#im actually dying inside | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fawnindawn · 9 months ago

Text

even at our worst, we know we'll still be okay (luke castellan x apollo fem! reader)

summary: Where Percy's insistent pestering forces Luke to rethink on his possibly not platonic feelings for you, his best friend, and Percy's questions are answered for him with Luke's reaction to you being heavily injured on your return from your quest.

pairing: luke castellan x apollo fem! reader

a/n: i'm actually in love with this, maybe it's just the friends-to-lovers in me (where a love confession happens because one of them was near death's door-) but man.. also, i love including percy so much he's such a kid.

masterlist for this series next

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

"Face it, man. You're whipped."

Percy watched Luke choke on his water, coughing as he tried to swallow past the sudden accusation. Wiping at the excess that dripped past his chin, Luke raised a brow at Percy.

"Whipped? For who?" Luke questioned, eyes averting and staring straight ahead, beyond the training grounds towards the meadows in the distance, seemingly searching for something or just doing a poor job at avoiding Percy’s unimpressed stare.

“I’m not blind, as much as Annabeth claims, to this...love stuff.” Percy huffed, half in exasperation and half in exhaustion as he leaned forward using his sword to balance himself. “You’ve been depressed ever since she left for her quest.”

Luke doesn’t need to hear your name to know who Percy was referring to. It’s been weeks since you were chosen by your father, Apollo, to descend on some mighty quest to fetch back his lyre that had been stolen. It wasn’t supposed to be a dangerous quest, but Luke had felt his gut sinking when he first heard the news from you.

“Why does he need to send you out there, where you could possibly be tracked down by monsters to get back a musical instrument of all things?” Luke snapped, exasperated as he runs his fingers through his curls, pacing back and forth in the Hermes Cabin, while you laid on his mattress looking undeniably calmer than he was.

“Luke, my dad won’t purposely send me on some death trap. I'll be fine.” You tried to reassure him, waiting for him to calm down in his pacing before you extended your hands in his direction right as he turned to make another round through the cabin for the seventh time. “Hey, come here.” You gestured. “Sit with me.”

He hesitated, stopping in his tracks as he finally took the time to look at you, noting your concerned expression at him. As if you weren’t about to descend on some ridiculous quest to god knows where all because your father couldn’t pluck up the effort to collect the instrument himself.

The longer your hands stayed outstretched for him, the more his anger and frustration dissolved into the overwhelming need to be near you. One second, he’s standing and the next, he’s laying in bed with you, your arms wrapped around him to stabilise him even though he should be the stronger one. The one to look out for you.

Laying his head on your shoulder as he wrapped one of his fingers around your hair, curling it in his palms, he spoke again in a soft whisper only for you to hear. “I’m worried.”

“I know.” You responded, your hands tracing at the curve of his shoulder, stopping at his collarbone, before your finger moved to tilt his face by the chin to look at you. “You trust me, right?” You ask, knowing his answer but wanting to hear the reassurance all the same.

“Course' I do.” He replied immediately, his eyes intense as he made eye contact with you. That was without question. You could ask him to walk into blazing flames, and he'd trust you would ask for good reason.

“Then you can trust that I’ll make it back alive.”

“Alive can mean lots of things.” He muttered, his eyes growing distant, the ghost of blood and a stinging burn running down the half of his face appearing uninvited in his mind.

“I’ll make it back alive and unharmed.” You reiterated, a knowing look in your eyes as you unconsciously traced at his scar, leaving warmth where it resides, making him shiver instinctively. “It’s a promise, Luke.”

He stayed silent, before slowly moving his hand to cup yours that rested over his scar. “I’m counting on it, sunshine.”

That promise rested over Luke’s conscience, gnawing at the back of his heels, chasing him daily from the early hours as he forced himself not to break over the stress and anxiety before putting on his golden boy facade, to pretend that he wasn't constantly distracted and nauseous over the thought of something happening to you without him being there to protect you.

