#im a whole mess of emotions over that moon

[bones-n-bookles]

Torch 🕯️🌙

[lynnlovesthestars]

Why?

Pairing: Astarion x Reader. Genre: Hurt/comfort, angst, fluff. Warnings: mentions of past abuse, self-harm, astarion is a little bitch that can't accept someone can take care of him, blood sucking, lots of pulling and letting go i guess?, messy emotions for messy people, self doubt and insecurities. Anxiety, panic attacks, nudity but not sexual. (if i missed something, please let me know. Summary: night is that moment when you can take care of yourself, but what if you find someone that needs more care than you? WC: 4.4k

Author notes: omg i finally finished this one, i've been working on it for a while now and initially it was supposed to be published before i started getting requests, which by the way im loving and im diligently working on<3, anyways this was a small challenge for me, i've been trying to work with stuff i wasn't entirely comfortable with to push my boundaries and learn something new, and this came out.. I hope you'll enjoy this read while I work on the next draft<3 love you lots!

When the moon finally made its way in the sky, and dinner had been consumed, you knew you finally had some time for yourself.

You’d take that time to scrub away the blood that stuck to your skin and the filth of the day. Traveling along a river had it’s pros: you found a nice spot along the bed of the Chionthar that seemed perfect for a bath. 

That night the place was particularly silent, the wind was blowing between the leaves and it was the only sound that you could hear until you passed that  funny rock shaped like a bear.

Initially you thought it was an animal, or at worse a beast, but as you delved closer rhe sound became much clearer. 

Heavy breathing.

It was a sound you could recognize everywhere, because it was a sound you’d make on those nights when anxiety would take over and you felt helpless. Since you went through all the hardships of your life, you promised yourself you’d do your best to help people in need, and in that moment there was definitely someone that needed help.

Your stomach was churning as you followed the shallow breaths that reverberated in the silence of the undergrowth. It led to a small clearing where the moonlight was free to enlight as much as possible of your surroundings. On the opposite side from where you came from, someone was coiled on himself, exposing their bleeding back your way.

The slender fingers clawed at their own flesh leaving deep marks, but it was the whimpering that helped you recognize the person in front of you.

Astarion.

Astarion that was completely naked, his nails were digging into his shoulders, and trembling like a beaten puppy. His clothes were scattered around the clearing, they were ripped in the haste of the panic, you assumed.

You rushed to his side, dropping your bag next to him as you crouched and cradled him to you.

“‘Starion” You whispered as you scanned him, from the way he hid his face, to the red streaks along his chest, the pale skin stained with tears and his glassy, raw eyes.

His whole body was a trembling mess as he couldn’t hold back tears. The slow wails were filling you with anguish as you tried to calm him down just enough so he could make out a few words.

“Who did this to you?” You whispered softly, as you slowly dried his cheeks. The question awoke something in him, he slipped out of your arms before you could object and he tried to sit up.

His arms were shaking as he rested his palms on the leaves-covered soil. “No one.” He turned his head away, his eyes subsequently diverting from yours. “It doesn’t matter anyway.” He breathed out as he tried to stop his eyes from getting more and more teary, yet failing at each attempt.

“Yes, it does.” You insisted, raising your palm and reaching for his cheek. Gently you guided his eyes back to you making sure he knew you cared. Making sure that he knew you only wanted to help him.

The pit in your stomach felt like a dark hole in you, swallowing everything with it. You’ve never seen him like this since you two met, not even when you learned his vampirism while he was starving. 

Even when you learned small bits of his past, like how he got turned, he always kept composure, though you knew he was hurting. Now instead he was so vulnerable.

You felt a pang of guilt hit you, you were invading his personal space and he probably wanted to run away, yet he was growing on you, and if there was something about you, it was that no one hurt the people you cared for. 

“Who did this to you?” You repeated still gently yet firm. You caressed his cheek with your thumb, taking your time to wipe away the remnants of his previous tears.

For a moment he hesitated, he wanted to hold back, but then his body gave out, almost slumping on yours. His eyes were duller, his lips were quivering, and he wasn’t sure he could ever form a full sentence properly, but you were there and you were trying to help him. No one ever tried to help him.

For so long he wished someone would waltz in and come to his rescue. He desperately wished someone would shake him awake from his worn coffin to drag him out of those filthy kennels. He wished someone would dry his tears and heal his wounds, yet for 200 years he suffered alone.

Instead you did much more than what he expected: you insisted, you didn’t recoil disgusted or gave up. You sat there trying over and over to patch him up, to find answers, and to find who hurt him so deeply that he’d end up bleeding alone in a forest.

You knew, of course, that he didn’t tell you his whole story when he opened up, it would have been foolish of him to do so since you were a stranger. He didn’t mention the scars that covered his back, or the constant nightmares during his reverie, cause of course elves couldn’t live without over analyzing things, or the true extent of his master’s punishment. You couldn’t have known yet.

His voice was shaky, broken, a whisper as he muttered Cazador’s name, afraid that even saying his name out loud would be too much, like that would make the monster materialize in front of him, but once he muttered his name, he couldn’t stop his words from being vomited out of his throat like sharing all of this with you was a new compulsion bestowed upon him.

“I was meditating when my brain decided to gift me an old memory” He sighed shakily. “And of course the memory was related to whatever is carved in my back. The pain was so vivid it felt like I was back there, hunched as that bastard was having the time of his life.” His voice was feeble, broken, it was so raw you were not sure how to react.

“When I woke up I was covered in blood and everything was hurting.” His eyes widened for a moment like he could rewatch those images over and over again, right there in front of you.

“My body was clearly not mine anymore, I was taken over by this fear that you’d all hate me for whatever this is, so I ran looking for a spot to hide.” He lowered his gaze.

“I guess before I could look around me, I sank on my knees. I felt like I was suffocating, Tav.” He was trusting you with something that he was running away from, something that terrorized him, something that you knew went opposite of his survival instinct. It was something that made him so fragile that he had to run away from a place that he should have considered safe, your camp.

Despite the gushing wounds he still ran, and yet he allowed you to get a piece of his mind, he didn’t kick you away like he’d usually do.

“My clothes were too much, the pain was too much, everything was too much. I'm not gonna lie. I literally ripped everything off before I could even process what I was going to do to myself. The only thing I knew was that the old scars were open again and they were gushing. I could feel it, Tav. I could feel the blood dripping down my fucking back.” His eyes were brimmed again with tears that he couldn’t hold back even if he tried, it was such a haunting feeling he wished he could erase the memory. “I couldn’t stop.”

He looked at his hands, his fingers were covered in blood and specs of his skin were hidden under his fingers. He was so disgusted at the sight that another sob quivered from his lips.

“You’re safe, nothing can hurt you now.” You leaned forward wiping his cheeks with your palms. 

The remorse in his eyes was vivid, he just had trauma dumped on you and he knew you were going to hate him for it, but then you said his name so gently, so caring, that he allowed you to caress him.

You gave him time to ragain as much control as he could muster before you helped him up. He did look in need of a bath undoubtedly, and you had to go to the river anyways, so you asked him if he wanted to join you. You offered to clean his wounds so he could avoid infections, though you weren’t so sure vampires could get infected like that.

You both took your time standing up, his head was pounding so hard that his balance faltered. Your arms were there for him before he could hit the ground.

How was it possible that whenever he'd be deep in shit, you saved the fucking day? Just that day you did it twice and he would have sworn he didn't deserve any of it.

“I’ve got you” You made sure your arms were anchored on him, steadying his movements, and taking the opportunity to ask him if you could clean his wounds. He wanted so bad to refuse but his body felt so heavy, and his eyes pleaded for help no matter how much he’d try to hide it. Astrarion couldn’t recall a single person that cared for him so tenderly.In the past 200 years all he got was beatings, starvation, indifference, it was all so foreign to him, so much that the words you told him bounced in his head incessantly for days. “I know you can handle it yourself, but it doesn’t mean you should have to do this on your own.” I know you can handle it yourself, but it doesn’t mean you should have to do this on your own.” 

It was like a second nature to you, you could read his eyes like no one ever did. 

Yyu guided him towards the river, in that secluded spot you liked. 

You settled down your bag on a stump, and along with it Astarion’s clothes. You decided you were going to clean those after you were done with your baths, and afterward if your fingers didn’t feel too sore, you’d work on fixing the tear along the back of his blouse.

You picked up the small bunch of bottles, and one of the small towels you usually carried around to clean your wounds. 

Astarion let go of your hand only when you picked up those things, and even in that brief instant, his legs could barely hold him up. It was like he was dragged back in the kennels, like he had not fed in goddamned ages, and he lost too much blood to even breathe.

You didn’t notice it until you turned towards him, his body was quivering like a leaf in the middle of a tornado. 

Despite the tremor and the blood, there was still something about him that leaked confidence, like the hurt that was encompassing him was not making him look smaller, or weaker. It was.. real. 

If you thought you saw through astarion when you first met him, this was the moment you realized you were wrong. When you were slammed in front of this raw sight, you knew.

This was the closest you could get to the real Astarion, and it hurt. You didn’t understand why it hurt so much, but it was much worse than any other pain you could recall. It was a feeling that was eating you from the inside cause you knew his wounds were much deeper than what he shared with you so far.

Nevertheless, you didn’t hesitate to throw the bottles closer to the water and pass to astarion the towel, then before he could even understand what was going on, you whisked him up in your arms. 

He wanted to complain- he wanted to rely only on himself-, but his body didn’t agree. It was like it was screaming at him, screaming to tell him that he needed help and that even for a moment, it would have been okay to let someone patch him up.

You sat him right at the edge of the river, where a log was already propped nicely so travelers could clean themselves without the risks of the flowing water, then without thinking too much about it, you stripped off your own clothes, discarding them quickly. You weren’t embarrassed, or rather, you were, but he exposed so much of himself already, that you felt safe to do it as well.

You joined him, sitting yourself in a spot that allowed you to slip in the water effortlessly, while still being close to Astarion. 

The towel was the trick: you dipped the cloth in the water just enough that you could wipe away the blood without soaking the skin, then you’d gently run it down Astarion’s body to wipe it all.

You worked one small patch at a time, starting with his right shoulder and working your way through his scarred body.

His back was towards you, exposing the carving, which you identified as infernal runes. You cleaned him slowly and with a softness you didn’t know you had in you. 

