying again- he just cant do quick sessions with you where hes not kissing you anywhere or showing you how much he appreciates you,, he just physically c a n t fucking do it,, he loves intimacy and he forever wants to show that to you by taking all the time he has in the world to make that known for you- 

r-risk (does he take risks or experiments?)

Ohh my sweet benjamin,, my soft fucking daddy, he would not even begin to think about fucking you somewhere else other than the privacy of his own home in the bed you both share im not sorry because i feel like he’s really into privacy and really loving/wanting to take his time when he’s with you,,, so hes not really one up for having his way with you somewhere thats not the bedroom,, and sure he might do it once or twice or maybe a handful of times just for the adrenaline :) but it would take so much convincing from you to actually get him to do it,, because hes already, barely  comfortable doing it with you in his office,, a place someone could easily waltz in and see the two of you but he considers that already one of the biggest risks hes done and is going to do unless you actually convince him and make him fall if you ever wanted to do something more risky . 

s- stamina (how long can he last?)

i want to say that he can last for a good while here,, like he can definitely last long enough to make you cum more than once and fullfill his promise of hacerte el amor toda la noche but i dont think its crazy enough,, but i do want to say, if its been a while and he hasnt been with you, its natural his build up/stamina  grows overtime that he can go for a some good rounds,, but i feel like he has this motto of “quality over quantity” that within the first round hes fucked you so good you both dont even need another round- 

u-unfair (how often does he tease?)

what even is teasing for this man? Besides his need for building you up before he ruins you,, he cant tease you for too long ya know? But of course :)) if you want to do it to him :)) then go right for it because he loves it when you tease him and push his buttons :))) 

v-volume (is he loud while doing it?)

i want to say that yes hes vocal but not so much everyone in the house hears it,, he can control himself from groaning too loud ya feel?  because again he loves privacy and this intimate moment is just between you and him so really the only one that needs to hear how good youre making him feel is you, because i just see him always either whispering in your ear the words he wants to spill out to you or if hes grunting from how deep hes inside of you and how tight you squeeze around him,, i imagine him dropping his head down onto your skin wherever he may be and groan into you,, but with you,, its a whole different story because he lives off of hearing the pretty noises he can induce out of you, its what guides him to make sure youre feeling absolutely good and on cloud 9 with him because he wants you to feel the same way he does with the things you do to him . 

w-wild card (something random)

I just kind of want to throw it out there about office sex again because get this,, one of his biggest most upmost worries he has when having sex with you thats somewhere not in the privacy of your shared room is the fucking fear of someone walking in on the two of you,, and his fear skyrockets even more at the thought of one of his siblings being the one to walk in at the wrong time as he plows into you because he knows hes not going to live it down for the entire year with them,, and you know maybe its karma catching up to him or just fate deciding to fuck with him one day because the one time,, the one time he actually insisted to you that he would rather wait to go home with you and take his time with you there but ended up giving in to you would be the day one of siblings decide to talk to him about something,, because i have to laugh imagining benjamin having your lower half of your body hanging off of his desk, your breasts having spilled out from the top youre wearing,,  your legs wrapped around his waist, one of his hands planted right next to your head as his other hand has his thumb rubbing insistent circles onto your slick clit,, his hips rutting into you at a steady pace and his eyes staring into yours as you both quietly groan out so no one catches an idea of what you both are doing together,, and i just imagine francisco or even ramon being the unfortunate one to open the door,, not even thinking about knocking because what harm or secret action could benjamin possibly be doing lol- and im just imagining mon or pancha going “oyes benjamin, dina dijo que-” and omg the way i can picture benjamin feeling his whole world crash,, him scrambling to cover you up and send a fucking glare of daggers to his brother like “que te pasa cabron, que no sabes que primero tocas la pinche puerta antes de abrirla” and lol the way they would be screaming at min why he didnt lock the door in a public space while walking away as min is already running his hands down his face on how hes going to get out of this one is something i love to think about when i imagine office sex- 

y-yearning (how high is his sex drive?)

I honestly feel like hes got it average you feel me?? because its not like every morning he has to get one in,,unless you want to of course then hes all for it,, but he isnt that fucking needy that he requires a minimum for the week alright? as long as youre fine then hes fine,, but if you ever even think about wanting/needing him then hes all ready for it,, its really your call most of the time but other than that,, he can wait until he actually does need it. 

z-zzz (how quickly does he fall asleep afterwards?)