He would've snuck out of camp if he could, just to find you, but Chiron had been tight-lipped on your destination, his all-knowing gaze piercing right through Luke when he had tried to nonchalantly ask about your whereabouts.

"I wish I could help you, Luke." Chiron had told Luke a few days after you had gone. "However, Apollo's request was clear. Only she shall take on this quest. No one else." The pin-point gaze Chiron had locked onto Luke made it clear he was talking about him.

"I am not whipped." Luke denied. "She's my friend. Like how you're my friend."

"I don't think your friendship with her is normal though." Percy fired back quickly, sipping on his own water as if he didn't casually demolish the older boy. "I swear I caught you bringing her back after curfew to your cabin, a few times in fact."

Luke felt his cheeks flush at Percy's sudden interrogation, smashing facts after facts on an early Tuesday morning. "I've been having.. nightmares lately. She's the only one who keeps them away." He didn't know why he felt like he had to explain himself to the kid, but the longer his friendship with you went under fire, the faster he wanted to get out of this conversation.

"You don't think that's something you should think deeper about?" Percy muttered with a shrug.

Luke is left speechless, his mind short-cutting at the sudden implication of.. him feeling something more for you? His most recent memories flashed through his mind. You tucked under his blanket as you laid beside him for the last night before your quest, a sleepy smile etched on your lips before you whispered him goodnight and he pulled you into his chest so he could feel your heart beating against his to push away any tricks currently playing on his mind, bringing light to how you're the only person he believes could calm him down and bring him peace-

"She's my best friend." Luke replied, more to himself than to Percy. "I'm just worried for her. A quest like that shouldn't take so long, and I keep imagining-"

He stopped in his tracks, not wanting to say his fears out in the open in fear that his words would jinx it, but Percy knew where he was getting at. Percy inched closer to Luke, moving to pat him awkwardly on the back in an effort to comfort him. "It's normal to be worried. From what I heard from Annabeth, you two are really close. I didn't have much conversations with her before she left, but she seems brave, and smart too. I have no doubts she'll make it back. If she's half as good as you, there's no way she wouldn't."

Luke felt a real smile crossing his face, the corners of his lips quirked up at Percy's words. "She's not half as good- she is better than me." He turned to look at Percy, that shine in his eyes noticeable as he talked about you. "Don't let her hear that when she gets back though, she'll talk my ear off for ages."

Percy returned his own smile, elated to see Luke have some improvement in his mood, proof being the first genuine smile Percy's seen in weeks coming from him.

"So.. do you want to stop for today?" Percy attempted with a casual tone.

"Why? Backing out already?" Luke teased, a smirk playing on his lips as he inched towards the kid jokingly with his sword raised.

"No!" Percy denied frantically. "I swear I'm not using the sympathy card as an excuse to get out of training-"

The sounds of a horn cut off his words, groaning across the camp, reaching the training grounds in record time. Luke felt his heart palpitate, nearly crashing into his rib cage.

He barely had time to think, yelling to Percy with urgency flying off his tongue. "Catch you later, Perce!" Then, he was off, his legs carrying him up the hills and back towards the camp entrance.

He heard Percy yell his name in confusion, but he could apologise later for his sudden departure.

You had come back to him.

The journey seemed too long, his shoes scrambling for ground, barely scraping the dirt as he ran towards the front of camp. He didn't know what to expect, a celebration with cheers from the other campers on your arrival, a glimpse of your face with that smile he loves. What he didn't expect was the silence as he came towards a slow jog before ultimately stopping at what seemed to be a crowd gathering around something- or someone.

He pushed his way through, barely making the effort to apologise over the thought of seeing you. His eyes finally caught onto what the onlookers were staring at, and his heart dropped.

You laid on the ground, passed out with what seemed to be dark, angry coils covering your skin, ranging from your neck to the outstretch of your back that was exposed from the gash in your shirt. That stupid lyre laid not too far from you, its golden strings ripped apart.