Everytime you’d move away to dip the cloth in the water, his body would soften, even if for a moment, before the towel grazed again on his scars, and he couldn’t help but flinch ever so slightly.

“I’ve got you” You whispered under your breath as you pressed the cloth on his neck, causing a long shudder to run through Astarion’s back.

He wasn’t sure what if was anymore: whether it was the towel still startling him or your words that seemed to mend him like tiny plasters putting his wounds back together. What you were doing for him.. it was nice. You soothed his skin, while whispering supportive words as you took care of him.

“I won’t let him hurt you again” You whispered while taking a moment to squeeze the blood off the towel, before resuming your slow descent. 

As you worked on another patch of the runes, you couldn’t help but stare at the way the moonlight shone on his skin, it was a sight that otherwise you would never see.

Your eyes took in all his form as you cleaned and cleaned, and you could feel your heart running an extra mile.

The slow passing of time started to affect him after a while, his back slowly hunched under the heavy weight of his thoughts, his breath hitched as you diligently traced his back. No one was ever allowed to touch his back before you. He could feel the tears swelling again under his eyes.

You were so concentrated on cleaning that you didn’t notice until he was almost curled up again, and you helped him up. 

You kept your arm around his waist so he couldn’t fall prone as you started working on the wounds on his chest, and that’s when his eyes met yours, the crimson was shining as the tears piled and piled on them, the moon only served the purpose of highlighting them.

Then when you scooted him closer to you and allowed his back to rest against your chest, he was a crying mess again.

This time his lips were moving before his brain could process his thoughts, for a moment you could see his sanity slip away hidden in the drops of his tears. 

“Why?” He pleaded. “Why? Why? Why?” His voice rose between choked sobs.

“Why now?” The more he would ask, the more his voice would raise, until it finally broke in a whisper again.  “Why didn’t you show up earlier? I could have been plucked from...” His words felt like a stab right through your chest.

"Shh" You whispered as you left the bloodied rag on his thigh, and you wrapped your other hand around his waist. 

"I might have not made it in time, but I promise you I'm not leaving your side now" You pulled him on your lap, leaving a soft kiss on his temple. You knew that if he was still alive, you’d feel his chest pound incessantly as everything became overwhelming, but the only sound you could perceive was the rushing of the water. In any other occasion you would have hated the closeness of your naked bodies, you would have been weary of such intimacy, yet it felt different. It felt right.

“Why? Why are you doing this?” He asked when his breath finally set down again, and the only memory of it was the long streaks of tears still sulking his skin. 

“Cause you don't deserve this” You still held him close as you lowered your voice, making sure the sound of the water could shield you both if you needed it, like a bubble around you.

“Liar” His tone matched yours, but with much more spite. “I've done awful things” He shook his head, it was something that heavily plagued him, he’d often have flashes of some of the horrible things he did, and that moment was one of them: he could hear the echo of the screams of the poor victims he’d bring back to Cazador.

“That doesn’t mean you deserved torture.” You cooed. “You didn’t have a choice.” You traced small soothing circled on his hip as you still held him close.

He sighed deeply, he knew you were right as much as he wanted to say that he could have ran away. The memory of the darling boy and the consequence of his action were a fierce reminder of it, everyday of his life.

“You are a fool.” He sneered. “I have stabbed in the back everyone I got close to, and you are still doing…” He pointed at the two of you, at the position you are sharing, at the rag on his thigh, at your arms around him, and the words you just told him. “This.”

“I like taking risks.” You chuckled softly.

“This is not a risk, you are doomed to fail and you are a dimwit” He rolled his eyes, evidently it was obvious for him, unlike you that still believed fairytales.

“Am I?” You didn’t falter, in that moment you felt confident in your choice.

“Are you forgetting the knife I held at your throat darling? What makes you think I wouldn’t do it again?” He retorted trying to make you waver, it was his survival mechanism at the end of the day. If he was able to slither in just enough doubt, he wouldn't’-

Your words caught his attention again right away, as you started counting on your fingers. 

“The fact that we’ve been traveling together for 3 weeks, that I let you feed off me several times and you have not sucked me dry, the fact that you told me about your past, and that you allowed me to just wipe away blood from your back.” You stopped for a moment, building up tension and to perceive what went through his mind in that moment. “..and the fact that you are literally crying in my lap.” You finished.

“Okay what if i'm just manipulating you? How would you tell?” What was the game he was playing? 

“I don’t think that what i witnessed tonight could be faked, ‘Starion” You finally sighed, relaxing your shoulders. You didn’t even feel your body tense up, that’s how much you were absorbed by this conversation between you two, cause it was so confusing.

He didn’t answer anymore at your last remark, he just allowed you to finish your work diligently as he was lost in thought again. 

You made sure his wounds were clean before leaving the rest of his body up to him, and then you finally took your time to properly clean yourself as well as your clothes. 

Drying your skin was by far the hardest step since you carried only one big towel with you: you opted to pat your bodies dry before slipping in your clean clothes, then you’d give him the towel to cover himself, since his clothes were in heavy need of repair.

The walk back to camp was fairly silent, since Astarion was still affected by the blood loss and you were lost in your thoughts.

You left your wet clothes next to the fire where they could dry while you’d rest, and then you started to walk back to your tent.

When you were just a few steps away from your little nook, you remembered.

Instead of sneaking directly into your tent, you made a beeline towards Astarion’s. He was still outside, sorting a few empty containers he had around, while his frustration was palpable in the air.

“‘Starion” You called quietly, avoiding to wake up everyone else.

“What? Are you here to give me your pity?” He scoffed as he was still fixated on the conversation you just had.

“Actually, I was wondering if you needed to be fed.”Your voice betrayed your worry which was loud and clear. “Earlier I noticed you were struggling, and your eyes are.. dulled” You explained, you wanted to pat his shoulder but you stopped just a moment before you touched him.

“So? Are you going to make fun of me if I am?” His walls were back up, the vulnerable elf you saw earlier rushed away behind this mask he carefully handpicked to push you away.

“No, you can feed off me though” You suggested encouraging. “If you want of course, take 

your time, I’ll be in my tent” The last thing you hear was a muffled ‘thanks’ as you made your way to your tent again.

Astarion finally made up his mind, he strode quickly toward your canopy. “Darling?” He brought your attention to him. Your tent’s entrance was wide open, offering zero privacy to you as you were nose deep in some tome.

“Hey, come in.” You smiled, you were glad he was no longer avoiding you. “Can you please unhook the flap?” You asked while you moved the book away from the two of you. “I don’t wanna make you feel too exposed” You clarified.

“I appreciate it, but are you sure you want me to feed off you? I mean I know it’s not the first time, but it’s-” He hesitated, sure he wanted you to stay away, but at the same time that thought made him flinch away, like he should have felt differently.

“Yeah I’m sure” The apple of your cheeks warmed up at the nervousness, especially when you noticed he was fidgeting with his fingers. “You lost so much blood and the shock.. you definitely need to get your fill” 

“Thanks” He avoided your eyes before sitting next to you.

On the other hand you took your time readjusting your little reading corner, making sure it would comfortably hold both of you. 

“Just relax, I’ll take care of everything” He finally gave you the closest thing to a smile after a whole evening of tears. His arms wrapped around your middle as he helped you to lay with him. His touch was impossibly gentle: he moved away your hair and tilted your head to expose your neck, but he didn’t bite right away.

His teeth grazed your skin, sending a shiver down your spine as he held you to him, just like earlier you held him to you. He traveled down your neck with his lips, looking closely for your pulse, or so you assumed, then when he found a nice spot, he sunk his teeth in your flesh. Your body tensed for just one moment as you could feel his lips press around the wound, and your blood slowly leaking out.

Then you became putty in his hands, the dizzying sensation rocked you sweetly as you let it take over you.

He was slow, tender. 

He held your head gently and pulled you impossibly close, almost as he wanted to fuse your bodies.. His legs naturally tangled with yours while he sucked and sucked on your skin like his life depended on it.

It took everything of you to repress the whimpers that would build up in your throat, it was different from all the other times he drank from you: in the past you’d just be very tense, but in that moment you felt like air was directly pulled out of your lungs, like your body was being set on fire. 

He wasn’t in any different condition, he was barely  repressing the moans as your warm blood rushed against his tongue, and his breath was hardly regular. 

Even your blood tasted different, sweeter than before taking over all his senses. It was madness, it was like your blood suddenly turned into a drug he couldn’t resist, making his head spin.

He stopped only when he noticed you were starting to slump in his arms, a sign that you were getting too close to a no-going-back point.

He took time to lap away the blood that was still leaking from the pinpricks, sending jolts down your limbs, and stealing a sweet mewl from your lips. He didn’t concentrate on the sound he coaxed off your lips, cause he knew that if he did he’d probably spiral into insanity, so he focused on the wound he had inflicted, leaving a few kisses right where the pricks of his teeth made home, before reaching for your blanket and covering you with it. 

He didn’t let go of you, or move at all for what it mattered, he had to internalize all those feelings that were overwhelming him before he could walk out. He knew that if he didn’t stop there until he was back in himself, he would have felt dizzy as well, and he wasn’t fond of the idea of passing out on the floor.

Was he blood drunk? Whatever feeling was cursing through his body, he wasn’t sure he could identify it, but moving was not an option anymore when he noticed you were still nudged in his embrace. He tried to sneak away, but you were cradled on him, ‘peace’ crossed his mind before it got swept away by something you’d mumble, he had to wait for a bit to catch what you said since you murmured something he couldn’t quite comprehend, until your voice became clearer.

“I wish I could have saved you sooner” You murmured under your breath. “Stay, i’ll protect you.” Your arms around his waist pulled him closer to you, slotting your bodies together like pieces of a puzzle. Your warmth, your sweet flowery smell, your surprisingly gentle snore slowly lulled him in, closer and closer until he felt safe, and quietude took over him.

[hjparisian]

so long, london- remus j lupin x reader

p: remus lupin x fem!reader w: sad, angst, like one or two cuss words, mentions of death s: the deaths of lily and james potter and the imprisonment of sirius black have led to a rift between (y/n) and remus' relationship. both haunted by that one night, it was only a matter of time until one of them left a/n: please bear with me in this as im not super knowledgable about the mauraders era but i hope this is okay! if yall have a 1000 page doc about this era, send it my way

Halloween of 1981 had to have been one of the darkest days in history. Lily and James Potter were dead, killed by Voldemort. Peter Pettigrew, dead, killed by his own friend Sirius Black, who is now in Azkaban.