He is not even closing one eye until he sees that you did because he just loves relishing in the feel and moment that he has you in his arms,, the both of you still coming down from your highs and enjoying the sweet aftermath thats coming in,, his happiness radiating off of him because youre happy with him,, i just feel like he would also be into pillowtalk and being able to hold your body close, like he would love it when you lay your head on his chest,, his arm that would be under you just wrapping you closely into him,, absentmindedly letting his finger trail down your back and arm,, his other hand resting on his chest and holding one of your hands too,, wow him always,, never skipping a beat after sex with you to whisper to you “te amo con mi vida entera, mi amor” and hearing you say it back to him just makes him so happy as he kisses the top of your head,, dozing off when he sees you close your eyes - 

taglist: @coaxium-captain-rex @visintaes @sheeshgivemeabreak @artemiseamoon @afterneptune @wtfisgoingonlol @sxndythinkstoomuch @avatar-m0m0 @boomclapxox @carlislecullenisadilf 

arellano felix taglist: @tinylittleobsessions @curaheed​ 

let me know if you want to be added! 

[24hlevi]

can i just say that i've just finished reading that angst headcanons/imagines/scenarios or whatever it's supposed to be called about the boys reacting to y/n dying and i'm just...i'm just a sobbing mess.

it's well-written so 1000/10 for that, but whY MUST YOU ATTACK MY HEART IN THIS MANNER???? i love your work, but my poor heart ack-

btw is there any possibility to ask for a request for a same scenario but for kazutora, mitsuya, and hanma? like for kazutora's part, imagine if it wasn't yknow who died but its y/n 🥲

omg you’re so nice first of all thank you 😭 and OMG YES

TR Boys Reaction To You Dying Pt. 2

Tokyo Revengers Boys (Kazutora, Shuji, & Takashi) X Gn!Reader

Genre: Pure Angst

Warnings: Swearing, Suicide (kind of? it’s what happened to baji did so idk what to label it as 🤷‍♂️)

Hanemiya Kazutora:

All Kazutora could think was that it was all his fault that this happened. He was too caught up in his own world that he didn’t even know what he was doing anymore. He didn’t even know you had shown up to the fight until he stabbed you instead of Baji.

“Y/n?” Kazutora asked, dropping the knife immediately when he saw you standing between him and Baji, blood dripping onto the ground below you. He completely froze, not knowing what he had just done or why he even did it. “Baby, are you okay?”

You held onto the stab wound, coughing up blood as you looked at your boyfriend. “I just wanted you…to stop.” You choked out before collapsing to your knees.

Everyone had stopped and was watching you by now, shocked that you had even protected Baji from both sides when your whole body landed on the car below you. Spitting blood out of your mouth, you laid on your back, staring up at the blue sky that was dusted with white clouds.

“Y/n!”

You heard multiple people yell your name, but you couldn’t even tell who it was until you saw Kazutora kneeling beside you. “Y/n! Keep your eyes open, okay?!”

You shook your head from side to side, raising your hand to put it on Kazutora’s face before quietly speaking, “Give it to me, the knife.”

“What? Why? Look, Y/n you just gotta stay awake okay?” Kazutora spoke fast, clearly freaking out on both the outside and inside, not even caring about the gang fight anymore.

“Hand it over, Kazutora.” You said his full name which caused him to go quiet, staring down at you with saddened eyes before handing you the knife that already had your blood on it. “Thank you, babe. I love you.” You told him.

“I love you too, Y/n.” Kazutora said to you.

You bundled up your shirt at the top, putting it in your mouth so you had something to bite down on before plunging the knife into your stomach and twisting it around, then pulling it back out and dropping it.

Kazutora wrapped his arms around you and held you close to him as you lived your last moments, and he couldn’t even say anything. “I’m sorry, Y/n. I always will love you.” Was all he said after you died.

Kazutora then took the blame for killing you, resulting im him ending up in jail again but he wasn’t angry about it. He was just sad. So sad that he didn’t even try to get out of jail and get back into the gang life. He just sat around, continuously saying,

“It’s all my fault.”