The sound that tore from his throat barely sounded like his voice, yelling out your name as he pushed through the final barrier in the crowd before reaching for you. He nearly made it before someone dragged him back, grabbing him by the shoulders and pushing him away.

The curses that left Luke's mouth would make anyone wince, and he had to resist the urge to punch whoever was holding him back as he twisted his head to face his repressor. "Chris! Get out of my way." Luke hissed, still trying to make his way to you, fury twisting in his gut as he couldn't fathom why no one's helped you yet.

"Calm down, Luke!" Chris pleaded, desperation in his eyes forcing Luke to falter. "I know you want to help her but you have to listen to me. Whatever attacked her left something contagious on her body. Someone already tried helping her but it spread to their skin too!"

Wait? While whatever was attacking your body seemed to grow more intense by the minute, as Luke's gaze locked onto your form and watched the sickening, black coils spread further and further up your neck.

"Rodriguez, does it look like I care if it spreads to me?" Luke spat out, giving his friend a final push. "If she dies, I won't ever forgive myself for standing on the sidelines. Let me go now."

The cold venom in his tone made his friend loosen his hold just enough for Luke to rip himself out of his arms to drop his knees beside you. He grabbed hold of your shoulder, which still had shreds of your shirt to prevent him from being stung by whatever was infecting you, but his other hand which grabbed hold of your back did not face the same fate. The coils snaked onto his palm, and he gritted his teeth at the burning sensation.

Just as he turned you around so he could lift you up, he heard the familiar sound of hooves stamping against the soil and he looked up to see Chiron approaching with a grim expression. No words needed to be said as Luke met eyes with the centaur, a mutual understanding as Luke wrapped his arms around your torso and legs.

He pushed through to help carry you up, barking orders for the crowd to part way as he made his way to the infirmary. The longer he held onto you, the more every bone in his body seemed to scream to let you go, but he only focused on every step it took to get you closer to help, his eyes unable to look away from the paleness of your skin, the blue to your lips.

It seemed unfit for a child of Apollo, a child of the sun, to be dull and lifeless. You looked dead, and if it wasn't for the faint drumming of your pulse he could sense from your wrist, he would've struck the name of your father with such unbridled hatred, Apollo himself would descend from the heavens to condemn him.

"Please." He begged, holding onto you tighter despite his body's cries not to. Begging to who, he did not know, but if any being could save you from the fate you did not deserve, and pass it to him instead, he would gladly offer his prayers and worship. If it meant saving you, he would take your pain and suffer it tenfold just to see you open your eyes again.

It took you five days to recover. The infirmary had been quarantined and no one save for Chiron and Will, the main healer from the Apollo cabin, was allowed in. In those five days, no one dared approach Luke, who seemed near death's door despite having received his own small dosage of ambrosia to heal the coils that had managed to sink into his skin. He had begged Chiron to let him visit you, but Chiron deemed him too unstable to be near you, your recovery process a fragile thing that required tentative hands and patience.

Waiting to see you was a torture not even he could have envisioned for himself. He had been torn apart at the seams, of his belief in the gods and the scars that were immortalized onto his body. He had lived through days of water and nothing but false hope, hiding from monsters and other horrors before he made it to camp, arriving as a scrawny boy with eyes having witnessed events no kid his age should have to go through. Yet, no pain he had experienced could compare to his fears of losing you. If he-

He couldn't think of it without wanting to puke, but if he lost you somehow, he would lose his faith in this world. There would be no one to hold him back, no you, to stop him from letting go of the world that failed him and tearing it down.

It didn't help that in those five days, he had dreams. Of a different world, of salvation. A dark, ancient voice called to him, older than time, with whispers of promised glory and revenge. There was no you, none of your soothing touches or voice to wake him. In those five days, his strength faltered and he made a deal.

On the sixth day, he was woken frantically by a shake on the shoulder from his sleep. He roused awake, dizzy and still-half asleep to see Chris talking to him in rushed incoherent words.

"Awake- She's awake, sleepy-head!"