Remus was still grieving the death of Marlene McKinnon when he found out about what happened to his best friends. He could barely hold in his tears as he held (Y/N) in his arms, who was already sobbing at the news.

The two couldn't believe it. How could Sirius Black sell out his own best friend and his wife to the Dark Lord? How could he kill his friends? Had he been hiding his loyalty this whole time?

The days following James and Lily's deaths were spent in darkness. Remus would sit in the room he and (Y/N) shared, staring at the fairy lights stringed about the walls. (Y/N) would spend her mornings doing tasks for the Order, while at night she would wallow in the arms of Remus.

Just when they thought things were terrible, it unfortunately got worse.

(Y/N) and Remus' good friend Dorcas Meadowes was found dead. Killed by Voldemort himself. Why? They'll never know.

The two were distraught, (Y/N) more so than Remus as she was closer to Dorcas. It appeared that (Y/N) would follow in Remus' own routine, hiding away in the spare bedroom that they used to let their friends rest in when they were over. At nights, she would return to her and Remus' bedroom to shower and sleep.

Remus could hear her sobs during her showers.

As the days went on, (Y/N) had began to accept the fate of her friends. Or she was hiding her true emotions from Remus, who remained a mess at the loss of his mates. Each day, (Y/N) would try to talk with Remus and get him out of the house. Unfortunately, the only time he would leave was during the full moon so not to hurt her.

Remus began distancing himself from (Y/N). He'd wake up earlier than her, he would have lunch before her, he would keep himself locked in the bedroom during the day, wait 'til she was asleep to turn in.

Anything to be alone.

(Y/N) had tried to follow Remus' new routine, trying to catch him whenever she could. Even if she had to wake up earlier than she would, even if she had to stay up later to see Remus join her in bed. Anything she could to try to talk with Remus.

Silly girl.

It became rare for the two to even have a long lasting conversation, let alone a lighthearted, joyful chat. Any words spoken were those of sorrow and anger. The young woman had once attempted to talk to Remus about his mood changing, trying to get him to talk through it.

It ended in tears and slamming doors.

Since that talk, tensions between the two were higher than ever, and not in the way one may think. They began to have more arguments in a month than they ever had in their entire relationship.

Though one argument was not like the others.

"Rem, come on!" She pleaded with him. "You haven't been outside in months! Everybody is starting to assume you're dead!"

"Well let them think that! Everyone I cared or loved is already dead. Anyone who's ever loved me is gone."

"But what about me?" She asked him. "I'm still here Remus. But lately you act like I'm not!"

Remus stops his tracks in the living room. "Sorry that our friends dying has affected me so badly."

"Remus, you're acting like you're the only one affected by their deaths." She says to him. "I'm upset about it too. They were my friends as much as they were yours."

"You never knew James or Sirius or Peter like I did," Remus yells at her. "You never spent most of your school years with them, knowing every little thing about them."

"That doesn't mean we weren't friends and you know that Remus. You're acting like they were the only people you've lost," the woman says. "I lost Lily. I lost Marlene, Dorcas. Hell, have you even heard about what happened to Mary? She's gone missing Remus! They're saying she might've been killed."

"You don't need to remind me everyone that's gone, (Y/N)! I'm more than aware of what's happening and I don't need to be reminded."

The woman huffed. "Well with the way you're locked up here, it seems like it."

"Not everyone can carry on with their lives after finding out someone who was basically like family is dead!" Remus shouts.

"Well, sorry I've been busy distracting myself with work from the Order! Trying to do what I can to help anyone that left!"

All Remus could do was roll his eyes, frustration clouding his emotions. "Why even bother? They couldn't save our friends, now they're gone! You're being stupid."

"Remus-"

"Bloody hell, I can't do this. I'm leaving." The boy declares, having enough of this.

Remus stomped out the door, slamming it behind him. All (Y/N) could do was dropped to her knees in tears, exhaustion hitting her. Sobs filled the empty room.

The man fled to the streets of London, finding shelter in a hotel near the heart of the city. He spent a few nights there, getting the space he felt he deserved. Remus had no one to talk to about this, and sitting in a lonely white bed had reminded him of it.

No James. No Lily.

No Sirius. No Marlene.

No Peter. No Dorcas.

No Mary.

He had no one. Except (Y/N).

Oh what an idiot he is.

Remus had let his anger get the best of him. He had yelled at his favorite girl and basically told her to fuck off. What a dick he is. The fight had began to flood his head, reminding him of how much he screwed up.

He had to go find her.

The werewolf quickly left the hotel, determined to return to where he and (Y/N) were last together.

He ran to the streets and waved his arms haphazardly, aiming to flag down the nearest cab. He stumbled inside the next one that stopped for him and told him the address.

As soon as the cab stopped by his house, Remus gave him money and ran to the door. He took the key from his pocket and unlocked their apartment door. He pushed the door open to a silent living room.

"Hello?" Remus calls out. "(Y/N) are you here?"

The young man began wandering through the apartment, which seemed slightly emptier than usual. His bedroom seemed the most off to him. He couldn't have been away that long, right?

A white envelope sitting against a vase on the night stand had caught his eye. 'Remus' was written on the front in pretty handwriting that he knew belonged to his girlfriend. He opened it up to reveal a letter for him.

He sat on the floor against his bed and began reading it. As he read through it, he felt his heart crumbling to pieces. It felt like everything was hitting him all at once.

Remus,

I've decided it was time for me to say so long to the place I once called home.

As much as I love this place, London, England, I cannot bear being here anymore. All the memories I've made with everyone will haunt me knowing I've been the unfortunate one who was chosen to be alive out of them.

I'll be leaving the country to go who knows where. Anywhere will be better than here. I think I'd implode if I stayed here any longer.

I've also decided to start clean and leave my wizarding roots behind. As much as I loved being a witch, going to Hogwarts and learning magic, I can't think about it without being reminded of what happened. I don't want my past to follow me around.

I'm sorry I couldn't have done better, Remus. I'll miss you, and I hope your life gets better. Hope you find someone better.

~(Y/N).

The letter fell from his hands.

Remus couldn't believe it. He had lost the last person in his life that cared for him. His whole world was gone, taken from him.

"Fuck."

He stood up and shoved the vase to the ground out of anger, watching it shatter. Water ran across the floor under the broken pieces and ruined flowers.

A wave of emotions hit Remus all at once. He didn't know what to feel. There was nothing he could do to change the past.

Poor young Remus. He was truly alone, forever.

[m4rs-ex3]

s7 spoilers ✨✨

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ok

"death alive" fucking snipe me the insane death motif that seems to be present here is killing me pun intended

GRAAAHAHAHHGROWLS IM SO EXCITED I CAN TEVEN

"i don't want to be separated again"

"i don't want to be separated again"

stop it right tf now bc this is literally what i have been wanting one of them to say so badly. also smooch. dear christ

the fact that terry wants so badly for him and claudia to be free that he is pleading with fucking archmage aaravos himself. like ik they're partners in crime atp but still my guy has balls. the dedication. poor thing 😭

aaravos fucking leading claudia on with even more hope of viren being saved - his own backstory making the way he's manipulating her grief 10x more twisted - and terry seeing right through his bullshit..... im foaming at the mouth

fuckin.g- FOR ME?!?!?!?!?!?

CALLUM SOBBING OVER EZRAN??? (dreamer's nightmare was prepping us for this huh)

SOREN APOLOGIZING TO CALLUM?? (for what i do not know) EMOTIONAL CALLUM/SOREN HUG DEAR GOD ALL IVE EVER WANTED

the making of a primal stone, more moon magic, a quest for an ingredient, insane biblical imagery... once again, FOR ME??!?!?!?!??!

"AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!!"

NECROMANCY!! just what this show needed omg

astrid my love. i was a little worried post-s6/pre-date announcement that we really wouldn't see that much, if any, of the celestial elves, but oh ho ho i can't believe i ever doubted you tdp. like you're telling me that astrid is tired of watching, of being the wise observers (especially now that her own brother has been so far removed from, well, being a non-all-seeing prophet), and that all she wants is to, for once, do something about all the tragedy she knows is coming and hasn't been able to do anything about? christmas fucking morning i tell you

goddamn the true extent and emphasized tragedy of katolis has been brought up enough that you just know they're not messing around

NO STOP SEEING SARAI AND HARROW NEXT TO GROWN AND CURRENTLY FCUKED UP EZRAN IS GOING TO FUCKING DEMOLISH ME

obviously ez being angry is just wow omg teehee but just. immediately being so vengeful and wanting to "destroy him" with zero hang-ups is.......... yeah wow omg teehee

"it's great!" i genuinely trust that with my life

ok hello this will most certainly be the most incredible visual to ever exist holy shit. also this is making me realize that we've never actual seen ez on the throne in arc 2 and i mean that's insane enough

this is incredible what can i say. i can see it now: rayla shoving worms in his face like "JUST EAT THE FUCKING WORMS ITS GOOD FOR YOU ASSHOLE" and runaan fighting her like a toddler refusing to eat his vegetables (except it's the opposite bc it's a vegetarian father refusing to eat his grubs)

i love how out of touch aaravos is (makes sense after centuries underneath inside of a rock) bc in what world is this normal. i highly doubt they have snow white or the bible but still it's just human nature to be weirded tf out by that. also yes @zuppizup ur so right his affinity for fruit being played on is amazing

also corvus: yeah yeah uh huh right and what exactly is your name, sir? aaravos: ah yes my name! it's uh uhh i mean it's uhhhhhhhhhhh. jofus

TWO IN THE FIRST EPISODE (which worries me but anyhow) IN THE FORM OF A GOODBYE AND A REUNION AND IN FRONT OF EVERYONE TOO???? AS A TREAT??????????