Hanma Shuji:

Shuji swore that he would never allow you to get hurt while he was away doing gang activities that he didn’t want you included in. That’s why he always had someone beside you and a bodyguard to make sure you would always be safe. But even then, it didn’t work.

It was half past 1 in the morning when Shuji’s phone rang while he was with the other Valhalla members, beating up some random other gang member. Shuji stopped punching the other male, standing up straight and took his phone out of his pocket and opened it, answering. “Yes?”

“Shuji…”

Shuji’s breath hitched when he heard your shaky and quiet voice, and he immediately knew that something was wrong. “Y/n? Where are you, darling? Is something wrong?”

“I’m…at home. B-But someone..got in.” You tried your best to reply, but it was coming out shaky and slow. 

“I’ll be there in five minutes. I promise, baby. Okay? I love you.” Shuji told you before turning around and looking at everyone, taking the phone away from his ear. “Kazutora, you’re in charge until I get back, understand? As for everyone else, just do what you’re told.” He said to everyone, proceeding to then walk out and make his way onto the streets when he started to sprint down the different roads. 

Now he was just making sure that he made it to your place in five minutes like he said he would, which usually he would be able to do easily, but he was more determined now that he had heard something had gone wrong whilst he was away. Upon reaching your place, he saw the front door opened already and he quickly rushed inside. “Y/n?! Baby, where are you?!” He called out as he started to run through every room in the house. 

He finally made it to your room where you laid on the floor, a puddle of blood beneath you as you were taking shallow and slow breaths. “Y/n!” Shuji yelled out your name, going over to you and kneeling down beside you. He grabbed you and lifted you up, holding you in his arms as he checked for your pulse. When he felt it he let out a sigh of relief but it was very weak and barely noticeable which made him realize he probably only had a few more moments with you. 

“I’m sorry, Y/n. For not being here when I should have. I’m so fucking stupid, I should have just stayed here with you. I’m sorry, darling. I’m sorry.” Shuji said to you, his voice cracking halfway through as tears welled up in his eyes.

You looked up at him and smiled lightly despite you dying in his arms. “It’s okay, Shuji. Don’t...blame yourself. I still love you.” You had never seen the boy cry before, that’s how you knew that he did really love you, that he wasn’t just saying it so he could manipulate or get things from you. 

“I love you too.” Shuji whispered out. 

Soon enough, your head went limp and your eyes were stuck open, all of the life drained from your face as blood dirtied the floor and Shuji’s clothes. “Y/n? Y/n? Wake up, please.” The boy pleaded to your now deceased body, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to get you back. Not ever again. 

Shuji became what you would have never wanted him to become, a terrible person who killed anyone if they even looked at him the wrong way, and most importantly, one that drank all of his feelings after the day was over, crying to himself over your death still. 

Because he would never get you back. And he regretted that the most.

Mitsuya Takashi:

Takashi was the most important person in your life, just like you were to him. He had told you on multiple occasions that he wanted to be with you forever. And he thought it would really happen. Boy, was he wrong. So, so wrong. 

You two were walking down the busy street, eating street food while going inside stores and just admiring the night scenery. Everything was going perfectly normal, until it all changed within a few seconds. 

“Hey, babe?” Takashi said, looking over at you.

“Yeah?” You repled. 

“Do you wanna get married some day in the future?” 

The question that came out of your boyfrien’s mouth shocked you, and you didn’t know how to reply. You both were still teenagers, how the hell were you supposed to know? “Only if it’s you I’m marrying.” You aswered with a smile. 

Takashi smiled back and pressed his lips against yours before pulling away quickly after. “Same here.” He told you. 

Suddenly, car tires screeched on the black cement road and one zoomed around, an all black van. It’s windows opened and guns pointed out of them before they started to fire. Takashi quickly wrapped his body around you and covered you with his, not even caring if he would end up getting killed because of it. 

After the car drove off, Takashi looked at you and asked in a frantic voice, “Y/n, are you okay?”

You looked at him, then down to your side, shaking your head as you spat out blood. Takashi’s eyes widened as he yelled out your name, but you had collapsed onto the ground, grabbing at your abdomen where the gunshot wound was, blood beginning to soak through your clothes and onto the sidewalk below you. 

“No, no, no. Y/n! Stay with me!” He yelled, taking his phone out of his pocket and about to call the polce when you grabbed his hand, stopping him. “What?”