Luke was half-dressed, still fighting off sleep with aggressive rubbing to his eyes as he tugged on his t-shirt, rushing towards the infirmary with Chris hot on his heels.

He burst through the front door, holding his breath when he finally saw you, propped up on two pillows talking to Will. Tears pricked in the corners of his eyes, blurring his vision as he rushed over to you.

You turned to him then, just in time to see him blink his tears away. "Luke." You called to him softly, and time seemed to stop just for the two of you, and he could only see you in his vision.

"Can you guys give us some privacy?" You asked politely, eyeing Will and Chris, but your eyes never drifted far before moving back to him.

"Of course." Will responded, quickly getting up from his chair towards the exit, dragging a confounded Chris with him with a tug on the back of his shirt. "Hey! I wanted to see her too-" "Give the two lovebirds some time alone, you idiot."

Luke inched closer to you, his heart beating so loudly in his eardrums he swears you could hear it too. You lifted your arms to him and he didn't waste time, taking you in his arms and embracing you so tight, and yet he felt he couldn't be close enough.

"You were dying. In my arms. I felt it when I carried you in here." He muttered into your shoulder, shaking as he finally let out the exhaustion and pain he had been feeling since the day you left.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." You apologised, rocking him back and forth as your voice croaked up. "All I thought of was you. When I fought against that beast, I kept repeating my promise to you. That I would come back to you. You saved me."

He shook his head, feeling his tears wet his cheeks as he pulled back to grab you by the chin, a gentle touch like he was afraid you would disappear if he couldn't see you talking to him, that your voice would be a hallucination he concocted. "I should've stopped you from going. I had a bad feeling since I heard about it. I should've protected you- prevented you from getting hurt in the first place-"

You stopped him with a kiss, desperate yet shy, before pulling away and pressing your forehead to his. "I love you, Luke. I was so scared I would never get to tell you and it would've been my biggest regret. I love you so much, Luke, and I'm sorry if this ruins anything between us but I can't hide it anymore-"

Luke cut you off the very same way you did, but with such intense hunger you gasped when he kissed you, sloppy and with even more desperation, tugging at your bottom lip and pulling you closer with his hand at nape of your neck. "I love you." He muttered through quick breaths. "I love you, it actually hurts because of how much I do." He admitted, grabbing your hand to place right above his heart, which is owned completely and only by you.

He leaned in once more, addicted to the taste of you, kissing you with one hand holding yours to his heart, the other pulling you close so that there was no space between the two of you. When he had to stop so you both could gasp for air, he pressed his forehead back to yours, the first smile stretching at his lips in days. "I never want to be apart from you ever again, you hear me, sunshine?"

You giggled at his words, nodding slightly. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Extra: Luke reappears with you the next day when you insisted on wanting to get out of the infirmary after being cooped up away from the sun for so long. ("You're such an Apollo kid." Luke teases, which you ignore with a roll of your eyes.) He's with you every step of the way, and now that your feelings are out for each other in the open, he doesn't hesitate to kiss you on the cheek or fawn over you without hiding his intensity.

When he makes eye contact with Percy over the room, the damn kid gives him a wink and a thumbs-up.

a/n: i want to expand so much more on this, with kronos taking advantage of luke's weak mind during your recovery and more, OMGGGGGGG. tell me if you guys want more pls and i'll make more parts. thank you for reading if you made it this far <3

update: I am officially making this into a series called ‘everything in between’. To those who want to follow more on their story, you can comment on whether you want to be added to the tag list for this series or check the masterlist!