i'm all for ezran ripping runaan to shreds but i can't exactly say i see the correlation here. although that is kinda funny. it's like when i can't find my phone or smth so i just look at my dog and go "whiskey did you eat it" (she's been asleep this whole time and also she has never eaten/chewed on an object in her life)

also help inigo montoya ahh

ok 1) i, much like everyone else, kinda presumed that the tension would mostly be between ezran and callum and he wouldn't really hold anything against rayla, but the act of straight up arresting him really makes me wonder how rayla's gonna react 2) i really need to see callum's reaction (mainly out of defending rayla, but also because i can see him kinda being like "HEY i JUST freed him bro fuck you") and 3) the way that it is emphasized that soren is the one to arrest him..... idk i just figured that between his love for rayla, his own daddy issues (+the fact that viren was the one to imprison him so it would kinda be like righting his wrong), and that harrow was in fact not his father so compared to ezran he'd have a lot less resentment (he was of course still his king and soren had to actually watch it so still some but like. comparatively) i didn't think he'd be this combative but i'm certainly not complaining. the more angst the merrier

AW YEAH BOYS SHES COMING TO KATOLIS!!!!!

this has been your incoherent, feral mars commentary.* thank you

[prettiestboyreid]

fics that have altered my brain chemistry (eddies/joe qs version)

okay so ive been in an adhd brain rot?? where im just fucking HORRIBLE at reblogging fics that i enjoy and honestly it was my whole reasoning behind making this blog FOR GIVING WRITERS THE LOVE THEY DESERVE i just wanted to give a shoutout to these writers (and stories) they’ve made that just fucking messed with my brain (and in a good way okay??) over these last few months. please check them out and give them all the fucking love they deserve

like a poem (FINISHED series, but sometimes if you ask nice enough she will throw a blurb in there) - im so very fucking biased because i love her to the moon and back, but she writes the best fucking stories of joe that will keep you up all night having you rethinking all of your life choices. IT WAS VERY HARD FOR ME to pick out a story that i wanted to highlight in this post, but the whole reason i fell in love with her writing was because of bookstore!joe and he will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart. love you boo

plot: “Joe finds solace in a quaint bookstore, your bookstore, from a hectic situation in the streets. But, you’re closed. But then also, it’s Joseph Quinn.“ from the authors page

echoes (FINISHED, series) - again im so very fucking biased because she is the sweetest person you will have the pleasure of knowing BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT - she writes so fucking beautifully she will literally have you CRY and this will forever and always be my favourite fic of hers. she deserves all the love she gets, and then even more so read it!!!! (she will make you cry its not on me tho)

plot: “When she laid her emotions out for her best friend, the last thing she expected was for him to turn around, walk away and never speak to her again. Years after, they meet again - different people, different feelings. Or are they?” from the authors page

the hideout (FINISHED, oneshot)- this was one of the first fics i read and fell in love with. it was in that timeperiod where all i could do 24/7 was read eddie munson fanfics and this was one of those fics where i went “holy SHIT??” and honestly i dont think there will ever be a time where this isnt just some % on my mind??

plot: “Eddie Munson made it big. Now, when he returns to Hawkins for a hometown concert with his band, he is reminded of the girl he’s been in love with for the past 6 years when Steve Harrington calls.” from the authors page

vintage reeboks (FINISHED) - this is one of those fics where you’re like???? holy shit i wish i’d come up with that?? i remember reading all of this in one day (summertime, sweating very fucking much) and its just?? holy shit its perfect?? the way eddie is in this??? and its something i could never think of would be this perfect?? i swear i think of this fic at least once a day??

plot: “The gate at the bottom of Lover’s Lake was meant to spit the quartet out in the Upside Down. Steve, Nancy, and Robin were meant to be there. He wasn’t meant to be alone. But when Eddie comes to on the shoreline, you’re there. It’s not the Upside Down. It’s not Lover’s Lake. It’s not 1986.” from the authors page

twenty four hours (STILL GOING) - the way this has me in a chokehold?? im a fucking sucker for when fics have a nice layout??? and this is just so pretty to look at?? like whenever i see its been updated my whole body is SHAKING?? i dont even know what to say?? this is just so amazing and the whole?? will they wont they?? i love them?? i want them both to fight with me all night long??? i CANNOT wait to see where this ends

plot: “in which eddie munson and you absolutely hate each other's guts. what happens when your friends make a bet that you can't spend more than twenty four hours consecutively together?” from the authors page

to know you’re mine (FINISHED) - i saw someone talk about this in the “eddie munson x reader” tag, and DEVOURED the chapters that were up in one whole day?? the way eddie is so fucking soft and nice and the best fucking gentleman in this?? and also?? the relationship to steve in this is amazing??? but THE RELATIONSHIP TO EDDIE IS EVEN MORE AMAZING?? such a fucking fantastic author please go EAT all the chapters right now

plot: “You know the rules. You'd been there when your boyfriend, Steve Harrington, discussed them with the others. There are only two.Number one: Only play when everyone's together. Number two: No finishing inside each other's girls.You'd agreed to these rules, same as Chrissy. Same as Eddie.But then there's rule number three, and though it remains unspoken, it's by far the most important. And you have that feeling again, like when you propped yourself up against the barstool, straining to see him on that stage, craning for a glimpse as his husky voice reached inside you. Now, his dark eyes are doing the same thing: pulling at something buried deep, tugging it into the light where it can't be hidden. And, sure, of course, you didn't intend this. But what are intentions in the face of such things? Needless to say, every rule gets broken.” from the authors page

the customer’s always right (STILL GOING) - hehhehe im a hoe for cutie virgin eddie??? but they way she always manages to capture eddie in her fics?? fucking amazing??? and her writing??? yes PLEASE so do yourself a favor on this fine friday AND READ THIS AMAZING FUCKING SERIES because eddie will make you fall in love in this???

plot: “eddie munson is a virgin and doesn’t want anyone to know (because being an adult who’s never fucked anyone is a total reputation ruiner). but you, his favorite customer, are more than willing to change that.” from the authors page

sincerely yours... (STILL GOING) - like i’ve told her before - her eddie is fucking amazing and so very much to the point!! im so excited for this one and cannot WAIT to see where eddies teasing will make him end up!! the last fucking part of this??? amazing

plot: "Untouchable, is what he called you. Dating Jason, the captain of the basketball tea, most would call you the same. Living your holier than thour life, something else he said, you can’t seem to swallow the need to prove him wrong” from the authors page

burn one (FINISHED) - this is just the perfect fucking combination of smutty and sweet??? like this is just how i imagine eddie and this is so fucking sweet and perfect?? had me thinking about this for WEEKS UGH

plot: "When you move to Hawkins to start over, your new unexpected friendship with your weed dealer next door is your saving grace. It was never your intention to fall in love with him though.” from the authors page

Disjointed (STILL GOING) - this fic has me feeling ALL the feels in all the chapters?? makes me GIGGLE, makes me CRY!!!, i’m in love with all the chapters and i CANNOT WAIT to see them live happily every after

also now that i’ve finished, i’ve just realised this is a lovepoem to my favourite authors on this app heheheh im sorry but i DO love you guys. please do go and read their stories, and send them all the fucking love in the world!! they do have so many amazing stories on their masterlist you will not be able to sleep tonight!!!

authors mentioned in this post THAT YOU NEED TO CHECK OUT!!: @icallhimjoey @ghostinthebackofyourhead​ @inknopewetrust @storiesbyrhi​ @ghost-proofbaby​ @blue-mossbird @lovebugism​ @plumxwrites​ @loveshotzz​ @boomhauer

[astroheauxxxxx]

ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS

• DISCLAIMER: this is my first Astrology observation post. The way I like to make sense of astrology is through myself (this could because of my 1st house stellium lol) and also others around me. Being this is my first post I would like to examine my own chart and how it applies to my life to help it make sense to some of you. Feel free to ask questions in the comments about your own chart.

Let’s start with my big six:

Rising Gemini ♊️ 13 degree (Aries ♈️ degree)-

- I come off very chatty especially since I have Gemini’s ruler Mercury in the first house as well in Gemini. Extremely chatty. Ever since a child I used to take trips (also ruled by Gemini short ones tho) and talk to people next to me on the plane the whole flight. My favorite thing to do in social settings is converse.

- I also always look like I’m in deep thought, analyzing or trying to take in new information. Cuz I am HAHA. No cocky-ish I look really smart or rather nerdy. Always. I wear glasses so that doesn’t help either lmao.

Sun cancer ♋️ 7 degree (libra ♎️ degree) in 2H- (earned money and resources and what we value )

- no cocky-ish I have a soft pretty aura😂🥰. Very serene and balanced. I generally tend to bring balance and peace to people. When I’m not an emotional mess haha. People tend to value this about me maybe cuz it’s in my 2nd house. This is what I have to offer people or why people find me resourceful

Moon cancer ♋️ 2 degree (Taurus ♉️ degree) in 1H- (house of rising, self, identity, personality)

- I definitely am an emotional person, I am the stereotypical cancer, Im an empath, I feel my emotions and others emotions at a great magnitude. It also bring me comfort(♉️) to help others heal emotionally and nurture them. I also have an emotional relationship with food(♉️) not to the point where I over eat but to the point where I sometimes don’t eat enough. I also am a psychic and moon child. I have a business where I do readings. It hasn’t popped off yet but I’m supposed to be earning money from my intuition, nurturing and feminine healing abilities. I am naturally an empath and Clairsentient and clairempathetic because of my cancer placements but specifically my moon because it’s in its home sign and in my house of rising so you can also say I have a moon rising/ cancer rising even though my rising is Gemini ♊️.

Mercury Gemini ♊️ 29 degree (Leo ♌️ degree) 1H-

- i am a very intelligent, intellectual, yet anxious individual. I’m always processing and wanting to take in new information so that I can simplify it or summarize to people and share my message. When talking about something I’m truly knowledgeable about something I speak confidently about it (♌️). Only when truly angry or provoked do I yell or roar and I sound crazy as hell lmao. I also have my 3H of communication ruled by Leo so this is definitely prominent. I also can sing. I can roar with my voice but I can’t hit the highest of notes. I also noticed that the more I become my true authentic self my voice gets better and I’m able to communicate better.