“Don’t. It’s okay.” You told him, a small smile on your face. 

“It’s not okay! I can’t lose you! We-We just talked about getting married some day!” The boy continued to yell.

“Maybe...in another life, we will.” You spoke barely above a whisper, your vision starting to darken and turn blurry. “I love you, Mitsuya Takashi.”

“I love you too, Y/n.” Takashi replied to you but you didn’t respond. “Y/n?” He reached his hand over and shook you gently, and when you didn’t move he looked at your face, then realizing that you were gone. He sat on the ground, and put his hands over his face, beginning to cry. 

Takashi cried and mourned over your death everyday, despite people telling him to move on. He just couldn’t. He would never be able to find someone he would love like he loved you. He knew that. So that’s how it remained the rest of his life. Lonely, and depressed. 

[introloves]

all i have been listening to is bubble pop electric for the past three days and uh, Thought™️ time:

hinata convincing you to ride him in the back of his car at a drive in movie.

-💭

hng- hinata 🥺🤲

— implied voyeurism + riding + soft dom! hinata + f! reader

“please.” he whispers into your ear for the fifth time, warm breath tickling your jaw and neck as he leans over the center console to you. his hand- veined, calloused and warm is squeezing your thigh, slotting in to get a handful of you, kneading you.

that one almost makes you break, but there were people around.

you had hissed that responce more times than you’d care to admit- but with a peak over to his lap, you could see the imprint of his big dick hard and slung over one of his thighs. shit.

“shoyo, t-theres a lot of people.” you whine, and he grins.

“sweet thing, we can hop in the back, the windows are more tinted.” you know he’s right, but you’re sure if someone stared enough- they’d be able to see.

your resolve is crumbling, and you make the mistake of looking at him fully, the big screen infront of you two illuminates his face- hes so handsome, but the blush and lidded eyes, quick breathing and a tanglible vibrating energy surrounding him lets you know just what he wants.

“okay- okay, but we stop if anyone sees us.” you let him know, and he smiles real wide- the visible jump of his cock in his jeans is the final nail in the coffin, /you/ werent gunna want to stop.

he grabs your face- squishing your cheeks before placing a fat- wet and very loud- kiss to your puckered and slightly opened mouth before squeezing his wide and built body between the two seats. once hes settled down, legs spread opened, he practically pulls you through as well.

“ah- there we go pretty baby. isnt that much better?” he sighs once your heat is settled above his hard dick.

you nod, what else could you do? you were about to get fucked by your insanely hot boyfriend.

its experimental- he grabs your hips lowly, pinky digging into the fat of where your thigh meets your hips- a glutton for the soft and squishy parts of you. he grabs you there and pushes you down harder, making you grind over him.

“f-fuck.” it comes out in a stutter, already hot and sweaty.

“yeah, feels good.” he responds. once again the excitment of having you wins him over, fingertips tugging your pants off all the way- slipping your shoes off, the whole show. it leaves you absolutely naked from the waist down, dripping into his jeans, leaving little strings of the arousal all over-

“messy little cunt.” he grunts, hastily unbuttoning his own pants, tugging himself out.

“c’mon angel- come take a seat.”

you do as youre told- already past any feelings of self preservation or guilt and shame. the sight of his fat dick, drooling cum, hard and waiting for you makes you go brain dead.

it hurts when you sink down, always does- but then he starts bouncing you- so hard that the car is most definitely moving- and you cant feel anything other than absolute pleasure.

it makes your toes curl, makes you grip onto his shoulder- the orange hair at the nape of his neck, makes you throw your head back and all but scream his name, youre still mindful of the fact that hes fucking you stupid while a rerun of the addams family plays in the back. he doesn’t care though- he definitely wouldnt stop you from crying out his name at a near eardrum shattering decibel.

it just makes him fuck you harder- hard grip on you, moving you all by himself, you’ve gone limp.

“pretty girl- say my name.” he groans, voice sweet and tender, one hand leaving your hips to thumb at your clit in harsh circles- favoring now to plant his feet against the car floor and buck up into you.

and jsut like he commanded you to- you say his name over and over, head thrown back while you cum right round his dick- hand planted on the roof to make sure you dont knock yourself on it.

its in harsh, fast, debilitating waves that it hits you- pussy clamping down on him over and over.