#luke castellan #luke castellan x y/n #luke castellan x you #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan x apollo!reader #luke castellan x fem!reader #pjo #luke castellan fanfic #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #im actually dying inside #luke castellan fluff #luke castellan angst

2K notes · View notes

fadetouchedsilk · 23 days ago

Text

camellia mercar is the saddest wettest cat of a da protagonist i have and i didn't even get a say in that characterization but here we are. this game is Insane for making it look like everyone else is part of a groupchat that rook wasn't invited to but i guess i'm integrating that & coming out on the other side with something that's crossing into the territory of 'world's most unfortunate being, emotionally.'

anyway here's some comedic depression wherein i crank up the isolated vibes

so like. considerably less fun than Crypt Baby Rook, we have Abandoned Battlefield Baby Rook. which is already a very promising start /s

adoptive family was probably mostly fine? except being an elf it seems that she basically never left the property? which is like alright yeah sure tevinter is just Like That i guess. the important personal takeaway here is that a lot of time would have been spent on her Own and deeply under-socialized. this made her 1. something of a people pleaser and 2. Extremely weird if you paid enough attention for like .5 seconds.

absolutely internalized being Not Very Important at home & carries this for the rest of her life lmao. no one made her follow the 'do not speak unless acknowledged' rule, she put that one on herself.

isolation is The Only Coping Mechanism. she did not have friends, she had a string of pet rats over the years (acquired without permission). several of them were trained to do tricks. she had an abundance of free time by herself to do this.

unsurprisingly she's probably also tried whatever creative solo hobby you can think of

has absolutely internalized her lot in life as being sort of assigned to this role btw

in her mind 99.9% chance that varric assigned her a nickname because he didn't actually remember her name. this cannot be disproven, doesn't actually matter if it's the case.

not actually convinced that any of her fellow shadow dragons know who she is personally? (based on my vague memory of getting the letter from viper but then also the game introducing me to him in conversation like this was the first time we'd met. wild.)

(aside from having a general interest in wanting to make a difference, she also initially found the idea of the shadow dragons appealing because it was a cohesive group working towards a common goal, which felt like a good place to try and meet people right?)

(she does not manage to progress past Work Acquaintances Status with anyone. unfortunately. she justifies this with the idea that 'they probably already know enough people/maybe i wouldn't like hanging out with them anyway/maybe they didn't know if i drank or not and didn't want to make things weird, etc etc)

not invited to group hangouts at the lighthouse--this is an assumption borne of the fact that she's, yknow, pretty preoccupied with making sure we all don't watch the world explode & Die & also the whole 'alone = familiar' thing. it's an Incorrect assumption, she Does want to go to the group hangouts but legitimately has no idea how friendship dynamics operate outside of literal rats.

will say this is 100% fine with her, she's just happy everyone is getting along

(it's not fine. this sentiment is delivered with the energy of someone who is keeping a list of potential 13th reasons)

finds out about book club night after the fact. is trying so very hard to be chill about it, knows that she's stepped out of her typical role as a background character but that doesn't automatically mean that the rest of the status quo will shift along with that. (she is privately not chill about it & is in fact very sad)

you know those people who are very good at asking others about themselves & since they're always around you just Assume that it must be mutual, only to sit there and realize you don't even know what their favourite colour is or like literally anything else about them? yeah.

she wants to ask if anyone knows what her name is for real but is also afraid of the answer lol

you might be asking yourself, why does she allow this to keep happening? why not Say Something? & to that i say, look, we've all been in a situation where we try to make friends with an established group & how awkward that can be even if you're a more secure person. this is like that except she's in real time watching people become better friends with each other (since it's Not an established group) & none of them are choosing her :')

(we love residual childhood wounds) so, so willing to just roll with being the afterthought or more of a Concept of a person who happens to be useful instead of drawing attention to the problem & making things worse (worse how? she doesn't know, it's just the nebulous concept of Worse)

certain that the only two beings she know for sure actually like spending time with her would be Manfred and Assan. assan is food motivated though so that's toeing the line a bit. but manfred definitely likes being around her! that's a win. that's her only win.

she's a genuinely nice person she's just incredibly convinced she's going to go through life Alone & acts accordingly. it's not anyone's fault, that's just how it is.

this becomes painfully funny when she's dealing with solas or solas-as-varric

solas does not have to work hard to convince her that she's the odd man out or spin things to make it look like she's disliked so that he can manipulate her more easily. no no. there's at least a part of every fade conversation where she reveals some sort of crushingly lonely habit she's developed & is weirdly kind of relieved that at least He's taking some time to ask how she's holding up (never mind that this is a verbal hostage situation)

she kills his vibe so hard without trying lmfao.