Venus Gemini ♊️ 23 degree (Aquarius ♒️ degree) 1H-

- boy oh boy where do I start with this placement. So let’s start with the fact that I’m an intellectual lover. I need mental stimulation, and communication on a daily basis in order to stay in love with someone. I have accepted it. It doesn’t mean reading books or whatever necessarily. I think for me because it’s to an Aquarius ♒️ degree I enjoy talking about the abstract concepts of the world like the universe, the system, law, society, etc. (♒️)

-this placement also manifests for me as being polyamorous. I don’t want to be with everyone in the world but I am bisexual, and I want to have a bf and gf. Call me crazy i don’t even care lmaoo. I’ve already began to explore this dynamic and the only way it works is if it’s centered around me and that because it’s in my first house of self. I must be the center of the trio or it won’t work.

- I also just think about love a lot in general on a daily basis because of this placement. I fantasize about romance, abundance and luxury constantly because I am a venusian. I also have both my cancer sun and moon to venus degrees. So my emotions and love are always in kahoots with each other. There’s no separation.

Mars pisces ♓️ 4 degree (cancer ♋️ degree) 10H (career, reputation, how you come of publicly) -

- even tho mars is exalted in the 10H, it being in pisces basically dead’s that sh*t. I am the most passive aggressive mf ever. I’m not gon yell, or fight you physically at all. Cuz ima softie. I avoid confrontation and arguments. If I’m mad imma walk away (maybe cuz Pisces ♓️ rules feet lmao). I just don’t have no fire in me. And it’s to a cancer degree so forget it, I cry when I’m angry.

-on the positive side Mars in the 10H make me extremely ambitious. When I’m passionate about something I go after it without hesitation. I dominate and f**k that sh*t up. With it being in pisces, it’s spirituality and healing other people for me. Awakening the collective from their subconscious sleep. This is something I’m trying to build a career out of right now.

Honorable mention: Saturn cancer ♋️ 3 degree (Gemini ♊️ degree) 1H-

- constantly trying to control my emotions(♋️), and get a hold on how much I care about others and empathize with others. Always feel like there’s a hold on my emotions and I’m always too hard on myself (1H) about how emotional I am. My karmic lesson in this life is to learn how to authentically feel my emotions and to nurture myself. Mother myself.

- I also struggle (Saturn) to explain or communicate (Gemini ♊️) my emotions at times. I choke up, literally cannot speak, get that painful ball in my throat.

[eggman91lives]

well this is going to be terrible first time actually writing a monster high fic feel free to crucify me but here you go @mhrarepairmonth this my story and it is crappy

Baking therapy talk

Clawd was not having a “good scaremaster” in fact this whole year had been the worst in his life first rockseena get run over and she broken then his dad and mom nearly go though a divorce then being away form every monsters for  2 freaking months Draculaura…..broke up with him and her dad died ….now he back now apparently she with some…..nomie….a nomie so soon?….and oh yeah his sister dating toralei….

Everything just felt…out of nowhere left field and gut punching him…now  he check with Cupid hell even Kieran but nope it all natural….. And now just last week caskatball practice emotions flared and….well he broke his leg…now he was off the team and in a cast just like SKRM season but…no Draculaura ..

he just felt so isolated… distant from his friends from his family…. It just..

“ mister wolf are you paying attention ?”

Snapped back to reality, Clawd looked up. "Sorry, Mrs.kindergrubbuer “ he wasn’t enthusiastic about this class

The old kindly witch sigh turning to the rest of the class “ ok class today we been making a simple, pie” 

but no ordinary pie. We're concocting Evil Cackle Pie, with screechberries and scream cream, renowned across the monster culinary world. And the best thing it simple to make “

Ok pie that should be simple……moon why a, Im here? I hate home ick…Oh right trying to keep my mind off of things and to hopefully find some semblance of normalcy amidst the chaos….like that was ever going to happen….  And this was the only class left 

As mrs kindergrubber talk assigning partners his name came up “ Clawd and meowlody “ wait..what Clawd turned to see Meowlody, her feline eyes glinting  she walk over to his side of the room the cooking arena “ so me and you huh, this should be interesting," she purred, a teasing smile on her lips..Clawd was Less then amused 

Working with one of toralei toadies great he thought sarcastically. Nevertheless, he knew he had to make the best of the situation. “ and ? Shouldn’t you be paired with your twin.?” She shrugged “ purrsephone didn’t want to take this class but…what you thought we do the same stuff? We’re not” she roll her eyes

I mean despite her white hair and matching different color clothes “alright…,” Clawd replied a bit annoyed,. “Alright, let's see what we need for this Evil Cackle Pie.” He scanned the ingredient list, frowning at the peculiar items. Meowlody look up “ well?” “Alright, let’s split the duties,” Clawd suggested, ignoring the tightening in his chest.. looking at the werecat suspiciously

“ what?” She sounded annoyed “ well how can I trust you not to sabotage the recipe? ” Clawd raised an eyebrow, half-joking, half-serious. She roll her eyes “ I’m not always scheming with torelai or my sister…” 

"Besides, if this pie turns out a mess, it’ll reflect poorly on both of us," she quipped, crossing her arms defiantly. “ fine let just bake then” Clawd scowl , grabbing a bowl as meowlody starting to measure ingredients.

Meowlody skillfully handling the eggs and sugar. Despite their bickering, the air between them grew tense with a curious energy. As the rest of the class work but as they work meowlody break the silence “ how your leg?” Clawd stoped “ still hurts but it will healed…” he replied, focusing on mixing the batter. Silence continued between them 

“ your getting it everywhere “ she said annoyed as Clawd huff “ im mixing it “ meowlody “ slow down little at lest “ clawd sigh knowing he can get water on firing followed her advice as he get the pan the silence breaks as 

“ so toralei is with Clawdeen  “ oh for the love of moon “ yeah so” he gruff out  meowlody just shrugged “just that “ he scrowl “ look what do you want me to said “ meowlody  “ it really weird I mean toralei and her” clawd turn to her” you…what?” 

“ it came out of nowhere i mean toralei never said she into ghouls and she never said anything about it…she would’ve told us “ she sounded confused hurted even a little “ she a bully she probably didn’t on purpose “ Clawd turn his attention back to the batter but Meowlody hiss softly “ she would have…. It’s like this whole scaremester and this year in general. Has been…”

“ werid? Off?” Clawd to her” yeah!” she lean on the counter “ and everyone is just accepting it….” Clawd couldn’t help but feel the same “ I…same it-” clawd sigh “ it doesn’t made sense”

Meowlody look at him “ and you Draculaura whatever happened there” 

Clawd immediately scowl a small growl “ what that supposed to mean?” She meowed “ like why did she just break up with you…you two was like true love and stuff “ Clawd was surprised but suddenly the voice of the teacher “ less talking a and more cooking you two “ his ears lowering   Returns to mixing the batter as meowlody pick up a spoon pretending to do something

As Mrs kindergrubber turn away …” what did you mean about me and Draculaura…” meowlody wave her hand dismissly” it nothing …..ok fine  you two was true love “ Clawd slowed down his mixing as she spoke “ I mean you and her alway look…like true love and all the sappy stuff..I.. made me envious but she just dumped you?” 

Clawd look dumbfounded “ didn’t you help toralei try to mess up her 1600th and break me and her? “ she shrugged “ I was following orders…if it help I did feel bad “ Clawd roll his eyes but she continued “ look it nowhere like  you and the vampire but…I get you I … kinda had a breakup like that” 

What was she….oh right her and manny… “ thanks I quess…” silence reign  between them as they slowly got back to baking Clawd pouring the batter slowly as meowlody grab the marsh berries placing them  in the pan the. Cutting the dough to cover it and then Clawd put it in the oven 

waiting…but Clawd broke the slience “ how..did that happen you and manny I mean”..  she look down her tail swaying “ I..he gave me flowers…it..was never official or anything but he was the first manster to..we’ll be the first move and I like that “ clawd could feel sympathy I mean -“then he meet that cyclops..” she hiss slightly 

Ok little less sympathy “ you said yourself it was never official and just flowers  but you try to frame catty to get iris in trouble” meowlody scoff “ so what that what….-“ Clawd spoke up “ try ruining her reputation and relationship and you did that on your own I remember so you are like your twin”

Meowlody shut her mouth looking away…”I…fine maybe it was a mean thing but we don’t think the same “ clawd sigh still feeling some sympathy for her “ look you was hurted but maybe that wasn’t the best way to deal with it .” Meowlody huff “ oh like you try with  Romulus doing caskatball “ 

Clawd glare that,..wasn’t the best way to deal with his comment and that Got him off the team “ …..touché…” she look supriesed “ wait what” he sigh Looking at the pie cooking” it wasn’t healthy and I regret it…..why so surprised?” She look at the oven the pie cooking 

“ I…I’m just used to arguing over stuff look that…purrsephone and toralei always try to place the blame elsewhere but,..hey I did get you there “ they both look at the pie as it bake but Clawd spoke” so your sister? 

Meowlody sigh” yeah..she I love her and everything but she can be so..frustrating so many things would been easy if she admit her mistakes “ Clawd rub the back of his head he could understand that bit specially with howleen but meowlody continued “ but I just wish monsters would stop thinking we the same and think the same “

she grip her hand into fists “ we not the same “ Clawd couldn’t help himself when he spoke” you really helping your case “ she turn to him quickly her tail bristling “what!” Clawd look at her stood his ground “ I mean you two do the same things following toralei and her pranks around “

“We..” Clawd spoke more “ have had you down without toralei or your sister?” She look down her mouth opening the shutting it..” your right….oh my ghoul….” .. crap I gave her a realization moment Clawd sigh “ look what do you like meowlody like hobbies you don’t have with your twin?”

“ she look up” i like math…” clawd raise a eyebrow “ math?” She shrugged “ when we were sent to that math camp I…actually enjoyed it ok”  ok werid but..” ok if you like it “ clawd turn back to rest of the class as meowlody “ well I’m..not a nerd anything I just-“ clawd turn back to her” hey I didn’t call you nerd if you like it ok then “

Meowlody look away” thanks for not like insulting it or anything “  he look at her thinking. “ no problem…” Clawd cross his arms “ and thanks for.. being the first to agree how ..off this year been” she nodded but look at him “ I also heard about you dog…I’m sorry for your loss there “ Clawd sigh sadly” yeah.. that was a really bad start to this year”.. 

She spoke “ I.. it’s always sucks to lose a pet specially, like that i used to have a Canary he was…I miss him a lot,,.” Clawd nod she could understand him… well not really, but they had a lot of same experience. He is more fresh hers. He gone through it. It was the first time he was actually talking to someone that kinda not. Clawdeen excuses. Or dad and mom bull..