“f-fuck! fuck! fuck! cumming! i’m cumming shoyo!” you cry, legs shaking and squirming around.

it tips him over too- cant help the way he slams you down on him, your mouth popping open, to dump it all inside you.

“shit- im here too baby, ‘m cumming too.” he moans prettily.

it takes a little too long for either of you two to come back to sanity and you only do because you can hear the cars start- can see the headlights turn on.

you yelp when the car parked directly behind you turns on and shines light into his car. you duck- bury your face into his neck and hiss out a;

“fuck! fuck!”

before the light flickers twice- followed by a rapid honk.

“they saw! shoyo they saw!” you nearly die, but he giggles.

“yeah- they saw how good i fuck you, didnt they pretty girl.”

[hotch-stufff]

can i get angst 47 with gibbs 👁👁

Bruises

gif is not mine

Paring: Gibbs x Reader

Warnings!: mentions of abuse, angst, crying, comforting, abusive relationship, cursing, mentions of injuries from abuse

Prompt: "You flinched"

-------------

I laid on the ground, not having enough energy to stand up. I couldn't move, and God did it hurt to breathe. Probably a bruised rib, would definitely have some bruises to add to the collection.

Hopefully nothing bad enough to send me to the hospital. The last time I did that, well it was just really bad, and Darren was pissed. So pissed that when we got home, he beat me all over again.

Now I know what you're thinking. What is a federal agent doing staying in an abusive relationship like this? Truth is, I had no idea. At first it was because I thought the beatings would eventually stop, but they didn't. And after realizing they would never stop, I tried to get out. But that only left to another hospital trip and threats. The threats were the only reason that I stayed.

Darren threatened a lot of things. He threatened to beat me so bad I couldn't move. To kill me. But the worst was that he threatened to hurt my team. He knew the whole team, he knew them really well. He worked at NCIS for God's sake, just not on Gibbs team. And that was enough for me to stick around.

Of course, it should be known that it wasn't always like this. Darren was a good guy in the beginning. He brought me flowers and took me out to nice restaurants. He made time for me, and I did the same for him. But then, he didn't get the open spot on Gibbs team. I did. And it all went downhill from there.

The bruises were getting extremely hard to hide. Turtlenecks and long pants were becoming my everyday wardrobe. Which wasnt the easiest thing to work in, but foundation was expensive, and Darren spent most of our money on alcohol or cigarettes. Whatever his weekly fix was. It was ... exhausting. The front I had put up in front of everyone was tearing me down, and people were starting to notice.

Tony and Ziva, who sat closest to me would send me a concerned glance each time I winced when moving. I blamed it on muscle pain, from working out so much.

Abby would see the amount of makeup I was wearing and would ask if I was okay. Of course she just thought I was insecure. She would always tell me that I was bueatiful and that I didn't need makeup. It warmed my heart each and every time she said it.

Palmer was concerned because he had caught one of my bruises. It was on my wrist and my sleeve had rolled up slightly. He had asked about it and I had told him the first lie that popped in my head. That I had fallen. He had taken me straight to Ducky to make sure that it was actually okay. Which is how Ducky got involved.

And then there was Gibbs. Gibbs didn't ask questions, he didn't push for answers, he didn't send me concerned glances. But I was certain he knew something. He didn't know what was actually going on, because he would beat the shit out of Darren if he knew. But he just seemed like he knew something. I knew that if I was going to go to anyone about my "issue", it would be him. Gibbs had been there for me since I had joined the team. And we both had spent plenty of late nights in the office talking. Me, avoiding going home to Darren and him not wanting to go back to his empty house.

Everyone had said that Gibbs was this hard man that never opened up and remained silent most of the time. But boy once he got talking, he never shut up. We talked about eveything. And sometimes nothing, just enjoying each others presence. And if I'm honest, I may have been developing feelings for the guy. But I could never do that, because Darren would probably kill him. And that scared me more than anything.

But life seemed okay. Atleast I was the only one getting hurt.

Of course until it all came crashing down. And it had just been a normal day.

* * *

I sat at my desk, working on and endless stack of paperwork that came with each case. We had just wrapped one up, a good ending thankfully. The team was in high spirits, talking about going out to a bar tonight. But I knew Darren wouldn't have it. I had turned down the offer, instead opting to sit and do paperwork until I had to go home.