'god i wish the inquisitor was here,' he thinks for the Nth time that week. 'isenril would have thrown a chair at me by now if i tried this with her. i miss that dynamic. she would just yell at me. i know how to work with that. this just feels. Bad.' it's like kicking a puppy except the puppy has been conditioned to accept it & has settled into resignation.

it's worse when he has to pretend to be varric. small mercy there is that she hasn't spent nearly as much time around him as the inquisitor but god. solas is Not a comforting person.

he's So uncomfortable whenever she sounds like she's going to start crying & has never pivoted to a different subject in a conversation so fast in his life. ('there there. you're uh. you're doing Great i'm sure everyone is noticing.')

like. he's still going to try and switch places with her in the fade at some point but he's not even certain she would argue about it afterwards.

he does not love the fact that she doesn't have Friends at the lighthouse because this means he's the default. he's done a lot of fake-napping mid-conversation with varric. give this man a daytime emmy. (he's cornered himself, no one else can see him so he can't even orchestrate a relationship with someone else to pawn her off on. he's in hell.)

also elgar'nan didn't even say anything specific to tempt her when they faced off lmao. everyone Else got a personalized taunt but not her (do you ever take it personally when even the god who wants you dead can't even bother to find out some basic wants of yours or are you normal)

the way no one checks in on her after minrathous. lol. lmao.

she's not going to hold it over neve for being upset. that would be insane & also she knows she's not being blamed for real, it's just a bad situation.

but also she does feel maybe like everyone Else might be blaming her? maybe just a bit?

guys you know i live there too right. guys. you know i made the decision because i thought that treviso would have the weaker defences & we would have had a better chance right. you know i'm not any more powerful than anyone else & had no way of knowing i would also be destroying My own home, right? Right???

yeah this is one of those moments where she removes herself from the situation and just breaks in private. she doesn't dislike neve at all (she wishes she was cool like that tbh, people seem to like neve much more in general. even the wisps seem to prefer neve over her) but one can only take so much concern for someone who is in the Exact Situation You're In without so much as a word directed your way.

also she feels irrational guilt for the choice so it doesn't help with the whole Feeling Punished thing

(again not like she Knew what would happen!! it seemed the more logical choice based on what she knew)

the catch 22 with withdrawing is that people tend to assume that you don't want them to intrude on your privacy, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy if you already suffer from Terminal Lonely Disease. no one has seen rook since we got back really = she must be fine & not want help so we'll leave her to it = 'oh god they must Really not care about me all that much'

unfortunate situation where like. yeah she probably could have made things more obvious when it comes to connection efforts but also that shouldn't be one-sided effort either you know?

she's also fully expecting this to transfer over to any surviving faction members & if they don't end up hating her for it, it doesn't compute.

the relationship with lucanis is just. a comedy of errors & poorly communicated intentions tbh.

she likes him a lot but because he's the way he is there's no reason to think this is anywhere close to mutual

he remembered what she likes to drink but she also knows that he's the one typically making the grocery lists so like. yeah no shit he remembered she isn't special.

she's not a Confident flirt but the one thing she has going for her is that it's fairly obvious so she's pretty sure he's noticed he's just not into her. which is fine! no expectations so no disappointment!

maybe some disappointment

honestly she feels like she's made more of a connection with spite than anyone else at this point. spite likes her, spite Wants to talk about her. spite would be actively interested in seeing any of the rats she's trained at the lighthouse & would do so without making her feel silly for it.