He hold her shoulder “ meowlody I..”

suddenly the oven set on fire 

“ oh crap!”

(Later after the fire and cleaning  meowlody and Clawd was order to clean the class after letting the pie and oven catch fire)

Clawd grumble as they work as meowlody mop the floor “ well there goes that pie and our grade” she sounded annoyed as Clawd groan readying himself for the werecat to complain “ besides that that was actually therapeutic..” he look at her his ears shooting out he …well it kinda was” I…yeah”

As they finish cleaning the bell rings  they both walk to the door Clawd holding his clutchs meowlody open the door for him “ i… do you wanna be therapy buddies? “ Clawd look at her “ I.. it really helped that I got to talk at least a little bit…” Clawd nod “ yeah same…sure..umm the maul dinner?”

She nod” yeah they be good…..see ya later Clawd  “ the werecat walk away as Clawd walk into the hallway …” wait meowlody?” She turn back  he look for his words “ thanks …” she nodded “ no problem “…..  suddenly spectra “ hey have you heard Frankie’s getting with Johnny? The werecat and werewolf look at her then at eachother …wtf?

[koolcece22]

I have a theory: what if when the whole universe where Miguel was staying was collapsing it mess up his DNA. (also why is he more feral and aggressive and why he need to inject himself)

Disclaimer: So this theory was eating away at me a week after I saw both Spider-Man movies and being obsessed with Miguel I thought I put more into it. Also I know the bare min.of Spider-man 2099 Iiterally read up to half of it just make sure I’m not totally BSing.

So the theory goes is when Miguel was in the other universe and during it collapsing it might of mess up his DNA. I mean he would have to leave as soon as possible or he is either be stuck in nothingness void or worse get deleted himself.  Just seeing everything including your daughter getting deleted can traumatize a person so I can’t blame him being too stunned to move in time before it collapse. Also thinking he still have the prototype watch from the end of the first movie I’m guessing it not  perfect at teleporting yet. So with that maybe he has gotten glitch out but unlike other spider-people it effects him worse. Thinking the reason why it effects him worse because of his origin.

Those who don’t know his origin. Miguel didn’t get his spider- power through the whole I gotten bitten by a radioactive spider. He was genetically created through a machine during trying to fix his DNA since he was drugged. ( I don’t know if they change it since its a kid movie but it seem to follow the formula)  meaning he half man half spider.  And clearly made him different. The claws, fangs, and no spidey sense. Also he more of brutal guy compare to most Spider-people, he  like  fighting a black suit spider-man. And i think he had kill people in comic either accident or purpose. 

So when he has to inject himself with that serum im guess it to keep him more stable he probably breaking down in DNA level (which doesn’t help his mental and emotional state that is also unstable) I also check if he do it in comic and no he doesn’t. he doesn’t even want this power. either he might be dying (oh god no) or he mutating worse ( oh god yes) or third that just come to mind he be losing his powers (third is a less likely compared to the other two since he be over moon that he not a freak anymore) out of the three I feel like the second one is more likely to happen if it they have choice one.

But we will have to see in the next movie my evidence is kind of lacking but I think it might happen (even if there a 1% chance it is in movie ill take my first W on a theory) I just want share theory will you all.

[mirrortouchedsea]

im back doing tarot card prompts, this time from discord.

cards: the moon, the page of cups, the page of swords

pairing: niki shiina/mayoi ayase

wc: 468

---

Mayoi curled into a ball under the desk. He’d messed up again with a job offer, freaking out one of the interviewers and he’d just been notified that the interview wouldn’t air. He was a failure and everyone knew it. He didn’t understand why he was still in Alkaloid if he couldn’t even do something as simple as an interview. 

He felt tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, hands pulling at his hair just to feel something as his brain turned to static. Everything was wrong and he needed to just sink into the floors. Maybe he could crawl away when he felt he could move again, hide out in the vents until the feeling passed. 

Maybe he could ask for some words of comfort from--no. He couldn’t do that. Someone as pure as him should never comfort someone as dirty and stained as Mayoi. 

He almost didn’t register the person shaking him from his spiraling thoughts until they called out his name. Or rather-- 

“Hey, Mayo-chan, are you okay?” Niki Shiina of Crazy:B asked him gently. Mayoi had conflicting emotions about the chef, who willingly hung around him despite Mayoi’s protests and talked to him as if he was just a normal person. 

Mayoi sniffled and curled further into himself as a response to Niki’s question. 

“Mayo-chan you can’t just lay under the desk like that! C’mon let's get you something to eat, that always makes me feel better nahaha!” Niki grabbed Mayoi’s shirt and pulled him out with a surprising amount of strength. Mayoi didn’t fight against it, rather he fell limp in the grasp of the other man. 

“Oh you look awful, Mayo-chan. Do you want some water?” Niki offered a bottle to Mayoi who carefully took it, as if the action would break Niki’s hand. He opened the bottle and took a tentative drink from it, the cool water helping to ground him a bit more, though his thoughts were still spinning. 

Niki sniffed the air. “You don’t smell like you normally do, Mayo-chan. I’ll make you something to eat in the cafeteria and maybe you’ll feel better?” It was phrased as a question, as if eating something would restore whatever scene Mayoi had to the chef’s nose. Mayoi just nodded, hoping that maybe some food and light conversation from the chef would get his mind off of everything. Niki’s face lit up as he stood up and pulled Mayoi with him, rambling on about what recipe he wanted to try today and that Mayoi could be his taste tester. 

The whole thing went over Mayoi’s head as Niki grabbed Mayoi’s hand with his own, the chef happily dragging him along to the communal kitchen. He still wanted to curl up and hide away but… it could wait until after lunch. 

[aelaer]

A/B/O for the ask game? 😭 Personally i wouldn't touch the stuff with a ten foot pole (not that im judging anyone who might like it dgkkgfd)

D-

I don't seek it out and rarely, rarely click it. The original a/b/o universe of heats and what basically constitutes as non-con being "natural" and "normal" squicks the fuck outta me. I'm squicked in the same way for "slavery is natural and a normal part of society" fics. I know that the authors (very very very very likely) don't agree with the protagonists in these stories, but I cannot empathize with the characters living peacefully in such societies and so I just can't get into the story. And because it's a huge societal issue rather than the one character being messed up, there's no backdrop of decency and morality to fall back onto, leaving the whole world as an icky squicky no-no that I don't want to read.

Also, I really hated how women were usually written as non-existent in these stories and how this was not pointed out by the writing community in the past. :|

However, in the decade plus that the trope's existed, a lot of folks have made a lot of their own interpretations of it and deconstructing of it and making it more interesting (and less women-erasing), which is why it's a D- rather than an F. Some fics squeak through my filter. It's never going to be a favorite, but I'll click on the link if it's:

Starring my favorite character, obviously.

A fish out of water type story where the protagonist finds the classic (or close enough to the classic) a/b/o world just as horrifying as the majority of folks would find it in reality, or

A heavily modified a/b/o world where sex isn't the main driver of the story. Part of my exasperation with a/b/o is the focus on sex, mating, and breeding, so if the focus is on, say, improving civil rights, or it's just another aspect of modern Western society where terrible people may judge you for your gender (like those may do about sex, gender, or race in the real world), but it isn't the *main focus* of the story, I'll give it a go. Just like I give long, plot-focused narratives that happen to have romance as a side-plot a go.

I have two fics in the MCU that I can recall that were A/B/O that I enjoyed, one for each reason listed above.

Most of the sex scenes in fics are a big "whatever" to me already and I have exactly one (1) author out of the thousands of authors (I've read a lot) I've read over the years where the sex scenes were engaging because that author was basically a poet who remains still one of the most technically apt writers I've ever encountered in fan fiction. I don't remember her because the fic's plot was my favorite plot ever, or because the pairing appealed to me; I remember her because she is fucking masterful at the technical aspects of writing with one of the strongest vocabularies I've ever read in fan fiction. I aspire to be at her level of writing one day. It was difficult reading, it was like poetry, and that seems to be the only way to get me to be interested in a sex scene. If you make me pull out a dictionary in a sex scene, you win my interest. I want SAT level vocabulary about emotions and feelings ahahaha.

So yeah, a/b/o's focus on sex makes it generally unappealing from the get-go.

But wait Laer, you say, you can't just mention a handful of fics and not link them! So yeah, I dug them up. They're not personal favorites--a/b/o never will be for me--but they're well crafted stories written by talented writers.

The "Stephen gets trapped in an A/B/O world and you bet he hates the fuck out of it" one, with the rare pair of *Sam Wilson* and also Christine, which was just fantastic, and it's a whodunnit on top of it with a mix of magic: Children of the Old Moon by old_blue. Take a look at the tags before reading; it's a doozy, but again, very well-crafted.

The "A/B/O is just a passing mention and it's barely been mentioned which is super great (at least to my memory)" is actually not finished; it's a short story with super long chapters. Going In Circles by cryptonomicon features two rarepairs in Stephen/Steve Rogers and Stephen/Bucky, and it's actually a sequel so you should read the first part first, perhaps. It was last updated about 21 months ago, so if you decide to read and review, be encouraging rather than demanding, haha! I don't remember a major cliff-hanger or anything, but if you're looking for different, this is definitely different. Again, good writer.

As for the "only author who made me admire the craft of writing in a sex scene", that would be Francesca_Wayland, a BBC Sherlock writer, specifically with the first fic on her account. I don't often have to pull up a dictionary when I read anymore and it was one thing that I really enjoyed doing in the mid 2000s (because I'm a nerd), so encountering her back in 2017 or 2018 was a delight. Why yes, I am absolutely not the target audience for 99.9% of mature romance stories :P

The ask meme: Ask me about a trope and I'll grade it.