Everyone had left for the night, leaving me alone in the bullpen. My hand was a scribbling away, when I had felt the gentle tap of a hand against my shoulder. I should have been more careful, but I had thought it was Darren. So I flinched away from him and crossed my arms in front of my face.

"Y/n?" Gibbs. It was Gibbs. That was it. Just Gibbs. I instantly pulled my arms down and straightened up.

"H-hey Gibbs. What um, what can I do for you." He just stared at me, giving me the usual Gibbs glare.

"You flinched." I grimaced. Of course I did. I didn't want him to find out like this, but I guess this is how its gonna go.

"Um- I, I. Well you see Gibbs-" he cut me off.

"Is someone hittin ya?" He paused thinking, before remembering my oh so lovely boyfriend. "That son of a bitch."

"Wait Gibbs. Its not what you think." But the damage was done. He was going through everything in his mind. My clothes, the grimaces everytime I jerked around, the excuses, the late nights avoiding going home. It all made sense to him now.

"Take off your shirt." My eyes grew wide.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." There was no avoiding this, he wasn't letting me off easily. I took a deep breath before grabbing the bottom of my turtleneck and bringing it over my head. His breath hitched when he saw the bruises that littered my skin.

"My god y/n." He shook his head, running the rough pads of his fingers up and down my arms. "Gonna kill him." And he stood back up, turning quickly before stomping towards the elevator. I slipped my shirt back on and ran after him, but he was already gone. I hurried down to the parking garage and jumped in my car speeding off.

He was gonna kill him. Although who would kill who, I didn't know.

I broke just about every speeding law on the way to my house. When I got there, the door was kicked open and yelling was coming from inside the house.

"Gibbs!" I shouted, running as fast as I could. I walked in the door and gasped. There was glass littering the floor, and picture frames scattered across the ground. I walked further in the house and found them in my kitchen. Gibbs on top of Darren, repeatedly punching him in the face.

"Gibbs! Stop!" I ran to him, pulling him off of Darren. "Stop, he isn't worth it." I pulled Gibbs up by his arm and dragged him away. But he wasn't finished.

"Ya ever go near her again, you're gonna wish you were dead. We'll come back for her stuff, you better not be here when we do." I wanted to cry, to scream, to shout. But I held it in, grabbing Gibbs more forcefully and dragging him back outside.

Once outside, we hopped in his car, and he began driving back to his house. Saying I was grateful was an understatement. Grateful that it was finally over. That maybe I could sleep at night now without worrying about waking up to another beating.

The ride was driven in silence, and soon we were at his house. He got out of the car and walked inside, leaving me out here by myslef. I walked in after him.

I found him in the the kitchen pouring a glass of Bourbon. I came up behind him hugging him.

"Thank you." He froze for a minute before turning in my grasp and brining me into a tight hug. And thats what started the tears. We stood there as I cried into his chest for what felt like forever. Until he finally pulled away and cupped my face.

"Ya didn't deserve any of that. Don't know what happened, or when it started. But ya didn't deserve any of it. You are beautiful and loved and noone should ever have to be treated the way you were." He paused and I began rambling out whatever words came to my mind.

"It was you. I stayed because he threatened you. He said he would hurt you and the team and I couldn't let him." He leaned his forehead against mine. The tears pouring steadily down my face, sobs racking by body.

"Shh, shh. Sweetheart its okay." He leaned in slightly, our lips brushing slightly. And then he leaned in the rest of the way, kissing me into he most gentle way he could. So much different than the bruising kisses that Darren would give me. He broke away after a second.

"Dont know if your ready for it, but I love ya." He said softly. "We can do this, if you want. At your own pace. I just want to show you whats its like to be loved the right way." I nodded.

"I might need some time. But I love you too... Jethro." He smiled.

"Take all the time you need. But m'not leaving your side." I giggled softly as he brought me into another hug. And I stood there whispering thank yous and I love yous until we headed off to bed. I hadn't felt this safe in a long time, and I never wanted to let this feeling go.

-------------

Hope you guys enjoyed this one. I'm really enjoying writing for Gibbs. Thanks for reading! Requests are still open, so ask away! Im so sorry if I don't get to your request! If you would like an idea of what to request, here is my prompt list, and if you would like to read more of my work, here is my masterlist.