(she's trained two. the have recall & can jump through a small hoop & she's working on object retrieval. these are new rats she grabbed as coping mechanisms at some point because it felt more reactive than talking to the fish in the tank.)

this only goes so far because of the body sharing thing (she thinks it might be crossing some sort of boundary) but the point is that the Literal Demon is somehow the only being who seems to actively enjoy her presence & make this fact known

unsurprisingly the Almost Kiss makes spite insane. 'lucanis why are you upsetting my best friend rook. are you stupid i think you might be stupid. she's not going to come here anymore do you understand that. she's crying. look at what you did.'

guess who starts aggressively avoiding group mealtimes (on purpose this time not like 'oh sorry everyone already ate, there's leftovers though') & the pantry in general. at some point she just starts her own mini pantry in her room to avoid crossing paths.

you thought she spent time on her own before? you haven't seen the 'i got my hopes up & it went nowhere which i Should have expected so i'm not even mad about it really but i am humiliated & feel very stupid for actually wanting something & don't want to talk about it' version of Isolation yet. it's real bad lmao.

like she's still going out & doing her job and also helping the rest of the team is at least something else to focus on (but gosh it sure would be nice if literally anyone asked if she was doing okay)

spite would like to do that but he's Not Allowed and couldn't be more unhappy lmfao.

(note: this will not even be remotely addressed until after 'inner demons.')

the 'i made you a dessert' lock in scene doesn't translate at alllll. he thinks he's being So Smooth & So Obvious (it's not another gifted knife without context). in his mind this was a success. as far as she's concerned this was literally just about dessert.

slowburn is great. he's treating every conversation like actual relationship progression & she's like. well we're friends again i think i'll just be happy with that much.

low self worth & self doubt keep her stagnant

fade prison break out is. something else. it's been an unpleasant hour for her & a month for everyone else. harding is dead bellara got Grabbed by the blight & solas is Loose. everyone is having a great time. super fantastic.

girl is legitimately surprised there was That much of an effort to find her since she's lost the dagger & solas isn't in her head anymore (not that she's complaining)

atp her only goal is to try & un-fuck everyone's lives as much as she can before something inevitably takes her out (she is not the hof she is not the inquisitor she assumes she Will be dying at some point soon thanks)

fucking news to her that she's apparently been in a relationship for at least the duration of her time in the fade. that talk ends up much the same way as we see it play out but not before a Lot of incredibly distressed clarifications.

this isn't lucanis getting dragged he feels So goddamn bad holy shit. spite feels vindicated finally, he was Correct & his human counterpart really should have just listened to him instead of whatever the fuck he was trying to do.

anyway the lesson here is that you waste a whole lot of time getting wrapped up in your own issues when you Could have been going on actual dates instead (this is a call out for both of them they're both annoying about it)

by the end of things she still doesn't. really feel 100% part of the group lmfao but it's maybe not as terrible?

i also just think as a professor emmrich has had More than enough students break down in his office to recognize her particular flavour of instability. he's probably going to end up putting in some extra effort. perhaps he will even learn about some of her hobbies & even coax her into doing them outside of her room or on one of the private balconies

bellara also likes her i think she just has horse blinder style hyperfixations & forgets regular socialization. time blindness will hit her like a truck. it's fine.

camellia Needs to be explicitly told that she's getting a good grade in friendship, something that's both totally normal to want & possible to achieve

she still doesn't like to tell people about the trained rats though because when she inevitably explains Why she knows how to train rats she realizes as she says it that her childhood was actually probably pretty sad sounding.

actually every time she starts to talk about how she grew up she kind of stops herself halfway through like Huh. actually maybe that wasn't as fun as i remember it being you're looking at me with concern.

anyway she knows how to cross stitch & does watercolours. those are her main things. please show some interest in them she's dying to talk about them but will not take the floor on her own.

please stop calling her rook also she's losing her mind & it's been so long at this point she doesn't know how to address it :')

#camellia mercar #rook mercar #veilguard spoilers #since i touch on plot points here #'im smiling but the light inside me is slowly dying :)))))' is basically her whole vibe except its not homicide she's on the verge of #it's throwing herself into the docktown bay lmao #except she doesnt actually want to cause extra work for any of the fishers who might have to get the body so she'll think of another way #that isn't inconvenient for strangers

18 notes · View notes