[hyuckmov]

hiii moon anon here i have a lot to say but first off: i've been analyzing the title song settle down and i've been listening to it over and over again and is the story gonna parallel the lyrics itself?? "and i don't seem to be having any effect now" like thats… oooh the angst is gonna be delicious. i hope you take this as a compliment when i say this but the whole fic takes me BACK to 2013-2015 YOU KNOW THAT ERA HAHAHA the tropes, the ambiance, the CHARACTERS!! side question: is mark or jisung gonna play bigger roles? or did they just act as plot devices for reader and haechans development. would not mind either way but given the concept of the story i can totally imagine reader coming back and just wreaking havoc on the band. sorry i love mess lol. maybe i'm delusional or maybe its the fact that it's haechan but it makes me more understanding of the character?? i trust you when you say that there's more to rockstar hc than meets the eye, and especially from his perspective it's pretty realistic that he has his guard up when it comes to really connecting with people, and we see his walls slowly crumbling down by the end too. and even in the earlier parts of the story i didn't expect him to have his sweet moments?? i honestly expected him to be worse but god him calling her PRINCESS has me on my knees i will defend reader's choices with my life because i'd do the same, i'd probably still go to the concert by the end she's so much stronger than me helppp (tho DISCLAIMER i would not be doing this for just any man its bc its haechan why i am easily swayed by the little things,,, just like reader), but i liked how she decided to take a step back this time, especially when at that point haechan is basically offering her what she has always wanted, but knowing his past actions it won't be truly easy to hang onto every word said. this is the culmination of every mixed signals and rejection that haechan gave her, and the build up to it is veryyy well done. also im still reeling from reading the fic i felt sooo many emotions and dk how to fully articulate it yet,, maybe i'll come back when i do. i even made a playlist of my own w songs that reminded me of the fic to help me move on (at least until pt 2 gets posted, cant wait tho!!)

MOON ANON.... when i say my jaw dropped.... my heart rate actually spiked i can't believe you wrote such a detailed review and theorized this makes me so happy especially since you basically inspired me with this idea !!!! giving you a huge hug rn 🫂🤍 

omg ngl this fic encouraging people to listen to settle down makes me so happy because it's one of my favorite songs 😭 it makes me feel so honoured to know that you are analysing the lyrics and anticipating the plot like that really means so much to me !!! i definitely picked it because it had themes i wanted to explore throughout the song...but the lines kind of contain both hyucks and readers pov hehe so i'm excited to explore that in part 2

i take that as a DEFINITE COMPLIMENT i was so invested in that era it was so formative for me... hence a lot of the song choice in my playlist too... i don't know if i genuinely nailed the idea of rockstar in rockstar haechan (because truly...what is a rockstar...) but i did want to give it that 2013 band on tumblr vibe lmfao so i'm so glad you brought that up !!!!

AAAA the band still definitely continues to play a role... they have stuff to work out but i've thought about their characters a lot and i definitely want to show more of their opinions on haechan and reader (it wouldn't be a rockstar au without that). someone else i want to add in is jaemin because ngl reader needs someone purely on her side

i hope i'm not promising too much with haechan HAHA i'm not someone who likes to give too much backstory to characters so i'm just putting it out there: i'm not going to explain that he's this way becaue he was cheated on before or he had family problems etc. i just want it to be genuine layers of his character and personality that's put to the test (love making it hard for myself LOL)

i'm so relieved to know you still managed to feel for his character and appreciate the softer sides of him and a bit of his struggle... i was worried i promised a super terrible character with the preview and people would be disappointed he ended up being so gentle with reader 😅

and her standing him up at the end!!! i'm glad you thought it was justified but at the same time recognise she probably was going to...it really could go both ways and idk if i'm still going through with my original plot arc !!! we will see :)

this was already so articulate omg once i appreciate it sooo so so so much that you shared such a detailed review with me, it literally blows my mind and i will reread your ask again and again !!!! omg and if u want please share your playlist with me too!!! i want to see what songs there are that give him vibes ~~

thank you sm again...you are too nice to me ily!!!!

[mxuki]

Is encanto really as good as everyone thinks?

-SPOILERS FOR ENCANTO AND UP-

i know it may seem like im a bit late to the party but the truth is when i saw encanto first getting popular it felt strange.

it felt like i watched a completely different movie ngl and i kept my mouth shut back then because i didnt wanna ruin the fun for everyone else lol

but tbh im pissed off at disney and i cant keep my mouth shut for any longer now.

let me just, get to the point-

Encanto is a terrible movie that fails at the fundamentals of story telling

you see, if u manage to see through the tears and actually pay attention to the plot of the film, it is so b a d

now i'll give them credit where credit is due, they had a really interesting concept and very good ideas

but they executed it so poorly its laughable.

you see, this film isnt a film

its a cash grab on the name of nostalgia and emotions

idk abt other peope but to me, encanto felt very empty. From the way i see it, disney just wanted to make the next frozen with touchy feely themes about family and love and healing and runions but it sort of failed.

the characters in encanto seem extremely shallow. the "development" they get (.i.e. isabella, luisa, abuela etc) dosn't really feel like true development. it seemed extremely artificial and almost felt like an act disney was putting on to fool everyone else into thinking that they're actually good in writing characters. i mean sure, they have distinct personality traits, trauma, backstories and everything a character needs to have depth but what undermines this imo is the plot.

now idk if i just have a taste for suspenseful thriller movies or something but i enjoy a nice touchy feely movie alright (for instance Up) but encanto really lacked the substance it needed for it to truely shine.

Im gonna use Up as an example to explain what i mean

in the beginning of up, in the very first few minutes carl and ellie's characters have light years more personality then mirabel or luisa for example. The plot itself enhances it.

In the beginning of up, its very clear that carl is intorverted and uncertain, he wants more from life. he wants to go on adventures but he needs someone to be there for him. he needs someone to provide certainty and comfort even in chaos.

and ellie does exactly that. Her very first impression on carl and the audience makes it clear that she's very much into adventure and is the sun to carl's moon.

now what about isabella and mirabel?

they uh

have sister....problems...

and...

......

isabellla is a people pleaser i guess?

and what does the plot do to enchance this?

they make the dinner go wrong becuase of bruno's rats and mirabel gets blamed for it so isabella doubles down on her inner flaws???

like i get what they were trying to do with mira and isa's characters and what theme they were going for but it just fell really flat. the writing really failed in making me care about them or their issues. they seem like caricatures of real people who probably exist but they seem very one dimensional and flat.

honestly i think encanto would've been a lot better if it was a show as that would give the writers more time to flesh out these characters and make them loveable.

And this brings me to the most saddening part of this whole thing....

Disney dosn't care

they dont care that their ip would've benefited from being a show instead of a film, or that the final product is trash. All the care about is make touchy feely movies with the same theme and the same messed up message about love and boundaries over and over again with the same highly merchandisable characters that'll have the dolls and dresses flying off of the shelves because that's what it ultimately comes down to.

They don't care because they don't have to

Its simple really. they dont care because they're so absurdly big that it dosnt matter if they keep making terrible movie after terrible movie, uninspired sequel after uninspired sequel (lookin at u, frozen 2) because so many people are attached to the walt disney brand that they'll watch it regardless and buy the terrible quality merch without a second thought for their kids to play with so they can grow up and do the same thing to their kids.

Its tragic that this is what the beautiful medium of animation and film has come down to.

[sw4tch]

u should info dump about smth, anything

(ali my friend my beloved my good time gamer and bestie HIIII!!!! 💕💕💕)

it's not like i don't have topics to infodump about, but the truth is that i feel like you've handed me a mic in the middle of karaoke and now it's my turn (oh god it's my TURN)

also 👉👈 um um i'm not sure if the info i'd be dumping would be NEW or interesting to anyone. why am i overthinking this. "I have no mouth but I must Rant" kinda situation over here.

Like I'd LOVE to infodump about my very, very personal deltarunesona au shenanigans I've been working on for like, a YEAR now- but that feels too PERSONAL to TALK about on my PERSONAL blog, gods forbid I show any kind of Intense Passion i have which might be deemed """""weird"""""

Same goes for my 4 DnD characters (DID U KNOW I RECENTLY FINISHED A WHOLE CAMPAIGN?!?!?! MY FIRST CAMPAIGN and my tiefling paladin got the happiest most lesbian ending possible, hell yeah) bcus i have LOTS of lore for them but i always end up. Not sharing it? Not even with my fellow players on the table bcus man i know they don't really care lol. Like, did u know i have Powerpoints of various lengths talking about them?!?!?!? For at least 2 of them. Eshuu (my most favorite warlock, my goat boy whomst i love deeply) got the 5 star treatment and his powerpoint has 40 slides of content. I JUST LOVE ALL OF MY CHARACTERS and i have been CURSED, cursed I TELL YA to play on tables that don't really. Have that same passion for roleplaying characters (acting wise, u know) or creating OCs. Like cmon guys i thought we all agreed dnd was for repressed theater kids (JOKE)

hmm hmm I MEAN my on rotation rants currently are:

Moon Knight (and why i love it, and why it's one of the best things the mcu has done lately, and WHY I NEVER WANT IT TO CROSS OVER WITH THE REST OF THE MCU with ONE one ONE TINY EXCEPTION. BONUS: THE 2021 RUN RANT BCUS MY GODDDDD!!!! MR JED MACKAY HAS ME ON A FUCKING TIGHT GRIP!!!!!! THAT MAN TRULY IS FEEDING US WITH HIS RUN WHICH IS MARVELOUS AND SO GOOD AND AAAAA IM SO GLAD HE IS WRITING MOON KNIGHT)

Deltarune (just. listen this is MY BEHEMOTH talk about deltarune with me and i will just not shut up. mostly i like to talk about speculation of what will happen on the next chapters and my god. my god, toby fox when will ur brainworms end (never apparently)).

Star wars (THIS IS A SPECIAL ONE. OKAY??? BCUS I BECOME A FUCKING HATER WHEN SOMEONE EVEN BRINGS IT UP. Not because I don't like star wars per se, BUT I HAVE FUCKING BEEF WITH IT AS A FRANCHISE. This all started on the day i was born ON THE DAY they released that last trilogy movie and my life fucking ended. "somehow palpatine returned" I WILL NEVER LET THAT GO, THEY MADE MY BEAUTIFUL MAN OSCAR ISAAC SAY THAT LINE AND NOW HE'S THE FACE OF STAR WARS' SECOND GREATEST NARRATIVE SIN- HOW COULD THEY DO THAT!!!!! WHO WROTE THAT!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I MEAN. I MEAN. I'm always ready to list all of the reasons why i fuckin love Mob Psycho 100 but i don't think that's revolutionary. Everyone is doing it these days. Anyway I am in love with Reigen Arataka and my hot take is that HOW could you not love him. Also the Reigen spinoff is GENIUS bcus it's not even ABOUT him.

This is also a special case but it's not a rant im always ready to make but. Homestuck 2. The epilogues. Krusty from the Simpsons going "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT".gif As I'm sure you'd suspect I have STRONG emotions and OPINIONS about All that mess. What a trainwreck. They did ONE thing right but it did not justify the Clown Show it all was. My god. my god.

The legion of super heroes (and by extension, the CW and Michael fuckin' Bendis): Do you wanna know my complicated relationship with DC comics, my love-hate relationship with it, my love for supergirl, my love for the supergirl series which ENDED UP BADLY and also my deep deep love for one of the most BEATEN AND BRUISED hero teams in modern runs???? My god this rant is for YOU. But all u have to know is that I love Brainiac 5, he's my beloved, and i think my love cursed him to be the most DONE DIRTY character of all time. It is my cross, my burden to bear.

I'd add the magnus archives to that list BUT admittedly I still haven't finished the podcast and I have still a very loose grasp on the concepts they just introduced on s3. BUT. B U T. JUST KNOW. I love Elias Bouchard he's evil and he sucks and he made me listen to the brutal pipe murder of a man and i went "wow :) what the hell is his deal <3"

Well. Well I think that's my infodump about MY possible infodumps. Now that I think about it, i'm not sure if this is the answer u wanted. As in, was ur ask made in response to something else? Literally i dont know why i am once more overthinking about it. ANYWAY ALI ILU AND I'M ALWAYS GLAD TO HEAR FROM U!!!!!!! SORRY I DONT TEXT MORE LIFE IS HECTIC AND WHEN TOO MUCH TIME PASSES I START TO THINK I MIGHT BE BOTHERING PEOPLE, BUT ILU FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[creaturebehavior]

by the way i continue for some reason to feel humiliated by the fact that i was like such a disgusting mess in the height of my addiction, just getting out of a long term relationship, i had just went to rehab for the first time ever, never had been sober before and i started hooking up with martin all of a sudden?? and i was like all dusty and disheveled and . I don’t even think i had sheets on my bed the first time he slept over i can’t even remember like. i was fully!!! a mess!!!! and then like i went on this weird bender and me and him drove all the way to sacramento, well he drove, so that we could get some mushrooms and we tripped together and i was going to AA for the first time and barely knew what a sponsor was and i had my first sponsor and i was a mess. i tried to stay sober but we kept hanging out and i knew he would smoke me out and i did actually like him and i wanted to get to know him but neither of us was really available for any of that and we had like a fake thing for a minute he even got a nickname from my roommate in sober living because i talked about him to her often enough. I don’t even know

then i kept being a mess and i got in that horrible relationship with adam

and then after i broke up with adam for the second or third time i immediately hit up martin and like. i was still so messy and like

hahahahah oh god now i’m remembering about that one time hahaha oh god Of course Lol. What ever

and then god in 2020 i can’t remember what i sent him but i KNOW i was snapchatting him while blacked out on research chemicals and sending unsolicited nudes?? and i think i sent him a bunch of really annoying emotional texts like i was awful

i don’t even know what to make of that whole thing. all it was really was like occasional friends with benefits i guess but i had a small crush on him so i felt stupid when i had to face that it was just sex and i went to my other ex’s house and accidentally cried on their couch about it and they told me not to feel bad . then i probably had sex with my ex after that i wouldn’t put it past me

dude i just. i wish i could have not been so just god damn out of touch with reality during those times idek

i always hope be never thinks about me lol!!!!!

every now and again though he’ll come on tumblr and like one of my posts and im like oh god please no

i think i may have blocked his tumblr actually because it was causing me so much stress seeing his url in my notes every once in a blue moon like ahhh!!!

god im sorry!!!!! if i didn’t block you and you ever see this i am soooo sorry you had to put up with me being like that. i know i texted you sorry on my way to rehab in 2020 but yeah this still haunts me

there’s few people i’ve been THAT messy around. like i am sorry

[capaimagines]

im jaebeom - rainbow

Pairing: Im Jaebeom x Reader | Genre: angst & fluff | Warnings: brief mentions of previous miscarriage | WC: 1.2k

Request: Oh okay! I will request then, I am to blame part 2. where the wife gets better and maybe a new pregnancy and a small baby girl as a happy end? 😃

part one

It had been three years since your miscarriage. Three years since you had broken down and Jaebeom had finally convinced you to get some help to deal with your loss and your grief. To move forward with your life and your life together and continue being there for one another. As promised, Jaebeom was there every step of the way. He drove you to every therapy appointment, came in if you asked him and stayed in the waiting room if you didn’t. He was patient with you; never pushed to quickly get better or move on. He was the model husband that any woman would want to have during a time like this.

It took a year before you finally started to feel like yourself again. To finally stop blaming yourself and start to move forward little by little. Now, it was three years later and you were getting back your sense of normalcy. Jaebeom was extremely proud of you and seemed to be more in love with you than ever.

The past few weeks you had been sick in the morning, and a little weak during the day. You started to have odd cravings such as pickles and peanut butter or a random urge to eat a whole jar of olives. You knew these signs, it had happened to you before and you couldn’t help but worry. You were terrified; terrified that your worst nightmare was about to happen all over again.

You didn’t say anything to Jaebeom at first. You wanted to go to the doctor and be absolutely sure before you went about this again. So, a few weeks later you were sitting in the doctor’s office, squeezing your hands together until your knuckles turned white. A knock at the door snapped you to attention. The doctor walked in, lab coat so blindingly white in the fluorescent lighting that you squinted your eyes a little. 

“Congratulations! You are, indeed, pregnant,” Your mouth fell open and you had a mess of emotions running through you. Happy, sad, fear, excitement, anxiousness, “I know,” The doctor cleared his throat as he continued and sat down on his stool with a smile, “That your last pregnancy was a lot. That it was hard. We’re going to do everything we can to help you through this one. To make this one as successful as we had tried to make your first one.”

You only nodded, still to many emotions for you to form a coherent sentence. The doctor smiled gently, “Don’t worry. This is your miracle baby. Your rainbow baby,” Those words made your eyes tear up and you unconsciously placed your hand on your stomach. You vowed then and there that you were going to do everything you could to bring this baby to term.

Going home, you paced around to decide how to tell Jaebeom. You didn’t know how he would feel about it. Would he be happy? Sad? Mad? Just as terrified and excited as you? You didn’t have much time to swirl around your thinking because Jaebeom was now walking through the front door and calling out for you.

His brow furrowed when you didn’t respond and he walked further into your home to see you nervously pacing. He sighed, worried that today had been a bad mental health day for you. In truth, he is partially right, “Baby? What happened?” He walked up to you, placing his hands on your hips to hold you still.

Your glossy eyes stared at him and he was ready to whisk you away upstairs and hold you to his chest the minute the first tear fell, “J-Jae,” you stuttered and he nodded, patient as ever, “I-I’m pregnant,” You practically whispered. 

You watched his face go from relief to shock to happiness. He picked you up and spun you around, a large smile on his face and his eyes turned into crescent moons, “That’s wonderful news, baby!” He set you down, staring lovingly down at your stomach and gently rubbing it.

“I’m scared, Jae,” You murmured and he pulled you into his arms, running his fingers gently through your tangled hair. 

“I know, baby. Me too. But this is going to be okay. We’re going to be okay, no matter what happens,” He looked deep into your eyes and you nodded, knowing that no matter what, you’d get through this together. Always.

Your surprise had led to Jaebeom becoming much more clingy and protective than usual. He wouldn’t allow you to leave the house unless someone—or him—were with you. He even considered getting you a wheelchair instead of having you walk around everywhere.

Finally, you had put your foot down. You knew he was just trying to keep you and your baby as safe as possible. That he was nervous and scared, especially the closer your due date came, “Lim Jaebeom!” You groaned in frustration as he walked you down the stairs. He only raised a brow at you, “I can walk perfectly fine!”

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “I know, I know. I’m sorry.” You couldn’t help but to let out a giggle before it turned into full-blown laughter. Just seeing him so flustered and looking so helpless for absolutely no reason made a smile come to your face.

“J-Jae,” You said in between breaths, wiping a few tears from your eyes, “You’re adorable. But I’m fine, really.”

 He smiled at you and then chuckled, “I guess I have been a little overbearing, huh?” You wrapped your arm around his neck and pecked his lips. 

“You? Never,” You teased.

He rolled his eyes and just as he was about to speak, your eyes went wide as you felt a warm sensation in your lower area, “U-Uh, Y/N?” Jaebeom asked, looking you up and down, “Are you okay? What happened? I’m calling an ambulance!” He went to run back upstairs for his phone but you gripped his wrist, stopping him.

“My water just broke,” He looked at you for a moment before realization hit him and then he started talking a mile a minute. 

“The baby! It’s coming! I’ll grab the hospital bag! Did we even pack a hospital bag? What about food? Can you eat?! What should I do?!” He looked at you in terror and again, you couldn’t help but break out into laughter.

“Nothing, baby. Absolutely nothing. Yes, I packed a hospital bag. I’ll eat ice chips, just in case. All I need you to do is have the bag in the car and be ready to leave for the hospital when I tell you,” He nodded, taking a deep breath.

This was it, it was happening.

A few hours later

Sweaty and gross and utterly exhausted, the nurse placed your baby girl in your arms. Jaebeom stood at your bedside as you cradled her, a smile taking over your face and she slept peacefully.  

“She’s beautiful, just like her mother,” Jaebeom murmured as he kissed your forehead. You smiled up at him, grabbing his hand with your free one and squeezing it.

 “She has your nose. And your hair already,” You giggled lovingly.

He hummed and the two of you spent a few minutes just gazing down at your miracle baby, “Did you decide on a name yet?” Jaebeom asked. You nodded, smiling up at him.

“Soon-Bok.”

He smiled lovingly at the two of you; his two girls.

“I think it’s perfect. Just like you.”

[probably-haven]

Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

-

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should. 

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can.  Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it. 

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself  and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game 

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows. 

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over- 

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings.  I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is. 

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other-  Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action. 

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways. 

 -Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though. 

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips. 

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself. 

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt.  - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing. 

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth.  - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced. 

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports 

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that. 

-

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead.